@DrWendyWalsh (04/30) Hour 1

It's Dr. Wendy's Birthday!!! We are talking about what your birth month means. Aslo different types of friendship. It's all on KFIAM-640.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you'relistening to kf I AM six forty,
the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demandon the iHeartRadio app. Welcome did the
Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on kf IAM six forty. We're live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio app. It is Sunday, it is seven pm. Let's think
about our love lives, Let's thinkabout our mental health. If you are

(00:21):
new to my show, I havea PhD in clinical psychology. I'm not
a therapist, though, I'm apsychology professor at California State University, Channel
Islands Go Dolphins. I know,students, We're in the home run,
aren't we. Some of my studentslisten, they do. Yes, we
are in the home stretch of thesemester. I think we've got a couple

(00:41):
weeks left in the semester, soyou guys should be working on your final
term papers, your projects, gettingready for your final exams. I used
to hate this time of year whenI was a student, and you know
why, because human beings never doanything unless two things happen. We need

(01:02):
a reward and we need a deadline. Honestly, even though all the research
shows that students who do a littlebit of homework every day actually do better
on exams than the ones that cramthe night before. I know because I
read your term papers that when youpull the all nighter and write the term
paper, it is not as goodas one that you spend a lot of

(01:23):
time on right, and that appliesto everything in our lives. Humans don't
do anything unless they get paid forit, get some reward. I teach
in my health psychology class that weneed to structure reward systems into our day.
I mean literally, give yourself atreat. Treat yourself. Treat yourself
the next time you want to dosomething that you don't want to do.

(01:45):
But I digress. We are goingto talk a lot on this show today
about age and about stage of life. I also want to talk about your
friends, because there are different timesin your life that their certain relationships are

(02:05):
very important and you need them.But you know what, you don't have
to keep them all for the longhaul. Sometimes it's time to end,
yeah, end a relationship that mightbe a romantic relationship but also just a
friendship. I'm also going to talkabout the five kinds of friends we all
need yeah, we're talking about friends. We're going to talk about age.
You know why I'm talking about agetoday. Okay, I'll admit it.

(02:27):
It's my birthday. It's my birthdaytoday. Happy birthday. Thank you for
Dusa kay La? Is my birthday? All right? Here's the thing.
I am going to be celebrating withfriends later. But I learned something about
birthdays. I teach developmental psychology.Did you know up until about the age

(02:47):
of well, I don't even haveto tell you this. You know this
late thirties or so, when youhave a birthday, it's a celebration,
it's a culmination, it's an accomplishment. You got through another year. It's
exciting. You added to your storeof wisdom and life experience. It's fabulous.
And then through the forties birthdays arekind of whole hum and then in

(03:09):
the fifties, birthdays become something else. They become a countdown to launch.
Yeah, there's actually research to showthat after the age of fifty, people
stop counting the years they've lived andstart to count the years they have left.
Of course, nobody knows how manyyears they have left, but people
do try to think. That's whybucket lists become so important. That's why

(03:32):
I look at older people. I'mlike, huh, wonder how old they
are. I wonder if they thinkabout how many years that are left to
them. I do want to saythat my birthday April thirtieth, for some
reason, even though the research saysthat spring is the time when our neurotransmitters
explode, just like the baby birdscoming out of their shells and the buds

(03:53):
coming out of plants, that weactually feel I don't know it rejuvenated.
It's like a new birth, andI have my birthday during the season of
the new birth. But for somereason, I always go through a funk.
Now, I know it's not aboutwhat many women. The pressure that

(04:14):
women deal with, right, sowhen women leave their reproductive years, sometimes
society makes them feel a little bitirrelevant. It's not that for me because
I like myself. I like myselfwith makeup, without makeup. I like
that my face is aging gracefully.I don't want any plastic, botox,
nothing injections, cellulose pulled back,nothing, nothing happening. I want to

(04:38):
put some soap and water on myface and some moisturizer in the morning.
That's all I do. Folks andhave a lot of wonderful laugh lines on
my face so that people can seeI lived and am living a rich,
happy life. So it's not stressabout that, but there is I think,
Okay, I'm analyzing whether you've eyesokay, because from my friends and

(05:00):
I like to analyze together. Butthis came up recently with my boyfriend Julio
because we're entering third year and we'redoing our third year. So therefore,
the third birthday that I have plannedfor myself and organized, didn't expect him
to pay for, show up,do anything. And I always said,
well, you know, I don'twant to put pressure on you. You

(05:21):
might be working and doing things.Look, one year, I had thirteen
girlfriends over for dinner. I cookeda four course meal and even baked my
own birthday cake. Now, ifyou are a therapist, if you are
a therapist and you're listening, Iknow what you're thinking right now. You've
already analyzed this. Oh, shehas dependency issues. You know what that

(05:43):
means is it means that I can'tI feel like I can't depend on others
to celebrate me. And so thisyear Julio brought it up. He goes,
you've done it again. You organizeda dinner with all your friends.
I go, I invite a youand I don't expect you to pay.
And he's like, that's not thepoint. You didn't just really acts and
see if I would do something foryou. I was like, Oh,
there it rears its head again.Dependency issues. Afraid, afraid to depend

(06:12):
on others to celebrate me. That'swhy people like me don't like surprises or
surprise parties. That's why people likeme like to control everything because it reduces
anxiety. So here I am doingit again. But at least now I
know what it's about and I canexplore it right anyway. I will say
that this year, my pre birthdaydepression was much less than normal. Did

(06:34):
you notice that, Caleb about me? I've been happy last few weeks.
You've been an excellent and last yearI was in a serious funk, like
a lot of things were getting medown. Yeah, but right now,
for some reason, a lot ofnew beginnings happened to me around the beginning
of May, and you know,psychologically, that was when my brain came
out of my mom and it's afresh start when we come back. Did

(06:58):
you know there's been research on birthdays. I'm not talking about astrology here.
I'm talking about research that correlates themonth of your birth and various mental health
disorders that you have a higher chanceof getting. Uh huh. Basically,
you don't want to be born inJanuary. No, no, no,

(07:19):
I'm not saying that. Look,let's talk about all the months when we
come back. You are listening tothe Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM
six forty. We're live everywhere onthe iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor
Wendy Walsh on demand from kf IAM six forty. Welcome back to the
Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AMsix forty. I'm a birthday. It's

(07:43):
my birthday. I'm gonna just keepsinging, Happy Birthday to me, Happy
Birthday to me. We're live everywhereon the iHeartRadio app. If you're new
to my show. I've got aPhD in clinical psychology, but I'm a
wee tad obsessed with the science oflove. I've written three books on relationships.
I did a dissertation on attachment,and I just can't stop reading about

(08:03):
the biological, the psychological, andthe sociological pieces of love. In fact,
in class this week, one ofthe students said, doctor, Wells,
I know this is off topic,but you might know the answer.
Can xes be friends? Interesting question? And I said, depends on the
xes, and it depends what therelationship it was like, and it depends
what the breakup was like, andit depends if one or both of them

(08:26):
have found other partners. It dependsif they're trying to keep that one there
as a backup mate. Uh huh, lots, it depends there. I
would say this, if two peoplehave an avoidant attachment style, no threat
of intimacy there, then they're goingto easily become friends afterwards because there was
also no passion to ignite things.If you had somebody who had an anxious

(08:46):
attachment style and the other person wasavoidant, and they were constantly trying to
draw out the avoidant person, thenthey're going to be triggered running into their
X later. Also, if youhave a relationship where one person found love
soon after and the others still single, you're gonna have some problems being friends.
I do say that since a relationshipis very much part of our identity,

(09:09):
and I don't mean just our socialidentity. I mean like a part
of us. You know, whenyou're in a close intimate relationship, somebody
else does half the mental work foryou. They help problem solve for you.
They literally do half of the physicaltasks if you're living together and sharing
domestic responsibilities. And then when they'renot there, you feel like half a

(09:33):
person, and it's up to youto spend the time growing the neurotransmitters,
growing the part of your brain andyourself to become a complete person again so
that you can meet the next person. Right. So, I think people
need to be This is just myopinion. I just think people need to
be broken up at least a yearbefore they can be friends. Otherwise there's
too much baggage, stuff can betriggered. You could be keeping them as

(09:56):
a backup mate in case single lifedoesn't work out, you know, So
do a year, get a newmate, then talk about getting together for
something. That's my opinion, ButI digress. I was talking about birthdays.
I don't know how I got there. That's what I do. That's
how my mind works all day long. It's a train just rolling around and
the tracks cross. Sometimes. Myboyfriend Julio thinks it's hysterical. We go

(10:16):
for long walks and hikes and he'slike, I don't have to say a
thing for a whole hour. Wejust march and march and he said,
you're so entertaining. He says,all right, birthdays. Do you believe
in horse goats? Do you believein astrology? Kayla? Do you to
an extent? Yeah? But notlike hardcore? Okay, So, like
what astrological sign are you? I'ma Pisces. I don't know what that

(10:39):
is? The fish, right,Yeah, I know I'm supposed to be
a Taurus, with means that I'mbullheaded and all that and stubborn. Yeah.
No, I'm the most open,flexible. Give me more information.
I'll change my mind. As I'mgetting older, I'm getting a little stronger
with my boundaries, but I surewasn't for most of my life. So

(11:00):
anyway, this confirms what the sciencesays. Astrology is nuts. So it's
bogus. It means nothing. Stopit if you believe in it. You
know, one of the things Ido with my class is I do this
funny thing where I put up aslide that shows the names of the horoscope
and the description of them, andI asked them to look at it,

(11:20):
find their astrological sign and tell medo you think that really reflects you?
And most of them like, yo, yeah, that is me. And
then the next slide flips the cardsaround and shows what the real name of
that astrological sign is that goes withwhich definition they're scrambled. So the point
is all astrology is vague, andit's meant for you to project your stuff

(11:43):
onto it. If you read somebody'sastrological forecast, it is so open and
so vague, you could read anyof them and go, oh, yeah,
that's me. I think that's happening. Mercury is retrograde. I know
that's a problem for my sign,and if you read them all, it's
a problem for all the signs.PA I don't know, So I'm sorry
to burst your bubble. You cansend me all your mean emails with your

(12:05):
anecdotal evidence. It's not science andit's not data. But here's some other
data. Did you know the monthyou were born can actually predict if you
might get a mental illness? Iknow this was hard for me to get
around too. I'm like, whatis the correlation here? And how could
this be? Okay? So Onestudy out of Queen Mary University in London

(12:28):
back in two twelve looked at yourrisks of schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and major
depression, and they found that theylooked at more than twenty nine million people.
This isn't a study of twenty peopleor a thousand people, twenty nine
million because they could pull it fromEngland's general population. And they found that

(12:52):
of these twenty nine million people,fifty eight thousand had been diagnosed with one
of these three conditions. So theytook the fifty eight thousand. They looked
at their month of birth, becauseyou know your birthdate's in there with your
medical files. Right, You're ready, sit down, Okay, winter babies.
Winter babies were at the greatest riskfor schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. January

(13:13):
the worst month, the worst monthfor both of these disorders, the more
likely. Spring babies appear to havethe greatest risk for depression. Oh my
goodness, producer, Kayla, we'vefigured out my spring depression leading up to
my birthday. Wow, I'm bornon April thirtieth. I get in a
funk. There you go. Okay, here's another one. According to the

(13:37):
National Alliance on Mental illness. That'san American group ninety percent of people who
take their own lives. When Isay take your own life, this is
the most important definition. I wanteveryone to understand. We never use the
term commit suicide anymore. It soundslike committing murder. It is not a

(14:01):
character flaw, a moral flaw.It is a symptom of mental distress.
It is a symptom of mental illness. Okay, So there are two studies
examine that looked at birth month andlikelihood of one taking their own lives.
Kayla, you're ready the months orApril at May. Okay, So I

(14:24):
just get in a pre birthday funk. I'm not gonna do anything about it.
Maybe drink a little wine. Idon't know. Yeah, I think
that's probably the best answer to drownedmy sorrows. Here you go. Okay,
So now I know you're thinking,well, what does this mean and
why there is a reason, notjust correlational, not just data, why
scientists think baby's born in these monthshave this predisposition. I'll explain when we

(14:46):
come back. You're listening to theDoctor Wendy Walls Show on kf I am
six forty. We're live everywhere onthe iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor
Wendy Walsh on demand from kf IAM six forty Welcome back to the Doctor
Wendy Walls Show on kf I AMsix forty eight Live Everywhere on the iHeartRadio
App. Okay, I was talkingabout why certain birth months are highly correlated

(15:09):
with either mental illness or the propensityto unfortunately take one's life. Yeah,
they're actually there's data on this.There's data on everything. Well, I
gotta say, scientists really aren't surewhy some birth months are linked to these
greater incidents of say, mental healthdisorders. But there is a possibility that

(15:31):
our birth month actually influences our biologicalclock. So one study found that mice
who were born in the winter actuallyhad trouble in the summer, didn't adapt
well to the light cycle, Theyhad an inability to regulate their biological clock.
This was linked to mood and stress. Do you know how they tell
mice are in a bad mood?Apparently they don't want to do those mazes.

(15:52):
I don't know, they don't wantto mate. They have all kinds
of mice behaviors. They look atright, Remember a few weeks ago,
Kayle. We had that producer,the researcher on and it was a study
on potential for male birth control andher all day long, her job is
to look at mice's bums to seeif they had fun leather before with their
honey interest in job. For sure, I have a very different job during

(16:14):
the day, although when I havethe mother of babies and toddlers, I
looked at a lot of bums allday and clean them at his part of
that. So research or speculate thatif you have difficulty with your sarcadian rhythms
and dealing with your biological rhythms,this can also increase mental health disorders.

(16:36):
Another speculation only is that vitamin Dcould be a problem. Vitamin vitamin D
is produced when our bodies are exposedto sunlight. Many people actually aren't aware
that vitamin D can weaken your bones, cause rickets can also affect your nervous
systems. Lower levels of vitamin Dcan impact the developing brain. And there

(17:00):
you go. So maybe the momdidn't take enough. Stop blaming mothers,
Stop blaming mothers. I'm just saying. Research is saying. One study out
of Denmark says that people born withthe lowest levels of vitamin D when they
were born are more likely than othersto develop schizophrenia later in life. Also,
scientists blame infections. During the winter, a pregnant mother actually might get

(17:23):
more flu bugs and this could influencethe development of a baby. Wow,
it's so interesting, we think,you know, this makes so much more
sense than astrology. What the planet'slining up the magnetic pole of the moon.
I don't know. That doesn't meananything anyway. Don't panic folks.
Just because something is correlational, itdoesn't mean it's absolute, doesn't mean it's

(17:45):
guaranteed to happen. And even ifyou have a genetic predisposition to anything,
you can make lifestyle changes to makesure that doesn't happen. Right. One
of the things that's really good forour mental health, and there's lots of
research to support this, and it'salso good for our physical health is social
support, friends, friendship, andI want to explain the five kinds of

(18:07):
friendships that everybody needs in their lifeto have the most full, most happy,
healthiest life. A lot of peoplehave this idea that a friend is
a friend of his friender's friend,and they have this idea in their head
like, these are the rules forfriends, and this person is not my
friend if they don't do this,if they don't think this way, they're
not my friend. Well, actually, there are lots of different levels and

(18:32):
kinds of friendships, and you needthem all. Let's start at the beginning.
The first kind of friendship everybody needsis a historical friend. Kayla,
do you have a friend from yourchildhood at all? I do. How
early in life did you meet mybest friend? Her name is Kayla too.
We've been friends since we were thirteen. Yeah. In fact, the
research says adolescence is the time thatyou tend to form the longest bonds for

(18:53):
lifelong friends because you going through pubertyand real personal stuff to talk about with
each other, and you form areal intimate bond. So usually friends from
adolescents become our historical friends. Nowhere's the thing. They might not fit
in with your life. Now,some of my historical friends when they come
to visit me in my crazy Lalife, and they're from a small town

(19:14):
in Canada, you know, socioeconomically, fashion wise, whatever, they may
not fit in, but doesn't matterbecause when we get together, I am
reminded of what it was like ineighth grade. My brain goes right back
to me. I'm reminded of whoI am, who I was, how
I began, and getting together lateat night over a cup of tea is

(19:36):
when we do the work of historicalfriendships all right, So we don't see
them very often, but when weget on the phone with them, it's
like where no time has passed,We're back to that time again. We
also have stage of life friends.These are friends that may not be lifelong
friends, but in our lives theyreally supported us during a particular stage where

(19:56):
we needed the social support. Forinstance, friends everybody's got one or two
friends they remember from college. They'recollege buddies, right Or maybe new parent
life, whether you're a new dadwho took your kid to baby swimming class
and you met other dads there,or mom's there. If you're a mom
that took your kid to baby musicor baby yoga and you realized you needed

(20:18):
friends in the trenches who were goingthrough the same thing at the same time.
I recently was at a Starbucks upin Malibu at Trancas Canyon, and
it was early in the morning,and I ran into one of my stage
of life friends, her son andI met in a baby playgroup and we
stayed friends until the kids went differentdirections, probably till they were eight or
nine or something. And when Isaw her it was like just seeing a

(20:41):
long lass. Oh my god,how are you? And it was a
big hug and a kiss, andwe were so happy because we were so
vital to each other during those years. Now, it doesn't mean that she's
going to be my lifelong friend.It doesn't mean she's going to be the
most intimate friend. We have boundaries, of course, but it does mean
that we have a connection because wehave this share experience together. Now in

(21:02):
your life today, you've also gota couple kinds of friends that are important
to your mental health and your physicalhealth. One I call the common interest
friends. These are your friends fromyour garden club, your bridge club,
your pilates class, the one youknow from the gym. You might even
not have their phone number, butyou're going to run into them at that
same place you go to together.Right. So these friends, you have

(21:23):
a lot of boundaries with them.You're not disclosing a ton of personal stuff,
but you really enjoy their company becausewhat you share is this common interest.
Whether your interest is going to classiccar shows together. Whether it's going
to me. I like to goto botanical gardens and walk them. It
really makes me happy, whether it'sgoing your hiking friends whatever. Although a

(21:44):
lot of intimate information is often exchangedon those hikes, because when I'm hiking
alone and I hear you ladies talking, I cannot believe what you're saying out
loud for the entire hiking trail tohear. Oh my goodness, it is
down and dirty, ladies. Thefunniest thing is who lu and I were
hiking a few weeks ago. Ican't remember where. We were, to
mescal or somewhere and will Rogers,they grew up in will Rogers, and

(22:07):
a group of women came from theother direction towards us, and we could
hear them complaining about their husbands,and it was so funny, and we
just got past them and I gaveJulio a little wink in a smile.
I'm like, yeah, that's whatwomen do. And then like thirty seconds
later there come their husbands and comingalong behind them. They were talking about
golf. But anyway, so that'swhat women do on those hikes. So

(22:30):
not every common interest friend, though, has to be an intimate friend.
Then we get to a friend thatyou might think might be completely superficial but
really important to our mental health andour physical health. And that friend is
actually, according to science, themost important friend that we need in our
life right now. And when wecome back, I will tell you what

(22:52):
that friend is. You're listening tothe Doctor Eddie Welsh Show and kf I
Am six forty. We are liveeverywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening
to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand fromkf I Am six forty. Welcome back
to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show andkf I Am six forty. We're live
everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Wantto remind you you can follow me on
my social media everywhere. The handleis at doctor Wendy Walsh at dr Wendy

(23:18):
Walsh. Mostly I'm on Instagram andTikTok and YouTube. I also have a
really fun Patreon group. We meetevery Wednesday at six thirty. Go to
patreon dot com slash doctor Wendy Walsh. And it's not therapy. I'm not
a therapist. We just talked aboutthe science of love. I usually present
some research study that I've just readand heard about, and then everyone takes
off talking about stuff. But thereis a little relationship stuff because there's a

(23:41):
couple of people who are dating,not each other, but they're dating.
So everyone wants an update, likehow did that date go? What happened
with that one? So it's kindof fun. It's a it's a great
regroup. Anyway, back to mychat about our friendships. Not every friend
is meant to be a close intimatefriend. According to research, the most
important friend we need, and weneed a bunch of them for our mental

(24:03):
health and our physical health. It'sactually just a social friend. You know
that friend that can stir up aparty anytime. You know the friend that
you can call for a referral toanything. I need a doctor, I'm
a lawyer, I need a guyto come and fix my pipes, whatever.
Right, you have a friend thatyou know is totally connected. Now
you're not necessarily close with them,but you're on their invitation list. Right.

(24:29):
Those are the people that get usout of the house. But more
importantly, the science says, connectus with all the other important brains that
we have. One of my favoritefriends that goes probably in this category is
chef Katie Chin. We've had heron the show before. She's a celebrity
chef. She used to have ashow on Bravo. You should look her
up online. Chef kata Chin is. I think her Instagram handal, but

(24:53):
she is what do you call her? She says, a connector. She
has so many friends. I've everheard her say a bad word about anybody.
She's light and fun and happy.And I know that if I need
a referral for literally anything, she'sgot the person for me. And I
have a few friends like that.They're amazing, so they are good for
our mental health and physical health.But we also need intimate friends. We

(25:18):
can't go through our entire lives withsuperficial friends or stage of life friends,
or just historic friends, or justcommon interest friends or social friends. We
need a friend. We can openup our heart too. And you're lucky
if you have one or two inthe course of your lifetime. But ask

(25:40):
yourself, if it were three inthe morning and you had a pain somewhere
in your body and you thought maybeI should go to an emergency, who
would you call? Do you havethat friend? Hey? What if you
needed a five am run to laxwhich friend would you call for the airport
run? Only intimate friends do that, just to let you know. So

(26:03):
I want you to if you haven'tspent the time in your life opening up
to people, to take a risk. And that's really the next thing I
need to talk about. So manypeople write to me and say that they're
feeling isolated or they're feeling alone.This was exacerbated by the pandemic. Of

(26:23):
course, we actually have more singleadults in America than married adults for the
first time in history. Now,I do want to say something about that
data that it includes I think peoplewho are dating or cohabitating, so they
may be in relationships right, butstill, and we also have more Americans

(26:45):
living alone than ever before. Thisis not what our biology is wired for.
I want to remind you we arewalking around in very ancient biology.
Our hunter gather ancestors are the samethat we are today. It takes generations
and generations and generations to adapt toenvironmental change. People will say this to

(27:10):
me all the time. Why doyou read evolutionary psychologists psychology? That's what
they needed back then, But todaythings have changed, and so haven't we
adapted. Oh no, no,no, no, Our ways are very
ancient and it takes many, many, many generations to adapt and change.
So what do we need back then, Well, most humans traveled in roving

(27:32):
bands of about thirty five pp thirtyto thirty five people. If it got
up to forty, they often splitinto two. Think about it, We've
discovered that's the most productive work groupsize. That's the most productive elementary school
classroom to learn in. Right,we still keep these groups then? When
we did, our closest intimate relationshipswere in multigenerational family systems. So around

(27:57):
us at all times was a village, a village filled with aunties and cousins
and uncles and close friends and niecesand nephews and kids. We lived together
as one. This idea of leavingthe family of origin and going out and
becoming independent, of making your ownfamily of origin has been messing with our

(28:18):
mental health for decades. We've lostthe wisdom of having an elderly person in
the home, not to mention thefree childcare. We have also lost the
ability to get along with people whomay be close to us that we need,
but we may be different from themin our thinking. It's good to
have that messiness of a multigenerational family. So today, partly because of modern

(28:44):
capitalism, the industrial revolution meant thatwe needed a mobile workforce. And so
somehow we came up with this reallypolitical idea that we needed to be independent,
we need to be individuals, weneeded to be separate from our family
of origin. And that was thebeginning of our mental health crisis. Truthfully,

(29:06):
industry needed us to move around forjobs. They needed us to move
around and find a different mate ina different place. So as a result,
we're seeing more isolation than ever before. And the question I'm asked all
the time is how do you makefriends? How do you find people?
Okay, I just want to stop. If you are working alone at home
on a computer, get off thecomputer. Don't even try to make friends
there, Okay, unless it's tofind a meetup group to go out and

(29:30):
join, you know, to gohiking or meeting for some common interest.
The number one way to meet compassionatepeople is to volunteer whatever that organization is,
because it attracts people who care,and those people who care likely will
make good friends. Right, They'llbe good friends for you. So I
would say, if you need toget out of your rut, you need

(29:51):
to do something different. This isthe time to find a group where you
can give your time or your talentsor both. Not just your money,
your time or your talents, butthe other way to make friends is to
be a friend. Ask yourself whoaround you need something some giving and what
can you do for them? Andalso ask yourself, am I being real,

(30:18):
open and authentic with people? Oram I walking around with a game
face? Am I walking around afraidto be authentic? Because then, oh,
people might not like me if theyknew the real me? And so
we're fronting, We're pretending to besomebody who were not. Ask yourself,
is this what you're doing? Orare you ready now to be real and

(30:42):
make some close friends? All right, let's get into romantic relationships when we
come back. Let's talk about hugginand kissing. Did you know sometimes we
bristle at our partner's touch. I'llexplain why. And there are some places
in the world where people hug andkill the most. You've been listening to

(31:03):
doctor Wendy Walls. You can alwayshear us live on k five AM six
forty from seven to nine pm onSunday and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app,