@DrWendyWalsh (05/07) Hour 2

Signs your attached and not in love. Dr. Wendy is also answering your relationship questions with her makeshift drive by advice. Also Bad relationship advice friends give that you should never listen to. Dr. Wendy is talking about it all on KFIAM-640.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you'relistening to kf I Am six forty,
the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demandon the iHeartRadio app AFI AM six forty.
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh
Show. I'd like to welcome myInstagram audience who are here in the studio
with me, well, at leastvirtually on the iPhone. If you'd like
to come into the studio as well, just go onto Instagram and go to

(00:22):
doctor Wendy Walsh at Dr Wendy Walshand come on in. I also put
the phone number up there because afterthis segment where I want to talk about
signs that you're attached not actually inlove, I'm going to take your calls
for my drive by makeshift relationship advice. Be honor for me to weigh in.
All right, before I talk aboutare you just attached or you actually

(00:44):
in love? I want to doa very short review of attachment theory.
Right. John Bolby, the fatherof attachment theory, discovered that the roots
of personality often lie in the attachmentthat a young person meaning baby you're talking
had with their primary caregivers and thatwe grow up to fall into one or

(01:06):
another category of attachment style. Nowthere's no right attachment style or wrong attachment
style. There's just mismatches. Right, the people who sort of trigger each
other in their attachment style. Sopeople who will have a secure attachment style,
I think that's about forty percent ofthe population. Are people who feel

(01:29):
comfortable with intimacy. They're warm,they're loving, they can exchange care very
freely. We all want to bewith them. Then they're the anxious people,
which I used to be. Iwas actually sort of what you call
probably anxious ambivalent, where I pickedguys who couldn't love me back, and
then I would blame them, andthen if I met a guy who actually
could give me love, I'd say, oh, he's too nice, or

(01:52):
I'd do something, you know,to break it up, or just something
bad. Right, So the anxiouspeople are often preoccupied with their relationships.
They worry about their partner's ability tolove them back. Then there's the avoidant
dismissive, and that's the one whoneeds to be independent to a flaw right
because they're afraid of intimacy. Intimacyis too hard for them and then there's

(02:15):
the fearful, avoidant or disorganized,and they tend to be they're really really
afraid of being emotionally intimate, andthey don't trust others. They're very,
very very suspicious. Okay, NowI want you to understand that people with
an anxious attachment style get attached veryeasily and very quickly. They believe the

(02:38):
anxiety they feel in their stomach islove because people say it is. They
say the butter Oh did they giveyou butterflies when you met? Uh?
Yeah, Well for many people,that's anxiety. So they end up getting
into these relationships where they're quite attached, but they're not really in love because

(03:00):
I don't have Okay. Psychologists wouldcall it a healthy, internal working model
of love, but basically they don'tknow what love feels like. They don't
know what healthy love feels like.I'll tell you you know, I've been
very honest about my journey. Idid not come to this place of knowledge
and ability without learning experientially. Thatmeans the hard way. And I had

(03:24):
an on again, off again relationshipwith a person with an avoidant detachment style
for ten years. I lost tenyears of my fertility window with somebody who
couldn't love me back in the waythat I deserve to be loved now.
He ended up marrying someone who Imet a couple times who was as avoidant
as him. So they probably havea perfectly happy life living like two roommates

(03:49):
in their house. Nobody touches anytender areas. They just stay in the
public areas. All good works forthem, there's no right or wrong.
But for me, I was constantlybeing triggered because I just think we'd get
close, we'd make love, andI think, oh, this is ed,
He's gonna finally and then he'd disappearfor weeks and not call me your
text, and of course I wouldact cool like nobody could see that I

(04:13):
was hurting, even though I wascrying into my pillow at night over this.
So people with an attachment style likeI used to have, I know
you're saying, how did you heal? I healed by therapy. I went
to therapy for years and years,and I figured it out. I also
created a very secure attachment with mychildren. And there's research to show this
that if you can practice attachment parentingwhere your baby's sleep, with your baby's

(04:33):
breastfeeding for a long time. Kidsnever leave. They don't abandon you.
Trust me, You want them toleave at a certain point, and they
don't. And so I think Ihealed partly through that too. All Right,
do you wonder if you're just attachedand not in love? Well,
I think the biggest sign is thatyour fear of being alone overrides everything else.

(04:56):
In other words, if you areafraid to be single, so you're
staying in a bad relationship. You'reattached, but you're not in love.
So think about it, is thebiggest thing that's keeping you there, the
fact that you don't want to besingle, that's a sign. Another sign
something that I had constantly. Youconsistently wish for more intimacy, more emotional

(05:25):
closeness, more tender moments during sex, the befours and the afters, the
four plays, in the after plays, that's where the intimacy is, right,
you're wishing for it all the time. You're being in love with hope
that hope it'll happen. Well,if you're always wishing for intimacy and it's
not there, you're attached, you'reprobably not in love. How about you

(05:50):
depend on them for everything? Youhave made this person your best friend,
your family member, your main humaninteraction person, and you're so afraid that
if you lost them, you wouldlose your world. That's too much attachment.
That's called enmeshed where nobody can rememberwhose problem is who's or you can't

(06:12):
live without the person that's enmeshed.A healthy attachment, you have a wide
range of social circle and friends,and your lover is one part of that.
Right. How about are you ina relationship where you're afraid to say
everything that you're feeling. You're holdingthings back and you change your personality a
bit because you're afraid they'll abandon you. Then you're attached, but you're not

(06:35):
in love. Because when you're inlove, you feel safe and secure to
be yourself and say anything you needto say. And the biggest one is
you feel stagnant. You're not growingtogether, right, It's just like you're
both there like roommates, but you'renot really growing You're not talking about your

(07:00):
feelings, your goals together, howyou're changing, what you're experiencing. If
you notice that some of these signsthat i've gone over sound like you,
then I'm going to advise you actuallyto break up because I learned that way,
you just gotta jump jump into thesingle world and don't become quickly attached

(07:21):
to the next person that comes along. Take some time, get to know
yourself, get to know people.But there are a lot of people in
very unhappy relationships, and some ofthem for years and years and years.
We love to judge relationships based onduration, right, We'll be like,
well, they were together ten yearsas a successful relationship. No, somebody
was longing the whole time and theother person was avoiding. That's not a

(07:42):
successful relationship. When we come back, I am going to be taking your
calls, and I also want totell you why I told you to leave.
There's research on this that just leavingwill make you happier, just making
a decision instead of stuck in indecision. Hey, when we come back,
I'm taking your call. The numberis one eight hundred and five two zero
one kf I. That's one eighthundred five two zero one five three four,

(08:07):
or you can leave a DM onInstagram. You are listening to the
Doctor Anddy Wealsh Show and kf Iam six forty eight live everywhere on the
iHeartRadio app. You're listening to DoctorWendy Walsh on demand from KF. I
am six forty. K F Iam six forty. You have doctor Wendy
Walsh with you. This is thedoctor Endy Wells Show. This is my

(08:28):
drive by makeshift relationship advice. BeforeI take this call, I do want
to say that I told you too. If you were indecisive indecisive about whether
to leave your partner. You probablywere shocked that I said just leave.
But guess what. There was astudy done in twenty twenty published in the
Review of Economics that simply they askeda bunch of people who had to make
a major life decision from leaving ajob or leaving a spouse, to simply

(08:52):
flip a coin and they promised todo whatever the coin said. Heads,
you leave of your job, leaveyour spouse, tails you stick it out.
Six months later, they caught upwith all the people and guess what
they found out? Everybody who leftwas happier. See. It's being stuck

(09:13):
in indecisive indecisiveness on the fence that'sso hard. Psychologists call it analysis paralysis,
where you're always listing pros and cons. Oh my gosh, it's a
terrible place to be. So justleave. You'll be happier if you're attached
and not in love. As Iwas saying before, Okay, you'd like
to call in the numbers one eighthundred five two zero one K five.

(09:35):
That's one eight hundred five two zeroone five three four. Okay, producer
Kayla, who do we got?We have Susan with a question. Susan,
Hi, Susan, It's doctor Wendy. Susan. Are you with us?
Yes? I am? I am, Hi Amy, I can now
what's your question? Love, MYes, I am. Have been talking
till Man for about three months.Now. What do you mean talking to

(09:58):
for three months? Dating? Um? You know, like going out to
dinner, you know, getting soseeing. When you say talking, I'm
thinking telephone and tax You're in thereal world. You're dating a man for
three months? Okay, good.So basically what happens is um, in
the beginning, UM, he was, you know, calling on the phone,

(10:20):
and we're communicating other than you know, going out to eat and getting
to know each other. Um.Nothing physical has happened between us, UM
since that time, you know,occasional hugs or whatever. But at the
same time, um, Uh,within about a month of him talking to
us, talking, he told methat he was um pursuing two women.

(10:43):
And what happened is once he started, I guess talking to me. He
claims that he told them it wasover, you know, like he's so
two other women. He says,he's dating two other women besides you.
He was, and then he toldyou. But don't worry. I broke
up with them when I met you. Yes, okay, yes, But

(11:07):
then the last two or three weeks, I've noticed that the phone calls are
lessened and it's basically mostly texting now. And it's crazy because you know,
I told them. I told him, you know, you could call me
anytime alive by myself, blah blahblah. You know, I have no
attachments. He doesn't want me tosee anyone else, he claims, he

(11:31):
wants it to be just him andI. But then there's not communication.
Yeah, there's no phone calls ona regular It's now you're saying, how
to get him to pursue you again? Let me tell you how. I
don't even know. I don't evenknow is it pursuing or is he still
confused or is he probably still seeingthose people? All could be happening,

(11:52):
But you know what your concern shouldbe you and your feelings to this,
not you know, he could beseeing those other women, he could be
pulling away, etc. I sawthis really cute TikTok today. It was
a guy who said all women areangels, but angels live in heaven.
If men want a woman to bean angel, they better make heaven for

(12:13):
her. I was like, oh, yeah, exactly. So he's not
making heaven for you, Susan.So here's what you need to do.
First of all, when he texts, do you text back? Sometimes I've
been trying to, Yeah, nottext back because I'm thinking, okay,
maybe if I don't text your call. Yeah exactly. So here's the thing.

(12:33):
You know, he says to you, I don't want you to see
other people. He has no rightto control you. He has no right
to say that. If he's outpursuing other women, you can let him
believe that you're being chased by othermen. So therefore, don't say I'm
sitting here waiting for you. Youjust be busy when he texts. Let
me tell you this little trick.So let's say he texts you and I

(12:56):
want you to wait a few hoursbefore you text back, and then start
to stretch out the time between thetexts. If he takes four hours to
text you back, you take sixhours next time, because what you're doing
is creating a rubber band that you'restretching out the time, and he's now
seeing that you're leaving, and sohe's going to pull back in right when

(13:20):
he sees that. But I dowant to say this, Just don't text
that much, like just and don'ttell him to call. Just wait it
out and he'll eventually call, becausehe'd be like, where you go?
What happened? I thought she waswaiting for me, and now she's not
right. We all want what wehave to work for. We all want
what we have to work for.And Susan, you need to give him

(13:43):
the opportunity and the privilege to earnyour affection, to earn your love.
Don't give it away at the beginningby saying I'm sitting here waiting for you.
Why aren't you calling? You justgo on with your life. You
surround yourself by people who make youfeel fabulous. You find other men to
go out with. Don't worry abouthim. He'll come back around. You
don't owe him anything because you haven'thad sex with him. Yet once you've

(14:07):
had sex. And by the way, you should have the conversation about sexual
exclusivity before you have sex for thefirst time. But you got this,
Susan. You just need to raiseyour self esteem and not worried. Don't
try to analyze him. Just askyourself does this feel good to be?
Oh? It doesn't. I'm movingon. Thanks for calling, Susan.
If you'd like to call in thenumbers one eight hundred five to zero,

(14:30):
one five three four. But Ido want to go to social media because
I see all these messages coming in. All right, Dear doctor Wendy,
I found an engagement ring. Oh, my boyfriend bought about six months ago,
so you found it six months ago. He still hasn't proposed or even

(14:50):
given me any hints that he's planningon proposing. I ask questions like when
do you want to get married?And he says, I'm focused on this
promote right now? Should I sayI found the ring? Do you think
he changed his mind? All right? You need to stop analyzing him and
ask yourself what you want. Doyou want to marry this dude? And

(15:13):
I hope you're not living together firstof all, because he has no reason
to marry. If you're living together, he's getting the milk for free.
So I don't think you should tellhim that you found the ring. In
fact, I think you should forgetabout the ring. I mean the ring
could be his grandmother's heirloom that he'skeeping for somebody some day. I think
that if you want to get married, that you need to have a conversation.

(15:35):
That is a relationship game plan.I do not believe in ultimatums.
Ultimatums are trying to get somebody todo something, But I do believe in
boundaries. Boundaries are how what youwill accept and what you will not accept.
If the relationship is basically happy andyou're not near the end of your

(15:56):
fertility window, then maybe you canaccept waiting for longer. Fund the other
hand, you're twenty nine, thirty, thirty one, thirty two, god
forbid, thirty six and you're goingto get this done. Then you're going
to say, hey, I hopeto be engaged within the next three months,
and if that doesn't look like thegame plan for you, then I'm
going to make plans to move out, to move on, whatever it may

(16:17):
be. That's different from an ultimatum. This is you saying, these are
my boundaries and this is going tobe my reaction if you treat me that
way. It's a subtle difference,but it's a big difference. You're not
trying to manipulate somebody. You're tryingto understand what you will tolerate and what
your reaction will be. Dear DoctorWendy, I love this one. I

(16:38):
hate my girlfriend's cooking. How canI tell her without hurting her feelings?
I've got an answer when we comeback. You are listening to the Doctor
Wendy Walsh Show on KFI AM sixforty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio
app. You're listening to Doctor WendyWalsh on demand from kf I AM sixty

(17:00):
five AM six forty. You haveDoctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is
the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. Iknow you guys are shy. You're not
calling in because these are tender topics. You're posting them on my dms though
I see them all coming in onInstagram TikTok. If you want to follow
me, the handle is at doctorWendy Walsh. That's at dr Wendy Walsh.

(17:21):
Okay, A listener writes, doctorWendy, I hate my girlfriend's cooking.
How can I tell her without hurtingher feelings? Kayla, do you
know what I'm gonna say? Whatare you going to say? I don't
know, cook for her? Cookfor you? What the heck? What
the heck? All you do isget in the kitchen and do it yourself.

(17:41):
Or you could say, honey,just for fun, lets you and
I take a cooking course together.I want to get better at cooking and
see then she'll learn. You know, ke Taller, she's a bad cook.
You're just gonna show her what goodcookies and you're gonna feed her well.
Dear doctor Wendy, my husband isdoing a complete career change and I
don't support it. That's a bigrelationship problem. He's a very successful lawyer

(18:04):
and now he wants to look atinto becoming a professional boxer. That's a
big career change. I'm terrified.We have young children. How can I
compromise? Well, this would bea great opportunity for the two of you
to go to couple's therapy and talkabout what your fears really are, because
it sounds like, on face value, your fears are mostly financial, right,

(18:27):
it's like it sounds like a professionalboxer doesn't make enough money unless like
they win right a lot and theydon't have any brain cells left because they
get hit in the head. Idon't know, so it might be fears
of him getting hurt, fears ofhim being able to support, etc.
I think the two of you needto go to couple's therapy because this is
one of those really important life decisions. On the other hand, you know

(18:51):
what, every human being gets tofind themselves and be what they want to
be when they want to be.So I kind of side with him too.
If he really hates work in thoselong hours at the law firm and
he hates reading contracts and documents allday and he's happy in the boxing ring,
you know, maybe there's a wayyou guys together choose to downgrade your
life, or maybe you ramp upyour career a bit and he takes care

(19:15):
of the sun. There's lots offlexibility, but you got to go together
to couples therapy to work it out. There's no one right answer, but
if your children are small, findinga way to stay together would be the
answer I would give Hi, DoctorWendy. I took this woman I've been
dating dancing, and she danced withother guys the entire night. She said

(19:37):
she wouldn't have minded if I dancedwith other women. I find her actions
disrespectful. Am I insecure or spoton? Well? I would say that
the two of you have different attachmentstyles. You see, somebody who has
an avoidant attachment style is afraid ofcloseness and intimacy and dancing can feel close
and intimate with you. So she'sgonna down the milk, spread it around

(20:00):
the room and tell you, oh, it's okay. You can dance with
other women too, but you mayhave a little more anxiety and you want
closeness and all. You're both right, but you got to talk about it.
I mean, disrespectful sounds like,oh, she should just do everything
I say because I'm the man andI want her to be with me.

(20:22):
And that's not cool either. Butlook, if you didn't like what happened,
don't go out with her again,Like why do you put? I
always say to people, like,you know, you're with this person and
they do this, and I don'tlike it, and they do that and
I don't like it, and they'rebasically asking me doctor Wendy, how do
I get them to change? Thatis the wrong question. The right question

(20:48):
is how can I learn to eitheraccept them or leave? That's really what
we should all be doing in ourrelationships. We should let the relationship win
in any conflict. You know thatethicist in the New York Times. I
read his column and I just loveit. He's a philosophy guy, and
people write in relationship questions, Andthis week it was about a banan appeal.

(21:11):
This woman says she's driving the car. Her husband on the passenger side,
rolls down the window on the freewaythrows out a banana peel unto the
asphalt. She tells him that's littering, and that's bad. He says,
is biodegradable. She goes and findsa whole bunch of articles to say how
dangerous it is, could hit amotorcyclist in the face, It isn't doesn't
really biodegrade fast, and blah blahblah. And so she's so mad about
this whole banan appeal thing. Andhis response was, don't you have anything

(21:34):
better to do with your time?No. I love the answer of the
ethicist. I read it out loudto Julio. We were driving the car
and I read this whole thing outloud. I go, what do you
think the ethicist is going to say? And he said, well, first
of all, I want to hearwhat doctor Wendy would say, and I'd
say, the banana appeal is ametaphor for control, and they are in
a power struggle in their relationship.First of all, she's driving the car.

(22:00):
She's now hammering him with information andarticles about how he should change his
behavior. I think she's trying tocontrol him a lot during the whole marriage,
and he's using his one little momentof freedom, the cracked window and
the banana peel to go see,I'm my own person, right And anyway,
that at this has said the samething, like basically, yeah,

(22:22):
it's wrong to throw the banana peelat the thing. But he's obviously making
a statement for a reason. There'ssomething deeper going on in the relationship.
So if she's dancing with other guysand you're trying to control her, I
would worry. Okay, dear doctorWendy, I have a habit of buying
people gifts, but they never buyme anything in return. Oh, I

(22:45):
feel like no one cares about methe way I care about them. How
can I get through this? Well, let's analyze the gift giving. Why
are you giving the gifts. Iknow you're gonna say, oh, because
I like them and it makes mehappy when they're happy. No, it's
because you're trying to get them attachedto you, because you likely have an

(23:06):
anxious attachment style. And here's thecrazy thing about life. I used to
be one of you. We alwaysfind the people who are more avoidant,
and we try to get them tolove us, get them to give us
the gifts back. It's this wholething. If we can just get them
to behave, then we will loveourselves. Then we will feel lovable.

(23:26):
At least, you're aware enough tosay, I feel like no one cares
about me the way I care aboutthem. And my answer is, why
do you care for somebody who doesn'tcare for you? Right, we have
to go slowly in our new relationshipsand look for something called reciprocity. You

(23:49):
give a little, you watch theygive a little back. You give a
little, they give a little back. What happens with you, I'm guessing
because I used to do it,is you give a lot, they give
nothing. So you give more andthey still give nothing, and you give
more. It's not the way itshould work. It should be even Stephen
reciprocity. All right, I'm goingto wrap it up. Listen. If

(24:12):
you want to get more of me, you can always listen to the Doctor
Wendy Weals Show. I'm not wrappingup the whole show. I got to
get to some other things. Badrelationship advice that friends give all the time.
I hear it all the time andit just makes the hair grow stand
up on my spine when I hearthis. But also you can follow me
on social media at doctor Wendy Walsh. You can join my Patreon. We

(24:33):
have zoom grooms on Wednesdays. Youcan also listen to the Doctor Wendy Walsh
Show on demand anytime on the iHeartRadioapp. Okay, when we come back.
Bad relationship advice that friends give allthe time. I know you've heard
all these things if you're single,and I'm going to tell you ignore this
advice. You are listening to theDoctor Wendy Walsh Show and kf I Am

(24:57):
six forty with Live Everywhere the iHeartRadioapp. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh
on demand from KF I Am sixty, KF I Am six forty. You
have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.This is the home stretch of the Doctor
Wendy Walsh Show. Oh, producer, Kayla, why does it go so
fast? It flies by after dark? Get on a roll and I want

(25:18):
to go on and on and on. All right. I have to admit
something. It's really difficult for meto be out in social situations and over
here people giving bad relationship advice toother people. And you know, I
try as hard as I can tobite my tongue and I'm not insulted.

(25:38):
It's not like they should defer tome or anything. But I'm always just
like a maze that people believe thesemyths and share it with other people.
And it happened twice this week.One I was out for a dinner party
with some just all girlfriends, andone girlfriend had met a new guy that
she met on an app and shehad I think she'd had one or two

(26:00):
dates with him, and and shesaid, well, we'll find out.
It's early. You know, ittakes time, and there goes here comes
the bad relationship with voice advice.The next woman says yeah, but you
know, if you get those butterfliesright at the beginning, you know,
you just know. And if youdon't have that from the beginning, then
you don't know. I know.And my friend had a very quick She

(26:23):
goes, well, if he votedfor you know who, then for sure
I'm not going to date him thethird date if I find out that there's
all kinds of other stuff. Right. So then I was out with another
different, completely different group, anda woman was telling me how she had
gone retrosexual my word, meaning she'dreconnected with actually a college boyfriend. And

(26:47):
now it's many years later, they'veboth been through their marriages and and and
I saying, like, meeting someonewhen you're older is so great because you
can talk about your feelings. AndI was sharing about out my love relationship
with Julio and how open we areand authentic. And here comes the bad
relationship advice. Another friend says,all that talking takes the romance away.

(27:11):
Isn't it better to have a littlemystery? No, that's how probably how
an avoidant person would talk. Okay, here's the bad relationship advice that I
hear a lot. Stop being sopicky. That's what married girlfriends say to
single girlfriends, stop being so picky. Actually, I think having standards about

(27:34):
how somebody treats you and values youis important. It's how you find the
right one by eliminating most. It'sa game of elimination, and in order
to find that needle in the haystack, you gotta move all the pieces of
straw to get to that. Sostay by and picky. Don't listen to
that advice. All right, here'sanother thing they say, Well, you

(27:56):
know, oh, this is kindof like what the friend said, you
know in your heart on the firstdate, when you know, you just
know right, no, stop.It takes time for an attraction to grow
a lot of time, and infact, research has shown there's something called
the mere exposure effect, and thatmeans the more time you spend somebody,

(28:18):
the more you start to like them. In fact, every arranged marriage in
the world is a succumb to theexposure effect. You just get used to
them, right. You know,arranged marriages only have a four percent divorce
rate and romantic marriages have a fiftypercent divorce rates, So go figure that
out. It takes time to grow, so forget about this. When you

(28:38):
know you just know, along thesame lines, they might say something like
this, you know, if you'renot feeling sparks on the first date,
that they're not the one. Youknow what those sparks are for people with
an anxious attachment style, their anxietywe call it butterflies in our stomach.
It's not it's your stomach saying redflag flag, move away, and so

(29:03):
sparks, fireworks, butterflies. Thatmeans you're anxious. It doesn't necessarily mean
you're feeling love. All right.Here's the other advice that you know,
they try to tell people just tocool it, and they say, you
know it'll. Love will just happenfor you when you least expect it.
In fact, it's when you're notlooking that you'll meet that person. I'm

(29:27):
sorry, this is so wrong.Everything else you accomplished in your life you
accomplish because you put your mind toit and you did all the things.
For instance, if you're just goingto work and just you know, hanging
out with yourself, you're not goingto meet anybody. You're going through life
with blinders on. If you're goingto the gym, because you know that

(29:48):
that gets you in shape for themating marketplace. If you wear your little
heels. Not if you're a guy, I don't know. Maybe maybe cowboy
boots to the little taller I don'tknow. But if you're you know,
got good posture and you're well roomedbecause you're thinking this might be the day,
that's how you meet someone. Notoh well, it'll just happen.
If it happens, it happens.When I hear that, if it happens,

(30:10):
it happened. Love doesn't happen.You make it happen. You'll be
in the right situation at the righttime and create that opportunity. Love does
not just drop out of the sky. Okay, here's another myth. Look
it, you're being so picky andyou know people change. Just give them
some time. Why do I puton that accent whenever I give the bad
advice? Give them some time.That's a good bad advice accent. If

(30:36):
you are in love with Hope andI want to admit this, Okay,
I was in love with Hope overand over and over, that avoidant guy
for ten years. I was inlove with Hope. I was in love
with his potential. I was inlove with who I think he could be,
but not with who he was atthat moment right. Sure, people

(31:00):
can change, but when you're datingsomebody, you better like what you see
right now, right now. Okay, So please don't listen to those friends.
Okay, don't listen to them.That's all bad advice. You need
to be proactive. You need tolook your best, you need to feel
your best. You need to sayno to those that don't make you feel

(31:22):
great, and you need to takeyour time getting to know somebody. That's
how you find love. And Itook my own advice and I'm not gonna
lie. It worked. And thatbrings the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show to a
close. If you'd like to stayin touch with me all week, I'm
on social media and my handle isat doctor Wendy Walsh at dr Wendy Walsh.

(31:45):
You can also join my Patreon group. We have a live zoom room
at every Wednesday at six thirty wherewe talk about it's kind of like a
book group. We just talk aboutthe research on love and it's a it's
a great group. They're all fromall over the world. It's really fun.
So you just go to patreon dotcom slash dot Wendy Welsh for that.
But I'm always here for you onKFI Am six forty every Sunday from
seven to nine pm. I wishyou love in the world. Thanks for

(32:08):
being with me. You've been listeningto Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always
hear us live on kf I Amsix forty from seven to nine pm on
Sunday and anytime on demand on theiHeartRadio app.