@DrWendyWalsh (05/14) Hour 1

Happy Mother's Day!! We are talking phrases that should never say in an intimate relationship. Dr. Wendy is also taking your calls and answering your relationship questions!

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you'relistening to KFI AM six forty, the
Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demand onthe iHeartRadio app KFI AM six forty.
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show
on a Beautiful Mother's Day. Ifit is a beautiful Mother's Day, depending
on the mother you had or have, I guess we're going to be talking

(00:24):
a lot about the complicated relationships manyof us have with our moms. We
also want to talk during the showtoday about some phrases that people use very
commonly in their adult romantic relationships thatcan be very hurtful and not very functional.
And also some things you should besaying. And if you're a mom,

(00:48):
I am going to pull you offthe guilt train, because it is
hard to be a good mom ina hostile world that doesn't support motherhood.
I have a researcher at the endof the show from the University of Ohio
who's going to talk to us abouta study she did, and of that
study of a thousand mothers, shefound that fifty two percent we're not talking

(01:14):
to their adult daughters. We willunpack this. Okay, hang with me.
First of all, I want tosay, hello, Raoul in the
booth. You are training a newperson. Ed, Hi, Ed,
how are you? You don't havea mic? There you go? Awesome?
How are you good? Welcome tothe show. Thank you so much.
Happy Mother's Day to you, Mother'sDay to my signific other my family

(01:34):
members out there. Happy Mother's Dayto all my sisters. Oh that's wonderful.
Thank you. Mark Ronner. Doyou have a mother? My mom
is no longer with us. Ihope she is at piece. My grandparents
kind of raised me. So whenI think of Mother's Day, I think
of my grandmother. Yeah, it'smother figures, is what it is.
Producer Kayla, how are you hey? Doctor Wendy who also lost your mom

(01:57):
early? I did early Mother's Daybring up for you the sadness, sadness,
sadness. But I do have amazingsiblings and we lean on each other
and we always and I love youtext messages and just yeah I got my
siblings. But yeah, definitely rough. And you know, Mother's Day also
is one of those Hallmark holidays,folks. Let's just remember it's designed to
sell flowers and brunch and champagne andchocolate and whatever. So let's not make

(02:21):
as much out of it as wethink we should. On the other hand,
there is this nice day of theyear where it's good to celebrate mothers.
I happen to be at it,like a takeout Delhi getting a picnic
to go hiking this morning, andI was seeing all these dads and kids
buying takeout food and there wasn't amother in sight. And my friend who

(02:42):
was with me said, I thoughtit was Mother's Day. Why aren't the
mothers with their kids? And I'dlike, no, no, no,
the mothers are at the spas,or the mothers are in bed sleeping in
That's the whole point of Mother's Day, to take a rest. When my
kids were young, they used tomake me breakfast and sometimes very runny eggs
and sometimes tea made out of hottap water. But it was very sweet

(03:05):
for them to bring me back breakfastin bed. Now both my kids are
ones living in Paris and one's upin Santa Cruz, so I did get
some texts and love. But Ihave to say, you know, last
week I was telling you that I'dmoved again, and one of the things
I love about moving. Besides perchingand throwing away things, makes me so
great is digging out. You knowthat Marie Condo woman, that one who

(03:27):
does the whole makeover thing and makesyou put all your junk in the middle
of the room. Everything you own, not that kind of junk, Kayla,
and you're stuff. And then shemakes you like look at it and
hold it in your hand and say, does this thing bring me joy?
And if it doesn't, throw itaway. So her belief system, and
I believe this too, that whenwe keep stuff on the back shelf down

(03:49):
below, in drawers, in closets, stuffed away, they still exist and
the memories and feelings associated with thoseitems in the background of our brain.
So when we get a chance topull the stuff out, it can and
if we throw it away, wecan throw away the memories and all the
trappings, the negative feelings. Ifit's meant that to happen. But I

(04:12):
had the opposite thing happen to me. I was going through old boxes and
I found so many Mother's Day cardsfrom my kids. Think of it,
two kids eighteen Mother's Day times twothat's thirty six mother cards. Sometimes they
had to make one at school andanother one at home, and one with
a babysit or whatever. So andI kept them all so it's not like
they have to do more than atext and a little FaceTime video for me

(04:34):
anymore, because there's nothing more sweetthan opening up a card from fifteen years
ago and saying you're the best mommyin the world. And you know the
crazy little drawings they would do ofme. I had very weird hair and
weird hands in those pictures, butI spent I shed a few tears reading
some of those because those were reallygreat years. Motherhood is hard, Motherhood

(05:00):
is a burden, motherhood is taxing, and motherhood is one of the most
meaningful things that eighty percent of womendo. I say that because I want
to remind everybody that through the historyof our human species, evolutionary psychologists will
tell you that twenty percent of humanfemales do not biologically reproduce. Why we

(05:25):
needed a mom and a spare right, We needed extra women in the village.
Anthropologists call them aloe mothers or aloeparents. Those are the cousins and
sisters and aunties and uncles and brothersand other people who don't bear kids who
help us because we are cooperative readers. So I want to tell you a

(05:48):
little bit about the story of mymom. She in many ways was a
single mother because my father was inthe Navy, and he was gone most
of the time. He was gonein an inconsistent path at least seven months
a year, right, so shereally did the burden of raising the three
of us. We were often livingon foreign military bases with no family support.

(06:10):
She often found the church as herbase. You know, we'd find
whatever parish. And my mother didtwo wonderful things for me and a couple
not wonderful things for me. Andthis is how you can tell somebody had
as a good, healthy relationship withtheir mother, moll. My mother died
of breast cancer when I was thirty. But is like if you asked somebody
about their mother. Let's say you'regoing on a date with somebody and say,

(06:32):
tell me about your mother. Oryou're a therapist who say you tell
me about your mother. If theydo one of two extremes, if they
say, oh, my gosh,I had the best mother in the world.
She was so perfect. I lovedit. She baked cookie, she
drove me where we were, actuallydedicated herself to me it was so great,
or they say my mother was allrotten and awful and I don't talk
to her. You know, yougot two issues there that are both issues.

(06:55):
Right. To have a healthy perspectiveof parenthood is we start to look
back and see them as human beingsand realize that they often did the best
that they could with the tools thatthey had that they you know, are
humans who are going to make mistakes. So here's what my mom did.
Great. She was really really goodat taking care of us when we were

(07:15):
sick. I mean, I havethis memory of me that's embedded. When
you're sick, you got wrapped ina little blanket, put in front of
a rocking chair, on her lap, in front of the fire, and
she would sing a lullaby and rockus with a little baby tail in all.
Whatever they gave back that expect thenthey were giving us two twenty twos
in Canada. Do you know whattwo twenty twos are? Ka lops?
Sounds like I get your high.They've got codeine in them. Oh god,

(07:39):
I think you can go to CanadaPharmacy dot com right now, you
can. She was getting us high. But anyway, she was really good
on the other hand, she hada little bit of munchhause, and by
proxy she would over rely on doctors. I have since read research on munchaus
and by proxy it didn't even havea name until the seventies. It's not
that mother's deliberately make their kids sick, and they want their kids to be

(08:01):
sick, but it's their overattention toevery ache and pain that a kid has.
Naturally that the kid realizes, oh, if I'm more sick, I
get more love. And when Isay, the kid realizes, not mentally,
they don't consciously do it. Theirbody gets sick. Their body cooperates
because the mother and child function asone thing. So there's the downside of

(08:22):
it. Then the other side ismy mom was the greatest champion of me.
She told me I could do anything, and that I could. I
mean she would do things like onetime she read a biography written by this
woman who is on the West coastof Canada. We lived on the East
coast of Canada. It's like someonein New York right into somebody in La
or So or San Francisco, andso my mom reads it. This woman

(08:46):
started a bird sanctuary somewhere. Mymom reads this book, reads it to
us, thinks it's so amazing she'sdone this with her life. She writes
to her. The woman writes back, Okay, this is the seventies,
right, early seventies. There's nointernet, writes back, And so my
mom says, we're going on avacation there now. We loaded up the
station wagon and we drove three thousandmiles. We bought a boat. We

(09:09):
went out to her island. Weslept on the boat and visit her in
a bird sanctuary. But what wasshe teaching me? Everybody's equal, everybody's
accessible. You can go anywhere,do anything if something interests you. That's
the best part. The worst partis she didn't understand that the world could
be dangerous, and she sent meout into places that were often unprotected.

(09:30):
And so again this is a healthyversion of looking at your parent. They
did great things, they made afew mistakes. I learned through this they
grew the gap. We're going totalk later in the show more about motherhood.
Also, I was a single motherfor eighteen years. I got a
little bit advice of things that workedfor me. So, if you happen
to be a new mother or amother of young kids, I'm going to

(09:52):
give you some Auntie wisdom about howyou can do the best for your kids.
We're also going to be talking aboutyour romantic relationships. In fact,
we're going to do that, andlater in the show, I have a
researcher coming on who talks about whysome mothers and daughters are a strange.
A strange is that the right word? Astranged? Estranged, they're separated,

(10:15):
they don't talk. I'll get themmad at each other. Let's say that.
But let's talk about your love relationshipsfirst when we come back. There's
certain things that people say, littlephrases that they're not even thinking, very
thoughtless phrases that can be very damagingin an adult intimate relationship. Let's talk
about those phrases when we come back, and why you shouldn't say them and
what you should say instead. Youare listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show

(10:39):
on kf I AM six forty.We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh ondemand from kf I AM six forty KM
six forty. You have Doctor WendyWalsh with you. This is the Doctor
Wendy Walsh Show. I'd like towelcome my Instagram audience. If you would
like to come into the studio vision, you're welcome to log onto my Instagram.

(11:01):
The handle is at doctor Wendy Walsh. That's at Dr Wendy Walsh.
I am live on Instagram now.People that have been telling me they've been
watching all over the country and thecontinent and indeed the world. That's what's
so cool about social media. Youknow, I have been a reminder after
this segment, I'm going to openup the phone lines and I'm going to

(11:22):
be taking your relationship questions. Reminder, I'm not a therapist. I'm a
psychology professor, but I have beenreading about and writing about the science of
love for a few decades. I'vewritten three books on relationships. My dissertation
was on attachment theory. And I'mjust obsessed with the biological, the psychological,
and the sociological pieces of love andI love to share the education with

(11:46):
everybody. So I will be openingup the phone lines after this segment and
be taking your calls. I'm justgoing to throw the number out there now,
but you guys, if your KFIlistener, you know it. It's
one eight hundred and five two zeroone kfi. That's one eight hundred five
to zero one five three four.But first, I have often said that
relationships are far more about skill thanthey are luck, and I will hear

(12:11):
people often saying things like, youknow, if I could just meet the
right one, or if it happensfor me. Well, first of all,
love doesn't just happen, and youdon't just meet the right one,
You actually become the right one,and then more people are appropriate for you.
Right. Relationships about learning skills,and one of the most important skills

(12:37):
to get you through your relationships areconflict resolution skills. And I feel like,
you know, maybe I'm wrong aboutthis, but I feel like more
and more people seem to be losingthe ability to have good, healthy conflict.
You know, the research shows thatthe healthiest couples the ones who say

(12:58):
they have the most feelings of wellbeing in their relationships, whose relationships last
the longer, longest, and bringthem the most happiness, those relationships actually
have the most amount of conflict.Now bear me out. They're not knocked
down, drag them out battles.What they are are little border skirmishes all

(13:22):
day long, little tiny negotiations ofboundaries so that everybody understands. You know,
I always say a relationship is likea ven diagram with two circles.
Right, you got one partner andthe other partner, and they overlap in
the relationships in the middle, andso there's always going to be boundary negotiation
on a regular basis. The problemis when you get into conflict with somebody,

(13:45):
if you have not been given healthyconflict resolution skills as a child,
you're going to be treading water andyou're gonna have a hard time swimming out
of there. Right. Sometimes peoplewill say that people fight dirty with their
language. Words matter. So let'stalk about some of the things people say
in relationships during the heat of themoment, which can cause more damage than

(14:11):
good. Oh this is my favorite. I hear it all the time.
You should know, You should justknow, right, like your partner's a
mind reader. Like your partner issupposed to figure out all the needs that
you have. Now this is afantasy, right, It's like you've got
this loss from childhood. You're madat whatever parent that didn't satisfy your needs.

(14:31):
You pick this romantic partner and nowyou expect them to be the mind
reader. I've actually seen people postin their dating profiles. I'm looking for
somebody who just gets it, getswhat you and reads your mind. No,
if you don't tell your partner whatyou need, if you don't tell

(14:52):
your partner where your boundary is,you can't get angry with them that they
were just being them and happen tostep on one of your boundaries. You
can't say you should just know,because nobody should just know. Now,
there's two words in the heat ofthe moment that also cause a lot of
damage. Always and never, right, You always do that because you're never

(15:16):
on time? Okay, really,let's think about it logically. Is your
partner one hundred percent always the badone in the situation, always making that
same mistake one hundred percent? MIs your partner never attending to whatever it
is you want them to tend to. No, sometimes they do, and

(15:37):
sometimes they miss a beat. Butwhen you say always or never, what
they're hearing is a global assessment ofcharacter that they're a bad person. You
know, the saying, can youtell a bad person they're bad, they
get worse? They identify with that, all right, is it probably the
worst thing that you could say tome because I used to have a kind

(15:58):
of anxious, ambivalent attachment style,and I always felt like I was being
pushed away, and I was attachedto avoidant people a little. I don't
want to talk about it, That'swhat they would say. I don't want
to talk about it. And itwould be like this thing. I needed
to talk about this thing, andthey'd say I don't want to talk about
it, or they change the subject, change the channel, walk out of
the room, be dismissive. Youknow what. According to the work of

(16:22):
the Gottman's up at the University ofWashington and the Marriage Lab, they say
this is the number one thing thatwill kill love because when a partner is
dismissed, they will eventually find somebodywho will listen. And that will a
person will either be a lawyer ora lover. Right, So you can't
You've got to find you. Youcan say I can't talk about it now

(16:45):
because I'm feeling overwhelmed by this topic. Could we talk after dinner when I've
had some food, or could wecan I go for a walk and then
and sort things out of my headand then I'd like to address this with
you. That's what you need todo. Oh, here's a bad one,
you guys. Please, It's alongthe same lines. If I don't
want to talk about it, it'sa I don't care. It's okay,

(17:07):
say what you want, I don'tcare, whatever, talk to the hand.
It's the same thing. Don't sayI don't care, don't say whatever.
Don't say talk to the hand.You can't be dismissive. You've got
to be there in it with theperson. And also, don't threaten divorce
in the heat of a moment.Do not threaten divorce. Instead, be

(17:27):
brave, listen, put yourself insomebody else's shoes. Have some empathy for
your partner, you know. Researchon long term committed partners who still love
each other finds that they really valuetheir partner. They continue to look up
to their partner. They almost overvaluetheir partner. So even if you were

(17:48):
like looking at that relationship from theoutside, you'd be like, I don't
think that person is that great.As long as the person in the relationship
thinks that person's great, that's allthat matters. It's really important that in
the heat of the moment, youdon't forget who you fell in love with.
You don't turn them into some evilperson in your mind. You've got

(18:10):
to take the moment to talk aboutstuff that's tender and difficult. Don't walk
away, don't stonewall, don't dismissthem, don't put them down because they
made mistakes. Instead, say hey, let me hear your side of it.
I want to try to understand,help me understand what you're experiencing.

(18:30):
That's good conflict resolution. All right, when we come back, I am
taking your relationship questions. It's mydrive by makeshift relationship advice. Remember I
don't have a license. I'm apsychology professor, so it's all in fun.
You can change your name if youwant. That's fine. I see
on Instagram a lot of you areposting questions there. Pick up the phone
the numbers one eight hundred five twozero one five three four. Producer Kayala

(18:53):
is going to open the phone linesnow. That's one eight hundred five two
zero one K five. You arelistening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show and
KA five Am six forty. We'relive everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're
listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demandfrom kf I Am six forty Kaye Am
six forty. You have doctor WendyWalsh with you. This is the Doctor

(19:15):
Wendy Walsh Show. Okay, Iam taking your calls live and answering your
dms on social media. My socialeverywhere is at doctor Wendy Walsh. The
phone number is one eight hundred andfive two zero one KFI. That's one
eight hundred five two zero one fivethree four. Okay, roll, Who
do we have first? Michelle?Michelle? Hello, Michelle, it's doctor

(19:41):
Wendy. Hi, Doctor Wendy.Hi, we're a big fan. Thank
you. What's your question? Howlong after dating somebody and you haven't met
any of the friends or family?Okay? Should you think that's a while?
Yeah, that's a while. Okay, So let me tell you.
I this book called the Boyfriend Test. How do we evaluate his potential before

(20:03):
you lose your heart? And that'sactually one of the questions in the ninety
day Probation Test of my book,where I say, if you've gone like,
okay, it is important to cocoona little bit. Right. You
just meet somebody, you cozy ondown, go into your little cocoon,
but you also want to check themout in terms of their social standing,

(20:25):
their career, their family. You'reinvestigating whether this person could take the job
as partner for life or partner fora long period of time, right,
And so if they're hiding their friendsand family, you've got to ask yourself
why. So how long has itbeen? Can I ask you, Michelle?

(20:45):
Almost a year? Oh ohhh?Okay, too long? And you've
brought it up a number of times. And what are their excuses? Well,
I mean, you know, Iunderstand about the child. I get
that the child's younger, so Iget that a divorced person, you know,
I understand not want to introduce,you know, people that you're dating.
However, I'm talking about friends andmy just family. Yeah. So

(21:08):
yeah, why do you think he'shiding you? I thought I think he's
trying to figure out if this isa long term as well. Okay,
well it's been a year, Michelle, it's been a year. It's enough
time to investigate. Have you doneenough investigation? Yes? And you've learned
that he's not disclosing enough about himselfand that's probably not going to work for

(21:29):
you, is my feeling. SoI would say this is way too long
to go. This is my opinion, way too long to go, not
meeting friends and family, and ifyou want to set up a very clear
boundary, it says, Look,if I'm not meeting your friends and family,
you're hiding me for some reason.And this doesn't make me feel happy.
So I'm probably gonna start to lookelsewhere and then move on. Yeah,

(21:51):
because this is not don't hang inthere. No, no, thank
you so much. You're welcome,Michelle. Thanks recalling. I'm sorry.
I had bad news. Breaks myheart. Give bad news. Okay,
who do we have? Producer?Kayla or raul there roul? Who we
got? Next? We got somebody? I hear Kayla? Who do we

(22:15):
have? Kaylor? Jeremy, Hi, Jeremy. It's doctor Wendy. Hi,
how are you good? What's yourquestion? So my question is I
have a friend, um, andhe started dating in a single mom who
is a widow, and he isn'tsir if yeah, already has kind of

(22:36):
a little because you know, um, it's nothing personal against her, but
he does. He's not. He'svery This is the first person who's ever
dated who's ever lost a spouse,and he really is kind of nervous about
the idea of like she seems veryaccepting of him, but he's nervous about
is she really ready for a newrelationship or is he walking or is he

(22:56):
stepping on toes? Or do youhappen to know how long ago she lost
her spouse. I'm about ten yearsago. Oh, ten years ago.
Well, I would hope someone's overthere grieving. And if they're still grieving
after ten years, then we wouldcall that complicated grieving and they should be
in therapy for sure. And sothe children can't be that young anymore.

(23:19):
If it's been ten years since thissingle mom lost her you know, I
think this is all they're in.They're in there, they're in their teams.
They're teenagers. Yeah, that's usuallywhen mom say, Hey, they're
busy with their friends. I'm gonnaget busy with my friend. Uh this,
I don't think this is not aproblem. I don't think this is

(23:40):
a problem at all. I giveyou green light or your friend's green light,
Jeremy, tell them to go forit. Thanks so much for calling.
Okay, producer, Kayla, whodo we have now? We have
Sarah with a question. Hi,Sarah, it's doctor Wendy. Hi.
Can you hear me? Yes,I can hear you. Um, I

(24:00):
dated so much for decades and thenhe moved away and it's been five years,
and um, you know, Ispent like half of my life just
going out with him and he didnot marry me. But um, I
would thinking that going out. Ummaybe, but I, um, what's

(24:26):
stopping you? Well, I'm notworking and I don't have enough funny to
go out, and I also Ithink I'm just not very confident it's about
going out in meeting. So I'mhearing two things, Sarah. One is

(24:48):
I'm hearing that there was this personthat you dated for ten whole years,
but that was five years ago,and now you're still thinking about that person
a lot, right, No,I went out with him for a decade,
more than thirty years. Now adecade is ten years, so thirty

(25:08):
years you went out with him decadesdecades, oh, thirty years. So
this is a very serious, longterm relationship. And it sounds like that
you haven't done the full work ofgetting over the divorce. I know you
mentioned that you're not working and youdon't have a lot of self confidence,
etc. You know, you wouldbe a perfect candidate to go and see

(25:33):
a licensed therapist, and there areways to see a licensed therapist for cheap
or free calling. Every university thathas graduate program, for instance, in
psychology, has a counseling center wherethey work for ten and twenty dollars an
hour. Even because it sounds likeyou really need to do that personal work
on your self esteem and also toget over that past relationship. So I

(25:57):
really encourage you, Sarah, toreach out and get that help that you
deserve so that you can move onwith your life. Thank you so much
for calling. All right, arewe do? We have time for one
more row? No, we're goingto break all right. When we come
back, I'll still be taking yourcalls and going to social media. The
numbers one eight hundred five two zeroone five three four. You are listening

(26:17):
to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show onKFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere
on the iHeartRadio app. You're listeningto Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from kf
I AM six forty. K fI AM six forty, you have doctor
Wendy Walsh with this with you.This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show.
I'm taking your calls. The numbersone eight hundred and five two zero one

(26:41):
five three four. Okay, producerKayla. Who do we have next?
We have Jeff with the question,Jeff, Hi, Jeff is doctor Wendy.
How are you good? What's yourquestion? So? I have had
a few friends and some of themmad at college about four years ago about
us stalk with pretty too long.Others A been friends, including a girl

(27:02):
that I have met way back whenI was in first grade and I have
been best friends ever since, andthey want to have been trying to pressure
me into getting a girlfriend recently becauseI used to be severely overweight and I've
kind of had my goal a periodnow. This particular girl they want me
to go with is beautiful, butshe's an adult film star and a few

(27:26):
times I've declined and trying to likegive hints that I'm not interested. Eventually,
I had to tell this world thatI was friends with since I was
in first grade, I'm sorry,but I don't think your friend is the
right and one for me. Andshe, along with a few other her
friends that I've had over various years, has said that I'm just insecure that

(27:48):
I don't want well that and Ilet me let me contradict your friends.
Jeff. First of all, youhave a right to have any requirements or
any boundaries that you would in apartner. Now, while there be maybe
many people out there who are happyto date somebody who works in the adult
film industry, if you have felt, because of your particular value set that

(28:11):
this is not right for you,this has nothing to do with you being
insecure. This has to do witha boundary that you're allowed to have.
And it's perfectly okay to not say, oh, I'll date anybody who does
anything in any way. You know, you have to figure out what you
like and what works for you.So, Jeff, you tell your friend

(28:34):
you're not insecure, you just haveboundaries or standards. Thanks for calling,
Jeff. Okay, who do wehave now, Producer Kayla, we have
Yasmin with a question. Yasmin,Hi, Yasmin hellos Hi doctor Hi Will?
What's your question? Love? Yeah, I'm kind of shy, but
I was like, I'm going tocall her. Good for you, thank

(28:57):
you, So I listen. Nowonder full relationship like we had lots of
fun. I was always in myfeminine energy. But the thing is we
broke up due to him feeling behindin his life. He was ten years
older than me and so he justhad like a lot of financial troubles,
and so I stayed with him.I've been in X with that person for

(29:18):
a whole year, and I wasalways there for him. But I guess
he became cold because we didn't getWe didn't have that connection anymore. He
wasn't messaging me enough. And soI really feel heartbroken because a few days
ago he told me that he didn'thave the same feelings. So I truly
feel devastated. From here on out, I know I need to heal.

(29:42):
So my question is like, doyou recommend rotational dating? So like meeting
with lots of men practicing just datingbut not being sexual. Do you think
do you recommend that? Well,let me tell you. I mean,
I've been through lots of heartbreaks inmy own life, and I personally found

(30:03):
that taking a little time to workon things myself, going to see my
therapist always worked better. On theother hand, has somebody who talking about
myself here, who you know hadsort of an anxious attachment style where I'd
get too attached to people and thewrong kind of people. There is some
value into interview I call it interviewing, not necessarily rotationally dating, But don't

(30:30):
water down the milk with too manypeople, you know, date one or
two or three, tell them clearly, you're not going to have sex until
you decide kind of who you wantto have a relationship with. That's all
okay, And just practice your socialskills. You mentioned at the beginning of
this conversation that you're really shy,so this is a great way for you
to practice your social skills. Itcould work for you. But if you're
still in heartbreak devastating mode, itmeans that you have to do some work

(30:55):
on yourself, right, You haveto do some healing work on yourself.
And you know, I don't knowthat going out with a bunch of strangers
is going to be the thing that'sgoing to heal you, but it can
be something that can help you improveyour social skills and do it safely,
bring your own transportation, bring yourown money, meet in public, all
that kind of stuff. But thanksfor calling, Jasmine, and I'm Jasmine,

(31:17):
and I'm so sorry that you're notfeeling well. Are we going to
break? Do? We have onemore call? So when we come back,
we'll do that last call, Andthen I want to talk about things
you should always say in your relationshipsto keep love alive. You're listening to
the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on kfI Am six forty. We're live everywhere
on the iHeartRadio app. You've beenlistening to Doctor Wendy Walls. You can

(31:41):
always hear us live on kf IAM six forty from seven to nine pm
on Sunday and anytime on demand onthe iHeartRadio app