The Magic in the Mundane

Would you join a Scrubbing In sorority?? Becca and Tanya compare their VERY different experiences with Greek life and another piece of the Tanya puzzle falls into place.
 
We help a Scrubber with a troubling strip club dilemma.
 
And, get ready for a relaxing sound bath… courtesy of Becca Tilley and Tanya Rad.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya Rent and I
Heart Radio podcast. Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in. Scrubbing in.
I do have to say, oh, yeah, I think I
might smell. Wow, she just nose to pit right there
and like just really got it in there. Yeah, And

(00:25):
I what's the verdict? That stinky? Yeah? So I think
that I'm getting used to my natural deal rant And
I was gonna ask if you're doing that. I don't know.
I've been using this deodorant for a very long time,
but I think either I don't know what's going on.
My body chemistry changed, but it's not as it's not
as effective. I'm not wearing perfume anymore because of my hashimotos.

(00:46):
So it's like a real situation over here. Dang, good
thing we're not outside by side. Correct for good, I
don't know what's five feet away. Yeah, and good thing.
My boyfriend has signed us issues and can't smell anything.
Devastating Lord works mysteriously doesn't. He gives you a natural

(01:11):
deodor thing Hoshimotos can't work fragrances. And then you're with
a boy, a boy, a man who's zaddie. Okay, relaxed
because of the sinuses? Correct, Does he have any interest
in fixing that? Like a little Kayne. No, he has

(01:34):
no interest. Yeah, he's like, why why would I do
that to myself? It is funny because we were actually
we drove down to Baja Mexico this weekend and we
were driving through some this town that was like right
on the water, and it smelled like rancid fish, Like
you must smell just like fish that's been like in
the sun for two days straight. It was very bad,

(01:56):
and everybody on like the shuttle could was like really
having a tough time. And he was like, I smell nothing.
I have something to say that what if that's the case.
How did he smell your breath when he said it
was stale? It's it's you just can't smell all the time,
but smell for a long time. It's not that he

(02:18):
doesn't have smell, guys. It's like it's it ebbs and flows,
like with the seasons and the changing the sinus like, okay,
but he has no desire to solve that problem. Okay,
not being able to simple pleasures simple pleasures. He's like, well,
I either have to get it fixed and I can

(02:38):
smell everything like Tonya's non effective natural. This is new.
This is brand new as of like two days ago.
This is new this Yeah, your body has to adjust
to it. No, no, no no, I'm saying the smell, the
fact that I'm smelling is new, Like it's not like
this has been going on. Why why is that happening?
I don't know. I have no idea, but I'm gonna

(02:59):
fix thoughts and prayers to you, prayers to you and yours.
How are you doing? Great? What did I do? What
did I do this weekend? At a riveting weekend? Tell
me about it? Stud Oh you know what I did? Do?
I did? Remember how I talked about this on my Instagram.
But remember how I was saying, like I want to

(03:20):
I'm trying to like do things where I can't talk
about this on the podcast. No, you talked about on
the vibe Thank you very much. Weekend, So I didn't
talk about the UM. I went to an event and
like normally these as Tona calls the industry events, What
else are they? I don't know, it's just funny. And
it was a dinner, so there weren't there weren't any

(03:41):
plus ones. And typically if I don't have a plus one.
I am like, I'm not going, but I committed to
this one. And the day comes and I remember that
I didn't have a plus one, and I was like,
how do I cancel us? A minute, like, I was
thinking of every excuse in the book, phoebe it and
edible like, which wouldn't even matter because I wanted to
do anything because she's STU owner. But I was like

(04:02):
trying to think, and finally I go, you know what,
I'm just gonna go worst case it's awkward, and I
leave right get a good meal. I go. It's at
this beautiful mansion in Beverly Hills. Kirby Johnson was there.
I love Kirby. She's like one of my favorite and
I never get to see her unless we're at those things,
so industry events, industry events, see her industry events. I

(04:22):
love seeing her to the industry event, and so we
caught up and chatted, and then I sat next to Um,
this girl who was with the PR company Um, and
we just had the best conversation and had so much
in common, and like everyone that I was seated next
to was so kind and warm and like everyone was
like very like asking about each other and it was

(04:42):
such a great experience that made me go, why do
I why do I fear these things? I get so
in my head about it that I forget about the
other outcome, which is it could be great. Yeah. And
the thing is with these industry events, um, the ones,
I I don't know if I'm not cool enough, but
I never get a plus one on like I've always invited,
like sans plus one, Like it's just like Tanya rat

(05:04):
that's it, no plus one and I so I'm like
used to this, but it is when you walk in,
you don't know who's gonna It's not like there's like
a guest list so you can see who's there. Like
you have literally no clue who's going to be at
these things. And I remember I went to a rare
beauty one and I'm like, not, first of all, I'm
not in the beauty space at all, but it was
on International Women's Day and so um, and that's where

(05:25):
Eline Kaushi she In was like giving like speaking, she's
Selena Gomes as manager, and so I really wanted to
hear her speak, and so I went and I was like,
oh my gosh, that's where I end up meeting Victoria
Garrick and like all these people that I really like
enjoy following now and I feel like I've created some
sort of relationship with an. Eileen is one of the
endorsers of my book. I met her and was like

(05:47):
really inspired by her and went up to her after
and like talked to her, and um, she's now one
of the endorsers of our book, and so it's like
everything kind of I don't know. I feel like these
these industry events can be like intimidating in the beginning,
but like once you kind of walk in, then it
just becomes cute vibes, cute vibes, cute vibes, like so

(06:08):
it's almost like recruitment for sororities. I hated that, Oh
my god, I loved it. Yeah, but it's like, you know,
you're walking into a new sorority house. You don't know
what to expect, and then you start talking to people
and you're like, oh, my gosh, this is actually really
cool and I can like bond with these people. It's
kind of similar did you get hazed? No, I don't
know if that was like way back in the day,
but by the time I was in sorority. Nothing was

(06:31):
more fraternity fraternity and like we just got gifts. Like
we just got gifts. It's the opposite of nothing, like
like even something that could be borderline hazing, just something
unpleasant like yet to stay up all night or something
like that. No, I mean, initiation was like long and
we had to stay in rooms together and like you know,

(06:51):
but it was cute because we were all together and
like getting initiated cute. It's so cute. I had a
different experience, Like we didn't what they didn't live in
the houses. They were just used for like meetings and
stuff and like rush, but you didn't like stay in
the houses. But rush was different because when you're going
through rush, they're all trying to talk to you to

(07:11):
get you to be apart, so like you don't really
have to do anything, like you're kind of like you
go in and they're all like coming to you without
you selling you on their sorority. Right, So that's very different.
When I tell you I was in my glory days,
in my sororiity, I peked. Would you say you peaked
in sorority life? I peaked at like I was and

(07:33):
also becoming it was black when I was in college,
so I was front Row Center at my door, like
so basically, like the door is like the first thing
that everybody sees, you know, so I was always like
one of the first ones like that in the door
because they didn't want all blondes. They want to be
like we have brunette diversity. So I was always just
like in front row Center, And it was just so

(07:54):
much fun. I just felt it to be I don't know,
really pleasant, warm fun, you know, learning these songs together.
We're coming back early from summer break to like do
all this stuff and make posters and like, I don't know,
I found it just to be so fun. And also
like living together, we have these um what do we
call them sleeping uh, sleeping porches, So basically you don't

(08:17):
sleep in your bed, so you have like we all
had rooms. So imagine like a house with like fifty rooms,
right maybe it was, Yeah, they're huge, was huge, and
there's two people to a room, three people to a room,
and then there was a one big room with like
five girls and that was usually the older girls got
that room. And basically it's just like a closet, closets, desks,

(08:39):
and a day bed, and the day bed is like
if you want to take a nap during the day,
and then everybody slept in the sleeping porches. So it's
just like this giant room with bunk beds, and it
was always the lights were always off. It was always
pumping with air conditioning, and you only go in there
to sleep, so you could like go and take a
killer nap at like two pm and just like zonk
out because it was always dark, always cold, usually quiet,

(09:01):
and like if girls would sneak a guy in there
and we'd wake up. One time I took one time
I took Nike will and I like didn't let myself
get into me. I was always on the top bunk
and I didn't give myself enough time to get into
my top bunk and I could, and I guess everybody
in the sorority was like watching me, just like cracking

(09:22):
up because I was like trying to get into my
bed and like I couldn't. I couldn't get up the
stairs and I kept like falling And yeah, two times,
do you think dark haired sorority Tanya and poofy hair
Becca college would have friends? Interesting? I think so, I
don't know. I was so like judge. I was like

(09:42):
very Christian judge. I was didn't drink and party. I
was very like judgmental about it too. You know what's interesting,
I wasn't judgmental. I went to a college. I was
very drug heavy, like drugs all over the place. But
I will say I he never wanted I had no
interest in partaking in it. But you but yeah, I

(10:06):
drink a lot. I drink a lot of alcohol. But
I never had any interest in taking any drugs. And
I also never felt embarrassed to say like no, I
don't want that. No, I don't care, like no, thank you.
I said no thank you probably a million times. I
like that polite Yeah I'm good, Really I'm good. Yeah, no,
thanks much? What was the just for fans? I was
a cap alphath data forever you were thriving in that

(10:32):
time of your life. Why have you ever considered going
back to jet black? You know, I just feel like
blonde suits me more. It's also very harsh. My skin
is very white and the black hair felt and it
was like black out of a box, like I did
the box the jet so to get it out of

(10:53):
the jet black, I had like a really weird Ronald
McDonald phase of life where my hair orangey and like
because I had to get it, you know, getting it
from black to blond. It was like quite the journey.
So I just I think I'm good here. I feel sophisticated.
I feel it. Yeah, I don't feel it's naughty. You know. Yes,
that's a big house. I found it on Google Maps.

(11:16):
Can you see how many rooms are in there? Because
forty is like blowing them do building. It's not a dorm,
but it's like it's essentially it's essentially it's essentially a
small dorm. Oh, but it's not a house. It is
a house, a kitchen, a living room, dining room, courtyard.
It's not it's at home. Okay, I'm not saying how

(11:38):
it made you feel. I'm talking about going out. We
had a house mom, she lived in the house with us.
Kitchen Okay, I got seventeen square feet. I mean that
is substantial. Yeah, they're giant. Greek row was like, wow, girthy, Yeah,
that was girth. I would put you in the front

(11:59):
of a sorority of I was like in charge of
who's going to be the first person for them to see? Yeah,
thank you so much. I would send you out first,
and I was from the soldiers. I was what was
I What did I want to be? Oh? No, I
was a pledge mom one year. So I was kind
of like the teacher to like all the new freshmen,
like I taught them all the stuff and that. So

(12:20):
that clicks so much much. Yeah, and I still follow
some of my little Kite sisters on Instagram doing big things. Yeah.
I was Sigma Kappa loving the Dove One Heart One Way. Wow,
what were your songs? Oh my Sigma, didn't you quit?

(12:41):
Didn't you like leave it? I went a lum. I
went alumni because after because I was only there for
a year, and to drop I had to write a
letter and I was like, I'm not doing that, So
I went a lum. So forever, One Heart, One Way.
I will say I was not a super active participant

(13:03):
in the sorority, as you can imagine, shocking. I did
it because my best friends did it, and that was
a lesson of like not needing to do everything everything. Yeah,
it's not for everybody. No, No, it's different. I mean
it's it's a different thing, but it's great. It's a
great way to meet people. It takes me back to
these industry events, same thing, you know. But what I

(13:26):
was saying is that one of my New Year's goals
was like to do things that intimidate me that I'm
scared to do. And I was thinking grand things, you know,
like big things, career moves. And I realized on the
way there, I was like, Oh, this is something that
I can put into practice as this goal, because sometimes
we you know, the magic happens in the mundane and

(13:51):
the mundane, the magic happens in the mundane. It's like,
I put this thing on my vision board this year,
and I found it to be so like poetic. It
was something like something in the magic that wasn't magic,
but it's something in the every day. And I was like,
that's it. It's the every day. It's not crossing off
you know, these big life goals. I'm like, oh, yeah,

(14:12):
that's it. You know, like when I would get New
York Times bestselling author shortly in a couple of weeks,
it's going to be like a huge life moment. But
it's not about the big life moments. It's about the
every day. That's pretty big thought that what that's gonna be. Well, yeah,
I mean I don't want to like, you know, put
the cart before the horse. Yeah, not be attached the outcome.

(14:34):
But I'm already attached the outcome. So yeah, I think
the outcomes at touched. If it doesn't happen, it's going
to be a a real, a real problem. I feel
like it's gonna happen. I'm not I'm not even concerned
about the alternative. And if it doesn't, we'll be there
to dream for more. You know, Oh my gosh, it's
gonna be Wow. We're not gonna go there right now.

(14:56):
We're not gonna go, but just preparing everybody here, it's
gonna be it's gonna be dark, just preparing us for
what could happen, could happen. Yeah, Um, yesterday I went
to a birthday celebration for our friend Audrey. Yeah. I
saw that because like making new friends a lot, and
like I love Audrey, like and you know what, I

(15:18):
remember the story about Audrey when you went to that
event and by herself myself, and it was a very
intimid intimidgrading, intimidating group of people. I was trying to
merge my words. It was like models, you know, Like
me was like, hey, which you are a mom model
for Becca Tilly by Macy's Model adjacent. Yeah, model adjacent,

(15:39):
But you were like it was a very intimidating group.
But I met this really really sweet girl and she
was so kind and so warm, and I was like,
who wasn't she was like she was? Her name was Audrey,
and I was like, Audrey's the best. So we reconnected
last year at the Angel City Soccer Games, which you know,
I went to multiple and she had her birthday yesterday
and it was so cool. It was a sound of bath.

(16:00):
Have you ever done a sound bath? It's like those
bowls that like you kind of do what they are. Yeah,
I did one in Sedona like years ago, and it
was my first one because you just sit there and
listen to the sound. It's kind of like you just
close and close your eyes and relax and like listen
to the sound. Is describe that. I don't even know
how to properly describe it, but it's like these bowls

(16:21):
that like you kind of do an instrument around and
it makes like like sounds going to give you an interpretation.
So the scrubbing in sound bath, here we go. But

(16:43):
it's way more relaxing than that and peaceful but the
best part. It was just so great because she loves
sandwiches and sound bath. So we had some like delicious
sandwiches from where it's called potato chips. Dully, what's Hollywood? Um?
He says, allow me um. And then Jetty led the meditation.

(17:06):
I was like, this is so alay. I love it,
Like Ja Shetty led a meditation before sound Bath. It
was awesome. I love Jatt. Yeah, so that's gonna scar
band at some point. He's just very busy, busy man.
But we it was so it was so lovely, and
you know, it really struck me because I love continue
with your thought. I had just remember something when you
go around like at a birthday or like a celebration,

(17:29):
and everyone says like what they love about the person,
you know, it was so cool because everyone about Audrey
was like she makes you feel safe, like she makes
you feel seen in a room. She's so kind. And
I was thinking, what a like amazing thing for people
to say about you, Like what gift do you know
that you give people that you make them feel that way?
She really does do that. Because I remember I was

(17:53):
I was uncomfortable because it wasn't like a big industry man.
It was a very intimate one. It was like at
one table of us and I was like, Hi, model,
high sports, illustrated gal. Like it was just like this
crazy table and I just sat. I didn't know either
of the people next to me. The girls I don't
remember who was to the ride of me, but she
wasn't so friendly. They got had Andrey to the left

(18:15):
because she was like very chatty and like asking me.
I was like, wow, I love this girl. Followed her
on Instagram and we never like we connected other like
when I see her around and stuff like that. But
I mean, we never really took our friendship to the
next level. But I do love her. She's great. And
then she's best friends with Marianna Hewitt, who I saw
yesterday at the grocery store and she was the thing yesterday,

(18:37):
I know. So I saw her and she was like
I just saw Becca, and I was so out of it.
I was like it couldn't really engage. I was like
Becca Becca Toba. But yeah, she was like I just
saw Becca, and I was like, oh, And then it
occurred to me after I left he I was like, hell,
did she see Becca? I'm always at things with Marianna.
Though Marianna. I thought Marianna. I think everyone says a

(19:03):
different way. But I think one time we asked when
she says Marianna about everyone? Oh my gosh, I've been
saying it around my whole life. Marianna Hewett, who's like
ultimate boss, influencer, businesswoman. Yeah, I've been calling her Marianna.
She started the brand Summer Fridays and she I've just
always like, since I've been in this like influencer space,
I've looked up to her just like in what she does,

(19:26):
and she's just she's great. She's like the the So
she's Audrey's best friend, so she's like the Tana. Yes, yeah,
we loaded up on Summer Friday's stuff yesterday. What yeah,
Allison was She kept saying that phrase to me over
and over and I was like, what's up her Fridays?
And yeah, we should have marian on. Yes, yes, she

(19:48):
started with Lauren Ireland. They are co owners and founders.
I wonder who is more of the Tanya, who's more
the beck On that friendship of who Mario, Marianna and Audrey.
Audrey and I have a law in common, so she's
the back up. But I think that she may be
the ton I don't know. We should ask that rivet

(20:13):
rivet riveting conversation. Um, we're going to take a break
and we'll be right back. Because was Oh, you went
on a trip this weekend. It was gone. You were
gone for for the whole time. I want to talk
about having BFF time and we'll be right back. All right,

(20:45):
So you went out of town this weekend. I went
to town. It was robbie sister in law birthday. So
sister in laws, yes, yes, yeah, So you were out
of town. We went to Mexico this weekend. And I
will say because we went to a place that's driving
distance from l a Um, which I've forgotten how I

(21:08):
forget how close it is, you know, because I was
like hop on a plane, but it is drivable. And
so it was interesting because my phone was like in
and out of service. I would have service, like I
had WiFi when we were in the hotel, but it
was very spotty, and so I really was like Swan's
phone all weekend. And it was okay, I feel like monsy.

(21:31):
People are like, oh, it was so nice to disconnect.
It was fine. Yeah, Like I found that it was
it was I was okay, okay, yeah, it was just fine.
I made it to survive. I survived. But it made
me think because you were like last night you text me,
You're like, how are you doing? How's my girl? And

(21:51):
I was like I'm great also, and then you really
I miss you? And I was like same, and I realized,
aside from the podcast, we have not hung out or
had one on one time, and like months, I can't
think of the last time, like literally literally could be
a year, my year, or maybe one on one maybe

(22:12):
one on one I'm thinking back to or whatever. No, no, no,
I've come over to your house before. But then like
Jojo Ali were there, it was like we we should
do like a BFF night and hang out because I
love quality time when it's all of us, like Robbie

(22:34):
and Haley and everybody. I love that. But it's also
like we have to, you know, nourish our friendship. We
need our friendship needs nourishment. It's like we need to
be watered. We're a plant that needs to be watered.
We are a plant that needs to be watered that
we need that tender love and care. We need the
sunlight and the time and the effort and the energy. Yeah. Yeah,

(22:57):
so I think we should plan something to to nourish.
Happy to do it in two weeks. In two weeks,
two weeks, she's a busy gal. Next week, you know,
should find a New York post book launched. Then we'll
do it. You know What's interesting. So I always felt
like my life when I was single was pretty packed,
just like work and friends, Like I really filled my time.

(23:20):
And then when you get into a relationship, it's a
whole another set of like stuff added into it, you
know what I mean, not just like your partner, but
then like their their family and their friends that you
have to you know what I mean, Like we're always
trying to make time to double date and make sure
that we get quality time with like all of our
friends and family, and it's like very it's an interesting
balance that I've never experienced before. I also think that

(23:45):
I'm very happy for both of us that were both
in relationships where like we want to be with our
partner and like and do those you know, it's interesting.
It's interesting you say that because I feel like a
lot of married people don't like each other, and like
that makes me sad because I really like Robbie makes

(24:08):
everything better. I genuinely feel I enjoy life more having
him doing it with me. That's all I feel, too.
I don't want to feel any different. What do you mean?
I don't want to feel what all these other people feel.
Do you think those people at one time felt pat
Though hard to say, I feel like we're in the

(24:29):
room with two people who were married, who like love
being with their well, and that's true, but I will
say this, Um, it's been twenty years married, twenty five
years together. And the analogy I make I thank you,
thank you, thank you. The analogy and maker is that
there's mom and dad, and there's Mark and Amy. Mom
and dad bicker, Mom and dad drive each other crazy.
Mark and Amy show up. When we get off on

(24:52):
our own somewhere, like we went to Cape Cod this summer.
We can get the two of us off together, just
the two of us and the kids are taking care
of Everything's fine. Mark and Amy come right back market.
Amy are so in love and they have the best
time and they laughed together and there it's just like
it was at the beginning. That's Mark and Amy, but
Mark and Am around them once a year. Yeah, but

(25:17):
we're Mom and Dad the rest of the time. So
like before you got to do the too too to rule,
we don't come anywhere near the two to the T
two two rule? Is what is it again? To day
nights today? To day nights a month, two weekends away
a year, one weekend, one weekend away every two months, okay,

(25:39):
and then a week away every two years something like that,
something that we do. None of those things. We've had
one day night like the past year, and one of
our daughters joined us halfway through it. So how old
is our oldest? Okay? So sixteen years ago? So y'all
have been married or together for nine years? Um? So

(26:06):
y'all had Mark and Amy for nine years? Or was
there ever a moment where the Mom and Dad energy
market was strong? Mart is still strong? Come out one
Santa Mart market. Amy is gonna gradually start to take
over Mom and Dad over the next year. That will

(26:29):
really be the test the long term Mark and Amy
post Mom and Dad. Yeah, yeah, Wow, it's interesting. It's
just it's we got a cat that's at a vet
right now because it's swallowed a sewing needle. Like just
stuff just keeps coming up and it's all bad, and
we had a dog pass away recently. Like there's so

(26:50):
much there's always so much stuff going on. But it's
interesting because I had the um these friends that I met,
and they were describing their parents and how they had
this relationship where it was just like they did everything together,
they loved being together. They just really adored each other

(27:12):
as humans and best friends, and I don't know, really
like resonated with me. And I like when I was
talking after I talked to this person, I was talking
to Robbie and I was like, I genuinely feel that
way about you. Like I understand he can't be with
me every step of the way, and there are things
I do without him, but like, overall, I really enjoy
my life more with him in it. Yeah, Like the

(27:33):
preference day to day is to have him with you. Yeah,
be involved in what you're doing for sure. Yeah, but
I think you become so connected over the years. It's
almost like a part of you, you know, like your
partner is like a part of you. You wouldn't ever
want to be without that. But also every day you're
on saying, oh, thank God for my right arm. I
love my right arm so much. But also if you

(27:54):
lost your right arm, you'd be desperate, you know what
I'm saying. Interesting, Like, over time, it just becomes like
a part of your body don't appreciate every day, so
you really have to practice appreciation. I do, I do?
I do? I really do? I really do? And then
I feel like East and Allison or East and Allison.
I mean, this is the one hour week I'm not

(28:15):
with Allison and it's absolute hell. Let me tell you,
just kidding. It's so much fun being here. But I
love it. I love doing everything with Alie. I don't
want to get everything else and she's great and we're
looking forward to being old people doing everything all the time. Yeah, yeah,
Like I think that. I like I like that because

(28:37):
someone asked me the other day on like I think
I put a question box on or something and they're like,
how do you do you consider yourself codependent? And I
was like, I never have, but I think guy am
more than I've ever been. Now here's the thing. I
don't think you're coding. I think there's a difference between
like you because I feel the same way because I'm

(28:57):
like I do I want robbing around all the time.
I love having a round, But codependent is like you
need somebody, whether that's Hayley. Do you break up with
Haley tomorrow, You're going to feel that slot because you're codependent.
If you guys broke up tomorrow, you wouldn't need to
just feel that void because I'd be mourning for years. Well, right,
but like you're not codependent on another human, you know

(29:17):
what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Like you're
not going from relationship to relationship because you can't just
like be on your own. So I don't think you're codependent.
I just think you're with a partner that you really enjoy,
which is a blessing. Yes, but I do notice that,
you know, it's like I get anxious when I think
about her leaving, like for you know, tour and long
term ands of outward throw me. I'm the one leaving Robbie.

(29:40):
I'm like, gotta go to Good Morning America, see it
in three days. Well, I on the other way around,
I'd be like, yeah, I always try to explain to
her it's harder. It's I know it's hard for her too,
but she's also got so much going on. I'm busy
that like she's not. It's way easier for her than
it is for me. Yeah, it's easier for the person gone,

(30:04):
for sure, person who stays. But um, yeah, I just
I was thinking, like, how great. I feel so grateful.
I never thought I would be in a relationship where
I loved being around the person. I never thought you
would either, thank you so much. I really thought. I
was like, you know what, Beca just doesn't have that
chip like the ship. She just doesn't have that chip.

(30:27):
It's and you thought she would just you know, grow
old alone. And no, I don't think she grow old alone.
But I just didn't think that she had, um the chip,
the chip like that. I just didn't think she had it.
She would date, but she wouldn't be in love and
she would just do that the rest of her life,

(30:49):
like I would just experience mediocre like connection. Yeah, that's
so sad. Well, I actually, like we had a lot
of break the ruse. We had a lot of conversations
and I was like, but Becca kept saying, I just
I don't think I have it. He was coming from you. Yeah,
I just think that I probably would have stayed single,

(31:10):
Like I just would have been I would have been
that person that you are like, hey, come on over,
you know, like I just think I would have been
that person because I think I liked being single more
than like trying to force a relationship, which I never
really did. I never felt like I mean I didn't.

(31:31):
I didn't feel like I forced a relationship with Robert.
I just think I was like so emotionally disconnected from
myself that like it was very uh. But looked at it,
it was like so cool, and I was like, wow,
the fact that she can just like go days without talking, yeah,
like not care. I was like what I would give

(31:52):
to not care. But I did care, Like I was
talking about this other day in therapy that I did
care when he would go on his trap with all
the like remember he like did all those tours with
like yeah, but it was I don't know, it's a
different type of care. Like you were so chill, like
you were just like ice. Yeah it was. It was melted.

(32:14):
You melted. Shoot, Yeah, you melted. Build it up again
not I don't know if you can once it's not
it's like yours. Once the ice is melted, it's just
like a hot, burning, hot, fiery part. He just put
ice over burning fire. She's gonna melt. She's water. Wow,

(32:34):
that's me. Shoot, she's she's different. She's different. Actually, you know,
somebody said it the other day, maybe it was Robbie.
He was like, you know, she's doing a lot of
Tanya things lately because you've been like very emotional and
sensitive and like thoughtful. What the heck I have always been.

(32:56):
I've always been thoughtful, but at a different level, like
I can't remember now, but it was something like, you've
just been on a different level of thoughtfulness. It's like,
my girl and I like the grine, like my heart
grew three sizes or whatember sound like? It sounds like
a band compliment, taking us a backhand. I didn't, but

(33:18):
now I did. I didn't mean it as now that
you know, thoughtful, good person sensitive, like crying more. I
do cry more. It's so it hurts, like it physically
hurts to cry. Yeah, it's not all rainbows and butterflies.

(33:42):
I had a crying fit I wanted to share with
you the other day. While watching Sex in the City.
I was watching the episode where Aiden replaces Carrie's laptop
because I really wanted to get mad. And that episode
where Miranda's mom dies. Remember that, Oh yeah, oh my god,
the part where that she's like shopping for a bra
off for the funeral, and the saleswoman like comes in

(34:03):
and she's trying to help with the braun and she's like, no,
get your hands off me. And then she's like she
just brings her and hugs her and she's like and
I had that feeling I would never hug my mom again.
Oh my god. And just like started like heaving crying,
and we just talked about it. I hadn't like cried
like that from like watching show or moving a really
long time, and I that was le when you think
about that, Did it feel good like the release? It did?

(34:25):
I was watching with Alasad House and lost her mom
a few years ago, and so we had a moment
watching this together and uh, it did feel it felt good.
And then I switched right back to anger aiden walking
and I got your new laptop. It's got a little
handle like a cute little purse, and I was like,
oh God, I want to french this man in the
face so badly. I thought that was nice of him.

(34:47):
Response to the picture. I was just gonna say, I
got sent that damn picture so many times. I made
me angry every time. Okay, so we're back to just pure. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I I don't like Aiden. I don't like him at all,
and I'm so sad he's coming back. What about character growth?
What about growth in someone? What if he went to
therapy all these years and is not selfish like he

(35:09):
once was? He was selfish, I don't I think he
was because he was Carrying. He wanted he had this
version of what he wanted Carry to be in his head,
and that's what he loved and that's what he was
responding to. That was not what Carry was, just because
of the smoker situation. But three things, well were the
three things they were back to back too. It was

(35:31):
the her computer breaks and he's like, I'm going to
fix this in the way I think is best for Carry,
not what Carry wants. Understand her love language. It happens,
and she tried to tell him over and over. He
wasn't listening. And then the next episode he's like, we're
going to the country. I'm taking to the cabin and
she does not want to do that. It's not the
kind of girl Carry is, and he wanted to make

(35:52):
her into that kind of girl. But she stood around.
She was like I don't like this right, like she
was like, I don't want to do this isn't who
I am. Yes she did, but he was not happy,
and well sometimes sometimes we don't like being told what
we need to hear. But you learn from it. And
then he lost her, so maybe he learned and then
he saw her in the Middle East in the movie.

(36:15):
We don't talk about that movie, y'all. Areas. I love
both of them now. The first one was like okay,
but the second want to just pure garbage. But those
don't exist, so like to me, I left off where
the series left off. Okay, well that's actually not We're
left also know there's been storylines in between, so much

(36:38):
great television right now, and you guys are just watching
stuff and twenty five years ago East and I don't
get it. So chevision. I'm binging Succession. I'm loving every
second of it. I can't wait. I'm trying to think
in my mind when I can get to a TV
next to watch more Succession. It's so incredibly good. This

(36:58):
great list I left after that I wanted in the
new season. If Servant is out an Apple TV plus,
I just Severance is what I was talking about. Severance
is great, but I'm talking about servants and there's so
much good stuff out there. You named three shows, so group.

(37:19):
I watched The hatchet Wielding hitch Hiker last night. Do
you remember that the guy that went viral and we
watched the trailer for that. I haven't seen the whole thing,
but it's it's kind of weird because it's almost like
they took this viral moment from this hitchhiker guy who
saved someone from hurting someone else with a hatchet by

(37:43):
hitting him in the head with the hatchet, and he
went viral for his interview, and then they tried to
almost make him a celebrity. But it was like taking
someone It was almost like taking like a wild animal
and expecting them to know how to be trained in
the span of like a day. It was wild. Your

(38:03):
algorithms are so different than mine. This is like a
Netflix documentary that got releases, but like, never once is
that popped up in my thing. Mine's like Pressure Cooker
and Matilda the Musical, and that's the world I'd like
to live in. It was interesting. Yeah, I have my
list here, the last of us on HBO. I want
to watch that The Crown. I haven't finished you. I
don't want to watch that on Watch Wednesday. Ye don't

(38:24):
want to get to that hand or and Disney Plus,
but Kinda Forever is coming out in Disney Plus in
a couple of weeks. Plus its no Oscar season and
now Monees are out tomorrow, so I mean they gotta
watch all the Best Picture nominees. So I gotta watch
the Benchees of innis sharing and the Fable moans that
there's so much to watch, I'll never catch up. You
should watch a True Crime scene Kitchen. It's really really good,

(38:47):
you know. HBO is the first three seasons of The Flintstone. Also,
if you haven't watched just like that season one, yes,
get caught up. You can get caught up. I haven't
finished season one and get wait to like hate watching
to again. It was such a like unique experience watching
a show that I got so angry at but then
like was excited to watch. It was a weird emotional

(39:11):
roller coaster for me. We need to get to email,
so we're gonna take we have a strip club email
and alright, Mark left us with the tease for this

(39:41):
one of the emails. Stay, but are we starting with
I'm gonna keep teaching this is from Emily listening from
the very beginning and I love your friendship. I decided
to email for the first time since my situation involved
my best friends since middle school for contact. We're in
our mid thirties, were both married. She's been struggling with
infertility and had a miscare last year. My husband and

(40:01):
I decided to start trying for a baby at the
end of last year, and she warned me it can
take multiple months to get pregnant. We got pregnant on
our first try. I'm thrilled, but I haven't told her yet.
I'm concerned how it's going to make her feel, and
I don't want to call her any pain. At the
same time, I want to celebrate this life moment with
my best friend. How do I tell her? How can
I be a sensitive to her feelings as possible in

(40:22):
this situation? This one is hard. Yeah, this is hard
because it is sensitive. But you know, I think that
as a best friend, I'm just thinking if this was us,
and I don't know because we're not in this exact situation,
but I do think is a best friend or someone
close in your life, you can hold space for disappointment

(40:45):
because you want something and also excitement for the person
who you love. So I think there's room for her
to maybe feel disappointed or jealous or envious that you
got pregnant immediately and she hasn't be able to do that, um,
but also be so excited because you're her best friend
and that she wants everything good for you. And I

(41:07):
also think that you know being the fact that you're
even emailing and that you're so empathetic to what she's
going through is such a beautiful thing. And you can
even lead with that and say like, I was nervous
to share this with you because of everything that you've
gone through, UM, and kind of be sensitive in that way.
But Becca is right, you know, just because just because

(41:29):
you're having something really happy happen in your life doesn't
mean you can't share it with your best friend and
still also grieve with her and be there for her
through her process. Yeah, I think you just say like
I have, I've been so excited to share this news
with you, specifically because you're going to be someone that
is so important in this baby's life. And I also

(41:51):
know that this is um hard, hard information for you
to hear too, And I'm still with you in your process,
But I, um, I wanted to share this with you,
and you know, I think you're allowed to be so
excited about this. This is a very exciting time in
your life, so don't you know dim your joy. But
also I think you're a very compassionate, empathetic friend, and

(42:12):
I think you'll be able to handle it wonderfully. I
think you just acknowledge, you know, acknowledge how important it
is that you were so excited to tell her, and
also know that it's a difficult time for her to Yeah,
we had a similar situation. Where are our friends, our
best couple of friends. They really struggled and we luckily
fortunately had no trouble at all. So it's an awkward thing.

(42:34):
They are the best people in the world, and they
couldn't have been happier for us now behind the scenes
where they upset, I don't know. To us, they couldn't
have been greater and happy ending. They have two kids
of their own now, and our kids love playing with
their kids, and they're play anymore of the old for that.
But you know what I'm saying, they're very close. It's great.
It's a happy ending, and I think they'll be a
happy ending here too, so you know what it clicked

(42:54):
in for them, which is such a crazy thing. And
you hear these stories sometimes when they gave up. They
one new year, they made a resolution that we're done.
We're not trying anymore, no more I VF, no more doctors,
no more anything. We're done. We're just gonna be pet
parents and be happy with that for the rest of
our lives. She was pregnant in March of that year.

(43:16):
That happened with the friends of ours. They could couldn't
get pregnant, couldn't get pregnant, couldn't get pregnant, ended up adopting,
and after they adopted, she got pregnant. She got pregnant,
So now they have to Yeah, but I think there's
space for celebration and hard times. I agree, and especially
within a friendship. I think it's kind of the navigating

(43:40):
life circumstances. But I think she'll be very happy for you,
And I think, um, I think you deserve to be
excited about this congratulations when we're very happy for you,
very happy for you. All Right, here we go anonymouss
about strip club. My husband's going to a bachelor party
in the spring and they're planning on taking the room
into a strip club, which I'm totally cool with, but

(44:02):
I know the future bride is not okay with her
future husband going to a strip club, and he has
lied to her in the past, saying he's never been
to one, even though he was at one the week
before they had the conversation for a different bachelor party
that my husband was also at. I need advice on
how to proceed. Do I encourage my husband to abort
the strip club idea if he refuses. Do I give

(44:23):
the future bride heads up so she can set clear
boundaries before the bachelor party occurs. Or do I leave
the situation alone because I'm overthinking it and it's not
my business. I'm not super close with the bride, but
I consider her a friend. I'd hate for this to
blow up someday after they're married, if she were to
accidentally find out. I hate that he lied. Why it's bad.

(44:48):
It's bad? But does she get if this isn't herd
I thank you, Stay, I thank you you played with
the girl so like talk about it, be like, oh
my gosh, Like is your whatever it's called? Ted? Is
Ted excited for his bachelor party? What is he gonna
just like have a normal conversation and then just be like, oh,

(45:10):
are they going to go to a strip club? And
then see what she says and then just kind of
lead her, like lead her to the path. What if
she's what if she's like, no, I'm not comfortable with that,
so they're not going, And then you can be like, oh,
does he know that? I don't know if I love that.
I think I think and I think you stay out.

(45:31):
But the only reason I think stay out is because
she's not a best friend, but she's a friend. Yeah,
but I think I would be I would handle something
differently with you than I would with someone who's more
like an acquaintance friend like who I don't know. I
don't know, but I think I would handle something differently

(45:53):
with you than I would with someone who I was
just like close way through a relationship. That makes sense,
Like it sounds like she's friends with this girl, because
she did say acquaintance. She said friend, consider her friend.
Here's the thing, not super close with her is what
she said. It's going to blow up one day, but
when it does, that's between them. That's not on you.

(46:15):
I don't see it blowing up one day, And she
knows that you knew, and it destroys the friendship and
everything she can help prevent it. What a blessing. It's
too late. He's already lied to her. That's my issue
with this whole thing is that he lied to her
about something that, like, I don't know, it wasn't necessarily
he needed to lie about, which makes me just kind

(46:36):
of feel like towards him and she's going to marry him.
That's the only thing where I'm like, does she say
something like what if she was just casually like, oh
my gosh, I can't believe they're going to a strip club?
Like and then she's like what right? Right? That's what
I'm saying. Bring it up in like a non serious way,

(46:56):
just so that she can get the information she needs.
But you have to make it this like we need
to talk conversation, Like does she just say, like, how
do you feel about them going to a strip club?
And she's like, I didn't know they were going to
a strip club? Then you walk away? What's the wedding?
Get calle off right behind I don't know I'm toward.

(47:19):
Does she leave it? Does she just stay say I
don't I hate strip clubs? I don't. It's like it's
like entertainment from medieval times. That's why I just get involved.
Just when when we were getting married, Alison and her
friends went to like like a wine weekend. They went

(47:41):
away to Temecular or something, and one of her friends
called me and was like, I need to let you
know this. One of the other girls is going to
surprise Allison with a stripper in the room and if
you want, I will stop it. And I said, let
this happen. I want to see. This guy's totally different,
it's completely institute. The other reason I wanted to see

(48:02):
what happened is they said he was going to be
in costume as a banker, and that theme made me laugh,
and I want to see how that happened. It was bad.
I should have called it off before it was all
fun and off. He was definitely an outscore, not a
good time. Uh, there's a couple of funny pictures. Alison
thought it was funny little so it's like I'd rather
not that not happen. Yeah, you know, the banker thinks

(48:25):
funny like I've never seen I've never heard of the
banker fantasy firefighter please bankers glasses? Yeah, ching I'm talking
about this. I is there any world men that if

(48:47):
she said something to her husband, no, you can't do
the train to be like hey does does so and
says wife? No? Like does everyone? Has everyone come to
what the strip club? Like? I know you and I
have talked about it, but just making sure because I
don't want to be uncomfortable for me and said bride.
If I'm the husband, I'm saying that's between them, then

(49:11):
I think maybe you just let it, just let it
go just like that. It's my friend. I know she
feels passionately about this, but wouldn't make a difference to
the bride if she told her, Hey, he's lied. He
has gone to strip clubs. So you don't have to
tell him that he lied. You don't have to like

(49:32):
tattle or gossip. Okay, Tanya, what is the plan that
you're saying she could lead her to the horse to
the water? What how does that look out? You're the
friend to Ted's and I'm the friend that knows that
your your husband Ted is going to strip club? Well,

(49:52):
what's your name, Sarah? I don't have a name. Lily
is Ted so excited for his batchlor party? I know
Sam talks about it. They're so stoked. Yeah, I think
they're super excited. It sounds like it's gonna be fun.
What's on the Do you know what's on the agenda?
I haven't even asked. You know, they're just gonna do

(50:12):
their thing. Yeah. Is there anything that's like off limits?
Because I know, you know, when Sam had his there
were I kind of set some ground rules because I like,
don't like strip clubs, and so I just like, no
strip clubs, no strippers, but you know, have fun. Oh
I heard that you were okay with strip clubs. I
am now. I am now, but I wasn't then. Okay, Yeah,

(50:34):
I mean I'm not comfortable strip clubs. But I don't
even think Sam does that. Does Ted know that. Yeah,
we've talked about it. He's never been to one before,
so I think we're good. I don't think he has
any interest in them. I would just say, coming from
somebody who's been there, done that, make sure you guys
have your boundary set before he goes. But I mean
it's all good. Yeah, I mean I trust him, So okay,

(50:54):
gonna be fine. Awesome, Lily, Thanks anyway, are you excited
about the wedding? Yeah, pivot, just pivot the conversation to
accomplished accomplishment. We don't maybe because maybe her shoe on
her shoe tonight and just say, hey, you know, I'm

(51:16):
just curious for the bachelor party. Is there any plan
to go to strow Club? And then that's as far
as you can go. Yeah, okay, I'm not I'm not
opposed to that. Thank you. You can use to feel
free to relyind the podcast and type it up if
you need, But I do feel for you. This is
a complicated situation. But it's the lying that like like

(51:37):
if you're if the husband came up to you and
it was like, look, my friends are throwing me this
awesome bachelor party. We're going to a strip club. I
know you hate it. It's a once like I don't
do it off. Like if he was opened and upfront
about it, I would feel a certain type of way,
but the fact that he's like lying about it, it's
just dark. I think I think that conversation is fine

(51:58):
because then like at that point you like, oh, you's
just that boundaries like yeah, no worries, I got it.
She's that's you tried. I tried. I think that's at
least you have your conscious is a little more clearly.
Strip clubs manan, why can't they be banned? Just keep
him in Ozark? You know, bachelor party, bachelor bachelor party.

(52:20):
What do you say, banned? And yeah, I just banned them. Well,
I don't think everyone has a problem with them, but like,
why do we need them? It just seems like an
outdated concept batch. It just seems like something that's outdated
and antiquity. Do make it work and it's just like
not you know of women standing on a stage and
just men just giving just funneling money into them. I

(52:43):
like that idea. I think, like just taking money from
them there, Like I'd like that, oh that women keeping
your clothes on? Yeah, ideally like they're in a pant suit.
You guys are just giving come to a scrubbing in line,
throw as much cash up stage you want happy to.
I think if like you know, if women want to

(53:04):
do that and men want to go. I think that's
the case sometimes. But I do think that some women
are like I'm gonna it's an empowerment angle and like
I can do what I want with my body. And
if a guy is single and he is doing it
in a respectful way, whatever that looks like whatever. I
think the problem is when it causes discourse in couples. Discourse, yes,

(53:27):
that's what that is. Arguments, just kind of a conversation.
But I think I know what you're saying, consuption, disruption, whatever, discourse,
Well regardless, I think if you're with a partner who
lies about it, regardless of where they're going, what they're

(53:48):
doing a partner, that's the problem. So on that note,
I think the podcast is over. I have to bid
you farewell, but have no fear because we are back
Thursday with Candice King. But we haven't talked to since
two thousand nineteen on the podcast. On the podcast, but
we've been talking to her regularly outside of the podcast. Yeah,

(54:12):
so we're going to catch up with her and we'll
be back on Thursday. So have a great week. Bye bye,