November 28, 2022 • 40 mins
Can you have more than one "best friend"?? A major event in Becca's personal life has brought up the sore subject of who has claim to the "best friend" title.
We hear about Becca and Tanya's Thanksgiving weekends and what REALLY happened when Roby met the rest of Tanya's family.
And we find out who Becca and Tanya would choose as their maid of honor if they were getting married next week! Their answers will shock you!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Spreading In with Becca Tilly and Tanya red An I
Heart radio podcast. Hello, everybody, we are scrubbing in. It
is the Monday past Thanksgiving weekend. How's everyone doing the
Monday after Thanksgiving weekend? That's what I said, Oh, I
(00:21):
said past, Well that would also work. Oh does it? Yeah?
Right past Thanksgiving? So how are you doing, Tanya? Yeah,
we're good. You know, I'm here mentally, here physically Yonder.
Where's Yonder? Would that be like in bed or something? Yeah,
(00:43):
Yonder's in bed. We're doing the podcast separate today because Tanya,
even though she tried to convince me it could have
been just sinuses, seems to have the viral cold or whatever,
infectious whatever it is that's spreading like crazy. She has it.
And I was like, you know what, everyone in my life,
Haley had it last week, really bad. I somehow got
(01:06):
by without getting it. And I was like, I think
I'm just gonna play it safe today, even though she
says it could be sinuses and all she might need
a dessert. Tech not taking the risk, And I'm glad
I made that decision. I'm glad I know I ended
up deciding that you should stay home and stay away
from me because although I don't know what I have,
(01:27):
it's not great in the morning and at night. During
the day, I'm I'm quite all right, it's just the
mornings and evenings that I'm melt. So there's a there's
a small period where you feel okay. Yeah, but that's
why I think it's sinuses. Oh well, I would say, yeah, sure,
maybe it could be sinuses if there wasn't just a
(01:47):
shocking amount of people going down with this. Can I
tell you that I have lived thirty five years of
my life and I have never used a Nettie pot
until this past few days. What a bly in invention
that thing is. Oh my gosh. I was like, I
am literally cleansing from one nostril up into the next
(02:09):
and seeing things come out into my sink that we're
like sea creatures. And I'm like, rad, yeah, you are
canceled creatures out of my nose with the Nettie pot,
and it's amazing. I'm like, this is the best thing
I've ever experienced. And Robbie has been using it too,
(02:31):
and I'm like, why have you been holding out on
me for three years? With this Nettie pot? Yeah, it's
pretty amazing. I I personally hate them because I don't
like anything going up my nose and then coming out
of my nose. But it does make a huge difference.
I think that's what drowning would feel like. Yes, it's
a similar feeling of of when you, yes, when you
(02:54):
like get jumped into pool and the water goes up
your nose, you know what I mean. It's like that
similar it never stops coming up. Yeah, that's that's not
about pleasant sensation. Yeah, I'm a little confused by this
because Tony is talking about how amazing it is, and
I'm sitting here thinking about Mark's description, which is drowning,
and I think I lean more towards Mark, which, like
(03:16):
shoving something up your nose and intentionally doing that to
yourself isn't like a natural feeling. No, I would say,
it's not like a like a fun activity, you know,
like I'm not gonna, you know, skip to the farmer's
market on a Sunday and Nettie pop my nose for fun,
but like for for for purposes of what it's intended
to do. It gets things moving and grooving and shaken
(03:39):
out of your system. And I'm into that. Yeah. Well,
I'm glad you're clearing things out, and I hope that
you continue to just soar on the up and up
of getting better. Thank you would argue that it should
be done on a regular basis, whether you're sick or not,
because you're clearing out potential germs, viruses, bacteria, clearing out
potential infections. Like some say, there are many benefits of
(04:01):
doing it whenever you want to do it. No, I'm
gonna save it for when I'm not well. I think
you're right, Mark, though. I think when, like, especially if
you have allergies and you like are allergic to dust
and stuff, if you're like continuously cleansing that out, it
seems like that would be productive. But then part of
me wonders if you're doing like you know, when you
do too much of anything, it can ruin the purpose
(04:23):
of it. Part of me wonders if that would happen anyways, Well,
how is Everyone's Thanksgiving? What? What did everyone do? Do
you want to start? Yeah, I mean I just we
just went over to Hayley's family. Um, because she's from
l A and her parents live here, so we all
go over to her parents, and um, it's really fun
(04:46):
and casual and simple and it was great. And then
the rest of the weekend was like really fun and relaxed,
but like we did stuff too, which was nice. But
I kind of felt like I was a college student
on like when Thanksgiving break, because we we stayed up
so late and slept so late, and we went to
(05:06):
the mall and we went to movies. It just felt
like we were, like I say, so far away from
the mall. I couldn't be further away from the mall
this weekend. Yeah, it was a thrill being in all
the action of Black Friday. Honestly, it was very overwhelming.
It wasn't but yeah, it was a good weekend. I'm
just tired now. My body, my schedules all messed up.
I don't know how it happened so quickly, but it did.
(05:28):
And you can really get used to that, like leisurely lifestyle,
you know, you're like Sunday, I slept until and I
was like, who is she? Like what is going on here?
I'm so sad for you that that's sleeping in. Oh,
that is sleeping in tremendously, Like I was shocked. I
think I envy you. I think I actually envy you
(05:49):
because that means you felt the same that I felt
sleeping in as late as I did, but then you
still had the full day to do things, so to do,
to do not much but Thanksgiving. Luckily, like I was
feeling good on Thanksgiving and I got to spend it.
I went down to Orange County and I was with
my whole family, and um, so it was me and
my my parents, and my brother and his fiance, and
(06:11):
my sister her husband, and my niece and my nephew,
and then my cousin was in town from Serbia. And
then Robbie came down with me. In the morning. We
brought Sonny, and then Robbie's parents came down, and um,
we all had Thanksgiving together and it was really nice
because last Thanksgiving my parents spent it with like all
of Robbie's family up here, and so this Thanksgiving his
parents came down and we had like a really nice time. Um,
(06:35):
we had like a really really really nice time. It
was like cute. It is this I don't know. I mean,
they've met my our parents have met, so our parents
know each other, but they haven't met my siblings and stuff,
and like my niece, my nephew. So it was really
fun to kind of like have that all together. Were
you nervous like the merging? Oh, I guess you'll did
it last year, but with it being your family, where
did you have any nerves of like the merging of families?
(06:58):
Like not a nerve, but like jeds of like I
hope this is pleasant for everybody. Yeah. I wasn't nervous,
like scared, but I was like jitty, jittery excited, you
know what I mean, because it does feel like another step,
you know what I mean, like another step towards like
when they first meet, there's a step, and then this
was like a step. Um. But it went so well
that like it made me. I obviously knew it was
(07:20):
going to go great, but it went better than I
even thought too. So it was just like really really nice.
Like I left feeling like I was melting. Um, I
really started going down Thursday night. But um. But but
all things considered, it was just like such a such
a great day. Great. I love hearing that Mark Easton.
(07:42):
How was Thanksgiving? It was lovely. My parents came out
from Tucson, UH and we had a nice time. Our
friends the Shoulders came by and they got kids that
my kids can kind of look after and so that
was nice. So yeah, it was really a good Thanksgiving,
and uh, you know you appreciate it. You know, your
parents getting on in years. You don't know how much
(08:02):
longer you're gonna have all the whole gang together. So
it's very nice, very very lovely time. And the Saturday
we went to Disneyland all day and that was exhausting.
Oh my gosh, a Saturday Disney during Thanksgiving break feels
very chaotic, feels ambitious. But none of the lions were
that terrible. I mean, Rise of the Resistance we still
haven't done. I'm sorry, Easton, but because the lines are
(08:25):
just too insane. But was okay. They were all like
forty to fifteen minutes. You know, they got the Lightning
Lane thing going on, and that worked out nicely for
strategic placements of different attractions. Think about forty to fifty minutes.
Think about what you could do in forty to fifty minutes.
You could make a bunch of all the milk. In
forty to fifteen minutes, you can wrap a lot of presents.
And forty to fifteen minutes I sat Disneyland, or do
(08:48):
you want to make some almond milk, and it chose
Disney plants. Yeah, that's so that's weird that they that
they chose that over almond milk. Making it's a reasonable money.
I think any two digit weight time is well, anything
under an hour is decent, is legitimate, and I'll get
in line. But like we went by Rise there and
(09:09):
ten minutes, like, nope, I don't care what it is.
There's nothing I'm going to stand in line for for
hundred Yeah, I have an unpopular opinion about that ride,
Like I think it's incredible as far as like you
feel like you're in a movie. But I don't know
that because I've stood in a long line for it.
I don't know that i'd stand in a long line
again for it. But I'm also not a huge but
(09:30):
I'm not a huge Star Wars fan, so I don't
know if it means as much to me as it
means to appeal to as like not a Star Wars fan.
Like I liked it and I appreciated it, but I
wouldn't stay in line for more than like thirty three
minutes for it. Okay, Yeah, we did the Millennium Falcon thing.
(09:51):
That was fine. I don't see us doing that again.
It was fine. No, that one makes me ill. Yeah,
I felt some of that, Yeah, like queasy like I
but we did. We did Space Mountain twice. You know
when twice you've kind of done everything you want to
do when you're starting over. Plus the parade we did
and we did the fireworks. It was really it was
a glorious thing. I was so bone tired at the
(10:13):
end of it, but it was great, really good thing.
It takes you out, it really does. Eastern You went
up to northern California. I followed along your food. Yeah,
I went. I went home to Santa Cruz, California, and
my wife and I stayed in this haunted hotel They're
called the Brookdale Lodge that has a river running through
(10:34):
the dining room and a bunch of people died there
and it's very very haunted. Uh So we have we
have this like ghost hunting kit for our wedding gift,
and we broke it out and we hooked up all
the equipment and who know that, my Auntiura, got me
that and we're very grateful. It's like it's not just
like a ghost detector, it's like real stuff. That took
(10:58):
me a long time to learn how to use um,
but uh, we had a lot of fun doing that.
And then we um went to my mom's side of
the family. There's a lot of farmers and we went
to the farm out in Gustine, which is in the
Central Valley, and I got to ride the tractor and
see all the farmer cousins and that was that was
really fun. I haven't been up there in like ten years,
and Allison has ever gotten to see the family farms.
(11:20):
That was really fund. That's really cool. Tell me about
that pizza that you had, like multiple times, Pizza in
my Heart. I think it's one of the best pizzas
you can get. And it pains me because it's not
in Los Angeles yet. The furthest south they have it
is al Vista, and I have driven up there just
for Pizza my Heart a number of times. It's like
a thin crust. They used to be a lot greasier.
(11:41):
They used to have a sign in the restaurant that
said you can either ring the pizza out or you
can pat it with a napkin. It's so good, and
I feel bad because there's like there's not a damn
thing Allison can have there but I made it go
with me two different times Easton. That should be we
should go on a road trip up there, and that
(12:02):
could be our first food review we do. That is
so fun. It's yes, I would I would love that
so much. It's uh yeah, pizza my heart is so good.
They have them, I think from I think they're in Sacramento.
Maybe maybe they're in Oregon too, but then all the
way down the coast to Santa Barbara and that's that's
(12:23):
where there, that's the range. But I would love to
be fun. That's a good start, you know. I will
tell you this isn't really that exciting because you can't
ring out the pizza. But I did find the best
blue free pasta that I've tried to date, and it's
Jovial and it tastes just like regular pasta and it
is bomb. So thank you to the Oaks at Jovial.
(12:43):
This is not sponsored. This is just tried and trude
tries it, trying true, I think trying true, tried and true.
Uh from my own taste buds, Jovial gluten free pasta
tastes like regular pasta. Wait is Jovial a restaurant or
something about the store No, it's the brand, Like it's
just like the brand the kind of types Aposta, like
Penne's gette. That's good to know that that people have
(13:10):
an option of something that tastes good. Yeah. Yeah, I
do feel like I tried a lot of different gluten
free noodles. Yeah, well, I believe if anyone has tried
and tested amount at to you try in tried, tried intrude,
she said, right in trude, tried intrude in this dude.
Right before we started the podcast, Tommy and I were
(13:30):
having a semiheated, uh message exchange on Instagram, and we
are going to talk about that, but first we're going
to take a break. We are back, and right before
(13:57):
we started the podcast, Um so Ali Grant got engaged,
So congrats to a congrats Ali and her fiance Carston.
They were in Hawaii, and um, she'll probably be telling
the stories and so I'm not going to tell the
whole story. But I posted on my Instagram because she
got engaged. When was that like last week? At some
(14:18):
point lay before Thanksgiving? She actually sent me the photo.
Yeah on that level now where she sent me her Yeah,
y'all are best friends. Yeah, Okay, that leads me to
my point. So I posted on my Instagram, like when
you're because Ali facetimed me and Haley and like showed
(14:39):
us the ring and like we're engaged. So I posted
the screenshot of the FaceTime and I was like, when
your best friend calls to tell you she's engaged, And
of course, as expected, I get a message from Tanya
rad best friend. Huh, but we've discussed this. I think
there's like a history of this on the podcast documented
(15:01):
that Tanya has said we've discussed like, yeah, once you
get to a certain ages as an adult, you get
to have multiple best friends, you know, and they're all
best friend before and and Brad and Sophia. Yeah, okay,
So just because we've discussed it in the past does
not make the stinks any less when you see it
(15:25):
before your eyes, when you're not feeling your best and
you see your best friend call somebody else they're best friend,
and it's just like, all right, I'm already like not
feeling great and then I have to go and see this.
So you felt kicked when you were down, that's what
you felt. I felt kicked when I was down, And
then you're talking about bachelorette parties, and I'm like, is
Becca going to have it in her to throw multiple
(15:45):
bachelrette parties? Already talked to Haley about this, and I said,
I might be busy this year, you know, so I
gotta start taking wellness shots to keep my moves. What
did you talk to her about? Just so you know
that it's we're getting to the point where all my
friends are getting engaged and there might be multiples, you know,
(16:07):
who knows what's on the horizon. Truly could be a
big deal. But so here's the question, who who is
your if you got married tomorrow, who is your maid
of honor? Each of you? Oh? Well, I think it's well,
would you have your sister? Because like I have my sister,
So I think I would probably have total cop out,
(16:28):
cop out my sister. My best friends, we're asking which sister,
which non sister. You're saying, yeah, okay, that's tough. I
might avoid having a bridal party just for this reason.
(16:50):
Or I would be like, hey, everybody, listen, y'all are
all of equal value. But for the sake of my
sanity during this wedding time, I have to appoint Tanya
as the maid of honor to avoid a full spiral
during my wedding. Okay, that's not your wedding should not
be about me, truly, No, I think, well, I feel
(17:14):
like Tanya would be a really great maid of honor
because I do think she's very organized, it good at planning,
so she would definitely be in the running for that.
But I don't know, I might make it like one
of those things where I don't do like a someone's
above the rest, and I just kind of, you know,
we're talking about a wedding that I'm not even sure
like I ever want or have. But I mean, I'm
(17:37):
just never however, one let's I have talked about this.
I don't know if I want like a huge grand wedding.
And I always said, like, if that was really important
to Haley, it would be a discussion. But me personally,
I'm not someone who's like dreamed of my wedding or
like that part of it. I would like to have
a huge party. I will say. I was talking to
(17:58):
one of Robbie's family members over the week and that
got engaged recently, and she was talking about like trying
on dresses, one in Miami, one in New York, one
in Orange County, and I'm like sitting here and I'm like,
none of this sounds appealing to me, like truly, like
I'm and you know me, like I love what, I
love weddings, I love love, I love all the fairy
tale of it all. But I was like that nothing
(18:19):
about that sounds appealing to me. Like I think once
you got started doing it, I think you'd actually realized
could see really enjoy it. And they sit in in
my bridal era. Aman of Stanton talked about this how
she like all the planning aspect and all the things
that you just listed did not sound like something she
was excited about at all, but as she started doing it,
(18:40):
she started getting so excited about the wedding and it
all happening. And I think that part of you takes over.
But um, I also I envisioned like being somewhere, like
in a different country, with like the closest people in
my life doing something. I love what Sierra um Siera did. Yeah, Castana, Yeah,
it was just like gorgeous. It felt intimate and like
(19:03):
not like overly deep. I just felt pretty and like
about their love, which I loved. Yeah, Tany is not
going to escape without answering this, Yeah, I say, let's
move on to Tanya's answer. Just passed the law and
the lame duck session that says that you were no
longer allowed to have siblings as you're maid of honor
or parents, Tanya, who is your maid of honor? If
(19:27):
you have to rob Mary robby next weekend? So it
would be a tough one because I know who would
be between. It would be between do you know who
it would be between? Yeah, me and Paulina. Yes, So
it's tough because Paulina is a little more buttoned up
than your The reason why I allowed is because literally,
(19:56):
as I was talking to Hailey balling bachelor parties and stuff,
she goes, do you think Ali will have you as
her maid of honor? And I was like, I don't know,
Like maybe, I mean maybe, but I wouldn't be offended
if she had someone else. And she's like, what about Tanya?
And I was like, I don't know, Like Tanya is
such a planner, she might she might go with Paulina
because I think she's a little more organized than me.
(20:20):
So good to know. Paulina is just as like emotional
and like sensitively sensitive charged as I am which I
don't think would be good as a bridesmaid. So they
feel like I do need like an even keeled gal,
which would be back at well, I'm happy to be
a bridesmaid. I'm happy to be a bridesmaid. I I
just you know, if someone else is the title, No,
(20:40):
no, no no, I'm not really a fighter to for to
be in control of organizing anything. But the thing about
me is it might be spontaneous, but I'm going to
do a good job. That is one thing. I truly
Becca will pull it off. That's true. Yeah, but this
is interesting. I think for scrubbers in general, it's very interesting.
And that Tanya is going with Paulina. You could tell
(21:02):
she's going with Paulina and Becca is going with Tanya
simply too, so she doesn't have to hear about it.
I don't think it's surprising though, Like I think if
anyone resonates with Tania or considers themselves so Tanya, they're
gonna go for someone who's like a Tanya because they're
gonna watch someone could but you could do a co situation.
(21:22):
I feel like the one to punch between you and
Paulina could be very like good, Okay, we'll talk about that. Yeah,
this is this conversation will be shelved for a later date. Yeah. Well,
well so anyways, Tanya, Tanya's best friend, Hugh. I said, yes,
(21:43):
she goes, Oh, I said, oh, well, and she goes,
I'm already dark and sick. And now this spiral. And
I said, we've already discussed this how we can have
multiple best friends. And she goes, so I'm also best
friend or best friend adjacent. I'm like your best friend.
You know this, I said, just like how Riquel and
Pauline are your best friends? So am I? Yeah? So
(22:05):
there we go the best friend conversation commit And this
would be a conversation that Paulina would have with me,
you know what I mean? You know what I'm saying.
Oh like, if you said best friend about someone else,
she would okay, okay, okay, Well she might actually need
to be made of honor. We might need to just
go to the point her. Yeah. Um wait, there was
(22:28):
something else that was conversation took a turn then. I
was not expecting to have this conversation today on the podcast.
I'm glad we hash it out. I'm glad we haven't
figured out too because now we have time to really
think it through. Would you want to bat to our party? Um,
I don't need, Like I was wont to say, like,
(22:50):
I don't need like the penis straws, but that would
be so unnecessary in general. Do you do those things
when it's the same sex female situation. I don't think so,
I'm gonna guess no. But that was never something I
would do anyway, whether whether I was with a man
or not. So yeah, yeah, I'm I'm with that, although
(23:17):
I feel like Tonya would want them, so I don't know. Yeah,
I definitely think I want some penis paraphernalia. Yeah, but
we had those in my bachelor party. Wen. Yeah. You
know where thrives though, Where I like it is like
the hashtags and like the fun themes and stuff like that.
Like that's where Becca really thrives at the fun themes
and hashtags. Yeah, Like I feel like you would come
(23:38):
up with like some great Bachelotte hashtags or like you know,
wedding hashtags. And I gotta do some brainstorming today. She's busy, todaviox.
But yeah, well that's fun. That was a fun conversation.
(23:59):
What a good time. God, we got that sort of
like that does really swirl it in her head right now? Yeah,
like what why di I the hashtager bachelor at party
of like one last ween one last week. There you go. Um,
by the way, we should have the scrubbers come up
(24:20):
with some good hashtags for the two couples, because those
are fun and I always enjoyed reading the suggestions in
the Facebook group. What you know that the chili whatever,
the chili kiyoko. They come up with it themselves and
they're always clever and funny and enjoyable. Sweet, So do
that get on that? Scrubbers. The scrubbers. The scrubbers are
really really good at hashtags, like when someone goes like, hey,
(24:40):
I'm getting married or I just got engaged, like here
are last names. I'm so impressed with what they come
up with, some creative Um what I was gonna ask
you something about does anyone else feel like now the
rest of the years just like should be really yeah,
(25:02):
the years over the years over like why do we
still have to like think, like use our brains that much?
Or can we just like chill? No, there's still so
much to do. But that's the thing. But like the
work stuff and the professional stuff and the stuff we
don't want to do should all get shelved because it
should all be about the holidays and personal time. I agree.
(25:25):
I agree December should be a month, a whole month off.
It had a guy come visit. He was a radio
guy in Australia. He came and visited in early December
because they were done. They signed off before Thanksgiving and
they don't go back until after the new year. I'm like,
oh my gosh, that's amazing. That's how it should be.
(25:47):
Like you just get to really enjoy, enjoy the end
of the year. And then January it's like you're ready
to go, like you are fresh. You've had a whole
month off to do what you needed to do, spend
time with who you need to spend with. It's ready
to make your vision board and get going. I'm ready
for it. I'd love a whole month to just like
soak it all in. Although I didn't decide, I think
(26:08):
I decided what my word is going to be. Is
it the one that I accidentally said last week? It
is not? What was that one? Can you share that one?
Since you're not using Yes, I'm not going to use it.
It was abundance. Oh and when will you reveal twenty
three word Jen one Jen one Jan one three. All right,
(26:36):
stay tuned for that, folks. And also that's when Patrick
Dempsey we will open the doors for him the door. Yeah,
did you get any leads on that? Or I did
get one. Somebody said that they knew, but it was
like it was like a long lead. It was like
I'm babysat for his something something or other or whatever.
And so I said, if people let them know about
(26:58):
our podcast, I'd appreciate it. Right, So we have one's
lead basically booked Adjason booked Jason any minute. Make sure
we check that email. I love when she says adjacent
or like, it's just not Adjason at all. Um, It's
(27:18):
just it's just kind of like thrown in there, and
it makes everything a little bit funnier. I really appreciate it. Okay,
we're gonna take another break and we'll be back with
some emails. I read these last night. They're kind of hard.
I don't know how to answer, So we'll be back
with those. Okay, we're back in. Before we start emails,
(27:54):
I wanted to tell you all about something if you're
in southern California, specifically her most A Beach at the
Comedy and Magic Club, they are having a donor appreciation night,
so there's gonna be ten comics and then free admission
for donors. So if you have the pink thought on
your license, you get him for free. Um. And it's Thursday,
December one. That's this Thursday. It starts at eight pm,
(28:15):
So if you're in that area, please go down. Haley's
dad is part of this putting this on, and he
is a double transplant recipient. So this is really cool
and such a big deal. So if you are a
donor and you want to go see some funny people
on December one, that's this Thursday, go to the Comedy
and Magic Club in Hermosa Beach and you get him
(28:36):
for free. As a cool club. Jaylene used to go
there every weekend and work out his monologue material. Um
what organs did? He was? He the recipient of so
he had a heart and a liver transplant? Wow, I
know that was I think five years ago. It was
a year before Haley and I met. Does he know
who the heart was from? I don't think he knows,
(28:56):
but I was talking to him at Thanksgiving and he
was telling me about this event on Thursday, and he
was saying, like he wakes up. He actually said, I
don't know who he is. I don't know his name,
but I think him every morning and like every night.
Because what a gift to give someone into someone's family,
you know, like to two organs saved his life that
he otherwise wouldn't have gotten. I feel like there would
(29:17):
be some solace in that, as tragic and awful and
unspeakable as that would be, there'd be some solace in
knowing that their organs are helping someone else to live. Yeah,
and like also giving people a chance to be with
their loved ones longer. And I agree, it's like a
very bitter sweet thing, but it's a really cool event,
and it's cool that they're, you know, like giving people
(29:39):
the chance to go for free if they have the
pink dot on their license. So definitely check that out
of her in the area. All right, onto emails, Mark
take it away? Alright, Becca, thank you very much. Will
We're late on this one, so I hope this all
worked out well for you, but we'll share it anyway.
Anonymous says, my boyfriend and I have been together for
two years. We're both we've never spent the holidays together,
(30:02):
but this year he asked me to stay in town
and spend Thanksgiving with his family. I always go home
to spend the holidays with my family, so I'm not
sure what to do. I see spending time during the
holidays is a very serious step. I want to say yes,
but part of me wants to be with my family,
who are an eight hour drive away. Does this mean
I have to ask him to spend Christmas with my family?
I might be overthinking this. I knew every relationship is different,
(30:24):
but what is a good time to start sharing the
holidays with your significant other? M hmm. This is interesting
to me. It's interesting to me too, But why is
it interesting to use? It's interesting to me because well
I have ever since Hayley and I started dating. We
I spent thanks Eving with her family, so I have
(30:45):
been with them and then Christmas we always do separately,
but I wish she was there. But there's um, you know,
certain things because my family lives in like the South,
and she wants to be with her family, and it's
like we normally just do a New Year's trip together
and that's like ourselves abrading of the holidays but like
this year, I'm gonna do Christmas with her family before
I leave to go see my family, and then they're
(31:06):
going to do there whatever. But my thing is I
always want to be with Haley. You know, if it
like worked out that we could always be together and
both parties were like on the same page and we
didn't live so far like a plane ride from my family,
I would love to do holidays together. So I'm wondering
why she's hesitant to do that, because in my mind,
(31:29):
I'm like, can you not spend the holiday together and
then get in the car and go see your family
or I think splitting holidays is very annoying. Like I
was talking to some of Robbie's family over the weekend
and they were like saying how they split Thanksgiving Like
they go early to you know, one side of the
family and then later to the other. And I'm like,
how know, you can't really like enjoy you can't just
(31:50):
like park up on the couch of the beer. You know,
I don't drink beer, but whatever if you did, you
couldn't if you did, you couldn't park up with your beer.
And I think that sucks, Like I feel like thanks
loving so nice because you get to just like chill
and be in one place like all day. But what
my my sister did, which I found to be really smart,
(32:11):
is they like flip flop the holidays, So like if
they did Thanksgiving with my family, they would do Christmas
with his family, and the next year they would do
Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with our family and
then flip flop the holidays. We've been doing both holidays together.
I think, uh, we did Thanksgiving together last year, Thanksgiving
(32:33):
together this year, and because he didn't celebrate Christmas, he
did Christmas with my family last year and I do
Hanaka with his. So it's like kind of nice. Um,
but I think it is better to be together. But
my why I find this interesting is does this mean
I have to ask does this mean I asked him
to spend Christmas with my family? Is she's scared because
(32:55):
it feels like it's a big step and she's like,
you know, hesitant to go to that next step because
there's sometimes there's fear there. I feel like there's implications
with that, or do you feel like maybe this is
like like does it feel like he would be intruding
on something that she doesn't want him to be a
part of That's how I'm reading. Yeah, I don't think
(33:20):
she's all in on this. I think a couple of things. One,
if you're just started dating recently or even towards Dania
last year, but you're two years in now it's time
to start being together for the holidays. I think Also,
you're twenty nine. If you were twenty one, that might
be a little bit different. You're still your you still
have your traditions from childhood that you want to keep
going as long as possible. You're twenty nine, you've been
(33:41):
together two years. It's time to start doing this. I
think now is the time. And if and if you're
hesitant to do that, I think you need to kind
of look inward and figure out why you're so hesitant
to do this. He's not the one, kind of what
it feels like, he's not the one. He's just one
of many. But then there's a part of me that knows,
(34:02):
like one adjacent it can be scary, or he's adjacent
to the one. There, you're almost there. I just I
just feel like the question of like, does this mean
I am supposed to ask him to come with my family?
Makes it seem like that's not in an instant thought
(34:25):
of like wanting him there with you when your family
families there and sometimes family is really difficult, So I
actually I can understand being like I don't know if
I'm ready to bring him into the chaos like of
my family. So there could be that element of it
too where it's like I don't think I'm ready or
that's scary to me to bring someone into this. That's
another option. So that's legit, But that's not what you're saying.
(34:48):
It sounds like she wants to just be with her
family and not with him. That's what it sounds like
to me. But you know how like sometimes you're so
how I'm thinking of this from the perspective of like
what if her family has different like beliefs, so there's
like different things that could start, like friction or something,
(35:08):
and she's like, I don't even want to bring that
into it. I don't know, just a different, different perspective
of not just like he's not the one, but maybe
there's other elements to it that aren't in this email.
But also it's been two years. They probably met, he
probably met the parents, right, They probably met each other's families.
I don't know. I don't know either, Anonymous. Sorry we
(35:31):
were late on this. I hope it worked out, Okay,
I hope Christmas works out. Yeah, it's interesting because now
that I'm thinking about it from that lens, that is interesting. Yeah.
What if her family is very particular about something and
then her significant other is not what they expect or expected,
(35:51):
and you're like, I don't want I don't want to
put you in that position. I don't know. We don't
have enough context to really, but you know what, don't
put off to tomorrow, what you can do today. Beautiful,
very very wise. Anonymous. Second one about about six years ago,
I hooked up with a guy friend of mine. At
the time, he told me he was single by no
(36:12):
later he's dating a girl. When that happened, he lied
about being single. The girl he was dating was my friend,
and me and the girl were not on speaking terms
at the time. Well, recently we became good friends again.
She broke up with him. She's dating someone else, And
I always feel guilty that I slept with her ex
boyfriend while they were still together, even though I didn't
know that they were. Should I tell her the truth
(36:32):
or just keep it to myself because obviously they're no
longer together and she's happy with a new boyfriend. I'm
afraid if I tell her, she won't like me anymore.
Even though I didn't know they were dating at the time,
he lied that he was single. I guess it's my
guilty conscience. Whenever I see her. What do you think
I should do? Should I just forget about it, keep
it to myself forever? Like saying what you don't know
won't hurt you personally? This would eat me alive. I
(36:55):
would have no peace in this friendship, clearly eating her
live or she Yeah, I think maybe it's just you
just have to have a conversation and just know that
she might have the reaction of like, I don't trust
you as a friend. I want to be friends with you,
but I think it'll just make you feel lighter getting
(37:16):
it out and just I would just have a sit
down and say, like, I value your friendship so much
and there's just something that I have to tell you.
And I know that you've moved on from this relationship,
but because we're friends and you know I love you,
I have to be honest with you about this and
just tell her, and she might react. It might not
be great, but I think it's going to be better
(37:37):
for your like general conscious and peace moving forward. It's
gonna This actually happened to me in college. Um, I
slept with the guy that a friend of mine was
like into. They hadn't like they weren't boyfriend girlfriend ever,
but she would just had a big crush on him,
and I like slept with him one night and I
end up I was eating me alive. I hadn't tell
(37:58):
her like I think I told her like the next
day or the day after, and our friendship was never
the same. But that was like my learning moment, you
know what I mean. Like that was like a learning
moment that I needed in my early twenties to kind
of wake me up to that, you know what I mean,
Like no man or no guy is worth putting any
friendship at risk, you know what I mean. Like we
were never super good friends, but like it was it
(38:20):
definitely our friendship was not the same after that, and
so that was like my learning my learning moment, So
that that's what this might be for you, And like
you will never do it again, but it's gonna weigh
on you, like it's gonna eat you alive, you have to, yeah,
say it. I think the friend's biggest complaint might be,
why didn't you tell me as soon as you phoned
(38:40):
out that we were together? I know we weren't on
speaking terms, but the right thing to do at that
point would be to say to me, Hey, your boyfriend
is going around sleeping with other people. And if she
says that, you can just be like. I was scared,
and I wish I had been I wish I had
been brave enough to just be honest and tell you
what it what it was. But here I am now.
(39:00):
I think that's what would bother me is if he's
sleeping with anonymous, he might have been sleeping with who
knows how many people, which puts her in danger. Puts
the girlfriend in danger. Yeah, but I agree with Tamy.
This might just be a painful learning lesson, but I
think it's I think the best thing for you to
do is just be honest and get it off your chest.
And also good for you that you have a conscious
(39:22):
about this, because some people might just be like, whatever
you know, brush it off. But yeah, I love the queen.
I love the queen. She says. Is that our title
for today you've had a bunch. Actually, um true, I
(39:44):
thought that was a strong title. Try well, I think
that's it for today, folks. But we're back Thursday. And
guess what, we have another episode coming out Thursday and
it's a Q and A that y'all submitted, so all
the questions that y'all want to know, we will be
(40:05):
on Thursday. So don't be too sad as we say
goodbye today because to the party, and don't be tarted
to the party because we'll be back on Thursday. So
we'll see you then, Love you, love you, Bye.
Spreading In with Becca Tilly and Tanya red An I
Heart radio podcast. Hello, everybody, we are scrubbing in. It
is the Monday past Thanksgiving weekend. How's everyone doing the
Monday after Thanksgiving weekend? That's what I said, Oh, I
(00:21):
said past, Well that would also work. Oh does it? Yeah?
Right past Thanksgiving? So how are you doing, Tanya? Yeah,
we're good. You know, I'm here mentally, here physically Yonder.
Where's Yonder? Would that be like in bed or something? Yeah,
(00:43):
Yonder's in bed. We're doing the podcast separate today because Tanya,
even though she tried to convince me it could have
been just sinuses, seems to have the viral cold or whatever,
infectious whatever it is that's spreading like crazy. She has it.
And I was like, you know what, everyone in my life,
Haley had it last week, really bad. I somehow got
(01:06):
by without getting it. And I was like, I think
I'm just gonna play it safe today, even though she
says it could be sinuses and all she might need
a dessert. Tech not taking the risk, And I'm glad
I made that decision. I'm glad I know I ended
up deciding that you should stay home and stay away
from me because although I don't know what I have,
(01:27):
it's not great in the morning and at night. During
the day, I'm I'm quite all right, it's just the
mornings and evenings that I'm melt. So there's a there's
a small period where you feel okay. Yeah, but that's
why I think it's sinuses. Oh well, I would say, yeah, sure,
maybe it could be sinuses if there wasn't just a
(01:47):
shocking amount of people going down with this. Can I
tell you that I have lived thirty five years of
my life and I have never used a Nettie pot
until this past few days. What a bly in invention
that thing is. Oh my gosh. I was like, I
am literally cleansing from one nostril up into the next
(02:09):
and seeing things come out into my sink that we're
like sea creatures. And I'm like, rad, yeah, you are
canceled creatures out of my nose with the Nettie pot,
and it's amazing. I'm like, this is the best thing
I've ever experienced. And Robbie has been using it too,
(02:31):
and I'm like, why have you been holding out on
me for three years? With this Nettie pot? Yeah, it's
pretty amazing. I I personally hate them because I don't
like anything going up my nose and then coming out
of my nose. But it does make a huge difference.
I think that's what drowning would feel like. Yes, it's
a similar feeling of of when you, yes, when you
(02:54):
like get jumped into pool and the water goes up
your nose, you know what I mean. It's like that
similar it never stops coming up. Yeah, that's that's not
about pleasant sensation. Yeah, I'm a little confused by this
because Tony is talking about how amazing it is, and
I'm sitting here thinking about Mark's description, which is drowning,
and I think I lean more towards Mark, which, like
(03:16):
shoving something up your nose and intentionally doing that to
yourself isn't like a natural feeling. No, I would say,
it's not like a like a fun activity, you know,
like I'm not gonna, you know, skip to the farmer's
market on a Sunday and Nettie pop my nose for fun,
but like for for for purposes of what it's intended
to do. It gets things moving and grooving and shaken
(03:39):
out of your system. And I'm into that. Yeah. Well,
I'm glad you're clearing things out, and I hope that
you continue to just soar on the up and up
of getting better. Thank you would argue that it should
be done on a regular basis, whether you're sick or not,
because you're clearing out potential germs, viruses, bacteria, clearing out
potential infections. Like some say, there are many benefits of
(04:01):
doing it whenever you want to do it. No, I'm
gonna save it for when I'm not well. I think
you're right, Mark, though. I think when, like, especially if
you have allergies and you like are allergic to dust
and stuff, if you're like continuously cleansing that out, it
seems like that would be productive. But then part of
me wonders if you're doing like you know, when you
do too much of anything, it can ruin the purpose
(04:23):
of it. Part of me wonders if that would happen anyways, Well,
how is Everyone's Thanksgiving? What? What did everyone do? Do
you want to start? Yeah, I mean I just we
just went over to Hayley's family. Um, because she's from
l A and her parents live here, so we all
go over to her parents, and um, it's really fun
(04:46):
and casual and simple and it was great. And then
the rest of the weekend was like really fun and relaxed,
but like we did stuff too, which was nice. But
I kind of felt like I was a college student
on like when Thanksgiving break, because we we stayed up
so late and slept so late, and we went to
(05:06):
the mall and we went to movies. It just felt
like we were, like I say, so far away from
the mall. I couldn't be further away from the mall
this weekend. Yeah, it was a thrill being in all
the action of Black Friday. Honestly, it was very overwhelming.
It wasn't but yeah, it was a good weekend. I'm
just tired now. My body, my schedules all messed up.
I don't know how it happened so quickly, but it did.
(05:28):
And you can really get used to that, like leisurely lifestyle,
you know, you're like Sunday, I slept until and I
was like, who is she? Like what is going on here?
I'm so sad for you that that's sleeping in. Oh,
that is sleeping in tremendously, Like I was shocked. I
think I envy you. I think I actually envy you
(05:49):
because that means you felt the same that I felt
sleeping in as late as I did, but then you
still had the full day to do things, so to do,
to do not much but Thanksgiving. Luckily, like I was
feeling good on Thanksgiving and I got to spend it.
I went down to Orange County and I was with
my whole family, and um, so it was me and
my my parents, and my brother and his fiance, and
(06:11):
my sister her husband, and my niece and my nephew,
and then my cousin was in town from Serbia. And
then Robbie came down with me. In the morning. We
brought Sonny, and then Robbie's parents came down, and um,
we all had Thanksgiving together and it was really nice
because last Thanksgiving my parents spent it with like all
of Robbie's family up here, and so this Thanksgiving his
parents came down and we had like a really nice time. Um,
(06:35):
we had like a really really really nice time. It
was like cute. It is this I don't know. I mean,
they've met my our parents have met, so our parents
know each other, but they haven't met my siblings and stuff,
and like my niece, my nephew. So it was really
fun to kind of like have that all together. Were
you nervous like the merging? Oh, I guess you'll did
it last year, but with it being your family, where
did you have any nerves of like the merging of families?
(06:58):
Like not a nerve, but like jeds of like I
hope this is pleasant for everybody. Yeah. I wasn't nervous,
like scared, but I was like jitty, jittery excited, you
know what I mean, because it does feel like another step,
you know what I mean, like another step towards like
when they first meet, there's a step, and then this
was like a step. Um. But it went so well
that like it made me. I obviously knew it was
(07:20):
going to go great, but it went better than I
even thought too. So it was just like really really nice.
Like I left feeling like I was melting. Um, I
really started going down Thursday night. But um. But but
all things considered, it was just like such a such
a great day. Great. I love hearing that Mark Easton.
(07:42):
How was Thanksgiving? It was lovely. My parents came out
from Tucson, UH and we had a nice time. Our
friends the Shoulders came by and they got kids that
my kids can kind of look after and so that
was nice. So yeah, it was really a good Thanksgiving,
and uh, you know you appreciate it. You know, your
parents getting on in years. You don't know how much
(08:02):
longer you're gonna have all the whole gang together. So
it's very nice, very very lovely time. And the Saturday
we went to Disneyland all day and that was exhausting.
Oh my gosh, a Saturday Disney during Thanksgiving break feels
very chaotic, feels ambitious. But none of the lions were
that terrible. I mean, Rise of the Resistance we still
haven't done. I'm sorry, Easton, but because the lines are
(08:25):
just too insane. But was okay. They were all like
forty to fifteen minutes. You know, they got the Lightning
Lane thing going on, and that worked out nicely for
strategic placements of different attractions. Think about forty to fifty minutes.
Think about what you could do in forty to fifty minutes.
You could make a bunch of all the milk. In
forty to fifteen minutes, you can wrap a lot of presents.
And forty to fifteen minutes I sat Disneyland, or do
(08:48):
you want to make some almond milk, and it chose
Disney plants. Yeah, that's so that's weird that they that
they chose that over almond milk. Making it's a reasonable money.
I think any two digit weight time is well, anything
under an hour is decent, is legitimate, and I'll get
in line. But like we went by Rise there and
(09:09):
ten minutes, like, nope, I don't care what it is.
There's nothing I'm going to stand in line for for
hundred Yeah, I have an unpopular opinion about that ride,
Like I think it's incredible as far as like you
feel like you're in a movie. But I don't know
that because I've stood in a long line for it.
I don't know that i'd stand in a long line
again for it. But I'm also not a huge but
(09:30):
I'm not a huge Star Wars fan, so I don't
know if it means as much to me as it
means to appeal to as like not a Star Wars fan.
Like I liked it and I appreciated it, but I
wouldn't stay in line for more than like thirty three
minutes for it. Okay, Yeah, we did the Millennium Falcon thing.
(09:51):
That was fine. I don't see us doing that again.
It was fine. No, that one makes me ill. Yeah,
I felt some of that, Yeah, like queasy like I
but we did. We did Space Mountain twice. You know
when twice you've kind of done everything you want to
do when you're starting over. Plus the parade we did
and we did the fireworks. It was really it was
a glorious thing. I was so bone tired at the
(10:13):
end of it, but it was great, really good thing.
It takes you out, it really does. Eastern You went
up to northern California. I followed along your food. Yeah,
I went. I went home to Santa Cruz, California, and
my wife and I stayed in this haunted hotel They're
called the Brookdale Lodge that has a river running through
(10:34):
the dining room and a bunch of people died there
and it's very very haunted. Uh So we have we
have this like ghost hunting kit for our wedding gift,
and we broke it out and we hooked up all
the equipment and who know that, my Auntiura, got me
that and we're very grateful. It's like it's not just
like a ghost detector, it's like real stuff. That took
(10:58):
me a long time to learn how to use um,
but uh, we had a lot of fun doing that.
And then we um went to my mom's side of
the family. There's a lot of farmers and we went
to the farm out in Gustine, which is in the
Central Valley, and I got to ride the tractor and
see all the farmer cousins and that was that was
really fun. I haven't been up there in like ten years,
and Allison has ever gotten to see the family farms.
(11:20):
That was really fund. That's really cool. Tell me about
that pizza that you had, like multiple times, Pizza in
my Heart. I think it's one of the best pizzas
you can get. And it pains me because it's not
in Los Angeles yet. The furthest south they have it
is al Vista, and I have driven up there just
for Pizza my Heart a number of times. It's like
a thin crust. They used to be a lot greasier.
(11:41):
They used to have a sign in the restaurant that
said you can either ring the pizza out or you
can pat it with a napkin. It's so good, and
I feel bad because there's like there's not a damn
thing Allison can have there but I made it go
with me two different times Easton. That should be we
should go on a road trip up there, and that
(12:02):
could be our first food review we do. That is
so fun. It's yes, I would I would love that
so much. It's uh yeah, pizza my heart is so good.
They have them, I think from I think they're in Sacramento.
Maybe maybe they're in Oregon too, but then all the
way down the coast to Santa Barbara and that's that's
(12:23):
where there, that's the range. But I would love to
be fun. That's a good start, you know. I will
tell you this isn't really that exciting because you can't
ring out the pizza. But I did find the best
blue free pasta that I've tried to date, and it's
Jovial and it tastes just like regular pasta and it
is bomb. So thank you to the Oaks at Jovial.
(12:43):
This is not sponsored. This is just tried and trude
tries it, trying true, I think trying true, tried and true.
Uh from my own taste buds, Jovial gluten free pasta
tastes like regular pasta. Wait is Jovial a restaurant or
something about the store No, it's the brand, Like it's
just like the brand the kind of types Aposta, like
Penne's gette. That's good to know that that people have
(13:10):
an option of something that tastes good. Yeah. Yeah, I
do feel like I tried a lot of different gluten
free noodles. Yeah, well, I believe if anyone has tried
and tested amount at to you try in tried, tried intrude,
she said, right in trude, tried intrude in this dude.
Right before we started the podcast, Tommy and I were
(13:30):
having a semiheated, uh message exchange on Instagram, and we
are going to talk about that, but first we're going
to take a break. We are back, and right before
(13:57):
we started the podcast, Um so Ali Grant got engaged,
So congrats to a congrats Ali and her fiance Carston.
They were in Hawaii, and um, she'll probably be telling
the stories and so I'm not going to tell the
whole story. But I posted on my Instagram because she
got engaged. When was that like last week? At some
(14:18):
point lay before Thanksgiving? She actually sent me the photo.
Yeah on that level now where she sent me her Yeah,
y'all are best friends. Yeah, Okay, that leads me to
my point. So I posted on my Instagram, like when
you're because Ali facetimed me and Haley and like showed
(14:39):
us the ring and like we're engaged. So I posted
the screenshot of the FaceTime and I was like, when
your best friend calls to tell you she's engaged, And
of course, as expected, I get a message from Tanya
rad best friend. Huh, but we've discussed this. I think
there's like a history of this on the podcast documented
(15:01):
that Tanya has said we've discussed like, yeah, once you
get to a certain ages as an adult, you get
to have multiple best friends, you know, and they're all
best friend before and and Brad and Sophia. Yeah, okay,
So just because we've discussed it in the past does
not make the stinks any less when you see it
(15:25):
before your eyes, when you're not feeling your best and
you see your best friend call somebody else they're best friend,
and it's just like, all right, I'm already like not
feeling great and then I have to go and see this.
So you felt kicked when you were down, that's what
you felt. I felt kicked when I was down, And
then you're talking about bachelorette parties, and I'm like, is
Becca going to have it in her to throw multiple
(15:45):
bachelrette parties? Already talked to Haley about this, and I said,
I might be busy this year, you know, so I
gotta start taking wellness shots to keep my moves. What
did you talk to her about? Just so you know
that it's we're getting to the point where all my
friends are getting engaged and there might be multiples, you know,
(16:07):
who knows what's on the horizon. Truly could be a
big deal. But so here's the question, who who is
your if you got married tomorrow, who is your maid
of honor? Each of you? Oh? Well, I think it's well,
would you have your sister? Because like I have my sister,
So I think I would probably have total cop out,
(16:28):
cop out my sister. My best friends, we're asking which sister,
which non sister. You're saying, yeah, okay, that's tough. I
might avoid having a bridal party just for this reason.
(16:50):
Or I would be like, hey, everybody, listen, y'all are
all of equal value. But for the sake of my
sanity during this wedding time, I have to appoint Tanya
as the maid of honor to avoid a full spiral
during my wedding. Okay, that's not your wedding should not
be about me, truly, No, I think, well, I feel
(17:14):
like Tanya would be a really great maid of honor
because I do think she's very organized, it good at planning,
so she would definitely be in the running for that.
But I don't know, I might make it like one
of those things where I don't do like a someone's
above the rest, and I just kind of, you know,
we're talking about a wedding that I'm not even sure
like I ever want or have. But I mean, I'm
(17:37):
just never however, one let's I have talked about this.
I don't know if I want like a huge grand wedding.
And I always said, like, if that was really important
to Haley, it would be a discussion. But me personally,
I'm not someone who's like dreamed of my wedding or
like that part of it. I would like to have
a huge party. I will say. I was talking to
(17:58):
one of Robbie's family members over the week and that
got engaged recently, and she was talking about like trying
on dresses, one in Miami, one in New York, one
in Orange County, and I'm like sitting here and I'm like,
none of this sounds appealing to me, like truly, like
I'm and you know me, like I love what, I
love weddings, I love love, I love all the fairy
tale of it all. But I was like that nothing
(18:19):
about that sounds appealing to me. Like I think once
you got started doing it, I think you'd actually realized
could see really enjoy it. And they sit in in
my bridal era. Aman of Stanton talked about this how
she like all the planning aspect and all the things
that you just listed did not sound like something she
was excited about at all, but as she started doing it,
(18:40):
she started getting so excited about the wedding and it
all happening. And I think that part of you takes over.
But um, I also I envisioned like being somewhere, like
in a different country, with like the closest people in
my life doing something. I love what Sierra um Siera did. Yeah, Castana, Yeah,
it was just like gorgeous. It felt intimate and like
(19:03):
not like overly deep. I just felt pretty and like
about their love, which I loved. Yeah, Tany is not
going to escape without answering this, Yeah, I say, let's
move on to Tanya's answer. Just passed the law and
the lame duck session that says that you were no
longer allowed to have siblings as you're maid of honor
or parents, Tanya, who is your maid of honor? If
(19:27):
you have to rob Mary robby next weekend? So it
would be a tough one because I know who would
be between. It would be between do you know who
it would be between? Yeah, me and Paulina. Yes, So
it's tough because Paulina is a little more buttoned up
than your The reason why I allowed is because literally,
(19:56):
as I was talking to Hailey balling bachelor parties and stuff,
she goes, do you think Ali will have you as
her maid of honor? And I was like, I don't know,
Like maybe, I mean maybe, but I wouldn't be offended
if she had someone else. And she's like, what about Tanya?
And I was like, I don't know, Like Tanya is
such a planner, she might she might go with Paulina
because I think she's a little more organized than me.
(20:20):
So good to know. Paulina is just as like emotional
and like sensitively sensitive charged as I am which I
don't think would be good as a bridesmaid. So they
feel like I do need like an even keeled gal,
which would be back at well, I'm happy to be
a bridesmaid. I'm happy to be a bridesmaid. I I
just you know, if someone else is the title, No,
(20:40):
no, no no, I'm not really a fighter to for to
be in control of organizing anything. But the thing about
me is it might be spontaneous, but I'm going to
do a good job. That is one thing. I truly
Becca will pull it off. That's true. Yeah, but this
is interesting. I think for scrubbers in general, it's very interesting.
And that Tanya is going with Paulina. You could tell
(21:02):
she's going with Paulina and Becca is going with Tanya
simply too, so she doesn't have to hear about it.
I don't think it's surprising though, Like I think if
anyone resonates with Tania or considers themselves so Tanya, they're
gonna go for someone who's like a Tanya because they're
gonna watch someone could but you could do a co situation.
(21:22):
I feel like the one to punch between you and
Paulina could be very like good, Okay, we'll talk about that. Yeah,
this is this conversation will be shelved for a later date. Yeah. Well,
well so anyways, Tanya, Tanya's best friend, Hugh. I said, yes,
(21:43):
she goes, Oh, I said, oh, well, and she goes,
I'm already dark and sick. And now this spiral. And
I said, we've already discussed this how we can have
multiple best friends. And she goes, so I'm also best
friend or best friend adjacent. I'm like your best friend.
You know this, I said, just like how Riquel and
Pauline are your best friends? So am I? Yeah? So
(22:05):
there we go the best friend conversation commit And this
would be a conversation that Paulina would have with me,
you know what I mean? You know what I'm saying.
Oh like, if you said best friend about someone else,
she would okay, okay, okay, Well she might actually need
to be made of honor. We might need to just
go to the point her. Yeah. Um wait, there was
(22:28):
something else that was conversation took a turn then. I
was not expecting to have this conversation today on the podcast.
I'm glad we hash it out. I'm glad we haven't
figured out too because now we have time to really
think it through. Would you want to bat to our party? Um,
I don't need, Like I was wont to say, like,
(22:50):
I don't need like the penis straws, but that would
be so unnecessary in general. Do you do those things
when it's the same sex female situation. I don't think so,
I'm gonna guess no. But that was never something I
would do anyway, whether whether I was with a man
or not. So yeah, yeah, I'm I'm with that, although
(23:17):
I feel like Tonya would want them, so I don't know. Yeah,
I definitely think I want some penis paraphernalia. Yeah, but
we had those in my bachelor party. Wen. Yeah. You
know where thrives though, Where I like it is like
the hashtags and like the fun themes and stuff like that.
Like that's where Becca really thrives at the fun themes
and hashtags. Yeah, Like I feel like you would come
(23:38):
up with like some great Bachelotte hashtags or like you know,
wedding hashtags. And I gotta do some brainstorming today. She's busy, todaviox.
But yeah, well that's fun. That was a fun conversation.
(23:59):
What a good time. God, we got that sort of
like that does really swirl it in her head right now? Yeah,
like what why di I the hashtager bachelor at party
of like one last ween one last week. There you go. Um,
by the way, we should have the scrubbers come up
(24:20):
with some good hashtags for the two couples, because those
are fun and I always enjoyed reading the suggestions in
the Facebook group. What you know that the chili whatever,
the chili kiyoko. They come up with it themselves and
they're always clever and funny and enjoyable. Sweet, So do
that get on that? Scrubbers. The scrubbers. The scrubbers are
really really good at hashtags, like when someone goes like, hey,
(24:40):
I'm getting married or I just got engaged, like here
are last names. I'm so impressed with what they come
up with, some creative Um what I was gonna ask
you something about does anyone else feel like now the
rest of the years just like should be really yeah,
(25:02):
the years over the years over like why do we
still have to like think, like use our brains that much?
Or can we just like chill? No, there's still so
much to do. But that's the thing. But like the
work stuff and the professional stuff and the stuff we
don't want to do should all get shelved because it
should all be about the holidays and personal time. I agree.
(25:25):
I agree December should be a month, a whole month off.
It had a guy come visit. He was a radio
guy in Australia. He came and visited in early December
because they were done. They signed off before Thanksgiving and
they don't go back until after the new year. I'm like,
oh my gosh, that's amazing. That's how it should be.
(25:47):
Like you just get to really enjoy, enjoy the end
of the year. And then January it's like you're ready
to go, like you are fresh. You've had a whole
month off to do what you needed to do, spend
time with who you need to spend with. It's ready
to make your vision board and get going. I'm ready
for it. I'd love a whole month to just like
soak it all in. Although I didn't decide, I think
(26:08):
I decided what my word is going to be. Is
it the one that I accidentally said last week? It
is not? What was that one? Can you share that one?
Since you're not using Yes, I'm not going to use it.
It was abundance. Oh and when will you reveal twenty
three word Jen one Jen one Jan one three. All right,
(26:36):
stay tuned for that, folks. And also that's when Patrick
Dempsey we will open the doors for him the door. Yeah,
did you get any leads on that? Or I did
get one. Somebody said that they knew, but it was
like it was like a long lead. It was like
I'm babysat for his something something or other or whatever.
And so I said, if people let them know about
(26:58):
our podcast, I'd appreciate it. Right, So we have one's
lead basically booked Adjason booked Jason any minute. Make sure
we check that email. I love when she says adjacent
or like, it's just not Adjason at all. Um, It's
(27:18):
just it's just kind of like thrown in there, and
it makes everything a little bit funnier. I really appreciate it. Okay,
we're gonna take another break and we'll be back with
some emails. I read these last night. They're kind of hard.
I don't know how to answer, So we'll be back
with those. Okay, we're back in. Before we start emails,
(27:54):
I wanted to tell you all about something if you're
in southern California, specifically her most A Beach at the
Comedy and Magic Club, they are having a donor appreciation night,
so there's gonna be ten comics and then free admission
for donors. So if you have the pink thought on
your license, you get him for free. Um. And it's Thursday,
December one. That's this Thursday. It starts at eight pm,
(28:15):
So if you're in that area, please go down. Haley's
dad is part of this putting this on, and he
is a double transplant recipient. So this is really cool
and such a big deal. So if you are a
donor and you want to go see some funny people
on December one, that's this Thursday, go to the Comedy
and Magic Club in Hermosa Beach and you get him
(28:36):
for free. As a cool club. Jaylene used to go
there every weekend and work out his monologue material. Um
what organs did? He was? He the recipient of so
he had a heart and a liver transplant? Wow, I
know that was I think five years ago. It was
a year before Haley and I met. Does he know
who the heart was from? I don't think he knows,
(28:56):
but I was talking to him at Thanksgiving and he
was telling me about this event on Thursday, and he
was saying, like he wakes up. He actually said, I
don't know who he is. I don't know his name,
but I think him every morning and like every night.
Because what a gift to give someone into someone's family,
you know, like to two organs saved his life that
he otherwise wouldn't have gotten. I feel like there would
(29:17):
be some solace in that, as tragic and awful and
unspeakable as that would be, there'd be some solace in
knowing that their organs are helping someone else to live. Yeah,
and like also giving people a chance to be with
their loved ones longer. And I agree, it's like a
very bitter sweet thing, but it's a really cool event,
and it's cool that they're, you know, like giving people
(29:39):
the chance to go for free if they have the
pink dot on their license. So definitely check that out
of her in the area. All right, onto emails, Mark
take it away? Alright, Becca, thank you very much. Will
We're late on this one, so I hope this all
worked out well for you, but we'll share it anyway.
Anonymous says, my boyfriend and I have been together for
two years. We're both we've never spent the holidays together,
(30:02):
but this year he asked me to stay in town
and spend Thanksgiving with his family. I always go home
to spend the holidays with my family, so I'm not
sure what to do. I see spending time during the
holidays is a very serious step. I want to say yes,
but part of me wants to be with my family,
who are an eight hour drive away. Does this mean
I have to ask him to spend Christmas with my family?
I might be overthinking this. I knew every relationship is different,
(30:24):
but what is a good time to start sharing the
holidays with your significant other? M hmm. This is interesting
to me. It's interesting to me too, But why is
it interesting to use? It's interesting to me because well
I have ever since Hayley and I started dating. We
I spent thanks Eving with her family, so I have
(30:45):
been with them and then Christmas we always do separately,
but I wish she was there. But there's um, you know,
certain things because my family lives in like the South,
and she wants to be with her family, and it's
like we normally just do a New Year's trip together
and that's like ourselves abrading of the holidays but like
this year, I'm gonna do Christmas with her family before
I leave to go see my family, and then they're
(31:06):
going to do there whatever. But my thing is I
always want to be with Haley. You know, if it
like worked out that we could always be together and
both parties were like on the same page and we
didn't live so far like a plane ride from my family,
I would love to do holidays together. So I'm wondering
why she's hesitant to do that, because in my mind,
(31:29):
I'm like, can you not spend the holiday together and
then get in the car and go see your family
or I think splitting holidays is very annoying. Like I
was talking to some of Robbie's family over the weekend
and they were like saying how they split Thanksgiving Like
they go early to you know, one side of the
family and then later to the other. And I'm like,
how know, you can't really like enjoy you can't just
(31:50):
like park up on the couch of the beer. You know,
I don't drink beer, but whatever if you did, you
couldn't if you did, you couldn't park up with your beer.
And I think that sucks, Like I feel like thanks
loving so nice because you get to just like chill
and be in one place like all day. But what
my my sister did, which I found to be really smart,
(32:11):
is they like flip flop the holidays, So like if
they did Thanksgiving with my family, they would do Christmas
with his family, and the next year they would do
Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with our family and
then flip flop the holidays. We've been doing both holidays together.
I think, uh, we did Thanksgiving together last year, Thanksgiving
(32:33):
together this year, and because he didn't celebrate Christmas, he
did Christmas with my family last year and I do
Hanaka with his. So it's like kind of nice. Um,
but I think it is better to be together. But
my why I find this interesting is does this mean
I have to ask does this mean I asked him
to spend Christmas with my family? Is she's scared because
(32:55):
it feels like it's a big step and she's like,
you know, hesitant to go to that next step because
there's sometimes there's fear there. I feel like there's implications
with that, or do you feel like maybe this is
like like does it feel like he would be intruding
on something that she doesn't want him to be a
part of That's how I'm reading. Yeah, I don't think
(33:20):
she's all in on this. I think a couple of things. One,
if you're just started dating recently or even towards Dania
last year, but you're two years in now it's time
to start being together for the holidays. I think Also,
you're twenty nine. If you were twenty one, that might
be a little bit different. You're still your you still
have your traditions from childhood that you want to keep
going as long as possible. You're twenty nine, you've been
(33:41):
together two years. It's time to start doing this. I
think now is the time. And if and if you're
hesitant to do that, I think you need to kind
of look inward and figure out why you're so hesitant
to do this. He's not the one, kind of what
it feels like, he's not the one. He's just one
of many. But then there's a part of me that knows,
(34:02):
like one adjacent it can be scary, or he's adjacent
to the one. There, you're almost there. I just I
just feel like the question of like, does this mean
I am supposed to ask him to come with my family?
Makes it seem like that's not in an instant thought
(34:25):
of like wanting him there with you when your family
families there and sometimes family is really difficult, So I
actually I can understand being like I don't know if
I'm ready to bring him into the chaos like of
my family. So there could be that element of it
too where it's like I don't think I'm ready or
that's scary to me to bring someone into this. That's
another option. So that's legit, But that's not what you're saying.
(34:48):
It sounds like she wants to just be with her
family and not with him. That's what it sounds like
to me. But you know how like sometimes you're so
how I'm thinking of this from the perspective of like
what if her family has different like beliefs, so there's
like different things that could start, like friction or something,
(35:08):
and she's like, I don't even want to bring that
into it. I don't know, just a different, different perspective
of not just like he's not the one, but maybe
there's other elements to it that aren't in this email.
But also it's been two years. They probably met, he
probably met the parents, right, They probably met each other's families.
I don't know. I don't know either, Anonymous. Sorry we
(35:31):
were late on this. I hope it worked out, Okay,
I hope Christmas works out. Yeah, it's interesting because now
that I'm thinking about it from that lens, that is interesting. Yeah.
What if her family is very particular about something and
then her significant other is not what they expect or expected,
(35:51):
and you're like, I don't want I don't want to
put you in that position. I don't know. We don't
have enough context to really, but you know what, don't
put off to tomorrow, what you can do today. Beautiful,
very very wise. Anonymous. Second one about about six years ago,
I hooked up with a guy friend of mine. At
the time, he told me he was single by no
(36:12):
later he's dating a girl. When that happened, he lied
about being single. The girl he was dating was my friend,
and me and the girl were not on speaking terms
at the time. Well, recently we became good friends again.
She broke up with him. She's dating someone else, And
I always feel guilty that I slept with her ex
boyfriend while they were still together, even though I didn't
know that they were. Should I tell her the truth
(36:32):
or just keep it to myself because obviously they're no
longer together and she's happy with a new boyfriend. I'm
afraid if I tell her, she won't like me anymore.
Even though I didn't know they were dating at the time,
he lied that he was single. I guess it's my
guilty conscience. Whenever I see her. What do you think
I should do? Should I just forget about it, keep
it to myself forever? Like saying what you don't know
won't hurt you personally? This would eat me alive. I
(36:55):
would have no peace in this friendship, clearly eating her
live or she Yeah, I think maybe it's just you
just have to have a conversation and just know that
she might have the reaction of like, I don't trust
you as a friend. I want to be friends with you,
but I think it'll just make you feel lighter getting
(37:16):
it out and just I would just have a sit
down and say, like, I value your friendship so much
and there's just something that I have to tell you.
And I know that you've moved on from this relationship,
but because we're friends and you know I love you,
I have to be honest with you about this and
just tell her, and she might react. It might not
be great, but I think it's going to be better
(37:37):
for your like general conscious and peace moving forward. It's
gonna This actually happened to me in college. Um, I
slept with the guy that a friend of mine was
like into. They hadn't like they weren't boyfriend girlfriend ever,
but she would just had a big crush on him,
and I like slept with him one night and I
end up I was eating me alive. I hadn't tell
(37:58):
her like I think I told her like the next
day or the day after, and our friendship was never
the same. But that was like my learning moment, you
know what I mean. Like that was like a learning
moment that I needed in my early twenties to kind
of wake me up to that, you know what I mean,
Like no man or no guy is worth putting any
friendship at risk, you know what I mean. Like we
were never super good friends, but like it was it
(38:20):
definitely our friendship was not the same after that, and
so that was like my learning my learning moment, So
that that's what this might be for you, And like
you will never do it again, but it's gonna weigh
on you, like it's gonna eat you alive, you have to, yeah,
say it. I think the friend's biggest complaint might be,
why didn't you tell me as soon as you phoned
(38:40):
out that we were together? I know we weren't on
speaking terms, but the right thing to do at that
point would be to say to me, Hey, your boyfriend
is going around sleeping with other people. And if she
says that, you can just be like. I was scared,
and I wish I had been I wish I had
been brave enough to just be honest and tell you
what it what it was. But here I am now.
(39:00):
I think that's what would bother me is if he's
sleeping with anonymous, he might have been sleeping with who
knows how many people, which puts her in danger. Puts
the girlfriend in danger. Yeah, but I agree with Tamy.
This might just be a painful learning lesson, but I
think it's I think the best thing for you to
do is just be honest and get it off your chest.
And also good for you that you have a conscious
(39:22):
about this, because some people might just be like, whatever
you know, brush it off. But yeah, I love the queen.
I love the queen. She says. Is that our title
for today you've had a bunch. Actually, um true, I
(39:44):
thought that was a strong title. Try well, I think
that's it for today, folks. But we're back Thursday. And
guess what, we have another episode coming out Thursday and
it's a Q and A that y'all submitted, so all
the questions that y'all want to know, we will be
(40:05):
on Thursday. So don't be too sad as we say
goodbye today because to the party, and don't be tarted
to the party because we'll be back on Thursday. So
we'll see you then, Love you, love you, Bye.
Hosts And Creators
Tanya Rad
Rebecca Tilley
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