Almost Famous In Depth: Blake Horstmann

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
This is Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous in Depth.
Ashley and I are back with another in depth episode
of Almost Famous podcast. Ashley, I would say one of
the highlights of this self isolation process has been it
kind of has forced us to get creative and uh

(00:22):
and start doing more in depth, which is something that
I know you and I both love doing. Yeah, that
was our goal. Honestly, we were like, Okay, this spring,
in between Bachelor and Bachelor Rette season, let's do as
many in depth with a big Bachelor personalities that we can.
We've had a couple of them before we bring on
our our guests today, which is a name that that

(00:43):
we all know. Uh, there's been a lot of kind
of recent things happening with this person and this character. Actually,
I want to take a second to talk to you.
I don't know if you've been getting many messages on
social media. I'm sure you do. A lot of people
lean on you for kind of emotional support. I've been
getting a lot of message you if you're listening, you
know who you are, from people saying hey, they really
enjoyed the podcast, or if they don't even mentioned the podcast.

(01:06):
People out there telling me stories of pain of confusion
of chaos in their lives right now, in the midst
of the shutdown and the virus. Um. I think we
do it. We try to do it every podcast, but
I think it's it's appropriate for you and I just
to kind of take a second, uh and recognize that
there's people out there really hurting, and to tell people
and encourage everybody to start looking around them at people

(01:29):
that are are feeling like outsiders and maybe try to
do something to help. Yeah. Um, I know that people
look to podcasts for like kind of friends when they
don't have any around them. So if that's how you
guys are feeling about our podcast, about any podcast that
makes us feel so good? Um, and yeah, for it's

(01:49):
just like a tip to anyone who is feeling lonely.
You may listen to our podcast, but you know, listen
to a humor podcast or listen to a girl talk podcast.
It may make you feel more part of a community
at this point. Yeah, it's it's interesting. Actually, I've gotten
a message today right before we got on uh. And
I always get messages from people saying they're huge fans
of you and and fans of you and Jared, but

(02:10):
today I got one from somebody just saying kind of
telling me their story through a message of of how
much pain and difficulty days came through UH during this
time and they feel alone. But here's the truth of
it all. UH. And I think our next guests can
it can verify this is the one thing about this
quarantine that's been UH that that is UH that is

(02:33):
helpful to understand, is we're all in this together. Like
everybody is in isolation right now. Like if you feel
lonely and you're at home and you're like, I haven't
seen my friends in weeks, nobody likes me, you know,
maybe you're starting to question, like if anybody really cares
about you, Like you should be reaching out to people,
you should be asking for help. But second is we're
all alone right now, Like all of us are like

(02:54):
I think a little bit pulling your hair out, a
little bit confused. We haven't seen people in a while.
Like you are definitely not alone. We are in this together.
This is a part of it. Yes, And I just
wanted to say thank you for sending my dad and
all his coworkers at the hospital that sweet basket of gifts.

(03:16):
Did they get the things that? Yeah, it's one of
the things that makes them feel appreciated. And you know,
just those small old gestures can just warm somebody's heart.
And that, I mean, that's not even a small gesture.
What you did was amazing, So thank you so much.
You got that today was so cute. Ben sent a
package of coffee and sweets and like a couple of

(03:37):
little crafty items. Was really adorable. Thank you so much.
I I don't know how he hasn't texted you yet,
but he asked for your number earlier. Awesome. Hey, well
that's it's a small thing to do for a lot
of people sacrifice their lives in the front lines. Well, hey, anyways,
I just want to start that with that. Actually, I
know you and I both have have have shared in
our empathy and sympathy and also just our own kind

(03:57):
of struggles with being isolated and feeling a little bit alone.
So I wanted to start with that, uh. And I
also want to start with it, Ashley, because our guest
today is somebody that Batchel Nation knows well, somebody that
Bachelation has uh learned to uh just to be honest,
to be confused by, to really get behind and love on.
To also be very angry at to kind of push

(04:18):
to the side and then kind of invite back in
like this, this contestant has had, um, I think it's
very fair fair to say, a roller coaster of a
ride leading to this point in their life and and
through all of this, Uh, they've been very open about
their struggles with mental health. Uh, their struggles with kind
of anxiety and depression and panic. Uh. Some similar topics

(04:40):
are probably what a lot of us are feeling, um
right now in this in this kind of season that
we're in in life. But we're gonna talk about all
this today. It's gonna be a wide array of topics.
We're gonna bring on our guests for this episode of
the In Depth Podcast. Blake Hortzman, Welcome to Almost Famous
in Depth. Thank you, thank you. Happy to be here

(05:01):
to be a fun time I have been actually like
it's given me something to look forward to because a
lot thanks Blake. Are you quarantined alone? So I am
completely quarantine alone. The only person I've been seeing is
my sister who's also quarantine alone. So we've been Yeah.
But you guys ever just like become roomies or is
that too much together? Nice for you guys? She well,

(05:22):
she's working still virtually, so like moment teaches, but I
see on the weekends. Yeah, that's been I don't have
any pets or anything like that, so I'm pretty alone.
Well let's just start with there. I mean, that's a
great question, Ash Blake. A lot of people out there
are going to be listening to this during the time
of a shutdown, and who knows how long it will last.
At this point, Uh, how has it been for you,

(05:42):
Like you are alone in your house? You obviously life
has slowed down a lot. We'll get to kind of
what you were doing here in a second, but just
in general process with us, what is it like to
be locked into an apartment all alone? Yeah? It is? Uh,
I mean this is literally I feel like this has
never happened, like in human history anything like this. So

(06:03):
we're all figuring out as we go. And I've actually
so I've been aware this in the last two years.
I'm a big routine guy, but the last two years
I haven't had anything even resembling a routine. So I've
taken advantage of this. Last like month, I've gotten into
a routine again, which has been kind of nice. I
got myself a peloton. So I've been writing that every day. Yeah,
it's great writing that every day. I've been working out

(06:25):
making music. I've been like picked up hobbies. I ordered
an electric guitar, which I got. I'm gonna learned to
play that. And then I used to play the sacks
as a kid, so I ordered the sacks and I'm
gonna learn to play that again. So very cool. Yeah,
so picking up some new hobby or not new hobbies
to make maybe you know, figuring out small hobbies that
I used to enjoy. So I'm trying to take advantage.
I think most people should try and take advantage of

(06:46):
this time right now as lonely or you know has
And I know that's hard for some who have like kids.
I can't imagine having kids right now. I can't imagine.
I can't imagine. And I've never been more thankful to
not have kids yet. Yeah, it would be very hard.
I have some friends who have, uh, and yeah they're struggling.
But I think two real quick. I I feel like

(07:08):
right now, so I know we're like all everything's virtual
and everything, But I talked to some friends I haven't
talked to in ten years. Have you guys heard of
that like house party at or whatever. That is a definitely.
So if I was on my house party at the
other night with college dreammates haven't spoken to in like
ten years, so it's crazy, like it's kind of bringing
us all together because you spoke to how everybody's in
this together. So it's kind of cool at the same
storme is cool. I was talking to Ben last week

(07:32):
about it. I was like, I think I'd like, like
really enjoy ten days quarantine and alone. But I think
after that was would be when the lonely starts to hit.
But that's let's find it nice that you have your
sister who pops in every now, yeah, we pop anyone.
But I agree, this is like cool, like the first
like two weeks now I'm like a whole boy. Maybe
two of this. Well. One of the things Blake, you know,

(07:53):
just for anybody out there listening, Blake and I both
live in Denver. Uh, We're good friends. When I'm back
in Denver, which is it often right now, we do
try to see each other when I'm back. One of
the things that we've always talked about, I mean really
ever since you were on the show and I first
met you, was the transitions that this experience brings to you, right,
you want to take advantage of the opportunities that presents

(08:14):
them themselves. And uh, you know, a lot of times
it does open you up for new careers and and
new opportunities that you've never could have imagined. But you
and I have both said, like, you never want to
lose yourself, uh, in the experience, and there was a
moment in time that you felt like you were starting
to lose yourself. You were so busy, you were traveling
all the time, you were exhausted. I remember at one

(08:35):
point I you came over for a drink and You're like,
I've been to twelve different places in the last seven days.
It was something ridiculous and why I didn't even understand
how it worked. Have this Has this slowdown been hard
for you to adjust to the new pace or has
it been refreshing? Are you healthier? Uh? You know, mental
health is something you've always talked about, Like, how is

(08:55):
your mental health right now? Yeah? I think you were
used the right word. I think it's been really refreshing. Actually,
because I was on a tear there at the beginning
of the year. I was I was doing you know,
DJ sets all over the country. I was doing some
appearances here and there, and so I was definitely running
on empty. Since has been a bit of a blessing
in disguise for me. I let my especially when Paradise

(09:16):
was airing, Uh, kind of let my health get away
from me. Um. You know, I was in a bad spot. Uh,
and I gained like fifteen pounds and I was just
eating like crap. I was in bed all the time,
didn't leave my apartment, and I was I've been trying
to get back in shape, but this last like month,
I've lost about ten pounds, lost about three percent. Bodie
fack because I've just like been able to take the
time for myself and hopefully a lot of people are

(09:38):
doing that, trying to take this time, you know, and
really trying to figure out themselves and you know what
they can do to become healthier, whether it be mentally
or physically. Yeah. Well, uh, blake again. I want to
throw it to Ashley here. She's gonna uh kind of
take over from here. But I appreciate your vulnerability. I
I think it's gonna be really helpful as this podcast continues,

(09:58):
is hearing your heart where your minds at pretty bed.
They're listening, that's going. Who the heck is Blake Hortzman.
Uh he Uh, he's from Colorado. You should definitely google
him please as a friend, I would love for you
to google to him. What has best Blake Horsemen best
known for? Would be a great legal search. Um. He
was on Beca Kufern's season of The Bachelotte. He was

(10:19):
runner up um to her now fiance Garrett on Becca's season.
He did fall hard for Becca. He had a lot
of respect for Becca. I know that was a real
relationship and we'll talk about that later on that lasted. Uh.
He went on to season six of Bachelor in Paradise,
where he dated or I guess we should say have
feelings for Tasia, Kaitlin, Christina and Hannah Gee. Now, yes,

(10:42):
that is what we know Blake for. But there's more
to him than that. Uh, Blake, you grew up in Colorado.
Describe your childhood. Yeah, grow U in the small mountain
town here in Colorado. Gradual so I graduated with like
a hundred ten. It's a pretty small town. Um. Yeah,

(11:04):
it's pretty small. Yeah, I mean it's you know these
mountain towns called out a little different because there's like
huge like area wise, but like there's not many people
because everybody has huge lands and stuff. So it's kind
of hard to describe with people who don't know kind
of what the mountains look like. But um, yeah, I
still like five h kids maybe foreign kids total in
my high school. Uh, pretty small high school. Uh, close
to my family. Um, parents did get divorced, you know

(11:24):
when I was what was like sixteen, fifteen sixteen, So
that was hard obviously, especially in a small town. I
think it makes it a lot harder. Uh. And then
from there I went to college in Nebraska, so also
another small college in the Midwest. Um, and then from
then moved back to Colorado after graduating there and lived

(11:45):
in Denver now for about six years. Did your parents
divorce have any effect on how you looked at relationships
and love? Did you still want to get married at
that point? Absolutely? So it had a weird effect on
me because my parents definitely, you know, they had they
were married very young. Um, they were together gosh, I
want to say eighteen years something like that. Eighteen years

(12:07):
a long time, Like it wasn't like a queen cooking
hairriage or anything. And uh, but they were you know,
definitely together for the kids for a long time, and
so it was almost when it finally they decided, you
know to kind of part ways. Uh, it hurts, but
at the same time, I knew it was best for everybody,
and they're both very happy now literally in the next
relationship they were into. They've been together since so for

(12:29):
both of them. So my mom remarried, my dad now
been dating you know, the same woman for ten years,
maybe maybe longer. So um, So, yeah, it was. It
was one of those weird things where it didn't make
me not believe in love or not believe in marriage,
because they gave her the best shot at the last one,
you know, as long as possible. They raised me and
my sister and stayed together for us, loved us. I
was always in a very loving home. And then when

(12:49):
they split up, they still found you know, remarried and
found love again. So definitely didn't affect you know, my
love life or anything like that. Tell tell us a
little bit more about what it's like. Um. One of
the things that I don't think we've ever discussed on
in death podcast though, is uh, as somebody it's in
high school or late high school, you know, you had
some traumatic experiences. I know it was public that you

(13:13):
were at school. Uh, you're a senior when there was
a school shooting at your high school. Uh. In addition
to that, obviously, we just talked about the separation of
your parents. Uh. For anybody out there listening, that's just like, hey,
these feel like heavy topics. Uh. And not everybody has
been through a school shooting. Um, that is a unique experience,

(13:34):
but a lot of people have been through divorce. How
do you process this and has it changed your perception
of kind of life and how you see the world. Yeah, yeah,
my high school. You know, at the time, when you're
going through that, you don't really realize that it's much
different than everybody else. I mean, obviously a school shooting
is very unique. But when you're going through it, you know,

(13:57):
you don't really think much of it. But when you
look back on it's like, man, high school, those four
or three or four years really transformed who I am
today and the man I am uh still you know,
and parents divorce, Um, yes, it was very hard, you know,
and especially in a small town you know. Um, But
at the same time, it brought me and my sister
very very close, and so that that is something that

(14:20):
I'll always be thankful for. Me and my sister are
super close. Now she's two years younger than me. Um,
we were always kind of close, but that's um we're
going through. The divorce brought us very very close together.
And UM then yeah, I mean it was not much
longer after. Its kind of during Actually, Um, I was
a senior in in high school and a complete stranger

(14:41):
walked into my high school, didn't have any ties to
the high school and took took um some female students hostage.
And it was very scared, obviously for everybody in the
community and the state really came together. But for me,
it was kind of strange because or you know, hard,
because my sister was a freshman at the time, and

(15:01):
then my mom actually worked in high school too, so
I had basically my whole family in that high school
at the time. So it hit me a little differently, um,
because you know, so much could have been taken from
me that day, and you know, I'll never forget my
mom was actually the one who got on the intercom
and said like code white, and I could hear it
in my mom's voice that something was wrong, you know,

(15:22):
and the teacher. Remember the teacher looking at me, and
I'm looking at the teacher, and I could say how
something was off. And I'll never forget stacking desks in
front of doors and taking windows and things like that,
and it's it was very hard to process at the time.
I remember crying, but I couldn't figure out why. I
remember that a lot um. And but one of the

(15:44):
cool things that came from it is the community, the
state and that the country really rallied around us uh.
And I remember we were getting I was getting calls
from people that I had, you know, would never have
probably talked to, and they were calling UM in support.
And remember there was a ton of money donated to
my school, and I remember we had a whole classroom

(16:05):
full of Teddy Bears things like that. So it was
cool to see the outpouring of love UM when things
like that happened, and how people can kind of come together,
and it gave me I mean, sometimes you can lose,
you know, faith in humanity a lot actually, and that
was just a reminder that there are really good people
out there. And that was that was kind of a
cool thing. Was everybody, Okay, we did lose one female. Yeah, Um,

(16:28):
and uh yeah, it was. It was really hard. Uh
you know, she was small school, so you kind of
know everybody, and uh, it was. It was also very
god incredible to see was her parents um rally and
be so strong and she they actually there's a Emily
Keys Foundation. Her name's Emily Keys. There's an Emily Keys

(16:50):
Foundation now and anytime you actually just did exactly renew
my license. It was kind of a weird moment where
I was going through the UM it's giving new driver's
license and in it it says, would you like to
donate to the Emily Keys UM. I think it's a
donor foundation because she donated all of you know, her
organs and everything. And I was like, oh my god,

(17:11):
that's crazy that that out of that, you know, how
many lives have been saved. And I was like, hey, yeah,
I was like donate, donate, donate. So it was interesting
and it was it was just the strength that her
parents showed and her family showed was also, um, it
was very inspiring. Yeah, do you do you feel like,
I mean, how much of that there's always I'm in
therapy right now, UM, and my counselor talks about there

(17:36):
is this moment in every person, no matter if you're
male or female, or how you identifies life where you
because like you see, like there's this you see the
world differently, become an adult in a sense, you lose
your night not naiveness, you uh the I guess the

(17:57):
lens of the world looks different. Was this that moment
for you or if not yet? I remember there was
a moment during I haven't talked about a while. It
choked out. I'll never forget. So when we were evacuated
from the high school, um by you know, swat teams
um room by room. I remember going into the they

(18:18):
huddled us into the gymnasium, which was in a different building,
and they heldled us into the gymnasium and I remember
seeing my mom and sister for the first time, you know,
and we like ran to the middle of the gymnasium
and did a big group hug and it was just
like in that moment, it was like, gosh, things can
you just ripped from you know, ripped ripped from you
so quickly and stuff fast. Um And it's strange maybe
to learn that in high school when I was like

(18:40):
sixteen or seventeen, um, but it was definitely a moment
that I will always remember, like being so thankful that
they weren't ripped for me, and there was and then
also at the same time, though, feeling the pain of
Emily's family and how she was ripped from them. You know,
it was it was a lot to take in, you know,
the six and seventeen and still stuff. I'm sure you
know processed along the way, and it took a while,
but to be so thankful that for what I have,

(19:01):
But then at the same time, somebody lost their child,
you know, that was that was a hard thing to
deal with, you know, in a six and cents. I
remember just I remember watching CNN and they were like,
you know, it was a helicopter with my school, and
I remember seeing certain things happening, and I remember just
losing and crying and I was like why, you know,
like why am I crying right now? But it was
just so much the process at the time. Do you think, um,
have have you ever been that scared again? Now? I

(19:27):
guess that's that's a good point. I mean, I've never really,
I've never really thankfully thank God that I've never really
experienced anything like that. And there was a feeling of helplessness,
Like I'll never forget that. I'll never forget the feeling
of helplessness and us running from like classroom classroom to
try and like lock doors and find doors that had locks,

(19:48):
and you'd hear a knock on the door and you'd pant.
You'd be like, oh my god, what's happened? Because we
had no information? Um, So, I mean it was complete terror,
but also for myself, but most most importantly, like I
knew my sister was in you know that that hype
that the school as well, and my mom and friends,
and like your whole life you know, at that time
in your sixteen, your whole life is in that school.
And so it was not only worried about yourself, be

(20:10):
worried about people love too, And that was that was
really hard. Did you feel like you had like long
term effects by it, like going back to school? Um? Yeah,
I mean, of course obviously, like that's a life changing
moment obviously, um and something that well unfortunately too many
people go through to be honest now, Um, but I

(20:30):
remember going back to school. A couple of weeks later,
they kind of opened up to school and I remember
they they changed the door shut. Um of the room
that really everything took place in, and it was really eerie.
But also, like I said, it was all of the
students came together, and the teachers and the community and
everybody was just this outpoint of love that I I've

(20:53):
never felt before or since, to be honest, and so
it was pretty incredible. Yes, it changed me and changed
our community, but also like it gave me hope again.
You know, you lose all that hope some stranger who
just for no reason came into our high school. But
at the same time, you lose hope, and at the
same time you see all of these incredible people doing
these incredible things and gets you hope again. And that's
why it's so important for people to reach out um

(21:15):
in times of need, because it does make a difference
coming from somebody who's been in it. It does make
a difference. The donations, the Teddy Bears, the food, everything
makes huge difference. They you're You're just sitting here and
I'm listening to everything you're saying. And you know, obviously
as a kid who went to the high school, you
experienced this and there was huge life changing effects from it.
The family that lost somebody had massive life changing effects,

(21:39):
as you said, like this is unfortunately not uncommon and
some in the world we live in. Uh. And it
also makes me think that, um, that we all, you know,
we all have a story, that we all have something
in our lives that marks that point in time where
we realize that we're out of control, like we don't
have control of this. We we aren't in control of

(22:00):
what happens next. And it makes me relate in a
lot of ways to like what's happening now, Like, Uh,
you know, a couple of weeks ago, people had jobs,
or a couple of months ago, people had jobs, people
were hearing rumors of a virus that was across the world. Uh,
things were operating as usual as normal. Um, we were
able to be with family. You know, Easter is coming up,
and as a Christian, like that's a big weekend for me.

(22:22):
That's one of my favorite weekends. It's where I get
to see my grandmother who is in her eighties that
I don't get to see very often, and I get
to give her a hug and sit with her and
just share memories with her. I get to see my
grandpa who's in his mid nineties right now, and like
those Easter, in these holidays are times that I would
make it special to come back home and to sit

(22:42):
with him. And I say all of this not to
feel sorry for me. All all of us have a story.
Uh you know, all of us have a story. And
right now a lot of people, their story is being changed,
their story is being enhanced, their story is getting more complex,
their sadness involved. There's weird ways of like new ways
of looking at the world and kind of celebrating through

(23:04):
this Blake as we end this segment about your upbringing
and who you are as a man, leading you into
one of the biggest things in your life, which is
crazy enough going on a reality television show. For anybody
out there listening, once again, that's going my story feels
so hard to understand right now, Like this is so scary.
My world is being rocked, My world view is changing.

(23:25):
What would you say to them if you had your
platform and you had everybody that just feels lonely and
scared right now, what would you speak into their life? Well,
first of all, I get it, and that don't be
like you should be afraid, you should be scary, you know,
like and kind of embrace that in a way. Because
if you fight it, you know, the more and more
you fight it, UM, it's okay to if you'd be

(23:46):
afraid right now. I have more friends who have been
laid off than friends who have not right now. And
it's a terrifying time. Um. And the virus itself is scary.
And I think, like I have some friends who I
recently talked to and they were like, we were you know,
we were like crying on FaceTime. And it's like I
have a friend of mine and she had this day
where she just cried all day and she just let

(24:07):
out this big cry, you know, and then the next
day she felt a lot better. I think it's okay
to be scared right now, um, you know, and to
kind of, you know, embrace that and try and I guess,
figure out who you want to be coming out of this.
I think it's almost kind of an opportunity and a
way to um, you know, whether you were in a
job you were comletely happy with, um, whether you were

(24:27):
a person maybe you weren't happy with, And now this
is kind of a restart for a lot of people,
which I think can can be an interesting It's an
interesting time and even his history it is so crazy.
None of us have been through this, so we're all
just taking it step by step together. UM, but I
think a lot of people need to embrace it and
try and figure out a way, you know, to to
help people and to become the person that they want

(24:50):
to become. Yeah, because as you said, like if we
break it all down, there's one thing that's been very
clear through any type of trauma, as you said with
the Teddy Bears and the gifts and UH calls and
then also with this with the support, is we're definitely
not alone. There's other people out there, UM that I
want to love us and want to be there for us.
We just have to be willing to accept it, to

(25:12):
maybe ask or to reach out to others to do
the same. Hey, Blake, thanks for UH for sharing all
of this, UM, thank you for allowing us to kind
of probe into a place that I know is a
little uncomfortable and and probably si still hard to talk about,
and then has caused a lot of change in your
life and the community that you grew up in. UH.
Let's take a break and get a drink of water.

(25:32):
Will come back, UH to start talking about you and
your love life. After the break. All right, Well, now, Blake,
we know the traumatic things that happened at your high school.
But I want to know, like what kind of high

(25:53):
school kid you are? Like, what who did you run with? Well,
I mean so popular, So the quarterback, I mean yeah,
I was like the quarterback of the quarterback. Yeah, I
was like the quarterback and all that, and sophomore year
I was a starting quarterback. But like, my school is
weird though, because it was so small that there weren't
like because we all grew up together, so we all

(26:14):
knew each other. Like obviously in high school a little
different who you sit with at lunch if you will,
you know, I mean technically I guess I was like
the cool table. But there really wasn't like a bad tape,
you know, like we didn't have bad kids, good kids.
It was kind of a weird thing in a small town.
How big was your Actually, that's really nice. I had
five hundred per grade? Yeah, so pretty big. Then what

(26:35):
about you? I was I had four hundred per grade? Uh,
and it's a small town. Yeah, my high school experiences wild.
But Blake, we gotta throw the football around some time.
From quarterbacks. I saw your I commented the other day
when you were throwing the balls. Oh you were a quarterback. Yeah,
trying trying, my hartist to still have lived back my
golden years as I sleep on my fiance's and my

(26:58):
fiance's parents ask you to eat their food. I've been
down in Nashville, Tennessee now for about two weeks. Um.
We literally all seven of us have quarantined inside this house.
So it's like it's funny everything seven or seventeen seven.
There's seven of us, but it's funny, Blake. Our fans

(27:20):
love it. I love it is Like, actually I've talked
about it. We've like turned into high schoolers all over again,
because all of a sudden, we're like freaking out our parents,
like we're eating their food, We're sleeping on their couch.
Like this whole thing has been wild. Every day. It's like, mom,
can you give me a girl cheese? I don't know
when I'm ever going to grow out of that. I

(27:41):
think it's when you you have kids of your own. Yeah, yeah,
I still don't think like, I don't think anybody's adult
until they have kids. I feel like, yeah, I don't
think so either. I completely agree like Jade and Tanner
are adults and Jared tonight, we're still with kids, Like
we're still going to sit in the backseat of the
car and my mom and dad are gonna drive. Okay,

(28:02):
So then where did you go to college? And did
you play high school and college? Did you play high
school college? Did you play quarterback in college? Uh? Yeah,
So I went to Hastings College. Uh. Small college in Nebraska.
I want to say, people like not, it's still pretty

(28:25):
like a big high school. That's like my high school.
It's like a big high school. But yeah, I played
football out there. I was recruited. So it's funny because
I can't believe, well some of the pictures have come out,
but I was accrued as a quarterback. Um played quarterback
for about year year and a half. Uh, and going
into spring training spring season of my sophomore year, we

(28:45):
got this badass Chowko quarterback and I just was not
good enough. So I went to the coach and I
was like, Coach, I'm never gonna play. Can I, you know,
do something else? He's like, yeah, actually, we love you. Know.
We you're an athlete and we think we can put
some weight on you, Like, do you want to be
a tight end? So I was like sure, and I
was up to two forty. When I was I was
a big boy. Um just eight like five chicken breasts

(29:09):
for lunch, you know, like huge steaks for dinner. I
was loving life. It was great. But yeah, I was
about to forty going into my senior year of college.
I was a big boy. I was like my neck
was like huge and yeah different Blake, definitely a different play.
How are you with the ladies throughout high school and college?
High school at two girlfriends um all through high school.

(29:33):
So college was an initiating time for me. So I
was shy. I was super shy growing up and in
high school. Um, college is kind of where I broke
out a little bit. But I wasn't a big man
on campus quote unquote anymore. So it was more of
a time. I think everybody in high schools like knew
me as like the quarterback and like that guy. But
then in college I got to kind of reinvent myself
because people didn't know me as that, and so I

(29:54):
liked it. That's what's so cool about college is that,
like all of a sudden, there are not clicks anymore.
You are a fresh person. As far as like your
rep goes, Yeah, And I wanted to break out of
a stereotypical athlete, like I wanted to break out of that.
I didn't want to be that guy anymore because I
think a lot of people would only see me as that.
So college was school for me. I I took a

(30:14):
bunch of classes that I never would have ended up
getting two degrees, one in marketing and one in communication,
and I really broke out of my like probably the
sophomore years when I broke out of my shell, I
was still like super shy freshman year, the softwareyere. I
broke out of my shell and like, people didn't know
me as the jock. I was just that fun guy
on campus who like knew everybody, was friends to everybody,
in that kind of thing. So we see that you're
like pretty natural with the ladies. I mean everyone loved

(30:40):
Becca season. Girls loved you coming off Becca season, like
doing events with you and just seeing the reaction to
you was incredible. And then in Paradise, we obviously saw
that you know, you were a girl that a lot
of you were a guy that a lot of girls
had their eye on. And well we know that there

(31:01):
was drama that ensued and you didn't. Uh, you weren't
exactly the girl that a lot wanted to end up with.
Everybody was going like trying to make sure I didn't
end up with anybody. Like I think that was the
plane going into paradise, but there was an initial attraction
that many girls had. What is it about you? And

(31:21):
did you always have this power over women? I don't know.
I think I just I think I don't know, like
I don't want to like I'm gonna like self describe
here and I'm gonna don't do it. Don't know. Um,
I think maybe I'm just Um, I think people are

(31:42):
comfortable around me. I guess I think I'm very Yeah,
I think I'm very like I don't know, self depgrading
and like I'm I don't think, like I don't take
myself seriously. Uh. And so I think people are just
comfortable around me. I guess I think that's actually pretty
good answer. Yeah, I think. And I'm all easy to
talk to. Yeah, And I think I'm always that person,
whether it be at like you know, like parties or

(32:02):
clubs or family reunions or what a house party is
that like want to make sure everybody's having a good time.
Want to make sure everybody's comfortable and everybody's there's nobody
left out. I think that's kind of who I am.
I guess. So then you do have a serious relationship
before the bat the Bachelorette, Yeah, I have. Um, I've
had so I haven't had that many girlfriends through through life. UM,

(32:24):
I think full four. I mean unless you count high
school be four. Um. I had one that I lived with,
uh data for two years, lived with her right out
of college, and then another one right about you know,
eight nine months before the Bachelorette that you know, it
was pretty serious and I thought was the one and
everything that didn't work out. So and that's when I

(32:46):
knew going into the bachelotte because I never really felt
like this is the one, this is it. I'm settling
down and getting married, and so going into the batchelde,
I knew I was capable of that. So it's like
an exciting time for me. I was like, Okay, I
can get there around like yes, this is it and
wait to get married. Kind of like oh, was gonna say,
you're very eager on the Bachelorette. You almost you kind
of you brought a lot of your past relationship into it.

(33:07):
I feel like, um, I don't know, possibly, but I
just think I don't know. I mean, but the fear
that that was over, the fear that like your other
relationship was over, kind of rolled over into the Bachelorette
when you were kind of like, I know this is it,
but like it needs to actually happen this time unlike
last time. Um. Maybe I guess I never really thought
of it like that, but no, I think I just

(33:28):
felt it that because I think when I'm one of
those people who, like, when I feel it, I feel
it like I'm not gonna beat around the bush, I
love hard and like I'm ready to go kind of thing.
And I think I'm the opposite when it comes to
like if I'm not really into somebody, I'm like scared
to maybe say it or break it off for that
kind of thing. But when I'm into somebody, I'm into somebody,
and it's yeah, I know it. You know. It's one
of those feelings. And I had that relationship before, and

(33:50):
I had that during the batcherette. I was like, let's
do this. You you come on to beckat season of
The Bachelorette, bringing in a lot of things that we
talked about not a lot of relationships, but some fairly
serious ones. Uh. You bring you know, coming from high
school being kind of uh the popular kid, the quarterback,
the good looking quarterback, to college where you still were

(34:13):
an athlete, very well known, very liked. Um. You then
have the moment where uh, you start having a full
time job. You had a great job, you were um
A what was your official title with Cores? I mean
basically an off premise sales Rety's your sales ref for
Cores coming onto the batchelorrette where you did fall for Becca? Uh?

(34:34):
And yes, out of respect for her and Garrett, Like,
we don't need to get into what that relationship fully
looked like, but what it did do and I remember
when I first met you is uh, it held a
lot of weight on your heart, like there was a
just a deep I don't want to speak for you.
What was your relationship like with Becca as it ended,

(34:55):
and what were your feelings for her leading you into
that next season, which is where get into some of
the details of where maybe things went wrong right or
however you want to process it. Um, I's gonna think
back now. So I think I had a unique everybody
has a unique experience in the match. You know, in
that show, everybody kind of has different levels of the

(35:17):
relationship with the lead or whatnot. But I think mine
was interesting because I you know, we clicked pretty much immediately,
and I remember being one night, you know, so you know,
there was a moment we had and I remember laying
in Ben being like, oh, like, oh no, I'm gonna
fall for this girl. This is gonna be really hard
for me, um, because it was fast for me. We're

(35:38):
like other people, like, I know, Jason had a very
late connection with her, you know, Um, so like I
had one of the ones early connection. So it made
that journey very hard for me because I knew I
was into her and I had to watch other people
date her if you will, uh. And you know towards
the ends, um, I mean, I guess the asked two

(36:00):
weeks or incredibly difficult for me because I knew that
I was into her, in love with her. Um. The
one thing I always respect about Beca is that I
think she gave you know, everybody time uh, and she
really was able to ah in those was what I'm
looking for in those moments when she was with us,
she was with us, she wasn't thinking aboutnybody she was
in those moments. Uh. And yeah, it was very hard

(36:22):
at the end. I think people could see that in
the Maldives. It was very hard for me. But at
the same time, I was never angry at Becka, you know,
never angry at Garrett or any of that kind of thing. Uh.
She made the decision she felt was right for her,
and so I'll never ever, you know, being angry at
her for that. So I backtrack for a minute. How
did you get on the show? Yeah? I was nominated

(36:43):
by my sister and my mom. Uh, and then it
was like in October and then it filmed in March,
like six months worth of going through that whole process,
you know how it is. So yeah, I hate them
and love them for nominating me for the show. So
I remember coming back. I remember landing in Denver, you know,

(37:04):
calling my family being like, let's me to my place
and let's talk. And they all came in, and I
remember my mom being almost like wanting to apologize because
I was heartbroken, and she was like, oh my god,
I did this to you, and she's like, I nominated you.
You know. It's kind of funny, Like I remember watching
that finale in the weeks leading up to it, and
being like, I know she's supposed to be with Garrett,
but I think I need her to be with Blake

(37:26):
because I don't know how this guy's gonna get through it.
I don't know if he's gonna get through I've never
seen somebody like this head over heels on the show
like truly you there was like a frenzy about you.
I was like, this man has to leave with her.
That was yes, and like I was, you know, I
was very in love and like like I said, it
was imagine like week three is when I was like,

(37:47):
oh my god, like this girl's awesome. I could get,
you know, really get, you know, really be in this.
And it just built and built and built and built
and built. And by the end, you know, I had
been two months or whatever it was and watching other
people data it's just finally was like, oh my god,
I handle this anymore. You know, it's not an easy
imagine watching the girl with another man. It's not fun,
not a good time. So the the note to take

(38:10):
from all of this right now and getting to know you,
and there's a common theme here is one thing that
you have done well if there is a definition of
well from it is you. We have seen in the
last few years of you being a part of this
experience some of your highest highs in your lowest lows,
and we have seen it like it's for you. Uh.

(38:32):
These moments in this experience have been some of the
most um impactful moments in your life. Like we have
been a part of this with you. Uh. And I've
I asked all these questions about you know, Becca, because Uh,
A lot of the audience doesn't realize how real sometimes

(38:53):
it is. But the breakup with Becca was a real
breakup for you. Yeah, very real break up for me. Uh.
There's a lot of I remember in the moment, there
was a lot of confusion for me. Um, I knew.
I remember, I remember reading back my diary, and I
remember my journal, and I remember I mentioned Garrett a lot.

(39:16):
I knew that they had a really strong connection, but
it was still at the end there I still thought
it was gonna be me. Uh, and I will never forget.
In the the next morning after the proposal, you know,
I was leaving on the boat. I remember it was
early in the morning and the sun was coming up.
I remember looking at that island and being like, you
know Garrett and I knew Garreton Becker still on the

(39:36):
island obviously, and I remember just being like, oh my god,
Like it was like one of those It was just
a weird moment where I looked at like my life
will never be the same, you know. It was like
my life. I was like, my life could have taken
such a different turn at that point, you know, I
could have been engaged on the island and the Maldives
and now I'm leaving heartbroken alone, you know, And so
it was a Yeah, it was a strange time. And
then having to keep all of that secret, Like I

(39:57):
don't think that people understand how hard it is, you know,
and you're one of the F two's. They're like, you
have to keep it everything quiet. You can't talk to
your friends. The only people you can really talk to
your family, you know. Um, so it was really hard
to get there. Yeah, how long did that like depression last? Uh? Well,
I mean luckily I got home and literally two weeks
later they show started air. So that was really nice.

(40:19):
It was like let's do this kind of thing. Um,
watching back the season, Uh, it was strangely therapeutic, like
it's a weird feeling to watch yourself or yeah, it's
a weird thing to watch yourself fall in love. But
then also I watched Garrett and Becca's relationship, like I
was one of the one who I did watch every
moment because I wanted to find answers and I want
to figure out why it wasn't me and it was Garrett.

(40:41):
Um not necessarily think there was like this one moment
or this one thing that happened, but seeing how strong
their connection was, um, in a weird way, it helped
because I wanted her to be happy, and then you know,
I want to Garrett to be happy. But I'll never
forget the uh yeah finale, like the after fun rose. Uh.
It wasn't actually the my conversation with her that kind

(41:03):
of did it for me to close the book. It
was actually seeing how happy her and Garrett were on
that couch and I was like, okay. I was like
it's over, it's done. Time to move on with my life.
So and and you moved on and you did uh
it like we're gonna take one break here, uh and
when we come back, if you can just spend the
break kind of thinking through Um, this breakup with Becca

(41:26):
led you into a season of not being on a show.
You're kind of in an in between season. This obviously
was a time that a lot of stuff happened. You
had people flocking to you. As Ashley's mentioned, you had
still Uh you're recovering from a broken heart. Uh, you
were thrown into a whole new world that you know
involves celebrity and being noticed and being sought after. Uh.

(41:51):
When we come back, I want to hear uh some
of those emotions and those feelings which led you to
then stage coach. But before we do, let's take a
break back with Blake Hurtzman. Uh, Ashley, you have a

(42:12):
question for Blake kind of in this in between season
that will lead us to get to the point where
kind of where Blake started to mess up. Okay, so
you get your closure ish in July, and then you think,
probably you're shoeing for the Bachelor. Everyone thought you were
going to be the bachelor. Jason did get a little

(42:33):
bit of steam there, but it was between the two
of you guys for sure. And then all of a sudden,
out of the blue, one of your really close friends, Colton,
gets the title, and you're like, Okay, wait, I thought
I had a way to pick myself back up, and
I don't. So now I just am like I can't
imagine just having that heightened emotion and you know, all

(42:53):
that popularity and all of a sudden you're like, oh, man, um,
I don't I don't have it or anymore. What am
I gonna do? How that chapter of your life go?
Uh yeah? So kind of I spoke to like how
I was being up to you kind of have to
like seclude yourself. You can't really go out because people
are gonna ask questions. So all during the airing of
the show, I was kind of like isolated and not

(43:14):
really going out. And then I had a couple of
months where they were trying to figure out who the
Bachelor was. I was isolated and not going out. So
it's probably lit almost a year. It's almost a year
where my life was completely flips upside down during the filming,
the airing, then the in between on the Bachelor. So
I was like in this weird place where I was
like wasn't living Like I was just not living my
normal life. It wasn't being myself because I was kind

(43:35):
of trying to like isolate myself and Um, then I mean, yes,
I knew it was between me and Jason, like I
mean I thought it was between me and Jason. Um,
I thought it was gonna be Jason thousand percent. I
never but I never really let myself be like, oh,
I'm gonna be the Bachelor, like I thought it was
gonna be Jason. Um. It was definitely a surprise when
Colton got it. But we also had talked a lot

(43:56):
Me Jason, Colton, we were friends, and you know, we
had a group chat going like who'd you talk to today,
who'd you talk to? What was your meetings? Right? You know,
So it was kind of funny. We you know, I
don't think the producers ever had anything like that. And
I remember they actually group texted all three of us
together at one point. We're like, screw it, We're just
gonna tell you all its news at the same time
kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah, they were like we're gonna

(44:16):
have an answer fight for you three by the end
of the week, that kind of thing, like they were
like skipping up. Yeah, they had just given up there,
like if we know you guys are talking, so we're
just gonna talk to all three of you. Um, but yeah,
I got the call, um, and you know, they told
me Colton was was Bachelor, And it was a weird
thing where like what now, Um, I think the show
has gotten better, and I know they're trying to get

(44:38):
better at not really at kind of helping the transition
from the show into real life. I know that's something
gonna work on because I think it's really hard when
you just kind of like sink or swim and like
figure it out, like your life's about to be flipped
upside down. People are gonna try and take advantage of you. Um.
But I think they're doing a better job with that.
I will give them that. Um. But yeah, I wasn't

(44:59):
that weird moment where it's like, okay, what now. I
was still working. I worked for eight months after the
show at Cours. I was still working, but I was
also gone a couple of times a week, um, doing interviews,
doing appearances and all of that with you know, the
attention that comes with it. So it was a weird
time in my life for sure. It's all a weird world. Um,

(45:19):
but it brings us here. I mean, so blake. You
don't know what you're getting into, you don't know how
to pursue being the bachelor. If there is a pursuit
to being the bachelor, and we don't know yet if
that's good or bad, but you're getting hounded with attention
from all different sides. I was with you at my
Heart music fest, Ashley and I were and we went
out together one night. Uh, and it was wild the

(45:42):
attention you're getting and the energy you had. I'm the
same age as you, and I was exhausted by the night.
Eight months. Yeah, I was like, you're going out now.
I couldn't get over it. But what it did is,
and I said this earlier to set us up for
this question, because you're heartbroken by Becca, you're disappointed a

(46:06):
bit by not being a bachelor, or however you want
to explain that you're getting more attention than ever. You're
trying to figure out what to do with it because
you're still working a job Monday through Friday, and that
in between season between not knowing knowing you're not the
Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise. You we're very single, to

(46:30):
put it lightly, um, walk us through that, Walk us
through what your thought process was, where you trying to
have fun, where you not understanding the consequences like this,
All of that season of life set you up for
what became a lot of backlash that we'll talk about
in a bit. But this, this is this is real.

(46:52):
This is the real world to you, and you're making
real world decisions with real humans. Walk us through that. Yeah,
I mean always it was a very strange time when
women were throwing themselves at me. Um, And it was
it was a weird time where I'm not gonna sit
here and act like I Yeah, I was single, I

(47:12):
was single. I had fun, but like also I never
and I want I can't express this enough. I didn't
play with hearts like I was always very honest. I
was always very honest. Um. Yeah, it was a weird time.
And I you know, I'm not the first person imagination
to do this kind of thing. Um. In fact, I
think most do. Um. But yeah, I mean it was
a weird time where I was not only single, but

(47:34):
I was heartbroken. Uh. And I definitely think that I
found comforts you know, and other things and you know,
going out and having fun. Um. And it was a
weird time. And it's something that obviously it's a point
in life where you like learn, you know, you learn
a lot and you grow and that I didn't go
on Paradise that year, So it was that weird moment
where I had even longer, you know, and girls coming

(47:57):
up had a year of Paradise. Yeah, but girls coming
off Golden Season. Yeah, it was the quote unquote because
Jason was wiped up. It was like the quote unquote
a guy. And so yeah, they they wanted to be
with me because for the multiple reasons. But like, yeah,
so it was very hard with that too, because everybody's
tighting my d m s and it was crazy. Did
you ever feel like it got to your head looking

(48:18):
back in hindsight? I mean, this experience changes who you are,
no matter what your night one, you're f two, whatever
you want to call it, paradise everything, It changes who
you are, of course. But like I'd be lying to
if five years ago I was a single man and
two beautiful women wanted to have no strings attached one
night stands at a music festival, I wouldn't have done it.
I'd be lying to you like in that sense, like, yeah,

(48:40):
I mean, this experience changes you absolutely. Um. But yeah,
I mean I'm not gonna sit here in life because
I think that's kind of a cop out to be like,
you know, I lost myself, Like I think that's a
cop out, you know, So I don't want to lie
anymore and over I'm over the fakeness of everything. So
we've we've kind of talked with multiple people in depth,
and one thing that I'm constantly learning in my life

(49:04):
because it was just a different way that I ever
again saw the world and not no moral ground I'm
standing on here. But the show has talked a lot
about sex recently, you know, people who are choosing to
stay absinent, people who are exploring their sexuality and more
open about you know, what sex means to them. Um,

(49:25):
We've had guests come on this U on our almost
famous podcast and and talk about how uh they do
podcast exploring uh, you know, partnership and what that looks like.
I'm learning what I'm saying all this is like I'm
learning more and more that there everybody isn't entitled to
their opinion. But the part that affected people the most,
that you hit on on was that you were accused

(49:47):
during this time in your life of leading people on,
of playing with hearts, of uh, manipulating situation. And you're
saying that you never did that. But why was that
the perception? Why is that the story that got put
out there during this kind of limbo season, because that

(50:07):
was a good story, that makes good TV, that makes
a good narrative, the man who everybody loves falling off
the top, you know. And I'm not gonna sit here
and act like I didn't make mistakes. I've made mistakes.
Everybody does. Mine just happened to be in front of America.
But I mean, you saw very very honest about how
you know that night and how it felt. And they

(50:28):
were very sure to tell me that it wasn't you know,
anything other than sex. Um, can you clarify the night? Stage? Okay,
so there's there's Calin at stage coach. Was there another
bachelor girl at stage coach besides I mean Christina? Yeah? Yeah, yeah,

(50:49):
Like we both made it very it was very clear
what it was, um, you know. And so I think
that was the frustration when I was watching the show
back is yeah, the way it was, you know, the
way the story slipped a little bit, not a lot
of it, a lot of it, And so that was
really pressure. I think Blake. Part of this gets heavy

(51:10):
and weird and confusing because there was so many storylines
um happening uh leading up into The Bachelor in Paradise.
Just for anybody out there listening, and I know you've
done it a hundred times before. I don't think we
need an exact timeline, but just a summary of what

(51:30):
that whole concert felt like to you, Like was it
a big party and a lot of things going around
in circles and all of a sudden you find yourself,
um talking to dating, sleeping with somebody you didn't expect,
or was there conversation beforehand? Uh? And then we can
leave the stagecounts conversation kind of if if ash doesn't
have any follow ups. I just want to get a
better idea of what picture was being done here so

(51:51):
that we all understand the story a little bit better. Um.
I mean I feel like kind of you everybody kind
of heard it, but I mean I don't overheard it.
Turned it to meytime. But yeah, I mean at stage coach,
it's music festival, Like you know, everybody's having fun. I
think that was the funniest part about everything. Like this
wasn't like a random like I don't know, like night.

(52:14):
You know, it's like a music festival is a full weekend. Um, yeah,
it is. Everybody's having fun, everybody's you know, living life.
And yeah, for Friday night, um, four am, Yeah, text
messages happened. Um, Christina came over. And then the next night, yeah,
four am some text message of exchange and Caitlin came
over to refresh the audience's memory. You did have a

(52:38):
brief thing with Christina coming off of the Bachelorette, so
that fall and then that fizzled out, which I think
both of you agreed that that fizzled out. Then you
started talking to Kalin later on that year. I saw
both of them at Stage Coach. Then you believe that
it was clear to both of them that it is

(53:00):
just a hook up thing and that it was more
of like a weekend thing. And then you tried to
pursue Hannah g Um, thinking that you'd be dating her
in Paradise. He went down to Alabama to have a
weekend with her. No, she came out to l a
like six hours, wasn't I wasn't bringing about six hours yet,

(53:20):
so it was just a quick trip. Yeah. I went
to tell her about Stage Coach. Yeah. Oh, because you
guys were talking to before you were talking and I
just didn't want her to be blindsided down there. I
didn't want That's why I told Caitlin, I didn'tant anybody
to be blindsided down there. I wanted to make sure,
you know, yeah, I just didn't want anybody to be blindsided.
I wanted to make sure everybody, you know, kind of new.
And me and Hannah never and we talked about this before.

(53:42):
Me and Hannah never agreed like, hey, I'm gonna date,
You're gonna da an me. We both were both excited
about each other, don't get me wrong, but it never
was that the case. Ben, You have anything to add
before I go further on the timeline, No, I mean no, Um,
I don't. I think I think all this like even

(54:02):
now I sit here, Blake, and as a friend, I'm like, man,
I know you've had to talk about this a thousand
times and I know, um, this is frustrating, and I
know it gets defensive. I think the hardest part here
and it will always be the hardest part for you,
is it's so complex. Like I just think, like, I
don't know how you fit this in in that period

(54:22):
of time. I think everybody's kind of joked about that, like,
how do you have so much time. The second part
is like, it's just complex. It's a complex story with
a lot of different moving parts. But you know your
truth is this, and and you know we'd have to
talk to everybody else involved to get their truth, but
your truth is, Hey, you didn't play with any hearts.
There was a mutual understanding between all parties involved. Um,

(54:43):
nobody was. Nobody felt misled. And and that's why you
decided to go on Paradise because you felt like everybody
was in the clear, which you know is why you
went to tell Hannah G in person that this is
what happened. And if you choose to go under Paradise,
I want you to know ahead of time. I almost
you am leading somewhere with this to a more relevant question. So,

(55:05):
in Paradise, you asked Taitia out on a date, even
though I think you had mentally planned on asking Hannah J.
Is that correct? Yes? And you recently admitted this on
your Instagram story because your contract expired last month. Yeah,
I mean I yeah, I planned to take like I got.

(55:27):
I didn't think I was going to get the first
stake card. That was a complete surprise to me. Um,
but I remember getting it and being like, you know,
you go to your I T and they talked about
who you're gonna take, blah blaad. I was like, Hannah,
I was like, Okay, we got up left the room,
and I don't want to talk too much about this,
but yeah, I mean I was sat down and it
was my decision. I wasn't forced to do anything. Um.
But at the time, you know, I felt that people,

(55:51):
you know, I trusted a lot of people, but they
had already kind of figured out a narrative for me,
and if I was to maybe take Hannah, the narrative
might have been a little different for them. And Tasha
is an amazing woman, And honestly, I feel the worst
kind of like Tasia was brought into drama that she
didn't need to be in, Like I brought her into
drama by take her on that first date, you know
what I mean, Like it wasn't fair to her. Um.
But yeah, I just you know, I was about an hour,

(56:13):
um I was convinced to take to take Tasha, And
that really is where everything started snowballing, and it was
just a horrible experience. Yet I think that's everybody's like
initial question was just like, but what how did he pick?
Why did he ask Tasha out that if I could
go back, like I I think one of the hard
things about coming up having a good experience on the

(56:35):
Bachelor bauch shread is that you're very naive. You know,
you're very naive going into Paradise, and I, you know,
I was, I was like, you know, these producers are
making good points and they have my best interest at heart,
and then yeah, I guess the rest is history. But yeah,
you also said on the same Instagram story that you
feel a little bit of PTSD from Bachelor in Paradise.

(56:59):
I mean I still yeah, I still yeah. I mean
just talking about this is getting me wound up my heart,
beating my palms and sweating like it's it was a
really rough experience, and it was I mean, it was
just a hard time in my life to have, you know,
not only when you was on the beach, um having
everybody you know gang up on me and bully me,

(57:21):
you know, and kick me while I was down constantly. Um,
but like afterwards, to a lot of people I trusted
did the same thing, you know, and it was just
I felt very a long, very very very long during
all that Ben, you were with him, Um, I mean
with him as a guider throughout that time. I know
that you confided a lot in him, Blake, Ben, can

(57:43):
you tell us from your perspective how you saw blake
soul while The Bachelor Paradise was airing? Yeah, I mean
I think it's hard. It's hard because at one level,
you know, you're a friend, and you want to give
your friend, like I would anybody, uh act, what you
hope is truthful advice. And so like some of some

(58:04):
of the stuff that my friends have said to me
that's been the most helpful have also been the ones
that the things that have hurt me the most. Uh So,
like if my buddy is out there, uh making decisions
that I don't agree with, like I we have the
relationship that I would tell him, hey, like you should stop, Um,
you should not do this. And the the hard part
for me or I mean, you know, and Blake is

(58:26):
a friend of mine, a legitimate friend of mine, and
we also share this experience. A hard part for me
is you're speaking to somebody that one that is this
has already happened. So that's one issue because you can't
really take it back. So you're trying to more console.
The second is it is being done in the public
eye and being judged by the public um Blake. I

(58:46):
think if I look back on that though, there isn't
you know, I have to have because of the podcast
like and other things, like, I share the opinion that
I don't think it was great decisions. I don't think
Stage Coach was probably anything good for you. I don't
think the things that happened at Stage Coach helped you
as a man or just helped your life. But they happened,

(59:06):
and so you move on and we figure out how
to process it. I think if I remember right going
back to you and after this, I want to kind
of get into how it affected your head. But was
the reaction from everybody else, the people especially on the show.
Remember you came back and you said, hey, this is
a good like some stuff happened, like this is hard

(59:27):
on me, but I had the support of my peers
there who like helped me along the way. When you
watched it back, that wasn't the case, and that wasn't
the so of course, like you know, the public scrutiny
and like the comments, but that hurts, don't get me wrong,
that hurts, um, but you know, when you're in the
public eye, you kind of learned to let those roll

(59:48):
off as much as possible, will offer back. But it
was watching these people who were so nice, like at
times at the beginning it was rough, they were nice
to my face, and then watching the things they were
saying in interviews and the things they were saying um
to each other in group chats or whatever, you know,
UM down on that beach, it was not only was

(01:00:11):
a shocking but it hurts so so bad. And a
lot of them have apologized. A lot of them have apologized, UM,
you know, and I try not I know, we know.
I mean, actually you've been there. That environment is very hard,
and that environment caused you to say things you don't
necessarily mean um, And so I try to I try
to keep that in mind, like I know how bad

(01:00:31):
that environment can be, and I know that you're almost
you're asked to bully and it's and I try and
keep that high. When I when I talked to some
of these people when they have apologized, and I was
angry for a long time. I was frustrated, but like
I couldn't keep that in my heart, Like and I'm
still working through it. I'm still going through to therapy,
I'm still working through a lot of my frustrations. Um.
But like eventually I was just like, I gotta forgive

(01:00:52):
these people because I can't live with this hate in
my heart anymore, you know. And so still stuff are
working through. But are there still are there people that's
still don't forgive you for for what? I don't forgive
me for stage coach, or give you for the text messages.
They still haven't gotten over your moves in Paradise. No, No,

(01:01:16):
I think well maybe Dean and Caitlin. Um, maybe that's
the only two Blake. Um. I know it's hard to
it's hard to communicate I think, the waight and of
of this, But like it wasn't during this time in
your life and even today, I mean it has been
that long ago where like there were a lot of

(01:01:38):
tears shed. Um. There were tears shed not only in
your social media that obviously became um kind of viral,
there was also a tear shed in private with your
friends and your family. Um, this took a toll on you.
You know, all of this we start It's interestingly if
you kind of see the the story of this podcast.

(01:02:01):
You know, we start with uh some trauma. Uh. We
kind of go into like some more funny things like
how cool you were in high school and college. Uh,
your your great job, and kind of that you were
the life of the party, always wanting everybody have a
good time and getting attention from ladies, and being on
this show that rocked your world but also broke your
heart like that. Your your story here has always been complex,

(01:02:25):
and now we get to a place where it almost
just feels heavy, and it's felt like it's it's been
heavy for a while now. Um, I want to take
a break here, uh, and I would love to come
back and talk to you a little bit about not
only were your heads at today, the lessons you've learned
about mental health and how you kind of have worked
through that for anybody out there listening, and also yourself. Uh.

(01:02:48):
And then finally, I know that you're pursuing a new
career uh that uh, I think would be really nice
to share about here. On the Almost Famous in Death
podcast with Blake Courtsman, We've been talking to Blake Courtsman
about a lot. I mean, we've started in high school

(01:03:10):
that's led us up through his first job, high school, college, um,
and then onto the Bachelorette, which led him to a
little bit of disappointment not being the bachelor, then to
Bachelor in Paradise. Uh. A year after being on the Bachelorette.
We all know Blake's story and Bachelor in Paradise. We
don't need to go into details of who the women

(01:03:30):
were and kind of all the storylines that played out there.
We've we've heard it a hundred times. If you haven't,
I'm sure you can google it, um and and everybody
has been either hurt by it. Uh. Some feel like
they've been hurt from the experience, others have been hurt
by kind of the second hand opinions and criticism. H Blake,

(01:03:52):
what has hurt you the most? And I say this
not to like, hey, I know you've experienced pain in this. No,
it's like, hey, your pain has been very public, like
your struggles with mental health have been h have been
talked about often by yourself and others. What from this
whole experience has hurt you the most? Uh? God, God,

(01:04:14):
there's so much I think I and I've always been
um a bit of you know, I think I just
was very naive coming into this world. And I think
the hardest part was seeing people I considered friends, um,
you know, just throwing me under the bus for retweets,

(01:04:35):
for likes, for pods, for you know, whatever they needed
to keep you know, relevant or whatnot. Uh. And that
was hard for me because I just think I even
though I was told, you know, to expect that by
a thousand people, I just still didn't think, um, that
that was something that was going to happen. And one
of the hardest parts to it all was how many

(01:04:56):
people were on my side privately, how many people told
me they would have done exactly what I did and
that I did nothing wrong, and then in public doing no. Well,
not necessarily some of them did the complete opposite, but
a lot just we're kind of quiet on the whole thing.
And it's a weird part. It's like, it's weird because
I don't expect in this world now, especially now I

(01:05:16):
know it a little bit better. It's hard to expect
people to stick their neck out for you, you know,
because they're risking their rip, they're risking their career, um,
and I know that now, and so looking back, like
it's hard to be like, why didn't you say anything?
Because they were worried about their image. Um. But that
was the hardest part was watching friends who I know,
people I considered friends saying privately they're on my side
and publicly not. That was very hard for me. Well, well,

(01:05:39):
this is our moment to kind of stick our necks out.
And you know, that's why we have this podcast, and
we want to hear the truth, right, because the truth
gets hard to to sometimes see when all this is
going on. You know, we're watching on TV, we're still
seeing glimpses on social media, we're hearing the opinions, uh

(01:05:59):
from your peers, and I think when you do that,
you go, oh my, this must be true. But for you,
you're saying, hey, like this is a lot harder to
understand than what anybody saw. Um, and you were just
wanting people to be there. Now that causes some mental
health issues, right. I mean you came on your on

(01:06:21):
your Instagram. I remember during that season you just like
in tears, crying to the public, like really crying out loud,
like for help. And I mean I think I remember
advising you, um too. I don't think. I think we
talked it through and I was like, I don't know
what you do here, like I don't know if this
is smart to share, Like I know what kind of

(01:06:41):
feels like you're outing the other people involved, but you're
like you're just saying, like I just need to get
my story out there because I need to feel like
less alone, right, yeah, I mean not only my Yeah,
and I just I won't I'll just I get hearts
like some people. Um, the whole text interesting, but like
it's it's frustrating me because imagine the whole world was

(01:07:07):
against me, like people had already decided like I was guilty,
Like there was nothing like I was guilty. And unfortunately
the show and I don't blame the show necessarily for
not showing my side because I couldn't. Like when I
was down there, I didn't you know, it wasn't like
they edited my side out like I didn't because I
didn't know some of the things that were being said,
you know. Um, But so I just felt like I

(01:07:29):
had no choice, and I was like, listen, like I'll
never understand how somebody can be angrier at the evidence,
you know, of the lies and the lies themselves. That's
just not something that I don't know if I'll ever
be able to really comprehend. Um, but I at the
same time, it's like I get like private mesters of
private mesters, but it's like same time, millions of people
watched the show, you know, So I don't know. It

(01:07:52):
was hard. It was a very difficult decision. And it's
it's not when I took lightly and it hurt. It
hurt really bad at the time. UM, But it was
something I felt like I had to do. What steps
did you take after the show was aired to better
your mental health after the show was Yeah, it was aired, uh,
enduring while it was airing. Um, you know, I took UM.

(01:08:18):
First of all, I got off social media. UM, Like,
I didn't post, I posted, I didn't I posted the
text messages, and then I didn't post again into the finale.
I just felt like I needed to remove myself from
from that. UM. So I got off of that to therapy.
Took a lot of therapy, leaned on friends, leaned on family, UM,
and I still was really low. Um. It's hard when

(01:08:41):
you know you feel alone like that, and even I
know my family cares and my friends and everybody loves me,
but you're almost in You're in a weird state. Um.
You know when you're first of all, let me you start.
I was always one of those people who thought that anxiety,
panic attacks, suppression was always something and you could just
quote unquote rubb dirt on and I always thought that

(01:09:04):
it was kind of a made up thing for people
who uh needed, you know, attention, quote unquote you will
Now I know that that is not the case, that
those are very very real. I remember I was depressed,
and I remember the every every day I was in

(01:09:24):
bed for probably about three months. I remember everyday I'd
be like, tomorrow, I'm gonna get up, I'm gonna walk,
I'm gonna take a job, Tomorrow is gonna do it.
And then I wake up and I couldn't do it.
I physically couldn't do it. I remember my mom coming
in and trying to drag me out of bed, and
I physically couldn't do it. And I was just in
a really bad spot. And I know what my your health,
you know, starts decline, you start eating, crapping, and stall
just a snowball um. And I was in a really

(01:09:47):
bad spot and it took a long time to get
out of that um. And still so, like I said,
it's still something I'm working on. But I'm definitely a
you know, way better spot than I was four or
five months ago. But it's not something that you can
cure overnighte in just tick time for sure. Uh. To
close off this segment, um, and and thank you for

(01:10:12):
sharing this stuff. I think it cannot feel great, but
I hope that speaking about it over and over again,
at some point, um, you know you you will be
able to move forward, which you know I'd like to
know have you moved forward? Are you dating again? Um?
And to close up all this, like what did this
teach you? You know? Remember a headline back in the

(01:10:34):
day and I only say this like you Sorry, this
is gonna be harsh, but you've probably seen. It's like
how the mighty have fallen? Like you know, you were
at the top, that people loved you. People, we're celebrating you,
and I still think people love you. Like I'm not
saying they don't like you're not You're not hated. Um,
but you did fall hard, like you fell and were
humbled in in grand ways. What has all this taught you? Um?

(01:10:56):
This is your story man, Like this is the crazy
part about in depth, Like we just gone through most
of your story since you're in high school, and there's
details involved that we've skipped over, and there's things that
we didn't talk about in pains that we we never
could approach here. But like your story in a and
in a microcosm is now here talked about today. Where
are you at? Yeah, Um, like I said, it's still

(01:11:20):
in therapy, you know, And I still have my moments,
but I am you know, I have some trust issues now.
But at the same time, like I you just gotta
get to a point where you're like, Okay, I need
to get back out there. And you know, I am dating,
and I am at least open to meeting someone again
where I wasn't there for a long time. I think
I had a lot of walls up, uh, and I

(01:11:40):
am open to that. And you know, one of the
obvious things I've learned through all of this, you know,
it's kind of who my who my real friends are,
and who I can lean on. But then more importantly,
like I think a lot of people, especially my generation,
our generation and you know the generation um before you
know below us, Um, we kind of finds confidence and

(01:12:02):
find our self love through the eyes of others. And
I think I was definitely guilty of that. I think
I was someone who unless you know, I had a
junch people loving me like, I wasn't happy with myself.
I didn't know who I was. And I think this
has taught me more to look instead of seeing people
seeing myself throw the people's eyes. Um, I'm be going
to just look in the mirror and you know, and

(01:12:23):
find myself that way. Um. And I think that's huge
and I hope more people are able to do that,
especially now with social media and everything. You know, it
doesn't matter the amount of likes you have, you know,
or any of that kind of stuff now. So that's
something I'm grateful for for sure. Thanks. Thanks a lot, Blake.
Yeah all right, well let's talk about what's making you

(01:12:43):
happy these days, and that is your new career. You're
doing a lot of dejaing. How did you get into that? Yeah?
So kind of so I obviously, I mean, everybody loves
me and I've always enjoyed. Like I said, I was
always that guy who wanted to like make people happy
at parties. Not I've always been I was in college,
I was like the DJ at the house, you know.
I was always a guy picking the music and things

(01:13:04):
like that. But Katelyn Bristow and I want to give
shout out to Caitlin and Jason. They were incredible through everything. UM.
They were always you know, called me multiple times, invited
me out to see them kind of things. UM. But
they Caitlin, you know, she stuck her neck out for
me and she was like, you know what, I want
you to come on my UM live podcast tour. And
she was like, I love you to be the DJ.

(01:13:25):
And I kind of like laughed and I was like, okay,
Like that's a fun way of like I'm not breaking contract,
I'm not doing the podcast, I'm not doing interviews anything
like that. I can just come and I feel the
love again quote unquote, and know that I'm not some
kind of villain that everybody hates. UM. And so I'm
thankful for her for that. UM. But then when I
started kind of DJing and actually buying equipment, and I
was like, well, I kind of like this. I really

(01:13:46):
enjoyed this. This is a lot of fun. I love
making people dance and seeing, you know, make people happy.
And I got a call from a buddy of mine, UM,
two buddies, my buddy Eric and DJ Silver, and he
was more like, you know, I'm creating a label. Um,
we'd love to you know, kind of have you on
it and teach you. And it's called Blackout Artists. And

(01:14:07):
it was one of those things where I was like,
you know what, I'm at this point in my life
where I can do something because I can do something
I'm passionate about and try and make a living out
of it and took classes, did the whole thing. I
didn't want to be a press play DJ. I was like,
I'm gonna do this. If I'm gonna do this and
do it right, and I'll fall in love with it.
And I've made some um incredible strides in the DJing
and I've done some pretty big gigs, uh and it's

(01:14:28):
so much fun and I love making music and I
love remixing a bunch of songs and it's just such
a blast. One of these days, you guys got to
come to one of my shows, for sure. I would
love to. Oh we will. Yeah. I was gonna say,
is there anywhere that people can find your tour dates?
But I guess they're not exactly. I've had a cancel
about six dates right now, so that's that's been really hard. Yeah,

(01:14:48):
as soon as I get some some dates on the
books when this all is over hopefully here soon, I'll
definitely everybody know because it's a it's a good time,
it's so much fun. Well. Uh, like you've been to
bachelorif on stage you have came out with that, you've
came on our podcast. UM, I I your your story

(01:15:11):
is one uh that real life was affected in ways
that I think for anybody out there listening can understand.
I mean your life good or bad, or people agree
or not, like they can see that your real life
was affected deeply by this experience. UM. But you've came
out of it, as you mentioned, you have your dj
uh pursuits. Uh that will come back in full force

(01:15:34):
once we're able to join together again. UM. From Ashley
and myself, thank you for coming on the podcast. Thank you,
UM for sharing with us. Now we end every UM
in Depth podcast UM with our guests having thirty two
seconds to a minute to just speak into our listeners
like you know, just these are your fans, These are

(01:15:56):
people that are gonna love hearing from you. Uh. They've
heard a lot from you today. But what would you
like to close with? UM, it's your moment, take it
say whatever you'd like. Okay. Actually, so I had a
bit of a break This is because I wanted to
get this out there somehow. So I had a bit
of a breakthrough the other day in therapy, Um, some
pretty cool you kind of we're talking and I had
like one of those weird epiphanies. But my therapist she

(01:16:19):
asked me, she's amazing. She asked me, you know what
is um, what's your favorite show? And I'm a big
Friends guy, so I'm a big Friends fan, right, so
she said, what do uh, what do you say when
somebody's like, hey, Friends sucks, you know? Or what do
you know? Seinfeld's better or something like that. And I say,
you know what, I don't feel the need to defend
that because I just know they're wrong, Like I just

(01:16:41):
know they're not. That's not the case. Friends is amazing.
And you know, she made me realize. She was like,
why are you so passionate that people are wrong when
they talk about friends, but when they talk about the
person you are, you're not as confident in who you are.
And I had a bit of an epiphany where I
wait a minute, I was like, why am I are
passionate about friends being a good sitcom. Then I am

(01:17:05):
who I am as a person, and you know, I
think that's something you just got to realize, like people
don't know who you are, and I need to be
just as passionate about myself as I am about friends,
you know. And so it's just one of those things where,
like I said, you just gotta look in yourself, you know,
and who you are rather then getting gratitude from other people.

(01:17:27):
So yeah, hopefully that helped someone out there during this quarantine.
Thanks Blake, that's great. That's so great. We like to
end on a fun note with a couple of rapid
fire questions. Are you already? I'm ready? All right? What
is the song or artist that gets people most hype
when you're djaying? Link two? Oh? Interesting, but I knew

(01:17:50):
it would be early two thousand. Play a lot of
rock in my set? Okay, awesome? What are you postmating
during quarantine? Actually had pizza, big eight inch pizza to
myself by myself, the whole thing. That's amazing. What toppings

(01:18:12):
all the way. We know that you don't slide into
anyone's d m s anymore, but from this past season,
would you if you could? And you like you would
allow yourself to do that, which you won't. Oh no,
I honestly, so I did watch this season a little bit,
and I watched now a little bit differently because I
know how things can get taken out, you know how
to context everything. I just, honestly, I don't know who

(01:18:35):
I would say out of this season. I know that's
the answer you're looking for, and I'm terrified at the MS.
So I figured you would be all right, who is
your man crush from the franchise, the guy that you
would trade faces with? Faces? Faces, we'll do. We'll do
one for life in one for face trade lives with

(01:19:00):
Ben Higgins. The man is newly engaged. Cream you can love.
He's just on top of the world right now, that's right?
I am. I feel pretty good. I've got a great girl,
got a great podcast, got some good guests. Life's good.
What yeah? Faces, that's I've never thought about faces. Um.

(01:19:22):
I kind of want trying to think of somebody with
a good beard, because my beard is horrible. I want
Jason's beard. Maybe Jason's got a good beard and he's
got good hair. Won't change Jason's head. Yeah, alright, cool,
that's a good choice, good choice. Jason's up there for
Jared to um, we've played this game where I know
his man crushes at the franchise and then, um, who

(01:19:47):
would you trade swag with? Like? Who do who swagged
you on? Oh? God, you know Mike Johnson's got a
lot of swag. Okay, Yeah, that's a good answer to
Mikey Mike got swag? Okay, Slee. What is the drink
of choice? Well djaying, Well, so I try not to
drink too much filet DJ, but afterwards a lot of tea.

(01:20:10):
Keep a guy alright. Awesome, Thank you so much, Blake.
You really opened your heart up and we really appreciate it. Yeah, no,
thanks for having appreciate it. We feel like every almost
famous in depth pretty much ends with us liking the
person even more. I hope that's the case. We always say,
I mean, Ashton, I have said it like, once you

(01:20:31):
hear somebody's story, it's hard to hate him. It just
it is. And And now, like I said, I watch
a show a little differently because I know everybody's got
a story. Like you said, so well, we uh follow
along with our lead. And you've been on this before.
I think you know what we're about to do here,
but thank you for co hosting this podcast. Thank you
everybody out there listening. Ashley and I just have really enjoyed,

(01:20:52):
uh speaking with some Abaschel Nation's favorites. Uh. It is
our pleasure to speak with them. We're gonna thank them
for coming on our podcast. I know it's a very
vulnerable moment when you say yes to sitting down with
somebody for an hour and a half to two hours
and just sharing your life story. Ashley and I don't
take that lightly. Uh, we appreciate it. Thank you for
sharing your heart with us and the listeners. This isn't

(01:21:13):
it though. Ashley and I will be back many times over,
probably before this quarantine is completed. Uh, speaking with you
and to you about everything Bachelor, our lives and some
of our friends lives. With that, I've been been, I've
been blake Later, guys, thank you. Follow the Benn and

(01:21:34):
Ashley I Almost Famous podcast on iHeart Radio or subscribe
wherever you listen to podcasts.

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Ben Higgins

Ashley Iaconetti

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Almost Famous In Depth: Blake Horstmann