Ben's Book Party LIVE!

We’re throwing a live Bachelor party to celebrate the release of Ben’s book “Alone in Plain Sight”!

Your favorites from Bachelor nation stop by to share the intimate moments they unlocked by after reading Ben’s words. 

Dean Unglert, Jared Haibon, Becca Tilley, Blake Horstmann and Wells Adams are all in on the action!

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
with her radio. What's going on? Everyone? We're Jared. We're
doing a live event for the second time, but this
time it's not our Help I Suck a Dating live.
It's even better because we're almost famous live. We're almost famous.
The story of our lives right there, the story of
our lives, and we're live with almost famous of course.

(00:23):
Dean and Jared here, host of the r Heart radio
podcast Help I Suck At Dating. We're very excited to
be like the opening act over here for Ashley and Ben. Yeah.
That's the funny thing too, is we're the opening act.
So I mean, listen all the grades at one point
in another we're opening acts. Bob Dylan, the Beatles, I'm
sure at one point in their opening for someone bigger

(00:45):
than them. It's our moment to shine, baby. We can't
mess this up. While I'm hoping next year, uh, Tanya
and Becca will open up for us and then like
we'll just go full circle, you know what I mean?
Right right right? Well, someone allows to open for Tanya
and Becca too. Next year there's gonna be some other people, yeah,
but you know, you know, they gotta work their way up,

(01:06):
you know right right, Um, tonight is about Ben ben
Higgins and his brand new book that he worked incredibly
hard on for over a year. You know about it
already alone in plane sight. Uh. This is Ben's brand
new book. It's fantastic. I can't praise it enough. Um,

(01:28):
And we're just super excited for him. And Ben's gonna
be obviously here with Ashley and answering questions about the
book and how he wrote it, what inspired him to
write it. Um. So I'm very excited. I am very excited, Dean.
I mean, I'm excited to anything that involves Ben. I'm
always on board with. UM. I'm still waiting for for

(01:48):
my time with Ben where we can sit down together
and he can just read me his own book page
for page. That's really that's gonna be I'm sure the
highlight in one. Um. Yeah, that's what I'm looking forward to.
We'll set the scene for us, so like what is
it gonna be a dark, dim room and there'll be
like a little spotlight on Ben. Perhaps he's maybe wearing

(02:10):
some glasses, drinking a Scotch, smoking a cigar while he
whispers sweet nothings, including his introduction of the book. Uh,
before I paint the setting for exactly how I anticipate
Ben to read me his own book, I do want
to tell well, I think we should both tell everyone
that's watching right now that we can read the comments.

(02:30):
So be sure to send in any questions you have
in the comments, and we want to answer them here
live on Almost Famous Live for Ben's book. Anyways, back
to the setting where I imagine Ben reading me his book.
You know, there's gonna be a lot of candles, that's obvious.
It's got to be in the van too, So a
cigar being smoked in the van probably hazard um, but yeah,

(02:54):
candles all over. You know. I hope that the thing
is I want there to be like some sort of
oil where you know, it could be like kind of
like a joint book reading slash massage. But I don't
know how that would necessarily work, um, but I think
there's a way that we can make it work. Oh yeah,
I want Ben to be making this face the entire

(03:14):
time he's reading it to you. No smile, no nothing,
just this face. And he doesn't and he doesn't make
eye contact the entire time either, No, obviously he always
looks away. Eye contact then you're then it then it
makes it weird, Like we don't want to make this weird, right,
we want the eye contact to not be broken. That
makes it less weird. Um. Yes, So of course everybody

(03:37):
please send in your questions. We've more than happy to answer.
Like we said before, Dean and I are the opening act,
so we're gonna be here for another five maybe ten minutes. Uh.
And then of course Ben and Ashley, you're usual almost
famous host, will be here. Uh. And there'll be some
special guests uh coming in throughout the evening, including possibly
I don't know, a guy who maybe has made a

(03:58):
margar reader or two on in a beach in Mexico. Uh.
We also have some former Bachelor contestants that are gonna
come on that of course you know their names, We
know their names. Um. But we do have a question
in the chat, Dean, do you want to read it
to us? Uh? Well, yeah, so I see a question here, Jared,
what is your favorite Ben memory or moment? Oh favorite

(04:20):
Ben memory? So I talked. I actually wrote this in
a caption when I was wroting Ben's book before the wedding. Dean,
you were passed out, so I don't know how much
you remember this. But we were all hanging out at
a house that one of the guys rented, and it
was all the gruns men, all you guys. Ben was there,
my dad was there, and uh that is definitely one

(04:41):
of my favorite memories ever with Ben and uh we
Ben and I somehow like made our way outside. It
was just the two of us in the driveway. And no,
we did not make out, but I would have totally
been down for that. But sorry, actually I'm joking anyway, Um,
but we we were the dry gay for like fifteen minutes,
just talking about life and how crazy it was that

(05:03):
we here I am about to get married to someone
that I met on reality TV show, surrounded by some
of my closest friends that I met from said reality
TV show. So that is definitely one of my favorite
Ben memories. What about you, Dan, H Yeah, that's that's
a good one. Um, I would say mine, uh would
have to center around every time Ben and I see

(05:23):
each other for the first time in a long time,
and I think this, Uh, Ben goes back doing this
with like a lot of his buddy So this is
not just a me memory. I'm sure a lot of
his friends have very similar memory of him. But he
always goes everybody, watch out, Piggy's here every time he
walks into a room. And it is the most electrifying
thing I think I've ever experienced. Every time I experienced

(05:44):
it, it it just it's it's absolutely amazing. Uh. And that
happened after Ben and I hung out a lot on
Winter Games, and so every time I see Ben, that's
that he screams out of this at the top of
his lungs uh and then gives the biggest bear hug.
So it's just that's like one of my favorite Ben
things in the Rock Johnson. He's just the most electrifying
men in professional sports. It's electric. It's absolutely electric. It's

(06:06):
it's absolutely electric. Um, Jared, this question is from Sophia.
What are your Valentine's Day plans? Uh? I'm gonna cook
for Ashley. We're gonna stay home, Uh, and I'm gonna cook.
I made a pizza a couple last week or a
couple of days ago, I forget, but I'm gonna make
a pizza for her again. She loved it. Uh. And Uh,
you know, I might have some flowers or something along

(06:29):
those lines ready to go. Maybe some chocoluts. But yeah,
we're gonna stay in, have a bottle of wine. I'm
gonna cook for and that's our Valentine's Day. What about you,
niceer you're staying in for Huh. Yeah, it's just I
don't know, it's gonna be crazy out there. Probably restaurant's
gonna be packed, you know, packed with social distancing. Obviously,
just better to stay home. Yeah, it's gonna be so

(06:49):
very similar for us. We're probably gonna stay home. Um,
I'll probably try to cook something, but we're It's like
so funny because even like for New Year's it's like
and obviously like we're in a fan so no one's
really doing anything. But like I was like sleeping by
eight thirty pm on New Year's. Uh. Valentine's Day is
definitely another one of those days where it's like you
can go to restaurants and that's great, but it's like

(07:11):
it's a it's like safer to stay in and do
it yourself and be It's just like it's more enjoyable anyways,
Like I would rather just stay home and have like
a nice meal and a couple of glasses of wine. Um,
So it's probably what we're gonna be doing I think, oh,
that sounds like a great night. And then, of course,
like you said, nobody's doing anything except for Tom Brady.
He's having boat parades down in Tampa. Oh there's Oh

(07:32):
my god, almost said pip up. We just had someone.
Kylie just asked where is Pappy? And he was sitting
here next to me. He just wanted to say hi
real quick. Happy Lois has went over there. I can't
get her. Um. Also, it's Jordan's birthday, Happy Birthday, Jordan's
Happy birthday, Jordan's If you wanna, if you want to
shout out from Ashley, just go to Cameo dot com.

(07:53):
Uh and you can book us. There was plugging getting
Jordan's Happy Birthday. We hope it's a great one. Thank
you so much for tuning in. Uh. This one also
is from from Odette beautiful name Dean. How are you
and Kalin doing? Are you guys gonna have kids soon? Oh? Oh, Debt,

(08:14):
that's a that's a funny question. We're doing good, you know,
and no complaints. We Uh, it's funny because like we
definitely you know, obviously I've been spending a lot of
time together with quarantine. Well not you know, with just
this whole pandemic that's going on, so you can spend
a lot of time together. Um. And there are times
where we get like a little ear irritated with each other.
But for the most part, on the grands, in the

(08:36):
grand scheme of things, things are going well. We like
done a good job, will give each other space when
we need it. Uh. And and when we are together
everything is fine. Uh. And we're not gonna have kids
any time in the near future whatsoever. Pathy is enough
for us for for the next five fifteen years. But
you know, I'm sure Klin is on the same page
with you on that one fifteen years maybe I will

(09:00):
see you guys want to rush into things obviously. I
also noticed, Dean that the flow is coming back. Your
hair looks quite nice. Well, you know, Actually it's funny
because I was gonna tell you that I think, did
you get a haircut? I did? I trimmed it up,
you did. I was I was liking how messy you
was getting. You were looking like very legal, like Titanic
or something like that. I looked like I could have
a van myself. Uh, it was getting pretty shaggy, right.

(09:21):
I would thought that there was gonna be one day
where be driving down the highway. I looked to my
left and there you are driving your van down the road. Yeah,
I wonder what Ashley, I would we should honestly do
that for just for Instagram content. I think ash and
I should live in a van for a month and
just see what happens. I want to see. I would.
I would give you anything you wanted. I would give

(09:42):
you Pappy for a month. I would. I would pay
you money to try living in the van for the month.
I mean one, well, the money is great, but honestly,
pappies up. I'd love to live with Pappy for I
think you would be fine in the van. I just
can't imagine, Ashley. No, well, you can't bring an entire
glam room into the van and the one them in
right now. Literally the lighting is so good because she

(10:02):
has this huge, like five foot vanity. I don't think
that's fitting in the van. Doors, the vanity and the van.
I don't know. Good work. Uh maybe one day, Jared,
maybe one day. Anyways, you guys, you you beared with
us for a solid ten minutes. We're so sorry you
had to sit through all that. But the main event
is coming up. Ben and Ashley are going to be

(10:23):
hopping on uh for their live almost famous. Is there
anything that uh we want to stay before we get
out of here? Are we staying or are we leaving?
I think we're bringing Ben in. Hey, you're out of here.
Everybody watch out. It's electric, electrifying. I don't know, I
don't know. Boys, thank you so much for the introduction. Uh.

(10:48):
You guys are great. I I know you have a
lot going on in life, but the fact that you
came here to hang out with us tonight is very
very special. Um. Also, Dean, I think you no need
to talk. I'm sure the people out there listening could
get on board with this. Ashley, I can eddie in
a van for two weeks. Two weeks would all be

(11:08):
I need and it would be incredible. I'm down, let's
do it. That would be fun. That wouldn't be fun.
That would be funny, funny, right? Think about thinking about
you know, when you're old and great, you could look
back and be like, remember those two weeks I lived
in that van. It's one of those adventures that I

(11:29):
feel like you would not enjoy experiencing, but the memories
would be really good. Your guys are had a vacation
like that. Yes, absolutely, I would say, like any big
excursion I go on, I'm like this is horrible, and
then you look back and you're like, Okay, that was
actually pretty epic. Yeah special. Well, hey, just to give
a rundown of tonight, we do have somebody that makes
Margarita's drinks on the beach coming on here to hang out.

(11:50):
He's somebody special. Uh we did have uh, Jared and
Dean and you guys are great again. It's help I
Second Dating, which is a great podcast. It's very fun,
good intent. It's not only bachelor focused, but you kind
of expand outside of that world. Uh. It's been what
three years now? Yeah, we're strong. Yeah, only a getting stronger.

(12:16):
Oh man, I have a feeling there's more to that. Also,
to let everybody know, tonight, uh tonight, a portion of
the proceeds are going to save our stages. In fact,
right before this, I did a meet and greet and
actually did a meet and greet as well with a
few people who are watching right now, And I got
to talk to a wonderful young woman who works in
New York City, Uh, in the theater industry and she

(12:37):
was telling me how much she's been affected by COVID.
I mean it's been shut down and they're talking about
another you know, six or twelve months before Broadway can
even book again. Uh. And so you know that's six
or twelve months where your career has been put on pause. Uh.
And so it's a big deal and it's needed. It's
not gonna talk about enough. So a portion of the
proceeds and I are going to save our stages. And hey,
what stops you from going out there and just donating
to him on your own? Yeah? So true, I missed Broadway.

(13:03):
Um hey, uh, you know, I'm gonna ask you guys
to stick around for a second because Dean said something
a little bit ago. Um. And here's the next thing
in the in this Life to night, I'm gonna read
to everybody, and I would love for if you guys
give me ten minutes that I could read to you. Um,
that would mean a lot to me everybody out there. Um,
so real quick, I'm gonna entro the book if that's okay. Uh, yes, Ben,

(13:25):
this is your show. We want it totally to be
about you, So you just seriously take it from here,
read anything you want. We're excited. You read the paper,
if you want your book. UM, well it's listening to
for everybody out there watching, this is a really big
deal to me. Um. And Alone in Plain Site is
a project that started two years ago. I'll tell you

(13:47):
a little bit of background. I was going through a
really weird time in life where I was feeling super disconnected,
very isolated, really alone um and confused on how uh
to even get there, to get back to a place
of connection, or if I ever had been at a
place of connection. So I started journaling all these thoughts
down because I was going through counseling kind of advising

(14:07):
me to write down my thoughts when I was happy,
when I was sad, when I was disappointed, lonely, and
try to point to the common threads and at all.
And as I wrote this, I kind of just continue
to compile my thoughts, uh expound on a bit. And
one day Thomas Nelson Publishers came to me, uh and
they said, would you everyone read a book? And I said,
I would love to write a book. I just don't

(14:28):
know how to write about I don't want to really
write a tell all. I don't have in many secrets
to share. Uh. The show was was pretty easy on me. Uh,
and so I don't have a lot of hidden secrets
to it. Uh. And they said, well, what else could
you speak on? I said, well, I do write a
lot in my journal And they said, if you wouldn't
mind making that your book, that would be fantastic. What's
your journal about? And so then I had to start

(14:48):
going back through my journal and finding common themes um
that I could I could find that would allow me
to tell a story. So here's the theme I came
up with. Uh. As I looked through the things that
connected us the most as humans, I found two things
in common. Uh, one of which will be shockingly dark
and heavy, and it's what I'm gonna read about in
a second. The other one, uh is still kind of

(15:09):
heavy and dark, but I hope it gets to a
place of light for all of us. Uh. The one
thing that we all have in common is that we're
gonna die and uh, and that that sucks. I know
it's not fun to think about. I know it's weird
to think about, but it's true. Um. I know a
lot of us watching this that a lot of us
here have had family members who have passed away. It's
affected of us deeply, and yet we're all like, we're
all connected through that shared pain, which is to my

(15:31):
second point. Uh, I think we can all have things
that we celebrate in life. However, I've met people that
I would argue have never felt true joy, full joy,
and full happiness, given uh, their circumstances, on where they
were born, given their family dynamic. Uh, they've never been
able to fully celebrate anything. Uh. That's not something to
scoff at, it's just truth. And so that can't be

(15:53):
the thing that connects us. I I don't think we can.
We can confidently say that everybody in this life, which
is a crazy thing that about on its own, has
experienced hope and joy. So on the reverse side of that,
one thing that we all have experienced is pain and
sorrow and suffering. We all have moments that we've felt pain,
We've all had moments that we felt sorrow, and so yes, Uh,

(16:14):
that's not really fun to think about. But what if
what if his that is the thing that connects us
the most? What if as humans that's the place that
we can come together and say, I understand, I'm gonna
offer you more grace, more love, more understanding, more patients,
more kindness, because I know that in your life you've
been hurt and I don't want to hurt you anymore,
and I don't want to add to that hurt. So
I want to sit with you in that pain and
sit with you that hurt and help us all move forward. Okay,

(16:38):
So that's where the book comes from. So it's for
it's for people who feel disconnected, um, isolated, alone, misunderstood,
and I hope for the reader when they're done reading it,
they feel less alone, uh and they feel more purpose filled,
more valuable, and more connected than ever. But through the
process of writting the book, I was able to one day, Uh,
this girl's friends reached out to me. Her name was Annie,

(16:59):
and UM, her friends sext me said, Annie's a big
fan of The Bachelor. Would you do a video for her?
Annie doesn't have long to live and she wants a
video from some of her favorite people. So I said, yeah,
I would. So I did a little video for her
and it was just saying hey, Annie, thinking about you,
and I sent it and her friend responded with thank you.
Annie loved the video so much, and there was something
that moment that just didn't feel right to me. It felt, uh,

(17:21):
this will be a pretty popular word, I believe in
the next couple of weeks for Bachelor Nation. But it
felt performative, it felt fake, It felt uh like I
was being a fraud. I sent a video to somebody
who is who is twenty two years old and who
doesn't have long to live, and I was, what gonna
feel better about myself? And so I texted her friend
back and I said, Hey, if you went to mind,

(17:41):
can I call Annie? I just kind of want to,
And so she gave me her number, Any and I
started texting back and forth. Here's Any's story. Because I'm
not gonnad the who chapter, I'm gonna read about three
pages from it. But Annie was twenty two years old.
Her family's really great. I talked to her dad three
days ago, but she's she was twenty two years old.
She was diaging us with cistic fibrosis. She had too

(18:02):
lung transplants, and she was when I was texting with her,
she had a week before found out that she had
just been uh um declined for her third lung transplants,
so she had three weeks to live and she was
literally suffocating as we spoke and at that time I
wanted to learn from Annie. What would it look like
if you knew you had a limited amount of time left?
What would it look like if the one thing that

(18:23):
I believe connects us as people, if you were facing
it head on, knowing you weren't going to stop it, it
it was a train coming at you, what would you
want to do? I clicked the number and type, Hi,
any this has Ben Higgins. Caroline, give me your number.
I hope it's okay for me to text you. Annie
texted right back. I didn't have UM I don't have
her first text still, but I did save many of
those that followed. I can't bring myself to delete them.

(18:43):
They feel sacred to me. They're still on my phone
as we speak. I told any How she had inspired me.
She replied, yeah, I'm trying to turn this into something positive.
I always wanted to make an impact on this world,
and now I'm finally getting the chance. I always wanted
to get into YouTube or something, but as afraid of
being judge, didn't know if anyone want to hear what
I had to say. It was my dream job because

(19:05):
I can't have a regular job since my immune system
is so suppressed. I was sad at first, thinking finally
I can do my dream job, like maybe I have
the platform. And it kind of broke my heart, thinking
that all my dreams are being true when my life
is coming to an end. It didn't seem fair. But
I'm not going to think like that. Instead, I'm using
it to push me to get better and better so

(19:27):
that I can live out my dreams for as long
as I can. We texted back and forth for a
while that day and some of the next and the next,
until talking with her was like talking to any of
my other friends. She kept asking me, but I she
kept asking about me, but I want to know about her.
Her attitude and the face of death just blew me away.
Even though Annie was only twenty two, she seemed to

(19:50):
have have a much better grasp on life than nearly
anyone I'd ever met, and that's what I really wanted
to ask her about. I texted her, one day, you
spoke about one to help people recognize the fragility of life.
In your twenty two years, what have you learned about life?
What do you tell people? She replied, I've definitely learned
a lot, and I've spoken at many events about many

(20:12):
different things, such as organ donation, finding a cure for CF,
motivational speaking. But one thing I've always said was that
I'll never let CF defy me cystic fibrosis. I never
kept it hidden, but it was just a part of me.
I always made my message about how I was, how
I was a fighter, and how I'd never give up.
If I gave in, then I'd be letting CF win

(20:34):
and take over. I knew I was gonna die earlier
than most, and I always said that as long as
we cherish every moment and take the time to live life,
our lives would be worth it. I wept as I
read those words. I knew I was going to die
earlier than most, and I always said that as long
as we cherish every moment and take the time to

(20:56):
live life, our lives would be worth it. I promisingly
two more pages. I'm not gonna read this whole chapter. UM.
I had just turned thirty, which is one of those
birthdays when people act like you're old but you aren't.
Before I met Annie, I felt like I had all
the time in the world in front of me. But
reading her text, I tried to see the world through
her eyes. Life is so short it just keeps getting pushed.

(21:18):
It just keeps pushing you along, like one of those
moving walkways in the airport. We jump on and move
forward while life moves past us. We watch it go by,
but we are moving too quickly to grasp anything until
we hit the very end, and by then it's too late.
Annie's life was shorter than most, but life, for everyone

(21:39):
is just a breath. I'd always known this, but up
until that moment, I had done nothing to get out
in front of it or prepare for it. That doesn't
mean I never thought about death. I have moments where
I lay in bed and my mind starts wandering and
a darkness sweeps over me. I asked myself, what if
the only thing I've ever known is breath? Their sun

(21:59):
and our family and faith and love and friends and
celebration and laughter and tears and life. But what if
it were all taken away? If it's not the right word,
because it will be all taken away someday. The only
question is when can I be honest with you? Thinking
about my own mortality and how fragile life is really
scares me. Just to think that everything I've ever known,

(22:22):
everything I take for granted everything I've loved, all of
it will be gone in the blink of it eye,
as this life comes to an end. I am but
a breath, and so are you. And here was this
beautiful young woman telling me to cherish every moment. I
texted her back one more page. What is something you
would tell someone who was young and healthy to look

(22:43):
for in life? Her reply was the second half of
her last text. I'm going to include all of it
because she nails exactly what I want this chapter to say.
Then this is Annie. Then when I needed to go
to the third lung transplant, I knew I had to
fight again, and I was super tired. The last three
years a wild in terms of all the crazy health

(23:04):
things that went on. The doctors all told me that
if I didn't go for a third no one would
judge me because no one knows if it will even work,
since there's only been eleven in the US and three
at Duke where I was going. But I told them, nope,
I'm going to fight. I told them, if I just
get one week, uh, if I just get one week
being able to breathe again, it would all be worth

(23:26):
all the pain and the torture, and then I was
told it was over. There was nothing more they could do.
I was scared and frustrated and felt like I was
disappointing everyone. I didn't just fight by myself. I had friends, families, doctors.
I had my army behind me fighting too. I wanted
to continue to fight for them and for myself. When
that video was taken that went viral, the video that
I was a part of, I was so out of it.

(23:49):
I was told I had forty hours to live, and
so my friends wanted to cheer me up. I was
so happy and grateful to all these people were reaching
out to me. But part of me, but part of
part of it made me sad ad because yeah, I
would love to meet Taylor Swift, but the way it
was happening was because I was dying. I saw a
news article saying, gravely sick girl's final wish was to

(24:09):
meet Taylor Swift. That's not me. Yes, I had only
two weeks to live, but I'm so much more than
just a sick girl. My friends and family all explained
to me that they thought that they just need clickbait
and that everyone would see that. I thought my whole
life speaking about how about life and how fragile it is,

(24:30):
so we have to cherish everything in the moment and
just be happy. I want the world to hear my
voice because this is such an important message, as simple
as it is. I'm sure I have to stop reading,
right am I at a time? It's really your show,
It's not my show. Well anyways, well I was a passage,

(24:54):
and I like as someone as a reader, I'm really
glad that you shared Annie's story because it really uh
puts a lot of perspective for me as well. Like
you said, I I'm someone who definitely takes things for
granted and time and I get so stressed about things
that should not matter. And I think some reading someone's

(25:16):
story like Annie's just you know, makes me look at
life in such a different ones. Yeah, when you think
back on all the passages in the book, I think
Annie's is one of the ones that I felt like
personally just like hit me a little harder. It is
crazy how someone ten years your junior can give you
so much more perspective on life, you know, absolutely her
family reached out two days ago. Um and he has

(25:36):
been gone for a year and a half now, um
And I read that chapter because I think if in
tonight's thing, like you know, I was sitting here before
and I haven't had a lot of time to celebrate
this book. Uh, launching of books really weird. You like,
work on this thing for a long time, you package
it up, you get super excited about it, it gets

(25:57):
out there in the world, and you have no clue
how to gauge it. Like you know, I'm not a
New York Times bestseller, um, you know, And and that's great.
I didn't expect to be. But it's it's like this
weird thing where it's like what is what is success?
Or how do you celebrate this or what does it mean?
And I think the thing that I want to celebrate
and get to celebrating more of is the fact that
there's a book out there that I wrote that I

(26:18):
took a lot of time on, and that's really cool.
And I don't want to take that for granted. I don't.
And I want people watching this to to look at
the things around them right now, like the fact you
have your arm around Ashley Jared, or that Dean has
pappies sleeping next to him, um right now, Like those
are things to celebrate, and I read that because I
hope somebody out there watching this can just recognize that
even when when things are really tough, and when life

(26:40):
is but a breath and moving past you faster than
you can imagine, and there's chaos and there's confusion, and
you don't know when to speak and what to say,
you don't know what to celebrate anymore, that maybe, just
possibly we can slow down for enough time to celebrate
the fact that we're here, um, and the fact that
that that matters quite a bit. So Um, that's why
I read that. Any story goes on to talk more,

(27:01):
and you can read the whole thing for yourself if
you go and pick up the book. But her story
moves on until the moment that obviously the tech stop,
and um, Annie was no longer with us. And I
got a text from her friend Caroline telling me that
Annie was no longer with us. But I have been
able to contact your family and and talk with her
dad and and see that, and it still kind of

(27:21):
tears me up a bit. Um, but uh, it was
a special life. So anyways, that's a piece of Alana planes.
I promise you, I do promise you. But the book
is not this like if it's I hope it doesn't
send you in a too a tailspin of that was
the that would the opposite of what my intention was.
I hope it kind of confronts the heavy things and

(27:42):
pulls you back out of it to a place where
truth or or understanding comes from. It was. It was beautiful,
my friends, And yeah, it's just awesome. So keep up
the good work. I think Dean and I unfortunately do
have to get out of here because you guys do
have guests. Uh you are popular are people? Um so
love you, buddy. Congratulations, We're so excited for you. Thanks

(28:05):
for coming on. All right, well then, um, we have
wells up first, and I know that I want you
to lead all these conversations. I'm really just an audience member. Um,

(28:26):
but we're gonna talk about, you know, how how the
story is in your book, Like if I believe this
is your intention, that, like you're gonna ask kind of
us are moments in our lives that we felt the
most alone and like what we've learned from them? Right? Yeah? Yeah,
I have a couple of questions lined up for each
one of these guests, uh specifically, and you're gonna be

(28:48):
answering every one of those questions along the way. So
I'm putting you in the hot seat. Ashley and Wells,
Welcome to the almost famous live show celebrating alone a
place that you are looking at. Helm. Sorry, I had
to step out because I was crying listening to that
little excerpt and I had to go powder this because

(29:10):
it was bad. I was wondering, are you gonna read
the excerpt about when you when uh from the book
that talks about when you met me and how happy
your life became afterwards? Or is that that's in the
acknowledgements that haven't been included yet. Yeah, yeah, okay, cool,
cool cool. I was just I don't know, like, I

(29:30):
didn't know if we wanted to do it now or later.
But yeah, that's fine, your thing, all right, Ben? What's
your first question for both of Muh? I look at
the two of you. I'm going to compliment you guys,
uh because I love you both very much. I think
you both know how much I care about you both. Um.
There is a big section in here on friendship and

(29:50):
the idea of community. So I'm gonna ask you both
two questions about this. One of them is, Wells, when
you think of your friendships. Actually you're gonna answer the
same question after he does. When you think of in ships,
what do you look for in friendships? What makes a
friendship worth investing into? Ladies first, Okay, well, I would
say that probably just like compatibility and common interests at

(30:13):
first in a friendship, and then just like being able
to talk to each other like completely judgment free, right
to be able to vent but not to feel guilty
about your needs event, but also to um to like
know that even if you're not saying like the most
pleasant things, that they get it like that. Um, I'd

(30:37):
say loyalty is pretty important to me, um in terms
of friendship, Like I need to know that if if
we go to the club and I do I say
something stupid, I need to know that you're not going
to go tell everyone about it. I need to know
that you're on my team, all right? Um? What else

(31:02):
is important? I think that we need to uh both
like Seinfeld, that's importantly. Do you need those common interests
to bond you? Immediately? I play, Yeah, you can't be
a terrible golfer, because then what are we gonna do
on Saturdays? You know all that stuff. That's why Ben
and I are so close because we're just both amazing golfers,

(31:24):
fantastic golfers. I'm gonna try a different Internet because this
is really frustrating me. This is a little better. Yeah
sounds good right now? Okay, Well, one of the cool
parts uh about both those things that I think is
really interesting is like we do need friendship, right though. Uh,
And that's kind of what the book talks about, is
the power of community. Uh. And the fact that community

(31:45):
makes our lives more rich. Um, it makes our lives
more valuable, oftentimes more complex. It's not always easy to
enter in those friendships. But you know, you both talked
about that idea that friends do matter, and neither one
of you said, Hey, I don't really need in my life. Uh,
I don't really need to have other people enter And
you both have been friends to me through your time

(32:05):
on the Bachelor. So my second question for you guys
on three your time is on the Bachelor. Has it
increased your your ideas of community and your friendships or
has it kind of like pushed those friends aside? Oh,
I feel like the Bachelor had actually got to create
a community for me that I feel like I never

(32:26):
had because I was always that person who had friends
like in different groups, and I was never in a
sorority or anything like that. Yeah, I just felt like
all my friends were kind of separate, Like I'd have
four core girlfriends that we would you know, go to
concerts and hang out with very sex in the city. Like,
but besides that, there wasn't like a community feel. And
the Bachelor gave me that and that was very exciting,

(32:48):
but something I didn't know that I really needed until
it started happening, or like I didn't think that it
would enhance my life as much as a death. Yeah,
I think enhancement is a good word for this question.
Like I always had my friends and and my close
knit like crew, but um it, it gave me like

(33:09):
this whole other layer of of community that I didn't
have before even know that I needed, and also gave
me a bunch of people that understood the weirdness that
my life turned into, which I think was important because
a lot of my older friends just really couldn't relate. Um.
But yeah, it's I would say the whole Bachelor thing

(33:30):
did such a great job of bringing um, so many
more people into my lives, Like these two idiots right
here and this beautiful woman right here, who's bringing me
a drink? That's amazing. Um, I haven't been about friends
that do you guys remember the first friend you ever made? Yes, okay, Ben?

(33:56):
Who is it? Like? How did it go? James Poe
is his name. I was on the playground playing pickup basketball.
I was an only child, so I came into school
without any friends, really any connection. I kind of lived
in a place that didn't have a lot of people
my age. I don't really know anybody coming into school.
And he was a good basketball player and he was
the coolest kidnar grade. And so I went out and

(34:17):
I started playing one on one against him and he's like,
how about we play tomorrow? And I and I knew
he was my first friend. That's how my first friendships
I were still friends of the day. That's so cute. Well,
my first friend was Ryan Plachi. Um I met him
in preschool and he was my first best friend and

(34:42):
he still is my best friend. And um I was
the best man at his wedding and he'll be in
mine and um yeah, my favorite memory, My favorite memory
of him is, uh, there was a sport we had

(35:02):
down the street and there was it was like in
this big hollowed out tree, right, and so like the
four was on top of the tree, but you could
go in like down to the ground and the trees
was like hollowed out around you. From one day he
had he had diarrhea and he went in there to
diarrhea and our parents came to drive up and was like,

(35:25):
where's Ryan. Where's Ryan. We're looking for Ryan, and I
was like, he's diary ng in the tree right now. Um.
Their names were Christina and Jessica Musto. And this is

(35:48):
a sad story in the way that like I am
no longer attached to them so much so to the
point that when I friended them on Facebook about six
years ago, they go, I'm sorry, who are you? And
I'm like, that's sad because I have been bid memories
about you. Guys literally calling my name and be like Ashley,
come out to play. That's what they'd always that was

(36:09):
their calling card for me. And then I'd go downstairs
and so there their parents owned the apartment that we
were living in as a kid, and uh, we'd always
just put in their yard. Well, hey, I do I
will say this to close that thought. Then I do
think there's a power and community. I think it creates memories.
I think it helps us become more interested, and I
like kind of like Wells is saying, I think it

(36:31):
helps us be our freest versions of ourselves. Wells, things
are coming on and I love you, buddy. You're a
good friend to me always. But before you go, I
do want to give a couple of shout outs. Uh,
you are a fan favorite. Absolutely. People love you not
only from your time on the show, but your time
after the show. You've been the bartender from Bachelor in Paradise,
which is weird that you're probably best known for that

(36:53):
from the whole show now considering you were on a season,
but that's a whole different deal. Uh. You are the
host of the Wells Cast podcast. Um you sit down
with celebrities, experts, newsmakers to find out where they came
from and how their story began. It's a really cool podcast.
And you and I share very similar interest in music
and I listen to that because I know your perspective
is always something to listen to. Well, thanks for joining

(37:14):
us to night, Ben, Thanks so much for having me.
So proud of you for doing this. I know this
was tough You've been telling me about this for a
long time now, and to see it come to light,
come to fruition, is just really inspiring. I like the
fact that you were able to write these this many pages,

(37:38):
like I didn't for me to do that. It's not
that impressive. I just think back to like my days
of like writing essays, and I just like if I
were to write a book, there will be a lot
of like furthermore, like a lot of those things that
you'd like try to get the word count up. So
this is impressive, bro. Uh. And also I've read a
little bit of it. It's absolutely beautiful books. So you

(37:59):
should be really proud, and I'm proud to be your buddy,
and I can't wait for the second one that's all
about me. So I love you, buddy. Thanks for coming on. Hey, Blake,

(38:20):
what's up? What's up? Guys? Actually the answer that actually
is just asked me how you put so many words
in a book? Well, one, it's really easy. When it
takes two years, you move very slowly and you gather
a lot of stuff and you you know what helped me.
So you'll see a second name on that cover mark
tab and it was about uh seven months left in

(38:44):
the writing process, I believe for me and I hit
a wall, a bad wall, especially for the last two
sections of the book. I was no longer able to
pull out anything emotionally inside of me. So one thing
that we started doing was I voiced a lot of
the chapters. I think I told you this. Actually I
would walk through and talk through how I wanted the
chapters to go, what I wanted to say, what should
be included, and Mark helped me formulate a lot of

(39:06):
these thoughts into like a readable format um for the
probably last yeah, i'd say forty pages or so. He
was actively involved in that, and then I would write
all of it down and then he would take it
and it was a good partnership. That was one way.
I can't take all the credit for this, but I
can't take credit for the words that are in there.
Those are my words. I cannot take credit for being
able to organize this in such a readable way completely

(39:29):
because I did have a lot of a lot of help,
and I think most authors do. I think most authors
to just have one name on the title probably have
a huge editing team behind them that are coaching along.
I just thought, hey, this dude's out with beside me
and asked me a bunch of hard questions, and so
let's show his name on the title because he's incredible. Blake,
I have a question for you, man. Tonight, our guests

(39:50):
are gonna be able to talk about what you're up to,
and I can't wait for that. We'll close it that,
but each guest that are is coming on, I've kind of,
um kind of picked out some questions from the book
that I just want to ask you personally. And this
is one that um is interesting in me because of
your story and and then Ashley is gonna answer this
as well. The question for you is you've been open
about your you know, your time on the show and

(40:11):
also your time with mental health. I know you've talked
about a lot. It's it's not really something that's hidden
at this point, but within those moments, uh, something that
doesn't get dove dove into very often is how alone
you felt? Um and uh, and I want to ask
you just the the simple question of is there a
moment in your life that you felt alone? If it's
about the show, that would be great because people watching
probably do enjoy the show. Uh. And if so, how

(40:33):
did you work through that, what did it feel like? Uh?
And actually I'm gonna ask you the same thing. Um,
you know, I'm sure that there are you know, obviously,
the biggest one that sticks out to me when I've
felt the you know, the loneliest was definitely coming off
a paradise. Um. You know that was that was for
multiple reasons. That was a very difficult time for me.
But UM, when I say alone, it's not that you know,

(40:56):
I had family around me, I had friends. It wasn't
in the sense that I was actually physically alone. It
was more in the sense that I felt like nobody
could relate to what I was going through. And you know,
I was almost scared at time to talk about what
I was going through because, um, it was you know,
shamed or looked down upon to be you know, anxious, depressed,
especially as a man, and the sigma that comes with that.

(41:17):
And so I felt alone in the sense that nobody,
you know what could relate to what I was going through.
So that's why in your book at times been it's
and and you know other should not only men, but
everyone that speaks out about their their struggles and kind
of their experiences. Um, it just helps others feel more
comfortable in talking about it. And when you talk about it, um,

(41:38):
it allows you to get through it. Not only you
know faster, um, but it also helps down the line
because you you still I still have my bad days
in my good days, but I'm able to, I guess,
recover faster if you will, because I'm able to reach
out to certain people that I know will we can
relate and we'll talk about it. And so I mean
there are times reading this Ben where in a weird way,
like I'm like feel like I'm kind of reading like

(41:58):
your diary at a time, but like in the best way,
you know, because you're so vulnerable and open in it.
And that means a lot to people who do feel alone,
because you know, even if it's just one person, that's
always say I talked about my experience on the show,
And if it affects just one person and they feel
comfortable enough to speak on or to reach out to
somebody or to seek therapy, then you know, that's that's
what worth it. So yeah, so shout shout out to you,
making a lot more people feel, you know, not not lonely.

(42:21):
So it's interesting because it did start out as a
journal um, and oh well, while Ben is rebooting, UM,
I will share the story of when I was felt
most alone, and that was when, probably like getting into
my twenties, when I was the only person in my

(42:44):
friend group. I was starting to be the only person
in my friend group who had never had a boyfriend
and I had never had sex, and the whole virgin
thing was getting me to feel very um. I couldn't
relate to a lot of people at that point because
I was like the only one left and I was

(43:04):
and it was very much out of choice. But when
the conversation, when conversations would come up in groups of
friends that didn't know that I was a virgin, and
they'd start talking about like their best time or their
first time, I'd be like, does anybody need anything else
to drink? And I'd like, you know, Joe, Bob and
would be like so awkward because I just I was like,

(43:24):
how do we get off this topic? How do I
not let on this? Like it's such an intimate thing
to talk about, like like like playing never have I ever?
And all five fingers up, but everybody else would never
have I ever? Maybe suggested as a game. My heart
would drop. I'd be like, I'm out, I hate never
ever ever know, it's so lame. So I yeah, I

(43:46):
definitely started to feel very alone then, and I always
kind of kept that part of me as something that
just my best friends would know. Um, And then on
the show, I was open about it in my audition process,
which of course led me to being you know, encouraged
to talk about it on the show. And on the

(44:07):
show again, I felt very scared and alone, and I
felt like it was such a turn off, and I
was like, no, but I'm so, I'm so weird for
being a twenty six year old virgin. But then it's
weird that it's weird, it's a coincidental, it's it's ironic
that Becca is gonna be up next. Because Becca actually
was one of the first people who made me felt

(44:29):
very much not alone. We were sitting around, She's like,
why are you so upset? I'm like, I just told
everybody that I'm a virgin, and she's like me too,
like no way, no way, And that was kind of
the beginning of me being like, oh, like I could.
I did embrace it as a decision, but I didn't
necessarily embrace it as like something to talk to people

(44:51):
about so Um. Then as soon as everybody knew because
of the show, I actually felt very much less alone
because so many people will come up to me and
talk about how they related to me in that and said,
thank you for providing me somebody on TV that I
can look up. Oh hey, I'm not alone in this area. Yeah,

(45:12):
it's interesting. How Sorry I cut out for a second,
but I'm back and I should be good now. I
test everything. Um, I caught everything you're saying. He's cann't
see me. It's interesting how some of our most like
vulnerable moments connect us to most with others. Uh. And
I think that is something to learn too, is just
to recognize that is the moments that like make us
feel most disconnected and make us feel the most pain

(45:33):
actually connect us to others because, as we said at
the beginning, every most people, if not everybody, and I'm
gonna say everybody has felt some sort of pain. And
uh and when you hear somebody's story, it's really hard
not to like him. It's really hard, uh not to
want to get to know more about them and uh
and I think that's just a good lesson for us
all to know. Um Blake, Thanks for talking that. Now.

(45:55):
I know we have a minute or two here left
with you. Um, what are you to these days? What
can people how can people go find you? How can
they celebrate you? What? What's going on in Blake's life? Yeah, yeah,
I'll get into that. I do want to touch bas
because I don't think I ever I've talked about it
maybe once been when we were on that mental health
UM kind of panel that we were on, but I
remember kind of what going off what you just said.

(46:15):
I remember, Ben, you said something to me that is
still stuck with me two years ago. I was two
years ago, right through going through paradise, but you said,
you know, coming off the Bachelotte, you weren't that relatable
because you have this like quote unquote golden image. But
He's like, right now and what you're going through, you'll
never be more relatable than you are right now. And
that's stuck with me because I was like, you're right,
like you just said, everybody's been through pain, everybody's hit
rock bottom, and everybody's bottom might be different, but everybody's

(46:37):
hit a rock bottom, and you know people can relate
to that. So I just thank you for saying that,
because that's stuck with me over the last two years
and everything. So um, that mental lot because I was like,
you know what, you're right, and that was like a
one where I was like, Okay, I'm gonna talk about
my experience. I'm gonna try and relate to people and
hopefully help others along the way. So um yeah. And
then as far as like where you can find everything, yeah,
I uh, you know, I've been I've been up. I

(46:57):
got a podcast now, Behind the Rose podcast this week. Yeah. Yeah,
Ashley was our guest on our Bachelor recap that went great,
and um yeah, we do some baschl recaps on Monday,
and then we got a lot of um, some reality
stars come on talk about their experience on the show.
We're very mental health focused. Um. We have musicians, a
lot of country musicians come on and discuss life on
the road, their story, how they did with mental health

(47:18):
and you know, the stresses that come with living in
the public eye and that kind of thing. Um. So yeah,
that's that's kind of what I'm going through right now.
I'm passionate about and um, still here in Denver, and
yeah that's about it. So you find me at black
on Instagram and go listen to Behind the Rose Podcast. Yeah,
I know we're hoping soon you're gonna be able to
get back out there, uh, DJ world Keeping traveling the US. Uh,

(47:40):
people can find you there, but until then they can
listen to you again on Behind the Road Rose podcast.
Ashley was a guest. I've done it. Um, you can
go back, I don't know a couple of weeks and
find that one. Blake, Thanks for coming on nine. Thanks
for appreciate everything with us, Thanks for celebrating. Yeah, congrats Ben,
guys up next, Uh, Ashley, we do have a really
special guests and when we both love UH with our

(48:03):
full hearts. She's one of the kindest, sweetest people I've
ever met in my life. You and her are one
of just I think four people from the Bachelor world
that I asked to write a endorsement on the book.
Becca is here right now, beca till everybody. We're just
talking about moments like you know, when we for LAWI

(48:26):
both felt alone in life and I was saying that
you do you remember during that Rose Ceremony cocktail hour,
you when I was crying because I was open about
being a virgin, and then you got me too, and
I was, Oh my god, that's like when my whole
I like saw shining stars like somebody else. I know

(48:48):
that she's like the full package. That moment lives on
with me, because I remember I hadn't talked about being
a like. I was like, I'm not I don't want
that to be like my storylines. I'm not even gonna
bring it up during pasting. And then I was just like,
you were crying. And then when you shared it with me,
my first reaction was like only two. And then I
was like, oh, I didn't know I have a Michael

(49:09):
and there's like seven cameras on me, like great afterward,
Oh my gosh, she was she was relating to me,
and now she stepped in it. Yeah, like the Battle
of the Virgins. After that, please please tell me that
this is one of those scenarios where like Actuley's crying,
there's maybe like one camera falling or um, and then

(49:31):
all of a sudden, you say that and every camera
camera just swirls as fast as possible right up on you.
Is that what happened? Immediately there was someone goes Secca interview,
I t M and I was like, oh man, And
then and then I was standing there and she's like,
so just say I'm a virgin and that that line

(49:52):
came on. It was used multiple times throughout the seats,
isn't I'm interesting? Well, uh, Becca, I'm really thankful you
joined us. I've said it and I mean it. Um.
There are a few people from this bachelor world who
has impacted me, uh greatly. You are definitely one of them.

(50:16):
Actually knows she is one of them, but you are
one of those people. You've been so kind, uh to
my now fiance Jessica. You've been so kind to me.
We've had really great conversations around faith and politics and life.
I'm asking every guest that comes on one question actually
has to answer it as well. Um. And I've asked

(50:38):
this question to actually already before, but I really want
to hear from you. There's a chapter in the book,
and you've read the book, but it talks about connecting
with self and eliminating labels, expectations, all the shame, all
the guilt, all the things have been placed us on
us by this world, leaving us to ask the question
like who are we if everything else goes away? And
I'm gonna ask you that question, Becca, because there's a

(50:58):
lot to you and a lot of beauty to you.
Who are you Becket Tilly if all of those things
get wiped away? Oh? Um? I mean to be just
truly honest, I'm in the process of figuring that out.
Like I think this year, more than ever, I have
actually really made an effort to figure out the answer

(51:22):
to that question, because I think I've spent a lot
of my life like living for the expectations of other
people and um, and especially being on a such a
huge show and having a platform, and people have these
like very specific expectations of what lane they want you
in and what they want you to say and how
they want you to approach things. And I finally this

(51:45):
year like started going to therapy because I was like,
I can't, I have to. I need someone to kind
of help me get there, because I think my whole
life has been this um pleasing other people, and I
almost didn't even know how to up doing that on
my own because I didn't even realize I was doing it. Um.
So I don't even know if that's a good answer

(52:06):
to your question, but that is kind of I'm like,
that whole question has been my journey this last year.
It's it's a great answer one because it's true. Um,
So there's not like a right answer to that. I
think for me, it's nice to hear that. And it's
interesting because the more and more I asked that question
to people as I wrote the book, and as as

(52:26):
people aren't there watching, most people are in that place.
I'm in that place where it's a constant journey. It's
a constant um asking of that question. Who am I?
Who am I today? Who am I in this moment?
Who am I in this response to this thing? This
thing is making me feel angry? You're confused? Why like,
who am I in this in this time, in this event?
And and I think that's I think that might be

(52:48):
the answer. And I the reason I asked this, and
the reason I say that is because I'm sure there's
people out there who have seen both of you on
social media and said, wow, uh, those were are beautiful.
They have it all together, They've got it figured out,
they're doing their thing. Life seems to be easy, like
they've got it, and they go, I just wish I

(53:09):
could I could be like them. I just wish I
could have it all figured out. Both of your responses.
So actually I've already asked you the question of who
are you and you can answer it if you'd like
right now. Um, but I want to ask you that
question is like when people assume that or think that
about you, what would be your response to the mean
you definitely only see one side, if if even a

(53:31):
side of a person watching them on TV. You're seeing
like the smallest little bit and um, you know you
often see like either like the funniest side, uh, like
the most put together side you could, in my situation
see like the most like uh emotional side. They're definitely

(53:51):
not seeing all of their struggles and you're not seeing
like you're not always seeing their insecurities and stuff like.
There's plenty of life beyond what they see on TV.
And I think that everybody or any screen actually for
that matter, So um, you just have to take that
in consideration every time you're feeling envious of somebody's life

(54:12):
through a screen. Mhm, that's true, It's very true. I
just I I think it's it's so almost comical for
people to think that, like all of us have it
all together, you know, like the I consider y'all some
of my closest friends from the show and some of

(54:33):
our conversations we've had, and um, I would say both
of you are do a very good job of being vulnerable.
I don't think you put on this like facade that
everything is perfect on social media. But it is funny
that to think that people have that idea that there's
no insecurities, there's no struggles, it's all together, there's no anxiety,
it's all just easy going all the time, which for

(54:57):
me is not the case. It hasn't been the face
at all. It's uh yeah, I even tonight, you know,
I'm sitting here and I was getting ready to do
this and Jessica was getting ready to head out. She's like,
how you doing it? And I was like, I don't know.
I have my my stomachs and nots. I have a
very anxious stomach. I don't know right now, I don't

(55:17):
know how I feel, how I think. I just I'm
I'm trying my best time, and uh that's it's weird
because I was. I was also getting ready to first
for the first time take time. I had a market
account of just celebrate this book because it's been a
lot of interviews and it's been a lot of talking,
and it's been a lot of questions about my ex relationships,
and it's been a lot of questions about how I

(55:38):
writ in the book about my struggle with addiction, and
it's those things are like how many times can I
talk about those things in the course of the day
before I kind of become known to them like before,
they no longer like before. I'm just a fraud again,
and I'm I'm right, I am the thing I write
about in the book that I don't want to be
the most Um. Yeah, I mean, I mean you're you're

(55:58):
at a certain point and I know you both have
experienced this, but you have your truth. You have the
answer to the questions they have. You can when you're
being asked the same question over and over again, you're
only able to tell your truth. And by the time
the end of the day comes, you've repeated your truth
so many times that you feel like it's not even
your truth anymore, because it just became like autopilots. So,

(56:20):
but Ben, I know that you had sometimes while writing
this book where you would like get into a deep
dark hole. It's because like you kept going back to
your past and thinking so much about it. But you're
just know that like you are not alone in those
moments like that happens to everyone. Even it's like long
drives in the car by yourself and you and you're like,

(56:42):
oh my god, that memory to lead to that memory,
leads to that memory. Um. When I do want to
wrap up this interview with with Becca in an a
little fun light because we both met you were on
the same time, and we both definitely felt the very
similar are ways about like the endearingness and just like

(57:03):
the the special intention that you get from Ben when
you first meet up. How Um, what was your favorite
first first issue memory of Ben? Like? What made what
was like a great first memory? Um? I would probably say, no, no,
we all life. That's the thing. It's like, which beautiful

(57:26):
memory do you share? Uh? You know, my one of
my favorite memories is actually probably at your wedding. And
I had so many before then when I was on
your came on to your season because I just I
I just thought you were so great and um, but
when we were at your wedding, ash, Um, there was

(57:47):
just this it felt like Ben and Jazz, like I
just met Jess and it just felt like my friends,
and I was able to share some things that I
hadn't shared with a lot of people from the Bachelor
world at that time in my friend groups there, and
he just he's just everything that everyone thinks he is.
He really is the I have a good beck of

(58:10):
memory in fact, that Becka came onto the season and
in Worse Ondiana. Um, I said goodbye to Becca and
it was not easy, uh, And I sat down on
a park bench with her. I thought the park bench
is still there, and she got She just glares at
me and I was like, oh no, like because like
I had this like just deep and I knew like

(58:32):
after the show she would I wanted her to be
one of the first people I reached out to be like,
because like we can still be friends, like I love you,
like I care about you, like and she just looked
right through me, and I was like, I'm done, Like
this is over. You told me you want to do this.
He told me to do this, and I was like,
I like, hey, Becca, thank you for coming on, thank

(58:54):
you for writing announcement again, um scrubbing in podcast with
that antonia something was to something to pick up, um,
something to put in your ears anytime you can, Becka,
tell you everybody, thank you, congratulations. But I love you guys,
love you Ben. Before we go to a Q and
A with some of the watchers. Right now, I just

(59:15):
want to share my my first memory of you. And
I know I've done this on the podcast before, but
like we were in my hotel room with a whole
bunch of other people after mental all and I just
remember literally being mind blown by how good of a
listener and like how engaged you were in conversation with

(59:36):
people for the first time. Like, even though there was
chaos or maybe not like chaos, but a lot of
things going on, it was a very exciting night. Like
when you're talking to someone, you give them your time
and all your energy and all all your brain and
it's really really something. It's really nice, and it makes
everybody feels so special. And let's that's just me Like

(59:59):
you didn't when like my parents and stuff, when you're
at our wedding, like everybody who's meeting you for the
first time feels the same line. Not so sweet. See Ash,
you know, we've done this thing together now for four years.
So we met on that night. We've been doing this
weekly for four years together. Um, yes, we can celebrate
the book and I would love to, but we also

(01:00:20):
got to celebrate that tonight. That is always something to
remember and something that we Uh you are. You are
my longest standing relationship today. Um, yeah, it's a partnership.
But I do think that you're listening skills and the
fact that you just zone in on people's stories helps

(01:00:43):
so much in the creation of this book because I mean, like,
you care like no one else. It's all right, So
she'll shall we move into some questions? We should Yeah,
we should definitely do that. Um. How's the house hunting going, Ashley?
This one's from Christie. Wow, what a different topic. Um.

(01:01:04):
We have decided, well, basically, we're going to like move
out of our apartment next month, which is so weird.
We're gonna be like just prossiting around between his sister's
house and my family's house until we can get like
a good a rental that we like enough to stay
in for like about six months and hopefully that would

(01:01:25):
take us into the building of our own home in
Rhode Island. So that's how the house cutting is going.
We've kind of given up on house hunting and we've
decided that we're going to go straight into building, even
though that was something that we were planning on doing
for a couple of years. We just feel like that's
what both of our guts are pulling us tours. I
didn't know this, that's big news. So what do you

(01:01:46):
do with all your stuff? So you're packing it all up?
Is it going to Rhode Island and you guys are
just gonna couch surf? Yeah, it's going to Rhode Island.
It's gonna seeing a storage unit for a while. And
then so his sister's husband is away in the military.
He's in ball Rain until November, so we have our
own room there. And then we have plenty of space
with my parents. So we're just gonna spend time with

(01:02:09):
family until like May, and then we may look into
getting a place in Rhode Island for six months to
a year. And then you know, if l A calls
back next year and everything is like up and running
and we have to be here for work, we may
get a small place like in the valley. Okay, two
questions for you, just follow up answering as quickly you want.

(01:02:29):
Are you ready to leave l A. I know this
is hard for you. Um, I guess that's it. Are
you ready to live in l A? And I guess,
are you ready to go to Rhode Island? So yes
and no. Like the fact of that we're leaving this
apartment that I thought that we were going to stay
in for a long at least like another two or
three years makes me feel weird because like this was

(01:02:50):
such a gem and when I found it, I was like,
I'm never letting it go. The City of l A.
I'm actually pretty cool with leaving right now. I think
it has to do with an a each thing. It
may have to do with a COVID thing, uh, but
it just doesn't have the magic that it had for
me at one point. It's so very glitterly when you
move here, um, and everything is exciting. Um. A lot

(01:03:12):
of it is very superficial, and a lot of it
is very fun for single people. But like, once you
like get to that I'm married, like we like to
nest and like make dinner every night type situation, that
doesn't have as much of an appeal. And then I'm
definitely ready to move to Rhode Island because I love
Rhode Island. That's that's gonna be fun. The winters maybe
not so much. I'm looking into getting heated hardwood floors. Yeah,

(01:03:36):
called Jessica. She can tell you all about cold weather
right now. She has cold weather driving gloves, a parka,
and a hat that she drives in her car with.
So when you see her, she looks like a marshmallow
driving down the road. It's it's actually very electric gloves. Yeah,
she literally does. Okay, next question that we got today,
and this was from Madeline. What I guess this is

(01:03:56):
to me? What was your favorite part to write? My
favorite part maybe the part I got the most out of. Okay,
I'm gonna say my least favorite part because it turned
in my favorite part now. I was on a tour
bus for Bachelor Live on stage and I had to
write the last section of the book and it was
about my connection with God. And at that point in time,

(01:04:17):
after hearing the stories in the book, like Annie's and
there's many others that are written about, I had a
lot of doubt, questions, and confusion and I was in
a really heavy, dark place. I was actually uh, it
was three am every morning, um for a month and
a half. I was waking up in deep sweats, my
heart was racing, and I was having like the scariest thoughts,

(01:04:38):
like I couldn't get bad thoughts out of my head.
And so that's what sent me into my second round
of counseling because I was having I mean what they
call now like a panic attack. But this wasn't just
like an anxious attack which I had today, like where
my body starts sweating and stuff. This was like attack
in a panic attack yeah, definitely, Yeah, And so like
these were like full on and it was because I

(01:04:59):
don't I don't really know the reason yet I'm not
having them right now. Um. But it was a really
big growth season for me because I was digging into
like why I say I believe in Jesus, Why I
say believe in God in general? Like if I do
believe in a God, what is that like? What then
is my response? If I don't, what would that mean
for me? And these are huge life questions and it

(01:05:20):
helped me now filter through some of these things that
like maybe I hadn't spent as as much time as
I needed to. I see. The second part of that
is listening to these stories of humans that are incredible,
some of them are no longer with us, but incredible humans.
That was actually a lot of fun for me because
I got to grow through that. Um. And they spent
their time with me. Um, like Annie, uh, spending it
up until the last breath she took. So I don't

(01:05:42):
I don't want to take those things for granted. That
was that was I guess I enjoyable feels like a
weird part word to use, but it was. It was
helpful and I'll never forget it. Um. I think there's
more question. Yeah, it's from Caitlin and it says what
inspired either write this book? Like, was there pivotal moments
that inspired it or was it truly just they came
to you to ask would you write a book? Well,

(01:06:04):
let's answer that. So, yeah, that was why I wrote
the books, because they came and asked. Um. But the
concept of the book had existed long before that. Uh.
And it really happened. And actually we've talked about it.
But you know, my story is this, and it's not
one to feel bad about. It's just my stories. I
moved to Denver, Colorado. I was an only child. I
had no friends in Denver, but it was the only

(01:06:25):
job that offered me a job, and so I went
and took this job. I knew nobody out there, and
so for a year of my life, I would go
to work, I go back home. I would sit on
my couch uh and I would go to bed and
wake up, and it was a really sad life, like
I was not doing well. Um, I had not made friends,
I had not dated, uh, and it was just kind
of a spiral out of control. Well, long story short,

(01:06:46):
the Bachelor calls I go on the Bachelor, and then
all of a sudden, I had become the Bachelor, and
the tagline for that season is the Perfect Bend. And
as soon as I saw it, my heart dropped because
I realized that I was never gonna live up to
that expectation. I was gonna fall short of that. And
even if I try to look up to the expectation,
that's not how I want people to know me. I
don't want them to know me as this perfect human
because that's far far from who I am. And I

(01:07:07):
want people to be able to look at me and say, hey,
he's willing to sit in my with me, like he's
willing to sit with me in my worst moments. I
don't want to look at me and think, oh, he's
just a fake and a fraud and he can't relate
with me. And so that happens then become the Bachelor,
and there's a lot of attention that comes with that,
and some of that attention feels really good. Initially it
feels really like addicting and euphoric, and it feels really

(01:07:30):
really exciting, and then it fades and I remember this,
this is an interesting story that I don't write about
in the book. And and I'll close because you only
have a few minutes left here. Um, I remember this. Uh,
it was my final episode. My parents were up on
stage with me and Chris Harrison. There's a clock in
the back that shows how much time is left in
the show, and there was three minutes left in the
clap and he was done, like somehow they had messed up.
He was done. He looked at me, he goes Ben.

(01:07:51):
At commercial break, he says, Ben, Uh, do you have
a few words you can say for three minutes because
we need three minutes to fill It was like I don't, yeah,
I'll try something. And I stood there. I was like,
what do you want to say? And it hit me
as I said, and I remember this, I said, this
is my last time as the Bachelor on this stage.
I know this has been my fifteen minutes of Fame Fame,

(01:08:12):
and I know it's ending, and if I have one
thing to give, I just want to say thank you
because I knew that that show is going to change
my life forever, enhance it forever. Well, long story short,
fame fades. I got into a really dark place, A
breakup happens even darker place, and I started journaling, and
and that kind of ties into what we're talking about earlier.
And uh, and that's where the journal came from. I

(01:08:32):
just I wasn't doing well and I needed to keep
building upon this journal that had started when when I
first moved to Denver. Wow, that's this is totally meant
to be. Like honestly, like everything seems like it's just
leading up to this book and being meant to be
because I do think that like your purpose in one
of your one of your purposes is to make people

(01:08:54):
feel less alone. And if you didn't have those moments,
as horrible as that is, that people would able to
read this and then they wouldn't be able to relate
and feel better about their loneliness. Like I was before
you started talking like five minutes ago, I was like,
I wonder if him being an only child, like lad
to like a lot of the loneliness that he feels.

(01:09:16):
And then I was like, no, like, there's a bigger
picture here. There's like so many little elements that add up,
you like having the background to write a book like
this and therefore makes many people feel better. Yeah, I
I agree with you. I don't. I'm not mad. I mean,
it's kind of why we say like, I don't want
to be the victim in this because some of those
hard some of the hardest moments build an empathy and

(01:09:37):
a relatability inside any where. I can look across the
table and said, I've been there, and I know what
you I know what you don't need to hear, and
that's me trying to fix you. I can just sit
with you in this because I know you've been there. Actually,
tonight has been really special to me. Thank you for
sitting with me. Thank you for always supporting me, thank
you for being my co host and us. I don't
even think we've ever argued, which is pretty impressive. Um,

(01:09:58):
that's actually even when we call and like we call
each other about how to handle situation, we're pretty much
always on the same page. Pretty good at it. Uh.
But thank you for your support here till Jared. Thank
you for his support. Thank you for so much spending
this evening UM talking about my book and and doing
it here on this platform. Thanks to my heart and
almost famous team UH for doing this with me tonight,

(01:10:19):
and thank you for all you out there watching UH.
I wish I could give you all big hugs, UM,
but we can't. Where's your favorite place for people to
get the book? The local bookstore. I'm always an encourage
of the small local bookstore. They need to help. Obviously
those businesses are struggling. But if you don't go there,
it's on Amazon. I read the audible book myself, and

(01:10:40):
you heard me reading earlier. I mess up often, so
you gotta imagine how much time that took me. Actually,
I'm very surprised when you were reading those three pages,
how like you didn't stumble at all. I'll be like,
oh God, he must have read this over and over
again for him to be so smooth. And I'm not
saying that about you. I mean you know what I mean,
because I can't not, I can never read. We will.

(01:11:01):
We read ads were like great, cut that out, cut
that out? So you are perfect at reading your own book? Yeah?
It happens. So the Audibles out there, Kendall, Amazon, Barnes
and Noble, all those places. Um, you can get it,
or you can just go do Ben Higgins book dot
com right now in order from there. Hey, Ashley, we're
gonna do this the same way we always do it,

(01:11:21):
because this has been a blast. Thank you for joining
the Almost Famous podcast promoting my new book Alone in
Plain Sight. And Ashley, it's very in here. You have
a book out there, what it's it called Lucy and Clark,
a story of puppy love, and you can get at
Lucy and Clark book dot com. How sweet of you
to plug right hey with that. I've been been, I've

(01:11:42):
been Ashley. Follow the Benn and Ashley I Almost Famous
podcasts on I our Radio, or subscribe wherever you listen
to podcasts.