The Woody Show May 16th 2023 Podcast

Redneck News, News Headlines, 1st World Problems/ Thats Sucks & More!

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
They show. What's up everybody?Thank you for listening to The Woody Show
podcast. Just a heads up forall our people that listen to us in
Las Vegas. Myself, Menace,I will be at the grand opening of
Diceo at Monticito Crossing Center this Saturdayfrom three pm to five pm with a
ton of give ways, Woody Showmerch and one lucky winner is going to

(00:22):
get a two hundred and fifty dollarsshopping spree. So if you're in the
area Las Vegas, I hope tosee you this Saturday, May twentieth,
from three to five pm at DisoMonticito Crossing Centers. Do to the graphic
nature of this program, listen tothis question. The Woody Show probably is

(00:57):
the Woody Show. Insensitive Training classis now in session. Good morning,

(01:18):
everybody, morning, it is Tuesdaymorning. We are the Woody Show.
It is May the sixteenth, twentytwenty three. Welcome to and I'm Woody.
That's Raving. It's Greg Gory.H morning to you. Greg Menace
is here. What is that?Woody Here is our social media director.
You can find us. You canfollow us at the Woody Show on Instagram

(01:38):
and Twitter or on Facebook, Facebookdot com, slash the Woody Show.
There's a sea bass. Yeah,well you've got Sammy, good morning.
Bart is here, Caroline's here.They're in the Woody Show production department doing
their thing this morning. Our associateproducer, her name is Morgan. She's
here along with Vaughn our video producer. And if you want to be a
part of the show today, wegot you on the phone today seven seven

(02:00):
forty four, Woody. That's eightseven seven forty four Woody. You can
also hit us up with a textover two nine eight seven coming up for
you on the show this morning.The first World Problems, we'll be taking
your phone calls and your text messageson those silly little things that gets you
so mad, get you in sucha ladder. And then it takes something

(02:20):
like a segment like this comparing themto one of this week's that Sucks stories
to bring in some perspective to theequation figging you right, I said,
you know what, maybe just maybethe grassiest, truly greener on my side
defense despite whatever it is that's goingon in that particular moment. So your
first world problem that sucks stories,we got rabies Nerd Now at the latest
in the world of nerds coming uphere in just a few minutes, actually

(02:42):
before the hours out trending news headlines, brand new redneck news and more,
all today here on The Woody ShowAgain, phones or text if you want
to call in there. I sawthis story. CBS did his big segment
highlighting how adding bugs to the foodsystem could be a game changer to fight

(03:04):
climate change. We're still pushing thisstuff that's saying for years, cricket flour,
all that crap, Like Noah,dog, Like you could tell me
that eating bugs would result in worldpeace and I still wouldn't do it.
I'm with you. Yeah, Greg'sthe same way, and Greg wants world
peace? Or oh Greg, howabout this? What if eating bugs could
bring back your old dog from thegrave. That's a good question, Like
as part of my regular diet,or like just every day you had to

(03:27):
have one bug raw, Yeah,and your old dog after all these years,
I would I think? Yeah,So I can't. I can't.
I can't imagine eating one that bugin your mouth one time? Remember that?
Well, yeah made it close.And I already had a food festival
that had like a cricket and yeah, I hate it. Yeah, and

(03:52):
then Raby is into the womb.She was for a man they sent us
on I like the church. Sure, they're like z they chips, cracker
or something like that. Get flowerchips, yeah, cricket flower chips.
You know what else? They havechips without that. Yet what we're talking
about if I'm like, yeah,I can understand that if you're like out
in the wild and you're hungry andyou have to eat, but you're going

(04:14):
to die if you don't. Whenyou have a grocery store right down the
street of your house, you canjust get like chicken, regular chips,
yeah, or like at yea,why some pork or whatever? The environment
like why are you eating livers andintestines and like stuff. It's not necessary,
it's not necessary. We don't haveto do that. That's like what
Greg is saying, like, youdon't have to eat the chirps chips,

(04:38):
you know, chirps that only ricketsin. I don't see how they could
be good. Somebody, because Ihad posted about this on on my Twitter,
said maybe not for world peace,but I know Woody would eat bugs
for a larger penis. About abigger penis, Greg again, every day
diet, every day. I justwant to crack, like throw one bug

(05:00):
in each meal. Yeah that Icould. Could I like blend it up
and make it into a powder.Yeah, uh to put it in the
blender, Oh, I would haveYou shouldn't just buy like bug powder.
No, but you say you hadto eat one bug every day for a
larger penis, you would have tosecure that cricket yourself. Oh no,
you wouldn't do it now, likesee, No, while it's not ideal,

(05:26):
it's also not that bad. Iwouldn't do it that, Like it's
not worth eating a bug every day. No, you know what I'm saying.
No, I wouldn't do a penisfor for the ween for the abs.
We've heard about your tiny unit forI'm saying it's not it's not critical
stage. I'm saying, like thesepeople that have these giant penises and complain
about it like cares if you havea big penis, like like giant penis
like that, like eactly, Butit's not so bad where it's like you

(05:49):
know, people like have to doa double take to see if I'm a
chick. Right, yeah, youknow, so it's like not worth eating
a bug. I managed to Uh, I managed to have two kids with
this you know, tiny unite,like we made it work. Although the
micro penis guy who I dated hastwo kids as well. True it worked,

(06:12):
Yeah, it happens. Now.How hot is the chick that he
married? Pretty hot, really nice, and so she's into the micro penis
I guess, so she's got tofinish. I wouldn't think that. I
wouldn't think that any woman would haveto like settle for that. But maybe
if you're like ugly or you know, you got other things going against you,
that you would settle for something likethat. How micro is his bank
account? That's the question question.He works in the financial sector and they

(06:38):
met, Was he doing that orI think so? Yeah, yeah,
you know he's a country club guy. He's oh, he's in a country's
got a really big wallet. Heposts a lot about you know, golfing.
Penis may be small, but mybank account is huge. Bro,
your house, your car, Igot a girthy wallet. Uh. Speaking
of things that people do, cosmetichair transplants are getting more popular with ladies

(07:02):
these days. Oh yeah, soapparently between eighty and ninety percent of people
are going in now to these hairtreatment places that are women who want to
combat a big forehead. So ifyou got like a five head going on,
make your hairline. Yeah, soyeah they Yeah, they talked to

(07:23):
the head of this Florida clinic.Eighty to ninety percent of his patients are
women who want to combat a bigforehead. Just get Banks. But what
if I mean Banks is not agreat look. It's really out. Yeah,
it's really bad. Um. Theydo typically look good on a person
with a big forehead, though.Yeah, you're just saying that because they

(07:46):
have to wear that's true. Yeah, otherwise it's like cool, it's kind
of like pigtails. They look goodon nobody Banks. It's like little like
a little kid grown woman in pigtails. Yeah, like that's true. I'd
say the surgery can be fairly painful, runs roughly five or six hours.
Awful. Yeah, it looks sogross and it can run up to twelve

(08:09):
thousand dollars damn. Yeah. Likeyou see, Um, you see the
commercials every once in a while forlike hair treatment stuff. They're they're showing,
you know, bringing the hair linedown or adding something, and like
they're just basically threading individual hair follicles. I'm surprised those take same he some
don't. Yeah. Also the otherone that I was like, oh god,

(08:31):
how desperate are you. NBC Newsjust did a big profile and this
twenty six year old guy who gotleg lengthening surgery which took him from five
foot seven to five foot ten,and it was all about how this is
getting more and more popular. Yeah. The surgeon who did it says he
expects to do around fifty leg lengtheningprocedures this year alone, up from twenty

(08:54):
a year ago. So brutal andyeah, So if you don't know how
this works, they basically break bothwith your legs, like up around your
thigh, the insert first of alla rod, first of all rod and
each one and then new bones slowlystarts to grow, and the rods work
on a remote that lengthens them upto one millimeter per day for the next

(09:16):
three or four months is the betterpart of a year. Yeah. Now
at that point you can get aroundusing a walker, and then you move
up to a cane, so you'rebasically disabled for a while. Lots of
physical therapy and for all that youget to not you have to you get
to Greg. You get to payone hundred thousand dollars for that for that

(09:37):
luxury now, and your insurance insurancedoes not cover that desire. The guy
that NBC talked to and profile saidthat he never wanted to be tall,
just tall enough for people to stopmaking comments about his height. Yeah,
I mean it's very popular to bea high high these dating apps, right

(10:00):
seeah, yeah, that's what theyall say, like I'm five blah blah
blah or sixth whatever in heels.You better be so like they will specifically
say yeah, and which is notlike that, not that women have just
discovered that they're like tall men.I mean tall, dark and handsome is
a phrase for a reason. Butthey're blaming about it now. Yeah,
they're very blatant. And now guysare kind of seeing it in real life.
Yeah, they're seeing the consequences yetagain, men being treated like garbage.

(10:22):
Thank you there. The Academy ofFacial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery says the
gen Z they're booking cosmetic procedures morenow than ever. In fact, seventy
five percent of plastic surgeons saw aspike in clients under thirty Wow, which
is a consistently higher plateau over thefive previous years and the most common request

(10:45):
for the twenty somethings breastlift, breastaugmentations, and botox injections. Okay,
if you start doing botox though inyour twenties, you are going to look
like a forreeing, how so manypeople do? I did botox in my
twenties. You're prevented. Okay,Well you're what thirty thirties now, yeah,
let's let's talk to you when you'refifty. Yeah, you're gonna look
like a freak. You can keepit up. I haven't done it in

(11:09):
a while, but I started doingit when I was twenty seven. Why
seven? There's a lot of benicidalYeah, yeah, but there are.
I mean, it makes your facemore symmetrical, and then it also makes
lines go away. Like Mena said, it's prevented him, I was making
fun of that. It's not preventive. That's what every every loser that's into

(11:30):
it says. It's prevented. Rules, but a time and a place for
it. I think like once youstart getting like like late forties and your
fifties, like and you get alittle botox. But I just feel like
if you're doing that in your twenties, there's no way because you look at
like all these celebrities who had workedone super early and how they like fast
forward, how they end up looking. They look like weird. They can't

(11:52):
go overboard on it. I thinkthey do other stuff besides both. Sure,
yeah, I know, but I'msaying I think if you start all
that kind of cosmetic stuff too early, not necessarily just botox by itself,
but if you're already doing botox inyour twenties, like I like, I
would think like the majority of peopleby the time they hit fifty, they
started looking a little weird. It'sit's maybe, like you said, from
other stuff that they're doing because they'vestarted this night leads to fillers like who

(12:16):
has one tattoo? Right, yeah, nobody gets one tattoo. Once you
have a tattoo, you at leasthave a second. But let's say your
fifties, Sammy, do another procedure, fix it. And here one last
thing, since we're on the subject. These are the types of cosmetic surgeries
or treatments that plastic surgeons say themajority of them say that they would never

(12:39):
get for themselves, and that wouldbe a fat removal where they take fat
out of your cheeks. It's likewhat are you doing anything with your face
is bad news? Yeah, theBrazilian butt lift. Those are the most
dangerous, the bbls. That's whatcosmetic surgeons are saying that they would never
get for themselves. Uh. Threadlifts, oh god, which is known

(13:01):
as lunch time lift. That's whereyou firm up your skin. Also butt
implants, high volume liposuction yikes,want it? Lightpo dissolved, which I'm
not sure exactly what that is,breast saline injections, and penile enlargements enlargement.

(13:22):
Yeah, we've seen a penile enlargement. We saw one. It was
pretty cool from a dude who didn'tneed it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah,
I didn't even need it. Yeahhe was. He wasn't even Yeah,
it's like botox in your twenties.Don't even really need him. Yeah,
eight seven seven forty four Woody youwant to hit us up? Text
over to two two nine eighty sevenmore. Woody Show is next. Hang
on, Welcome back Show, Iwelcome back everybody. We are the Woody

(13:48):
Show. It's Tuesday morning. Ravenhas got a nerd now coming up here
into the world of nerds forty fourthere in just a moment. Also Woody
show mail call, and so forthe holidays. For today it's May sixteenth,
and today Greg, it's National MimosaDay. Oh part, I'm sure
that was in your your weekly memowas about yeah going on this week a

(14:13):
week National Mimosa Day. Today isalso National Barbecue Day. Yeah, oh
yeah, all right. National Dosomething Good for your Neighbor Day is today.
And it's also National Piercing Day,which if you want to go get
a nose piercing. Greg, It'sNational Ride a Unicycle Day. Let's ride.

(14:41):
You know who uh apparently is reallygood at riding a unicycle and uh
and and takes up for it allthe time. Adam Carolla. Oh yeah,
yeah, forgot about that. Apparentlyhe had one as a kid and
he got really good at at rideagain. Yeah, so I know a
ride a cycle. Yeah, soit's you know, it would be a

(15:01):
trick. That's the thing. Ifyou're a kid and whatever, you're just
trying to figure out how to doit. But if you're a growing ass
adult and you're like just kind ofriding around on a unicycle, which I
which I saw in the wild.Before you go out you go out to
the park on the weekend and presschicks. Yeah, it's super cool.
Hell yeah. And if you canjuggle while you do it. Yeah,
Today's a National waiters Day, waitersshout out to all the waiters. And

(15:24):
today is also uh National honor OurLGBT Elder's Day. Okay, I'm honoring
you today. Thank you. Iam I am your elder and Eve.
Though it's not officially confirmed, potentiallyRavy, Yeah, that's you can confirm
it, okay. Sweet. Speakingto which we did get an after hour's
voicemail, Uh, some feedback fromme. That's the thing. If you're

(15:46):
listening on the podcast, whenever there'slike a topic or something you want to
chime in on, you can.It's never too late for the topic.
It's never really over because we getyour feedback, we do some follow up
stuff. You can leave it onthe after hours voicemail anytime after ten am
eight seven seven forty four. Andthis person would like everybody stop adding letters
to this place. I'm calling inwith my unpopular opinion. And it has

(16:07):
to do with the alphabet soup thatis the LGBTQI a tow F plus group.
Nothing wrong with any of those people, just the name of that and
what I don't understand is why therekeeps being letters added. But also the
plus time is my unpopular opinion thatjust stop LGBTQ plus and then that should

(16:30):
encompass everything else. We don't needkeep adding letters because that's what the goddamn
plus it's for. Yeah, exactly. It's like when you have a concert
and you say it is this band, this band, and more and more.
That means that there's there's includes otherbands. But I guess everybody wants
like their name on the show,so to speak. You know, everybody
wants their name on the market.I guess, yeah, like they want
their part of it to be Idon't know plus, how dare you?

(16:52):
Yeah, But that was that wasthe thing we were we were talking about
because I'd send Greg there was therewas something I saw, and I'm like,
I didn't even know this was athing, and I was asking him
if he knew anything about it,and then I had to that the two
s. Right. Yeah. Spiritby the way, was aparently invented at
some lesbian conference in the nineties.All right, Yeah, So there was
a story in the news about inPortland, Oregon, Portland PD pushes lgbt

(17:17):
Q. I PA two S plustraining God on co. Yeah, they're
going to run out of room forthe headline, all right, there are
And I was like, what thethat was the first time I've ever seen
the IPA two S turned like twospirit and something else or whatever. Anyway,
eight seven seven forty four Woody.That's eight seven seven forty four Woody.

(17:38):
Another follow up after hours voicemail,Holly Woody Show Woody. I am
sorry to say this, but youare definitely an influencer. There have been
multiple occasions where you have influenced meto purchase so many food items that I
do not need off your food news. So I'm sorry to say it,
but you are. He love rightback to this argument again. I don't

(18:02):
think go into this again. Well, I mean as a hamburger sandwich's let's
really get into the So here's what'sHere's what's happening here on pizza is.
The term influencer was created for somebodywho has no real talent but still wants
to sell products. They want toinfluence you. They couldn't call them,
oh, they're an athlete, they'rean actor, they're a model, They're
an influencer. Because I don't reallyknow what they do, but they want

(18:23):
you to buy, they want toget paid to sell you things. So
what they're now doing is they're they'retaking that and they're reverse engineering it back
onto people who actually are actors,athletes, models, are in this case
would he talk show hosts, entertainers. So they're reverse they're reverse using their
term, which should be a termof shame. It should be gross to
be called an influencer. But nowthey're saying, well, technically you are

(18:44):
because I'm, you know, puttingyou back into this category that I created
for these other people. So that'swhat the deal is. Yeah, yeah,
thank you, the same goal,right, which again, but that's
that's dodging the point. Yeah,eight seven seven four four, woody.
That's eight seven seven forty four Woody. You can all set us a tax

(19:04):
over to two to nine eight seven. Time to see what's happening in the
world of nerds. This with Ravingsand what's got you all nerdy today Rave.
So we talked about this last weekand that my prediction was The Guardians
three wasn't going to see that dramaticof a drop at the box office because

(19:27):
word of mouth has been excellent andonce again I'm maximum right noise. It's
funny because I checked a bunch oftheaters all sold out. Yeah, except
for the theater that I went tomega empty. Oh no kidding, Yeah,
it's gonna believe it was it notlike an Imax or a Laser.
No, it was a really yeah, no, super nice, high end

(19:49):
everything interesting. Interesting. The Guardiansmade sixty point five million dollars, which
is a drop of forty nine percent. That is the second at best weekend
hold of any sequel in the MCU, one of the best second weekends of
any MCU title, not in termsof money, but in terms of percentage

(20:10):
drop like forty nine percent is reallyreally good. Guardians crushed at the box
office. It has taken in nowtwo hundred and thirteen point two million domestically.
Overseas took in another ninety one pointnine million, so it has a
four in tally of three hundred andfifteen point six million, So that is
good for five hundred and twenty eightpoint eight million globally. Now, Raby

(20:33):
is this movie for kids? No, I know, the first ten minutes
I'm like Jesus, this is brutal, and then continue into it. Some
of the language was questionable definitely questionablelanguage, but a lot of violence.
I said that in the lead upthat reviewers were recalling calling this the most
violent, gory movie of all theMCU. Yeah, and it definitely has

(20:56):
adult themes that would would be upsettingto any kid that would you know,
if they get it, you knowwhat I mean? Yeah, Yeah,
Super Mario Brothers still going strong aspeople go back to see it a second
and third time. It was secondwith thirteen million. It's taken in one
point two one billion worldwide. Andthe other big box office news was that

(21:18):
movie Hypnotic, the ben Affleck Movie, which was written and directed by Robert
Rodriguez, the worst opening of bothof their careers, took in two point
four million dollars. That's where theempty theaters were pretty sure, and as
you know, Fast X theaters thisweekend. Now, speaking of Fast X,

(21:38):
has the Rock worked it out withVin Diesel Because the word on the
street is his character shows up sweet. It has a lot of people speculating
that his character Hobbes is coming backinto the family. Diesel said recently that
the Big finale is now being splitinto two movies, but now he's walking

(21:59):
that back, saying the Studio wantsa trilogy, so there will be a
Fast X, a Fast eleven,and a Fast twelve. Oh my god.
Well, a lot of people areblaming him for those comments on why
their projections are not huge, becausepeople are like, all this waited out
now, Oh okay, that's right, because we're talking last week. It's
like projecting around seventy million dollars.I know. And they're blaming too.

(22:25):
I see. Meanwhile, you're notwho's not hurting for money? That would
be Johnny Depp. He has signeda record three year, twenty million dollars
deal to continue to be the faceof Dior's Savallo he signed with them back
in twenty fifteen. His new dealis the largest for any men's fragrance.

(22:47):
The old record was set by RobertPattinson, who signed a twelve million dollar
deal also with Dior, and thenBrad Pitt had a seven million dollars deal
with Chanel number five. That's thewhole timing. Oh my god, you
know, my grandma loved Chanel.I do have Chanel. I'll try this
to your apparent. Yeah, apparentlya few commercials here and there. Yeah,

(23:10):
twenty million dollars, Rember, I'mRaving. For more nerds stuff,
check out the Nerd Non podcast atthe Woody Show dot com. Nerd All
right, thank you very much,Rabels, you got a dog More.
Tuesday Morning, Woody Show is comingup for your next hang on, kick
your feet up on the dashboard backin a few The Woody Show. This

(23:30):
is and we are in two anothernew hour of insensitivity training, free politically
correct world. Well look at that, it's Tuesday morning. You guys,
you gotta survive. It just gothere. Bro. We have the T
shirt that shows that we have donethis more than once. Yeah, we've

(23:52):
all survived Tuesday. It can bedone, and it will eight seven seven
forty four. Woody, if you'recalling in, hit us up with the
next over to two two nine eightseven. I'm that's raving. It was
a great, gory good morning.What is up? There's Sammy morning.
We got some of the trending newsheadlines coming up for this hour. Also

(24:12):
a brand new redneck news I wasreading about and I used to live in
Kirkwood, Missouri, which is asuburb of Saint Louis, and um,
it's like a you know, sleepymiddle class, supper middle class maybe suburb
suburban suburb. Yeah, yeah,suburban suburb, and it's in the suburb.

(24:34):
Students at Kirkwood High School have themhave themselves in the news. They're
your books got released last week andsome of the content is being called out
by parents as inappropriate. Now,I always thought that there was like,
you know, the year book committee, but then it had to go through
like people at the faculty advisors.They're not reading those pages. No,

(24:55):
Well, here's the thing, Uh, Kirkwood High School in the district in
general, they're standing behind their studentled yearbook committee, saying Kirkwood High School
has a long standing tradition of allowingstudent media to be designated public forums.
School officials do not engage in priorreview while content is determined by and reflects
only the views of the student staffand not school officials or the school itself.

(25:19):
Because they're washing their hands of this. Yeah, well, so there
was a hookups section, okay,sweet, So students were sharing their opinions
on you know, casual sex thingslike that and the you know the benefits
of sexual relationships without labels, benefitsconsequences, things like that in the yearbook.

(25:40):
In the yearbook, Yeah, itsounds more like a forum. The
pages have images including pregnancy tests,birth control, a bra a plan B
pill in the year in the yearbook, along with responses to the question that
they put out to the students there, what's the weirdest place you've hooked up?
Oh? That's yeah, so notyour book, like, uh,

(26:06):
let's see. There was also outrageover a section about drugs and alcohol,
including a student pole about which ofthe two they prefer. What's your favorite
way? Yeah, more of awhite claw. Yeah. Now, there
is a woman. She is apediatrician and associate professor of pediatrics at Washington

(26:27):
University. They're in Saint Louis,and she thinks that while the content can
be seen as inappropriate, she seesit as a way to start a conversation
issues with with teens, right,yeah, and so she posted that response
on Facebook, and then she justgot torn apart by all these parents and
so and she got threats and yeah, okay, so she took the post

(26:52):
down off of Facebook. These parentsare trying to act like their kids aren't
talking about all this stuff or doingthis stuff. Yeah, I know,
right, but in the year tobe memorializing yearbook, Yeah, it's just
forty years old. Looking at youryearbook and going, oh, yeah,
I remember, drugs have change.Well, you know what's funny is that
you can have all that conversation,but you can't have like, you know,

(27:17):
hottest guy, hottest girl, likewe had in middle school, middle
school, in high school, mostlikely to succeed, the senior superlatives,
yeah right, most popular girl?Right, yeah, god forbid you do
that. But you can post apicture of your plan B pill, Yeah,
best jock. I can post apicture of my pregnancy test in the

(27:37):
yearbook. Yeah, but there's notenough pages. I mean I'm asking parents
out there. I mean, howdo you feel about it? I mean
like I'm surprised that they don't havesome kind of review process. Yeah?
How is there not one faculty advisor? Yeah? But at the same time,
what I care, Like if thatwas the yearbook that came home,
I don't know that I would careas a dad. As a dad,

(28:00):
I don't think I would care foryour daughter's year book. Oh yeah,
I don't think I would care.Like, I don't understand how that really
affects anything. It doesn't. Wouldyou have a conversation with her about how
many pregnancy tests? She said?Right? I would be like, yo,
what, Yeah, what's up withall this crazy? You take the
survey together again? Man? Andthat's that's the fine line, like my
wife and I talked about all thetime. In fact, I was talking

(28:22):
to a neighbor of mine who hasa son who's older than mine. He's
sixteen, and so they're in thestage now where it's like they're trying to
talk to him. And the schooldoes too, a pretty good job of
like warning kids about like, hey, don't take a drug from somebody,
you know, from a rando fromMirando with you know, fentanyl and you

(28:44):
know all the tranquilizer stuff that's uh, it's being laced in this stuff now.
And so he's like, well,cool, well how about you and
dad just go get me something fromthe dispensary then, and she's like,
well, she goes, I'm notgonna tell him this great idea, you
know, like if you're really concernedabot controlling what they're getting or what they're
using, you know, I wouldrather him not use it at all.

(29:04):
Sure, But she goes, Iwas a kid and she was wild too.
She's like, you know, Iremember doing all this stuff. But
for us, it was like youhad a beer and you had you know,
you smoke somebody's joint or something likethat. But it wasn't like Fenton
al and you know all this otherstuff. It just it was just weed.
It was just beer. It waswhatever. Um And she she was
talking about how they had the conversationabout are we that house where you know

(29:29):
the kids can come over? Wetake everybody's keys and you know that way,
that way you at least know wherethey are. And she's like,
we decided hell no, Yeah,well because there's kids, Well because there's
a there's a there's a lawsuit goingon right now with another parent that she
knows who they were that house,and the kids still ended up leaving getting

(29:52):
into an accident, and now thatkid's parents are suing. Of course they
are the cool house parents because theywere home and they knew what was going
on. So but here she istrying to do the right thing. It's
stuff that my wife and I havetalked about. We've thought about, like
what do you do like because youdon't want to be oblivious and think,
oh, well it's not happening becauseyou remember being a kid, right,

(30:15):
Yeah, you remember being a kid. You know what they're into? And
I feel like the more on thesleeve it is theseier is have a conversation.
But then there's conversations. That's trickybecause you don't want to you don't
want to act like completely like onyour heels about like oh my god,
because I think that just created Iknow it did for me, Like whenever
my parents had that kind of strongreaction, is something like I just created

(30:37):
more curiosity. Yeah, of course, And I wanted to know why,
like why the strong reaction. Whereasyou know, my wife and I've been
pretty good with the kids, youknow, having a clear directive, you
know, but not overreacting. Ifthat makes any sense, it does.
Yeah, Like so when my sontold us about how kid that was on

(31:00):
his hockey team had offered him ahit of his vape, you know,
my son thought that was stupid.I'm like, good, it was like,
oh my god, he did.What did you say? Yeah,
it's like, dude, you don'twant any part of that, Like you
really don't. That's it's so dumb, you know. And and and he's
like, yeah, he told meit would help me play better. Like
that makes no sense, right,yeah, right, magic, Yeah,

(31:23):
that makes no sense. And soand then you know he feels confident he
made the right decision. I don'tthink we created any extra curiosity. I
mean, there's gonna be curiosity thereand kids are gonna experiment sex, drugs,
drinking, things like that. Butman, is it is it a
different if? If it's not adifferent thought process of when you were younger
or how you thought it might beuntil you start really thinking about how you're

(31:45):
going to have that conversation. Butat least you know what love is.
Well, congrats many, yeah youhave that. Yeah. So I don't
think you know this year book cominghome that I would be pissed. I
would think it is I just questionedthe why the year the question that's school.
It should be a separate thing.I think it's different for freshman than

(32:08):
seniors though. If you have afreshman coming home with that versus a senior,
very different conversation. Yeah yeah,but look what they had to look
forward to, and I know,yeah stuff everybody looks forward to the senior
trip. Yep. The only questionablething in my earbook there's that one section.
We had all the clubs like monthclub, science club, and there
was one it was all the douchebaggybros that would hang out on a Sunday

(32:32):
and they had this quote club ironicallycalled SAS Students Against Sober Sundays, and
that made it to the year andthat was in the year. This is
SaaS Students against Sober and they're allwearing their Jeane jackets trying to look tough.
That's cool and now looking back,your club is called SAS gen jackets

(32:54):
are for games. The craziest thingin my eearbook was they had like the
whole class photo. I don't knowif you get yeah that and then people
were like flipping off the camera,thrown up gang signs and they had a
photoshop them all out and they dida terrible job at it. Text here
says I would rather things like thisbecome normalized and my son will feel more
comfortable talking about it with me ifhe has questions. When I was growing

(33:16):
up, conversations about sex, drugs, and alcohol were always awkward. Normalizing
it would make it easier to talkabout My wife said that her parents talked
about nothing, and I would loveto I don't want to talk about that
crap with my parents. Yeah,why, I'm a mom of my friend
I'm a mom of four. No, I would not care unless my daughter
was the one saying that she hookedhooked up somewhere inappropriate. Well, kids

(33:39):
want attention. That's exactly what you'rememorializing. Who cares. I'm a boy
dad and I'm very glad I donot have any girls, because I would
not want my daughter to come homewith a yearbook like that. What do
you think they're not aware of it? Yeah, they're not aware of pregnancy
tests and plan being. They're awareof it hookups and things like that.
That's little baby. Yeah, theyfound out about it in the year book.

(34:00):
Yeah. If it wasn't for that, if it wasn't for that yearbook,
she would have never known. Iknow, but it is odd.
You got to admit whether you're coolor uptight asking in a yearbook. What
do you prefer? Drugs or alcohol? Yeah? No, if it was
coming from the staff, what's yourgo to ye? If it was coming
from the staff. Of the factthat the kids, the inmates were in

(34:21):
charge, it doesn't surprise me atall. And the fact they knew it
wasn't being looked at by any kindof like staff member or anybody from the
school. Who's surprised. Of course, that's what kids are asking, like,
we're gonna put this in there.Watch this, and if their reasoning
is real that they don't have afaculty member involved, then that argument holds
water. They have watched their andhonestly, it's a lot more tame than

(34:42):
I thought what you were going toreveal what they put in that yearbook with
zero filter. They say they havea longstanding tradition of not being involved.
I wonder if that will continue.Well, they should have a section who
guys are the best rack? Nothing is too man. Yearbooks are expensive,
then they offer them for like,and it used to be like you
had to at least be in juniorhigh, like middle school in order to

(35:04):
get your book, Like we neverhad them in elementary school. Now they
do, Oh yeah junior highs.When that started. Do you know what
was super expensive? But I didn'tsee the point of it and so I
didn't get it was class rings?Yeah, class rings, Hell, no,
I didn't get it. Well offeredit, but I had a weird
experience, So yeah, no,they they offered it to get your birth

(35:29):
still, yeah, all kinds.The only people that got class rings are
the ones who's where high school wastheir life and still oh yeah, is
there a life? Those people areso like the identity is still tied to
high school. Yeah. I feelthat way about college too. Really yeah
when like, you know, Iknow, dude, there are people in
my family who they will remind youevery opportunity they get and where they went

(35:50):
to college. I get it.We all know, we know where you
went. It's great that my nephewis going to wear Tennessee gear for the
rest of his life. I understand, like rooting for the team or whatever.
Well, you know I graduated fromYeah, we know, Well is
it again? It? I thinkit's even stranger when you have somebody who's
like a hardcore Notre Dame fan andno connection to the school. Well,

(36:14):
I mean if you grew up aroundthere, But I'm saying the people who
didn't and you watch hardcore Notre Damelike Raby never went to Pitt, right,
but she's yeah, but she's abig fan. Sure Pitt. God
knows, Men's never went to school. All hell, Pitt went to school.
Menace loves all the sports. Youknow, did your heart academy have
a football team? We had asoccer team. Are really good athletes.

(36:37):
What are you doing to that?Going to the soccer game? Yeah?
Yeah, man, All right,time for some redneck news. So what
do you show? If you know? The moon landing was bike and pat
Is Wheels named me. And today'sredneck news is from Newport, Tennessee.
Where you got this guy named GomerSanderson. How's that for word news?

(37:00):
Name right there? Gomer Sanderson whowas just hanging out with his girlfriend and
he found in an efficient way toget dumped and go to jail simultaneously.
So hanging out with the girlfriend,they decided to enjoy a healthy salad together.
Gomer went out to go buy thesalad, came back with a beautiful
mix of greens and vegetables and somedelicious dressing. And as they started splitting

(37:22):
the salad onto two plates, thegirlfriend suddenly excuse herself to go use the
bathroom. And while she was gone, Gomer decided to spice up her salad
by adding a secret ingredient to themix. He sprinkled some meth on it.
Oh delicious. She came back,Yeah, and she started eating it.
She noticed that had a strange saltybitter taste. Whatever. She ate

(37:44):
it anyway, and then Once theywere finished eating, Gomer just kept looking
at her, and then all ofa sudden, she started feeling kind of
sick. He starts apologizing repeatedly.She took herself to the hospital. The
police, they were called. Gomertry to convince them that his intentions were
good. Oh yes, solid triedeating some meth the night before and loved

(38:05):
it. So he figured that hisgirlfriend, who, by the way,
he does no drugs of any kind. Huh, he gonna love it.
Yeah, he figured that she wouldenjoy the experience as much as he did.
No, Oh my god, thegirlfriend's okay. Gomer was arrested,
taking the jail charge with domestic assaultand reckless endangement. Here's this monk shot.
He looks like a good catch,right. Oh yeah, guys from

(38:30):
Port Tennessee. That's Gomer Sanderson whoended up in jail after his girlfriend ended
up in the hospital because he hadsecretly sprinkled meth on her salad. And
that is today's rand. Nick,He got some more Woody show coming up
for your next hang on the WoodyShow will be right back. Stick that

(38:50):
in your pen and vapid. Firstof all, gross, Second of all,
why eighty one year old Martha Stewartthe Sports Illustrates Swimsuit issue. Why
that's all? And I like MarthaStewart, Yeah, nothing against it,
Just why what we're talking about?Why? Like whose idea? And I

(39:13):
mean, look, Brady one lookscredible, she looks great for eighty one.
This is not what the Sports IllustratedSwims issue is for. Come on,
guys, why I get it.I get it, but way more
people are talking about it now,so they absolutely, yeah, they hit
their goal. Yeah. If youput some like models model, it's just

(39:35):
like a couple of discussions, bea thirty second story. Yeah, but
you're you're trying to get people toget it right. So like I'm aware
of it now. Yeah, butlike it's not making me go on.
You know what, guys, I'mstopping on the way home. I'm getting
this Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue. Yeah, but if can I get the Martha
Stewart free version? If it wassome model again, would you even ye?

(39:57):
Would you be buying it? Then? Yeah? We just I mean
for you, I totally understand thatside, but I think what what he's
saying. And if you subscribe toDog Magazine and then they put a Ardvark
on the cover. You're like,what, yeah, but now I know
about dog magazine or like McDonald's isa promotion where it's like a new Kangaroo
Burger, Right, that's not whatit is. You're like, what I

(40:17):
mean all about now you're talking aboutMcDonald's. Yeah, true, true,
I'm telling you, if there wasan art vark greg opening up right magazine
all of a sudden, you'd betalking about magazine they do and they have
an ardvark on the cover. What'sgoing on? Well for those so well,
we do have that one friend whoall he dates is old ladies.
Oh yeah, true, Oh mygod. Martha Stewart would be his tash

(40:40):
Mahal this is and she's a pupcompared to half the chicks that he Yeah,
he's some and she's only one offour covers. So if you're just
really against that, you can gethe said, I'm not. I'm not
like I wouldn't say I'm against it. I just don't know why, like
I think you do. We justtold you why, easy peasy. I

(41:02):
think everybody was aware swimsuit edition,right, And my point is, I
don't know if this moves magazines likelike who are you bringing to the table,
But one of the other three coverswill move magazine And also don't like
this whole thing about like, youknow, like whatever happened. I want
to see beautiful people on TV andthen you know, ads and stuff like

(41:23):
that. That's why they're there.Yeah, if I want to see gross,
I can look in the mirror.I want to see people who are
better than I am. I needsomething to strive for. I need people
with perfect So many people are outof perfect scan and huge pieces hot people
are so out of work right now. Yeah, really struggling. Yeah exactly.
Yeah. It's like how the voiceoverpeople are all pissed at you know,

(41:45):
uh, celebrities who just do voiceover, like that's our job. All
the beautiful people who used to bein the skincare ads Alison Janny needs more
voice work. No. Now it'slike two ton monsters, you know,
like talking about how much they loveDove lotion, you know, like like
you know, well, how doesthat inspire anybody? I don't know,
Like, oh, God, Iguess I'm fine. I don't need to

(42:06):
forget the lotion. I don't evenneed it, but God, look at
Martha though still banger, right,still banging, and think about how she
used to be so uptight. Iknow, now she should be like Martha
Stewart's real, real cool. Well, yeah she got humble, you know
that's true. I wonder how manychicks she hooked up with? Many chicks,

(42:29):
So I wonder how much spread shemade, right, Yeah, god,
she's like today we'll be making toilet. Her spread was next Lemo.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely, you thought Metis was licking the bowl
with his spread. I know.You go to prison and Martha is yourself
made on the shack. Dob somemore beer drama, which this time has

(42:53):
nothing to do with bud Light.This time it's Miller Light. Oh no,
what they do? And it's thisold tongue in chad for Women's History
Month they did back in March beforethe whole bud Light tranny stuff. So
this ad stars a lot of Glazerfrom Broad City. Who's Awesome's son?
I love that show. That showis so funny. Yeah, it was

(43:14):
so funny that that should have tipppeople off to this being a joke.
But yeah, here's here's a littleclip from the ad. Here's a little
known fact. Women were among thevery first to brew beer. Ever,
centuries later, how did the industrypay homage to the founding mothers of beer?
They put us in bikinis. Wow, so here's two women, because

(43:37):
without us there would be no beer. Okay, So like that's wrong with
that. So that's from back andMartin Vness. Things do from time to
time, all of a sudden getsnew life on social media. Miller Light
was trending, fueled by people missingthe joke, saying that Miller is woke
and trying to launch a bud Lightlike boycott of Miller. Quote. These
companies are broken and have no ideawho actually consumes their products. People are

(44:00):
like in a race to be madat beer. Others are trying to figure
out the names of Miller Lights advertisingexecutives, wanting them fired. So fun
important stuff. A spokesperson for MillerLight's parent company, Moulston Coors doesn't seem
too worried, saying there's nothing remotelycontroversial in the ad. If you watch
the whole ad, it's funny.It's just funny. They're not buying back

(44:23):
everybody's old like you know, bikinistand ups from the liquor store, right
and grinding them up and sending themto female brewers to grow hops. It
was done by a comedian, rightcorrect. If you don't like it,
don't buy it. But everybody wantsto be mad at beer. I'm not.
I don't get it. I'm notmad at beer. I'll never be
mad at beer. Eight seven sevenforty four Wooding hit us up with the

(44:45):
text over to two to nine eightseven. Greggory's got those trending headlines coming
up for a snack. Hold up, we forgot to put deodor not today.
Quick break to remedy that and theWoody Show. We'll be right back,
Like there's no more turtling. You'vegone as far as you can go

(45:06):
show. Welcome back everybody. Yeah, it's funny. Seven we're turning into
idiocracy and Wally oh definitely nine fournine, like everybody getting upset about beer
and now they're seeing old Miller lightads trying to spark new controversy. Now
we're mad. Everybody, Are youmad? In March? Everybody wants to
be mad? Yeah, just maybehappy. But they call him in a

(45:27):
big mad, big mad man.Yeah, you want to be big mad.
Chance to get on the guest listfor the screening of Bert Kreischer's new
movie The Machine, which is outin theaters Momoril Day weekend. See it
with The Woody Show and Bert KreisherRap. Next week we're having a big
tailgate event that you could be apart of food drinks see the movie.
Yep, and your chance to geton the guest list every hour of the

(45:51):
show this morning and your next chancehere in the next fifteen minutes. Phones
are open eight seven seven forty four. What do he hit us? Up
of that text over to two nineeight seven. Watch out everybody, because
now it's your contacts that are tryingto kill you, really contacts as in,
you know, lenses that you putin your eyes. Oh. I
was gonna say all my friends andpeople I know I want to kill,

(46:13):
not your friends. I mean maybethey do, but maybe. Um.
Yeah. So, some new researchhas discovered that many soft contact lenses are
made up of compounds linked to thingslike cancer, autoimmune disorders, and fertility
problems, liver and kidden disease things, right, Yeah, So researchers tested
eighteen different pairs of lenses to seeif they contained are you ready for it

(46:39):
forever chemicals? So trying to hearabout that and not only were they detected,
but they were found at extremely highlevels in all of the contacts.
Forever chemicals are like treated you treatlike plastics and stuff with forever chemicals to
make things last longer and breakdown less. So one researcher said that you can

(47:02):
consider the lens is almost pure foreverchemicals. So you got the panic about
everything people over here, and thenthere's the level headed folks over here,
and they want to point out thatthere have been zero studies on how the
eyes absorbies forever chemicals from contact lenses. And also they're saying, guys,
these forever chemicals are impossible to avoid. If that yeah, they're found in

(47:28):
everything from plastic food containers to fruitjuice to toilet paper even Yeah, and
I hate to break it to you, my bad, but you have a
one chance of death is undefeated.Like we're all gonna die, and it's
probably not going to be from anyof this crap that you're actively worrying about.

(47:49):
It's by toilet paper. It'll beby toilet paper, yep. Wipe
yourself to death. Yeah, we'resurrounded by for everything I'm surrounded with has
forever chemicals on it. Great,everything. You look around anywhere in the
state and there's a sign on itsays, oh yeah, I under the
state of California to cancer or whatever. We got mold in the studio,

(48:09):
so that's right. We have blackmold that's gone by that you keep saying
that, I don't I smell.I mean when it when it rained heavy
it like, yeah, it floodedon multiple floors here, and then right
when you walk in the door youcan smell in the ceiling that there's there's
like water damage in there. Really. Yeah, so the forever chemicals,

(48:34):
the black mold. Yeah, somebody'sgoing to drop in here, and if
it's me, greg are do notresuscitate. You will respect your wishing.
I've seen no paperwork on that.Yeah. None. It just feels like
telling you every other day there's likesome new thing out there about this is
gonna kill you. Oh I know. But here's the thing, guys,

(48:58):
water on No one's live forever.Yeah, one hundred percent. That's a
pretty good chance. So live now, one hundred percent chance. Don't be
angry. They'll be big mad ateverything. Yeah, don't be big man.
Enjoy your time. I don't know. I had a screenshot of it
in my head otherwise known as amemory, just before I had had all

(49:20):
these screenshots flash before. This isthe Woody Show, all right, Greg
Gory, Yes, what are theTuesday trending news headlines? Well, yesterday
at the office of Virginia Congressional Rep. Jerry Connelly, he's a long serving
Democrat. Guy walked in with ametal baseball batch. Jesse asked for Jerry,
who wasn't at the office at thetime, and then went ahead and

(49:42):
hit two of his coworkers with thatbat. It sounds like something that would
have happened on Spring it does,huh. Now they don't know what his
motive was, and Jerry says,and this is a kind of a strange
take. He doesn't think it waspolitically motivated. Oh no, really to
some random Yeah, just thinks itwas because of this what he calls toxic
political environment that we live in now, which is not wrong about that.

(50:07):
One of the worst parts of thestory though, there was intern it was
her first day exactly. Yep.Two staffers were an intern and an outreach
director. Both are okay. Theywere actually conscious and talking after being hit.
And as for that baseball bat attacker, he was caught by Capitol police
identified as Juanca Tran Fam being heldwithout bail on charges of malicious wounding,

(50:30):
and police say he's facing charges inanother baseball bat attack. Right before this
one, he had gone up tosome random woman in a parking lot,
asked her if she was white,and then hit her windshield with his back.
Okay, then it might not bepolitically motivated. Pretty weird, right,
Look, Fam, you go intojail. Yeah, but hey,
welcome to your new internship. Yeah, Ravan menace. You guys were talking

(50:52):
about this. The NFL announced thatPeacock is gonna have the air the first
ever exclusively live streamed NFL playoff gamethat's coming season. It's crazy. They
say they're looking at expanding the digitaldistribution of NFL content, and streaming an
NFL game exclusively on Peacock is thenext step in that strategy. Yeah.
I mean they've been streaming the SundayNight games, right, things like that.
It's not exclusive, yeah, right, but it's exclusive. Yeah.

(51:15):
They better hope it works. Thisis like a last gasp for Peacock.
I think, I mean ESPM isdoing that with the ESPN Plus and some
of the hockey games. This year. It's obviously not the level of the
NFL, and I'm sure the localmarkets you're still gonna be able to watch
it on the local NBC Definitely,it's gonna be one of those kind of
deals for everybody else. Yeah,exclusive to the Cock. It's going to

(51:37):
be the primetime game, the Wildcardplayoff game January thirteenth. Do you think
the Cock is on the way onor I do? Because these streaming services,
they all are not going to beable to exist. That's why they're
all these mergers and stuff. TheCock lost seven hundred million dollars in the
first quarter of this year. Yeah, but a lot of these companies they

(51:58):
lose lost money before they made money, right, She's right though, I
mean, how much longer is NBCUniversal going to keep this going? They
would make more money selling off theoffice and you know, honestly, like,
they're all going to go if you'reif they don't merge, they're going
to go away. Cool, Let'smerge it with with Max so we'll have

(52:21):
all the HBO content content, willmerge the Cock in there, just stuff
the Cock in there want to merge, right and right, there's everything.
I don't know what's out there thatPeacock could merge with. So that's why
they're why HBO, Max and DiscoveryPlus merged because they're all under the same
company. Well, maybe you canhave some kind of agreement where you can

(52:43):
just jam the Cock into your Hulu, you know what I mean, because
you have all those other network thingsthat are on there, right and somebody
that's that's sharing agreement. I knowthey're already sharing with, but they're already
sharing with was a Comcast right,Well, Comcast owns part of Hulu.
Correct, that's what I'm saying.Somebody's eventually going to own all of Hulu.
Yeah, what I'm saying like,maybe they can partner in some way

(53:06):
for distribution on the contents. They'llhave that content at least. I don't
know. We're trying to Peacock existingas its own entity. I see it
going away. There's a bunch ofstuff you guys talk about when we talk
about what we're watching that I wantto see, but it's on Peacocks.
I'm actually considering it. Well,they are. There's something big that they're
going to do the Vanderpunk Rules reunionafter it airs the next day. They're

(53:30):
doing Uncensored version and extended version exclusivelyon the cost. Oh my god,
that's throwing a lot of things tosee what sticks. NFL, that's huge.
They're doing all kinds of like exclusiveracing events is coming up this month
because they can't merge, so they'retrying to exactly keep it exactly keep it

(53:52):
going. So we'll see, willsee. I mean, NFL is a
huge get obviously. Well let's moveon to this headline. And how's this
for a headline? Was there amiracle inside a Connecticut church? Yes,
the Vatican will decide a spoiler,I can tell you no, No,
you're so yeah, you don't knowwhat. Yeah, you're not a miracle

(54:13):
expert. A bunch of prishoners atSaint Thomas Catholic Church and Thomaston, Connecticut
claim that at Mass during Communion,they realized, oh no, there's a
shortage of those wafers that they usedto symbolize the body of Christ. But
then during Mass there were plenty oso they said God made them multiply,

(54:37):
okay, And the reverence says,and I quote, God has duplicated himself.
It's really really cool when God doesthese things. And it's really really
cool when we realize what he's done. He made wafers multiply. Is it
a miracle? So now the bishopis going to decide if the Vatican should
get involved and investigate and determine ifthis really was a miracle, because it's

(55:00):
not officially a miracle until it's referredto the Doctrine of Faith in Rome and
they're waiting for their response. They'vegot to put a stamp on it.
They have to say their miracle stamp. Yeah, it's all done by mail,
so it takes a while. Youknow where, nobody will come over.
Where do you get those wafers?Do they cook them on site or
do you buy them from somewhere?Yeah, they cook them on site.

(55:21):
And no they're like a kitchen.No they're not. They have had one.
It's not like a water cracker.Yeah, how do they make them?
It's the most unsatisfied thing. Menacewould be so bummed. Could be
like, I'm starving. The lastshirt I went into, I like walked
the wrong way because the bathroom theyhad the wafer factory. Yeah, okay,

(55:42):
hello, they had a kitchen.It's what really goes on. But
I've seen miracles in every way andnot see miracles every day in Spain.
Beyond my site, A look inthe sky and no, that's a miracle.
Open wise trees seven sees everything chillingunderwater? Please magnets, how do

(56:08):
those work? Wafers? How hemade? Do you think that's the Pope's
favorite song? Water and dirt?How do they work? It's the same
miracle that produced all the extra bodyof Christ. Wafers. Nobody, nobody,

(56:28):
everywhere in this bitch. Hell yeah, dude, what are you sitting
in the nineties? Chicken nuggets somewherein the studio and menace? Find it
before that? Never mind, youfound it? What do you show?
Will be right back? Can youplease focus? It's the Woody Show.
And as we move on into thisnew hour of being sensitivity training for a

(56:52):
politically correct world, we got somefirst world problems that we're looking for.
Eight seven seven forty four is thefall number. That's eight seven seven.
Those little things, those little insignificantthings in the grand scheme of things that
in that moment really piss you off, drive you crazy off, you know,

(57:13):
Yeah, sure of course. Okay, So we're gonna put in wood
floors in the primary bedroom. Ohyeah, you can't call it the master
bedroom anymore. So in order todo that, we thought, we can't
get brand new floors and have ourold lane bed. So we got a
new bed, but we're not readyto do the floors yet, so we
haven't set up the bed yet.So I put that in the home office,

(57:35):
and then the floors arrive, butwe don't have the schedule for them
to go in yet, so allthe floors are in the office. So
the office now looks like a storagecontainer, oh my god, slightly.
And now I even keep the doorto it close. I don't have to
look inside of it. But itwill eventually be new bed and new floors
and it'll be awesome. Right,So it's why did you need the new

(57:55):
bed for the new floors, becausebecause the other bed rest And then we
looked at it and thought, we'vehad this for ten years. It's kind
of dated. It's time for anew bed, and it's just in the
office waiting to be built, andthe floors are in the office waiting to
be installed, and it looks likea literal storage so insightly. Yeah,
awful. Yeah, And then Gregopens up the news and sees sees people

(58:21):
with real problems, right, thewar and your or whatever. Now does
it make you feel a little guiltyabout the compelling about these things? It
does? I mean, I'm conflicted. We all have the right to complain
about certain things. Oh yeah,you're by the way, You're allowed to
be annoyed or frustrating or whatever.But as long as you do realize that
it is a first world problem exactly. Yeah, nobody saying you're not allowed

(58:42):
to be mad, right, ofcourse you can't. I hate having these
boxes of floor. I would besuicidal. Yeah, all right, so
I have it's what's the name ofthe system control for. It's kind of
like um SONOS or whatever. Okay, where you know, so all the
stuff in my house TV is uh, listening to music outside in the you

(59:02):
know, like the landscape speakers orwhatever. I control the whole thing from
my phone. Okay for watching TVoutside on the covered patio. UM I
can also control all that, likeif I want, you know, the
source, so I want to watchlike Apple TV or you know, Direct
TV or whatever from there. It'slike you can do it all from this
phone. Now. The one thingI can't do is that, you know,
like sometimes like a song is alittle bit louder than the previous song,

(59:27):
and it comes up and you're justchilling in your backyard next to your
pool, you know, all ofa sudden, like you know, the
song just comes in super hot,and I'm like, oh man, that
might be disturbing to the neighbors.That's that That is an unfriendly volume.
Let me let me turn that downright now. Normally, to turn something
down with your phone, like forwhatever you're watching, or it's just the
two buttons on the side and youjust like click click click. No,

(59:50):
not with control. For I haveto get into the phone, open up
the app, and then control thevolume from there. Oh what a pain
in the s And I'm like,this is so annoying every time a different
song, and I was talking aboutyou know what's annoying, No, know,
what sucks about this thing is Igot to open up the stupid app
just to turn the volume down onone song, and inevitably I'm gonna have
to next song. It's gonna betoo low. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(01:00:14):
As I'm sitting there and she's outsideenjoying the nice day, we're listening
to the music outside is having anice chill Saturday, and I'm you know,
spouting out. Definitely the first onesays, I get it. This
thing sucks and hocks. Let's ripit out. I hate system like can
then maybe I could put like alittle like audio compression on the feed so

(01:00:37):
that doesn't like, you know,it just level everything out, you know
what I used to I used tohave that, Like I had an old
Ford Explore back in the day andwhen I was because it's all CDs.
This wasn't like you weren't streaming yourmusic yet, you know, and I
would have like a CD of likea bunch of different songs on it was
mix CDs, and of course,like there were things that would be a
different level, but they had itwas a compression button on the face of

(01:01:00):
the of the factory installed radio andyou could hit it and it would just
level everything out, so there wasn'tanything that was super hot or super quiet.
It makes sense. Yeah, alot of these podcasts that are on
these streaming platforms they don't do anycompression, and it sounds terrible, like
some parts are really loud and thensome voices are really low. Yea the

(01:01:23):
worst. Oh um. Amazon bythe way, has a new streaming feature.
It's called Dialogue Boost. Right,Yeah, we talked about that.
Yeah, so you can increase thevolume on the dialogue only. Yeah.
I have yet to try. Ishould do it since he's mostly deep,

(01:01:44):
but I guess it's only available ona few Amazon original stuff, right,
but rolling it out. Yeah,so if you want to try, it's
in the audio and subtitles drop downmenu, and it just says English dialogue
boost then medium or high or thedifferent settings boost it. Yeah, so
you can. You can boost itseven like I did, like you do.

(01:02:06):
Yeah, I want to read allmy favorite shows. That's what I'm
doing. I'm just it's not thewhole thing. You're just just a supplement,
right exactly. All right, Sowe are we are collecting your first
world problem stories like the ones wejust told you. But what's going on
with you? What's something that gotyou disproportionately annoyed or upset or frustrated or
whatever, And then we'll hear outyour story. I've got some that sucks
stories that we can compare them to, all right, and then we could

(01:02:28):
see who's problem you would rather have. This is a little perspective that we're
that we're giving you today. Yes, said I hit traffic on the way
to work today and it made mycommute thirty minutes instead of eight. Now
are you allowed to be upset aboutthat short? Yeah? Yeah, But
there's somebody out there who's looking fora job right now, who desperately needs
a job, who would love that. Yeah, yeah, who would take
that when I was unemployed? Man, I was like, man, I'm

(01:02:50):
never going to complain it again.Yeah. I know. The other day
was I went to go get arotisserie chicken and none of them were ready.
They're like, oh, sorry,they're not gonna be anout. They're
not gonna be out for another fiftyminutes. So I had to drive down
the road and get another rotisserie chickenfrom another spot. They only had two
left. Yeah, but you gotone. I got one, but I

(01:03:14):
was like I don't actually Yeah.I was like I don't know, this
one's enough, and I bought bothof the chickens. Do you ever spend
a disproportionate amount of time picking outthe rotisserie chickens? Yes? Do you
want to like the perfect look calledcrisper? This one looks a bigger and
there's all This one is two lights, it's kind of raw. Yeah,
you've spent ten minutes a chicken notI love them so much, but this

(01:03:37):
is there a shortage because it seemslike every time we go to to get
a rotisserie these days, they're like, oh, we're bringing them out,
or you know, there's like they'rejust that popular, a large amount of
rotisseries out there. Eight seven sevenforty four, Woody is the fall number.
We're taking your calls right now.We'll get you on the air so
you can share with us your firstworld problem eight seven seven forty four,
Woody, and we'll get to thosenext year on the Woody Show. Hanger

(01:04:00):
have a lot. This is theleast show. It's time to go to
the phones and hear about your firstworld problems. Okay, these little silly
things that really get them your skinand irritate you. That's fine. You're
allowed to be irritated. You're allowedto get angry as long as you have
knowledge that but you're really all thisupset about it's pretty silly. It happens.

(01:04:23):
Eight seven seven forty four. Whatdo you say? Seven seven forty
four? What do you hand?We go to the phones that we say
hello too, Kevin, Hey,good morning, Kevin. Okay, Hey
Kevin, what's up? What doyou? What's up? Joe up?
All right, what's your first worldproblem? Sir? I don't think there's
a bigger first world problem than weneed to go to the gas station trying

(01:04:44):
to fill up my truck with gasand the lever doesn't hold and I got
to hold this figure down the entireYeah, that's happened to me. Happens.
Yeah, that sucks. I actuallyis wrong with this. If I
just need like, you know,half a tank or whatever, just trying
to top off, fill up orwhatever, that's fine. But if it's
like on empty, I gotta dothe whole thing. I will stop move
to the next pot, like I'llclose out the transaction. Are you serious?

(01:05:05):
Oh? Yeah, yeah, I'vedone that because because I feel like
if I'm sitting there holding it,it takes four times longer than I would
if I was just out moving.And yes, all right, I'm not
saying it makes any sense, butto me, if it feels, I

(01:05:27):
feel like it goes faster when youdo it manually, you do actually yeah,
yeah, all right, Well,Kevin, let's compare. Let's compare
your first world problem to this story. Please in Atlanta looking for these three
guys from a moving company who robbeda guy of his stuff. He was
being evicted. And here's what's crazy. The moving company guys showed up with
the cops. They were part ofan eviction services team. So the cops

(01:05:51):
they go there just to make surethere's not gonna be any kind of fight
or whatever someone's getting evicted. Theguy knew, and he's like, man,
that sucks. Well, the guybeing evicted was not the problem.
Three of the movers approached the guypulled a handgun and said that a white
man said they could take whatever theywanted. Oh okay, and then they
loaded three of his TVs into theirvehicles and then sped off. Like I

(01:06:14):
said, the cops are still lookingfor him, but they have photos of
two of the guys who are identifiedas kills Ki, Lz and Vaughan.
They were identified by the eviction servicescompany. Man talk about life, kicking
you while you're down. Getting robbedwhile you're being evicted sucks. With police
on the scene. Well, policefor there just to make sure the fight
wasn't gonna happen. And then oncethey saw everything was fine, they left

(01:06:36):
and that's when the guys robbed them. Yeah, So, Kevin, who's
problem would you rather have? Ithink I'd rather be robbed while I'm being
evicted. Yeah, okay, sureyou would, Okay, all right,
thank you Kevin. It was onecomedian in the bunch. No, you
wouldn't. Janets good morning in itHi everybody, good morning, good morning

(01:07:01):
morning. All right, So what'syour first world problem? This is a
double whammy. I my house cleaner, had to reschedule for the very next
day. But by doing this,I was forced to change some of my
appointments, and one of them wasa manny petty luck waiting an additional two
days to get problem you feel,Yeah, it really puts a kink in

(01:07:29):
your schedule. Yea. All right. Well, let's compare your story about
this guy, eighty two year oldguy. He was relieving himself near some
train tracks when a cow struck andlaunched him into the air. Jeez,
and elderly guy. So and hegot hit and killed by a flying cow.
Oh no, yeah that sucks.So cow yeah just knocks him.

(01:07:57):
Well because he's buy the train tracks, right, So the cow by the
train, cow flies into dude who'staking a leak near the train track that
was not me, killed Did Inot explain that? Right? I didn't
know you did? By train?My bad? Yeah, the cow just
magically flew in the air. Yeah, man killed after being was flying by

(01:08:17):
flying cowe what I'm saying now?Sorry, my bad, My bad.
Guys, We're all getting there.Yeah, all right. So Janet,
who whose problem would you rather have? Yeah? You had to. I
will absolutely keep my problems here gethit by a cow Manny Patty. Yeah
all right, Janet, thank youso much for the call. I appreciate.
Listen to what show you're welcome by. Let's go to uh Mickey morning,

(01:08:43):
good morning, doing fantastic. Allright, So what's your first world
problem? Well, my daughter playsthe water polo and we went over this
past weekend. We had to godrive about two three hours away day to
hotel and um, we get thereand the hotel told me that the only

(01:09:04):
parking that there is is ballet andit's fifty eight dollars a night. Damn
geez. You know you're like,okay, right, because because you had
to, you know, right,you didn't want to walk yeah parking?
All right? Mean, look,everybody knows like a third world country when

(01:09:26):
you're taking your daughter to a waterpolo tournament ended up having a time for
valet. Yeah like that. Yeah, you got a valet your mule or
whatever you're carrying all your stuff with. Yeah, yeah, that sucks.
Well fifty eight dollars. Yeah,I'm sure it was a criby hotel for
fifty eight bucks. Yeah. Solet's compare to this story. Seventy four
year old guy in New Mexico.His name is Tommy Wilson. He was

(01:09:47):
at a casino playing some slots andhe hit it. Big lights, flashing
bells, guys. The other peoplegathered around him. He hit the jackpot
five hundred two thousand n Then themanager came over and told him, sorry,
the machine glitched and your win hasbeen voided. Oh my, well
no, So Tommy came back tothe casino to file an official complaint with

(01:10:12):
the gaming officials, but still nomoney, not even an apology. Sucks.
Wow. That's when Raby goes tojail. Yeah, yeah, because
I need a breakdown on how thisis a glitch? Right? How is
that? Yeah? Yeah? Allright, So, uh, who's problem
would you rather have? I'll takemine. I think that I probably end

(01:10:35):
up in jails here. Yeah,in jail, Yeah, I'm not leaving
this floor. Break you down tothis. I mean, here you thought
you had five hundred two dollars.And I guess he's got no recourse either.
I mean it's such I've looked formore updates on that story. Yeah

(01:10:55):
nothing, no, no recourse sofar out than the call. Appreciate your
list of the Woody Show like myhand. Let's go to Mike Krning Mike,
Mike, Hey, Yeah, what'syour first world problem? So I've
got a work trick and it hasautomatic locks. Yeah, and so every

(01:11:17):
time I go to open the door, it's locked, and I have to
go around to the driver's side andunlock it. Yeah. Yeah. And
then the next time I think it'slocked, so I go to the diver
stow first, but then it wasalready unlock. Yeah, and then you
gotta walk all the way around.Yeah. It's like a mystery every time
you walk up to it, right. Yeah. Even worse is when it
locks automatically and you can't just grabthe door handle unlocks automatically. You have

(01:11:39):
to like go get the fob.Yeah. Like see, I find that
annoying when I have a rental carnow, because my car works the way
that you're talking about when you yourhand on it, Like you walk up
to it, as soon as yougrab the door handle, it unlocks because
you have the keys on you.Yeah, what's really annoying, it's you
actually have to use the foble?What year? Why don't to open the
trunk? You just stick your footon uneath the back. Yeah, sometimes

(01:12:01):
you have to do it twice becausethe first time it didn't work. You're
like, what year is that?That's got to be the dumbest feature I
do think I've ever seen in acar. Dumb like you. But now
you're trying to balance on one footbecause the circle swipe underneath and it's like
not taking or whatever. So you'reabout killing yourself and fallen over. Yeah

(01:12:26):
all right, well, uh,Mike, let's compare your first roll problem
to this story. It's, uh, this nice couple who won on a
trip to Hawaii and while they werethere, they went on a snorkeling excursion.
Um, so, you know,they're out in the middle of the
ocean, the water start getting alittle rough, and before they knew it,
they realized that they were out thereall alone. The boat and the
rest of the people snorkeling with themwere gone. The boat captain had just

(01:12:48):
left and returned the shore without them. They tried yelling for help, and
nobody heard them. They eventually wereable to swim back to some land god,
and eventually some local residents there foundthem. The couple they're suing the
Snorkel company think so, and theyfigure about five million dollars should do it.
Okay, I don't think they're gonnaget that. I don't think the

(01:13:08):
Snorkel place has that kind of money. But that's that movie Open Water.
Dude. That sucks. So,Mike, who's problem would you rather have?
Well, if they get the fivemillion, then maybe their problem.
They don't have the five million.You're going to get it, well,
then probably my problem. I canwalk around. Yeah, there you go

(01:13:30):
watching He said. All right,Mike, thank you for the call.
Man, appreciate you. Listen tothe Woody Show. So sorry, everybody
feeling better about the stupid little sillythings head count. Yeah, you let
people behind, don't they wanted togo? We can get to a couple
more of your calls. We'll dothat. A couple more calls. We

(01:13:51):
got Steve. Steve will get toyour call. Next. We got Gary
and then we'll wrap up this roundthat so many people just want to share
their first world problems. I todeny people who have already been on hold.
So Steve, hang out one second, gets your call. Next on
the Woody Show, after the salesdepartment takes their monetary piece of fishing blood,
So what do you show back ina bit, I'm the only person

(01:14:13):
in here is every ad the fieldmouse that I caught, killed and cooked
myself. So it was disgusted atthis. I'm seeing about how apparently there's
gonna be a record number of peopleon the road so over a Memorial Day
weekend, really like exceeding pre pandemiclevels. Wow. Yeah. And then
um also record number of dollars beingspent on summer travel and just people just

(01:14:39):
yeah, like I think it's it'sfinally. This is I think what everybody
was expecting the minute that the lockdownsled up. Oh yeah yeah, I
mean, because remember they said itwas gonna be like this great surge and
everybody was cabin twee and getting out. Yeah good, But I thought the
economy is crap, but people arejust going into People always have money,
yeah yeah, people always have moneyfor whatever they want to do in some

(01:15:01):
way, shape or form, whetherreal money or borrowed money. YEA,
worry about it some other day.Yeah, But looking ahead into the summer
months, there's a website called Healthline, which is, you know, all
health and wellness stuff. But theyjust published this very helpful guide important tips
from experts when it comes to havingsex outdoors. I'm listening. Yeah,

(01:15:25):
so you know, since summer iscoming and you might be as well,
I guess, get so you know, some some helpful tips right for some
things. And and and by theway, this is and this is all
under the guise of oh really,okay, that's all I'm putting it under
the headline of number one, don'tget caught. Oh all right, you

(01:15:48):
don't want to wind up with aticket or going to jail. That would
be a nightmare. All right,don't get caught. And so it was,
yeah, so don't get caught.Number two. Pick a secluded location.
Oh just not right out there?So yeah, yeah, the woods,

(01:16:09):
the beach at night. I wasthinking, target parking lot. You're
fenced in backyard, Greg, allgood secluded spots, nice in private.
That's where you got caught, Greg, in your backyard. It shouldn't have.
It was a deliberate catching. Well, that's because the guy had to
like walk up the hill, walkup a hill, look over the fence.
He wanted a gel. Yeah,definitely, I'm gonna go watch these

(01:16:30):
two guys. This is going tobe hot. And it would have been,
but it got ended too soon.Would have been guy on hill.
Ye. And then let's see whatelse? How about be prepared. Okay,
make sure you have a thick blanketor a towel to protect yourself from
rocks, twigs and all the otheruncomfortable elements. And if you're going into

(01:16:51):
the woods, bring bug spray becausenothing is a sexier scent than centronella and
off good stuff. Oh hold on, let me buck spray your naked body
right like yeah, because let mespray your sack. That's good. And
want to be one with nature.And then number four is get to it

(01:17:14):
on the quicker side. Oh okay, don't take care you're in an uncontrolled
environment. They say, quote,this isn't the time to prove that you
know what four play is. It'salways that time. Yeah. Oh,
when you're covered in bug spray,right, especially great essential in the woods.
If you're having sex outdoors this summer. Don't get caught, be prepared

(01:17:36):
and pick a secluded location. Stuffhealthline. Yeah, now that look on
the roof. I mean we knowthat Greg enjoys the outdoor sex. Of
course, maybe I forget. Didyou have outdoor sex before? Yep?
Oh is it the golf course?The golf course, that's right, the
golf course. Yeah, I wouldn'tthink so. No, I wouldn't put

(01:18:00):
that through anybody. Sammy sex outdoors, Yeah, I wouldn't put that through
anybody. I knows my story aboutthe woods. Yeah, of course.
Yeah, but that was boarding school, you know. Yeah. Yeah,
you had to do what you hadto do. Where was yours like somewhere
like oh worse? And it sucksright, it does. Yeah. It
seemed like a good idea at thetime. It's one of those things breakfast

(01:18:20):
in bed seems like a great idea, though not so great in practice.
Movies and TV make it look better, Yeah, exactly, along with everything
else. It's a great drink though, Greg, you said he had another
first world problem. I do.I've got Apple car play in my car.
Yea, And I heard something withKevin Hart on the radio, so

(01:18:43):
I said, hey, Siri,what is the net worth of Kevin Hart
and the answer, I'm sorry,I can't show that to you while you're
driving and tell me. Well,then just tell me, yeah, yeah,
you can talk. Yeah, justtell me. My frustration with the
car our play is, uh,every time I go to you know,
if I have Twitter, or Igo open up something else that some way,

(01:19:08):
shape or form could possibly have audio, it cuts off whatever I'm listening
to. I'm like, no,I'm not trying to watch or hear anything.
Yeah, yeah, exactly. Idon't need audio from the phone,
like it so like it just disablesthe uh right, whatever I was listening
to. Well, why would yoube looking at your phone? Because I'm
really good at it looking at Twitterwhen you're driving, Like if you're in

(01:19:28):
traffic and you're like stopped and you'reand you're steering with your knee, Twitter
is the go to Twitter, texting, emails, gravy. I do it
all as driving, Yeah, inlike traffic, not if I'm going like
seventy miles an hour traffic. Yeah, I don't know if you do because
question Yeah, just because you stuckat it. Eight seven seven forty food

(01:19:53):
that's eight seven seven forty four Woody. Let's say hi to Steve. Hey,
good morning, Steve. You're what'shappening? What's your first world problem?
All right? So I've got remotecontrols for my air conditioner and my
heater and the lights in my room. Okay, the air conditioner and the
heater. You could be anywhere inthe room and just press the button.

(01:20:14):
You can have him under the blanket, you can have him anywhere, right,
and the stumple turn off. Butthe light you have to get it
is a little control box that youhave to point the remote at. So
if you're anywhere in the room,you have to get up out your chair,
off the bed, off the floor, and walk yourself those four or
five six and a half steps.It's eight you know, we have to

(01:20:39):
get up to change the channel.It's like, what's the point? Yeah?
All right, well, Steve,Let's compare your first world problem to
this story about this woman in NewYork City. She went to go use
the bathroom of her first floor apartment, and as soon as she stepped into
the bathroom, a portion of thefloor collapsed and she disappeared through a two

(01:21:00):
by two foot hole, ending upin the basement of her apartment building.
Geez. Yeah. Now it turnsout the other residents had also filed thirty
eight different complaints with the city aboutthe building, and the building's owner has
now been cited for thirty four violations. But the investigation is underway. But
dude, that sucks. Yeah,but she could fit through a two by

(01:21:20):
two hole. Yeah, she couldfit through a two by two holes.
Yeah, prohaps, So, Steve, who's problem? Would rather have my
friend? I'd probably think some sixfive to six steps just for a light.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying,right, I see, Yeah,
I guess better the steps than afall. All right, Steve, thank
you for the car. Appreciate youlistening to the Woody Show. All right,

(01:21:42):
let's say hi to Gary. Goodmorning Gary, Gary. How's your
going? We're doing fantastic. What'syour first world problem? Yeah? So
I used to travel a lot forwork, and there was a new movie
that came out. It was ExplainerMan or something, and I wanted to
watch on the plane, but noneof my flights, but long enough to
watch the whole movie, I didn'twant to have to stop. It was

(01:22:06):
awful. Yeah, that that remindsme if I was actually frustrated the plane
watching the movie too, is oneof the seatback entertainment things. It wasn't
that I was streaming on my owndevice, right, And I was having
a really hard time because the flightattendant came around to ask me about my
drink writing an important part of themovie, and so I missed some of

(01:22:27):
the All I want to do isrewind, and I was having the hardest
time rewinding on my in flight moviethat I'm trying to watch it thirty thousand
feet in the air in the backof the seat in front of me.
Horrible, right, it was awful. I hated when planes don't have those.
Now, well, let's compare yourfirst world problem, Gary to this
one. You know Bo Jackson,he was a big deal. Yeah,
two sport athlete back of the day. He played both in the NFL and

(01:22:50):
in Major League Baseball. But youknow what else Bo knows a lot about
these days, Bow knows hiccups.Yeah. He had them NonStop, Greg
since last July. Oh my god. And it's an actual medical condition.
They don't have any concrete answers.Yeah, but he says, quote,
I'm getting a medical procedure done totry to remedy it. The doctors have

(01:23:13):
been poking to me, shining lightsdown my throat, probing me every way
they can find to get rid ofthese hiccups. Whoa, that sucks.
Right. We knew a newscaster thatdid the news every day and he had
hiccups for a year plus. Ohmy god. So Gary, who's problem
would you rather have? Well?I finished a movie later, so obviously
I'd rather have Yeah, my problemis problem yet? Glad you survived?

(01:23:38):
Yep? All right, Gary,thank you so much for the call.
Appreciated. Ye. All right,I think that's pretty it. That's pretty
it's pretty much it. All right, I'm looking at the clock. We're
out of time, all right,thank you for your calls on our first
world problem forgot to get a quickbreak more what he shows next? Hang

(01:24:00):
out when we rejourned. The showhas the slowest metabolism. Spoiler alert,
it's all of them. The WoodyShow will be right back. Yeah,
we are into another new hour ofincensitivity training for a politically correct world.

(01:24:26):
Thank you for being here and givingus some of your valuable time today.
Everybody, I'm Woody. That's raving. Hello there there's great gory. Good
morning. Menace is here? Whatis up? Woody, we got Sea
Bass, we got Sammy Good morning. Morton is here, there's Caroline there
in the Woody Show production department.Morgan is here, Vaughan is here.
Phones are open at eight seven sevenforty four Woody. That's eight seven seven

(01:24:46):
forty four Woody. You can alsohit us up with the text. You
send that over to two to nineeight seven. Just outside of a Wichita,
Kansas, by the way, wherethe Woody Show is proud to be
heard. We days on all oneof seven three. There's a McDonald's location.
They're making news. They just brokea drive through record three hundred and

(01:25:08):
fifty six orders in one hour.Oh damn, we're like they going for
it. That's roughly one car everyten minutes. Yeah. Every car that
went through had to order something,pay and get their food. Seconds.
Wait, ten minutes, ten seconds. Yeah. Employees pitched the idea to
the location owner last year, andthey've been planning this for six months.

(01:25:30):
They were hoping to break three hundredand they beat it by fifty six orders,
So good for them. That's impressive. The customers got there early to
line up. Cars stretch for overa mile. Oh my god, the
owner says, their drive through hasalways been pretty fast and they pride themselves
on that. But if the folksat Guinness confirmed the record, they could
officially call up the fastest drive throughin the world. Imagine in dream have

(01:25:53):
you noticed drive throughs are longer andlonger now? Yeah? Really, Like
if I'm getting in a drive througha line, especially my like local McDonald's
fifteen minutes, it depends on whereI go. Certain places way faster,
yeah, park and go in right. Certain places are really quick. Other
places, like I think you knowwhen you get into the line's going to
be slow. A chick Fila isalways lightning fast. No matter how long

(01:26:16):
the line looks, you can getin that drive through line. They moved
that thing through really fast. They'rereally good at it. So they brought
in that manager. Remember like theCOVID the COVID vaccine through and everybody's finally
able to get them. This inGeorgia somewhere, and the car line was
insane. It was chaos. Peoplewere waiting hours, and so they brought

(01:26:39):
in a manager from the local Chickfil Aye. The thing worked out in
like a well oiled machine within aday. Because the private sector does things
better than government. Yeah, UTaco Bell. Yes, customers are unhappy
newly announced price increases. Guys.Yeah, so the average price for an

(01:27:00):
item was two dollars and eighty centsin twenty twenty one. Now it's three
dollars and thirty seven cents. Mymill gates. It's a big job,
right. Somebody says the price increasein size decrease in tacos is disgusting shrink
yep, Taco Bell is no longerfor the poor, yeah, they said,
speaking of shrinkflation. Got a Stouffersthe other day and it said family

(01:27:24):
size. I'm like, for wholike me and half a person? Where
they learn that from Eminem's Yeah,is out of control? Guys, we're
doing more first world problems. Soyou have. But my son and my
daughter they both like Life Cereal.Yeah, and so they go through it,
you know. So my wife's like, hey, can you pick up
some more Life Cereal when you hitthe store. I went to the one

(01:27:44):
store which is the closest one onmy way home, and all they have
these tiny little boxes, like littlesmall ones, you know what you mean.
And I'm like, maybe because differentstores different went to the next one,
same thing, like they're not makinglike a family size. Yeah,
Life Cereal, but they've had adeal. You could buy five for two
dollars and twenty nine cents, butyou have to buy five. No,

(01:28:09):
I bought two. He only hadthe room for two. I know.
Some of those deals sound great andyou're like, but you have to buy
right now. I spend twenty dollarson Life Cereal in one shot. Exactly.
Yeah. But somebody said, backto the Taco Bell thing, No
way should one burrito cost six ninetynine from a fast food place? What

(01:28:30):
should cost you should be about twobucks? Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
Taco Bell has not responded to thecriticism, and there's no indication of prices
dropping anytime soon. So you know, you might have to get creative there
we Hey, speaking of money.Nancy Cartwright Bart Simpson, the longtime voice

(01:28:50):
of Bart Simpson, right, shewas honored by the Church of Scientology because
she has donated twenty He won milliondollars Nancy, and so she got the
Diamond Laurette, Like you know,like, what do they call that,
poet Laura? Yeah, the DiamondLaureate with honors status. Well, I

(01:29:13):
would think reflecting that she has givenScientology about seventeen point five million. But
then she was recently awarded a trophyfor reaching patron ex Caliber with Honors Lucky
for donating more than twenty one milliondollars you get cut the taxi line at
the right right building or what.But she's been very public about her role
in the church, Church into it, lobbying state legislature. And you know

(01:29:40):
twenty eleven to get that book byl Ron Hubbard in the schools. Yeah,
right, Dintic Luck. Yeah,that's see, that's something I always
remind every time I hear l RonHubbard. I remember, I imagine the
commercial at the dude, it wasso cool when you're a kid, you
didn't realize what it was. Ijust thought it was a cool book.
Yeah, you need to bring backto ncial back by l Ron Hill.

(01:30:03):
Is that one hit? Yeah?The recent one's not as good, but
the volcano one Seeing more Scientology ads, Yeah, with that Cavendish guy can
David miss Kevin Dude, that's theguy. Yeah, his wife has disappeared
and he's like, you've heard alot about scientology, but have you heard

(01:30:23):
the right things? Right? Ithink we know. I'm like remember yeah,
and I'm like, this commercial needsmore volcano. It's a recruit.
We are throwing some lava. Who'sthe actress? Check? That was like
a queen's Yeah right, that wasa good Documentars cur about SCIENTI Ryan or

(01:30:45):
ask Tom Cruise, it'll be acompletely different story. Yeah. Does Tom
Cruise really talk about it? Though? I don't mean I think it's just
one of those things he's a partof. But I mean he's very much
a part of Yeah. But yeah, I don't think he's like shouting it
out. He's not, like you'rereally outspoken about it though. I think
one of the daughters, the daughterhe adopted with Nicole Kidman, is like

(01:31:05):
way into it really, and it'snot allowed to have contact with Nicole.
Oh because Nicole is an s Psuppressive person. Oh okay, Yeah,
I mean she's not clear. Man. You know, he lives the life,
he believes all the tenants. Yeah, he lives the life. Recently

(01:31:26):
switched filming on Mission Impossible to Floridato be closer to the Scientology Center.
But really, yeah, you knowwho else scientologist is back. Yeah,
he's totally into it. He stillstill really believe. So I watched like
two episodes of that Leah reminy thing. It's kind of redundant, right,
That's what I mean by the secondone. I'm like, all right,

(01:31:47):
I gotta get it. Yeah.Look, look it looks and sounds crazy,
don't I don't pretend to understand alot of it. Yeah, what's
going on? Where where are thepatons? I forget? Yeah, but
I feel that way about just religionsin general. Not a big fan.
You know, scientology has aliens.Yeah, it's that's awesome. If it's

(01:32:08):
for you and it makes you abetter person in some way, shape or
form. It makes you a worseperson, a bad person, well then
that's not good. But if itmakes you a decent person, it keeps
you in line because you're you know, afraid of going to hell or whatever.
Whatever the religion calls for. Therewas a reason for it, yeah
whatever. Again, it was likeearly form of law. Yeah, because

(01:32:30):
you leave the rest of us aloneabout it. Now that you're it's modern,
which is what makes it strange tome, you know what I mean?
Yeah, Yeah, because it's aliensand these stupid metal tubes that you
are, right, You got tobe clear, You got to get clear.
Yeah, Like I said, Idon't use that like, I know
what you're talking about, but Idon't necessarily understand you have an auditor audit
to you as you're trying to getclear. I've seen those guys on the

(01:32:53):
streets sometimes, like in big cities, like how clear are you? And
you're like who. I have afriend and put his hands on those things,
and they asked him a few questionsand they're like, we can't help
you. Really, that's what theytold our friend Tony. Really. Yeah,
he took the test and they said, we can't help you. Well,

(01:33:15):
they can't help Tony in San Francisco. I think the rest of the
population is doomed too. Can't helpyou that guy. I fell out.
That was so funny. I waslike, what, he's like water and
Micano's clear. Those scumbags in SanFrancisco And if they could help them,
what would they have done. Idon't know. Maybe Tony was just already

(01:33:38):
completely clear. He was so clear. He's a guy who's fascinated by religion.
Yeah, he was like, thisis the dumbest guy. Well,
one of the dumbest guys you've evermet. He's just kind of silly,
dumb. Yeah, he's just silly, dumb you know. Um, you
would just think, oh, thisguy's kind of a redneck or whatever.
Um, simple nice guy, supernice guy, would do anything for you.

(01:33:59):
Um. But he had this thingabout like he would just read all
these books but they were about likereligion, religion. Yeah yeah, And
then it wasn't that he's reading stuffabout w W. I'm not kidding.
It was like, w W,it's weird Al Yankovic or different religion.
Classic. Yeah, that's why theysaid we can't help you. It's a
complicated help you to scattered brain.Yeah, we think you're too weird.

(01:34:23):
Yeah, you're not clear. Hecannot make you clear. Yeah. Yeah,
again, we think you are weird. Texts coming in Scientology as a
cult, and I can't believe thesepeople fall for it. But see again,
not that I'm not taking up forScientology. Yeah, I mean I
feel that way about all of them. Yeah, Like, are you serious?

(01:34:45):
You think if somebody took a ribout or like you know whatever talk
to a snake or you know whatever, the uh whatever the stories are in
Bill Gum, Yep, that's thethat's the real one. And you're like,
what, like hey, and youknow, I'm sure We're all going
to get the answer someday. Right, Well official, well I'll die,
like yeah, when you die andall of a sudden you're standing there and

(01:35:06):
whatever, it's like, well right, and then we all go to the
alien spaceship I know, yeah,or that we're surrounded by all these virgins
rule. Yeah, but you're right. More volcanoes volcanoes guys, if you
want to be part of the marketingteam all at eight seven seven forty four

(01:35:28):
Wooding, you can hit us upwith a text over to two two nine
eight seven more Woody. Show isnext lead a show of hands. Who's
getting I'm not asking, I'm demanding. It's the show. And I think
we all know how excited I amthat Frazier is coming back when it's been
forever. I just know that they'reworking. I don't know done, probably

(01:35:51):
stop down now. Yeah, wellyeah, true enough. But if you're
a fan of shows like Weeds,which I loved. That show dropped off
so hard. I loved Weeds,Nurse Jackie, which I never watched,
I know a lot of people borefans. Um you know it used to
be on Showtime. But they're comingback. Really yeah, Weeds and Nurse

(01:36:12):
Jackie, both coming back and bothwith the og leads. So hey,
yeah you got Mary Louise Parker.She's coming back as the pot dealing mommy
Nancy bought one, and then EdieFalco is going to be a Nurse Jackie
Peyton again. I'd like Nurse Jackie. It's good. I would not watch
Weeds. Why I stopped watching itduring its initial run because everybody's just so

(01:36:34):
annoying. I liked it. Itwas fun. No, no, yeah,
what are you thinking of? Idon't what was she in? I
thought it was a good I thoughtit was weird. Oh she did have
a weed themed show on Netflix thatrang yeah, yeah, yeah, who
also was in that? There wassomebody else? It wasn't just her,

(01:36:54):
somebody else too. I forget.I believe that was another Rabbi Chuck Lorie
show. But yeah, the newWeeds has the character Nancy living in Copehagen,
Copenhagen, Denmark. Okay, cool, watch it? Okay, not
me disjointed? Yeah you go,all right? Was that what's his name?
Show? It's yeah, you're right, Chuck Laurie, yeah, U

(01:37:15):
Tathy Bates, Well what are youlooking for? What was that thing?
That you were talking about. Youjust saw some trailer. She's like all
geeked out. Well, I'm surprisedthat I'm as excited for this movie as
I am The Haunted Mansion, whichcomes out July twenty eighth, and they
just put this trailer out. Itlooks like the ride. Really, it
looks super fun. Yeah, Likethere was that Eddie Murphy Haunts Mansion,

(01:37:39):
Yeah, which is horrible, bekind of like, you know, dumb
and campy, or is it supposedto be taken seriously somewhere in the middle.
Somewhere in the middle, Like,but like, all the ghosts look
like the ghosts from the ride thatyou're used to ride as Jared Leto plays
the hat box ghost and he lookssuper freaky. Jamie Lee Curtis is the

(01:38:00):
one the head in the ball right, and they have all the like the
traveling ghosts and like, so everythingyou've seen in the ride is in this
trailer and I'm like, oh mygod, this looks super fun. I'm
sorry, maybe the hitchhiking ghosts hello, whatever they're doing hello. Yeah,
it's like legit looks super fun.Normally, this wouldn't be like a movie
where I'd be like, yep,opening weekend. I don't know if it

(01:38:25):
sounds like something like go to thetheater to see it. Definitely does.
I'm boring. She spent like thelast five minutes crapping on everything else.
But that's because it gut You justwon't accept that it gut lousy. I'm
not saying I won't go. Iwon't watch this haunted mansion thing. That

(01:38:45):
doesn't seem like a movie that youhave to go see at the theater.
Top gun seem like a movie thatthe theater. John Wick, that was
a movie that you got to see. It is right there with it isn't.
Finally watched John on your guys suggestion, the first one, only the
first one. I still have theother ones to go. I liked it,
okay. I hated the premise though, the murder of a dog.

(01:39:10):
Going back to Disney movies real quick, did you see that Aladdin guy that
played the live action he's like deletedhis Twitter because he was kind of bashing
Little Mermaid. Why because he waslike, oh, a Little Mermaid is
probably not going to make a billiondollars like we did, but it will
probably get a sequel. So he'sall but hurt because Aladdin doesn't have a

(01:39:30):
sequel. Somebody does, see theLittle Marmaid, I thought and moved on.
Yeah, I don't even know whothe hell this guy is. I
did not see live action, ladGreg. What happened? Uh? Brick
had another situation. Yeah, you'retalking about the haunted mansion. I think
that was a thousand times scarier thanthat. And this might even need some
scary music. So an actual haunting. For me, it was a nightmare

(01:39:55):
the other night. We're talking aboutscary. We're talking about haunted. Uh,
scary for me game, maybe notfor you, although maybe even for
you guys. All right, Sonot a bug story. No, it's
a bug story, but it's it'sunusual in the sense that So I'm pooping
the other night, right, surewe all do. Yeah, And I'm
super busy playing my slot machine game. Sure right, So you know,

(01:40:21):
pants at ankles mid poop. Andbecause I'm playing my slot machine game,
my head is looking downward, noticingthings, right, not really paying attention
to anything else except for, oh, what is moving next to me on
the floor? Quickly? And Ithought, might so I look, it's

(01:40:42):
a centipede. I don't know ifI've ever seen one in real life?
Really was centipede big? Um?Maybe the size of this pen so big
and so yeah, okay, butmaybe I'm exaggerating. Maybe it was like

(01:41:06):
however big. This is how Isay people in traumatica like, so the
seven foot long the last person thatthe cops want to ask, like,
you know what the what did theperson look like? Was the person who
was attacked because they like, forwhatever reason, they can't remember exactly.
And so this legal anaconda comes outthere. But I have to get out

(01:41:27):
of the way because I'm sitting thereon the toilet. So I jump up,
pants at ankles, screaming, ofcourse, and I'll almost fall over
because my pants are at my ankles, and I thought, now, what
what do I do with this centipede? I can't shapoo come out like were
you done? Pooh? Not really? Okay, not really? So I
thought, do you live in thewoods? I just think it's the same

(01:41:51):
thing where am I. I'm inthis suburbs, not the jungle. So
then the centipede comes out and it'sbasically just sit there. So I'm screaming.
Um, I don't even recall Isuppressed the memory of how I got
it to run down the wall.I think I waved a magazine it as
something. Anyway, luckily my showeris directly across from where it was.

(01:42:15):
It ran and fell into the shower. Oh all right, so I thought,
thank god, but now I haveto jump over this creature to get
the shower handle. I take theshower handle and I start spraying it so
it'll go down the drain. Ifyou've never seen a centipede in real life,
they're powerful and they're fast. Aidthey got out a hundred legs.

(01:42:36):
Yeah, full stream of blasting waterand it's running upstream. I'm like no,
it was so powerful. So Ihad to put the nozzle right up
to it, and it finally wentto the drain and I saw a circle
and go down the drain. Yeah, but it probably held on to the
side about it. Yeah, yeah, that's probably just drinking water. Right

(01:42:59):
now, I'll be back where it'sliving at the foot of your bed,
just underneath the sheet water. Fifteenbabies too. So then I had to
finish my business. And I wasso terrified, so gross. I mean,
it made like a spider look almostcuddly. It was so disgusting.

(01:43:23):
You were home about yourself. Whatabout the cartoon they have like a hundred
you know, sneakers on I seeus. Yeah, where Mario during he
was just in the family. I'mwatching TV and I walk out or white
as a sheet, you're screaming,and and I thought, why it doesn't
he wonder why after dinner I'm takinga shower, like, why didn't you

(01:43:45):
want under any of that? Itwas because I was having a trauma with
my pants and my ankles, andhe couldn't be bothered. And then no,
he's got he said, we needto get a new bug guy.
Clearly they suck, I know,right, So I need to get to
take care of centipee. I don'tknow. My bug guy comes by like
once every six months, and I'mgood. Really yeah, my bug guy
must blow. I'm picturing Greg atsome point with something dumb, like a

(01:44:10):
butterfly, you know that willet orwhatever. He's gonna startle himself so his
head right, Yeah, it's gonnabe like one of those situations like oh,
he starts running without looking, runningright into like a wall, or
he's gonna, you know, takehis head off, like with a door
jam or like something something like that. A lizard made me run into a

(01:44:32):
chair. That's and that's how he'lldie. I broke my arm. It
won't be the butterfly that kills himlike he's convinced, or like you know,
the spider that will kill him.It'll be his react running from something,
something that was never gonna hurt himin the first place. My dream
is to win the lottery so Icould create the first ever bug free house.

(01:44:53):
How would that work? I don'tknow, but I would have to
be rich enough to tell make itwork. Make it work, and if
not, you're all fired. Youcan never go outside. Well, you
can never have a door open,you can never reception. No, but
I can have like triple doorways thatare like that seal. You should just
change your look and this wear abee outfit every day. Yeah, maybe

(01:45:15):
I'll do that. They woke upto a scorpion on their pillow. By
the time I woke up to abig as centipede on my wall next to
my bed. I think that's mynew least favorite thing, centipede. And
then I started googling centipedes. Ifyou if you find a centipede, don't
kill it. They eat bugs andsomething like, well, then go outside.

(01:45:36):
And eat bugs down in my bathroom. Yeah, what are you doing
at my feet while I poop?Get out of here? You get great
next time, human centipede. Yeahyeah, Type in human centipede Google image
that this is the show, allright. So there's a YouTube channel,

(01:46:02):
Greg you should be aware of afteryour centipede story. It's a YouTube channel
called Journey to the Microcosmos. Okay, And so this guy he found a
black speck on his head. Theblack spec turned out to be this demodex

(01:46:25):
mite. So it's a little smallmite that lives on your face. A
little mite. Yeah, it's alittle mite, all right, less than
one millimeter in length and has eightlittle legs. Apparently these things are it's
everybody. Everybody's got these on theirface. They're having sex on your face
a little crabs. Yeah. Duringthe day they hang out inside your pores

(01:46:49):
and at night they look for othermites on your face to have sex with.
And when they're done doing that,they head back into your pores and
then they laid their eggs. Areyou serious, I'm not getting low look
at them. Yea. It lookslike it looks like just Google face mites

(01:47:12):
face mites, and they click images. It looks like something that was in
Guardians of the Galaxy. They saythey're harmless and they're on everybody. Okay,
oh yeah, so just keep thatin mind, Like right now,
they're your killing, they're in yourpores, they're just chilling. It's not
until later when you go to bedthat they go out trolling for pum.

(01:47:34):
They're trying to they're trying to getsome strange They got a little worm tails
and then and then all their littleeight legs go out there and they start
banging all right. Yeah, yeah, Greg's about to cry. They bang
on your face. Yeah, here'shere here. I grabbed the story just
for you. Yeah, it kindof looks like something that would be in

(01:47:55):
Star Wars. Fucking sand. Whatif you put a storic on and put
your face underwater for like three hours? What they drink? They all die?
They all die. I mean there'smoisture in your porous right, I
mean oaks? God, what isit? Menace? Oh? This worm
one right here. It looks definitelylooks like something that would be in the
sand in a Star Wars episode.Yeah, you know there's that whole conversation

(01:48:21):
about people eating bugs, you knowwhatever. Hell no, hell no.
But uh, somebody had sent usa video and it's a grasshopper and they
also did with a cricket. Andhow many parasites they pulled out of this
grasshopper? I mean these big itlooked like pieces of dental flows. So
they're just like pulling out of thisgrasshopper and out of these crickets, like

(01:48:44):
you're supposed to eat that. Lookingat this, somebody sent it to us
after that conversation about people eating bugsand stuff. Yeah, no, need
to Vegetarianism sounds really appeal right now. Nothing but like lattics carrots, Like
do you clean the shrimp before youeat them? The shrimps? Like what

(01:49:08):
you can take the shell off andthen people, oh you got to take
the poop out? Yeah, yeah, that little vein or whatever, right,
definitely, I don't do that.You don't know, he goes,
You don't clean out the poopy vein. No. No, it's for really
yeah, it's for seasoning, insensitivitytraining for a politically correct world. It's
the Woody Show, all right,we are wrapping up and getting the hell

(01:49:30):
out of here. Everybody gonna doit for a Tuesday. We are the
Woody Show, and I will quicklyrun through where you're gonna find on the
Tuesday podcast. Also what we gotcoming up for you tomorrow here on The
Woody Show, starting with the podcastFirst World Problems, comparing them to this
week's That Sucks Stories. Thank youeverybody for your calls and for your participation
in that. Also cover the trendingnews headlines, the redneck News, Raby's

(01:49:55):
Nerd out that and more, allon today's podcast. Just go to Woody
Show dot com. Coming up foryou tomorrow, SeaBASS is going to introduce
us to somebody he's calling the girlfriendWhisperer. Okay, all right, he
said, this chick's really weird,Okay, a freak and that's his specialty.
That's true. Yeah, So we'regonna talk about all that, and

(01:50:17):
also we're getting started on our nexttopic. Who is the most embarrassing person?
You know, like you can't evenbring them anywhere without them embarrassing you.
Maybe they're the people who are grabbingall the free stuff on the way
out, the stuff and rolls intheir pockets and things like that. So
give us your feedback on our Facebook, Facebook, dot com, slash the
Woody Show and anything and everything thatyou're listening to on the podcast. So

(01:50:40):
you want to give us your opinionon or a topic, whatever it is,
you can always leave that on theafter hours voicemail eight seven seven forty
four Woody. That's eight seven sevenforty four Woody. Yeah, rayby Menace,
Sea Bass, Sammy. Anything you'dlike to add great gory parting words
of wisdom please, Yeah, don'tbe embarrassed about the number of people you
slept with, beingbar about the qualityof those people. I think that's more

(01:51:03):
for women than guys, no doubt. Yeah, because like women have,
they can afford to be more selective. Guys, sometimes you take a meal
where you can get it. Youknow, even the even the most handsome
guys out there, they got totake a meal where they can get it
sometimes. Okay. Yeah. Bythe way, women didn't come up with
the term slump buster or hoggin ordog fighting. Okay, that was created

(01:51:30):
by dudes. Thank you very much, Greg Gory, Thank you so much
for giving the wood he shows someof your valuable time this morning. You
know, we love it, appreciateyou for that. The rest of you
guys can suck it. Catch youback here on Wednesday. Have a great
day. SMD double M Quit thisbitch.