The Woody Show May 24th 2023 Podcast

Bert Kreischer in studio, Redneck News, News Headlines & More!

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Due to the graphic nature of thisprogram, listener discretion. Is it fly
the Woody Show? It's the WoodyShow. Insensitivity Training? Are the lining

(00:29):
clean con Class is now in session. Hey, good morning everybody. It
is Wednesday. It has made thetwenty fourth, twenty twenty three. We

(00:52):
are the Woody Show. Yeah,good morning, everybody. I'm wody.
That's raving. We got great goryMenace is here? What is that?
Woody? There's se baste as.Sammy is here. Good morning. We
got bored. And Caroline's actually inhere with us. Carol, Good morning,
Caroline? How are you? Howare you? Our things? We
don't get a chance to for thekind of chop it up with you?

(01:12):
How's everything going there with Board?Is he treating you fairly? In kind?
Bird? Always? Yeah? Great? What's the what's the latest?
What's the latest rumor going around therein the production department? Oh there,
yeah, any good chatter? Yeah? What's the hot tea? Yeah?
There's the block hot? Yeah,and the block is not hot? All

(01:34):
right? What's going on in there? All right? Well, welcome in.
Good morning. There's Morgan. We'vegot Vaughan. He's our video producer.
Phones are open eight seven seven fortyfour, Woody, you can hit
up of the text over to twotwo nine eight seven. Bert Kreischer The
Machine is on the show this morning. He's got a new movie coming out
this weekend, his his motion picturedebut. Nice the Machine with Mark Hamill,

(02:00):
who plays his father. So notbad. Your f is a movie
loosely based on your life and MarkCamill plays your father. Yeah, the
big Hollywood premiere is tomorrow night.He is with us this morning, and
we're gonna be talking to him andchecking in with Bert Kreischer. We got

(02:20):
the trending news headlines Whereby's got thenerd now brand new redneck news that in
more happening today here on the WoodyShow. Now, I can only imagine
just how grounded I would have been. But it sounds like this is not
necessarily the greatest group of people,and who knows where all these parents are.
But you got to really follow alongwith this one because there's a lot

(02:43):
happening. It all happened in Maryland. Four kids caught driving around in two
different stolen cars and they're yeah,well they're teenagers, and then two adults
were with them. It turned outthat also just stolen stuff from a nearby
store. Now, the two adultsgot thrown in jail, the four kids

(03:04):
charges juveniles. So that's six arrests. Okay, are you with me so
far? Okay, stolen cars,stolen stuff. Yeah, the kids had
to get picked up by a guardian. And when the guardians showed up,
the car she was in also stolen. Oh no, there were three women
in it and a guy was driving, and you know what got the cops

(03:27):
suspicious. But the back window wassmashed. What is going on? How
freaking dumb are you? Got bibbed? Yeah, so the three women got
dropped off. The cops tracked downthe car arrest of the four people that
were inside there, the driver andthree other teenagers. Meanwhile, the three
women who got dropped off of thejail also got arrested. Now I know

(03:49):
you're probably all lost at this point. That's a total of thirteen people who
were arrested. Seven juveniles, sixadults. They all knew each other,
all between the age of thirteen andtwenty one years old. Not clear you
know what the guardian situation is,what that's all about, or you just
claimed to be yeah, or wherethe parents were? But cops say all

(04:09):
three of the stolen cars were Hounday's, which is the hot thing right now
because some dope, some stupid socialmedia thing, them dumb social media thing
about how easy though they are tosteal, which I haven't quite figured out,
Like I haven't clicked on it toknow anything about it, but like,
what is making it so easy tosteal? There's something with a cable,

(04:30):
like an iPhone cable that you canuse. Started started with a certain
will and started up. Yeah reallyyeah, something like that, an iPhone
cable. I didn't really I didn'twatch the videos either, but that's from
the minute clips that I've seen.Yeah, all right, because I know
there was a thing um Honda yearsago there was an issue with civics.

(04:51):
Yeah, and a limited number ofkeys. Yeah, they only had so
many different keys, and so therewas a good chance that if you have
like a key to a sit civicback in the day, and he went
up to like you know twenty likea grocery store, parking lot or whatever,
like one of them would work.Okay. Yeah, see this is
a TikTok trend. Do not trythis at home, and he shows you

(05:11):
exactly how how to do it.Huh. Basically, either a screwdriver,
or you can just use your hands. You can pop off a piece of
plastic and then the USB end likethe USBC table. Yeah, it's not
actually making a connection, but it'sjust the right size to fit in and
turn whatever and actually get the ignitionstarted. Really, Oh wow, try
this at home. Yeh. Butbut hey it works. We watch exactly

(05:32):
how to do it ahead and tryit. Yeah, that's like the big
things, right. They don't haveengine immobilizers which other cars do, so
that's how they're the ignition. Theycan switch it all right. I think
I saw there was something about itwas like a lawsuit or something now against
Hyundai. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, yeah, pretty crazy.

(05:54):
But you know, kids are stupid. Yeah, they talk stupid, they
do stupid things. They see thingson social media, and apparently these kids
came from a stupid family. Yeah, how are you Caroline twenty four?
Twenty four? So are you,like, are you beyond the age of
like doing dumb stuff that you seeon social media? I think so?
Your friends? What about your friends? These early twenties was still kind of

(06:15):
that gray area and half Yeah Igot some got some dumb friends. Yeah,
and the bunch is a couple.Are they going on the clubs and
doing dumb things or are they justdoing dumb things in general, generate drunk
stuff. I would say, yeah, yeah, but all in good fun
for the mems. Yeah, hellyeah, met men's everybody. How are

(06:41):
you with with the slang? Areyou still like keeping up with all the
slang? Are you pretty good onit? Yeah? I feel like considered
gen Z. Yeah, well,this is a gen Z term dictionary this
high school teacher in California has goneviral with and he's got millions of views,
like within the first few days ofposting this, because it's one of

(07:02):
those things where he wants the otheradults and parents everything else, like what
the hell your kids are talking about? Or what the hell the younger kids
are talking about? What the helldoes that mean? And so here we'll
see what We'll see what Caroline knowsall right in this round of gen Z
term dictionary. Oh oh yeah,all right, batty? What is it?
Battye? Oh? Like all myfriends are baddies. They're hot.

(07:25):
You know, we go out hypingthem up saying, oh she's a batty,
she's a ten Yeah, okay fromSpice. Spice's as a ten spice
yep, and like my son willmake fun of her, like how it's
so stupid and blah blah. Buthe knows every word to every song.
Yeah, when the song comes onlike the radio or whatever, and my

(07:46):
my daughter and my son both knowall the words, that's what he'll be
making fun of. Munch's not prettydirty. Oh yeah song on the radio
that he has a song and it'slike the it's called bikini Bottom. I
think so. It sounds like SpongeBob. It's kind of noise. Yeah,
batty, pretty girl typically very curvyand independently. All right, we all
know what what bruh is. Butthat was on the list class all right,

(08:09):
Um, how about let's see gettingsturdy, sturdy, getting sturdy,
getting sturdy. I've never heard thatone. I've never heard this one.
Anither menace. You know what thisis now? It's a dance usually used
when winning quote unquote like Greg's favoritedances. Yeah, the hands back and

(08:31):
forth. I think that's a flossright, yeah, how about yeah,
oh I know I've been here inthat way. Yeah yeah, yeah,
sound effect in my head like thehype man would be like, yeah,
all right, like that's something menacewould for sure, hype, let's go,

(08:52):
let's go. Yeah, it usedto be ye you know yeah though,
Yeah, that's an exclaiment nation substitutefor god damn braby he's always doing,
typically used in response to seeing abatty. Yeah. So now we
know, now we know we're learningstuff today. We've heard this one before.

(09:15):
Bet all right, be alright,bet like for sure or okay,
all right, I like say less. Um. I just heard this one
from my son recently and I waslike, wait what because I have a
friend Rasudo and we call him riz, and riz is a slang term.
Now yeah, so I've heard it'sPeople say it's based on like oh if

(09:41):
you have game, but I heardthat it's short for charisma. Yeah.
True, but it kind of isuses the same way, like oh yeah
he's got he's got mad riz,Yeah, pull get him? Yeah he
riz on. My son, who'sin seventh grade, was telling me about

(10:03):
how you know, people at theschool. I think this one kid has
riz because you know he's dated likesix different child wow did Yeah. And
the thing I went to this uhthis parents thing last week and my wife
pointed this kid out and I'm like, that's the cool kid. You've got

(10:26):
to be kidding me. This kid'slike four foot tall. He's like this
little like. I don't he's ashrimp. Why are you haying? Dog
wouldn't he wouldn't know the face.No, I'm saying, yeah, but
he like I guess he's always wearinglike a hoodie with the hood up and
sunglasses on inside. Yeah. Butit's funny because like when you're when you're

(10:46):
a kid and you're in it andyou see this kid and you're like,
oh man, he's cool. Nowthe perspective of being like a full grown
adult and looking from the outside andseeing this and going like, oh my
god, that's the cool kid.He got short king, Short king kids
are the new Yeah, maybe wouldbe all about it. I slaps,

(11:09):
We know about that. That's something. What does it mean? Good?
Something? Good? Lap slaps meansrules? Also busting, Oh, busting
for real? If it's busting,yes, specifically specifically food. Yeah.
Yeah, but we can't say like, oh, that song's busting. It's
got to be used in a relationshipridiculous. And then the other two whether

(11:31):
on your like the cap no cap, which we already know cap a lie
no cap, the truth so muchcap. We have words for those things.
But yeah, like most of myson's vocabulary is on this list.
Bro uh slaps busting and then capno cap noise yeah oh and cringeing Yeah.

(11:56):
Now is he using these lake termsin front of it? Alts that
are not you like his parents?What do you mean teachers? Yeah?
Like, no, I like publicand we have friends around. No.
No, my son's you know,he's got he's got pretty good manners,
you know. If anything, likewe tell him, like speak up like
somebody in the eye, but likehe like he can carry a conversation.

(12:18):
He's not. Yeah, he's not. He's not busting slang constantly. He's
not slang and slang right, andhe's yeah that's no cap. I mean
I haven't seen him for a minute. I would love this. Yeah yeah,
yeah, yeah, great conversation yeteight seven seven forty four. What
is the number if you want tocall in set? It's a text over

(12:41):
to two two nine eight seven.I think I'm about a period. It's
a woody show, all right,welcome back everybody. Yeah, he is
a Wednesday morning. I got Raby'snerd Now report coming up here in just
a few minutes. Later's the worldof nerds. I'm sure it's gonna be
a bunch of stuff. I needto take some notes off. Yeah,

(13:03):
you know nerds stuff. That's that'skind of balsa woody show mail call.
And uh, today is May twentyfourth, a couple of the holidays.
Today is Denny's Endless Breakfast Day.What does that I have? That is
that like all you can eat pancakesat ihop? Is it endless? That
sounds like more than just bancake?Denny's Endless Breakfast Day? Wow? Why

(13:24):
are why are you looking up?It's also the National Asparagus Day. No,
thank you, not a fan ofa spar Yeah, it is much
very much like the IHOP day,except besides just buttermilk pancakes, hamburgers,
scrambled eggs, hash browns starting atonly six nineteen what mouth watering and delicious

(13:48):
sausage or crispy bacon for just ninetynine per serve? So what's the what's
the hook on? That's like certainhours today? I think it's all day,
all day. We all pancakes incollege, and I think I don't
think I got it, but someonegot like seventeen. Yeah, sounds like
a nice start rules. Yeah,I think it sounds like a good reset.

(14:11):
This is for Greg. It's nationalS Cargo a day. Yeah,
I've only had it, I thinktwice. I know. But if anybody
here's eat that, I would fancyass graga mentally, yeah, it's not
worth it. It's like, oh, that's so delicious, right right,
Like you're eating snails so you cantell people you eat snails kind of thing.

(14:35):
Um. Also, like oysters,I feel the same way. Like
wine. I love oysters so good. Yes, lemon and the balsamic,
I know, but you can putlemon in balsamic on so many other things
that aren't like boogers. I justhad some over the think oysters rockefella good.
But I don't see why people thinkoysters are gross when they eat clams.

(14:58):
Clams are more tough, like whichraw oysters, by the yeah,
raw oysters. Like my stepfather likeblue points and and like he'll order those
people love oysters, takes those downand it's like, uh no thanks,
Yeah, I just I don't getit. Like clams, like all the
clams, yeah I will, yeah, but honestly, like clam, like

(15:18):
I remember we used to go whenwe were kids. Remember friendlies plays friendlies.
Yeah, and they had like afried clam dinner and that was like
my go to. Oh we hadthat at King's Family Restaurants, just frozen
clams. Did you have clams dunkedin the fryer? Yeah? Yeah.
There's just something about those those rawoysters. Can't get around it. Let's

(15:41):
go get oysters. Let why isthere a sexual thing around raw oysters?
Supposed same thing with chocolate. Andby the way, I did not have
oysters rocket filler, because that's likebaked with spinach and stuff. There was
just like raw with some kind ofcream on top, and it was gar
bitch. It's always been sexual though, well, because oysters is supposed to
be an affric easy acting somewhere,you know, it tastes like what the

(16:02):
sea? Oh oh wow, theocean. But today's a National Brothers Day,
so Greg, don't forget to textyour brother. Oh I will.
I'm sure I'll get a well thoughtout response how much he's cool. National
Caterers Appreciation Day. It's a WorldSchizophrenia Awareness Day, Tiara Day and see

(16:25):
Bermuda Day. Okay, I shouldhave worn my tiara. No, it's
cool, I have I have aswell, yeah, I like it.
Which is there? Yep. It'squiet and sleepy, very tiny, very
nothing to do. Yeah, it'sfrom one end to the other is twenty
miles. Yeah, it's basically theonly thing is Horseshoe Bay. It's pretty

(16:45):
fun. Yeah, it's a nicebeach. Yeah, it's yeah, it's
so tiny. And they have likethat one crappy bar there that's they're like,
oh, you get food at thebar and it was just like corn
dogs and it's a pretty it's apretty thick. It's not great for that.
But if like you just want tosit on a nice beach for the
crystal clear. Yeah, and you'reliterally a thousand miles from anywhere. Yeah,
you want to take you want totake your life in your hands.

(17:06):
You renting mopeds because the tiny littleroad narrow, windy, like you'll like,
oh my god, no I readin one of those little mini cars.
What are the story wheels on theother side. Yeah, it's pretty
crazy. But the other thing isthey do on playing around there. If
you do anything crazy, they'll throwyou in jail for like ten years in

(17:27):
Bermuda. Yeah, well I wasn'tgetting crazy, I know. I rted
a boat there that was pretty cool. Nice. Yeah, it's like a
little tiny like it wasn't like itwasn't like a big fast like speedboat or
whatever. It's like a you know, motorized boat. And so it was
like just chugging along and uh yeah, you can hang out. Like they
sell a whole bunch of food atthe docks, so you can like bring

(17:48):
it out there and have lunch andhave your music and chill. And it
was pretty cool. And then drivea boat, Greg, I mean,
it's just so rad. Another thingabout Bromidia all homeless people versus like a
lot of other islands where how theyend up straight up slums and stuff like
that. It's a hard place toget to. Yeah, well Permuda is
they're like they have something where theymake sure they take everybody, take care

(18:11):
of everybody, and everybody's well paid. Yeah, so there's no homeless people
or slums. Going back to thefood thing. As we get into the
Woody show mail call after our voicemailsaid eight seven seven forty four, Woody,
Uh, we were talking about hotdogs or brought worse. We asked
that question. I don't I don'tthink you were in the room Sea Bass.
I heard that question. I waslike, why even ask? But

(18:33):
because it brought's the obvious answer.Yes, of course, somebody who are
varieties is so much more flavorful.There's so much. They're hearty dog exactly,
they're heartier dog. Yeah. Wellof course he's you know, because
he's a child. You're right,why, Yeah, he wants some to
cut it up for you too,getting fancy dogs. Yeah, you can
dress them up. Yeah, youcan do that thing. You put a
skew right on it. You circlecut ups so they're all like little slinky.

(18:56):
Yeah. But we're talking about justhot dog or brought worst. Yeah,
hot dog all day. It's basichot dog on a bun, not
bacon wrap, not all the otherstuff. Just basic that or basic broad
all day. Yeah. Anyway,this is how to cook your brot worst
little tip. Okay, hey,what do you show? This is Maddie

(19:17):
brought worst all the way And letme give you a little recipe. Take
your brots folk six holes, turnit over a cornaway polk another six holes,
boil it and beer for ten minutes. It's gonna turn white slash gray,
and then throw it on the barbecuefor about ten to last ten to
fifteen men see with fifteen max.It's a little bit of blackened and then
sliced it up and throw it onwhatever you want, a fun pasta,

(19:40):
you name it. It is thejuiciest, brought worst and it will absolutely
end you of the show called Optomier, Frank further, hot dougs, whatever
you want to call it. Myadvice of the day, try it.
Let me thank love you guys somuch. Well, I gotta say that's
a bad, bad idea because youeverything. I just googled it because that
the first thing that popped in myhead is you shouldn't be poking holes and

(20:03):
brights. Well yeah, because likethey just can get out. But like,
but there's no beer. There's notany equivalent amount of beer getting in
right. That thing is pressure ison the inside. That beer is not
gonna have enough pressure on the outsideto get in there. And every site
from professional cooks say do not pokeholes in brots, even if you are
boiling it like this guy's doing,which is a good idea. That's that
part is good, But the pokingholes thing is just it's it's in his
mind that he's doing something, buthe's actually being counterproductive. So there was

(20:26):
a there was a butcher's shop thatI would go to all the time when
I lived in Saint Louis, andit was this place was rad and they
made like they had like sixty differentkinds of brots like on hand at all
times. And what they would dowith some of their beer broughts is they
would like take beer mix it intolike the you know, the meat.
Before they were like, you know, putting him into the case, right,

(20:48):
Yeah, But then they got crazythat They're like they're trying all these
different broughts out. And there wassome place in Wisconsin. I want to
say that we're selling gummy bear brots. Yeah, there you go, manutes,
get in the bron something else.Kids like and uh but they have
like this line out the door forpeople to get to get this gummy bearon
brots. And they tried it out. They're like, do you even want

(21:11):
to try it? And I,ah, I think I'm good. They
said, yeah, they didn't comeout very good. But I saw something
really cool online that someone got someguy and he used brots. He could
use any kind of sausage. Umand you can make burnt ends using like
bronze or sausage. Yeah, dudes, So good. I mean, it's

(21:33):
time consuming, it takes a lotto you gotta use the smoker and the
whole thing. But man, thoselook, oh they look so good.
Look I'm still gonna eat brods.Yeah, not a thing, but yeah,
one more after ours voicemail eight sevenseven forty four. Woody going back
to the flossing conversation. I've neverseen so many people reply about floss cocos

(21:56):
rules. All right, it's calledcocoa floss. Raby was saying, this
is what she uses. Yes,and it's like a textured floss. Yes,
definitely not glide. You know,it's not treated with wax. Yeah,
that just glides on your So it'smeant to kind of catch to actually
get chunks out. Yeah, andit does. Is that bad for the
surface of your teeth? Really?Okay? Maybe we like take because they

(22:22):
say like it gets more of thebacteria out there, which glide glides right
over. Yeah, and uh,this is a lady after my own heart.
Wood. He show what he said. He has the raffle ticket that
he flosses with. And this issomething that drives my husband crazy. But
I grew up with it because mymom did it all the time. We
will use anything to floss with ifthere's no floss room, like I flossed

(22:45):
with candy rappers, get back businesscards or plastic bags does work really well.
Anything I can get in there ifI need to floss, I will
use is the best. So Itotally understand why would he has that raffle
ticket? Just makes sense. Ifyou don't have floss, you something to
work. Love you guys, Bye, all right bye? You know what
else works really well? The endof like uh, you know, like
where you tear on a like agranola bar where has a little jagged edge

(23:10):
on the on the on either endof the bark. How is that taught
enough to get it? Is?It is you grabbed by the by the
corner and the vision. Yeah,I'm telling you know how I was telling
you that is how. No,like dental professionals, you're the same people
that tell you not to pick yourteeth with any kind of metal objects in
the minute you sit down. That'swhat they're using and they're doing it the

(23:32):
right way. Oh but but youshouldn't be. You shouldn't be introducing that
bacteria much less along the gun linewith the raffle t couldn't you get hepatitis
definitely and aids there aids, butI get all that stuff out from between.
This is out with Raby out ofcompletely got trappetite going. Let's see

(23:57):
where we can satisfy in your cravingto know what's happening in the world of
nerds about today. So we talkedabout Big Brother being delayed because of the
writers strike, but we actually didn'thave it right. It's being delayed because
CBS is holding it back because they'regoing to need fall programming because of the
writers strike. Okay, so that'show it correlates with the writer strike.

(24:19):
So that makes a lot more sensebecause all the networks have been coming up
with contingency plans for their fall schedulesbecause shows aren't going to be ready to
go the network shows are shut down, all right, Well, that's when
you're going to be seeing like theBig Brothers and stuff coming at you this
fall. Speaking of the writers strike, Oh this is pretty cool. Drew
Carey, game show host extraordinary.Oh he's so good. He's going to

(24:42):
be paying for lunch for striking writersat two restaurants near major studios in LA
And he said, all they haveto do show up dine in, show
your WGA card, lunch and tiptaken care of for the duration of the
strike. Oh yeah, I know, it's very generous. I would be
the world's best game show house.But nice kill it. So no shock

(25:06):
here. HBO Max becoming it Maxthis week and right from the jump,
major technical glitches what no subscribers goingright to social media to complain that they
couldn't log into Max and that theissues are at max dot com as well
as mobile apps including iOS and yourApple products. It wasn't working on anything.

(25:27):
You're not your Roku, not yourskim Sung TV, Warner Brothers Discovery
rep didn't specify how widespread those issuesare that the users were encountering, And
a lot of people were making funof the fact that it says Max the
place to go to watch hboat Sowhy not just keep it hbot Well,

(25:48):
why not keep it this brand thathas existed for decades. Everybody knows,
So it's being made fun of fromall the place to go to watch for
h Okay, that's world. Thebiggest thing is always to simplify, simplify,
simplify some right, and now hejust extended it, and I mean

(26:10):
they're making fun of. Clearly,this is people trying to justify their job
change for change sake, which youalways talk about Greg House. Stupid that,
especially when it has a big brandlike that, for let's change it.
Let's change it to Max the placewhere you go to watch HBO.

(26:30):
That's hilarious. Actress Kobe Smolder shewas talking with People magazine about playing Maria
Hill in the MCU for the lastdecade, and she's going to be featured
in the upcoming Disney Plus show SecretInvasion, which she says is much darker
in tone than previous mc projects.She says this show is about knowing who
to trust. She also says Mariahas been trying to get Sam Jackson's Nick

(26:53):
Fury to come back to Earth tohelp with a multitude of problems because Greg
the scrolls finally become public knowledge andthat finally gets his attention. We're a
little bit less than a month awayfrom Secret Invasion. It comes out June
twenty. First cast also includes OliviaColeman, Amelia Clark, Don Cheetle,

(27:15):
Martin Freeman, and Ben Mendelssohn.Heavy Hitters and I Think Julia Louis Drey
Love, Olivia Coleman as well.I'm rabian For more nerds stuff, check
out the Nerd Not podcast at theWoody Show dot com. Nerd all right,
thank you very much, Rabel,you've got it. Dog, you
got some more Woody show for you. Next, hang up their DIARYA guess

(27:37):
they show. This is show.I love the back everybody. Yeah,
yeah, everybody calmed down because wehave a big movie star sitting in studio
with us. I know I amnot calmed. Yeah, pretty soon as

(27:59):
how, it is going to beon those Hollywood star man. Please,
ladies, gentlemen, the machine,Bert Christ, thank you, thank you
for having, Thank you for having. Of course you'll have an open invite
to the show anytime. I know, dude, how exciting the Machine in
theaters this weekend? Yes, tomorrownight's the big Hollywood premiere. We've been

(28:21):
given away tickets and passes for peopleto go the premiere. And one of
the questions is, um, isMark Hamill gonna be there? Yeah,
he'll be there, he'll be there. Is there any chance that we can
meet him? There's a list,there's a list of I don't I don't
want them to sign anything. Iknow. There's what you need about dad
who's signing anything. He got attackedby people trying to get yeah, thats

(28:44):
yeah. I'm good at talking tothe right person to get him to say
hi. Yeah. Like there's likesometimes people go about it the wrong way,
and I've watched that happen and Ican definitely like it's a short list.
I can't walk him around and sayhi to everyone. But I got
you, I got you? Areyou? Are you saying that to everybody?
I know? I'm not secret time. I'm telling a lot of people
who's not coming, because that's everyone'sgo too. They want to meet more

(29:07):
camels. And so we were weren'tsure if he was going to be there.
He's gonna be there, but Ifigured then I think he's gonna come
in in the d L. Idon't think he's gonna do the red carpet.
I think, yeah, that thelast thing Carrie Fisher's memorial thing.
I think they really lit him up, like everything kind He's like, he's
like, hey, that was coolwhen I was younger, but I'm not
that guy anymore. Like I justwant to do some work and like and

(29:30):
so you know, it's a roamingwho he is everyone. Yeah, and
so so what was what was itlike the first time you met him,
Like, because you know, obviouslyyou were a Star Wars. Yeah,
everybody's a Star Wars Star Wars,right, Like then you know it's Luke
Skywalker. Now he's talking about beingin your movie. Like what was that
first like face to face meaning likeit was great. We're on a private
jet going to Serbia. Oh mygod, and I did it. I

(29:52):
said, Mark's really nice to meetyou in person. So just so you
know, I could be a lot, so because I have to. My
wife always tells, let everyone knowyou castle large, wake like you're you
can overwhelm people with your energy.I said, I'm a lot. My
wife also told me pack your ownlittle baby whiskeys, and don't let him
see you drink the way you drinkon a plane. You may scare him
off and he may be like,this guy's got a problem. All right.

(30:15):
It was a seventeen hour flight toSerbia in a private jet. We're
in a little tube and so Iwas like, I'm gonna be drinking like
a fish. And so I said, it's very nice to meet you.
I listen, I'm I shoot promosa lot. I'm really big on his
stamm He's like, I'm big onsocial media too. I said, well,
I'm gonna do a promo to announcethe movie. Here's my idea,
and he goes, just tell mewhere to be. Yeah, I said,
all I need you to do iswalk onto the plane and we'll let

(30:37):
you know when to start walking.So we did it in one take.
One take. I go, I'mso excited. I'm going to Serbia shoot
my movie the Machine and with meis my co star playing my dad.
It's more caml everybody. And hejust goes, get in the plane,
big boy, and we did notdo He buckled up. He was like
I'm done. We got it,and I'm like, lock the gates.
I don't, so and so,but he was awesome. And then on

(31:00):
that plane, I was like,I was like, hey man, you
know, we got a while,so I'm gonna geek out. You're ready
and he was like, I'm ready. Said telling about C three Po and
he goes, yeah, that guy. I knew that guy And I said,
what do you mean that guy?He goes the guy that plays C
three PO. I go, whatwhat are you talking about? It was
a robot and he goes, no, it was a person Anthony, Yeah,
yeah, yeah, I know therewas a person in C three po.
Yeah. He was like, itwas probably refreshing to talk to somebody

(31:26):
on that level. Yeah, youknow what I mean, very simple level.
And then he goes, I'm aboutto blow your mind. You know
there was someone inside art. Therewas someone inside it. What did you
think they were? So? Ithought there were robots and he goes,
it was nineteen seventy seven. Wehad the budget to build robots and I
never thought of that, right,And then he walked through and he gave

(31:47):
me the best behind the scene stories, telling you about Harrison, telling you
about George, telling you about Carry, telling you about just all of it.
It was like, he's so good, the favorite story of all of
this, and stop me if I'vetold you this is my favorite story.
So the first time we go todinner with my co star Eva Babbage and
she is plays the villain and it'sthe whole group of me, her and

(32:09):
Mark are all sitting next to eachother and Marks he's on his way there,
and she goes, hey, whateveryou do do not to bring up
Star Wars. I said, well, it's kind of a thing. She
was no, no, no,no, no, just don't bring it
that I haven't seen the movie.It wasn't very big and I it was
really big and she so Mark sitsdown and I go, hey, Mark,

(32:30):
Eva is a huge Star Wars fan. And her eyes light up and
she was, oh, yes,I love anything where there's a good guy
bad guys story is my thing.And I go, I go, Eva,
who is your favorite character in StarWars? And you can't say Mark
and you can't say Mark, andshe goes, doll, probably Chewebacca.
I go, oh my god,this is great Mark. She does a

(32:51):
great Chewbacca impression. Can you doyour Chebacca impression? Goes hello, I
am Chewbacca to meet you. Sofunny, dude. We also taught her
this is the okay, this isthe hardest I've ever laughed. So she
hung out with a lot. She'sone of the funniest human beings. And
she has never tries to be funny, never tries to be funny, just
very dry. We taught her thesenuts, okay. So we were like

(33:15):
so like, we're like, yo, you just say to someone, yo,
can you pass me D's? Andthey're like, what's what? And
they go these nuts and then shegoes, I don't get it. It's
a joke. She's like, soyou just say give me these and I
go yeah, And then I gothese nuts and I go, yeah,
say these nuts. She goes,Okay. So we're sitting in the tent

(33:36):
and Mark walks in and she goes, hey, Mark, don't sit on
D's and he goes, huh.She goes, these nuts. Now,
Mark is seventy five. He's neverheard this joke. He's like, what's
that mean. She goes, Idon't know. It's it's supposed to be
funny. He goes, it's notfunny. She goes, I don't think
so either. She was, sheis. She was a huge part of

(33:59):
the story of this movie because wefound out one day. She was like,
we were. I don't want Idon't I don't want to spoil the
movie. I'm just when the moviecomes out, I'll come back in and
I'll tell you the funniest story,the funniest story that changed the way we
made the arc of this movie.Wow. Oh, it was so funny

(34:19):
that it like it became a thingthat we went, what if we did
this? Because she would when shewould say things or do things, she
was not trying to do like Iwant to tell you about the movie,
but like she was just so veryreal. And those people are so precious
because they're not trying to be funny, which makes them ten million times funny.
Well. Bert Kreischer's here. Hisnew movie is called The Machine.

(34:40):
It's out in theaters this weekend.Plenty more to talk about with Bert coming
up next here on The Woody Show. Hang on, We'll be back.
Bert Kreischer is here. Yeah,the Machine. Yeah, his new movie
in theaters this weekend. Yes,Like, how long is the process from
the time that like you guys liketalked about this the first meeting until like

(35:02):
now it's coming out, can weguess? Yeah? Sure, I would
think like four years? Yeah,four years, four years, four years.
I pitched it right next door.That's where legendary is. I pitched.
I pitched it on accident. Reallyyeah. I had already pitched The
Machine everywhere and everyone said no,everyone said no, yeah, And so
I was like, Okay, guessthat's not gonna be my movie. But
I still want to make a moviethat would be cool. And so I

(35:25):
pitched three other movies to this guy, Kale over a legendary. He's hilarious.
Yeah, and he goes, Okay, I'll make a movie. I
was like, wait what he was, which one do you want to make?
I want to make a movie withyou. I think it'd be fun.
Which one do you want to make? If you're saying I can make
a movie, I don't want tomake any of them. I want to
make the Machine. He's like,yeah, how we didn't pitch that?
And I was like, I did? I go? No, I go,
I didn't pitch it. I didn'twant him. He's like, why

(35:46):
didn't you pitch that? And Igo, I don't know, man,
I'm just tired of pitching it.And everyone said no? And I go
and what like what if it's ahit? And then I get kidnapped by
the Russian mafia and he looks athis eyes light up and he goes,
soul what he goes, that's yourmovie. It's the Godfather too. Me's
the Hangover? You get I loveit. I walked out. I didn't
even know what I sold from thatmoment. And I gotta tell you,

(36:07):
man, everyone that worked on itkind of did all the work. Like
I've got scripts. I gave notes, but like everyone that worked on that
movie did all the work. That'swhy I don't have a problem promoting the
movie. Here's the deal with promotingmovies is like I understand the vulnerability that
goes into when you put yourself outlike that, when you're just literally a
talking head promoting yourself. Everyone goto the movies this week and see my

(36:30):
movie The Machine. You can getyour movie tickets at the Machine dot movie
to pre order them, but pleasecome out and support me. Like that's
that is the talking point. Here'sthe thing that I also understand is like
an Arnold Schwartzenegger told me this,Uh, we were the big movies like
name dropping people were when we wastaking out with Arnold and did you see

(36:51):
that? Did you see that?Like yeah, hold on, it's Bert
and Arnold Schwartzenegger, Pump and Ironon Venice Beach, Like how did this
happen? But random? I think, my wife, Yeah, but he's
got like some Netflix thing, right, He's got a Netflix show called food
Bar premiering today, I think onNetflix. My wife called him my wife
really yeah, my wife I waslike, was like, what if he

(37:12):
worked out with Arnold? Because I'vebeen talking about doing steroids last time and
so uh and so she just calledUta and was like, who represents Arnold
and it's randomly as my agent.So they got him in touch and they
like, wow, would he liketo do something? And then his team's
really cool. They like put aclip of me talking about him doing steroids

(37:32):
on two barrisoid game and he'll neversee this, yea. And then they
showed him the kool Aid clip,the kool Aid clip and he lost it
and then clip and so then wedid we worked out and we just promote
it was fun man, no filmcruise just phones Arnold's Arnold is the cosummate
movie star because he gave everyone whatthey needed from him. Yeah, like

(37:54):
no, like do put your camerasaway? It was like it was like
he came and then they were likehey Governator and he's like, yes,
guess down. He was just awesome. It was awesome. Talked about him.
The one thing he said was you'repromoting it, not not just for
you because you do benefit, butfor for the ad who if this movie

(38:15):
does well, they get opportunities.For the produce, all the people that
worked on this movie. Yeah,they then get opportunities if this movie does
well and all their hard work,you're promoting it for them, and I
went, I have no tough problembeing a talking head at that point.
Yeah, but you do understand thoseguys like Walking in Phoenix who like get
in their shell, right, yeah, I can do get it, but
I'm not that guy. The newmovie is The Machine. It's in theaters

(38:37):
this weekend. We got some morewith Burt Kreischer coming up for you next.
All right, welcome back, everybody. It is the Woody Shell,
The Machine. Bert Kreischer is here, not just a person, and now
it's a movie, The Machine intheaters this weekend, and we're talking about

(39:01):
just how exciting that must be.I mentioned it earlier this week about you
know, not only are you ina movie, the movie is you?
Like the movie is a value.Yeah, you know, it's kind of
like you know, Joe Koy,he had his movie and like that's got
to be such a trip, youknow, just as a person who just
grew up like anybody else grows up, and then you're doing your thing in
comedy and whatever else. But nowhere it is. It's the movie,

(39:23):
a big Hollywood premiere which is happeningtomorrow. Mark Hamill plays your father yea.
In this movie is like when you'rewhen you're laying in bed and nobody
else is there not to be youknow, entertaining anybody else or whatever.
You're just there with your own thoughts. What are you thinking? I think
I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'mlike real close to crying a lot.

(39:44):
Yeah, I'm just like, here'sI'm a very honest person with everything,
even my emotions. I'm in aweird place too because I've I've been borrowing
all the energy from like next weekto make sure I can really be in
a great place for this week.Yeah. So I'm sure the second they
I said to my wife, Iwish that they can go up to the
front of theater and go, hey, I hope you guys enjoyed the movie,
and someone could chloroform me and thento a rehab facility and then just

(40:07):
put me under for like a weekand then waking me. I'm gonna you're
hydrated, you've rested, you're good, like you're totally good. Then now
you can go back to work,because like I could use the break.
I think I'll probably start crying.Yeah, but do you believe it?
I mean, it's like one ofthose things that's hard to believe. I
don't believe it. You made meTira up. I told the story on
the other Yeah, you were withhold on, I have the I have

(40:29):
the clip here. You were oneon this Chicks podcast. I've not heard
of her. My apologies Rael RachelHollis. All right, so you were
on this podcast and you posted theclip where it's like you're talking about how
like you know, right before you'reabout to go on stage and you look
up and you see the name ofthe arena whatever, and like it really
kind of hits you there, andlike I'm really gonna enjoy this because I

(40:49):
may never have this opportunity again.Like I don't know. I told everybody.
I'm like, I don't know ifI'm becoming a chick or what.
Like, dude, I'm telling you, like I'm not a person who gets
like super emotional on stuff, andlike I felt that the first time I
ever happened to me. I don'tknow's I've been acute awareness of like of
reality. Do you know when whena mom screams in a mall and you
realize something really bad has happened thatscream? Yeah, I feel I can

(41:10):
I have that feeling a lot,like not the scream, but the idea
that, oh, this is veryreal. I remember I was doing uh
for Birth Conqueror season two. Iwas going to do an episode at not
very Farm and I was in thetown car and I had a very acute
realization. I was like, thismay be the last time I get to
drive in a town car. Likeyou should, I should really appreciate this.
So I'm gonna be going back tothe comic where like I'm getting picked

(41:34):
up by the manager. This isnice. I feel important, really drink
it in, and I did,but I was aware of it, and
even with with like when I gotmy man cave, I go, this
might be the greatest thing that everhappened to me. So like it's like,
sit here and enjoy it, andI keep doing that. I keep
doing that. I did it withtheaters, I did it with sold out
clubs. I did it with standingovations, where you know, this might
be the last time the arenas havereally knocked me off my ass because it

(41:59):
is an insane experience to be squatteddown looking up and seeing all the Celtics
jerseys up there, yeah, andknow that there's nineteen thousand people in this
place waiting for you and I andI am hyper aware that with arenas,
you probably are only going to dothat once. A lot of not a
lot of comics other than Joe Koydo continuous arena tours. And with this

(42:22):
movie, I was told when Iwhen we went to shoot this movie was
the first night I wasn't gonna drink. And my producer Kale, goes,
what are you doing? I thinkI'm gonna be sober and lose. He's
like, that's not who I hired. I didn't hire a sober, skinny
bird. I hired party fun bird. He goes. He said to me,
I can't promise you this movie isgonna be good or bad. I

(42:42):
don't know. We don't know thatat this point. What I can promise
you is if you have a goodtime, it'll show up on screen.
He said, Yeah, you gotto realize this may be the only movie
you ever make in your life.So if you're not enjoying every second,
then you're doing it wrong. AndI went, because there's so many people
that go, I'm in the movie. I'll just this. This is the
first one I'll do. I can'twait till you do my next one.

(43:02):
I'm just what happens. Yeah,I'm just I'm like, and I don't
mean this in a branding way totry to go I'm this blue collar com
I'm not. I'm a right.I'll tell you everything I think. I
think horrible things, I think fancythings. I just flew to Austin private,
So like, I'm not. I'mnot trying to. I'm not trying
to. I'm not trying to braand I'm not trying to get a regular
guy. I'm just telling you,for real, I fly private. Look
at it him every time. Everytime I fly private, I take pictures.

(43:25):
Yeah. Yeah, And another comicgoes, Joe, don't do that.
Don't do that. It alienates youme from your fans. I go,
no, no, no, no, no no. That's what people
do when they get on a privatejet. You take pictures everyone, because
it may be the only time youget to do this. This maybe your
one time in this movie, thispremiere. It may be the only time
that I'm now, you're gonna getme, You're gonna get and you're gonna

(43:46):
get me. I guarantee, maybethe only time that my parents are both
live. Yeah, everyone in myfamily is healthy and happy. No one
has any drama. My daughters arestill young enough to not pay tax on
it in their head and just appreciateit. And this may be the only
time, and this is my highmovie, this is my story. Yeah,
and maybe the only time that peopleare listening to this to go,

(44:07):
dude, I know this kind.I love this guy. I'm gonna go
support him my next movie. Theymay be like, oh, he's changed
or whatever. This is the onewhere they go, this guy is.
I've listened to him on this show. He's a real dude, he's a
real dad. I'm gonna go supporthim. This may be the only time
that happens for me. So ifI don't, if I don't sit back
and drink it in, yeah,that I'm doing it wrong. Yeah,
Like I just doing it wrong.Like that's what the whole thing is is.

(44:29):
And by the way, you canmicro that and think that about life.
I think it about life. You'renot guaranteed tomorrow at all, but
we all think we are. Weall sit with this thing like when you
hear someone died, you go,who not me? Yeah? Yeah,
but it will be. It willbe, And you don't know when that's
happening. There's one percent chance thatyou will die. There's a one hundred
percent chance. And if you don'twake up every morning and go, wow,

(44:52):
I got today. Tim Dillamans toldme. He goes, I was
talking about being stressed out, andhe goes, why would you ever be
stressed out? B The day isyour greatest day of your life. You're
the most famous you've ever been,the most successful you've ever been. Your
wife's the hottest she'll ever be inthe future. You're the most attractive you've
ever gonna be in the future.Your kids aren't on drugs yet. Like

(45:13):
he broke it down, I went, I'm killing it today. I'm killing
it today. So yeah, Iam. I will get emotional this weekend.
I will have a blast. I'mgonna go surprise people at movie theaters.
I'm gonna do all that because it'sthe time that it's the only time
that it's go And if we're talkingabout real life, if I get to
do any of them, this isthe first one. This is the one
I'll remember the most. Of course, you always remember your first time headlining.

(45:36):
I love that you brought up yourparents because you and I are well.
I'm a little older than you.But it's rules that they're still here,
they're still lying. That is sucha big deal. We find them
out first class awesome, and we'vegot a party boss, and my dad's
gonna my dad's gonna like, mydad's gonna get high with snoop. Yeah.
There's there's so many things that arepositive right now. And you look

(45:57):
at the future and you look atthings. It's like like, look at
benefits. Right. I bet ifyou go what premiere would you like to
go back to, out of allyour premieres, you'd be like, good,
we'll hunting good. Yeah, wewere young, we didn't know anything.
Yeah, it was all new.It was all brand new yep.
And so I'm aware that this ismy brand news. So I'm like,
I'm drinking it in. That's whyI'm looking for a motorcycle I want to
buy. I want to get amotorcycle to drive down the red car just

(46:20):
because, just because, why not? Why not? Why not ball out
cigar, no shirt, harmonica inmy back pocket like the nineteen eighties movie
stars used to do, Just downthe red If you got a chopper out
there, hit me up, I'llbuy it. I'm like sens for a
motorcycle too. I swear this musthis the muscist that we're going to be
this this segment here with when youhave the Machine here, man, there

(46:44):
can only be so much motionist,but we love it when you come in
here. Oh thank you. It'sBurt Kreischer, The Machine. Everybody,
the movie The Machine in theaters thisFriday. We got some more with Burt
coming up next. Hang up,we'll be back probably maybe consider the matter,
weigh all the angles and get backto you. Now back, all

(47:07):
right, Welcome back, everybody.Yeah, it is the Woody Show.
We got Bert Kreischer here and anotherchance to get on the guest list for
the big premiere tomorrow night of hisnew movie The Machine that's tomorrow at the
Regency Village Theater. May give achance to win every hour now through ten
am here this morning on The WoodyShow on All ninety eight seven. Dude,

(47:30):
I gotta tell you, like,I feel like I've honestly gotten more
perspective on things in my life fromwatching you, like on on social media
and whatnot, and you sharing thiskind of vulnerability and stuff like that that
I have with any kind of therapy. I've ever been to, and I've
been to I've been to a lotLike that whole idea of like really stopping
to appreciate where you are and whatyou're doing and being in that moment.

(47:53):
I have a really hard time everdoing that. I can so I enjoy
nothing really Yeah, yeah and soand so I watch guys like you and
I got man, I gotta bemore like Burt Oh and really like kind
of just enjoy them instead of insteadof just waiting for this shoot to drop
and go like, well, Americannever gonna do this again. It's because
it make it a complete negative thing, like, yes, this may never

(48:14):
happen again, but I'm gonna enjoythis right now. Oh. I woke
up yesterday and I said to myself, I said, I got a text
from some friends. Let's go daydrinking. Can we come over to your
house and have a drink? AndI was like, that's boring. I
go, let's sparkle it up.Let's give it a little razzle dads,
razzle dazzle ye, And I said, what would be fun, Like,
let's go My initial thought was let'sgo see highlights. That's what we do

(48:35):
in Florida. And then I waslike, what about the dog tracks?
And then someone wrote San La Niasthirty minutes away, and I went and
they go gates start at one,and we're like, yo, everyone hit
the tribemill. Everyone work out.Let's earn this and then let's run out
to San La Anita and go watchthe ponies. Yes, And we went
out there and there were people dressedup nice. They were like dressed up
in Sunday nice and they were takingpictures and I was like, dude,

(48:55):
they're living their life. Yeah,And then it was the coolest thing.
We went out gambled. The food'sgood out there that it was. It's
beautiful. It's old school. It'sa throwback. You don't see buildings like
that anymore, where they're smoking insideeverything's outside. It was crazy, man,
But yeah, I try. Imean, I'm jo I'm also a
pretty regular. Like I get frustrated. I have to tell him in the

(49:16):
car. I can get into anargument with two people. I can.
The other day I had it.So I'm promoting so much. I just
heard one comic in my head.In my head, he's not a real
He's said, can you believe Bertdot dot dot dot? And then I
had another comic agree with him,and they were talking in my head about
what a sellout and how what aphony I am, and this they hope

(49:37):
my movie doesn't do well, andthen I got mad at both of them,
and then I'm like, wait,this isn't real, real emotion.
What my therapy would tell you isthat that is your way preparing for a
worst case scenario. I always havean extra strategy on everything. When I

(49:58):
go into interviews, I think ofthe question they're gonna ask. Did I
go that's be ready for that one? Yeah, because I am I am
always. I am always exit strategy. Dude. Yeah, you got to,
I feel like you have to.Yeah. You have fun? Yeah,
dude, I have. I haveso much fun in life that when
I at my funeral, I'm bummedthat I'm not gonna be there. I
know I'll be there, but you'llbe there like I want to. I

(50:19):
want to fake my death. Doyou know what I think it enhances your
fun though, is you make sureeveryone else has fun. Well. I
was trying to isolate that because I, um, I do that cooking show.
Something's burning And someone said, doyou like cooking? And I said,
no, nobody like people liking itlike I like giving. I like
the social as taking care of someone. Yeah, I love like I do

(50:40):
this thing called ghost biting. LikeI'll make my daughter's uh breakfast sandwiches and
then I'll go, hey, youlike that, and they're like, yeah
great, And when they take theirfirst bite, as the cook eating nothing
in the air, I go,I just ghost bite, and my daughters
are like, he's doing like asif he's eating like whip sinking. But

(51:00):
the thing with that's why I'm incomedy is I like to make people happy.
I like to I like to makepeople happy. I like when people
come over and and then I canmake him a drink. I like making
a nice like a like a nicelike I made salmon the other day with
this nice little like lemon, mustardgarlic topping. I love cooking steaks and
cutting them up and seeing people go, oh those. I love that energy

(51:22):
of just entertaining people and making surepeople are having a good time. I'm
not a cynic, like I'm notthe angry comic and I want it.
I tried for a second to bethe guy like what's up with that?
And I have those things, butI still go, that's not my energy.
My energy is positive. I wantit to be positive. Yeah,
it's infectious. It's the machine.Yeah, Bert Kreischer, Ladies and gentlemen,

(51:43):
more with Bert here and just moments. The universe has a way of
leading you to where you're supposed tobe. Am, I just supposed to
be there. The Woody Show,all I welcome back everybody. Hey,
yeah, it is the Woody Show. We got Burt Christ the Machine.
Yeah, it was here. Ofcourse, it's all been about the Machine,

(52:04):
his movie, which is in theatersthis weekend. Congratulations on that.
Thank you. Get out of thehouse this weekend. Get out of the
house and go disappear in a movietheater. We spent money so that you
can enjoy this in a movie theater. Yes, it'll be worth the price
of admission because it is a highaction comedy. That is, it is
like a runaway train with Mark Hamill, myself, a great crew. We

(52:25):
have go ahead. What are yougonna say? So? Yeah, I
was gonna say, go see themovie screen. Yeah, I read that.
Martin Ford, isn't it How massiveis that dude person? Like I
know people might not know the name, but they've seen him online. Yes,
dude, it's like covered in tasts. He's six eight six eight massive
name. Did you see his penis? Is it huge? Well, you're

(52:51):
Burt's big on penises these things.Yeah, yeah, if you following on
any of the social media. Heloves showing up his penis. It is
it like proportions actually pretty regular.I guess, like were compared to his
high I mean if you put thaton my body, i'd have a hog.
He's not close to it. Yes, it's twelve inches. It looks

(53:13):
normal on him. Yea, hishands are mad. I don't want to
us it's gonna be. It was. He showed me a picture of it.
No, I'm sorry, Martin.We were sky I have a picture
of my of my junk that Iphotoshop. You say, you know it
wasn't like face tuned or something.No, no, no, because he

(53:36):
was showing it to me. Hewas showing it to me from the morning.
I think the picture sentence a wife. I'm sorry, Martin rock Hard
And I was like, I waslike, nice, man, nice,
Like what are you saying, heyman, I want to see my penis.
They show it to you. That'scool man, nice? Yeah,
but like it his own, like, yeah, his own body, it
probably looks proportional, look proportion Yeahagain, Yeah you think that, like

(54:00):
Jack's got a regular sized junk forhis body, which is ridiculously big.
Still right, but it's it's notit's not six inches, yeah, it's
like twelve. But yeah, he'salso seven feet tall. So it looks
you're like, oh, that's notthat big. You're like, oh,
it's still big. Speaking of penisis I Greg reminded me I had a
question for you because we have aquestion out to our listeners, like a

(54:22):
homework topic. Um, it's aNational Masturbation Day on Sunday, and the
question is, what is the oddestplace you've knocked one out? Now,
you're a guy is on the roada lot, so I can only imagine
gas stations something. Yeah, no, no, no, no, The
oddest place you've ever knocked the oddestplace for real is in the ocean.

(54:43):
In the ocean. That Yeah.It was. We were young and I
was hooking up with the chick andit kind of just stopped. Yeah,
and I was like cool, She'slike I on my head out with my
friends. I was like awesome.She left and I was like cool,
and I was like I'm not done. Yeah. Yeah, you ever get
to the place so horny your body'sshaking, yeah, shaking, your vibrating,
and so I just and and wewere young. I was in a

(55:06):
bathing suit and I just was like, oh, take care of this real
quick. I got out the chestdeep water. Yeah, banged one out.
Watch the moon. Now was thisin Florida? Yeah, it was
in Florida Ocean. Okay, seeI did this in a tropical location to
where the water is so clear youcan see all the little angel fish going
by. Let's just let's just saythat the angel fish thought they were being
fed and they got they got reallyexcited, and that's how they got the

(55:30):
little mermaid. Now. Yeah,and I was like, okay, now
my wife was with me. Somy my wife is what made this happen.
And she was so grossed out immediately, as was I of course.
But it was a fun experience.I had. One one of the funnier
ones is we were talking about softwater, me and Tom Yeah, and
he was like, I was like, yeah, dude, soft water is

(55:52):
creepy because it's so soft, it'sso slippery. Said I banged one out
by myself or actually, go Iwouldn't even by myself. I was with
my wife. We're in the shower, and I was like, yo,
feel it, and then I waswe're playing around, and then I just
was like, hey, is itcool if I do this? And she's
like, it's better than you doit than I do it. And he
goes, that's so crazy. Wherewere you? And I go, I
have no idea someone who has softwater. I don't know where we were.

(56:14):
And he goes, I have softwater, And I went, where
were at your house? We're athis house and his guest's house. Very
soft water. Yeah, how isTom? He's good? Yeah? Is
he gonna be at the premiere?No? What are you serious? He's
got a book signing. I thinkit's not going to be a year premiere.
He's not gonna be my premiere thatpoint. It's been a it's been

(56:37):
a big thing. It's been abig things. It's it's been a big
thing. He I think he wasplanning on coming and then he has a
book premiere that he can't get outof and or book book, his books
going into paperback, and he's gota signing in Austin and and it's trust
me, it's been a big thingbecause I think he feels I know he
feels horrible. Leanne it was,it's been a big thing. Wow,

(56:58):
that's a real bummer man. Yeah, I know, I know I definitely
want him there. I know thatI wouldn't have brought it up. I
don't. I mean people are gonnanotice it. Well, it's also something
that people are gonna notice and thenprobably bring up online. You know,
you're like, I know it's notthe same, but you know we'll be
there. Yeah, we'll be there. I mean no, no, yeah,
you guys are gonna be there.Yeah, well you guys are my
new best friends. Hey, sowhen this movie comes out, don't become

(57:22):
like Joe Quoit. Don't become likesuch a big deal where you forget who
your friends are. He did heyeah, yeah, yeah, don't do
anything I hear from Joe anymore.No, no, no, I don't
hear from Joe anymore. And yeahyeah yeah, I mean, like Joe
like sends people to bring swag tous. Yeah. Um, And then

(57:45):
I mean everyone was when I gotall emotional and watching that clip from Rachel
Hollis, Yeah, I did sendyou a text and you never responded to
it. And I really put myselfout there too. Yeah, I'll read
it to you. Hold on,I'll ride to so you could feel really
bad about it. Are you gonnafind it? Yeah, but don't my
glass. I want you to feelterrible about it. Yeah, I'm like

(58:06):
responded, no, hold on,I definitely responded to it. Nope I
didn't. No, No, Ihave it right here, there's no hold
on. You responded to your response, and then I responded to your response.
No, I texted you. Isaid, this is awesome. Yeah,
I'm so ff and happy for you. I'm proud of you. You
deserve all of it. Thank youso much for being the person you are.

(58:30):
And then you send the clip.Yeah, and then to the reference
what I just watched? And thenyou wrote and that was. That was
three days later, Bert, Andokay, three days. My dms have
been Yeah, absolutely in. Mytexts have been insane lately. And I'm
really bad at replying to people.Now you're gonna get anxiety, you know,
So I mean a secret time.Oh, let make sure the micros

(58:52):
are really hot. So the thelady you met in there, Victoria.
Yeah, I'm not good. Iget nervous replying to people like I don't
know what to say? So,like we were sitting in the car one's
time and I had a text fromlike a famous person, and I was
like, what am I supposed tosay? And then Victoria is like young,
attractive into social media. She knows, but she's more like a text

(59:14):
She grew up texting. Yeah,she just goes give me the phone and
then sends an emoji and it's likethere, I go, you do this
so quick? She goes, yeah, you don't need to get into it,
and I went, can you justdo all my dms? The A
list celebrities that she texts with.You know who she was texting with this
morning, brooks kaah just won thePGA champion. Yeah, she's texting with

(59:37):
them from my phone, like it'sme. It so cool. I mean
like I loved when she's me becauseit's she's so much better at being me.
So what you're saying is like I'mblown up by two people. No,
she was at a wedding. Shewas at a wedding, she was
on a wedding bish. Yeah,I'm just I get nervous reply to people

(01:00:00):
in text like Rogan, you know, stressful it is when he texts you
and then he texts you this thingof this thing that maybe you don't find
funny. Yeah, and then you'relike, great one, Yeah those vaccines.
Yeah, I'm joking about about Joe. Joe still a great guy to
us and super kind. And Ican imagine like two people who are you

(01:00:22):
know, still as genuine now asthey were before they had their own movies
about their lives. I am superhappy for you. I'm mega proud of
you and thank you for being youlike I do. Look to you and
I go, man, I needto be more, not all the way
because you're a little crazy. Iam a little I gotta be more like

(01:00:43):
that guy. Yeah, I'm throwingup in my throat in the middle of
the night, breathing in my lungs. Got sleep on your side. It's
a machine, everybody. Bert.You'll see his movie Machine in theaters this
weekend. Also his stand up specialIt's fifth one ras Old Dazzle. It's
on Netflix. He's got his TopsOff World Tour when you can find tickets

(01:01:05):
for that. Burt Birt Birt dotcom and of course the uh The Burt
Cast. Two Bears. One Caveis a YouTube cooking show Something's Burning.
You can find all of those.It'd always awesome to see him. Man,
thank you guys. You guys arelike family to me, and I
swear to God thank you so muchfor your support. It's not lost on
me. You know that it's notlost on now. You're the best thing,
and we're looking forward tomorrow. Man, it's gonna be fun. Let's

(01:01:27):
hanging out of the park. Let'sget more wood he shows next, hang
up, next, down zone.It's nonsense Woody Show, and welcome back

(01:01:52):
into another new hour, I meansensitivity training, free, politically correct world.
It is Wednesday morning. It's metwenty fourth. Yep, we are
the Woody Show, Woody Raving,Grank Fennessee Bass, there's Sammy. I
will remind everybody that tonight is theseason premiere of Mayans on FX at ten

(01:02:15):
Eastern and Pacific ninth Central, Availabletomorrow on on Hulu. Now did you
get as Steve Peto dek on,what's the end? We's all looked like,
no, are you nervous? Thenno, it's already done. The
experience was what it was all aboutfor me. Yeah, that was that
was super cool. In fact,I was such a huge fans of Sons

(01:02:37):
of Anarchy. Yeah, and therejust the way it worked out because I
was supposed to be on an earlierseason of Mayans and the role they had
me in was like, um,a border patrol agent because there's not a
lot of roles for white dudes ona show called Mayans mc um. And
then COVID came into play, andthere was like because there's so many like

(01:02:59):
just a protocols and everything else thatwould my schedule and they're schedule and everything
else, like all right, we'lldo something else later. And then this
came up where they end up inthis war with the sons, and sons
are all white, dude, soas a fan of the OG, to
be able to be a to bea son one of the sons of anarchy
was crazy. It's so cool,so cool. So yeah, that's on.

(01:03:22):
That's on tonight. I'm in thevery the very first episode. They're
doing a double episode premiere tonight,those episode one and two of this fifth
and final season. I'm in theI'm in the first one. Okay,
yeah, there you go, excited. Yeah, I'm I'm I'm excited too.
Yeah, well you can always catchit on Hulu tomorrow. Oh,

(01:03:45):
but there's a group text going onyesterday. I didn't realize it was happening
yesterday, but HBO Max is nowofficially max. It is Braby's worst nightmare.
Yeah yeah, And so there werethere were texts going back and forth
because Greg of course. Yeah.It wasn't of people, not just yeah,
it was well okay, in thegroup of tax it was Woody,

(01:04:06):
myself, Menace, Greg, andRaby. Yeah. And of the four
of us, it worked for threeof us. Yeah, I guess who
it didn't work for. Of courseit worked perfectly fine. Although HBO Max,
the previous one was very glitchy.It was the only app, HBO
Max that would freeze for a lotof people too. Yeah, but not

(01:04:30):
us, Greg, Yeah, butothers just right. And then yesterday I
thought, oh, today's the bigday. And right before Menace texted about
hey guys, look it's the MattWelcome to the Matto Sisters. Right over,
I thought, okay, I'm gonnacheck it out. And this big
thing comes up. It's the Thronefrom Game of Thrones, like a still
shot, and it says we're sorry, HBO Max is not available in your

(01:04:56):
region. And then I right,here are the steps you need to try
reset your motem and router. Didit? Uh? Make sure that your
IP address is accurate? Did it? Uh? Then the third step contact
our internet providers. How do youknow that your IP address is correct?

(01:05:17):
Because I had Mario do it?Okay, okay, yeah so he did
somebody who knows did it? Thenstep three is contact your internet service provider?
Didn't do that? And number fourif that doesn't work, let us
know. Okay, you just ain't. Nobody got time for that. You
just gave me some new information.Are you sure you downloaded the new app
that just said Max that you weren'tstill trying to use the old app?

(01:05:41):
Well? Did you have to download? I did down Dinner update. I
don't think it empecially matters. Ohwell maybe that's the thing. Yeah,
yeah, I just went to theexisting lapp. Yeah, Greg, So
then you probably have a new iconbecause you have to. What you need
to do is download the new thenew one Max app. Okay, I

(01:06:02):
did not have to do, whichis what I had to do on Apple
TV, right because I originally tryto open HBO Max and it was just
going to rebrand. Right it saysup up, sorry, you need to
download it brought me to that downloadpage I'm saying not available in this region.
Yeah, maybe you said you hadbutton issue. Yeah, I couldn't
find the buttons on the thing,so I did actually delete it and then
reinstalled all and now there's buttons onit. Okay, yeah, I'm sure

(01:06:27):
it was there before. She's justso mad about the whole thing. It's
probably just through a rage wanted tohate it. The interface is ridiculous.
I don't I think it's fine.It is for tards. Why it's a
fissure price my first there's looks excitingabout it. It looks like all the
other ones. You gotta go downand down and down and down and down.
I have to go through stuff thatI would never watch in a hundred

(01:06:48):
million years. Okay, you couldn'tpay me to watch it. I hate
you, Max, you suck.But I don't understand. It's just like
all the other Yeah. I hadmy HBO Max on lock only things,
so that we're coming up were thingsthat I would watch. Okay, well
you have to give it a minute. Yeah you don't think that's going to
happen. When this one gets toknow you, it should know me my

(01:07:12):
previous But now there's so much morelike there's no buttons. There's no and
I'm like, I'm looking right now, I'm like, oh, maybe i'll
so I went and I looked.I'm like, no, there's a there's
a DC button. I see anHGTV. Those buttons are like halfway down
through the scroll. They should beat the top, you prize my first
interface. My favorite is that theart of the interface. So, okay,

(01:07:42):
that's one thing I can agree withwith Raby. Yes, those icons
for the brands should be at thetop, duh. But I don't mind
scrolling down to them. But no, they want you to scroll down to
see how much garbage they have ontheir platform. Now, my favorite is
that slogan you mentioned, uh theMax where you go to watch HBO.

(01:08:03):
Okay, how about call it HBO. Yeah, I think it's weird.
I mean because hbos out there,nobody knows what that is. Well,
you know what Max says to me, Cinemax, Cinemax exactly. That's the
first thing I think. I don'tthink HBO right, and Cinemax is not
a quality brand. That's that's whyyou want to see Yeah exactly, Yeah,

(01:08:26):
Max so dumb. Yeah, I'mnot a fan of the rebrand I
understand wanting to consolidate. There yougo to watch HBO. Yeah, I
get that. Also, this hasbeen in the works for more than a
year, but Netflix has officially startedtheir cracked out yeah now on password sharing.
They got some emails out yestrated peoplewith reminder, Hey, your Netflix

(01:08:47):
account is for you and the peopleyou live with in your household, not
everybody you know elsewhere. So there'salso helpful info right there on how to
transfer a Netflix Netflix profile to anew account, or you know, add
access for someone who lives outside yourhome for the low low price of seven
ninety nine per month. You knowwhat, I'm just gonna go change those

(01:09:09):
passwords right now. Yeah. Look, your brother, my brother and his
whole family have cribbed niece and nephewyears, Like, don't they The niece
and nephew both have jobs, don'tthey? No really college? I know,
but I thought the nephew had ajob and he just left to go
work somewhere else. No, Imean they've had jobs. They haven't really

(01:09:29):
worked since they got to college.About this. Your brother makes plenty of
money, he does, He canpay for his own kids, can Netflix.
Well, your nephew made a foolishchoice of leaving Home Goods to go
to college. He went to collegecareer at home Goods, idiot. Yeah,
but he met his girlfriend there righton the one girlfriend. Yes,
he used the way. He gota lot at Homegoods, but see all

(01:09:51):
good things as a college girlfriend.Yeah, he's on to the next one.
Dude, Come on him. Heleft that girl and the Home Goods
behind. Yeah, I'm going togo to I'm just glad to hear.
He's not one of those guys thatyou know gets married the first thing that
you know puts their legs up forhim. No, no, he'll wait

(01:10:11):
for the twentieth Yeah, good forhim, good boy, young man a
young man now. Yes, butNetflix previously said about one hundred million accounts
are sharing passwords. That's a lotI've lost from I would have thought.
And all the articles I see isthem quoting a twenty seventeen tweet that says

(01:10:31):
loving is sharing your password Netflix fromthe Netflix all from them? Yeah,
from their Twitter account. Okay,Yeah, Inflation used to like a lot
of stuff. I still like alot of stuff, but I also want
things my way and Max is notmy way. Are you going to cancel

(01:10:54):
it? Oh? That's what shesaid on the text. Hold on,
let me read yep, there's thevery series finale. Well, no,
you said this Sunday yea. SoI'll watch that and then I'm canceling until
House of the Dragon comes on.She says, I'm joining Team Sea Bass
and canceling it until House of theDragon comes back next year, to which
I replied, well that'll show him. Max can eat out your Harry Corney.

(01:11:19):
Okay, he that was my favoritefired up. So I got a
brandy redneck news The Woody Show ifyour power has a wooden bumpers, and

(01:11:40):
today's redneck news is a raby findyou guys. It's from Louisville, Kentucky,
where the wood He Show is proudto be heard weekday mornings on one
five one. And that's where yougot the sixty four year old fellow named
Clifton Williams. He and his roommate. They were chilling Saturday night side note.
By the way, Greg, howthe pressing is the idea of being
sixteen four years old and still livingwith her roommated. That was basically my

(01:12:02):
first thought, I digress. Thingswere going fine until Clifton discovered someone had
eaten the last hot pocket. Ohno, oh, no, he knew
it wasn't in, which left onlyone person, the roommate. No,
Clifton was pissed. In fact,they're so delicious. He was hotter than
the hot lava inside that hot pocket. When he first get that bad boy

(01:12:24):
out of the microwave, Clifton startedby yelling and throwing random tiles that they
had just laying around. Okay,he's throwing those at the roommate, who
later told the police that he initiallytried to fight back and quote beat his
ass, but Clifton was in sucha rage that the roommates decided to know
what, I'm gonna make a runfor it. Yeah, and that's when

(01:12:45):
Clifton grabbed his gun. Oh god, chases the roommate out of the house
and then shot him in the ass. It's a hot pocket, guys,
What are you not getting your hotpocket? It's important the last one.
The cops they were called. Theyarrested Clifton for felony assault. The roommate
taking to the University of Louisville Hospitalbecause his new butthole closed up. And

(01:13:09):
uh, there you go. Thatis forty six year I'm sorry forty six
sixty four four Clifton Williams who gothimself in hot water after he shot his
roommate in the ass for eating thelast hot pocket. And that is today
He's Ray and Nick. Go getmore hot park. Hell, no,

(01:13:30):
Doc, No, I'm gonna shootyou instead. Nice, fine there,
Rebels, all right, right,I got some more Woody show. Next,
thanks replete the line sticks and stoneswill break my bones. But but
then show, Let's say what Burtreally knows how to promote a movie.

(01:13:53):
Yeah, I mean he's doing allthe right things. He's doing press,
Yeah, he's doing a lot ofsocial media coverage. He's uh, he's
sending all the radio stations like Ithink we'll see Duncan was the first day
day, Yeah, and then Starbuckswas yesterday, and today he sent bagels.

(01:14:14):
Yeah, rip and the free creamedfree cream, free creamed bagels.
Nice, thank you, Bert,Thanks Bert. Yeah, go see his
movie The Machine in theaters this weekend. The Woody Show. We're gonna be
hosting the big Hollywood red carpet premiereyes tomorrow night with Bert and Mark Hamill

(01:14:36):
and everywhere. It's gonna be cool, very excited. Greg Gory, what
are then trending news headlines today.Oh wait, since we're on the food
thing real quick, Today Crispy creamis celebrating the class of twenty twenty three
with a free original glazed dozen doughnuts. Whoa, and you get an all
new diploma. Yeah. Yeah,so any high school or college senior who

(01:15:00):
wears any of their class of twentytwenty three stuff and kind of swaggy got
you can get the original glaze dozen'tin a special diploma rap box at participating
Krispy Kreme's today. No purchase isnecessary. They see nothing about needing an
app or any of that stuff.You just go into any purspitting location something.

(01:15:21):
They're doing it all normal And thisis the fourth consecutive year that they
have honored the graduating seniors, whichfree donuts. That's pretty nice. You
think it would be one donut?That's pretty cool. That's awesome. What
the kids are hungry? Yeah,and there's no parents around the time.
Up just one, yep, yeah, just one. What's the trending news
headlines today? Greg Well. KevinMcCarthy, the Speaker of the House,

(01:15:42):
says that he and President Biden haven'treached a deal on raising the debt limits,
So that could mean that the USAhas its first ever default. Can
That's a question as the average personwho doesn't work for the government, Why
do I care about this? That'swhat I always ask because to me,
and this is how I see it, and you can tell me if I'm
wrong. I don't know. I'mnot like saying, oh, i'm this
is my interpretation. They're talking abouthow much more debt that we're allowed to

(01:16:06):
take on. Right as a country, Okay, we already have X number
of debts, which is why wegot to make these, you know,
payments. Okay, but until wecome to an agreement how much debt we're
allowed to be in, we maynot be able to make one of those
payments. Okay, but who's incharge of that? Oh? All the
people who are already talking exactly.It'd be like me calling Chase and saying

(01:16:27):
like, uh, oh hey,just so you know, my debt limit
is now one hundred thousand dollars.Yeah, right, and they go and
they go, now, man,I think you might have a spending problem.
I go, no, no,this is not negotiable. My new
debt limit is one hundred thousand dollars. On my Chase card. So anyway,
my question is, because they canend this today if they needed to,
if it was that die or thatdesperate or whatever, they could just

(01:16:48):
end it today if it was goingto be end of the world financial cliff
kind of stuff for the average person. Why why am I supposed to care
about this? Because it just seemslike programs are going to stop. People
aren't going to get their food stamps, people aren't going to get their Social
Security. It's gonna cause a majorit's gonna be mahem right, And yeah,

(01:17:09):
that doesn't affect me, it doesn't. You're like, how does it
affect common people? That's how itdoes? I ask me, how does
it affect me? Why should I? Well, it doesn't affect you.
I thought you were speaking for thecommon person. Well there's a I mean,
which you are not. No,See, I'm a common person.
Everybody has different circumstances. I askedthe question. I don't know, I'm

(01:17:30):
telling you, and you're like,I don't care. Now now I'm asking
you again, how will this affectme? And if it doesn't, because
you're not common, I'm not affected. I am a common person, raybe
I put my pants on one legat a chime family, But you aren't
living paycheck to paycheck. No,I'm not living paycheck to paycheck. I'm
asked desperate financial straits where if youmissed your food stamps you'd be in trouble.

(01:17:53):
I'm literally I was just I'm literallyjust asking a question. Well,
I'm literally just giving you the answerbecause you keep you keep hearing this.
You know story. I know well, and that's why you're hearing it.
The sticking points are no tax increasesis what the Republicans want, and reduced
spending. Democrats don't want those conditions, so they have nine more dast to
negotiation. Let's be fun. It'scrazy. Only the US and I believe

(01:18:15):
Denmark are the ones that are like, we have blank checks. We don't
work within the money that we havethat we raised with tax money. Wouldn't
that be nice? Yeah? Yeah, nobody can just operate that way.
Yeah, they're like, we're takingin this much, this is what we
spend. Yeah, there needed something, you just had other people pay more
for it. Right now, he'scrazy. What what's that? What's that
number? I'm sure I could findit. What's the number that the uh

(01:18:38):
that the government brings in the formof taxes, fees, all the money
they bring in. You can't makethat work. Yeah. Again, we're
the only country and Denmark that yeahliked over don't operate within the money that
we take in. Yeah. Likehow they're talking about the credit rating of
the of the country as well.I thought credit scores didn't matter anymore,

(01:18:59):
you know, like because if youhave a good credit score, you're going
to pay a higher mortgage rate withthis new program to offset people with lower
credit score. So like, whatnow you care about the credit rate?
Why even try? Why try anything? I think a lot of people feel
that way. Florida Governor Rondes Santa'sofficially running for president in the twenty twenty
four race. He announced it yesterdayduring a Twitter spaces event with Elon Musk,
but apparently was prerecorded. Y say, that's happening today, just the

(01:19:23):
start of what's going to be amedia blitz doing TV and radio, and
then it's gonna be a fundraising blitzin Miami, and then it's going to
be an official kickoff event at alater date in his home state of Florida.
So this is just kind of theannouncement, and then they'll do an
official kickoff event. And I knowyou guys ask this, how dare employers
expect their employees to actually go towork? The nerve A thousand Amazon employees

(01:19:48):
don't want to go back to theoffice. So May thirty first, they're
participating in this big walkout because they'remega angry. You're not even there,
so where are you going to walkout? About your house? Well,
there was there was a mandate onMay first, effective May first, It
required employees in the Seattle HQ tobe in the office at least three days
a week. And they're damn pressedabout it. Didn't you run into one

(01:20:12):
of our former co workers who's nowworking in Amazon did, and he said,
Hey, how's it going? Andhe said, well, it's pretty
hectic. I'm going back to worka couple days a week. And you
would think that he was just toldthere's a chance he might be laid off.
Yeah, it was pretty dire.Other Amazon campuses around the country are
also going to take part in thiswalk out. They say they're having to

(01:20:33):
go to the office three days aweek is a failure on the carbon front.
That's the reason environment we're trying tobe green. And they say this
is all what they're calling greenwashing.This is when companies claim to care about
the environment, but they don't haveany real evidence to back up what they're
doing about it. Yeah, becausethat's like most people. You just say

(01:20:55):
the right words. That's all thatmatters. Your opinion matters, not your
actions, and what I say matter, It's not what you do. I'm
not a hater. I support remotework if you can get it. I
think it's awesome. But if yourjob requires you to come in and wants
you to come in, then you'rejust gonna have to do it or go
get another job. Don't be acry baby and say you're gonna walk out.

(01:21:15):
You're a loser. By the wayyou're with a company. Ain't going
nowhere, right, Amazon's there tostay. You're a cry baby. So
I had to dig pretty deep inthe article to see if the only reason
was this carbon thing in their argument. But they did admit that working three
days a week instead of five,you know, in the office at least
leads to a better life work balance. You're European and they claim they're more

(01:21:39):
productive when they work from home,So they're not I believe like a lot
of people can work from home,but so many can't. Yeah, you
know, I could not do it. Never. On the opposite end,
Father's Day's coming up, and GwynethPaltrow's company, Goop, they have some
gift ideas for Dad and their newgift God for Father's Day. So maybe
you would like some of these,right, how about a two hundred and

(01:22:00):
nineteen dollars prostate vibrator. Milt Miltthe Prostate Goop said, yes, we
did put a vibrator in this giftguide. It's a hands free toy for
prostate stimulation. So maybe Dad wouldlike that. Yeah, I'm sure Dad
would. So in addition to that, how about an infrared sauna blanket that's
seven hundred bucks? Maybe infrared?Are we still talking about this website?

(01:22:25):
Nah? Because guys are always hotlike women are always cold. Guys are
always hot. I mean infrared doesn'tmean he safrared a blanket, a sauna
blanket? Ye, yeah, Iimagine that's some kind of like heated blanket
inflammation. Now, this thing probablydoesn't work, but if I had one,
I would use it just in case. A laser kit that would eliminate

(01:22:46):
wrinkles, I would try it ifI had one. Twenty seven hundred bucks.
By the way, Wow, outdoordome oven low low price of two
thousand, one hundred nine outdoor domeoven. Yep, they got it at
a pizza It's like a pizza oven. Yeah. There's a jump rope that's
only eighty five dollars for a pieceof rope. Okay, this one is

(01:23:06):
the stupidest. There's a cashmere shirtand if you look at the picture,
it looks exactly like a flannel shirtthat you could get at Costco for nineteen
bucks. It is two thousand,three hundred and fifty bucks. Nice,
but number one on the list.The prostate vibrated for Dad too. When
I thought we were kind of pastthat hole, like it was a fad

(01:23:28):
for a minute. There was alot of like like podcast talking about it
podcast and all the you know,like Men's Health magazine and Cosmo, like,
oh, you know what your manreally wants, really wants. The
first time I ever walked into asex shop, it was one of those
things was like right on display.I don't know if I can say the

(01:23:49):
name of it. Why, Idon't know. Why couldn't you It was
called it was called the anal Ripper. Oh yeah, what an unappealing.
Name that right away, sign meup if it's still around. Personally,
my favorite sex toys to make mebleed, right and the penis destroyer.

(01:24:13):
Yeah that sounds awesome. Yea,well that's what's happening, all right,
thank you very much. You gotit with the anal Ripper. The funniest
product I've ever saw, I eversaw it was for this like numbing lube
stuff that you could use for buttstuff. It was called bum number,

(01:24:34):
and then somebody said, oh wellthere's another one called anal ease. An
ease. Yeah, yeah, bumbnumber you met you walk in excuse me,
um, do you guys carry bumnumber last time you were sold out?
Yeah, we're all of that,but you might want to try anal
ease. They also have the RipperPlatinum. Oh fancy Ripper is from seven

(01:24:57):
to nine very nice eight seven sevenforty four. What a call in and
hit us out of that text overto two two nine eighty seven, will
be right back, remain very quietanything. This is welcome back, everybody.
And that last round of the trendingnews headlines. We're talking about the

(01:25:23):
discussions on the debt ceiling stuff.And somebody says and I asked a question
because I keep seeing the news andhearing about it, and I kind of
only half listen because again, myinterpretation is like, they can work it
out today if they really wanted to. All the people that are involved.
The country's not waiting on someone togo through our report and make an approval
or deny it, like we workedfor a loan or a credit increase.

(01:25:45):
These a holes just have to figureit out amongst themselves. They can do
that now. I said, howwould this affect me? Raby gave me
some good example, and I said, well, it doesn't affect me,
so I don't care, which Imaintain I don't. I think most people,
if you're being honest with yourself,probably feel the same way. If
it doesn't necessarily affect you, youdon't necessarily care. It's not ideal.

(01:26:08):
I don't wish for people to struggle, but in this particular situation, don't
be mad at me for saying ifit doesn't affect me, I don't care.
Be mad at the a holes whoare going back and forth on all
this stuff I think and dragging it. If it does affect you, be
mad at them. I think itwould affect you without realizing it. What
I'm saying, Like, my pointis be mad at Yeah. Yeah,
direct your anger at Washington because Ihave no control. Yeah, and my

(01:26:31):
whole thing. Oh it doesn't ifeverybody's worried about themselves. If you worried
about yourself, and you worried aboutyourself whatever, everybody be covered. You
see what I'm saying. Yeah,you know, worry about you and the
people closest to you, and yougot everybody covered. Worry about the people
you've put in Washington who can't doa damn thing. God, can you
imagine. Yeah, I come towork, I get I got hired for

(01:26:54):
a job. I come to work, and the people who employ me are
satisfied with the results that I bring. Imagine you said, Washington DC type
results. Oh my god, I'mso fired. Yeah, Like I just
never showed up. Yeah, youknow, it is never here. I
just argue to argue, argue andargue and argue. I do a little
bit of that. Yeah, butit's always for the good of something,

(01:27:15):
not just blowhards. You could beyou could be mad at me for plenty,
but I'm saying, in this particularcase, I don't control this.
They say that there's main things thatwould happen. Slashed government services, increased
interest rates, market panic. Yeah, it's going to affect your portfolio for
sure. Political instability, who cares, there's always that, Yeah, it's

(01:27:38):
it's but if they talk about itevery year, yeah, right exactly.
I feel like we're constantly in anelection cycle anymore. It's an election,
so now they're going to make ithurt extra. Yeah, just don't spend
what you don't have. I thinkthat we say it all the time as
kids. We heard about it,The Boy who Cried Wolf. I just
feel like there's so much that thatgoes on in the politics that they're all

(01:28:00):
doing it constantly, so nobody reallyknows when and where to be actually concerned.
It's exhausting, it really, itreally is. It really is.
It's got to be menace and havelike two thoughts, one of which was
some kind of food. You know, you just focus on the weekend man.
Yeah, that's right, dude,I'm gonna go to death. I'm

(01:28:20):
gonna go see here battle box dude. Yeah, I'm not worried about this
scrap eight seven seven forty four Woodingand it's up with the text over to
two two nine eight seven. Um, yeah, you're talking about like,
oh well, they just make anargument about like oh, what's gonna be
you know, it's gonna affect.They have some kind of argument all the
time that people think, oh well, then well that's why we have to

(01:28:41):
do it. It's like this wholething with AM radios and cars, like
it's been such a big deal inthe radio industry, which I get,
well, of course, that's radio'sbusiness. It's what they do, it's
how they make money. But youknow, the car manufacturers had said they
were gonna drop uh AM radio's anoption and all their new models, which
at some point that's going to happen, but it's just not happening yet.

(01:29:02):
I guess Ford made an announcement yesterdaysaying they're reversing. Course, they're not
removing AM from their cars. Whywould they though, like does it cost
some extra money if you have aradio and you have two bands? They
said that what is Ford paying moreor something? No, they said it
causes some interference. Yeah, becausethat electric vehicles like oh yeah, that's

(01:29:24):
why like Tesla's never had them andum, and so they're saying like for
some of those vehicles they're going tooffer a software update to add it back
in. And because here's the thing, they weren't really getting anywhere with just
the business of radio arguing for it. And so the argument that they put
up there was that, well,this is used for emergency broadcasting, right

(01:29:45):
exactly. And I'm like, well, that's what all this other stuff we
have does, that's what? Yeah, I don't even know. Honestly,
I would bet that most people wouldn'teven know necessarily where to tune in sure
something a broadcast? Yeah, Iwould say, like nothing else worked,
your computer, your phone, noneof that worked. Would you know where

(01:30:06):
to go? Would you even thinkof the AM? And would you know?
And then would you do? Iknow you do, But I'm saying,
like the average person, would theyknow where to go? No?
No, that's you know, Imean I don't think so affect communications like
that would probably be like a solarflare. And would radio still every yeah?

(01:30:27):
Would radio even word? Because ofthat argument and a lot of lobbying,
lawmakers in DC have been pushing carcompanies to keep it, and last
week they introduced a bill called AMfor Every Vehicle Act, which would require
all new cars to have AM radiosokay. Yeah, so we'll see how
that goes. I'm sure it won'tbe a big debate. Yeah, I

(01:30:48):
mean eighty million people, they saythe estimates are the eighty million people a
month are still listening to AM radio. I believe it. I thought AM
on Yeah. I mean there aresome stations or people I listen to that
are on AM, but I thinkI'm streaming them. Ah, okay,
at this point I listened to that. I hate the sound quality of a
Yeah, and listen to the FMsignal of an AM station because it's always

(01:31:10):
like you're you know, it's likewatching standard definition after you've been watching high
definition. Right, you think itcould have perfected a sound over the past
technology They like the sound amplitude modulationmodulation eight seven seven forty four. Text

(01:31:30):
over to two two nine eighty seven. We'll be right back. Well,
what a delightful wist of time,right back. Don't hit me. Hey,
I'm not gonna hit you on theteam. Your glasses, I'm gonna
throw them on the ground. Thisand we are into another new hour of
intensitivity training. Prey politically correct world. Good morning everybody. Yeah, it

(01:31:56):
is Wednesday. It's May twenty four, twenty twenty three. My name is
Woody. That's Raving. There's GregGory. Hi, Menace is here?
What is up? We got SeaBass. Yes, there's Sammy. Good
morning is here. There's Morgan.We've got Caroline. We've got Vaughan,
our video producer. You on thephones at eight seven seven forty four,
Woody, that's eight seven seven fortyfour, Woody. You can also hit

(01:32:17):
us up with the text over totwo nine eight seven Greg. I thought
about you. Yeah, were youJoey? No? No, no,
not not this time. Are youlooking list? No? Target is recalling
five million candles. When I seesomething in the news about candles, I
immediately think I'm into them now nowbecause get this, these candles are a

(01:32:41):
burn risk. Oh, I wouldhope. So aren't all candles of burn
risk? Are they doing that thingwhere the glass explodes or something? Yeah,
So they said they're recalling their Thresholdbrand candles and glass jars because the
glass can break or crack, causinglacerations and burns. Yeah, if it
rockets at you. Thirty seven differentcandles are listed on the recall list since,

(01:33:02):
ranging from apple blossom to breeze Yougot the leather like that a leather
candle. Embers Embers Target says theyreceived one hundred and thirty seven reports of
the candle jar breaking or cracking whilethe candle was lit, resulting in six

(01:33:23):
injuries that included deep cuts and severeburns. The only time I worry about
my candles is if I think,well, I chance I'm gonna fall asleep
in the couch on a weekend andI will light a candle, and so
if I'm getting groggy, I'll haveto sadly blow out the candle before falling
asleep on the couch. I mean, like we asked why this symphony is

(01:33:43):
still a thing, Like why arecandles still thing? We have light bulb
light air fresheners or like those littlejust hanging those little trees, those like
little I don't know, load shipsof wood. That's that smells nice?
Yeah? Yeah, oh, let'snot forget the cinnamon brow. There's so

(01:34:11):
many those different options. I can. Yeah, but they don't light on
fire. Yeah well I could,you could, it wouldn't last very well.
You if you were at my housewarmingparty met as you would have seen.
I had the fake candles. Yeah, it's actually real wax with a
fake led light that kind of likeflip flickers. The fake candle game is
so good these days, and really, oh, you wouldn't even know the
difference. Yeah, my wife's gota couple of those. No, they

(01:34:34):
just they looked like real candles.Time for a new business, and you
can put them on timer. Well, I think the best gift my wife
ever gave me besides my children.Yeah you know what I'm saying, Uh,
was that oil diffuser thing and shefound the scent of one of my
favorite resorts. And this website haslike you know, if you go somewhere

(01:34:58):
and you love the way that thatthere's because a lot of the resorts have
a signature scent or whatever. Youcould buy it in either the candle form
or the oil form, and youhave to buy this like diffuser thing and
the little mist goes up in theair. That thing lovely, isn't it?
Does it light up? Mine?Lights up? Yeah? This one
lights up? Love that? Yeah? I think we got like and it's
on a timer, so like Greg, and there's nothing burning. Really,

(01:35:19):
I know. That's why I lovethe fake candles. Put them on timer,
lovely come on every day? Yeah, turn off lights, Greg,
I use the light but I refuseto go to the symphony though. Yeah,
yeah, we have movies, dude, we don't need that. Um,
we have something where it's like aglass jar. And then like those
little wood sticks that always looks tackyto me, really looks like incense.

(01:35:44):
Well yeah they look like incense sticks. Yeah, but it's still good.
But you just stick them in thereand they just run up. Yeah they're
good. Yeah, they smell nice. They have a scent called Hotel,
which is like the generic resorts.And now we had Sea Bass I play
for us that that clip that hesaid sounded a lot like Greg and his
demeanor when he gets pulled over bythe costs. It was identical. Yeah,

(01:36:08):
and so in response because Greg saidthat nobody ever gives him a chance
to rebut exactly when things like theGreg's List comes up, which is the
list of things that Greg is ahard time or doesn't understand at all and
so has been keeping literally doesn't applypoint I will admit several of those.

(01:36:28):
Do I point out Greg illegally vandalizedand defaced the Greg's List. He did.
I'm the one he came up withgrest so I think I'm allowed to
do whatever I want with this,He wrote, Oh, I don't even
notice that the one one one thatdoesn't have is the WiFi. Well,
because I admit a thousand percent don'tunderstand it. It doesn't the list,

(01:36:48):
It doesn't calories that one. Iadmit, I admit the cold medicine doesn't
work for me. Where what doesthat mean? Nothing on this list unless
it has been discussed in the room. And so you think I don't understand
a cell phone dial pass came upliterally makes no sense. No, no,
I remember specifically it was something whereyou couldn't like and then the z

(01:37:11):
power doesn't work or doesn't come up, and it was and then I've had
to press this they're putting in it. I don't I'm not making this stuff
up. Greg, That's all right. The point here the point. And
you're gonna also gonna gloss over thatI'm the one that came up with Greg's
list. What he can even rememberit? I said, why don't we
do a thing where I have alist of stuff I don't understand? Yes,
Greg's list, right, much likeI came up with cart Nark's same
deal. I came up with itso I can write on it. Technically

(01:37:34):
a listener gave us the name.So the point is well, Greg says,
I could add naming stuff to three, and so now Greg is going
to have his chance. This isthe floor will be Greg's And Greg,
is this a sea bass list orseas list? All right, sass and
mine? Unlike that one actually makessense. Caps is on his list.

(01:38:00):
I needed a chimney cap. Ihave never once ever stepped on my roof.
So I bought a chimney cap oneup there and thought, oh,
the opening is oval, not rectangular. I'm gonna go get the proper one.
So therefore I don't understand chimney caps. That is so stupid. The
story was longer than that. Okay, lets let's quick. Not knowing how

(01:38:21):
to not revise history on the LoveThis, you have the floor next on
the Woody Show, hang on,all right, we're all gonna get in
this sect to me, yes,even raybe listen to a team. Here'll
be right back. It is nowGreg. Let me ask you, im,
everything that's on Greg's list, what'sthe one that upsets you the most,

(01:38:47):
that upsets me the most? Yeah, I mean you're triggered by all
of it. I'm triggered because alot of them. Like I mentioned before,
a lot of them do belong onthat list. Things that don't understand
or don't work for me, WiFi, I'll give you two. What two
upset you the most? Well,using the word upset is wrong, it's

(01:39:08):
just inaccurate. Let's say, greatred bottle chimney caps. That just makes
no sense. You've ever gone touse a screwdriver? You go to do
whatever you're working on, you go, oh, I need a flat one,
not a Phillip's head. So thereforeyou don't understand screwdrivers like it's this.
It literally makes no sense. Somebodywho claims to being mensa should know
better. I do. I havea plaque. Um. Have you ever

(01:39:30):
cut yourself with a knife? Seabass or fallen off a bike? Didn't
you break your back? I cutmyself with a knife. That's a little
kid. I was slicing bread andlet it get knives on your list,
So you don't understand knives like thepetty egg. I went too hard with
it, and I maybe so Idon't understand. Yeah, you screwed up,
so you don't understand I'm putting night. Let's put knives on chimney caps
and what's the other one? Well, petty egg Chinese food? For example,

(01:39:54):
I was looking at a recipe Iwanted to make homemade Chinese food.
Didn't turn out that well. ThereforeI don't understand Chinese food because you guys
are all master chefs and everything youcooked is perfect. Um. What else?
I like? The free quarantining.You've never been to my house and
never will, so you don't understandthe layout of my house and why I

(01:40:15):
quarantined where I corned it, Sothat means I don't understand quarantine. He
picked the room with oo TV.Yeah, but Greg got coronavirus. That's
right again, because guest room isat the very end of the house and
the primary bedroom is right in themiddle where the bathroom and everything is.
He did not have COVID. Yeah, so he still had to go about

(01:40:36):
his day and life. I couldbe at the far end of the house
all by myself, away from everythinglike the rest of the house, and
then use the guest room to sleep, right for example, because it isn't
there, he would have to comein to get his clothes. Okay,
okay, anyway, what I wantto go back? So you're making my
point for me I'm interested in.That doesn't mean I don't understand it.

(01:40:58):
It's just so dumb, babe.How's the guestroom? Don't have a TV?
I'm saying TV in the bathroom.It's pretty would want a guest in
there? It's pretty ghetto? Okay, So, uh, Greg, what
do you have? Because you've constructeda sea bass list? Is this sea
bass is actual? License? Idon't know. I found that on That's

(01:41:20):
funny my Twitter? Uh maybe Facebookthis, Yeah, that's that's my old
license plate license photo, driver's license. Yep. Yeah, I got my
little pony tap to my face andI was like, they'll never let me.
Oh yeah they Well they did becauseeverybody could do anything these days.
Yeah, sure, why not?Well we just added today naming things versus

(01:41:40):
creating things, just because you cameup with a concept and somebody else came
up with the name. Oh,somebody come up with the So you don't
understand naming things. But first andforemost on the list of things that actually
belong on this list, number oneis slang. He doesn't understand slang.
He's always hates like dogo, kiddo, Karen busting no caps like that,
and he goes and here's my Seabastimitation. Nobody was ten years ago.

(01:42:04):
That's how slang works. Idiot likeShakespeare didn't say dude. Bill Clinton wasn't
like no cap. You know,that's how language evolved. Yeah, you
know as little as two years ago, Seabast didn't say thank you every nine
seconds? Had he had a thoughtleader in studio. He doesn't understand slang.

(01:42:28):
Uh no, you don't. It'son the list. Closing doors.
Have you guys noticed that every timethere's background noise we're trying to do a
show, it's because he can't closethe door. We've told him a thousand
Yeah, close the studio door becauseit's loud. It there. It is
a dumb design. So he doesn'tunderstand doors. It's because the studio door
has no you know, you knowit's on the list. Nope, you
don't get to rebut much guy,never did you can? You don't know

(01:42:51):
how to close a door. He'sgot a magnetic lock, and if you
don't very quietly close it, it'llslam, which is obviously a worst sound
to have in the studio, slammingdoors, right, and when you come
in during or a commercial break,and when it doesn't matter if the mics
are on, you still don't closeit. So let's put closing doors on
that list. Closing doors two,sorry, buddy, got me good.

(01:43:12):
Yeah. Plumbing Remember when he triedinstalling a toilet and he broke everything in
front of his doesn't understand plumbing ortoilets. That's totally interesting, thank you,
kind of like a pettiag was anaccident, or or the Chinese food
turning down. Okay, so howabout this. Okay, let's put this
list on the list of things hedoesn't understand. Already put that on your

(01:43:34):
list, right, yeah, yearsago, the one that I created,
Thanks for stealing it, thist.This just came up character development. It
doesn't understand that. Like, whatdoes that mean if I said, I
know what it is this room?Um, we're talking about Harry Potter and
hockey. Who would who would thatrefer to? Right? Wild get thank

(01:43:56):
you? Well? Maybe immature humoror violent TV show wood Pat McAfee,
Oh there you go. Okay,maybe uh wine or fancy food and home
improvement stuff, menace or malls travelingmusic? Right, but then out of
the blue, let's come up witha segment, uh like book book club

(01:44:17):
of the Month with for voracious readersonly with Woody and Menace. And that's
what he doesn't get, like outof the blue, if Friends made Joey
the smart one, like what,you just spent ten years making him the
dumb one. So what's your example? Because he came up with that segment,
Let's do a segment who pulled aGreg recently? And we did a

(01:44:39):
whole call in thing, like,oh my god, I put on two
different socks. I pulled a Gregbecause that's what I'm known for, being
that dumb like a year and ahalf. And by the way, that
was because I have a good memory. Let's fault me for that. And
by the way, also that wasa Woody inspiration. See a lot of
these things I'm getting flak on,like Greg's list when wood he behind the

(01:45:01):
scenes, is the one pulling allthe strings, but I'm doing the execution.
So Greg doesn't understand, like,don't shoot the messenger. I'll put
that on. He said that hecame with the list. I did.
Yeah, Gregg came up with thelist. But what he said to me,
Hayley, maybe like Craig's list,Greg's list and you can fill it
in and that's what we did.So what he stole it from me?
No, I said once once wehad I told him to get the print
out. We can add things toit. Those things, how many accident

(01:45:28):
free days on the work side?Right, Like, I don't get it.
It literally makes no sense. Stilldon't. Yeah, we got slang,
we got closing doors, plumbing intoilets. He doesn't get it.
Character development one segment. Okay,what else is on SeaBASS? Well,
because of one incident on mine,that's on my list. How how do

(01:45:49):
you fair point? Bank? Youone time and I like that? Go
too hard with the petti egg.So that's how it works, SeaBASS,
I hope you like it. Uhbeing cloud. So his party was great,
lots of food, lots of drinks, very attentive and all that.
But you negate the classy, muchlike you negate a joke when you go
see here's why the joke is funny, you explain the punchline. You negate

(01:46:12):
the classy when you tell people constantlyI ordered pizzas, but you don't feel
have to feel free to eat them. I will keep them. So don't
feel free, don't feel like youhave to eat them. You negate the
classy when you say I have allthese drinks, but I'm going to keep
them afterwards, so you know,and then saying how classy you are negates
the classy. It totally negates theclassy because that wasn't part of the bit.
Well, what's the what's your excuse? Well, I put out a

(01:46:34):
freaking that was classy, all right, basically, yeah, so what was
that? I'm trying to understand thepizza thing. Help me understand that.
He said no fewer than nineteen times, don't feel like you have to eat
it. If we don't eat it, I'm gonna keep it to be like,
don't feel it, not going togo to ye right right, like

(01:46:55):
don't feel obligated. Just so manytime, you're negating the whole point.
I think nineteen is a bit ofa it's much like it's a it's an
understatement. It was probably fifty.But I perbly on Sea Bass's life,
I mean, what do you andmaybe we're both there and they kind of
got the point obviously because they're notobtuse. Yeah, well I can get
lashing out my interpretation the list isabout him and pointing out the obvious things.

(01:47:18):
He absolutely doesn't understand because my wifeafterwards, right, and they they
were the pizza was there, andso you don't want to be rude exactly,
but it was a good thing.You reminded so many times. I
am glad he said it. Maybenot nineteen twenty times, but right.
And then let's put self deprecation thelist. He wouldn't know how to be
self deprecating if he had a gunto his head. He's never been to

(01:47:40):
self deprecating. You say like,wow, Greg, you're a gay whale.
I say gay whale, more likea gay pregnant will who just gained
fifty pounds and it's pregnant with triplets. You say something negative about sea bass
where I just explained it. You'reup to can never ever just be self
deprecating. So that is that maybethat should be number one on the list,

(01:48:01):
although slang is by far number oneon the list. So right,
slaying, So we got slag,closing doors, plumbing, character development,
being classy, um, self deprecation, and how to compile a list of
pertinent things because his list doesn't makeany sense. All right, well there's
sea basses list, everybody, Imean, how do you spell up two

(01:48:25):
take a shot you try what whatdid you guess first? Op t us.
It's not up to you can putyou can put the shower on there
Greg, because he's using it thepoop, that's true. It doesn't understand
for pooping, right somebody on thetext. Uh, I love how this

(01:48:45):
segment Greg is trying to get anegative reaction out of Sea Bass. But
Greg sounds like the one because we'retalking about you're still closing your ears to
put emotional control on Greg's one becausehe's um that obviously. Uh see,
oh I found it and just scissoralready. I know you guys are used

(01:49:08):
to trolling Greg because he gets irritatedso easily, but it almost feels like
harassment. Now, yeah, I'mstarting to agree with that. Well,
let's not forget this is light comparedto Greg. Literally what almost quit several
times back in the hell. Yeahthat was because of a menace. Yeah,
oh my god, I can't therewere more more instances of you pulling

(01:49:30):
me aside and own a conversation aboutmenace or Sea Bass, reminding everybody about
the pizza didn't need to be yethe pizza. I think I complained about
menace to you one on one.He needs to go out of here three
times, just fire. Why ishe here? He serves no? Perfect?
Yeah, but then we became friendsbuddies. So there is hope out

(01:49:53):
there, guys, there is Yeah, no, there's no We're gone a
quick break, you know. Ifanything, this is a very therapeutic for
Greg. Gives them a chance toget to mathematically prove how stupid that list
was. Yeah, doesn't know howto compile this. Yeah, more what
he shows next? Hang man,imagine you find out but it's too late.

(01:50:20):
A fail story in the making.This is in Canada. The Ontario
Lottery and Gaming Corporation say there's anoutstanding lottery ticket and it's about to expire
June twenty eighth, so there issome some time. It's a little bit
of time. It's worth seventy milliondollars. Can you imagine just out there

(01:50:41):
in the wild. Yeah, Sothey're urging people to check their old tickets
claim the money before June twenty eighth, because then it's gone. That's it.
You get a year seventy seven zeroseventy million. We're talking about would
you give your dog up for fiftymillions? Right? They don't have any
surveillance, foge. Why should itcome to that. I don't understand.

(01:51:02):
Why do you buy tickets if you'renot going to check them, or if
you're just gonna like throw them intothe glove box or whatever and then forget
about them. It's impulse. Maybethere's some rotting corps in a cabin and
yeah, yeah, they found out, they won, they died about it

(01:51:23):
croaked. Yeah, then I couldn'teven catch it in. But can you
even imagine that? You're everybody's hadthat happened, where you've misplaced something and
you've looked for it, and you'velooked for it, and you've looked for
it, and then you can yougive up, and you give up,
it shows up, and then lateron there's something completely different that you're searching
for, and you're looking for thatand looking for that, and then that's

(01:51:44):
what you find the old thing.You're like, Oh, where's I swear?
I looked here? Right? Isn'tthat weird? Yeah? I looked
here, but looked here fifty times. I currently missing a pair of glasses
for like two weeks now. Ihave no idea where they are. Yeah,
I had a missing parrot sunglasses,had no idea where they were,
and then all of a sudden theyshowed up. Have you ever lost clothing?
Like I lost one of my favoriteshirts. I'm like, how do

(01:52:06):
you lose a shirt? Really?Yeah? I mean you lose a sock,
right that get your laundry back?And one of my favorite missing just
gone, usually my dogs. Butcan you imagine that you find that ticket?
It's like, you know, yeah, I don't know how you would
deal with it. A million dollars. Maybe the winner knows, and they're

(01:52:30):
just getting their ducks in a rowfor a whole year, for a year.
Yeah, planning. I couldn't waitthat long. I thought the other
day speaking of like well why doyou even buy this? Like you buy
things with good intentions, especially atthe grocery store, like, oh,
you know what, I gotta starteating more leafy greens or whatever. So
I bought some leafy greens and Igot no problem eating vegetables. It's fine.

(01:52:54):
But for whatever reason that you know, sits and sits and sits and
sits, and then next thing youknow, you're going to the bridge,
it's garbage go through. And mywife's like, we didn't need any of
that, Like no, And Ithought it Greg immediately because there's like two
things of of Delhi meat oh thatwere like untouched. I'm like, I've

(01:53:14):
been eating turkey sandwiches. That's like, what the one thing I'll eat that
turkey died for you? Yeah,and then you threw it away. Yeah,
I'm like, you're just as guiltyas I am. Don't look at
me, right, it's life.I do that. With yogurt. You
spend so much money and then youspend you know, yeah, all that
money just to go right in thegarbage. I know, like yogurt,
I'll buy like four cups and I'llhave one and then the other three.

(01:53:39):
Yeah there. Yeah, then sayyogurt doesn't expire immediately because people look like
yogurt eater and yeah, not adaily yogurt eater. But there's like a
Chickens do triple zero yogurt. Yeah, it's really good. There's one called
two Good that I like. It'slike two grams sugar oh yeah yeah yeah
those are good too good. No, I mean I'll use that stuff instead

(01:54:02):
of sour cream. Oh. Iheard about that trick, and it's pretty
close, like just regular playing greetthe same yogurt consistency. Yeah, yeah,
it's not exactly the same, butit's it's better than that fat free
sour cream. That stuff sucks.Eight seven seven forty four Woody, it's
eight seven seven forty four seven thatyou work for the lottery. And they

(01:54:23):
won't look at cameras to see whobought but they will check the cameras when
you claim it to make sure thatyou were the one who bought it.
Yeah, because they don't want toput start a man hunt obviously, right
right, More Woody Shows. Next, Insensitivity Training for a politically correct worlds
The Woody Show. All right,we are wrap it up again down here,

(01:54:44):
everybody, are you gonna do itfor Wednesday? We are The Woody
Show. Yeah. And first andforemost, we'd like to thank The Machine
for being on the show this morning. Go see his new movie, The
Machine in theaters nationwide this weekend.Ye with Mark Hamill and Bert who did

(01:55:06):
his own stunts. He calls himselfthe Tom Cruise of comedy. All right,
so I'll go see The Machine intheaters this weekend. Always great to
see Birt, so happy for him. Yeah, and we're looking forward to
hosting the Red Carpet premiere. Yeah, wait tomorrow night Also today we got
the redneck News, the trending newsheadlines, Raby's nerd out, and more.

(01:55:28):
It could all be found on today'spodcast. Just hit up The Woody
Show dot com. Coming up foryou tomorrow, it's gonna be a pre
Friday. Thursday morning, we gota brand new animated podcast. It's another
one featuring great gory. Also thisweek in audio, so the curator of
clips, SeaBASS, I'll have thisweekend audio for us. That and more

(01:55:49):
tomorrow Thursday here on The Woody Show. Plus, we're looking for your homemark
topic feedback. What's the oddest placeyou've knocked one out? All right?
I us that I would ask Bertthat question, and we did. If
you missed his answer, he tolda story. It's on today's podcast.
But yeah, tell us where's theoddest place you knocked one out? In
this topic? In honor of NationalMasturbation Day, which is coming up on

(01:56:13):
Sunday, leave us your feedback onour Facebook, Facebook dot com, slash
The Woody Show, or on ourafter hours voicemail eight seven seven forty four,
Woody. That's eight seven seven fortyfour Woody. Okay, all right,
Raby, menace ce bass anything you'dlike to add then, Yeah,
great gory. Parting words of wisdomplease, Yeah, it's kind of funny
that most SUVs have a button forrear wiper. Yeah, so's my butt

(01:56:43):
washing toilet seed pretty much. Yeah, it's butt washing. But your guys,
yeah, if you don't have one, you even get one, do
it? We have multiples in ourhouse. I still need to come over
and find out. You totally should. You'll love it all. Thank you
very much, great gory, hearWood, Thank you so much for giving
the Woody Shows some of your valuabletime this morning. You know we love

(01:57:04):
it to appreciate you for that.The rest of you guys can suck it.
Catch you back here on Thursday.Have a great day. SMD Doublem.
I quit this bitch.