April 30, 2025 • 25 mins
Welcome to Unbreakable! A mental wealth podcast hosted by Fox NFL Insider Jay Glazer. On today’s episode, Jay sits down with Former Pro Bowler Darren Waller. They talk about his struggles with addiction, depression, anxiety and almost losing his life to an overdose. Hitting rock bottom in rehab Waller used mediation to work on his recovery and focus on the moment. Now retired, he is helping others and is using football as an opportunity to branch into a music career and so much more!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
This is Unbreakable with Jay Glacier, a Mental Wealth podcast
Build you from the inside out.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Now here's Jay Glacier. Welcome into Unbreakable, a Mental Wealth
podcast with Jay Glazer. I'm Jay Glazier and we are
just a week outside the NFL Draft and there's a
lot of players here who are just going to start
their journey. If I want to do chime with somebody
who just entered their NFL journey and is now using
football as an opportunity to branch out into a music
(00:33):
career so much more in transition. This is former Pro
Bowl tight end from the Raiders and the Giants, Darren Waller.
How you doing, buddy?
Speaker 3 (00:41):
I'm great man. How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Living the dream?
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Man?
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Trying crazy a couple of weeks here? But man, glad
that you're joining, because, like I just said, a lot
of these players are just about to start and they
have no idea what's about to you know, what is
about to hit that?
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Right?
Speaker 2 (00:56):
If you can get these guys some advice from what
you've already been through, what would have what would I
guess you know, what would you give young Darren Waller?
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (01:04):
You know, first year Darren Waller?
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (01:06):
The lessons life lessons that you want to shet them
off on the right path with.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
I would say it'd be a combination of patience being
the answer and also, you know, develop a relationship with
the present moment. I feel like I spent so much
time thinking about what my future needed to look like,
how I needed to arrange it perfectly, or I was
in shame about things I did in.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
The past or what I could have done better.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Or you know, as opposed to as being like, I'm here,
I have an opportunity each and every day, each and
every meeting, each and every workout, each and every like
in those individual moments stack and create the.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
Career that you want.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
It may not happen as fast as you like it
to happen, but you know, you need to develop your
character and your game slowly before you get an opportunity
to have a big moment and you're not ready for it.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Man, that's deep, and you know, because look, anxiety is
really worrying about stuff that hasn't happened yet you can't control,
or stuff, like you said, stuff that's happened in the past.
It's so hard for us to live in the present.
How did you teach yourself or training yourself to accept.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
That well, life had to humble me and ended up
in rehab in twenty seventeen, and they're one of the
first few days where they taught us the practice of meditation,
and it was like a five minute meditation. It felt
like an eternity and it was the first time I
felt like I ever, like really truly paused and was
(02:28):
just like in where my feet were like.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
Just in that moment fully.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
And then from there and doing a lot of work
in recovery allowed me to step back into football, like
I don't know if I'll.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Ever play in the game again.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
I don't know if another team would touch me or
trust me with an opportunity. So really, all my focus
can even be on is just improving my game and
if there's an opportunity for me, that can happen. So
it's like my life circumstances arrange themselves in a way
to where I had to focus on the moment, and
then I can look back in hindsight and be like, wow,
that actually helped me succeed and not focus on things
(03:04):
that I didn't really need to even focus on that
would take care of themselves down the road if I
just kept working.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Man, It's funny because I went I went out to
Thailand to learn how to do breathworking meditation. So man,
I was there for maybe I'm thirty seconds and the
time monk kind of looks at me and he looks
in my direction and he says, oh, man, you're a
lot of pain. You go to learn how to love
yourself up. And I kind of turned around, like who
(03:30):
is this guy talking to and I realize he's talking
to me. I was like, oh my god, but you're
right like having it. Look I got beyond ADHD, I
got element.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
O p still.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
So for me to for me to like be able
to focus on that and look inside and turn off
the noise, what's such a powerful thing for me?
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Yeah, it's it's it's amazing because our like the mind
is just constantly yapping and yapping and yapping, and just
we can step back away from that noise and just
like allow it to exist, not judge it, not repress it,
suppress it, whatever, just allow it to be.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
It'll go, it'll pass.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
It's like a lot of times we just kind of
latch onto those thoughts and you know, form an identity
out of them or whatever it may be.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
But it's like they'll they'll pass if we let them.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
I want people to understand I want to Thailand. But
you can go online and look up breathwork. You get
on one line, look up meditation. I still do. I
go around different apps and stuff, so it's really available
for you. You just got to do the work. So
you end up going to rehab. What was the tipping
point for that?
Speaker 1 (04:32):
So I overdosed in twenty seventeen off of you know,
I was an addict. My main drug of choice was
like persets, opioids, painkillers there I can yeah, and people
in the Baltimore area I was my first team have
been saying like, you know, be careful out here. Depressing
pills could be fitting all. And I'm like yeah, yeah,
(04:53):
yeah yeah. And then one day, August eleventh, twenty seventeen,
was the day that happened. And from there I just
kind of like came out of that moment. Within a
couple of days, I got a call from the Ravens doctors.
They were like, we're still getting your toxicology results from
your drug tests.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
We're afraid for your life.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
We want you to go see this addiction specialist and things,
just trying to start the fall in order. I met
with the specialist in Atlanta, that's where I'm from, and
they sent me to rehab there. Things started to unfold
and my life kind of slowly started to turn around.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
But yeah, I had to crash and burn.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
It wasn't like a conscious life decision of I'm gonna
turn my I'm gonna just make some changes and be better.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
It was like no, like I learned best from rock Bottoms.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Yeah, that's what you got to do. I Look, I've
helped so many players out you know. Look I got
Balden Smith back in the NFL. Who I met him.
He was homeless and he helped me with a lot
of players and a lot of veterans. And the same thing, like, hey,
you got to hit rock bottom before you want to
go back up. Are you going to just keep going
back down? You said your indeed? Was it laced with fenerol?
Is that what happened?
Speaker 1 (05:56):
It had to have been, because it was not anywhere
near the dose that I usually took, so like I'm
used to, I was grabbing like, you know, three thirty
milligram like whatever.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
It is.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Like that day they had like some twenty milligrams and
it was like a few of them and I was
like okay, Like so just that day, I was just
trying to pass time until I was moving out of
my apartment because I was suspended in Baltimore, and it
hit me instantly and it was just like lights out,
Like I pulled from on the TV off of an
amount that I usually don't even take.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
So it's just like, did.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
You realize that in the moment or you just passed out?
Speaker 3 (06:30):
That was It was no realizations. This was all in hindsight.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Wow, that's wild, man, it's deep. Give me the couple
things that you learned in reapp then you wish others
could learn without having to go.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
I don't think anybody knows the real power of just
like honesty and vulnerability and allowing people to see you
exactly as you are instead of trying to manufacture yourself
to only allow people to see you when you think
you're doing well or you think you're measuring up. It's
like I started to feel lighter and lighter every day
(07:04):
as I You know, that's what the people talking about
the twelve step program. A lot of people probably don't
know what that is all it is is just something
that's allowing you to see your limitations and where your
life has gotten you, and to accept help from other
people and to be honest with yourself and to develop
a spiritual life.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
And that's the key for me.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
It's like if we're living closed up, walled off still
by these old definitions of what a man should be,
or you know, just kind of blocked off from the world,
it's like that's you're going to suffer.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
You're going to be in your own prison.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
So for me, it's like the biggest thing I learned
was honesty and vulnerability, and therefferent times in my recovery
where I've drifted away from that and I've had to
pay for that in other ways that aren't drugs and
alcohol related, but it's I realized, like I have to
keep coming back to living honestly and vulnerably with other people,
not isolated.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Is the biggest thing that I took away.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
What the stress of playing in the NFL is there
a temptation to get back into the bills. How hard
was that to fight that?
Speaker 1 (08:03):
So I think the things that I'm learning now in
my life, it wasn't tempting after the first six months
of sobriety.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
I've never been.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Like had a thought of like it would be nice
to do a pill again, like or drink again or
anything like that. I feel like for me getting into
like deeper stages of recovery, I realized, like the drugs
and alcohol were soothing for me. But it was like
as soon as I gave those up, it was relationships
with women that became.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
The new drug.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Especially you know, where my career was going, the options
that were available, like that became my new drug.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
Choice was like I don't even have to drink, I
don't even have to do bills.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Like this is a drug in of itself, and it
wasn't tearing my life apart.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
Honestly.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
It's like, you know, you get to that level of
status in your career, it's like people celebrate you for
they honestly think that you're supposed to do it. That's
a way of like enjoying your life. And yeah, so
what I didn't have to go back to using that.
I was just I found a new drug.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
Look.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
I started charity Emerging Guts Some Players eleven years ago,
ten years ago, where I would take performer pro football
players and fighters and Olympians and put them together with
combat bets to help them in transition for when the
uniform comes off, right, because you lose that locker room,
it sucks. You lose that structure, It sucks. How have
you been able to find structure? What have you done
(09:20):
in transition here? But now you're not with that team?
Speaker 3 (09:24):
Right? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Honestly for me, I look back and it's like it
really helped pay off for me that I've had these
relationships with people that are like in recovery and going
to meetings and friends outside of football that are the
people that spend a lot of time with now and
lean on in this transition with you know, the difficulties
or the fears or the uncertainties. Even though this is
a decision I wanted to make and am glad that
(09:46):
I made, it doesn't mean it doesn't come with levels
of grief and things like that. So it's like that's
things I process in therapy, and yeah, you got to
have a support system to do it, because it's like
our whole life, Like I've been on the same loop
since I was four years old. I'm thirty two and
I just retired, you know, So it's like I can't
expect there to not be levels of discomfort as I
try to figure out, Okay, who who is it that
(10:07):
I want to be in this next chapter.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
Like it's gonna be hard. I'm gonna miss you know,
the highs.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Of playing that and that that the competition provided. But yeah,
I'm just grateful to have people that I can lean
on with, therapists that I can work with, you know,
going back and doing like a lot of the early
you know, childhood work. Like I feel like, even with
the work I've done in recovery, being in recovery for
almost eight years, I'm still like just the tip of
the iceberg as far as like the total picture of
(10:33):
who I am and how I've come to be myself.
So yeah, I'm just grateful to have people that can
walk through me with it, because some days are great
and then some days it's just like what the fuck
am I doing?
Speaker 3 (10:41):
You know what?
Speaker 2 (10:42):
What made you hang up?
Speaker 3 (10:43):
The clicks?
Speaker 1 (10:45):
It was getting to the point where I was realizing that,
you know, playing football like for me, I don't know, man,
It's just like it just kept me in survival mode
a lot, and I don't like who I am in
survival mode and how I try to cope with, you know,
because football is pressure.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
It takes a lot from you. It gives lines like
the game has blessed me with so much.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
I don't even want to get up here and act
like football hasn't blessed me with a tremendous life. But
it's like, man, it takes so much from me that
the only reason I'm here is because, man, I should
be making this money, I should.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
Be collecting this check.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
I don't feel like it's somewhere that I need to
continue to show up, especially with.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
All that's required of the process.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
All of your teammates are wanting from you, all that
your coaches are expecting from you to give, and it's like,
I don't feel like I'm in a position to give that.
I feel like I'm just doing it to kind of
please people. I feel like I've pleased people my whole life.
So this was like the first step in me being like,
all right, this is I'm going to look to create
the life that I want to create, you know.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
So it's just I feel like that was probably the
biggest thing.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
And then having another my body kind of letting me know,
like I had this viral coffection of my lungs randomly
during my last season in New York. It's like in
November of that season, I was in the hospital for
three days. I couldn't pissed by myself, couldn't shit by myself.
Like it was just I was in rough shape. Like
my body is like, hey man, like we had a
we've had great running here, but it's like it's time
(12:02):
for something new. And it's like it's also my body
letting me know, which I don't think was even possible.
But yeah, I was trying to hang on and get
the most I could add football. But it's almost like
in the way God was like, hey man, I'm done
with you in the game, but I got new things
for you.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
So that's kind of how I came to the decision.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
I want you to understand. Also, this is what I
always tell our athletes. You play in the NFL is
not who you are, right. You got something different behind
your ribcage that got you to beat out millions and
millions and millions to play in the NFL. That's who
you are that suddenly doesn't just leave when the uniform
comes off. Too many guys thinks it does, and that's
just not the case. It's always behind that ribcage.
Speaker 3 (12:39):
Yeah, that's so good, Man's that's so true because.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Even with all things I feel like I've tried to
do to actally like separate my identity from just being
the football player, it's like, naturally it's so woven in
there because you get so celebrated for it your whole
life and it just like you've been doing this since
you were a kid. And yeah, it's hard to separate
the two. But that's that's that's so to I tire
mind myself of that every day.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Well, and I want you to celebrate that. I want
you to like, we've got to work on being proud.
And it's hard also, I know, even the addiction part right,
because our egos really what gets in the way there.
But we've got to work on being proud. So even
though career is over, I want you every day to
work on being proud that you did have this great career.
You're a pro bowler, You've had the fame and the ford,
(13:21):
You've had the gift that we all hope for as
little kids, and nobody can take that for you. So
work on that always.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Yeah, man, that's that's actually real. Advice that I can
apply because I feel like a lot of what got
me to where I was and the engine behind it
was like this perfectionism. And it's almost like, you know,
I don't want to be seen as not good enough
or just like you know, So it's now when it's
time to actually celebrate things. I've never really been able
to stop and celebrates. I've aways been just go grind, grind, grind.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
So that. Yeah, So what I do every morning when
I do my breathworking meditation, I'll meditate to like two
three different songs. One of them I'll do things I'm
grateful for and another one is things I'm proud of.
And like I said, sometimes man it's hard. You know.
It's like, at least for me, I ned to beat
up on myself like crazy. So it's like I've got
(14:11):
a I'm a fighter. I learned how to fight back
on things, you know, so I will fight back on
in the room. It's my crazy rooms in my head
tell me that I'm not worth it, haven't done enough,
or ain't shit or something like that. So you got
to work on it. You got to practice. But one
thing you know you could do if you wrap it
things you'll get better, right, So that means you got
to wrap at this also, so I wrap it every morning.
(14:31):
I do this every single morning in my life. Things
that I'm proud of, what you just got to get
in that happen a little bit, right, Like I want
to hit here a little bit. Also, good football is
I think it was Herr Edwards said this to I
learned from John Lynch and Rende Barber. He's like, football
is not a career, It's an opportunity. It's an opportunity
to set you up on some great things for the
rest of your life. What you've done now, right, and
(14:51):
you have the transition and you've moved over to music.
Tell me a tell us about your music career. You
just came out with I think a new ballad also, right,
tell us about that. I would come on to dive
in a little bit.
Speaker 3 (15:02):
Yeah, A lot of people probably don't know.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
I've been making music for like a year, Like the
same week I got drafted to Baltimore, and I was
in the hotel like that. They put the rookies in
in Owings Mills and I was, I've.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Been in there.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Yeah, I out.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
I would sit out back in the parking lot and
smoke black and miles back there and just chill and
I was just like I have been saying, I'm going
to start writing music, and it's like I'm not doing
nothing up here if I'm not in the building, like
I'm just kind of chilling out, like I'm just going
to start making music. And I started making music back then.
The first two years, I didn't let anybody know that
I was making music. And then I started like realizing
(15:36):
some of my friends from back home were producers, started
locking in with them. It just kind of became a
thing and I started. I've been releasing music since probably
like twenty seventeen. It's just like off of just hey man,
Like I am naturally drawn to this and I love
doing it.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
And I've seen the growth in myself.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
I say what I've seen growth like as a as
a player, like going from like a guy that had like,
oh he's got some potential, and like it really just
work working in on like little details, Like I've been
in the same way with music with like deliveries and
ideas and perspectives and melodies like things like that. It's
just it's just been a super fun journey for me
and it's like, now that I'm done playing football, it's like, yeah,
(16:16):
I'm definitely an artists, I'm definitely creative, but it's like
this is just like something that I want to do,
Like this is something that whether anything comes from it
or not, I will always be creating like this. It's
it's like a spiritually like my great grandfather was a
jazz musician, so it's like these are kind of things
are in me. So I'll always be doing this and
I'm just grateful to have the time to pour into
(16:37):
it more and just continue to share it with the world.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Is music your way of journaling?
Speaker 3 (16:41):
It is?
Speaker 1 (16:42):
It is, man, It is because my songs can range.
They reflect all the different parts of me. There's like
songs like the one I just released, the top play song,
it's like, you know, the more competitive, like football type
side of me, and there's like emotional song. We're like
ones of depth and just like what's going on in
(17:02):
my head. Like it's just and they can they'll all range,
they'll all be different like peopleill see, like the next
few songs that I have coming out will sound nothing
like each other.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
So it's like it's a it's a great creative tool.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
In a lot of ways when I'm not even truly
conscious of it, the words that are deep within me,
like subconsciously are coming out in what I'm writing. And
that's like I'll look back and I'll be like, damn,
that was trying to come out of me. I was
almost maybe trying to suppress it in a way. I
don't know, but it is a great expression tool. And
like when as I was doing it and getting more
into it, when I got sober, like that's what it was.
(17:34):
It was almost a way for me to like speak
things into existence before they happen. So that's why it's
become such an amazing tool and just way of doing life.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
You know, what's your process for creating a song? I've
trained With's Khalifa, Demo, Levado, Jonas Brothers, Snoop Michaels that
I hang out every week, so I hear a lot
about different processes of creating a song, creating music.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
What's you Yeah, it usually revolves around like hearing some
type of sound or being sent a beat that i'll
just you know, kind of sit with. I don't ever
really write things before music is there. It's kind of
like the music moved in a way. So it's just
you know, and being patient with that. It's not putting
a timer on the process or going into it saying
(18:19):
like all right, I gotta make a banger today or
I got to make a hit today. It's more so
like what is this music? What are these sounds? Where
are these chords? Like bringing out of me? What is
my you know, spirit trying to express as it meets
this music like, and it's usually something with some with
some depth to it.
Speaker 3 (18:38):
Sometimes you get some hard hitten bangers out of me.
But it's like, yeah, it's.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
Just like being being patient with it and not allowing
like the instant gratification parts of my mind to be like,
all right, what's me the song being bing, being mean
and being put it out make it impressive. It's like, no,
let's make this authentic, Let's make this have intentionality behind it.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Trying to approach it from that standpoint.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
But is it show it's the music first, and then
is it an idea and everything comes from an idea
or is it just like I just want to put
words in to this music that that's that's motivating me.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
For me, honestly, I think words and ideas flow simultaneously.
A lot of times.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
I usually will come up more times than not, and
usually coming up like with a hook or a chorus first,
and then from there it's like me and like if
I'm collaborating with people will be like all right, like what,
like what do you think?
Speaker 3 (19:28):
Like what are we talking about here?
Speaker 1 (19:29):
And it's like okay, Like from what I have right now,
it's it's trending towards this way I'm talking about overcoming
this or like this tough chapter in my life. It's
like from there, it's like okay, boom, like that's the
direction we're going with for the verses. So it's like
I feel like the idea comes as those initial words
are to come out.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
And like it's almost like the same thing, like my
body will be.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Like there's like this natural like yes, this works, or
it's like something I'll be like okay, like now let's
just keep working with to see what comes. But it's
like that feeling of like yes is so clear in
my body in my mind like and feel it, and
then it's from there it's whatever that idea was, we're
moving in that direction with the verses, with the lines
with the wordplay kind of moves like.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
That how often are you in studio.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
I'm not an everyday studio person, but I mean I'm writing,
I'm cooking up stuff at least like every other day minimum.
Because for me, it's like I understand like getting the reps,
getting the work in, so I am recording fairly regularly
and writing fairly regularly. But at the same time, it's
like my music is more like authentic, and so it's
like I need like life experiences and not like being
(20:33):
locked in the studio almost because then I won't have
much life to write about. It's kind of like my standpoint.
But yeah, it's at least a few days a week.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
You said something earlier too, like, man, you've been doing
this since you're four years old. So one thing I
always get, you know, nervous by guys when their careers
ending is they don't have their structure as far as
like you're away is told where to go, when to go,
who to train with, who to sit with, who to
heat with, what time you're studying, what time you're you're playing,
what time you practice, what time you're lifting. Now that
you don't have that, how difficult has that been? And
(21:03):
are you doing things to make sure you have a
structure in your life.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Yeah, Luckily I've gotten introduced to like a new group
and fellowship of men over the last year that have
been on me about like writing up, writing out my
daily schedule. It's like, you know, like this morning, I've
woke up, meditated, prayed, walked around my neighborhood, gone a
twelve step meeting at eight, and after this, I'm going
(21:29):
to go work it out because I'm training for this
high Rocks event.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
So I got to workout at ten. I got therapised
this afternoon.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
On Mondays, I help out with this like seven year
old kids flag practice.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
They do like offensive drills on Mondays. So I'll go
over there.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
So it's like and writing those things out in my
journal before my day starts. I was like, I can
check them off as I go because that idle time
it's just as dangerous as it is.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
And that's what I want to every offer to listener
to understand that when you're done, don't look at it
like what am I going to do now? I'm just
gonna float through life. No, you got to continue to
have that structure because that's how we are ingrained to do.
We're ingrained practice, practice, practice, and like Darren saying, too,
you don't want your out of mind to sit there
and take you down a bad road there, So make
sure you have a structure, all right. Last question, I
(22:16):
asked all my guests, give me your own breakable moment,
the moment that should have broken you could have and didn't,
and as a result, you came through the other side
of that tunnel stronger forever in life.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
I think we talked about my overdose. I want to
talk about a different one. I think a lot of
people have heard about the story of how I got
acquired by the Raiders, from the Ravens, from being on
the practice squad and from them seeing me work out
before the game. But that was Thanksgiving of that season,
so that was like two thirds of the way through
that season, and I felt like I was approaching the
(22:48):
practice squad.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
And coming with a good attitude. I think eleven it
was twelve weeks. It was eleven of them.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Leading up to that week before that Raiders game, I
was kind of down because there was a lot of
tight ends that were getting hurt and I was thinking, like, man,
like I should be getting my shot, I should be
getting an opportunity now.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
And it was kind of discouraging. It was like kind
of comes to the realization, like.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Man, I really might not ever play in the game again,
and so it was kind of like tough for me
to kind of get going at practice that week. I
think I still like performed well, but it was just
like the state that I was in wasn't as good
and as strong and as president as I was weeks before.
And I get to that Sunday morning and that workout
that that got claimed from I was debating, like I
(23:29):
don't even want to really do this this week, like
I've been doing it every week, what's the point? And
going out there and doing it anyway opened the wind,
opened the door for them to see me and for
me to be claimed the very next day. And I
look back on that moment and it's like, man, Like,
there were times where it's like, man, it wasn't like
(23:49):
I said at the beginning, it wasn't happening the way
that I wanted to wasn't happening fast enough the timing
of it, and I was about to let that throw
me off from.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
The opportunity that I was there.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
So it's like you never know who's watching, You never
know what could be right around in the corner, and
you just got to continue to stick to what your
values are, what your practices are, even if there's no
results that are coming, because it's more so a reflection
of who you are as opposed to like if your
circumstances are perfect, Like circumstances can be great one day
rough than next, but like who you are can always
(24:19):
remain constant, and you may walk smack into an opportunity
not even knowing.
Speaker 3 (24:23):
And that's what happened for me that day.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
So it was like I was feeling like I was
broken in, like I was gonna be back working at
sprouts leading up to that week, but I was presented
with an opportunity that changed the trajectory of my life
that weekend. And I'm grateful that I chose to lace
up my leaves and just go out there and put
more reps in that day.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
Man, I love that dude. So first of all, mental
toughness is doing stuff that you don't want to do.
And second, I always say, you never know what lies
around next Tuesday. You never know when that opportunity is
gonna come. So you got to give your all even
when you don't want to. Man, I love that, dude.
I appreciate you joining us. Tell everybody where you could
find your music and what's your latest?
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Yeah, music wise, just my government, it may Darren Waller, Spotify,
Apple Music, whatever wherever you stream at.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
Definitely more music on the way.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
The most recent song up put out was called top
Play That's Out and Instagram rack wall with two k's
r A c kk W a l L. Same on
TikTok Twitter's rack wall eighty three. Lots of cool stuff comes,
lots of different kinds of content. But yeah, man, just
grateful to be able to have this conversation with you today.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
You too, man, prid you dude, I really remember you,
keep working on being proud of you. Thank you, man,
appreciate you joining up.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
Product
This is Unbreakable with Jay Glacier, a Mental Wealth podcast
Build you from the inside out.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Now here's Jay Glacier. Welcome into Unbreakable, a Mental Wealth
podcast with Jay Glazer. I'm Jay Glazier and we are
just a week outside the NFL Draft and there's a
lot of players here who are just going to start
their journey. If I want to do chime with somebody
who just entered their NFL journey and is now using
football as an opportunity to branch out into a music
(00:33):
career so much more in transition. This is former Pro
Bowl tight end from the Raiders and the Giants, Darren Waller.
How you doing, buddy?
Speaker 3 (00:41):
I'm great man. How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Living the dream?
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Man?
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Trying crazy a couple of weeks here? But man, glad
that you're joining, because, like I just said, a lot
of these players are just about to start and they
have no idea what's about to you know, what is
about to hit that?
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Right?
Speaker 2 (00:56):
If you can get these guys some advice from what
you've already been through, what would have what would I
guess you know, what would you give young Darren Waller?
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (01:04):
You know, first year Darren Waller?
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (01:06):
The lessons life lessons that you want to shet them
off on the right path with.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
I would say it'd be a combination of patience being
the answer and also, you know, develop a relationship with
the present moment. I feel like I spent so much
time thinking about what my future needed to look like,
how I needed to arrange it perfectly, or I was
in shame about things I did in.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
The past or what I could have done better.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Or you know, as opposed to as being like, I'm here,
I have an opportunity each and every day, each and
every meeting, each and every workout, each and every like
in those individual moments stack and create the.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
Career that you want.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
It may not happen as fast as you like it
to happen, but you know, you need to develop your
character and your game slowly before you get an opportunity
to have a big moment and you're not ready for it.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Man, that's deep, and you know, because look, anxiety is
really worrying about stuff that hasn't happened yet you can't control,
or stuff, like you said, stuff that's happened in the past.
It's so hard for us to live in the present.
How did you teach yourself or training yourself to accept.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
That well, life had to humble me and ended up
in rehab in twenty seventeen, and they're one of the
first few days where they taught us the practice of meditation,
and it was like a five minute meditation. It felt
like an eternity and it was the first time I
felt like I ever, like really truly paused and was
(02:28):
just like in where my feet were like.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
Just in that moment fully.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
And then from there and doing a lot of work
in recovery allowed me to step back into football, like
I don't know if I'll.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Ever play in the game again.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
I don't know if another team would touch me or
trust me with an opportunity. So really, all my focus
can even be on is just improving my game and
if there's an opportunity for me, that can happen. So
it's like my life circumstances arrange themselves in a way
to where I had to focus on the moment, and
then I can look back in hindsight and be like, wow,
that actually helped me succeed and not focus on things
(03:04):
that I didn't really need to even focus on that
would take care of themselves down the road if I
just kept working.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Man, It's funny because I went I went out to
Thailand to learn how to do breathworking meditation. So man,
I was there for maybe I'm thirty seconds and the
time monk kind of looks at me and he looks
in my direction and he says, oh, man, you're a
lot of pain. You go to learn how to love
yourself up. And I kind of turned around, like who
(03:30):
is this guy talking to and I realize he's talking
to me. I was like, oh my god, but you're
right like having it. Look I got beyond ADHD, I
got element.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
O p still.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
So for me to for me to like be able
to focus on that and look inside and turn off
the noise, what's such a powerful thing for me?
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Yeah, it's it's it's amazing because our like the mind
is just constantly yapping and yapping and yapping, and just
we can step back away from that noise and just
like allow it to exist, not judge it, not repress it,
suppress it, whatever, just allow it to be.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
It'll go, it'll pass.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
It's like a lot of times we just kind of
latch onto those thoughts and you know, form an identity
out of them or whatever it may be.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
But it's like they'll they'll pass if we let them.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
I want people to understand I want to Thailand. But
you can go online and look up breathwork. You get
on one line, look up meditation. I still do. I
go around different apps and stuff, so it's really available
for you. You just got to do the work. So
you end up going to rehab. What was the tipping
point for that?
Speaker 1 (04:32):
So I overdosed in twenty seventeen off of you know,
I was an addict. My main drug of choice was
like persets, opioids, painkillers there I can yeah, and people
in the Baltimore area I was my first team have
been saying like, you know, be careful out here. Depressing
pills could be fitting all. And I'm like yeah, yeah,
(04:53):
yeah yeah. And then one day, August eleventh, twenty seventeen,
was the day that happened. And from there I just
kind of like came out of that moment. Within a
couple of days, I got a call from the Ravens doctors.
They were like, we're still getting your toxicology results from
your drug tests.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
We're afraid for your life.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
We want you to go see this addiction specialist and things,
just trying to start the fall in order. I met
with the specialist in Atlanta, that's where I'm from, and
they sent me to rehab there. Things started to unfold
and my life kind of slowly started to turn around.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
But yeah, I had to crash and burn.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
It wasn't like a conscious life decision of I'm gonna
turn my I'm gonna just make some changes and be better.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
It was like no, like I learned best from rock Bottoms.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Yeah, that's what you got to do. I Look, I've
helped so many players out you know. Look I got
Balden Smith back in the NFL. Who I met him.
He was homeless and he helped me with a lot
of players and a lot of veterans. And the same thing, like, hey,
you got to hit rock bottom before you want to
go back up. Are you going to just keep going
back down? You said your indeed? Was it laced with fenerol?
Is that what happened?
Speaker 1 (05:56):
It had to have been, because it was not anywhere
near the dose that I usually took, so like I'm
used to, I was grabbing like, you know, three thirty
milligram like whatever.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
It is.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Like that day they had like some twenty milligrams and
it was like a few of them and I was
like okay, Like so just that day, I was just
trying to pass time until I was moving out of
my apartment because I was suspended in Baltimore, and it
hit me instantly and it was just like lights out,
Like I pulled from on the TV off of an
amount that I usually don't even take.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
So it's just like, did.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
You realize that in the moment or you just passed out?
Speaker 3 (06:30):
That was It was no realizations. This was all in hindsight.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Wow, that's wild, man, it's deep. Give me the couple
things that you learned in reapp then you wish others
could learn without having to go.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
I don't think anybody knows the real power of just
like honesty and vulnerability and allowing people to see you
exactly as you are instead of trying to manufacture yourself
to only allow people to see you when you think
you're doing well or you think you're measuring up. It's
like I started to feel lighter and lighter every day
(07:04):
as I You know, that's what the people talking about
the twelve step program. A lot of people probably don't
know what that is all it is is just something
that's allowing you to see your limitations and where your
life has gotten you, and to accept help from other
people and to be honest with yourself and to develop
a spiritual life.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
And that's the key for me.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
It's like if we're living closed up, walled off still
by these old definitions of what a man should be,
or you know, just kind of blocked off from the world,
it's like that's you're going to suffer.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
You're going to be in your own prison.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
So for me, it's like the biggest thing I learned
was honesty and vulnerability, and therefferent times in my recovery
where I've drifted away from that and I've had to
pay for that in other ways that aren't drugs and
alcohol related, but it's I realized, like I have to
keep coming back to living honestly and vulnerably with other people,
not isolated.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Is the biggest thing that I took away.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
What the stress of playing in the NFL is there
a temptation to get back into the bills. How hard
was that to fight that?
Speaker 1 (08:03):
So I think the things that I'm learning now in
my life, it wasn't tempting after the first six months
of sobriety.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
I've never been.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Like had a thought of like it would be nice
to do a pill again, like or drink again or
anything like that. I feel like for me getting into
like deeper stages of recovery, I realized, like the drugs
and alcohol were soothing for me. But it was like
as soon as I gave those up, it was relationships
with women that became.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
The new drug.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Especially you know, where my career was going, the options
that were available, like that became my new drug.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
Choice was like I don't even have to drink, I
don't even have to do bills.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Like this is a drug in of itself, and it
wasn't tearing my life apart.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
Honestly.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
It's like, you know, you get to that level of
status in your career, it's like people celebrate you for
they honestly think that you're supposed to do it. That's
a way of like enjoying your life. And yeah, so
what I didn't have to go back to using that.
I was just I found a new drug.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
Look.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
I started charity Emerging Guts Some Players eleven years ago,
ten years ago, where I would take performer pro football
players and fighters and Olympians and put them together with
combat bets to help them in transition for when the
uniform comes off, right, because you lose that locker room,
it sucks. You lose that structure, It sucks. How have
you been able to find structure? What have you done
(09:20):
in transition here? But now you're not with that team?
Speaker 3 (09:24):
Right? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Honestly for me, I look back and it's like it
really helped pay off for me that I've had these
relationships with people that are like in recovery and going
to meetings and friends outside of football that are the
people that spend a lot of time with now and
lean on in this transition with you know, the difficulties
or the fears or the uncertainties. Even though this is
a decision I wanted to make and am glad that
(09:46):
I made, it doesn't mean it doesn't come with levels
of grief and things like that. So it's like that's
things I process in therapy, and yeah, you got to
have a support system to do it, because it's like
our whole life, Like I've been on the same loop
since I was four years old. I'm thirty two and
I just retired, you know, So it's like I can't
expect there to not be levels of discomfort as I
try to figure out, Okay, who who is it that
(10:07):
I want to be in this next chapter.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
Like it's gonna be hard. I'm gonna miss you know,
the highs.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Of playing that and that that the competition provided. But yeah,
I'm just grateful to have people that I can lean
on with, therapists that I can work with, you know,
going back and doing like a lot of the early
you know, childhood work. Like I feel like, even with
the work I've done in recovery, being in recovery for
almost eight years, I'm still like just the tip of
the iceberg as far as like the total picture of
(10:33):
who I am and how I've come to be myself.
So yeah, I'm just grateful to have people that can
walk through me with it, because some days are great
and then some days it's just like what the fuck
am I doing?
Speaker 3 (10:41):
You know what?
Speaker 2 (10:42):
What made you hang up?
Speaker 3 (10:43):
The clicks?
Speaker 1 (10:45):
It was getting to the point where I was realizing that,
you know, playing football like for me, I don't know, man,
It's just like it just kept me in survival mode
a lot, and I don't like who I am in
survival mode and how I try to cope with, you know,
because football is pressure.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
It takes a lot from you. It gives lines like
the game has blessed me with so much.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
I don't even want to get up here and act
like football hasn't blessed me with a tremendous life. But
it's like, man, it takes so much from me that
the only reason I'm here is because, man, I should
be making this money, I should.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
Be collecting this check.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
I don't feel like it's somewhere that I need to
continue to show up, especially with.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
All that's required of the process.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
All of your teammates are wanting from you, all that
your coaches are expecting from you to give, and it's like,
I don't feel like I'm in a position to give that.
I feel like I'm just doing it to kind of
please people. I feel like I've pleased people my whole life.
So this was like the first step in me being like,
all right, this is I'm going to look to create
the life that I want to create, you know.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
So it's just I feel like that was probably the
biggest thing.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
And then having another my body kind of letting me know,
like I had this viral coffection of my lungs randomly
during my last season in New York. It's like in
November of that season, I was in the hospital for
three days. I couldn't pissed by myself, couldn't shit by myself.
Like it was just I was in rough shape. Like
my body is like, hey man, like we had a
we've had great running here, but it's like it's time
(12:02):
for something new. And it's like it's also my body
letting me know, which I don't think was even possible.
But yeah, I was trying to hang on and get
the most I could add football. But it's almost like
in the way God was like, hey man, I'm done
with you in the game, but I got new things
for you.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
So that's kind of how I came to the decision.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
I want you to understand. Also, this is what I
always tell our athletes. You play in the NFL is
not who you are, right. You got something different behind
your ribcage that got you to beat out millions and
millions and millions to play in the NFL. That's who
you are that suddenly doesn't just leave when the uniform
comes off. Too many guys thinks it does, and that's
just not the case. It's always behind that ribcage.
Speaker 3 (12:39):
Yeah, that's so good, Man's that's so true because.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Even with all things I feel like I've tried to
do to actally like separate my identity from just being
the football player, it's like, naturally it's so woven in
there because you get so celebrated for it your whole
life and it just like you've been doing this since
you were a kid. And yeah, it's hard to separate
the two. But that's that's that's so to I tire
mind myself of that every day.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Well, and I want you to celebrate that. I want
you to like, we've got to work on being proud.
And it's hard also, I know, even the addiction part right,
because our egos really what gets in the way there.
But we've got to work on being proud. So even
though career is over, I want you every day to
work on being proud that you did have this great career.
You're a pro bowler, You've had the fame and the ford,
(13:21):
You've had the gift that we all hope for as
little kids, and nobody can take that for you. So
work on that always.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Yeah, man, that's that's actually real. Advice that I can
apply because I feel like a lot of what got
me to where I was and the engine behind it
was like this perfectionism. And it's almost like, you know,
I don't want to be seen as not good enough
or just like you know, So it's now when it's
time to actually celebrate things. I've never really been able
to stop and celebrates. I've aways been just go grind, grind, grind.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
So that. Yeah, So what I do every morning when
I do my breathworking meditation, I'll meditate to like two
three different songs. One of them I'll do things I'm
grateful for and another one is things I'm proud of.
And like I said, sometimes man it's hard. You know.
It's like, at least for me, I ned to beat
up on myself like crazy. So it's like I've got
(14:11):
a I'm a fighter. I learned how to fight back
on things, you know, so I will fight back on
in the room. It's my crazy rooms in my head
tell me that I'm not worth it, haven't done enough,
or ain't shit or something like that. So you got
to work on it. You got to practice. But one
thing you know you could do if you wrap it
things you'll get better, right, So that means you got
to wrap at this also, so I wrap it every morning.
(14:31):
I do this every single morning in my life. Things
that I'm proud of, what you just got to get
in that happen a little bit, right, Like I want
to hit here a little bit. Also, good football is
I think it was Herr Edwards said this to I
learned from John Lynch and Rende Barber. He's like, football
is not a career, It's an opportunity. It's an opportunity
to set you up on some great things for the
rest of your life. What you've done now, right, and
(14:51):
you have the transition and you've moved over to music.
Tell me a tell us about your music career. You
just came out with I think a new ballad also, right,
tell us about that. I would come on to dive
in a little bit.
Speaker 3 (15:02):
Yeah, A lot of people probably don't know.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
I've been making music for like a year, Like the
same week I got drafted to Baltimore, and I was
in the hotel like that. They put the rookies in
in Owings Mills and I was, I've.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Been in there.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Yeah, I out.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
I would sit out back in the parking lot and
smoke black and miles back there and just chill and
I was just like I have been saying, I'm going
to start writing music, and it's like I'm not doing
nothing up here if I'm not in the building, like
I'm just kind of chilling out, like I'm just going
to start making music. And I started making music back then.
The first two years, I didn't let anybody know that
I was making music. And then I started like realizing
(15:36):
some of my friends from back home were producers, started
locking in with them. It just kind of became a
thing and I started. I've been releasing music since probably
like twenty seventeen. It's just like off of just hey man,
Like I am naturally drawn to this and I love
doing it.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
And I've seen the growth in myself.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
I say what I've seen growth like as a as
a player, like going from like a guy that had like,
oh he's got some potential, and like it really just
work working in on like little details, Like I've been
in the same way with music with like deliveries and
ideas and perspectives and melodies like things like that. It's
just it's just been a super fun journey for me
and it's like, now that I'm done playing football, it's like, yeah,
(16:16):
I'm definitely an artists, I'm definitely creative, but it's like
this is just like something that I want to do,
Like this is something that whether anything comes from it
or not, I will always be creating like this. It's
it's like a spiritually like my great grandfather was a
jazz musician, so it's like these are kind of things
are in me. So I'll always be doing this and
I'm just grateful to have the time to pour into
(16:37):
it more and just continue to share it with the world.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Is music your way of journaling?
Speaker 3 (16:41):
It is?
Speaker 1 (16:42):
It is, man, It is because my songs can range.
They reflect all the different parts of me. There's like
songs like the one I just released, the top play song,
it's like, you know, the more competitive, like football type
side of me, and there's like emotional song. We're like
ones of depth and just like what's going on in
(17:02):
my head. Like it's just and they can they'll all range,
they'll all be different like peopleill see, like the next
few songs that I have coming out will sound nothing
like each other.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
So it's like it's a it's a great creative tool.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
In a lot of ways when I'm not even truly
conscious of it, the words that are deep within me,
like subconsciously are coming out in what I'm writing. And
that's like I'll look back and I'll be like, damn,
that was trying to come out of me. I was
almost maybe trying to suppress it in a way. I
don't know, but it is a great expression tool. And
like when as I was doing it and getting more
into it, when I got sober, like that's what it was.
(17:34):
It was almost a way for me to like speak
things into existence before they happen. So that's why it's
become such an amazing tool and just way of doing life.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
You know, what's your process for creating a song? I've
trained With's Khalifa, Demo, Levado, Jonas Brothers, Snoop Michaels that
I hang out every week, so I hear a lot
about different processes of creating a song, creating music.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
What's you Yeah, it usually revolves around like hearing some
type of sound or being sent a beat that i'll
just you know, kind of sit with. I don't ever
really write things before music is there. It's kind of
like the music moved in a way. So it's just
you know, and being patient with that. It's not putting
a timer on the process or going into it saying
(18:19):
like all right, I gotta make a banger today or
I got to make a hit today. It's more so
like what is this music? What are these sounds? Where
are these chords? Like bringing out of me? What is
my you know, spirit trying to express as it meets
this music like, and it's usually something with some with
some depth to it.
Speaker 3 (18:38):
Sometimes you get some hard hitten bangers out of me.
But it's like, yeah, it's.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
Just like being being patient with it and not allowing
like the instant gratification parts of my mind to be like,
all right, what's me the song being bing, being mean
and being put it out make it impressive. It's like, no,
let's make this authentic, Let's make this have intentionality behind it.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Trying to approach it from that standpoint.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
But is it show it's the music first, and then
is it an idea and everything comes from an idea
or is it just like I just want to put
words in to this music that that's that's motivating me.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
For me, honestly, I think words and ideas flow simultaneously.
A lot of times.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
I usually will come up more times than not, and
usually coming up like with a hook or a chorus first,
and then from there it's like me and like if
I'm collaborating with people will be like all right, like what,
like what do you think?
Speaker 3 (19:28):
Like what are we talking about here?
Speaker 1 (19:29):
And it's like okay, Like from what I have right now,
it's it's trending towards this way I'm talking about overcoming
this or like this tough chapter in my life. It's
like from there, it's like okay, boom, like that's the
direction we're going with for the verses. So it's like
I feel like the idea comes as those initial words
are to come out.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
And like it's almost like the same thing, like my
body will be.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Like there's like this natural like yes, this works, or
it's like something I'll be like okay, like now let's
just keep working with to see what comes. But it's
like that feeling of like yes is so clear in
my body in my mind like and feel it, and
then it's from there it's whatever that idea was, we're
moving in that direction with the verses, with the lines
with the wordplay kind of moves like.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
That how often are you in studio.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
I'm not an everyday studio person, but I mean I'm writing,
I'm cooking up stuff at least like every other day minimum.
Because for me, it's like I understand like getting the reps,
getting the work in, so I am recording fairly regularly
and writing fairly regularly. But at the same time, it's
like my music is more like authentic, and so it's
like I need like life experiences and not like being
(20:33):
locked in the studio almost because then I won't have
much life to write about. It's kind of like my standpoint.
But yeah, it's at least a few days a week.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
You said something earlier too, like, man, you've been doing
this since you're four years old. So one thing I
always get, you know, nervous by guys when their careers
ending is they don't have their structure as far as
like you're away is told where to go, when to go,
who to train with, who to sit with, who to
heat with, what time you're studying, what time you're you're playing,
what time you practice, what time you're lifting. Now that
you don't have that, how difficult has that been? And
(21:03):
are you doing things to make sure you have a
structure in your life.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Yeah, Luckily I've gotten introduced to like a new group
and fellowship of men over the last year that have
been on me about like writing up, writing out my
daily schedule. It's like, you know, like this morning, I've
woke up, meditated, prayed, walked around my neighborhood, gone a
twelve step meeting at eight, and after this, I'm going
(21:29):
to go work it out because I'm training for this
high Rocks event.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
So I got to workout at ten. I got therapised
this afternoon.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
On Mondays, I help out with this like seven year
old kids flag practice.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
They do like offensive drills on Mondays. So I'll go
over there.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
So it's like and writing those things out in my
journal before my day starts. I was like, I can
check them off as I go because that idle time
it's just as dangerous as it is.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
And that's what I want to every offer to listener
to understand that when you're done, don't look at it
like what am I going to do now? I'm just
gonna float through life. No, you got to continue to
have that structure because that's how we are ingrained to do.
We're ingrained practice, practice, practice, and like Darren saying, too,
you don't want your out of mind to sit there
and take you down a bad road there, So make
sure you have a structure, all right. Last question, I
(22:16):
asked all my guests, give me your own breakable moment,
the moment that should have broken you could have and didn't,
and as a result, you came through the other side
of that tunnel stronger forever in life.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
I think we talked about my overdose. I want to
talk about a different one. I think a lot of
people have heard about the story of how I got
acquired by the Raiders, from the Ravens, from being on
the practice squad and from them seeing me work out
before the game. But that was Thanksgiving of that season,
so that was like two thirds of the way through
that season, and I felt like I was approaching the
(22:48):
practice squad.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
And coming with a good attitude. I think eleven it
was twelve weeks. It was eleven of them.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Leading up to that week before that Raiders game, I
was kind of down because there was a lot of
tight ends that were getting hurt and I was thinking, like, man,
like I should be getting my shot, I should be
getting an opportunity now.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
And it was kind of discouraging. It was like kind
of comes to the realization, like.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Man, I really might not ever play in the game again,
and so it was kind of like tough for me
to kind of get going at practice that week. I
think I still like performed well, but it was just
like the state that I was in wasn't as good
and as strong and as president as I was weeks before.
And I get to that Sunday morning and that workout
that that got claimed from I was debating, like I
(23:29):
don't even want to really do this this week, like
I've been doing it every week, what's the point? And
going out there and doing it anyway opened the wind,
opened the door for them to see me and for
me to be claimed the very next day. And I
look back on that moment and it's like, man, Like,
there were times where it's like, man, it wasn't like
(23:49):
I said at the beginning, it wasn't happening the way
that I wanted to wasn't happening fast enough the timing
of it, and I was about to let that throw
me off from.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
The opportunity that I was there.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
So it's like you never know who's watching, You never
know what could be right around in the corner, and
you just got to continue to stick to what your
values are, what your practices are, even if there's no
results that are coming, because it's more so a reflection
of who you are as opposed to like if your
circumstances are perfect, Like circumstances can be great one day
rough than next, but like who you are can always
(24:19):
remain constant, and you may walk smack into an opportunity
not even knowing.
Speaker 3 (24:23):
And that's what happened for me that day.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
So it was like I was feeling like I was
broken in, like I was gonna be back working at
sprouts leading up to that week, but I was presented
with an opportunity that changed the trajectory of my life
that weekend. And I'm grateful that I chose to lace
up my leaves and just go out there and put
more reps in that day.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
Man, I love that dude. So first of all, mental
toughness is doing stuff that you don't want to do.
And second, I always say, you never know what lies
around next Tuesday. You never know when that opportunity is
gonna come. So you got to give your all even
when you don't want to. Man, I love that, dude.
I appreciate you joining us. Tell everybody where you could
find your music and what's your latest?
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Yeah, music wise, just my government, it may Darren Waller, Spotify,
Apple Music, whatever wherever you stream at.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
Definitely more music on the way.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
The most recent song up put out was called top
Play That's Out and Instagram rack wall with two k's
r A c kk W a l L. Same on
TikTok Twitter's rack wall eighty three. Lots of cool stuff comes,
lots of different kinds of content. But yeah, man, just
grateful to be able to have this conversation with you today.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
You too, man, prid you dude, I really remember you,
keep working on being proud of you. Thank you, man,
appreciate you joining up.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
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