November 14, 2024 • 20 mins
In this urgent special report, Philly icons and official Eagles representatives Paulie & Tony Fusco dig deep into all the reasons why the Dallas Cowboys stink more than a pig farm. Then they reach across the aisle to present SMART solutions to help the Cowboys fix their STUPID stadium, even calling AT&T Stadium to try and give them ideas... but as usual, the Cowboys manage to SCREW EVERYTHING UP.
Rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts 5-stars bro.
Shop tremendous merch store here bro: https://fuscoshow.myspreadshop.com/
#fsr
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
All right, a right, Yah, I'm into your life from Philly.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
It's the number one rated Polly and Tony.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Fools show ya as always, Polly Fools Go here with
Tony Fools, Go with Tony, huge.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
And very important show that.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Oh yeah, today we're gonna dive into the big story
gripping our entire country, sending the soft biased media into
a frenzy about the blue team taking the big l's
and most embarrassing growouts in recent history of source. We're
talking about the Dallas Cowboys. Who else will we be
talking about exactly? And that's why today we're gonna bring
(00:43):
you a special report, Cowboys in Crisis.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Cowboys in Crisis.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Here we go.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Yep, We're gonna dive into all the big stories surrounding
America's worst team, all the internal conflicts, Jerry versus Dak,
Jerry verse Mike McCarthy, Jerry versus the Sun, and uh,
you know, we're also going to give some solutions Tony
on how they can fix their dumb stadium.
Speaker 4 (01:07):
There.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Yeah we are.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Yeah, but before that, you know, the Eagles they play
the Commanders tonight on Thursday Night Football. But we're not
going to talk about that now in this show. And
see the reason for that is because we looked up
what they call in the media business demographics and yet
what they what we found is that even though the
show comes on Thursdays, right, fifty percent of our lazy
(01:30):
audience watches it or listens to the show on a
Friday or after that. So that means you right now
watching this listening might be one of those lazy bums
watching this over the weekend and wondering why we're not
talking about the Eagles beating the Commanders. So here's our
question for you. Well, what the well you're so busy
doing on Thursday?
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Yeah, we know you weren't working.
Speaker 5 (01:52):
Now, a demographic research showed that ninety eight percent of
our audience is either unemployed, lives at home with their parents,
or has an average income of negative eighty six thousand
dollars because they're either kids who live at home with
their parents or grown men who live at home with
their parents.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
And here we are busting our ass to make content
to take your mind off your miserable life, and yet
you can't even show up to watch a podcast on time.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
You know, no wonder you're unemployed.
Speaker 5 (02:24):
Sorry, and here's a job for you leave a comment
here and then go to Apple Podcasts and rate and
review this.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Now you actually have a job. See, now you have
a job. Now you work in By the way, you're
on the subject of our demographics, Tony, we got to
get in a word from our sponsor. You know, they
saw the demographics and just wanted to hit a bullseye
with that target audience.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Terrific.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
So that's why it's time right now for a word
from our good friends at Hot Pockets.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Are you too lazy to cook?
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Or maybe your mom went out tonight or your home
watching YouTube videos on a Friday because you're fourteen Hot Pockets?
Speaker 3 (03:01):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 5 (03:03):
The other day I ran into my aunt Marie's boyfriend
Nuncio in the frozen aisle at the grocery store, and
he told me he was going to my aunt's apartment
to eat a hot pocket and I said, wow, which
flavor you get? And then he said fish And I said, wait,
they don't make a fish flavored. And then he said,
(03:24):
you know what, actually, let's just keep calling.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Let's just you know, maybe just end the ad there, right,
that's what good call. All right, we'll discuss all of
that later, Tony put a pin in that. Anyway, it's
tie right now to get into our special report, Cowboys
in Crisis.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Cowboys in Crisis.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Okay, as we bring you this special report our first story.
You know, the other day we saw a shocking and
one hundred percent true quote from Cowboys owner Jerry Jones
while he is discussing Dak's injury. Jerry said, and this
is a quote true quote, his prognosis is wonderful. It
just means we're not going to have him for the
rest of the year.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Wow, Toty.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Clear to me that Jerry Joe just said it was
wonderful that Doc is out for the rest of the season.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
Seems that way to me.
Speaker 5 (04:12):
Clearly Jerry was worried that Dak would be able to
play again soon or anytime this season, so clearly he
was relieved when that wasn't the case.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Yeah, and you know, talking about being relieved, Donty, you know,
there are a lot of concerns that if Dak even
does get healthy that you know, mobility was already an
issue again and his mobility will only get worse.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
But what do you say to that, Doty.
Speaker 5 (04:35):
I have absolutely zero concerns about Dak's mobility. In fact,
I think next year he'll be so mobile that he'll
move all the way to Birmingham to play in the
UFL YEP, and then when he gets cut two games
into the season, he'll move all the way to Saskatchewan
to play in the CFL. And then I think he'll
move all the way to Wisconsin where he'll be a
(04:58):
cashier at a hardware So of all the concerns I
have about Dak, mobility isn't one of them.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Just terrific and sound analysis that Dody And well, you know,
another thing going on with the team. There's a lot
of rumors that Jerry Jones will bring in Bill Belichick.
Yeah a place Mike McCarthy, And this sounds like a
great fit, doesn't it, Doty.
Speaker 5 (05:21):
Absolutely, Bill Belichick is a perfect fit for the Cowboys
because there's one thing we know Bill Belichick loves to
do bank cheerleaders, and the Cowboys have some of the
most bangable cheerleaders in the NFL.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
YEP.
Speaker 5 (05:35):
When his current girlfriend gets to be too old, you know,
like twenty six, twenty seven years old, Bill Belichick will
be able to select from a bevy of hot, young
fresh out of college dancers who have very serious daddy issues.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
It's a perfect fit all around.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Just exquisite analysis once again, Dody. And you know, if
it doesn't work out with Belichick, here's another name for
Cowboys head coach Jack del Rio. You know, if you
saw the news, he was just arrested for drunk driving
in Wisconsin. As we all know, drunk driving is legal
in Texas.
Speaker 5 (06:10):
Absolutely, if you're going to coach the Cowboys, you're gonna
need to have a few drinks per day just to
be able to get through your miserable life. I mean,
I'm surprised Mike McCarthy isn't just mainlining heroin in the
blue tent during timeouts in the games?
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Meet too, don'ty meet? I mean, I assume he is. Maybe,
you know, he says, let's talking about coaching here. Let's
just move to Nick Sirianni just for a moment. We
gotta tell you, you know, we gotta bring it. We
got to bring this up. You know, even though the
game is to night, you know, he'll probably be six
and zero by bet right now as we're watching this.
You know, the fifty percent of you non lazy people,
(06:46):
Nick Sirianni is five and oh since shaving his head.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
And you know, this gave us an idea. You know
what if Mike McCarthy shaved his head.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
You know, we don't want to give free advice of
the cowboys, don'ty, but maybe that would turn things around.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
You know.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
In fact, just to get this going, we went ahead
and we use the latest advanced modern AI photo revising
technology to see what Mike McCarthy would look like bold,
you know, with a shaved head. Look ahead, put that
graphic up there. Let's see. Wow, wow, look at that.
It's actually it's quite an improvement. Donty, it looks great.
(07:23):
That's his four and door maybe five and two to me.
Look how happy he looks.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Come on, oh, what.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Do you know?
Speaker 6 (07:32):
That's not Mike McCarthy it is it is clearly just
used the photo of Curly from the Three Stooges.
Speaker 5 (07:39):
Oh yeah, well you're clearly annoying. I'll show you a
photo of Curly. It's a picture of your mom's pubes.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Oh stop talking, just stopped talking.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
Get out of it.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Back to our special report.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
You know, all right, another issue plaguing the cowboys, don'ty.
You know it's the sun. You know, it's blinding the
players as they go to catch the ball. Now, Jerry,
he's saying, well, what if people want me to do
tear the stadium down and start again?
Speaker 2 (08:07):
No, no, no, that's drastic measures.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
You know, we came up with a bunch of different
solutions that are much stay we did that would actually
help the tame. And you know, Tony, you had so
many good ones. Tell them the solution you had the
other day.
Speaker 5 (08:22):
Sure, you know, what if you put the stadium on
a lazy Susan you know, one of the things in
the cabinet that swivels around, yep, or one of those
like spinny platforms that they put the products on from
the prices, right, you know that way, instead of having
to rebuild the whole stadium, you could just rotate the
stadium not to face the sun.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
That's just brilliant engineering, Tony. And yeah, here's another one
I thought of. What if you just dug a hole?
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Right, you dig a hole, big hole under the stadium, brilliant,
and then you lower the stadium into the hole like.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
A big coffin exactly that way.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
You know, you're looking out the window and you see dirt,
not the sun.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (09:01):
And also this way people can't leave that terrible game early,
which had forced them to buy more concessions.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Yeah, they'd be stuck under the ground.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
But exactly, go.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
And what if as another idea, you remember the solar
eclipse toty. Of course people still have those solar eclipse glasses.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Why don't the players just use it?
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Use those, you know, that way they can see.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
The passes and also if there is a solar eclipse,
or they could see that dough, which would be more entertaining.
Speaker 5 (09:30):
Yeah, like a body watcher play in the game. Absolutely brilliant.
And here's another idea. You know how Mike McCarthy's a
really big guy. Well, instead of having him coach the team,
which he's terrible at doing, how about you have him
just stand in front of the window and block out
the sun.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
And let's be honest, it would be a better use
of his time.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Absolutely, And you know, thinking about it, if you need
more extra plus sized coaches, you know, to fill that
window space, you bring back you know, Wade fill ups, brilliant.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Bill Passels, those Cowboys coaches.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
That way you get the extra coaching and also the
extra sun blocking.
Speaker 5 (10:07):
Absolutely, you know, I gotta say these are all just
terrific ideas they are, you know, I.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Mean, I gotta say, I don't want to help.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
The cowboys, but with ideas this brilliant, you know, it
would be a shame for us, you know, not your.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
You know what?
Speaker 1 (10:23):
I got an idea, Tony, Hey, get the number of
the AD and T Stadium back there, you're useless producer
on the screen here, this is something you can do.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
Google the number.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
We're gonna call. What we're gonna do. We're gonna call them.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Okay, let's call a D and T Stadium, Like, call
them up, get Jerry Jones on the line, and we'll
just run these ideas by him. You know, this is
our way. What do they say, Tony? Like the kumbayada?
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Will you just kicked your Saturday? We just kick their
teeth in is we want to help you? Got that already?
Put the number. A good job. You did something. You
find the number, Rupia. We'll see if this is the
real number.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
All right, okay, Donny, all right, I'm gonna dial the
number here, but you know, just put the phone up
to the speaker so we can down here.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
What's going on?
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Sounds good?
Speaker 4 (11:08):
We're contacting at and T Stadium, the.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Home of the Dallas of course, automated, you know, yeah, yeah, sales.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
And service Press one for sweet sales, Press two.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
They want to see. No one's buying that stuff.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
What do you say, sun?
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Yeah, Solar fixes.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
For the tours department Press.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
No, No, nobody wants a number?
Speaker 3 (11:34):
Is sun fixes for.
Speaker 4 (11:36):
The ticket office? Press eight.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Nobody's buying that Press nine? Of course?
Speaker 3 (11:42):
What is this?
Speaker 2 (11:43):
All right, let's try zero? All right, all right, there
we go. Okay, what was that? What is going on here?
That operating? Is it just as bad as their team?
Speaker 3 (12:01):
You know, when you call the link, Jeffrey Lore answers
the phone, you have to go through this whole rigamarole.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Oh listen, listen to the hold music they got, Tony,
listen to this.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
It's not hold music. This music phoning everything in. They
can't even have their own hold music.
Speaker 7 (12:16):
No.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Oh, then here we go. Yeah, this is slow. This
is why the organization you called it.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Yeah, this is this shows you how the organization's working exactly, Tony.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
This is just bad radio.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
I gotta admit, you know, but leave it to the
cowboys to ruin everything. Yeah, you know what we gotta do.
Let's take a quick commercial break.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Yeah, it's take a commercial break.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
We're gonna come back and we're going to see where
we're at.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Okay, we'll be right back after this. Okay.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Well, as you can see, we're back from commercial and
still on hold with eight D and D.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
Eighty for like thirty minutes.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Tony, this is this is like watching a Cowboys game.
It's like watching a Cowboys game, and it is just
going right.
Speaker 5 (13:04):
Point, Paulie, That's exactly what it feels like. They're trying
to get you ready for the Cowboys offense by putting
you to sleep and making you depressed.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Here we are calling with solutions to fix the dumb
sail them, and this is this is how they tread us.
I gotta say, though, Tony, this hold music, I do
kind of like it. You know, it's got some rhythm
though it.
Speaker 5 (13:27):
You know, you know it is very relaxing. I gotta say, yeah,
my blood pressure is probably like gone down.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
It's now very very low.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
True. It's kind of working on me now. I kind
of get what they're do.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
When they Yeah, they lull you to sleep.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
You know it switched. I heard the music switched. I
think it looped, Tony.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
I think it looped.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Yeah, you're right, they probably you know, with the budgets
that they pay Dak, they couldn't afford to pay for
more Hold music, so they just had to keep re
using the same song.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
I feel like I'm in that movie, you know, the
one that Bill Murray where he's repeating the same day
over and over.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
What was the name of that movie? What was it?
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Scrooged Scrooged?
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Right, I feel like I'm in Scrooged, you know where.
It's just it's the.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Same day over and over. And you know, Scrooge is
the one controlling the days, you know.
Speaker 5 (14:18):
And I think we should switch the phone back to
producing Jay. Make him hold, that's what we should do.
Keep him occupied.
Speaker 6 (14:25):
You guys should just hang out this this the segment
is going nowhere.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Oh oh, don't worry. You're the one going nowhere. Six
into the ground, bro, that's where you're going exactly. He's
jealous because we came up with the segment, and he did, you.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
Know what, We're gonna hang up because we want to.
Here's what we're gonna do.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
All right, let's go back. How would we go back
to the main line? Here, You're gonna hang up. Let's
go back to that main line, Tony. All right, let's.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Listen very carefully to the options, because we weren't and
you know, we weren't talking a lot over that. Maybe
we missed the thing about sun help, Sola help. Okay, okay,
let's listen very careful. Yeah, all right, one more time.
Speaker 4 (15:01):
Yeah, okay, for contacting at and T Stadium, the home
of the Dallas Cowboys. Our office hours are Monday through
Friday from nine am to five p m.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
Okay, that's right now.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
In service press one, no, Sweet Sales, Press two, no
or them sales Press three, no or guest services press.
Try that for lost and found press five.
Speaker 5 (15:24):
Oh oh maybe that yeah, lost in sounds Yeah, like
we lost the eyesight because we're staring into the sun press.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
Okay, that's good, Tony.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Maybe they maybe what you got to do is talk
called the ticket office. Let's let's try this. See there's
a number for the ticket office. Okay, here we go.
Speaker 7 (15:40):
Thank you for calling the Dallas Cowboys Sweet Sales and
Marketing Department.
Speaker 4 (15:46):
Press.
Speaker 7 (15:47):
This is the best option that that's your need. Press one.
If you're interested in leasing a luxury suite at at
and T Stadium.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Yeah, I do.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
How about that? And I'm going to ask them.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
I just want to do it, but I don't want
the one that's not getting this in our eyes.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
I'm concerned. Thank you for.
Speaker 7 (16:02):
Calling the Dallas Cowboys Sweet Sales and Marketing Department. It's
very important to us. Please be your name all right?
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Well, you know what, I'll leave a message. Yeah, you
know this is a Balifulsco call. And you know number
one rated Polly Antoni Fusco show. They know who we
are anyway, they know you know, we're official representatives of
Philadelphia Eagles. Look, well, you know we're going to be
coming next year the games, you know, and we don't
want to be blinded by the sun if we're going
to be sitting in one of your luxury seats like
we always do. So we just want to make sure
(16:32):
you know that we're not going to go there and
have the sun in our eyes blinding us the entire time,
because you know, I like vision, I like my eyeballs,
I like being able to see things. Yep, you know,
just quick, you know, we had some ideas maybe before
we get there next year, you know, you could because
we're not going to be seeing.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
You in the playoffs. We know that now we're already out.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
But what we're gonna do, what we'd like you to
do is, you know, maybe consider putting the stadium on
a lazy susan, you know, one of those things in
a cabinet, you know, and uh, you know you'll to
see them on the prices, right, maybe you could do that, uh,
and then you spin the stadium, you know, and then
also you know, maybe uh, have you thought about maybe
putting a hole in the ground. Then you just lower
(17:11):
the stadium into a big hole. That way, it's you know,
that way there's no sunlight. I just just giving you
options here. I'd like you to explore them before we
get there again. Okay, I know you're gonna have a
lot of time because you won't be at the playoffs anyway,
So get started on that and I we'll see you
next year, okay.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
And oh yes, you know, yes, we know you're very
thankful for this call. All right? Yeah, okay, don't we did?
Speaker 1 (17:36):
We at least got through to a voicemail toty, I'm
sure anytime. I mean, I'm sure I've got my phone here,
just waiting for the ring.
Speaker 7 (17:45):
All right.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Well, you know that that is good journalism. That was that?
Speaker 1 (17:48):
That seems like a fitting way to conclude our special reports.
We want you to remind you visit our sponsor. You
know your good friends are good friends at Hot Pockets.
Speaker 5 (17:59):
Yeah, oh wait ah, you kidding me? If it isn't
nobody's friend.
Speaker 6 (18:07):
What in the last show you made so many mistakes
I didn't even get around to telling you. Deebo Samuel
showed the long snapper. You said he shoved the kicker.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Oh well, on the subject of debo and kickers, I'm
going to kick you in the balls.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (18:27):
After the show, I'm gonna shove my wang and to
your mom's long snapper.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Oh wait, you said.
Speaker 6 (18:37):
Jerry Jones said Dak's prognosis is wonderful because he's out
for the season.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Yeah that's what he said, Bro, Yeah his words.
Speaker 6 (18:44):
Bro, that's clearly not what he meant. He said the
prognosis was wonderful because Dak will make a recovery for
next season, not because he's out for this season.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Oh yeah, well, you know what won't make a recovery,
the coast Guard after I dump your body in the ocean.
Speaker 5 (19:05):
Yeah, and your doctor just gave me your prognosis, you
have a one hundred chance of virginity.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Oh great one, don Yeah, why go?
Speaker 6 (19:18):
You said, Jack del Rio is a good fit to
coach the Cowboys because drinking and driving is legal in Texas.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Bro, yeah, it's part of that culture. Bro.
Speaker 6 (19:28):
Yeah, I assure you there is nowhere in this country
where drinking and driving is legal. Frankly, that might be
the stupidest thing you've ever said.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
No, the stupidest thing we've ever said is you're hired.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
Yeah, and you know what's a good fit? Me inside
your mother?
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Oh not great one, Donty, Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
You know, I just got.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Doty what I just got a message that next week
on this show, talk about a good fit for our guest,
it will be Nick Falls hero Eagles legend. He will
be believable today, don't forget rate and revealed his podcast
on Subscribe and review. Visit the merch Store Merchant by
all the Merchant Doughty.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Great job as always.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
Same to you, Poorly, another floorless show.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
There you go.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
We'll see a people, Uh maybe after the Eagles game
if we want, we'll see We'll check it out.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
Ye see your
All right, a right, Yah, I'm into your life from Philly.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
It's the number one rated Polly and Tony.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Fools show ya as always, Polly Fools Go here with
Tony Fools, Go with Tony, huge.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
And very important show that.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Oh yeah, today we're gonna dive into the big story
gripping our entire country, sending the soft biased media into
a frenzy about the blue team taking the big l's
and most embarrassing growouts in recent history of source. We're
talking about the Dallas Cowboys. Who else will we be
talking about exactly? And that's why today we're gonna bring
(00:43):
you a special report, Cowboys in Crisis.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Cowboys in Crisis.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Here we go.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Yep, We're gonna dive into all the big stories surrounding
America's worst team, all the internal conflicts, Jerry versus Dak,
Jerry verse Mike McCarthy, Jerry versus the Sun, and uh,
you know, we're also going to give some solutions Tony
on how they can fix their dumb stadium.
Speaker 4 (01:07):
There.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Yeah we are.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Yeah, but before that, you know, the Eagles they play
the Commanders tonight on Thursday Night Football. But we're not
going to talk about that now in this show. And
see the reason for that is because we looked up
what they call in the media business demographics and yet
what they what we found is that even though the
show comes on Thursdays, right, fifty percent of our lazy
(01:30):
audience watches it or listens to the show on a
Friday or after that. So that means you right now
watching this listening might be one of those lazy bums
watching this over the weekend and wondering why we're not
talking about the Eagles beating the Commanders. So here's our
question for you. Well, what the well you're so busy
doing on Thursday?
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Yeah, we know you weren't working.
Speaker 5 (01:52):
Now, a demographic research showed that ninety eight percent of
our audience is either unemployed, lives at home with their parents,
or has an average income of negative eighty six thousand
dollars because they're either kids who live at home with
their parents or grown men who live at home with
their parents.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
And here we are busting our ass to make content
to take your mind off your miserable life, and yet
you can't even show up to watch a podcast on time.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
You know, no wonder you're unemployed.
Speaker 5 (02:24):
Sorry, and here's a job for you leave a comment
here and then go to Apple Podcasts and rate and
review this.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Now you actually have a job. See, now you have
a job. Now you work in By the way, you're
on the subject of our demographics, Tony, we got to
get in a word from our sponsor. You know, they
saw the demographics and just wanted to hit a bullseye
with that target audience.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Terrific.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
So that's why it's time right now for a word
from our good friends at Hot Pockets.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Are you too lazy to cook?
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Or maybe your mom went out tonight or your home
watching YouTube videos on a Friday because you're fourteen Hot Pockets?
Speaker 3 (03:01):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 5 (03:03):
The other day I ran into my aunt Marie's boyfriend
Nuncio in the frozen aisle at the grocery store, and
he told me he was going to my aunt's apartment
to eat a hot pocket and I said, wow, which
flavor you get? And then he said fish And I said, wait,
they don't make a fish flavored. And then he said,
(03:24):
you know what, actually, let's just keep calling.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Let's just you know, maybe just end the ad there, right,
that's what good call. All right, we'll discuss all of
that later, Tony put a pin in that. Anyway, it's
tie right now to get into our special report, Cowboys
in Crisis.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Cowboys in Crisis.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Okay, as we bring you this special report our first story.
You know, the other day we saw a shocking and
one hundred percent true quote from Cowboys owner Jerry Jones
while he is discussing Dak's injury. Jerry said, and this
is a quote true quote, his prognosis is wonderful. It
just means we're not going to have him for the
rest of the year.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Wow, Toty.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Clear to me that Jerry Joe just said it was
wonderful that Doc is out for the rest of the season.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
Seems that way to me.
Speaker 5 (04:12):
Clearly Jerry was worried that Dak would be able to
play again soon or anytime this season, so clearly he
was relieved when that wasn't the case.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Yeah, and you know, talking about being relieved, Donty, you know,
there are a lot of concerns that if Dak even
does get healthy that you know, mobility was already an
issue again and his mobility will only get worse.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
But what do you say to that, Doty.
Speaker 5 (04:35):
I have absolutely zero concerns about Dak's mobility. In fact,
I think next year he'll be so mobile that he'll
move all the way to Birmingham to play in the
UFL YEP, and then when he gets cut two games
into the season, he'll move all the way to Saskatchewan
to play in the CFL. And then I think he'll
move all the way to Wisconsin where he'll be a
(04:58):
cashier at a hardware So of all the concerns I
have about Dak, mobility isn't one of them.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Just terrific and sound analysis that Dody And well, you know,
another thing going on with the team. There's a lot
of rumors that Jerry Jones will bring in Bill Belichick.
Yeah a place Mike McCarthy, And this sounds like a
great fit, doesn't it, Doty.
Speaker 5 (05:21):
Absolutely, Bill Belichick is a perfect fit for the Cowboys
because there's one thing we know Bill Belichick loves to
do bank cheerleaders, and the Cowboys have some of the
most bangable cheerleaders in the NFL.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
YEP.
Speaker 5 (05:35):
When his current girlfriend gets to be too old, you know,
like twenty six, twenty seven years old, Bill Belichick will
be able to select from a bevy of hot, young
fresh out of college dancers who have very serious daddy issues.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
It's a perfect fit all around.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Just exquisite analysis once again, Dody. And you know, if
it doesn't work out with Belichick, here's another name for
Cowboys head coach Jack del Rio. You know, if you
saw the news, he was just arrested for drunk driving
in Wisconsin. As we all know, drunk driving is legal
in Texas.
Speaker 5 (06:10):
Absolutely, if you're going to coach the Cowboys, you're gonna
need to have a few drinks per day just to
be able to get through your miserable life. I mean,
I'm surprised Mike McCarthy isn't just mainlining heroin in the
blue tent during timeouts in the games?
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Meet too, don'ty meet? I mean, I assume he is. Maybe,
you know, he says, let's talking about coaching here. Let's
just move to Nick Sirianni just for a moment. We
gotta tell you, you know, we gotta bring it. We
got to bring this up. You know, even though the
game is to night, you know, he'll probably be six
and zero by bet right now as we're watching this.
You know, the fifty percent of you non lazy people,
(06:46):
Nick Sirianni is five and oh since shaving his head.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
And you know, this gave us an idea. You know
what if Mike McCarthy shaved his head.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
You know, we don't want to give free advice of
the cowboys, don'ty, but maybe that would turn things around.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
You know.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
In fact, just to get this going, we went ahead
and we use the latest advanced modern AI photo revising
technology to see what Mike McCarthy would look like bold,
you know, with a shaved head. Look ahead, put that
graphic up there. Let's see. Wow, wow, look at that.
It's actually it's quite an improvement. Donty, it looks great.
(07:23):
That's his four and door maybe five and two to me.
Look how happy he looks.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Come on, oh, what.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Do you know?
Speaker 6 (07:32):
That's not Mike McCarthy it is it is clearly just
used the photo of Curly from the Three Stooges.
Speaker 5 (07:39):
Oh yeah, well you're clearly annoying. I'll show you a
photo of Curly. It's a picture of your mom's pubes.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Oh stop talking, just stopped talking.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
Get out of it.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Back to our special report.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
You know, all right, another issue plaguing the cowboys, don'ty.
You know it's the sun. You know, it's blinding the
players as they go to catch the ball. Now, Jerry,
he's saying, well, what if people want me to do
tear the stadium down and start again?
Speaker 2 (08:07):
No, no, no, that's drastic measures.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
You know, we came up with a bunch of different
solutions that are much stay we did that would actually
help the tame. And you know, Tony, you had so
many good ones. Tell them the solution you had the
other day.
Speaker 5 (08:22):
Sure, you know, what if you put the stadium on
a lazy Susan you know, one of the things in
the cabinet that swivels around, yep, or one of those
like spinny platforms that they put the products on from
the prices, right, you know that way, instead of having
to rebuild the whole stadium, you could just rotate the
stadium not to face the sun.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
That's just brilliant engineering, Tony. And yeah, here's another one
I thought of. What if you just dug a hole?
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Right, you dig a hole, big hole under the stadium, brilliant,
and then you lower the stadium into the hole like.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
A big coffin exactly that way.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
You know, you're looking out the window and you see dirt,
not the sun.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (09:01):
And also this way people can't leave that terrible game early,
which had forced them to buy more concessions.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Yeah, they'd be stuck under the ground.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
But exactly, go.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
And what if as another idea, you remember the solar
eclipse toty. Of course people still have those solar eclipse glasses.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Why don't the players just use it?
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Use those, you know, that way they can see.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
The passes and also if there is a solar eclipse,
or they could see that dough, which would be more entertaining.
Speaker 5 (09:30):
Yeah, like a body watcher play in the game. Absolutely brilliant.
And here's another idea. You know how Mike McCarthy's a
really big guy. Well, instead of having him coach the team,
which he's terrible at doing, how about you have him
just stand in front of the window and block out
the sun.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
And let's be honest, it would be a better use
of his time.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Absolutely, And you know, thinking about it, if you need
more extra plus sized coaches, you know, to fill that
window space, you bring back you know, Wade fill ups, brilliant.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Bill Passels, those Cowboys coaches.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
That way you get the extra coaching and also the
extra sun blocking.
Speaker 5 (10:07):
Absolutely, you know, I gotta say these are all just
terrific ideas they are, you know, I.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Mean, I gotta say, I don't want to help.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
The cowboys, but with ideas this brilliant, you know, it
would be a shame for us, you know, not your.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
You know what?
Speaker 1 (10:23):
I got an idea, Tony, Hey, get the number of
the AD and T Stadium back there, you're useless producer
on the screen here, this is something you can do.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
Google the number.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
We're gonna call. What we're gonna do. We're gonna call them.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Okay, let's call a D and T Stadium, Like, call
them up, get Jerry Jones on the line, and we'll
just run these ideas by him. You know, this is
our way. What do they say, Tony? Like the kumbayada?
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Will you just kicked your Saturday? We just kick their
teeth in is we want to help you? Got that already?
Put the number. A good job. You did something. You
find the number, Rupia. We'll see if this is the
real number.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
All right, okay, Donny, all right, I'm gonna dial the
number here, but you know, just put the phone up
to the speaker so we can down here.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
What's going on?
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Sounds good?
Speaker 4 (11:08):
We're contacting at and T Stadium, the.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Home of the Dallas of course, automated, you know, yeah, yeah, sales.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
And service Press one for sweet sales, Press two.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
They want to see. No one's buying that stuff.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
What do you say, sun?
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Yeah, Solar fixes.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
For the tours department Press.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
No, No, nobody wants a number?
Speaker 3 (11:34):
Is sun fixes for.
Speaker 4 (11:36):
The ticket office? Press eight.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Nobody's buying that Press nine? Of course?
Speaker 3 (11:42):
What is this?
Speaker 2 (11:43):
All right, let's try zero? All right, all right, there
we go. Okay, what was that? What is going on here?
That operating? Is it just as bad as their team?
Speaker 3 (12:01):
You know, when you call the link, Jeffrey Lore answers
the phone, you have to go through this whole rigamarole.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Oh listen, listen to the hold music they got, Tony,
listen to this.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
It's not hold music. This music phoning everything in. They
can't even have their own hold music.
Speaker 7 (12:16):
No.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Oh, then here we go. Yeah, this is slow. This
is why the organization you called it.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Yeah, this is this shows you how the organization's working exactly, Tony.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
This is just bad radio.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
I gotta admit, you know, but leave it to the
cowboys to ruin everything. Yeah, you know what we gotta do.
Let's take a quick commercial break.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Yeah, it's take a commercial break.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
We're gonna come back and we're going to see where
we're at.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Okay, we'll be right back after this. Okay.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Well, as you can see, we're back from commercial and
still on hold with eight D and D.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
Eighty for like thirty minutes.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Tony, this is this is like watching a Cowboys game.
It's like watching a Cowboys game, and it is just
going right.
Speaker 5 (13:04):
Point, Paulie, That's exactly what it feels like. They're trying
to get you ready for the Cowboys offense by putting
you to sleep and making you depressed.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Here we are calling with solutions to fix the dumb
sail them, and this is this is how they tread us.
I gotta say, though, Tony, this hold music, I do
kind of like it. You know, it's got some rhythm
though it.
Speaker 5 (13:27):
You know, you know it is very relaxing. I gotta say, yeah,
my blood pressure is probably like gone down.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
It's now very very low.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
True. It's kind of working on me now. I kind
of get what they're do.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
When they Yeah, they lull you to sleep.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
You know it switched. I heard the music switched. I
think it looped, Tony.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
I think it looped.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Yeah, you're right, they probably you know, with the budgets
that they pay Dak, they couldn't afford to pay for
more Hold music, so they just had to keep re
using the same song.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
I feel like I'm in that movie, you know, the
one that Bill Murray where he's repeating the same day
over and over.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
What was the name of that movie? What was it?
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Scrooged Scrooged?
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Right, I feel like I'm in Scrooged, you know where.
It's just it's the.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Same day over and over. And you know, Scrooge is
the one controlling the days, you know.
Speaker 5 (14:18):
And I think we should switch the phone back to
producing Jay. Make him hold, that's what we should do.
Keep him occupied.
Speaker 6 (14:25):
You guys should just hang out this this the segment
is going nowhere.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Oh oh, don't worry. You're the one going nowhere. Six
into the ground, bro, that's where you're going exactly. He's
jealous because we came up with the segment, and he did, you.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
Know what, We're gonna hang up because we want to.
Here's what we're gonna do.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
All right, let's go back. How would we go back
to the main line? Here, You're gonna hang up. Let's
go back to that main line, Tony. All right, let's.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Listen very carefully to the options, because we weren't and
you know, we weren't talking a lot over that. Maybe
we missed the thing about sun help, Sola help. Okay, okay,
let's listen very careful. Yeah, all right, one more time.
Speaker 4 (15:01):
Yeah, okay, for contacting at and T Stadium, the home
of the Dallas Cowboys. Our office hours are Monday through
Friday from nine am to five p m.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
Okay, that's right now.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
In service press one, no, Sweet Sales, Press two, no
or them sales Press three, no or guest services press.
Try that for lost and found press five.
Speaker 5 (15:24):
Oh oh maybe that yeah, lost in sounds Yeah, like
we lost the eyesight because we're staring into the sun press.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
Okay, that's good, Tony.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Maybe they maybe what you got to do is talk
called the ticket office. Let's let's try this. See there's
a number for the ticket office. Okay, here we go.
Speaker 7 (15:40):
Thank you for calling the Dallas Cowboys Sweet Sales and
Marketing Department.
Speaker 4 (15:46):
Press.
Speaker 7 (15:47):
This is the best option that that's your need. Press one.
If you're interested in leasing a luxury suite at at
and T Stadium.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Yeah, I do.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
How about that? And I'm going to ask them.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
I just want to do it, but I don't want
the one that's not getting this in our eyes.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
I'm concerned. Thank you for.
Speaker 7 (16:02):
Calling the Dallas Cowboys Sweet Sales and Marketing Department. It's
very important to us. Please be your name all right?
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Well, you know what, I'll leave a message. Yeah, you
know this is a Balifulsco call. And you know number
one rated Polly Antoni Fusco show. They know who we
are anyway, they know you know, we're official representatives of
Philadelphia Eagles. Look, well, you know we're going to be
coming next year the games, you know, and we don't
want to be blinded by the sun if we're going
to be sitting in one of your luxury seats like
we always do. So we just want to make sure
(16:32):
you know that we're not going to go there and
have the sun in our eyes blinding us the entire time,
because you know, I like vision, I like my eyeballs,
I like being able to see things. Yep, you know,
just quick, you know, we had some ideas maybe before
we get there next year, you know, you could because
we're not going to be seeing.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
You in the playoffs. We know that now we're already out.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
But what we're gonna do, what we'd like you to
do is, you know, maybe consider putting the stadium on
a lazy susan, you know, one of those things in
a cabinet, you know, and uh, you know you'll to
see them on the prices, right, maybe you could do that, uh,
and then you spin the stadium, you know, and then
also you know, maybe uh, have you thought about maybe
putting a hole in the ground. Then you just lower
(17:11):
the stadium into a big hole. That way, it's you know,
that way there's no sunlight. I just just giving you
options here. I'd like you to explore them before we
get there again. Okay, I know you're gonna have a
lot of time because you won't be at the playoffs anyway,
So get started on that and I we'll see you
next year, okay.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
And oh yes, you know, yes, we know you're very
thankful for this call. All right? Yeah, okay, don't we did?
Speaker 1 (17:36):
We at least got through to a voicemail toty, I'm
sure anytime. I mean, I'm sure I've got my phone here,
just waiting for the ring.
Speaker 7 (17:45):
All right.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Well, you know that that is good journalism. That was that?
Speaker 1 (17:48):
That seems like a fitting way to conclude our special reports.
We want you to remind you visit our sponsor. You
know your good friends are good friends at Hot Pockets.
Speaker 5 (17:59):
Yeah, oh wait ah, you kidding me? If it isn't
nobody's friend.
Speaker 6 (18:07):
What in the last show you made so many mistakes
I didn't even get around to telling you. Deebo Samuel
showed the long snapper. You said he shoved the kicker.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Oh well, on the subject of debo and kickers, I'm
going to kick you in the balls.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (18:27):
After the show, I'm gonna shove my wang and to
your mom's long snapper.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Oh wait, you said.
Speaker 6 (18:37):
Jerry Jones said Dak's prognosis is wonderful because he's out
for the season.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Yeah that's what he said, Bro, Yeah his words.
Speaker 6 (18:44):
Bro, that's clearly not what he meant. He said the
prognosis was wonderful because Dak will make a recovery for
next season, not because he's out for this season.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Oh yeah, well, you know what won't make a recovery,
the coast Guard after I dump your body in the ocean.
Speaker 5 (19:05):
Yeah, and your doctor just gave me your prognosis, you
have a one hundred chance of virginity.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Oh great one, don Yeah, why go?
Speaker 6 (19:18):
You said, Jack del Rio is a good fit to
coach the Cowboys because drinking and driving is legal in Texas.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Bro, yeah, it's part of that culture. Bro.
Speaker 6 (19:28):
Yeah, I assure you there is nowhere in this country
where drinking and driving is legal. Frankly, that might be
the stupidest thing you've ever said.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
No, the stupidest thing we've ever said is you're hired.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
Yeah, and you know what's a good fit? Me inside
your mother?
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Oh not great one, Donty, Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
You know, I just got.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Doty what I just got a message that next week
on this show, talk about a good fit for our guest,
it will be Nick Falls hero Eagles legend. He will
be believable today, don't forget rate and revealed his podcast
on Subscribe and review. Visit the merch Store Merchant by
all the Merchant Doughty.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Great job as always.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
Same to you, Poorly, another floorless show.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
There you go.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
We'll see a people, Uh maybe after the Eagles game
if we want, we'll see We'll check it out.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
Ye see your
Fox Sports Radio News
Host
Jonas Knox
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.