Different Planets - Best of Coast to Coast AM - 11/23/24

Guest host Connie Willis and best-selling author Dr. John Gray discuss men, women and the many complications of love. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Now here's a highlight from coast to coast am on iHeartRadio.
Gollye John, you were doing like Oprah and you were
on every show. I remember seeing you myself on every show.
Well and Connie right now you pretty much people who
do podcasts on relationship, they'll see me all over the place. Still, yeah,
get millions of people that listen. I see, You'll never

(00:22):
see me on national TV. The nineties when minefro Mars
was becoming known in the world and it became the
biggest selling book in the world at that time and
for the whole decade. At the end of the decade,
I became too well known. And because my message is
not the narrative. See, the narrative is to dissolve marriage.

(00:43):
There are people that want to end marriage. No what really? Yeah, yeah,
that's what's going on. I mean we're not well half
the people are getting married today that used to get married.
This is not by accident. This is a propaganda campaign.
I mean, think about it. Do you see examples on
TV of happily married couples and family life? Do you

(01:05):
see culture encouraging women in their early stage of being
a mother to have children and stay at home no,
you know, that was family life. My mother was there
for us as children, and then when we got to school,
she said, okay, kids, I'm going to have my own business.
You know, there's a place where the government has created

(01:26):
all kinds of incentives for women to go to work
even when their children are young. And when children are young,
the most important thing they can have is mother at home. Now,
I know that's not possible for everybody, but handing them
off to some school teacher who doesn't even have her
own children, doesn't know what it's like to be a parent,

(01:48):
doesn't have a family life herself, doesn't have the values
that you want to give to your child. And so
this has been going on very consciously for quite a while.
You know, my whole lifetime. You just see the whole direction.
You know, what is it? When meniform mars came out
around ninety two, it was around nineteen seventy nine when

(02:09):
I started talking about the differences between men and women,
because in the universities they're saying the differences were insignificant, insignificant,
and we're really not that difference. And I was going,
are you crazy, I'm a counselor here many and women
completely misinterpret each other, They misunderstand each other, They take
things personally they don't need to. There's so many confusions

(02:33):
that go on between men and women. And if you
don't recognize that we are different, like from different planets,
there's a lot of misunderstanding that goes on. You know,
I'm so happy we are. I'm happy we are. Why
is there such a problem? Or I love it? The
friends had it right. People have differences, But if you
don't understand that the differences are God given, that they're normal,

(02:54):
that this is the way it is. And if you
try to change it and adapt yourself to be the
other sex, all you do is suffer, and the relationships
will suffer, and the attraction will go away. All of
these good things about marriage are no longer promoted anymore,
and ideas that ruin marriage and the possibility of marriage.
And I'm not saying everybody's supposed to get married, and

(03:16):
and we have our own journeys, but that used to
be the goal for everybody is you know, you grow up,
you get a job, you learn how to be an
independent person. Then you find someone to share your life with,
you know, sharing your life with somebody that you get
along with and you feel harmony with and you able
to nurture the love. But wonderful thing. Our culture no
longer nurtures it, so we have to sort of educate

(03:39):
ourselves to go against the flow. So I was giving
you the point back in the nineties, I was so
up there everywhere you are, everywhere, and one day I
was never allowed to be on national TV. And one day,
you see, people don't realize the networks are all controlled
by a few people at the top, and I know
the answer at the lower levels, the answer is, oh, well,

(04:03):
we've done enough of you. We've done enough of you.
And of course what they would say, I'd go a
little deeper and they would say, oh, he's now considered
a sexist, and we have the alternative media. So I continue.
I'm out there, I continue teaching. I love doing it,
you know, people love it. But ironically, I just got
that from China, and I'm so big in China. You know,

(04:23):
everywhere I went there was one or two thousand people
in the audience, and it was it's so much fun
to have people like it used to be in America,
where people wanted to hear, they wanted to learn about
their relationships, they wanted to understand how many understand our
differences in a positive way. And what's interesting is that
the Chinese government is really pro relationship right now. I
won't always be that way, but right now their population

(04:45):
is going down so quickly, and we're seeing that as well.
In America, population going down as it continues on this
trend because we're not supporting the family. Our government doesn't
even give you incentives to stay married. They give you
incentives to get it divorce, to give women incentives. And
in the future, absolutely, absolutely we're moving in the right

(05:07):
direction here. You know what happens, yes, you know it
is life going to be so terrible typically, at least
my opinion, if people will tend to go the wrong
direction until they suffer enough and they tend to self correct,
that's God's grace. That's what suffering is. That's what pain is.
Pain is when we're going off off course, and when people,

(05:30):
you know, they medicate themselves not to feel the pain.
They have all of the distractions. We have Netflix all
the time, for example, you know, is a way to
avoid the suffering. If you just turn off all your addictions,
you'd realize that you're suffering and then you'd ask what
am I feeling inside emotionally, and you'd be feeling sad
or disappointed, or afraid or frustrated. And I guess I

(05:52):
started out the show just saying, here we are the
holiday season, the Christmas season, and the Thanksgiving season. Things
push our button. Okay, it's we're living in a world
of so much illusion that we're disconnected from our full
ability to be loving and get along and accept differences.
Here another point of view. So when you start noticing
yourself getting triggered, one of the best things people can

(06:13):
do is get out, go into another room, Just get
out a piece of paper and write out all of
your crazy emotions. I just hate what that person said.
I'm so angry he said that, and oh, I'm stuck
in this family. I'm so disappointed, I feel sad, I've
never felt heard, I've never supported, and there's stupid ideas
that person is saying. And then you just vent. But

(06:34):
when you vent, you use the phrase I feel an emotion.
The emotions would be anger and sadness and fear and
sorry and regret and shame and bad And you know,
if you feel your emotions and write them out, what
you're doing. See, this is a real simple concept. You're
connecting your higher intelligence, which is knows to do language.

(06:54):
The emotions is a primitive intelligence inside of us. But
it's what all children start out with. That's the soul
connection is just emotional, raw emotion. So if you use
your higher intelligence, what you're doing is not being a child,
but you're connecting to the childlike part of you, which
is connected to heaven. You know, we come from the divine,

(07:14):
We come into this world and we want to remember
the heaven. Well, you have to remember the emotions. You're
connecting the pre funnel cortex by giving it language to
an emotion. That's called giving a name to an emotion
and exploring what the thoughts are that are causing that
negative emotion. You're literally connecting your higher self to this
lower self inside of you, and that becomes consciousness, conscious

(07:37):
of what I'm feeling the emotion inside and then if
it's a negative emotion, the consciousness gives you now the
information of how automatically how to let go of that emotion.
If you keep going a little deeper until you get
in touch with what it is you're wanting. At that point,
you know which it's a pure desire, it's a soul desire.
What I want is harmony and peace. What I want

(07:58):
is to be understood. What I want is to have
a wonderful, wonderful experience tonight. And what I'm grateful for.
So you get in touch what you're wanting your you
listen in your heart. What I want and what we
want is always good. I want happiness, I enjoy, I
want to get along, I want to be heard, I
want to be understood, and I'm grateful that. And what
gratitude does. After you focus on a want, then you

(08:19):
can the gratitude reveals your consciousness becomes aware of, yes,
I want this, and look at all the places where
I can get that are the intelligence will come through
and say, well how do I get that? At that point,
So what I'm wanting, what I'm grateful for, what I'm
happy about. You know, just as we want to identify
the negative emotions, we want to identify the positive emotions

(08:41):
as well. We're actually designed to do this. And the
design of the body is amazing. The prefernal cortex of
the brain. It's the forehead. Look at the forehead and
the left forehead. Whenever blood flows there it's always optimistic
and it's grateful, and it's positive and it's happy and
whatever blood flows to the right prefernal cortex. It's gloomy,
it's doom, it's fraid, it's negative, it's looking. Are we

(09:04):
to think that way though? Do we get? It seems
like the world is more doom and gloom. It's like, oh,
look at the bad, look at the bad. Well that's
exactly right. But we're designed to be that way. Without
intelligent guidance, we learn how to shift back to the positive.
What we're designed to do is always to be able
to see the negative and then see the positive. How

(09:24):
can we have evolution? How can we have a progress
or development, or how can we personally grow? But to see, oh,
that's a problem, and now what is the solution to that?
And in Christian terms, that's a sin? In those terms,
and this is repentance. Okay, what can I do differently
and to then make your life change is you realize

(09:44):
I made a mistake. You come back to okay, my commitment.
What I really want is to do it differently. And
then when you take action on doing it differently, the
universe rewards you. Whatever you give out comes back to
you and are God rewards however you want to look
at it, But most importantly, you feel good. You know
every you know, I've been homeless, I've had relative you know,

(10:05):
my wife died of cancer, Bonnie. Forty years my father died.
He was, yeah, a horrible thing there. He was on
my honeymoon with my wife, Bonnie. Okay, my last conversation
with my dad, I said, don't pick up hitchhikers. And
then I get a call on the honeymoon. He was
found dead in the trunk of his car, having picked

(10:27):
up a hitchhiker. It was just a traumatic experience, but
I turned it into a beautiful, beautiful memory of my
dad because when I went and gotten that trunk, I
saw where he pulled back the back window of the
back light and he had reached his hand out just
for air. He died a heat of fixiation in the
trunk and he reached his hand out, And as I'm

(10:49):
pulling my hand, I was reaching my hand out just
to see what he might have gone through. And the
lid was closed. All my six brothers or my family
was outside, five brothers and sister and my mother all
outside the car, and I'm inside I reached my hand
out and as I'm pulling it back, my brother on
the outside said, John, see if you can reach around

(11:09):
and push the button. And I reached around and pushed
the button in the middle. You know, it was like,
you know, if only somebody and only he thought about
how to get in rather than how to get out.
And I took that as a life lesson for me,
a pledge which is always, when I'm helping people and
things aren't working, let me look at the opposite point

(11:29):
of view. And that became the birth of men and
from Mars women from Venus. Is so many times when
men and women don't understand each other, it's because we're
in that moment. It's like we're the opposite of each other.
Here's an example of that, which is often. One of
the unique things about men, is that in research shows
that when a man relaxes, he can actually stop thinking

(11:52):
to a great degree, or at least not be aware
of his thinking. You say, to a man, what are
you thinking? Is nothing that's actually true? True? Harvard did
these studies and they had women sit down and put
electrodes in their brain, and they said, just relax. And
when women tried to relax, their brain activity increased. What

(12:14):
are you thinking about? And she said all the things
I should be doing when I'm sitting here on the
couch that I'm not doing, so that it speeds up.
And then they had demands the men would do the
same thing. This was after a day of work. The
men would sit down and they saw brain activity immediately dropped,
I mean significantly dropped, almost nothing. And you asked the men,

(12:35):
so what are you thinking? And they all will say nothing, Okay,
it's nothing. And so when a woman says to her husband,
you know, what are you feeling there? What are you thinking?
What's going on inside? He says nothing, she immediately assumes
he's lying. He's not lying. And then she has another assumption,
which is because often when women don't want to talk

(12:55):
to you, it's because they're mad at you. And so
then she says, well, you must be mad at me
because you don't have anything to talk about. So many
times men don't have anything to talk about unless there's
a problem. If there's a problem and you wanted to
solve it, he has energy to act on it, he
has motivation, he has ideas. He'll talk about like I
can talk for four hours tonight. But the problem I

(13:19):
just want him to listen. That's right. Well, you're the
wise woman he used to be in the nineties whom
we would complain. And this is where the origins of
men are from Mars, which is, you know, one of
the big issues it was easy to talk about is
women would say men don't listen. Now many modern women
they're in another world where they don't even know they

(13:40):
need somebody to talk to. They're too busy, their brain
is too busy. And also men don't know how to listen.
It is true, So she just you know, I think
so their complaint is no longer my husband doesn't listen.
Often their complain is my husband talks too much and
I don't want to listen to him. And this is
again where there's been a misdirection that we're treating men

(14:03):
and women as the same. One of the best things
for women when they're stressed, and women should keep noting
this is to be able to talk without having to
edit what you're feeling. Right, and as I mentioned before,
even more superior is to bring in your emotion to
it and talk to somebody who's not going to get defensive,

(14:24):
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