Love and Sex Hormones - Best of Coast to Coast AM - 2/15/25

Guest Host Rich Bera and Dr. John Gray discuss the role of hormones in sex and relationships.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Now here's a highlight from Coast to Coast AM on iHeartRadio.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Welcome back to Coast to Coast AM. Our guest for
the second half of the show is doctor John Gray,
the author of many books including Men Are From Mars,
Women Are From Venus? The Is There a love Hormone?
That fires are misfires?

Speaker 3 (00:20):
Yes, you know, I didn't talk about hormones and men
are from Mars because we didn't have that science. And
then as people kept you attacking me for saying, oh,
you know, we're not really that different, so I had
to come up with let me get the biology this.
I wrote several books on how our brains are different,
and then the myth of Mars Venus and other books

(00:40):
came out saying our brains weren't that different. And of
course they never challenged any of the differences that I
talked about. They just they just looked at things that
were the same in the brain. So they fizzled out.
But then we had this huge awareness in the last
ten years about hormones, and women's hormone issues are big,
and men's hormone issues is are big as well. A
year now, a man's testosteral levels dropped two percent on average,

(01:04):
And I'm seventy three years old and might have only
gone up as I got older because I practiced these things.
Now here's the love hormone. There's two basic hormones that
we have to understand the female side of us, that
the part of us that produces estrogen allows us to
feel love. Now, I thought that men don't have estrogen.
If you're a psychopath, your body doesn't make estrogen, and

(01:25):
that's why you know you have these Probably ten percent
of men tend to be social paths or cycopaths, and
they don't make enough estrogen due to childhood wounding and
genetics and so forth. So the only way they can
feel is to hurt women. So this is you know,
this is the reality out there. You got to be
careful women. So you and you don't know how to

(01:47):
recognize these guys, because there's certain symptoms of a cyclepath,
a social path that are exactly the same as the
regular guy. What would those be? It's like and men
are from Mars. I talk about men going to their cave.
So a man will shift and women don't understand this.
Sometimes he's very loving and interested and attracted to you

(02:07):
and other times he's ignoring you. He doesn't feel anything,
and this is what I call it. And then from
marts the cave, which as men go to work, the
work allows them to make testosterone. And then in order
to shift from not depending on solving problems, what they
do is they come through their cave and they have hobbies,
or they watch the news, or they watch football. They

(02:28):
do cave activities, which is basically any activity a woman
thinks is a waste of time actually is a recovery
time for a man. So you go out into the world,
you make testosterum, but you also run out of it
at the end of the day, various degrees depending on
how stressed you work. So then you have to have
this recovery time to be alone, to distance yourself because
anytime you feel very independent, what happens is you make

(02:52):
all the testosterone. So when men go to their cave,
women think that they do something wrong because they not
love me. What did I say? Why doesn't care about me?
Because when women stop talking and they don't want to
hang out, it's usually they're mad at you. So when
a man does this natural thing, he's not mad at
his wife. He just needs to go watch TV, or
he needs to go fix his carburetors, or he has

(03:13):
a hobby, or he goes to the gym to work out.
She goes, why don't you want to be with me?
Because he wants to be with him. So it's like,
when you clear that up, then women have sent to
me for years. Thank goodness, I learned about the cave
because I always thought I was doing something wrong or
I thought he didn't love me. So the harmone of
love is estrogen. So when men in love with a

(03:34):
woman and when we're turned on to a woman, you
can see it's very biological. But for man to get
a direction, his testosterone has to be high, and then
his estrogen levels have to start rising really high. As
well as the problem with social paths, they don't have
the estrogen to feel the love. But then when estrogen
goes to the highest that would be climax for a man,
it knocks his testosterone down and it kicks it down

(03:55):
twenty percent. In order to rebuild the testosterone, he needs distance,
you know, the old thing. Distance makes the heart grow fonder,
so he has to pull away for a while. So
what is that's one of the love hormones is esterten.
Now here's another one that happens when you have a
lot of love for a woman, you make a commitment
to her, and you have marriage. When you have marriage,

(04:16):
different hormones get happened when you have sex with your wife,
as opposed to having sex with yourself or with a
prostitute or online with pornography. What happens is when you
have sex with a woman who loves you and you
love her, then what happens is your body makes prolactin.
What prolactin does is it frees you from this sort
of basic male addiction to sex. Sex is not that

(04:38):
interesting to you. That's why so many couples stop having
sex is because their husbands actually love their wives a
lot and the wife loves him. It produces prolactin. Now,
God that put that in us because when you have sex,
you're gonna make a baby. So God wants you to
stay with the woman and doesn't want you to wander
and find another woman. So there's this natural production of prolactin.

(05:00):
It inhibits this lust, and we have this lust as
men because biologically we wire to go out there and
make babies. That's what evolution is about.

Speaker 2 (05:08):
His men have said, is that where your whole life,
like even into your seventies for men, does it continue
if your hormones are somewhat balanced that as time.

Speaker 3 (05:17):
Like I'm in my seventies, I have sex several times
a week. It's fantastic. Valentine's Day, I did all night.
You know, it was a special occasion.

Speaker 2 (05:24):
I woke up with that, giving you slow applause here, Doc,
I think that's pretty cool.

Speaker 3 (05:30):
But see, here's the dynamic. I'm a married man, I
love my wife. I produce a lot of prolactin. I'm
not interested in sex during the day or I don't
look at women in that way at all. I'm free
from that, except there's a polarity. And this is what
I teach couples is that when you it's like a magnet.
A magnet has two opposite polls. If you have a
positive charge and a negative charge, that's got a polarity

(05:52):
that causes attraction. So if you can when men have
ten times more testosterone than women and women have twenty
times more estrogen than men, there's a polarity that happens,
and it creates that attraction. You know, most guys know
that when their wives are in the mood, you're right
away in the mood. I mean, because when the woman's
estrogen goes up, literally science tells us that pheromones get produced,

(06:16):
this this smell. She produces this smell that goes into
our nose. We have a second nose inside of her nose.
Two of the flaps. Their only function is to detect
is her estrogen up, and therefore she's receptive to making
a baby or to have sex. I mean, we are
so biologically wired. And so the way you maintain attraction

(06:36):
in your marriage is you culture a relationship that makes him,
that supports him and having more than male attributes and
her having more of the female attributes. And I simplified
this for couples. But whenever a man demonstrates to a
woman a greater sense of non judgmental empathy and understanding,
her estrogen goes up. That's when you're just saying to

(06:58):
your wife, well, honey, then must be so frustrating. Let
me give you a hug that raises her estrogen. When
a man demonstrates consideration and caring sensitivity towards her needs,
hearing her and doing something for her that raises her estrogen.
When a man respects her wishes and needs rather than
say I'll forget it. She's the two demanding whatever, minimizing

(07:20):
her feelings and whatever. Then her estrogm goes down trying
to give her what she needs. Respecting that estrogen goes up.
For men. What raises testosterone is when men do these
things for women, women will appreciate you more so. When
women are appreciating and acknowledging you, your testosterone goes up.
When women are asking for help and you do it,

(07:42):
your testosterone goes up. Her estrogen goes up. For women
to ask. They have to trust every man. We thrive
on feeling trusted. We're like, you know, we're policemen, we're
emergency workers. You know, we're soldiers. We want statues built
to us. You know, this is a we can depend
on these men and our culture. Sure has just been
knocking that down, knocking that down.

Speaker 2 (08:03):
And do you feel like coming back or no? Do
you still feel like it's going No?

Speaker 3 (08:08):
No? Trump, Trump got elected. Trump is the ultimate alpha male.
I mean he is so alpha male. He has got
the highest testosteroni eighty years old and he's invincible. This
is such a great role model for men and you see,
he's got all these amazing women in his groups. I mean,
women thrive in the presence of a man who doesn't

(08:28):
get angry. He doesn't get angry. See, that's one of
the ways that men lose their masculinity is they complain
or they get angry. You can feel anger inside, but
you don't express it, you don't let it control you.
And today we're being taught by psychology, Oh, talk about
your feelings. And because women need to talk about their feelings,
they think we would become better if we talk about

(08:50):
our feelings. You've got all these boys growing up and
having counselors and therapists all asking him what they feel,
completely weakening and inhibiting their natural development of masculinity.

Speaker 1 (09:00):
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