September 30, 2024 • 59 mins
This week, Morgan has on two things a lot of us single people need... a relationship coach and a friend! First up is relationship coach Eros Miranda talking about how to know when you're ready to date, finding the right person for you, and where to look for love. Then, Morgan Massengill, known to some as Morgan 1 from the Bobby Bones Show, joins to talk about their past relationships, bad dating stories, and how Morgan's (2) heart is recovering after heartbreak.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:14):
Personally.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Listen Morgan Juelsman, welcome to take this personally. I'm Morgan,
and in this podcast I bring on experts, friends and
special guests to help us all navigate this you know,
crazy life.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
We're all in. I've found that life feels a little
less heavy when we don't go through it alone.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
So this podcast is meant to help us connect with
shared experiences, stories, and some pieces of advice along the
way from experts. This week, I have on Arrows Miranda,
who is a relationship coach, to talk about finding your
best romantic relationship. And then I'll bring on one of
my good friends, Morgan Massingill also known as Morgan Number One,
to talk about dating, being single, and some past relationships.
(01:05):
First up, we're talking to Arrow's Miranda. He is a
family attorney who saw the things people struggle with in
relationships through legal situations and wanted to find another way
to help. So he got certified as a relationship coach
and has been helping people on their journey to healthy
love ever since.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Thank you so much for joining me, Arrows. How are you.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
I'm doing well. Thank you so much for having me here.
It's an honor. I'm very excited. I got to say
a little bit nervous, but mainly excited.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Hey, I'm still nervous, and I'm the one that's just
be asking you all the questions.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
If that helps, it helps a little bit.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
So you're an attorney, but now you're a certified relationship coach.
Tell me how that happened?
Speaker 3 (01:44):
Correct? Correct? So Ever, since I was young, I was
always very interested and intrigued about relationships. I always wondered,
why are some people in this amazing healthy relationships and
other people seem to be metroble. They're having the worst
time of their lives and their relationship. When as I
grew up, I went to law school. I went to
(02:05):
Notre Dame Law School, and I found myself quickly gravitating
church family law. It's something that I loved. But what
I noticed was that I was able to help those families,
those individuals with their legal issues, with the legal aspects
of things. But then after that was done, their backs
were still against the wall, they still had trust issues,
(02:26):
they were still heartbroken. So I wanted to be able
to help with that side of it. I wanted to
be able to do more. When the pandemic hit, I
was already a relationship coach. But I was in my
house as most of us were, when COVID hit and
I saw this little app called TikTok that was going around.
(02:47):
I had no idea what it was. I was like,
I'm going to look like a complete fool on this app.
But I just went on and I said, I'm going
to be myself. I'm just gonna give some tips, some advice.
If one, two, three time people listen, perfect, that's fine
with me.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
You know, I think there's a difference between relationship coaches
and therapists. Can you kind of define that for me
what that looks like.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Yeah, Mainly the therapist they focus a lot and what
they do is incredible, obviously, but they focus more on
what has happened in the past, the past traumas that
have led you to this point. As a coach, what
I look to help people with individuals is the future. Okay,
so you're here, How do I get you to where
you want to be? How do I help you find yourself?
(03:28):
Love yourself, find the right person?
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Right?
Speaker 3 (03:30):
So I hear them out, I understand what they've been
going through, but I'm not going to dissect their past
traumas I understand that therapist does, but I will help
them get to where they want to be.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Okay. I love that. I love the definition because there's
definitely the two different things, and they're both very useful.
You know, if you have a client that comes to
you and they say, you know, I'm ready to be
in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
I've done all the work. I'm ready to find someone
to spend my life with. What are those kind of steps?
What does that look like?
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Something that people always ask me, and this is literally
on a daily basis, they say errors, how do I
find the right person? How do I find the right one?
How do I know that I found the right one?
It's a question that I get asked daily, And what
I tell them is, in order to find the right one,
before you do that, you have to be able to
identify the wrong one right. And what I mean by
that is you have to take some time to ask
(04:23):
yourself what do I value in a relationship and what
will I not settle for? Because finding the right person
is hard, It's really hard. You're gonna find it. Everyone's
gonna find it. I promise you I'll help you get there.
But if you're able to realize what you're not looking for.
If you're able to quickly identify the wrong people that
are wasting your time, your energy, your tears, your love,
(04:43):
you're one step closer to the right person.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Do you feel like people have to date to kind
of find that or do you feel like they can
find that without dating.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
I think it sounds super cliche, the whole love yourself
before you're able to love someone else, but it's true
something that I did personally that helped me when I
was single. I knew that I would find someone later
on in life, but when I was single, I told myself,
I want to become someone my future partner will be
proud of. And that wasn't to say that I was
focused on them. I was prioritizing myself. But by working
(05:14):
on myself, achieving little task, working on my academics, working
on my career, while I was waiting for that right person,
I started realizing what I brought to the table. I
started falling in love with myself. Not in a narcissistic way,
but I understood that, Hey, my future partner's going to
make me happy. I'm going to make them happy, but
it's okay to be happy alone as well. So I
(05:34):
think it's a little bit of booth. You have to
fall in love with yourself. You have to know what
you bring to the table. But that way, once you
start dating, you know what makes you happy, you know
what you're not settling for, you know what you deserve.
So you meet that person and it's amazing because it's
not only butterflies in your stomach, but you feel safe.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
Yes, I could not agree more. I personally and have
seen it happen. How important that is to fall in
love with yourself before trying to love someone else.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
I saw online this quote and it has stuck with me.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
You only have the capability to love someone as much
as you love yourself. And when you see it from
that perspective, you're like, oh, yeah, if I really don't
like who I am, how the heck am I going
to put that love into someone else?
Speaker 3 (06:17):
One hundred percent. I think one of the mistakes we
make is that we don't love ourselves yet, and we
tell ourselves I'm going to find a partner and they're
going to fill that void. They're going to provide that love.
But it shouldn't be like that, because that's just going
to lead to a one sided relationship that's not what
you want. You want to partner that compliments you, that
compliments all the good sides of you, all the things
you love about yourself, and also your weaknesses. But you
(06:38):
need to be able to love yourself first to understand
what you bring to the table.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
So say you have a client that comes to you
and is thinks they're ready, right, and you kind of
get some signs they're like, Okay, maybe they need to
focus on that relationship with themselves. What are some suggestions
you may have for them to be able to do that.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Well, the first thing I do is I tell them
grab a piece of paper, write down five ten things
you love about yourself, and write down five to ten
things you want to improve on, because I first want
to help them rediscover that they're enough. A lot of
the people that come to me, one of the problems
is that they don't think they're worthy of love. They
don't think they're worthy in general. So first I want
(07:16):
to tell them, hey, you're enough. You're so capable of
being loved. So write down five to ten things you're
amazing at that you love about yourself. It doesn't have
to be quickly. Take a day, two days, a week,
but find those little things about yourself that are special,
and then write five to ten things that you want
to improve on, because each time you achieve that little task,
(07:37):
you're one step closer to becoming that person the way
you're supposed to see yourself, to becoming worthy of that relationship,
to being ready, because like you said before, like that quote,
if you're not capable of seeing yourself as worthy of love,
as worthy of a healthy relationship, you're just gonna fall
for those toxic traits and individuals. You're gonna settle for
those trades. So that's something that you have to be
(07:58):
very careful with.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
I love that, and I love that you remind people
that they're enough. I don't think we can ever be
told that enough. I will never get tired if somebody
just keeps repeating that in my head. It's not like
a song that I can stop listening to. It's like, okay,
I always need to hear that. And I think you
can be the person that loves yourself and still need
to hear that all the time.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
One hundred and twenty percent. I think it's very important
no matter where you are in your life. There everybody
goes through those moments where they feel like they're not
where they're supposed to be, or you compare yourself with
someone else, or you look at other relationships and you
ask yourself, why am I not there yet? I think
just in general being kind and reminding people you're enough,
(08:37):
I think it goes a long way.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Yes, it opens up the door for even more love.
This is the way I like to see it.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
I love that I'm a millennial and there is this
thing in the millennial dating right. We like to think
that we really screwed up the dating culture and we
really believe in noncommitment and situationships and all of these things.
And that is not from personal speaking, I do not
feel that way, but our generation as a whole beliefs
that we've kind of created this environment of dating that
(09:04):
isn't what it used to be. Do you feel like
that's the case. Is there any possibility it's not going
to be like that one day?
Speaker 3 (09:10):
I've seen it a lot, and it's even it's funny
because it's even become a trend on TikTok where they
show society has become this hookup culture, this non committal
court culture, and they forgot what they believed in so
do I think it's going that way. It's gonna sound
like a little bit of a cop out, but I
think it depends on what you make of it. Look,
(09:31):
if you feel like technology is getting in the way,
prioritize your relationship over that technology. If you feel like
past partners are getting in the way, because now what
you can text your ex, you can do whatever you want,
create healthy boundary. I get it. I understand that everything's
at your fingertips nowadays. There's so much technology. There's this situationships,
(09:52):
there's ghosting, whatever, but there's a lot going on. If
you prioritize your relationship and you're over all of that,
it'll be beneficial. Yes, there's this hookup culture, but there's
still this culture of dating to marry. And that doesn't
mean that you're immediately Hey I met you, I want
to marry you now, but it means, hey, I'm serious
(10:12):
about you. If I'm talking to you, it's because I'm
putting my time, my energy into you because I envision
a future with you. That doesn't mean we're gonna get married,
but I want you to know that I'm respecting our boundaries.
I'm respecting what we have, but It goes back to
what we were saying before. If you love yourself and
you know what you're worth, and you notice that, hey,
this person just wants a situationship. This person is only
(10:34):
texting me at night, this person is making me initiate
all the communication. Hey set a healthy boundary, or if
they don't respect that boundary, they're not the one. So
it's harder nowadays. I completely agree. I was fortunate to
meet my partner a little bit before all of this started, so,
but I do think that it's still possible to find
(10:56):
a healthy relationship if you know what you truly value
and won't set up for.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Yeah, I definitely think that's important.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Having boundaries and understanding who you are helps us in
all aspects of life, including love. If somebody were to
ask you, you know, how do I put myself out there?
How do I put myself in a situation to find
the right person for me?
Speaker 1 (11:14):
What would you tell them?
Speaker 3 (11:14):
Put yourself in a situation that you're doing something you love,
because chances are that those people around you they're into
the same things, they value the same things. Because sometimes
people forget they think they need to become what someone
else wants. In a way, but they forget to maintain
their identity. If you don't like going to the bar
meeting people, don't do that. Chances are you're going to
like to meet someone that likes going to the bar,
(11:36):
that has those interests that you don't have. And what
a you're doing is you're starting the relationship fabricating this
idea of yourself that's not true. So they're going to
fall in love with this person that hey goes to
the bar, goes to parties. And if you do that,
that's completely fine. But I'm saying be yourself. Don't feel
like you need to mold yourself into what someone else
wants in order to find love. Surround yourself with good people,
(12:00):
a good support system that's going to call you out
if you're falling for the wrong person. And I know
it sounds super cliche, but just do the things that
feel good, do the things that feel right, do the
things that make you happy, and the pieces are going
to fall into place. Everything is going to fall into place.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
How do you feel about dating apps?
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Do you think those are beneficial or is there something
there that you're like, ah, this is maybe not the
best idea.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
Well, I've myself I've never been on a dating app.
I've had friends that have been on dating apps, and
it's always it's always interesting the stories that they say.
I think that now with the pandemic, with everything that happened,
dating apps are inevitable. I think that's normal. People have careers,
they're busy, they can always go out. It's harder to
meet someone, like we were saying before, even if you're
(12:45):
in a place that you love. They can be beneficial
if you're using them for the right reasons, right, if
you don't get lost in it. If when you match
with someone and you stick to your values, so yeah,
you can meet someone healthy there just same thing, be
able to distinguish between the wrong people and the right people.
I will say that I'm a little bit more old
school about hitting it off in person, but nothing wrong
(13:09):
with it. Nothing wrong with it. If it leads you
to a healthy relationship, I'm all for it.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Well if it makes anybody feel better out there too.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
I've met red flags in person and on dating apps,
so it doesn't really matter.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
That they come in all forms.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Red flags are all around us. Unfortunately.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Yes, you're saying how important it is to have boundaries,
to understand yourself and stuff before you can kind of
meet that one person for you or the person that's
meant to kind of impact your life in that way.
What would you tell people.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Who are trying to get through those bad habits and
kind of get out of them. Someone who maybe has
thought they loved situationships only to come to realize no,
I want to partner, I want to be in love.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
I think most.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
People that I talked to and a lot of friends,
we tend to go in the same cycles. Right, So
how do you break the cycle of doing something that
you've done for so long.
Speaker 3 (13:56):
It's easier said than done, but you need to switch
it up. You need to take a moment, sit down
and be like, Okay, this is what I've been doing,
this is what's not been working. Writing down five to
ten things that you won't settle for. And I mentioned
lists a lot when I talk to my clients everything,
I break it down into step and to lists. The
importance of a list is that, hey, you're going through
(14:17):
a cycle. Okay, that's fine, you're finding yourself in that cycle.
What's going on? So write down five to ten things
that you're settling for that always lead you to that cycle.
You need to look back and be like, this is
why it didn't work out. This person was an they
showed narcissistic trends. This person used to get aggressive during arguments,
or they always shut down and walked away. So figure
(14:38):
out what's not working, and when you identify those things,
quickly break it off, quickly walk away. We tend to
have a habit to romanticized relationships in a way that
we feel it's our job to fix our broken partner.
And I get it. If you've been dating for ten years, yes,
be there for your partner, help them. But if you
find yourself that you're dating for a few months and
(14:59):
you keep for this not partners but projects, you have
to realize that you're not in the right place. So
I think just realizing it and then stopping it before
it even starts is a very important place.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
I feel like you're speaking to me, and I'm not
going to take it personally, but I do feel that
I feel it hard. I just appreciate you coming on
and talking about all of these things. Everything was so helpful,
and I know a lot of my single listeners and
my people in relationships are going to benefit from you
being on.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
So thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
No, thank you so much for having me. This as
really been fun. I hope we can do it again
in the future. Thank you.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Make sure to check out Arrows podcast called Arrows to
the Heart anywhere you listen to podcasts, it's spelled e
r Os to the Heart and you can also follow
him on social media. Arrows Underscore Miranda.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
I'm giggling because this weekend I'm joined by Morgan and
this is ourt to take two and action. So we
did do a recording of this podcast, oh gosh, a
couple month and a half, two months ago, and it
just happened to be right before the breakup of Man
in Uniform. So as soon as the breakup happened, I
(16:17):
texted Morgan. I said, well, we're gonna have to scratch
that whole episode pretty much, as we talked a lot
about that relationship. Yeah, and then wonderful. Honestly, the stories
I made, clips and everything, I have them in the
can and they'll just never see the lot today. No,
it was, you know, it was more a therapy session
for you and me. And after the fact, I was
(16:37):
freaking out because I feel like I just get behind
a mic and I'm like matter of fact, let me
tell you everything about myself, every trauma I've been through
in life. Let me just dump it right here. Well,
that may still happen again. Oh but you know, at
least maybe you had a practice round. Yeah, maybe I'll
tone it down just a hair. I do want to
talk about dating.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
This is the episode about dating because I had Arrows
on who's a dating coach. He was an attorney and
he would often see people in and out out of love,
and they've seen him all over TikTok. Yeah, like super
great about just seeing the different aspects of life. And
he's a dating coach and he just has a different perspective.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
One being a guy and he was once an attorney
and who has really seen a lot of things happen.
So I want to talk about dating because this is
real life for you and now me, which was not
a thing on the other episode. So that, yeah, you're
supposed to be like the beacon of hope of like
what it looks like for me on the other side
and the irony. Now we're back in these streets together. Yeah,
(17:30):
but you know what, apparently you just you needed me
to be back in the streets with you for a
little how are you really good? Okay, I'm doing good. Okay,
you know, we'll get into it a little bit. But
I want to know how dating right now is going
for you because you have been single for a while, Like,
what's happening? What's going on? Because you have been single
for a while, Morgan, that's also my choice a little bit. Yeah.
(17:52):
I laugh when you asked me to be your guest
on this podcast episode based on dating, because I was like,
you know, I'm not really doing it right. So, yeah,
I've been single for goodness, I mean probably over two
years now, and I am on the apps here and there,
but I haven't been actively dating. I've gone on a
(18:14):
couple dates in the last few years, but not a ton.
I just feel like the apps are more discouraging than encouraging.
But you're having a different experience than that, So maybe
you could pull me out of this. But what are
you wanting from me right now? Like a specific No,
(18:34):
I just want to know where you are because I
think where you are is also relatable. I think not
liking the apps and not wanting to go on dates
is very common. Yeah, I'm at that point where it's
like I've had enough, you know, you don't hit thirty
two years old without having lived some life in the relationship,
the landscape. And I've just gotten to this point where
(18:57):
I'm like, I love having my energy not be spread
thin because I'm really hung up on someone who's like
not being responsive or I don't know where they're at
in our relationship and that sort of thing. And so
I've just been in this sort of lane for a
few years now where I'm sort of just doing me.
(19:18):
I'm working, I'm pouring into my friendships, my you know,
the podcast network, I'm flying to see my family, like
those are the things I've been focused on. I'm not
totally closed off to the idea of dating, but I
think when I hit thirty and I wasn't married with
two point five children like we're supposed to be, because
(19:40):
the world treats women like we died past thirty, you know,
like the world's just ending. When it didn't just end,
I was like, Okay, I'm still living and breathing, so
now what. So now I'm just sort of focused on me.
I mean, a guy could walk in tomorrow and change that.
But I think that I'm way pickier than I've ever been,
(20:01):
which is maybe a bad thing. I don't know, I
don't good and bad. Probably no, I don't think there's ever.
There's so many people that like to say that. I'd
be like, you're too picky ere or you need to
like loose. I'm like, no, there's a reason that you
have those standards. There's an evolution of your relationships and
your experiences in life that have put you to this moment. Yeah,
(20:21):
so those things are there and they're valid for a reason.
I saw do you listen to theo Vonn's podcast. I
see a lot of clips. I love his podcast. In
one episode, he called himself hard to pet, and I
related to that so hard, Like I've always been tough,
like a tougher shell, harder to get to know. Yeah,
you don't even like hugs, but yeah, yeah, I'm not
(20:42):
a hugger. I'm I mean with my nephews and my sister,
but like basically no one else. I'm pretty sure we
didn't hug for a year and a half two years
of our friendship. Even when girlfriends are saying I love
you to each other, I'm like, I don't know why
I claim up, I do love y'all, but take it.
Oh Rn is just understood, you know. But anyway, the
(21:04):
Yvonne called himself hard to pet and I just really
related to that of like, I just it's hard to
like break through that exterior with me. That's why dating
apps are kind of hard, because you just don't get
enough of a person on those. I recently had this experience.
This is a good example of someone trying to get
through to me and me just being like, what this
(21:26):
actor did I tell you about this? Well, you told
me that he had DMed you. This actor DMed me
on Instagram slid into the dms and that doesn't happen
for me a lot. So I don't want to hate
on the guy by talking about this story, because you know,
that was a choice and I appreciated it. But off
the bat he just said he had seen me on
Hinge and that he's not over there a lot. So
(21:50):
he started conversation and then immediately once I responded, was
just so dull, like not asking follow ups, not like
trying to He asked if I lived in Nashville. It's
literally in my bio on my page that I live
in Nashville and I produced the podcasts on the Nashville
Podcast Network. But do you think him not benefit of
(22:12):
the doubt. Like we messaged back and forth a few times,
and then it was just like not a lot and
I just went, you know, really weird thing to happen,
like because shoot or shoot? Right, he took a shot.
He did take a shot, and then he just like
stopped taking shots. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I was
part of a mass DM list that day and I
(22:33):
just didn't get back quick enough. Who knows. But do
you think there is a mass DM list? Do you
think guys do that? I think probably both sides of
the fence do that. I don't think I've ever sent
a mass deem in my life, well not, you know,
but you don't think he might be copying and pasting.
Hey Sawyan Hinge not over there a lot thought I'd
(22:53):
reach out here. You know that's possible. But honestly, do
you live in Nashville and it obviously says in my
bio I do, so maybe it will mess. This isn't
appropriate time to say that. I kind of think it's
not a good thing when you put your Instagram on Hinge,
I do that.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
I don't like I don't connect my Instagram and I
don't more so I don't mind if it's connected.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
If you want to like show other pictures or whatever.
But when people purposely put in the prompts like at,
you know, Chad, what's up? Like my Instagram, you're there
for followers, You're there for people to interact with you there. Otherwise,
why are you on a dating ap? They're saying, Well,
much like this guy, I'm not on that dating ap
often to like hit me up here, No, no, no,
(23:36):
why are you on this? This is Yeah, that shows
lack of intention in itself. My reasoning for putting my
Instagram handle in one of my prompts on him, you
did it? I did I do that, But not for followers.
I don't care about that. It's more so like I
want someone to be able to go investigate a little
bit and figure out maybe if I'm you know, we're
(23:59):
putting I have photos up like I'm always fearful that
am I was I too pretty in that photo? Like
not to sound like conceited, but you hear guys say
girls don't look the way they look in their photos.
So I'm like, here's my Instagram, go look videos, photos,
There's everything over there, and you can decide there if
you're into it enough to let's see. I just think
(24:20):
going over to the Instagram, like, I don't even do that.
I will Google because I want to make sure that
they haven't been arrested for things or whatever. But I
don't look on social media because I've learned that I
often discount somebody if I learned too much about them
before a first date. I also don't even love having
like a full blown multiple conversations before a first date.
(24:41):
I'd rather just be in person, get to know you.
We decide that way, because I just feel like so
much gets lost on social media, on text messaging, like
whatever it may be that you just you're you're reading
the front page instead of reading the whole book. I
do agree on that I do not like to message
and pinpal. I I have enough email, enough work text
(25:02):
going at any given moment. You're thirty years old. If
you're trying to be a pinpal, go send your work emails.
Leave me alone. If you want to be a pinpal,
there are plenty of women in prison that would probably
like a hand written letter, and we're not. We're we're
not those people. We are not in prison. Maybe that's
my next step that I just find an inmate and
(25:24):
I start sending letters. That's a very drastic different direction.
I don't think that's the right choice, but I will
support you. It could be good for the plot. I
do say, do things for the plot, but not that hard. Yeah. No,
there's ways to go hard. That is not one of them.
Got it. We'll just keep it in the back of
my mind. Let's not. Let's just maybe if I'm forty
(25:46):
and still in this position, one of those where you like,
immediate delete. Okay, that was an idea, Okay delete, all right,
bad idea. I got it. Moving on? So dating, Yeah,
speaking of dating? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love that you
bring me on in here, Like, how's dating been for you?
(26:07):
I'm like, girl, you're the one. Who are you open
to talking about this?
Speaker 3 (26:10):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (26:11):
I mean, I like, listen, I've I've put myself out
there again. I had like once the breakup happened, Like, honestly,
I don't know if I've just been through so many breakups,
yeah that I truly am an expert at this point.
I'm like, how to bounce back? You've done it? Well?
Listen this last one. I for like the first like
(26:32):
week and a half, I was I was not well
I was not like, I was not in a good place.
I had so many questions. And then it was like
I had my out of body massage happen, and I
literally was like it was like I was looking at
myself and be like, what are you doing? Time? Out
out of body massage? I missage chapter. So I had
(26:55):
a lady come over and do an energy massage on me.
She worked on like my fashion, and it was a
whole life. You're what, Fashia, It's like the underlayer of
your skin, okay girl, and it moves things around and
it helps you. That's that's a real thing. The energy.
Everybody thinks is woo whoo whatever, But genuinely, like I did,
I got this massage done, and I'm not kidding. I
like looked down myself in the mirror. I was like,
what are you doing? Why are you sad over this person?
(27:17):
They weren't supposed to be here. Clearly he found his exit.
It's his hoss, Like, pick yourself back up, let's go.
You're so good at that. I'm proud of you. Yeah,
but it was. I think it would have happened regardless
of your fashia being touched. Probably true, but I do
think it or quickly. That's not a dirty and it
was not you know what I mean, I do, But
(27:40):
I just think there's so many lessons and experiences I've
had that this comeback was gonna be so much quicker
regardless of what I did, because of everything I've been through.
You can't you can't hit me down very hard for
very long. Yeah, you bounced back. I will say the
first week after that breakup, I was worried about you
because I think not to go too much into it,
(28:02):
except he did a whole heartbreak episode. But I think
that there's something different about a toxic relationship that was
clearly toxic ending and the feelings you have about that
versus one that felt really healthy and safe ending and
kind of having the rug yanked out from under you.
(28:23):
I know that it's feeling and it's just for me.
That was my hardest relationship to get over, was the
one that I didn't hate him. I loved him still.
You know, I'll always have like good feelings about that person.
They just weren't my person. And that I mean I
looked at you and I literally just felt like I
(28:44):
was looking at myself a few years ago, and it
broke my heart for you, because I that heartbreak was
just rough, Like I wouldn't wish it on anybody. Well, no,
because it's easier to hate than it is to have
love and let go. It's so much easier, and to
be angry and to be mad. Now, granted I still
(29:06):
had that, it was just not as much as what
I had previously been through. Honestly, in something you told
me in that first week is also what helped propel
me forward. You had said, Morgan, you did everything you
possibly could with the information that was given to you,
and I held onto that because so much of my
anger and grief came from me being mad at myself
(29:30):
for not catching something or you kept trusying. You felt stupid, yeah,
and I was like, You're absolutely not. You had every
sign to the contrary, every sign to support that you're
about to move in together, you know, and you but
you saying that genuinely helped plant a seed that then
(29:52):
kept the ball rolling in that direction where I was like, no, no, no,
I didn't do anything wrong. I actually did a lot
of things right and I'm very helped and this was
just not it. He exited out of my life quicker
because I'm so healthy that it couldn't have lasted even
if I wanted it to. And that's how healthy I was.
(30:13):
And I do feel like you really grieved that, and
it's not like you just pushed that hurt aside, like
you you were clearly broken when I was over here,
and it just came like fast and furious and left
his eyes. And then I think you just had the
clarity of actions and words were totally unligned. And you're
worthy of more than that. And you are. And I've
(30:34):
been proud seeing you already, like get back in the
dating world, because I've never been able had a bad
relationship two years ago, and I'm like I all tiptoe
back in, you know. But it was also this like
it it wasn't that he was a bad person and whatever,
(30:55):
but I was like, he doesn't deserve me to be
down and out. He doesn't deserve me to sit here
and wait. And there was also no wonder for me.
It was like that was it. Okay, brush my hands off,
there's no going back to this. This was not a
relationship for me. This was somebody who's just meant to
be my boyfriend for a period of time and show
me that I am capable of finding someone who's a
great person.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
M M.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
That was all he needed to do, and he did
his lesson. So would you say that in most of
your breakups you've had the guy kind of come back
around and linger for a while, or like stay in
a little bit of contact. I've found I've only had
one relationship like that, and I found that that was
the hardest one to just get away from because I
(31:36):
was wanting to believe everything I was being told. And
then after a cycle of realizing, oh, it's like he
love bombs me, comes back in and then you know,
exits again. Remy, No, she's like, oh, he's all sleeping
well tonight. That was hard to get away from. Whereas
(31:56):
this breakup you're going through now, I think you're really
at first heard because he ended contact and that was it.
But the breakup I had like that, it was actually
helpful for me that he moved on and he wasn't
calling or texting that he missed me and all these things.
It was a clean it was. It still really hurt,
(32:17):
but it was a cleaner break and I was able
to process, Okay, it's really over and it's time to
move forward. Well and allowing myself to process that. That
that first week after where I really felt everything I
was feeling, I didn't try and ignore it. I just
tried to like let it come through me pass over.
After that week happened, which is the toughest week. The
toughest week after a breakup is that one that happens
(32:39):
right right after and after I moved through all those feelings,
I didn't want to reach out to him. There was
no part of me that ever wanted to speak to
him again, not in a bad way, but just there's
nothing left that needs to be said, you know. And
so once I closed that door, there was no part
of me that had a stre tied to him. There
(33:01):
was no part of me that wanted to find out
what else could happen. So it was just like, it's
time for you to then open your next door. It's
not time to sit here and wait in this middle.
You're fine, this didn't destroy you. You've been here before
and you've survived much tougher things. So let's move through this.
You can, We've seen it, so do it. Like what
(33:23):
are you waiting for a kind of thing. It was
like I just had to I was constantly having these
like pep talks and like aha moments. I was like, yeah,
can you rob my fashion for a little bit and
put some of that on me? Because telling you it
was wild and that just like again, propelled me. But
because I had all of the tools that I had.
(33:44):
Somebody asked me, was like, I don't have a lot
of friends, how do I get through a breakup? And honestly,
when I was listening him out, I was like, these
are actually all things I do every single time, and
that's why I can move through these better because I
had those tools. I wish I had those tools when
I was twenty. Pick up a new hobby. Distract your
brain from what's happening and feel all your feels by
(34:05):
riding in a journal, Like write everything out in your
sadness and your anger and your happiness. Like, rewire your
brain to understand what's happening to you.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
Anytime you think about something, take a drink of water again,
rewires your brain, so instead of thinking about them, you're
drinking water, which I really need to do because you
know your girl doesn't hydrate.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
Did the thunder down under also rewire anything?
Speaker 3 (34:27):
You know?
Speaker 1 (34:27):
It gave a great distraction And I was like again.
It was more of just like, why am I sitting
here being sad? So all that to say, yes, I'm
back into dating again. I don't know where and what's
going to move through and come out of any of it,
But they're just I healed my own heart. I didn't
(34:50):
need somebody else to, and I didn't. Would you say
you're fully healed. I don't think anybody's ever fully healed.
I don't think you ever are. I don't even think
I'm fully healed from things that I've gone through ten
years ago. Something that really struggle chord with me was
I finally realized that I don't have to be fully
(35:12):
healed to be deserving of love. I don't have to
be fully healed to be deserving of finding a person.
I just have to be honest in who I am
and what I'm going through. And that's the most important thing, Yeah,
beyond any of it. And I've always said that there
are things, like you said, you can't ever be fully healed.
But there are things that you're going to have to
(35:33):
work on yourself in relationship with another person that you
can't work on while single. A relationship is basically a
mirror and it shows you everything about yourself that needs
a little fine tuning, which is a lot. But you
also want to find someone too that wants to work
through things with you instead of someone who's like, oh great,
I love you because you're already fixed. That's not human,
(35:55):
that's not life. Yeah, because you're going to go through
more changes and evolve and more stuff is going to
happen and cool if you get to figure out early
on how you guys can both handle that together, that's
a red flag. If you're dating someone in there like
we need to end things because I need to work
on myself. It happened to me once and I'm like, okay,
see that, But that's literally the he's just not that
(36:16):
into you. Everything goes back to that, right exactly. Can
you just be honest and be like, I'm just not
feeling this because that would make this a lot easier
for me to heal instead of me sitting here being
like I could have fixed you. Why didn't you do
this for me? Just tell me you're just straight up Yeah.
Life went on before you will go on after. Let's
just be clear. I see all the every like what
(36:38):
are they called euphanisms? Girl? Maybe metaphors? I don't know
any saying that you could possibly sayd I said, I've
said to myself and she's like, she's doing great over here.
You've been going on dates, how have they been going?
I mean, I don't want to have you say more
than what you're comfortable saying. But you've been out there
having more success than me. Sos is the word, right,
(37:02):
like just going success will be the day that there
is a ring on my finger and I'm the happiest
person in the world to be getting married, right, Like
that's the day of success. But yeah, putting myself back
out there again has proven interesting and also hard because
much like you had talked about, like, being picky is
(37:23):
where we're at, and so I'm incredibly picky. Yeah, but
I'm more willing to go on first dates and try
and figure that out on first dates and process through
all of that. Then then I also think you are.
Speaker 2 (37:35):
I think you might uh not want to go on
as many first dates as me because I've more just
experienced things in person.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
Yeah. I mentioned this earlier in the episode, But I'm
just that hard to pet kind of person, Like I
need something to really stand out to me early on
to be interested enough to want to go down that road.
I will go on dates, like if I'm on the
apps and someone shows interest in going out pretty quickly,
(38:04):
I'll bite at that generally, but I don't like the pimpelling.
I don't like the back and forth. And you know,
I don't have the bandwidth to be messaging all these
different people at the same time, as well as like
trying to work and keep my relationships with friends and like,
you know, just all the things like I have less
(38:26):
bandwidth for it. Now. Have you heard the Tyler Childers
song in Your Love? Yeah, we talked about this, which
is ironic. Do we talk about this in the first episode? No? No, No,
We actually talked about it on the trip to our
friend's birthday and I was like, I'm in this relationship
and it's going so amazing, and you're like, oh, you
give me hoping. There's this song and we were talking
about in Your Love and I was like, now that
(38:47):
you bring it up, I was like, hmm, we're weird.
Full circle moment. Oh sorry, no, it's great, love it.
But there's this line in that song that goes, we
were never meant to run forever, we were just meant
to go far enough to find what we were searching
after or something like that. I'm probably betraying the line,
but I kind of feel like I've been running the
marathon a little longer than I have fortitude to run it,
(39:11):
and now I'm sort of in that phase of the
marathon where I'm just kind of jogging and if I
stumble across the fine man like who is also marathoning,
and he seems healthy and like he's not going to
trauma taze me further what we may you are protecting
your peace. Yeah, that's the point I am at in life,
(39:34):
Like there are things I know, like this is about dating,
but there are things that I've begun to accept may
not happen, like when you turn thirty and you don't
have a husband and kids, like you have to face
the reality you may never have a husband and kids,
like that's just possible. You know, it's still possible that
(39:55):
it will happen, and I hope that it does, but
I really had to grieve. I'm really with my sister
and my nephews, and I'm super maternal actually, And I
like when I moved into my apartment because I've always
lived with a roommate and the few months ago, I
moved into an apartment on my own. That's the first
time I've lived alone. Like it hit me like a
(40:16):
ton of bricks, Like I think, being thirty two and
moving into an apartment by myself, when I thought at
this age, like I would be doing much different things
like taking kids to school and like things like that,
and I'm living in this apartment complex with a lot
of kids or you know, families around me and stuff.
It hit me like, oh, this like may not happen
for me. And I just remember like my first couple
(40:36):
of nights just like having a very low point and
like sobbing, like oh my god, like what if I'm
not a mom and like what if like life passes
me by and all these things. And that sort of
kick started me to be like, Okay, I've got to
open up again and like start dating because I do
want these things. But also I think that that little
sawfest that I had also got me to a point
(40:57):
where I'm like.
Speaker 4 (40:59):
I will have to be okay without them if it
doesn't come, like and that will be okay too, Like
I will have to pour into the family and the
relationships that I do have and that be enough.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
And yeah, so it's just interesting to talk about dating
when like my head is like at that place where
it's ready for like the full thing. So I think
that's why I am so guarded in it is I
really don't want to waste my time dating guys who
have on their Hinge profile that they're open to something
like short term or they're open to dating a mom,
(41:33):
and like those are like they don't seem to like
go very hand in hand. You know, they're open to children,
but they want something short term. I'm like, I feel
like you don't have a very good perspective of what
a woman with children needs in her life.
Speaker 2 (41:47):
Like, so okay, but hold on multiple things here one Okay,
unpack that. Yeah, you just threw a whole lot, and
I need to pull into my therapist friend Morgan.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
Okay, girl, I'm really proud of you or feeling those
things that you were feeling and just allowing yourself to
exist within them. And it makes sense that you had
this very massive life moment and life change and that
came over you.
Speaker 2 (42:11):
It's one hundred percent normal. But also I need you
to like at your core realize I had just told
this to another friend the other day. If you feel
so deeply that this is something you want, that you
want to be married, you want to have kids, then
you're going to have it. There's a reason that you
(42:33):
feel that so deeply because there's a part of you
that already has it. So there's not a world that
exists that you're not going to have what you deeply
want if you go after it, and even if you
don't a little bit, because even if you're guarded, there's
still a part of you that knows that you want
and deserve that.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
So you're going to find it. Now. Is it going
to look in the way that you want it to look?
Probably not, it never does. But for you to be
able to have your maternal instincts and have a love
and be married, those things are all likely. Because it's
so deeply of something that you want, you will find
a way to make it happen. But it is also
(43:11):
okay if that doesn't happen. And I'm happy that you
have gotten to a point in your life that you
can feel that. It's also okay if there's still moments
where you're like, I'm not okay with that, and that's
not going to be how this goes. Yeah, the hardest
part about sinkleness is not being alone on a daily basis.
It's the days where you don't want to be alone.
(43:32):
And I have a lot of days where I'm actually
an introvert for the most part, and I don't have
a ton of social battery and I'm good on my own,
and that's the problem. Is sometimes I'm too good on
my own, and I'm like, dang, girl, you need to
I get into this. You've talked a lot about a
lot of different things in my life on your podcast
so far, childhood trauma, like hypervigilance, like all these qualities,
(43:55):
and I'm like, I'm listening to this as an executive producer,
like where should we clip? And I'm like, oh, I'm
catching stress. But it's all interconnected. So I'm just so
glad you're doing this podcast. That was a random tangent
just to say I think you're doing a good job
covering all of these topics that are very interconnected. You know, Well, yeah,
(44:17):
because we're humans, we like to isolate things, right, we
like to isolate that, Oh, I'm not in a relationship,
but you know this, this and this is good. But
I hate to break be the bearer of bad news.
Everything connects. If you're not happy in one aspect of
your life, it's going to impact the rest of your life.
I am hyper independent and it's helped me a lot
(44:38):
in career. It has hurt me in other areas, so
but felt like I'm there, you know. And it was
funny my mom was saying something I had went, you know,
this is my twenty seven dresses year, and I've been
to so many weddings. Girl, you are doing it, which
is you know, going through a heartbreak and being at
weddings is like the poor opposite of things that should
be happening. But I was at my final one and
(45:00):
I was like, she was like, did you have fun?
And I was like, you know, I did have a
lot of fun, but it was a very glaring look
at everyone back home who is settled down and has
this life and then there's just me and I'm here
floating again. Yeah, And she was like, well, yeah, I'm
Morgan and they're super happy. But also, you have a
really beautiful career that you wouldn't have had if you
(45:21):
stayed here and did that. And I was like, you know, again,
much like you when we're sitting here talking, I had
you helped me, Like my mom also smacked me in
the face like, Okay, that was right, that was fair,
and that's this is the path I'm supposed to be on. Yeah,
but back to what I was just on you, I've
told myself like, if we so deeply want that, there's
(45:42):
already a part of us that already has it, and
it's going to happen for us. It's just not going
to be in the way that we thought it was,
because nothing ever is. Yeah, the Good Lord has a
sense of humor, and he's writing the story, I believe,
and I think that it'll come together into you time
the way like he sees fit for my life life.
And I hope that that can be encouragement to maybe
(46:05):
someone listening who's like, has God forgotten about me? Like
does he have a plan? I truly think that he does.
I've been able to see, like, STA, go down faith
faith road here, but you want to I've been able
to see how he's worked in my life and brought
specific people in and it's I had this pivotal impact
(46:28):
on me in certain areas of life. And so that
just like rejuvenates this thought that Okay, he is working
and there is rhyme and reason to this crazy script
that feels off the rail sometimes and like what are
we doing? Like is there any guiding force? And I
truly believe there is, and so I have that faith
that the Lord put all this love I have me.
(46:49):
I mean, you see how like I think my friends
know how obsessed with my family I am my nephews,
Like I have this heart and soul that he crafted,
and that's not gonna go wasted, Like regardless of like
you're saying, things don't tend to shake out the way
that we expect them to. If you're expecting life to
(47:09):
pan out in the way that you planned on a
sheet of paper when you were thirteen, I have you, Yeah,
Mash was lying, Okay, yeah, I know I was supposed
to have a white pick of fins and a Lamborghini
and be married to my high school sweetheart. But did
you just preference mash mash the game? You know when
you circled it on the limp, I thought you meant
the Old War Show. You never played Mash on the
(47:31):
on the paper, Okay, maybe for real mansion shack house
like and then you write down all the cars you
have and the three guys you want to marry and
then how many kids you're gonna You never played Mash
do things, so no, oh my god, I thought you
were talking about please clip this old maybe oh Mash
(47:54):
where I was supposed to have a mansion, a corvette
and again be married to Brad Pitt or something. It
was just stupid. It's game, but like that was that
was how we view the future. And I'm gonna tell
you right now, none of it happened. Oh girl. But
I did get a dog and I did buy my
own house, so yeah, you're doing good things. I will say.
It has been interesting having a twin sister who I
did everything in life with and then around twenty four,
(48:17):
like we went on vastly different journeys. That was tough
for me. She did get married, like right after I
went through a hard breakup, and I know exactly what
you're talking about about the twenty seven dresses of like
standing up there. She wants me to give a speech
her wedding, and I'm like, Megan, first off, we're babies,
Like what do you want me to say? And say?
Just kidding Megan to love you and they're still married.
They're doing great. But I was like I don't know
(48:39):
anything about love. Like what am I supposed to say?
Get somebody older and wiser. I don't know. You're pretty wise, Morgan,
I don't know. I think anybody who's wives has been
through some crap and found their way out of it,
you know, like those are your life experiences, those are lessons,
and you are wise because of them, just because they're not.
(48:59):
I gotta get on your level, your fashaw level, what
the higher self that I'm on? Yeah, let me call
your messeuse, you know. I just I don't know. I
just have such a perspective of like I again, it's
back to my life experiences and everything that I have
been through have allowed me to be who I am today,
and who I am today is freaking awesome, and I'm
(49:22):
just really tired of people trying to take that away
from me. And I've had enough. That's where I'm at.
I'm like, I'm pretty chill and I'm pretty fun and
you know, not crazy, Like I just kind of do
my thing and float and I just I let one
bad egg in once that really just sucked all of
that out of me. I mean I was a shell
(49:43):
of myself and I was like I cannot let this
happen again. You go through enough of that, and you
know it's kind of like some of those memes. You
protect your piece a little too.
Speaker 5 (49:52):
Hard, and then you're you're laying on the couch watching
Pride and Prejudice and cooking chili and you're living your
best but and you're also like, should I be maybe
taking a stroll and meeting a.
Speaker 1 (50:03):
Human We do, We do need to work on that
for you, because you do need to get out there
a little bit more. There is a level of this, like, yes,
it will find you and it's going to happen, but
there is a level of still work you have to
put in. Part of me wants to set up Hinge
and I'm kind of over the Nashville dating scene, so
I want to set up hinge to where the area is. Okay,
(50:25):
hear me out is are you about to jail again
but kind of closer to where I'm from? You want
to move back home. Look, I don't know that I
want to make back count You moved out at home
for a reason, Okay, but damn like life changes, you know,
I want to be prior. You can still have your
country life. You're in Nashville. Well, what I'm saying is,
(50:48):
maybe I find a nice West Tennessee boy. Can they
be like this country in general word? Does it have
to be West Tennessee specifically? Well, trying to figure out
how narrow this goes. It can't be. It can't be Nashville.
This like Alabama. Alabama's close, Okay, I mean I'm tucky. Listen,
Maybe I start with one area code at a time,
(51:09):
you know, and just see how it goes. But my
thought process is to go a little bit on the
outskirts of town are like people that you know, okay,
and we can do that figure out if that's more successful.
I mean, part of dating is trying things, and at
this point you're not trying anything. So I'm gonna I've
already told you the country boys you date or match
(51:31):
with on the apps that are holding dead animals just
pushed them my direction. I did.
Speaker 2 (51:35):
You know What's funny is there was one guy I
matched with on a dating app and I knew I
wasn't gonna date him because he had all these honey
and he had liked me, and I was like, he's
good for workan though, and so I'm matched with him
literally poor guy with the intent of saying, hey, I
have a friend for you.
Speaker 1 (51:48):
But I'm not gonna work. Oh god, do not remember this?
And I text you and you guys texted for a
brief moment or for a split second. But I don't
think the guy was the hunting was there. There was
a few thanks missing there, but but I did try. So.
You don't like a fishing photo when they're holding up
a dead fish, or usually they're alive catch and release.
(52:09):
I don't mind the fish ones as much, but it
tends to follow with the dead deer in the My guy, Sorry,
we can't even look at it. I have photos of deer.
I know you do, and I love that for you,
and I will not show them to you. Yeah, but
you know that you know that, And this is why
you in an apocalypse. That's what I see that man
(52:31):
can't provide. I need a man who's gonna go pick
me some berries.
Speaker 3 (52:34):
Oh God.
Speaker 1 (52:37):
I want a man that can put meat on the
table and berries. Maybe this is why we're sing Oh God.
I want to end something to be fun, because you're
gonna be back on this podcast at some way, but
for now I feel like we just are so off
(52:57):
the rails. Yeah, but it's always great. We had a
lot of great moments there. But I want to end
on a bad date story because I think our bad
dates are funny. Yeah, and I think they're great to share.
So let's end on a funny note. Okay, I did
once go on a date with a guy we were
supposed to. It was our second date. This has been
(53:18):
a long time ago now. It was our second date.
We were going to go to a Sounds baseball game
and I was going to meet him at is it
Von l Rods at barn or back downtown, but it
was going to be a group paying so my roommate
at the time, like a lot of her coworkers, were
going to the bar too. We were all gonna meet
at Von l Rod's as well as this guy that
I was going on a second date with. Me and
(53:38):
my roommate are going over together. We're a few minutes,
not super late, but just a few minutes behind the
main group, and I get a text from the guy.
He had made it to the bar a few minutes later,
maybe fifteen, I don't know. We show up and he
is already hitted off with a girl that's friends like
with my roommates like group, and so we're all gonna
(54:01):
be sitting in this same section together and they've already
hit it off, like exchange numbers. And when I got there,
one of the friends pulled me in the bathroom, which
I don't do the drama, like who cares? Like they
pulled me in the bathroom? You know, we have to
tell you something, girl, Da da da. I'm like, oh,
what happened? And they're like, they were all but making
(54:21):
out at the bar before you walked in, and I
was like, oh, oh, okay, well, I feel like I'm
interrupting something. And oddly enough, the dude like switched up
and was attached to my hip for the rest of
the night and then told me he really enjoyed the
date and wanted to go out again after that, and
I was like, I think I'm good, Like you should
(54:43):
definitely reach out to let's call our Heather. Reach out
to Heather, like maybe it'll be a better fit, you know,
cause did you say that yeah? Okay? Did he respond yeah?
And they did end up going out, which again like
all is fair in love and war if you're not
my person, but you found your other person at the bar.
It was just it was. It's more shocking than he
was like wanting to go out with me again that
(55:04):
I was perplexed. He probably wanted to try, and you
know which is feel it out with both of us.
Their casual dating isn't bad, but like in that city,
but it was an ick at that point, and I
was like, I look, no harm enough, oul, but I'm
gonna let you just navigate these waters solo. I'm proud
of you for says It wasn't like you know, listen,
(55:27):
toxic Morgan back in our early twins would have been
like challenge, take it. Oh absolutely not if you're not
into me, I'm not into you, you know what I mean? Well, yeah,
it's really healed and great version of you. I'm talking
about like young Morgan. That was just like on the problem.
I was like, you know, let's figure out what's gonna
happen here. That's my man. Girl. Would you have been
fighting the other girl at the bar? No, but I
(55:49):
would have just been like, okay, all right, I see
what you're doing, and then it would have been a game,
you know, Oh okay, got it. I'm tired. Oh yeah, no,
I'm not talking about I'm not talking about thirty years old. Oh,
this was a long time ago for me. I was
too tired. Then we don't have some fun to you know,
that's important also anyway you get to have fun also,
just like they do part of the process of dating. Okay,
(56:11):
just a reminder, Okay, Well I had a funny one
that was this was a guy that I was like
loosely dating. Gosh, I mean we did it for like
two months maybe, and he had stayed over point I'm
never gonna forget this. And he had like went to
brush his teeth and he came back in and he goes,
you love a hunching it king. Yeah. He came back
(56:32):
and he goes, that toothpaste tastes weird. And I was like,
it is Colgate. You're like, it's Coldgate, and he goes,
can I guess no, no, you want to hear this? Can?
I go? Uh? Okay? He goes, what is the one
in the green bottle? And I go, sorry, you just
(56:52):
use my dog's toothpaste. Leave it to Morgan. Leave it
to Morgan. Is that what you're gonna get? No, I
was gonna say, hemorrhoid cream. Oh no, I'm pretty sure.
I'm pretty sure this tasted a lot better because at
least it was toothpaste. But was it like chicken fla bird?
I mean, I think it's like, I mean, really likes it,
so it's probably flavored on something. So you keep your
(57:14):
dog's toothpaste in the same place you keep us because
we both brush our teeth at the same time. What
But also, how do you not see colgate and dog toothpaste?
Do we not know how to read? Men are simple? Well,
they see a tube that looks like toothpaste and may
go for I have probably a lot of things that
are in tube. So that's alarming. It's the it's the
(57:38):
fact that you had it in the same place as
your own toothpaste. But I kind of leaned towards him
a little bit. I'm not fully taking your side on this.
He couldn't read. That's not my fault. They were both
right there. It literally says dog toothpaste. What did he
say when he realized the error of his ways? He's
just like, okay, so that's the thing, And I was like,
(58:00):
this is the thing. Did y'all see each other again
after that?
Speaker 3 (58:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (58:03):
We did.
Speaker 1 (58:04):
Yeah, he had other issues that wasn't even the main one.
So oh, I would love to hear more. It was
a wild long time ago. But yeah, that was a
funny one. Okay, do we feel sufficiently humored? Nothing felt
all our feelings and then we got a good laugh. Yeah,
I know there's none of us. We didn't cry, Remy
didn't cry. No. I do feel like I saw some
tears though, just a little little well I had something
(58:27):
in my eye. Was probably Remy's dog here or something. Okay,
it's fine, you don't have to cry. I teared up
a little, you did, yeah, more, just like like proud
of myself teared up. Okay, girl, you know, look at again.
I'm in that headspace like your girl is back. She
ready for this next season of life. Give me your
massage therapist information. Now you want it, Yeah, now you
(58:50):
want it all with my foshaw road, fascia, fashia whatever. Okay, Morgan,
thanks for coming on having me. You're a great friend,
even better friend sitting here on the podcast and making
you talk about things. But I love you and I'm
so appreciative for you because I'm going to be where
I am today without you. Oh my gosh, we do okay,
(59:12):
h right, I'm going to make her on Cotor Waltimore. Okay,
bye bye.
Speaker 2 (59:15):
Not only was it fun for me to have my
best friend on this episode, but I also enjoyed hearing
from Arrows the perspective of our relationship coach, and some
new ways to look at things. I will never say
no to having some new tools in my toolbox, especially
when it comes to love.
Speaker 1 (59:30):
We all know that I'm still learning in that department.
Speaker 2 (59:33):
Be sure you all follow the podcast Instagram at Take
This Personally and if you have any questions or just
want some advice on certain topics, you can hit up
the email Take This Personally Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (59:44):
I hope to have all of you join us next
week for some more Take This Personally moments. I love
y'all so much. Bye
Personally.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Listen Morgan Juelsman, welcome to take this personally. I'm Morgan,
and in this podcast I bring on experts, friends and
special guests to help us all navigate this you know,
crazy life.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
We're all in. I've found that life feels a little
less heavy when we don't go through it alone.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
So this podcast is meant to help us connect with
shared experiences, stories, and some pieces of advice along the
way from experts. This week, I have on Arrows Miranda,
who is a relationship coach, to talk about finding your
best romantic relationship. And then I'll bring on one of
my good friends, Morgan Massingill also known as Morgan Number One,
to talk about dating, being single, and some past relationships.
(01:05):
First up, we're talking to Arrow's Miranda. He is a
family attorney who saw the things people struggle with in
relationships through legal situations and wanted to find another way
to help. So he got certified as a relationship coach
and has been helping people on their journey to healthy
love ever since.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Thank you so much for joining me, Arrows. How are you.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
I'm doing well. Thank you so much for having me here.
It's an honor. I'm very excited. I got to say
a little bit nervous, but mainly excited.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Hey, I'm still nervous, and I'm the one that's just
be asking you all the questions.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
If that helps, it helps a little bit.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
So you're an attorney, but now you're a certified relationship coach.
Tell me how that happened?
Speaker 3 (01:44):
Correct? Correct? So Ever, since I was young, I was
always very interested and intrigued about relationships. I always wondered,
why are some people in this amazing healthy relationships and
other people seem to be metroble. They're having the worst
time of their lives and their relationship. When as I
grew up, I went to law school. I went to
(02:05):
Notre Dame Law School, and I found myself quickly gravitating
church family law. It's something that I loved. But what
I noticed was that I was able to help those families,
those individuals with their legal issues, with the legal aspects
of things. But then after that was done, their backs
were still against the wall, they still had trust issues,
(02:26):
they were still heartbroken. So I wanted to be able
to help with that side of it. I wanted to
be able to do more. When the pandemic hit, I
was already a relationship coach. But I was in my
house as most of us were, when COVID hit and
I saw this little app called TikTok that was going around.
(02:47):
I had no idea what it was. I was like,
I'm going to look like a complete fool on this app.
But I just went on and I said, I'm going
to be myself. I'm just gonna give some tips, some advice.
If one, two, three time people listen, perfect, that's fine
with me.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
You know, I think there's a difference between relationship coaches
and therapists. Can you kind of define that for me
what that looks like.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Yeah, Mainly the therapist they focus a lot and what
they do is incredible, obviously, but they focus more on
what has happened in the past, the past traumas that
have led you to this point. As a coach, what
I look to help people with individuals is the future. Okay,
so you're here, How do I get you to where
you want to be? How do I help you find yourself?
(03:28):
Love yourself, find the right person?
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Right?
Speaker 3 (03:30):
So I hear them out, I understand what they've been
going through, but I'm not going to dissect their past
traumas I understand that therapist does, but I will help
them get to where they want to be.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Okay. I love that. I love the definition because there's
definitely the two different things, and they're both very useful.
You know, if you have a client that comes to
you and they say, you know, I'm ready to be
in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
I've done all the work. I'm ready to find someone
to spend my life with. What are those kind of steps?
What does that look like?
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Something that people always ask me, and this is literally
on a daily basis, they say errors, how do I
find the right person? How do I find the right one?
How do I know that I found the right one?
It's a question that I get asked daily, And what
I tell them is, in order to find the right one,
before you do that, you have to be able to
identify the wrong one right. And what I mean by
that is you have to take some time to ask
(04:23):
yourself what do I value in a relationship and what
will I not settle for? Because finding the right person
is hard, It's really hard. You're gonna find it. Everyone's
gonna find it. I promise you I'll help you get there.
But if you're able to realize what you're not looking for.
If you're able to quickly identify the wrong people that
are wasting your time, your energy, your tears, your love,
(04:43):
you're one step closer to the right person.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Do you feel like people have to date to kind
of find that or do you feel like they can
find that without dating.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
I think it sounds super cliche, the whole love yourself
before you're able to love someone else, but it's true
something that I did personally that helped me when I
was single. I knew that I would find someone later
on in life, but when I was single, I told myself,
I want to become someone my future partner will be
proud of. And that wasn't to say that I was
focused on them. I was prioritizing myself. But by working
(05:14):
on myself, achieving little task, working on my academics, working
on my career, while I was waiting for that right person,
I started realizing what I brought to the table. I
started falling in love with myself. Not in a narcissistic way,
but I understood that, Hey, my future partner's going to
make me happy. I'm going to make them happy, but
it's okay to be happy alone as well. So I
(05:34):
think it's a little bit of booth. You have to
fall in love with yourself. You have to know what
you bring to the table. But that way, once you
start dating, you know what makes you happy, you know
what you're not settling for, you know what you deserve.
So you meet that person and it's amazing because it's
not only butterflies in your stomach, but you feel safe.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
Yes, I could not agree more. I personally and have
seen it happen. How important that is to fall in
love with yourself before trying to love someone else.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
I saw online this quote and it has stuck with me.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
You only have the capability to love someone as much
as you love yourself. And when you see it from
that perspective, you're like, oh, yeah, if I really don't
like who I am, how the heck am I going
to put that love into someone else?
Speaker 3 (06:17):
One hundred percent. I think one of the mistakes we
make is that we don't love ourselves yet, and we
tell ourselves I'm going to find a partner and they're
going to fill that void. They're going to provide that love.
But it shouldn't be like that, because that's just going
to lead to a one sided relationship that's not what
you want. You want to partner that compliments you, that
compliments all the good sides of you, all the things
you love about yourself, and also your weaknesses. But you
(06:38):
need to be able to love yourself first to understand
what you bring to the table.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
So say you have a client that comes to you
and is thinks they're ready, right, and you kind of
get some signs they're like, Okay, maybe they need to
focus on that relationship with themselves. What are some suggestions
you may have for them to be able to do that.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Well, the first thing I do is I tell them
grab a piece of paper, write down five ten things
you love about yourself, and write down five to ten
things you want to improve on, because I first want
to help them rediscover that they're enough. A lot of
the people that come to me, one of the problems
is that they don't think they're worthy of love. They
don't think they're worthy in general. So first I want
(07:16):
to tell them, hey, you're enough. You're so capable of
being loved. So write down five to ten things you're
amazing at that you love about yourself. It doesn't have
to be quickly. Take a day, two days, a week,
but find those little things about yourself that are special,
and then write five to ten things that you want
to improve on, because each time you achieve that little task,
(07:37):
you're one step closer to becoming that person the way
you're supposed to see yourself, to becoming worthy of that relationship,
to being ready, because like you said before, like that quote,
if you're not capable of seeing yourself as worthy of love,
as worthy of a healthy relationship, you're just gonna fall
for those toxic traits and individuals. You're gonna settle for
those trades. So that's something that you have to be
(07:58):
very careful with.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
I love that, and I love that you remind people
that they're enough. I don't think we can ever be
told that enough. I will never get tired if somebody
just keeps repeating that in my head. It's not like
a song that I can stop listening to. It's like, okay,
I always need to hear that. And I think you
can be the person that loves yourself and still need
to hear that all the time.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
One hundred and twenty percent. I think it's very important
no matter where you are in your life. There everybody
goes through those moments where they feel like they're not
where they're supposed to be, or you compare yourself with
someone else, or you look at other relationships and you
ask yourself, why am I not there yet? I think
just in general being kind and reminding people you're enough,
(08:37):
I think it goes a long way.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Yes, it opens up the door for even more love.
This is the way I like to see it.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
I love that I'm a millennial and there is this
thing in the millennial dating right. We like to think
that we really screwed up the dating culture and we
really believe in noncommitment and situationships and all of these things.
And that is not from personal speaking, I do not
feel that way, but our generation as a whole beliefs
that we've kind of created this environment of dating that
(09:04):
isn't what it used to be. Do you feel like
that's the case. Is there any possibility it's not going
to be like that one day?
Speaker 3 (09:10):
I've seen it a lot, and it's even it's funny
because it's even become a trend on TikTok where they
show society has become this hookup culture, this non committal
court culture, and they forgot what they believed in so
do I think it's going that way. It's gonna sound
like a little bit of a cop out, but I
think it depends on what you make of it. Look,
(09:31):
if you feel like technology is getting in the way,
prioritize your relationship over that technology. If you feel like
past partners are getting in the way, because now what
you can text your ex, you can do whatever you want,
create healthy boundary. I get it. I understand that everything's
at your fingertips nowadays. There's so much technology. There's this situationships,
(09:52):
there's ghosting, whatever, but there's a lot going on. If
you prioritize your relationship and you're over all of that,
it'll be beneficial. Yes, there's this hookup culture, but there's
still this culture of dating to marry. And that doesn't
mean that you're immediately Hey I met you, I want
to marry you now, but it means, hey, I'm serious
(10:12):
about you. If I'm talking to you, it's because I'm
putting my time, my energy into you because I envision
a future with you. That doesn't mean we're gonna get married,
but I want you to know that I'm respecting our boundaries.
I'm respecting what we have, but It goes back to
what we were saying before. If you love yourself and
you know what you're worth, and you notice that, hey,
this person just wants a situationship. This person is only
(10:34):
texting me at night, this person is making me initiate
all the communication. Hey set a healthy boundary, or if
they don't respect that boundary, they're not the one. So
it's harder nowadays. I completely agree. I was fortunate to
meet my partner a little bit before all of this started, so,
but I do think that it's still possible to find
(10:56):
a healthy relationship if you know what you truly value
and won't set up for.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Yeah, I definitely think that's important.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Having boundaries and understanding who you are helps us in
all aspects of life, including love. If somebody were to
ask you, you know, how do I put myself out there?
How do I put myself in a situation to find
the right person for me?
Speaker 1 (11:14):
What would you tell them?
Speaker 3 (11:14):
Put yourself in a situation that you're doing something you love,
because chances are that those people around you they're into
the same things, they value the same things. Because sometimes
people forget they think they need to become what someone
else wants. In a way, but they forget to maintain
their identity. If you don't like going to the bar
meeting people, don't do that. Chances are you're going to
like to meet someone that likes going to the bar,
(11:36):
that has those interests that you don't have. And what
a you're doing is you're starting the relationship fabricating this
idea of yourself that's not true. So they're going to
fall in love with this person that hey goes to
the bar, goes to parties. And if you do that,
that's completely fine. But I'm saying be yourself. Don't feel
like you need to mold yourself into what someone else
wants in order to find love. Surround yourself with good people,
(12:00):
a good support system that's going to call you out
if you're falling for the wrong person. And I know
it sounds super cliche, but just do the things that
feel good, do the things that feel right, do the
things that make you happy, and the pieces are going
to fall into place. Everything is going to fall into place.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
How do you feel about dating apps?
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Do you think those are beneficial or is there something
there that you're like, ah, this is maybe not the
best idea.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
Well, I've myself I've never been on a dating app.
I've had friends that have been on dating apps, and
it's always it's always interesting the stories that they say.
I think that now with the pandemic, with everything that happened,
dating apps are inevitable. I think that's normal. People have careers,
they're busy, they can always go out. It's harder to
meet someone, like we were saying before, even if you're
(12:45):
in a place that you love. They can be beneficial
if you're using them for the right reasons, right, if
you don't get lost in it. If when you match
with someone and you stick to your values, so yeah,
you can meet someone healthy there just same thing, be
able to distinguish between the wrong people and the right people.
I will say that I'm a little bit more old
school about hitting it off in person, but nothing wrong
(13:09):
with it. Nothing wrong with it. If it leads you
to a healthy relationship, I'm all for it.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Well if it makes anybody feel better out there too.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
I've met red flags in person and on dating apps,
so it doesn't really matter.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
That they come in all forms.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Red flags are all around us. Unfortunately.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Yes, you're saying how important it is to have boundaries,
to understand yourself and stuff before you can kind of
meet that one person for you or the person that's
meant to kind of impact your life in that way.
What would you tell people.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Who are trying to get through those bad habits and
kind of get out of them. Someone who maybe has
thought they loved situationships only to come to realize no,
I want to partner, I want to be in love.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
I think most.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
People that I talked to and a lot of friends,
we tend to go in the same cycles. Right, So
how do you break the cycle of doing something that
you've done for so long.
Speaker 3 (13:56):
It's easier said than done, but you need to switch
it up. You need to take a moment, sit down
and be like, Okay, this is what I've been doing,
this is what's not been working. Writing down five to
ten things that you won't settle for. And I mentioned
lists a lot when I talk to my clients everything,
I break it down into step and to lists. The
importance of a list is that, hey, you're going through
(14:17):
a cycle. Okay, that's fine, you're finding yourself in that cycle.
What's going on? So write down five to ten things
that you're settling for that always lead you to that cycle.
You need to look back and be like, this is
why it didn't work out. This person was an they
showed narcissistic trends. This person used to get aggressive during arguments,
or they always shut down and walked away. So figure
(14:38):
out what's not working, and when you identify those things,
quickly break it off, quickly walk away. We tend to
have a habit to romanticized relationships in a way that
we feel it's our job to fix our broken partner.
And I get it. If you've been dating for ten years, yes,
be there for your partner, help them. But if you
find yourself that you're dating for a few months and
(14:59):
you keep for this not partners but projects, you have
to realize that you're not in the right place. So
I think just realizing it and then stopping it before
it even starts is a very important place.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
I feel like you're speaking to me, and I'm not
going to take it personally, but I do feel that
I feel it hard. I just appreciate you coming on
and talking about all of these things. Everything was so helpful,
and I know a lot of my single listeners and
my people in relationships are going to benefit from you
being on.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
So thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
No, thank you so much for having me. This as
really been fun. I hope we can do it again
in the future. Thank you.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Make sure to check out Arrows podcast called Arrows to
the Heart anywhere you listen to podcasts, it's spelled e
r Os to the Heart and you can also follow
him on social media. Arrows Underscore Miranda.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
I'm giggling because this weekend I'm joined by Morgan and
this is ourt to take two and action. So we
did do a recording of this podcast, oh gosh, a
couple month and a half, two months ago, and it
just happened to be right before the breakup of Man
in Uniform. So as soon as the breakup happened, I
(16:17):
texted Morgan. I said, well, we're gonna have to scratch
that whole episode pretty much, as we talked a lot
about that relationship. Yeah, and then wonderful. Honestly, the stories
I made, clips and everything, I have them in the
can and they'll just never see the lot today. No,
it was, you know, it was more a therapy session
for you and me. And after the fact, I was
(16:37):
freaking out because I feel like I just get behind
a mic and I'm like matter of fact, let me
tell you everything about myself, every trauma I've been through
in life. Let me just dump it right here. Well,
that may still happen again. Oh but you know, at
least maybe you had a practice round. Yeah, maybe I'll
tone it down just a hair. I do want to
talk about dating.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
This is the episode about dating because I had Arrows
on who's a dating coach. He was an attorney and
he would often see people in and out out of love,
and they've seen him all over TikTok. Yeah, like super
great about just seeing the different aspects of life. And
he's a dating coach and he just has a different perspective.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
One being a guy and he was once an attorney
and who has really seen a lot of things happen.
So I want to talk about dating because this is
real life for you and now me, which was not
a thing on the other episode. So that, yeah, you're
supposed to be like the beacon of hope of like
what it looks like for me on the other side
and the irony. Now we're back in these streets together. Yeah,
(17:30):
but you know what, apparently you just you needed me
to be back in the streets with you for a
little how are you really good? Okay, I'm doing good. Okay,
you know, we'll get into it a little bit. But
I want to know how dating right now is going
for you because you have been single for a while, Like,
what's happening? What's going on? Because you have been single
for a while, Morgan, that's also my choice a little bit. Yeah.
(17:52):
I laugh when you asked me to be your guest
on this podcast episode based on dating, because I was like,
you know, I'm not really doing it right. So, yeah,
I've been single for goodness, I mean probably over two
years now, and I am on the apps here and there,
but I haven't been actively dating. I've gone on a
(18:14):
couple dates in the last few years, but not a ton.
I just feel like the apps are more discouraging than encouraging.
But you're having a different experience than that, So maybe
you could pull me out of this. But what are
you wanting from me right now? Like a specific No,
(18:34):
I just want to know where you are because I
think where you are is also relatable. I think not
liking the apps and not wanting to go on dates
is very common. Yeah, I'm at that point where it's
like I've had enough, you know, you don't hit thirty
two years old without having lived some life in the relationship,
the landscape. And I've just gotten to this point where
(18:57):
I'm like, I love having my energy not be spread
thin because I'm really hung up on someone who's like
not being responsive or I don't know where they're at
in our relationship and that sort of thing. And so
I've just been in this sort of lane for a
few years now where I'm sort of just doing me.
(19:18):
I'm working, I'm pouring into my friendships, my you know,
the podcast network, I'm flying to see my family, like
those are the things I've been focused on. I'm not
totally closed off to the idea of dating, but I
think when I hit thirty and I wasn't married with
two point five children like we're supposed to be, because
(19:40):
the world treats women like we died past thirty, you know,
like the world's just ending. When it didn't just end,
I was like, Okay, I'm still living and breathing, so
now what. So now I'm just sort of focused on me.
I mean, a guy could walk in tomorrow and change that.
But I think that I'm way pickier than I've ever been,
(20:01):
which is maybe a bad thing. I don't know, I
don't good and bad. Probably no, I don't think there's ever.
There's so many people that like to say that. I'd
be like, you're too picky ere or you need to
like loose. I'm like, no, there's a reason that you
have those standards. There's an evolution of your relationships and
your experiences in life that have put you to this moment. Yeah,
(20:21):
so those things are there and they're valid for a reason.
I saw do you listen to theo Vonn's podcast. I
see a lot of clips. I love his podcast. In
one episode, he called himself hard to pet, and I
related to that so hard, Like I've always been tough,
like a tougher shell, harder to get to know. Yeah,
you don't even like hugs, but yeah, yeah, I'm not
(20:42):
a hugger. I'm I mean with my nephews and my sister,
but like basically no one else. I'm pretty sure we
didn't hug for a year and a half two years
of our friendship. Even when girlfriends are saying I love
you to each other, I'm like, I don't know why
I claim up, I do love y'all, but take it.
Oh Rn is just understood, you know. But anyway, the
(21:04):
Yvonne called himself hard to pet and I just really
related to that of like, I just it's hard to
like break through that exterior with me. That's why dating
apps are kind of hard, because you just don't get
enough of a person on those. I recently had this experience.
This is a good example of someone trying to get
through to me and me just being like, what this
(21:26):
actor did I tell you about this? Well, you told
me that he had DMed you. This actor DMed me
on Instagram slid into the dms and that doesn't happen
for me a lot. So I don't want to hate
on the guy by talking about this story, because you know,
that was a choice and I appreciated it. But off
the bat he just said he had seen me on
Hinge and that he's not over there a lot. So
(21:50):
he started conversation and then immediately once I responded, was
just so dull, like not asking follow ups, not like
trying to He asked if I lived in Nashville. It's
literally in my bio on my page that I live
in Nashville and I produced the podcasts on the Nashville
Podcast Network. But do you think him not benefit of
(22:12):
the doubt. Like we messaged back and forth a few times,
and then it was just like not a lot and
I just went, you know, really weird thing to happen,
like because shoot or shoot? Right, he took a shot.
He did take a shot, and then he just like
stopped taking shots. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I was
part of a mass DM list that day and I
(22:33):
just didn't get back quick enough. Who knows. But do
you think there is a mass DM list? Do you
think guys do that? I think probably both sides of
the fence do that. I don't think I've ever sent
a mass deem in my life, well not, you know,
but you don't think he might be copying and pasting.
Hey Sawyan Hinge not over there a lot thought I'd
(22:53):
reach out here. You know that's possible. But honestly, do
you live in Nashville and it obviously says in my
bio I do, so maybe it will mess. This isn't
appropriate time to say that. I kind of think it's
not a good thing when you put your Instagram on Hinge,
I do that.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
I don't like I don't connect my Instagram and I
don't more so I don't mind if it's connected.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
If you want to like show other pictures or whatever.
But when people purposely put in the prompts like at,
you know, Chad, what's up? Like my Instagram, you're there
for followers, You're there for people to interact with you there. Otherwise,
why are you on a dating ap? They're saying, Well,
much like this guy, I'm not on that dating ap
often to like hit me up here, No, no, no,
(23:36):
why are you on this? This is Yeah, that shows
lack of intention in itself. My reasoning for putting my
Instagram handle in one of my prompts on him, you
did it? I did I do that, But not for followers.
I don't care about that. It's more so like I
want someone to be able to go investigate a little
bit and figure out maybe if I'm you know, we're
(23:59):
putting I have photos up like I'm always fearful that
am I was I too pretty in that photo? Like
not to sound like conceited, but you hear guys say
girls don't look the way they look in their photos.
So I'm like, here's my Instagram, go look videos, photos,
There's everything over there, and you can decide there if
you're into it enough to let's see. I just think
(24:20):
going over to the Instagram, like, I don't even do that.
I will Google because I want to make sure that
they haven't been arrested for things or whatever. But I
don't look on social media because I've learned that I
often discount somebody if I learned too much about them
before a first date. I also don't even love having
like a full blown multiple conversations before a first date.
(24:41):
I'd rather just be in person, get to know you.
We decide that way, because I just feel like so
much gets lost on social media, on text messaging, like
whatever it may be that you just you're you're reading
the front page instead of reading the whole book. I
do agree on that I do not like to message
and pinpal. I I have enough email, enough work text
(25:02):
going at any given moment. You're thirty years old. If
you're trying to be a pinpal, go send your work emails.
Leave me alone. If you want to be a pinpal,
there are plenty of women in prison that would probably
like a hand written letter, and we're not. We're we're
not those people. We are not in prison. Maybe that's
my next step that I just find an inmate and
(25:24):
I start sending letters. That's a very drastic different direction.
I don't think that's the right choice, but I will
support you. It could be good for the plot. I
do say, do things for the plot, but not that hard. Yeah. No,
there's ways to go hard. That is not one of them.
Got it. We'll just keep it in the back of
my mind. Let's not. Let's just maybe if I'm forty
(25:46):
and still in this position, one of those where you like,
immediate delete. Okay, that was an idea, Okay delete, all right,
bad idea. I got it. Moving on? So dating, Yeah,
speaking of dating? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love that you
bring me on in here, Like, how's dating been for you?
(26:07):
I'm like, girl, you're the one. Who are you open
to talking about this?
Speaker 3 (26:10):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (26:11):
I mean, I like, listen, I've I've put myself out
there again. I had like once the breakup happened, Like, honestly,
I don't know if I've just been through so many breakups,
yeah that I truly am an expert at this point.
I'm like, how to bounce back? You've done it? Well?
Listen this last one. I for like the first like
(26:32):
week and a half, I was I was not well
I was not like, I was not in a good place.
I had so many questions. And then it was like
I had my out of body massage happen, and I
literally was like it was like I was looking at
myself and be like, what are you doing? Time? Out
out of body massage? I missage chapter. So I had
(26:55):
a lady come over and do an energy massage on me.
She worked on like my fashion, and it was a
whole life. You're what, Fashia, It's like the underlayer of
your skin, okay girl, and it moves things around and
it helps you. That's that's a real thing. The energy.
Everybody thinks is woo whoo whatever, But genuinely, like I did,
I got this massage done, and I'm not kidding. I
like looked down myself in the mirror. I was like,
what are you doing? Why are you sad over this person?
(27:17):
They weren't supposed to be here. Clearly he found his exit.
It's his hoss, Like, pick yourself back up, let's go.
You're so good at that. I'm proud of you. Yeah,
but it was. I think it would have happened regardless
of your fashia being touched. Probably true, but I do
think it or quickly. That's not a dirty and it
was not you know what I mean, I do, But
(27:40):
I just think there's so many lessons and experiences I've
had that this comeback was gonna be so much quicker
regardless of what I did, because of everything I've been through.
You can't you can't hit me down very hard for
very long. Yeah, you bounced back. I will say the
first week after that breakup, I was worried about you
because I think not to go too much into it,
(28:02):
except he did a whole heartbreak episode. But I think
that there's something different about a toxic relationship that was
clearly toxic ending and the feelings you have about that
versus one that felt really healthy and safe ending and
kind of having the rug yanked out from under you.
(28:23):
I know that it's feeling and it's just for me.
That was my hardest relationship to get over, was the
one that I didn't hate him. I loved him still.
You know, I'll always have like good feelings about that person.
They just weren't my person. And that I mean I
looked at you and I literally just felt like I
(28:44):
was looking at myself a few years ago, and it
broke my heart for you, because I that heartbreak was
just rough, Like I wouldn't wish it on anybody. Well, no,
because it's easier to hate than it is to have
love and let go. It's so much easier, and to
be angry and to be mad. Now, granted I still
(29:06):
had that, it was just not as much as what
I had previously been through. Honestly, in something you told
me in that first week is also what helped propel
me forward. You had said, Morgan, you did everything you
possibly could with the information that was given to you,
and I held onto that because so much of my
anger and grief came from me being mad at myself
(29:30):
for not catching something or you kept trusying. You felt stupid, yeah,
and I was like, You're absolutely not. You had every
sign to the contrary, every sign to support that you're
about to move in together, you know, and you but
you saying that genuinely helped plant a seed that then
(29:52):
kept the ball rolling in that direction where I was like, no, no, no,
I didn't do anything wrong. I actually did a lot
of things right and I'm very helped and this was
just not it. He exited out of my life quicker
because I'm so healthy that it couldn't have lasted even
if I wanted it to. And that's how healthy I was.
(30:13):
And I do feel like you really grieved that, and
it's not like you just pushed that hurt aside, like
you you were clearly broken when I was over here,
and it just came like fast and furious and left
his eyes. And then I think you just had the
clarity of actions and words were totally unligned. And you're
worthy of more than that. And you are. And I've
(30:34):
been proud seeing you already, like get back in the
dating world, because I've never been able had a bad
relationship two years ago, and I'm like I all tiptoe
back in, you know. But it was also this like
it it wasn't that he was a bad person and whatever,
(30:55):
but I was like, he doesn't deserve me to be
down and out. He doesn't deserve me to sit here
and wait. And there was also no wonder for me.
It was like that was it. Okay, brush my hands off,
there's no going back to this. This was not a
relationship for me. This was somebody who's just meant to
be my boyfriend for a period of time and show
me that I am capable of finding someone who's a
great person.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
M M.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
That was all he needed to do, and he did
his lesson. So would you say that in most of
your breakups you've had the guy kind of come back
around and linger for a while, or like stay in
a little bit of contact. I've found I've only had
one relationship like that, and I found that that was
the hardest one to just get away from because I
(31:36):
was wanting to believe everything I was being told. And
then after a cycle of realizing, oh, it's like he
love bombs me, comes back in and then you know,
exits again. Remy, No, she's like, oh, he's all sleeping
well tonight. That was hard to get away from. Whereas
(31:56):
this breakup you're going through now, I think you're really
at first heard because he ended contact and that was it.
But the breakup I had like that, it was actually
helpful for me that he moved on and he wasn't
calling or texting that he missed me and all these things.
It was a clean it was. It still really hurt,
(32:17):
but it was a cleaner break and I was able
to process, Okay, it's really over and it's time to
move forward. Well and allowing myself to process that. That
that first week after where I really felt everything I
was feeling, I didn't try and ignore it. I just
tried to like let it come through me pass over.
After that week happened, which is the toughest week. The
toughest week after a breakup is that one that happens
(32:39):
right right after and after I moved through all those feelings,
I didn't want to reach out to him. There was
no part of me that ever wanted to speak to
him again, not in a bad way, but just there's
nothing left that needs to be said, you know. And
so once I closed that door, there was no part
of me that had a stre tied to him. There
(33:01):
was no part of me that wanted to find out
what else could happen. So it was just like, it's
time for you to then open your next door. It's
not time to sit here and wait in this middle.
You're fine, this didn't destroy you. You've been here before
and you've survived much tougher things. So let's move through this.
You can, We've seen it, so do it. Like what
(33:23):
are you waiting for a kind of thing. It was
like I just had to I was constantly having these
like pep talks and like aha moments. I was like, yeah,
can you rob my fashion for a little bit and
put some of that on me? Because telling you it
was wild and that just like again, propelled me. But
because I had all of the tools that I had.
(33:44):
Somebody asked me, was like, I don't have a lot
of friends, how do I get through a breakup? And honestly,
when I was listening him out, I was like, these
are actually all things I do every single time, and
that's why I can move through these better because I
had those tools. I wish I had those tools when
I was twenty. Pick up a new hobby. Distract your
brain from what's happening and feel all your feels by
(34:05):
riding in a journal, Like write everything out in your
sadness and your anger and your happiness. Like, rewire your
brain to understand what's happening to you.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
Anytime you think about something, take a drink of water again,
rewires your brain, so instead of thinking about them, you're
drinking water, which I really need to do because you
know your girl doesn't hydrate.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
Did the thunder down under also rewire anything?
Speaker 3 (34:27):
You know?
Speaker 1 (34:27):
It gave a great distraction And I was like again.
It was more of just like, why am I sitting
here being sad? So all that to say, yes, I'm
back into dating again. I don't know where and what's
going to move through and come out of any of it,
But they're just I healed my own heart. I didn't
(34:50):
need somebody else to, and I didn't. Would you say
you're fully healed. I don't think anybody's ever fully healed.
I don't think you ever are. I don't even think
I'm fully healed from things that I've gone through ten
years ago. Something that really struggle chord with me was
I finally realized that I don't have to be fully
(35:12):
healed to be deserving of love. I don't have to
be fully healed to be deserving of finding a person.
I just have to be honest in who I am
and what I'm going through. And that's the most important thing, Yeah,
beyond any of it. And I've always said that there
are things, like you said, you can't ever be fully healed.
But there are things that you're going to have to
(35:33):
work on yourself in relationship with another person that you
can't work on while single. A relationship is basically a
mirror and it shows you everything about yourself that needs
a little fine tuning, which is a lot. But you
also want to find someone too that wants to work
through things with you instead of someone who's like, oh great,
I love you because you're already fixed. That's not human,
(35:55):
that's not life. Yeah, because you're going to go through
more changes and evolve and more stuff is going to
happen and cool if you get to figure out early
on how you guys can both handle that together, that's
a red flag. If you're dating someone in there like
we need to end things because I need to work
on myself. It happened to me once and I'm like, okay,
see that, But that's literally the he's just not that
(36:16):
into you. Everything goes back to that, right exactly. Can
you just be honest and be like, I'm just not
feeling this because that would make this a lot easier
for me to heal instead of me sitting here being
like I could have fixed you. Why didn't you do
this for me? Just tell me you're just straight up Yeah.
Life went on before you will go on after. Let's
just be clear. I see all the every like what
(36:38):
are they called euphanisms? Girl? Maybe metaphors? I don't know
any saying that you could possibly sayd I said, I've
said to myself and she's like, she's doing great over here.
You've been going on dates, how have they been going?
I mean, I don't want to have you say more
than what you're comfortable saying. But you've been out there
having more success than me. Sos is the word, right,
(37:02):
like just going success will be the day that there
is a ring on my finger and I'm the happiest
person in the world to be getting married, right, Like
that's the day of success. But yeah, putting myself back
out there again has proven interesting and also hard because
much like you had talked about, like, being picky is
(37:23):
where we're at, and so I'm incredibly picky. Yeah, but
I'm more willing to go on first dates and try
and figure that out on first dates and process through
all of that. Then then I also think you are.
Speaker 2 (37:35):
I think you might uh not want to go on
as many first dates as me because I've more just
experienced things in person.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
Yeah. I mentioned this earlier in the episode, But I'm
just that hard to pet kind of person, Like I
need something to really stand out to me early on
to be interested enough to want to go down that road.
I will go on dates, like if I'm on the
apps and someone shows interest in going out pretty quickly,
(38:04):
I'll bite at that generally, but I don't like the pimpelling.
I don't like the back and forth. And you know,
I don't have the bandwidth to be messaging all these
different people at the same time, as well as like
trying to work and keep my relationships with friends and like,
you know, just all the things like I have less
(38:26):
bandwidth for it. Now. Have you heard the Tyler Childers
song in Your Love? Yeah, we talked about this, which
is ironic. Do we talk about this in the first episode? No? No, No,
We actually talked about it on the trip to our
friend's birthday and I was like, I'm in this relationship
and it's going so amazing, and you're like, oh, you
give me hoping. There's this song and we were talking
about in Your Love and I was like, now that
(38:47):
you bring it up, I was like, hmm, we're weird.
Full circle moment. Oh sorry, no, it's great, love it.
But there's this line in that song that goes, we
were never meant to run forever, we were just meant
to go far enough to find what we were searching
after or something like that. I'm probably betraying the line,
but I kind of feel like I've been running the
marathon a little longer than I have fortitude to run it,
(39:11):
and now I'm sort of in that phase of the
marathon where I'm just kind of jogging and if I
stumble across the fine man like who is also marathoning,
and he seems healthy and like he's not going to
trauma taze me further what we may you are protecting
your peace. Yeah, that's the point I am at in life,
(39:34):
Like there are things I know, like this is about dating,
but there are things that I've begun to accept may
not happen, like when you turn thirty and you don't
have a husband and kids, like you have to face
the reality you may never have a husband and kids,
like that's just possible. You know, it's still possible that
(39:55):
it will happen, and I hope that it does, but
I really had to grieve. I'm really with my sister
and my nephews, and I'm super maternal actually, And I
like when I moved into my apartment because I've always
lived with a roommate and the few months ago, I
moved into an apartment on my own. That's the first
time I've lived alone. Like it hit me like a
(40:16):
ton of bricks, Like I think, being thirty two and
moving into an apartment by myself, when I thought at
this age, like I would be doing much different things
like taking kids to school and like things like that,
and I'm living in this apartment complex with a lot
of kids or you know, families around me and stuff.
It hit me like, oh, this like may not happen
for me. And I just remember like my first couple
(40:36):
of nights just like having a very low point and
like sobbing, like oh my god, like what if I'm
not a mom and like what if like life passes
me by and all these things. And that sort of
kick started me to be like, Okay, I've got to
open up again and like start dating because I do
want these things. But also I think that that little
sawfest that I had also got me to a point
(40:57):
where I'm like.
Speaker 4 (40:59):
I will have to be okay without them if it
doesn't come, like and that will be okay too, Like
I will have to pour into the family and the
relationships that I do have and that be enough.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
And yeah, so it's just interesting to talk about dating
when like my head is like at that place where
it's ready for like the full thing. So I think
that's why I am so guarded in it is I
really don't want to waste my time dating guys who
have on their Hinge profile that they're open to something
like short term or they're open to dating a mom,
(41:33):
and like those are like they don't seem to like
go very hand in hand. You know, they're open to children,
but they want something short term. I'm like, I feel
like you don't have a very good perspective of what
a woman with children needs in her life.
Speaker 2 (41:47):
Like, so okay, but hold on multiple things here one Okay,
unpack that. Yeah, you just threw a whole lot, and
I need to pull into my therapist friend Morgan.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
Okay, girl, I'm really proud of you or feeling those
things that you were feeling and just allowing yourself to
exist within them. And it makes sense that you had
this very massive life moment and life change and that
came over you.
Speaker 2 (42:11):
It's one hundred percent normal. But also I need you
to like at your core realize I had just told
this to another friend the other day. If you feel
so deeply that this is something you want, that you
want to be married, you want to have kids, then
you're going to have it. There's a reason that you
(42:33):
feel that so deeply because there's a part of you
that already has it. So there's not a world that
exists that you're not going to have what you deeply
want if you go after it, and even if you
don't a little bit, because even if you're guarded, there's
still a part of you that knows that you want
and deserve that.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
So you're going to find it. Now. Is it going
to look in the way that you want it to look?
Probably not, it never does. But for you to be
able to have your maternal instincts and have a love
and be married, those things are all likely. Because it's
so deeply of something that you want, you will find
a way to make it happen. But it is also
(43:11):
okay if that doesn't happen. And I'm happy that you
have gotten to a point in your life that you
can feel that. It's also okay if there's still moments
where you're like, I'm not okay with that, and that's
not going to be how this goes. Yeah, the hardest
part about sinkleness is not being alone on a daily basis.
It's the days where you don't want to be alone.
(43:32):
And I have a lot of days where I'm actually
an introvert for the most part, and I don't have
a ton of social battery and I'm good on my own,
and that's the problem. Is sometimes I'm too good on
my own, and I'm like, dang, girl, you need to
I get into this. You've talked a lot about a
lot of different things in my life on your podcast
so far, childhood trauma, like hypervigilance, like all these qualities,
(43:55):
and I'm like, I'm listening to this as an executive producer,
like where should we clip? And I'm like, oh, I'm
catching stress. But it's all interconnected. So I'm just so
glad you're doing this podcast. That was a random tangent
just to say I think you're doing a good job
covering all of these topics that are very interconnected. You know, Well, yeah,
(44:17):
because we're humans, we like to isolate things, right, we
like to isolate that, Oh, I'm not in a relationship,
but you know this, this and this is good. But
I hate to break be the bearer of bad news.
Everything connects. If you're not happy in one aspect of
your life, it's going to impact the rest of your life.
I am hyper independent and it's helped me a lot
(44:38):
in career. It has hurt me in other areas, so
but felt like I'm there, you know. And it was
funny my mom was saying something I had went, you know,
this is my twenty seven dresses year, and I've been
to so many weddings. Girl, you are doing it, which
is you know, going through a heartbreak and being at
weddings is like the poor opposite of things that should
be happening. But I was at my final one and
(45:00):
I was like, she was like, did you have fun?
And I was like, you know, I did have a
lot of fun, but it was a very glaring look
at everyone back home who is settled down and has
this life and then there's just me and I'm here
floating again. Yeah, And she was like, well, yeah, I'm
Morgan and they're super happy. But also, you have a
really beautiful career that you wouldn't have had if you
(45:21):
stayed here and did that. And I was like, you know, again,
much like you when we're sitting here talking, I had
you helped me, Like my mom also smacked me in
the face like, Okay, that was right, that was fair,
and that's this is the path I'm supposed to be on. Yeah,
but back to what I was just on you, I've
told myself like, if we so deeply want that, there's
(45:42):
already a part of us that already has it, and
it's going to happen for us. It's just not going
to be in the way that we thought it was,
because nothing ever is. Yeah, the Good Lord has a
sense of humor, and he's writing the story, I believe,
and I think that it'll come together into you time
the way like he sees fit for my life life.
And I hope that that can be encouragement to maybe
(46:05):
someone listening who's like, has God forgotten about me? Like
does he have a plan? I truly think that he does.
I've been able to see, like, STA, go down faith
faith road here, but you want to I've been able
to see how he's worked in my life and brought
specific people in and it's I had this pivotal impact
(46:28):
on me in certain areas of life. And so that
just like rejuvenates this thought that Okay, he is working
and there is rhyme and reason to this crazy script
that feels off the rail sometimes and like what are
we doing? Like is there any guiding force? And I
truly believe there is, and so I have that faith
that the Lord put all this love I have me.
(46:49):
I mean, you see how like I think my friends
know how obsessed with my family I am my nephews,
Like I have this heart and soul that he crafted,
and that's not gonna go wasted, Like regardless of like
you're saying, things don't tend to shake out the way
that we expect them to. If you're expecting life to
(47:09):
pan out in the way that you planned on a
sheet of paper when you were thirteen, I have you, Yeah,
Mash was lying, Okay, yeah, I know I was supposed
to have a white pick of fins and a Lamborghini
and be married to my high school sweetheart. But did
you just preference mash mash the game? You know when
you circled it on the limp, I thought you meant
the Old War Show. You never played Mash on the
(47:31):
on the paper, Okay, maybe for real mansion shack house
like and then you write down all the cars you
have and the three guys you want to marry and
then how many kids you're gonna You never played Mash
do things, so no, oh my god, I thought you
were talking about please clip this old maybe oh Mash
(47:54):
where I was supposed to have a mansion, a corvette
and again be married to Brad Pitt or something. It
was just stupid. It's game, but like that was that
was how we view the future. And I'm gonna tell
you right now, none of it happened. Oh girl. But
I did get a dog and I did buy my
own house, so yeah, you're doing good things. I will say.
It has been interesting having a twin sister who I
did everything in life with and then around twenty four,
(48:17):
like we went on vastly different journeys. That was tough
for me. She did get married, like right after I
went through a hard breakup, and I know exactly what
you're talking about about the twenty seven dresses of like
standing up there. She wants me to give a speech
her wedding, and I'm like, Megan, first off, we're babies,
Like what do you want me to say? And say?
Just kidding Megan to love you and they're still married.
They're doing great. But I was like I don't know
(48:39):
anything about love. Like what am I supposed to say?
Get somebody older and wiser. I don't know. You're pretty wise, Morgan,
I don't know. I think anybody who's wives has been
through some crap and found their way out of it,
you know, like those are your life experiences, those are lessons,
and you are wise because of them, just because they're not.
(48:59):
I gotta get on your level, your fashaw level, what
the higher self that I'm on? Yeah, let me call
your messeuse, you know. I just I don't know. I
just have such a perspective of like I again, it's
back to my life experiences and everything that I have
been through have allowed me to be who I am today,
and who I am today is freaking awesome, and I'm
(49:22):
just really tired of people trying to take that away
from me. And I've had enough. That's where I'm at.
I'm like, I'm pretty chill and I'm pretty fun and
you know, not crazy, Like I just kind of do
my thing and float and I just I let one
bad egg in once that really just sucked all of
that out of me. I mean I was a shell
(49:43):
of myself and I was like I cannot let this
happen again. You go through enough of that, and you
know it's kind of like some of those memes. You
protect your piece a little too.
Speaker 5 (49:52):
Hard, and then you're you're laying on the couch watching
Pride and Prejudice and cooking chili and you're living your
best but and you're also like, should I be maybe
taking a stroll and meeting a.
Speaker 1 (50:03):
Human We do, We do need to work on that
for you, because you do need to get out there
a little bit more. There is a level of this, like, yes,
it will find you and it's going to happen, but
there is a level of still work you have to
put in. Part of me wants to set up Hinge
and I'm kind of over the Nashville dating scene, so
I want to set up hinge to where the area is. Okay,
(50:25):
hear me out is are you about to jail again
but kind of closer to where I'm from? You want
to move back home. Look, I don't know that I
want to make back count You moved out at home
for a reason, Okay, but damn like life changes, you know,
I want to be prior. You can still have your
country life. You're in Nashville. Well, what I'm saying is,
(50:48):
maybe I find a nice West Tennessee boy. Can they
be like this country in general word? Does it have
to be West Tennessee specifically? Well, trying to figure out
how narrow this goes. It can't be. It can't be Nashville.
This like Alabama. Alabama's close, Okay, I mean I'm tucky. Listen,
Maybe I start with one area code at a time,
(51:09):
you know, and just see how it goes. But my
thought process is to go a little bit on the
outskirts of town are like people that you know, okay,
and we can do that figure out if that's more successful.
I mean, part of dating is trying things, and at
this point you're not trying anything. So I'm gonna I've
already told you the country boys you date or match
(51:31):
with on the apps that are holding dead animals just
pushed them my direction. I did.
Speaker 2 (51:35):
You know What's funny is there was one guy I
matched with on a dating app and I knew I
wasn't gonna date him because he had all these honey
and he had liked me, and I was like, he's
good for workan though, and so I'm matched with him
literally poor guy with the intent of saying, hey, I
have a friend for you.
Speaker 1 (51:48):
But I'm not gonna work. Oh god, do not remember this?
And I text you and you guys texted for a
brief moment or for a split second. But I don't
think the guy was the hunting was there. There was
a few thanks missing there, but but I did try. So.
You don't like a fishing photo when they're holding up
a dead fish, or usually they're alive catch and release.
(52:09):
I don't mind the fish ones as much, but it
tends to follow with the dead deer in the My guy, Sorry,
we can't even look at it. I have photos of deer.
I know you do, and I love that for you,
and I will not show them to you. Yeah, but
you know that you know that, And this is why
you in an apocalypse. That's what I see that man
(52:31):
can't provide. I need a man who's gonna go pick
me some berries.
Speaker 3 (52:34):
Oh God.
Speaker 1 (52:37):
I want a man that can put meat on the
table and berries. Maybe this is why we're sing Oh God.
I want to end something to be fun, because you're
gonna be back on this podcast at some way, but
for now I feel like we just are so off
(52:57):
the rails. Yeah, but it's always great. We had a
lot of great moments there. But I want to end
on a bad date story because I think our bad
dates are funny. Yeah, and I think they're great to share.
So let's end on a funny note. Okay, I did
once go on a date with a guy we were
supposed to. It was our second date. This has been
(53:18):
a long time ago now. It was our second date.
We were going to go to a Sounds baseball game
and I was going to meet him at is it
Von l Rods at barn or back downtown, but it
was going to be a group paying so my roommate
at the time, like a lot of her coworkers, were
going to the bar too. We were all gonna meet
at Von l Rod's as well as this guy that
I was going on a second date with. Me and
(53:38):
my roommate are going over together. We're a few minutes,
not super late, but just a few minutes behind the
main group, and I get a text from the guy.
He had made it to the bar a few minutes later,
maybe fifteen, I don't know. We show up and he
is already hitted off with a girl that's friends like
with my roommates like group, and so we're all gonna
(54:01):
be sitting in this same section together and they've already
hit it off, like exchange numbers. And when I got there,
one of the friends pulled me in the bathroom, which
I don't do the drama, like who cares? Like they
pulled me in the bathroom? You know, we have to
tell you something, girl, Da da da. I'm like, oh,
what happened? And they're like, they were all but making
(54:21):
out at the bar before you walked in, and I
was like, oh, oh, okay, well, I feel like I'm
interrupting something. And oddly enough, the dude like switched up
and was attached to my hip for the rest of
the night and then told me he really enjoyed the
date and wanted to go out again after that, and
I was like, I think I'm good, Like you should
(54:43):
definitely reach out to let's call our Heather. Reach out
to Heather, like maybe it'll be a better fit, you know,
cause did you say that yeah? Okay? Did he respond yeah?
And they did end up going out, which again like
all is fair in love and war if you're not
my person, but you found your other person at the bar.
It was just it was. It's more shocking than he
was like wanting to go out with me again that
(55:04):
I was perplexed. He probably wanted to try, and you
know which is feel it out with both of us.
Their casual dating isn't bad, but like in that city,
but it was an ick at that point, and I
was like, I look, no harm enough, oul, but I'm
gonna let you just navigate these waters solo. I'm proud
of you for says It wasn't like you know, listen,
(55:27):
toxic Morgan back in our early twins would have been
like challenge, take it. Oh absolutely not if you're not
into me, I'm not into you, you know what I mean? Well, yeah,
it's really healed and great version of you. I'm talking
about like young Morgan. That was just like on the problem.
I was like, you know, let's figure out what's gonna
happen here. That's my man. Girl. Would you have been
fighting the other girl at the bar? No, but I
(55:49):
would have just been like, okay, all right, I see
what you're doing, and then it would have been a game,
you know, Oh okay, got it. I'm tired. Oh yeah, no,
I'm not talking about I'm not talking about thirty years old. Oh,
this was a long time ago for me. I was
too tired. Then we don't have some fun to you know,
that's important also anyway you get to have fun also,
just like they do part of the process of dating. Okay,
(56:11):
just a reminder, Okay, Well I had a funny one
that was this was a guy that I was like
loosely dating. Gosh, I mean we did it for like
two months maybe, and he had stayed over point I'm
never gonna forget this. And he had like went to
brush his teeth and he came back in and he goes,
you love a hunching it king. Yeah. He came back
(56:32):
and he goes, that toothpaste tastes weird. And I was like,
it is Colgate. You're like, it's Coldgate, and he goes,
can I guess no, no, you want to hear this? Can?
I go? Uh? Okay? He goes, what is the one
in the green bottle? And I go, sorry, you just
(56:52):
use my dog's toothpaste. Leave it to Morgan. Leave it
to Morgan. Is that what you're gonna get? No, I
was gonna say, hemorrhoid cream. Oh no, I'm pretty sure.
I'm pretty sure this tasted a lot better because at
least it was toothpaste. But was it like chicken fla bird?
I mean, I think it's like, I mean, really likes it,
so it's probably flavored on something. So you keep your
(57:14):
dog's toothpaste in the same place you keep us because
we both brush our teeth at the same time. What
But also, how do you not see colgate and dog toothpaste?
Do we not know how to read? Men are simple? Well,
they see a tube that looks like toothpaste and may
go for I have probably a lot of things that
are in tube. So that's alarming. It's the it's the
(57:38):
fact that you had it in the same place as
your own toothpaste. But I kind of leaned towards him
a little bit. I'm not fully taking your side on this.
He couldn't read. That's not my fault. They were both
right there. It literally says dog toothpaste. What did he
say when he realized the error of his ways? He's
just like, okay, so that's the thing, And I was like,
(58:00):
this is the thing. Did y'all see each other again
after that?
Speaker 3 (58:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (58:03):
We did.
Speaker 1 (58:04):
Yeah, he had other issues that wasn't even the main one.
So oh, I would love to hear more. It was
a wild long time ago. But yeah, that was a
funny one. Okay, do we feel sufficiently humored? Nothing felt
all our feelings and then we got a good laugh. Yeah,
I know there's none of us. We didn't cry, Remy
didn't cry. No. I do feel like I saw some
tears though, just a little little well I had something
(58:27):
in my eye. Was probably Remy's dog here or something. Okay,
it's fine, you don't have to cry. I teared up
a little, you did, yeah, more, just like like proud
of myself teared up. Okay, girl, you know, look at again.
I'm in that headspace like your girl is back. She
ready for this next season of life. Give me your
massage therapist information. Now you want it, Yeah, now you
(58:50):
want it all with my foshaw road, fascia, fashia whatever. Okay, Morgan,
thanks for coming on having me. You're a great friend,
even better friend sitting here on the podcast and making
you talk about things. But I love you and I'm
so appreciative for you because I'm going to be where
I am today without you. Oh my gosh, we do okay,
(59:12):
h right, I'm going to make her on Cotor Waltimore. Okay,
bye bye.
Speaker 2 (59:15):
Not only was it fun for me to have my
best friend on this episode, but I also enjoyed hearing
from Arrows the perspective of our relationship coach, and some
new ways to look at things. I will never say
no to having some new tools in my toolbox, especially
when it comes to love.
Speaker 1 (59:30):
We all know that I'm still learning in that department.
Speaker 2 (59:33):
Be sure you all follow the podcast Instagram at Take
This Personally and if you have any questions or just
want some advice on certain topics, you can hit up
the email Take This Personally Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (59:44):
I hope to have all of you join us next
week for some more Take This Personally moments. I love
y'all so much. Bye
Host
Morgan Huelsman
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