July 7, 2025 • 50 mins
Morgan sits down with four remarkable individuals from Abe's Garden whose stories span generations of love, loss, resilience, and wisdom. Ward shares a heartfelt account of falling in love at a fraternity party, and the profound connection that changed everything. Brenda reflects on nearly six decades of marriage, raising three children, and the emotional journey of becoming a caregiver to her husband with dementia. Shirley offers honest, humorous, and hard-earned insights from a life filled with lessons, laughter, and grace. And Larry opens up about the strength it takes to embrace change, build community, and keep your heart open through it all.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Personally the old man Happy Monday. I'm not usually so
excited that it's a Monday, but I am today because
we have more residents joining today, and honestly, hearing their
stories is just one of my favorite things that we've
done for this podcast so far. I think we've done
a lot of cool things, but sharing their stories is
(00:35):
just really special to me. And today Larry, Brenda, Ward,
and Shirley all joined me. They have a wide variety
of stories to share with you all, and I think
you may experience lots of emotions, so be prepared, maybe
have some tissues close by. Let's go. Miss Larry Gay
(00:57):
joins me right now. Miss Larry, I went to introduce
everyone to you first, so we're going to start by
you sharing with me what you did for a lot
of your life as an occupation, if you ever got
married in what your current age is.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Okay, well I'll start with my current age. I'm eighty
seven years old. I spent sixty six years in the
field of education. I got two master's degrees, one in
Spanish with a minor in French. I taught Spanish, French
and English at the community college level for several years.
Then I also went into administration. I went back to
(01:35):
school at Vanderbilt University then and got my doctorate in
educational leadership, and from there I eventually became a vice
president of two community colleges in Florida, one at Manatee
Community Colleges in Bramton, another one Orlando. When I retired,
I started teaching online for four universities, and after sixty
(01:59):
six years years of teaching and administration, I retired. As
I'm moving into apes garden.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Does it feel crazy that you worked for so long
in your life? Is I always your plan?
Speaker 3 (02:11):
No?
Speaker 2 (02:11):
I just moved along as I moved into different areas
of my life, and I was very, very interested. And
at one school, for example, in Orlando, we had an
international program. We went to Brazil and it was our
sister college, and we had a lot of exchanges and
got to go on trips and I got to go
to Machu Pichu and the Galopagos Islands as a result,
(02:33):
because every time we'd go to one of the schools,
I would plan a week's vacation following it and go
to all these wonderful places in South America. And of
course with my Spanish, you know, it was easy for
me to get around, and so it was a very
fruitful life, is all I can say. And I had
so much fun teaching and being in administration that I
guess I just couldn't quit. At the same time, when
(02:55):
I moved to Abes, I thought, well, if I don't retire,
I'm never going to be able to participate in the
activities of ADS because I was at the computer, you know,
half the time. And when I did the online classes,
we did zoom and all of this, and so, I mean,
the preparation was tremendous. It was much harder teaching online
(03:15):
than it was being in the classroom.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
I'll say that.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Were you really glad that a lot of your life
you spent traveling abroad. Was that something that you feel
like really help shape who you were? Oh?
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Absolutely, And I'm glad you mentioned that, because as far
as other people who are thinking about retirement and that
do it when you're younger, I did that mostly in
my forties and fifties, and I have to say I
went to China, Greece, Italy, Spain, Ireland, you name it, Mexico,
South America, Brazil. I mean, now I'm looking for hard
(03:47):
places to go that I haven't been, and I'm glad
I did it because now today, I mean, I just
had a knee replacement recently, and it's getting harder and
harder to travel. So I'm glad I went to all
those places during that time.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
What do you feel like is one of the lessons
you learned from all of that traveling and even being
an educator for that long.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Well, I learned a lot of lessons I learned in education.
I learned to be very patient lots of times you
have a lot of student problems. Back when I was advising,
I learned that people had a lot of difficulties getting
into school, and you find out that they're backgrounds and
the problems because they'll share it with you and everything.
(04:27):
I learned a lot from the students too that enriched
my life. For example, I learned a lot about the
different cultures, which I think enriches your life. And one
experience I had that was just tremendous was when I
went to China. I met a woman. It was doctor Omayu.
There's a book written about her tragedy and triumph, but
she was placed into a communist prison camp for twenty
(04:51):
seven years. She was a guy to collegist, never got
to practice her her degree or anything. And she was
a lovely woman and just somebody that influenced me. And
we wrote each other and I helped raise money for
their heating system. She was then teaching in a special
ed school, and you're talking about learning lessons of life
(05:11):
and the struggles that people have are tremendous. And she
told the story of her brother dying in her arms.
He drowned himself because of all the torture that happened there.
So when you go and you have the opportunities that
you have in the United States, and you see suffering
like in Honduras, we used to send shoes down there.
Children didn't have any shoes. And I went down there
(05:33):
once just to teach in the schools. And I lived
in Mexico for a while and went to school down
there and did a lot of projects. So I feel
like I've had a rich and wonderful life.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
When you look back on your life and you're talking
about all of these things, and you just said I
had a rich and wonderful life. Were there any moments
of regret for you as you look back?
Speaker 2 (05:54):
As I look back, I guess if I have any regret.
And this sounds crazy since I wanted to teach you
all those years, for sixty six years. But now that
I'm in this retirement home, I'm thinking to myself, why
didn't I sell my house sooner? Why didn't I take
my money so I could travel further and do this
while I were more physically able, you know, than now
(06:15):
I'm beginning to have to pick and choose what I do,
because you know, as you get older, things are going
to happen.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Do you feel like moving in allowed you to even
live more independently than you anticipated it would?
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Well?
Speaker 2 (06:28):
I am in independent living and and I get around
pretty well. I have to use the walker because of
this knee replacement, but I think it's helped me a
lot to move in here, and I'm glad I did
it because I lost my spouse a year before I
moved here, and so that I was lonely. Let's just
(06:49):
face it. I had friends there and everything, but when
you lose your spouse and your lifetime partner for forty
seven years, it is a big, big change. And I
know they're a lot of people that have moved in
here with those kind of similar stories, So I wish
i'd done it sooner, and I moved here because I thought, well,
my sister lives here and I'm getting older and I
(07:11):
may need help. And so when I was researching why
abes reason why is because of a teacher that I
taught with at Volunteer State Community College for eighteen years
lived here, and I called her up on the phone
and I said, I'm looking for a place to move.
I'm coming back to Nashville. I had lived here for
eighteen years because I taught at Volunteer State. And she said,
the only place I would recommend is Ape's Garden. She said,
(07:33):
I've looked at all of them. If anything ever happens
to me or when I get ready to retire, that's
exactly where I'm going. And you know what, because I
believe so much in her, I picked up the phone.
I call Courtney. That same day, I put down my
deposit sit unseen. I never came and looked at the
apartment or anything, and moved in. And it's been a
(07:53):
pleasant surprise the entire time.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Well, it's also cool that a teacher is what impacted
you to make this decison in your life when you
were probably impactful for so many people over the course
of yours.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Well, I hope, so, I certainly hope. So. I mean
I still hear from many of my students, and some
of the students since I've moved here have actually come
through here on their travels and we've gotten together, and
so I still stay in touch with many of them,
which is really really nice.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
I love that so much, especially that they're continuing to
visit you. You mentioned the loneliness that you felt when
you lost your spouse, So having visitors, I imagine, has
been really helpful.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Oh yeah, visitors, and plus the people of age. I mean,
we care for each other here. I mean we're helping
each other. There are people that are beginning to lose
have memory problems, and just yesterday I went and helped
a person. They couldn't remember how to put the phone
on the charger, just simple little things like that, and
they helped me or they asked me, well, what happened
(08:51):
to your eye today? How are you doing?
Speaker 3 (08:53):
How are you feeling?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
You know, And so it's a lot different from living
alone and not interacting. And I'll give you another good sample.
I've got a friend who lives in Memphis, and she
lost her husband three years ago, and she won't do
something like this, and she's lonesome. She cries all the time,
and I tell her, this is what you need to investigate. She's, well,
I'm living an old retirement home where everybody's dying. I said, look,
(09:15):
we're all dying. Everybody's going to die in life, let's
face it. But why don't you get up, you know,
become social? I said, We play bridge, I play canasta.
I played ping pong with a woman and I think
is almost one hundred years old the other day. I mean,
yead she I believe she is. And she's fierce. She's
left handed. I'm left handed, and we had a fierce game.
(09:35):
And we even got one of the residents to chase
our ball for us, because that's our problem, having to
pick up the ball.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
I love that so much. And you're talking about this,
Is that how you really coped with I think so
many people think about, you know, having a spouse and
one day one of you will pass. Yes, when that
finally happened, were there are a lot of experiences for
you that you can speak on to that experience because
I feel like so many people go through this. Oh yeah,
(10:04):
they're never prepared.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
No, And I do think you need to prepare in
advance for something like that. And I had thought that
I would stay in Florida because I loved it so much.
I was down there for forty years and I lived
about twenty five steps from the beach. So it was
hard to leave those friends. But I had to weigh,
you know, getting closer to my family, that was one
thing I had to decide. And then getting rid of
(10:26):
all of your things in your house, and how hard
that is to give up possessions. I mean as much.
You can't bring everything, so you have to make choices
and all this. And so I say to other friends
that I have not made this kind of decision. You
need to start preparing now because it's a big undertaking.
And it's interesting enough to say that. When I got
(10:47):
ready to sell my house, it was like magic. A
man walked up and hit my window and said he
wanted me to sign something to beautify the neighborhood. And
I said, no, I can't sign anything to beautify the neighborhood.
I'm getting ready to leave town. I'm going doing Abe's retirement.
He said, well, if you sell your house, all buy it,
and I thought, oh, sure, you know, but he's exactly
the person that bought the house. And all this came
(11:09):
together really fast, and I thought I was like berserk.
I thought, well, how am I going to get rid
of all this stuff and do all this Well? I
called up to Senior Citizens moving and you know what
they said to me. They said, we will move your stuff.
We'll move it into abes, we'll put the pictures on
the wall, your bed will be ready to get into
the night. And that was the relief. And I said, well,
(11:32):
what about it. I got to do this as state sale.
And she said, you know what, I know a real
estate agent that'll do your estate. If she sells your house,
she will do the estate self for you free. And
this all fell into place like a glove, like.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
It was mat too, exactly exactly exactly.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
And so it's been a wonderful experience. I say to everybody,
do it, do it early, plan early, and get with it,
because you don't have a lot of years to live
and you might as well live it up and have
the best time you have.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
I love that, I love that you're having so much fun.
I like to end just any time I talk with
someone a piece of advice if you look back on
your life and you want to give anybody just one
piece of really important advice. What would it be?
Speaker 2 (12:17):
I think find ways to be kind to other people.
And I think living here, I've been more involved than ever.
For example, just little things like I like to send
as many people as possible a little birthday card, because
they're people here who don't have family and they may
not get a birthday card. And so I think giving
of yourself, the reward comes back to you. And so
(12:39):
I love doing for others, and that would be that
advice that I'd give to everybody. Give, give, give, gil
because it'll all come back one hundred percent to you.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Oh that's such great advice. It was so great talking
with you, and I think I could sit here and
talk with you all day. You have so much wisdom
to share. But thank you for the little bit that
you were able to today with me. Thank you very much.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
I certainly enjoyed the interview and I will you the
best as well.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Yay, that was fun.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
You're great. You're a great on the interview and.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
I love it. Miss Brenda joins me. Now, Hi Brenda,
thanks for coming on. Thank you. I'm really excited. To
talk with you, but I want to start with something.
Can you tell us how old you are? I'm eighty
(13:30):
one eighty one? And what did you spend most of
your life doing? Occupation wise?
Speaker 4 (13:36):
Secretary?
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Did you ever get married in your life?
Speaker 3 (13:39):
I did?
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Did you also have children?
Speaker 4 (13:42):
I have three?
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Okay, so this is painting the picture of miss Brenda.
You're a secretary? How long were your secretary for?
Speaker 4 (13:51):
How totally? Probably about ten fifteen years.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Did you enjoy that work? Was that who you wanted
to do? Okay? Did you learn a lot about dynamics
in the workplace when you were a secretary? I imagine
you see a lot of things.
Speaker 4 (14:06):
Yes, I guess I did. I didn't think of it
at the time that way, but I think I did.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Did you ever want to do anything besides that? Or
was that just it? And then you decided to do
something else that and just have my family?
Speaker 3 (14:19):
So?
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Were you a stay at home mom? Also?
Speaker 4 (14:21):
I was, okay until my children got up in you know,
later in school to take care of themselves. And then
I went to part time but it was just across
the street and I worked four hours, so I was
there when they left go to school, and I was
home when they got home. So that worked out perfect.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Being a stay at home mom. Was that something that
was always the goal for you? Yes? And you look
back at your life and that was something you were
really happy you did or do you have regrets with
that at all?
Speaker 4 (14:53):
No, I'm glad I was there. My children seemed to
enjoy knowing the fact that Mama was going to be
home when they came home.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
What did you learn in that experience of being a
stay at home mom. Maybe it was something about yourself,
Maybe it was about having kids, or some wisdom to
share with people who are trying to decide on their
own journeys.
Speaker 4 (15:14):
I'm not sure it's the right thing for everyone. I
think everyone's different. But for me, I was happy. My
mother was that way, so I guess I took after
my mom. But I was happy being at home. I
was content.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
How long were you and your husband married for?
Speaker 4 (15:32):
We will celebrate our fifty let me think fifty nine
years this year.
Speaker 5 (15:43):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
What's the secret to that that's fifty nine years together?
Is one person.
Speaker 4 (15:52):
Compromise and don't hold a grudge.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
There was there a lot of moments where like I
could hold this against you.
Speaker 5 (16:02):
Yeah, but it wasn't worth it.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
That's fair. How did you guys meet? Were you high
school sweethearts?
Speaker 4 (16:09):
No? No, I was working when we met through mutual
friends when you were a secretary.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Wow. Was he somebody higher up or somebody that came in.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
No, he was in the Air Force. He had come
in on leave and I met him at Christmas time?
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Wow? So being a military spouse, was he he was not.
Speaker 4 (16:31):
Ready to get out. This was in December and he
was discharged in August. Okay, so I wasn't. We didn't
get married till after he got out of the service.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Was he gone at all when you guys had initially
first met.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
He just come in for Christmas break when we met,
and then he had to go back. He was stationed
in Tully, Greenland.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
And then when he came back. How quickly was it
you said, you guys decided to get married that next year.
Did you have a lot of let s?
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (17:01):
We wrote letters and phone calls. He spent most of
his money making long distance phone calls.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
We were very in love with it. Yeah, it was.
Speaker 4 (17:11):
It was very exciting.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
What do you feel like that love looks like today?
Because after that many years together, a lot of life happens.
Speaker 4 (17:23):
I think too many people go into it with the
expectation it's going to be perfect and if it's not,
they can get a divorce and get out of it.
But I was in it for the long and we
it wasn't perfect, but we learned a compromise.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
And today is he still with you?
Speaker 4 (17:45):
He's in a nursing home.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Okay, So how does that work? Because I know you
are one of the members who comes in for the
community programs and he's at a nursing home. So what
does that look like today for you guys.
Speaker 4 (17:57):
I don't get to see him very often. He has
Parkinsons and dementia, and he's in the stage of his
dementia that most of the time he doesn't know me.
He's living in the past. He's still in the service.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
So even right when you guys first met, Yeah, is
that really hard for you to experience because you're also
going through your own experience too.
Speaker 4 (18:21):
It's sad. I have my moments that it makes me
really sad and I miss him, But life goes on
and I try to make the best of it. That's
what I'm here for. This has been a big This
has been a big help to me.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
To come and visit here, Yes, to help with yours
or to get you out of your comfort zone a
little bit and visit both.
Speaker 4 (18:45):
Okay, it's done both to me because I was always
more or less an introvert and I enjoyed just being
by myself, but my daughter thought I needed some socialization.
I come to live with her five years ago. This
was during the pandemic, and of course I couldn't go
see him because he had nursing him not locked down
(19:08):
for months, So I had went months without getting to
see him. I had taken care of him probably for
around ten years in his sickness, and it had kind
of taken its toll on my health. And so I've
done my healing in the last five years, and APES
(19:32):
has been a big part of it.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
What do you feel like you wish you would have
known going from mom to wife too then caregiver towards
that part, I'm not really sure, or maybe what were
those emotions you were experiencing as things were changing in
(19:58):
that direction and you were seeing this happen to him
and it was a change that you were going to
have to adjust to.
Speaker 4 (20:07):
I'm not sure I'd done a lot of things differently.
I tried to look on the positive side of it.
There were fun times. He'd do some funny things, say
funny things, but he didn't remember them, but I did.
I wished that had a journal, but hindsight doesn't get
(20:27):
you very far.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
So it is hindsight is always twenty twenty. But that's
also why we love hearing stories, because this is how
we learn right and hopefully somebody who might be in
a similar position to you can then start to journal.
Speaker 4 (20:43):
I wished I had to recognized his illness and downslide earlier.
I didn't. I don't know that you know if it
would have made a big difference, but I feel like
it might have.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
That's a lot of pressure to put on yourself, though well.
Speaker 4 (21:02):
I always told him I'd take care of him, and
that's what I tried to do the best that I
could till he got till he couldn't take care of himself.
And I couldn't take care of him because he had
had a mini stroke and seizure, and after that he
was bedridden. And I took care of him as long
(21:25):
as I could, and I got to the point that
I didn't feel like that I could take care of
him the way he deserved. It was the hardest decision
ever had to make.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
What made you ultimately decide to make that decision?
Speaker 4 (21:37):
Well, I had a little bit influences for my family
and my kids. They could see things that I couldn't see.
But I knew that the time was getting close. I
just tried to ignore it. I didn't want to give up.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
I think there's a period of grief there that happens.
Speaker 4 (22:02):
There he is because you, I don't know, there's something
final about.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
It, and a big decision that you had to make. Yeah,
and you're not ready to make it. I don't know
that you ever would have been probably not well. I
don't want to just make you talk about sad. So
I also would like to hear one of the coolest,
most favorite moments of your life if you look back
on your life and you're like, I will always remember this.
Speaker 4 (22:32):
I think the birth of my children.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Any children in particular, or the very first one, or
just all.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
Of them, all of them, they were all so different. Yeah,
and my youngest was born prematurely. He was in the
hospital for seventy two days and he couldn't make a
sound when I brought him home. So I had to
transport him by my side everywhere I went was challenge.
(23:01):
But now he's a healthy young man. I call him
young it makes me feel better.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
Hey, you can call him whatever you want, whatever makes
you feel better.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
But I think it was the birth of our children
because we were both extremely happy when he found out
we found out I was pregnant.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
That's probably a cool memory to look back on. And
you think about that moment, especially the first one.
Speaker 4 (23:27):
I love being pregnant. I just got cheated out of
a lot of them because I went in laborly.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
You got cheated after nine months. I don't thinkgo nine
months really on all of them or just.
Speaker 4 (23:39):
Well Brenda, my daughter, the oldest one was three weeks
premature and I was still working. And my second son,
I was in the bed for two months before he
was born. And my third one comes so fast that
he was probably two two and a half three months
(24:02):
pre mature, so he was in the hospital for seventy
two days.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
But all healthy now.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
Yes, thank the Lord.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
It probably didn't feel like that when it was happening. No,
I was terrified, understandably, So when you look back at
all these moments too, is there any regrets that you
have or things that you wish you would have done
that you didn't do.
Speaker 4 (24:25):
I'm really sure about that one. It's something that I
don't think a lot about, but.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
It sounds to me like you don't have a lot,
and I think that's a pretty good thing. It sounds
like you did a lot of things that you wanted
to do.
Speaker 4 (24:39):
I think I did. I think I did looking.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Back, I love that well. I like to end on
a little piece of advice or motivation or inspiration. Is
there anything that you can think of that you would
love to share and make sure maybe other people your
age or younger people as they're getting older, need to.
Speaker 4 (24:58):
Hear take it one day at a time and enjoy
your day.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
It's a very important reminder.
Speaker 4 (25:09):
We're not guaranteed tomorrow, so enjoy your day.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Thank you for sharing your life with us and your story.
And it was really good getting to talk to you.
It's not talking with you, war joins me. Right now,
high ward, How are you, Morgan?
Speaker 3 (25:33):
I'm doing fine. How are you?
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Thank you for doing this with me my pleasure. Is
this your first podcast?
Speaker 3 (25:38):
It is.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
We got a lot of first today and I love it.
Speaker 3 (25:41):
But I listened to a lot of podcasts.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Okay, late at night, you listen to like Serial Murder
dot podcast or something late at night.
Speaker 3 (25:50):
I don't want to tell you that I listened to
stuff about the politics going on and that sort of thing.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
Okay, much more serious.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
It's entertaining, Okay.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
Entertain we like it. Lor Do you have somebody in
this room with you that I would love for you
to talk about? But first off, can you tell everybody
how old you are?
Speaker 3 (26:09):
Yes? I can. I am eighty seven years old.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
Eighty seven years young, I would say, And you got
a beautiful bride in here with you that you guys
have been married for how long?
Speaker 3 (26:21):
Sixty four years?
Speaker 1 (26:22):
What's her name?
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Deanna?
Speaker 1 (26:24):
What is the secret to be married that long?
Speaker 3 (26:29):
Always say yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
Always saying yes, ma'am. You never said no.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
No, Oh, I may have.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
I was gonna say. I hear her, I hear her
disagreeing right now.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
No. I think too many people think that they've got
to be right all the time in a marriage, and
you don't. You cannot be right all the time, So
you need to be flexible. You need to give and
take and say yes, ma'am, we'll work it out.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
I love that. How did you guys meet?
Speaker 3 (27:02):
We met at the fraternity house at FSU and they
were having a dance that night, and I came in
from work and I saw Deanna dancing with one of
my fraternity brothers who happened to be a pledge. And
of course you probably know pledges or they're a little freshman.
So I said to myself, ward, that girl really does
(27:24):
look great. So I went up and tapped him on
the shoulder, which in those days was an indication that
he was to give up dancing with her and I
and from there on that was it. Wow, we both
got hit by the bug.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Was it love at first sight?
Speaker 3 (27:41):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (27:43):
What was that feeling like when you first saw her?
Speaker 3 (27:45):
And just really she was gorgeously had long blonde hair,
and when I danced with her, I smell so good.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
So does she still have the same perfume that that
night she was dancing with it?
Speaker 3 (28:00):
I doubt it. I'm not too sure what perfume she
had on, but boy was it nice? Uh?
Speaker 1 (28:07):
Oh, it captured you. Yes, what was one of your
guys's favorite moments over the course of your groce's marriage
And you look back on it.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
The opportunity that we had to travel together to Europe
several times and see things that we never would have done.
But we said, we're going to spend our money while
we can and we're healthy, and so we went I
think ten or eleven times to Europe and different places, France, Italy,
(28:36):
all over.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
And did you take her on some dancing in some
more streets in those places or.
Speaker 3 (28:41):
Yes, As a matter of fact, we had a nice
dancing opportunity a little restaurant outside of a restaurant. I'll
have to tell you this little quick story. We danced
and they had a band there and they were playing
our kind of music, which is not the kind of
music you hear to today's genre. But anyway, we danced
(29:03):
and then we sat down and having a drink, and
in the meantime, a very good looking, blond headed girl
came in by herself and she sat down across the
table across the dance floor from us, and we said
she's nice, and Dennis say, she sure is. In a
few minutes, this single guy comes in and he takes
(29:27):
up with the girl and buys her a drink and
they dance, and you wouldn't have believed how marvelous they
were together. They were just like fred Astaire and whoever
else he danced with. So after it was over, we
went up and told them how much we loved their dancing,
and we asked him where they were from and he said,
(29:51):
we're from Panamont City. Oh we're married. Thought this thought
he had picked her up and they guys, you guys
are great and what a good story to tell.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
So so did you guys get out on the dance
floor when they were dancing.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (30:11):
What was your guys's favorite dance to do together?
Speaker 3 (30:14):
Oh, that's easy. Besides the slow dance, we love disco?
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Is that where you do the like pointy little fingers?
Is there more to people do that? We took me.
Speaker 3 (30:28):
No, we really liked the disco. And as a matter
of fact, in Jacksonville, where we were from, they had
a dance contest one night done at the hoe down
to the place on the river in Jacksonville, and we
danced there and danced. We won second place.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
That's amazing. So dancing was a big part of your guys'
relations very much. What were some other big things that
were part of your guys's relationship.
Speaker 3 (30:55):
Marriage, having family for dinner and having people in for football, games,
and Deanna is a musician, and all the time had
musician friends of ours that we got together with. And
we had a nice grandfiena in the living room, and
(31:15):
so she would play some of it, and Everyboddy who's
a great pianists, they'd play something. They play it together,
and we sang. And Dianna was a choral director, and
so music was really part of our and still is
a part of our life. Of course we don't participate
(31:35):
like we used to, but we still like it.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
And you guys have kids, because I know one of
your daughter is here. She your only daughter, do you
guys have.
Speaker 3 (31:43):
We got another daughter, Aaron. She happens to be out
of town today and they each have three children and
my only granddaughter. She is currently in London studying music.
She hopes some data make us very proud of her.
And some money maybe some money.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Everybody needs money, right, Oh guys, Yeah, what's it been
like for you to get to witness not only your
kids grow up and become parents, but now also getting
to see your grandchildren and watch them pursue dreams and
great grandchildren and great grandchildren too.
Speaker 3 (32:21):
Great granddaughters. Wow, who are just the love of Kim's life.
They're her grandchildren and we just love seeing what they're
doing and it's just a real joy to be a
part of their lives, maybe not as actively as we'd
like to. Life takes curious curves and sometimes you just
(32:42):
have to say, let's just do the best we can.
Speaker 4 (32:46):
And what was.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
One of those curveballs that you guys got faced at
one point in your life.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
Deanna had a stroke twelve years ago and I was
her primary caregiver and we're very sad, of course about that.
That put her back because she lost the use of
her right side and her voice being able to talk.
And we for years lived independently in a house in Franklin,
(33:13):
and then we moved into an apartment in Nashville, and
ultimately our children come and air and said, Daddy and Mom,
y'all need to be around some people. These people are
in an apartment complex. They're the age of Morgan. They're
nice people, they're nice looking, and they're very hospitable, but
(33:37):
they're just passing through in apartments around here. People don't
move into an apartment these days with the intention of
staying there very long. So they said, you really, y'all
really ought to think about moving into a senior living facility,
and we're so happy that we did because we do
have another life now. We've got friends and aves garden.
(34:03):
It's a very wonderful place to live. If so many activities,
it keeps you busy all the time, but good food,
good friends, and the opportunity to do things like this
did when.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
That first happened and your daughters were coming to you
guys and said, we think it's time you guys live here.
Was there some pushback for you guys?
Speaker 3 (34:24):
Was that scary from the cost point of view? I said,
I don't know whether we'd afford that or not. They said,
don't worry about It'll all work out, sort of like
me I used to tell somebody. I asked, don't worry
about it'll all work out.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
Has things always in life just worked out how they
were supposed to.
Speaker 3 (34:44):
They've worked out, maybe not like they're not like I
had hope that they might. But my health has suffered
in the last several months, which has caused some reason
for us to have to be in to assisted living
rather than independent living, which is not some way that
I ever thought that I'd have to be taken care of.
But I'm happy that where I am that I can
(35:07):
be taken so carefully and taken care of and trying
to help me where I don't fall as much. It's
changed our lives.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
When you look at your life and you see the
age progress and as you've gotten older. What's been hard
about that for you?
Speaker 3 (35:28):
Probably realizing that like it did maybe ten years ago
eight I don't know exactly, but woke up and went
in the bathroom and looked in the mirror, and I said, damn,
who is the hat? Who the hell is that old man? Seriously,
all of a sudden it hits you that you're not
(35:51):
fifty anymore, and you're not able to go climb a
mountain or go swimming there. So it's a complete structure change.
And so that's where we are just having to say,
let's just take it the way it is.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
There's a lot of changes that come with it, and
a lot of changes that happened in the course of
all of that. As you look back on your life
and you're seeing everything, is there anything that you regret
doing or not doing?
Speaker 3 (36:27):
I wish I had started reading more early on. I
didn't really start reading books until maybe three years ago,
and I've really enjoyed the reading aspect of things. It
doesn't matter what it is. And I've read a book
about carpenters and men who built cathedrals in the eleven
(36:52):
hundreds and enjoyed every minute or a big thick book.
I never thought i'd read anything like that, but I
enjoy all kinds of reading. I've read a lot of
art books about it, people like Jay Edgar Hoover, and
I can't think but writers that have written good mystery
model and novels answer your questions. I think I wish
(37:15):
I had started earlier reading.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
What about in your marriage or with your children? Is
there anything there that you look at and you could
have changed or would have done in a different direction.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
No, I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
Do they feel good when you think about that? And
you're like, I feel really good that I did what
I needed to do?
Speaker 3 (37:38):
And I think so. I had never really thought about
it that way, but I'm happy with the way they
turned out and that so it's okay.
Speaker 1 (37:48):
What's one of your favorite things to do now at
this point in your life, and you guys are at
the senior living community, what's one of your favorite things
to do? Activities?
Speaker 3 (37:57):
Maybe go to lunch someplace like I don't know adults.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
Adults okay, I love that.
Speaker 3 (38:08):
That's our favorite restaurant to go to. We don't get
out and go places like we used to, so it's hard.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
To say that's okay adult. Sounds like a fun time
for lunch.
Speaker 3 (38:18):
It is like.
Speaker 1 (38:21):
We got an agreement over there for your life.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
Likes it very much, and some places we don't like
to go to. But anyway, was.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
There anything you learned from being married about yourself that
you didn't anticipate? Because I see her over there, she's.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
Smiling, that I learned about myself that I probably don't
have the patience that I wished I had with her.
A lot of times I get very frustrated, and then
I say, I'm gonna do that word. She's doing the
best she can with what she's got to handle, and
(38:57):
you don't need to add to that stress word.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
You've shared so much with us, and there's always something
I love to end on in it. So the piece
of advice or inspiration or motivation, however you would like
to end this to share with people. Maybe they're your age,
maybe they're younger.
Speaker 3 (39:18):
I think probably whatever age, don't give up your dream,
hang in there if it takes it a little longer
than you thought it would, or maybe cost a little
bit more, or but don't give up a dream.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
What was your.
Speaker 3 (39:35):
Dream to live to be ninety four?
Speaker 1 (39:40):
You're almost there? Are you proud of that?
Speaker 3 (39:42):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (39:43):
That's pretty awesome. You have a secret to your long life.
Speaker 3 (39:49):
Oh, maybe three bourbons tonight?
Speaker 1 (39:54):
All right, I'll take it. I need to go buy
some bourbon. Thank you Ward for being here sharing your story.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
Thank you so much. It's a pleasure.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
Miss Shirley joins me. Now, Hi, Shirley, how are you.
Speaker 5 (40:12):
I'm fine? How are you?
Speaker 1 (40:14):
I'm good? Thank you for coming on.
Speaker 5 (40:16):
Oh, I'm glad to do it.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
I'm going to start this by having everybody kind of
paid a picture of who you are. So we're going
to start with your age and your occupation you had
most of your life, and if you were ever married. Okay, okay,
So start with age.
Speaker 5 (40:30):
I'm ninety okay, and I've had several jobs. But my
last job I retired from. It was at Vanderbilt in
human resources.
Speaker 1 (40:42):
Okay are yeah.
Speaker 5 (40:44):
And it was for both the hospital and the university.
The human resources handled both the hospital and the university.
So it was pretty big job.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
Yeah, that's a huge job.
Speaker 5 (41:00):
And were you married yes, long time.
Speaker 1 (41:04):
Ago, long time ago. Did you have any children?
Speaker 5 (41:06):
I have two daughters. I have four grandchildren and their
spouses and they all live in Nashville, which I'm very lucky.
Speaker 1 (41:17):
And you also mentioned some grand puppies too.
Speaker 5 (41:20):
Yes, yes, I've had a lot of grandpuppies. They were
cavaliers and beautiful. Yes, I loved them.
Speaker 1 (41:28):
Misterally, what do you feel like looking back on your life?
Was your most favorite moment or the most rewarding for you?
And there can be a few, but what would you
highlight if you looked back on your life, any one
of them in.
Speaker 6 (41:42):
Particular or just all Well, the first one, you know,
of course, is the most amazing thing, but then you
found that the second one you loved just as much.
Speaker 5 (41:53):
Yeah, so that was really my happiest moments.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
What about outside of your children, any personal moments for you?
Speaker 5 (42:03):
Not really just normal yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
And thinking of your children and all the people out
there who decided to have kids, why for you was
it important that you had kids.
Speaker 5 (42:18):
I always wanted to be a mother and a wife
and have a house. I had no career desires at all.
It was all family. Now, it's a long time ago.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
When you had your kids for you to stay at
home mom, Yes, what was that experience like for you?
Speaker 3 (42:38):
Great?
Speaker 5 (42:39):
I loved it room mom and all the bacon cookies
of just doing a lot of things for the teachers,
and it was really enjoyable.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
When the kids finally left, is that when you started
to look at your career?
Speaker 3 (42:56):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (42:58):
Actually, and I got divorced, is when I started looking
for a career. And I had several jobs, but the
best one was one I had when I lived in
Chattanooga for a manufacturing company and then the one in
Nashville at VANDWILT. So both I were really good jobs
(43:21):
and I loved working, and the children were out of
the nest, so that made it easier.
Speaker 1 (43:28):
And based on what you just told me, you had
always wanted to be a wife and a mother. So
when you got divorced, was that a difficult life change? Yes?
Speaker 3 (43:37):
It was.
Speaker 1 (43:38):
What were those kind of experiences like for you? Is
that all was happening?
Speaker 5 (43:44):
The experience was that I had the happiest years of
my life when I was married, and I had the
worst years of my life. The second part of my marriage.
Speaker 1 (43:54):
Wow, did you ever think that you wanted to get remarried?
Speaker 3 (43:59):
No?
Speaker 1 (44:00):
Never, never looked, never dated or anything.
Speaker 5 (44:02):
Oh yeah, yeah, we did do some dating, but I've
found too many things that I knew wouldn't work, you know,
so I stayed single.
Speaker 1 (44:14):
What ultimately made you make the choice that you were
just gonna stay single?
Speaker 5 (44:19):
Oh? I never found anybody. Anybody that I found that
hung around for a long time. I just got used
to but I knew I couldn't marry them because we
got other children involved and there were just too many problems.
Speaker 1 (44:38):
And what's that experience like been for you? Now? As
you have been single and you're now ninety, do you
feel like you learned a lot about yourself?
Speaker 3 (44:46):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (44:46):
Yes, yes, what did you learn?
Speaker 5 (44:50):
I've learned that being old is not the worst thing
in the world, and I love not working at all,
and I have a good time.
Speaker 1 (45:01):
What do you do now? What's your favorite things to
go do?
Speaker 5 (45:03):
My favorite things, of course, is with my family, and
we celebrate all the holidays and we're very close. And
even with my grandchildren, I'm close to them and they're fun,
they're good people. I'm so pleased with the way my
daughters have turned out and so proud of what they've
(45:26):
done with their children.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
Oh, I love that, and that's to make me really
proud now.
Speaker 5 (45:31):
And the men that they married, they're like my sons.
I love them. They are the best guys in the world.
And even my grandchildren's spouses I really love.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
Has it been a cool experience for you to get
to see your grandchildren get married. Yes.
Speaker 5 (45:51):
In fact, since I've been at aides, all four of
them have married. I've had one. They're close to the
same Adah. Now we're having babies.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
So the great grandchildren now, yes, yes, and they are precious.
What are the three What are those emotions like for
you to get to be around with your great grandchildren.
Speaker 5 (46:15):
Actually, I'm around them a lot, but they're so young.
But the grandchildren send me videos and pictures every day,
and so it's like watching them grow up. And I
don't wore people with pictures because I know how I
feel about pictures when you're looking for them in your camera.
Speaker 1 (46:39):
You don't like searching through the camera roll.
Speaker 5 (46:43):
No, it takes too long to get to the pictures.
So I don't share many. Once in a while, the
one that's really good, I'll and when they're new. When
the babies are new, I show a picture, but I
don't show everything that I get.
Speaker 1 (47:00):
Oh, and it sounds like one of your proudest accomplishments.
For those people out there who are on the fence
of having kids, if they're like, I don't know if
I want to do this or I definitely want to
do this, what would you tell to those on the
fencers looking back at your life.
Speaker 5 (47:17):
It's a totally different world now, and there's a lot
I mean, I think you need children, but sometimes I
wonder about this world, how it's going to turn out,
and I just see a lot of problems coming.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
Does it feel scary to know that where the world
is now and there will be a time where your
kids will no longer have you? Is that a scary
thing to think about? Yeah?
Speaker 5 (47:48):
I hate to think about them being sad, and I
know that we'll be and but you know, I know
it's coming, so I don't know.
Speaker 1 (48:00):
Well, look at you at ninety, I think you're gonna
be around for a very long time.
Speaker 5 (48:04):
I'd like to make it to one hundred.
Speaker 1 (48:06):
Yeah, is that the goal? That would be amazing? And
you look so awesome. So what's your secrets? You're ninety
years old, surely you're doing awesome. Healthy genes, healthy genes. Okay,
any other special secrets.
Speaker 5 (48:21):
I exercise a lot and always have very important. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:26):
Do you have a favorite exercise?
Speaker 5 (48:28):
Well, used to walking, and I'll walk so much in
my life, But now I enjoyed the exercise that we
have at age. It's very good.
Speaker 1 (48:36):
Oh, I love that.
Speaker 3 (48:37):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (48:38):
And when you look about out your life, is there
any regrets that you have or things that you wish
you would have done or wish you didn't do.
Speaker 5 (48:47):
I wish I hadn't become disabled as I've been this
whip about ten years now, and I was traveling a
lot and I don't travel anymore, and I guess probably,
but I couldn't, So I think that's one thing that
I missed. I've traveled a lot, but I could have
(49:10):
done more.
Speaker 1 (49:10):
Yeah, okay, traveling more. And we always like to end
on a little piece with someone with some advice or
motivation or inspiration, so you can can you leave us
with something here?
Speaker 5 (49:25):
Yes? I can't, Especially with people who are going to
move into a place like this. You've got to learn
to accept things that kind of get on your nerve,
like telephones ringing all the time, and everybody being late
(49:45):
at any activity. Not everybody, but lots of people being late.
But you just gotta let it go, you know. And
it doesn't even bother me anymore. Just I et am
late sometimes.
Speaker 1 (50:01):
Learn to just live life on your own time alones. Yes, well,
miss Shirley, thank you for taking time and sharing your
story with us, having me. Thank you guys for listening
to this podcast and allowing me the space to bring
on this crew that I've loved getting to know over
the years, and the wonderful residents who Remy and I
love to go visit at Apes Garden. Be sure to
(50:22):
subscribe to the podcast and share on social media if
you are loving it, That helps out big time. But
more than anything, I'm just happy that you're here. So
I'll talk to you guys next week.
Personally the old man Happy Monday. I'm not usually so
excited that it's a Monday, but I am today because
we have more residents joining today, and honestly, hearing their
stories is just one of my favorite things that we've
done for this podcast so far. I think we've done
a lot of cool things, but sharing their stories is
(00:35):
just really special to me. And today Larry, Brenda, Ward,
and Shirley all joined me. They have a wide variety
of stories to share with you all, and I think
you may experience lots of emotions, so be prepared, maybe
have some tissues close by. Let's go. Miss Larry Gay
(00:57):
joins me right now. Miss Larry, I went to introduce
everyone to you first, so we're going to start by
you sharing with me what you did for a lot
of your life as an occupation, if you ever got
married in what your current age is.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Okay, well I'll start with my current age. I'm eighty
seven years old. I spent sixty six years in the
field of education. I got two master's degrees, one in
Spanish with a minor in French. I taught Spanish, French
and English at the community college level for several years.
Then I also went into administration. I went back to
(01:35):
school at Vanderbilt University then and got my doctorate in
educational leadership, and from there I eventually became a vice
president of two community colleges in Florida, one at Manatee
Community Colleges in Bramton, another one Orlando. When I retired,
I started teaching online for four universities, and after sixty
(01:59):
six years years of teaching and administration, I retired. As
I'm moving into apes garden.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Does it feel crazy that you worked for so long
in your life? Is I always your plan?
Speaker 3 (02:11):
No?
Speaker 2 (02:11):
I just moved along as I moved into different areas
of my life, and I was very, very interested. And
at one school, for example, in Orlando, we had an
international program. We went to Brazil and it was our
sister college, and we had a lot of exchanges and
got to go on trips and I got to go
to Machu Pichu and the Galopagos Islands as a result,
(02:33):
because every time we'd go to one of the schools,
I would plan a week's vacation following it and go
to all these wonderful places in South America. And of
course with my Spanish, you know, it was easy for
me to get around, and so it was a very
fruitful life, is all I can say. And I had
so much fun teaching and being in administration that I
guess I just couldn't quit. At the same time, when
(02:55):
I moved to Abes, I thought, well, if I don't retire,
I'm never going to be able to participate in the
activities of ADS because I was at the computer, you know,
half the time. And when I did the online classes,
we did zoom and all of this, and so, I mean,
the preparation was tremendous. It was much harder teaching online
(03:15):
than it was being in the classroom.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
I'll say that.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Were you really glad that a lot of your life
you spent traveling abroad. Was that something that you feel
like really help shape who you were? Oh?
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Absolutely, And I'm glad you mentioned that, because as far
as other people who are thinking about retirement and that
do it when you're younger, I did that mostly in
my forties and fifties, and I have to say I
went to China, Greece, Italy, Spain, Ireland, you name it, Mexico,
South America, Brazil. I mean, now I'm looking for hard
(03:47):
places to go that I haven't been, and I'm glad
I did it because now today, I mean, I just
had a knee replacement recently, and it's getting harder and
harder to travel. So I'm glad I went to all
those places during that time.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
What do you feel like is one of the lessons
you learned from all of that traveling and even being
an educator for that long.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Well, I learned a lot of lessons I learned in education.
I learned to be very patient lots of times you
have a lot of student problems. Back when I was advising,
I learned that people had a lot of difficulties getting
into school, and you find out that they're backgrounds and
the problems because they'll share it with you and everything.
(04:27):
I learned a lot from the students too that enriched
my life. For example, I learned a lot about the
different cultures, which I think enriches your life. And one
experience I had that was just tremendous was when I
went to China. I met a woman. It was doctor Omayu.
There's a book written about her tragedy and triumph, but
she was placed into a communist prison camp for twenty
(04:51):
seven years. She was a guy to collegist, never got
to practice her her degree or anything. And she was
a lovely woman and just somebody that influenced me. And
we wrote each other and I helped raise money for
their heating system. She was then teaching in a special
ed school, and you're talking about learning lessons of life
(05:11):
and the struggles that people have are tremendous. And she
told the story of her brother dying in her arms.
He drowned himself because of all the torture that happened there.
So when you go and you have the opportunities that
you have in the United States, and you see suffering
like in Honduras, we used to send shoes down there.
Children didn't have any shoes. And I went down there
(05:33):
once just to teach in the schools. And I lived
in Mexico for a while and went to school down
there and did a lot of projects. So I feel
like I've had a rich and wonderful life.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
When you look back on your life and you're talking
about all of these things, and you just said I
had a rich and wonderful life. Were there any moments
of regret for you as you look back?
Speaker 2 (05:54):
As I look back, I guess if I have any regret.
And this sounds crazy since I wanted to teach you
all those years, for sixty six years. But now that
I'm in this retirement home, I'm thinking to myself, why
didn't I sell my house sooner? Why didn't I take
my money so I could travel further and do this
while I were more physically able, you know, than now
(06:15):
I'm beginning to have to pick and choose what I do,
because you know, as you get older, things are going
to happen.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Do you feel like moving in allowed you to even
live more independently than you anticipated it would?
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Well?
Speaker 2 (06:28):
I am in independent living and and I get around
pretty well. I have to use the walker because of
this knee replacement, but I think it's helped me a
lot to move in here, and I'm glad I did
it because I lost my spouse a year before I
moved here, and so that I was lonely. Let's just
(06:49):
face it. I had friends there and everything, but when
you lose your spouse and your lifetime partner for forty
seven years, it is a big, big change. And I
know they're a lot of people that have moved in
here with those kind of similar stories, So I wish
i'd done it sooner, and I moved here because I thought, well,
my sister lives here and I'm getting older and I
(07:11):
may need help. And so when I was researching why
abes reason why is because of a teacher that I
taught with at Volunteer State Community College for eighteen years
lived here, and I called her up on the phone
and I said, I'm looking for a place to move.
I'm coming back to Nashville. I had lived here for
eighteen years because I taught at Volunteer State. And she said,
the only place I would recommend is Ape's Garden. She said,
(07:33):
I've looked at all of them. If anything ever happens
to me or when I get ready to retire, that's
exactly where I'm going. And you know what, because I
believe so much in her, I picked up the phone.
I call Courtney. That same day, I put down my
deposit sit unseen. I never came and looked at the
apartment or anything, and moved in. And it's been a
(07:53):
pleasant surprise the entire time.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Well, it's also cool that a teacher is what impacted
you to make this decison in your life when you
were probably impactful for so many people over the course
of yours.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Well, I hope, so, I certainly hope. So. I mean
I still hear from many of my students, and some
of the students since I've moved here have actually come
through here on their travels and we've gotten together, and
so I still stay in touch with many of them,
which is really really nice.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
I love that so much, especially that they're continuing to
visit you. You mentioned the loneliness that you felt when
you lost your spouse, So having visitors, I imagine, has
been really helpful.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Oh yeah, visitors, and plus the people of age. I mean,
we care for each other here. I mean we're helping
each other. There are people that are beginning to lose
have memory problems, and just yesterday I went and helped
a person. They couldn't remember how to put the phone
on the charger, just simple little things like that, and
they helped me or they asked me, well, what happened
(08:51):
to your eye today? How are you doing?
Speaker 3 (08:53):
How are you feeling?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
You know, And so it's a lot different from living
alone and not interacting. And I'll give you another good sample.
I've got a friend who lives in Memphis, and she
lost her husband three years ago, and she won't do
something like this, and she's lonesome. She cries all the time,
and I tell her, this is what you need to investigate. She's, well,
I'm living an old retirement home where everybody's dying. I said, look,
(09:15):
we're all dying. Everybody's going to die in life, let's
face it. But why don't you get up, you know,
become social? I said, We play bridge, I play canasta.
I played ping pong with a woman and I think
is almost one hundred years old the other day. I mean,
yead she I believe she is. And she's fierce. She's
left handed. I'm left handed, and we had a fierce game.
(09:35):
And we even got one of the residents to chase
our ball for us, because that's our problem, having to
pick up the ball.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
I love that so much. And you're talking about this,
Is that how you really coped with I think so
many people think about, you know, having a spouse and
one day one of you will pass. Yes, when that
finally happened, were there are a lot of experiences for
you that you can speak on to that experience because
I feel like so many people go through this. Oh yeah,
(10:04):
they're never prepared.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
No, And I do think you need to prepare in
advance for something like that. And I had thought that
I would stay in Florida because I loved it so much.
I was down there for forty years and I lived
about twenty five steps from the beach. So it was
hard to leave those friends. But I had to weigh,
you know, getting closer to my family, that was one
thing I had to decide. And then getting rid of
(10:26):
all of your things in your house, and how hard
that is to give up possessions. I mean as much.
You can't bring everything, so you have to make choices
and all this. And so I say to other friends
that I have not made this kind of decision. You
need to start preparing now because it's a big undertaking.
And it's interesting enough to say that. When I got
(10:47):
ready to sell my house, it was like magic. A
man walked up and hit my window and said he
wanted me to sign something to beautify the neighborhood. And
I said, no, I can't sign anything to beautify the neighborhood.
I'm getting ready to leave town. I'm going doing Abe's retirement.
He said, well, if you sell your house, all buy it,
and I thought, oh, sure, you know, but he's exactly
the person that bought the house. And all this came
(11:09):
together really fast, and I thought I was like berserk.
I thought, well, how am I going to get rid
of all this stuff and do all this Well? I
called up to Senior Citizens moving and you know what
they said to me. They said, we will move your stuff.
We'll move it into abes, we'll put the pictures on
the wall, your bed will be ready to get into
the night. And that was the relief. And I said, well,
(11:32):
what about it. I got to do this as state sale.
And she said, you know what, I know a real
estate agent that'll do your estate. If she sells your house,
she will do the estate self for you free. And
this all fell into place like a glove, like.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
It was mat too, exactly exactly exactly.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
And so it's been a wonderful experience. I say to everybody,
do it, do it early, plan early, and get with it,
because you don't have a lot of years to live
and you might as well live it up and have
the best time you have.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
I love that, I love that you're having so much fun.
I like to end just any time I talk with
someone a piece of advice if you look back on
your life and you want to give anybody just one
piece of really important advice. What would it be?
Speaker 2 (12:17):
I think find ways to be kind to other people.
And I think living here, I've been more involved than ever.
For example, just little things like I like to send
as many people as possible a little birthday card, because
they're people here who don't have family and they may
not get a birthday card. And so I think giving
of yourself, the reward comes back to you. And so
(12:39):
I love doing for others, and that would be that
advice that I'd give to everybody. Give, give, give, gil
because it'll all come back one hundred percent to you.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Oh that's such great advice. It was so great talking
with you, and I think I could sit here and
talk with you all day. You have so much wisdom
to share. But thank you for the little bit that
you were able to today with me. Thank you very much.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
I certainly enjoyed the interview and I will you the
best as well.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Yay, that was fun.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
You're great. You're a great on the interview and.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
I love it. Miss Brenda joins me. Now, Hi Brenda,
thanks for coming on. Thank you. I'm really excited. To
talk with you, but I want to start with something.
Can you tell us how old you are? I'm eighty
(13:30):
one eighty one? And what did you spend most of
your life doing? Occupation wise?
Speaker 4 (13:36):
Secretary?
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Did you ever get married in your life?
Speaker 3 (13:39):
I did?
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Did you also have children?
Speaker 4 (13:42):
I have three?
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Okay, so this is painting the picture of miss Brenda.
You're a secretary? How long were your secretary for?
Speaker 4 (13:51):
How totally? Probably about ten fifteen years.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Did you enjoy that work? Was that who you wanted
to do? Okay? Did you learn a lot about dynamics
in the workplace when you were a secretary? I imagine
you see a lot of things.
Speaker 4 (14:06):
Yes, I guess I did. I didn't think of it
at the time that way, but I think I did.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Did you ever want to do anything besides that? Or
was that just it? And then you decided to do
something else that and just have my family?
Speaker 3 (14:19):
So?
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Were you a stay at home mom? Also?
Speaker 4 (14:21):
I was, okay until my children got up in you know,
later in school to take care of themselves. And then
I went to part time but it was just across
the street and I worked four hours, so I was
there when they left go to school, and I was
home when they got home. So that worked out perfect.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Being a stay at home mom. Was that something that
was always the goal for you? Yes? And you look
back at your life and that was something you were
really happy you did or do you have regrets with
that at all?
Speaker 4 (14:53):
No, I'm glad I was there. My children seemed to
enjoy knowing the fact that Mama was going to be
home when they came home.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
What did you learn in that experience of being a
stay at home mom. Maybe it was something about yourself,
Maybe it was about having kids, or some wisdom to
share with people who are trying to decide on their
own journeys.
Speaker 4 (15:14):
I'm not sure it's the right thing for everyone. I
think everyone's different. But for me, I was happy. My
mother was that way, so I guess I took after
my mom. But I was happy being at home. I
was content.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
How long were you and your husband married for?
Speaker 4 (15:32):
We will celebrate our fifty let me think fifty nine
years this year.
Speaker 5 (15:43):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
What's the secret to that that's fifty nine years together?
Is one person.
Speaker 4 (15:52):
Compromise and don't hold a grudge.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
There was there a lot of moments where like I
could hold this against you.
Speaker 5 (16:02):
Yeah, but it wasn't worth it.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
That's fair. How did you guys meet? Were you high
school sweethearts?
Speaker 4 (16:09):
No? No, I was working when we met through mutual
friends when you were a secretary.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Wow. Was he somebody higher up or somebody that came in.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
No, he was in the Air Force. He had come
in on leave and I met him at Christmas time?
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Wow? So being a military spouse, was he he was not.
Speaker 4 (16:31):
Ready to get out. This was in December and he
was discharged in August. Okay, so I wasn't. We didn't
get married till after he got out of the service.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Was he gone at all when you guys had initially
first met.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
He just come in for Christmas break when we met,
and then he had to go back. He was stationed
in Tully, Greenland.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
And then when he came back. How quickly was it
you said, you guys decided to get married that next year.
Did you have a lot of let s?
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (17:01):
We wrote letters and phone calls. He spent most of
his money making long distance phone calls.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
We were very in love with it. Yeah, it was.
Speaker 4 (17:11):
It was very exciting.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
What do you feel like that love looks like today?
Because after that many years together, a lot of life happens.
Speaker 4 (17:23):
I think too many people go into it with the
expectation it's going to be perfect and if it's not,
they can get a divorce and get out of it.
But I was in it for the long and we
it wasn't perfect, but we learned a compromise.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
And today is he still with you?
Speaker 4 (17:45):
He's in a nursing home.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Okay, So how does that work? Because I know you
are one of the members who comes in for the
community programs and he's at a nursing home. So what
does that look like today for you guys.
Speaker 4 (17:57):
I don't get to see him very often. He has
Parkinsons and dementia, and he's in the stage of his
dementia that most of the time he doesn't know me.
He's living in the past. He's still in the service.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
So even right when you guys first met, Yeah, is
that really hard for you to experience because you're also
going through your own experience too.
Speaker 4 (18:21):
It's sad. I have my moments that it makes me
really sad and I miss him, But life goes on
and I try to make the best of it. That's
what I'm here for. This has been a big This
has been a big help to me.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
To come and visit here, Yes, to help with yours
or to get you out of your comfort zone a
little bit and visit both.
Speaker 4 (18:45):
Okay, it's done both to me because I was always
more or less an introvert and I enjoyed just being
by myself, but my daughter thought I needed some socialization.
I come to live with her five years ago. This
was during the pandemic, and of course I couldn't go
see him because he had nursing him not locked down
(19:08):
for months, So I had went months without getting to
see him. I had taken care of him probably for
around ten years in his sickness, and it had kind
of taken its toll on my health. And so I've
done my healing in the last five years, and APES
(19:32):
has been a big part of it.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
What do you feel like you wish you would have
known going from mom to wife too then caregiver towards
that part, I'm not really sure, or maybe what were
those emotions you were experiencing as things were changing in
(19:58):
that direction and you were seeing this happen to him
and it was a change that you were going to
have to adjust to.
Speaker 4 (20:07):
I'm not sure I'd done a lot of things differently.
I tried to look on the positive side of it.
There were fun times. He'd do some funny things, say
funny things, but he didn't remember them, but I did.
I wished that had a journal, but hindsight doesn't get
(20:27):
you very far.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
So it is hindsight is always twenty twenty. But that's
also why we love hearing stories, because this is how
we learn right and hopefully somebody who might be in
a similar position to you can then start to journal.
Speaker 4 (20:43):
I wished I had to recognized his illness and downslide earlier.
I didn't. I don't know that you know if it
would have made a big difference, but I feel like
it might have.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
That's a lot of pressure to put on yourself, though well.
Speaker 4 (21:02):
I always told him I'd take care of him, and
that's what I tried to do the best that I
could till he got till he couldn't take care of himself.
And I couldn't take care of him because he had
had a mini stroke and seizure, and after that he
was bedridden. And I took care of him as long
(21:25):
as I could, and I got to the point that
I didn't feel like that I could take care of
him the way he deserved. It was the hardest decision
ever had to make.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
What made you ultimately decide to make that decision?
Speaker 4 (21:37):
Well, I had a little bit influences for my family
and my kids. They could see things that I couldn't see.
But I knew that the time was getting close. I
just tried to ignore it. I didn't want to give up.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
I think there's a period of grief there that happens.
Speaker 4 (22:02):
There he is because you, I don't know, there's something
final about.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
It, and a big decision that you had to make. Yeah,
and you're not ready to make it. I don't know
that you ever would have been probably not well. I
don't want to just make you talk about sad. So
I also would like to hear one of the coolest,
most favorite moments of your life if you look back
on your life and you're like, I will always remember this.
Speaker 4 (22:32):
I think the birth of my children.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Any children in particular, or the very first one, or
just all.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
Of them, all of them, they were all so different. Yeah,
and my youngest was born prematurely. He was in the
hospital for seventy two days and he couldn't make a
sound when I brought him home. So I had to
transport him by my side everywhere I went was challenge.
(23:01):
But now he's a healthy young man. I call him
young it makes me feel better.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
Hey, you can call him whatever you want, whatever makes
you feel better.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
But I think it was the birth of our children
because we were both extremely happy when he found out
we found out I was pregnant.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
That's probably a cool memory to look back on. And
you think about that moment, especially the first one.
Speaker 4 (23:27):
I love being pregnant. I just got cheated out of
a lot of them because I went in laborly.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
You got cheated after nine months. I don't thinkgo nine
months really on all of them or just.
Speaker 4 (23:39):
Well Brenda, my daughter, the oldest one was three weeks
premature and I was still working. And my second son,
I was in the bed for two months before he
was born. And my third one comes so fast that
he was probably two two and a half three months
(24:02):
pre mature, so he was in the hospital for seventy
two days.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
But all healthy now.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
Yes, thank the Lord.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
It probably didn't feel like that when it was happening. No,
I was terrified, understandably, So when you look back at
all these moments too, is there any regrets that you
have or things that you wish you would have done
that you didn't do.
Speaker 4 (24:25):
I'm really sure about that one. It's something that I
don't think a lot about, but.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
It sounds to me like you don't have a lot,
and I think that's a pretty good thing. It sounds
like you did a lot of things that you wanted
to do.
Speaker 4 (24:39):
I think I did. I think I did looking.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Back, I love that well. I like to end on
a little piece of advice or motivation or inspiration. Is
there anything that you can think of that you would
love to share and make sure maybe other people your
age or younger people as they're getting older, need to.
Speaker 4 (24:58):
Hear take it one day at a time and enjoy
your day.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
It's a very important reminder.
Speaker 4 (25:09):
We're not guaranteed tomorrow, so enjoy your day.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Thank you for sharing your life with us and your story.
And it was really good getting to talk to you.
It's not talking with you, war joins me. Right now,
high ward, How are you, Morgan?
Speaker 3 (25:33):
I'm doing fine. How are you?
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Thank you for doing this with me my pleasure. Is
this your first podcast?
Speaker 3 (25:38):
It is.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
We got a lot of first today and I love it.
Speaker 3 (25:41):
But I listened to a lot of podcasts.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Okay, late at night, you listen to like Serial Murder
dot podcast or something late at night.
Speaker 3 (25:50):
I don't want to tell you that I listened to
stuff about the politics going on and that sort of thing.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
Okay, much more serious.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
It's entertaining, Okay.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
Entertain we like it. Lor Do you have somebody in
this room with you that I would love for you
to talk about? But first off, can you tell everybody
how old you are?
Speaker 3 (26:09):
Yes? I can. I am eighty seven years old.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
Eighty seven years young, I would say, And you got
a beautiful bride in here with you that you guys
have been married for how long?
Speaker 3 (26:21):
Sixty four years?
Speaker 1 (26:22):
What's her name?
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Deanna?
Speaker 1 (26:24):
What is the secret to be married that long?
Speaker 3 (26:29):
Always say yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
Always saying yes, ma'am. You never said no.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
No, Oh, I may have.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
I was gonna say. I hear her, I hear her
disagreeing right now.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
No. I think too many people think that they've got
to be right all the time in a marriage, and
you don't. You cannot be right all the time, So
you need to be flexible. You need to give and
take and say yes, ma'am, we'll work it out.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
I love that. How did you guys meet?
Speaker 3 (27:02):
We met at the fraternity house at FSU and they
were having a dance that night, and I came in
from work and I saw Deanna dancing with one of
my fraternity brothers who happened to be a pledge. And
of course you probably know pledges or they're a little freshman.
So I said to myself, ward, that girl really does
(27:24):
look great. So I went up and tapped him on
the shoulder, which in those days was an indication that
he was to give up dancing with her and I
and from there on that was it. Wow, we both
got hit by the bug.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Was it love at first sight?
Speaker 3 (27:41):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (27:43):
What was that feeling like when you first saw her?
Speaker 3 (27:45):
And just really she was gorgeously had long blonde hair,
and when I danced with her, I smell so good.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
So does she still have the same perfume that that
night she was dancing with it?
Speaker 3 (28:00):
I doubt it. I'm not too sure what perfume she
had on, but boy was it nice? Uh?
Speaker 1 (28:07):
Oh, it captured you. Yes, what was one of your
guys's favorite moments over the course of your groce's marriage
And you look back on it.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
The opportunity that we had to travel together to Europe
several times and see things that we never would have done.
But we said, we're going to spend our money while
we can and we're healthy, and so we went I
think ten or eleven times to Europe and different places, France, Italy,
(28:36):
all over.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
And did you take her on some dancing in some
more streets in those places or.
Speaker 3 (28:41):
Yes, As a matter of fact, we had a nice
dancing opportunity a little restaurant outside of a restaurant. I'll
have to tell you this little quick story. We danced
and they had a band there and they were playing
our kind of music, which is not the kind of
music you hear to today's genre. But anyway, we danced
(29:03):
and then we sat down and having a drink, and
in the meantime, a very good looking, blond headed girl
came in by herself and she sat down across the
table across the dance floor from us, and we said
she's nice, and Dennis say, she sure is. In a
few minutes, this single guy comes in and he takes
(29:27):
up with the girl and buys her a drink and
they dance, and you wouldn't have believed how marvelous they
were together. They were just like fred Astaire and whoever
else he danced with. So after it was over, we
went up and told them how much we loved their dancing,
and we asked him where they were from and he said,
(29:51):
we're from Panamont City. Oh we're married. Thought this thought
he had picked her up and they guys, you guys
are great and what a good story to tell.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
So so did you guys get out on the dance
floor when they were dancing.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (30:11):
What was your guys's favorite dance to do together?
Speaker 3 (30:14):
Oh, that's easy. Besides the slow dance, we love disco?
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Is that where you do the like pointy little fingers?
Is there more to people do that? We took me.
Speaker 3 (30:28):
No, we really liked the disco. And as a matter
of fact, in Jacksonville, where we were from, they had
a dance contest one night done at the hoe down
to the place on the river in Jacksonville, and we
danced there and danced. We won second place.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
That's amazing. So dancing was a big part of your guys'
relations very much. What were some other big things that
were part of your guys's relationship.
Speaker 3 (30:55):
Marriage, having family for dinner and having people in for football, games,
and Deanna is a musician, and all the time had
musician friends of ours that we got together with. And
we had a nice grandfiena in the living room, and
(31:15):
so she would play some of it, and Everyboddy who's
a great pianists, they'd play something. They play it together,
and we sang. And Dianna was a choral director, and
so music was really part of our and still is
a part of our life. Of course we don't participate
(31:35):
like we used to, but we still like it.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
And you guys have kids, because I know one of
your daughter is here. She your only daughter, do you
guys have.
Speaker 3 (31:43):
We got another daughter, Aaron. She happens to be out
of town today and they each have three children and
my only granddaughter. She is currently in London studying music.
She hopes some data make us very proud of her.
And some money maybe some money.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Everybody needs money, right, Oh guys, Yeah, what's it been
like for you to get to witness not only your
kids grow up and become parents, but now also getting
to see your grandchildren and watch them pursue dreams and
great grandchildren and great grandchildren too.
Speaker 3 (32:21):
Great granddaughters. Wow, who are just the love of Kim's life.
They're her grandchildren and we just love seeing what they're
doing and it's just a real joy to be a
part of their lives, maybe not as actively as we'd
like to. Life takes curious curves and sometimes you just
(32:42):
have to say, let's just do the best we can.
Speaker 4 (32:46):
And what was.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
One of those curveballs that you guys got faced at
one point in your life.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
Deanna had a stroke twelve years ago and I was
her primary caregiver and we're very sad, of course about that.
That put her back because she lost the use of
her right side and her voice being able to talk.
And we for years lived independently in a house in Franklin,
(33:13):
and then we moved into an apartment in Nashville, and
ultimately our children come and air and said, Daddy and Mom,
y'all need to be around some people. These people are
in an apartment complex. They're the age of Morgan. They're
nice people, they're nice looking, and they're very hospitable, but
(33:37):
they're just passing through in apartments around here. People don't
move into an apartment these days with the intention of
staying there very long. So they said, you really, y'all
really ought to think about moving into a senior living facility,
and we're so happy that we did because we do
have another life now. We've got friends and aves garden.
(34:03):
It's a very wonderful place to live. If so many activities,
it keeps you busy all the time, but good food,
good friends, and the opportunity to do things like this
did when.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
That first happened and your daughters were coming to you
guys and said, we think it's time you guys live here.
Was there some pushback for you guys?
Speaker 3 (34:24):
Was that scary from the cost point of view? I said,
I don't know whether we'd afford that or not. They said,
don't worry about It'll all work out, sort of like
me I used to tell somebody. I asked, don't worry
about it'll all work out.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
Has things always in life just worked out how they
were supposed to.
Speaker 3 (34:44):
They've worked out, maybe not like they're not like I
had hope that they might. But my health has suffered
in the last several months, which has caused some reason
for us to have to be in to assisted living
rather than independent living, which is not some way that
I ever thought that I'd have to be taken care of.
But I'm happy that where I am that I can
(35:07):
be taken so carefully and taken care of and trying
to help me where I don't fall as much. It's
changed our lives.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
When you look at your life and you see the
age progress and as you've gotten older. What's been hard
about that for you?
Speaker 3 (35:28):
Probably realizing that like it did maybe ten years ago
eight I don't know exactly, but woke up and went
in the bathroom and looked in the mirror, and I said, damn,
who is the hat? Who the hell is that old man? Seriously,
all of a sudden it hits you that you're not
(35:51):
fifty anymore, and you're not able to go climb a
mountain or go swimming there. So it's a complete structure change.
And so that's where we are just having to say,
let's just take it the way it is.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
There's a lot of changes that come with it, and
a lot of changes that happened in the course of
all of that. As you look back on your life
and you're seeing everything, is there anything that you regret
doing or not doing?
Speaker 3 (36:27):
I wish I had started reading more early on. I
didn't really start reading books until maybe three years ago,
and I've really enjoyed the reading aspect of things. It
doesn't matter what it is. And I've read a book
about carpenters and men who built cathedrals in the eleven
(36:52):
hundreds and enjoyed every minute or a big thick book.
I never thought i'd read anything like that, but I
enjoy all kinds of reading. I've read a lot of
art books about it, people like Jay Edgar Hoover, and
I can't think but writers that have written good mystery
model and novels answer your questions. I think I wish
(37:15):
I had started earlier reading.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
What about in your marriage or with your children? Is
there anything there that you look at and you could
have changed or would have done in a different direction.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
No, I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
Do they feel good when you think about that? And
you're like, I feel really good that I did what
I needed to do?
Speaker 3 (37:38):
And I think so. I had never really thought about
it that way, but I'm happy with the way they
turned out and that so it's okay.
Speaker 1 (37:48):
What's one of your favorite things to do now at
this point in your life, and you guys are at
the senior living community, what's one of your favorite things
to do? Activities?
Speaker 3 (37:57):
Maybe go to lunch someplace like I don't know adults.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
Adults okay, I love that.
Speaker 3 (38:08):
That's our favorite restaurant to go to. We don't get
out and go places like we used to, so it's hard.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
To say that's okay adult. Sounds like a fun time
for lunch.
Speaker 3 (38:18):
It is like.
Speaker 1 (38:21):
We got an agreement over there for your life.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
Likes it very much, and some places we don't like
to go to. But anyway, was.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
There anything you learned from being married about yourself that
you didn't anticipate? Because I see her over there, she's.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
Smiling, that I learned about myself that I probably don't
have the patience that I wished I had with her.
A lot of times I get very frustrated, and then
I say, I'm gonna do that word. She's doing the
best she can with what she's got to handle, and
(38:57):
you don't need to add to that stress word.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
You've shared so much with us, and there's always something
I love to end on in it. So the piece
of advice or inspiration or motivation, however you would like
to end this to share with people. Maybe they're your age,
maybe they're younger.
Speaker 3 (39:18):
I think probably whatever age, don't give up your dream,
hang in there if it takes it a little longer
than you thought it would, or maybe cost a little
bit more, or but don't give up a dream.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
What was your.
Speaker 3 (39:35):
Dream to live to be ninety four?
Speaker 1 (39:40):
You're almost there? Are you proud of that?
Speaker 3 (39:42):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (39:43):
That's pretty awesome. You have a secret to your long life.
Speaker 3 (39:49):
Oh, maybe three bourbons tonight?
Speaker 1 (39:54):
All right, I'll take it. I need to go buy
some bourbon. Thank you Ward for being here sharing your story.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
Thank you so much. It's a pleasure.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
Miss Shirley joins me. Now, Hi, Shirley, how are you.
Speaker 5 (40:12):
I'm fine? How are you?
Speaker 1 (40:14):
I'm good? Thank you for coming on.
Speaker 5 (40:16):
Oh, I'm glad to do it.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
I'm going to start this by having everybody kind of
paid a picture of who you are. So we're going
to start with your age and your occupation you had
most of your life, and if you were ever married. Okay, okay,
So start with age.
Speaker 5 (40:30):
I'm ninety okay, and I've had several jobs. But my
last job I retired from. It was at Vanderbilt in
human resources.
Speaker 1 (40:42):
Okay are yeah.
Speaker 5 (40:44):
And it was for both the hospital and the university.
The human resources handled both the hospital and the university.
So it was pretty big job.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
Yeah, that's a huge job.
Speaker 5 (41:00):
And were you married yes, long time.
Speaker 1 (41:04):
Ago, long time ago. Did you have any children?
Speaker 5 (41:06):
I have two daughters. I have four grandchildren and their
spouses and they all live in Nashville, which I'm very lucky.
Speaker 1 (41:17):
And you also mentioned some grand puppies too.
Speaker 5 (41:20):
Yes, yes, I've had a lot of grandpuppies. They were
cavaliers and beautiful. Yes, I loved them.
Speaker 1 (41:28):
Misterally, what do you feel like looking back on your life?
Was your most favorite moment or the most rewarding for you?
And there can be a few, but what would you
highlight if you looked back on your life, any one
of them in.
Speaker 6 (41:42):
Particular or just all Well, the first one, you know,
of course, is the most amazing thing, but then you
found that the second one you loved just as much.
Speaker 5 (41:53):
Yeah, so that was really my happiest moments.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
What about outside of your children, any personal moments for you?
Speaker 5 (42:03):
Not really just normal yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
And thinking of your children and all the people out
there who decided to have kids, why for you was
it important that you had kids.
Speaker 5 (42:18):
I always wanted to be a mother and a wife
and have a house. I had no career desires at all.
It was all family. Now, it's a long time ago.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
When you had your kids for you to stay at
home mom, Yes, what was that experience like for you?
Speaker 3 (42:38):
Great?
Speaker 5 (42:39):
I loved it room mom and all the bacon cookies
of just doing a lot of things for the teachers,
and it was really enjoyable.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
When the kids finally left, is that when you started
to look at your career?
Speaker 3 (42:56):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (42:58):
Actually, and I got divorced, is when I started looking
for a career. And I had several jobs, but the
best one was one I had when I lived in
Chattanooga for a manufacturing company and then the one in
Nashville at VANDWILT. So both I were really good jobs
(43:21):
and I loved working, and the children were out of
the nest, so that made it easier.
Speaker 1 (43:28):
And based on what you just told me, you had
always wanted to be a wife and a mother. So
when you got divorced, was that a difficult life change? Yes?
Speaker 3 (43:37):
It was.
Speaker 1 (43:38):
What were those kind of experiences like for you? Is
that all was happening?
Speaker 5 (43:44):
The experience was that I had the happiest years of
my life when I was married, and I had the
worst years of my life. The second part of my marriage.
Speaker 1 (43:54):
Wow, did you ever think that you wanted to get remarried?
Speaker 3 (43:59):
No?
Speaker 1 (44:00):
Never, never looked, never dated or anything.
Speaker 5 (44:02):
Oh yeah, yeah, we did do some dating, but I've
found too many things that I knew wouldn't work, you know,
so I stayed single.
Speaker 1 (44:14):
What ultimately made you make the choice that you were
just gonna stay single?
Speaker 5 (44:19):
Oh? I never found anybody. Anybody that I found that
hung around for a long time. I just got used
to but I knew I couldn't marry them because we
got other children involved and there were just too many problems.
Speaker 1 (44:38):
And what's that experience like been for you? Now? As
you have been single and you're now ninety, do you
feel like you learned a lot about yourself?
Speaker 3 (44:46):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (44:46):
Yes, yes, what did you learn?
Speaker 5 (44:50):
I've learned that being old is not the worst thing
in the world, and I love not working at all,
and I have a good time.
Speaker 1 (45:01):
What do you do now? What's your favorite things to
go do?
Speaker 5 (45:03):
My favorite things, of course, is with my family, and
we celebrate all the holidays and we're very close. And
even with my grandchildren, I'm close to them and they're fun,
they're good people. I'm so pleased with the way my
daughters have turned out and so proud of what they've
(45:26):
done with their children.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
Oh, I love that, and that's to make me really
proud now.
Speaker 5 (45:31):
And the men that they married, they're like my sons.
I love them. They are the best guys in the world.
And even my grandchildren's spouses I really love.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
Has it been a cool experience for you to get
to see your grandchildren get married. Yes.
Speaker 5 (45:51):
In fact, since I've been at aides, all four of
them have married. I've had one. They're close to the
same Adah. Now we're having babies.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
So the great grandchildren now, yes, yes, and they are precious.
What are the three What are those emotions like for
you to get to be around with your great grandchildren.
Speaker 5 (46:15):
Actually, I'm around them a lot, but they're so young.
But the grandchildren send me videos and pictures every day,
and so it's like watching them grow up. And I
don't wore people with pictures because I know how I
feel about pictures when you're looking for them in your camera.
Speaker 1 (46:39):
You don't like searching through the camera roll.
Speaker 5 (46:43):
No, it takes too long to get to the pictures.
So I don't share many. Once in a while, the
one that's really good, I'll and when they're new. When
the babies are new, I show a picture, but I
don't show everything that I get.
Speaker 1 (47:00):
Oh, and it sounds like one of your proudest accomplishments.
For those people out there who are on the fence
of having kids, if they're like, I don't know if
I want to do this or I definitely want to
do this, what would you tell to those on the
fencers looking back at your life.
Speaker 5 (47:17):
It's a totally different world now, and there's a lot
I mean, I think you need children, but sometimes I
wonder about this world, how it's going to turn out,
and I just see a lot of problems coming.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
Does it feel scary to know that where the world
is now and there will be a time where your
kids will no longer have you? Is that a scary
thing to think about? Yeah?
Speaker 5 (47:48):
I hate to think about them being sad, and I
know that we'll be and but you know, I know
it's coming, so I don't know.
Speaker 1 (48:00):
Well, look at you at ninety, I think you're gonna
be around for a very long time.
Speaker 5 (48:04):
I'd like to make it to one hundred.
Speaker 1 (48:06):
Yeah, is that the goal? That would be amazing? And
you look so awesome. So what's your secrets? You're ninety
years old, surely you're doing awesome. Healthy genes, healthy genes. Okay,
any other special secrets.
Speaker 5 (48:21):
I exercise a lot and always have very important. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:26):
Do you have a favorite exercise?
Speaker 5 (48:28):
Well, used to walking, and I'll walk so much in
my life, But now I enjoyed the exercise that we
have at age. It's very good.
Speaker 1 (48:36):
Oh, I love that.
Speaker 3 (48:37):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (48:38):
And when you look about out your life, is there
any regrets that you have or things that you wish
you would have done or wish you didn't do.
Speaker 5 (48:47):
I wish I hadn't become disabled as I've been this
whip about ten years now, and I was traveling a
lot and I don't travel anymore, and I guess probably,
but I couldn't, So I think that's one thing that
I missed. I've traveled a lot, but I could have
(49:10):
done more.
Speaker 1 (49:10):
Yeah, okay, traveling more. And we always like to end
on a little piece with someone with some advice or
motivation or inspiration, so you can can you leave us
with something here?
Speaker 5 (49:25):
Yes? I can't, Especially with people who are going to
move into a place like this. You've got to learn
to accept things that kind of get on your nerve,
like telephones ringing all the time, and everybody being late
(49:45):
at any activity. Not everybody, but lots of people being late.
But you just gotta let it go, you know. And
it doesn't even bother me anymore. Just I et am
late sometimes.
Speaker 1 (50:01):
Learn to just live life on your own time alones. Yes, well,
miss Shirley, thank you for taking time and sharing your
story with us, having me. Thank you guys for listening
to this podcast and allowing me the space to bring
on this crew that I've loved getting to know over
the years, and the wonderful residents who Remy and I
love to go visit at Apes Garden. Be sure to
(50:22):
subscribe to the podcast and share on social media if
you are loving it, That helps out big time. But
more than anything, I'm just happy that you're here. So
I'll talk to you guys next week.
Host
Morgan Huelsman
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.