July 10, 2025 • 13 mins
On the Thursday July 10, 2025 edition of The Armstrong & Getty One More Thing Podcast...
- Joe brings us a story about ancient dating tips!
Stupid Should Hurt: https://www.armstrongandgetty.com/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
If you need advice on love, I'll tell you who
to go to. Two thousand year old dead guys.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
It's one more thing, one more thing.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
I remember you mentioned this headline the other day and
I went digging into the story and there's an even
longer version of this. But I mean, it's like a
scholarly paper. But I found this so.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Compelling and amusing.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
One one difference between conservatives and progressives, generally speaking, is
that there's an if you if you want to read
like smart people talking about this read Thomas Soule's The
Conflict of Visions. But people on the progressive end of
things often think human beings can be changed fundamentally, we
can reshape humanity according to our desires, whereas conservatives think,
(00:50):
no people have been people. Human nature has not changed
in thousands of years, just what surrounds us has. And
I fervently agree with the you know, latter point of view.
I'm sure you're not surprised to hear that. But this,
this story about ancient dating tips, is so perfect, partly
(01:13):
because it illustrates the point I was going to make.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
There was dating two thousand years ago.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Yeah, yeah, as this makes clear. I mean, I'm sure,
the rituals and traditions were different. But so you got
the Roman poet Ovid who lived H B C. That's oh,
that's so you don't have to reference Jesus A, D
and B C.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Right before common era. Yeah that people didn't like.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yeah, he's go ahead.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
People didn't like Christ in their BC.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
So right. He actually spanned the life of Jesus interestingly
enough during his life, But the Roman Roman poet Ovid
wrote a poem called The Art of Love in Latin
rs Amatoria. In it, he offered advice for singles. First,
he says, you should make an effort to find someone
(02:08):
you're interested in. Interested in quote, your lover will not
come floating down to you through the tenuous air. She
must be sought.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Wow, that's a good one. You're not gonna run into
mister Wright or missus Wright sitting here in the living
room watching television.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Right, Get out there, meet people, do stuff. Ancient advice
hasn't changed in Iota. This has suitable places to find
a lover. Ovid recommends walking in Porticos. Oh, the number
of hobbies I've met in Porticos.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
I thought he was gonna say, go watch some Christians
get eaten by lions. Lots of hot chicks there, mott
and gold running chicks.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Wow, look the lion is pull the guy's leg off.
What do you think of that? You're pretty good looking? Uh?
Walk in portcos or gardens, attend the theater, or surprisingly enough,
linger near law courts for some reason, I don't catch
a DVA or say I don't know.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
And he says you need to catch someone's eye and
then invent an excuse to talk with them.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Oh wow, Wow, I'm telling you I've always been really
good at that, inventing a reason to talk to someone.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Oh, I'm terrible at it.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Seek your lover in the daytime, advises Ovid. Be careful
of the night. You won't choose the right person if
you're drunk.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Wow, geez.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
And you can't.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
See their face properly if it's too dark, they might
not be as good looking as.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
You.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Combine a little labooze with a little dark, and you
know you'd wake up next to god knows what goggles. Yeah, exactly. Wow,
there's more. Ovid says you need to look presentable. Make
sure your clothes are clean, you have a good haircut,
can yourself your tunic.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
A nice, well stop tunic draws the female eye like
nothing else.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Moreover it, keep yourself groomed properly at all times, he says,
and this is a quote, it's translated obviously, but do
not let your nails project talk about them, be free
of dirt, talking about your toenails because you were in
sandals and your fingernails or let nor evidently he was
a real stickler. Nor let any hair be in the
hollow of your nostrils.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Wow, I appreciate these tips.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Yeah, that's modern. I think that's a must eyes. I'm
surprised that back in the day, pre some of the
mechanical devices we have now, that they had the ability
to deal with nose hair. Stick it up there and
(04:49):
this one.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Let not the breath of your mouth be sour and unpleasing, amen.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
I wonder what they used to freshen their breath. I
wonder how they trimmed their nose hair. Did they yank
them out ow?
Speaker 1 (05:03):
The only insight I have on that first question is
a scene from the movie Aladdin, which I think we're
not supposed to like anymore because it included Arab stereotypes.
But at one point a vendor says to Aladdin, some
sweet dates for sweet breath.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Oh you know, or maybe a chew on a mint leaf.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
I don't know, let's see. He suggests, if you're having
no luck, you can use a match maker.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Really.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
The Athenian writer Xenophon, who is like way before the
birth of Jesus, says people were sometimes victims of deception
in the matchmaking process. The matchmaker was just more into
earning their commission than a good match.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
Folks.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Human nature does not change.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Yeah sematch dot com.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Yeah yeah. So the ancients recognize being not being in
love can be a problem. They thought it was bad
for your mental and physical health, but also for society
more broadly. For instance, the Roman writer Claudius Alien two
or three centuries ce. Oh, that's like post Jesus, in
(06:17):
his major publication that historians know about say soldiers who
are in love will fight better than soldiers who are
not in love. Absolutely quote, in the heat of battle,
when war brings men into combat, a man who is
not in love could not match one who is. The
man untouched by love avoids and runs away from the
man who loves as if he were an outsider, uninitiated
(06:40):
into the God's rights and his bravery depends on his
character and physical strength.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
No doubt. But that's interesting that they recognized that. At
the time, you got something to fight for.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Something to protect, and the Spartans believe that so fervently.
They had a punishment for men who did not have
a mate. Any man of good appearance and character who
did not fall in love with someone well bred was
also fined because despite his excellence, he did not love anyone.
Lover's affection for their beloved has a remarkable power of
(07:11):
stimulating the virtues.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
I was about to say, me in high school, I
get punished, but it said of good appearance or character.
They'd say, yeah, you don't have anybody, but we understand,
so we get it. I'm just going to put you
on parole. Yeah, everybody else gets it.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
During the radio show, we were talking about a couple
of prominent mainstream Democrats had branded gen Z is the
useful idiot generation and the youthful radicalism that a lot
of people have is not changing among them because they
don't have a mate, they don't have a family, they
live their lives online, that sort of thing, And it
(07:51):
hadn't even occurred to me wha what Claudius, Alien and
the Spartans were talking about, even though I've served it
many times in my own life, and I will speak
mostly for men. For a man, a good man, the
(08:11):
desire to not disappoint his woman is the most powerful
motivator that's ever existed on earth. In my opinion, speaking
for myself and a lot of guys, I know, because
we would have been willing to be dipshits till the
day we died, it is done.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Some we least well a mattress on the floor in
the living room till the day I die, right, at
least get cold in that direction.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Yeah, yeah, not to mention, you know. You just you
want to be admired by the person you love. And
we've lost a lot of that as a society, which
is interesting. When people are in love, they can inspire
each other and bring out the best in one another,
et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
Claudius over there, who smells like a goat, breath like
a dragon, and his dirty toenails sticking out over his sandals,
No wonder, you're alone. Claudius can't can't fight worth a
damn either.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
Let's see. Then they talk about your nosehairs.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
Good Lord, God, braid that stuff. It's like you inhaled
a bear. Shit.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Then they talk about the conflicts of love. For example,
the Roman orator and politician Marcus Tullius Cicero, the Great. Cicero,
one of the great thinkers of all time, tells how
Gaius Memius, Roman tribune of the year eleven, apparently took
out a took a bite out of his love rival's
arm quote when he had a quarrel with him at
(09:42):
Racina over a girlfriend. You know, all the fascinating stuff
we wish we knew about the ancient world that's been lost.
But this guy's Hey, do you hear about Gius?
Speaker 2 (09:54):
He took a bite.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Out of some dude's arm over a girl. That has
been preserved. Well, let's see some ways to keep one's
lover interested that are mentioned in ancient sources. Back to
our main theme, is includes showing off one's wealth. Wait
a minute, In the ancient world, being wealthy and successful
would help you land a girl.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
Hmmm, yeah, so you got the coolest chariot in town.
Huh right, See these are round wheels. It's a new thing.
Only the rich guys haven't.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
In one of the plays of the poet Alexis, a
young man who is in love puts on a large
banquet to impress his girlfriend with a display of wealth.
Engagements were at that time sometimes canceled if it turned
out the husband was too poor and had misrepresented his wealth.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Oh yeah, he pretended he had his one hundred dollars
whatever coin they used on top, and then underneath it. It
was all once.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
This was one of my favorites. And of course things
did not always work out, and people had grievances against
their exes. One particularly famous invective was from the poet Marshall,
again around the time of Jesus, to a woman called Mania.
I think I'm pronouncing that right. This is the quote
from his poem Mania. Your little dog licks your face
(11:15):
and lips small. Wonder that a dog likes eating dung?
Speaker 3 (11:19):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Geez, that's oohow dude, dude, hang out of your dignity. Look,
she's just not bad into you. You don't have to
call her old dungface.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Man.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
I wonder your little dog licks your face because you're
made of poop? Whatkay, Marshall, that's not good? And then
why don't we make this the last note, this is
so good and again I rested my case a while ago.
But ifing double rested now that human nature does not change.
(11:52):
Fourth Century before Christ a play by era forus. It's
it's oh, that's the century.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
It's by Menander, the Pope Menander.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
The title is the pipe Girl.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
One character says, if you haven't got any since, you
won't get married.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
I married my I'm married myself, which is why I'm
telling you not to. So it's just a Rodney.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Danger Field don't get married. I am trust me.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
That time reminds me of a good Rodney Dangerfield joke.
But it's it's dirt too dirty. Tell it the podcast.
It's coarse well cat.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
In, gentlemen, God, ladies, and gentlemen. If you don't hear
the joke, Jack is referred to in the podcast, it's
because we've decided it's too horrified.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
Okay, because his nightclub act was dirtier than like what
he did on TV and stuff. Obviously, Oh yeah, yeah,
my wife and I we got a lot of common. Huh,
we got a lot of common. I don't like giving
low jobs either. Yeah, he didn't do that on Carson.
I suggest cutting that from the past, a green lighted well,
(13:17):
I guess that's it.
If you need advice on love, I'll tell you who
to go to. Two thousand year old dead guys.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
It's one more thing, one more thing.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
I remember you mentioned this headline the other day and
I went digging into the story and there's an even
longer version of this. But I mean, it's like a
scholarly paper. But I found this so.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Compelling and amusing.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
One one difference between conservatives and progressives, generally speaking, is
that there's an if you if you want to read
like smart people talking about this read Thomas Soule's The
Conflict of Visions. But people on the progressive end of
things often think human beings can be changed fundamentally, we
can reshape humanity according to our desires, whereas conservatives think,
(00:50):
no people have been people. Human nature has not changed
in thousands of years, just what surrounds us has. And
I fervently agree with the you know, latter point of view.
I'm sure you're not surprised to hear that. But this,
this story about ancient dating tips, is so perfect, partly
(01:13):
because it illustrates the point I was going to make.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
There was dating two thousand years ago.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Yeah, yeah, as this makes clear. I mean, I'm sure,
the rituals and traditions were different. But so you got
the Roman poet Ovid who lived H B C. That's oh,
that's so you don't have to reference Jesus A, D
and B C.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Right before common era. Yeah that people didn't like.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yeah, he's go ahead.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
People didn't like Christ in their BC.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
So right. He actually spanned the life of Jesus interestingly
enough during his life, But the Roman Roman poet Ovid
wrote a poem called The Art of Love in Latin
rs Amatoria. In it, he offered advice for singles. First,
he says, you should make an effort to find someone
(02:08):
you're interested in. Interested in quote, your lover will not
come floating down to you through the tenuous air. She
must be sought.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Wow, that's a good one. You're not gonna run into
mister Wright or missus Wright sitting here in the living
room watching television.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Right, Get out there, meet people, do stuff. Ancient advice
hasn't changed in Iota. This has suitable places to find
a lover. Ovid recommends walking in Porticos. Oh, the number
of hobbies I've met in Porticos.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
I thought he was gonna say, go watch some Christians
get eaten by lions. Lots of hot chicks there, mott
and gold running chicks.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Wow, look the lion is pull the guy's leg off.
What do you think of that? You're pretty good looking? Uh?
Walk in portcos or gardens, attend the theater, or surprisingly enough,
linger near law courts for some reason, I don't catch
a DVA or say I don't know.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
And he says you need to catch someone's eye and
then invent an excuse to talk with them.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Oh wow, Wow, I'm telling you I've always been really
good at that, inventing a reason to talk to someone.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Oh, I'm terrible at it.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Seek your lover in the daytime, advises Ovid. Be careful
of the night. You won't choose the right person if
you're drunk.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Wow, geez.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
And you can't.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
See their face properly if it's too dark, they might
not be as good looking as.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
You.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Combine a little labooze with a little dark, and you
know you'd wake up next to god knows what goggles. Yeah, exactly. Wow,
there's more. Ovid says you need to look presentable. Make
sure your clothes are clean, you have a good haircut,
can yourself your tunic.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
A nice, well stop tunic draws the female eye like
nothing else.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Moreover it, keep yourself groomed properly at all times, he says,
and this is a quote, it's translated obviously, but do
not let your nails project talk about them, be free
of dirt, talking about your toenails because you were in
sandals and your fingernails or let nor evidently he was
a real stickler. Nor let any hair be in the
hollow of your nostrils.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Wow, I appreciate these tips.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Yeah, that's modern. I think that's a must eyes. I'm
surprised that back in the day, pre some of the
mechanical devices we have now, that they had the ability
to deal with nose hair. Stick it up there and
(04:49):
this one.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Let not the breath of your mouth be sour and unpleasing, amen.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
I wonder what they used to freshen their breath. I
wonder how they trimmed their nose hair. Did they yank
them out ow?
Speaker 1 (05:03):
The only insight I have on that first question is
a scene from the movie Aladdin, which I think we're
not supposed to like anymore because it included Arab stereotypes.
But at one point a vendor says to Aladdin, some
sweet dates for sweet breath.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Oh you know, or maybe a chew on a mint leaf.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
I don't know, let's see. He suggests, if you're having
no luck, you can use a match maker.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Really.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
The Athenian writer Xenophon, who is like way before the
birth of Jesus, says people were sometimes victims of deception
in the matchmaking process. The matchmaker was just more into
earning their commission than a good match.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
Folks.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Human nature does not change.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Yeah sematch dot com.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Yeah yeah. So the ancients recognize being not being in
love can be a problem. They thought it was bad
for your mental and physical health, but also for society
more broadly. For instance, the Roman writer Claudius Alien two
or three centuries ce. Oh, that's like post Jesus, in
(06:17):
his major publication that historians know about say soldiers who
are in love will fight better than soldiers who are
not in love. Absolutely quote, in the heat of battle,
when war brings men into combat, a man who is
not in love could not match one who is. The
man untouched by love avoids and runs away from the
man who loves as if he were an outsider, uninitiated
(06:40):
into the God's rights and his bravery depends on his
character and physical strength.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
No doubt. But that's interesting that they recognized that. At
the time, you got something to fight for.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Something to protect, and the Spartans believe that so fervently.
They had a punishment for men who did not have
a mate. Any man of good appearance and character who
did not fall in love with someone well bred was
also fined because despite his excellence, he did not love anyone.
Lover's affection for their beloved has a remarkable power of
(07:11):
stimulating the virtues.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
I was about to say, me in high school, I
get punished, but it said of good appearance or character.
They'd say, yeah, you don't have anybody, but we understand,
so we get it. I'm just going to put you
on parole. Yeah, everybody else gets it.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
During the radio show, we were talking about a couple
of prominent mainstream Democrats had branded gen Z is the
useful idiot generation and the youthful radicalism that a lot
of people have is not changing among them because they
don't have a mate, they don't have a family, they
live their lives online, that sort of thing, And it
(07:51):
hadn't even occurred to me wha what Claudius, Alien and
the Spartans were talking about, even though I've served it
many times in my own life, and I will speak
mostly for men. For a man, a good man, the
(08:11):
desire to not disappoint his woman is the most powerful
motivator that's ever existed on earth. In my opinion, speaking
for myself and a lot of guys, I know, because
we would have been willing to be dipshits till the
day we died, it is done.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Some we least well a mattress on the floor in
the living room till the day I die, right, at
least get cold in that direction.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Yeah, yeah, not to mention, you know. You just you
want to be admired by the person you love. And
we've lost a lot of that as a society, which
is interesting. When people are in love, they can inspire
each other and bring out the best in one another,
et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
Claudius over there, who smells like a goat, breath like
a dragon, and his dirty toenails sticking out over his sandals,
No wonder, you're alone. Claudius can't can't fight worth a
damn either.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
Let's see. Then they talk about your nosehairs.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
Good Lord, God, braid that stuff. It's like you inhaled
a bear. Shit.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Then they talk about the conflicts of love. For example,
the Roman orator and politician Marcus Tullius Cicero, the Great. Cicero,
one of the great thinkers of all time, tells how
Gaius Memius, Roman tribune of the year eleven, apparently took
out a took a bite out of his love rival's
arm quote when he had a quarrel with him at
(09:42):
Racina over a girlfriend. You know, all the fascinating stuff
we wish we knew about the ancient world that's been lost.
But this guy's Hey, do you hear about Gius?
Speaker 2 (09:54):
He took a bite.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Out of some dude's arm over a girl. That has
been preserved. Well, let's see some ways to keep one's
lover interested that are mentioned in ancient sources. Back to
our main theme, is includes showing off one's wealth. Wait
a minute, In the ancient world, being wealthy and successful
would help you land a girl.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
Hmmm, yeah, so you got the coolest chariot in town.
Huh right, See these are round wheels. It's a new thing.
Only the rich guys haven't.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
In one of the plays of the poet Alexis, a
young man who is in love puts on a large
banquet to impress his girlfriend with a display of wealth.
Engagements were at that time sometimes canceled if it turned
out the husband was too poor and had misrepresented his wealth.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Oh yeah, he pretended he had his one hundred dollars
whatever coin they used on top, and then underneath it. It
was all once.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
This was one of my favorites. And of course things
did not always work out, and people had grievances against
their exes. One particularly famous invective was from the poet Marshall,
again around the time of Jesus, to a woman called Mania.
I think I'm pronouncing that right. This is the quote
from his poem Mania. Your little dog licks your face
(11:15):
and lips small. Wonder that a dog likes eating dung?
Speaker 3 (11:19):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Geez, that's oohow dude, dude, hang out of your dignity. Look,
she's just not bad into you. You don't have to
call her old dungface.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Man.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
I wonder your little dog licks your face because you're
made of poop? Whatkay, Marshall, that's not good? And then
why don't we make this the last note, this is
so good and again I rested my case a while ago.
But ifing double rested now that human nature does not change.
(11:52):
Fourth Century before Christ a play by era forus. It's
it's oh, that's the century.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
It's by Menander, the Pope Menander.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
The title is the pipe Girl.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
One character says, if you haven't got any since, you
won't get married.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
I married my I'm married myself, which is why I'm
telling you not to. So it's just a Rodney.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Danger Field don't get married. I am trust me.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
That time reminds me of a good Rodney Dangerfield joke.
But it's it's dirt too dirty. Tell it the podcast.
It's coarse well cat.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
In, gentlemen, God, ladies, and gentlemen. If you don't hear
the joke, Jack is referred to in the podcast, it's
because we've decided it's too horrified.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
Okay, because his nightclub act was dirtier than like what
he did on TV and stuff. Obviously, Oh yeah, yeah,
my wife and I we got a lot of common. Huh,
we got a lot of common. I don't like giving
low jobs either. Yeah, he didn't do that on Carson.
I suggest cutting that from the past, a green lighted well,
(13:17):
I guess that's it.
Hosts And Creators
Joe Getty
Jack Armstrong
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