April 19, 2024 • 27 mins
Weekend at Bernie’s: A woman took her dead uncle to make a withdrawal at the bank / Texting and driving and missing green lights.The Conway crew is creating slogans for people who miss the light turning green due to texting / The dangers of texting while driving and worrying about other drivers. Guest: Elex Michaelson (FOX LA) – Coachella’s second weekend begins today, and it’s going to be very hot outside / The expense of attending Coachella / There’s a new wave of protestors that seems not to care about the repercussions of their actions / Tune into ‘The Issue Is’ with Elex tonight. The show is experiencing some technical difficulties, and so we are collectively producing the show from the control room / Meanwhile Conway is mapping his route to an escape to Coachella. / Although Coachella had over 80 arrests last weekend, and therefore 80 will serve as the over/under number for arrests this weekend. / And don’t forget to stay hydrated in the Coachella heat.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
It's cam if I Am six fortyand you're listening to The Conway Show on
demand on the iHeartRadio app can ifI Am six forty. It is the
Conway Show, all right, dingdong. We continue this program every single
Monday through Friday, four to sevenpm. And it doesn't sound like I'm
(00:22):
stalling to try to put my headphonesin. That's indeed what I'm doing.
Got him just not a professional guy, you know, what the hell?
All right, this is a younglady who has an interesting idea how to
get money out of the family,out of loved ones, out of relatives
once they die. Bring them tothe bank and have them sign away their
(00:46):
fortune. Happens to work, happensto work. I think let's find out
if it did work for this seglady. Okay, she's propping his head
up and making him sign and movinghis hand around to sign a piece of
paper to get a to get aloan. And the guy's dead. He's
(01:08):
been dead for hours. In's likeweekend at Bernie's. It is, it's
weekend at Bernie's. You're exactly right, you nailed it. You nailed it,
Angel, Yes, but a greatidea, and she got the loan
(01:32):
thirty four. So look, Idon't recommend it, but if you need
money, I don't know. It'sit's the most creative way that somebody has
got money this week. How theygave her the money? How did she
get caught? I think she gotcaught on video and they went back and
you know, because when she leftthe bank, I guess the guy fell
(01:53):
onto the ground and the cops showedup, and the cops are like,
this guy's been dead for a while. Wow. I thought this was a
movie trailer for Weekend at Bernie's.Oh, your weekend at Bernie's. That's
right. I didn't know it was. That's right. I never put that
together. You an angel that putthat together. I never even thought about
that anybody else. Let me letsome time go by. Geez, I'm
(02:15):
not going to do it immediately afterwards. That's great. Now they're both pissed.
Did he have sunglasses on? Also? No, he had no sunglasses
on his eyes rolling around the beachand making that like movies, all right,
yeah, like a weekend at Bernie'sside thing? Yeah yeah, whatever,
Hey, all right, before weget back into the program here,
(02:35):
something happened on the way to work, and it happens every day, and
we've got to solve it as acommunity because it's tying up traffic. Angel
Martinez, who is the Queen oftraffic, probably will attest to this.
But when when you're I think,what's causing about eighty five percent of traffic
on surface streets are people who aretexting. And I'm not saying that.
(02:55):
You know you shouldn't text and drive. I guess I am, but I
know a lot of people do it, and you can't by saying please don't
do it, it is not helping. You know, the signs on the
freeway don't text and drive have tohave no effect because we don't see them
because we're texting. We don't seethe sign that says don't text and drive
because we're texting. That's what we'redoing. Everybody's texting and driving. And
(03:19):
don't tell me you're not doing it. You're doing it. You're probably doing
it right now, all right,I see you, I see you right
now. You're doing it right now. But the problem is when you're at
a street light, a traffic light, you're at the red light and there's
nine cars behind you. If you'rethe first guy up your wheels are,
you know, halfway through the crosswalkthere and you're waiting for the light to
(03:42):
turn green so you can go.You cannot text. You have to be
the leader of our pack. Andthere's got to be some kind of slogan
we can have for it. Youknow, we have ready set go where
there's a fire, get all yourstuff ready set go walk or don't drown,
you know, don't walk through ragingwater like knee deep water could wipe
(04:04):
you out. So we have alot of stupid sayings that only happen like
once a year, but this happensa million times a day, and we
have no saying for it. Yougotta have a saying for it, like
God, go ahead, what isit? No text you're next? Oh
that's a great one. That's agreat one, okay, or yeah,
don't text your next that's great,that's fantastic. Or I don't know,
(04:27):
I first, up, eyes up, whatever it is, we've got it.
We've got to have a saying forthat, because those are holding people.
If i'd honk it a guy todayand I honked at him, and
he and he and you know,he looked back at me like I was
an a hole but he was texting, and I give it a three count
one, one thousand and two,one thousand and three, bang, and
I'm on the horn. I'm onthe horn. Good for you. And
(04:49):
then I get to the next lightand he's doing it again. He did
it again, and I'm behind himagain, and I blast away again as
I buddy, we can do thisall the way home, if you want
all the way home. I'm gonnabe the guy behind you. You're gonna
be the guy text thing. I'llbe the guy blowing the horn. Are
you like me? Where you're seeingan unusual amount of people that are on
(05:11):
their phones with their phone up tothat year, they don't care like they're
not even using like the wireless aspectanymore. They're driving and they got the
phone held up to their face.Yeah, and I and walking. I
hate to say that, but Ido that as well, you know,
but I don't I don't know whatthe problem with that is. I don't
know why there's a law against that. You know. If I can talk
on the phone, like I onlydrive with one hand, I'm driving two
(05:32):
hands. I'm not doing an eightyfive hundred, which you need to have
both hands available. They're available.I can drop that phone pretty quickly.
And what can't use the the wirelessthrough the car? Now the modern phone
of modern cars. Now you knowdo everything. No, don't need your
hands. Why you know, Iguess I got four numbers for you,
(05:53):
two zero zero seven, right,that's when my car was built. Doesn't
have that? All right? Yourgrandfather grandfather literally that's you know, it's
not wild. My car doesn't havethat. I had to install a a
(06:17):
bluetooth mechanism in my car. Canwe get a dealership? Please? Car?
You know it's great. I toldCrozier a couple months ago that I
went to bed and I woke upthe next morning I couldn't find my keys
and they were in my car door. And Crozier's like, wait a minute,
why would you were your keys inyour car door? Like? Stick
(06:39):
it out of the key hole becauseI have a key hole in my car.
Do you have a key hole inyour car? I don't. I
don't think you to imagine. Yeah, I bet you don't. I bet
nobody on the show has a keyhole in their door. Don't they have
emergency ones like that are hidden onthe last wo I thought, like,
there's a little I don't know,then flap or something. Your fob has
(06:59):
a isn't it. Oh yeah,it's like in the trunk or in the
hood or something. You got toput it in and then go round.
I don't know whatever. It's toocomplicated. How do not bluetooth belly?
Oh give me a break. You'relistening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from
KFI AM six forty. All right. We were talking about if you're first
in line at a street light,that there's we have to have a saying
(07:23):
for that because people who are texting, you know, there's nine people waiting
at a traffic light and you're first. You've got to have eyes up.
You've got to look at that greenlight. You got to look at the
red and wait for it to turngreen and move immediately. Because you're the
leader of the pack, you havea responsibility to everybody behind you to move.
(07:44):
And if you're texting, people aregoing to blow their horn and rightfully
so and and yell at you andthrow crap at you because they want to
get going. They don't want tosit there waiting while you text. But
we need a slogan for that.You know, we have a lot of
slogans for others things you know,ready set, go if there's a fire,
get all your stuff ready, getit in the car, ready set,
(08:05):
and then go. If there's anevacuation order, go around. Don't
drown. What are some of thosethose stupid things that they keep coming up
with? There was another one.I can't remember what it was, flashing.
Oh what is it? If yousee something? Say something? Yeah?
Yeah, okay, yeah, right, see something, say something?
(08:26):
I stay alive, don't drink anddrive. A lot of those you know,
stupid things. Don't But well,I mean that's not dumb one.
Yeah. I like that one.But there's got to be a saying for
this, because this happens a milliontimes a day, just here in La
probably a million times a day.Guys at a traffic light, he decides
to text, light turns green,and now everybody has to wait for that
(08:50):
idiot. So we have some thathave been produced here at KFI UP.
I think angel was yours up neck, don't text. I said, no
text your next, but then yousaid don't text, which is much better,
or your next or something like that, but your no text your next.
(09:11):
I like that one. Okay,that's a good one. Belly O
had one green go text no strong, Wow, I'm pretty good your rhyme
go with no thank you. Andthen first at light, do what's right?
Love it? That was belly O'sI think right. Yeah, yeah,
(09:35):
first at light do what's right?Gary had one lights green, no
screen. That's a really good one. I like that. Andrew talks to
text. Talks to text is thebest. It's good. Uh first up,
eyes up. That's another good one. I like that. I here's
(09:56):
steph Usha's lights up. M Ilike the passion behind it. I do
too. I think it needs morerhyming. Lights green, don't be mean.
All right, all right, butwe have to have something there,
man, because people get I don'tknow why people get so pissed about that,
but I was. I honked ata guy today on the way to
work over then cruising town phone down. Oh that's a good one. Yeah,
(10:20):
let me write that one. Cruisingyou honked at somebody across the intersection.
Oh, I do that all thetime. You know, if somebody's
turning left in front of you andthey're at an arrow, as long as
they sit there in that left handturn lane, they're on the weight there,
and and and that light will staygreen for them for until they move.
So I honked at a guy crossgoing the opposite way. I honked
(10:43):
at him. How do you?How do how do you or anybody know
that that's for that car, becauseI'm waving while I'm honking, like,
hey, buddy, look to you. You this for you? It is
for you. Do you have totell people not you, not you?
You no, because they've probably donesomething stupid. It's for them too.
Everybody gets a taste. But butI've I've honked when I've seen when I've
(11:03):
gone through intersections and and I gothrough, but the two people going the
opposite way or texting and they don'tgo through, I honk at them while
I'm passing them, like hey,it's time to go, go go.
I'm on the horn with it withthese with the texting, the texting and
driving is destroying a lot of livesin La, it really is. It's
(11:24):
making people pissed. And the textdon't mean anything. You know, what
do you have smiley face? Whocares? But the texting on the freeway
and driving and plowing into somebody,Man, I bet there's been people.
I know there's been people killed overthat but it's a big deal. I
don't know what the future holds,but there's going to be something, and
I don't know what. I don'tknow whether they can legislate it. They
(11:46):
tried to do that in Portland,Oregon, where they passed the law in
Portland saying you can't touch anything otherthan your wheel while you're driving. And
the very first day that that wentinto into law, uh, the first
guy that got holdover was changing hisradio station and he got a ticket for
it. And then another woman wastaking a sip of coffee and she got
a ticket for that. They changedthat law in two days. They said,
(12:09):
no, no, this is tootoo strict, way too strict.
But it's everybody out there right nowwho's driving, you know what I'm talking
about. You can look to yourleft, you look your right, and
you can see somebody texting right now, right now, especially at lights,
and I do it. You doit, Crozier does it, Bellio does
it? Steph Bosh. I don'tknow if he does it or not.
Steph's huge text and drive. Ohno way do you text this top light?
(12:35):
Yeah? Yeah, okay, Ilike how we went with no way.
I'm an angel too. Oh yeah, I'll knock that out. Oh
yeah, yeah, yeah, ohyeah, screen go. And that's why
I pay attention. Yeah, youknow more often than not if you're if
somebody's in front of you, man, and they just start drifting a little
bit and they keep doing it.They're going back and forth like over correcting
(12:58):
in their lane on their phone.And you know what I'm worried about is
somebody coming over that that double yellowline right into me. I'm always watching
for that coming somebody coming the oppositeway texting. I'm always looking like,
oh, I gotta move, Igotta move. This guy's in my lane,
Gotta move. I'm I'm the mostdefensive driver in the world. I'm
always looking at other drivers like who'sgonna wipe me out? Who's gonna wipe
(13:18):
me out? There? Used tobe they always said, oh no,
no, no, you need tobe a defensive right, no offensive?
Yes? And I always said,he lost your man, what happened?
What happened? Where did you go? Ah? The plug came off the
(13:39):
back. I don't know what.He's got his arms up. You know
what. We're gonna go ahead andgo to the news. So here's Crozy
with the latest. You're listening toTim Conway Junior on demand from KFI Am
six forty. Every single Friday,we have our good friend Alex Michaelson on
with us from Fox seleven News.He also does the show called The Issue
(14:00):
Is and he's well as Alex.How you Bob Dang John with you?
Happy Friday? I love that.Happy Friday to you too. Not in
Coachella this weekend, huh No,the abs are staying covered this year.
Not out there in the desert,suns out, guns out, buddy,
(14:20):
guns out, guns out. You'rejust saving your trip for stagecoas right.
That's right, Yeah, exactly right, that's exactly right. It's gonna be
ninety seven degrees out there this weekend. It was seventy four last weekend.
I don't know. Ninety seven seemswarm for me. Yeah, that seems
like a little much without a poolas you're standing in just a sea of
(14:41):
people. That doesn't seem to workas well. That's right, if if
you're in the water, it's prettynice to be in the desert at ninety
seven. But yeah, can youimagine the sort of body odor that you
must get in that sort of situationwith that many people standing around on that
many drugs and everything, and itdoesn't sound to feel it. They got
(15:01):
it's outside, but it's supposed tobe an unbelievable weekend. I would go.
I think I might go to stagecoach. I don't know, I
don't know. I gotta I gotta, I gotta feel it out. It's
expensive to go though, And Idon't know how these kids. You know,
there's kids that work here at KFIand iHeartMedia and they're not making money,
you know, making huge money.They're making, you know, twenty
(15:22):
thirty bucks an hour or less,and yet they spend the eleven dollars on
a ticket and they enjoy it.They think nothing of it. Well,
don't you think the same thing atDisneyland? Like how do people afford that?
Right? I mean one day therecould be thousands of dollars for like
a family of four. Yeah,and yet and people really can't afford it.
(15:45):
They put it on the credit cardor that's their one thing a year
and they get all they wait allyear and that's their day. So for
I guess it's like the adult versionof Disneyland. And you see the annual
passtickers on these old beat up cars, right, I put all his money
into Disneyland. But you know,last time I was there, my daughter
with my daughter, she was probablyI don't know, seven or eight years
(16:07):
old, and she's gone since withrelatives, but I don't think I've been
with her for a while. Butwhen she was seven or eight, we
were in Tunetown and she was runningaround with a friend of hers in Tuonetown,
and she was having the greatest timeof her life. And I said
to my wife, who's sitting nextto me on a bench, I go,
hey, Jen, count how manykids are smiling laughing around here?
And she said all of them,every single child, hundreds of them were
(16:30):
all smiling and laughing, having greattime. I said, okay, now,
count how many parents are smiling?Zero? Yeah, But what's most
important, right, that's right,smiling, that's Disney knows the business model.
There's a lot more money, that'sright, Smiley kids, That's exactly
right. I didn't mind it atall. Hey, buddy, all right,
(16:52):
so let's get into some news here. You know, these protesters at
Columbia University, at usc at,at Google. You know, there's a
new age of these protesters that Ifind different from old protesters. These new
wave protesters. They don't care ifthey're fired, they don't care if they're
suspended or expelled from school. Theyplan on changing this earth and they're not
(17:14):
going to stop. This is anew wave and a new age of protest.
Yeah. I don't know if youguys reported the news in the last
fifteen twenty minutes or so out ofUSC. Did you see that about what
they're doing with commencement, Yes,but remind our listenings. Yeah, So
USC just announced that because of theywere supposed to have at first the commencement
(17:37):
speaker who was pro Palestinian, right, who is the valedictorian, She's out.
So then now they say everybody's out. She who was supposed to do
the big commencement address, he's notgoing to be up there. I was
hearing rumors earlier that he was maybegoing to pull out of it. So
now they say they're breaking up withhim before he can break up with them,
(17:57):
okay, And that there's going tobe no commencement ceremony. All the
folks that were supposed to get theirhonorary degrees up on stage, Nope,
you don't get to go up there. And all the kids that we're looking
forward to this commencement that you wereworking four years from not gonna be having
their regular ceremony all because of clearlya very bungled response from the University of
(18:21):
Southern California, who still is refusingto talk publicly about this, and the
president of USC, Carol Fault,has been silent in this pr nightmare for
the school. So what are theygoing to do now, Everyone's just going
to gather, They'll give diplomas andthat's ten minute ceremony. I don't know,
because when you think about it,the whole thing is everybody speaking,
(18:41):
so nobody's speaking. I don't know. Was it more drinking, right?
I mean yeah, I mean theway that USC has done it in the
past, and certainly when I wasthere, they basically have one giant ceremony
where you hear from one main speakerand they you know, the university president's
there, and then you go wassecond satellite ceremony with your school. Like
(19:03):
for me, that was the broadcastjournalism school. That's where you actually get
your diploma, that's where they haveactual other speeches, and so I think
all the rest of that stuff isstill going to be going on, but
the actual main commencement. I don'tknow what they're going to do exactly.
They say they're going to be puttingout further updates. I think they're trying
to figure this thing out in realtime. I got a mess on their
hands. What's on the big show? The issue is so tonight a little
(19:27):
bit different feel. We're talking toMeta world Peace, remember him, the
former Laker great who recently when RobertF. Kennedy announced his running mate at
a big event doing that, theperson who was m seeing it and actually
introduced the running mate was Meta worldPeace in the political world for the first
time. He's been a big mentalhealth advocate for years, way ahead on
(19:49):
that. He's also been a bigwomen's basketball advocate and coach for years,
way ahead of the pack on that. We talk about all of that tonight.
He also shows me some basketball moveskind of fun. And then we
have Harvey Levin from TMZ talking aboutthis big documentary he's putting together that has
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone sitting togetherfor an hour, telling stories, ribbon
(20:12):
on each other and talking about theirrelationship, which is really interesting, and
we show that tonight as well.Buddy, I will be listening and watching
tonight at ten thirty. I appreciateyou coming on and we'll talk to you
again. Go Trojans, Yeah,fight on, baby, But what a
week to be a Trojan. EnjoyCoachella, all right, buddy? All
(20:33):
right? There he goes Alex Michaelsonwith the issue is over at Fox Bellio's
favorite program. She enjoys that,And I don't know if she watched it
or not. What you do watchit? What was on last week?
That was you Can It's not toolate to admit you don't watch it.
No, I have watched it,So you didn't watch it last week?
(20:53):
I just don't remember. I see, Okay, did you watch it?
I know, but at least Iadmit it. You know, you light
everybody. You're listening to Tim ConwayJunior on de Mayo from KFI A six.
All the mics in our studio werebroken. They all went on the
fritz. I've never seen that before. We have three microphones in that studio
and they all disconnected. I thinkthey all shorted out. So I'm sitting
(21:17):
in with Staff Fuje, sitting nextto Staff Fouche doing the show, and
sitting on my right is Bellio,the Duke of Sports is here, Robin's
here, and Gary and we're allfive of us in this little tiny room
trying to do a world class showand it's not going to be good.
This is the day to tune out. Man, come back on Monday.
This is not going to be good. And then Krozier has his palace palace
(21:44):
estate there that he's got all ofhis buttons and everything here. Man,
I got plenty, I got anothermic in here? Is that right?
We'll do it in there? Wait? Do you have another mic in there?
There's another micing here. I don'tknow if you want to be in
here. By the way, Iwere just talking today about Oh it's Friday,
that's why nobody's here. Yes,yes, yes, we're all at
(22:07):
Coachella. So I said, Fridaytoo. Right, But if but since
I can't use like any audio,we're not going to do like a real
program here. It's so, Isaid, why don't I get in my
car and try to get to Coachellaby seven pm? Just sig an engineer
run by? So Hey, Okay, here's cross, But Krozier, if
I left right now at three twentyeight pm, what is it? But
(22:30):
no, I'm uh no, I'mso was it time? Was it four?
Did you think it was three twentyeight? You started five? No,
it says three, three hours andtwenty eight minutes to get there.
Oh you, I looked at it. You're at another clock. I looked
at it wrong. But no,they haven't. They haven't forwarded the clocks
here yet. We don't do thatfor fifty two. We just go six
months. We're off right hour.So if I left right now at four
(22:52):
fifty two, is that what timeit is? Fifty three? Yeah,
four fifty three? Oh five?Okay? If I left right now,
I would get to Coachella by three, by eight twenty one. It takes
three hours and thirty minutes to getfrom Burbank to Coachella. Right now,
Any listeners out there, isn't thatwild? Angel? What's going on?
Is that? That's highly unusual fora Friday. What's happening? Well,
(23:15):
yeah, it's the second weekend ofThank give me that Coachella. Don't get
I don't know. I don't.I think you're making up excuses. What's
going on out there? I founda way that you can get out there
in three hours, in fifteen minutesabout that. That's great, that's fantastic.
But it's three hours. It hasto be going on the two ten
freeway right now, the two tenall the way to the ten and then
(23:36):
right into Coachella. It's three hoursand thirty minutes right now to get there.
Wow, that's a hell of adrive. And how many miles is
it here? It's one hundred andforty three miles and it takes three hours
and thirty minutes. So you figuredit out. I don't know what that
you know, Well, let mesay I can figure it out. It's
(23:57):
one forty three I divided by threeand a half whatever that is. Are
you trying to figure out your averagespeed? That's right? Yeah, If
I'm going one hundred and forty threemiles in three and a half hours,
it's well three. If it tookme three hours, that would be forty
(24:18):
forty six miles an hour, Soanother a half hour is probably around down
to forty miles an hour, probablythirty nine miles an hour. And let's
see, let's try to figure thisout. Okay, thirty nine times three
point five. Yeah, it's it'sit's around it's around forty two miles an
hour, so forty two times threepoint five. It's exactly that. It's
(24:42):
exactly that. It's forty two milesan hour between Burbank and Coachella. You're
going forty two miles an hour theentire way. You know, it's like
sleeping. It's sleeping, go fortytwo miles an hour. That's wild,
all right, But there's been somearrests out there at coche and here to
play it as our own, SteffOSHK. Cochella Weekend two is almost here,
(25:04):
so expect heavy traffic on eastbound freeways. Yeah. Meantime, there has
been a droping arrest at Coachoa.The first weekend of the music fest saw
eighty one arrests. That's staffed fromone hundred and two last year. Now.
The majority of the rests were forpublic intoxication or being under the influence.
Some of them were for drug salesand also using fake IDs. There
were no violent offenses, which isgood news. Officers will be out in
(25:26):
forced again this weekend. Weekend twostarts tomorrow. Okay, wait a minute,
they're busting people out at Coachella forbeing drunk, selling drugs, and
using a fake ID. Is thatwhat Coachella means. I thought, that's
what you know, that's what coachelledefinition. Yeah, yeah, Coachella is
Spanish for fake ID, drunk anddrug selling. That's wild. I thought
(25:49):
that's why they created it, sopeople could go out there and use their
fake ID get wasted off off drugsthat they bought there. What's going on
with the cops that heavy handed outthere? You know, somebody must have
gotten really out of control to getarrested for drunkenness at Coachella. You imagine
how wasted you got to be fora cop to notice that you're really too
(26:10):
buzzed. Man, oh man,everybody, everybody's waste out there. So
eighty one arrest last weekend. That'sthe over under for this weekend. I'm
going over because of the heat.The heat's going to make people crazy.
You can't drink as much I have. I have a first night I ever
went camping in my life was inArizona. It was one hundred and ten
(26:32):
degrees at night during the day onehundred ten degrees or in the day and
one hundred and one degrees at night, and so I had my typical you
know, nine beers and I didn'tknow this, but when it's that hot
out. For every beer you have, you have to have eight glasses of
water. And so I didn't haveany water, and I ended up in
the hospital with an IV in eacharm and and and you know, spent
(26:56):
nine hours in the hospital. Youknow, wildly dehydrated. So if you're
gonna get out there and you're gonnadrink, please, please, for your
parent's sake and your grandparents sake,they didn't want to lose you, please
drink some water. All right.I know it's not gonna be as fun,
but drink a couple of bottles ofwater while you're out there. It's
gonna save you a huge headache.And then your parents and your grandparents don't
have to pick you up from ahospital. And that'll change your life as
(27:18):
well. All right, Coachella thisweekend, it starts today. It's the
last weekend of Coachella, So gotout there and enjoy yourself. Conway Show
on demand on the iHeartRadio app.Now you can always hear us live on
KFI AM six forty four to sevenpm Monday through Friday, and anytime on
demand on the iHeartRadio app.
It's cam if I Am six fortyand you're listening to The Conway Show on
demand on the iHeartRadio app can ifI Am six forty. It is the
Conway Show, all right, dingdong. We continue this program every single
Monday through Friday, four to sevenpm. And it doesn't sound like I'm
(00:22):
stalling to try to put my headphonesin. That's indeed what I'm doing.
Got him just not a professional guy, you know, what the hell?
All right, this is a younglady who has an interesting idea how to
get money out of the family,out of loved ones, out of relatives
once they die. Bring them tothe bank and have them sign away their
(00:46):
fortune. Happens to work, happensto work. I think let's find out
if it did work for this seglady. Okay, she's propping his head
up and making him sign and movinghis hand around to sign a piece of
paper to get a to get aloan. And the guy's dead. He's
(01:08):
been dead for hours. In's likeweekend at Bernie's. It is, it's
weekend at Bernie's. You're exactly right, you nailed it. You nailed it,
Angel, Yes, but a greatidea, and she got the loan
(01:32):
thirty four. So look, Idon't recommend it, but if you need
money, I don't know. It'sit's the most creative way that somebody has
got money this week. How theygave her the money? How did she
get caught? I think she gotcaught on video and they went back and
you know, because when she leftthe bank, I guess the guy fell
(01:53):
onto the ground and the cops showedup, and the cops are like,
this guy's been dead for a while. Wow. I thought this was a
movie trailer for Weekend at Bernie's.Oh, your weekend at Bernie's. That's
right. I didn't know it was. That's right. I never put that
together. You an angel that putthat together. I never even thought about
that anybody else. Let me letsome time go by. Geez, I'm
(02:15):
not going to do it immediately afterwards. That's great. Now they're both pissed.
Did he have sunglasses on? Also? No, he had no sunglasses
on his eyes rolling around the beachand making that like movies, all right,
yeah, like a weekend at Bernie'sside thing? Yeah yeah, whatever,
Hey, all right, before weget back into the program here,
(02:35):
something happened on the way to work, and it happens every day, and
we've got to solve it as acommunity because it's tying up traffic. Angel
Martinez, who is the Queen oftraffic, probably will attest to this.
But when when you're I think,what's causing about eighty five percent of traffic
on surface streets are people who aretexting. And I'm not saying that.
(02:55):
You know you shouldn't text and drive. I guess I am, but I
know a lot of people do it, and you can't by saying please don't
do it, it is not helping. You know, the signs on the
freeway don't text and drive have tohave no effect because we don't see them
because we're texting. We don't seethe sign that says don't text and drive
because we're texting. That's what we'redoing. Everybody's texting and driving. And
(03:19):
don't tell me you're not doing it. You're doing it. You're probably doing
it right now, all right,I see you, I see you right
now. You're doing it right now. But the problem is when you're at
a street light, a traffic light, you're at the red light and there's
nine cars behind you. If you'rethe first guy up your wheels are,
you know, halfway through the crosswalkthere and you're waiting for the light to
(03:42):
turn green so you can go.You cannot text. You have to be
the leader of our pack. Andthere's got to be some kind of slogan
we can have for it. Youknow, we have ready set go where
there's a fire, get all yourstuff ready set go walk or don't drown,
you know, don't walk through ragingwater like knee deep water could wipe
(04:04):
you out. So we have alot of stupid sayings that only happen like
once a year, but this happensa million times a day, and we
have no saying for it. Yougotta have a saying for it, like
God, go ahead, what isit? No text you're next? Oh
that's a great one. That's agreat one, okay, or yeah,
don't text your next that's great,that's fantastic. Or I don't know,
(04:27):
I first, up, eyes up, whatever it is, we've got it.
We've got to have a saying forthat, because those are holding people.
If i'd honk it a guy todayand I honked at him, and
he and he and you know,he looked back at me like I was
an a hole but he was texting, and I give it a three count
one, one thousand and two,one thousand and three, bang, and
I'm on the horn. I'm onthe horn. Good for you. And
(04:49):
then I get to the next lightand he's doing it again. He did
it again, and I'm behind himagain, and I blast away again as
I buddy, we can do thisall the way home, if you want
all the way home. I'm gonnabe the guy behind you. You're gonna
be the guy text thing. I'llbe the guy blowing the horn. Are
you like me? Where you're seeingan unusual amount of people that are on
(05:11):
their phones with their phone up tothat year, they don't care like they're
not even using like the wireless aspectanymore. They're driving and they got the
phone held up to their face.Yeah, and I and walking. I
hate to say that, but Ido that as well, you know,
but I don't I don't know whatthe problem with that is. I don't
know why there's a law against that. You know. If I can talk
on the phone, like I onlydrive with one hand, I'm driving two
(05:32):
hands. I'm not doing an eightyfive hundred, which you need to have
both hands available. They're available.I can drop that phone pretty quickly.
And what can't use the the wirelessthrough the car? Now the modern phone
of modern cars. Now you knowdo everything. No, don't need your
hands. Why you know, Iguess I got four numbers for you,
(05:53):
two zero zero seven, right,that's when my car was built. Doesn't
have that? All right? Yourgrandfather grandfather literally that's you know, it's
not wild. My car doesn't havethat. I had to install a a
(06:17):
bluetooth mechanism in my car. Canwe get a dealership? Please? Car?
You know it's great. I toldCrozier a couple months ago that I
went to bed and I woke upthe next morning I couldn't find my keys
and they were in my car door. And Crozier's like, wait a minute,
why would you were your keys inyour car door? Like? Stick
(06:39):
it out of the key hole becauseI have a key hole in my car.
Do you have a key hole inyour car? I don't. I
don't think you to imagine. Yeah, I bet you don't. I bet
nobody on the show has a keyhole in their door. Don't they have
emergency ones like that are hidden onthe last wo I thought, like,
there's a little I don't know,then flap or something. Your fob has
(06:59):
a isn't it. Oh yeah,it's like in the trunk or in the
hood or something. You got toput it in and then go round.
I don't know whatever. It's toocomplicated. How do not bluetooth belly?
Oh give me a break. You'relistening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from
KFI AM six forty. All right. We were talking about if you're first
in line at a street light,that there's we have to have a saying
(07:23):
for that because people who are texting, you know, there's nine people waiting
at a traffic light and you're first. You've got to have eyes up.
You've got to look at that greenlight. You got to look at the
red and wait for it to turngreen and move immediately. Because you're the
leader of the pack, you havea responsibility to everybody behind you to move.
(07:44):
And if you're texting, people aregoing to blow their horn and rightfully
so and and yell at you andthrow crap at you because they want to
get going. They don't want tosit there waiting while you text. But
we need a slogan for that.You know, we have a lot of
slogans for others things you know,ready set, go if there's a fire,
get all your stuff ready, getit in the car, ready set,
(08:05):
and then go. If there's anevacuation order, go around. Don't
drown. What are some of thosethose stupid things that they keep coming up
with? There was another one.I can't remember what it was, flashing.
Oh what is it? If yousee something? Say something? Yeah?
Yeah, okay, yeah, right, see something, say something?
(08:26):
I stay alive, don't drink anddrive. A lot of those you know,
stupid things. Don't But well,I mean that's not dumb one.
Yeah. I like that one.But there's got to be a saying for
this, because this happens a milliontimes a day, just here in La
probably a million times a day.Guys at a traffic light, he decides
to text, light turns green,and now everybody has to wait for that
(08:50):
idiot. So we have some thathave been produced here at KFI UP.
I think angel was yours up neck, don't text. I said, no
text your next, but then yousaid don't text, which is much better,
or your next or something like that, but your no text your next.
(09:11):
I like that one. Okay,that's a good one. Belly O
had one green go text no strong, Wow, I'm pretty good your rhyme
go with no thank you. Andthen first at light, do what's right?
Love it? That was belly O'sI think right. Yeah, yeah,
(09:35):
first at light do what's right?Gary had one lights green, no
screen. That's a really good one. I like that. Andrew talks to
text. Talks to text is thebest. It's good. Uh first up,
eyes up. That's another good one. I like that. I here's
(09:56):
steph Usha's lights up. M Ilike the passion behind it. I do
too. I think it needs morerhyming. Lights green, don't be mean.
All right, all right, butwe have to have something there,
man, because people get I don'tknow why people get so pissed about that,
but I was. I honked ata guy today on the way to
work over then cruising town phone down. Oh that's a good one. Yeah,
(10:20):
let me write that one. Cruisingyou honked at somebody across the intersection.
Oh, I do that all thetime. You know, if somebody's
turning left in front of you andthey're at an arrow, as long as
they sit there in that left handturn lane, they're on the weight there,
and and and that light will staygreen for them for until they move.
So I honked at a guy crossgoing the opposite way. I honked
(10:43):
at him. How do you?How do how do you or anybody know
that that's for that car, becauseI'm waving while I'm honking, like,
hey, buddy, look to you. You this for you? It is
for you. Do you have totell people not you, not you?
You no, because they've probably donesomething stupid. It's for them too.
Everybody gets a taste. But butI've I've honked when I've seen when I've
(11:03):
gone through intersections and and I gothrough, but the two people going the
opposite way or texting and they don'tgo through, I honk at them while
I'm passing them, like hey,it's time to go, go go.
I'm on the horn with it withthese with the texting, the texting and
driving is destroying a lot of livesin La, it really is. It's
(11:24):
making people pissed. And the textdon't mean anything. You know, what
do you have smiley face? Whocares? But the texting on the freeway
and driving and plowing into somebody,Man, I bet there's been people.
I know there's been people killed overthat but it's a big deal. I
don't know what the future holds,but there's going to be something, and
I don't know what. I don'tknow whether they can legislate it. They
(11:46):
tried to do that in Portland,Oregon, where they passed the law in
Portland saying you can't touch anything otherthan your wheel while you're driving. And
the very first day that that wentinto into law, uh, the first
guy that got holdover was changing hisradio station and he got a ticket for
it. And then another woman wastaking a sip of coffee and she got
a ticket for that. They changedthat law in two days. They said,
(12:09):
no, no, this is tootoo strict, way too strict.
But it's everybody out there right nowwho's driving, you know what I'm talking
about. You can look to yourleft, you look your right, and
you can see somebody texting right now, right now, especially at lights,
and I do it. You doit, Crozier does it, Bellio does
it? Steph Bosh. I don'tknow if he does it or not.
Steph's huge text and drive. Ohno way do you text this top light?
(12:35):
Yeah? Yeah, okay, Ilike how we went with no way.
I'm an angel too. Oh yeah, I'll knock that out. Oh
yeah, yeah, yeah, ohyeah, screen go. And that's why
I pay attention. Yeah, youknow more often than not if you're if
somebody's in front of you, man, and they just start drifting a little
bit and they keep doing it.They're going back and forth like over correcting
(12:58):
in their lane on their phone.And you know what I'm worried about is
somebody coming over that that double yellowline right into me. I'm always watching
for that coming somebody coming the oppositeway texting. I'm always looking like,
oh, I gotta move, Igotta move. This guy's in my lane,
Gotta move. I'm I'm the mostdefensive driver in the world. I'm
always looking at other drivers like who'sgonna wipe me out? Who's gonna wipe
(13:18):
me out? There? Used tobe they always said, oh no,
no, no, you need tobe a defensive right, no offensive?
Yes? And I always said,he lost your man, what happened?
What happened? Where did you go? Ah? The plug came off the
(13:39):
back. I don't know what.He's got his arms up. You know
what. We're gonna go ahead andgo to the news. So here's Crozy
with the latest. You're listening toTim Conway Junior on demand from KFI Am
six forty. Every single Friday,we have our good friend Alex Michaelson on
with us from Fox seleven News.He also does the show called The Issue
(14:00):
Is and he's well as Alex.How you Bob Dang John with you?
Happy Friday? I love that.Happy Friday to you too. Not in
Coachella this weekend, huh No,the abs are staying covered this year.
Not out there in the desert,suns out, guns out, buddy,
(14:20):
guns out, guns out. You'rejust saving your trip for stagecoas right.
That's right, Yeah, exactly right, that's exactly right. It's gonna be
ninety seven degrees out there this weekend. It was seventy four last weekend.
I don't know. Ninety seven seemswarm for me. Yeah, that seems
like a little much without a poolas you're standing in just a sea of
(14:41):
people. That doesn't seem to workas well. That's right, if if
you're in the water, it's prettynice to be in the desert at ninety
seven. But yeah, can youimagine the sort of body odor that you
must get in that sort of situationwith that many people standing around on that
many drugs and everything, and itdoesn't sound to feel it. They got
(15:01):
it's outside, but it's supposed tobe an unbelievable weekend. I would go.
I think I might go to stagecoach. I don't know, I
don't know. I gotta I gotta, I gotta feel it out. It's
expensive to go though, And Idon't know how these kids. You know,
there's kids that work here at KFIand iHeartMedia and they're not making money,
you know, making huge money.They're making, you know, twenty
(15:22):
thirty bucks an hour or less,and yet they spend the eleven dollars on
a ticket and they enjoy it.They think nothing of it. Well,
don't you think the same thing atDisneyland? Like how do people afford that?
Right? I mean one day therecould be thousands of dollars for like
a family of four. Yeah,and yet and people really can't afford it.
(15:45):
They put it on the credit cardor that's their one thing a year
and they get all they wait allyear and that's their day. So for
I guess it's like the adult versionof Disneyland. And you see the annual
passtickers on these old beat up cars, right, I put all his money
into Disneyland. But you know,last time I was there, my daughter
with my daughter, she was probablyI don't know, seven or eight years
(16:07):
old, and she's gone since withrelatives, but I don't think I've been
with her for a while. Butwhen she was seven or eight, we
were in Tunetown and she was runningaround with a friend of hers in Tuonetown,
and she was having the greatest timeof her life. And I said
to my wife, who's sitting nextto me on a bench, I go,
hey, Jen, count how manykids are smiling laughing around here?
And she said all of them,every single child, hundreds of them were
(16:30):
all smiling and laughing, having greattime. I said, okay, now,
count how many parents are smiling?Zero? Yeah, But what's most
important, right, that's right,smiling, that's Disney knows the business model.
There's a lot more money, that'sright, Smiley kids, That's exactly
right. I didn't mind it atall. Hey, buddy, all right,
(16:52):
so let's get into some news here. You know, these protesters at
Columbia University, at usc at,at Google. You know, there's a
new age of these protesters that Ifind different from old protesters. These new
wave protesters. They don't care ifthey're fired, they don't care if they're
suspended or expelled from school. Theyplan on changing this earth and they're not
(17:14):
going to stop. This is anew wave and a new age of protest.
Yeah. I don't know if youguys reported the news in the last
fifteen twenty minutes or so out ofUSC. Did you see that about what
they're doing with commencement, Yes,but remind our listenings. Yeah, So
USC just announced that because of theywere supposed to have at first the commencement
(17:37):
speaker who was pro Palestinian, right, who is the valedictorian, She's out.
So then now they say everybody's out. She who was supposed to do
the big commencement address, he's notgoing to be up there. I was
hearing rumors earlier that he was maybegoing to pull out of it. So
now they say they're breaking up withhim before he can break up with them,
(17:57):
okay, And that there's going tobe no commencement ceremony. All the
folks that were supposed to get theirhonorary degrees up on stage, Nope,
you don't get to go up there. And all the kids that we're looking
forward to this commencement that you wereworking four years from not gonna be having
their regular ceremony all because of clearlya very bungled response from the University of
(18:21):
Southern California, who still is refusingto talk publicly about this, and the
president of USC, Carol Fault,has been silent in this pr nightmare for
the school. So what are theygoing to do now, Everyone's just going
to gather, They'll give diplomas andthat's ten minute ceremony. I don't know,
because when you think about it,the whole thing is everybody speaking,
(18:41):
so nobody's speaking. I don't know. Was it more drinking, right?
I mean yeah, I mean theway that USC has done it in the
past, and certainly when I wasthere, they basically have one giant ceremony
where you hear from one main speakerand they you know, the university president's
there, and then you go wassecond satellite ceremony with your school. Like
(19:03):
for me, that was the broadcastjournalism school. That's where you actually get
your diploma, that's where they haveactual other speeches, and so I think
all the rest of that stuff isstill going to be going on, but
the actual main commencement. I don'tknow what they're going to do exactly.
They say they're going to be puttingout further updates. I think they're trying
to figure this thing out in realtime. I got a mess on their
hands. What's on the big show? The issue is so tonight a little
(19:27):
bit different feel. We're talking toMeta world Peace, remember him, the
former Laker great who recently when RobertF. Kennedy announced his running mate at
a big event doing that, theperson who was m seeing it and actually
introduced the running mate was Meta worldPeace in the political world for the first
time. He's been a big mentalhealth advocate for years, way ahead on
(19:49):
that. He's also been a bigwomen's basketball advocate and coach for years,
way ahead of the pack on that. We talk about all of that tonight.
He also shows me some basketball moveskind of fun. And then we
have Harvey Levin from TMZ talking aboutthis big documentary he's putting together that has
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone sitting togetherfor an hour, telling stories, ribbon
(20:12):
on each other and talking about theirrelationship, which is really interesting, and
we show that tonight as well.Buddy, I will be listening and watching
tonight at ten thirty. I appreciateyou coming on and we'll talk to you
again. Go Trojans, Yeah,fight on, baby, But what a
week to be a Trojan. EnjoyCoachella, all right, buddy? All
(20:33):
right? There he goes Alex Michaelsonwith the issue is over at Fox Bellio's
favorite program. She enjoys that,And I don't know if she watched it
or not. What you do watchit? What was on last week?
That was you Can It's not toolate to admit you don't watch it.
No, I have watched it,So you didn't watch it last week?
(20:53):
I just don't remember. I see, Okay, did you watch it?
I know, but at least Iadmit it. You know, you light
everybody. You're listening to Tim ConwayJunior on de Mayo from KFI A six.
All the mics in our studio werebroken. They all went on the
fritz. I've never seen that before. We have three microphones in that studio
and they all disconnected. I thinkthey all shorted out. So I'm sitting
(21:17):
in with Staff Fuje, sitting nextto Staff Fouche doing the show, and
sitting on my right is Bellio,the Duke of Sports is here, Robin's
here, and Gary and we're allfive of us in this little tiny room
trying to do a world class showand it's not going to be good.
This is the day to tune out. Man, come back on Monday.
This is not going to be good. And then Krozier has his palace palace
(21:44):
estate there that he's got all ofhis buttons and everything here. Man,
I got plenty, I got anothermic in here? Is that right?
We'll do it in there? Wait? Do you have another mic in there?
There's another micing here. I don'tknow if you want to be in
here. By the way, Iwere just talking today about Oh it's Friday,
that's why nobody's here. Yes,yes, yes, we're all at
(22:07):
Coachella. So I said, Fridaytoo. Right, But if but since
I can't use like any audio,we're not going to do like a real
program here. It's so, Isaid, why don't I get in my
car and try to get to Coachellaby seven pm? Just sig an engineer
run by? So Hey, Okay, here's cross, But Krozier, if
I left right now at three twentyeight pm, what is it? But
(22:30):
no, I'm uh no, I'mso was it time? Was it four?
Did you think it was three twentyeight? You started five? No,
it says three, three hours andtwenty eight minutes to get there.
Oh you, I looked at it. You're at another clock. I looked
at it wrong. But no,they haven't. They haven't forwarded the clocks
here yet. We don't do thatfor fifty two. We just go six
months. We're off right hour.So if I left right now at four
(22:52):
fifty two, is that what timeit is? Fifty three? Yeah,
four fifty three? Oh five?Okay? If I left right now,
I would get to Coachella by three, by eight twenty one. It takes
three hours and thirty minutes to getfrom Burbank to Coachella. Right now,
Any listeners out there, isn't thatwild? Angel? What's going on?
Is that? That's highly unusual fora Friday. What's happening? Well,
(23:15):
yeah, it's the second weekend ofThank give me that Coachella. Don't get
I don't know. I don't.I think you're making up excuses. What's
going on out there? I founda way that you can get out there
in three hours, in fifteen minutesabout that. That's great, that's fantastic.
But it's three hours. It hasto be going on the two ten
freeway right now, the two tenall the way to the ten and then
(23:36):
right into Coachella. It's three hoursand thirty minutes right now to get there.
Wow, that's a hell of adrive. And how many miles is
it here? It's one hundred andforty three miles and it takes three hours
and thirty minutes. So you figuredit out. I don't know what that
you know, Well, let mesay I can figure it out. It's
(23:57):
one forty three I divided by threeand a half whatever that is. Are
you trying to figure out your averagespeed? That's right? Yeah, If
I'm going one hundred and forty threemiles in three and a half hours,
it's well three. If it tookme three hours, that would be forty
(24:18):
forty six miles an hour, Soanother a half hour is probably around down
to forty miles an hour, probablythirty nine miles an hour. And let's
see, let's try to figure thisout. Okay, thirty nine times three
point five. Yeah, it's it'sit's around it's around forty two miles an
hour, so forty two times threepoint five. It's exactly that. It's
(24:42):
exactly that. It's forty two milesan hour between Burbank and Coachella. You're
going forty two miles an hour theentire way. You know, it's like
sleeping. It's sleeping, go fortytwo miles an hour. That's wild,
all right, But there's been somearrests out there at coche and here to
play it as our own, SteffOSHK. Cochella Weekend two is almost here,
(25:04):
so expect heavy traffic on eastbound freeways. Yeah. Meantime, there has
been a droping arrest at Coachoa.The first weekend of the music fest saw
eighty one arrests. That's staffed fromone hundred and two last year. Now.
The majority of the rests were forpublic intoxication or being under the influence.
Some of them were for drug salesand also using fake IDs. There
were no violent offenses, which isgood news. Officers will be out in
(25:26):
forced again this weekend. Weekend twostarts tomorrow. Okay, wait a minute,
they're busting people out at Coachella forbeing drunk, selling drugs, and
using a fake ID. Is thatwhat Coachella means. I thought, that's
what you know, that's what coachelledefinition. Yeah, yeah, Coachella is
Spanish for fake ID, drunk anddrug selling. That's wild. I thought
(25:49):
that's why they created it, sopeople could go out there and use their
fake ID get wasted off off drugsthat they bought there. What's going on
with the cops that heavy handed outthere? You know, somebody must have
gotten really out of control to getarrested for drunkenness at Coachella. You imagine
how wasted you got to be fora cop to notice that you're really too
(26:10):
buzzed. Man, oh man,everybody, everybody's waste out there. So
eighty one arrest last weekend. That'sthe over under for this weekend. I'm
going over because of the heat.The heat's going to make people crazy.
You can't drink as much I have. I have a first night I ever
went camping in my life was inArizona. It was one hundred and ten
(26:32):
degrees at night during the day onehundred ten degrees or in the day and
one hundred and one degrees at night, and so I had my typical you
know, nine beers and I didn'tknow this, but when it's that hot
out. For every beer you have, you have to have eight glasses of
water. And so I didn't haveany water, and I ended up in
the hospital with an IV in eacharm and and and you know, spent
(26:56):
nine hours in the hospital. Youknow, wildly dehydrated. So if you're
gonna get out there and you're gonnadrink, please, please, for your
parent's sake and your grandparents sake,they didn't want to lose you, please
drink some water. All right.I know it's not gonna be as fun,
but drink a couple of bottles ofwater while you're out there. It's
gonna save you a huge headache.And then your parents and your grandparents don't
have to pick you up from ahospital. And that'll change your life as
(27:18):
well. All right, Coachella thisweekend, it starts today. It's the
last weekend of Coachella, So gotout there and enjoy yourself. Conway Show
on demand on the iHeartRadio app.Now you can always hear us live on
KFI AM six forty four to sevenpm Monday through Friday, and anytime on
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