Hour 2 | Remembering Norm McDonald @ConwayShow

Remembering Norm Mcdonald. Undercover Angel sing-a-long / We use way more of our brains while sleeping. Electric Daisy Carnival Music; Tim’s Big Hollywood Moment 

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
It's CAMF I am sixty and you'relistening to the Conway Show on demand on
the iHeartRadio app. Norm McDonald iswas and I always I still can't believe
he's gone. I still can't believeNor McDonald's gone. But one of the
smartest, funniest men in the historyof the world. And every comic says
the same thing. They all lovedNorm McDonald. David Letterman loved Norm McDonald

(00:24):
so much that David Letterman invited NormMcDonald on his show to be his last
guest, his very last guest orlast stand up I think it was his
last guest. Was Norm McDonald Thatsays something and so on to play this
for you. It's very funny andNorm maybe you haven't seen it. Maybe
you've seen it. Maybe you're SAIA long time ago. Nor McDonald's final

(00:47):
stand up performance on David Letterman Show. It's it's Friday. We've gotta keep
it light around here. There's toomuch craziness, so time to just enjoy
Norm McDonald on Thanks guys, listen. I don't want to brag your hanging,
but me and Oprah are making thesame money tonight. But the show

(01:14):
is loosened up considerably. I knowI was watching Oprahen Dave talking about weed
and booze. I don't do eitherof those. The hardest drug I ever
did LSD, and I remember asa kid, I was like sixteen,
and I remember they told Warre me, they said, hey, you gotta
be careful with that LSD on accountof you can get a flashback ten years

(01:40):
and you can go buy twenty years, thirty years and a flashback will happen.
So I thought, hey, thatseems like a good deal. You
tell me, I buy a drugfor five dollars, I eat it,
I get high, and then twentyyears later I got high again. That's

(02:02):
not the point. I like tostretch my drug dollar. The point is
this, ten years have passed,twenty years half passed, thirty years have
passed, and no flashbacks. Onea JYP that turned out to be just
more horseshop by the big acid companies. That's all it is. But I

(02:29):
can't believe it's been a quarter centurysince I made my television debut. Its
all different back then, you knowit was back then. I remember,
if you wanted to take a picture, you would use a camera, not
a telephone. As a matter offact, if you use the telephone,
people would look at you. Oddsyou really to stay still like that?

(03:02):
What about in the old days whenthey took pictures of you way back you
know where they pulled that thing andexploded and stuff. I got a picture
of my great grandfather. The thingtook six hours. Take your picture,
and there's the picture of my greatgrandfather. Won they only had. Every
guy had one picture back then.And it says him, like, I

(03:30):
gotta get back feed them hogs.Who's gonna feed the hogs? Some I
got feed them hogs. Now inthe future, of course, there'll be
different. Fifty years from now,people will be going like, hey,
you want to see a hundred thousandpictures of my great grandfather. I got

(04:01):
him right here, plus everything hedid every day of his life. Hey,
this occurred to me today. Id id which I had to show
to you. There's a strange abbreviationwhen you think about it. I is
short for I and then D isshort for dentification. Because split that one's

(04:35):
feel better. You know that watchthe TV. I wats the news make
you afraid? The news, youknow, put all these stories on I
rack. I ran north Korea,you know, try to scare you,
you know, but does it everreally scare you? Like you ever wake
up in the middle of night.North Korea, that little tiny country across

(04:58):
the ocean. I wonder if they'llget me. Plus didn't Nash settled that
like twenty years ago one day afterwards, that's stupid shoe. There is one
country that worries me though, notIraq, not Iran, not North Korea.

(05:20):
The only country that really worries meis the country of Germany. I
don't know if you guys are historybuffs or not, but's in the early
part of the previous century, Germanydecided to go to war. And who

(05:42):
did They go to war with theworld. It had never been tried before,
and so you figured that I wouldtake about five seconds for the world
to win, but no, itwas actually close. Then About then,

(06:05):
about thirty years past, and Germanydecides again to go to war, and
again it chooses as its enemy theworld. And this time they have that
guy. That guy, and I'mnot even going to dignify him by saying

(06:25):
his name, but I mean,you know, I'm done. But you
think at that point the world willgo listen, Germany here's the deal.
You don't got to be a country. No more on accounty. You keep
attacking the world, but your marsor something. Anyways, lessen, folks,

(06:58):
this will be my last time onthe David Letterman Show. I understand,
and you know, you know youguys, we all know that David
Letterman was the greatest talk show whohosts, who ever lived. But I

(07:24):
I remember Dave differently because the firsttime I saw him, I was thirteen
years old. I was living inU I was living in Toronto, Canada,
and I went to a talk showthey had there and David Letterman was
the stand up comedian on the show, and I loved stand up and David

(07:48):
Letterman did this joke that I toldeverybody this joke. I loved this joke.
It still stays with me as myfavorite stand up joke ever. So
I'd like you to do it forit if you liked here up. Okay,
when we come back, we'll playthat joke. We got to take
a break here, but this ishe got it very emotional at the end
when talk about Letterman, he washe was breaking down. And then he's

(08:09):
gonna tell his favorite Letterman joke whenwe come back. It's great. It's
a. It's a. It's a. It's fifty years old, forty years
old, it still stands up andit's still a great joke. We'll go
back, we'll play it for you. You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on
demand from kf I AM six forty. The funniest stand up perhaps, I
think George Carlin and Norm McDonald areone two two one one two two one

(08:33):
somewhere around there. George Carlin,I think a lot of people would say
he is number one, maybe NormMcDonald number two. But Norm McDonald was
the last person, the last standup comic on the David Letterman Show.
And we just heard his very funnystand up routine that he prepared for the

(08:54):
last show. And then he gotvery emotional when talking about David Letterman.
It was Letterman's last program, andhe remembers seeing David Letterman up in Toronto.
I don't know if you know this. Nor McDonald's Canadian, and he
was he went to a local showand David Letterman was the stand up comic
and he remembers a joke that hedid when Nor McDonald was thirteen years old,

(09:18):
and here it is, I rememberDave differently because the first time I
saw him, I was thirteen yearsold. I was living in a very
emotion. I was living in Toronto, Canada, and I went to a
talk show they had there and DavidLetterman was the stand up comunian on the

(09:41):
show, and I loved stand upand David Letterman did this joke that I
told everybody this joke. I lovethis joke. It still stays with me
as my favorite stand up joke ever. So I'd like to do it for
it if you'd like to hear it. Yeah, Oh, he'd carried away

(10:05):
because I was on the street theother day and I saw a garbage truck
and on the back of the garbagetruck there was a small sign that said,
please do not follow too closely.Another life, simple pleasure is ruined
by a meddling bureaucracy. That's great. You remember the old days when when

(10:33):
Dad had pile the kids in thestation wagon, we'd all go out and
follow a garbage truck. So anyways, I'd just like to say, I
know that mister Letterman is not forthe mawkish, and he has no truck
for the sentimental. But if somethingis true, it is not sentimental.

(10:56):
And I say in truth, Ilove you. Oh god, oh my
god, oh my god. Veryfunny, Norm, and thank you,
thank you for everything. Thank younor McDonald, lighties and gentleman. That
was very sweet Norman about good nighteverybody. And Norm McDonald crying there at

(11:24):
the end. You really love that, David Letterman. I remember seeing that
at the time, just go yeah, wow, And it was it was
funny because you heard the audience notquite sure what to make of it when
he kind of started to choke upthere. It's really that's I love stuff
like that. Great. Yeah,it is terrific. You learned in his
sort of breakdown there at the endhow much those two meant to each other,
which was just really cool. Yeah. And and Letterman considered Norm McDonald

(11:48):
the funniest guy on the planet.You know, I never met you say,
never met a smarter, funnier guythan Norm McDonald. For the for
the people that sort of yeah,it's it's for the people uninitiated in that.
I think a lot of people probablythought Nor McDonald was the last comedian
for David Letterman, you know,but people that know know, And all

(12:09):
you to do is watch that tounderstand why and Letterman gave you know,
Letterman took a chance too, becausebecause he gave Norm MacDonald a platform to
come on and trash Saturday Night Live. When Norm McDonald got fired from Saturday
Live for the OJ stuff. Yeah, all the OJ jokes and and so
I think they were that was That'sa really cool moment, very special moment

(12:33):
TV. Speaking of stand up comedians, Jay Leno is going to be at
Flappers on Saturday. Last night hewas at Flappers at eight pm, and
he's going to be the Saturday onJune twenty second. That'll be cool.
That'll be a cool, cool show. Go go look at that. And
then on June twenty third, whenis that tomorrow? What's the twenty third?

(12:56):
Oh, I'm sorry, Yes,Sunday. Fritz Coleman will be at
the El Portal Theater in North Hollywood. So two are very funny guys and
you can go to both on Saturday. They see Jay Lenwood Flappers. He
calls us all the time, verynice, ma'am. And Fritz Coleman also
another nice guy. He bought mebreakfast at Denny's once. I always remember

(13:16):
that. And he's going to beat the El Portal Theater on June twenty
third. So take I don't know, mom and dad out there or your
kids and go look, go lookat those two shows. You'll enjoy both
of them. You'll like them,you'll love them. Right, there's a
landscaping scam out there, and they'retargeting senior citizens. Oh yeah, scamming

(13:43):
senior citizens. I don't know howmuch you get lowered in that. I
don't know how limbo under that,but maybe you do. I don't know,
scamming senior citizens. Robert Gayacht takesa lot of pride in his yard.
So when the seventy nine year oldwas approached last month by a crew
of landscape papers offering to make someimprovements for a good price, he took

(14:03):
advantage of the opportunity. Got upto go see who's banging on my door
so loud? And then he says, uh, you know, we're in
the neighborhood and we see your horn, and we'll do this, you know,
for your lorn and we'll charge youten dollars a bag for the mulch.
And I was thinking they're going toonly use like about forty bags in
my yard. Turns out he wasthe one who got taken advantage out.

(14:24):
Robert says, within minutes of agreen three additional trucks showed up with men
inside. They got to work andcovered his grass with mulch. Robert was
monitoring outside but was instructed to goinside so he wasn't in the way.
Just one hour later he received thisinvoice for nineteen thousand dollars, which breaks
down to nineteen hundred bags of mulch. What and he said, nineteen thousand?

(14:48):
I said, Hawaii took me tothe bag. It's a lot of
mulch man what what? I said, what what? And he said nineteen
thousand. I said, Hallawaii tookme to the back. He showed me
all the bags I was stacked upon the patio. So went out of
the house. They much had goneto the truck, taking the bags off
and put them on the back patioand stacked them up because there's no way

(15:09):
a full bags of much would havebeen on their little truck. Robert told
me, the more he questioned them, the push here they got got right
in my face and said pay us. You know so you felt threatened?
Yeah, I felt threatened. Hetalked them down to fifteen thousand dollars and
was instructed to write two checks totwo different people for seventy five hundred dollars

(15:30):
a piece. Wow, man,this guy got hosed. Fury for him
and his wife's safety. He didit, he was told. Since then,
he's reported the incident to the Sheriff'sDepartment, District Attorney's office, as
well as these States contractor's license board. He also posted about it on next
door and received a lot of commentsand response from others in the area.
Yeah, you got it. Carefulwhen people come by and knock on your

(15:52):
door and wanted to work for you. I get stune who say people came
to their door with these same mulchpitch. They're hitting all the different places
around here. The bus is carRobert Gaunt reads Danilo Martinez Landscaping. Yeah.
I called the Los Angeles based numberon it, but it didn't work.
I also searched for them on YEPand came across one star reviews calling

(16:12):
the company a scam. As forRobert, well, his money is long
gone. He's speaking out so othersdon't fall victim too. That's what we
need to do is get to wordout. Yeah, I got to get
the word out there, man,oh man, And now that's a lot
of mulch man nineteen thousand dollars worth. I was looking at his lawn with

(16:33):
that report, and he thought fortythere's no way forty was going to do
it, but not nineteen hundred.Yeah, that's nineteen hundred packs. That's
crazy, God almighty, that isa lot of mult you could what it
prompted that response from him? Couldwhat? I said? What you could?

(16:53):
What do you get the cards andthe little flyers and all the times
thrown on your yard? Yeah?Used him in the past, and one
guy was great. He was atree trimmer and he said he could trim
all the trees for it was likesix or seven hundred bucks, and he
did it, and he hauled everythingaway and it was a good price.
And I love the guy, SoI don't know, maybe you know,

(17:14):
I got a good guy. Whateh, that's what he said? What
I said? What I said?What I said? All right? I
said, what was that song?Loved Me? Loved Me Love Undercover Angel,
Undercover Angel, Midnight Fantasy? Allright, dig dog? What yeah?
With what? You're listening to TimConway Junior on demand from kf I

(17:38):
Am six forty. I guess Idon't know how much I could talk about
what I'm doing tomorrow, but I'mI was offered a I don't know whether
it's a G I don't even knowwhat it is. It's hard to explain.
But you guys know what electronic dancemusic is, right e edm.
That's when they, you know,they go to desert and everyone gets all,

(18:00):
you know, high and nude andthey play music electric Daisy Carnival.
You've been into that angel You're intoelectronic Daisy Carnival music or whatever? I
mean? I like, I likethe music. I haven't been to one
of those games. I bet.I bet Mike O'Brien has that? Is
he with us? Mike you withus? Have you been to one of
those things? No? But theyalways stole over at the Orange Show.

(18:23):
Yeah, right next to my offtrack bedding. And when they do that,
it is hell to get in andout of that. It sucks.
Man. Don't they know you yougot tracks to lose money on? Yeah,
they don't. I don't think theyunderstand that because you see they're gonna
go through the cop barricade and thewhole thing. Hey buddy, where are

(18:44):
you flying? Right now a lotof people like to look up and see
you look if I'm right over theninety one circling at Las Sierra in Riverside,
all right, ninety one in Riverside. Well, those guys are nuts
at the the what do they callthe rate? Emeyber one year it was
like jam middle of January. Iswear to god, it was like thirty
five degrees pouring rain. Wow,and girls are in their bikini and that's

(19:07):
it's just nothing. They're wearing nothing. Yeah, I don't know. Well,
you said you're returned off. Findthat what's going on with you?
No? No, not really,right, buddy, Thanks for coming on
with us, all right, MichaelBrian everybody anyway. There's a guy and
I can't say his name because Idon't want to give away too much,
but he's worked with eminem before.He does EDM electronic dance music, and

(19:33):
they want to do one about liketalk radio and have my voice in it.
And so tomorrow at three o'clock I'mgoing in studio, big huge studio
in Hollywood, and they have itfor I don't know, seven or eight
hours, and they want to recordsomebody in talk radio and can play this
at one of their big festivals.You know, they got Electronic Daisy,
they got Burning Man, you gotall these festivals in the desert, and

(19:57):
so I'm gonna be the voice andthese kids will be high and nude and
dancing and nude. Yeah I guess, I don't know, and they'll they'll
be listening to me while they're nudeand high and dancing. You get gonna
give them a taste of your littlejustin Timberlake song, Yeah, something like
that. Yeah, maybe some digdogs, you know, I don't know,

(20:21):
So that's probably how they decided thatthey wanted you because they heard that
justin Timberlake song. Maybe that's Ididn't think about that, but maybe yeah
I like that. Yeah. Yeah, we're going in sexy Back. Yeah,
that's me doing that and now I'mgoing into record. It's my first
big music gig. Top DJ andhis partner can't say their name. They

(20:45):
don't want me to, which iskind of odd. There might be embarrassment
thing going on there, but theydo electronic music. I think they they're
involved like the Electric Forest. ElectronicForest, wasn't that one of the big
parties out there? Robin. Yousee, like a person's into that you
go out there the electronic music,you get into that at all, not

(21:06):
even a little bit, right,Thanks, you're playing along, Robin and
yes, anyway, top DJs beout there, oh belly, Oh you're
into this right, I'm into it, yeah and exciting for you. These
are the top techno ghost music writerstoo. These are the top guys somebody's
kid who you know whose parents madethem listen to talk radio and listen to

(21:29):
it was gonna go in the crowd. It's gonna go, yes, and
everyone to be like nude and high. I'm like, what what's going on?
But uh man, that's a bettertitle for it. Nude and high
in the desert kind of lets youknow what's going on out there. But
those things are big, those ravesand burning Man, Electric Forest, Electric

(21:52):
Daisy Carnival huge. You can seethe tied eyed posters right now at the
top. Yeah, hi, yeah, And then underneath ding dong? Hey,
is that guy gonna be here?Which guy? The guy that does
ding dong on the air on thatvery popular young hip station, that techno
station, electronic music station KFI.So you know they're always saying to hook

(22:15):
up with younger and younger listeners.Bellio. I don't know how this could
be more perfect. I mean,all those guys and gals that go to
those events are all teams twenties,maybe thirty. No, this is huge,
this is big. They are gonnalove DJ ding Dong. That's right,

(22:36):
Bellio, You're reducing my art toa joke, and you know I
don't like that. I'm I'm sorryding Dong Bellio. Honestly, Gun,
I didn't want to do this onthe air. We've done it off there.
You cannot reduce this crap to ajoke. Full stop. Okay,

(23:00):
Belly Old, how dare you allrelyve on KFI? Belly Oh, come
here, get out here, Getin there. Conway Show on demand on
the iHeartRadio app. Now you canalways hear us live on KFI AM six
forty four to seven pm Monday throughFriday, and anytime on demand on the
iHeart Radio app.