Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's k IF. I am six forty and you're listening
to the Conway Show on demand on the iHeart Radio
apps to much of Mark Thompson's here and look to
a Look who walked in? Jay Leno, Hey radio? How
can they look cool? Look who walked in?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
No, but we have radio, we don't have television.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Nice to see you, buddy, look great.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Thank you gentlemen, Thanks to well thanks for helping us out.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
I saw you on the talk. I was on the talk. Yeah,
it's is it the talk or their talk?
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Now?
Speaker 1 (00:31):
I think it's called the talk. Is it is it
you or their view? I think it's their view. No,
it's the view. It's not the view. It's not the
view of most in the country.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Well, yeah, that's that's what I mean. Yeah, but you no, no
matter what you say.
Speaker 4 (00:42):
You know.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
I was on the talk and they said what do
you think of election?
Speaker 3 (00:45):
And I said, it was a great day for democracy
because for the first time in my memory, the person
with the most votes and the most electoral votes won.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Thank you case close.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
We did it all on the first day, within what's
six hours of the poll's clothes It's perfect.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
It was perfect. Oh, I say you a big Trump guy.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
No I'm not.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
I'm not support anybody.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
I just I just I just said.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
It was a great fate because no matter what you
think of the candidates, they come and go. You know,
if this has been another one of these things where
it was, oh there's thirty five hundred votes between the
winner and the loser, it's going to be six months
of the alley and rebe the whole system suffers. But
I mean we all put our head nose to the grindstone.
It was completely honest, and in one case of somebody
rigging a vote of voting twice, I mean they checked everything.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
He won fares.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Whether you're a fan or not, that's not the issue.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
You know.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
When I was in the burn center, well tell me
what happened, because we don't know how you got there.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Oh well, I tell people, don't I do. I was
working on a motus. I was working on a steam car,
and I got underneath it and I had a fuel line,
and I said to my friend, blow a little air
through the fuel line. Hit me with a face full
of gas, and then it's barc ignited and set my
face on fire.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
But wait, you were working on a steam engine. Was
this in nineteen alreaty five. No, this was actually just
a little while ago.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
That you were the first person that had been at
the burn center. Who's working on a steam engine?
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Do you think I don't know?
Speaker 2 (02:09):
You know, I didn't really ask Hey before I came in,
you have anyone.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Well you know what happened. My face got all burned.
So I said, okay, So I drove myself to the
burn center. You know, Wow, that's that's a study.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
I like.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
I goes like, you got to check in right now. Well,
I said, well, I can't check in right now because
my wife. My wife has got some dementia problem. She
has no athing about this. So I said, let me
go home and I'll come back in the morning. Well,
you can't go home because your face is still on fire,
And oh my god, I said, no, it's fine, don't
worry about So I drove home.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
I go to bed.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
I sleep on my pillow and my face was still
on fire. So when I woke up, my pillow had
my face had burned itself into the pillow. So so hey,
I got up with my pillow.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
I walked in. I got a pair of scissors.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Oh my god, I'm coming I'm laughing hysterically. I'm cutting
the pillow off the side of my face, you know.
And I drive back to the burn center about seven
in the morning, and I got a pillow face. Oh
my god, that's what's that all that? I said, Well,
the pillow, But that's what we told you about. That's
what happened there. Because your your face is still burning underneath,
is that right?
Speaker 1 (03:11):
So, but you didn't feel any kind of pain. Were
you're on pain pills or anything.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
No, I'm not. I'm not a pink. I'm gonna be
I'm not a big pain guy.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
I mean, I don't think you'd be a big pain
guy to be Jay, what do you just you just
shook off your face being no.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
But I mean, but you're like a marine when it
happens for a while. You know, if you crack a rib,
that's the worst because you're fine and then you cough,
you laugh a laugh or something like that. You know,
with this, it was constant. So you just kind of go, Okay,
that's the new normal. Let's hurts, but that's the normal
for right now.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
It's not going to get worse, you know, So it's okay.
So it's all right. But you know, they did the
whole thing in eight.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Days, and you look great.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
And this is the second phase because after I got.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
That, I went and went back home. And about a
month after, I'm riding my motorcycle. I'm over here and
I go to turn around the guy's parking lot. He's
got a wire cross but with no flag, and the
sons of my ass, so it tore my face from
from under, from under the chin, across my notes.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
I had to call my face guy.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
I called Peter, Peter, I need another face, face gave me,
and he gave me another face.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Yeah, the we're gout.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
You know I'm a two faced guy now, yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Yeah, but that's not a cheap face. I know faces
look like no. No, this is a very no you
know something. I'm so glad in the business I'm in
because I couldn't have afforded. But but did you actually
guy that didn't have the flag on the wire? No,
you know.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
I went over to see him and he goes, yeah,
I go, look, it's my fault. I should have seen it.
I know you didn't have any flags up or anything.
But I said, don't worry about it, all right, So
I shook his hand and it was okay, and you
know something, can I shake him down? Well, listen, I
go buy there every day now and it looks like, uh,
Cypress Gardens just.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Whistles, doesn't be here, there's a wire here. But you know,
you know, an old Chevy dealer.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
I'm not alone. I don't like I would. I just
don't do all this, you know, I was. I think
if you went the cart and say, well you were
partly spot yes, I was. Okay, I don't so it
was fine. I mean if I couldn't have afforded it,
that would have been one thing.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
I want a tour of your garage. I'll give you,
I really do. How long is the tour of your
garage longer than mine? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:21):
I would hope.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
So yeah, yeah, because we don't just have a law
more and a weed whacker in a fifty seven.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
I should you know what I even I even ever
thought of that, but I should give I should sell
tours of my garage, you know. Yeah? The hell? I mean, like,
if Jay's doing it, why can't I do it? That's
what I said. All right, can you stay? We want
to talk with you from another three hour? Yeah, let's
talk so long. Yeah, here.
Speaker 5 (05:44):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KF
I am six forty ports of all.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
I would get it.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
I would get ten dollars a year for you take this.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Yeah maybe years Payah, I do the payoff because you
get all so you're gonna go crazy.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
So yeah, that's what I do.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
You buy lottery tickets.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
No, that's the stupidest thing as idiots buy lottery.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
I remember, Jay, it was Adam Carolla was talking about
a woman who went into a seven to eleven in
a wheelchair oxygen tanks and she's rolling in. She was
give me a super Lotto ticket and he's like, what,
how could that possibly improve your life? It's almost over,
you know, and she's rooting for four hundred million dollars.
She's hoping for a late ending rally on our life.
You know when you were here when the John and
(06:28):
Ken Show was still the John and Ken Show. I
remember you came on. You're on for and a half hour,
very funny, and I think it was still during the
Tonight Show days. And then you left in a steam
car and they were complaining prob Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
Yeah, First of all, a steam car runs on water, water, vapor, Okay,
so because it's a cold day, so she.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Plumes of steam.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
He goes lotos. Let those cars polluting.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
It's just polluting everywhere, just putting noxious gases.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
And you know, we gotta do a way that shouldn't
be allowed.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
I'm just going, hey, I was.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Just on your show.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
It's a steam car. It's a steam car. Corolla, you
know you're good friends with He has another funny line.
He said that in two hundred years from now, somebody,
some kid in eighth grade will do a paper on
Jay Leno and jay Leno died, and you know, in
twenty seventy two in a steam car accident, you'll get
(07:22):
a fail on it, you know, because steam cars went
out two hundred years before that.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
That's right, that's correct.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Is Carola's got a garage kind of like yours? Does
he hear?
Speaker 4 (07:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (07:31):
He likes cars. He cocts mostly race cars.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
So so in the in terms of your garage and
your garage, it seems like, and this I get from
your shows and watching YouTube, like you like these various
stories that go with the car. You know, you you
sort of like cars that have a history, sir, ye,
cause that have a funny story. Yeah, yeah, he likes
race cars.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
I like KARZ.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
What's the most valuable one you have?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Well, it's probably McLaren F one, because that's a very
valuable car.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
But what's the most sentimental one?
Speaker 3 (08:00):
Well, my fifty five buw Wick. That was the first
car I bought. When it came to the car, you know,
I flew out here to California. You know, I was
sitting at my apartment in Boston, and I was like,
and my friends. I had friends that were wanted to
be comedians, just singers, but they're working as weight as
the waitresses, and then they couldn't go to auditions because
they had to work. And I didn't want to be
(08:21):
in that position. I wanted to make my living as
a comedian.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
If I could.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
I said, you know something, I'm just kind of got
a plane to go to California.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
So I call the airline flight whatever it is. Okay,
I got it, Okay, I landed lax. I only get
I need a car. Was so I see the Penny Savers,
I go to the Pennies everything. Oh it's a fifty
five buw Work. I see the where's Winchester. It's about
three well three months okay, I call the guy that
car stifficily, Yeah it is cab.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Take me this addressing Winchester.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
I get there, it looked okay, and I thought, well,
if I don't buy it, I got to take a
cab back to the airport and then take a cab
to I don't know what. I don't know anybody here,
so I don't buy it. So, you know, I was like,
how might three fifty?
Speaker 2 (09:02):
I'll give you a three forty five?
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Okay, you know, not really, I was not really a
good day.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
I got the car and it was a big car
so I could live in the car. So I did
that's live?
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Is that right?
Speaker 4 (09:13):
For?
Speaker 1 (09:13):
How long? For? Why not? Still?
Speaker 3 (09:16):
Well, you know what I would do and people find this,
it doesn't seem unusual to me. I would search the
paper for open houses. So I'd go to open house
and be like Sunday noon to four. So I get
there at three thirty and I look around. This is
very nice, and then I'd say.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Okay, thank you, thank you very much.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Okay. I'd shut the door and then I go in
like the hall closet, and I'd just stand there and
I'd wait maybe forty five minutes an hour and the
real two would leave and I'd live in the house
for two three days.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Oh that's great. Have you ever talked about that. I've
never heard of it. I've never know my story.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
I have once in a while, and it was because
in those days, houses didn't this is the seventies. Houses
didn't have alarms, and I didn't. I didn't steal anything
or I didn't you know.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
You're just looking for a warm Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
One day, one day I was there's a house on
cold Water Canyon. Oh, that's a nice house.
Speaker 5 (10:05):
You know.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
It tend not belong to one of the beach boys.
We didn't know which one, but he was selling it.
So I got some in the house, same thing, and
I'm sleeping and I hear the next room, here's the
master bedroom, and the wife walks in there goes there's
someone in the bed. There's no one living here, there's
someone in that bed. And then the real too.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
I get out, Can I get dressed, get out of
the house. I'm calling the police.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
Excuse me, my guy, that's not got Yeah, but that
was really the only time I got. Then I lived
a beautiful house on U Up in Beechwood. You know,
a lot of great houses in LA. It was fabulous.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
I'm surprised people don't don't do that. Still, that's a
great Maybe they do.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
They're called squatters now.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
I guess they don't leave.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
But I would, But you know I didn't. I wasn't.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
I didn't put graffiti on the walls right now they
do that. I would even make the bed, you know,
so it doesn't look like anybody was there.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
And you still have that car?
Speaker 2 (10:57):
I still have. Yeah, only two payments left. Yeah, yeah,
I still got it.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
You know Danica Patrick, you knew that is yes, the
race car driver. She was asked recently on a podcast,
what type of engine do you have? And she said
she has no idea and they said, well is it?
And she said engine? And what in her in a
race car? And she said she was unaware of whether
it was an eight or twelve cylinder. She knows that little.
She knows as much as I do about cars. She mean,
(11:23):
as little as you do, as little as I do.
And she drives him in the Indy five hundred.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Well, you know, athletes are always athletes. I remember Walter Peyton,
you remember him? Sure, Okay, Walter Payton was not a
car guy at all knew nothing about. But he was
a gregarious fellow and a nice guy but a good athlete,
and we became friends with him.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
He said, hey, you should do the Toyota Grand Prix
with us. Oh, that'd be fun. Yeah, okay.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
So he comes in and within one day of with
the professional driver, he's matching the track record. Wow, because
he's he's an athlete. His hand eye coordination believable. I
mean that could break break breaks like break turn yeah, shifting,
I mean he picked it up because he's an athlete,
(12:08):
you know.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
But you know I also in the same podcast I
was listening to, I didn't know this. Maybe you know
this because you're a big car guy. They only use
in NASCAR when when you know they do the whatever
the you know, the Coconot five hundred of Pocono five.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
Coco, I don't know that's with common, Miranda, cocon the Coconole,
that the Cocono.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
They they use the engine for one race, then they
take it out and send it back to you know, Toyota,
or they tear it down one race.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Well, well they're that hard on the engines. I mean
that's wild. That's what it is.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Again, everything is wild, but it's actually the opposite.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
It's no, it is that's wild.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
J that's good, similar to fuge thing that's not wild.
But then so then he put mustard on a hamburger.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
That's wild.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
But it's not expensive to tear down. And I mean yes,
it's a very it's a hugely expensive part.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
And drag racing they blow up up there, they completely
tear the engine out.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
It's it's ten twenty thousand dollars a race.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
But but but to have you know, once you're done
with the rays, you know, you get if you win,
you get the milk and the flag and the check
and everything. That's just the start for your pit crew.
They got to now tear that car apart and have
it ready in four days.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Yeah, yeah, we'll take them the show business.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Yeah, that's unbelievable, not wild, but unbelievable. Yeah. Keep you
stay with us.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
I'm right here, okay, God anywhere.
Speaker 5 (13:27):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Don Wry Show, Mark Thompson's here, Jay Leno's with us.
How many motorcycles do you own? Oh? In the sixty eight,
one hundred and sixty eight.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
Well in case your crash on you need something to
ride while the other one's being fixed.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Did you ever get pulled over for going too fast
exceeding the speed limit?
Speaker 3 (13:46):
No?
Speaker 2 (13:46):
No, I never seed the speed.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
I imagine you don't have a lot of problems with
the cops. They cops pull you over. Oh it's Jay Leno.
Hey Jay, how you doing nicess?
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Well, yeah, but I don't give cops a reason to
give me all the problem. I'm always polite. Permission to speak, officer, Yeah,
what do you want? I mean that works all the time.
Mission to speak officer, and they go.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Oh, because it's really just a matter of respect on you.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
You know my favorite thing I love watching YouTube sovereign citizens.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
I'm traveling, I'm not oh I know a life on
showing you a license or registered.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
I don't need to show you because you know, this
is the stupidest.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Before cameras, those guys would have been taken out of
the car. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. And there was
a guy that was traveling down in Deep Arkansas. He's
from New York, and he did one of those California
stops where he blew right through his stop, slowed down,
but he went through it. And he gets pulled over
by the cop and the cops says, you know you
didn't stop at the stop sign. He says, yeah, but
(14:39):
I slowed down and the cop pulls him out, hits
him with the night stick. He goes, you want me
to stop? You want me to slow down?
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Right there you go?
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Old time, old school, old school Arkansas.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
You know I'm Boston. I remember my friend.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Boston cops were was unbelievable.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
We're walking down the street and Abby Hoffman was going
to speak in the Boston common Oh wow. And that
was back in the days when if you said an
obscenity over a microphone you got arrested.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
It was illegal.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
So Amos Tucker was his name, and a big tall
kid and we're walking along. Cop but hey, where your
kid's going? Going down the comedy?
Speaker 1 (15:14):
No you're not.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
You're going back to you're doing just goes, No, you
can't make back.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Now.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
He's got a nice stick.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
He goes, First of all, you can put that nice
stick away because you're not allowed to hit me with it.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
I beat the crap out of it. Oh wow, he goes,
where are you going? I'm going back to my dorm man, Thank.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
You, afficiated there was a There was a bar in
Burbank called the Snug. I don't know if it's still there
or not. And I used to go there and meet friends.
But i'd leave my car there.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
A lot of guys in that, a.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Lot of guys, mostly guys, mostly dudes. But I'd leave
my car there and walk home because I don't want
to get a duy and Burbank they're pretty strict with that,
so i'd walk home. So I pull up to the
bar and this motorcycle cop gets out. He goes, where
are you going. I said, I'm going into the bar
to have a couple of drinks. He goes, well, I'm
gonna be sitting right here when you come out. I'm
gonna rest you for a DUI. And I said, but
(16:02):
I'm going to walk home, because then you'll be drunk
in public. I'll still throw you in jail. And I said, ah.
He said, why don't you go home and watch the
Tonight Show with Jay Lenno. Yeah, you know what, he said,
That was the best advice he could have given. Guys
promoting the hell out of your show.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
But I appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Who you who are some of your comedian friends that
you hang out with.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Oh, who's the guy.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Who opens for you all the time? The guy.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
Jimmy's great He worked with me on the Tonight Show
for years. A very funny guy, very funny guy. Did
you when you did.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
The Tonight Show? I heard you did the show? Then
everyone went back to your house and you wrote the
monologue for the next night.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
We write the monologue from ten to two. Well, you'd
write half the monologue. So when I went in the
next morning at seven or eight, I was prepared. I
had at least enough of it in the can that
could go on with the other parts of the show.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Well, you went at seven in the morning. The Lenno
start tonight. Yeah, starts pretty early. Wow, because people think
I always remember Chevy Chase. I saw him once. I said,
why are you doing the talk show?
Speaker 3 (16:58):
He goes, well, you know, my kids are getting a
little older, and I could go boating with them in
the morning and afternoon and then come in and do
the show.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
When do you take four o'clock? Don't come in three o'clock?
And what I mean?
Speaker 1 (17:13):
I mean?
Speaker 3 (17:13):
I was there from seven until six, and then the
writers for the show up at nine thirty or ten,
and we'd sit till maybe two in the morning and
then go back into the sound and that was That
was the general routine when there was nothing pressing.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
But the monologue was always the best part of the show.
I didn't care what the actors were promoting and all
that stuff, but the monologue was always the best one.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
The next time, well, we all, you know, we tried
to do it for as long as we could, because
you tried to make as long as we could because
people don't really.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
There weren't enough.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
There were eighteen celebrities in the whole world that meant
rating well. One of them was Barack Obama. Barack Obama
like he used to he used to land to Burbank Airport,
and I used to live a block off of Hollywood Way,
and they would shut down Hollywood Way, and these CHP
officers would come down and block the streets and as
they you know, leap frog each other to block these streets.
They were doing one hundred and thirty hundred and forty
(18:06):
miles an hour on Hollywood Way to get to them.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
I'm trying remember the guy's name.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
Anyway, when Barack Obama, Hillary had the nomination locked up
and then this guy named Barack Obama announce he's.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Running for president.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
And I said, hey, this guy just announced he's running
the president community organizer.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Let's let's go. Let's get him.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
So I call up Brock.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
Oh thanks advicing me on the show, flies out here,
gets a rent a car, drives to the tonight show.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
His got his jacket over shoulder.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
He comes in, but I say, my name is Barackosan Obama,
I'm running for president United State. I said, well, let's see.
Black guy from Chicago. The middle name was Hussein. I said,
you shouldn't even have the campaign. I think you're a shower. Yeah,
and he thought that was funny and we got to
be friends. So he gave me his phone number. So
then he becomes president of United States. The next time
(18:55):
he comes, the whole parking lot is tanted, so a
satellite cannot where the presidential limousine goes once it comes in.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
The parking lot, so it's all tanted.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Okay, that's kind of cool.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Oh yeah, that's that's the same.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
And when we have the first time a president was
ever on the show blah blah blah, you know, on
a late night showy, So this is the trouble coming
from a small town having the same idiot friends you
have when you're in eighth grade. I'm with my buddies.
I'm going, yeah, Brock Obama, you gave me his phone down. Uh,
I'm going he gave me his number. I don't believe it.
All right, So I'm going out my phone. But I
got my finger over the number. See what does it say?
(19:28):
It says President Ied States Barack Obama. Is he the
first C the area code? That's that's Washington. You go, yeah,
but that's nothing. I go, well, you got the number.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Let's call him. I go, no, he's President United States,
so he's not gonna take a call.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
You don't have the number. I said, all right, And
it's like three o'clock in the afternoon.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
All right, I died.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
I hear rock here this president? Yeah, Jay leno, what
can I do for you?
Speaker 1 (19:51):
Jay?
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Just here.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Some of my buddies lose this number. J Oh, it
was great, it was right, that's.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Yeah, you didn't need anymore. But you don't.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
You don't remember.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
There was a senator I'm trying to remember his name,
who got arrested for having sex with his babysitter in Illinois.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Oh yeah, yeah, what was his name?
Speaker 3 (20:16):
Okay, so he drops out of the race, so Alan
Keyes the African American Republican he takes his place running.
So the Democrats panic and they go an African American
he could win. We we got to find our own
African Americans. So they got the community argist, I have
Barack Obama. So the Barack Obama against Alan Keys.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
That's how that started.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Yeah, not even a contest.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
So yeah, but if but if if that guy hadn't
slept with the babysitter, he wouldn't have been president United States.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
So it was a fascinating story.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Wild, that's wild. I can say that. That's wild, all right?
Grossmanburn Foundation dot org. Grossmandburn Foundation dot org.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
And one hundred percent of the money goes to help
you know, there are so many poor kids and you know,
just single mom that have kids and the kids get
these serious burns. And doctor Grossman will, I mean he
can't cover all the esevents himself. All he does an
awful lot and just make and your donation will go
to help these children.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Will there be other celebrities other than you? There?
Speaker 3 (21:13):
No, it's just me, It's just me. I wanted to
do it because you know, when I was in the
burn center, the nurses there were so nice to me.
We sent them all to the Bahamas and they went
on a vacation. They had a great time and just nice.
You know, we just don't thank these people enough. And
it's no skin off my nose. I'd like to tell
jokes anyway, and if it raises money for a good cause,
that's what it is. So it's fun to do.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Can you stay with us because I want you to.
There's a joke, my favorite joke that you tell that
I'd love for you to tell it. What joke is
that the guy at the beach with the potato?
Speaker 4 (21:44):
Oh no, no no, But I like your favorite story
that I have from you, which involves but I don't
want to tip the story, but in people that you
bumped into outside of your house.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Do you know what I'm talking about?
Speaker 3 (22:00):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Yeah, well that's it. Yeah, that's along.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
That's a That's another one is when you know you
thought you were selling your house to this single woman
with a baby. Yo that you know, that is a
great story. That is so la You always tell that. Now, Yeah,
you cant hang with us.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
It's a bet unorthodox but I guess it'll be okay.
Speaker 5 (22:17):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on de Mayo from
KF I am six forty.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
Let up? All right? Can you tell the first of
all the story, the two things, the joke about the
guy the speedo, because I always screwed that joke. Always
screw the joke, right, But I didn't create the joke.
You did. Here's a joke.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
The joke is the guys are walk on there, guys
trying to meet girls.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
How you being not? Nothing?
Speaker 3 (22:44):
Is I can't have any success? I talked to him.
He goes like, here's what you do. Go to the supermarket,
get a potato, put it in the front of your
bathings you walk around. The girls are okay, I get yeah,
come back.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
How'd you make out? Terrible? The girls run away? Why
sports put the potato in the front. Yeah, that was
that's a stupid joke.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
I heard that joke so many times, but it's so great.
So stupid. It's such a great visual, the guy walking
around with the potato in the back of his.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Oh, that's actually not a great it's a disgusting visual.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
Actually it's not great.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
You always liked the the the.
Speaker 4 (23:24):
Alaska one depends on if it's one of the fingerlings
or the you know, the the heavy duty potatoes.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Or your fringlings. Yeah, it is one of those Monty potatoes.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Right.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
What was the Alaska one?
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Oh about it?
Speaker 3 (23:36):
I said, I'm doing a giggle. Yeah, doing a gig
in Alaska. It was February. I remember that the sun
came up at eleven thirty in the morning and went
down one third in the after they had two hours
of sunlight. It's forty degrees below. It's freezing. You can't
even stand out the window. There's so much frost in
the window. Yet when I went into the thrifty drug store,
(23:58):
the ice cream is still soft. I don't understand how
the ice cream can still be soft.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Not such a great it was such a classic great.
I remember that joke the first time you told it,
you know, and it was always stuck with me because
everybody has had that. You know. He's gone to thrifty
with the cylinder ice cream, you know, and it's always
soft as hell.
Speaker 3 (24:23):
You know what happened the other night I'm on stage.
I'm talking about when you get to be older, you
lose strength. He was like two percent a year from
age sixty five on and I said, I'm at the
point now we're opening a bag of pretzels is like
tearing a phone book, and.
Speaker 4 (24:38):
Said.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
This guy looked at me, goes, he's about twenty five, goes.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
What's a phone book? I said, you know, a phone book?
He goes, No, what do you mean? The phone book's
got everybody's number. He goes, how do they get everybody's
number because they have your number? Well, how would they
get my number?
Speaker 2 (24:58):
He said? What if I don't want to be in
the phone book? Said, well, then you pay money, you
get it. I'm listening.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
You pay not to be a that's illegal.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
I go, you know this conversation is ridiculous. We just
end this right now.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Hilarious. Also, one of my favorite stories is when you
went to sell your house and you thought you were
selling it to a single war.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
You know, this is so la. Okay, we had a
house in Nichols Canyon. Okay, nice house, and so we're
gonna move. You know, got tonight show. I've got to
buy a house in Beverly Hills, you know, Okay, So
we put the house for sale and this people come around,
you know, this woman comes around she's got a child,
a little boy maybe six. Oh momy, I like to say, okay, okay,
(25:39):
and she kind of low bosses, lowballs us a little bit,
you know, And I said, well she seemed like she
seems really nice. Your husband, Oh no, I'm a single mom.
I mean, can you afford all right? Okay, So we
make a deal for a little bit late, you know,
like twenty grand lesson.
Speaker 4 (25:58):
We know.
Speaker 3 (25:59):
Oh okay, fine, So I make it feel and my
wife says, you know, they got the kid and we
when we bought the house, we had new drapes put in,
but I never had them clean. I said, let's get
to drapes, right, I go, really yeah, because look dusty
and the kid and you know dustin all right. So
I pull all the drapes down, I get them cleaned,
hang them back up to look unbelievable. I said, I
(26:20):
should have done this when I lived here, you know.
So we sell the house here you go, thank you
very much. So I said, let's go by and see
how they're doing. I come around the corner just as
the bulders is knocking my house down.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
And I go, well, what's what? What's I said, who
lives there?
Speaker 1 (26:36):
This is all by the something of the company.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
What do you mean something of the company? And I investigate, Oh,
this she was just a shill. She's buying houses for this,
for this company. I was like furious.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Also, another great story is I used to live. I
don't know if you still do near. I think it's
sunset or where's the gay Pride parade? Mark? I love that?
Speaker 3 (27:02):
No, that was I'm I've got my fifty five. I
got a fifty seven Buick Roadmaster convertil black, red leather.
They're kind of a flashy car for the fifties. So
mor I when I are driving and we're gonna down
to a pizza place on Santa Michael Bullivard. So we
got down to center Michael Buller on the cops here,
hold it, hold it.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
And he recognized me, and he goes.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
Oh, oh, come on, come on, come on, come on.
I go, I go see that honey recognizes me. Well,
he doesn't recognize me. He saw the car and figured
I was in the gay riper. So now the guy
turns me and now he guides.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
My car, come on, come this way, come away from.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
Now I'm in the pary down and people going to
shay hey, thanks for coming out.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
I said, yeah, no problem.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
My wife's laugh and they think you're gay, and they go, well, yeah,
they think youre lesbian.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Okay, thank you very much.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
People going, Jay, thanks for coming no problem.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Yeah, I love that. It's going to get a pizza.
No three hours in the paraye. Yeah yeah really, I'm
there for an hour.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
And once you're in the bat you can't get out
because people lying on both sides.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
You just have to run the whole route.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
That is fantastic, all right, I I know you want
to get out of here. Grossmanburn Foundation dot org a
week from tomorrow, and I you know, whatever you donate
goes right to helping kids.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
Yeah, undred percent of really.
Speaker 3 (28:19):
I mean you meet these kids, they have these horrible burns,
and it really it really, you know, it's life changing,
It really is, because especially when you're a young person,
you're just I mean just you see what acne does
to kids, so imagine having and he doesn't.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
I mean, my face was was gone.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Oh yeah, I've seen pictures of it. It's horrible. TMZ
had it on like eight seconds after you got burned.
Speaker 3 (28:41):
Oh yeah yeah, TMZ was throwing gas on me. Yes, yeah, yeah,
please please.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
I got to get a text here from a friend
of mine. He asks, is Jayleno Italian? I think you are? Yes,
of course, the best Italian restaurant in LA.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
I'll tell you it's Italian story. You've got. Second, well,
can you stay?
Speaker 1 (29:01):
Yeah? All right, Yeah, that's a great way to get
to We'd love to have you stay. We're off at seven,
so you know seven, okay, all right, So when we
come back, best Italian restaurant you got a great Italians? Yeah, okay,
all right. And also there's another story you gotta I
gotta ask you to tell, if you don't mind, when
your dad went to buy his his car and you
(29:25):
added all the US a million times?
Speaker 5 (29:28):
All right.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Conway Thompson, jay Leno's brothers, were live on KFI AM
six forty Conway Show on demand on the iHeart Radio app.
Now you can always hear us live on KFI AM
six forty four to seven pm Monday through Friday, and
anytime on demand on the iHeart Radio app.
It's k IF. I am six forty and you're listening
to the Conway Show on demand on the iHeart Radio
apps to much of Mark Thompson's here and look to
a Look who walked in? Jay Leno, Hey radio? How
can they look cool? Look who walked in?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
No, but we have radio, we don't have television.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Nice to see you, buddy, look great.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Thank you gentlemen, Thanks to well thanks for helping us out.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
I saw you on the talk. I was on the talk. Yeah,
it's is it the talk or their talk?
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Now?
Speaker 1 (00:31):
I think it's called the talk. Is it is it
you or their view? I think it's their view. No,
it's the view. It's not the view. It's not the
view of most in the country.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Well, yeah, that's that's what I mean. Yeah, but you no, no
matter what you say.
Speaker 4 (00:42):
You know.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
I was on the talk and they said what do
you think of election?
Speaker 3 (00:45):
And I said, it was a great day for democracy
because for the first time in my memory, the person
with the most votes and the most electoral votes won.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Thank you case close.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
We did it all on the first day, within what's
six hours of the poll's clothes It's perfect.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
It was perfect. Oh, I say you a big Trump guy.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
No I'm not.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
I'm not support anybody.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
I just I just I just said.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
It was a great fate because no matter what you
think of the candidates, they come and go. You know,
if this has been another one of these things where
it was, oh there's thirty five hundred votes between the
winner and the loser, it's going to be six months
of the alley and rebe the whole system suffers. But
I mean we all put our head nose to the grindstone.
It was completely honest, and in one case of somebody
rigging a vote of voting twice, I mean they checked everything.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
He won fares.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Whether you're a fan or not, that's not the issue.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
You know.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
When I was in the burn center, well tell me
what happened, because we don't know how you got there.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Oh well, I tell people, don't I do. I was
working on a motus. I was working on a steam car,
and I got underneath it and I had a fuel line,
and I said to my friend, blow a little air
through the fuel line. Hit me with a face full
of gas, and then it's barc ignited and set my
face on fire.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
But wait, you were working on a steam engine. Was
this in nineteen alreaty five. No, this was actually just
a little while ago.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
That you were the first person that had been at
the burn center. Who's working on a steam engine?
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Do you think I don't know?
Speaker 2 (02:09):
You know, I didn't really ask Hey before I came in,
you have anyone.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Well you know what happened. My face got all burned.
So I said, okay, So I drove myself to the
burn center. You know, Wow, that's that's a study.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
I like.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
I goes like, you got to check in right now. Well,
I said, well, I can't check in right now because
my wife. My wife has got some dementia problem. She
has no athing about this. So I said, let me
go home and I'll come back in the morning. Well,
you can't go home because your face is still on fire,
And oh my god, I said, no, it's fine, don't
worry about So I drove home.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
I go to bed.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
I sleep on my pillow and my face was still
on fire. So when I woke up, my pillow had
my face had burned itself into the pillow. So so hey,
I got up with my pillow.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
I walked in. I got a pair of scissors.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Oh my god, I'm coming I'm laughing hysterically. I'm cutting
the pillow off the side of my face, you know.
And I drive back to the burn center about seven
in the morning, and I got a pillow face. Oh
my god, that's what's that all that? I said, Well,
the pillow, But that's what we told you about. That's
what happened there. Because your your face is still burning underneath,
is that right?
Speaker 1 (03:11):
So, but you didn't feel any kind of pain. Were
you're on pain pills or anything.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
No, I'm not. I'm not a pink. I'm gonna be
I'm not a big pain guy.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
I mean, I don't think you'd be a big pain
guy to be Jay, what do you just you just
shook off your face being no.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
But I mean, but you're like a marine when it
happens for a while. You know, if you crack a rib,
that's the worst because you're fine and then you cough,
you laugh a laugh or something like that. You know,
with this, it was constant. So you just kind of go, Okay,
that's the new normal. Let's hurts, but that's the normal
for right now.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
It's not going to get worse, you know, So it's okay.
So it's all right. But you know, they did the
whole thing in eight.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Days, and you look great.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
And this is the second phase because after I got.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
That, I went and went back home. And about a
month after, I'm riding my motorcycle. I'm over here and
I go to turn around the guy's parking lot. He's
got a wire cross but with no flag, and the
sons of my ass, so it tore my face from
from under, from under the chin, across my notes.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
I had to call my face guy.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
I called Peter, Peter, I need another face, face gave me,
and he gave me another face.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Yeah, the we're gout.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
You know I'm a two faced guy now, yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Yeah, but that's not a cheap face. I know faces
look like no. No, this is a very no you
know something. I'm so glad in the business I'm in
because I couldn't have afforded. But but did you actually
guy that didn't have the flag on the wire? No,
you know.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
I went over to see him and he goes, yeah,
I go, look, it's my fault. I should have seen it.
I know you didn't have any flags up or anything.
But I said, don't worry about it, all right, So
I shook his hand and it was okay, and you
know something, can I shake him down? Well, listen, I
go buy there every day now and it looks like, uh,
Cypress Gardens just.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Whistles, doesn't be here, there's a wire here. But you know,
you know, an old Chevy dealer.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
I'm not alone. I don't like I would. I just
don't do all this, you know, I was. I think
if you went the cart and say, well you were
partly spot yes, I was. Okay, I don't so it
was fine. I mean if I couldn't have afforded it,
that would have been one thing.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
I want a tour of your garage. I'll give you,
I really do. How long is the tour of your
garage longer than mine? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:21):
I would hope.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
So yeah, yeah, because we don't just have a law
more and a weed whacker in a fifty seven.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
I should you know what I even I even ever
thought of that, but I should give I should sell
tours of my garage, you know. Yeah? The hell? I mean, like,
if Jay's doing it, why can't I do it? That's
what I said. All right, can you stay? We want
to talk with you from another three hour? Yeah, let's
talk so long. Yeah, here.
Speaker 5 (05:44):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KF
I am six forty ports of all.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
I would get it.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
I would get ten dollars a year for you take this.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Yeah maybe years Payah, I do the payoff because you
get all so you're gonna go crazy.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
So yeah, that's what I do.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
You buy lottery tickets.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
No, that's the stupidest thing as idiots buy lottery.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
I remember, Jay, it was Adam Carolla was talking about
a woman who went into a seven to eleven in
a wheelchair oxygen tanks and she's rolling in. She was
give me a super Lotto ticket and he's like, what,
how could that possibly improve your life? It's almost over,
you know, and she's rooting for four hundred million dollars.
She's hoping for a late ending rally on our life.
You know when you were here when the John and
(06:28):
Ken Show was still the John and Ken Show. I
remember you came on. You're on for and a half hour,
very funny, and I think it was still during the
Tonight Show days. And then you left in a steam
car and they were complaining prob Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
Yeah, First of all, a steam car runs on water, water, vapor, Okay,
so because it's a cold day, so she.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Plumes of steam.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
He goes lotos. Let those cars polluting.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
It's just polluting everywhere, just putting noxious gases.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
And you know, we gotta do a way that shouldn't
be allowed.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
I'm just going, hey, I was.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Just on your show.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
It's a steam car. It's a steam car. Corolla, you
know you're good friends with He has another funny line.
He said that in two hundred years from now, somebody,
some kid in eighth grade will do a paper on
Jay Leno and jay Leno died, and you know, in
twenty seventy two in a steam car accident, you'll get
(07:22):
a fail on it, you know, because steam cars went
out two hundred years before that.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
That's right, that's correct.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Is Carola's got a garage kind of like yours? Does
he hear?
Speaker 4 (07:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (07:31):
He likes cars. He cocts mostly race cars.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
So so in the in terms of your garage and
your garage, it seems like, and this I get from
your shows and watching YouTube, like you like these various
stories that go with the car. You know, you you
sort of like cars that have a history, sir, ye,
cause that have a funny story. Yeah, yeah, he likes
race cars.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
I like KARZ.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
What's the most valuable one you have?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Well, it's probably McLaren F one, because that's a very
valuable car.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
But what's the most sentimental one?
Speaker 3 (08:00):
Well, my fifty five buw Wick. That was the first
car I bought. When it came to the car, you know,
I flew out here to California. You know, I was
sitting at my apartment in Boston, and I was like,
and my friends. I had friends that were wanted to
be comedians, just singers, but they're working as weight as
the waitresses, and then they couldn't go to auditions because
they had to work. And I didn't want to be
(08:21):
in that position. I wanted to make my living as
a comedian.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
If I could.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
I said, you know something, I'm just kind of got
a plane to go to California.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
So I call the airline flight whatever it is. Okay,
I got it, Okay, I landed lax. I only get
I need a car. Was so I see the Penny Savers,
I go to the Pennies everything. Oh it's a fifty
five buw Work. I see the where's Winchester. It's about
three well three months okay, I call the guy that
car stifficily, Yeah it is cab.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Take me this addressing Winchester.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
I get there, it looked okay, and I thought, well,
if I don't buy it, I got to take a
cab back to the airport and then take a cab
to I don't know what. I don't know anybody here,
so I don't buy it. So, you know, I was like,
how might three fifty?
Speaker 2 (09:02):
I'll give you a three forty five?
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Okay, you know, not really, I was not really a
good day.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
I got the car and it was a big car
so I could live in the car. So I did
that's live?
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Is that right?
Speaker 4 (09:13):
For?
Speaker 1 (09:13):
How long? For? Why not? Still?
Speaker 3 (09:16):
Well, you know what I would do and people find this,
it doesn't seem unusual to me. I would search the
paper for open houses. So I'd go to open house
and be like Sunday noon to four. So I get
there at three thirty and I look around. This is
very nice, and then I'd say.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Okay, thank you, thank you very much.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Okay. I'd shut the door and then I go in
like the hall closet, and I'd just stand there and
I'd wait maybe forty five minutes an hour and the
real two would leave and I'd live in the house
for two three days.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Oh that's great. Have you ever talked about that. I've
never heard of it. I've never know my story.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
I have once in a while, and it was because
in those days, houses didn't this is the seventies. Houses
didn't have alarms, and I didn't. I didn't steal anything
or I didn't you know.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
You're just looking for a warm Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
One day, one day I was there's a house on
cold Water Canyon. Oh, that's a nice house.
Speaker 5 (10:05):
You know.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
It tend not belong to one of the beach boys.
We didn't know which one, but he was selling it.
So I got some in the house, same thing, and
I'm sleeping and I hear the next room, here's the
master bedroom, and the wife walks in there goes there's
someone in the bed. There's no one living here, there's
someone in that bed. And then the real too.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
I get out, Can I get dressed, get out of
the house. I'm calling the police.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
Excuse me, my guy, that's not got Yeah, but that
was really the only time I got. Then I lived
a beautiful house on U Up in Beechwood. You know,
a lot of great houses in LA. It was fabulous.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
I'm surprised people don't don't do that. Still, that's a
great Maybe they do.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
They're called squatters now.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
I guess they don't leave.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
But I would, But you know I didn't. I wasn't.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
I didn't put graffiti on the walls right now they
do that. I would even make the bed, you know,
so it doesn't look like anybody was there.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
And you still have that car?
Speaker 2 (10:57):
I still have. Yeah, only two payments left. Yeah, yeah,
I still got it.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
You know Danica Patrick, you knew that is yes, the
race car driver. She was asked recently on a podcast,
what type of engine do you have? And she said
she has no idea and they said, well is it?
And she said engine? And what in her in a
race car? And she said she was unaware of whether
it was an eight or twelve cylinder. She knows that little.
She knows as much as I do about cars. She mean,
(11:23):
as little as you do, as little as I do.
And she drives him in the Indy five hundred.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Well, you know, athletes are always athletes. I remember Walter Peyton,
you remember him? Sure, Okay, Walter Payton was not a
car guy at all knew nothing about. But he was
a gregarious fellow and a nice guy but a good athlete,
and we became friends with him.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
He said, hey, you should do the Toyota Grand Prix
with us. Oh, that'd be fun. Yeah, okay.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
So he comes in and within one day of with
the professional driver, he's matching the track record. Wow, because
he's he's an athlete. His hand eye coordination believable. I
mean that could break break breaks like break turn yeah, shifting,
I mean he picked it up because he's an athlete,
(12:08):
you know.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
But you know I also in the same podcast I
was listening to, I didn't know this. Maybe you know
this because you're a big car guy. They only use
in NASCAR when when you know they do the whatever
the you know, the Coconot five hundred of Pocono five.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
Coco, I don't know that's with common, Miranda, cocon the Coconole,
that the Cocono.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
They they use the engine for one race, then they
take it out and send it back to you know, Toyota,
or they tear it down one race.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Well, well they're that hard on the engines. I mean
that's wild. That's what it is.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Again, everything is wild, but it's actually the opposite.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
It's no, it is that's wild.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
J that's good, similar to fuge thing that's not wild.
But then so then he put mustard on a hamburger.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
That's wild.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
But it's not expensive to tear down. And I mean yes,
it's a very it's a hugely expensive part.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
And drag racing they blow up up there, they completely
tear the engine out.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
It's it's ten twenty thousand dollars a race.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
But but but to have you know, once you're done
with the rays, you know, you get if you win,
you get the milk and the flag and the check
and everything. That's just the start for your pit crew.
They got to now tear that car apart and have
it ready in four days.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Yeah, yeah, we'll take them the show business.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Yeah, that's unbelievable, not wild, but unbelievable. Yeah. Keep you
stay with us.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
I'm right here, okay, God anywhere.
Speaker 5 (13:27):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Don Wry Show, Mark Thompson's here, Jay Leno's with us.
How many motorcycles do you own? Oh? In the sixty eight,
one hundred and sixty eight.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
Well in case your crash on you need something to
ride while the other one's being fixed.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Did you ever get pulled over for going too fast
exceeding the speed limit?
Speaker 3 (13:46):
No?
Speaker 2 (13:46):
No, I never seed the speed.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
I imagine you don't have a lot of problems with
the cops. They cops pull you over. Oh it's Jay Leno.
Hey Jay, how you doing nicess?
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Well, yeah, but I don't give cops a reason to
give me all the problem. I'm always polite. Permission to speak, officer, Yeah,
what do you want? I mean that works all the time.
Mission to speak officer, and they go.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Oh, because it's really just a matter of respect on you.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
You know my favorite thing I love watching YouTube sovereign citizens.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
I'm traveling, I'm not oh I know a life on
showing you a license or registered.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
I don't need to show you because you know, this
is the stupidest.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Before cameras, those guys would have been taken out of
the car. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. And there was
a guy that was traveling down in Deep Arkansas. He's
from New York, and he did one of those California
stops where he blew right through his stop, slowed down,
but he went through it. And he gets pulled over
by the cop and the cops says, you know you
didn't stop at the stop sign. He says, yeah, but
(14:39):
I slowed down and the cop pulls him out, hits
him with the night stick. He goes, you want me
to stop? You want me to slow down?
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Right there you go?
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Old time, old school, old school Arkansas.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
You know I'm Boston. I remember my friend.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Boston cops were was unbelievable.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
We're walking down the street and Abby Hoffman was going
to speak in the Boston common Oh wow. And that
was back in the days when if you said an
obscenity over a microphone you got arrested.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
It was illegal.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
So Amos Tucker was his name, and a big tall
kid and we're walking along. Cop but hey, where your
kid's going? Going down the comedy?
Speaker 1 (15:14):
No you're not.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
You're going back to you're doing just goes, No, you
can't make back.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Now.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
He's got a nice stick.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
He goes, First of all, you can put that nice
stick away because you're not allowed to hit me with it.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
I beat the crap out of it. Oh wow, he goes,
where are you going? I'm going back to my dorm man, Thank.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
You, afficiated there was a There was a bar in
Burbank called the Snug. I don't know if it's still there
or not. And I used to go there and meet friends.
But i'd leave my car there.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
A lot of guys in that, a.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Lot of guys, mostly guys, mostly dudes. But I'd leave
my car there and walk home because I don't want
to get a duy and Burbank they're pretty strict with that,
so i'd walk home. So I pull up to the
bar and this motorcycle cop gets out. He goes, where
are you going. I said, I'm going into the bar
to have a couple of drinks. He goes, well, I'm
gonna be sitting right here when you come out. I'm
gonna rest you for a DUI. And I said, but
(16:02):
I'm going to walk home, because then you'll be drunk
in public. I'll still throw you in jail. And I said, ah.
He said, why don't you go home and watch the
Tonight Show with Jay Lenno. Yeah, you know what, he said,
That was the best advice he could have given. Guys
promoting the hell out of your show.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
But I appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Who you who are some of your comedian friends that
you hang out with.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Oh, who's the guy.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Who opens for you all the time? The guy.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
Jimmy's great He worked with me on the Tonight Show
for years. A very funny guy, very funny guy. Did
you when you did.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
The Tonight Show? I heard you did the show? Then
everyone went back to your house and you wrote the
monologue for the next night.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
We write the monologue from ten to two. Well, you'd
write half the monologue. So when I went in the
next morning at seven or eight, I was prepared. I
had at least enough of it in the can that
could go on with the other parts of the show.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Well, you went at seven in the morning. The Lenno
start tonight. Yeah, starts pretty early. Wow, because people think
I always remember Chevy Chase. I saw him once. I said,
why are you doing the talk show?
Speaker 3 (16:58):
He goes, well, you know, my kids are getting a
little older, and I could go boating with them in
the morning and afternoon and then come in and do
the show.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
When do you take four o'clock? Don't come in three o'clock?
And what I mean?
Speaker 1 (17:13):
I mean?
Speaker 3 (17:13):
I was there from seven until six, and then the
writers for the show up at nine thirty or ten,
and we'd sit till maybe two in the morning and
then go back into the sound and that was That
was the general routine when there was nothing pressing.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
But the monologue was always the best part of the show.
I didn't care what the actors were promoting and all
that stuff, but the monologue was always the best one.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
The next time, well, we all, you know, we tried
to do it for as long as we could, because
you tried to make as long as we could because
people don't really.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
There weren't enough.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
There were eighteen celebrities in the whole world that meant
rating well. One of them was Barack Obama. Barack Obama
like he used to he used to land to Burbank Airport,
and I used to live a block off of Hollywood Way,
and they would shut down Hollywood Way, and these CHP
officers would come down and block the streets and as
they you know, leap frog each other to block these streets.
They were doing one hundred and thirty hundred and forty
(18:06):
miles an hour on Hollywood Way to get to them.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
I'm trying remember the guy's name.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
Anyway, when Barack Obama, Hillary had the nomination locked up
and then this guy named Barack Obama announce he's.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Running for president.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
And I said, hey, this guy just announced he's running
the president community organizer.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Let's let's go. Let's get him.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
So I call up Brock.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
Oh thanks advicing me on the show, flies out here,
gets a rent a car, drives to the tonight show.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
His got his jacket over shoulder.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
He comes in, but I say, my name is Barackosan Obama,
I'm running for president United State. I said, well, let's see.
Black guy from Chicago. The middle name was Hussein. I said,
you shouldn't even have the campaign. I think you're a shower. Yeah,
and he thought that was funny and we got to
be friends. So he gave me his phone number. So
then he becomes president of United States. The next time
(18:55):
he comes, the whole parking lot is tanted, so a
satellite cannot where the presidential limousine goes once it comes in.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
The parking lot, so it's all tanted.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Okay, that's kind of cool.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Oh yeah, that's that's the same.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
And when we have the first time a president was
ever on the show blah blah blah, you know, on
a late night showy, So this is the trouble coming
from a small town having the same idiot friends you
have when you're in eighth grade. I'm with my buddies.
I'm going, yeah, Brock Obama, you gave me his phone down. Uh,
I'm going he gave me his number. I don't believe it.
All right, So I'm going out my phone. But I
got my finger over the number. See what does it say?
(19:28):
It says President Ied States Barack Obama. Is he the
first C the area code? That's that's Washington. You go, yeah,
but that's nothing. I go, well, you got the number.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Let's call him. I go, no, he's President United States,
so he's not gonna take a call.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
You don't have the number. I said, all right, And
it's like three o'clock in the afternoon.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
All right, I died.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
I hear rock here this president? Yeah, Jay leno, what
can I do for you?
Speaker 1 (19:51):
Jay?
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Just here.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Some of my buddies lose this number. J Oh, it
was great, it was right, that's.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Yeah, you didn't need anymore. But you don't.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
You don't remember.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
There was a senator I'm trying to remember his name,
who got arrested for having sex with his babysitter in Illinois.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Oh yeah, yeah, what was his name?
Speaker 3 (20:16):
Okay, so he drops out of the race, so Alan
Keyes the African American Republican he takes his place running.
So the Democrats panic and they go an African American
he could win. We we got to find our own
African Americans. So they got the community argist, I have
Barack Obama. So the Barack Obama against Alan Keys.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
That's how that started.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Yeah, not even a contest.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
So yeah, but if but if if that guy hadn't
slept with the babysitter, he wouldn't have been president United States.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
So it was a fascinating story.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Wild, that's wild. I can say that. That's wild, all right?
Grossmanburn Foundation dot org. Grossmandburn Foundation dot org.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
And one hundred percent of the money goes to help
you know, there are so many poor kids and you know,
just single mom that have kids and the kids get
these serious burns. And doctor Grossman will, I mean he
can't cover all the esevents himself. All he does an
awful lot and just make and your donation will go
to help these children.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Will there be other celebrities other than you? There?
Speaker 3 (21:13):
No, it's just me, It's just me. I wanted to
do it because you know, when I was in the
burn center, the nurses there were so nice to me.
We sent them all to the Bahamas and they went
on a vacation. They had a great time and just nice.
You know, we just don't thank these people enough. And
it's no skin off my nose. I'd like to tell
jokes anyway, and if it raises money for a good cause,
that's what it is. So it's fun to do.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Can you stay with us because I want you to.
There's a joke, my favorite joke that you tell that
I'd love for you to tell it. What joke is
that the guy at the beach with the potato?
Speaker 4 (21:44):
Oh no, no no, But I like your favorite story
that I have from you, which involves but I don't
want to tip the story, but in people that you
bumped into outside of your house.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Do you know what I'm talking about?
Speaker 3 (22:00):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Yeah, well that's it. Yeah, that's along.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
That's a That's another one is when you know you
thought you were selling your house to this single woman
with a baby. Yo that you know, that is a
great story. That is so la You always tell that. Now, Yeah,
you cant hang with us.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
It's a bet unorthodox but I guess it'll be okay.
Speaker 5 (22:17):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on de Mayo from
KF I am six forty.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
Let up? All right? Can you tell the first of
all the story, the two things, the joke about the
guy the speedo, because I always screwed that joke. Always
screw the joke, right, But I didn't create the joke.
You did. Here's a joke.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
The joke is the guys are walk on there, guys
trying to meet girls.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
How you being not? Nothing?
Speaker 3 (22:44):
Is I can't have any success? I talked to him.
He goes like, here's what you do. Go to the supermarket,
get a potato, put it in the front of your
bathings you walk around. The girls are okay, I get yeah,
come back.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
How'd you make out? Terrible? The girls run away? Why
sports put the potato in the front. Yeah, that was
that's a stupid joke.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
I heard that joke so many times, but it's so great.
So stupid. It's such a great visual, the guy walking
around with the potato in the back of his.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Oh, that's actually not a great it's a disgusting visual.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
Actually it's not great.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
You always liked the the the.
Speaker 4 (23:24):
Alaska one depends on if it's one of the fingerlings
or the you know, the the heavy duty potatoes.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Or your fringlings. Yeah, it is one of those Monty potatoes.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Right.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
What was the Alaska one?
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Oh about it?
Speaker 3 (23:36):
I said, I'm doing a giggle. Yeah, doing a gig
in Alaska. It was February. I remember that the sun
came up at eleven thirty in the morning and went
down one third in the after they had two hours
of sunlight. It's forty degrees below. It's freezing. You can't
even stand out the window. There's so much frost in
the window. Yet when I went into the thrifty drug store,
(23:58):
the ice cream is still soft. I don't understand how
the ice cream can still be soft.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Not such a great it was such a classic great.
I remember that joke the first time you told it,
you know, and it was always stuck with me because
everybody has had that. You know. He's gone to thrifty
with the cylinder ice cream, you know, and it's always
soft as hell.
Speaker 3 (24:23):
You know what happened the other night I'm on stage.
I'm talking about when you get to be older, you
lose strength. He was like two percent a year from
age sixty five on and I said, I'm at the
point now we're opening a bag of pretzels is like
tearing a phone book, and.
Speaker 4 (24:38):
Said.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
This guy looked at me, goes, he's about twenty five, goes.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
What's a phone book? I said, you know, a phone book?
He goes, No, what do you mean? The phone book's
got everybody's number. He goes, how do they get everybody's
number because they have your number? Well, how would they
get my number?
Speaker 2 (24:58):
He said? What if I don't want to be in
the phone book? Said, well, then you pay money, you
get it. I'm listening.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
You pay not to be a that's illegal.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
I go, you know this conversation is ridiculous. We just
end this right now.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Hilarious. Also, one of my favorite stories is when you
went to sell your house and you thought you were
selling it to a single war.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
You know, this is so la. Okay, we had a
house in Nichols Canyon. Okay, nice house, and so we're
gonna move. You know, got tonight show. I've got to
buy a house in Beverly Hills, you know, Okay, So
we put the house for sale and this people come around,
you know, this woman comes around she's got a child,
a little boy maybe six. Oh momy, I like to say, okay, okay,
(25:39):
and she kind of low bosses, lowballs us a little bit,
you know, And I said, well she seemed like she
seems really nice. Your husband, Oh no, I'm a single mom.
I mean, can you afford all right? Okay, So we
make a deal for a little bit late, you know,
like twenty grand lesson.
Speaker 4 (25:58):
We know.
Speaker 3 (25:59):
Oh okay, fine, So I make it feel and my
wife says, you know, they got the kid and we
when we bought the house, we had new drapes put in,
but I never had them clean. I said, let's get
to drapes, right, I go, really yeah, because look dusty
and the kid and you know dustin all right. So
I pull all the drapes down, I get them cleaned,
hang them back up to look unbelievable. I said, I
(26:20):
should have done this when I lived here, you know.
So we sell the house here you go, thank you
very much. So I said, let's go by and see
how they're doing. I come around the corner just as
the bulders is knocking my house down.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
And I go, well, what's what? What's I said, who
lives there?
Speaker 1 (26:36):
This is all by the something of the company.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
What do you mean something of the company? And I investigate, Oh,
this she was just a shill. She's buying houses for this,
for this company. I was like furious.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Also, another great story is I used to live. I
don't know if you still do near. I think it's
sunset or where's the gay Pride parade? Mark? I love that?
Speaker 3 (27:02):
No, that was I'm I've got my fifty five. I
got a fifty seven Buick Roadmaster convertil black, red leather.
They're kind of a flashy car for the fifties. So
mor I when I are driving and we're gonna down
to a pizza place on Santa Michael Bullivard. So we
got down to center Michael Buller on the cops here,
hold it, hold it.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
And he recognized me, and he goes.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
Oh, oh, come on, come on, come on, come on.
I go, I go see that honey recognizes me. Well,
he doesn't recognize me. He saw the car and figured
I was in the gay riper. So now the guy
turns me and now he guides.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
My car, come on, come this way, come away from.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
Now I'm in the pary down and people going to
shay hey, thanks for coming out.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
I said, yeah, no problem.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
My wife's laugh and they think you're gay, and they go, well, yeah,
they think youre lesbian.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Okay, thank you very much.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
People going, Jay, thanks for coming no problem.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Yeah, I love that. It's going to get a pizza.
No three hours in the paraye. Yeah yeah really, I'm
there for an hour.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
And once you're in the bat you can't get out
because people lying on both sides.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
You just have to run the whole route.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
That is fantastic, all right, I I know you want
to get out of here. Grossmanburn Foundation dot org a
week from tomorrow, and I you know, whatever you donate
goes right to helping kids.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
Yeah, undred percent of really.
Speaker 3 (28:19):
I mean you meet these kids, they have these horrible burns,
and it really it really, you know, it's life changing,
It really is, because especially when you're a young person,
you're just I mean just you see what acne does
to kids, so imagine having and he doesn't.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
I mean, my face was was gone.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Oh yeah, I've seen pictures of it. It's horrible. TMZ
had it on like eight seconds after you got burned.
Speaker 3 (28:41):
Oh yeah yeah, TMZ was throwing gas on me. Yes, yeah, yeah,
please please.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
I got to get a text here from a friend
of mine. He asks, is Jayleno Italian? I think you are? Yes,
of course, the best Italian restaurant in LA.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
I'll tell you it's Italian story. You've got. Second, well,
can you stay?
Speaker 1 (29:01):
Yeah? All right, Yeah, that's a great way to get
to We'd love to have you stay. We're off at seven,
so you know seven, okay, all right, So when we
come back, best Italian restaurant you got a great Italians? Yeah, okay,
all right. And also there's another story you gotta I
gotta ask you to tell, if you don't mind, when
your dad went to buy his his car and you
(29:25):
added all the US a million times?
Speaker 5 (29:28):
All right.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Conway Thompson, jay Leno's brothers, were live on KFI AM
six forty Conway Show on demand on the iHeart Radio app.
Now you can always hear us live on KFI AM
six forty four to seven pm Monday through Friday, and
anytime on demand on the iHeart Radio app.
Tim Conway Jr. on Demand News
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