December 25, 2024 • 32 mins
Voiceover Stories // Thompson Pulled Over // You’re Cute Jeans // When Harry Met Seattle
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's k IF. I am six forty and you're listening
to the Conway Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app.
And I just talked commercial for McDonald's there popcorn chicken.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Oh yes, and I'm big big I'm.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Gonna sorry Jack in the Box, Jack in the Box
popcorn chicken, and I'm a big Jack in the Box guy.
So I had to try the popcorn chicken. Very very good. No, yeah,
I would give it an eight out of ten, maybe
an eight eight point five.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
I agree. Oh, you've had it. It's so good. It
really is good. Huh. It's so simpule and it's like
this is it's a spot.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
It comes in a little kind of little container there,
pop that open.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
You set to go. Got to enjoy yourself. Man, what
the hell?
Speaker 3 (00:43):
The one of the worst voiceover sessions come for a
commercial ever that I ever had in my career for
Jack in the Box. And it wasn't Jack in the
Box's fault. It's just a bunch of stuff came together
and it was it was awful. It was nightmare.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Oh really.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
It was on a Friday, and it was first of all,
the last session on a Friday. It was supposed to
be a four o'clock record session in Santa Monica. Wow,
and that's fine. I go there, I'm on time, and
they said, we're having problems with the studio.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
So it's a delay. It's a delayed. It was an hour.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Now it's five o'clock on a Friday, okay, which is
not a problem for me. But when I tell you
what happened, so and now it's after five, it's like
five twenty and I go and they go, yeah, I'm
sorry about this, and go, no, it's no problem. I'm
out here, I'm having a cup of coffee. I'm reading.
And finally they say, okay, we're ready for you. I
walk in and the first thing I hear somebody say
(01:36):
is I was supposed to be at my kid's birthday
party forty five minutes ago. They go, oh, man, this
is just awful. And then they said, Mark, great, nice
to meet you. Let's get let's get going because we're
kind of we like what you did with your audition.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Just do it like you know, so pressure's on you now,
right right right.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
And it was one of those things where there's they
want you to say a lot in a very short time.
Oh no, So it's like you have a thirteen or
fourteen seconds is what I recall a gap to crush
this copy, and the copy is really you have to
really rush it, and yet you also want to give
(02:15):
it though whatever they love it needs, okay, And without
getting into a long thing about it, they said, we
need you to do it more like. And then as
they're starting to talk and I'm in a studio in
another studio. You're not in the same room with them, okay,
They're holding up this thing.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
It's a talkback thing.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
It looks like a remote control for a TV, and
it isn't working well. So they say, Mark, we like
what you're doing. But and I go, gosh, I'm sorry,
I can't hear you right now. And they go and
is this any better? And they go, Mark, we need you.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
To I can't.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
And all I'm thinking about now is I'm not giving
them the read I want they want. The timeframe is
so short, and everybody wants to go home, and it's
not my fault.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
I just got here, okay. So then.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
That continues for like five minutes, and now I'm sweating
like a guy having a stroke.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
This guy gets up from the corner of the room.
I hadn't even seen him before, like Brando and Apocalypse.
Now he looked like that. He was like in my mind,
he was huge. He was probably pretty good size, shaved head,
and the lighting was like right down on him. And
and he said, I'm so and so I'm Jack. I'm
the guy who plays you know, he's the actual guy
who runs the agency and he's the voice of Jack. Okay, okay.
(03:32):
So I go, oh my god, it's a pleasure to
meet you. I I you know, I've heard nice things, right,
He goes, uh, he says, well, it's great to have
you here. But and all of this is while the
the talkback is still breaking up.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
I'm having trouble here.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
But I'm you know, I'm kind of just like going
through the pleasantries because I know what he's saying, right,
And he goes, I really need you to and I'm.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Like, oh my god, this is a hold.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
And so I just took another run at it, and
it was too long and it wasn't what the and
I said, you know, maybe we're just do this a
different day, and literally the session just evaporated. It just
went away. Is that right, Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's it was crazy, man. So I cannot When.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
You're driving home, you're probably a million thoughts are going
through your head.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
And I called the agent. I said, you know, this
just got away.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
There was so much stuff going on, and we the
session started late and people wanted to go home. I
don't think I was giving him the read I wanted,
and it was just I felt and I'm really sorry.
And then then I didn't even tell them the talkback thing,
which is but it just made it all awful.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Every note I couldn't really hear them, you know.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
I went out on commercial editions for a while, and
then I remember I was out on Sunset Boulevard for
a It was for one of those dryer sheets that
you throw in fire, and they were going to do
a real close up on it, like through a microscope
and you could see the fibers inside the dryer sheet.
(04:52):
And so the guys says, he brought us in about
three at a time. And three guys come in and
we could see what the other guys were doing through
the window. And the director said, once you come in,
give us your name and then wiggle your body like
you're a fiber in one of these dryer sheets. And
I said, buddy, look, I don't think you got the
(05:15):
right guy.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
I'm not your guy. And he goes, no, he goes,
I want you to do this. I want to. I
think you could be I.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Think you could be great at wiggling your body like
a dryer like a fiber in a dryer sheet. And
I said, I honestly, god, I'm not. I am so
not your guy. You're wasting your time if you even
put this on video. And he said, no, no, no, he goes,
We're running out of time. We really want you to
do it right now. I said, I'm not going to
I'm not your guy, and I left and the guy
(05:46):
called my agent. He was so pissed. Oh wow, you
know that that, he he said. I stormed out of there.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
I didn't.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
I just said, I'm not your guy for this. You
know there's forty people in this room that can do
that better than I can.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
I'm just not that guy.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
And I remember my I stopped going to a commercial
commercial editions. So that was the one that did this
for actors and people who were like, you know, you know,
acceptable to ideas and can go in and out of
flowing and out of things that's not me.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Did you ever see you saw the spot on the.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Air, Yeah, and it looked they picked the right guys
and gallows.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
But wasn't me. Man, I'm just not that kind of guy.
I've never been.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
I know a lot of people when they listen to show,
are like, Wow, that guy's probably a hot dancer, But
I'm really not.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
I'm just I don't like move that way. I just
don't think like that.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
You probably dance pretty you you do dance because you
dance on TV.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
I did it on Fox eleven. But you know you don't.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
Let's not undercut your acting at Licorice Pizza. You distinguished
yourself quite handsome.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Was not dancing.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
By the way, did you see that guy on He's
getting a lot of publicity on TikTok and YouTube where
he's the dancing weather man.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
That's your act and he never gave you credit for it.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
Yeah, but it's been decade now, so look, you know,
I hope he does really well with it, and then
I hope he burns in a fiery pit of hell.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
But he talks about it as if he created No,
that's not that I didn't know. That's prey lame. That's
super lame.
Speaker 4 (07:11):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
You've done something that CHP hated. Well, I mean they're right.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
They're out there, you know, cruising looking for you know,
back or doing stuff that they shouldn't be doing that's unsafe.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Well you know of it before you go on here?
Are you realized that the laws in California are made
for your protection? Of course, thank you sir. So they
would rather you obey them, yes, okay.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
And I typically do. And I don't know what happened
in this one instance. The car kind of got away
from me, I guess, and I was driving too fast.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
It's an empty for you weight, It's midnight, Yes, it
was midnight. There weren't a lot of cars in the road.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
So and it's not like you drive a car that's
going to shake it at eighty five eighty eight.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
No, that's a really smooth ride.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
But I'll tell you also, and this is because we
talk a lot about the way I used to drive.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
I don't really drive that, you know, crazy like a
crazy man anymore.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
So, but I apparently I still have it somewhere in
me because the the car, I guess got away from
me or whatever I drove, whatever I became impatient or
you know. So anyway, it's midnight and I see that
thing that just makes your heartstop, which the lights you know,
come on and they you know, they're red and blue.
And then yes, thank you, and that's exactly and then wait,
(08:24):
did you get scared or you angry?
Speaker 2 (08:26):
I was scared? Okay, that means you're still young.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Okay, as you get older, like my grandfather at one
point flipped where he was no longer scared.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
He was pissed. No, I was scared. And they have
such bright lights.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
I mean, I don't know where the candle power comes
from on these lights, but it was like, God that
this is insane. I'm gonna get up like a sunburn
from this light. And so I'm frightening it. I pull
over to the you know, and the right lane, and
I hear, oh yeah, and I'm thinking, oh no, I
can't hear because the windows up.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
So I roll.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
The window down and and I'm still driving, you know,
but now I'm in the right land, and he goes,
I can't understand what he's saying, and so then I
rolled the other window down so I could hear it.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
And and and I hear.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
I got both windows down and I and I'm now
I pull off the road.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
So now I'm there on the shoulder of the road
full stop, and he pulls up on him and he
goes close. I'm like, did he tell me like to
throw the keys out of the car or what is
he telling me? I don't know what he's telling me.
I still can't understand him, so I'm figuring. And then
then quickly he said boss, exit, oh and exit okay.
(09:44):
So he wanted me to go to the next exit
and pull off, right, So I did. I pull off
and then lankershim exactly show and then close, and I.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Just figured he wanted me to turn.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
And it's weird how you think that technology would have
matched the technology that the lights have, you know what
I mean.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
But it doesn't.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
It's not clearly they've really outpaced the audio part of
that whole thing.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
I think they do that on purpose, so you know,
they confused that the guy that he takes off and
there's a chase.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
I see, but I'm not exaggerating. I couldn't understand except
for exit. I got that and then I turned at
the bottom.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Did you not understand because you had too much to drink.
That was problem.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
So I pull over to the to the right and
this dude, uh you know, comes up to and he's
this tall, good looking dude.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
It's like you got everybody.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
All all our cops are just like they're just at
a central casting, like right out.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Of chips, you know. And there he is, and he's
and he says, you know, you'll no longer get the
Barney fipes.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
And exactly, it's you know, and you also don't get
like the boss hog. You know what I mean, you're
not getting that. So this he's is your license plate.
He says, uh, you know, I got you. I got
your speeding back there. I said, oh really, I said
to guys. And the first thing I said, hey man,
I'm so sorry. I couldn't understand what you were saying.
That's why I pull over. I pulled ahead.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
I just couldn't.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
I was desperate to understand what you were saying. He said,
it's okay, it's okay, just need to see your license.
He digs the license and he goes, I got you
for speeding. And I was still like racked with guilt
that I was unable to understand him before, like I
couldn't follow his instructions. I felt like that maybe that
was he thought I was messing with him. He looked
at the license he said, this is still your addresses. Yeah,
I said, okay. I said, how fast was I going?
(11:32):
He said eighty five?
Speaker 2 (11:34):
Wow? I said what eighty five? He said, yeah, eighty five?
Said when I was?
Speaker 3 (11:40):
He said, I said, well, and then this is pretty classic.
I said, well, I really I thought people were passing me.
And he said, when I was following you, you were
the fastest guy out there.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
I thought, well, that's probably true. Yeah, all right, you
were the fastest.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
So I So he goes back, and then right as
he's leaving, this other person comes up, like, I guess,
you know, his partner. And I look over and it's
a woman and she's stunning. Okay, I'm thinking, are you
kidding me? Are you a real cop? I mean, are
you an actress? Maybe like studying for a role as
(12:18):
a cop. She was that attractive and and so I said,
aren't you late for an audition?
Speaker 2 (12:25):
No?
Speaker 3 (12:25):
No, I did not say that. I said, I did
the same thing. I felt so bad. I said, hey,
I want to apologize. I said, I didn't understand what
you guys were saying. That's why I pulled over. And
then I pulled a head. She said it's okay, she said,
we'll be right back. They go back to the cruiser.
I think that's what they call them cruisers. And it
was like a minute, maybe two minutes, and they came
back and they gave me the license. She came back
(12:47):
and she said, be careful with your speed. She said,
it's a speeding tickets are expensive and it's dangerous.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Wow. And then let me go and they split. Yeah.
Holy smoke.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
He did ask me if I was if I had
been drinking, and I should The answer was truthfully no,
And I think that's kind of what they were worried about.
If I'd been drinking at all, I think it might
have been a different conversation.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
I never drink, and even like one beer. If we
have a beer at dinner, I have gen drive home.
Because I had a buddy of mine who had a
couple of drinks and he got rear ended at a
stop sign and he got a DUI for it. Right,
I mean, he was blamed in the collision because he
(13:27):
had like it wasn't over the limit, but he had
alcohol in his system and somebody was hurting the car
behind him. Sure, and it wasn't his fault. He was
sitting there, stopped and a guy hit him. This is
how paranoid I am about about drinking and driving. If
I'm homeworking on the garage, like on a Saturday night,
and I've had a couple of beers, I'll ask Jen
to bring the car in from the curb into the garage.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Wow, isn't that crazy? That's really I mean, that's but
see this, this is what I envision.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
I go to move the car off the curb, somebody
hits me, and I've had, you know, nineteen drinks and
it's done.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
I'm over right. Well, that's a level of caution, that's us.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
It's border on bordering on a problem. Yeah, I mean
that I have a problem.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
I'm What's funny about this is you were surrounded by drinkers.
I remember you telling a story with McClean Stevenson driving
you from a ballgame downtown and he literally had like
a Gen and Tonic in his hand while he was driving.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
All right, I've never used that name on the air.
I said it was my dad's friend.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
But I'm so sorry Maybe it was not McLean Stephenson.
Maybe it was not.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
I'm serious, I just picked I picked the name McLean Stephenson,
could have been anybody.
Speaker 4 (14:38):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on de Maya from
KF I am six forty.
Speaker 5 (14:45):
You're cute jeans, Belliam, what is that me?
Speaker 2 (14:48):
You know what that's from?
Speaker 1 (14:50):
No, you're cute jeans about Angel does and you know
what that's from? Your cute jeans? You know what that's from?
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Huh? Yeah, yeah, do you know what it's from? Uh?
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Krozier or no, Dana Stefoo.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Nobody knows what that that reference is Your cute genes? No,
you mean these genes? No, these are my genes. No, no,
your cute chens. You mean my jeans are cute? No,
your cute jeans. It's the Kardashians. At one point, one
of the general kids said to their mom, your cute genes,
(15:28):
and she goes, oh, these are these aren't new? Because no, no, no,
not those your cue genes. She was, no, they're not
your cueching they're my jenes. He goes, no, no, your
cute genes, your cute genes. You've never heard that that
that that's a very pame famous.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Run it is.
Speaker 5 (15:43):
Yeah, I didn't know you were so up on the
Kardashians famous.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Uh oh, I.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
See okay, trying to reduce it to you know, your
your inability to you know, follow pop culture, to my
obsession with them.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
I got it. I get that. That's stings, lil stings, right, Okay,
that's cool. Sorry, So I just look that up. It's
very popular. It's so popular.
Speaker 6 (16:05):
She actually named one of her lipstick lines after that.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Color is that right? Cute jeans?
Speaker 6 (16:11):
You're cute jeans, lip shine lacquer like Kylie Jenner.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
So what was the That's great that I know that
and you guys don't.
Speaker 5 (16:20):
It's weird.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
It's not. Aaron loves you a little bit more. Now
Aaron knows that that reference.
Speaker 6 (16:25):
She she thought, it's adorable that you're following the Kardashians
like you.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Well, I don't really follow them. I I just know
that line, you know, because I saw it.
Speaker 5 (16:33):
I'm on YouTube the Kardashians in order okay, in order
of age.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
I couldn't name them if they were sitting in front
of you, name tags on it. I know, Kim, don't
don't tell me, Okay, I know I got to write
these down.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Okay, it's my knowledge.
Speaker 5 (16:49):
Are you doing it in order of age?
Speaker 2 (16:50):
No, I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
In order of people I would not be uh invited
to at the same party.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
It's the chrono logical Kardashians.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Okay, there's there's Kim, right, Chloe, Kokie, Caitlin.
Speaker 5 (17:13):
We'll take that.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Bruce. No, I get double. I get Kardashian.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
No, no, Jenner's and kardash I get to there. I
get one one and a half too, I get to
past past. Ah, come on good, Okay, wait a minute, okay,
uh Chloe, Kim, Caitlin, Bruce, Oh, the mom, the mamager.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
What's your name?
Speaker 5 (17:50):
I love my life?
Speaker 2 (17:51):
Yeah, I know, that's Sun. I love my friends.
Speaker 5 (17:56):
Oh yeah, I love my friends.
Speaker 6 (17:58):
So Aaron feels the need to think I have I
need to have this information. She's sitting there messaging me
all of the names of them and their children, and
uh so glad she's back by the way after a
couple of weeks off for her wedding, and uh, okay,
there's a north.
Speaker 5 (18:13):
That is a child of one of them. We'll accept that.
That's her last name.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Whatever Northwest is the name is she going in the
right direction life ding dong. All right, God, I don't
remember that other kid's name, the one that oh, the
one that had that that Ka sick right, the Scott
date District.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Who's married to Scott Distick?
Speaker 5 (18:42):
Nobody was ever married.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
That's a girlfriend. Yeah, what was that?
Speaker 5 (18:46):
Well you need to tell us.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
No, I don't know what's her name? It begins with
a K.
Speaker 5 (18:50):
Courtney Courtney.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
My niece's name is Courtney. I should know that, all right?
Speaker 6 (18:58):
Then?
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Then who are the other the Jenner kids? Kylie? Yes,
that's the makeup one.
Speaker 5 (19:07):
Now you need the model?
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Oh the model? I oh models Karen?
Speaker 5 (19:13):
No?
Speaker 2 (19:20):
I Ava? No like Ava? No? All right, I wrote
even down anyway, so I guess.
Speaker 5 (19:27):
Remember remember they all start with ks.
Speaker 7 (19:30):
Oh, okay, I so the three the three sisters are
kkk all The sisters are kkkkk.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
All right, so Kylie Corona. But the k no Cudweiser
no Google country, No, just don't short three?
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Uh that's short? What is or what's the other kids name?
Kendall Kendall?
Speaker 1 (20:08):
The brother, Oh, I know that brother's name. I'll get
that brother, Steve. He's a Kardashian. He's got a real
simple name too, he's like Mike or Jeff or Tom
and Bill.
Speaker 5 (20:21):
Bill named after his father. That should help.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Yeah, I remember that dad's name. Uh huh, what's his name?
Speaker 5 (20:32):
Robert?
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Robert?
Speaker 5 (20:33):
Yes, you did pretty good, you did pretty okay.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Yeah, I don't really follow them, but I do know
the que jeans thing, but.
Speaker 5 (20:39):
You can quote them, which is you're no.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
But I thought that that was funny. That was a
funny long you're cute jeans? Yeah, right, never heard even
I can't believe that. Nobody on the show heard that.
Speaker 5 (20:50):
I can't believe you heard it and remembered it.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Yeah, have everybody on this show.
Speaker 5 (20:54):
You can't remember to button your shirt, but you remember.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
That you're cute jeans because it was it was funny.
You're cute?
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Right, let me see if I can find it here?
It is, all right, here's the whole run. All right,
here we go.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Those are cute.
Speaker 8 (21:07):
Jeans, You're cute jeans. Those are mine? No, I thought
you said you're cute jeans. Those are my jeans? No
cute jeans. Huh, all right, I'm going home.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
That's it. That's a nice run. Right, you want to
hear it again?
Speaker 8 (21:30):
Those are cut cheans, You're.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
That's the mamager. What's her name, Chris, Chris. That's Chris
talking to Kylie. I think, all right, Chris talking to Kylie.
Speaker 8 (21:42):
Close are cute jeans. You're cute jeans. Those are mine? No,
I thought you said you're cute jeans. Those are my jeans. No,
cute jeans.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Huh.
Speaker 8 (21:56):
All right, I'm going home.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
There you go, ding dog the crew, right, ding dong
with them? All right, that's all I remember from that program.
All right.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
I think I did pretty well, you know, for a
guy that does not follow a lot of Hollywood. I mean, if, if, seriously,
if Harvey Korman and Karrabernet were in the studio right now,
I would be going, ah.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
I know the guy. I'm just not good with names
like that. You know that is true, That's very true.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
I'm not that hip on who celebrities are, right, I've
just never been into it. I don't watch a little
a lot of entertainment Tonight or TMZ, and I don't
know a lot of them. So I'm in Las Vegas
with a couple of friends thirty years ago and there's
one two one two three four one two three four. Yeah,
(22:55):
there are four pictures of the people that were involved
with the star up of a place called Planet Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Right.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
They have restaurants, a lot of stars, and they have
a they had a hotel in Vegas. I don't know
if it's still there or not. And they had four
statues of these people outside. And my buddy Jeff Warnick,
God rest his soul, not here anymore. I missed that
guy every day, one of the smartest, funniest guys I've
ever met my life. And he said, I'm going to
give you a one hundred dollars for every one of
(23:26):
these celebrities that you know, and I'm going to take
one hundred dollars away for everyone you don't know.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
And I said, oh boy, this could cost me four
hundred dollars.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
So we walk over the statues and I said, okay,
that one is Arnold Schwarzenegger and he gives me a
hundred dollars bill, and I said, then the other one
is Sylvester Stallone and he gives me another hundred dollars bill,
so I'm at least even. And then he shows me
the other one and he and he says, who's that?
Speaker 2 (23:52):
And I said, I have no idea who that is.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
And he said, Tim, you drove him in a limousine,
a very popular celebrity, and you've driven him, you know,
you've driven him at least five times. And when you
drove a limousine, you picked him up and took him
to the airport. I said, where does he live? He goes,
he lives up in the up in the hills, like
either like Hollywood or no, I'm sorry, Beverly Hills, or
(24:16):
like West Los Angeles. And I said, I have no
idea who that is. And he says, Okay, that's Bruce
Willis and he takes one hundred dollars away from me
and he says and he says, there's one more.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
It's a woman. And I said, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
He said, you've talked about her on the radio, and
you one of your favorite movies. This this woman is
the star of that movie. And I'm like, I just
don't know who that is. And he said, I'll even
give you the name of the movie. And I said,
what's the name of the movie And he said, I
think he said like terms of endearment, And I said,
(24:54):
I still don't know, and it was Demi Moore and
he took the other one hundred dollars.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Bill. I don't know if she was in that movie or.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
Not, or if he was just that point, mate, But
he said he couldn't believe all weekend, he kept saying,
how the hell do you pick this guy up in
that limousine? Five times in the last two years you
talked to him on the way to the airport, and
you never ever and you.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
Couldn't pick out his name, right.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
I said, I'm just I'm just not into holl He goes,
you don't have to be into Hollywood to know this stuff.
You're mentally declining, that's what's going on. This has nothing
to do with entertainment Tonight and TMZ and you know
and and all these other celebrity shows. This is this
is a problem that you have. I said, well, maybe
the statue doesn't look like you know, Bruce Willis. So
(25:42):
he stopped people that came by and he covered up
the name. You standing, Remember you're standing on the on
the name, and twenty people walk by, Hey, who's that, Oh,
Bruce Willis, who's this?
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Bruce Willis? Hey, who's it?
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Before he could before he could finish the question, Hey,
who's Bruce Willis. This is Bruce Willis, Bruce Willis. That's
Bruce Willis. Bruce Willis right there in w Wair Bruce
Willison Wyware. And weren't they married for a while?
Speaker 2 (26:01):
Yes, I think at the time they were still Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
I think that's another point he brought up, that they
were married, and I should have gotten that too, and
I didn't. But you know what, But the reason why
I don't, And let me defend myself here. When I
go to a movie, I don't want to know the
actors' names. I just want to for the two hours
i'm there, I want to be transported into a place
where I've never been before, and I don't know anybody.
(26:26):
Like I went to see that Saving Private Ryan, and
I'm in the movie. About an hour and a half
into the movie. I look up and I said, and
I said, don't know it was Jenner? Whoever's with?
Speaker 2 (26:35):
I go.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Ted dancing? Because yeah, that's Ted dancing. Sh I go, well,
why is he in this movie? Sh what is this
a war where everybody knows your name? What's going on here?
So this guy's in cheers? Right, you're s you gotta
shut that up. But he's in cheers now, he's in
my World War two movie. He's in cheers, because yeah,
(27:01):
he's in Cheers. Like, I can't watch this anymore. I'll
be a meet outside.
Speaker 5 (27:04):
You're that guy.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
I couldn't.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
I couldn't sit there and watch it anymore. Hey, who
is who is one of the stars of Sleepless in Seattle?
Who is the woman?
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Meg Ryan? So with Jeff Warnick, we went out.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
We were gonna have these two gals that knew each other,
and we were all friends. And and I don't think
he was very serious with the girl he was going with.
And I don't think I was here. We were just
all sort of friends. Maybe I was, Maybe wasn't, who knows.
And so he says, let's go to a universal, go
see a movie. You know, we'll pick up the girls,
go to dinner, go see the movie.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
He said, okay, I said. He said, I'll.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Pay for everything if you do all arrange the reservations
and buy and and make the tickets and do all
the calls. And my buddy had some money, right, So
I said, okay, I'll do everything.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
I'll range with the girls.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
Big a mop, go to the you know, get reservation, eat,
go to the movie boom bang, but you pay for everything.
He goes done, credit card bang done.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
We pick him up.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
We go to that that Mexican place where everything's big universal.
It's really good too. I don't know if it's still
there or not. We have a great meal and we
go to uh, we go to the movie theater. Harry
gets popcorn, you know, candy or whatever. And we're sitting
in the movie theater and it's me one of the girls,
(28:16):
Jeff Hornick, one of the girls. Were sitting there, four
of us and it was a fairly packed movie theater.
And the movie starts and it says starring who is
the other the comedian was in them? Was it Tom Hanks?
Speaker 2 (28:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (28:31):
I thought it was okay, maybe it was Tom. But
in sleep the Seattle is Tom Hanks. Yeah, okay, all right,
So Tom Hanks comes up and and then was the
other one's name?
Speaker 2 (28:42):
And I'm gonna have.
Speaker 5 (28:43):
To write start understand.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
So Meg Ryan comes on the screen and he leans
over the over the girl and goes.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
You didn't tell me it wasn't Meg Ryan? Moving?
Speaker 1 (28:56):
And I said, I said, I didn't know to ask you,
and and he goes, I don't sit through Meg Ryan movies.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
And I said, okay, well just sit through this one.
He said, ass.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
And he sat in the lobby for two hours. Wow,
he sat in the lobby for two hours. He says,
I can't watch her on the screen.
Speaker 5 (29:18):
She's adorable, lover.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
I think she's so gad Yes, I thought she was
terrific in that movie.
Speaker 5 (29:24):
She was in that movie.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
She's really a cute. She was really cute. And and and.
Speaker 5 (29:28):
That that's right.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
That movie made her a huge celebrity too.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
Yeah, and uh, but he didn't like right in front
of those girl too.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
He goes, I don't sit through the mag r.
Speaker 5 (29:40):
And what did the girl think of her?
Speaker 2 (29:41):
She couldn't believe it.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
She's like, wait, where are you gonna go? You can
walk around university, goes, no, just sit on one of
those benches outside. And he sat out one of those
like red benches outside the theater that nobody ever uses
unless your wife's going to the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
And he sit in for a second.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
And he sat there for an hour and a half,
for two hours, went outside. He was there with his
opworm was gone, the coke was gone. He was just
sitting there like this frail old man. Right, but man,
it was so great.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
I don't got Meg Ryan movies and just for them,
but for the girls. Can't you sit through this? No, no,
I don't do that. I don't do it. I don't
do it. So okay, we'll see answer. All right, that's
my megro Ryan story.
Speaker 5 (30:21):
I'm proud of you sitting through.
Speaker 8 (30:23):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
I love Meg Ryan. I thought she was and it
was a good movie. Yeah, the movie is great.
Speaker 5 (30:28):
Right he missed out?
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Okay, but who is the other comedian in that movie?
Speaker 5 (30:33):
I'm oh, I know Rita Wilson was in it. And
who plays her?
Speaker 2 (30:40):
The the guy who said.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
I'll have what or not olive what she's having? But
there was a comedian, Billy Crystal. Yeahs Billy Crystal.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
That was Harry met Sally with Meg Ryan. Okay, it
was Harry met Sally. Really it was Harry men Sally.
You are who is oh my god, comedian? All right.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
That's why when I said Tom Hanks, you were like, yeah,
I was like Tom Hanks, I don't remember in that movie.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
Well maybe he was, I don't remember.
Speaker 6 (31:14):
Right, when you kept saying like the co star, I
was thinking Bruno Kirby is one of those guys that
was in as a sidekick in all of those movies.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
And it's funny because he was a sidekick to Billy Crystal.
So how great is that? Though I can't even get
these GD movies right? How am I going to ever get?
You know, Sylvester Stallone and Bruce Willis. Oh, that's great.
Speaker 5 (31:36):
You can quote Kylie Jenner.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
Yeah, but the whole time I was thinking Sleepless in Seattle,
but where she had she faked that orgasm at that
that launch your dinner at that deli with that Billy Crystal.
Speaker 5 (31:47):
When Harry met Yeah, when Harry met Sally. All right there,
I'm glad we worked through.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
But she was in both of those. She was Oh,
thank god, I thought it was going crazy. You're cute jeans.
Got a mighty man. I gotta get some help.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Conway Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app. Now you
can always hear us live on KFI AM six forty
four to seven pm Monday through Friday, and anytime on
demand on the iHeartRadio app.
It's k IF. I am six forty and you're listening
to the Conway Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app.
And I just talked commercial for McDonald's there popcorn chicken.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Oh yes, and I'm big big I'm.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Gonna sorry Jack in the Box, Jack in the Box
popcorn chicken, and I'm a big Jack in the Box guy.
So I had to try the popcorn chicken. Very very good. No, yeah,
I would give it an eight out of ten, maybe
an eight eight point five.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
I agree. Oh, you've had it. It's so good. It
really is good. Huh. It's so simpule and it's like
this is it's a spot.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
It comes in a little kind of little container there,
pop that open.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
You set to go. Got to enjoy yourself. Man, what
the hell?
Speaker 3 (00:43):
The one of the worst voiceover sessions come for a
commercial ever that I ever had in my career for
Jack in the Box. And it wasn't Jack in the
Box's fault. It's just a bunch of stuff came together
and it was it was awful. It was nightmare.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Oh really.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
It was on a Friday, and it was first of all,
the last session on a Friday. It was supposed to
be a four o'clock record session in Santa Monica. Wow,
and that's fine. I go there, I'm on time, and
they said, we're having problems with the studio.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
So it's a delay. It's a delayed. It was an hour.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Now it's five o'clock on a Friday, okay, which is
not a problem for me. But when I tell you
what happened, so and now it's after five, it's like
five twenty and I go and they go, yeah, I'm
sorry about this, and go, no, it's no problem. I'm
out here, I'm having a cup of coffee. I'm reading.
And finally they say, okay, we're ready for you. I
walk in and the first thing I hear somebody say
(01:36):
is I was supposed to be at my kid's birthday
party forty five minutes ago. They go, oh, man, this
is just awful. And then they said, Mark, great, nice
to meet you. Let's get let's get going because we're
kind of we like what you did with your audition.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Just do it like you know, so pressure's on you now,
right right right.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
And it was one of those things where there's they
want you to say a lot in a very short time.
Oh no, So it's like you have a thirteen or
fourteen seconds is what I recall a gap to crush
this copy, and the copy is really you have to
really rush it, and yet you also want to give
(02:15):
it though whatever they love it needs, okay, And without
getting into a long thing about it, they said, we
need you to do it more like. And then as
they're starting to talk and I'm in a studio in
another studio. You're not in the same room with them, okay,
They're holding up this thing.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
It's a talkback thing.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
It looks like a remote control for a TV, and
it isn't working well. So they say, Mark, we like
what you're doing. But and I go, gosh, I'm sorry,
I can't hear you right now. And they go and
is this any better? And they go, Mark, we need you.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
To I can't.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
And all I'm thinking about now is I'm not giving
them the read I want they want. The timeframe is
so short, and everybody wants to go home, and it's
not my fault.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
I just got here, okay. So then.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
That continues for like five minutes, and now I'm sweating
like a guy having a stroke.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
This guy gets up from the corner of the room.
I hadn't even seen him before, like Brando and Apocalypse.
Now he looked like that. He was like in my mind,
he was huge. He was probably pretty good size, shaved head,
and the lighting was like right down on him. And
and he said, I'm so and so I'm Jack. I'm
the guy who plays you know, he's the actual guy
who runs the agency and he's the voice of Jack. Okay, okay.
(03:32):
So I go, oh my god, it's a pleasure to
meet you. I I you know, I've heard nice things, right,
He goes, uh, he says, well, it's great to have
you here. But and all of this is while the
the talkback is still breaking up.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
I'm having trouble here.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
But I'm you know, I'm kind of just like going
through the pleasantries because I know what he's saying, right,
And he goes, I really need you to and I'm.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Like, oh my god, this is a hold.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
And so I just took another run at it, and
it was too long and it wasn't what the and
I said, you know, maybe we're just do this a
different day, and literally the session just evaporated. It just
went away. Is that right, Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's it was crazy, man. So I cannot When.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
You're driving home, you're probably a million thoughts are going
through your head.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
And I called the agent. I said, you know, this
just got away.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
There was so much stuff going on, and we the
session started late and people wanted to go home. I
don't think I was giving him the read I wanted,
and it was just I felt and I'm really sorry.
And then then I didn't even tell them the talkback thing,
which is but it just made it all awful.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Every note I couldn't really hear them, you know.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
I went out on commercial editions for a while, and
then I remember I was out on Sunset Boulevard for
a It was for one of those dryer sheets that
you throw in fire, and they were going to do
a real close up on it, like through a microscope
and you could see the fibers inside the dryer sheet.
(04:52):
And so the guys says, he brought us in about
three at a time. And three guys come in and
we could see what the other guys were doing through
the window. And the director said, once you come in,
give us your name and then wiggle your body like
you're a fiber in one of these dryer sheets. And
I said, buddy, look, I don't think you got the
(05:15):
right guy.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
I'm not your guy. And he goes, no, he goes,
I want you to do this. I want to. I
think you could be I.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Think you could be great at wiggling your body like
a dryer like a fiber in a dryer sheet. And
I said, I honestly, god, I'm not. I am so
not your guy. You're wasting your time if you even
put this on video. And he said, no, no, no, he goes,
We're running out of time. We really want you to
do it right now. I said, I'm not going to
I'm not your guy, and I left and the guy
(05:46):
called my agent. He was so pissed. Oh wow, you
know that that, he he said. I stormed out of there.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
I didn't.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
I just said, I'm not your guy for this. You
know there's forty people in this room that can do
that better than I can.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
I'm just not that guy.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
And I remember my I stopped going to a commercial
commercial editions. So that was the one that did this
for actors and people who were like, you know, you know,
acceptable to ideas and can go in and out of
flowing and out of things that's not me.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Did you ever see you saw the spot on the.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Air, Yeah, and it looked they picked the right guys
and gallows.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
But wasn't me. Man, I'm just not that kind of guy.
I've never been.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
I know a lot of people when they listen to show,
are like, Wow, that guy's probably a hot dancer, But
I'm really not.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
I'm just I don't like move that way. I just
don't think like that.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
You probably dance pretty you you do dance because you
dance on TV.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
I did it on Fox eleven. But you know you don't.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
Let's not undercut your acting at Licorice Pizza. You distinguished
yourself quite handsome.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Was not dancing.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
By the way, did you see that guy on He's
getting a lot of publicity on TikTok and YouTube where
he's the dancing weather man.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
That's your act and he never gave you credit for it.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
Yeah, but it's been decade now, so look, you know,
I hope he does really well with it, and then
I hope he burns in a fiery pit of hell.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
But he talks about it as if he created No,
that's not that I didn't know. That's prey lame. That's
super lame.
Speaker 4 (07:11):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
You've done something that CHP hated. Well, I mean they're right.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
They're out there, you know, cruising looking for you know,
back or doing stuff that they shouldn't be doing that's unsafe.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Well you know of it before you go on here?
Are you realized that the laws in California are made
for your protection? Of course, thank you sir. So they
would rather you obey them, yes, okay.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
And I typically do. And I don't know what happened
in this one instance. The car kind of got away
from me, I guess, and I was driving too fast.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
It's an empty for you weight, It's midnight, Yes, it
was midnight. There weren't a lot of cars in the road.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
So and it's not like you drive a car that's
going to shake it at eighty five eighty eight.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
No, that's a really smooth ride.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
But I'll tell you also, and this is because we
talk a lot about the way I used to drive.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
I don't really drive that, you know, crazy like a
crazy man anymore.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
So, but I apparently I still have it somewhere in
me because the the car, I guess got away from
me or whatever I drove, whatever I became impatient or
you know. So anyway, it's midnight and I see that
thing that just makes your heartstop, which the lights you know,
come on and they you know, they're red and blue.
And then yes, thank you, and that's exactly and then wait,
(08:24):
did you get scared or you angry?
Speaker 2 (08:26):
I was scared? Okay, that means you're still young.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Okay, as you get older, like my grandfather at one
point flipped where he was no longer scared.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
He was pissed. No, I was scared. And they have
such bright lights.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
I mean, I don't know where the candle power comes
from on these lights, but it was like, God that
this is insane. I'm gonna get up like a sunburn
from this light. And so I'm frightening it. I pull
over to the you know, and the right lane, and
I hear, oh yeah, and I'm thinking, oh no, I
can't hear because the windows up.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
So I roll.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
The window down and and I'm still driving, you know,
but now I'm in the right land, and he goes,
I can't understand what he's saying, and so then I
rolled the other window down so I could hear it.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
And and and I hear.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
I got both windows down and I and I'm now
I pull off the road.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
So now I'm there on the shoulder of the road
full stop, and he pulls up on him and he
goes close. I'm like, did he tell me like to
throw the keys out of the car or what is
he telling me? I don't know what he's telling me.
I still can't understand him, so I'm figuring. And then
then quickly he said boss, exit, oh and exit okay.
(09:44):
So he wanted me to go to the next exit
and pull off, right, So I did. I pull off
and then lankershim exactly show and then close, and I.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Just figured he wanted me to turn.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
And it's weird how you think that technology would have
matched the technology that the lights have, you know what
I mean.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
But it doesn't.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
It's not clearly they've really outpaced the audio part of
that whole thing.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
I think they do that on purpose, so you know,
they confused that the guy that he takes off and
there's a chase.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
I see, but I'm not exaggerating. I couldn't understand except
for exit. I got that and then I turned at
the bottom.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Did you not understand because you had too much to drink.
That was problem.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
So I pull over to the to the right and
this dude, uh you know, comes up to and he's
this tall, good looking dude.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
It's like you got everybody.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
All all our cops are just like they're just at
a central casting, like right out.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Of chips, you know. And there he is, and he's
and he says, you know, you'll no longer get the
Barney fipes.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
And exactly, it's you know, and you also don't get
like the boss hog. You know what I mean, you're
not getting that. So this he's is your license plate.
He says, uh, you know, I got you. I got
your speeding back there. I said, oh really, I said
to guys. And the first thing I said, hey man,
I'm so sorry. I couldn't understand what you were saying.
That's why I pull over. I pulled ahead.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
I just couldn't.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
I was desperate to understand what you were saying. He said,
it's okay, it's okay, just need to see your license.
He digs the license and he goes, I got you
for speeding. And I was still like racked with guilt
that I was unable to understand him before, like I
couldn't follow his instructions. I felt like that maybe that
was he thought I was messing with him. He looked
at the license he said, this is still your addresses. Yeah,
I said, okay. I said, how fast was I going?
(11:32):
He said eighty five?
Speaker 2 (11:34):
Wow? I said what eighty five? He said, yeah, eighty five?
Said when I was?
Speaker 3 (11:40):
He said, I said, well, and then this is pretty classic.
I said, well, I really I thought people were passing me.
And he said, when I was following you, you were
the fastest guy out there.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
I thought, well, that's probably true. Yeah, all right, you
were the fastest.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
So I So he goes back, and then right as
he's leaving, this other person comes up, like, I guess,
you know, his partner. And I look over and it's
a woman and she's stunning. Okay, I'm thinking, are you
kidding me? Are you a real cop? I mean, are
you an actress? Maybe like studying for a role as
(12:18):
a cop. She was that attractive and and so I said,
aren't you late for an audition?
Speaker 2 (12:25):
No?
Speaker 3 (12:25):
No, I did not say that. I said, I did
the same thing. I felt so bad. I said, hey,
I want to apologize. I said, I didn't understand what
you guys were saying. That's why I pulled over. And
then I pulled a head. She said it's okay, she said,
we'll be right back. They go back to the cruiser.
I think that's what they call them cruisers. And it
was like a minute, maybe two minutes, and they came
back and they gave me the license. She came back
(12:47):
and she said, be careful with your speed. She said,
it's a speeding tickets are expensive and it's dangerous.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Wow. And then let me go and they split. Yeah.
Holy smoke.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
He did ask me if I was if I had
been drinking, and I should The answer was truthfully no,
And I think that's kind of what they were worried about.
If I'd been drinking at all, I think it might
have been a different conversation.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
I never drink, and even like one beer. If we
have a beer at dinner, I have gen drive home.
Because I had a buddy of mine who had a
couple of drinks and he got rear ended at a
stop sign and he got a DUI for it. Right,
I mean, he was blamed in the collision because he
(13:27):
had like it wasn't over the limit, but he had
alcohol in his system and somebody was hurting the car
behind him. Sure, and it wasn't his fault. He was
sitting there, stopped and a guy hit him. This is
how paranoid I am about about drinking and driving. If
I'm homeworking on the garage, like on a Saturday night,
and I've had a couple of beers, I'll ask Jen
to bring the car in from the curb into the garage.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Wow, isn't that crazy? That's really I mean, that's but
see this, this is what I envision.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
I go to move the car off the curb, somebody
hits me, and I've had, you know, nineteen drinks and
it's done.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
I'm over right. Well, that's a level of caution, that's us.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
It's border on bordering on a problem. Yeah, I mean
that I have a problem.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
I'm What's funny about this is you were surrounded by drinkers.
I remember you telling a story with McClean Stevenson driving
you from a ballgame downtown and he literally had like
a Gen and Tonic in his hand while he was driving.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
All right, I've never used that name on the air.
I said it was my dad's friend.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
But I'm so sorry Maybe it was not McLean Stephenson.
Maybe it was not.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
I'm serious, I just picked I picked the name McLean Stephenson,
could have been anybody.
Speaker 4 (14:38):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on de Maya from
KF I am six forty.
Speaker 5 (14:45):
You're cute jeans, Belliam, what is that me?
Speaker 2 (14:48):
You know what that's from?
Speaker 1 (14:50):
No, you're cute jeans about Angel does and you know
what that's from? Your cute jeans? You know what that's from?
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Huh? Yeah, yeah, do you know what it's from? Uh?
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Krozier or no, Dana Stefoo.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Nobody knows what that that reference is Your cute genes? No,
you mean these genes? No, these are my genes. No, no,
your cute chens. You mean my jeans are cute? No,
your cute jeans. It's the Kardashians. At one point, one
of the general kids said to their mom, your cute genes,
(15:28):
and she goes, oh, these are these aren't new? Because no, no, no,
not those your cue genes. She was, no, they're not
your cueching they're my jenes. He goes, no, no, your
cute genes, your cute genes. You've never heard that that
that that's a very pame famous.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Run it is.
Speaker 5 (15:43):
Yeah, I didn't know you were so up on the
Kardashians famous.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Uh oh, I.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
See okay, trying to reduce it to you know, your
your inability to you know, follow pop culture, to my
obsession with them.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
I got it. I get that. That's stings, lil stings, right, Okay,
that's cool. Sorry, So I just look that up. It's
very popular. It's so popular.
Speaker 6 (16:05):
She actually named one of her lipstick lines after that.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Color is that right? Cute jeans?
Speaker 6 (16:11):
You're cute jeans, lip shine lacquer like Kylie Jenner.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
So what was the That's great that I know that
and you guys don't.
Speaker 5 (16:20):
It's weird.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
It's not. Aaron loves you a little bit more. Now
Aaron knows that that reference.
Speaker 6 (16:25):
She she thought, it's adorable that you're following the Kardashians
like you.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Well, I don't really follow them. I I just know
that line, you know, because I saw it.
Speaker 5 (16:33):
I'm on YouTube the Kardashians in order okay, in order
of age.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
I couldn't name them if they were sitting in front
of you, name tags on it. I know, Kim, don't
don't tell me, Okay, I know I got to write
these down.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Okay, it's my knowledge.
Speaker 5 (16:49):
Are you doing it in order of age?
Speaker 2 (16:50):
No, I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
In order of people I would not be uh invited
to at the same party.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
It's the chrono logical Kardashians.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Okay, there's there's Kim, right, Chloe, Kokie, Caitlin.
Speaker 5 (17:13):
We'll take that.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Bruce. No, I get double. I get Kardashian.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
No, no, Jenner's and kardash I get to there. I
get one one and a half too, I get to
past past. Ah, come on good, Okay, wait a minute, okay,
uh Chloe, Kim, Caitlin, Bruce, Oh, the mom, the mamager.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
What's your name?
Speaker 5 (17:50):
I love my life?
Speaker 2 (17:51):
Yeah, I know, that's Sun. I love my friends.
Speaker 5 (17:56):
Oh yeah, I love my friends.
Speaker 6 (17:58):
So Aaron feels the need to think I have I
need to have this information. She's sitting there messaging me
all of the names of them and their children, and
uh so glad she's back by the way after a
couple of weeks off for her wedding, and uh, okay,
there's a north.
Speaker 5 (18:13):
That is a child of one of them. We'll accept that.
That's her last name.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Whatever Northwest is the name is she going in the
right direction life ding dong. All right, God, I don't
remember that other kid's name, the one that oh, the
one that had that that Ka sick right, the Scott
date District.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Who's married to Scott Distick?
Speaker 5 (18:42):
Nobody was ever married.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
That's a girlfriend. Yeah, what was that?
Speaker 5 (18:46):
Well you need to tell us.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
No, I don't know what's her name? It begins with
a K.
Speaker 5 (18:50):
Courtney Courtney.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
My niece's name is Courtney. I should know that, all right?
Speaker 6 (18:58):
Then?
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Then who are the other the Jenner kids? Kylie? Yes,
that's the makeup one.
Speaker 5 (19:07):
Now you need the model?
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Oh the model? I oh models Karen?
Speaker 5 (19:13):
No?
Speaker 2 (19:20):
I Ava? No like Ava? No? All right, I wrote
even down anyway, so I guess.
Speaker 5 (19:27):
Remember remember they all start with ks.
Speaker 7 (19:30):
Oh, okay, I so the three the three sisters are
kkk all The sisters are kkkkk.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
All right, so Kylie Corona. But the k no Cudweiser
no Google country, No, just don't short three?
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Uh that's short? What is or what's the other kids name?
Kendall Kendall?
Speaker 1 (20:08):
The brother, Oh, I know that brother's name. I'll get
that brother, Steve. He's a Kardashian. He's got a real
simple name too, he's like Mike or Jeff or Tom
and Bill.
Speaker 5 (20:21):
Bill named after his father. That should help.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Yeah, I remember that dad's name. Uh huh, what's his name?
Speaker 5 (20:32):
Robert?
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Robert?
Speaker 5 (20:33):
Yes, you did pretty good, you did pretty okay.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Yeah, I don't really follow them, but I do know
the que jeans thing, but.
Speaker 5 (20:39):
You can quote them, which is you're no.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
But I thought that that was funny. That was a
funny long you're cute jeans? Yeah, right, never heard even
I can't believe that. Nobody on the show heard that.
Speaker 5 (20:50):
I can't believe you heard it and remembered it.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Yeah, have everybody on this show.
Speaker 5 (20:54):
You can't remember to button your shirt, but you remember.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
That you're cute jeans because it was it was funny.
You're cute?
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Right, let me see if I can find it here?
It is, all right, here's the whole run. All right,
here we go.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Those are cute.
Speaker 8 (21:07):
Jeans, You're cute jeans. Those are mine? No, I thought
you said you're cute jeans. Those are my jeans? No
cute jeans. Huh, all right, I'm going home.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
That's it. That's a nice run. Right, you want to
hear it again?
Speaker 8 (21:30):
Those are cut cheans, You're.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
That's the mamager. What's her name, Chris, Chris. That's Chris
talking to Kylie. I think, all right, Chris talking to Kylie.
Speaker 8 (21:42):
Close are cute jeans. You're cute jeans. Those are mine? No,
I thought you said you're cute jeans. Those are my jeans. No,
cute jeans.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Huh.
Speaker 8 (21:56):
All right, I'm going home.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
There you go, ding dog the crew, right, ding dong
with them? All right, that's all I remember from that program.
All right.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
I think I did pretty well, you know, for a
guy that does not follow a lot of Hollywood. I mean, if, if, seriously,
if Harvey Korman and Karrabernet were in the studio right now,
I would be going, ah.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
I know the guy. I'm just not good with names
like that. You know that is true, That's very true.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
I'm not that hip on who celebrities are, right, I've
just never been into it. I don't watch a little
a lot of entertainment Tonight or TMZ, and I don't
know a lot of them. So I'm in Las Vegas
with a couple of friends thirty years ago and there's
one two one two three four one two three four. Yeah,
(22:55):
there are four pictures of the people that were involved
with the star up of a place called Planet Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Right.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
They have restaurants, a lot of stars, and they have
a they had a hotel in Vegas. I don't know
if it's still there or not. And they had four
statues of these people outside. And my buddy Jeff Warnick,
God rest his soul, not here anymore. I missed that
guy every day, one of the smartest, funniest guys I've
ever met my life. And he said, I'm going to
give you a one hundred dollars for every one of
(23:26):
these celebrities that you know, and I'm going to take
one hundred dollars away for everyone you don't know.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
And I said, oh boy, this could cost me four
hundred dollars.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
So we walk over the statues and I said, okay,
that one is Arnold Schwarzenegger and he gives me a
hundred dollars bill, and I said, then the other one
is Sylvester Stallone and he gives me another hundred dollars bill,
so I'm at least even. And then he shows me
the other one and he and he says, who's that?
Speaker 2 (23:52):
And I said, I have no idea who that is.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
And he said, Tim, you drove him in a limousine,
a very popular celebrity, and you've driven him, you know,
you've driven him at least five times. And when you
drove a limousine, you picked him up and took him
to the airport. I said, where does he live? He goes,
he lives up in the up in the hills, like
either like Hollywood or no, I'm sorry, Beverly Hills, or
(24:16):
like West Los Angeles. And I said, I have no
idea who that is. And he says, Okay, that's Bruce
Willis and he takes one hundred dollars away from me
and he says and he says, there's one more.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
It's a woman. And I said, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
He said, you've talked about her on the radio, and
you one of your favorite movies. This this woman is
the star of that movie. And I'm like, I just
don't know who that is. And he said, I'll even
give you the name of the movie. And I said,
what's the name of the movie And he said, I
think he said like terms of endearment, And I said,
(24:54):
I still don't know, and it was Demi Moore and
he took the other one hundred dollars.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Bill. I don't know if she was in that movie or.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
Not, or if he was just that point, mate, But
he said he couldn't believe all weekend, he kept saying,
how the hell do you pick this guy up in
that limousine? Five times in the last two years you
talked to him on the way to the airport, and
you never ever and you.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
Couldn't pick out his name, right.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
I said, I'm just I'm just not into holl He goes,
you don't have to be into Hollywood to know this stuff.
You're mentally declining, that's what's going on. This has nothing
to do with entertainment Tonight and TMZ and you know
and and all these other celebrity shows. This is this
is a problem that you have. I said, well, maybe
the statue doesn't look like you know, Bruce Willis. So
(25:42):
he stopped people that came by and he covered up
the name. You standing, Remember you're standing on the on
the name, and twenty people walk by, Hey, who's that, Oh,
Bruce Willis, who's this?
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Bruce Willis? Hey, who's it?
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Before he could before he could finish the question, Hey,
who's Bruce Willis. This is Bruce Willis, Bruce Willis. That's
Bruce Willis. Bruce Willis right there in w Wair Bruce
Willison Wyware. And weren't they married for a while?
Speaker 2 (26:01):
Yes, I think at the time they were still Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
I think that's another point he brought up, that they
were married, and I should have gotten that too, and
I didn't. But you know what, But the reason why
I don't, And let me defend myself here. When I
go to a movie, I don't want to know the
actors' names. I just want to for the two hours
i'm there, I want to be transported into a place
where I've never been before, and I don't know anybody.
(26:26):
Like I went to see that Saving Private Ryan, and
I'm in the movie. About an hour and a half
into the movie. I look up and I said, and
I said, don't know it was Jenner? Whoever's with?
Speaker 2 (26:35):
I go.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Ted dancing? Because yeah, that's Ted dancing. Sh I go, well,
why is he in this movie? Sh what is this
a war where everybody knows your name? What's going on here?
So this guy's in cheers? Right, you're s you gotta
shut that up. But he's in cheers now, he's in
my World War two movie. He's in cheers, because yeah,
(27:01):
he's in Cheers. Like, I can't watch this anymore. I'll
be a meet outside.
Speaker 5 (27:04):
You're that guy.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
I couldn't.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
I couldn't sit there and watch it anymore. Hey, who
is who is one of the stars of Sleepless in Seattle?
Who is the woman?
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Meg Ryan? So with Jeff Warnick, we went out.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
We were gonna have these two gals that knew each other,
and we were all friends. And and I don't think
he was very serious with the girl he was going with.
And I don't think I was here. We were just
all sort of friends. Maybe I was, Maybe wasn't, who knows.
And so he says, let's go to a universal, go
see a movie. You know, we'll pick up the girls,
go to dinner, go see the movie.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
He said, okay, I said. He said, I'll.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Pay for everything if you do all arrange the reservations
and buy and and make the tickets and do all
the calls. And my buddy had some money, right, So
I said, okay, I'll do everything.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
I'll range with the girls.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
Big a mop, go to the you know, get reservation, eat,
go to the movie boom bang, but you pay for everything.
He goes done, credit card bang done.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
We pick him up.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
We go to that that Mexican place where everything's big universal.
It's really good too. I don't know if it's still
there or not. We have a great meal and we
go to uh, we go to the movie theater. Harry
gets popcorn, you know, candy or whatever. And we're sitting
in the movie theater and it's me one of the girls,
(28:16):
Jeff Hornick, one of the girls. Were sitting there, four
of us and it was a fairly packed movie theater.
And the movie starts and it says starring who is
the other the comedian was in them? Was it Tom Hanks?
Speaker 2 (28:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (28:31):
I thought it was okay, maybe it was Tom. But
in sleep the Seattle is Tom Hanks. Yeah, okay, all right,
So Tom Hanks comes up and and then was the
other one's name?
Speaker 2 (28:42):
And I'm gonna have.
Speaker 5 (28:43):
To write start understand.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
So Meg Ryan comes on the screen and he leans
over the over the girl and goes.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
You didn't tell me it wasn't Meg Ryan? Moving?
Speaker 1 (28:56):
And I said, I said, I didn't know to ask you,
and and he goes, I don't sit through Meg Ryan movies.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
And I said, okay, well just sit through this one.
He said, ass.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
And he sat in the lobby for two hours. Wow,
he sat in the lobby for two hours. He says,
I can't watch her on the screen.
Speaker 5 (29:18):
She's adorable, lover.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
I think she's so gad Yes, I thought she was
terrific in that movie.
Speaker 5 (29:24):
She was in that movie.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
She's really a cute. She was really cute. And and and.
Speaker 5 (29:28):
That that's right.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
That movie made her a huge celebrity too.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
Yeah, and uh, but he didn't like right in front
of those girl too.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
He goes, I don't sit through the mag r.
Speaker 5 (29:40):
And what did the girl think of her?
Speaker 2 (29:41):
She couldn't believe it.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
She's like, wait, where are you gonna go? You can
walk around university, goes, no, just sit on one of
those benches outside. And he sat out one of those
like red benches outside the theater that nobody ever uses
unless your wife's going to the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
And he sit in for a second.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
And he sat there for an hour and a half,
for two hours, went outside. He was there with his
opworm was gone, the coke was gone. He was just
sitting there like this frail old man. Right, but man,
it was so great.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
I don't got Meg Ryan movies and just for them,
but for the girls. Can't you sit through this? No, no,
I don't do that. I don't do it. I don't
do it. So okay, we'll see answer. All right, that's
my megro Ryan story.
Speaker 5 (30:21):
I'm proud of you sitting through.
Speaker 8 (30:23):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
I love Meg Ryan. I thought she was and it
was a good movie. Yeah, the movie is great.
Speaker 5 (30:28):
Right he missed out?
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Okay, but who is the other comedian in that movie?
Speaker 5 (30:33):
I'm oh, I know Rita Wilson was in it. And
who plays her?
Speaker 2 (30:40):
The the guy who said.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
I'll have what or not olive what she's having? But
there was a comedian, Billy Crystal. Yeahs Billy Crystal.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
That was Harry met Sally with Meg Ryan. Okay, it
was Harry met Sally. Really it was Harry men Sally.
You are who is oh my god, comedian? All right.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
That's why when I said Tom Hanks, you were like, yeah,
I was like Tom Hanks, I don't remember in that movie.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
Well maybe he was, I don't remember.
Speaker 6 (31:14):
Right, when you kept saying like the co star, I
was thinking Bruno Kirby is one of those guys that
was in as a sidekick in all of those movies.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
And it's funny because he was a sidekick to Billy Crystal.
So how great is that? Though I can't even get
these GD movies right? How am I going to ever get?
You know, Sylvester Stallone and Bruce Willis. Oh, that's great.
Speaker 5 (31:36):
You can quote Kylie Jenner.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
Yeah, but the whole time I was thinking Sleepless in Seattle,
but where she had she faked that orgasm at that
that launch your dinner at that deli with that Billy Crystal.
Speaker 5 (31:47):
When Harry met Yeah, when Harry met Sally. All right there,
I'm glad we worked through.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
But she was in both of those. She was Oh,
thank god, I thought it was going crazy. You're cute jeans.
Got a mighty man. I gotta get some help.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Conway Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app. Now you
can always hear us live on KFI AM six forty
four to seven pm Monday through Friday, and anytime on
demand on the iHeartRadio app.
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