April 8, 2025 • 33 mins
What if your words could instantly change how others see themselves? In this episode of Beyond Confidence, Divya Parekh and Dr. Dianne Olvera explore how small language shifts can build trust, boost confidence, and turn everyday conversations into powerful leadership tools. Packed with neuroscience-backed insights, this episode offers practical ways to empower others—at home, work, or school.
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Beyond Confidence is broadcast live Tuesdays at 10AM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Beyond Confidence TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
Beyond Confidence Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beyond-confidence--1885197/support.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The topics and opinions expressed on the following show are
solely those of the hosts and their guests and not
those of W four WN Radio. It's employees are affiliates.
We make no recommendations or endorsement for radio show programs, services,
or products mentioned on air or on our web. No liability,
explicit or implied shall be extended to W four WN Radio.
It's employees are affiliates. Any questions or common should be
(00:20):
directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing W
four WN Radio.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
This is Beyond Confidence with your host d W Park.
Do you want to live a more fulfilling life? Do
you want to live your legacy and achieve your personal, professional,
and financial goals? Well? Coming up on Dvparks Beyond Confidence,
you will hear real stories of leaders, entrepreneurs, and achievers
who have steps into discomfort, shattered their status quo, and
(00:45):
are living the life they want. You will learn how
relationships are the key to achieving your aspirations and financial goals.
Moving your career business forward does not have to happen
at the expense of your personal or family life or
vice versa. Learn more at WWWA. You don't divpork dot
com and you can connect with div at contact at
divpark dot com. This is beyond confidence and now here's
(01:08):
your host, div Park.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Good morning listeners, It's Tuesday morning and it's wonderful to
be here. So I want to share with you that
we had some beautiful rain yesterday and just the droplets.
As I was looking out through the window today, the
droplets were like, you know, one, hundreds and thousands of
(01:32):
diamonds just shining on that tree and it was so powerful.
So I want you to look for that diamond in
your life, take that moment and ask yourself the question,
where's my diamond? And today we are going to be
talking about the power of questions and how you can
(01:55):
bring that joy in communication and inner depth and the
meaning in your life. So let's get the conversation started.
And here's what I want to tell you is that
if you've got our books, I really appreciate you, and
if you have not, we would love for you to
(02:16):
get a box because I promise you they will definitely
impact your life.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
If you're looking.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
To influence somebody's life, or if you're looking to build
your business and also the part of profits from it.
Goes to keyvot dot org. So let's bring in our guest. So,
how are you doing?
Speaker 5 (02:43):
I'm good? How are you?
Speaker 4 (02:45):
I'm doing good?
Speaker 3 (02:46):
So tell us do you recall a moment from your
childhood or youth that impacted your life and you still
remember to this day.
Speaker 5 (02:58):
Well, my youth was brought up. We were brought up
in a very strict household, and so we weren't allowed
to talk. And if we ask questions, I often got soap,
a very wet bar of soap slid right behind my
(03:21):
front teeth for making any comment or asking any questions.
And if that didn't work, then I would be hit
with a belt or wouldn't spoon or anything, any object
that was going to change my attitude just from asking
(03:43):
a question or asking why. But you know, I really
worked for them. It was their wonderful way of disciplining. However,
when I left home, I kept thinking to myself and
meeting other friends and seeing their families, I kept thinking
there must be a better way to communicate. And luckily
(04:05):
I had some lovely friends whose parents were very kind
to their children. So it gave me an opportunity to
see that not all parents were as strict as mine.
The bad thing is when I went out into the
real world, I had those skills. I had no interpersonal skills.
I mean I was I could talk, and I could
(04:26):
speak with people. But let me give you an example.
When I was a stewardess. It was one of my
ways of getting out of the house. And we were
going to the Indian Necklace five hundred and we were
rushing and this we were still using knives and forks
(04:49):
that were metal. And as I was running down the
aisle trying to finish my service, I knocked them mans
to that with my hir My hip hit the fork,
the fork hit his tooth and I knocked it out.
So as I was going to the back of the
(05:09):
plane to pick up more trays, the man held out
his hand and he showed me his tooth. I asked
my flying partner what to do. She didn't know, So
what did I do? I ran to the cockpit. This
was a time when we still had the door that
wasn't locked. I ran to the cockpit, flung the door open.
(05:29):
Here we were on descent into the airport and I said,
I just knocked this man's tooth. Thought, you can't land
the plane yet. And he said, that's all right, honey,
don't worry. So I went back collected the trays. We
landed the airplane. Nobody died, and after everyone got off,
(05:54):
there was an ambulance at the bottom of the stairs
and he said, get in. It was just me. I mean,
there are the other crew members. It was just a captain,
the co pilot and me. I got in and I
was I was just petrified. Imagine with my childhood, I
was expecting somebody to put me in jail or something.
(06:15):
And he had a little twinkle in his eye and
he said, you know, I radio down and said I
have the only stewardess in the world that has such
hips that she knocks men's teethelt. So they gave us
a ride and the Goodyear blimp. So we went up
in the Goodyear Blimp. Everything was fine. Everyone was on
the airplane coming to come back to New York and
(06:38):
we pulled up in an ambulance again and I said, well,
you won't say anything, so oh yeah. I got halfway
through the cabin and what did he say, Ladies and gentlemen,
Please be careful with this young lady because she can
knock your teeth out with her hips. I was just
a young child. I was young. I ran to the
back of the airplane, stayed in the galley, and I
(07:00):
didn't dare make eye contact with anyone. So that was
my route to how was I going to change my
life to learn how to be a real person in
the real world. So that was that's impulsive speech. And
I had to learn how to how to change my life.
So you know, well, I think you know the rest
(07:22):
of it. I I married someone, went to Argentina and
that didn't work out. But I stayed in Argentina because
we had a son. And I met a man from
the United States who was a diplomat, and I became
a diplomat, and I had to learn how to use
my eyes, my language, and my cleverness to be able
(07:47):
to attain the information that was required of me to
do a good job in my work.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
So you mentioned that, like, you know, you became a diplomat.
So which country did you go to?
Speaker 3 (08:03):
Us?
Speaker 5 (08:03):
The diplomat that was even more into it was Argentina
right at the time when it was called the dirty war,
because they were if you did not agree or you
were saying things against the government, they did that a
lot with the newspaper, right, people that were working for
(08:27):
the newspaper, they would kill you, I mean literally write
out kill you. So some of my friends actually sent
and and and college students. I mean if they said
anything against the that country, they they were killed. So
a lot of my friends sent their children to England
and to get their education because they feared that they
(08:49):
would definitely be dead. So yeah, so it was very difficult.
And there again, when I met the president before I
had my clearance, he was so sweet. I remember coming
back and saying to my husband, what a fun guy that, Oh,
(09:10):
he had such a wonderful time. And my husband couldn't
tell me anything until I got my clearance, and then
he told me exactly what was happening.
Speaker 4 (09:19):
Mmm.
Speaker 5 (09:20):
I was devastated. And that that just tells you that
the power of language, the power of the lance, how
you use your eyes, how you use your words, can
completely turn people around one way or the other.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
Absolutely, So tell us about the time, like, especially in
such difficult times that you couldn't speak anything, how did
you do your job as a diplomat?
Speaker 5 (09:53):
Very clearly. That's that's when I put in my book.
You know, when I got back from this from Argentina.
I did twelve years of graduate school just to figure
out how do we use our language. You know, our
eyes are the electrical system of our body. We can
(10:16):
make an impact by keeping our eyes down, listening and
being very aware of the social nuances that are transpiring
between us that we really don't talk about or even
read about. But when I want to make my point,
(10:39):
I look straight at you and I said, it impacts.
When I talked to graduate school, I did that just
one evening and I said to one of the men,
tell me more, and he profusely just apologized for answering
(11:00):
a question. And so I put it out to a
Hope class and I said, isn't it interesting how my
interest in learning more from this young man caused Tim
to completely break down.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
Yeah, so it's You're absolutely right that people at different
levels and different cultures have different ways of communicating. You know,
what we may be looking at, like, okay, direct that
contact is seen as a sign of confidence in the US,
it may be different in some other country that it
(11:36):
may be a sign of disrespect. So after your journey
in Argentina, what other I know you've done research? So
tell our audience about that journey, and like, what were
the learnings from your cultural differences?
Speaker 5 (11:52):
Yes, well, from Argentina, I went to Mexico and that
was a time when that country was having severe financial issues,
and so we were we were again, we were diplomats,
and we had to be very careful. Even riding in
a motorcate you could have been killed.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
And so.
Speaker 5 (12:18):
We were approached on many sides by people who were
desiring to leave the country and come to the United States.
But they didn't have the background that one would can
say consider pristine, and so it became very dangerous to
(12:42):
work with people that put you in very uncomfortable situations.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
And how did you handle that?
Speaker 5 (12:54):
Again, you opened your awareness. So it's almost it is
it's like becoming a diagnostician. And people will say, but
if I haven't had all of your years of experience
in education and testing, how can I be a diagnostician?
(13:20):
But tim, you know yourself. We are all diagnosticians. You
walk into a room, what are we doing. We're looking
at the people, We're looking at what they're wearing, We're
looking at how they're speaking. That we're taking in all
of the awareness that our body is giving us. What
(13:42):
happens in this country, in the United States, is that
we're so rushed for time that we often overlook the
nuances between our personalities, and that often us is great
strife even in marriages and in relationships.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
In the workplace, you hit the nail on the head
that we are so rushed. For example, like you know,
so many of my plans will come and tell me, oh,
you know, we if we take more time to do
the work, like you know, we are questioned like, oh,
(14:28):
why did you take two hours to do this job?
This could have been done in an hour. So there
is that culture not in all the corporations. I have
seen in some of the corporations where they do bring
in that work life harmony.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
So during these.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
Times, and especially like you know, so many people are
working remotely, how can people use their awareness utilize the
unique talents of others?
Speaker 5 (14:57):
Uh? The first after we open our way fareness, I
look for some basic differences. One is specialists versus a generalist.
If we talk too much and give too many details,
a generalist only wants the bottom line. Otherwise you start
(15:21):
to see them drifting. And that's one cue that I have.
He's a generalist or she's a generalist. And then we
have the other who wants to expand on all of
the commentary, or if you give them, you ask them
(15:42):
to do something. Please bring mister Smith's file in the
next ten minutes. Then you start getting the details. Mister Smith,
do you want his wife also? Do you want to
file on your desk or on her desk? You know
it goes detailed, detailed detail detail. Now, in a workplace,
(16:07):
it can be very frustrating to put a generalist with
a specialist because they will feel like one person is
not giving enough information where the other feels that they're
over doing it. But if you have a big project,
(16:28):
you can. And the other thing that we do is
we tell them. You tell them I love the way
you give me a wonderful overview that sets the picture,
that sets the stage. Ah, now he becomes valuable or
she becomes valuable. Then to the specialist, I say, but
(16:49):
you love details. And then of course everybody in the
room rolls their eyes, but we bring out the happy
and the good in them. That is wonderful. You now
can take my wonderful basic idea and you can make
it even more beautiful because you look for all of
the little pieces or reading a client's paper or materials.
(17:20):
Generalists usually don't like to read all of those little details,
but specialists will go in all the way down to
the last comma and he feels so excited. I found
five theirs. Yes, I need that person, but we didn't
know we needed him until we realized this person had value.
(17:43):
Now the whole office sees each other as a working whole.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
That's a powerful way to kind of understand.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
I'm sure that you know there are people fall into
the mixed category as well. Then we are talking about
the journalists and specialists, So how do you communicate with
those people?
Speaker 5 (18:12):
That's really interesting. When we teach new teachers, we ask
them to do a personality profile and we will find out,
you know, if they're generalists a specialists, and then all
the little details and then a lot of times I'll
have these same teachers come back to graduate school and
(18:34):
to do a master's degree or a doctorate, and we'll
test them again and they're mixed. So the lovely thing
about having these unique differences is that when we start
to work together, our brain starts to make new neural
connections so that we change the way that we speak
(19:00):
and the way that we work with the individual with
whom we are now engaged with based on their profile.
And it's not a contest, it's just what you've learned
to pick up throughout the time of working with a
generalist a specialists. Then you become a mixed.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
So okay, so now you know you know what type
of a person there are you have gaged a Can
you incorporate different strategies to help others become more self sufficient?
Speaker 4 (19:36):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (19:36):
Well, that's one of the issues that I'm glad you're
bringing up today. Being a college professor, I'm noticing that
my students are coming into the classroom and I'm not
just saying undergraduates. I'm bringing you all the way up
(19:58):
to graduate level self awareness. One day, I was teaching
special education law, and I said, I don't want your name.
I don't know where you're from. I don't want to
know that. I want you to tell me who you are.
(20:18):
Do you know that not one person in that class
could tell me who they really are? What are your attributes? Deficits?
Define self?
Speaker 3 (20:36):
No?
Speaker 5 (20:36):
I can't do. So I suppose that starting way back
at two years old, that we start getting young children
to start defining self. Where do the blocks go in
(20:58):
the box. No, you can actually teach reading and math
at the same time. What color is the box? The
box is blue? Can we put red blocks in with blue?
And then they define that, and then you may say
you're a really good detective. And that defines that this
(21:20):
child now has is becoming more aware of their ability
to process information, decode it and define mm hmm. And
then as they start growing up, you do the same thing.
(21:41):
As they become might say seven to ten years old,
that's when the age of reason because ben comes in
and they'll tell you something that happened in the playground.
And then I'll listen and say, you know, you're really
good at giving people advice. If that child came up
(22:04):
to you and wanted to be your friend and ask
for advice, what advice would you give him? Now that
person is beginning to listen to themself. As you hear
your self talk, you start to become self aware. Self
awareness builds self confidence. Self confidence then prevents open conversation.
(22:33):
In open conversation, you can say you can discuss positive
things or impeding things, and you are able to express
yourself and receive the commentary because you know who you are.
But when you don't know who you are, you get
(22:53):
self doubt, and self doubt is defeatest.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
M hm. So you've talked about self awareness and death.
Why would you say that self awareness is so critical
to having that confidence.
Speaker 5 (23:14):
Well, when I actually proved this because when I was
teaching this one of my graduate classes, and I asked
the young man to tell me more. He wasn't that young,
as I think he was in his forties, I said,
tell me more. He immediately felt that I was demeaning him.
(23:42):
If you have self awareness and you know that you
have the power within you to define whatever comes at you,
you wouldn't feel that way. So then I started working
on with that class on self awareness ninety one forty two.
(24:06):
How do you know that blog is going to work
with this group of individuals? Tell me more? I use
it my linguistic classes. The first day of class, I said,
we're going to be talking about social linguistics. By the way,
where did your nose go when you hug someone? Now
(24:28):
this is first day of class and I say, would
you please hug each other? Oh, they're ready to faint.
I mean, you don't pass that social barrier and touch someone.
We do? That is the opening of self awareness, self
esteem and self.
Speaker 3 (24:48):
Confidence definitely, And as people are making conversations right, like
a lot of things are deemed as positive, negative or
impulsive type of communication. So give us a little bit
more insight in that, and like how can people blend
(25:08):
all three of them? So it's a small and clear
and concise communication.
Speaker 5 (25:17):
First of all, you, when it's like you and I today,
we are diagnostic. We are becoming diagnosticians. You're looking at
what I'm saying, you're listening to it, You're looking at
my body language, and you're defining my cyan who is dian.
(25:40):
I'm doing the same with you. And as we're looking
at each other, our awareness is expanding and we're defining
at what point is this relationship comfortable? Or if I
throw something out there that would make it uncomfortable, would
that person react. So, as I'm meeting you in our
(26:04):
first encounters, I am also thinking about how to make
you comfortable. And usually in my first conversation with a
new client that will come into my office for private work,
they often end up saying, how do you know me?
(26:25):
When you've never met me? Teenagers think I'm a witch.
Speaker 4 (26:35):
It's just you're just aware of them.
Speaker 5 (26:40):
Yes, but it's lovely. And if you are overseeing a
group of workers, if you're the boss and you have
this talent, it's innate. We all have it. Imagine how
(27:00):
comfortable your workplace will be because you're utilizing the time interacting.
The other piece is once you define rules, are you
elie is? Everyone needs to be there when we're defining
(27:24):
bottom line, this is what we're going to do. These
are the rules. What would happen if we cross that line?
You talk about that also, and then what would be
the repercussion of crossing that line? Talk about everybody knows
(27:44):
the bottom line. So then when something happens where an
action a word breaking confidence is happen with that happens
in the workplace, all you have to do is you
look at that person and say, what could you do differently?
(28:08):
Or where does that need to be instead of that
that file needs to be on missus Jones's desk eight
eight o'clock in the morning. If file isn't there, you
go up to that person you say, where does missus
Where does that file need to be in miss on
missus jones desk? So where is it right now? Oh,
(28:29):
it's in my hand, where should you put it on
the desk?
Speaker 3 (28:32):
Thank you?
Speaker 5 (28:33):
That's it. That's it. You don't demean the person, you
don't do it with an angry face. You smile and
say thanks, yeah, and they're respective for that mm hmm.
Speaker 4 (28:48):
And it's about embracing the differences.
Speaker 3 (28:51):
And we all know different regardless, regardless, and of course
the culture and different countries and even kids from the
same family. You know, people look at the experiences differently
with the different lens of the world.
Speaker 4 (29:06):
That's what makes our lives rich, that's what makes our
humanity rich.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
And celebrating those differences can make a huge huge impact
on how we communicate and receive each other. So that's
being kind of continue our communication piece. Are there any
last thoughts you want to share with our audience?
Speaker 5 (29:29):
Yes, open communication. When I left the United States and
my communication obviously was very close, and so I got
off the airplane and people were hugging me, and people
were telling me to my face things that they liked
(29:50):
about me and things that they didn't like about me.
And at first I felt very uncomfortable, but then I thought,
they love me, they care for me, They're telling me
what will make me more adaptable. And not be the
ugly American in their country. And so rather than take offense,
(30:16):
I learned that I also can be open in my communication.
When we are open in our communications, we are now
able to accept the negative and the positive and become
one whole, cohesive whole because we're doing it together.
Speaker 3 (30:39):
Absolutely, So where can people learn about deeper communication?
Speaker 4 (30:44):
Where can they get your book? How can they connect
with you?
Speaker 5 (30:49):
Yes, my web page is doctor Diane Olvera one word,
but it's the I A N N E and then
OVEROLB E r A dot com. That's our web page.
And my book is the Power of Connection and it's
understanding individual differences to uplift and empower.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
H Yeah, and I'm very powerful and I'm sure your
book will bring a lot of value to people. And
so yeah, definitely check out Dr Dan and doctor Dan
Olvera dot com.
Speaker 4 (31:25):
And thank you for joining us.
Speaker 5 (31:29):
Well, thank you so much. It was a wonderful conversation
with you, very kind and patient.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
I appreciate that, oh absolutely. And we all have our
moments when when we also get frazzled, and it's also
part of recognizing ourselves and others. So thank you for
joining us, and thank you wonderful listeners for being with
us and being part of our show. Please reach out
(31:54):
to us, let us know as you always do, and
a love that as to how serve you and support you,
What stories and what expertise we could bring for you
so that you can live the life you deserve.
Speaker 4 (32:07):
And thank you on for making the show technically possible?
Speaker 5 (32:11):
Did you all next time?
Speaker 2 (32:13):
Thank you for being part of Beyond Confidence With your
host v Park, we hope you have learned more about
how to start living the life you want. Each week
on Beyond Confidence, you hear stories of real people who've
experienced growth by overcoming their fears and building meaningful relationships.
During Beyond Confidence, Vpark shares what happened to her when
she stepped out of her comfort zone to work directly
(32:34):
with people across the globe. She not only coaches people
how to form hard connections, but also transform relationships to
mutually beneficial partnerships as they strive to live the life
they want. If you are ready to live the life
you want and leverage your strengths, learn more at www
dot dvpark dot com and you can connect with dvat
(32:54):
contact at dvpark dot com. We look forward to you,
joining us next week
The topics and opinions expressed on the following show are
solely those of the hosts and their guests and not
those of W four WN Radio. It's employees are affiliates.
We make no recommendations or endorsement for radio show programs, services,
or products mentioned on air or on our web. No liability,
explicit or implied shall be extended to W four WN Radio.
It's employees are affiliates. Any questions or common should be
(00:20):
directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing W
four WN Radio.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
This is Beyond Confidence with your host d W Park.
Do you want to live a more fulfilling life? Do
you want to live your legacy and achieve your personal, professional,
and financial goals? Well? Coming up on Dvparks Beyond Confidence,
you will hear real stories of leaders, entrepreneurs, and achievers
who have steps into discomfort, shattered their status quo, and
(00:45):
are living the life they want. You will learn how
relationships are the key to achieving your aspirations and financial goals.
Moving your career business forward does not have to happen
at the expense of your personal or family life or
vice versa. Learn more at WWWA. You don't divpork dot
com and you can connect with div at contact at
divpark dot com. This is beyond confidence and now here's
(01:08):
your host, div Park.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Good morning listeners, It's Tuesday morning and it's wonderful to
be here. So I want to share with you that
we had some beautiful rain yesterday and just the droplets.
As I was looking out through the window today, the
droplets were like, you know, one, hundreds and thousands of
(01:32):
diamonds just shining on that tree and it was so powerful.
So I want you to look for that diamond in
your life, take that moment and ask yourself the question,
where's my diamond? And today we are going to be
talking about the power of questions and how you can
(01:55):
bring that joy in communication and inner depth and the
meaning in your life. So let's get the conversation started.
And here's what I want to tell you is that
if you've got our books, I really appreciate you, and
if you have not, we would love for you to
(02:16):
get a box because I promise you they will definitely
impact your life.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
If you're looking.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
To influence somebody's life, or if you're looking to build
your business and also the part of profits from it.
Goes to keyvot dot org. So let's bring in our guest. So,
how are you doing?
Speaker 5 (02:43):
I'm good? How are you?
Speaker 4 (02:45):
I'm doing good?
Speaker 3 (02:46):
So tell us do you recall a moment from your
childhood or youth that impacted your life and you still
remember to this day.
Speaker 5 (02:58):
Well, my youth was brought up. We were brought up
in a very strict household, and so we weren't allowed
to talk. And if we ask questions, I often got soap,
a very wet bar of soap slid right behind my
(03:21):
front teeth for making any comment or asking any questions.
And if that didn't work, then I would be hit
with a belt or wouldn't spoon or anything, any object
that was going to change my attitude just from asking
(03:43):
a question or asking why. But you know, I really
worked for them. It was their wonderful way of disciplining. However,
when I left home, I kept thinking to myself and
meeting other friends and seeing their families, I kept thinking
there must be a better way to communicate. And luckily
(04:05):
I had some lovely friends whose parents were very kind
to their children. So it gave me an opportunity to
see that not all parents were as strict as mine.
The bad thing is when I went out into the
real world, I had those skills. I had no interpersonal skills.
I mean I was I could talk, and I could
(04:26):
speak with people. But let me give you an example.
When I was a stewardess. It was one of my
ways of getting out of the house. And we were
going to the Indian Necklace five hundred and we were
rushing and this we were still using knives and forks
(04:49):
that were metal. And as I was running down the
aisle trying to finish my service, I knocked them mans
to that with my hir My hip hit the fork,
the fork hit his tooth and I knocked it out.
So as I was going to the back of the
(05:09):
plane to pick up more trays, the man held out
his hand and he showed me his tooth. I asked
my flying partner what to do. She didn't know, So
what did I do? I ran to the cockpit. This
was a time when we still had the door that
wasn't locked. I ran to the cockpit, flung the door open.
(05:29):
Here we were on descent into the airport and I said,
I just knocked this man's tooth. Thought, you can't land
the plane yet. And he said, that's all right, honey,
don't worry. So I went back collected the trays. We
landed the airplane. Nobody died, and after everyone got off,
(05:54):
there was an ambulance at the bottom of the stairs
and he said, get in. It was just me. I mean,
there are the other crew members. It was just a captain,
the co pilot and me. I got in and I
was I was just petrified. Imagine with my childhood, I
was expecting somebody to put me in jail or something.
(06:15):
And he had a little twinkle in his eye and
he said, you know, I radio down and said I
have the only stewardess in the world that has such
hips that she knocks men's teethelt. So they gave us
a ride and the Goodyear blimp. So we went up
in the Goodyear Blimp. Everything was fine. Everyone was on
the airplane coming to come back to New York and
(06:38):
we pulled up in an ambulance again and I said, well,
you won't say anything, so oh yeah. I got halfway
through the cabin and what did he say, Ladies and gentlemen,
Please be careful with this young lady because she can
knock your teeth out with her hips. I was just
a young child. I was young. I ran to the
back of the airplane, stayed in the galley, and I
(07:00):
didn't dare make eye contact with anyone. So that was
my route to how was I going to change my
life to learn how to be a real person in
the real world. So that was that's impulsive speech. And
I had to learn how to how to change my life.
So you know, well, I think you know the rest
(07:22):
of it. I I married someone, went to Argentina and
that didn't work out. But I stayed in Argentina because
we had a son. And I met a man from
the United States who was a diplomat, and I became
a diplomat, and I had to learn how to use
my eyes, my language, and my cleverness to be able
(07:47):
to attain the information that was required of me to
do a good job in my work.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
So you mentioned that, like, you know, you became a diplomat.
So which country did you go to?
Speaker 3 (08:03):
Us?
Speaker 5 (08:03):
The diplomat that was even more into it was Argentina
right at the time when it was called the dirty war,
because they were if you did not agree or you
were saying things against the government, they did that a
lot with the newspaper, right, people that were working for
(08:27):
the newspaper, they would kill you, I mean literally write
out kill you. So some of my friends actually sent
and and and college students. I mean if they said
anything against the that country, they they were killed. So
a lot of my friends sent their children to England
and to get their education because they feared that they
(08:49):
would definitely be dead. So yeah, so it was very difficult.
And there again, when I met the president before I
had my clearance, he was so sweet. I remember coming
back and saying to my husband, what a fun guy that, Oh,
(09:10):
he had such a wonderful time. And my husband couldn't
tell me anything until I got my clearance, and then
he told me exactly what was happening.
Speaker 4 (09:19):
Mmm.
Speaker 5 (09:20):
I was devastated. And that that just tells you that
the power of language, the power of the lance, how
you use your eyes, how you use your words, can
completely turn people around one way or the other.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
Absolutely, So tell us about the time, like, especially in
such difficult times that you couldn't speak anything, how did
you do your job as a diplomat?
Speaker 5 (09:53):
Very clearly. That's that's when I put in my book.
You know, when I got back from this from Argentina.
I did twelve years of graduate school just to figure
out how do we use our language. You know, our
eyes are the electrical system of our body. We can
(10:16):
make an impact by keeping our eyes down, listening and
being very aware of the social nuances that are transpiring
between us that we really don't talk about or even
read about. But when I want to make my point,
(10:39):
I look straight at you and I said, it impacts.
When I talked to graduate school, I did that just
one evening and I said to one of the men,
tell me more, and he profusely just apologized for answering
(11:00):
a question. And so I put it out to a
Hope class and I said, isn't it interesting how my
interest in learning more from this young man caused Tim
to completely break down.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
Yeah, so it's You're absolutely right that people at different
levels and different cultures have different ways of communicating. You know,
what we may be looking at, like, okay, direct that
contact is seen as a sign of confidence in the US,
it may be different in some other country that it
(11:36):
may be a sign of disrespect. So after your journey
in Argentina, what other I know you've done research? So
tell our audience about that journey, and like, what were
the learnings from your cultural differences?
Speaker 5 (11:52):
Yes, well, from Argentina, I went to Mexico and that
was a time when that country was having severe financial issues,
and so we were we were again, we were diplomats,
and we had to be very careful. Even riding in
a motorcate you could have been killed.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
And so.
Speaker 5 (12:18):
We were approached on many sides by people who were
desiring to leave the country and come to the United States.
But they didn't have the background that one would can
say consider pristine, and so it became very dangerous to
(12:42):
work with people that put you in very uncomfortable situations.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
And how did you handle that?
Speaker 5 (12:54):
Again, you opened your awareness. So it's almost it is
it's like becoming a diagnostician. And people will say, but
if I haven't had all of your years of experience
in education and testing, how can I be a diagnostician?
(13:20):
But tim, you know yourself. We are all diagnosticians. You
walk into a room, what are we doing. We're looking
at the people, We're looking at what they're wearing, We're
looking at how they're speaking. That we're taking in all
of the awareness that our body is giving us. What
(13:42):
happens in this country, in the United States, is that
we're so rushed for time that we often overlook the
nuances between our personalities, and that often us is great
strife even in marriages and in relationships.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
In the workplace, you hit the nail on the head
that we are so rushed. For example, like you know,
so many of my plans will come and tell me, oh,
you know, we if we take more time to do
the work, like you know, we are questioned like, oh,
(14:28):
why did you take two hours to do this job?
This could have been done in an hour. So there
is that culture not in all the corporations. I have
seen in some of the corporations where they do bring
in that work life harmony.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
So during these.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
Times, and especially like you know, so many people are
working remotely, how can people use their awareness utilize the
unique talents of others?
Speaker 5 (14:57):
Uh? The first after we open our way fareness, I
look for some basic differences. One is specialists versus a generalist.
If we talk too much and give too many details,
a generalist only wants the bottom line. Otherwise you start
(15:21):
to see them drifting. And that's one cue that I have.
He's a generalist or she's a generalist. And then we
have the other who wants to expand on all of
the commentary, or if you give them, you ask them
(15:42):
to do something. Please bring mister Smith's file in the
next ten minutes. Then you start getting the details. Mister Smith,
do you want his wife also? Do you want to
file on your desk or on her desk? You know
it goes detailed, detailed detail detail. Now, in a workplace,
(16:07):
it can be very frustrating to put a generalist with
a specialist because they will feel like one person is
not giving enough information where the other feels that they're
over doing it. But if you have a big project,
(16:28):
you can. And the other thing that we do is
we tell them. You tell them I love the way
you give me a wonderful overview that sets the picture,
that sets the stage. Ah, now he becomes valuable or
she becomes valuable. Then to the specialist, I say, but
(16:49):
you love details. And then of course everybody in the
room rolls their eyes, but we bring out the happy
and the good in them. That is wonderful. You now
can take my wonderful basic idea and you can make
it even more beautiful because you look for all of
the little pieces or reading a client's paper or materials.
(17:20):
Generalists usually don't like to read all of those little details,
but specialists will go in all the way down to
the last comma and he feels so excited. I found
five theirs. Yes, I need that person, but we didn't
know we needed him until we realized this person had value.
(17:43):
Now the whole office sees each other as a working whole.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
That's a powerful way to kind of understand.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
I'm sure that you know there are people fall into
the mixed category as well. Then we are talking about
the journalists and specialists, So how do you communicate with
those people?
Speaker 5 (18:12):
That's really interesting. When we teach new teachers, we ask
them to do a personality profile and we will find out,
you know, if they're generalists a specialists, and then all
the little details and then a lot of times I'll
have these same teachers come back to graduate school and
(18:34):
to do a master's degree or a doctorate, and we'll
test them again and they're mixed. So the lovely thing
about having these unique differences is that when we start
to work together, our brain starts to make new neural
connections so that we change the way that we speak
(19:00):
and the way that we work with the individual with
whom we are now engaged with based on their profile.
And it's not a contest, it's just what you've learned
to pick up throughout the time of working with a
generalist a specialists. Then you become a mixed.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
So okay, so now you know you know what type
of a person there are you have gaged a Can
you incorporate different strategies to help others become more self sufficient?
Speaker 4 (19:36):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (19:36):
Well, that's one of the issues that I'm glad you're
bringing up today. Being a college professor, I'm noticing that
my students are coming into the classroom and I'm not
just saying undergraduates. I'm bringing you all the way up
(19:58):
to graduate level self awareness. One day, I was teaching
special education law, and I said, I don't want your name.
I don't know where you're from. I don't want to
know that. I want you to tell me who you are.
(20:18):
Do you know that not one person in that class
could tell me who they really are? What are your attributes? Deficits?
Define self?
Speaker 3 (20:36):
No?
Speaker 5 (20:36):
I can't do. So I suppose that starting way back
at two years old, that we start getting young children
to start defining self. Where do the blocks go in
(20:58):
the box. No, you can actually teach reading and math
at the same time. What color is the box? The
box is blue? Can we put red blocks in with blue?
And then they define that, and then you may say
you're a really good detective. And that defines that this
(21:20):
child now has is becoming more aware of their ability
to process information, decode it and define mm hmm. And
then as they start growing up, you do the same thing.
(21:41):
As they become might say seven to ten years old,
that's when the age of reason because ben comes in
and they'll tell you something that happened in the playground.
And then I'll listen and say, you know, you're really
good at giving people advice. If that child came up
(22:04):
to you and wanted to be your friend and ask
for advice, what advice would you give him? Now that
person is beginning to listen to themself. As you hear
your self talk, you start to become self aware. Self
awareness builds self confidence. Self confidence then prevents open conversation.
(22:33):
In open conversation, you can say you can discuss positive
things or impeding things, and you are able to express
yourself and receive the commentary because you know who you are.
But when you don't know who you are, you get
(22:53):
self doubt, and self doubt is defeatest.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
M hm. So you've talked about self awareness and death.
Why would you say that self awareness is so critical
to having that confidence.
Speaker 5 (23:14):
Well, when I actually proved this because when I was
teaching this one of my graduate classes, and I asked
the young man to tell me more. He wasn't that young,
as I think he was in his forties, I said,
tell me more. He immediately felt that I was demeaning him.
(23:42):
If you have self awareness and you know that you
have the power within you to define whatever comes at you,
you wouldn't feel that way. So then I started working
on with that class on self awareness ninety one forty two.
(24:06):
How do you know that blog is going to work
with this group of individuals? Tell me more? I use
it my linguistic classes. The first day of class, I said,
we're going to be talking about social linguistics. By the way,
where did your nose go when you hug someone? Now
(24:28):
this is first day of class and I say, would
you please hug each other? Oh, they're ready to faint.
I mean, you don't pass that social barrier and touch someone.
We do? That is the opening of self awareness, self
esteem and self.
Speaker 3 (24:48):
Confidence definitely, And as people are making conversations right, like
a lot of things are deemed as positive, negative or
impulsive type of communication. So give us a little bit
more insight in that, and like how can people blend
(25:08):
all three of them? So it's a small and clear
and concise communication.
Speaker 5 (25:17):
First of all, you, when it's like you and I today,
we are diagnostic. We are becoming diagnosticians. You're looking at
what I'm saying, you're listening to it, You're looking at
my body language, and you're defining my cyan who is dian.
(25:40):
I'm doing the same with you. And as we're looking
at each other, our awareness is expanding and we're defining
at what point is this relationship comfortable? Or if I
throw something out there that would make it uncomfortable, would
that person react. So, as I'm meeting you in our
(26:04):
first encounters, I am also thinking about how to make
you comfortable. And usually in my first conversation with a
new client that will come into my office for private work,
they often end up saying, how do you know me?
(26:25):
When you've never met me? Teenagers think I'm a witch.
Speaker 4 (26:35):
It's just you're just aware of them.
Speaker 5 (26:40):
Yes, but it's lovely. And if you are overseeing a
group of workers, if you're the boss and you have
this talent, it's innate. We all have it. Imagine how
(27:00):
comfortable your workplace will be because you're utilizing the time interacting.
The other piece is once you define rules, are you
elie is? Everyone needs to be there when we're defining
(27:24):
bottom line, this is what we're going to do. These
are the rules. What would happen if we cross that line?
You talk about that also, and then what would be
the repercussion of crossing that line? Talk about everybody knows
(27:44):
the bottom line. So then when something happens where an
action a word breaking confidence is happen with that happens
in the workplace, all you have to do is you
look at that person and say, what could you do differently?
(28:08):
Or where does that need to be instead of that
that file needs to be on missus Jones's desk eight
eight o'clock in the morning. If file isn't there, you
go up to that person you say, where does missus
Where does that file need to be in miss on
missus jones desk? So where is it right now? Oh,
(28:29):
it's in my hand, where should you put it on
the desk?
Speaker 3 (28:32):
Thank you?
Speaker 5 (28:33):
That's it. That's it. You don't demean the person, you
don't do it with an angry face. You smile and
say thanks, yeah, and they're respective for that mm hmm.
Speaker 4 (28:48):
And it's about embracing the differences.
Speaker 3 (28:51):
And we all know different regardless, regardless, and of course
the culture and different countries and even kids from the
same family. You know, people look at the experiences differently
with the different lens of the world.
Speaker 4 (29:06):
That's what makes our lives rich, that's what makes our
humanity rich.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
And celebrating those differences can make a huge huge impact
on how we communicate and receive each other. So that's
being kind of continue our communication piece. Are there any
last thoughts you want to share with our audience?
Speaker 5 (29:29):
Yes, open communication. When I left the United States and
my communication obviously was very close, and so I got
off the airplane and people were hugging me, and people
were telling me to my face things that they liked
(29:50):
about me and things that they didn't like about me.
And at first I felt very uncomfortable, but then I thought,
they love me, they care for me, They're telling me
what will make me more adaptable. And not be the
ugly American in their country. And so rather than take offense,
(30:16):
I learned that I also can be open in my communication.
When we are open in our communications, we are now
able to accept the negative and the positive and become
one whole, cohesive whole because we're doing it together.
Speaker 3 (30:39):
Absolutely, So where can people learn about deeper communication?
Speaker 4 (30:44):
Where can they get your book? How can they connect
with you?
Speaker 5 (30:49):
Yes, my web page is doctor Diane Olvera one word,
but it's the I A N N E and then
OVEROLB E r A dot com. That's our web page.
And my book is the Power of Connection and it's
understanding individual differences to uplift and empower.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
H Yeah, and I'm very powerful and I'm sure your
book will bring a lot of value to people. And
so yeah, definitely check out Dr Dan and doctor Dan
Olvera dot com.
Speaker 4 (31:25):
And thank you for joining us.
Speaker 5 (31:29):
Well, thank you so much. It was a wonderful conversation
with you, very kind and patient.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
I appreciate that, oh absolutely. And we all have our
moments when when we also get frazzled, and it's also
part of recognizing ourselves and others. So thank you for
joining us, and thank you wonderful listeners for being with
us and being part of our show. Please reach out
(31:54):
to us, let us know as you always do, and
a love that as to how serve you and support you,
What stories and what expertise we could bring for you
so that you can live the life you deserve.
Speaker 4 (32:07):
And thank you on for making the show technically possible?
Speaker 5 (32:11):
Did you all next time?
Speaker 2 (32:13):
Thank you for being part of Beyond Confidence With your
host v Park, we hope you have learned more about
how to start living the life you want. Each week
on Beyond Confidence, you hear stories of real people who've
experienced growth by overcoming their fears and building meaningful relationships.
During Beyond Confidence, Vpark shares what happened to her when
she stepped out of her comfort zone to work directly
(32:34):
with people across the globe. She not only coaches people
how to form hard connections, but also transform relationships to
mutually beneficial partnerships as they strive to live the life
they want. If you are ready to live the life
you want and leverage your strengths, learn more at www
dot dvpark dot com and you can connect with dvat
(32:54):
contact at dvpark dot com. We look forward to you,
joining us next week
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