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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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(00:20):
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Speaker 2 (00:25):
This is Beyond Confidence with your host d W. Park.
Do you want to live a more fulfilling life? Do
you want to live your legacy and achieve your personal, professional,
and financial goals? Well? Coming up on zvoparks Beyond Confidence,
you will hear real stories of leaders, entrepreneurs, and achievers
who have steps into discomfort, shattered their status quo, and
are living the life they want. You will learn how
(00:48):
relationships are the key to achieving your aspirations and financial goals.
Moving your career business forward does not have to happen
at the expense of your personal or family life or
vice versa. Learn more at WWWA You Done divpork dot
com and you can connect with tv ants contact dants
divpark dot com. This is beyond confidence and now here's
(01:08):
your host div Park.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Good morning listeners. And today as I was walking, like
you know, I met my old neighbor and we were
walking back together and it was just so wonderful and
we were talking about kindness and what she shared was
that that she had been talking to someone and was
(01:37):
not a lady, I mean, just a stranger like you know,
passed by and her dress and her the dress color
caught her.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
Eye and she just stopped by and said, like, you know,
that is so beautiful. And what the lady responded in
return was oh, her.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Face lit up and it made her day. So when
we talk about hindness, it's not just about doing big things.
It can be little things and seeing what you can
do for others doesn't take much energy and all of that.
So thank you to each and every one of you
who have got our books, and if you have not,
(02:19):
get a chance and get our books from Amazon. You know,
if you tap money in or go for expert to
Influencer or the Entrepreneur's Garden, you will be supporting us.
You'll be supporting yourself because I can definitely tell you
that you will get a lot of actionable nuggets from
out there, and also you will help us help entrepreneurs
(02:41):
because we donate part of the proceeds to keey it
out org. And let's bring in our guest, elir. I'm welcome, Jared,
Thank you, thanks for you right, absolutely so, Jared, why
(03:02):
don't you share with our listeners if you recall a
moment that still stands out in your memory, whether you
were a young child or in your youth, somebody left
the positive mark on you.
Speaker 5 (03:18):
Well, my I was teacher mayor left a huge mark
on me because at the age of thirty two, I
was really depressed, felt really stupid and completely lost, and
you know, I vividly recalled the lowliness I felt. And
then at one moment, I met my teacher, my Towish
(03:39):
teacher at the business meeting. No coincidence there, because when
the student is ready, the teacher will appear. And I
took him home with me and he explained to me
after some talks, you know, we spent hours talking to
each other, and then he suddenly said, you know what,
(04:01):
You're not stupid. The issue is that You're not stupid.
The issue is that you are very intelligent and people
don't understand you. So you're not stupid, you're not an alien.
They just don't get you. And you're very high sensitive too.
And yeah, well for some people that is a problem
(04:21):
because you can see how they feel. And yeah, well
at that moment, a lot of drops landed in my mind.
So at that moment, I understand. You know, there's no
problem with being different, and I am different. There's nothing
(04:42):
wrong with being different, but just a lot of people
don't understand. And well, is that my issue or is
that their issue? Yeah? You know in Taoist there's a
saying when somebody offers you a gift and you don't
accept it, then who is the owner of the gift? Well,
(05:05):
it's obviously the person that is trying to give you
the gift and the person that doesn't understand you. So yeah,
that's what my teacher told me. You know, it's okay
to be different, nothing wrong with being different. Yeah, but
what is very important is understand who you are and
(05:28):
what your value is. Know your worth. And that's what
I've been teaching people for twenty eight years now. You know,
nothing being different and we can't all be CEOs of
from big company. We need genditers too, you know, And
that's okay. Yeah, but a lot of people don't feel
that way. The only the feeling that they are good enough,
(05:51):
like I did once.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
And so what led to you feeling.
Speaker 5 (05:54):
That, Well, because of people don't understanding me. And because
they didn't understand me, they yeah, put me down, you know,
they downgraded me and they didn't value me like I
was and yeah, well that made me feel really stupid.
(06:14):
And the fact nobody gotn't got me. Yeah, And that's
what I see with a lot of people. A lot
of people have the feeling that they are good enough
because they don't understand their value, they don't understand their
place in this world. They're bothered with fear, feeling not
good enough, overthinking and you know that doesn't help, It
(06:41):
doesn't serve you, and it doesn't make you happy. And
that's what it should be, you know, life should be
in the flow. Yeah, and of course we all have setbacks.
But you know, when you understand how to decipher setbacks,
it becomes a message that you can work with and
that gives you the choice to do things the other way.
(07:02):
Around and when you do things in another way after
understanding the setback, you'll see that you've come back in
the flow again and that makes life a lot simpler.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
So you talk about being in the flow. What is
being the flow mean for you?
Speaker 5 (07:22):
Well, being a flow means that everything is going like
it should be. You know, life is not is not
supposed to be a struggle like many people experience it,
and that's not a flow. You know. The flow is
that everything is going to come in your way. Everything
(07:42):
that is meant to be for you is coming your way.
And that doesn't mean that we all have to be millionaires,
but it means that you have to be happy and
successful in the things that you do. You know, everything
has to go. As soon as you find find some
resistance somewhere, then there's something that you're doing wrong. And
(08:04):
when you decipher that setback, you will understand what you're
doing wrong and you can do it in another way.
You can make other choices and do things in another way,
and then you will find that you come back in
the floor again.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
M So tell us about your journey. You you're not
feeling that self ward, So what was going through your mind?
And tell us a possession.
Speaker 5 (08:34):
I was constantly trying to prove myself to everybody, prove
myself worthy. But you know what, that only creates the opposite,
because people don't like people who are proving themselves because
they want to show their worth themselves too, And yeah,
it doesn't work.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
So yeah, And if you say that, like, you know,
you are trying to prove your word that the manifest
and your behaviors and feelings.
Speaker 5 (09:07):
Wow. Yeah, wow, I'm trying to push things and I
was working far too hard, crossing my boundaries, trying to
please everybody. But you know what, in the end, I
was pleasing anybody and especially not myself. Yeah, because you know,
(09:28):
the only one that you have to please in life
is you. And that doesn't mean that you have to
be wrong to people, but it means that you have
to put yourself first. Eccentric about it, you know.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
So a lot of people take that belief and take
it differently that you know, I need to put myself first.
And some of them also believe that it's okay to
put somebody down, to disregard other people. What would you
say to them, Well.
Speaker 5 (10:03):
You know what, when you pull people down, that's says
everything about you. Because people who know who they are
and have confidence don't go put people down. They lift
people up. Mm hmmm yeah, and.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
That is the key, right, and you can focus on yourself.
So how can you find that balance? Like they're still
thinking about themselves, like you know, when they're lifting other people,
it's also too important to figure out they're not putting
themselves down, they're not putting themselves. Yeah, how can people
(10:41):
figure out whether they're pleasing and how can they find
that balance?
Speaker 5 (10:46):
Well? By unlearning some things, but I do. Mostly it's
unlearned and unlearned fear, learn overthinking because it's not serving you,
and unlearned their feeling that you are in a good
because that feeling is placed upon you by people who
themselves feel not good enough. And as soon as you
(11:09):
realize that, you can turn it around. Yeah, because there's
so many people out there who have the feeling that
they are good enough and they're afraid that people see
it and they start overthinking or how can that change it?
And how can I show people then when they don't
worth it and blah blah blah, you know, stop it. Yeah,
(11:30):
stop going out, start going in and understand who you are.
And there's nothing wrong with being putting yourself first, because
when you're not happy, the people around you are not happy.
You know. I once said a chat with somebody, a woman,
and he says, sheid, no, when my children are happy,
(11:50):
I'll be happy, And I said, what are you kidding?
That's completely the other way around. You know, when you
are happy, your kids will be happy because you are
the one who has to give the example. And she
was completely flabbagatid. It was completely the other way around,
(12:11):
you know, And that's that's we learned so many things
that they are not correct, that don't serve us anymore. Yeah,
like putting everybody first. Now put yourself first, because when
you are happy, it shows. Yeah, when you're self worth,
it shows, It shows in your aura. Yeah, like like
(12:34):
when your people, when you give people a compliment, you
know what a lot of people do, they start explaining
themselves making issueses don't. Yeah, because when you get a compliment,
you've probably earned it, So why start excusing yourself such
(12:56):
a waste as I'm when you get a compliment that
you've earned it, and when you understand that, you don't
have to excuse yourselves for getting a compliment. Yeah, So you.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
Talk about unlearning and overthinking. So like people know, most
people know about these principles, they kind of know that,
and yet they keep on doing it. So how can
they unlearn overthinking and fear?
Speaker 5 (13:26):
Well, you know, we we developed our thinking to learn
new things, to understand new things, and to control new things.
But you know what, that's what you do once percent today.
So why should you think twenty four seven day such
(13:47):
a waste of time? You know, because ninety nine percent
of the things you do every day you have been
doing for the past decades every day, So I think
about that. You know. It's like learning to drive a car.
When you learn to drive a car, you have to
think because everything is new, and that's okay, it's logic.
(14:10):
But when you've been driving for twenty years, you don't
have to think about it anymore. It becomes an automatism.
And that's how our thinking should work. You'll learn something
something new, you think about it, and when it becomes
an automatic purpose, you start thinking about it. Yeah, when
(14:32):
you drive a car, the only thing you need to
think about is where am I going? And that's it
and that will only take five seconds.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Yeah, people want to do that, but they're not able
to do it. What is stopping them?
Speaker 5 (14:46):
Well, it's because everybody does it, but that doesn't make
it right. That's an issue in this world. There's a
lot of things that we learn every day and we
all think it's normal, but it's not. Like, fear is
not normal. Overthinking is not normal, you know, because it
(15:06):
keeps you away from your authentic self. Yeah, you learn
fear every day, but realize that the people that are
teaching you fear are the people who are trying to
control your life. And it's not okay, you know. Yeah,
And when you fear some things, you were attracted automatically.
(15:27):
You know, when you were afraid of spiders, you will
attract it your house being filled with spiders. And that's
the you know, that's the lesson. The lesson is understand
that what you fear is not okay, you know, it's
it's learned behavior from the people around you who often
share the same fear.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
What framework did you use that helped you aligne with
your nature restore yourself word, Well, my time with teacher.
Speaker 5 (15:59):
Are taking a lot of things and made me made
me experience all kinds of things, you know, like a burnout.
He created with energy, a burnout with me and said,
you know what, I'll give you a month show me.
And in three weeks I was out of it. And
then you came to me and I said, okay, okay,
(16:22):
explain what is it and how did you get out
of it? Well, it was very easy. It was the
feeling of being good enough and overstepping all my boundaries,
trying to please everybody, trying to show everybody that I'm
worth it, and nobody did until I stopped. And the
(16:42):
moment I stopped, everybody started to value date me, compliment me.
You know, that's the simplest funny thing in this world
because when people are confident, we put them on a
huge pedestal. But that that says that we find it
(17:04):
normal not to be confident, and that's completely the other
way around, you know, So why should we admire people
who are themselves? Because that says that we find it
normal that we are not ourselves And that's a bit
of strange. But everybody thinks that way, and that's what
(17:25):
I do learned because it's not okay, you know, it's
not correct. We're okay to admire people, but don't forget
that you are worth it too, you know, That's what
I said. Not everybody can be a CEO or IBM
or whatever. You know, we need janitors to because if
(17:46):
we don't have jepitors, it will come a mess. Yeah.
Lou Rols had a beautiful song about it, clean it up. Yeah,
you know what the sound. Yeah, we need everybody, you know,
and everybody has his place in this world. Yeah, and
that's okay. Realize as you are adding value to the
(18:10):
world by being who you are.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
Right, So, what are some of the shifts that people
can implement? What would you like, you know, give people
some practical tips that they can walk away to work
through this.
Speaker 5 (18:27):
Well, let me tell you about southear. You know, there's
a very good film After Earth. I don't know if
you heard it. It's with Will Smith and his real son.
In the film, it's his son, but it's life in
real life it's his son too, and he says something
very good that nobody understands. He says, you know what
(18:52):
to his son in the movie. He says, you know,
danger is a reality, but fear is a choice. And
he's right. Is that He's very right? Fear is a choice,
you know, Like I said, one of your colleagues I
(19:13):
had an interview with somebody I won't call the name, Okay,
and she says, yeah, but I live in Colorado where
we have huge snakes. And I said, do you realize
that a snake doesn't use his eyes and he's almost blind?
And she said what I said? Yeah, you know, a
(19:36):
snake doesn't use his eyes because he's almost blind. He
uses his stun to takete this environment. And when you
meet a snake, yeah, because you're in Colorado, yeah, jungle
bush bush, because you will meet snakes. But a snake
sees two tree stemps. Yeah, and when you stay still,
(19:59):
you stand still, the snake will just move on, yeah,
because he just sees two three stems. But when you move,
people feel attacked, and then you will attack you. So
understand that a snake doesn't see you. He sees two
(20:20):
three stamps. And when you realize that, you'll see that
you will overcome your fear and you will never see
a snake again in your life. Because that's how it works,
That's how the universe works. You are always confronted with
your fear because you need to unlearn. You need to
unlearn that fear. You know, like spiders, you know, a
(20:42):
spider is only this big. He's completely harmless. So why
be afraid of a spider? Well, a lot of people
and a lot of women are afraid of spiders until
they realize that a spider is so small it never, never, never,
ever harm them mm hmm. And when they realize that
(21:03):
they will never see a snake ever again in their life,
because that is our universe works, Yeah, unconsciously.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
So what about you know you've talked about fear that, Okay,
you'll unload it, work through it. But some people, they
go through a lot of tragedy, they go through trauma,
and trauma is a way of coming back quite often.
So what would you recommend for them?
Speaker 5 (21:36):
Well, you know, there's always light on the end of
the tunnel, and when you get setbacks, when you get
trauma stuff like that, realize that there's a lesson out there. Yeah,
there's always a lesson. This life is one big unlearning experience. Yeah,
and you know I've been through trauma. Tell me about it,
(21:58):
you know, I can tell you once small thing. You
see here a picture of my little girl. I have
a seven year old, but that's not the only child
I have. You know, I have two other daughters. Who
I am for thirty one years old? Yeah, talking about traumas,
(22:18):
you know, I haven't seen them thirty one years. I'm sorry,
but you know what, life goes on m hmm. And
of course you have pain, you know when I see
children at television, of course it hurns. But you know what,
that's a part of life, you know. Life. The English say,
(22:43):
have a very funny saying about it life speech, and
then you die. And English women have one that's even funnier.
They say life supposit and then you marry one. Very funny.
(23:04):
But that's the way I think.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
Interesting. Yeah, we all.
Speaker 5 (23:11):
Get challenges in our life. Yeah. You know, I did
a group session once and there was one woman. He says, yeah,
you know what, I had a little girl and she
died at six. What does that mean? Well, I said,
you know what, and this may sound very strange to you,
(23:34):
but the child was ready. The child has learned everything
it needed to learn, and it was ready and it
happened to you. Sorry to say so, because you can
handle it. And she says, yeah, that's how I feel too. Yeah,
(23:57):
And I said, you know what, be glad that you
uh enriched her life for six years? Yeah mm hm
you know, things happen in life. Yeah, you know, it happens,
you know, but that doesn't mean that your life has
(24:18):
to still stand still. Mm hmmm, we have to move on.
Speaker 3 (24:23):
Yeah, no, it's that that definitely makes sense. And you
talk about leadership and bone out crisis there, and of course,
like you, I've seen a lot of my clients also
sharing that to feel the bone out. So can leaders right,
because they have like a fast paced life. They need
(24:47):
to have the speed and they need to sometimes deliver
things on time. So what can they do? Like, I know,
you have a method of like a Taoist method. Do
you want to walk us through that? Well?
Speaker 5 (25:02):
The most important with people, and especially managers have been
one for twenty one years, is to maintain your inner peace. Yeah,
that's the most important issue, you know. And keep your
(25:25):
inner peace. Don't let yourself, don't let people or situations
get the best of you. You know. I can give
you an example. Once I was a manager of sixteen
people and we had an apartment. You had a you know,
(25:47):
garden with all kinds of desks, you know, I'm eran.
I think that's the American way. And a guy from
another apartment, other department I met him at the hallway
and he was completely stretched out. He says, I said,
what's wrong with you? He says, well, panic because this
(26:10):
bank account is empty and we need to transfer four
hundred million euros or got deal doctor that account and problem.
I said, is that a problem? Yeah, that's a very
big problem. I said, well, you know what, it's not
to you. It's a problem, but I'll have it fixed
(26:31):
in ten minutes if you want. It's impossible. Nobody can
do that like that. I says, you know what, but
take a piece of paper, put down the two bank accounts.
Tell me which bank account has to put the four
hundred million in that bank account and I'll have it
(26:52):
fixed in ten minutes. Impossible, Well do it. You want
to be done, write it down. So he wrote it down.
I caught my agent at the main bank. I said, sweetie,
I've an issue, and she says, well, tell me about it.
(27:16):
I said, you know what, I need to transfer four
hundred million from this account to the account and she says, well,
no problem. When should it arrive? I said five minutes ago.
She said, well, we will be there in ten and
i'll see the paperwork, right. I said, you know you
(27:37):
know who I am, right, of course you'll see the paperwork.
No problem there. So I took a piece of paper,
a special order. I went up to the president of
the company. He signed it without even looking. Everybody signed
four hundred million, right, he signed it out even watching.
Anybody signed, And I went down to the desk of
(27:58):
the person who was better thinking, and I said, you
know what, it's already. It's arrived and it is not possible.
I said, well, start your computer and see for yourself.
So you started the computer and it was there, and
(28:20):
he says, this is impossible. I said, no, it's impossible
to you and not to me. And this is why
I am a manager of sixteen people and you're not,
because you're in panic and for something that I would
get get to fixed in ten minutes. Sir, yeah, no
(28:45):
problem there' say home, because when you panic, you start
thinking and in mind goes completely crazy and you don't
see the solution anymore. Mm hmm Mhm's there very nice
film called Patch Adams, I know if you see them,
But he meets he meets a really genius person and
(29:10):
that person asks everybody how many fingers do you see?
And of course everybody says word, and he says, ah,
you're a perssive. Idiots said blah blah blah blah blah blah.
And then Patch Adam comes to me, to him and
he says, you know how many fingers are there? And
(29:31):
the genius tells him not to look at the issue,
but to look beyond the issue, and he does and
you see the picture change into eight fingers. And then
he says to the genius, I see eight fingers, and
the genius says, you're right, that's the right answer. Now
(29:52):
you're looking beyond the problem. Yeah, so stop worrying, stop overthinking,
because when you overthink, you will never see the solution.
Like the guy was a panic because he needed to
transfer four hundred million good or euros to another account
and I fixed it in ten minutes because you know,
(30:15):
I didn't see the problem. I didn't see the problem,
and I stay cold, and because I stayed calm, I knew, Okay,
let's make a phone call and I'll fix it and
it's done. You know, inner piece is very, very very
important because when you panick, you start overthinking, and you
(30:39):
will never see the solution. Because there's always a solution,
and sometimes you need to ask for help. Yeah, don't
be don't be afraid to ask for help if you
don't get it, if you don't know how to solve things,
because there's always somebody out there who does who does know?
Speaker 6 (31:04):
Yeah, yeah, So basically what you're saying is naturally income
under pressure and when you remain come you're able to.
Speaker 3 (31:14):
See the solutions that you're not able to see. And
that definitely makes sense because when you're in a panic,
all you can see is the problem. So the focus
of the mind is when it should not and when
you look at it like you know, taking a pause,
taking that start back, and when you have that pause
(31:35):
and silence and sometimes you know what I've seen is
also like helping leaders integrate the pause in their lives,
not just like when they're in a panic mode. So
this way your brain is a customed You're building healthy
habits not for the time of panic, but every single day.
(31:57):
So how do people connect with you? And where can
they find your book? Where can they find you?
Speaker 5 (32:05):
They can find my book this is the cover. They
can find my book on Amazon. It's been there since April.
And of course they can see my my new website.
I've got a new website wide all kinds of programs
they can choose from. Still, so that's uh the www
dotooistway dot com. Okay, I said I have a maniager.
(32:30):
I hired a miniager and he made a new website
for me where all my programs are done. My book
is also on the on the on the website. So yeah,
that's the way to contect contact me and I'm always here.
There's a calendar. You can book all kinds of programs
(32:52):
with me, and I can help you change your life.
Stop running and start seeing.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
Mhm.
Speaker 5 (33:00):
Watching is something else than seeing. And when you start,
are going to see right?
Speaker 3 (33:09):
Right? And do you have any last thoughts or anything
like that?
Speaker 5 (33:16):
For us, well, life is not supposed to be a struggle.
Life ships is supposed to be fun. And sure we
all you know, things happen. We're all human and things happen.
You know, I haven't seen my two girls for thirty
one year, But you know that too, is a lesson
(33:39):
because this time with this little girl, I am single
and I've separated from our mom. But I see this
little girl every other weekend. And that's completely different from
the last one because the other two I haven't seen
for thirty one years. So this time I've done it
(34:00):
the way I made other choices and the result is
that I see my little girl now. Yeah. Life is
one big lesson. Yeah, especially a listen to unlearned things
that all people find normal, but it's not. It's not
all normal to be afraid when you walk the streech.
Speaker 3 (34:22):
You know.
Speaker 5 (34:24):
It's not normal to think twenty for seven. Yeah, it's
not normal to feel unworthy. It's not normal. That is
not who you are supposed to be because everybody has
its value and everybody is worth it.
Speaker 3 (34:40):
Yeah. Now you you took the life lesson which was
very painful. You turned it around and you figured it
out and made different choices. So thank you for joining us.
Gerard Vish you well you too, Thank you, thank you,
and thank you wonderful audience. The show would not be possible.
(35:01):
We appreciate you and reach out to us. Let us
know how can we serve and support you. Also, anytime
you're looking for some strategies, tectics, tools, practical actionable items,
anything that you're looking for, let us know and we
(35:22):
will bring it for you. And thank you one for
making the show possible. Be well and take care until
next time.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
Thank you for being part of Beyond Confidence with your host,
d v Park, we hope you have learned more about
how to start living the life you want. Each week
on Beyond Confidence, you hear stories of real people who've
experienced growth by overcoming their fears and building meaningful relationships.
During Beyond Confidence, Dvpark shares what happened to her when
she stepped out of her comfort zone to work directly
(35:50):
with people across the globe. She not only coaches people
how to form hard connections, but also transform relationships to
mutually beneficial partnerships as they strive to live the life
they want. If you are ready to live the life
you want and leverage your strengths, learn more at www
dotwpark dot com and you can connect with wats contact
(36:11):
at dvpark dot com. We look forward to you're joining
us next week.