December 1, 2023 • 29 mins
Research demonstrates that connection, even small one-minute or one-second interactions, can benefit health. On this show, Lise and Karolyn will talk about the research and then provide some practical ways to infuse more small moments of connection into your life. Those little glimpses of connection can potentially add up to big steps towards more joy, happiness, and wellness. We could all use more of that right now!
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Five To Thrive Live is broadcast live Tuesdays at 7PM ET.
Five To Thrive Live Radio Show is broadcast on W4CS Radio – The Cancer Support Network (www.w4cs.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com).
Five To Thrive Live Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Any health related information on the followingshow provides general information only. Content presented
on any show by any host orguest should not be substituted for a doctor's
advice. Always consult your physician beforebeginning any new diet, exercise, or
treatment programs. Hello everyone, andwelcome to Five to Thrive Live. I'm
(00:44):
Carolyn Gazilla, and I'm joined todayby my awesome co host, doctor Lese
Alschuler. Hey, Lese, howare you doing? I'm doing well,
Carolyn Gazilla, How are you?I'm great. I had a wonderful Thanksgiving
with family. How about you?Did you have a nice holiday? I
did, Yes, I was withmy family as well. It was lovely,
(01:06):
lovely to spend time. Thanksgiving isactually my favorite holiday because how can
you go wrong when you there's awhole holiday where millions of people are celebrating
giving things. I agree, Andthen when you add to it the food
and the you know, connection,I love it. Yeah, It's a
(01:27):
favorite of mine as well. Well. And that actually is a very beautiful
segue to our topic today, whichis what Carolyn. Our topic is the
health benefits of connection. And whatmakes this topic so interesting lis is that
we're going to be talking about smallacts of connection that can add up to
(01:51):
big health benefits. And these smallacts of connection, you know, they
can be with friends and family,but even with strangers that we see.
And of course's topic, like mostof our topics on the show, was
inspired by some new research about thehealth benefits of connection and I can't wait
to get that. But least beforewe dive into this great topic, why
(02:12):
didn't you thank our sponsors? Iwould love to. So. Beginning with
NFH, an innovative dietary supplement manufacturerthat uses an evidence based approach to creating
dietary supplements for integrative healthcare professionals.So if you're looking for high quality dietary
supplements, ask your integrative practitioner aboutNFH products. You could also find more
(02:34):
information at NFH dot CA. Immusea unique, patented post biotic that gives
your immune system a key advantage.Muse is an ingredient in many immune supporting
dietary supplements. Look for Amuse onthe label or go to immusehealth dot com
for more info. Also, cognizanceof the cooling nature's way of keeping the
(02:55):
brains energy producing centers firing on allcylinders. So if you want to enhance
your brain function, memory, focus, and attention, look for Cognizant on
the label or go to Cognizant dotcom for more information. And doctor o'hira's
Probiotics best selling probiotic for more thanthirty years with twelve probiotic strains which are
(03:16):
shelf stable so no refrigeration is requireddue to their three year fermentation process,
and you can learn more at doctorhiro probiotics dot com. Okay, Carolyn,
we're going to talk about connections.Where would you like to begin when
it comes to this very important topic, you know, Lise, I think
i'd like to start with a conversationabout the opposite of connection. So let's
(03:42):
talk about isolation and loneliness. Now, the research has been growing and it's
pretty clear that's feeling isolated and orlonely can negatively impact health. Now,
Lise, just recently, as Iwas researching this topic, I found three
different very large studies we're just publishedon the topic of isolation and loneliness and
(04:02):
how it impacts hell. So tellus about these papers and then tell us
your views about the dangers of isolationand loneliness. Well, and there's more
too, and looking at these papers, I came across some others too,
and what's interesting is that loneliness andsocial isolation are very detrimental to our health
(04:26):
and well being. Feeling socially isolatedis correlated with depression, with anxiety,
and it doesn't really seem to beage specific. It has not really a
lot to do with personality characteristics oryou know, geographic location, anything like
(04:46):
that. It's really just feeling aloneand disconnected has a very significant impact on
one's mood. And of course whenone's feeling depressed, then one is going
to be even less inclined to goout and to connect with others. So
that was kind of one finding thatI think, you know, it makes
a lot of sense. I thinkwe would all agree. But what's unique
(05:11):
about this too is that the socialisolation isolation has impacts on our gene expression,
and it changes the way our genesexpress and the proteins that they make,
which in turn has implications on ourimmune function in terms of cancer and
(05:31):
creating tissue environments that become more permissiveto tumor growth. So, in fact,
being socially isolated is actually correlated withabout a thirty three percent increased risk
of premature death and dying. Andso you know, this is something that's
not just about mood, but infact has implications to our health and well
(05:56):
being. And finally, and thatwas shown in a couple of studies that
was you know, recently put out. And then there was a study that
I found too that showed that duringthe pandemic, people who were lonely had
actually more depression, more anxiety,and worst outcomes after the pandemic than people
(06:18):
who were not feeling lonely. Soreally, I would say in some the
research, the current research is reallypointing to the negative effects of being socially
isolated, both mental and emotionally aswell as physically. Okay, so that's
kind of the downar part, Carolyn, you get the fun part. You
get to talk about the research thatshows the positive effects of connection. So
(06:41):
why don't you start us off.Yes, this is this is the fun
part, because this is the flipside, and this is this is great.
So the idea for this show wasinspired by the Big Joy Project from
the Greater Good Science Center at BerkeleyUniversity. I really love the stuff that
comes out of the great Good ScienceCenter. So the Big Joy Project,
and if you search Big Joy Projectyou'll find the website. So it's a
(07:03):
free one week online program and it'sbig. I just look before getting on
the show. There's now over eightyone thousand participants in two hundred and six
different countries all participating and doing thisfree one week online program. So far,
the project has found that people whoparticipate report improve relationships, better sleep,
(07:29):
and in general they're just they're justhappier. So the Big Joy Project
features what they are calling micro actsthat help people increase happiness within themselves,
each other, in the world.What a great, lofty goal that is.
So these are small steps and that'sreally important because that's what makes this
(07:51):
whole concept of connection sustainable. Soyou don't necessarily need to have be working
on a relationship or family connection andhave it be this big, arduous task.
These are small things. So someexamples of those micro acts include doing
something kind for somebody else, celebratinganother person's joy, I love that one
(08:15):
dwelling in awe, making a gratitudelist, and we're going to you and
I. These will add even moreways to enhanced connection later in the show.
These these small acts, so theseWhen the researchers looked at the data
from eleven thousand people, so thiswas a subset of people from more than
twenty two countries, they found thatthere was a twenty six percent jump in
(08:39):
emotional well being and a twenty threepercent increase in positive emotions. And I
remember this is a one week program, so after one week they found this
Also, twenty seven percent of theparticipants said that they can they feel empowered
to impact and influence or play arole in how how happy they feel,
(09:01):
and a big thirty percent felt contentwith their friendships and relationships. So this
is pretty significant and least I'm justwondering if you want to add anything about
the health benefits of connection and whatyou've seen in the literature. Well,
you know, first, I lovethis study because the microacts are I think
(09:26):
really important, because I think sometimesthis can be an intimidating topic for people,
especially people with what they would considermaybe small social networks, meaning they
just have a couple friends, andit really the research is very consistent that
the size of the network does notmatter, it's the quality of the relationships.
And I think these microacts point takethis even a step further outside the
(09:50):
context of an established friendship, evenjust the act of connecting with the intention
of kindness, with the intention ofgratitude, with the intention of you are
human, I am human, weare in the human family. Together.
With that kind of intention, anyact that comes from those intentions to another
(10:11):
human being generates this sense of connectedness, and we are all connected. That's
what's so beautiful about this. SoI just want to emphasize what you said,
and we know from research has clearlyshown us that when people have this
sense of connectedness being a part ofthe human community, they not only have
(10:33):
better health physically, better health emotionally, but the community health is increased as
well. I read an interesting articlethat talked about how with the global warming
that we're experiencing and the environmental challengesthat we're facing, that it's really only
going to be when we come togetheras a community and feel connected as a
(10:58):
community. Only then we be ableto create the kind of change we need
to create to combat global warming andthe various climate climate changes. So I
think that that was just an interestingtwist. So I would say that you
know, in that perspective, theconnectedness that we feel also inspires collective action
and collective well being in addition andthat you know that's brought out in other
(11:22):
research studies as well. And youbring up such a good point. We
all have access to connection, soit doesn't it doesn't matter. You know,
you can live alone, you canhave no friends. I mean,
you know, we all have accessto connection because we're all interacting with each
other. And I think that that'sreally the thing that makes this less daunting,
(11:45):
because, as you said, somepeople are isolated and can feel isolated,
and that can be a little overwhelming. But but let's go ahead and
and talk about ways that we cannurture connection in your life and a person's
life, and least I have agreat place to start. Okay, go
for it. I was reading theresearch on smiling. Now this is a
(12:11):
one second connection. You look somebodyin the eye and you smile, and
you think, oh, no,big deal, how powerful could that be?
Well, you would be surprised.So when you smile at another human
being or an animal, the researchon what happens when you smile at a
dog is fascinating. So when yousmile, your brain releases these potent chemicals
(12:35):
like oxytocin, which is like thelove hormone and also other feel good chemicals
like serotonin and dopamine. But thecool thing about this research, lease is
that there's research showing that a smileis in fact contagious. So if I
smile at you, your first kneejerk reaction is going to smile back at
(12:58):
me. And then when happens,is I not only have oxytocin and all
these feel good chemicals coursing through mybrain, you get the same effect as
well. So this bi directional benefitI think is potent and important, and
you know, and the research showsthat, I mean, it's not I
mean, it makes sense that ifI'm smiling a lot, it's gonna be
(13:20):
good for my mental health. Butthe research also shows that my immune system
is going to be stronger. Ialso have a higher chance of living longer
and living healthier if I smile more. So I think that's going to be
my first tip. You know.I was traveling for Thanksgiving and I was
(13:41):
waiting in line to go through TSAand there was a very very crabby woman
in front of me. She waskind of getting me down, and I
could tell that the TSA person justfelt deflated. It's six o'clock in the
morning and you know, already dealingwith this. And so when it was
my turn, this woman, theTSA person was helping me, and I
for the biggest smile possible, andI said thank you. I said,
(14:05):
I really appreciate your help. Andshe smiled back at me, and the
whole energy lifted. And you mightthink, oh, good for you,
Carolyn for smiling, But honestly,I was doing it for myself because the
person was getting me down, youknow, so I wanted to change my
energy and in that brief, veryvery brief connection, things shifted. So
(14:28):
don't underestimate the power of a smile. And you know there are other things
too, like you know, sayingthank you and showing appreciation, especially to
people that we love. Oftentimes peoplethat we love, you know, we
forget that they need our attention,and a quick thank you for those people
(14:50):
and not taking them for granted isimportant as well. So that's where I
would start lest Yeah, I loveit, and I would take what you
said and just take it one stepfurther. So when you smiled and thanked
that TSA agent, you created anyou created a moment that inspired a reaction
(15:13):
of well being on the part ofthat individual, which is then going to
change everything that person does from thatpoint forward in their entire life really in
some way, especially of course rightaway. So they're going to interact with
the next person with a different attitude, which is then in turn going to
change how that person interacts with whoeverthey're with, so that the repercussions,
(15:35):
the ripple effect of your interaction goeson indefinitely for people you don't even know.
I mean, it's amazing, right, And the opposite is true too,
So I think the impact we haveon each other and the human community
is so significant, and we justI forget that sometimes. Mm. Well,
and that's the other thing. We'rebusy, you know, we're busy
(16:00):
people, and life is hard rightnow. Let's face it, it's hard
right now. So that's one ofthe things I like about this connection because
it only takes a second, atwo seconds, a minute, that's all
it takes. And that's the beautyof connection. M Yeah. So I
think I have a couple of thingsto add. One is I think with
(16:22):
you didn't state it, but impliedin your story was that in order for
you to do that, you hadto be very present. And I think
that sense of being present is reallycritical and something that I'm personally trying to
work on as much as possible.So where this comes up for me is,
(16:42):
let's say, I'm like, thishas happened, actually just happened today.
I was walking back to my car, I was doing an errand,
and a woman came to my carand you know, basically asked me for
money. And so I had achoice there where I could just ignore her
and get into my car are orI could be present and acknowledge her.
(17:04):
Whether or not I give her moneyis not really the point. The point
is I could acknowledge her humanity,acknowledge that nobody wants to be walking a
parking lot asking for money, andso let me acknowledge her humanness, give
her some dignity in that moment.And in order for me to do that,
I have to be present. Ihave to like take a second and
(17:26):
just be there with her. Soyou know, that's something I'm really trying
to do more of, is toreally bring myself into the present when I'm
with other people, strangers or not. And of course, if I can
infuse those moments with acts of kindnessmyself and generosity, et cetera. Even
(17:47):
better. Uh, there's this littlespeaking of kindness. I also think these
little random acts of kindness are sobeautiful. I forget, I've got to
like try to remember this, butI love the idea of like paying for
coffee and then just giving the moneythe thing and whoever's next in line like
just let you know, buy theircoffee whatever. Like that is awesome.
There's this thing that I have ajeep, and one of the things that
(18:10):
jeep owners do is they you know, those a little rubber yellow rubber duckies.
Yeah, so if you have ifyou see a jeep, you like
you can, if you have alittle rubber ducky, you can put a
ducky on the jeep's hood. Andso I got my first rubber ducky the
other day. I was so excited. I was like, oh my gosh,
this is the best. And Ifelt like I don't even know who
(18:33):
did this, but the fact thatthey did it, I just felt like
all of a sudden connected to this, to the human community in it totally.
So let me get this straight.So somebody takes a rubber ducky and
puts it on your hood as likea little gift to a fellow jeep owner,
Oh my god, that's brilliant.So of course I gifted it forward.
(18:55):
So I waited till I found ajeep I loved and I put it
on their hood and I was sodoing it. Like, who knows where
that ducky is now. But I'mso inspired with this. I want to
go buy a whole bag of rubberduckies. I always have one. I
love it. But I think,yeah, but you know those little moments
I really did, like I didn'teven meet the person, but just felt
(19:19):
connected. I just felt connected tothe world in a different way. Yeah,
it makes me think of my veryOne of my favorite quotes is from
Maya Angelou and she says, I'velearned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,but people will never forget how you
made them feel. And that's that'sthe key to that rubber ducky is you
(19:42):
didn't necessarily have to meet that person, but what a gift they gave you
because you felt I mean you wereprobably smiling ear to ear when you saw
that little rubber ducky, right forsure? Yeah, biggest sense. Yeah,
Yeah, I love that. Yeah, I think that that that's it's
about connection now at least. Ihave a question for you. When you
(20:03):
have a patient that you're concerned with, perhaps that maybe they're not experiencing connection
and they need to experience more connection, how do you suddenly introduce this or
do you introduce this topic to them? You know, because you had mentioned
(20:23):
that there are health ramifications if wedon't feel connected. Yeah, so you
know, I think this depends alot. I mean, some of the
people I interact with are dealing withsuch tremendous amount of pain suffering. Perhaps
their you know, lifespan as weknow it is relatively short. I mean,
(20:44):
so they have a lot weighing onthem, and that can be that
can create a feeling of depression,which invariably causes a withdrawal, and from
that withdrawn place, it's really hardto reach out and connect. So I
use to try to come up withstrategies of connection for those individuals, but
(21:06):
I realized that that wasn't really working. And so what I've I think come
to realize is that the first thingthat has to happen in order for us
to connect with others is to connectwith ourself and to really recognize our own
(21:26):
our own vitality, our own humanity, to find some way to acknowledge,
at the very least and celebrate atthe best who just being in this moment
in this life right now as weare, and that just that moment of
connection with ourselves. The more ofthose we can string together, the more
(21:51):
opportunity we have to rebuild ourselves andrebuild our presence enough to maybe reach out.
It might be a feeble reach out, but some thing to reach out
to another. So so I kindof focus more on that now. Is
just trying to find ways to helppeople reconnect with themselves so they can reconnect
(22:11):
with members. Yeah, that's that'sa really important point. And I will
say that I've seen you interact withmostly people in the audience as we've done
talks, so I haven't haven't seenyou interact with patients directly, but I
will say that you model connection,and I'm thinking that perhaps you do that
(22:33):
with your patients as well. Soyou I see you connect with others in
very small, impactful ways, andI think that if your patients are seeing
that, or audience members are seeingthat over and over and over again,
it's gonna it's gonna rub off onthem. It certainly has with me.
So I think that I think thatbeing a good steward of connection is actually
(23:02):
walk in the walk, as theysay, and I think that that's I
think that that's important as well.Well. I appreciate you saying that,
and I have an observation and aquestion for you, because one of the
things I've observed about you through ourfriendships and through our friendship and through your
(23:22):
friendships with others is you bring ahigh degree of integrity to your relationships.
I mean, you don't really fakeit. You know, you're very honest
and authentic in how you interact withothers. And I think that you model
that, and then that also inspires, of course the same in those around
you. Son wondering what the secretsare to that sauce? You know,
(23:45):
how do you maintain your authenticity andyour integrity when you have conflicting motives or
you have challenges with somebody or like, how do you do it? Oh?
Boy? Well? Thank you?First of all, you know,
I think for me, I liketo be transparent. You know, there's
(24:07):
an old saying fake it to youmake it, and and sometimes I do
that. Sometimes I will put ona happy face or take the high road
if I if I'm in conflict withsomebody, you know. But in general,
pretty much what you see is whatyou get. And I think that
transparency and that just having it beI mean, and that's another thing about
(24:27):
connection, les. I look atconnection like like I'm exercising a muscle.
You know, if if I practiceit on a daily basis, that muscle
is going to get a lot stronger. But if I only exercise once a
week, then I'm gonna get flabby, you know. So so I think
that that's how connection is to me. It needs to become second nature.
(24:52):
And you know, the smile,the smile reflex needs to be second nature,
and you know, so I thinkthat's all a part of it is
that it's a muscle that I thatI exercise, and then it just is
like, Okay, this is thisis how it is, this is who
I am. And I find thatI'm just smiling more just as a general
(25:15):
course of who I am, youknow. So, yeah, so it's
not so much that you're faking ittill you're making it. I would say
that you're I might offer a friendlyamendment to wait. Absolutely, you know,
you're aspirational, so you wreck it, you're actually being very authentic.
You realize you're not where you wantto be, so you're stepping into where
you where you're you know, theplace that you desire to be acting from,
(25:42):
and tell it becomes natural to you. Mm hmm. So it's more
like thoughtful rather than just instinctual atfirst. Yes, yes, And I
think that's the big lesson for forour listeners is if it's not instinctual,
you know, it will become instinctualthe more that you practice it, the
(26:03):
more that you practice connection. AndI think the best way to practice connection
is with strangers. And I thinkthat's spill that hopefully spills over into our
interactions with our friends and our familyand our partners and our four legged you
know, family members, and soyeah, I think that that's a good
way to put it. Yeah.And I mean, I think this whole
(26:26):
stranger thing is so important. Mymother, who passed away just about a
year ago now, actually when shewas in the latter part of her she's
always very much of a loner,but in the latter part of her life,
she was very socially isolated and itwas really to her detriment. But
one of the things that she diddo to feel connected was she would go
(26:49):
out to her local grocery store,and she had a library that she went
to, and she just had interactionswith people that she didn't really know.
But she would always come back fromthose excursions feeling better, feeling just you
know, like she was part ofthe human community. And so even though
(27:11):
the interactions were probably on mundane thingslike what's the price of this or whatever,
just the way in which she interactedin the fact that she could interact
with so impactful. So, youknow, I just bring that up because
I think it's really important for usto remember that we have the opportunity to
literally change people's lives whenever we interactwith anyone we're i mean walking down the
(27:34):
street. We can either look somebodyfor a moment in the in the eyes
and smile, or we can ignorethem. And that is an opportunity and
that can be so impactful. Ohpowerful, Yeah, absolutely powerful. And
what a great way to end onthat note, because connection it has health
(27:56):
benefits for you, it's bi directionalfor you and the receiver. So well,
that was great release. Thank youso much for this conversation, and
that wraps up this episode of fiveto thrive live once again. We'd like
to thank our sponsors n f H, the professional supplement line bridging the gap
between nutraceuticals and evidence based medicine.Immuse post biotic to give your immune system
(28:19):
that extra boost, Cognizan citicolin tohelp enhance memory, focus and attention.
And doctor oher is a warn winningshelf stable probiotic. Thanks to our sponsors
very much indeed, and may youall experience joy, laughter, connection and
love. It's time to thrive everyone, have a great night. Ke
Any health related information on the followingshow provides general information only. Content presented
on any show by any host orguest should not be substituted for a doctor's
advice. Always consult your physician beforebeginning any new diet, exercise, or
treatment programs. Hello everyone, andwelcome to Five to Thrive Live. I'm
(00:44):
Carolyn Gazilla, and I'm joined todayby my awesome co host, doctor Lese
Alschuler. Hey, Lese, howare you doing? I'm doing well,
Carolyn Gazilla, How are you?I'm great. I had a wonderful Thanksgiving
with family. How about you?Did you have a nice holiday? I
did, Yes, I was withmy family as well. It was lovely,
(01:06):
lovely to spend time. Thanksgiving isactually my favorite holiday because how can
you go wrong when you there's awhole holiday where millions of people are celebrating
giving things. I agree, Andthen when you add to it the food
and the you know, connection,I love it. Yeah, It's a
(01:27):
favorite of mine as well. Well. And that actually is a very beautiful
segue to our topic today, whichis what Carolyn. Our topic is the
health benefits of connection. And whatmakes this topic so interesting lis is that
we're going to be talking about smallacts of connection that can add up to
(01:51):
big health benefits. And these smallacts of connection, you know, they
can be with friends and family,but even with strangers that we see.
And of course's topic, like mostof our topics on the show, was
inspired by some new research about thehealth benefits of connection and I can't wait
to get that. But least beforewe dive into this great topic, why
(02:12):
didn't you thank our sponsors? Iwould love to. So. Beginning with
NFH, an innovative dietary supplement manufacturerthat uses an evidence based approach to creating
dietary supplements for integrative healthcare professionals.So if you're looking for high quality dietary
supplements, ask your integrative practitioner aboutNFH products. You could also find more
(02:34):
information at NFH dot CA. Immusea unique, patented post biotic that gives
your immune system a key advantage.Muse is an ingredient in many immune supporting
dietary supplements. Look for Amuse onthe label or go to immusehealth dot com
for more info. Also, cognizanceof the cooling nature's way of keeping the
(02:55):
brains energy producing centers firing on allcylinders. So if you want to enhance
your brain function, memory, focus, and attention, look for Cognizant on
the label or go to Cognizant dotcom for more information. And doctor o'hira's
Probiotics best selling probiotic for more thanthirty years with twelve probiotic strains which are
(03:16):
shelf stable so no refrigeration is requireddue to their three year fermentation process,
and you can learn more at doctorhiro probiotics dot com. Okay, Carolyn,
we're going to talk about connections.Where would you like to begin when
it comes to this very important topic, you know, Lise, I think
i'd like to start with a conversationabout the opposite of connection. So let's
(03:42):
talk about isolation and loneliness. Now, the research has been growing and it's
pretty clear that's feeling isolated and orlonely can negatively impact health. Now,
Lise, just recently, as Iwas researching this topic, I found three
different very large studies we're just publishedon the topic of isolation and loneliness and
(04:02):
how it impacts hell. So tellus about these papers and then tell us
your views about the dangers of isolationand loneliness. Well, and there's more
too, and looking at these papers, I came across some others too,
and what's interesting is that loneliness andsocial isolation are very detrimental to our health
(04:26):
and well being. Feeling socially isolatedis correlated with depression, with anxiety,
and it doesn't really seem to beage specific. It has not really a
lot to do with personality characteristics oryou know, geographic location, anything like
(04:46):
that. It's really just feeling aloneand disconnected has a very significant impact on
one's mood. And of course whenone's feeling depressed, then one is going
to be even less inclined to goout and to connect with others. So
that was kind of one finding thatI think, you know, it makes
a lot of sense. I thinkwe would all agree. But what's unique
(05:11):
about this too is that the socialisolation isolation has impacts on our gene expression,
and it changes the way our genesexpress and the proteins that they make,
which in turn has implications on ourimmune function in terms of cancer and
(05:31):
creating tissue environments that become more permissiveto tumor growth. So, in fact,
being socially isolated is actually correlated withabout a thirty three percent increased risk
of premature death and dying. Andso you know, this is something that's
not just about mood, but infact has implications to our health and well
(05:56):
being. And finally, and thatwas shown in a couple of studies that
was you know, recently put out. And then there was a study that
I found too that showed that duringthe pandemic, people who were lonely had
actually more depression, more anxiety,and worst outcomes after the pandemic than people
(06:18):
who were not feeling lonely. Soreally, I would say in some the
research, the current research is reallypointing to the negative effects of being socially
isolated, both mental and emotionally aswell as physically. Okay, so that's
kind of the downar part, Carolyn, you get the fun part. You
get to talk about the research thatshows the positive effects of connection. So
(06:41):
why don't you start us off.Yes, this is this is the fun
part, because this is the flipside, and this is this is great.
So the idea for this show wasinspired by the Big Joy Project from
the Greater Good Science Center at BerkeleyUniversity. I really love the stuff that
comes out of the great Good ScienceCenter. So the Big Joy Project,
and if you search Big Joy Projectyou'll find the website. So it's a
(07:03):
free one week online program and it'sbig. I just look before getting on
the show. There's now over eightyone thousand participants in two hundred and six
different countries all participating and doing thisfree one week online program. So far,
the project has found that people whoparticipate report improve relationships, better sleep,
(07:29):
and in general they're just they're justhappier. So the Big Joy Project
features what they are calling micro actsthat help people increase happiness within themselves,
each other, in the world.What a great, lofty goal that is.
So these are small steps and that'sreally important because that's what makes this
(07:51):
whole concept of connection sustainable. Soyou don't necessarily need to have be working
on a relationship or family connection andhave it be this big, arduous task.
These are small things. So someexamples of those micro acts include doing
something kind for somebody else, celebratinganother person's joy, I love that one
(08:15):
dwelling in awe, making a gratitudelist, and we're going to you and
I. These will add even moreways to enhanced connection later in the show.
These these small acts, so theseWhen the researchers looked at the data
from eleven thousand people, so thiswas a subset of people from more than
twenty two countries, they found thatthere was a twenty six percent jump in
(08:39):
emotional well being and a twenty threepercent increase in positive emotions. And I
remember this is a one week program, so after one week they found this
Also, twenty seven percent of theparticipants said that they can they feel empowered
to impact and influence or play arole in how how happy they feel,
(09:01):
and a big thirty percent felt contentwith their friendships and relationships. So this
is pretty significant and least I'm justwondering if you want to add anything about
the health benefits of connection and whatyou've seen in the literature. Well,
you know, first, I lovethis study because the microacts are I think
(09:26):
really important, because I think sometimesthis can be an intimidating topic for people,
especially people with what they would considermaybe small social networks, meaning they
just have a couple friends, andit really the research is very consistent that
the size of the network does notmatter, it's the quality of the relationships.
And I think these microacts point takethis even a step further outside the
(09:50):
context of an established friendship, evenjust the act of connecting with the intention
of kindness, with the intention ofgratitude, with the intention of you are
human, I am human, weare in the human family. Together.
With that kind of intention, anyact that comes from those intentions to another
(10:11):
human being generates this sense of connectedness, and we are all connected. That's
what's so beautiful about this. SoI just want to emphasize what you said,
and we know from research has clearlyshown us that when people have this
sense of connectedness being a part ofthe human community, they not only have
(10:33):
better health physically, better health emotionally, but the community health is increased as
well. I read an interesting articlethat talked about how with the global warming
that we're experiencing and the environmental challengesthat we're facing, that it's really only
going to be when we come togetheras a community and feel connected as a
(10:58):
community. Only then we be ableto create the kind of change we need
to create to combat global warming andthe various climate climate changes. So I
think that that was just an interestingtwist. So I would say that you
know, in that perspective, theconnectedness that we feel also inspires collective action
and collective well being in addition andthat you know that's brought out in other
(11:22):
research studies as well. And youbring up such a good point. We
all have access to connection, soit doesn't it doesn't matter. You know,
you can live alone, you canhave no friends. I mean,
you know, we all have accessto connection because we're all interacting with each
other. And I think that that'sreally the thing that makes this less daunting,
(11:45):
because, as you said, somepeople are isolated and can feel isolated,
and that can be a little overwhelming. But but let's go ahead and
and talk about ways that we cannurture connection in your life and a person's
life, and least I have agreat place to start. Okay, go
for it. I was reading theresearch on smiling. Now this is a
(12:11):
one second connection. You look somebodyin the eye and you smile, and
you think, oh, no,big deal, how powerful could that be?
Well, you would be surprised.So when you smile at another human
being or an animal, the researchon what happens when you smile at a
dog is fascinating. So when yousmile, your brain releases these potent chemicals
(12:35):
like oxytocin, which is like thelove hormone and also other feel good chemicals
like serotonin and dopamine. But thecool thing about this research, lease is
that there's research showing that a smileis in fact contagious. So if I
smile at you, your first kneejerk reaction is going to smile back at
(12:58):
me. And then when happens,is I not only have oxytocin and all
these feel good chemicals coursing through mybrain, you get the same effect as
well. So this bi directional benefitI think is potent and important, and
you know, and the research showsthat, I mean, it's not I
mean, it makes sense that ifI'm smiling a lot, it's gonna be
(13:20):
good for my mental health. Butthe research also shows that my immune system
is going to be stronger. Ialso have a higher chance of living longer
and living healthier if I smile more. So I think that's going to be
my first tip. You know.I was traveling for Thanksgiving and I was
(13:41):
waiting in line to go through TSAand there was a very very crabby woman
in front of me. She waskind of getting me down, and I
could tell that the TSA person justfelt deflated. It's six o'clock in the
morning and you know, already dealingwith this. And so when it was
my turn, this woman, theTSA person was helping me, and I
for the biggest smile possible, andI said thank you. I said,
(14:05):
I really appreciate your help. Andshe smiled back at me, and the
whole energy lifted. And you mightthink, oh, good for you,
Carolyn for smiling, But honestly,I was doing it for myself because the
person was getting me down, youknow, so I wanted to change my
energy and in that brief, veryvery brief connection, things shifted. So
(14:28):
don't underestimate the power of a smile. And you know there are other things
too, like you know, sayingthank you and showing appreciation, especially to
people that we love. Oftentimes peoplethat we love, you know, we
forget that they need our attention,and a quick thank you for those people
(14:50):
and not taking them for granted isimportant as well. So that's where I
would start lest Yeah, I loveit, and I would take what you
said and just take it one stepfurther. So when you smiled and thanked
that TSA agent, you created anyou created a moment that inspired a reaction
(15:13):
of well being on the part ofthat individual, which is then going to
change everything that person does from thatpoint forward in their entire life really in
some way, especially of course rightaway. So they're going to interact with
the next person with a different attitude, which is then in turn going to
change how that person interacts with whoeverthey're with, so that the repercussions,
(15:35):
the ripple effect of your interaction goeson indefinitely for people you don't even know.
I mean, it's amazing, right, And the opposite is true too,
So I think the impact we haveon each other and the human community
is so significant, and we justI forget that sometimes. Mm. Well,
and that's the other thing. We'rebusy, you know, we're busy
(16:00):
people, and life is hard rightnow. Let's face it, it's hard
right now. So that's one ofthe things I like about this connection because
it only takes a second, atwo seconds, a minute, that's all
it takes. And that's the beautyof connection. M Yeah. So I
think I have a couple of thingsto add. One is I think with
(16:22):
you didn't state it, but impliedin your story was that in order for
you to do that, you hadto be very present. And I think
that sense of being present is reallycritical and something that I'm personally trying to
work on as much as possible.So where this comes up for me is,
(16:42):
let's say, I'm like, thishas happened, actually just happened today.
I was walking back to my car, I was doing an errand,
and a woman came to my carand you know, basically asked me for
money. And so I had achoice there where I could just ignore her
and get into my car are orI could be present and acknowledge her.
(17:04):
Whether or not I give her moneyis not really the point. The point
is I could acknowledge her humanity,acknowledge that nobody wants to be walking a
parking lot asking for money, andso let me acknowledge her humanness, give
her some dignity in that moment.And in order for me to do that,
I have to be present. Ihave to like take a second and
(17:26):
just be there with her. Soyou know, that's something I'm really trying
to do more of, is toreally bring myself into the present when I'm
with other people, strangers or not. And of course, if I can
infuse those moments with acts of kindnessmyself and generosity, et cetera. Even
(17:47):
better. Uh, there's this littlespeaking of kindness. I also think these
little random acts of kindness are sobeautiful. I forget, I've got to
like try to remember this, butI love the idea of like paying for
coffee and then just giving the moneythe thing and whoever's next in line like
just let you know, buy theircoffee whatever. Like that is awesome.
There's this thing that I have ajeep, and one of the things that
(18:10):
jeep owners do is they you know, those a little rubber yellow rubber duckies.
Yeah, so if you have ifyou see a jeep, you like
you can, if you have alittle rubber ducky, you can put a
ducky on the jeep's hood. Andso I got my first rubber ducky the
other day. I was so excited. I was like, oh my gosh,
this is the best. And Ifelt like I don't even know who
(18:33):
did this, but the fact thatthey did it, I just felt like
all of a sudden connected to this, to the human community in it totally.
So let me get this straight.So somebody takes a rubber ducky and
puts it on your hood as likea little gift to a fellow jeep owner,
Oh my god, that's brilliant.So of course I gifted it forward.
(18:55):
So I waited till I found ajeep I loved and I put it
on their hood and I was sodoing it. Like, who knows where
that ducky is now. But I'mso inspired with this. I want to
go buy a whole bag of rubberduckies. I always have one. I
love it. But I think,yeah, but you know those little moments
I really did, like I didn'teven meet the person, but just felt
(19:19):
connected. I just felt connected tothe world in a different way. Yeah,
it makes me think of my veryOne of my favorite quotes is from
Maya Angelou and she says, I'velearned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,but people will never forget how you
made them feel. And that's that'sthe key to that rubber ducky is you
(19:42):
didn't necessarily have to meet that person, but what a gift they gave you
because you felt I mean you wereprobably smiling ear to ear when you saw
that little rubber ducky, right forsure? Yeah, biggest sense. Yeah,
Yeah, I love that. Yeah, I think that that that's it's
about connection now at least. Ihave a question for you. When you
(20:03):
have a patient that you're concerned with, perhaps that maybe they're not experiencing connection
and they need to experience more connection, how do you suddenly introduce this or
do you introduce this topic to them? You know, because you had mentioned
(20:23):
that there are health ramifications if wedon't feel connected. Yeah, so you
know, I think this depends alot. I mean, some of the
people I interact with are dealing withsuch tremendous amount of pain suffering. Perhaps
their you know, lifespan as weknow it is relatively short. I mean,
(20:44):
so they have a lot weighing onthem, and that can be that
can create a feeling of depression,which invariably causes a withdrawal, and from
that withdrawn place, it's really hardto reach out and connect. So I
use to try to come up withstrategies of connection for those individuals, but
(21:06):
I realized that that wasn't really working. And so what I've I think come
to realize is that the first thingthat has to happen in order for us
to connect with others is to connectwith ourself and to really recognize our own
(21:26):
our own vitality, our own humanity, to find some way to acknowledge,
at the very least and celebrate atthe best who just being in this moment
in this life right now as weare, and that just that moment of
connection with ourselves. The more ofthose we can string together, the more
(21:51):
opportunity we have to rebuild ourselves andrebuild our presence enough to maybe reach out.
It might be a feeble reach out, but some thing to reach out
to another. So so I kindof focus more on that now. Is
just trying to find ways to helppeople reconnect with themselves so they can reconnect
(22:11):
with members. Yeah, that's that'sa really important point. And I will
say that I've seen you interact withmostly people in the audience as we've done
talks, so I haven't haven't seenyou interact with patients directly, but I
will say that you model connection,and I'm thinking that perhaps you do that
(22:33):
with your patients as well. Soyou I see you connect with others in
very small, impactful ways, andI think that if your patients are seeing
that, or audience members are seeingthat over and over and over again,
it's gonna it's gonna rub off onthem. It certainly has with me.
So I think that I think thatbeing a good steward of connection is actually
(23:02):
walk in the walk, as theysay, and I think that that's I
think that that's important as well.Well. I appreciate you saying that,
and I have an observation and aquestion for you, because one of the
things I've observed about you through ourfriendships and through our friendship and through your
(23:22):
friendships with others is you bring ahigh degree of integrity to your relationships.
I mean, you don't really fakeit. You know, you're very honest
and authentic in how you interact withothers. And I think that you model
that, and then that also inspires, of course the same in those around
you. Son wondering what the secretsare to that sauce? You know,
(23:45):
how do you maintain your authenticity andyour integrity when you have conflicting motives or
you have challenges with somebody or like, how do you do it? Oh?
Boy? Well? Thank you?First of all, you know,
I think for me, I liketo be transparent. You know, there's
(24:07):
an old saying fake it to youmake it, and and sometimes I do
that. Sometimes I will put ona happy face or take the high road
if I if I'm in conflict withsomebody, you know. But in general,
pretty much what you see is whatyou get. And I think that
transparency and that just having it beI mean, and that's another thing about
(24:27):
connection, les. I look atconnection like like I'm exercising a muscle.
You know, if if I practiceit on a daily basis, that muscle
is going to get a lot stronger. But if I only exercise once a
week, then I'm gonna get flabby, you know. So so I think
that that's how connection is to me. It needs to become second nature.
(24:52):
And you know, the smile,the smile reflex needs to be second nature,
and you know, so I thinkthat's all a part of it is
that it's a muscle that I thatI exercise, and then it just is
like, Okay, this is thisis how it is, this is who
I am. And I find thatI'm just smiling more just as a general
(25:15):
course of who I am, youknow. So, yeah, so it's
not so much that you're faking ittill you're making it. I would say
that you're I might offer a friendlyamendment to wait. Absolutely, you know,
you're aspirational, so you wreck it, you're actually being very authentic.
You realize you're not where you wantto be, so you're stepping into where
you where you're you know, theplace that you desire to be acting from,
(25:42):
and tell it becomes natural to you. Mm hmm. So it's more
like thoughtful rather than just instinctual atfirst. Yes, yes, And I
think that's the big lesson for forour listeners is if it's not instinctual,
you know, it will become instinctualthe more that you practice it, the
(26:03):
more that you practice connection. AndI think the best way to practice connection
is with strangers. And I thinkthat's spill that hopefully spills over into our
interactions with our friends and our familyand our partners and our four legged you
know, family members, and soyeah, I think that that's a good
way to put it. Yeah.And I mean, I think this whole
(26:26):
stranger thing is so important. Mymother, who passed away just about a
year ago now, actually when shewas in the latter part of her she's
always very much of a loner,but in the latter part of her life,
she was very socially isolated and itwas really to her detriment. But
one of the things that she diddo to feel connected was she would go
(26:49):
out to her local grocery store,and she had a library that she went
to, and she just had interactionswith people that she didn't really know.
But she would always come back fromthose excursions feeling better, feeling just you
know, like she was part ofthe human community. And so even though
(27:11):
the interactions were probably on mundane thingslike what's the price of this or whatever,
just the way in which she interactedin the fact that she could interact
with so impactful. So, youknow, I just bring that up because
I think it's really important for usto remember that we have the opportunity to
literally change people's lives whenever we interactwith anyone we're i mean walking down the
(27:34):
street. We can either look somebodyfor a moment in the in the eyes
and smile, or we can ignorethem. And that is an opportunity and
that can be so impactful. Ohpowerful, Yeah, absolutely powerful. And
what a great way to end onthat note, because connection it has health
(27:56):
benefits for you, it's bi directionalfor you and the receiver. So well,
that was great release. Thank youso much for this conversation, and
that wraps up this episode of fiveto thrive live once again. We'd like
to thank our sponsors n f H, the professional supplement line bridging the gap
between nutraceuticals and evidence based medicine.Immuse post biotic to give your immune system
(28:19):
that extra boost, Cognizan citicolin tohelp enhance memory, focus and attention.
And doctor oher is a warn winningshelf stable probiotic. Thanks to our sponsors
very much indeed, and may youall experience joy, laughter, connection and
love. It's time to thrive everyone, have a great night. Ke
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