September 16, 2025 • 44 mins
For Suicide Prevention Month, speaker Dean Sikes joins Dr. Doug to share his journey and core message to teens: you matter. After 4,300+ school events, he explains roots of hopelessness (trauma, social media), how parents can truly listen, and why mentoring saves lives. Practical hope, faith, and tools—including his book You Matter—to help one life at a time. https://www.youmatter.us/
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Inspire Vision Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
Inspire Vision Podcast is broadcast on K4HD Radio (www.k4hd.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com).
Inspire Vision Podcast TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
Inspire Vision Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
This program is designed to provide general information with regards
to the subject matters covered. This information is given with
the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station
are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,
legal counseling, professional service, or any advice.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
You should seek the services of.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Competent professionals before applying or trying any suggested ideas.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
At the end of the day, it's not about what
you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what
you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,
who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.
Denzel Washington, welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is
to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you
(00:51):
to do the same.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Dean, Welcome to the show. Hi, it's great to be
with you. Thanks for this opportunity.
Speaker 4 (00:57):
Well, I'm really really I have you on the show today.
I know that if I understand correctly, September is actually
suicide prevention month.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Is that correct? It is? This is a big, big
month for what we do throughout throughout the year. Throughout
the years. This is basically when the entire world turns
its attention to just the subject of suicide and why
it's such an important topic to discuss.
Speaker 4 (01:21):
Okay, what I'd love for you to do is kind
of share your journey with the audience, your background and
so forth, and what brought you to doing what you're doing,
and your focus on suicide, because I know you really
have a huge focus and are contributing tremendously.
Speaker 5 (01:37):
Is suicide prevention?
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Yeah? Well, I have been speaking predominantly in high schools
throughout America and different parts of the world since January first,
nineteen ninety three. I've spoken now over four thousand, three
hundred events, and we have shared this message. It's a
message that says God loves you, He's got a plan
for your life, and because you're breathing, you matter. And
we've shared it with literally millions of teenagers who come
(02:00):
from all walks of life, every imaginable social class. And
what makes our outreach a little different maybe is we
never charge anyone anything. We freely comeing, just do what
we believe we're called to do, and lots of doors
open as a result of that. What began us in
all this, you know, I grew up in a pretty standard,
if you will, American home. Became a Christian at seven
(02:21):
years old, but I had some defining moments in my
life Doug that kind of changed my life at seven.
I became a Christian at fifteen years old on a
Wednesday afternoon, at three forty in the afternoon, unbeknownst to
me that it was getting ready to happen. But I
was sexually abused, and sixty seconds changed the trajectory of
my life. At seventeen years old, I had made a
vow that I would never tell anyone what had happened
(02:43):
to me. At seventeen, I felled pe. Even though I
played quarterback, tall tennis and played golf. I was plenty athletic.
I wasn't going to change close in front of anyone.
At eighteen and nineteen, my drug of choice was lying.
I lied more than I ever told the truth because
I didn't like me. And the second greatest commandment ever
written is to love your neighbor as yourself. But if
I don't love me, I can't love you. I can't
(03:04):
give what I don't have. And so I was living
this very non authentic life, trying to just create an
image that people would like, because I was so terribly
broken and insecure. That went on for but four years,
and at twenty one I was through. I just had enough.
The pressure was too much, the life was just not
worth living in my mind. But I said a real
(03:25):
simple prayer, one that I said, God, if you're real,
and I don't think you are, but if you are,
and you've have something for me to do, prove it.
And I tell teenagers, don't ever ask the creative of
the universe to ask to prove you that he's real
unless you're ready. And two weeks later, I'm sitting in
my office dialing a phone and as I'm dialing this
phone off behind me to my left, I heard someone say,
call mom. I swung around in my chair, saw no
(03:48):
one but the hair on the back of my ears.
New to call my mom, and I did. And when
I called my mom, at that precise sense of that, I
believe God spoke to me to do so. My mom
was attempting suicide, she was dying, and I could hear
the life leaving your body. I remember running out of
that office, getting into my cart Interstate seventy five in
the United States, and as I got to my parents home.
(04:08):
From the outside end, everything looked fine. It was safe, secure,
probably like where everyone's where people live. But from the
inside out, my mom was dying. I see millions of
teenagers and from the outside end they appeared to have
it all together. But from the inside out there in
their own private wars. That day, short version of this
story is I got to do a hospital and as
we're driving, she says, Dean, I can't be dying. I said, Mom,
(04:29):
you're not going to die, but you're going to have
to choose to live. And the most important wording that
sentenced to me is not lived, it is choosed. Because
choices create circumstances. And I got to a point where
when I got to the hospital, the doctors threw me
against the wall, rushed in the emergency room, and forty five
minutes later, this er doctor walked over to my dad
and said, there is no metal reason to tell you
what I'm getting ready to tell you. It is a
(04:50):
quote miracle of God. Your wife is fine, you can
go see her. I heard miracle of God spoken by
that doctor, and I was like, you've got to be
kidding me. You're real. And that day I knew in
my heart I didn't hear any more voice. But I
had a leading that I was supposed to begin traveling
and speaking. And it took several three or four years
before I would ever find the path for myself, but
(05:12):
I did. And so since then, it's been a constant
message and messaging to high school teenagers, the prisons, to
teen challenge centers, to churches, just a message where I
go in and share my story and I unpacked this
whole thing on why suicide cannot be the option that
we choose. And I'll just say this, and I'll kind
of just quiet down, but I've learned this that what
(05:34):
you and I overcome oftentimes becomes our platform. And that
is what happened to me.
Speaker 4 (05:41):
Amen to that, and you know, I found that to
be so true, so true, And you know, that's quite
a quite a fascinating story. And for you, you never
considered suicide, Eve though I went through that whole thing.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Never did I was, but I was. I was tired
of living the life of being fa plastic and non authentic.
I wanted real. And when I discovered that He is
real and that he has a plan for my life,
that's when I got real intentional about getting getting some
help and moving forward in a healthier lifestyle.
Speaker 4 (06:14):
Okay, And you know, obviously we're talking theologically here. You're Christian.
You know I have a firm belief also and the
Savior and the Father. But I know a lot of
the audience that may be listening may not have that
type of faith. So as you're working with people, and
with young people particularly who may not have that type
(06:37):
of background of faith, how do you work with them
and help How do we help the audience to understand
that this is a general important topic and it's not
necessarily that you have to have that faith, although there's
no question that having that can make a big difference.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Sure, And that's a great question what I share with
audiences every time I speak, I begin, no matter where
I am, with a very simple statement, and here it is,
I'm not here to try to talk you into anything today.
And here's why. If I could talk you into something today,
somebody is so much better than me can talk you
out of it tomorrow. The thing about truth, and I
talk about it in my book, is truth is always truth.
(07:17):
And I believe inborn into every human is a desire
to connect with truth. And so when I talk about
your life matters. I base it on sixteen words that
are found in one Bible verse. It's in Job chapter
thirty three, verse four, and it says this, the spirit
of God made you, and the breath of the Almighty
(07:38):
gives you life. Teenagers asks me, They go, well, Dean,
you don't know me. You don't know what I've done,
you don't know my background, you don't know my backstory,
and yet you tell me with such confidence that I matter.
What do you base that on? And I always just
smile and go so happy you asked here it is
you matter for one reason. It's not your last name.
It's not how much money your parents make. It's not
your athletic ability, your theatrical ability, you're academic look ability.
(08:01):
All those are what kind of gives you. But what
makes you special, What makes the truth that you do matter,
is it comes down to one thing you're breathing. You
were never God has never made a mistake. You were
created on purpose, with purpose and for purpose. And whether
people believe in this God that I'm talking about or not,
the reality is they were created. They didn't just happen.
(08:22):
They're here on purpose. And as a result, I just
invite people into a discovery of their own that says,
wait a minute, I am here, I am breathing, and
as a result, there must be something for me to do.
And so it's it's the most interesting. And there are
a lot of people out there that Doug go, well,
you know, you're you're oversimplifying this message, and I very
(08:44):
simply and go, well, thank you for recognizing that I am.
And that's that's very intentional on my part because it's
a simple message.
Speaker 5 (08:51):
And you know, I think it's so important.
Speaker 4 (08:54):
As I've interviewed hundreds and hundreds of people on personal development,
overcoming you know, suicide out type of things. The one
thing that I recognize is that there is this concept,
as you mentioned, that there has to be this identity.
There needs to be an understanding that within us there
is that light, there is that spirit, there is that godliness,
(09:16):
whatever you want to call it. And even for those,
as you say, that are not necessarily religious.
Speaker 5 (09:24):
Need to know that yet there is that life within you.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
And you know, so often our lives have become a
story that we've told ourselves based on so many stories
that we've been told by our parents and by religion
and everything. And so here's one of the questions I
have and I always love to get into this, you
know the root cause? Now, I will tell you I've
(09:48):
had three nephews that have committed suicide, and two of
them were younger.
Speaker 5 (09:55):
One of them was actually a lot more mature and
a lot older.
Speaker 4 (10:00):
And as I've looked at that, I wonder, you know,
is what is the cause?
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Now?
Speaker 4 (10:06):
It's easy, if not easy, but you know, to find
to talk about how do we get to the point
where we don't consider suicide as one thing. But what
I've recognized is that there may be some causes in
general that lead someone to that thought process. As you've
(10:28):
done this, have you found that there are some general
categories or causes that can causes to happen.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Yeah, you know, it's a couple of things to respond to. That.
One is I've talked with a lot of students who've
attempted but survived, and I've talked to a lot of
parents who have buried their children, and a lot of times.
Just recently, I was sitting with it with a family
that I happened to know, and they reached out to
me and their child had had ended his life, and
(10:55):
I walked into their home and I walked in with
just this kind of this feeling of I don't have
to have answers for them today. I think they just
need to be heard. So I'm just gonna sit and listen,
and if I'm led to say something, I will. I
remember I sat down and the dad was very angry,
very angry. The mom was, you know, extremely emotional, but
(11:17):
she was more of a she had it together. And
they said, you know, there were just no signs. We
didn't see any signs whatsoever. And a lot of times
teenagers who've attempted in who have survived or said to me, Deane,
it's like there's this hopelessness that just overtakes us. There's
just no we see, no hope for our future. And
they begin to talk about how in their mind they
(11:37):
have this almost this dark, ominous, evil cloud that comes
into their minds how they would describe it to me,
and it becomes this overpowering, overshadowing portion of their mind.
And then they hear this voice and it's always the
wrong voice, and it's to end their life. As a Christian,
I go back to Jesus came to give us life
and life more abundantly. The Bible talks about how there
(11:58):
was an appointed time for everyone to be born and
to die. Well, my belief is those appointments I'm not
in charge of, and God doesn't need my help on
either side of them. And so the hopelessness is the
biggest thing that we encounter in public schools, private schools,
Christian schools, alternative schools. Young people who just say, I
(12:18):
just don't see any track forward from me and for
the life I want to live, and they literally buy
this unimaginable evil lie. And it's always fast. Suicide, in
my view, is the fastest depth that exists on the planet.
Speaker 4 (12:33):
Today, and it totally interrupts that plan of when they're
to die. Yes, necessarily, you know, but here's for me,
And you can correct me on this if you don't
believe this, But I find that you know. And again
I think the important thing and you kind of brought
it up. We cannot blame anyone necessarily for those young
(12:56):
people that commit suicide, and I think parents take such blame.
I feel so guilty. What could I have done, I
didn't see it, so on and so forth. But I
will say that in one particular case that I'm aware of,
I really believe that medication. I know that one of
my nephews was struggling a little bit in school. I
(13:17):
was encouraged to put them on a little bit of medication,
and I happened to have a I've been studying this
a lot, and I recognize that one medication goes to another,
goes to another. And ultimately, when my one nephew passed away,
he was on really an anti anxiety drug that six
(13:39):
months later they realized that one of the side effects
was suicide.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
And so I don't know if you get into that
with parents at all, about being so careful about the
medications that their children are put on and looking at
alternate ways with learning disabilities. I know that I have
one that has some learning disabilities and the school was saying,
all right, we need to put him on Redlin.
Speaker 5 (14:06):
Or whatever, and I go, no way.
Speaker 4 (14:10):
And I happened to go to a workshop by a
psychologist who was talking about this very thing, and he
talked about the fact that in schools we teach one
way and that's the only way, and yet our children
have different ways of learning.
Speaker 5 (14:26):
The spacial thinkers.
Speaker 4 (14:27):
My son happened to be a spatial thinker, and we
had some other issues that we've talked about now that
he's much more mature, and and what I did in
his case is I bought him upon pilot because he
was very much a spatial thinker yep.
Speaker 5 (14:41):
And so well, what happened.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
He'd be in class and a bird would happen to
fly on to the window and he'd look over there,
and something would happen over here, and he'd look over
there and you know, to the to the teacher, you know,
you really need some help.
Speaker 5 (14:54):
You're adhd or whatever that happens to be.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
And so I bought him upon pilot and I I said, look,
you take this to school and use this.
Speaker 5 (15:03):
And he focused on that and it made all the
difference in the world for him.
Speaker 4 (15:08):
Now, I will say I had a few teachers come
to me and seeing he's changing the channel on our
TV while we're trying to try all But the bottom
line is is that by giving him a focus, it
made all the difference in the world.
Speaker 5 (15:23):
So do you talk about medications at all with parents.
I don't.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
I usually do not get into that because that's just
not I'm not trained in that way. I'm not educated
in that way. I'm not against medication as long as
it's the medication that's right for each individual child, you know,
and that's that's a conversation between parents and doctors. So
I don't ever really go into that world just because
I'm just not trained in that world, and I happen
(15:47):
to be against it.
Speaker 4 (15:48):
I happened to be against it because I saw the
result in one of my nephews. So as you look
at some of the root causes, what is creating this
story within their minds of hopelessness.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Well, one of the biggest things that we could talk
about is the impact of social media globally on today's teenagers. Globally,
every day in American around the world, five thousand, six
hundred teenagers attempt to end their life five thousand, six
hundred pre COVID it was five two hundred and forty
in an arena that seeks twelve thousand people. That arena
would fill up every two and a half days with
(16:24):
teenagers who in the previous sixty hours bought to lie.
So one of the things that I talk a lot
about in schools with teenagers as it relates to social
media is, for example, in our outreach in the last
twenty five months, we've had one hundred and sixty three
million views of our videos on social media. Well, I'm
thankful for that. We know every high school i'd go into,
teenagers come up and go, hey, I watch videos, and
(16:47):
no matter where I am, it happens. And again, grateful
for that. But notice I didn't say I'd count my likes.
Here's the message that I share with parents, and because
a lot of parents are own social and they're counting
how many people like what I said today. If you're
still your likes, you have no idea how much you're
truly loved. Views are one thing. Teenagers today are trying
to figure out, how can I get more likes? How
(17:08):
can I get more retweets? How can I get more
people following me? And they're using filters, they're changing this.
They're just trying to fit in. And I have met
a lot of students who either had dear friends in
their life or attempted in their lives, or they've attempted
because the peer pressure on social media to perform and
to be accepted is off the charts. And in my view,
(17:32):
social media was created to connect people, but it's become
the most singular, isolating tool that the earth knows today.
Speaker 4 (17:39):
Well, and unfortunately social media is there's so much falsehood
that's being generated as truth. I find it interesting as
I'm listening and oftentimes to something and I go, wait
a minute, that can't be true.
Speaker 5 (17:56):
So I'll immediately do the research.
Speaker 4 (17:59):
I'll go to Chadgie and say, okay, here's what's being
said true, and no it's not true.
Speaker 5 (18:06):
And yet there are bald faced.
Speaker 4 (18:08):
Lies that are being told. And particularly with our youth here,
they are being told something that they believe is true,
which can so much affect their whole life and their
whole thought process.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Yeah, it's and the reality is they're trying to find
their value based on something that may or not be true,
like you're talking about. And and so my suggestion to
teenagers is why don't we just be the the authentic
version of who you truly are. And let's let's not
worry about how many people are liking what we're doing
(18:45):
or following us. Because you know, even with the number
of people who follow us on social media, if I
say stuffing they don't like, they can hit one button
and I'm gone off. They're off their screens, off their
off there. It's amazing to me and the average teenager.
According to the Center for Disease Controls in Atlanta, Georgia,
the average teenager today spent up to nine hours every
(19:06):
day on his or her device. Nine hours. Wow. I
grabbed my toe the other day with the TikTok and
just started scrolling. Forty eight minutes later I looked up
and I went, Wow, that was addictive. Those are forty
eight minutes. How many never get back? Yeah, and they're
doing up to nine hours a day. I mean that
number just staggers me.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
Well, and there are some other issues also, because you
look at that from social media, and there's no question
that that's a major issue.
Speaker 5 (19:34):
But also what about.
Speaker 4 (19:36):
The imprints that these children receive unknowingly necessarily from parents,
unknowingly or not necessarily unknowingly, from schools, from society, from religion,
even which I think we have to be careful about
to at the point where you know what, I'm not good,
(19:56):
I'm not good enough. Do you address those issues at all?
Speaker 5 (20:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (20:01):
I do talk about it from the stay I talk
to parents about. You know, it's it's a very unhealthy
process to try to remitigate your life to the life
of your children. Meaning if you're trying to get your
kid to play a certain sport because you did and
you want to relive those glory days. And that kid
is not interested in that sport. Yet you're pressuring them
to perform. You're setting them up for epic failure. If
(20:24):
you are trying to get them to become someone. Because
here's here's what I've seen so often is that broken
teenagers become broken adults, and brokenness attracts brokenness, and when
two become one flesh and they recreate, they create brokenness
until until there's healing that comes. And so a lot
of students to me, come up to me and they'll go,
(20:46):
you know, I just would love to be able to
talk to my parents. I just don't know what to say.
And I have so many parents say to me, I
would love to talk to my teenagers. I don't know
what to say to them. And again by suggesting what,
let's turn the phone off, let's begin there, put your
phone away and just try to have a conversation, because
at the end of the day, teenagers still desperately, whether
(21:08):
they realize it or not, are in desperate need at boundaries,
and so many parents are trying to be their kid's
best friend. Your teenager doesn't need to be your best
friend at all. They need what you offer as a mom,
a dad, or a father or a mother. There's a
big difference. Dads give you what you want, but fathers
give you what you need. And I'm seeing such a
(21:30):
deficit in fatherhood where young people are like, wait, my
dad's just never around. And for the parents listening to this,
I can assure you, as someone who's done this for
almost thirty four solid years, teenagers spell love t I M.
They want your time.
Speaker 4 (21:47):
Well, and they want they want communication. And you know
what surprises me as you say, you know, broken parents
cause broken children oftentimes. And yeah, so you know we
get into this whole issue of how do I how
do I change myself first so that then I can
(22:08):
be a positive influence for my children.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
Yeah, it's it comes first of all. I believe it
comes down to first acknowledging something needs to change, something
needs to be healed, something needs to be fixed for me.
Interesting story I shared this from stage a lot. You know,
I had made a vow when I was fifteen that
I would never tell anyone I'd been sexually abused, and
I maintained that vow For twenty two years, no one
(22:32):
ever knew. Married with three kids, and my wife didn't know.
But there was a day that she asked me to
go to a place called home Depot, which is a
massive you know, do it yourself. That's not me. I
was lost as a goose in there. But I went
down all twenty one and I turned right and I
literally walked right into the person who twenty two years
(22:55):
earlier had sexually abused me.
Speaker 5 (22:56):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
I squeezed my kid's hands so tight that both screamed.
I just froze. Keep in mind, if you and I
do not deal with our emotions, our emotions will deal
with us. They don't just magically disappear. I froze, squeezed
their hands, turned around, walked it out, drove home. My
wife looked to me when I got hunt you, what's wrong?
I said, not right now. I'll give you a few minutes,
(23:17):
put our kids to bed. An hour later, we went
outside on our front porch and I said, I want
to I don't want to tell you this, but I
need to tell you this. I said, I've never had
the guts to tell anybody, but twenty two years ago
I was sexually abused, and today I ran into the person.
My wife took two steps back, her eyes filled with tears.
I'll never forget this, and she said, Dean, everything makes sense.
(23:38):
Now we've got to get you some help. And I
share that to say, oftentimes we just bury the pain,
we bury the whatever, We bury the incident, we bury
the experience, thinking it's just going to go away. But
yet suddenly when they were going somewhere and somebody cuts
in front of us in our vehicle, and we get
so angry. We're not angry that somebody cut in front
of us. That's a secondary emotion. That anger is being
(24:00):
driven by something much deeper. Something triggered that. And so
for me, I was invited into a Christian based counseling
appointment excuse me, and I didn't want to go. I
had a lot of pride and I thought, I don't
need this. This guy's not gonna help me. And my
wife said, if you were diagnosed with a sickness, would
(24:22):
you go to a doctor? I said, well, sure, she
goes no different, you're going. And so I went. And
there was this ninety second stare off. But this gentleman
looked at me. I looked at him, and I knew
this guy did not need me. I needed him and that.
I said, what would it look like if you and
I were to do that? He said, it'd be a conversation.
He said, I don't want to talk about your outreach.
I don't want to talk about the people you reach.
(24:42):
I don't want to talk about all the books you've written.
I don't want none of that. I'm interested in you.
And for me, that was something new that somebody was
really just interested in me. I said, okay, let's begin.
That conversation lasted eleven years.
Speaker 5 (24:55):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Well, during those eleven years, I was asked a question
that this is kind of where I was going. The
question was this, will you forgive the person who abused
you when you were fifteen? My immediate response, as a Christian, no,
not even Maybe They were like why, I said, it's
not fair. I did nothing wrong. This question was imposed,
what was the cross? Fair? Meaning the cross that Jesus
(25:16):
was kungo. I just kind of just froze, kind of said,
I'll get back to you two about three or four days.
But I did not go to the person, but I
did forgive, and I would love to tell you that
everything changed in that moment, but I felt nothing different.
But you know, faith isn't about feelings, It's about obedience.
And I just forgave and I did it in a
(25:36):
very sincere way. And it wasn't long thereafter. I woke
up one morning and I experienced what forgiveness does? It
sets us free? That person who sactually abused me could
walk into an arena when I'm speaking, there's fifteen thousand
teenagers there, could walk down to the front of that arena,
sit on the front road, look directly, and it wouldn't
phaze me in the least because I truly am free.
And again I go back to what you and I
(25:58):
overcome becomes our platform. You know, for me, I was
sexually abused. I was emotionally abandoned by my mom when
I was four and a half five years old. I
was rejected by people. I was bullied. I didn't think
that my life mattered. I didn't feel like I was
anything special, and yet I was so arrogantly confident because
(26:18):
it was a false sense of confidence on the outside.
All of that, somehow I was able to kind of
get through became the platform of my life. And now
all I'll talk about is how your life matters well.
Speaker 4 (26:30):
And you know what's interesting, and we talked about it
at the very beginning that so often, you know, parents
will blame themselves. And as we're talking, we're talking about
the fact that you know, if you are troubled as
a parent and have never really done that self development
and whatever, that can necessarily fall onto your children too.
Speaker 5 (26:52):
And yet I think we need to understand that this
is life.
Speaker 4 (26:55):
We are who we are, and we all experience these things,
and oftentimes it has nothing to do with responsibility. You know,
what happened to you was not your responsibility. What's happened
to me in my life at least, you know, the
things that I could not control, I couldn't control. And
(27:16):
so when you're working with peasant parents, there's there's two
things I want you to focus on for a minute.
One is how do they how do they learn to
overcome their own personal issues. It's interesting that your wife
was so aware but didn't know why, and potentially I
don't know how it was affecting your kids. But you know,
(27:37):
I look at my child. I've got four kids, and
there's no question And we laugh about it now because
we did develop communication, really open communication, but we laugh
about the fact that, you know how I influence them
sometimes oftentimes for the good, and they really appreciate that,
and sometimes it's like they travel a little bit with that.
(27:57):
So as you work with parents, how do you help
them number one, to really recognize that their own personal
challenges are affecting their children and that for the good
of not only themselves but their children, doing that self
work such as you did, really will make a difference.
(28:20):
Number two, Learning the art of communication and conversation so
that those children who really do need to talk to
someone will feel comfortable enough to be able to talk
to their parents. And number three number three, I do
this all the time. Number three, how do you help
(28:40):
parents to get away from their guilt that they impose
on themselves if they have had a child who has
committed suicide?
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Yeah, So the number two question, the communication is so important.
I growing up with our family, my wife had this
idea and it was it was kind of a It
just worked. We did what we call high low. What
was your high today? What was your load to day?
I've learned that if we can, if we can invite
(29:10):
young people into conversations by leading with questions, you know,
what was it like today. What made that your high
today or what wead is notious? It was what was
your load to day? And why what happened in there?
Because teenagers want to be heard and they need to
be seen, so that that's that's one thing. So the
lines of communication, even if you feel like you're not
doing it well, just keep showing up. Just keep showing up.
(29:33):
With regards to parents who have who have lost a
child to suicide, it and the guilt, I mean, first
of all, no one knows what you feel. No one
even someone who's experienced it in their own version that
they don't know what you feel. And I think there's
a place in a space there to just embrace the
truth that you know what, as bad as it is,
(29:55):
you can't take the responsibility for it. Even I've talked
to some parents who are like, you know, I just
wasn't a very good parent. I pushed my child so hard.
As as remedial as this sounds, this is what I
share with people. Yesterday ended last night, and mul's not
promised to anyone. So we've been given this gift called
today again as a Christian and that's where I come
(30:18):
from it in my perspective. I believe that there is eternity.
I believe that you will die and go either to
heaven or hell. That's what I believe. Well, I believe
there's a lot of people who've experienced suicide who were Christians.
I believe those people are in heaven today. I just
believe that. And I believe that if we can unpack
(30:39):
the pain and not be afraid of the pain, but
go you know what is this has happened, It's real.
It can control the rest of your life, or it
can define the rest of your life. Pain seeks pleasure.
If you see people who've really been through painful and
just unimaginable painful situations, a lot of times they end
up in addiction at some point because they're trying to
(31:00):
just numb out. They're trying to anethesize. Now, they're not
bad people, they're just hurting and they're trying to figure out,
how can I get through the next you know, not
the next day, the next twenty minutes, the next two minutes.
So my thing when talking to parents is don't I
don't have all the answers. I'm not gonna The most
honest answer I give people is simply, I just don't know.
(31:20):
I don't know why this happened to your son or
your daughter. I don't have the answers for that. But
I know that you're still here, and I know that
you're still breathing, and I know that there's something for
you to do, And how can you take this pain
and turn it into purpose? What was your first question?
There al those three place The first one's left me.
Speaker 5 (31:38):
Really helping the parents themselves.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
Yeah, yeah, first recognitions have to battle, you know. I
had to recognize that I was broken, and then I
had to unpack why was I broken? And then I
had to unpack from that what was that brokenness creating
in my life? How was I being a husband? How
was I being a father? How was I being a speaker?
Was I as an employer? I mean, all these different
(32:03):
tentacles coming out of this one thing that would literally
just dictate my life. Why did I like certain things?
Did it? Did it feed a part of my ego
that was unhealthy? I mean, it's truly an introspective, diagnostic
look at our lives and going, if we're going to
do this, let's let's do it in real time. Let's
let's be real with ourselves. Let's be honest, because when
(32:25):
we do that and we're not afraid of what we're
going to find and discover, that puts us on a path,
in my view, where we can then begin to see
the healing process begin. We can see those those that
healing come in. And here's what I've learned. When we
are truly healed, it's noticeable. I've had people in my
life that I've known for a long time to come
(32:46):
to me and go I had someone in my family
not read not long ago, who was at an event
where I was speaking. They came up to me afterwards
and they were like, I don't know what's changed, but man,
this message I mean, it is It's unlike any other
time I've ever heard you speak. And this person's been
around for thirty years. And I was like, well, here's
here's what's changed me. I realized I needed some things
(33:08):
fixed in my life, and I'm not I'm not I'm
not opposed to getting some help. I'm not opposed to
digging down deep and going what needs to be fixed.
And if we're honest with ourselves, none of us are perfect.
We're all broken people, we all have issues. Why run
from them, embrace what it is, believe for a way
to fix it, and then move forward.
Speaker 4 (33:27):
Well amen to that, you know, and you you said
something that really triggered me a little bit with the thought.
You know, you talk about mainstream Christianity, heaven and hell
and so forth. As I've studied, it was interesting since
I'm in Thailand, you know, I've been fascinated by the
different lots of these religions, whatever you want.
Speaker 5 (33:49):
To call them.
Speaker 4 (33:50):
And it was interesting here in Buddhism that here you
have the original teachings and now it has moved into
probably five or six different types of sex that believe
and teach different things that have kind of been created
by man's concept and interpretation. In Christianity, look how many
(34:14):
churches and philosophies exist, you know.
Speaker 5 (34:18):
And as you talked.
Speaker 4 (34:19):
About that, and I think that one of the things
and I talk about this is trying to be kind
but recognizing that, you know what, sometimes religion has created
the very issues we're trying to get out of. For instance,
for those that believe that were born in original sin.
I don't happen to believe that, okay, but some do. Well,
(34:42):
what does that do when someone listens to the scripture
be there for perfect Well, how can I be that
when they don't recognize that that has been misinterpreted from
the original meanings. You've got that when we talk about,
you know, committing suicide and oh my goodness, they're not
(35:04):
going to heaven, they're going to hell. Well, guess what
When Christ was on the cross and that that guy
next to him, who literally was a criminal, yep, what
did what did Christ say to him?
Speaker 2 (35:16):
I'll see you later on the day.
Speaker 5 (35:17):
He said, You'll be with me in paradise.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Yep.
Speaker 5 (35:21):
All right, So here's the question.
Speaker 4 (35:23):
When he came back and was resurrected and saw Mary,
what did he say to her?
Speaker 2 (35:29):
Go and tell my disciples?
Speaker 5 (35:31):
No, he said, touch me not?
Speaker 2 (35:32):
Why? Oh why?
Speaker 5 (35:35):
Because I've not been to I've not been to Heaven yet.
I've not been to my father in heaven.
Speaker 4 (35:40):
So all of a sudden, we can recognize that, you
know what, it isn't just heaven or Hell.
Speaker 5 (35:46):
Let's open our minds up a little bit.
Speaker 4 (35:48):
And realize that, you know, there's there's something that he
referred to as paradise that is a step.
Speaker 5 (35:54):
Before heaven and Hell.
Speaker 4 (35:57):
And as we recognize that, and as we regie that
even that criminal was there with Christ in paradise. Why
can't we understand that our children, those that have committed
suicide for whatever reason beyond necessarily their control, are going
to be in a location where they could be and
(36:20):
influenced by that goodness of the Savior. And it has
nothing to do with heaven and hell. So it's interesting,
I think, for people to understand that there are all
different types of thoughts, processes, and beliefs and interpretation. But
if we move away from some of this just you know,
black and white, that we can give them hope.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
Well, and I think that's I think that's the word
that really encapsulates what our mission is all about, is
bringing what I call the intangible asset of hope into
the lives of people who and all of who among
us does not need more hope. I mean it's again,
the simplicity of our message is just that. And you know,
well it's to me. I look at all of these
(37:02):
students that we get to talk with, and I see
they tell me their stories. I mean people say, well,
why does students? Why do they tell you these things?
And I have story after I mean, the hundreds of
stories of students who share their stories, their testimonies, and
I always just kind of smaller girl. I'm the safest
guy they're ever going to talk to, because they know
I'm leaving in thirty minutes an hour and I'll probably
never see them again. So they just unpack these unimaginably
(37:26):
painful stories of things that they have experienced. Why, because
everybody needs somebody with whom they can communicate, they can share,
They need to empty out. They're looking for that, And
that's why parenting is so important. I mean, you've got
to be able as a parent to have the tough conversations.
(37:47):
But there's a reason we were created with two eyes,
two ears in one mouth. I believe we're supposed to
watch and listen twice as much as we speak, and
therein I believe lies the kid to effective communication.
Speaker 4 (37:58):
Well, and one thing that you did, which I think
is so essential. You know, so often we want our
children to be transparent, but how can they trust us
to be transparent until we are transparent with them. And
when you finally told your wife your experiences as a
young person, that transparency, as you say, open the path
(38:21):
and forgiveness the ultimate freedom for you. And I think
it's important for parents to understand that if you want
your children to be transparent, what's wrong with sitting down
and saying, hey, son or daughter, I totally get what's
going on here, because here's some of the experiences I've
had in my life and be transparent. And the minute
(38:42):
that that child sees that you're willing to share with them,
doesn't that create a willingness and a trust within them
to share with you.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
Absolutely, It's like that everything is a seed. I believe
that produces a harvest. Good seeds produce good harvest, Bad
seeds bad harvest. If I so of being transparent with
my kids, who are all adults, now, you know the
growing up, I learned that if I would, if I
messed up in a big way or a small way,
if if I was unkind with my words toward my wife,
(39:14):
or to my kids, or to one of our dogs,
my responsibility was to immediate, Wait a minute, hey, guys,
you know what I was wrong? Right then? I missed it.
I should never have said that, or I shouldn't have
said it in that tone. And I just want you
to know I was wrong, and I apologize to you.
Our kids grew up in that kind of an environment. Now,
had I not come to the end of myself gotten
some serious help, I wouldn't have known to have done that.
(39:36):
I would have just gone, well, you know, it's just
the way it is lifestyle. I mean, how many especially
fathers are out there going, well, you know, I do
this and I do that and blah blah, you know,
and it's just gonna be my way or the highway.
That doesn't win anyone. It pushes people away. Teen Agers
are looking for the real thing. They won't genuine authenticity
across all platforms, and they can smell it, and they
(39:58):
can spot it when they see it, and they can
smell it, and they can spot it when they don't.
I've seen I've been at a conference where I was
one of the speakers, and it doesn't matter who it was.
There was a well known speaker enough to speak, and
he tried so hard to relate to those teenagers. They
shut him down so fast. I mean it was it
was brutal. They weren't they weren't anywhere near him. And
(40:20):
yet I talked to the same audience. Not that I'm
such a great speaker, I'm just authentic, I'm just real.
People go why are you just so real? Because for
so long I was so plastic and fake. I for
so long I wasn't And I just got to the
point where I was like, can I tell him? I
show up in a button down shirt and a pair
of kaki pants. They got a microphone in this hand,
a bottle of water in this hand. I'm like, you
(40:41):
know what, I'm just gonna talk with you for thirty
or forty minutes and I hope you get something out
of it. But if you don't, I apologize, But I'm
just going to give you what I got. I'm just
gonna be me. Every single school we've been in, everyone
without without fail, we can go back into because the principles,
the teachers, the students embrace the message. And I saw
that I wasn't. I'm not trying like I told you earlier.
(41:03):
I'm not trying to talk to people into believe in
something that I believe. I'm just trying to get people
to have hope that there's a better future.
Speaker 4 (41:09):
Well, and you know, as we're running out of time,
I wish we had more time.
Speaker 5 (41:12):
We could go on for another hour. I think on this, but.
Speaker 4 (41:16):
You know, this month is a special month, and as
we look at that, what do you recommend, how do
you encourage communities?
Speaker 5 (41:25):
Parents? What can they do to really support our teens.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
Well in life? I believe we learn from one of
four ways failures or fathers, mentors, or mistakes. Worldwide, teenagers
are basically the same. They're looking for someone who cares.
They want to know that you want to be invested
in them. Mentoring is such a massive opportunity because there's
so many people who've been successful in their lives, but
the success did not fulfill them. They're looking for significance now.
(41:51):
So what if you were to pour back into another
generation coming behind you and share with them what you
did right, what you did wrong, how you succeed, and
how you perhaps failed. I believe that if we there's
some I have some people in my life, some young
people that hang out, you know, with my family, and
we pour into them. You know, I'm not preaching at them.
I'm not trying to convince them. I'm just going, hey,
(42:14):
on a golf course. I did it the other day
with my son and one of his dearest friends, you know,
and his friend wanted to talk, had some serious questions,
and in between hitting golf shots, I just kind of
poured into him, and being available is a big part.
You know. One of the things that we've done with
my new book is it's it's a book that I
wrote for the specific purpose of getting people to understand
that you do matter. I share my story in it,
(42:36):
but then I unpack what I believe the reason to
be is to why you matter. And it's really helping
a lot of people. And so there's resources out there,
There's there's investing, time is out there, mentoring is available
to these students. Just getting engaged, getting involved and showing
up all makes such a big difference.
Speaker 5 (42:54):
And you mentioned your book, Yeah, share with the audience again.
The name of the book. How they can find it, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:00):
It's called You Matter, Finding Hope and meaning in everyday life.
You can be found on Amazon, or they can go
to our website, which is simply Youmatter dot us while
you m a T T e er dot us. Either
one of those will take you right to it. The
website gives you a whole lot of information on what
we do, why we do it, how we do it.
And then of course on Amazon thankfully in multiple categories worldwides.
(43:23):
It's the book released. It's been number one. So it's
it's helping a lot of people.
Speaker 4 (43:27):
Wonderful Dean, thank you so much, thanks for your time,
Thanks for what an important topic and folks think about this.
Speaker 5 (43:34):
And you know, I love the.
Speaker 4 (43:35):
Last part that you talked about how we as individuals
can make a difference in the lives of our teenagers
and those around us by listening, by opening up, by
doing all those things and being aware.
Speaker 5 (43:50):
And since this is such a special month for that, I.
Speaker 4 (43:53):
Just you know, and I know you would too, encourage
people to become aware of that, even if they haven't
personally experienced it, recognize that they too can make a difference.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
No question. Everybody needs somebody, and you'll be willing and
obedient to just be used. Opportunities will knock on your door. Well, Dan,
thank you, thanks so much. Doug, Yeah, thank you for
what you're doing. Appreciate it, and Bold thanks for listening.
I hope this has made a difference, and I hope
this will create a higher awareness of those around us,
(44:24):
and particularly those teenagers that are struggling, and how we
can individually make a difference, either personally by even developing
ourselves or by getting involved in some of these organizations
that are seeking to help, so anyway, this is doctor
Doctor's saying no mistae.
This program is designed to provide general information with regards
to the subject matters covered. This information is given with
the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station
are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,
legal counseling, professional service, or any advice.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
You should seek the services of.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Competent professionals before applying or trying any suggested ideas.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
At the end of the day, it's not about what
you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what
you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,
who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.
Denzel Washington, welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is
to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you
(00:51):
to do the same.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Dean, Welcome to the show. Hi, it's great to be
with you. Thanks for this opportunity.
Speaker 4 (00:57):
Well, I'm really really I have you on the show today.
I know that if I understand correctly, September is actually
suicide prevention month.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Is that correct? It is? This is a big, big
month for what we do throughout throughout the year. Throughout
the years. This is basically when the entire world turns
its attention to just the subject of suicide and why
it's such an important topic to discuss.
Speaker 4 (01:21):
Okay, what I'd love for you to do is kind
of share your journey with the audience, your background and
so forth, and what brought you to doing what you're doing,
and your focus on suicide, because I know you really
have a huge focus and are contributing tremendously.
Speaker 5 (01:37):
Is suicide prevention?
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Yeah? Well, I have been speaking predominantly in high schools
throughout America and different parts of the world since January first,
nineteen ninety three. I've spoken now over four thousand, three
hundred events, and we have shared this message. It's a
message that says God loves you, He's got a plan
for your life, and because you're breathing, you matter. And
we've shared it with literally millions of teenagers who come
(02:00):
from all walks of life, every imaginable social class. And
what makes our outreach a little different maybe is we
never charge anyone anything. We freely comeing, just do what
we believe we're called to do, and lots of doors
open as a result of that. What began us in
all this, you know, I grew up in a pretty standard,
if you will, American home. Became a Christian at seven
(02:21):
years old, but I had some defining moments in my
life Doug that kind of changed my life at seven.
I became a Christian at fifteen years old on a
Wednesday afternoon, at three forty in the afternoon, unbeknownst to
me that it was getting ready to happen. But I
was sexually abused, and sixty seconds changed the trajectory of
my life. At seventeen years old, I had made a
vow that I would never tell anyone what had happened
(02:43):
to me. At seventeen, I felled pe. Even though I
played quarterback, tall tennis and played golf. I was plenty athletic.
I wasn't going to change close in front of anyone.
At eighteen and nineteen, my drug of choice was lying.
I lied more than I ever told the truth because
I didn't like me. And the second greatest commandment ever
written is to love your neighbor as yourself. But if
I don't love me, I can't love you. I can't
(03:04):
give what I don't have. And so I was living
this very non authentic life, trying to just create an
image that people would like, because I was so terribly
broken and insecure. That went on for but four years,
and at twenty one I was through. I just had enough.
The pressure was too much, the life was just not
worth living in my mind. But I said a real
(03:25):
simple prayer, one that I said, God, if you're real,
and I don't think you are, but if you are,
and you've have something for me to do, prove it.
And I tell teenagers, don't ever ask the creative of
the universe to ask to prove you that he's real
unless you're ready. And two weeks later, I'm sitting in
my office dialing a phone and as I'm dialing this
phone off behind me to my left, I heard someone say,
call mom. I swung around in my chair, saw no
(03:48):
one but the hair on the back of my ears.
New to call my mom, and I did. And when
I called my mom, at that precise sense of that, I
believe God spoke to me to do so. My mom
was attempting suicide, she was dying, and I could hear
the life leaving your body. I remember running out of
that office, getting into my cart Interstate seventy five in
the United States, and as I got to my parents home.
(04:08):
From the outside end, everything looked fine. It was safe, secure,
probably like where everyone's where people live. But from the
inside out, my mom was dying. I see millions of
teenagers and from the outside end they appeared to have
it all together. But from the inside out there in
their own private wars. That day, short version of this
story is I got to do a hospital and as
we're driving, she says, Dean, I can't be dying. I said, Mom,
(04:29):
you're not going to die, but you're going to have
to choose to live. And the most important wording that
sentenced to me is not lived, it is choosed. Because
choices create circumstances. And I got to a point where
when I got to the hospital, the doctors threw me
against the wall, rushed in the emergency room, and forty five
minutes later, this er doctor walked over to my dad
and said, there is no metal reason to tell you
what I'm getting ready to tell you. It is a
(04:50):
quote miracle of God. Your wife is fine, you can
go see her. I heard miracle of God spoken by
that doctor, and I was like, you've got to be
kidding me. You're real. And that day I knew in
my heart I didn't hear any more voice. But I
had a leading that I was supposed to begin traveling
and speaking. And it took several three or four years
before I would ever find the path for myself, but
(05:12):
I did. And so since then, it's been a constant
message and messaging to high school teenagers, the prisons, to
teen challenge centers, to churches, just a message where I
go in and share my story and I unpacked this
whole thing on why suicide cannot be the option that
we choose. And I'll just say this, and I'll kind
of just quiet down, but I've learned this that what
(05:34):
you and I overcome oftentimes becomes our platform. And that
is what happened to me.
Speaker 4 (05:41):
Amen to that, and you know, I found that to
be so true, so true, And you know, that's quite
a quite a fascinating story. And for you, you never
considered suicide, Eve though I went through that whole thing.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Never did I was, but I was. I was tired
of living the life of being fa plastic and non authentic.
I wanted real. And when I discovered that He is
real and that he has a plan for my life,
that's when I got real intentional about getting getting some
help and moving forward in a healthier lifestyle.
Speaker 4 (06:14):
Okay, And you know, obviously we're talking theologically here. You're Christian.
You know I have a firm belief also and the
Savior and the Father. But I know a lot of
the audience that may be listening may not have that
type of faith. So as you're working with people, and
with young people particularly who may not have that type
(06:37):
of background of faith, how do you work with them
and help How do we help the audience to understand
that this is a general important topic and it's not
necessarily that you have to have that faith, although there's
no question that having that can make a big difference.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Sure, And that's a great question what I share with
audiences every time I speak, I begin, no matter where
I am, with a very simple statement, and here it is,
I'm not here to try to talk you into anything today.
And here's why. If I could talk you into something today,
somebody is so much better than me can talk you
out of it tomorrow. The thing about truth, and I
talk about it in my book, is truth is always truth.
(07:17):
And I believe inborn into every human is a desire
to connect with truth. And so when I talk about
your life matters. I base it on sixteen words that
are found in one Bible verse. It's in Job chapter
thirty three, verse four, and it says this, the spirit
of God made you, and the breath of the Almighty
(07:38):
gives you life. Teenagers asks me, They go, well, Dean,
you don't know me. You don't know what I've done,
you don't know my background, you don't know my backstory,
and yet you tell me with such confidence that I matter.
What do you base that on? And I always just
smile and go so happy you asked here it is
you matter for one reason. It's not your last name.
It's not how much money your parents make. It's not
your athletic ability, your theatrical ability, you're academic look ability.
(08:01):
All those are what kind of gives you. But what
makes you special, What makes the truth that you do matter,
is it comes down to one thing you're breathing. You
were never God has never made a mistake. You were
created on purpose, with purpose and for purpose. And whether
people believe in this God that I'm talking about or not,
the reality is they were created. They didn't just happen.
(08:22):
They're here on purpose. And as a result, I just
invite people into a discovery of their own that says,
wait a minute, I am here, I am breathing, and
as a result, there must be something for me to do.
And so it's it's the most interesting. And there are
a lot of people out there that Doug go, well,
you know, you're you're oversimplifying this message, and I very
(08:44):
simply and go, well, thank you for recognizing that I am.
And that's that's very intentional on my part because it's
a simple message.
Speaker 5 (08:51):
And you know, I think it's so important.
Speaker 4 (08:54):
As I've interviewed hundreds and hundreds of people on personal development,
overcoming you know, suicide out type of things. The one
thing that I recognize is that there is this concept,
as you mentioned, that there has to be this identity.
There needs to be an understanding that within us there
is that light, there is that spirit, there is that godliness,
(09:16):
whatever you want to call it. And even for those,
as you say, that are not necessarily religious.
Speaker 5 (09:24):
Need to know that yet there is that life within you.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
And you know, so often our lives have become a
story that we've told ourselves based on so many stories
that we've been told by our parents and by religion
and everything. And so here's one of the questions I
have and I always love to get into this, you
know the root cause? Now, I will tell you I've
(09:48):
had three nephews that have committed suicide, and two of
them were younger.
Speaker 5 (09:55):
One of them was actually a lot more mature and
a lot older.
Speaker 4 (10:00):
And as I've looked at that, I wonder, you know,
is what is the cause?
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Now?
Speaker 4 (10:06):
It's easy, if not easy, but you know, to find
to talk about how do we get to the point
where we don't consider suicide as one thing. But what
I've recognized is that there may be some causes in
general that lead someone to that thought process. As you've
(10:28):
done this, have you found that there are some general
categories or causes that can causes to happen.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Yeah, you know, it's a couple of things to respond to. That.
One is I've talked with a lot of students who've
attempted but survived, and I've talked to a lot of
parents who have buried their children, and a lot of times.
Just recently, I was sitting with it with a family
that I happened to know, and they reached out to
me and their child had had ended his life, and
(10:55):
I walked into their home and I walked in with
just this kind of this feeling of I don't have
to have answers for them today. I think they just
need to be heard. So I'm just gonna sit and listen,
and if I'm led to say something, I will. I
remember I sat down and the dad was very angry,
very angry. The mom was, you know, extremely emotional, but
(11:17):
she was more of a she had it together. And
they said, you know, there were just no signs. We
didn't see any signs whatsoever. And a lot of times
teenagers who've attempted in who have survived or said to me, Deane,
it's like there's this hopelessness that just overtakes us. There's
just no we see, no hope for our future. And
they begin to talk about how in their mind they
(11:37):
have this almost this dark, ominous, evil cloud that comes
into their minds how they would describe it to me,
and it becomes this overpowering, overshadowing portion of their mind.
And then they hear this voice and it's always the
wrong voice, and it's to end their life. As a Christian,
I go back to Jesus came to give us life
and life more abundantly. The Bible talks about how there
(11:58):
was an appointed time for everyone to be born and
to die. Well, my belief is those appointments I'm not
in charge of, and God doesn't need my help on
either side of them. And so the hopelessness is the
biggest thing that we encounter in public schools, private schools,
Christian schools, alternative schools. Young people who just say, I
(12:18):
just don't see any track forward from me and for
the life I want to live, and they literally buy
this unimaginable evil lie. And it's always fast. Suicide, in
my view, is the fastest depth that exists on the planet.
Speaker 4 (12:33):
Today, and it totally interrupts that plan of when they're
to die. Yes, necessarily, you know, but here's for me,
And you can correct me on this if you don't
believe this, But I find that you know. And again
I think the important thing and you kind of brought
it up. We cannot blame anyone necessarily for those young
(12:56):
people that commit suicide, and I think parents take such blame.
I feel so guilty. What could I have done, I
didn't see it, so on and so forth. But I
will say that in one particular case that I'm aware of,
I really believe that medication. I know that one of
my nephews was struggling a little bit in school. I
(13:17):
was encouraged to put them on a little bit of medication,
and I happened to have a I've been studying this
a lot, and I recognize that one medication goes to another,
goes to another. And ultimately, when my one nephew passed away,
he was on really an anti anxiety drug that six
(13:39):
months later they realized that one of the side effects
was suicide.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
And so I don't know if you get into that
with parents at all, about being so careful about the
medications that their children are put on and looking at
alternate ways with learning disabilities. I know that I have
one that has some learning disabilities and the school was saying,
all right, we need to put him on Redlin.
Speaker 5 (14:06):
Or whatever, and I go, no way.
Speaker 4 (14:10):
And I happened to go to a workshop by a
psychologist who was talking about this very thing, and he
talked about the fact that in schools we teach one
way and that's the only way, and yet our children
have different ways of learning.
Speaker 5 (14:26):
The spacial thinkers.
Speaker 4 (14:27):
My son happened to be a spatial thinker, and we
had some other issues that we've talked about now that
he's much more mature, and and what I did in
his case is I bought him upon pilot because he
was very much a spatial thinker yep.
Speaker 5 (14:41):
And so well, what happened.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
He'd be in class and a bird would happen to
fly on to the window and he'd look over there,
and something would happen over here, and he'd look over
there and you know, to the to the teacher, you know,
you really need some help.
Speaker 5 (14:54):
You're adhd or whatever that happens to be.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
And so I bought him upon pilot and I I said, look,
you take this to school and use this.
Speaker 5 (15:03):
And he focused on that and it made all the
difference in the world for him.
Speaker 4 (15:08):
Now, I will say I had a few teachers come
to me and seeing he's changing the channel on our
TV while we're trying to try all But the bottom
line is is that by giving him a focus, it
made all the difference in the world.
Speaker 5 (15:23):
So do you talk about medications at all with parents.
I don't.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
I usually do not get into that because that's just
not I'm not trained in that way. I'm not educated
in that way. I'm not against medication as long as
it's the medication that's right for each individual child, you know,
and that's that's a conversation between parents and doctors. So
I don't ever really go into that world just because
I'm just not trained in that world, and I happen
(15:47):
to be against it.
Speaker 4 (15:48):
I happened to be against it because I saw the
result in one of my nephews. So as you look
at some of the root causes, what is creating this
story within their minds of hopelessness.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Well, one of the biggest things that we could talk
about is the impact of social media globally on today's teenagers. Globally,
every day in American around the world, five thousand, six
hundred teenagers attempt to end their life five thousand, six
hundred pre COVID it was five two hundred and forty
in an arena that seeks twelve thousand people. That arena
would fill up every two and a half days with
(16:24):
teenagers who in the previous sixty hours bought to lie.
So one of the things that I talk a lot
about in schools with teenagers as it relates to social
media is, for example, in our outreach in the last
twenty five months, we've had one hundred and sixty three
million views of our videos on social media. Well, I'm
thankful for that. We know every high school i'd go into,
teenagers come up and go, hey, I watch videos, and
(16:47):
no matter where I am, it happens. And again, grateful
for that. But notice I didn't say I'd count my likes.
Here's the message that I share with parents, and because
a lot of parents are own social and they're counting
how many people like what I said today. If you're
still your likes, you have no idea how much you're
truly loved. Views are one thing. Teenagers today are trying
to figure out, how can I get more likes? How
(17:08):
can I get more retweets? How can I get more
people following me? And they're using filters, they're changing this.
They're just trying to fit in. And I have met
a lot of students who either had dear friends in
their life or attempted in their lives, or they've attempted
because the peer pressure on social media to perform and
to be accepted is off the charts. And in my view,
(17:32):
social media was created to connect people, but it's become
the most singular, isolating tool that the earth knows today.
Speaker 4 (17:39):
Well, and unfortunately social media is there's so much falsehood
that's being generated as truth. I find it interesting as
I'm listening and oftentimes to something and I go, wait
a minute, that can't be true.
Speaker 5 (17:56):
So I'll immediately do the research.
Speaker 4 (17:59):
I'll go to Chadgie and say, okay, here's what's being
said true, and no it's not true.
Speaker 5 (18:06):
And yet there are bald faced.
Speaker 4 (18:08):
Lies that are being told. And particularly with our youth here,
they are being told something that they believe is true,
which can so much affect their whole life and their
whole thought process.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Yeah, it's and the reality is they're trying to find
their value based on something that may or not be true,
like you're talking about. And and so my suggestion to
teenagers is why don't we just be the the authentic
version of who you truly are. And let's let's not
worry about how many people are liking what we're doing
(18:45):
or following us. Because you know, even with the number
of people who follow us on social media, if I
say stuffing they don't like, they can hit one button
and I'm gone off. They're off their screens, off their
off there. It's amazing to me and the average teenager.
According to the Center for Disease Controls in Atlanta, Georgia,
the average teenager today spent up to nine hours every
(19:06):
day on his or her device. Nine hours. Wow. I
grabbed my toe the other day with the TikTok and
just started scrolling. Forty eight minutes later I looked up
and I went, Wow, that was addictive. Those are forty
eight minutes. How many never get back? Yeah, and they're
doing up to nine hours a day. I mean that
number just staggers me.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
Well, and there are some other issues also, because you
look at that from social media, and there's no question
that that's a major issue.
Speaker 5 (19:34):
But also what about.
Speaker 4 (19:36):
The imprints that these children receive unknowingly necessarily from parents,
unknowingly or not necessarily unknowingly, from schools, from society, from religion,
even which I think we have to be careful about
to at the point where you know what, I'm not good,
(19:56):
I'm not good enough. Do you address those issues at all?
Speaker 5 (20:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (20:01):
I do talk about it from the stay I talk
to parents about. You know, it's it's a very unhealthy
process to try to remitigate your life to the life
of your children. Meaning if you're trying to get your
kid to play a certain sport because you did and
you want to relive those glory days. And that kid
is not interested in that sport. Yet you're pressuring them
to perform. You're setting them up for epic failure. If
(20:24):
you are trying to get them to become someone. Because
here's here's what I've seen so often is that broken
teenagers become broken adults, and brokenness attracts brokenness, and when
two become one flesh and they recreate, they create brokenness
until until there's healing that comes. And so a lot
of students to me, come up to me and they'll go,
(20:46):
you know, I just would love to be able to
talk to my parents. I just don't know what to say.
And I have so many parents say to me, I
would love to talk to my teenagers. I don't know
what to say to them. And again by suggesting what,
let's turn the phone off, let's begin there, put your
phone away and just try to have a conversation, because
at the end of the day, teenagers still desperately, whether
(21:08):
they realize it or not, are in desperate need at boundaries,
and so many parents are trying to be their kid's
best friend. Your teenager doesn't need to be your best
friend at all. They need what you offer as a mom,
a dad, or a father or a mother. There's a
big difference. Dads give you what you want, but fathers
give you what you need. And I'm seeing such a
(21:30):
deficit in fatherhood where young people are like, wait, my
dad's just never around. And for the parents listening to this,
I can assure you, as someone who's done this for
almost thirty four solid years, teenagers spell love t I M.
They want your time.
Speaker 4 (21:47):
Well, and they want they want communication. And you know
what surprises me as you say, you know, broken parents
cause broken children oftentimes. And yeah, so you know we
get into this whole issue of how do I how
do I change myself first so that then I can
(22:08):
be a positive influence for my children.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
Yeah, it's it comes first of all. I believe it
comes down to first acknowledging something needs to change, something
needs to be healed, something needs to be fixed for me.
Interesting story I shared this from stage a lot. You know,
I had made a vow when I was fifteen that
I would never tell anyone I'd been sexually abused, and
I maintained that vow For twenty two years, no one
(22:32):
ever knew. Married with three kids, and my wife didn't know.
But there was a day that she asked me to
go to a place called home Depot, which is a
massive you know, do it yourself. That's not me. I
was lost as a goose in there. But I went
down all twenty one and I turned right and I
literally walked right into the person who twenty two years
(22:55):
earlier had sexually abused me.
Speaker 5 (22:56):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
I squeezed my kid's hands so tight that both screamed.
I just froze. Keep in mind, if you and I
do not deal with our emotions, our emotions will deal
with us. They don't just magically disappear. I froze, squeezed
their hands, turned around, walked it out, drove home. My
wife looked to me when I got hunt you, what's wrong?
I said, not right now. I'll give you a few minutes,
(23:17):
put our kids to bed. An hour later, we went
outside on our front porch and I said, I want
to I don't want to tell you this, but I
need to tell you this. I said, I've never had
the guts to tell anybody, but twenty two years ago
I was sexually abused, and today I ran into the person.
My wife took two steps back, her eyes filled with tears.
I'll never forget this, and she said, Dean, everything makes sense.
(23:38):
Now we've got to get you some help. And I
share that to say, oftentimes we just bury the pain,
we bury the whatever, We bury the incident, we bury
the experience, thinking it's just going to go away. But
yet suddenly when they were going somewhere and somebody cuts
in front of us in our vehicle, and we get
so angry. We're not angry that somebody cut in front
of us. That's a secondary emotion. That anger is being
(24:00):
driven by something much deeper. Something triggered that. And so
for me, I was invited into a Christian based counseling
appointment excuse me, and I didn't want to go. I
had a lot of pride and I thought, I don't
need this. This guy's not gonna help me. And my
wife said, if you were diagnosed with a sickness, would
(24:22):
you go to a doctor? I said, well, sure, she
goes no different, you're going. And so I went. And
there was this ninety second stare off. But this gentleman
looked at me. I looked at him, and I knew
this guy did not need me. I needed him and that.
I said, what would it look like if you and
I were to do that? He said, it'd be a conversation.
He said, I don't want to talk about your outreach.
I don't want to talk about the people you reach.
(24:42):
I don't want to talk about all the books you've written.
I don't want none of that. I'm interested in you.
And for me, that was something new that somebody was
really just interested in me. I said, okay, let's begin.
That conversation lasted eleven years.
Speaker 5 (24:55):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Well, during those eleven years, I was asked a question
that this is kind of where I was going. The
question was this, will you forgive the person who abused
you when you were fifteen? My immediate response, as a Christian, no,
not even Maybe They were like why, I said, it's
not fair. I did nothing wrong. This question was imposed,
what was the cross? Fair? Meaning the cross that Jesus
(25:16):
was kungo. I just kind of just froze, kind of said,
I'll get back to you two about three or four days.
But I did not go to the person, but I
did forgive, and I would love to tell you that
everything changed in that moment, but I felt nothing different.
But you know, faith isn't about feelings, It's about obedience.
And I just forgave and I did it in a
(25:36):
very sincere way. And it wasn't long thereafter. I woke
up one morning and I experienced what forgiveness does? It
sets us free? That person who sactually abused me could
walk into an arena when I'm speaking, there's fifteen thousand
teenagers there, could walk down to the front of that arena,
sit on the front road, look directly, and it wouldn't
phaze me in the least because I truly am free.
And again I go back to what you and I
(25:58):
overcome becomes our platform. You know, for me, I was
sexually abused. I was emotionally abandoned by my mom when
I was four and a half five years old. I
was rejected by people. I was bullied. I didn't think
that my life mattered. I didn't feel like I was
anything special, and yet I was so arrogantly confident because
(26:18):
it was a false sense of confidence on the outside.
All of that, somehow I was able to kind of
get through became the platform of my life. And now
all I'll talk about is how your life matters well.
Speaker 4 (26:30):
And you know what's interesting, and we talked about it
at the very beginning that so often, you know, parents
will blame themselves. And as we're talking, we're talking about
the fact that you know, if you are troubled as
a parent and have never really done that self development
and whatever, that can necessarily fall onto your children too.
Speaker 5 (26:52):
And yet I think we need to understand that this
is life.
Speaker 4 (26:55):
We are who we are, and we all experience these things,
and oftentimes it has nothing to do with responsibility. You know,
what happened to you was not your responsibility. What's happened
to me in my life at least, you know, the
things that I could not control, I couldn't control. And
(27:16):
so when you're working with peasant parents, there's there's two
things I want you to focus on for a minute.
One is how do they how do they learn to
overcome their own personal issues. It's interesting that your wife
was so aware but didn't know why, and potentially I
don't know how it was affecting your kids. But you know,
(27:37):
I look at my child. I've got four kids, and
there's no question And we laugh about it now because
we did develop communication, really open communication, but we laugh
about the fact that, you know how I influence them
sometimes oftentimes for the good, and they really appreciate that,
and sometimes it's like they travel a little bit with that.
(27:57):
So as you work with parents, how do you help
them number one, to really recognize that their own personal
challenges are affecting their children and that for the good
of not only themselves but their children, doing that self
work such as you did, really will make a difference.
(28:20):
Number two, Learning the art of communication and conversation so
that those children who really do need to talk to
someone will feel comfortable enough to be able to talk
to their parents. And number three number three, I do
this all the time. Number three, how do you help
(28:40):
parents to get away from their guilt that they impose
on themselves if they have had a child who has
committed suicide?
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Yeah, So the number two question, the communication is so important.
I growing up with our family, my wife had this
idea and it was it was kind of a It
just worked. We did what we call high low. What
was your high today? What was your load to day?
I've learned that if we can, if we can invite
(29:10):
young people into conversations by leading with questions, you know,
what was it like today. What made that your high
today or what wead is notious? It was what was
your load to day? And why what happened in there?
Because teenagers want to be heard and they need to
be seen, so that that's that's one thing. So the
lines of communication, even if you feel like you're not
doing it well, just keep showing up. Just keep showing up.
(29:33):
With regards to parents who have who have lost a
child to suicide, it and the guilt, I mean, first
of all, no one knows what you feel. No one
even someone who's experienced it in their own version that
they don't know what you feel. And I think there's
a place in a space there to just embrace the
truth that you know what, as bad as it is,
(29:55):
you can't take the responsibility for it. Even I've talked
to some parents who are like, you know, I just
wasn't a very good parent. I pushed my child so hard.
As as remedial as this sounds, this is what I
share with people. Yesterday ended last night, and mul's not
promised to anyone. So we've been given this gift called
today again as a Christian and that's where I come
(30:18):
from it in my perspective. I believe that there is eternity.
I believe that you will die and go either to
heaven or hell. That's what I believe. Well, I believe
there's a lot of people who've experienced suicide who were Christians.
I believe those people are in heaven today. I just
believe that. And I believe that if we can unpack
(30:39):
the pain and not be afraid of the pain, but
go you know what is this has happened, It's real.
It can control the rest of your life, or it
can define the rest of your life. Pain seeks pleasure.
If you see people who've really been through painful and
just unimaginable painful situations, a lot of times they end
up in addiction at some point because they're trying to
(31:00):
just numb out. They're trying to anethesize. Now, they're not
bad people, they're just hurting and they're trying to figure out,
how can I get through the next you know, not
the next day, the next twenty minutes, the next two minutes.
So my thing when talking to parents is don't I
don't have all the answers. I'm not gonna The most
honest answer I give people is simply, I just don't know.
(31:20):
I don't know why this happened to your son or
your daughter. I don't have the answers for that. But
I know that you're still here, and I know that
you're still breathing, and I know that there's something for
you to do, And how can you take this pain
and turn it into purpose? What was your first question?
There al those three place The first one's left me.
Speaker 5 (31:38):
Really helping the parents themselves.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
Yeah, yeah, first recognitions have to battle, you know. I
had to recognize that I was broken, and then I
had to unpack why was I broken? And then I
had to unpack from that what was that brokenness creating
in my life? How was I being a husband? How
was I being a father? How was I being a speaker?
Was I as an employer? I mean, all these different
(32:03):
tentacles coming out of this one thing that would literally
just dictate my life. Why did I like certain things?
Did it? Did it feed a part of my ego
that was unhealthy? I mean, it's truly an introspective, diagnostic
look at our lives and going, if we're going to
do this, let's let's do it in real time. Let's
let's be real with ourselves. Let's be honest, because when
(32:25):
we do that and we're not afraid of what we're
going to find and discover, that puts us on a path,
in my view, where we can then begin to see
the healing process begin. We can see those those that
healing come in. And here's what I've learned. When we
are truly healed, it's noticeable. I've had people in my
life that I've known for a long time to come
(32:46):
to me and go I had someone in my family
not read not long ago, who was at an event
where I was speaking. They came up to me afterwards
and they were like, I don't know what's changed, but man,
this message I mean, it is It's unlike any other
time I've ever heard you speak. And this person's been
around for thirty years. And I was like, well, here's
here's what's changed me. I realized I needed some things
(33:08):
fixed in my life, and I'm not I'm not I'm
not opposed to getting some help. I'm not opposed to
digging down deep and going what needs to be fixed.
And if we're honest with ourselves, none of us are perfect.
We're all broken people, we all have issues. Why run
from them, embrace what it is, believe for a way
to fix it, and then move forward.
Speaker 4 (33:27):
Well amen to that, you know, and you you said
something that really triggered me a little bit with the thought.
You know, you talk about mainstream Christianity, heaven and hell
and so forth. As I've studied, it was interesting since
I'm in Thailand, you know, I've been fascinated by the
different lots of these religions, whatever you want.
Speaker 5 (33:49):
To call them.
Speaker 4 (33:50):
And it was interesting here in Buddhism that here you
have the original teachings and now it has moved into
probably five or six different types of sex that believe
and teach different things that have kind of been created
by man's concept and interpretation. In Christianity, look how many
(34:14):
churches and philosophies exist, you know.
Speaker 5 (34:18):
And as you talked.
Speaker 4 (34:19):
About that, and I think that one of the things
and I talk about this is trying to be kind
but recognizing that, you know what, sometimes religion has created
the very issues we're trying to get out of. For instance,
for those that believe that were born in original sin.
I don't happen to believe that, okay, but some do. Well,
(34:42):
what does that do when someone listens to the scripture
be there for perfect Well, how can I be that
when they don't recognize that that has been misinterpreted from
the original meanings. You've got that when we talk about,
you know, committing suicide and oh my goodness, they're not
(35:04):
going to heaven, they're going to hell. Well, guess what
When Christ was on the cross and that that guy
next to him, who literally was a criminal, yep, what
did what did Christ say to him?
Speaker 2 (35:16):
I'll see you later on the day.
Speaker 5 (35:17):
He said, You'll be with me in paradise.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Yep.
Speaker 5 (35:21):
All right, So here's the question.
Speaker 4 (35:23):
When he came back and was resurrected and saw Mary,
what did he say to her?
Speaker 2 (35:29):
Go and tell my disciples?
Speaker 5 (35:31):
No, he said, touch me not?
Speaker 2 (35:32):
Why? Oh why?
Speaker 5 (35:35):
Because I've not been to I've not been to Heaven yet.
I've not been to my father in heaven.
Speaker 4 (35:40):
So all of a sudden, we can recognize that, you
know what, it isn't just heaven or Hell.
Speaker 5 (35:46):
Let's open our minds up a little bit.
Speaker 4 (35:48):
And realize that, you know, there's there's something that he
referred to as paradise that is a step.
Speaker 5 (35:54):
Before heaven and Hell.
Speaker 4 (35:57):
And as we recognize that, and as we regie that
even that criminal was there with Christ in paradise. Why
can't we understand that our children, those that have committed
suicide for whatever reason beyond necessarily their control, are going
to be in a location where they could be and
(36:20):
influenced by that goodness of the Savior. And it has
nothing to do with heaven and hell. So it's interesting,
I think, for people to understand that there are all
different types of thoughts, processes, and beliefs and interpretation. But
if we move away from some of this just you know,
black and white, that we can give them hope.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
Well, and I think that's I think that's the word
that really encapsulates what our mission is all about, is
bringing what I call the intangible asset of hope into
the lives of people who and all of who among
us does not need more hope. I mean it's again,
the simplicity of our message is just that. And you know,
well it's to me. I look at all of these
(37:02):
students that we get to talk with, and I see
they tell me their stories. I mean people say, well,
why does students? Why do they tell you these things?
And I have story after I mean, the hundreds of
stories of students who share their stories, their testimonies, and
I always just kind of smaller girl. I'm the safest
guy they're ever going to talk to, because they know
I'm leaving in thirty minutes an hour and I'll probably
never see them again. So they just unpack these unimaginably
(37:26):
painful stories of things that they have experienced. Why, because
everybody needs somebody with whom they can communicate, they can share,
They need to empty out. They're looking for that, And
that's why parenting is so important. I mean, you've got
to be able as a parent to have the tough conversations.
(37:47):
But there's a reason we were created with two eyes,
two ears in one mouth. I believe we're supposed to
watch and listen twice as much as we speak, and
therein I believe lies the kid to effective communication.
Speaker 4 (37:58):
Well, and one thing that you did, which I think
is so essential. You know, so often we want our
children to be transparent, but how can they trust us
to be transparent until we are transparent with them. And
when you finally told your wife your experiences as a
young person, that transparency, as you say, open the path
(38:21):
and forgiveness the ultimate freedom for you. And I think
it's important for parents to understand that if you want
your children to be transparent, what's wrong with sitting down
and saying, hey, son or daughter, I totally get what's
going on here, because here's some of the experiences I've
had in my life and be transparent. And the minute
(38:42):
that that child sees that you're willing to share with them,
doesn't that create a willingness and a trust within them
to share with you.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
Absolutely, It's like that everything is a seed. I believe
that produces a harvest. Good seeds produce good harvest, Bad
seeds bad harvest. If I so of being transparent with
my kids, who are all adults, now, you know the
growing up, I learned that if I would, if I
messed up in a big way or a small way,
if if I was unkind with my words toward my wife,
(39:14):
or to my kids, or to one of our dogs,
my responsibility was to immediate, Wait a minute, hey, guys,
you know what I was wrong? Right then? I missed it.
I should never have said that, or I shouldn't have
said it in that tone. And I just want you
to know I was wrong, and I apologize to you.
Our kids grew up in that kind of an environment. Now,
had I not come to the end of myself gotten
some serious help, I wouldn't have known to have done that.
(39:36):
I would have just gone, well, you know, it's just
the way it is lifestyle. I mean, how many especially
fathers are out there going, well, you know, I do
this and I do that and blah blah, you know,
and it's just gonna be my way or the highway.
That doesn't win anyone. It pushes people away. Teen Agers
are looking for the real thing. They won't genuine authenticity
across all platforms, and they can smell it, and they
(39:58):
can spot it when they see it, and they can
smell it, and they can spot it when they don't.
I've seen I've been at a conference where I was
one of the speakers, and it doesn't matter who it was.
There was a well known speaker enough to speak, and
he tried so hard to relate to those teenagers. They
shut him down so fast. I mean it was it
was brutal. They weren't they weren't anywhere near him. And
(40:20):
yet I talked to the same audience. Not that I'm
such a great speaker, I'm just authentic, I'm just real.
People go why are you just so real? Because for
so long I was so plastic and fake. I for
so long I wasn't And I just got to the
point where I was like, can I tell him? I
show up in a button down shirt and a pair
of kaki pants. They got a microphone in this hand,
a bottle of water in this hand. I'm like, you
(40:41):
know what, I'm just gonna talk with you for thirty
or forty minutes and I hope you get something out
of it. But if you don't, I apologize, But I'm
just going to give you what I got. I'm just
gonna be me. Every single school we've been in, everyone
without without fail, we can go back into because the principles,
the teachers, the students embrace the message. And I saw
that I wasn't. I'm not trying like I told you earlier.
(41:03):
I'm not trying to talk to people into believe in
something that I believe. I'm just trying to get people
to have hope that there's a better future.
Speaker 4 (41:09):
Well, and you know, as we're running out of time,
I wish we had more time.
Speaker 5 (41:12):
We could go on for another hour. I think on this, but.
Speaker 4 (41:16):
You know, this month is a special month, and as
we look at that, what do you recommend, how do
you encourage communities?
Speaker 5 (41:25):
Parents? What can they do to really support our teens.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
Well in life? I believe we learn from one of
four ways failures or fathers, mentors, or mistakes. Worldwide, teenagers
are basically the same. They're looking for someone who cares.
They want to know that you want to be invested
in them. Mentoring is such a massive opportunity because there's
so many people who've been successful in their lives, but
the success did not fulfill them. They're looking for significance now.
(41:51):
So what if you were to pour back into another
generation coming behind you and share with them what you
did right, what you did wrong, how you succeed, and
how you perhaps failed. I believe that if we there's
some I have some people in my life, some young
people that hang out, you know, with my family, and
we pour into them. You know, I'm not preaching at them.
I'm not trying to convince them. I'm just going, hey,
(42:14):
on a golf course. I did it the other day
with my son and one of his dearest friends, you know,
and his friend wanted to talk, had some serious questions,
and in between hitting golf shots, I just kind of
poured into him, and being available is a big part.
You know. One of the things that we've done with
my new book is it's it's a book that I
wrote for the specific purpose of getting people to understand
that you do matter. I share my story in it,
(42:36):
but then I unpack what I believe the reason to
be is to why you matter. And it's really helping
a lot of people. And so there's resources out there,
There's there's investing, time is out there, mentoring is available
to these students. Just getting engaged, getting involved and showing
up all makes such a big difference.
Speaker 5 (42:54):
And you mentioned your book, Yeah, share with the audience again.
The name of the book. How they can find it, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:00):
It's called You Matter, Finding Hope and meaning in everyday life.
You can be found on Amazon, or they can go
to our website, which is simply Youmatter dot us while
you m a T T e er dot us. Either
one of those will take you right to it. The
website gives you a whole lot of information on what
we do, why we do it, how we do it.
And then of course on Amazon thankfully in multiple categories worldwides.
(43:23):
It's the book released. It's been number one. So it's
it's helping a lot of people.
Speaker 4 (43:27):
Wonderful Dean, thank you so much, thanks for your time,
Thanks for what an important topic and folks think about this.
Speaker 5 (43:34):
And you know, I love the.
Speaker 4 (43:35):
Last part that you talked about how we as individuals
can make a difference in the lives of our teenagers
and those around us by listening, by opening up, by
doing all those things and being aware.
Speaker 5 (43:50):
And since this is such a special month for that, I.
Speaker 4 (43:53):
Just you know, and I know you would too, encourage
people to become aware of that, even if they haven't
personally experienced it, recognize that they too can make a difference.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
No question. Everybody needs somebody, and you'll be willing and
obedient to just be used. Opportunities will knock on your door. Well, Dan,
thank you, thanks so much. Doug, Yeah, thank you for
what you're doing. Appreciate it, and Bold thanks for listening.
I hope this has made a difference, and I hope
this will create a higher awareness of those around us,
(44:24):
and particularly those teenagers that are struggling, and how we
can individually make a difference, either personally by even developing
ourselves or by getting involved in some of these organizations
that are seeking to help, so anyway, this is doctor
Doctor's saying no mistae.
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