May 12, 2025 • 43 mins
Arlene Cohen Miller, JD PCC, shares her journey from law to life coaching and mentoring, helping women find balance, fulfillment, and self-love. Discover insights on overcoming fear, embracing gratitude, and transforming your life.
https://jewelconsultancy.com/
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https://jewelconsultancy.com/
Inspire Vision Podcast is broadcast on K4HD Radio (www.k4hd.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com).
Inspire Vision Podcast TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
Inspire Vision Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
At the end of the day, it's not about what
you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what
you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,
who you've made better, It's about what you've given back.
Denzel Washington, Welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is
to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you
(00:21):
to do the same.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Arlene, welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 4 (00:26):
I'm looking forward to it. E. I'd love for you
to share with the audience kind of your personal journey
what brought you to this point where there are things
in your life where you had AHA moments or whatever
that was that brought you to what you're doing today
to help particularly women I understand, really transform their lives.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Well, when I was fifteen, I decided I wanted to
become an attorney. I don't think my parents believe me. First,
we didn't have any attorneys in my family. My father
was an entrepreneur, but I think he's pretty old fashioned
of me going to college and getting married and having
lots of babies. So I didn't exactly do that. I
did go to college, I did get my law degree.
(01:09):
I went back to Kentucky where I was born and
raised and went to University of Kentucky College a law
for that. After law school, my then husband and I
went up to Cleveland where he had stuff that he
needed to do for his career, and I worked for
some other attorneys for about three four years, and then
I opened my own office in a suburb of the
western suburb of Cleveland called Lakewood, just a little tiny
(01:31):
office with a couple of other attorneys and businesses. And
I immediately found out I was pregnant, and so my
family and my husband husband's family were all in Louisville, Kentucky,
and all of my peers from law school, all my
connections were practicing in Kentucky or like we're Indiana and
Ohio met Kentucky, we're the Ohio River. So I really
(01:54):
didn't have a support system, so I had to sort
of grow my tribe on my own, do things, sort
of wing it from scratch of how to be how
to start a business, get up, and going how to
be a mom, all at the same time while my
then husband was working like seventy hours a week. So
it was an interesting journey and I guess that's part
of the reason. I have a lot of compassion and
(02:15):
empathy for women, especially mothers who are working, and so
that's eventually the Welt short story. I ended up being
a work life balance and harmony coach, but I am
expanding that out to more the tech profession just because
of all the professions, they are just the most stressed out,
(02:36):
especially the ones that are working from home, especially since COVID,
and it just feels like a lot of what I
share could be helpful for them, and so I'm learning
to really better with men at workshops and stuff like that.
I have been an attorney. I was an attorney for
many many years. I had a solo practice in a
suburb of Cleveland, and I practiced family law and commercial law.
(02:59):
And then I sold when my son was nine and
we moved to Longmanck, Colorado, a suburb of Denver, and
I bought into another commercial law practice. I had met
the gentleman when I went to a business meeting in
Chicago and ended up marrying him, and we were married
for quite a long time, and so that's how I
(03:21):
went through the law stuff. And when I was an attorney,
I also started studying. I got a diploma in Transformational
Holistic Counseling in coaching and mentoring and certification and meditation.
And this is about six years before we sold the business,
because I felt that they didn't teach me how to
listen as an attorney, you know, and I was doing
(03:43):
a lot of negotiating of settlements, I was doing the
marketing for a lot of the marketing for the law firm,
and I knew there was something missing. I didn't know
what it was, but it was just really learning how to,
like they call it, hold space for people, you know,
kind of that non judgmental, that unconditional positive regard space
where people can relax and feel heard and understood and
(04:08):
so among other things. I learned that when I got
that extra education, and I've had my own business as
a coach and a mentor and a facilitator and the
other things I do. I opened the office, I opened
the business in twenty eleven, but I really didn't start,
you know, making a more of a full time thing
(04:28):
until we sold the business several years ago. I never
thought I was going to do that, but yeah, that's
what that's what happened.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
Okay, So, so you had your own personal transformation.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
What was it suddenly a sudden awareness.
Speaker 4 (04:41):
Or what was it that helped you to realize that, Okay,
you know, I'm going to sell my law practice, which
is you know, quite something and go into this transformational
help for people for women. What what was that aha
moment particularly or was there one or was it just gradual?
Speaker 3 (05:00):
It was a gradual thing, you know. I got the certification,
I started using it in my business. I saw out
worked with my staff. I saw how it worked with
my family and my partner and the people that I
was working with and marketing with because I was running
a business meeting in California once a year. It's always
like I had a lot of I've got a lot
(05:20):
of chairs, quite a few different things than a national
business organization that we were involved in. So it was gradual.
Speaker 4 (05:28):
You know.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
I never really thought I was going to leave the
practice a law. I just think after many, many years
of practicing law, I got burnt out and I just
really needed a change and I was helping people in
the practice of law. But there was never a break.
You know, It's always there if you're a coach, if
your own if you have your own business as a
coach and a mentor and a facilitator. You can that
(05:49):
when you're going to have, when you're going to talk
to people, when you're going to do all the things
that you do, there's no and there's like a beginning
and an end. But it's not true with the practice
of law.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
And isn't that interesting?
Speaker 4 (06:01):
We get so caught up in what we have been
told we should do or what we originally choose to do,
and find that we get so caught up and there's
no balance. I was talking to my daughter the other day,
and she had gone back to her university and been
asked to, you know, kind of talk to the students
about what she had done and where she was now
(06:22):
working in an area entirely different than what her master's
degree was in. But what when we talked about it
a little bit, she talked about this work balance and
how she realized that for her work balance was so
essential and that was really an important aspect of her
(06:43):
values and her desires.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
And it seems like we can get also.
Speaker 4 (06:48):
Caught up in work and what we're doing, and we
find that we get into something we think we really like,
and all of a sudden it gets to the point
where we get so busy that we do not have
that balance much. And is this an area that you
have found as you're working with women that seems to
be a common theme.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
Yeah, there's a lot of common themes. And I mean
the sexes are different. You know, women are nurturers. We
give birth to babies, and it's still in this world
even though the fathers are more involved. It feels like,
especially when the kids are young, a lot more falls
on us. And it was really hard, you know, well
the first year I opened my law firm, and after
(07:27):
my son was born, because you know, I was pregnant
for the first nine months that I had him, you know,
the first you know year of his life, I didn't
work full time, you know, I was I was really
grateful that my partner had a roof over our heads
and food on the table, you know, even if I
wasn't seeing him very much, I didn't have to worry
about that, and it would have been impossible. I mean,
(07:51):
I don't know how I could have done it all
and gotten any sleep because I wasn't doing any sleep
pretty much anyway at the new mom So it is
and I also like to bring in balance, not just balance,
but harmony. Because balance feels too like you're going to
get something perfect and it's all going to be okay.
I don't think it's like that for anybody. You know,
everything's always shifting and changing and we need to be
(08:13):
flexible and adaptable.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
Well, and as I went on to your website, and
you know, I love when you know here you have
all these things you talk about or mentioned on your
website and other things. And one of the things that
just hit me strongly is you really talk about manifesting
and living in love and unleashing love.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Can you talk about that? And how does that.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
Apply to the to the people now that you are
working with and helping And what is usually their situation
that causes them to reach out to you?
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Well, three questions. I'm sorry about that.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
Well, you know, I think people reach out to me
for a whole bunch of different reasons, but the bottom
line is is they feel stressed and anxiou sit and
overwhelmed and maybe burnt out, and they can feel they
feel an affinity with me and hope that working with me,
they can find a way to alleviate some of that
stuff and feel more calm and centered and confident. Because
(09:14):
I like to work with people from the inside out.
Speaker 4 (09:17):
You know.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
If like if we feel really calm and grounded and
fully present in ourselves, it's like our energy sort of
expands out, like it's like a bigger heart that's holding us,
and it's a lot easy. We can get whatever we
need to get done. Is it might not change, but
it's going to feel a lot easier to move through it.
It's like I have certain times the day and I
write a blog and sometimes if I've hit the right time,
(09:40):
it just flows out of me. It takes five or
ten minutes. It's done. If you hit me do it
now this time of night, I will be staring at
the screen for three hours. So you know, we have
to know our own buyer rhythms, you know, and what
works for us. And I really do feel that what
ties is up and knocks is that we get so
busy doing or giving to other people that our cup
(10:03):
runs dry. And so the best way to be able
to be of service to itself and others is to
know how to fill ourselves up with love. So our
heart is full of love and we're sharing the overflow
with others because otherwise we're going to get burnt out.
We're going to get frustrated or angry of the people
that we're giving to. Then we're going to be They're
going to judge yourself for that and feel guilty, and
(10:23):
then we'll go through the same kind of process of
overgiving again. And I do find it more prevalent in women,
but it can be anybody, and it's not a comfortable
process to go through. So I like to help people
to break that cycle.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Well, you know, it's interesting and this is a common
thing that I love to talk about, and you kind
of referred to it, and that is how our experiences
in life, our behavior are. So often we tend to
do this, do that, do this, do that so that
we'll be happy, and so forth, rather than recognizing that
as we can internal and start to change the soul within,
(11:06):
if we can call it that, that all of a sudden,
the outer experiences change because it's a matter of a
reflection of who we have become, not a reflection of
who we're trying to be.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
What are your thoughts on that, Well, I agree with
you one hundred and ten percent. And I mean one
of the ways that I do that if I get
out in nature, you know, because she's just to me,
she feels so loving and kind and soothing. And I
live in Colorado and the beautiful place to get out
in nature, but you can live anywhere, and I think
that connection is really really important, the connection with ourselves.
(11:38):
And if we're in front of a computer all day,
it's really hard to do that, but we you know,
it seems to me it's easier out in nature just
to feel the energy of it, which is beautiful usually,
and just to connect with the ground and to appreciate
the beauty around us. That's a great way to work
with stuff. But yeah, we feel different on the inside,
and we feel more love and kindness and respect for
(11:59):
ourselves and others. We're going to see the world a
lot differently than if we just feel really stressed and
anxious and overwhelmed. And you know, when we're like that,
we're all contracted. We're not even breathing right, so we're
not even oxygenating our bodies, and it's just not a
happy way, how a happy place to be.
Speaker 4 (12:19):
So how do you help people? Let's get a little
business ific. Obviously, you know someone that's working with you
is going to take some time that As our listeners
listen today, I think that for me, getting a little
bit of information creates even greater curiosity, and then all
of a sudden you reach out to people that can
really help you. So when you talk to people, when
(12:41):
you talk to women who are experiencing that stress, that
lack of balance and so on and so forth, how
do you approach them and what do you find is
the commonality of why they're experiencing the stress that they're
experiencing and not experiencing joy. And obviously walking to nature
(13:02):
is an important one, but that's not I would suspect
the initial.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Thing you do.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
No, and I coach. You can choose like coaching or mentoring,
or or like a combination of both of them if
you're working with me, But they're very different modalities. With coaching,
I'm partnering with the person I'm working with, and I
know that they have all of the answers inside of them.
So I might be asking powerful questions. I might be
reflecting back what they're sharing. I might be sharing some
(13:29):
intuitions or insights that I have by their behavior, their demeanor,
what they're saying. Some times we don't listen to our words,
but I'm always turning it back to them to decide
where to from here. So they're the one that's deciding
the focus of our conversation. They're the ones that are
telling me what's the words they're sharing mean. They're the
ones they're telling me where they like to be by
(13:51):
the end of our time together and why it's important
to them. It's mine to have to partner with them
and walk alongside them and hold that space of judgment
free love and help them to because they're in a bigger,
expanded space to really feel into it, maybe explo think
they haven't been able to go that deep before with
(14:15):
If I'm mentoring somebody, they're coming to me to stand
on my shoulders. So I'll be more. Let's try this,
and I'll give them something to do. It might be
something like rough work. We might decide that let's work
with our inner coach and notice where our inner critic
has kind of gone wild, and learn how to talk
to ourselves in a way that is kind and loving,
and to notice from that way it comes up. You know,
(14:36):
there's a way to turn that around. So there's a
lot of different topics that we can work with, and basically,
you know, I'll have a conversation and I'll begin to
into it and start with some basic stuff with them.
I do work with energetic kind of stuff. I do
help people that I am mentoring work with, like how
to energetically length and clear and protect themselves, because otherwise
(15:00):
what we're trying to let go of can often be
stuff we've taken on from other people.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
Well, and I love that I talked about the fact
that our energy is really a magnet, whether you want
to call it positive or negative energy, and that may
be depending on you know, where we're at at that
particular time. But what happens is that we tend to
attract to our lives the very magnet that we're experiencing.
(15:25):
So if we're experiencing that negativity and lack of love
and all of that, we're going to attract that very
thing into our lives. And sometimes we never understand why
does this keep happening to me? Why do I keep
finding the same partner in my life and their abusive
they're unkind whatever that happens to be. Talk a little
(15:46):
bit about this energy and what you have discovered and
observed relative to the energy that people have and how
that literally affects their experiences in life.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
Well, you're a hund percent correct, And basically it's a
lot of things that can come into that, but it's
a law of attraction.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
You know.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
What we focus on is what we get more of
in our lives. And people don't realize, and I didn't
realize when I was younger how much I was focusing
on the reverse of an idea, like I wanted to
have like a really positive relationship, especially after my first divorce,
but I hadn't cleared all the stuff that led to
me entering into that relationship, and so I was, of
course could to attract the same kind of person again.
(16:29):
But if I look at how I was back then,
I would talk to my girlfriends about all the horrible
negative things about any of the guys I were dating,
and I thought, that's how we bonded, and it not.
It's not kind to myself, is not kind to the
other person. They're going to be energetically impacted by that.
And I was telling the universe, I want more of
(16:50):
that kind of dysfunction in my life because that's what
I was focusing on. That's what I was judging. I
was judging the people I was dating, I was judging myself.
I was judging people that didn't give me the kudos
to say, oh I get you our lean, I understand
what you're going through and you know, boosting me up.
And so it was a really So I've had personal
(17:13):
experience in that really negative cycle. It's not a kind
place to be. But we don't often realize what we're doing.
And so if we work with a coach, or we
work with a counselor we work with a mentor we
work with somebody that we resonate with, it can help
us break that cycle and become aware of how we're
talking to ourselves and aware of what we're saying to
(17:34):
other people and how that's creating what's already in our life.
Then that's the first step to begin to start to
change that.
Speaker 4 (17:42):
Well, so I'm going to go way off the topic
here for a minute, just because that's what you said.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Now, First of all, where are you located now?
Speaker 3 (17:50):
I live and I work out of my home, and
I live in Longmont, Colorado, which is about forty minutes
northwest of Denver, Okay.
Speaker 4 (17:58):
So it's really fascinating as I get on Facebook from
time to time and I see some of my acquaintances
and friends that I've had all of a sudden because
of the political nature of what's going on right now.
And I'm not going to comment on that other than
and I don't want to get into a political thing here.
(18:18):
But what I'm noticing is there's so many times people
are posting comments continually that reflect their anger, their frustration
with whatever's happening. And that was before this situation in
the latest election, and even now, what do you find
(18:41):
is happening with those people?
Speaker 2 (18:43):
When you know, for you you were talking.
Speaker 4 (18:45):
About the negativity of the menu or daiting and so
on and so forth.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Here now we have people.
Speaker 4 (18:51):
Who are talking about the negativity of politics, and it's
gotten to the point where that's all they talk about,
what's happening to them and their lives. And how do
we help people to change because that's creating such a
division within our country. How do we how do we
help people to get to the point where they recognize that,
(19:14):
you know what, I've got to stop doing that because
it's affecting me, regardless of what they think, it's affecting me.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
Right well, the only person that we can change is ourselves.
And so I'm going to get really maybe a little
bit woo woo here, but you you broached the subject.
So I'll share with you how we can make a
difference in the world from right here, right now. And
that is is that let's say that we have a
(19:42):
really positive experience with a group, or with another person
or within ourselves. Something happened and we it's just something
that we love. Maybe it's me and I took a course,
a coaching course, and I was in this mentoring group
with a bunch of other coaches and it was just fantastic,
and I just love the experience learning so much. It
could be anything that happened in our life and we
(20:04):
can just go, oh my god, this is so amazing
and we really feel it with all our hearts. What
happens is it gets imprinted in the lower Kostak records,
and that's where people reach when they're having problems. Most
human beings can't go to anything higher than the lower
Kastak records. And so we're imprinting up there something we're
just love and we're really excited about and it's positive,
(20:28):
and so that people have something they can reach for
if they have a similar experience, so that they're just
not they're reaching with all that other low level negativity
that everyone else is putting in that lower level of
castak records with how bad this is and what this
person says, and it's very convoluted. There's a lot of
misinformation beings circulated out there to separate people, because if
(20:54):
people are separated, they're not going to be willing. They're
not looking at all the things we have in common
that that aren't working well in the world. And if
we come together as a whole, or at least in
big groups of people, we can make changes on the ground,
whether we're in politics or not. And so I hope
that makes sense to you, But for me, it's one
of the ways that I feel I can be of service.
(21:16):
But it kept to come from a genuine, artfelt space
of something that just was really wonderful that we want
other people to be able to use that if they
have a similar experience.
Speaker 4 (21:29):
Well, and I think you're talking about the quantum field
to some degree, and how that energy is out there
that we can attract one way or the other. But
you bring up another point that I find interesting. When
you're working with people, how often do you find, whether
you're mentoring them or coaching them, how often do you
find that they are surrounding themselves with the very people
(21:53):
that are causing or at least increasing those negativity feelings
that they're having, rather than surrounding themselves with positive individuals
that ultimately would change their own perception.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
It's interesting some people are and some people aren't. You know,
some people have this kind of duality thing going on
where we're maybe at work they're being more of a
doormat and a people pleaser, and they go home with
their teenagers and they're being a little bit of a
tyrant and they don't really see the difference because they
don't have balance really in either place, and they really
need to maybe at work, not be a dormat anymore,
(22:33):
and you know, be more assertible, have clear and strong
and appropriate boundaries within the parameters of who they're working for,
and not go home and take care take it out
on their kids. There are some people, especially in the
tech industry, that you know, you're working with people that
are very demanding and demanding things that are impossible to
(22:54):
go through right now because they read it in a
magazine article and is supposed to work. So it can
go both ways, and a lot of it really depends
on how willing a person is to change. Do they
want a sort of a stop gap measure so they'll
feel better with their lives, or are they really willing
to dive deep and maybe take a leap of faith
and do something you know, majure different in their lives.
(23:17):
And that's really for them to decide, because people are
ready when people are ready, And it's not really for
me to say you need to do this now because
I don't know, you know, I don't have the big
greater picture of you know, being that are way so
long than I am. So I just do my best
to you know, hold space and to help them to
(23:39):
make the best decisions for themselves.
Speaker 4 (23:42):
Do you find that fear plays a large role in
that where people are? You know, I noticed this and
particularly as I've interviewed a number of women who have
been in the music relationships and as they tell their story,
they talk about they keep getting into another and another one,
and what really comes out of that is their realization
(24:02):
finally that the fear of the unknown was so much
greater at that time than getting back into a similar
type of situation that they could not get out of it,
and ultimately they were able to overcome that fear and
be brave enough to get out of those relationships, and
that was their experience.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
But do you find that fear.
Speaker 4 (24:23):
Plays a heavy role with people who are not able
to change or are trying to but seem to not
be able.
Speaker 3 (24:30):
To do it. I think that fear plays a big role.
And some people just they also there yet, So fear
does play a role because even if they don't want
to step forward, and then maybe they're a little bit
lazy and they don't want to do the work and
they want the mentic feury does to come grit from
down and make everything sparkly. That's going to happen. We
have to do the work ourselves. So yeah, there is
(24:51):
a lot of fear in there, and it is possible
to overcome it, and it takes a lot of severance
into napity and you know, just choosing love even when
you don't feel it.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
So how does someone learn to love themselves?
Speaker 3 (25:06):
You know?
Speaker 4 (25:07):
I find that that seems to be one of the
most difficult things we talk about, as though it's really easy,
you know, love yourself, but the reality is that I
think people really find it difficult to truly love themselves.
How do you help people to do that and to
understand there's so much imprinting that we get as children
(25:27):
that I'm not good enough that you know, all of
these type of things that happen.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
How do you help people to learn how.
Speaker 4 (25:34):
To love themselves and to understand that innately they truly
are lovable and even beyond that, they have this wonderful
light within them that.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Is who they really are.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
Right, So we're all aspect of source, and so we're
all worthy of love. But I do hear what you're saying,
and it's hard, and it's not hard. I sort of
view it as if like I mean, when I was younger,
I ran, so I ran like ten k's and half
marathons and five k's and I was a runner in triathlons,
(26:09):
and I really enjoyed all that. But I had to practice.
And for a while I was on a master's swim
team when I was an adult, and you had to practice.
I didn't do raceis, but you know, just to keep
up with the other people in the pool, something that
does not put it over you. You got to practice swimming.
And the same thing is when it comes to loving yourself.
If we got messages that to just tended to destroy
(26:31):
that feeling that we could love results so that we
were lovable, even if it was just a little bit
when we were kids, but we took in printing on
you know, maybe you know our parents didn't feel worthy
of love. It wasn't communicating, but we felt that. And
so a few things that we can do is that,
first of all, to realize that we already had that
within us, because most of us, if we had a
(26:54):
friend or someone that we loved and they came to
us and started telling us all the things that were
saying and that you know that we're going through that
and that's what's wrong in their life and they're telling us,
you know, we would be kind, we would be patient,
we would listen, we would be nurturing, we would champion them.
If they had their head up a dark place, we
might you know, share a little bit of tough love,
(27:17):
but if we love them, when we cared about them,
we would find a way to be there for them.
And so the bottom line is that we have the
skill and ability. All we have to do is turn
around and start giving it to ourselves. And the way
I like to share with people to give it to
yourselves is that if you feel scared, if you feel anxious,
if you feel overwhelmed. I always ask myself, how old
(27:39):
is this aspect of Arlene inside of me? You know?
Might she might feel eight, she might feel fifteen. It
doesn't matter what it is. Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrongly,
just a feeling. I turn around. I do my best
to visualize how I was and what I look like
and everything about me at that age. And I love
that bit of me because it's probably a bit of
me that I that's been languishing without my love. Maybe
(28:02):
I didn't like that bit behavior. I didn't really care
for my behavior myself as a teenager. Maybe it was
something that happened as a kid where I just I
got stuck, you know, and and I didn't know how
to deal with it then and something happened, and you know,
I just sort of covered it up because I was
I didn't have the skills to handle what I experienced,
(28:23):
because I'm pretty sensitive and intuitive, and so things that
wouldn't bother most people could have could floor me. But
nobody knew. I didn't really I didn't share that with people.
I just didn't. And so if we love those bits,
that's the beginning.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
Well, and you know, you talk.
Speaker 4 (28:40):
About those experiences that can affect us so deeply, and
you also talk about gratitude, So I want to I
want to kind of tie those things together because what
I found is so often people will look back at
these situations that they've experienced, and you know, there's that regret,
there's perhaps a shame, whatever that happens to be the
(29:01):
anger whatever. What have you found and do you help
people to reframe those experiences and recognize that you know
what if I really look back at that that experience
taught me something and then be grateful for that lesson
by changing that perception, by you know, reframing that experience,
(29:23):
do you find that with gratitude that really helps people
to start to move out of those situations and become
something different.
Speaker 3 (29:33):
Well, gratitude is awesome, Coos top And what you're talking
about is something I like to share as well as
that mistakes or opportunities to learn and grow, they're not
an excuse to take that whip and chain and beat
ourselves up. They're just an opportunity to learn and grow.
And as human beings on planet Earth, it's sole experiencing
(29:54):
in this body which makes a lot of mistakes. We
came here to learn and grow and have experiences and
learn from them, and so yeah, you're absolutely right. You know,
what can I learn from this experience? And if we
really feel into what we can learn from this experience
and we take it to heart, and you know, the
next time something similar happens in my life, we can
visualize and feel how we're going to do it differently
(30:15):
and really feel that, because then we have like a
baseline if something similar happens to again that we could
could be our go to instead of our old way
of handling things that wasn't working and we were beating
ourselves up for. And of course, when we experience gratitude,
that changes everything. It's just such a high vibrational, sacred quality.
(30:37):
And so one of the ways I help people is
just a lot of people make the mistake that I
need to wait to be something for something to be
grateful for. I mean, I need to wait to get
out of this horrible relationship and have my night in
shining Army and everything's perfect, and then I'll be grateful.
And that's not a good plan. We have so much
already in our lives to be grateful for you know,
(31:00):
I have nice comfy clothes to where a little bit
sure to stop. That's comfortable if you warm. I have
a nice bed to sleep and it's really comfortable. I
have food in my fridge in my pantry. I have
hot water running. I can take a shower whenever I want.
I mean, all those little things that we all have.
I have in a car that works and takes peoplehere
where you need to go. If we take the time
(31:22):
to really look around and appreciate what we have, and
even the simple thing of not eating on the run
and having a plate of food and just enjoying it
so much because it's so delicious and it's nourishing my body,
and all those things help to build the gratitude so
that we can have we can begin to have gratitude
for all of our experiences, even the quote negative ones.
Speaker 4 (31:45):
And do you find that that literally changes the mindset
and ultimately, as gratitude is developed for all those things
that you're talking about, do you find that then somehow
people become.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Aware that, you know what, I don't need to remain.
Speaker 4 (32:00):
Either emotionally, mentally physically in this experience and I can
move on. Do you find the gratitude literally can help
to change that mindset.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
It literally can, and it's really up to the individual
of how much they want to practice that and how
much they want to apply that. I mean, there's other
things we can apply as well. It really depends on
the person. You can lead a horse to water, but
you can't make them drink, but you can provide them
with all the things that they need around them to
make the wisest choice, and to work with them to practice.
(32:31):
They begin to practice and maybe they develop. We can
help them to develop tools like journaling or having a
nightly review before they go to bed and really looking
at maybe a mistake that they made and how they
could do it differently next time, and really practicing with
sitting down and really enjoying and loving your food or
even loving it while you're making it. There's all sorts
(32:53):
of things that we can suggest and then we can
help to reinforce it when they come back and share
their experience with it. So yes, we can.
Speaker 4 (33:03):
And how how much do you feel like meditation? I mean,
you know, people talk a lot about meditation and some
are very positive about it. Others say, yeah, it doesn't
really make a difference. What has been your experience. And
do you use meditation and how does meditation help your clients?
Speaker 2 (33:19):
If you use it, I don't.
Speaker 3 (33:21):
I do it with my mentoring students. I teach, I
facilitate classes and we'll, you know, occasionally we'll go through
some of the mentoring stuff. If someone comes to me
and wants to work with it, I will. I don't
hold regular and mentoring classes, but I do share tidbits.
And that is you don't have to sit there for
an hour in a lotus position going you know you can.
(33:42):
You can do a walking meditation. You can listen to
music that just uplifts you. You can do some breath work.
You can start with five minutes and build up to
ten or fifteen. It doesn't have to be a drastic thing,
but it does help to take us from fight or
flight to and relaxed mode. It does help us to
(34:03):
expand out so that we can breathe more deeply and
let go of what's not working for us. It does
help us if we start the day like that, to
sort of reset our day so it doesn't have to
be like this thing that we think that it has
to be sitting in sixty minutes and not moving a
muscle and all that kind of stuff. There's a lot
(34:23):
of different ways to meditate, which is about letting go
and just being there with ourselves and that you might
be already sort of doing, you know, like I was
talking about, you can take a walk in nature, but
not have a power walk in just this nice slow
walk and enjoy breathing in and out and the beauty
(34:43):
around you. There's all sorts of ways that we can
bring that kind of calm assurance into our lives. Well.
Speaker 4 (34:51):
I love stories. So you have a pardicular story I
think that you talk about with the client at Center
late forwardies. Could you share that story with the audience
of how you were able to help her, whether it
was coaching or mentoring, to turn herself around a.
Speaker 3 (35:10):
Woman her late forties. It was it on my website.
Speaker 4 (35:13):
Yeah, it was on your website. Two teenage girls mother
at home. She was a doormat never yes, say no.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
Yes, That's what I was talking about. What happened was
it was a coaching situation and just from holding space
and allowing her to talk about what was going on
at work that was bothering her and what was going
on at home and she was really, really controlling at
home and just asking those powerful questions, sharing some reflecting back.
(35:44):
She finally because all the girls really wanted her teenage
girls was to get a dog, and she was gonna
let him get a dog, like, oh my god. And
she finally just came to the realization from conversation. It
was like a gradual thing where she could begin to
see herself more clearly because she just thought, no matter
how she acted, her daughters would be with her forever.
(36:05):
And I'm like, thinking, money, that's going to keep acting
like this, But I would never say that, you know.
She had to come to her own knowing about that.
And I guess there wasn't anything special that I did
other than maybe sort of reflecting back and noticing like
her tone of voice and her demeanor when she talked
about certain things, and asking her maybe what if questions,
(36:26):
you know, what if you tried this? But basically it
really feels to me that just over time, she she
came to the realization herself from I mean coaching, the
main thing you know, when you when you when you
get a coach, as I've been trained where I'm not
treating my hornets. Just I love the school I went
to the Global Coaching Academy and FOREF Australia. But anyway,
(36:48):
when you hold like a big, judgment free, unconditionally loving
space for somebody and give them the opportunity to talk
and share and maybe no one else listened to them
like that, ask powerful questions, reflect, share, share your intuitions
and always hand it back to them. I find that
they come to stronger and more amazing realizations than I
could ever tell them.
Speaker 4 (37:09):
Well, and yeah, I think you've hit the point there
that I think is so important. And for people who
are really seeking help, I think one of the things
they really need to look at very carefully is are
they experiencing just talking back and forth talk talk talk,
or do they have someone there, whether it's a psychiatrist, psychologist,
(37:32):
or coach, whatever it is, that is literally asking questions
that allows them to discover within themselves the answers. Because
I really believe that in most situations, people have the
answer within themselves if they can just be guided to
start to ask those questions within themselves.
Speaker 3 (37:52):
Yeah, and one of my mentors said to me years
ago is that you know, Arlene, if you have the question,
the answer is already inside of you. And I'm like, what,
But you know, I guess this is exactly what you're saying.
You know, if they already have all these questions, the answers,
they're already inside of them, and so it's our job
(38:13):
to hold that space and to do what we do
so they can discover.
Speaker 4 (38:17):
That answer well and to be able to ask, you know,
as you're observing, be able to ask additional questions that
can guide them, which I find fascinating.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
You're really a guide as a coach, You're.
Speaker 4 (38:29):
Really a guide to asking questions that guides them to
that self understanding and sometimes it takes a bit of
time and you have to ask very pertinent questions for
them to finowly discover within themselves the answer. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:43):
I mean, as partnering with them, I'm their partner. I'm
walking alongside of you. I'm right there and you know
where you If it feels like they're going on a
different track, I'll say, you know, you said do you
want to do this in the session, and now you're
talking about this, what is it that you'd like to
focus on? So I always bring it back to them.
But it really feels like a partnership, and you.
Speaker 4 (39:06):
Know, I think the question that always comes to my
mind is how do you help people to become aware?
And obviously people who have reached out to you have
become aware. Have you found that there's a common theme
that causes that element of awareness.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
That you know, what is not the life I want
to live. I'm not happy. I need to make some changes.
Speaker 4 (39:28):
What is there a common thing that you have found,
particularly with women, that creates ultimately that awareness to where
they're finally willing to reach out to you or to someone.
Speaker 3 (39:39):
Well, I guess what happens is to get fed up
with how they're feeling and how their life is going
in a certain aspect of it. Most people don't come
to me in the whole life is just horrible. They'll
have like this aspect of a life that needs working on,
and they won't necessarily have awareness of everything that they
need to have awareness of to maybe make a change
or a new decision. But I do are there very
(40:02):
poignantly aware that this is no longer working and I
do need some help to get out of this hole
that I've sort of fallen into instead of moving around it.
So that would be the common theme that I know
that I need to make a change I'm not sure
how to do it, and I really maybe need some
help in navigating that to get to the other side.
(40:25):
And I can sort of see and visualize what that is,
but in this moment, I don't have the tools or
the ability or whatever to do it by myself.
Speaker 4 (40:34):
Well, and I think you've hit the key, and for
people that are listening, I think is so important for
all of us to understand that you know, and you
talk about you have mentors. I've had coaches, I've had mentors.
The key is is that we can't really do it
all by ourselves. We really need to be able to
reach out and find someone that we can trust, that
(40:55):
we know has the ability to help us, either through
mentoring or coaching, that allows us to do that self
discovery then and that self transformation to really reach the
level that.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
We would like to reach.
Speaker 3 (41:09):
Yeah, I agree, and I love it, and I love
like getting together groups of like I call like minded
soul that I that we can work together with, because
I find that that's really uplifting as well.
Speaker 2 (41:19):
But in order to do this, I have to.
Speaker 3 (41:22):
Be practicing it, and I have to be evolving and
growing myself. I mean, I think that's part of part
of the commitment.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Yeah, I agree with that.
Speaker 4 (41:29):
And so as we as we close, what would be
a message that you would like to share with the audience.
Speaker 3 (41:36):
I'd like to share a trinity A try and go
to be kind, patient, and tolerant with yourself that you know,
we're all in a journey. It's not fairly easy, it
could be very challenging, but practice kindness, patience, and tolerance
with yourself and others and that can be a big
key to having a new experience in your life.
Speaker 4 (41:57):
I love it, Arlene, Thank you so much, you know,
and again thank you what I find and the whole
reason I do this podcast is to find people who
are making a difference in other people's lives.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
And as we talk and as.
Speaker 4 (42:11):
We chat and have this conversation, I know that somebody
out there that's listening is going to be touched in
a way that they're going to be willing to reach
out either to you or to someone to help them
to move forward in their lives. And so thank you
so much for what you do, and kudos to you
for being willing to move away from being an attorney
(42:33):
to being willing to really focus your attention on helping
women in particular, to live a better life, to experience
greater joy, love and happiness in their lives.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
How do people find you?
Speaker 3 (42:45):
Well, you can come to my website Jewel Consultancy, Jewel
Like the Diamond, or you can just google my name
Arlene Cohen cohgn Miller. There's only one of me. There's
a lot of Arleen Miller's, but there's only one Arlene
Cohen Miller. Or you can always text. I know people say,
why don't you give out your phone numbers? And why not?
It's seven two oh nine three six two six three four.
(43:06):
Just remind me that you met me on this show
and you just have a question or something like that,
and I will get back to you.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
Wonderful. Well, thank you so much.
Speaker 4 (43:15):
I really appreciate your insights today and folks, thank you
for listening.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
And hope this is making.
Speaker 4 (43:21):
A difference for you and you'll reach out to Arlene
if that is something that you find could make a
difference in your life.
Speaker 2 (43:28):
So this is doctor Doug saying no mistay.
Speaker 4 (43:39):
Share
At the end of the day, it's not about what
you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what
you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,
who you've made better, It's about what you've given back.
Denzel Washington, Welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is
to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you
(00:21):
to do the same.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Arlene, welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 4 (00:26):
I'm looking forward to it. E. I'd love for you
to share with the audience kind of your personal journey
what brought you to this point where there are things
in your life where you had AHA moments or whatever
that was that brought you to what you're doing today
to help particularly women I understand, really transform their lives.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Well, when I was fifteen, I decided I wanted to
become an attorney. I don't think my parents believe me. First,
we didn't have any attorneys in my family. My father
was an entrepreneur, but I think he's pretty old fashioned
of me going to college and getting married and having
lots of babies. So I didn't exactly do that. I
did go to college, I did get my law degree.
(01:09):
I went back to Kentucky where I was born and
raised and went to University of Kentucky College a law
for that. After law school, my then husband and I
went up to Cleveland where he had stuff that he
needed to do for his career, and I worked for
some other attorneys for about three four years, and then
I opened my own office in a suburb of the
western suburb of Cleveland called Lakewood, just a little tiny
(01:31):
office with a couple of other attorneys and businesses. And
I immediately found out I was pregnant, and so my
family and my husband husband's family were all in Louisville, Kentucky,
and all of my peers from law school, all my
connections were practicing in Kentucky or like we're Indiana and
Ohio met Kentucky, we're the Ohio River. So I really
(01:54):
didn't have a support system, so I had to sort
of grow my tribe on my own, do things, sort
of wing it from scratch of how to be how
to start a business, get up, and going how to
be a mom, all at the same time while my
then husband was working like seventy hours a week. So
it was an interesting journey and I guess that's part
of the reason. I have a lot of compassion and
(02:15):
empathy for women, especially mothers who are working, and so
that's eventually the Welt short story. I ended up being
a work life balance and harmony coach, but I am
expanding that out to more the tech profession just because
of all the professions, they are just the most stressed out,
(02:36):
especially the ones that are working from home, especially since COVID,
and it just feels like a lot of what I
share could be helpful for them, and so I'm learning
to really better with men at workshops and stuff like that.
I have been an attorney. I was an attorney for
many many years. I had a solo practice in a
suburb of Cleveland, and I practiced family law and commercial law.
(02:59):
And then I sold when my son was nine and
we moved to Longmanck, Colorado, a suburb of Denver, and
I bought into another commercial law practice. I had met
the gentleman when I went to a business meeting in
Chicago and ended up marrying him, and we were married
for quite a long time, and so that's how I
(03:21):
went through the law stuff. And when I was an attorney,
I also started studying. I got a diploma in Transformational
Holistic Counseling in coaching and mentoring and certification and meditation.
And this is about six years before we sold the business,
because I felt that they didn't teach me how to
listen as an attorney, you know, and I was doing
(03:43):
a lot of negotiating of settlements, I was doing the
marketing for a lot of the marketing for the law firm,
and I knew there was something missing. I didn't know
what it was, but it was just really learning how to,
like they call it, hold space for people, you know,
kind of that non judgmental, that unconditional positive regard space
where people can relax and feel heard and understood and
(04:08):
so among other things. I learned that when I got
that extra education, and I've had my own business as
a coach and a mentor and a facilitator and the
other things I do. I opened the office, I opened
the business in twenty eleven, but I really didn't start,
you know, making a more of a full time thing
(04:28):
until we sold the business several years ago. I never
thought I was going to do that, but yeah, that's
what that's what happened.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
Okay, So, so you had your own personal transformation.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
What was it suddenly a sudden awareness.
Speaker 4 (04:41):
Or what was it that helped you to realize that, Okay,
you know, I'm going to sell my law practice, which
is you know, quite something and go into this transformational
help for people for women. What what was that aha
moment particularly or was there one or was it just gradual?
Speaker 3 (05:00):
It was a gradual thing, you know. I got the certification,
I started using it in my business. I saw out
worked with my staff. I saw how it worked with
my family and my partner and the people that I
was working with and marketing with because I was running
a business meeting in California once a year. It's always
like I had a lot of I've got a lot
(05:20):
of chairs, quite a few different things than a national
business organization that we were involved in. So it was gradual.
Speaker 4 (05:28):
You know.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
I never really thought I was going to leave the
practice a law. I just think after many, many years
of practicing law, I got burnt out and I just
really needed a change and I was helping people in
the practice of law. But there was never a break.
You know, It's always there if you're a coach, if
your own if you have your own business as a
coach and a mentor and a facilitator. You can that
(05:49):
when you're going to have, when you're going to talk
to people, when you're going to do all the things
that you do, there's no and there's like a beginning
and an end. But it's not true with the practice
of law.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
And isn't that interesting?
Speaker 4 (06:01):
We get so caught up in what we have been
told we should do or what we originally choose to do,
and find that we get so caught up and there's
no balance. I was talking to my daughter the other day,
and she had gone back to her university and been
asked to, you know, kind of talk to the students
about what she had done and where she was now
(06:22):
working in an area entirely different than what her master's
degree was in. But what when we talked about it
a little bit, she talked about this work balance and
how she realized that for her work balance was so
essential and that was really an important aspect of her
(06:43):
values and her desires.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
And it seems like we can get also.
Speaker 4 (06:48):
Caught up in work and what we're doing, and we
find that we get into something we think we really like,
and all of a sudden it gets to the point
where we get so busy that we do not have
that balance much. And is this an area that you
have found as you're working with women that seems to
be a common theme.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
Yeah, there's a lot of common themes. And I mean
the sexes are different. You know, women are nurturers. We
give birth to babies, and it's still in this world
even though the fathers are more involved. It feels like,
especially when the kids are young, a lot more falls
on us. And it was really hard, you know, well
the first year I opened my law firm, and after
(07:27):
my son was born, because you know, I was pregnant
for the first nine months that I had him, you know,
the first you know year of his life, I didn't
work full time, you know, I was I was really
grateful that my partner had a roof over our heads
and food on the table, you know, even if I
wasn't seeing him very much, I didn't have to worry
about that, and it would have been impossible. I mean,
(07:51):
I don't know how I could have done it all
and gotten any sleep because I wasn't doing any sleep
pretty much anyway at the new mom So it is
and I also like to bring in balance, not just balance,
but harmony. Because balance feels too like you're going to
get something perfect and it's all going to be okay.
I don't think it's like that for anybody. You know,
everything's always shifting and changing and we need to be
(08:13):
flexible and adaptable.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
Well, and as I went on to your website, and
you know, I love when you know here you have
all these things you talk about or mentioned on your
website and other things. And one of the things that
just hit me strongly is you really talk about manifesting
and living in love and unleashing love.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Can you talk about that? And how does that.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
Apply to the to the people now that you are
working with and helping And what is usually their situation
that causes them to reach out to you?
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Well, three questions. I'm sorry about that.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
Well, you know, I think people reach out to me
for a whole bunch of different reasons, but the bottom
line is is they feel stressed and anxiou sit and
overwhelmed and maybe burnt out, and they can feel they
feel an affinity with me and hope that working with me,
they can find a way to alleviate some of that
stuff and feel more calm and centered and confident. Because
(09:14):
I like to work with people from the inside out.
Speaker 4 (09:17):
You know.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
If like if we feel really calm and grounded and
fully present in ourselves, it's like our energy sort of
expands out, like it's like a bigger heart that's holding us,
and it's a lot easy. We can get whatever we
need to get done. Is it might not change, but
it's going to feel a lot easier to move through it.
It's like I have certain times the day and I
write a blog and sometimes if I've hit the right time,
(09:40):
it just flows out of me. It takes five or
ten minutes. It's done. If you hit me do it
now this time of night, I will be staring at
the screen for three hours. So you know, we have
to know our own buyer rhythms, you know, and what
works for us. And I really do feel that what
ties is up and knocks is that we get so
busy doing or giving to other people that our cup
(10:03):
runs dry. And so the best way to be able
to be of service to itself and others is to
know how to fill ourselves up with love. So our
heart is full of love and we're sharing the overflow
with others because otherwise we're going to get burnt out.
We're going to get frustrated or angry of the people
that we're giving to. Then we're going to be They're
going to judge yourself for that and feel guilty, and
(10:23):
then we'll go through the same kind of process of
overgiving again. And I do find it more prevalent in women,
but it can be anybody, and it's not a comfortable
process to go through. So I like to help people
to break that cycle.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Well, you know, it's interesting and this is a common
thing that I love to talk about, and you kind
of referred to it, and that is how our experiences
in life, our behavior are. So often we tend to
do this, do that, do this, do that so that
we'll be happy, and so forth, rather than recognizing that
as we can internal and start to change the soul within,
(11:06):
if we can call it that, that all of a sudden,
the outer experiences change because it's a matter of a
reflection of who we have become, not a reflection of
who we're trying to be.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
What are your thoughts on that, Well, I agree with
you one hundred and ten percent. And I mean one
of the ways that I do that if I get
out in nature, you know, because she's just to me,
she feels so loving and kind and soothing. And I
live in Colorado and the beautiful place to get out
in nature, but you can live anywhere, and I think
that connection is really really important, the connection with ourselves.
(11:38):
And if we're in front of a computer all day,
it's really hard to do that, but we you know,
it seems to me it's easier out in nature just
to feel the energy of it, which is beautiful usually,
and just to connect with the ground and to appreciate
the beauty around us. That's a great way to work
with stuff. But yeah, we feel different on the inside,
and we feel more love and kindness and respect for
(11:59):
ourselves and others. We're going to see the world a
lot differently than if we just feel really stressed and
anxious and overwhelmed. And you know, when we're like that,
we're all contracted. We're not even breathing right, so we're
not even oxygenating our bodies, and it's just not a
happy way, how a happy place to be.
Speaker 4 (12:19):
So how do you help people? Let's get a little
business ific. Obviously, you know someone that's working with you
is going to take some time that As our listeners
listen today, I think that for me, getting a little
bit of information creates even greater curiosity, and then all
of a sudden you reach out to people that can
really help you. So when you talk to people, when
(12:41):
you talk to women who are experiencing that stress, that
lack of balance and so on and so forth, how
do you approach them and what do you find is
the commonality of why they're experiencing the stress that they're
experiencing and not experiencing joy. And obviously walking to nature
(13:02):
is an important one, but that's not I would suspect
the initial.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Thing you do.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
No, and I coach. You can choose like coaching or mentoring,
or or like a combination of both of them if
you're working with me, But they're very different modalities. With coaching,
I'm partnering with the person I'm working with, and I
know that they have all of the answers inside of them.
So I might be asking powerful questions. I might be
reflecting back what they're sharing. I might be sharing some
(13:29):
intuitions or insights that I have by their behavior, their demeanor,
what they're saying. Some times we don't listen to our words,
but I'm always turning it back to them to decide
where to from here. So they're the one that's deciding
the focus of our conversation. They're the ones that are
telling me what's the words they're sharing mean. They're the
ones they're telling me where they like to be by
(13:51):
the end of our time together and why it's important
to them. It's mine to have to partner with them
and walk alongside them and hold that space of judgment
free love and help them to because they're in a bigger,
expanded space to really feel into it, maybe explo think
they haven't been able to go that deep before with
(14:15):
If I'm mentoring somebody, they're coming to me to stand
on my shoulders. So I'll be more. Let's try this,
and I'll give them something to do. It might be
something like rough work. We might decide that let's work
with our inner coach and notice where our inner critic
has kind of gone wild, and learn how to talk
to ourselves in a way that is kind and loving,
and to notice from that way it comes up. You know,
(14:36):
there's a way to turn that around. So there's a
lot of different topics that we can work with, and basically,
you know, I'll have a conversation and I'll begin to
into it and start with some basic stuff with them.
I do work with energetic kind of stuff. I do
help people that I am mentoring work with, like how
to energetically length and clear and protect themselves, because otherwise
(15:00):
what we're trying to let go of can often be
stuff we've taken on from other people.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
Well, and I love that I talked about the fact
that our energy is really a magnet, whether you want
to call it positive or negative energy, and that may
be depending on you know, where we're at at that
particular time. But what happens is that we tend to
attract to our lives the very magnet that we're experiencing.
(15:25):
So if we're experiencing that negativity and lack of love
and all of that, we're going to attract that very
thing into our lives. And sometimes we never understand why
does this keep happening to me? Why do I keep
finding the same partner in my life and their abusive
they're unkind whatever that happens to be. Talk a little
(15:46):
bit about this energy and what you have discovered and
observed relative to the energy that people have and how
that literally affects their experiences in life.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
Well, you're a hund percent correct, And basically it's a
lot of things that can come into that, but it's
a law of attraction.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
You know.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
What we focus on is what we get more of
in our lives. And people don't realize, and I didn't
realize when I was younger how much I was focusing
on the reverse of an idea, like I wanted to
have like a really positive relationship, especially after my first divorce,
but I hadn't cleared all the stuff that led to
me entering into that relationship, and so I was, of
course could to attract the same kind of person again.
(16:29):
But if I look at how I was back then,
I would talk to my girlfriends about all the horrible
negative things about any of the guys I were dating,
and I thought, that's how we bonded, and it not.
It's not kind to myself, is not kind to the
other person. They're going to be energetically impacted by that.
And I was telling the universe, I want more of
(16:50):
that kind of dysfunction in my life because that's what
I was focusing on. That's what I was judging. I
was judging the people I was dating, I was judging myself.
I was judging people that didn't give me the kudos
to say, oh I get you our lean, I understand
what you're going through and you know, boosting me up.
And so it was a really So I've had personal
(17:13):
experience in that really negative cycle. It's not a kind
place to be. But we don't often realize what we're doing.
And so if we work with a coach, or we
work with a counselor we work with a mentor we
work with somebody that we resonate with, it can help
us break that cycle and become aware of how we're
talking to ourselves and aware of what we're saying to
(17:34):
other people and how that's creating what's already in our life.
Then that's the first step to begin to start to
change that.
Speaker 4 (17:42):
Well, so I'm going to go way off the topic
here for a minute, just because that's what you said.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Now, First of all, where are you located now?
Speaker 3 (17:50):
I live and I work out of my home, and
I live in Longmont, Colorado, which is about forty minutes
northwest of Denver, Okay.
Speaker 4 (17:58):
So it's really fascinating as I get on Facebook from
time to time and I see some of my acquaintances
and friends that I've had all of a sudden because
of the political nature of what's going on right now.
And I'm not going to comment on that other than
and I don't want to get into a political thing here.
(18:18):
But what I'm noticing is there's so many times people
are posting comments continually that reflect their anger, their frustration
with whatever's happening. And that was before this situation in
the latest election, and even now, what do you find
(18:41):
is happening with those people?
Speaker 2 (18:43):
When you know, for you you were talking.
Speaker 4 (18:45):
About the negativity of the menu or daiting and so
on and so forth.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Here now we have people.
Speaker 4 (18:51):
Who are talking about the negativity of politics, and it's
gotten to the point where that's all they talk about,
what's happening to them and their lives. And how do
we help people to change because that's creating such a
division within our country. How do we how do we
help people to get to the point where they recognize that,
(19:14):
you know what, I've got to stop doing that because
it's affecting me, regardless of what they think, it's affecting me.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
Right well, the only person that we can change is ourselves.
And so I'm going to get really maybe a little
bit woo woo here, but you you broached the subject.
So I'll share with you how we can make a
difference in the world from right here, right now. And
that is is that let's say that we have a
(19:42):
really positive experience with a group, or with another person
or within ourselves. Something happened and we it's just something
that we love. Maybe it's me and I took a course,
a coaching course, and I was in this mentoring group
with a bunch of other coaches and it was just fantastic,
and I just love the experience learning so much. It
could be anything that happened in our life and we
(20:04):
can just go, oh my god, this is so amazing
and we really feel it with all our hearts. What
happens is it gets imprinted in the lower Kostak records,
and that's where people reach when they're having problems. Most
human beings can't go to anything higher than the lower
Kastak records. And so we're imprinting up there something we're
just love and we're really excited about and it's positive,
(20:28):
and so that people have something they can reach for
if they have a similar experience, so that they're just
not they're reaching with all that other low level negativity
that everyone else is putting in that lower level of
castak records with how bad this is and what this
person says, and it's very convoluted. There's a lot of
misinformation beings circulated out there to separate people, because if
(20:54):
people are separated, they're not going to be willing. They're
not looking at all the things we have in common
that that aren't working well in the world. And if
we come together as a whole, or at least in
big groups of people, we can make changes on the ground,
whether we're in politics or not. And so I hope
that makes sense to you, But for me, it's one
of the ways that I feel I can be of service.
(21:16):
But it kept to come from a genuine, artfelt space
of something that just was really wonderful that we want
other people to be able to use that if they
have a similar experience.
Speaker 4 (21:29):
Well, and I think you're talking about the quantum field
to some degree, and how that energy is out there
that we can attract one way or the other. But
you bring up another point that I find interesting. When
you're working with people, how often do you find, whether
you're mentoring them or coaching them, how often do you
find that they are surrounding themselves with the very people
(21:53):
that are causing or at least increasing those negativity feelings
that they're having, rather than surrounding themselves with positive individuals
that ultimately would change their own perception.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
It's interesting some people are and some people aren't. You know,
some people have this kind of duality thing going on
where we're maybe at work they're being more of a
doormat and a people pleaser, and they go home with
their teenagers and they're being a little bit of a
tyrant and they don't really see the difference because they
don't have balance really in either place, and they really
need to maybe at work, not be a dormat anymore,
(22:33):
and you know, be more assertible, have clear and strong
and appropriate boundaries within the parameters of who they're working for,
and not go home and take care take it out
on their kids. There are some people, especially in the
tech industry, that you know, you're working with people that
are very demanding and demanding things that are impossible to
(22:54):
go through right now because they read it in a
magazine article and is supposed to work. So it can
go both ways, and a lot of it really depends
on how willing a person is to change. Do they
want a sort of a stop gap measure so they'll
feel better with their lives, or are they really willing
to dive deep and maybe take a leap of faith
and do something you know, majure different in their lives.
(23:17):
And that's really for them to decide, because people are
ready when people are ready, And it's not really for
me to say you need to do this now because
I don't know, you know, I don't have the big
greater picture of you know, being that are way so
long than I am. So I just do my best
to you know, hold space and to help them to
(23:39):
make the best decisions for themselves.
Speaker 4 (23:42):
Do you find that fear plays a large role in
that where people are? You know, I noticed this and
particularly as I've interviewed a number of women who have
been in the music relationships and as they tell their story,
they talk about they keep getting into another and another one,
and what really comes out of that is their realization
(24:02):
finally that the fear of the unknown was so much
greater at that time than getting back into a similar
type of situation that they could not get out of it,
and ultimately they were able to overcome that fear and
be brave enough to get out of those relationships, and
that was their experience.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
But do you find that fear.
Speaker 4 (24:23):
Plays a heavy role with people who are not able
to change or are trying to but seem to not
be able.
Speaker 3 (24:30):
To do it. I think that fear plays a big role.
And some people just they also there yet, So fear
does play a role because even if they don't want
to step forward, and then maybe they're a little bit
lazy and they don't want to do the work and
they want the mentic feury does to come grit from
down and make everything sparkly. That's going to happen. We
have to do the work ourselves. So yeah, there is
(24:51):
a lot of fear in there, and it is possible
to overcome it, and it takes a lot of severance
into napity and you know, just choosing love even when
you don't feel it.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
So how does someone learn to love themselves?
Speaker 3 (25:06):
You know?
Speaker 4 (25:07):
I find that that seems to be one of the
most difficult things we talk about, as though it's really easy,
you know, love yourself, but the reality is that I
think people really find it difficult to truly love themselves.
How do you help people to do that and to
understand there's so much imprinting that we get as children
(25:27):
that I'm not good enough that you know, all of
these type of things that happen.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
How do you help people to learn how.
Speaker 4 (25:34):
To love themselves and to understand that innately they truly
are lovable and even beyond that, they have this wonderful
light within them that.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Is who they really are.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
Right, So we're all aspect of source, and so we're
all worthy of love. But I do hear what you're saying,
and it's hard, and it's not hard. I sort of
view it as if like I mean, when I was younger,
I ran, so I ran like ten k's and half
marathons and five k's and I was a runner in triathlons,
(26:09):
and I really enjoyed all that. But I had to practice.
And for a while I was on a master's swim
team when I was an adult, and you had to practice.
I didn't do raceis, but you know, just to keep
up with the other people in the pool, something that
does not put it over you. You got to practice swimming.
And the same thing is when it comes to loving yourself.
If we got messages that to just tended to destroy
(26:31):
that feeling that we could love results so that we
were lovable, even if it was just a little bit
when we were kids, but we took in printing on
you know, maybe you know our parents didn't feel worthy
of love. It wasn't communicating, but we felt that. And
so a few things that we can do is that,
first of all, to realize that we already had that
within us, because most of us, if we had a
(26:54):
friend or someone that we loved and they came to
us and started telling us all the things that were
saying and that you know that we're going through that
and that's what's wrong in their life and they're telling us,
you know, we would be kind, we would be patient,
we would listen, we would be nurturing, we would champion them.
If they had their head up a dark place, we
might you know, share a little bit of tough love,
(27:17):
but if we love them, when we cared about them,
we would find a way to be there for them.
And so the bottom line is that we have the
skill and ability. All we have to do is turn
around and start giving it to ourselves. And the way
I like to share with people to give it to
yourselves is that if you feel scared, if you feel anxious,
if you feel overwhelmed. I always ask myself, how old
(27:39):
is this aspect of Arlene inside of me? You know?
Might she might feel eight, she might feel fifteen. It
doesn't matter what it is. Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrongly,
just a feeling. I turn around. I do my best
to visualize how I was and what I look like
and everything about me at that age. And I love
that bit of me because it's probably a bit of
me that I that's been languishing without my love. Maybe
(28:02):
I didn't like that bit behavior. I didn't really care
for my behavior myself as a teenager. Maybe it was
something that happened as a kid where I just I
got stuck, you know, and and I didn't know how
to deal with it then and something happened, and you know,
I just sort of covered it up because I was
I didn't have the skills to handle what I experienced,
(28:23):
because I'm pretty sensitive and intuitive, and so things that
wouldn't bother most people could have could floor me. But
nobody knew. I didn't really I didn't share that with people.
I just didn't. And so if we love those bits,
that's the beginning.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
Well, and you know, you talk.
Speaker 4 (28:40):
About those experiences that can affect us so deeply, and
you also talk about gratitude, So I want to I
want to kind of tie those things together because what
I found is so often people will look back at
these situations that they've experienced, and you know, there's that regret,
there's perhaps a shame, whatever that happens to be the
(29:01):
anger whatever. What have you found and do you help
people to reframe those experiences and recognize that you know
what if I really look back at that that experience
taught me something and then be grateful for that lesson
by changing that perception, by you know, reframing that experience,
(29:23):
do you find that with gratitude that really helps people
to start to move out of those situations and become
something different.
Speaker 3 (29:33):
Well, gratitude is awesome, Coos top And what you're talking
about is something I like to share as well as
that mistakes or opportunities to learn and grow, they're not
an excuse to take that whip and chain and beat
ourselves up. They're just an opportunity to learn and grow.
And as human beings on planet Earth, it's sole experiencing
(29:54):
in this body which makes a lot of mistakes. We
came here to learn and grow and have experiences and
learn from them, and so yeah, you're absolutely right. You know,
what can I learn from this experience? And if we
really feel into what we can learn from this experience
and we take it to heart, and you know, the
next time something similar happens in my life, we can
visualize and feel how we're going to do it differently
(30:15):
and really feel that, because then we have like a
baseline if something similar happens to again that we could
could be our go to instead of our old way
of handling things that wasn't working and we were beating
ourselves up for. And of course, when we experience gratitude,
that changes everything. It's just such a high vibrational, sacred quality.
(30:37):
And so one of the ways I help people is
just a lot of people make the mistake that I
need to wait to be something for something to be
grateful for. I mean, I need to wait to get
out of this horrible relationship and have my night in
shining Army and everything's perfect, and then I'll be grateful.
And that's not a good plan. We have so much
already in our lives to be grateful for you know,
(31:00):
I have nice comfy clothes to where a little bit
sure to stop. That's comfortable if you warm. I have
a nice bed to sleep and it's really comfortable. I
have food in my fridge in my pantry. I have
hot water running. I can take a shower whenever I want.
I mean, all those little things that we all have.
I have in a car that works and takes peoplehere
where you need to go. If we take the time
(31:22):
to really look around and appreciate what we have, and
even the simple thing of not eating on the run
and having a plate of food and just enjoying it
so much because it's so delicious and it's nourishing my body,
and all those things help to build the gratitude so
that we can have we can begin to have gratitude
for all of our experiences, even the quote negative ones.
Speaker 4 (31:45):
And do you find that that literally changes the mindset
and ultimately, as gratitude is developed for all those things
that you're talking about, do you find that then somehow
people become.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Aware that, you know what, I don't need to remain.
Speaker 4 (32:00):
Either emotionally, mentally physically in this experience and I can
move on. Do you find the gratitude literally can help
to change that mindset.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
It literally can, and it's really up to the individual
of how much they want to practice that and how
much they want to apply that. I mean, there's other
things we can apply as well. It really depends on
the person. You can lead a horse to water, but
you can't make them drink, but you can provide them
with all the things that they need around them to
make the wisest choice, and to work with them to practice.
(32:31):
They begin to practice and maybe they develop. We can
help them to develop tools like journaling or having a
nightly review before they go to bed and really looking
at maybe a mistake that they made and how they
could do it differently next time, and really practicing with
sitting down and really enjoying and loving your food or
even loving it while you're making it. There's all sorts
(32:53):
of things that we can suggest and then we can
help to reinforce it when they come back and share
their experience with it. So yes, we can.
Speaker 4 (33:03):
And how how much do you feel like meditation? I mean,
you know, people talk a lot about meditation and some
are very positive about it. Others say, yeah, it doesn't
really make a difference. What has been your experience. And
do you use meditation and how does meditation help your clients?
Speaker 2 (33:19):
If you use it, I don't.
Speaker 3 (33:21):
I do it with my mentoring students. I teach, I
facilitate classes and we'll, you know, occasionally we'll go through
some of the mentoring stuff. If someone comes to me
and wants to work with it, I will. I don't
hold regular and mentoring classes, but I do share tidbits.
And that is you don't have to sit there for
an hour in a lotus position going you know you can.
(33:42):
You can do a walking meditation. You can listen to
music that just uplifts you. You can do some breath work.
You can start with five minutes and build up to
ten or fifteen. It doesn't have to be a drastic thing,
but it does help to take us from fight or
flight to and relaxed mode. It does help us to
(34:03):
expand out so that we can breathe more deeply and
let go of what's not working for us. It does
help us if we start the day like that, to
sort of reset our day so it doesn't have to
be like this thing that we think that it has
to be sitting in sixty minutes and not moving a
muscle and all that kind of stuff. There's a lot
(34:23):
of different ways to meditate, which is about letting go
and just being there with ourselves and that you might
be already sort of doing, you know, like I was
talking about, you can take a walk in nature, but
not have a power walk in just this nice slow
walk and enjoy breathing in and out and the beauty
(34:43):
around you. There's all sorts of ways that we can
bring that kind of calm assurance into our lives. Well.
Speaker 4 (34:51):
I love stories. So you have a pardicular story I
think that you talk about with the client at Center
late forwardies. Could you share that story with the audience
of how you were able to help her, whether it
was coaching or mentoring, to turn herself around a.
Speaker 3 (35:10):
Woman her late forties. It was it on my website.
Speaker 4 (35:13):
Yeah, it was on your website. Two teenage girls mother
at home. She was a doormat never yes, say no.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
Yes, That's what I was talking about. What happened was
it was a coaching situation and just from holding space
and allowing her to talk about what was going on
at work that was bothering her and what was going
on at home and she was really, really controlling at
home and just asking those powerful questions, sharing some reflecting back.
(35:44):
She finally because all the girls really wanted her teenage
girls was to get a dog, and she was gonna
let him get a dog, like, oh my god. And
she finally just came to the realization from conversation. It
was like a gradual thing where she could begin to
see herself more clearly because she just thought, no matter
how she acted, her daughters would be with her forever.
(36:05):
And I'm like, thinking, money, that's going to keep acting
like this, But I would never say that, you know.
She had to come to her own knowing about that.
And I guess there wasn't anything special that I did
other than maybe sort of reflecting back and noticing like
her tone of voice and her demeanor when she talked
about certain things, and asking her maybe what if questions,
(36:26):
you know, what if you tried this? But basically it
really feels to me that just over time, she she
came to the realization herself from I mean coaching, the
main thing you know, when you when you when you
get a coach, as I've been trained where I'm not
treating my hornets. Just I love the school I went
to the Global Coaching Academy and FOREF Australia. But anyway,
(36:48):
when you hold like a big, judgment free, unconditionally loving
space for somebody and give them the opportunity to talk
and share and maybe no one else listened to them
like that, ask powerful questions, reflect, share, share your intuitions
and always hand it back to them. I find that
they come to stronger and more amazing realizations than I
could ever tell them.
Speaker 4 (37:09):
Well, and yeah, I think you've hit the point there
that I think is so important. And for people who
are really seeking help, I think one of the things
they really need to look at very carefully is are
they experiencing just talking back and forth talk talk talk,
or do they have someone there, whether it's a psychiatrist, psychologist,
(37:32):
or coach, whatever it is, that is literally asking questions
that allows them to discover within themselves the answers. Because
I really believe that in most situations, people have the
answer within themselves if they can just be guided to
start to ask those questions within themselves.
Speaker 3 (37:52):
Yeah, and one of my mentors said to me years
ago is that you know, Arlene, if you have the question,
the answer is already inside of you. And I'm like, what,
But you know, I guess this is exactly what you're saying.
You know, if they already have all these questions, the answers,
they're already inside of them, and so it's our job
(38:13):
to hold that space and to do what we do
so they can discover.
Speaker 4 (38:17):
That answer well and to be able to ask, you know,
as you're observing, be able to ask additional questions that
can guide them, which I find fascinating.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
You're really a guide as a coach, You're.
Speaker 4 (38:29):
Really a guide to asking questions that guides them to
that self understanding and sometimes it takes a bit of
time and you have to ask very pertinent questions for
them to finowly discover within themselves the answer. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:43):
I mean, as partnering with them, I'm their partner. I'm
walking alongside of you. I'm right there and you know
where you If it feels like they're going on a
different track, I'll say, you know, you said do you
want to do this in the session, and now you're
talking about this, what is it that you'd like to
focus on? So I always bring it back to them.
But it really feels like a partnership, and you.
Speaker 4 (39:06):
Know, I think the question that always comes to my
mind is how do you help people to become aware?
And obviously people who have reached out to you have
become aware. Have you found that there's a common theme
that causes that element of awareness.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
That you know, what is not the life I want
to live. I'm not happy. I need to make some changes.
Speaker 4 (39:28):
What is there a common thing that you have found,
particularly with women, that creates ultimately that awareness to where
they're finally willing to reach out to you or to someone.
Speaker 3 (39:39):
Well, I guess what happens is to get fed up
with how they're feeling and how their life is going
in a certain aspect of it. Most people don't come
to me in the whole life is just horrible. They'll
have like this aspect of a life that needs working on,
and they won't necessarily have awareness of everything that they
need to have awareness of to maybe make a change
or a new decision. But I do are there very
(40:02):
poignantly aware that this is no longer working and I
do need some help to get out of this hole
that I've sort of fallen into instead of moving around it.
So that would be the common theme that I know
that I need to make a change I'm not sure
how to do it, and I really maybe need some
help in navigating that to get to the other side.
(40:25):
And I can sort of see and visualize what that is,
but in this moment, I don't have the tools or
the ability or whatever to do it by myself.
Speaker 4 (40:34):
Well, and I think you've hit the key, and for
people that are listening, I think is so important for
all of us to understand that you know, and you
talk about you have mentors. I've had coaches, I've had mentors.
The key is is that we can't really do it
all by ourselves. We really need to be able to
reach out and find someone that we can trust, that
(40:55):
we know has the ability to help us, either through
mentoring or coaching, that allows us to do that self
discovery then and that self transformation to really reach the
level that.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
We would like to reach.
Speaker 3 (41:09):
Yeah, I agree, and I love it, and I love
like getting together groups of like I call like minded
soul that I that we can work together with, because
I find that that's really uplifting as well.
Speaker 2 (41:19):
But in order to do this, I have to.
Speaker 3 (41:22):
Be practicing it, and I have to be evolving and
growing myself. I mean, I think that's part of part
of the commitment.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Yeah, I agree with that.
Speaker 4 (41:29):
And so as we as we close, what would be
a message that you would like to share with the audience.
Speaker 3 (41:36):
I'd like to share a trinity A try and go
to be kind, patient, and tolerant with yourself that you know,
we're all in a journey. It's not fairly easy, it
could be very challenging, but practice kindness, patience, and tolerance
with yourself and others and that can be a big
key to having a new experience in your life.
Speaker 4 (41:57):
I love it, Arlene, Thank you so much, you know,
and again thank you what I find and the whole
reason I do this podcast is to find people who
are making a difference in other people's lives.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
And as we talk and as.
Speaker 4 (42:11):
We chat and have this conversation, I know that somebody
out there that's listening is going to be touched in
a way that they're going to be willing to reach
out either to you or to someone to help them
to move forward in their lives. And so thank you
so much for what you do, and kudos to you
for being willing to move away from being an attorney
(42:33):
to being willing to really focus your attention on helping
women in particular, to live a better life, to experience
greater joy, love and happiness in their lives.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
How do people find you?
Speaker 3 (42:45):
Well, you can come to my website Jewel Consultancy, Jewel
Like the Diamond, or you can just google my name
Arlene Cohen cohgn Miller. There's only one of me. There's
a lot of Arleen Miller's, but there's only one Arlene
Cohen Miller. Or you can always text. I know people say,
why don't you give out your phone numbers? And why not?
It's seven two oh nine three six two six three four.
(43:06):
Just remind me that you met me on this show
and you just have a question or something like that,
and I will get back to you.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
Wonderful. Well, thank you so much.
Speaker 4 (43:15):
I really appreciate your insights today and folks, thank you
for listening.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
And hope this is making.
Speaker 4 (43:21):
A difference for you and you'll reach out to Arlene
if that is something that you find could make a
difference in your life.
Speaker 2 (43:28):
So this is doctor Doug saying no mistay.
Speaker 4 (43:39):
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