Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guest should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Hello, welcome to Love Your Body, Love Your Life. My
name is Jenna. I am the host of the show,
and I'm also the author of the book titled Love
Your Body, Love Your Life, Fifty two Tips that will
radically change your health. You can find my book on
Amazon and on Barnesannoble dot com. And today I have
a guest on with me. Her name is Christa Owen.
(00:47):
She's a coach and also an author of a book
titled Three Things You Can Do Right Now to Start
Healing Narcissistic Views. And I know abuse is a really
kind of a strong word, but and I was trying
to think of what other word we could use in
place of abuse, because I know it is pretty powerful word,
(01:12):
but I don't think there's another word to describe it.
So if you're listening and tuning in because you saw
the description, then you know about narcissism. And first of all,
I'm sorry if you've gone through anything with a narcissistic
situation or relationship, because I know firsthand how emotional it
(01:38):
could be and how tough and how hard and how
you could really lose yourself to that person. So anyways,
so we're going to dive into all this juicy subject
and get to the bottom of what you can do
to heal from this kind of relationship dynamics. So let's
(01:58):
bring Christa on.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Hello.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Hi, So where are you located, Krista? Just just out
of curiosity.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
I live in Washington State, in eastern Washington.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Okay, okay, I never I didn't know that.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
I was like, I wonder where she's at.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
So are you the same time frame as California? Yes, yeah, okay, okay, yeah, yeah,
got it, got it?
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
I'm located in Orange County, California, Newport Beach.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
Nice.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
I know, I'm about I don't know, an eight minute
drive from the beach. I used to be down the block.
I used to live in Corona del Mar, which is
a beach city. I used to be able to walk
to the beach, but now I have to drive. So
I'm there, but when I get there, I love it.
And yeah, so it's a good place to unwind and
(02:58):
meditate and just be by ocean. I think nature always helps,
you know.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
Oh it does. It's huge. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeah, so I don't even know why I'm talking about
nature right now, but what he needs.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
To hear to go meditate by the beach.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
But yeah, so let's dive into it. Christa, I really
want to know, you know, Like I said in the intro,
it's it's very strong. The words, you know, they're very
I don't know, there's just some sort of energy behind
those words that are they just I don't know, they
just they're very tough to grapple with, I guess, And
(03:34):
I'm trying to think of another way to explain it
to our audience, but there's no other way. You know,
it is what it is. And I think maybe that's
my my niceness coming out, you know, like I don't
want to offend anybody, you know, but that's what's gotten
me in trouble. So anyways, what, so, how did you
get into doing this work?
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Yeah, so, unfortunately, I have a lifetime of experience personal
experience with narcissistic personality disorder. So originally it would stem
from my father. So growing up, I was around that environment.
(04:16):
I didn't know it at the time until you know now.
But and then I had two marriages that were with narcissists,
so having a lifetime of experience, and after my second
marriage ended, I didn't know anything about narcissism. And I
(04:39):
went to a therapist and after talking to her over
a few sessions, she said to me, you were abused,
and it just hit me like a ton of bricks
because I never could correlate that with you know, I
just I didn't know. I didn't know what I didn't know,
and that really open things up for me to learn
(05:03):
about the disorder. What does it look like? You know?
You know, I didn't want to make those same mistakes
over and over again like I had throughout my whole life,
and I wanted to after going through my own healing journey,
I wanted to help other women who are kind of
(05:23):
at the end stages, either of the relationship or they're
just outside of the relationship and they're at a point
where they feel lost and are floundering on how to
heal because it's people don't understand, as you know, your
friend's family, if they haven't been abused personally by a narcissist.
(05:46):
They don't get and after a while it's not like
they say, oh, don't talk to me anymore about this.
But I just wanted to talk about it because it
was affecting me even post divorce, for a good seven years.
So into this path of wanting to help other women
heal in a shorter time span than it took me
(06:10):
because I didn't have somebody coaching me through it, and
I felt like there's definitely a need. There's research data
it shows that sixty million women just in the United
States have experienced or experiencing this type of abuse. So
there's a large number of women out there that are
(06:31):
going through it. They may not recognize it as narcissism
or they're you know, researching and trying to figure it out.
That's kind of where I come in and guide them
through and educate them on what the disorder is and
then take them through different you know, modalities to help
(06:52):
them on their healing journey. So, yeah, I spent fifteen
years with my ex husband and by the end of it,
finally I had enough. You kind of get to that
point you're in a cycle. There's a cycle of abuse
and there's some trauma bonding there and some codependency in there,
(07:17):
and so for women, especially when you have children together
and just life in general, it's scary. It's scary to
break free. But I think most women get to a
point in life where they just can't take it anymore.
And that's where I became. And as soon as I
gained my independence towards the end is when you know,
(07:40):
it hit the fan. But yeah, I was a pile
of nothing by the end of it. I was completely broken.
I was even at various points towards the end wanting
to end my life, and I I just knew I
(08:01):
had to get out of there. My mom always tells me,
if you had stayed, you'd either be physically dead or
emotionally dead and that, and she's still right, you know.
And it's it's funny because I still had feelings for him,
you know, I still there was love. It wasn't like
(08:22):
healthy love. But it was not like I wanted a
divorce because he had an affair, or I hated him,
or you know any of that. I mean, I did,
I did hate him, but but so it's it is
a weird feeling and you just have to you have
to get the courage and the strengths and to believe
(08:45):
in yourself that that there's more to life than this.
You know, life is so short that it's just sad
that people live in these traumatic relationships, toxic relationships, and
it doesn't have to be that way, right. Yeah, that's
that's my story in a nutshell and launched my coaching business.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Yeah, thank you for being vulnerable and sharing. I know
that's that's a lot. Yeah for the people listening, Christa,
can we just define a little bit the personality disorder
so people can understand I understand what when you say,
it's so hard to even recognize when you're in it.
(09:30):
So can we just give some bullet points to what
makes a person different? You know what deciphers whether they're
a narcissist or not.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
Right, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
I do.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
Yeah, So, someone that has this disorder has either had
trauma in their childhood, neglect, or they were put on
a pedestal. They are very controlling, manipulative, They have a
(10:02):
high sense of self, this grandiose I'm better than you.
Covert narcissists and overt they're one of the same, except
with a covert they're more subtle and a little bit
more introverted with their tactics, and so it's hard for
(10:23):
you to see them as what you know, for face
value while you're in it, because it's just these little
subtle things that they do and say to you over
time really quickly. I understand that.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
But do you have any examples for the women listening
or even the men, because women, uh, women can be
narcissists too, example of the subtle manipulations, right, So.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
One of their biggest things is gaslighting thing is when
they turn things around on you and make things your fault,
or they convince you that it's your fault, or they
put words in your mouth that you never said before,
and they make you the villain and the story.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
The accountability for their actions.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
Yes, yes, they can't do that. They can't put a
mirror in front of their face. It's too detrimental. Very
narcissists can do that and get help because they don't
ever take accountability or responsibility for their actions and it's
always someone else's fault. So they've put themselves on this
high pillar and have these high expectations of people, whether
(11:44):
it's in a romantic relationship or if it's a family
member in the beginning. In relationship sense, there's another thing
that's called love bombing. Love Bombing is showering you with gifts,
lots of grandiose compliments, and just really putting you up
(12:06):
on a pedestal. It's like they're mirroring what you want
and they give that to you. But it's just a
ruse because once that kind of that love bombing phase
goes away, then the gas lighting begins, the the you know,
(12:26):
the demeaning behavior, putting you down in front of others.
Another thing that they love to do is put roadblocks
in your life with family and friends. Not all of
them do that, but a lot of them will take
that component away from you so that they can control
and manipulate you. The other thing they love to do
(12:48):
it's called flying monkeys.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Yes, I was just gonna say that.
Speaker 4 (12:54):
Yeah, they will paint you in this horrible light to
other people that don't they see the charismatic person, they
see the nice person.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
Everything that they see outwardly, you know, outside the home,
is this charming, awesome, great guy. And they convince those
people that you're crazy, you're the problem.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
And I just want to just for a second, just
say something so the person that is getting abused in
the relationship will be the one that looks sick. They
will be the one that has has gotten an illness
or has lost a ton of weight or has gained
(13:46):
a lot of weight either way, or they can't they
can't get it together in their life for whatever reason.
They might be, you know, over emotional. The one that's
getting abused will look like they're the one that has
the problem, right, And so the narcissistic person will then
(14:08):
use that against them to their and friends. The family
and friends because they're not involved behind closed doors, will
see that the person they have to be you know
this this the narcissist must be telling the truth. Look
at the other person. They're a mess, you know. But yeah,
(14:30):
so it's crazy for me, and that's I think that
the tedious insidiousness of this relationship dynamic, which I want
to bring to light because it's it's really tough because
like I said, it's so manipulative and in dark, you know,
(14:55):
and insidious. So I think you're doing a wonderful in
helping women because most most women don't even know, like
you said, that they're in that kind of relationship dynamic
unless somebody points it out to them, or they get
so sick that you know, they're just like, what is
going on? You know? And I think we we know
(15:17):
deep down right keep down, something doesn't feel right, Like
even in the beginning of the relationship, we know something
doesn't feel right, but we overlook and override our gut.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Yes, very much. Yeah, so let's.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Get into talking Christa about why. Well, let's talk about
the pattern first, the cycle of the cycle of abuse
and what that looks like.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
Right. So, with a cycle of abuse, you know, you
in the initial phase of love bombing and gaslighting and
all the other characteristics, you begin to accept the behavior
and it becomes your normal and you're comfortable with it,
even though it's terrible. It's almost like an addiction in
(16:11):
a way. And it's always this up and down cycle.
You know, things are going great, and then the gas
lighting and then the you know, tearing you down, making
you feel worthless and hopeless, you're the problem.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
And then when you start to get upset or you're
going to threaten to leave or whatever it is, then
they come back and love bomb you again, and then
you start.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Over it's the honeymoon again.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
Then yeah, yeah, so it's basically.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
They they love bomb you. They tell you all the
things that you want to hear. And because of the
dysfunction within the other person that has been it's like
almost like you feed on that, right, It's because you're
not whole within yourself, so you feed on this this
love that wasn't given to you right childhood, right, and
(17:13):
that the narcissistic person, for whatever reason, they kind of
hone in on that, like.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
They know that about you right away.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Oh, the feed that that hole that you need to
heal on your own, but you haven't yet, right, so
they they real you in that way.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
Yeah, then you start.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Abusing you, right, and then they they basically demean you
and they discard you in in little covert ways, either
emotionally abusing you or physically abusing you. Right, yeah, and
you know, and then you basically, you know, say something,
you get in a fight, the argument happens, whatever, and
(17:55):
then they come back, oh, I'm sorry, this is never
going to happen again or whatever. The thing is, right,
and then the cycle starts all over again. And then
you're in love again and all all is good and
the honeymoon stage and everything feels good and oh, I
believe he's not going to change or she's not take
and then they boom, it happens again.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
And then it happens again. Yeah, and you start to
feel crazy inside, you know, you start to relate to
that feeling, and so the cycle just continues and continues
until you do something about it. They love m paths.
(18:36):
They target m paths, and mpaths are very wonderful people,
highly sensitive, very nurturing, caring, giving, and they prey upon
people like that I'm an mpath because they know that
they can manipulate and control. They had it. It's just
(18:59):
it's like a six sense. They go for people like that.
They can't handle, you know, a type a personality. It
just doesn't work. And so and that's we can't control, right, Yeah,
And it's it's hard to admit that because you you know,
when you're going through life, you want to feel like, Okay,
(19:20):
I'm strong and I'm a good person and you know,
I love and and then you let someone like this
into your life and you feel completely bamboozled. But you're
not you're not whole within yourself, you're not healthy enough inside,
and you don't have that inner love or that inner
(19:42):
respect for yourself that you're just total prey. Yeah. So yeah,
they they love mpaths. They they prey on them, they
seek them out. And until you know exactly what NPD is,
narcissiety know, personality disorder, it's hard to spot. Yeah, it's
(20:08):
you just get reilroaded.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Yeah, it's it's a crazy dynamic. If anybody's listening and
you feel like you might be in some sort of
a toxic relationship dynamic, I highly recommend either getting a
hold of Christa or you can google the relationship dynamic
and there's like something like six points. I think, do
(20:34):
you know about this, Christa? I think there's some I
don't know exactly, but there's six points where somebody can
be diagnosed narcissistic personality disorder. Yeah, and I don't know
them offhand. But what I'm interested in talking about is
I don't understand what is the deal about what you said? Like,
(20:55):
you know, like you you finally leave the person you
know in your gut they're not right for you. But
it's like why do you still crave them? Why do
you Yeah, let's get into that. Why do you still
like miss them or want to be with them or
you know, it's like crazy.
Speaker 5 (21:15):
It's like it is, yeah, and it's even harder when
you have children together because you have to co parent
and until they're eighteen and older, you've got to deal
with this person.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
But I think that women who are in these types
of relationships and when it ends, they it's like almost
like a detox. They still have cravings of wanting to
be accepted, wanting to be loved, and that is their
(21:54):
closest role model to that not a good role model,
and they're so used to having that in their lives.
So when it's gone, you flounder. You're like, I don't
know what to do with myself, and then you think, okay,
maybe things will change if I'm better at this or that,
(22:17):
And I mean, it's a tape loop in your head.
And like in my own situation, I'll give you an
example of the Flying Monkeys. We have a son together,
and he was big in football, in sports, and I
had a group of women that were my friends and
(22:38):
our boys played together, and then my ex husband and
his girlfriend at the time they're married now would be
there of course watching him play, and over I don't
know about a year or two, they kind of just
slid right in there and started getting invited to things.
(22:59):
And I tried to tell these ladies, you know, this
person has abused me and it's very toxic for me,
and I you know, I just couldn't understand it because
they were turning their back on me. I became the outcast,
and I know it was so hard, and you know
(23:21):
it was we were still kind of friends, but they
started seeing me as the crazy one, and they would
try to tell them this is why this is when
they don't they just didn't get it. And so when
you were saying earlier how we look like the crazy ones,
it's true. I used alcohol, like I drink excessively, words
(23:44):
and in my marriage, and dirt and after to self medicate,
you know, prescription drugs. I mean, it was just anything
I could do to just numb myself because I was
just so destroyed. Yeah. Yeah, I got sober almost seven
years ago, So thank you. That's it. Yeah, And I'll
(24:12):
tell you when I did that, things changed. I got
I started getting better and being more aware and cognizant
of what was happening. And I think a lot of
people do that. They self medicate to get through the
abuse and through the pain. But I think that the
reason we still crave them is because we've had that
(24:36):
in our lives for so long that being outside of
it feels foreign to you and icky and painful, and
and there's fear involved. Am I going to make it?
How am I going to do this? So lots of
things play into that. And you know, some women like
(24:56):
myself go back, you know, back and forth, back and forth,
you know, until again that you just can't take it anymore.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
So I think that's the reason is and and and
a lot of times the narcissists, because they need their
ego boosted, they feed off of it. They're like a parasite.
They have to have that constant recognition and adoration and
put them up on a pedestal kind of a thing
(25:27):
that they give you little nuggets, you know, they play
with your emotions. So until you sever that tie, Yeah,
it's hard to get away from it. It really is. Yeah. Yeah,
one hundred percent agree. And would you say, Chris.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
So that our brain gets addicted to the high, to
the cycle of the high, right, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
That's right to say that. Yeah, it's part of these
it's part of the cycle of abuse. Like I mentioned,
it's it's almost like a drugs and when it's gone,
just like if you were to quit drinking or drugging
or whatever you're doing, smoking or gambling, you have you
(26:12):
go through withdrawal. Yeah and yeah, and it's your chemical
imbalance in your brain. Just like if you were to
take a drink, you get the dopamine rush, and that's
what gets you in trouble in a narcissistic relationship because
you become dependent on that. So that's kind of where
(26:35):
that plays into it.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
It's interesting because it's like not a normal breakup. It's
like with a normal breakup with a normal, healthy person,
there's you know, maybe whatever the fight or whatever that
ends it, or the hard conversation, but they just go peacefully.
Right With the narcissistic personality person don't no, And so
(27:04):
that's the difference, and that's where you get the cognitive
brain just gets confused and then you're still like in
that whole cycle, you're addicted to the emotions of the
relationship because big emotions can be addicting, you know. Yeah,
the sadness, the anger, the crying, it's all drama, you know,
(27:27):
and it just gives your brain this, like you said,
this rush. So I think it's important for us to
say that.
Speaker 3 (27:35):
Yeah. Yeah, And you know, they have a good way
of making you feel like you are not good enough,
you never will be. They love to say, you'll never
get anybody as good as me. Ye, no one's gonna
love you, you know, I have yeah plague right totally.
(28:00):
So the discard part of it is very rough. And again,
if you aren't familiar with the disorder, yeah, and people
in your circle don't get it. It's just they're kind
of like, just, you know, get over it. What's wrong
with you?
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (28:17):
That easy, I greet if it was, but yeah, it's
And then the divorce and the separation and the breakup
whatever you're doing becomes so volatile and gaslighting big time.
I mean when you say confusion, I big time. They
can manipulate decisions, they make threats, They try to distance
(28:45):
you from your family and your friends even further by saying,
look at this crazy person drinking and blah blah blah.
You know whatever it is. I mean, my ex went
over to my sister and brother in law's house and
was like trying to talk to them about me, but
they knew, they knew he was not nice, and they
(29:05):
just listened to him. But it's those kinds of things
where it's very insidious, kind of behind the scenes, behind
your back, and it just makes it really hard to
break free. To finally break free from it. My ex
(29:25):
he came home from work and it was the day
of court to finalize our divorce. He brought me a
card with roses on it and said, oh, you were
the best wife ever. I loved being married to you.
Just like, where was this guy a long time ago?
Speaker 1 (29:42):
You know?
Speaker 2 (29:43):
And he talked about part of the manipulation.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
Yeah, yeah, and he did. He talked me out of going.
I had to reschedule. The following Monday was a holiday,
so it was two weeks out, and he sat across
from me on the at the table and was like,
don't do it, Please, don't do it. Don't do this
to us. And I just for me, I'm I have faith,
(30:08):
I have God's in my life. And I heard him,
you know, go, just go and I did and I
and I finalized it, and I knew it was an
intervention because I wasn't strong enough yet on my own
to make that decision. So it takes a lot of courage,
(30:29):
a lot of strengths and then and you know, take
it till you make it. I mean, you've just got
to get yourself out of it. Yeah, however, you can
do that, and you have to be careful, like you know,
I'm a coach, I'm not a licensed therapist. And if
it's at a point where there's you know, lots of
physical abuse as well as emotional when someone leaves the relationship,
(30:54):
that's when it can be most dangerous. So you really
have to do it right, you know. Initially, you know,
I did go to a therapist. However, I feel like
therapy can only take you so far in narcissistic recovery,
for sure.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
Let me let's get to there's some questions that I
want to get to them. So Kevin asked, can you
be one and not know you are one?
Speaker 3 (31:24):
Yes? The short answer yes. The problem is that people
with this disorder they don't think they are. I mean
I used to tell my ex that he was a
narcissist and he would laugh like whatever, you know, No,
I'm not. My therapist back then told me that she
(31:47):
had had seen many clients with this situation and nine
times out of ten they don't know, they can't admit it.
And if they do, they can get suicidal. I mean,
it's that detrimental. They're very insecure. They're insecure people. Even
though on the outside they look strong and you know, courageous, successful,
(32:12):
you know, whatever it is, there's an emptiness inside and
they constantly need that feed of approval recognition. They like
an overt narcissist. They are very grandiose and they show
off their wealth or they show off in front of
(32:32):
other people, you know, look at me. And with covert again,
it's very insidious and just kind of subtle, and they're
kind of more introvert. But you can have it and
not know, and it takes it takes a lot of
courage for a narcissist to look at themselves truthfully.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
And actually go in and say, hey, I think I'm
there's something wrong, but I do I will say that
I'm not. I how do I say? I feel like
I'm in the camp of believing that they do know
when they're manipulating, Like I don't feel like they're healthy
(33:15):
enough to say, hey, I have a disorder. Right, Like
you said, they're very empty inside. So what I've experienced
is some of them will actually like start marrying your
personality or like what you like to do, or like
the way you talk, or if you have a habit,
(33:35):
even a healthy habit, they'll start they'll pick that up.
Because they have this big void inside of them they
didn't get to grow into I guess, you know, they
had to basically create this other personality, just live in
this false personality. They don't really know who they are
deep down inside, right, But I do believe that they
(33:58):
do know when they're manipulating. I don't believe that they
don't know that. I think that's very calculating. Yeah, it's
to the point where I feel like like they've they've
done it all their lives.
Speaker 3 (34:11):
They are that.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
It's just that's that's their nature, that's how they work,
that's how they roll, basically how they get their needs met, right,
they are, That's who they are.
Speaker 3 (34:21):
Yeah, It's like.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
So anybody off the streets not gonna if they don't
know them, they're never going to know that they're being manipulated.
It's kind of scary if you think about it, you know.
Speaker 3 (34:30):
It's very scary. And what I agree that they have
their tool kit and manipulation is a big one. But
I also think that it's it's their norm it's how
they operate, and it's almost as if they've put up
(34:51):
a brick wall to the emptiness. And they do use
these strategies, but it's almost out of habit. It's I've
never really encountered a situation when working with clients, or
even my own situation, where they had the ability to
recognize that they were manipulating you. It's just it's their
(35:13):
mo you know what they know, and that's what it
becomes natural for them, that's what they do.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Yeah, they're they're just masters at it.
Speaker 3 (35:22):
Master you.
Speaker 2 (35:23):
And once you roll like you take the blinders off,
it's like you can't can't you can't not see it.
And I think that again, whoever's listening, they want to
reach out to Christa because you need to take the
blinders off. Once you do, you recognize it everywhere. You know,
if even if it's not a loved one, you're like, oh, okay, yeah,
(35:45):
something fills off with that person or whatever. It's crazy.
But Nathan asked, could you be in this situation and
not know it? I'm assuming in a relationship with a narcissist, right,
I think we do that?
Speaker 3 (36:00):
Yeah? Yeah, you In my own situation, I didn't know
until I went to my therapist after my divorce that
I was in that type of relationship. So I didn't
know for fifteen years. Again, when you're when you're not
familiar with that disorder and not everybody just, oh, I
(36:24):
wonder what that means. You know, you don't you're not
thinking in those terms, and you know there's something inside
of you that's missing that this person fills. They love
empaths because of that reason, and you know, we think,
as empaths, well, I can fix him, he's it'll change,
(36:48):
I can make this better. So we keep trying. We
keep trying, keep trying, and we drive ourselves crazy doing it.
But yes, you can go through an entire relationship and
not know that that's what it is. So so getting
educated on what it is is kind of your your weapon. Really, Yeah, I'm.
Speaker 2 (37:07):
Just curious, Christas, So you didn't you didn't really discover
that you were in a narcissistic relationship until your divorce.
After you divorced, what was the final straw?
Speaker 3 (37:18):
The final straw? Lots of things, sorry, I mean normal,
but I felt here's a big one. Here's here's a
great example. It was in the morning we put I
put my son on the school bush. I had. Before that,
(37:38):
my ex had cornered me in my bathroom because he
saw something on my phone that upset him and and
he was pushing me in there, and I kind of
smacked his shoulder to get out of there, you know,
and he called the police on me. And he's six
(38:01):
foot three football player, big guy, and here's little me.
He came downstairs and he said, well, you better put
your shoes on. They're coming for you. And the cops
got to the house, which was so humiliating because you know,
we lived in the suburbian neighborhood and I had my
neighbor friends. I thought, oh my god. And the cops
(38:25):
came in and they separated us, and I went upstairs
and he was downstairs. And by the end of that
whole exchange, the cops were like, you need to get
out of here. You need to go to the courthouse
right now and file a restraining order against him. And
(38:46):
they were so irritated with him that they that he
had wasted their time. And you know, in domestic disputes,
they've got to take somebody. But they chose to if
I agreed to go, and they were going to wait
for me to go. Then they would just let that slide.
And so I did. I got my car, went to
(39:07):
the courthouse, got the restraining order filed, and then he
got me to drop it. Yeah. He was like, you know,
just think of the children, think of the boys, and
you don't want to do this, you know, you don't
want this on our record. And I mean he was
just you know, the manipulation and twisting things, and and
(39:32):
I did. I went to the courthouse and the judge
said case blah blah blah, and I said, I want
to withdraw. And I felt like an idiot. I was
really disappointed in myself. But that's that's what they do.
They can make you do things against your will, against
(39:52):
any kind of principle or value that you have. So
that was that was one of the big catalysts tour
and just the you know, the controlling the money. You know,
I couldn't I couldn't travel with friends. He would travel
all the time, you know, just he bought his toys.
(40:14):
I couldn't have anything. I bought my son items at
Target for his his dorm room at college, and he
got mad at me for that. I mean, yeah, you know,
I couldn't think for myself. I had no identity left.
And I finally recognized that in myself. I was just
(40:35):
you know, that year before, i'd been in the er
eight times, I was constantly sick. Yeah, and I just
finally hit that point, you know, I need to change
this so that you know, it was a culmination of
a lot of different factors that got me there.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
I think I'm frozen. Actually I think, oh my gosh,
I'm glad you got out of that, you know.
Speaker 3 (41:04):
Yeah, yeah, it was heading nowhere fast, and I needed to,
you know, and as hard as it was to heal
and recover and go through everything that I went through,
you know, financially and everything, it was better than staying
in that marriage. Yeah, way better. And then here's another
(41:27):
point I want to make for people that have left,
have left, saying, move your moose mouse around.
Speaker 2 (41:36):
I know, I'm I'm supposed to. I'm trying to move
my mouth around around and it's not very it's not happening.
Speaker 3 (41:45):
No, shoot, but you can hear we can hear each other.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
Okay, Okay, well let's let's let's just wrap up. Okay,
thank you again for coming on the show. I hope
you guys can hear me? I know I'm frozen, but
but Christa, just where can people find you? This is
about narcissistic abuse, you guys. It's It's a pretty deep
(42:09):
conversation and nothing to take lightly if you are in
it and you feel like you need support. Christa obviously
is an expert, She's written a book and she's a coach.
Where can people find you?
Speaker 3 (42:26):
You can go to my website which is Free of
Narcissistic Abuse dot com. I am on Instagram as well,
Free of Narcissistic Abuse with underscore in between each word.
They can do it that way. You can email me
at Krista lynn Owen at gmail dot com, which is
(42:48):
k R I S T A l Y N O
w E N at gmail dot com. And yeah, I
offer one on one coaching. I've got a group weabinar
coming up pretty soon here that you can attend. I
do lots of different modalities. One is mind movies and
(43:14):
I instill brain wave and trainment in that it's a
way to uh change the synapsis and the wiring in
your brain for new pathways to create a better version
of yourself and get rid of those past, those those
past anchors that are keeping and holding you back. Yeah,
(43:36):
you know, journaling, meditating, you know, exercise, uh, you know, friends,
just getting yourself out there. I mean, there's so many
different things that we do in sessions. But yeah, that's
where you would find me as Free of Narcissistic Abuse
dot com. You can contact me there or email me.
Speaker 2 (43:56):
Thank you so much. Yeah, you vulnerable and talking about
your story and helping women. We all need support. So yeah,
thank You're doing some great work in the world. So
thank you, Thank you. Take one.
Speaker 3 (44:16):
Okaye.
Speaker 2 (44:19):
All Right you guys, I hope you got something out
of this show. Like I said, it's not anything to
take lightly. If you think you're in a relationship like this,
please reach out to Krista, myself or somebody else in
your area. And as always, take good, good care of yourself,
(44:40):
eat good food, drink clean water, and most importantly, be
around loving relationships. And as always, I'm Jenna, the host
of the show, and you can find me on Instagram
Jenna Lobos.
Speaker 3 (44:56):
Check out my book.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
On Amazon and Barnes and Noble. Untill next time, love
your body and love your life.
Speaker 3 (45:02):
Take care.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
Bye.