September 11, 2025 • 44 mins
Jenna opens up about her experience with dating after divorce and shares a personal story of a friend that was in a toxic relationship and had the courage to leave! You can find love after heartbreak!
Love Your Body, Love Your Life is broadcast live Thursdays at 4PM ET and Music on W4HC Radio – Health Café Live (www.w4hc.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Love Your Body, Love Your Life TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
Love Your Body, Love Your Life Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
Love Your Body, Love Your Life is broadcast live Thursdays at 4PM ET and Music on W4HC Radio – Health Café Live (www.w4hc.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Love Your Body, Love Your Life TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
Love Your Body, Love Your Life Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guest should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Hello, welcome to Love Your Body, Love Your Life. My
name is Jenna. I am the host of today's show.
I'm also the author of the book titled Love Your Body,
Love Your Life, Fifty two Tips that will Radically change
your health. And you can find my book on Amazon
and on Barnesandoble dot com, and there's also a kindle
version on Amazon, so check that out if you can.
(00:49):
And you want to welcome back to part two. If
anybody is listening from last week, We're doing a part
two to Flirting with Life after heartbreak, loss and disappointment,
and it seemed to be a big hit last week,
so I decided to do part two, and you know,
(01:12):
thank you for accepting me. I've been opening up a
little bit more on the show, more about what I've
been through with relationships and heartbreak and more so romantic relationships.
And last week we ended with a lot of you guys,
hopefully you return today, which, by the way, I welcome
(01:37):
questions and comments. But last week, you guys really wanted
to know about my ex relationship, which is my ex husband,
And I'm still gathering my thoughts around what I want
to share exactly about that relationship and what I want
(01:59):
to keep private, because the truth is is that I
really have a hard time hating anybody or talking down
about anybody, or you know, any kind of like hate
thrown anybody's way. I have a really hard time with that,
you guys, Like even if I'm grumpy in a grumpy mood,
(02:22):
like I don't know, just like randomly, like if I'm
hungry or tired, because that's normally only that's the only
time I'm grumpy and I snap at somebody or I
say something that I feel is just unnecessary, I feel bad.
You know. It's like I hurt myself more than I
hurt that other person, you know, because it's like the
(02:45):
way you treat other people is the way you're feeling
about yourself in that moment or in general. And so
I feel like that's kind of a good way to
start the show is check yourself, you know, Like the
the reason why I feel so bad in that moment
is because we never know what other people are going through, right, Like,
(03:07):
we just don't know where they're at in their life,
what is happening in their life, you know, So we
always just have to be mindful of the way we
treat people and the opposite, right, the opposite can be true,
which is if we smile at somebody, you know, we
just like make their day, you know, maybe they're having
a hard day. We can turn around their day. And
(03:30):
so it's always important to check yourself. But anyways, going
back to what I want to share about my ex
relationship and me gathering my thoughts around what I want
to share, my point is is that I you know,
even though this person did not treat me in the
end with respect and honor, I still care for this
(03:54):
person as a human right. So I have to really
gather my thoughts on what I want to share about
that relationship because I know you guys were super interested
last week. So with that said, I'm still going to
stay in the context of relationships this week, and I
(04:16):
will probably say forewarn if I'm going to be talking
more about toxic relationships this week. Okay, so forewarned if
anybody has ever been in a toxic relationship or if
you get triggered by that kind of conversation, I am
going to be talking about toxicity in relationships. Okay, So
(04:38):
I will start the show with a personal story, and
it's actually around a friend of mine, and I did
get her permission to share, so thank you. This person
knows who she is, but so I wanted to start
off with a little bit of story around her situation.
(05:00):
So let's see. So one year ago, my friend gets
into a romantic relationship. And at this time, she was
at a job that she liked to do. You know,
it wasn't like her dream job, but she liked it.
And she meets a guy and slowly but surely, this
(05:20):
guy tells her that he doesn't like her to be
working at this place because there was a lot of
male energy at this place. And so she's dating him,
she's liking him, you know whatever, she's getting some of
her needs met. I'm sure in this relationship. I don't
know the whole the full details of the relationship, but
(05:44):
long story short, I could see from a mile away
that this guy was not healthy, and so I I
thank you, Larry, thank you for chiming in I'm like,
where are you guys? Glad to hear the story continued, Okay, yeah,
thank you. So my girlfriend gets in this relationship, and
(06:06):
because of my history with toxic relationships, I could see
from a mile away that this guy was unhealthy. But
you know, as a friend, it's like, you love your friends, right,
you want them to be in healthy relationships, but you
also have to be careful about what you say because
you can tell they're digging the guy, or they're liking
(06:30):
the situation, or he's helping them in some area of
their life. So I, of course didn't say anything, but
slowly but surely, she I could see her habits changing
and him kind of taking more control of what she
does in her life. So lo and behold. She quits
(06:51):
her job, she starts wearing just black T shirts. You know,
she's eating a certain way, she's doing all the things
that he's into. And my friend, who is an artist
at heart, she loves to dance and sing and paint.
(07:14):
And I asked her, like, does he know that you're
and I you know, I'm jokingly because I'm I'm like,
I love my friend, right, and she's an awesome musician.
But like one day we talked and I was jokingly
asking her, I'm like, does he know you're a rock star?
You know, just like funny, but like not funny, right,
I was like being true, but like I called her
(07:35):
a rock star, I'm like, does he know you're a
rock star? Like she has original music on Spotify and
she's done a lot of music gigs and stuff like that.
And really quick, let me just maybe reveel we can
put that question up again in a second so I
can get to it. But so let me finish the story.
(07:56):
So I asked her, you know, does he know about
you loving me music? And she was like, no, he
doesn't like that, Jenna. You know he doesn't he doesn't
like that, and he doesn't doesn't know about my music.
And I was like hmm, and she's like she told
me on the phone, She's like, I know you don't
like that. I'm like, of course, I don't like that
for you. This is who you are, you know. So
(08:21):
what can I do as a friend. I can love
her through it, and I even told her I will
and I will support you if you marry this guy tomorrow,
I will support you. But I just want to point
out that he doesn't know who you are and he
doesn't even like that part of you. So okay, lo
and behold, she dates him, she dates him, he ends up. Basically,
(08:44):
I know it wasn't her dream job, but I know
that he encouraged her to quit this job, which she did.
She quit the job. So what's my point in this story?
My point is is that I see my friend slowly
but surely getting controlled and manipulated. Okay, this is toxic,
(09:04):
you guys, this is toxicity. Seriously. Like, So, okay, the
year goes by, we really didn't see each other in person,
then her birthday comes, it passes, and then we finally
get together and she's at my house and we're talking
and I asked her, like, who in your relationships did
(09:27):
you feel most yourself with, like with your dancing and
your music and your painting everything, and she named a guy.
And so we get into conversation about this other guy,
and lo and behold, this other guy had reached out
to her in the beginning of this let's call it,
toxic relationship, and she didn't pay any attention to this
(09:50):
reaching out of this other guy that she feels more
comfortable with. And of course, you know, in her mind,
she had good reasons why she didn't reach out to
this other guy because this other guy in a different country,
and it goes on and on. Okay, So a year later,
she's done with the toxic guy and she's reconnected with
the guy that she fills more herself with. And so
(10:14):
last week she calls me and I we FaceTime each other. Right,
She's like, my only friend that I face we FaceTime with.
I love her for this because, like, I don't know
why I feel like in the cool club when I FaceTime,
I'm like, ooh, I'm facetiming. So I love when she
face times me, and she's my only friend that does.
So she facetimes me last week, and like we answer
(10:38):
the phone no matter what we look like, like early morning,
late night, it doesn't matter, like makeup, no makeup, hair
and a ponytail doesn't matter. So she calls me, face
times me, and I answer. She's like, oh my god,
I can't believe I let I was in that relationship
for a year or something like that, not verbatim, right,
And I was like, oh my god. Like and so
(10:59):
where you know, we're laughing about it now. We're like
giggling about the whole thing. And yeah, so she's happy now, right,
and you know, of course the toxic guy is now
sending her like trying to get in again, right, slowly
but surely, he's dming her. He's sending her little videos,
(11:20):
he's you know, sending her little things. And I'm like,
oh my god, classic right, classic toxic relationship. And I
feel like that is going to be pretty much the
theme of what we talk about for the remainder of
the show. So with that said, before I get into
this next segment, I will take some of your questions
(11:41):
and comments. Okay, okay, Anne, Annie Anne, I have seen this.
What can you say to a person when you see
this going on? Yeah? Okay, so Annie Anne, thank you
for the question. I feel like, just like I did
with my friend, you can't do much. You really, honestly,
(12:05):
you can't do much. You have to love them through
the relationship. And I'll tell you why you Okay, you
can't come off like aggressive or like like to mean
about that other person or put them down or like
any kind of judgment is what I'm trying to say. Okay, like,
(12:28):
try not to come from a place of judgment ever,
and just a place of love. And maybe lightheartedness with
your friend or whoever you see going through a bad relationship,
because okay, this my friend and I we have a
really good rapport which I love, thank God, And so
she knows me enough to know that I'm gonna love
(12:52):
her no matter what. And I even said that, like
I said earlier, I told her, if you marry this
guy tomorrow, I'm gonna support you. But this is what
I see. And it's so that kind of energy that
you need to come to with your friend or whoever
you see, because if you come from a place of
judgment or like you're going to dismiss them in any
(13:14):
way or it's unloving, they're going to turn left, meaning
they're going to run more into They're going to run
toward that person more because what happens is is these
kind of manipulating and controlling people, they get into your mind,
you guys, They get into your skin, in your body,
(13:37):
like they get they know you and they know what
to say, and that's the thing, and they keep you
hooked however they can, whether it's through humor, whether it's
through they know your your insecurities, they know what you need.
They're just really good at reading you and getting to
know you. I think I've mentioned this last show. Oh,
(14:00):
they get to know you so well that they use
your insecurities against you, and it's it's really it's bad.
It's really bad. So you have to be careful, you
have to tread lightly, and you just have to really
come from a place of love always. You have to
tell them I support you no matter what. I'm here,
no matter what. I love you no matter what, because
(14:23):
then that keeps up the dialogue open and hopefully you
have a good rapport with this person and they know
that you are always coming from a good place and
that you mean well and that you care. So anyways,
that's I'll move on. Okay, Danny, why would you contain
your likes to be with somebody else? Why would you
(14:44):
contain your likes to be with somebody else? I'm not
really understanding the question. I don't know, Rebel, if you
can help me, why would you contain your likes to
be with someone? You came in when you said you're
you have to play guitar, and she like to dance
and stuff, and she didn't got it? Okay, okay, so
she okay? Why would you contain your likes be with
(15:06):
someone else because you if you really want to please
somebody for whatever reason, and you know that that person
doesn't like that, you will You're like, just like I
was saying, you're gonna feel judged and you're gonna feel like, oh,
they're not going to like me or they're not going
to love the real me. So I'll keep it contained.
(15:27):
Not good, not good, not good, not good. You need
to be with somebody that loves every part of you,
every single part of you, like and and listen, I've
done this, Like everybody does this, like I have. Like
so you guys, if you listened to last week, Okay,
I'm gonna just use myself and as an example. I
feel like, and I told this one friend that I'm
(15:49):
talking about, I told her this recently too, Like I
feel like when I get into romantic relationships, I'm nineteen
again in a lot of ways, because maybe it's because
because of that big heartbreak when I was nineteen, or
maybe it was because I moved out of the house.
So there was a lot of trauma at eighteen nineteen
for me. But whenever I get it back into romantic relationships,
(16:11):
I feel like part of me is nineteen again. Where
I'm like, I feel like a little girl. I'm like giddy,
and I'm like I'm just like I have all these
butterfliesnes it doesn't matter even if I like the guy
or not. It's just really it's so weird. It's like
I revert back to a nineteen year old. My point
is is that I've been in relationships. I can I
(16:34):
can remember one in particular where I dated an older guy. Okay,
and this was the first relationship after my divorce, okay,
and so I was newly you know, back in the
dating world. It had been COVID, so I was like
locked up for a year whatever, and it was just
(16:54):
like I met him, and this was a guy that
right after my divorce, and he was older, and I remember,
like I remember because I love music. You guys know this, right.
I remember one time he took me to dinner and
he was very proper and like older and like uh
duh la. And we came back to my apartment. I
(17:16):
had this little studio apartment I was living in, and
I got I was like giddy, right, I was like
a little nine year old, and so I got my
tambourine and I started like shaking it like kind of
like dancing, like giggling. We were talking on the couch,
but I'm like I got this energy in me and
like I started being silly and I have the silly
side too, and he just like was like on the couch,
(17:37):
like didn't he didn't practice mile Like I was like, Oh,
I was mortified, like mortified, like whoa, Like I'm not
mature enough. Like I felt like I needed to be
so proper with this guy, Like and you know what's
so funny is that? Okay, So this is going back
to your question, right, Danny, Like I finally like felt
(18:00):
comfortable to kind of open up a little bit and
be more of me. And he knew I liked music,
but like I had never showed him that side of me.
And what I was gonna say, like, I think the
funny thing about this that relationship was that I feel
like he liked that about me. Like I feel like
he always dated like these proper like wealthy women, Like
(18:24):
I don't know, it's like I feel like he liked
that about me. And funny enough, I got along so
good with his daughter, like we were like besties. But anyways,
I feel like he liked that about me. But I
just couldn't. I just couldn't express myself like I I
wanted to, you know. And I remember like sitting on
the couch after dinner, like kicking my legs because I
(18:46):
just felt like fomo, like I was missing something, like
I needed to be out doing my music and you know,
and I just I had all this in me still,
and I went from dating, I mean, for being with
my ex husband who's a musician, to this guy and
I'm like, oh mg, I can't, like I can't. So anyways,
I hope that answers your question. Long I go on
(19:07):
long wounded stuff here. So anyways, point is, don't contain
your likes. Don't contain them, Heather, that sounds so terrible.
Did she get rid of the back? Yes she did,
and that's how I hope. I hope I answered that
because she's out of that relationship now and she's with
the guy that hit her up when she was getting
(19:27):
into this bad relationship, who she felt more comfortable with.
So yay, I'm so excited for her. I hope she
gets married and has babies and I can be an auntie.
I'm like putting it out there for her. So yeah,
she's definitely happier and I'm so happy, you guys. I'm
so happy for her and anybody that has the courage
(19:49):
to leave that kind of relationship. I know it's hard
because I've been in them. And so with that said,
I am going to get into I'm going to I
read I wrote this as a blog, okay, and I
am going to be reading a couple of examples of
(20:10):
what toxic relationships look like. And we'll get to that
question Becca, But I'm going to be reading some examples
of toxicity, and like I said, forewarning you guys, I
hope I don't trigger anybody, but I feel like it's
important to read some of these off. Okay. So the
classic toxic relationship the push pull dynamic, okay, where they
(20:35):
push you away and then they pull you back in
the honeymoon stage after a fight. Okay. I'm going to
read these through and if and then i'll like go
into if you guys want to ask like for me
to like go into more detail about any of them,
the promises of I've changed when you know deep down
that they haven't, but you're so addicted to the high
(20:58):
of the honeymoon stage or the loneliness that gets into
your brain and you start remembering the good times. Okay,
the silent treatment. Oh my gosh, the silent treatment so
they don't have to take responsibility, which is a manipulation
tactic by the way. Okay, so they're silent until you
get over your feelings, and then they come back the
(21:20):
compliments along with the put down. Oh my gosh, that's
really nice. Watch those are very subtle, by the way,
but they compliment you with a put down, so watch
out for that. The straight out lies and deceit, and
then the begging for forgiveness, the mister nice guy, the
one who acts like they have your back, and then
(21:42):
when you're vulnerable they turn on you. That's that's very covert,
but it's it's there. The isolation tactics keep you dependent
on them and get your friends and family on their side.
You guys, I have experienced this. Okay. They paint you
like the sick one, the bad one, the one with
(22:03):
the problem, and then they create stories and they talk
about you behind your back or whenever they have an
opportunity to talk about you. And the sad thing is
is that the more you stay with the toxic person,
the more physical physically sick that you are, you are
(22:25):
open to get you know, having like stomach issues, headaches,
you know, whatever pains in your body. Because your body
is very smart. Your body hears everything. Love your body,
love your life. Okay, it's your body hears everything. It's
smarter than your head. So watch your cues with your body.
(22:46):
The carefully crafted ways of keeping you in the grips
of control and manipulation. They are very good at taking
you down. And then they know that they need to
be nice or they know that they need to come
back with like a sweet nothing or something that gets
you back in good graces with them. The verbal yelling,
(23:09):
the cruel, hurtful words, just plain mean spirited, okay. And
the drama and the chaos. Yeah, it's all exhausting. It's
it's all very very exhausting. And so I thought I
would just talk about those points. Like I said, I
(23:29):
wrote this as a blog, and what I wrote in
my blog was that I've experienced every single one of
these points with romantic relationships, with friendships and with family members.
And so it's it's it's hard, you guys. It's it's tough.
It's tough to stay in your own lane and especially
(23:50):
with family, because it's in your face. And you know,
like once you're involved in a toxic relationship, like my
friend that I talk about earlier, the longer you stay,
it's harder to get out because your lives just start
intertwining with these people, right, It's like you're involved, and
(24:10):
it's harder. It's like, especially as women, we get we're
we're we're connected to this person that we're with, and
so it's like your chemistry, your brain chemistry just gets
connected with this person. And so I wrote in my
blog you guys that you know, I talk a lot
about health and beauty, and I talk about like what
(24:31):
I've I do for my health and my beauty, but
I feel like relationships are more important for health and
beauty than anything else. You know, I think we need both.
But a happy heart is everything, you guys, And a
peaceful mind is everything. It's everything. It's like it can
(24:54):
really make or break your your life. And it's like
your days, you know, think about having a hard day
just and then on top of that, having a hard
person in your life. It's like it's like there's you
you can't It's like life throws you things that are
hard enough and so be mindful. Be mindful. So let's
(25:16):
take that question rebel if we can. Becca, do you
think your friend is going to fall for the toxic
trying to come back? Oh? No, no. I talked to
her last night actually, and it was her dad's birthday
and she called me. We didn't FaceTime last night. We
we just talked, but yeah, she called me and she
(25:41):
was like, oh my god, he's he's messing me, you know,
and I was like, classic toxic relationship. But she's like,
oh my god, you called it, and you know, because
it's like she didn't really want to believe it, right.
You don't want to believe that you're with somebody that's harmful.
You just don't. But I don't think she'll fall for
(26:02):
it because she's with somebody new, which is always helpful.
You know. It's it's hard not to fall back into
somebody that makes you feel good because it's a high.
It's a high, it's it's like a drug. And I
talked from experience, you know, I the last guy that
(26:23):
I dated, you guys, I so I'll just be really transparent.
So I talked to my friend last night, the one
that we're talking about, and so I was kind of
riled up yesterday from certain things that are happening in
my life that I won't go into, but I was
riled up anyways, and so she calls me and she
was like, oh my god, you called it. I'm like, yeah,
(26:45):
it's a classic toxic relationship. And then we started getting
into this guy that I dated a year ago who
was toxic, and I'm like, you know, I'm like, I'm pissed.
I'm like, I'm just mad at this guy because you know,
I've been now single for a year and I'm like, like,
when is when is it going to be my turn
to have a healthy relationship? You know, it looks like
(27:07):
you automatically go back to that person that you were with,
even though they weren't good for you, and you start
thinking about the good good times. And I'm telling my
friend last night, I'm like, I'm just mad at him,
like why does he have to be such a psycho?
You know, like because I missed that banter and that
fun and that at least we laughed a lot and
we giggled. And with this relationship, you guys, it was
(27:29):
like we had this banter in this like honesty that
I've never had in a relationship, Like he literally told
me one time, He's like Jenna, He's like, hurt my
feelings already. He's like, I don't care, just be honest.
And I'm like, whoa, you know, like I had never
had a relationship like that. You know, the ex husband,
(27:50):
the one I talk about, he was opposite you guys,
he would he would be like, just lie to me already,
just lie, I don't care, just lie to me. And
I was like, oh, and then I had this other
guy come in, not the older guy that I dated,
but this other younger guy, and he's telling me opposite,
just I don't care, hurt my feelings, just be honest.
(28:12):
And you know, silver lining, I love that about him.
Like I loved our banter and like the fact that
I can just say anything on my mind and he
wouldn't like care, and he like actually digged it, like
he he loved that banter, right, he loved that drama
and that come on like bring it on, like and
(28:36):
he kind of brought that fire out in me like that,
like just say it, just say whatever I whatever is
on my mind, and to be honest, like I was
really kind of shut down as a kid, like I
I didn't have my voice. I was raised by a
parent that is very domineering, and she didn't want to
have she didn't want me to have my voice, you know,
(28:57):
and hence me movie now at nineteen and so when
this guy came along, he had this big energy and
very very fiery, and he had a good heart, but
it was very fragmented and he just didn't know where
to put his energy, you know. And so Sammy Waite,
(29:19):
I lost track. Who was the good banter one? Sorry, guys,
I'm like all over the place with my relationships. Okay,
so let me break it down. X husband. Then I
dated the older guy, we'll just call him the older guy,
and then had to not that wasn't happening, right. That
was the guy that I really couldn't be my full
(29:39):
self with. And then the younger guy came along and
this was my newest last relationship. Now I've been single
for a year, but I'm talking about the younger guy.
We'll call him the younger guy. That was the one
with the good the good banter. And what I was
saying was he had a big heart, but it was
very fragmented because of his childhood and how he grew
(30:02):
up and he had just a lot of anger and
just like, oh you know, and so yeah, So I
was telling my friend last night, like I'm just like mad,
like why does he have to be so why did
he have to be so angry and psycho? You know, like, literally, guys,
(30:22):
I could handle big energy, okay, Like I literally could team.
I feel I could tame pretty much anything. I really can.
But this guy took it to the next level. Like
he liked to drink and you know, the name calling
and all of that. It's like like poor me, Like geez,
(30:44):
like what was I thinking of myself to be in
that kind of relationship for so long? And again, it
wasn't like a full two years. It was the off
and on, the push and pull, the honeymoon cycle. Oh,
I'll get I'll be better, I'll be better. Okay, I'll
give him another try because he makes me laugh and
(31:05):
we giggle. And that was the big pool for me
because we did. We just we laughed a lot, you guys,
we did. And I feel like the glue was our childhood.
Like he's an only child. I'm an only child. His
mom sorry, my mom is like his dad, and my
dad is like his mom, Like we had a lot
(31:27):
of similarities and that was the glue. That was that's
where like you attract somebody, right, So you attract somebody
in your life to heal parts of your childhood. That's
truly what it is. And so if you come from
a toxic environment of any of those points that I
(31:47):
that I said, You're going to attract somebody so you
could heal that part of you. Right, That's what this
whole thing is all about with relationships. So the work
is to heal yourself prior to getting into a relationship. Right,
that's the work. So you don't attract somebody that you
have to revert back to in like the toxic reverting
(32:09):
back to. Right, it's okay to be nineteen again, Like
it's okay to be my silly, childlike self right in
a relationship. But now I need somebody that's healthier and
more grounded, and I still need that fun and that
banter and that laughing, but somebody that's not going to
call me names and like I'm not walking on eggshells
(32:33):
with basically that's what I'm trying to say. So that's
the anyway, So back to I want to talk about,
tell you guys that that's what I know about relationships.
We attract somebody that we're still trying to heal from
our childhood wounds, right, So that was our glue. And
(32:53):
the last straw was, which I feel like you'll get
You'll get signs from the universe, you guys on knowing
you know in your gut, you do know in your
gut like always that this person's not good for you,
but you'll get big signs. And the last like last
straw with this guy was that we had had a break,
we were on a break, and we reconnected and we
(33:18):
went to we went out. We went out twice in
one week because we were both going on vacation at
the end of this week, right, So we reconnected after
a while and it was like obviously a lot of
fun and you know that reconnection after not seeing somebody
that you are into, but it's toxic, it's like it's
a high, it's like a drug. So we reconnected. We
(33:41):
had a great time, and I knew that he was
going out of town at the end of the week
and he knew I was going out of town at
the end of the week, so we weren't going to
be able to see each other for like, I think
three weeks or something. So we decided to go to
dinner one night before we both left, and we go
to dinner and then we go to this bar and
(34:05):
we're going to watch a live musician play, which I
actually knew the musician, so I was excited. Right. I
don't drink, okay, but he does. And so we go
to this divy bar and we're we're at the bar
and he's drinking and I'm not. We had got come
from dinner and we're watching the music and he puts
(34:27):
my like he gets us like front center to this
musician to watch her play. And we're like, it's fine,
it's fine, Like I'm not really a bar person, but
he is, and I like the musician. So we went
and it was whatever. So we're at the where he
puts my chair like right front center to watch this
musician play, and for whatever reason, he had his phone
(34:49):
out and brings out his phone and he I don't know,
I don't know what we were even talking about, but
he was like, babe, let me show you this, like
these pictures or something about his room or I don't know,
he had just moved. He wanted me to come see
his new place. So he brings out his phone and
he's like scrolling through the phone, and I'm like, let
(35:10):
me see it. So like I pulled his phone out
and I'm looking through the phone and I see a girl,
like a blonde girl, and I was like, who's that?
And he's like, oh, I tried to date her. He
was like, you guys, our honesty was like it was
just blunt okay, Like he didn't care if he hurt
my feelings, and like I got to I got more
(35:31):
comfortable with hurting his feelings because that's how our banter was.
So he was like, oh, I tried to date her.
He knew we were on a break right, we were.
We had just reconnected, and I was like, oh ew,
you know, like I didn't want to see that. Like
we were having a good time. Like, so I was
like I was kind of like pissed inside, but I'm like, whatever,
what am I gonna do?
Speaker 1 (35:52):
You know?
Speaker 2 (35:52):
So he goes to the bar to get a beer
and I'm like, just get me a water or something.
And he's like at the bar like doing this thing
and I'm waiting for my water and I'm like I'm
like I'm out of here, like I'm gonna I'm just
gonna get an uber back, and so, long story short,
I didn't end up getting an uber back, but he
saw that. I got up and he's like, where are
(36:12):
you going. I'm like, I'm I'm out of here because
I was already mad about the girl thing. And I'm
like he's at the bar, like he's not even paying
attention to me. I'm like I'm out. But long story short,
I didn't get an uber because he saw me and
he's like, no, no, no, don't leave. So we end
up going. We moved to the like the front start
side of the bar, like near the door, and we're
(36:33):
having a great time at this point. Right, It's like
I'm not mad anymore. I'm like we're hugging and kissing
and we're all good. And he's like, babe, can you
drive home? And I'm like no, I'm like you need
a water or something. I'm like, I am not driving home.
I'm like I didn't want to drive home. I'm like,
you're you're we're on a date, you're taking me out.
You're gonna drive me home? Okay. So he's like no, no, no,
(36:56):
I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm like, are you sure, because
I don't want to get in the car, like if
you're if you're buzzed. I'm like, I don't want to
get in the car. He's like, no, no, no, I'm fine, Like, okay,
So we waited for a little bit, we had our
little talk in the corner, and we leave the bar.
He gets pulled over. You guys were driving to my house,
(37:17):
and he's basically okay, setting the scene. He's telling me
off the whole ride home. He's literally telling me off.
He's telling me, why don't you just commit to me, Jenna.
You know, I don't know why I don't commit to me.
You know, we have such a good connection and because
I would never be his girl, like I would never
commit fully because I knew in my gut, you guys.
(37:38):
And so he's like telling me off, like the whole
since we leave the bar, he's like, you know, we
have such a good connection, blah blah blah. And so
all of a sudden he's quiet. He gets quiet, and
I'm like, this is odd, right, because he would tell
me off the whole drive home, which is about fifteen
twenty minutes, But all of a sudden he's quiet. I'm like, ooh,
(37:58):
this is odd. So I knew. I knew there was
a cop behind us. That's why he got quiet. Sure enough,
he gets pulled over. I can tell you, guys, the
rest of the story, But what's my point. My point
of the story is that I knew right then and
there this was my big sign from the universe, God,
(38:21):
my angels, whoever you want to, whoever you believe in,
you get big messages. And I knew right then and
there this was it. If I did not get out
of this relationship, something bad was going to happen to me,
Like this is the kind of energy that I did
not want to be in. But I allowed myself to
(38:43):
keep going back because we did have a connection. We
did at the end of the day. He was true.
It was true. We did have a connection. We did laugh,
we did like each other. But there were other things
that were bigger in that relationship that I couldn't deny anymore,
that were not healthy for me. So that was that,
(39:04):
you guys. That was that I left on I left
on my vacation. He left on his vacation, and I've
stood my ground since then. And he was not happy
about it. Okay, not happy about it. Like, I'll do
a part two on that, because there is some things
that happened that really showed me his true colors and
(39:28):
the fact that I could never be with this guy,
which is sad. It's sad because I really fell for
that guy, you know, I really I thought that I
fought my feelings for him for so long because I
thought that I could never love anyone again like I
loved my ex husband. I never thought that. But I
(39:49):
did fall in love with this guy I did, you know,
like he like I said, he had a big heart.
It's just fragmented and caught up in this trauma that
he needs to heal. That's not my job. That is
not my job to help somebody heal. Right, So anyways,
I can go on and on, but I'm gonna get
(40:09):
to some questions. Okay, Ellie, Eli, Eli Eli, So how
can we realize we are trying to heal a past
trauma and how can we stop or do we need
to let the healing happen? Okay? Yeah, in every relationship,
you're going to heal. Okay, it's whether or not you're
being treated good. That's really what you need to look at,
(40:32):
Eli or Ellie. I hope I'm pronouncing your name right,
Ellie or Eli. Every relationship comes for healing, Okay. It's
about if you feel whole within yourself and you attract
somebody whole, it's a different dynamic. You have your own life,
(40:53):
you have your own person, who you know, who you are,
and that's the difference, right, you have to who you
are and then attract somebody that also knows who they are,
has their own likes, has their own interests, and you
guys come together and support each other through life. That's
a healthy dynamic, okay. And you know when it's an
(41:16):
unhealthy dynamic of how you're being treated, how you feel,
you walk on egg shells. Can you be your whole self? Yes,
you're gonna let the healing happen, even if it's toxic
or not. You know, you're let the healing happen. Be
aware of Oh, I see what the glue is. I
see why this person's come into my life to heal
(41:37):
my relationship with my dad, or my mom, or my grandma,
or just my whole family in general. You know, now,
if the person's treating you good, move on with it.
Be open with this, be open with your partner with
your your significant other, be vulnerable, talk about it and
if they can be open back and accept that and
(42:01):
they have things to heal, then work on it together.
That's a beautiful thing. That's different than toxic you guys. Okay,
this person I'm talking about didn't see it, didn't see
that he had a problem. It was all me. I
was one with the problem. Or if he did see it,
he didn't want to acknowledge it and take, you know,
take responsibility for it. He's still angry, you know. But
(42:23):
if you have somebody that's going to work with you
and to heal, that's beautiful. Stay with it, stay within
that relationship and work through it. You know, Vince, are
there more details we should know and can you give
signs on what people can look for in the relationship
before falling for a bad thing? Oh yeah, absolutely. All
the things that I talked about with the list are there.
(42:48):
So maybe rewatch it, Vince if you missed that part,
because it's I have to end the show soon. But
there's always signs, you guys, are always red flags. You
have to listen to your gut, you know, when there's
things in a relationship that don't jive you just know people,
(43:09):
if you listen to them intently and are present with them,
they will tell you who they are. They will literally
tell you who they are. The more you hang out
with them, the more they will open up and they
will tell you who they are. And if they don't
say it in words, they will show you who they are.
And so you need to, even though you're attracted to them,
(43:33):
pay attention to those little signs. And no, oh noted noted.
You know if somebody tells you I'm very jealous, I'm
this kind of a person. Oh, okay, does that mean
you're gonna get jealous of me? Down the line? Noted?
You see what I'm saying. So all right, you guys,
(43:54):
I'm gonna end the show. I'm going to end the
show with talking about your body, love your life. Okay,
I'm gonna wrap this up. Every organ in your body
has an emotional component to it, So the kidneys have
the emotional component of peace and tranquility. So what I
(44:14):
encourage you guys to do is to be in relationships
that bring you peace and tranquility so you can love
your body and love your life. You guys, take good care. Bye,
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guest should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Hello, welcome to Love Your Body, Love Your Life. My
name is Jenna. I am the host of today's show.
I'm also the author of the book titled Love Your Body,
Love Your Life, Fifty two Tips that will Radically change
your health. And you can find my book on Amazon
and on Barnesandoble dot com, and there's also a kindle
version on Amazon, so check that out if you can.
(00:49):
And you want to welcome back to part two. If
anybody is listening from last week, We're doing a part
two to Flirting with Life after heartbreak, loss and disappointment,
and it seemed to be a big hit last week,
so I decided to do part two, and you know,
(01:12):
thank you for accepting me. I've been opening up a
little bit more on the show, more about what I've
been through with relationships and heartbreak and more so romantic relationships.
And last week we ended with a lot of you guys,
hopefully you return today, which, by the way, I welcome
(01:37):
questions and comments. But last week, you guys really wanted
to know about my ex relationship, which is my ex husband,
And I'm still gathering my thoughts around what I want
to share exactly about that relationship and what I want
(01:59):
to keep private, because the truth is is that I
really have a hard time hating anybody or talking down
about anybody, or you know, any kind of like hate
thrown anybody's way. I have a really hard time with that,
you guys, Like even if I'm grumpy in a grumpy mood,
(02:22):
like I don't know, just like randomly, like if I'm
hungry or tired, because that's normally only that's the only
time I'm grumpy and I snap at somebody or I
say something that I feel is just unnecessary, I feel bad.
You know. It's like I hurt myself more than I
hurt that other person, you know, because it's like the
(02:45):
way you treat other people is the way you're feeling
about yourself in that moment or in general. And so
I feel like that's kind of a good way to
start the show is check yourself, you know, Like the
the reason why I feel so bad in that moment
is because we never know what other people are going through, right, Like,
(03:07):
we just don't know where they're at in their life,
what is happening in their life, you know, So we
always just have to be mindful of the way we
treat people and the opposite, right, the opposite can be true,
which is if we smile at somebody, you know, we
just like make their day, you know, maybe they're having
a hard day. We can turn around their day. And
(03:30):
so it's always important to check yourself. But anyways, going
back to what I want to share about my ex
relationship and me gathering my thoughts around what I want
to share, my point is is that I you know,
even though this person did not treat me in the
end with respect and honor, I still care for this
(03:54):
person as a human right. So I have to really
gather my thoughts on what I want to share about
that relationship because I know you guys were super interested
last week. So with that said, I'm still going to
stay in the context of relationships this week, and I
(04:16):
will probably say forewarn if I'm going to be talking
more about toxic relationships this week. Okay, so forewarned if
anybody has ever been in a toxic relationship or if
you get triggered by that kind of conversation, I am
going to be talking about toxicity in relationships. Okay, So
(04:38):
I will start the show with a personal story, and
it's actually around a friend of mine, and I did
get her permission to share, so thank you. This person
knows who she is, but so I wanted to start
off with a little bit of story around her situation.
(05:00):
So let's see. So one year ago, my friend gets
into a romantic relationship. And at this time, she was
at a job that she liked to do. You know,
it wasn't like her dream job, but she liked it.
And she meets a guy and slowly but surely, this
(05:20):
guy tells her that he doesn't like her to be
working at this place because there was a lot of
male energy at this place. And so she's dating him,
she's liking him, you know whatever, she's getting some of
her needs met. I'm sure in this relationship. I don't
know the whole the full details of the relationship, but
(05:44):
long story short, I could see from a mile away
that this guy was not healthy, and so I I
thank you, Larry, thank you for chiming in I'm like,
where are you guys? Glad to hear the story continued, Okay, yeah,
thank you. So my girlfriend gets in this relationship, and
(06:06):
because of my history with toxic relationships, I could see
from a mile away that this guy was unhealthy. But
you know, as a friend, it's like, you love your friends, right,
you want them to be in healthy relationships, but you
also have to be careful about what you say because
you can tell they're digging the guy, or they're liking
(06:30):
the situation, or he's helping them in some area of
their life. So I, of course didn't say anything, but
slowly but surely, she I could see her habits changing
and him kind of taking more control of what she
does in her life. So lo and behold. She quits
(06:51):
her job, she starts wearing just black T shirts. You know,
she's eating a certain way, she's doing all the things
that he's into. And my friend, who is an artist
at heart, she loves to dance and sing and paint.
(07:14):
And I asked her, like, does he know that you're
and I you know, I'm jokingly because I'm I'm like,
I love my friend, right, and she's an awesome musician.
But like one day we talked and I was jokingly
asking her, I'm like, does he know you're a rock star?
You know, just like funny, but like not funny, right,
I was like being true, but like I called her
(07:35):
a rock star, I'm like, does he know you're a
rock star? Like she has original music on Spotify and
she's done a lot of music gigs and stuff like that.
And really quick, let me just maybe reveel we can
put that question up again in a second so I
can get to it. But so let me finish the story.
(07:56):
So I asked her, you know, does he know about
you loving me music? And she was like, no, he
doesn't like that, Jenna. You know he doesn't he doesn't
like that, and he doesn't doesn't know about my music.
And I was like hmm, and she's like she told
me on the phone, She's like, I know you don't
like that. I'm like, of course, I don't like that
for you. This is who you are, you know. So
(08:21):
what can I do as a friend. I can love
her through it, and I even told her I will
and I will support you if you marry this guy tomorrow,
I will support you. But I just want to point
out that he doesn't know who you are and he
doesn't even like that part of you. So okay, lo
and behold, she dates him, she dates him, he ends up. Basically,
(08:44):
I know it wasn't her dream job, but I know
that he encouraged her to quit this job, which she did.
She quit the job. So what's my point in this story?
My point is is that I see my friend slowly
but surely getting controlled and manipulated. Okay, this is toxic,
(09:04):
you guys, this is toxicity. Seriously. Like, So, okay, the
year goes by, we really didn't see each other in person,
then her birthday comes, it passes, and then we finally
get together and she's at my house and we're talking
and I asked her, like, who in your relationships did
(09:27):
you feel most yourself with, like with your dancing and
your music and your painting everything, and she named a guy.
And so we get into conversation about this other guy,
and lo and behold, this other guy had reached out
to her in the beginning of this let's call it,
toxic relationship, and she didn't pay any attention to this
(09:50):
reaching out of this other guy that she feels more
comfortable with. And of course, you know, in her mind,
she had good reasons why she didn't reach out to
this other guy because this other guy in a different country,
and it goes on and on. Okay, So a year later,
she's done with the toxic guy and she's reconnected with
the guy that she fills more herself with. And so
(10:14):
last week she calls me and I we FaceTime each other. Right,
She's like, my only friend that I face we FaceTime with.
I love her for this because, like, I don't know
why I feel like in the cool club when I FaceTime,
I'm like, ooh, I'm facetiming. So I love when she
face times me, and she's my only friend that does.
So she facetimes me last week, and like we answer
(10:38):
the phone no matter what we look like, like early morning,
late night, it doesn't matter, like makeup, no makeup, hair
and a ponytail doesn't matter. So she calls me, face
times me, and I answer. She's like, oh my god,
I can't believe I let I was in that relationship
for a year or something like that, not verbatim, right,
And I was like, oh my god. Like and so
(10:59):
where you know, we're laughing about it now. We're like
giggling about the whole thing. And yeah, so she's happy now, right,
and you know, of course the toxic guy is now
sending her like trying to get in again, right, slowly
but surely, he's dming her. He's sending her little videos,
(11:20):
he's you know, sending her little things. And I'm like,
oh my god, classic right, classic toxic relationship. And I
feel like that is going to be pretty much the
theme of what we talk about for the remainder of
the show. So with that said, before I get into
this next segment, I will take some of your questions
(11:41):
and comments. Okay, okay, Anne, Annie Anne, I have seen this.
What can you say to a person when you see
this going on? Yeah? Okay, so Annie Anne, thank you
for the question. I feel like, just like I did
with my friend, you can't do much. You really, honestly,
(12:05):
you can't do much. You have to love them through
the relationship. And I'll tell you why you Okay, you
can't come off like aggressive or like like to mean
about that other person or put them down or like
any kind of judgment is what I'm trying to say. Okay, like,
(12:28):
try not to come from a place of judgment ever,
and just a place of love. And maybe lightheartedness with
your friend or whoever you see going through a bad relationship,
because okay, this my friend and I we have a
really good rapport which I love, thank God, And so
she knows me enough to know that I'm gonna love
(12:52):
her no matter what. And I even said that, like
I said earlier, I told her, if you marry this
guy tomorrow, I'm gonna support you. But this is what
I see. And it's so that kind of energy that
you need to come to with your friend or whoever
you see, because if you come from a place of
judgment or like you're going to dismiss them in any
(13:14):
way or it's unloving, they're going to turn left, meaning
they're going to run more into They're going to run
toward that person more because what happens is is these
kind of manipulating and controlling people, they get into your mind,
you guys, They get into your skin, in your body,
(13:37):
like they get they know you and they know what
to say, and that's the thing, and they keep you
hooked however they can, whether it's through humor, whether it's
through they know your your insecurities, they know what you need.
They're just really good at reading you and getting to
know you. I think I've mentioned this last show. Oh,
(14:00):
they get to know you so well that they use
your insecurities against you, and it's it's really it's bad.
It's really bad. So you have to be careful, you
have to tread lightly, and you just have to really
come from a place of love always. You have to
tell them I support you no matter what. I'm here,
no matter what. I love you no matter what, because
(14:23):
then that keeps up the dialogue open and hopefully you
have a good rapport with this person and they know
that you are always coming from a good place and
that you mean well and that you care. So anyways,
that's I'll move on. Okay, Danny, why would you contain
your likes to be with somebody else? Why would you
(14:44):
contain your likes to be with somebody else? I'm not
really understanding the question. I don't know, Rebel, if you
can help me, why would you contain your likes to
be with someone? You came in when you said you're
you have to play guitar, and she like to dance
and stuff, and she didn't got it? Okay, okay, so
she okay? Why would you contain your likes be with
(15:06):
someone else because you if you really want to please
somebody for whatever reason, and you know that that person
doesn't like that, you will You're like, just like I
was saying, you're gonna feel judged and you're gonna feel like, oh,
they're not going to like me or they're not going
to love the real me. So I'll keep it contained.
(15:27):
Not good, not good, not good, not good. You need
to be with somebody that loves every part of you,
every single part of you, like and and listen, I've
done this, Like everybody does this, like I have. Like
so you guys, if you listened to last week, Okay,
I'm gonna just use myself and as an example. I
feel like, and I told this one friend that I'm
(15:49):
talking about, I told her this recently too, Like I
feel like when I get into romantic relationships, I'm nineteen
again in a lot of ways, because maybe it's because
because of that big heartbreak when I was nineteen, or
maybe it was because I moved out of the house.
So there was a lot of trauma at eighteen nineteen
for me. But whenever I get it back into romantic relationships,
(16:11):
I feel like part of me is nineteen again. Where
I'm like, I feel like a little girl. I'm like giddy,
and I'm like I'm just like I have all these
butterfliesnes it doesn't matter even if I like the guy
or not. It's just really it's so weird. It's like
I revert back to a nineteen year old. My point
is is that I've been in relationships. I can I
(16:34):
can remember one in particular where I dated an older guy. Okay,
and this was the first relationship after my divorce, okay,
and so I was newly you know, back in the
dating world. It had been COVID, so I was like
locked up for a year whatever, and it was just
(16:54):
like I met him, and this was a guy that
right after my divorce, and he was older, and I remember,
like I remember because I love music. You guys know this, right.
I remember one time he took me to dinner and
he was very proper and like older and like uh
duh la. And we came back to my apartment. I
(17:16):
had this little studio apartment I was living in, and
I got I was like giddy, right, I was like
a little nine year old, and so I got my
tambourine and I started like shaking it like kind of
like dancing, like giggling. We were talking on the couch,
but I'm like I got this energy in me and
like I started being silly and I have the silly
side too, and he just like was like on the couch,
(17:37):
like didn't he didn't practice mile Like I was like, Oh,
I was mortified, like mortified, like whoa, Like I'm not
mature enough. Like I felt like I needed to be
so proper with this guy, Like and you know what's
so funny is that? Okay, So this is going back
to your question, right, Danny, Like I finally like felt
(18:00):
comfortable to kind of open up a little bit and
be more of me. And he knew I liked music,
but like I had never showed him that side of me.
And what I was gonna say, like, I think the
funny thing about this that relationship was that I feel
like he liked that about me. Like I feel like
he always dated like these proper like wealthy women, Like
(18:24):
I don't know, it's like I feel like he liked
that about me. And funny enough, I got along so
good with his daughter, like we were like besties. But anyways,
I feel like he liked that about me. But I
just couldn't. I just couldn't express myself like I I
wanted to, you know. And I remember like sitting on
the couch after dinner, like kicking my legs because I
(18:46):
just felt like fomo, like I was missing something, like
I needed to be out doing my music and you know,
and I just I had all this in me still,
and I went from dating, I mean, for being with
my ex husband who's a musician, to this guy and
I'm like, oh mg, I can't, like I can't. So anyways,
I hope that answers your question. Long I go on
(19:07):
long wounded stuff here. So anyways, point is, don't contain
your likes. Don't contain them, Heather, that sounds so terrible.
Did she get rid of the back? Yes she did,
and that's how I hope. I hope I answered that
because she's out of that relationship now and she's with
the guy that hit her up when she was getting
(19:27):
into this bad relationship, who she felt more comfortable with.
So yay, I'm so excited for her. I hope she
gets married and has babies and I can be an auntie.
I'm like putting it out there for her. So yeah,
she's definitely happier and I'm so happy, you guys. I'm
so happy for her and anybody that has the courage
(19:49):
to leave that kind of relationship. I know it's hard
because I've been in them. And so with that said,
I am going to get into I'm going to I
read I wrote this as a blog, okay, and I
am going to be reading a couple of examples of
(20:10):
what toxic relationships look like. And we'll get to that
question Becca, But I'm going to be reading some examples
of toxicity, and like I said, forewarning you guys, I
hope I don't trigger anybody, but I feel like it's
important to read some of these off. Okay. So the
classic toxic relationship the push pull dynamic, okay, where they
(20:35):
push you away and then they pull you back in
the honeymoon stage after a fight. Okay. I'm going to
read these through and if and then i'll like go
into if you guys want to ask like for me
to like go into more detail about any of them,
the promises of I've changed when you know deep down
that they haven't, but you're so addicted to the high
(20:58):
of the honeymoon stage or the loneliness that gets into
your brain and you start remembering the good times. Okay,
the silent treatment. Oh my gosh, the silent treatment so
they don't have to take responsibility, which is a manipulation
tactic by the way. Okay, so they're silent until you
get over your feelings, and then they come back the
(21:20):
compliments along with the put down. Oh my gosh, that's
really nice. Watch those are very subtle, by the way,
but they compliment you with a put down, so watch
out for that. The straight out lies and deceit, and
then the begging for forgiveness, the mister nice guy, the
one who acts like they have your back, and then
(21:42):
when you're vulnerable they turn on you. That's that's very covert,
but it's it's there. The isolation tactics keep you dependent
on them and get your friends and family on their side.
You guys, I have experienced this. Okay. They paint you
like the sick one, the bad one, the one with
(22:03):
the problem, and then they create stories and they talk
about you behind your back or whenever they have an
opportunity to talk about you. And the sad thing is
is that the more you stay with the toxic person,
the more physical physically sick that you are, you are
(22:25):
open to get you know, having like stomach issues, headaches,
you know, whatever pains in your body. Because your body
is very smart. Your body hears everything. Love your body,
love your life. Okay, it's your body hears everything. It's
smarter than your head. So watch your cues with your body.
(22:46):
The carefully crafted ways of keeping you in the grips
of control and manipulation. They are very good at taking
you down. And then they know that they need to
be nice or they know that they need to come
back with like a sweet nothing or something that gets
you back in good graces with them. The verbal yelling,
(23:09):
the cruel, hurtful words, just plain mean spirited, okay. And
the drama and the chaos. Yeah, it's all exhausting. It's
it's all very very exhausting. And so I thought I
would just talk about those points. Like I said, I
(23:29):
wrote this as a blog, and what I wrote in
my blog was that I've experienced every single one of
these points with romantic relationships, with friendships and with family members.
And so it's it's it's hard, you guys. It's it's tough.
It's tough to stay in your own lane and especially
(23:50):
with family, because it's in your face. And you know,
like once you're involved in a toxic relationship, like my
friend that I talk about earlier, the longer you stay,
it's harder to get out because your lives just start
intertwining with these people, right, It's like you're involved, and
(24:10):
it's harder. It's like, especially as women, we get we're
we're we're connected to this person that we're with, and
so it's like your chemistry, your brain chemistry just gets
connected with this person. And so I wrote in my
blog you guys that you know, I talk a lot
about health and beauty, and I talk about like what
(24:31):
I've I do for my health and my beauty, but
I feel like relationships are more important for health and
beauty than anything else. You know, I think we need both.
But a happy heart is everything, you guys, And a
peaceful mind is everything. It's everything. It's like it can
(24:54):
really make or break your your life. And it's like
your days, you know, think about having a hard day
just and then on top of that, having a hard
person in your life. It's like it's like there's you
you can't It's like life throws you things that are
hard enough and so be mindful. Be mindful. So let's
(25:16):
take that question rebel if we can. Becca, do you
think your friend is going to fall for the toxic
trying to come back? Oh? No, no. I talked to
her last night actually, and it was her dad's birthday
and she called me. We didn't FaceTime last night. We
we just talked, but yeah, she called me and she
(25:41):
was like, oh my god, he's he's messing me, you know,
and I was like, classic toxic relationship. But she's like,
oh my god, you called it, and you know, because
it's like she didn't really want to believe it, right.
You don't want to believe that you're with somebody that's harmful.
You just don't. But I don't think she'll fall for
(26:02):
it because she's with somebody new, which is always helpful.
You know. It's it's hard not to fall back into
somebody that makes you feel good because it's a high.
It's a high, it's it's like a drug. And I
talked from experience, you know, I the last guy that
(26:23):
I dated, you guys, I so I'll just be really transparent.
So I talked to my friend last night, the one
that we're talking about, and so I was kind of
riled up yesterday from certain things that are happening in
my life that I won't go into, but I was
riled up anyways, and so she calls me and she
was like, oh my god, you called it. I'm like, yeah,
(26:45):
it's a classic toxic relationship. And then we started getting
into this guy that I dated a year ago who
was toxic, and I'm like, you know, I'm like, I'm pissed.
I'm like, I'm just mad at this guy because you know,
I've been now single for a year and I'm like, like,
when is when is it going to be my turn
to have a healthy relationship? You know, it looks like
(27:07):
you automatically go back to that person that you were with,
even though they weren't good for you, and you start
thinking about the good good times. And I'm telling my
friend last night, I'm like, I'm just mad at him,
like why does he have to be such a psycho?
You know, like because I missed that banter and that
fun and that at least we laughed a lot and
we giggled. And with this relationship, you guys, it was
(27:29):
like we had this banter in this like honesty that
I've never had in a relationship, Like he literally told
me one time, He's like Jenna, He's like, hurt my
feelings already. He's like, I don't care, just be honest.
And I'm like, whoa, you know, like I had never
had a relationship like that. You know, the ex husband,
(27:50):
the one I talk about, he was opposite you guys,
he would he would be like, just lie to me already,
just lie, I don't care, just lie to me. And
I was like, oh, and then I had this other
guy come in, not the older guy that I dated,
but this other younger guy, and he's telling me opposite,
just I don't care, hurt my feelings, just be honest.
(28:12):
And you know, silver lining, I love that about him.
Like I loved our banter and like the fact that
I can just say anything on my mind and he
wouldn't like care, and he like actually digged it, like
he he loved that banter, right, he loved that drama
and that come on like bring it on, like and
(28:36):
he kind of brought that fire out in me like that,
like just say it, just say whatever I whatever is
on my mind, and to be honest, like I was
really kind of shut down as a kid, like I
I didn't have my voice. I was raised by a
parent that is very domineering, and she didn't want to
have she didn't want me to have my voice, you know,
(28:57):
and hence me movie now at nineteen and so when
this guy came along, he had this big energy and
very very fiery, and he had a good heart, but
it was very fragmented and he just didn't know where
to put his energy, you know. And so Sammy Waite,
(29:19):
I lost track. Who was the good banter one? Sorry, guys,
I'm like all over the place with my relationships. Okay,
so let me break it down. X husband. Then I
dated the older guy, we'll just call him the older guy,
and then had to not that wasn't happening, right. That
was the guy that I really couldn't be my full
(29:39):
self with. And then the younger guy came along and
this was my newest last relationship. Now I've been single
for a year, but I'm talking about the younger guy.
We'll call him the younger guy. That was the one
with the good the good banter. And what I was
saying was he had a big heart, but it was
very fragmented because of his childhood and how he grew
(30:02):
up and he had just a lot of anger and
just like, oh you know, and so yeah, So I
was telling my friend last night, like I'm just like mad,
like why does he have to be so why did
he have to be so angry and psycho? You know, like, literally, guys,
(30:22):
I could handle big energy, okay, Like I literally could team.
I feel I could tame pretty much anything. I really can.
But this guy took it to the next level. Like
he liked to drink and you know, the name calling
and all of that. It's like like poor me, Like geez,
(30:44):
like what was I thinking of myself to be in
that kind of relationship for so long? And again, it
wasn't like a full two years. It was the off
and on, the push and pull, the honeymoon cycle. Oh,
I'll get I'll be better, I'll be better. Okay, I'll
give him another try because he makes me laugh and
(31:05):
we giggle. And that was the big pool for me
because we did. We just we laughed a lot, you guys,
we did. And I feel like the glue was our childhood.
Like he's an only child. I'm an only child. His
mom sorry, my mom is like his dad, and my
dad is like his mom, Like we had a lot
(31:27):
of similarities and that was the glue. That was that's
where like you attract somebody, right, So you attract somebody
in your life to heal parts of your childhood. That's
truly what it is. And so if you come from
a toxic environment of any of those points that I
(31:47):
that I said, You're going to attract somebody so you
could heal that part of you. Right, That's what this
whole thing is all about with relationships. So the work
is to heal yourself prior to getting into a relationship. Right,
that's the work. So you don't attract somebody that you
have to revert back to in like the toxic reverting
(32:09):
back to. Right, it's okay to be nineteen again, Like
it's okay to be my silly, childlike self right in
a relationship. But now I need somebody that's healthier and
more grounded, and I still need that fun and that
banter and that laughing, but somebody that's not going to
call me names and like I'm not walking on eggshells
(32:33):
with basically that's what I'm trying to say. So that's
the anyway, So back to I want to talk about,
tell you guys that that's what I know about relationships.
We attract somebody that we're still trying to heal from
our childhood wounds, right, So that was our glue. And
(32:53):
the last straw was, which I feel like you'll get
You'll get signs from the universe, you guys on knowing
you know in your gut, you do know in your
gut like always that this person's not good for you,
but you'll get big signs. And the last like last
straw with this guy was that we had had a break,
we were on a break, and we reconnected and we
(33:18):
went to we went out. We went out twice in
one week because we were both going on vacation at
the end of this week, right, So we reconnected after
a while and it was like obviously a lot of
fun and you know that reconnection after not seeing somebody
that you are into, but it's toxic, it's like it's
a high, it's like a drug. So we reconnected. We
(33:41):
had a great time, and I knew that he was
going out of town at the end of the week
and he knew I was going out of town at
the end of the week, so we weren't going to
be able to see each other for like, I think
three weeks or something. So we decided to go to
dinner one night before we both left, and we go
to dinner and then we go to this bar and
(34:05):
we're going to watch a live musician play, which I
actually knew the musician, so I was excited. Right. I
don't drink, okay, but he does. And so we go
to this divy bar and we're we're at the bar
and he's drinking and I'm not. We had got come
from dinner and we're watching the music and he puts
(34:27):
my like he gets us like front center to this
musician to watch her play. And we're like, it's fine,
it's fine, Like I'm not really a bar person, but
he is, and I like the musician. So we went
and it was whatever. So we're at the where he
puts my chair like right front center to watch this
musician play, and for whatever reason, he had his phone
(34:49):
out and brings out his phone and he I don't know,
I don't know what we were even talking about, but
he was like, babe, let me show you this, like
these pictures or something about his room or I don't know,
he had just moved. He wanted me to come see
his new place. So he brings out his phone and
he's like scrolling through the phone, and I'm like, let
(35:10):
me see it. So like I pulled his phone out
and I'm looking through the phone and I see a girl,
like a blonde girl, and I was like, who's that?
And he's like, oh, I tried to date her. He
was like, you guys, our honesty was like it was
just blunt okay, Like he didn't care if he hurt
my feelings, and like I got to I got more
(35:31):
comfortable with hurting his feelings because that's how our banter was.
So he was like, oh, I tried to date her.
He knew we were on a break right, we were.
We had just reconnected, and I was like, oh ew,
you know, like I didn't want to see that. Like
we were having a good time. Like, so I was
like I was kind of like pissed inside, but I'm like, whatever,
what am I gonna do?
Speaker 1 (35:52):
You know?
Speaker 2 (35:52):
So he goes to the bar to get a beer
and I'm like, just get me a water or something.
And he's like at the bar like doing this thing
and I'm waiting for my water and I'm like I'm
like I'm out of here, like I'm gonna I'm just
gonna get an uber back, and so, long story short,
I didn't end up getting an uber back, but he
saw that. I got up and he's like, where are
(36:12):
you going. I'm like, I'm I'm out of here because
I was already mad about the girl thing. And I'm
like he's at the bar, like he's not even paying
attention to me. I'm like I'm out. But long story short,
I didn't get an uber because he saw me and
he's like, no, no, no, don't leave. So we end
up going. We moved to the like the front start
side of the bar, like near the door, and we're
(36:33):
having a great time at this point. Right, It's like
I'm not mad anymore. I'm like we're hugging and kissing
and we're all good. And he's like, babe, can you
drive home? And I'm like no, I'm like you need
a water or something. I'm like, I am not driving home.
I'm like I didn't want to drive home. I'm like,
you're you're we're on a date, you're taking me out.
You're gonna drive me home? Okay. So he's like no, no, no,
(36:56):
I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm like, are you sure, because
I don't want to get in the car, like if
you're if you're buzzed. I'm like, I don't want to
get in the car. He's like, no, no, no, I'm fine, Like, okay,
So we waited for a little bit, we had our
little talk in the corner, and we leave the bar.
He gets pulled over. You guys were driving to my house,
(37:17):
and he's basically okay, setting the scene. He's telling me
off the whole ride home. He's literally telling me off.
He's telling me, why don't you just commit to me, Jenna.
You know, I don't know why I don't commit to me.
You know, we have such a good connection and because
I would never be his girl, like I would never
commit fully because I knew in my gut, you guys.
(37:38):
And so he's like telling me off, like the whole
since we leave the bar, he's like, you know, we
have such a good connection, blah blah blah. And so
all of a sudden he's quiet. He gets quiet, and
I'm like, this is odd, right, because he would tell
me off the whole drive home, which is about fifteen
twenty minutes, But all of a sudden he's quiet. I'm like, ooh,
(37:58):
this is odd. So I knew. I knew there was
a cop behind us. That's why he got quiet. Sure enough,
he gets pulled over. I can tell you, guys, the
rest of the story, But what's my point. My point
of the story is that I knew right then and
there this was my big sign from the universe, God,
(38:21):
my angels, whoever you want to, whoever you believe in,
you get big messages. And I knew right then and
there this was it. If I did not get out
of this relationship, something bad was going to happen to me,
Like this is the kind of energy that I did
not want to be in. But I allowed myself to
(38:43):
keep going back because we did have a connection. We
did at the end of the day. He was true.
It was true. We did have a connection. We did laugh,
we did like each other. But there were other things
that were bigger in that relationship that I couldn't deny anymore,
that were not healthy for me. So that was that,
(39:04):
you guys. That was that I left on I left
on my vacation. He left on his vacation, and I've
stood my ground since then. And he was not happy
about it. Okay, not happy about it. Like, I'll do
a part two on that, because there is some things
that happened that really showed me his true colors and
(39:28):
the fact that I could never be with this guy,
which is sad. It's sad because I really fell for
that guy, you know, I really I thought that I
fought my feelings for him for so long because I
thought that I could never love anyone again like I
loved my ex husband. I never thought that. But I
(39:49):
did fall in love with this guy I did, you know,
like he like I said, he had a big heart.
It's just fragmented and caught up in this trauma that
he needs to heal. That's not my job. That is
not my job to help somebody heal. Right, So anyways,
I can go on and on, but I'm gonna get
(40:09):
to some questions. Okay, Ellie, Eli, Eli Eli, So how
can we realize we are trying to heal a past
trauma and how can we stop or do we need
to let the healing happen? Okay? Yeah, in every relationship,
you're going to heal. Okay, it's whether or not you're
being treated good. That's really what you need to look at,
(40:32):
Eli or Ellie. I hope I'm pronouncing your name right,
Ellie or Eli. Every relationship comes for healing, Okay. It's
about if you feel whole within yourself and you attract
somebody whole, it's a different dynamic. You have your own life,
(40:53):
you have your own person, who you know, who you are,
and that's the difference, right, you have to who you
are and then attract somebody that also knows who they are,
has their own likes, has their own interests, and you
guys come together and support each other through life. That's
a healthy dynamic, okay. And you know when it's an
(41:16):
unhealthy dynamic of how you're being treated, how you feel,
you walk on egg shells. Can you be your whole self? Yes,
you're gonna let the healing happen, even if it's toxic
or not. You know, you're let the healing happen. Be
aware of Oh, I see what the glue is. I
see why this person's come into my life to heal
(41:37):
my relationship with my dad, or my mom, or my grandma,
or just my whole family in general. You know, now,
if the person's treating you good, move on with it.
Be open with this, be open with your partner with
your your significant other, be vulnerable, talk about it and
if they can be open back and accept that and
(42:01):
they have things to heal, then work on it together.
That's a beautiful thing. That's different than toxic you guys. Okay,
this person I'm talking about didn't see it, didn't see
that he had a problem. It was all me. I
was one with the problem. Or if he did see it,
he didn't want to acknowledge it and take, you know,
take responsibility for it. He's still angry, you know. But
(42:23):
if you have somebody that's going to work with you
and to heal, that's beautiful. Stay with it, stay within
that relationship and work through it. You know, Vince, are
there more details we should know and can you give
signs on what people can look for in the relationship
before falling for a bad thing? Oh yeah, absolutely. All
the things that I talked about with the list are there.
(42:48):
So maybe rewatch it, Vince if you missed that part,
because it's I have to end the show soon. But
there's always signs, you guys, are always red flags. You
have to listen to your gut, you know, when there's
things in a relationship that don't jive you just know people,
(43:09):
if you listen to them intently and are present with them,
they will tell you who they are. They will literally
tell you who they are. The more you hang out
with them, the more they will open up and they
will tell you who they are. And if they don't
say it in words, they will show you who they are.
And so you need to, even though you're attracted to them,
(43:33):
pay attention to those little signs. And no, oh noted noted.
You know if somebody tells you I'm very jealous, I'm
this kind of a person. Oh, okay, does that mean
you're gonna get jealous of me? Down the line? Noted?
You see what I'm saying. So all right, you guys,
(43:54):
I'm gonna end the show. I'm going to end the
show with talking about your body, love your life. Okay,
I'm gonna wrap this up. Every organ in your body
has an emotional component to it, So the kidneys have
the emotional component of peace and tranquility. So what I
(44:14):
encourage you guys to do is to be in relationships
that bring you peace and tranquility so you can love
your body and love your life. You guys, take good care. Bye,
Popular Podcasts
CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.