September 16, 2023 • 52 mins
Join Dr. Lewis in a conversation with Barbara Fromant, Transformation Consultant. Barbara (known as Barbs) Fromant is passionate about empowering women to walk out the fullness of who God created them to be in every relationship and area of their life and work. She is a High Performance, Transformational Life, Leadership Development, Spiritual, and Business coach, as well as the creator of a Women's Business Start-Up Mastermind & a Women's Coaching Group. Email: barbarafromant@outlook.com
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Success 4 Women is broadcast live Thursdays at 2PM ET.
Success 4 Women TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
Success 4 Women Radio Show is broadcast on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com).
Success 4 Women Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/success-4-women--3126970/support.
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Radio. I got the I Didyou know women represent just three percent of
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Fortune five hundred CEOs and less thanfifteen percent of corporate executives at top companies
worldwide. Have you wondered what thesecrets are to getting into the top ranks,
whether in the private or public sector? Do you want to figure out
how to stop being held back inyour career? Are passed over for promotion,
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then you're in the right place.Hi. I'm doctor Madelenie Lewis,
President and CEO of the Executive Women'sSuccess Institute. I have decades of experience
in the military, the federal government, and corporate America, and my mission
is to help women succeed and tapinto their full potential. I want to
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reach a million plus women around theworld to become the leaders they are meant
to be. So if you wantto move into a management or executive level
position, or maybe you're a femaleveteran transitioning out of the military into business
entrepreneurship, then reach out to theExecutive Women's Success Institute at three zero one
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six nine three two eight four letus get you on the fast track to
success. Well. Hello, andwelcome to the Success for Women's Show,
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where you can view us on Talkfor TV and listen to us on the
Women for Women Network. I amdoctor Madeline and lewis your host, and
my mission is to help women acceleratethe path to success. Well, today's
topic is inside out Coaching and myguest is Miss Barbara fromont and I hope
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I pronounced that correctly. Barbara,let me just give you a little bit
of background about her. Barbara,known as Barbs from my is passionate about
empowering women to walk out the fullnessof who God created them to be in
every relationship and area of their lifeand work. She is a high performance,
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transformational life leadership development spiritual and businesscoach, as well as the creator
of a woman's business startup Mastermind anda women's coaching group. For over twenty
years, she has worked in thecorporate world, helping executives and teams to
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thrive and become more efficient. Hermission is to empower women to master themselves,
their relationships, and their purpose inlife by helping them to raise their
consciousness and unleash their intuition. I'dlike to bring on to the show,
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miss Barbara format everyone, Hi,love me to be with you. Last
name correctly, is it fromat youdid? Yes? Yes, that's fine.
Right. Well, here's the thing. I usually give the standard bio
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on all my guests, but thenI like to ask my guests to just
tell us what you want us toknow about Barbara fromat WOW. I think
I'm very aligned to what I've readabout you in terms of my greatest passion
being to really empower women to fulfilltheir highest potential and to really understand all
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the things that get in the wayof that. And for me, it's
been quite a long journey, soI've learned a lot through my MBA,
through my coaching, through my twentyyears in corporate and I just love sort
of sharing those nuggets of wisdom andbest practice with women and blowing the ceiling
or all they're limiting beliefs and thingsthat have held them back and wrong thinking
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and just sort of setting them ona new trajectory. That's what just lights
my candles. And tell me,do you most of the people that you
work with as far as coaching,I know you said you help executive team
in their teams or is it mostlywomen or is it a mixture of boat
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Yes, it is mostly women.I mean in my corporate career, I
did work closely with the leadership team, so I'm used to working with executives
and teams, but I've now asort of honed in on women. That's
my real passion because I've seen alot of things go on in corporate boardrooms
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and things diminishing behaviors there. AndI've also become quite an expert in terms
of diminishing relationships at home or youknow, in domestic settings. So that's
really what's propelled me to go forwardin every area examining these issues that are
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sometimes you know, hidden under thecarpet, but for me, they are
the things that sort of move theneedle. We take the little those things
and really deal with anything or anyonein whatever environment that's diminishing women and equip
them with the tools, the strategies, the language to navigate that well.
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Because from my experience anyway, thisis what's really lacking in the Western world
in our education system. And it'smy passion because you know, for example,
I went on a corporate training forpresentation skills workshop and these women were
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real high flyers, sort of bankerfrom investment banking and all these backgrounds,
so they knew how to present.There was no problem with their presentation skills.
The course was ninety nine percent psychologyand it was all about, really
when we got to the crux ofit, unraveling the situation in those two
in boardrooms where they'd been diminished,and that is what was behind them not
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being able to present well. Theyhadn't known how to respond assertively and gracefully,
or that they hadn't the language andthe tools. And I thought,
my goodness, me, you know, that's what got me thinking on this
journey, this is ridiculous that thehuge gap that even really intelligent women,
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you know, across the board,we all seemed to suffer from this,
you know, not being powered withthe right tools and strategies to hold ourselves
well and to also understand consciousness andthe part that plays in our leadership styles,
understand ourselves and what we're projecting.So all the stuff is really really
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important. Yet when we're on thetrademal of our careers and it's all about
you know, upskilling and the nextskill and all the stuff, which is
all well and good, But untilyou do the work on your inn the
inner work on your identity and consciousness, you're going to keep attracting the same
relationships and patterns that are dysfunctional oftenand damaging. And yet we are not
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really equipped with the right tools toknow how to effectively cure them permanently or
even just tweak certain things instead ofgoing from one extreme to the other.
These conversations aren't really had. Andthese other things in my experience that move
the needle from women. Absolutely,Wow, that is so key. So
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tell us why is learning about selfmastery so important for aspiring professional women and
entrepreneurs. I know that you lookinto that a lot, so tell us
about that. Well, this isthis is again going back to consciousness,
which I sort of learned in depthon my MBA and it was quite staggered,
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if I'm honest, that I'd neverreally heard about this stuff until then
to this degree. So you know, understanding consciousness and how to permanently and
effectively deal with the ego wounds thatwe all have is so pivotal because at
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each level of success, as theysay, at each level, there's a
new devil. But what happens iswe can even work on these ego wounds
to a certain degree and think we'venailed them, but if we haven't killed
them properly, they pop up againat the next lept. So you know,
this is fundamental mental in terms ofgetting accelerating your transformation in every area.
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And this is what people don't reallyunderstand or are conscious about because these
conversations aren't had. They try andwork on everything else, but that's not
what's going to move the needle.So, for example, if I give
you, I think most people wouldhave come across maybe the eniogram in corporate
circles, and that sort of outlinessort of nine basic personality types. We've
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all got these shadow personality types tolesser or great or greater degrees. But
in my experience like the first onehelper across the board. Women are all
guilty of that. We all havetoo much helper. And that's also because
we've been conditioned. In most societies, that's the way women and young girls
are brought up. It's good,it's lovely to be helpful, and I'm
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not saying it's not. It's agood thing to be helpful to a degree,
but then it gets out of handand we start, you know,
too much helpers. So we feelguilty if we're not always helping, and
then we start feeling resentful, andwe start experiencing burnout. And yet you
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know what happens then is that wecontinue to attract more people into our life
that need that kind of help,and so we get more and more exasperated.
I'm helping, I'm helping, andyou know why is this happening?
And the cure is bitter and deeperself care. And we think, oh,
yeah, I know that on onelevel, but that's selfish, that's
you know, that's that's wrong,that's that's selfish. Yeah, everybody else
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above myself. But until we actuallyimplement that at a very deep level,
we just go on to attract peoplethat need that help and drain us.
And so this is this is abasic sort of thing on the consciousness scale,
and we should be aware of itskind of obvious. But again mainstream
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education wasn't really pointed out neither doesit point out what the cures are,
what the only cures that are effectivethat will work. So for example,
also like with something that I hadwhich I thought and in society was celebrated
as a great attribute, which wasmy hatred of conflict as a peace lover.
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But you know, I was toomuch on that on the fast scale
of avoiding conflict, you know,in my family, trying to keep the
peace. Da da da da da. So for years and years, all
I kept attracting was more and moredrama and more and more conflict. I
shouldn't understand it. Nobody explained thestuff to me, because actually that is
not a good thing. In extreme. What I was meant to be learning
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was to do conflict well, notto avoid it all together. So it's
these kind of things that you know, the lightbulbs just go off for women
when I start explaining consciousness and theeniogram and practical terms, you know,
it is really really life changing becausethey not only are you identifying these shadow
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personalities in yourself, but you're you'reidentifying them and the people you work with
and therefore and live with. You'reable to handle them much better because you
know the cure, not only thatyou need, that they need, and
when you apply that, that's whatworks and stops the same dysfunctional patterns from
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coming in and sort of exacerbating.And they're only exascerpating and getting worse because
God is trying to show you somethingneeds healing here. But the problem is
that ninety nine percent of the populationlives unconsciously. They live on default,
they live on autopilot, they liveon survival mode. One percent lives consciously.
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And when you actually reflect on thosestatistics, you think, my God,
truly this can't be true. Butit is because the stuff isn't taught.
This is what everybody needs to accelerateevery area of their life. Wow,
you know you touched on an areawhen you talked about the conflicts.
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I was talking to actually my niecejust yesterday, as a matter of fact,
and she called me to tell meabout some drama that was going on,
and what the things I asked her, I said, why is it
all these things keep coming at youlike this, and she says, I
don't know, because I'm always tryingto mind my own business. I'm always
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trying to keep the peace. I'malways, you know, trying to avoid
getting into any kind of confrontation.She says, I just don't understand it.
I said, well, maybe that'sthe problem right there, exactly exactly
that, and sometimes we need Imean, I would have needed a spelling
out as well. You know,it's it's, it's, it's. It
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was a complete mental block for me. I just know, I'm an intelligent
woman, but I I didn't getit. I didn't get it, you
know, I sort of yeah,it's and I'm not the only one.
I come across a lot of veryintelligent women who it's like a complete blight
bulb. Yeah, it's it's like, you know, because she's so mild
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man and I taught and that oneanother thing I told her. I said,
you know, because you're the wayyou are, a lot of people
can read people and they see thisin you. And so that's why that
you know, those opposite people oppositefrom the way you are, that's what
you attract and that's why you alwaysget this drama going on and this and
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this is this is also another touchingon a very clothes something close to my
heart about sort of like emotional anyother form of abuse. Again, because
it's not something that we are taughtin schools and we grow up in our
society keeping taught about. So there'sa lot of confusion and also a lot
of confusion in Christian circles about whathow to behave and react to it and
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everything else. But you know,as our NBA teachers said, look,
you know, young people who areabused or older ones who abused, it's
nobody's fault. But the reality isthat they are doing something at some level
to attract that behavior. And it'sshocking. It's shocking when you think of
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it like that, but it's it'syou know, the way I see life
now is this this constant innogram,this constant scale you know of consciousness.
You know, things are popping up. We need to tweak that a bit.
If we go to an extreme,then something else will come into our
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life. To think, now you'regoing too much an extreme. Come back
to the middle. Yeah, nobodytalks about if we just knew the stuff,
we would save our site decades.A party trying to figure it out,
and you know, and certainly womenin those sort of cycles, even
you know, bosses or you know, a lot of men are very dominant
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in corporate environments and intimidatory and allthis kind of stuff. This again,
is where the stuff comes into itsown because it affects our leadership style.
So you know, unless we areyou know, going about creating what they
call synchronistic relationships, this is whereyou know, we actually are able to
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hold our own power. We don'tgive our own any power away. We
hold onto our power. We remainfixed on our vision, and we hold
fast to our boundaries, and we'reunaffected by the style of anyone with whom
we're interacting. So these strong,aggressive, intimidatory, coercive, manipulative types
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do not affect us. Once weknow how to hold ourselves, once we're
conscious and we can see what they'redoing, we can hold our power.
And it is the most liberating thingwhen you have you know, maybe suffered
some form of emotional abuse and youhave not had the tools and the language
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to articulate that well navigate it atall, and then suddenly into the be
in this position where you have thepower and That is what I love coaching
women on because you the transformation ishuge, and that is where I believe
God's heart is for each one ofthe women to you know, be able
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to live out the fullness of ourpotential because in all shapes and forms and
society and relationships at work, home, even you know, you must often
encounter it, maybe with racial thing. There's these things going on that we
are meant to take charge of.But until you start understanding the consciousness side
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up. But you know, Ijust really think it's it's such an effective
and powerful way of understanding it,curing it, holding onto your power.
And once you do that, thatis what changes you. That's what changes
your outer reality, and that iswhat changes everyone around you. I have
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been married for twenty eight years andI nearly went through a divorce three times,
which happy now, but I canhonestly say, and I've done a
lot of inner work on myself.But when I changed myself with this stuff
and God speaking into my identity towalk out the fullness of my God given
identity with authority, when I allowedhim to speak into who I was in
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him and reveal himself to who Iwas and him, you know, all
the stuff you know, really changed, and I believe that's a journey in
a process that most women need togo on to and not be scared about
going on, because it's going toliberate them into the fullness of who they
created to be. Absolutely. Now, do you think there's anything specific that
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they can do that would help themto become say, unshakable and stressful and
taxic environs environments when they're at workor you know, are at home.
Yeah, I mean, I thinkone of the biggest things, and I've
come across this with all women's boundaries. Again, this is another thing that
is appalling in terms of the educationwe receive and the conversations we have.
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So I'm very grateful and thankful toyou for raising the awareness on these issues.
But you know, again, understandingand articulating boundaries, menting them,
enforcing them, maintaining them, understandyou know, knowing the language of how
to express them when boundaries are crossed. All this stuff is really very very
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important and and also worth its itsweight and goal to get coaching around because
you know, it's it is soimportant in terms of managing toxic environments as
well. I think again it's it'sit's more about understanding consciousness. It's more
about going on this journey of livingout your purpose fully understanding your God given
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up identity and walking that out thatwith authority, the authority God gives us
and wants us to have. Becausewhen we start doing that and living our
purpose, the purpose that we're meantto be living, we stop needing the
approval of others. Honestly, yea, I could't believe it when it happened
to me. I really, andit takes you to a different level where
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you kind of really you don't careabout the praises or the criticism of men
because you're on your course. It'slike as as like a self actualization thing.
That is where we all need toget to. So if we can
accelerate and help women accelerate to getthere, they're going to you know,
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make the most of their potential fromthat point, because you know, it's
it's It's why I call my coachingcompany inside out Coaching, Life and Leadership
Coaching, because all transformation comes fromthe inside out. We have to become
the people we need to be firstin order to attract and steward well the
success we want. So that's anidentity piece. And our whole society is
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about you know, the doing,calling the D D D doing all they're
doing, all they're doing, butthat you know that is not working on
your character and identity. That's what'sgoing to move the needle because when that
is unshakable, that's when you canbuild everything else. It's it's the foundation.
And you know the thing with identityis that I think we could all,
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no matter what stage of life we'reat, we could all benefit from
continual coaching on our God given identitybecause there is a layer upon layer upon
layer upon layer, and He's gotmore for us in every single area of
our life. And it's it justgoes on opening up. And that's what's
so fabulous about it. But absolutelybecause we don't do this work trying to
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build on flimsy foundations and we'll getto a certain level of success, But
because we haven't worked on our characterand our identity to an equal extent,
that is when the problems come.But people don't understand that. Wow.
Now you also mentioned you touched onsynergistic relationships. What is the importance of
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proactively nurturing the right synergistic relationships andcreating the right inner circle. Yeah,
I mean, this is this isabsolutely huge. So I talk about consciousness,
and so part of this is alsounderstanding the relationship styles from which you've
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come. Your parents, for example, So if you've come from a sort
of co dependent if your parents havelike a codependent relationship, it's likely that
you're probably gonna adopt some of thosetraits and attract a similar sort of relationship.
But the important thing to notice thatwe're all capable of evolving when we
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know these tools, and we canevolve. And you know, so evolving
from say a codependent relationship where youare, you know, sucking each other's
energy, you're so dependent on eachother and you can't make decisions on your
own and it's stifling and everything else, to a synergistic relationship, which is
one where if you think of yourselfand the other person as two circles,
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you're in no way overlapping each other. You're just touching each other on the
borders. And how I like tothink about it is that it is they
are very empowering relationships. So oneis not in any way overshadding shadowing the
other person. You are bouncing offeach other. So it's like brainstorming,
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you know, when you sometimes theyare in a conversation with a like minded
soul. Get this with coaches,and you start talking and you spark off
each other and you sparkle the energy, they spark off your energy, and
it's it just like combusts into somethingbeautiful, but in no way feel threatened
or intimidated by you know, eachother's you know, a personality or whatever.
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That is a fully, fully sallergisticrelationship. So it's it is difficult
for women. And I was inthis situation for a lot of a lot
of the time. If you arein families and things with people who are
negative and who critical, who areenergy drainers, who can also feel jealous
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and threatened by your achievements, byyour success, and and then you know
you don't have the right support,You don't have people adding to you.
The people that are in your lifeare are not really adding to you,
They're just training you. So itis es seem sure to create and strategically
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and intentionally create the in a circleof the five people you are going to
spend your most time with. Andthis is the journey that sort of God
took me on because I couldn't reallyfind the right when I was starting on
our business, the right people inmy church. And you know, I
kept looking and all the group wasn'tcreated, or I'd find a mastermind enough
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to pay lots of money. Idon't want to pay lots of money.
And then he led me to readThink and Grow Rich, which is a
classic novel that most people will haveread by Napoleon Hill. And what's fascinating
about that is it It documents thelives of ten of the most successful men
in history, the likes of TheodoreRusa full Bell, all these people,
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and the book is about cultivating spiritualabundance in every area of your life,
and that includes, you know,creating wealth and having a successful career or
whatever whatever they did, which theydid do. But this single reason that
each of them attributed their success,their greatest success too, was being part
of a mastermind. And in thatmastermind they were able to pour into each
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other. And you know, theyare others to pour into themselves, and
they poured into their communities. Soregardless of what you believe, there was
very strong spiritual principles at play therethat attributed to their success. And that
was this being part of a communityand pouring your skills into others and letting
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them pour them theirs into yours,sharing them and also blessing using what you've
been given your talents to bless yourcommunities. And as these men did this,
they not only became the wealthiest men, but they became the most happiest
and fulfilled. So, you know, I thought, this is what I
need asways starting up my business.I thought, oh, God's saying,
start up your own master mind.I said, I don't know how to
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I haven't got the skills. Idon't know how to do. I'm the
stretch under the time and the enjineand all the six uses, nor long
or and then eat. What poppedup on my phone one day was a
summary from Audible out to structure andrun your own master mind based on think
and grow rich. Well, Iknow when God's talking to me. And
that was more than a coast.All right, God, all right,
I'll do it. But it's goingto have to be really simple, and
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it's going to have to add valueto everybody concern. So I literally went
to a networking group and people,this is where I talk about synchronicities,
because I wouldn't have believed it beforeif I hadn't lived it. People in
this networking I don't know if I'mAdam. They come to me and start
saying, well, they want tojoin a Mastermind group, and I mean
it was just joining and I've nowset up this Mastermind group. We meet
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monthly. It's completely free, womenall around the UK and it is just
so empowering. We've got a WhatsAppgroup. We keep everything simple, minimum
of slides. We take it inturns to host the meeting. So as
I've said, it's it's not I'mnot the leader. I'm We're all empowering
each other and we go on likethat. We run it on the structure,
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we bring our business issue and theother's brainstorm on it. We've got
a wide field expertise and honestly ithas taken us all to a different level
because a lot of us are We'reon our own on this very lonely entrepreneurial
journey and God has just done incrediblethings. We cover each other in prayer
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and it's just miracle after miracle aftermiracle. So I tell you that to
really sort of encourage women, andthat's what I gave My testimony in church
about as well was you know,if you cannot find the right in a
circle, God could be prompting youto start your own and to pay attention
to that, because my life andmy business and my dreams for my business
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were largely on hold and it didn'ttake off until I obeyed that leading and
I stepped out and I did somethingabout it. And now I've got the
support structure that I need to discusspractical stuff, business stuff. I've also
got the spiritual support and covering,you know, which which we all need
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as well. And it's wonderful andI don't have to, you know,
feel frustrated with my family because thenthey're different to me, and they don't
get lit up by coaching or thethings that I do, because I've got
like minded souls who I can nowwho energize me and encourage me and hold
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me accountable. So these are reallyimportant principles because also if we're going to
develop our highest potential, we haveto have accountability, and that's where mastermind
and coaching and things like that arevery important. So these synergistic relationships of
everything, as far as I'm concerned. Now, you also, you know,
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I noticed that you mentioned God alot in your conversation, and you
also talked about the fact that youhelp empower women to walk out the fullness
of who God created them to beany every area of their life. So
how do you feel a person canstart hearing God for themselves and how do
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you help them to achieve that?Do you help them too? Yes,
yes, yes. So the coachingmodel that I trained on is sort of
I see accredited coaching model with aspiritual edge. So what it does is
it facilitates sort of three way conversationsbetween the coach, God and the coaching
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and these life these encounters are trulylife changing. I mean, one of
the colleagues that are that was onthe training course with me, he happens
to be one of the UK's leadingmediators and executive coaches and he's been and
had his practice for fourteen fifteen yearsand he just sat with his mouth open
throughout the whole training and he justsaid, this is just coaching on steroids.
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And this is why I don't hide. I include this model a lot,
as well as the consciousness work andother but from other models, but
this is the thing that moves theneedle because you know, I can find
that people come in with all sortsof presenting issues saying, oh, this
is the mountain. Until I movethis mountain, I can't move on with
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my life. But the reality isthat when you when they hear God for
themselves and they know they've heard itbecause they know only God could know the
stuff that he's revealing to them,it's literally like a walking on water moment.
And what I experience in every conversecoaching conversation is, you know,
not only they're being transformed before myeyes, but I'm being transformed as a
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coach. And they when you connectthem to how God sees really and they
put purpose, none of the otherstuff matters anymore, and it could be
really major stuff. It is justso fascinating to watch because literally they're just
so fired up to get on with, you know, what God wants him
to do. They're realized what's important. I'm here to multiply my talents.
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I'll stand alone at the end ofmy life to give account for how I've
multiplied those talents. And yeah,all I've been doing is like the foolish
service, burying them away out offearing and security and instead of you know,
investing them wisely and multiplying them.So I need to get on with
it now. They're just so excited, and you know that is that is
(34:22):
what. Yeah, the whole modelreally works at a very deep heart level
and is superior to anything else I'vecome across. So that's how I use
that model. But I also dothrough the consciousness work, you know,
certain practices to encourage people to sortof tap into their intuition and their imagination
(34:50):
because this is again an area whereour Western society we've been taught to think
in our heads, in our rationalbrain, and it takes a lot of
unraveling because God puts the desires inour hearts, not our hiss. So
you know, it's it's a process, and I've got sort of like three
step processes that i work with onpeople to sort of start you know,
(35:15):
tapping into and unleashing the power oftheir intuition. And you know, it's
it's not only our strongest sat nowin terms of giving directions, but what's
so fascinating is when we start developing, you know, hearing our these and
receiving these intuitive insights and hearing God, you know, it spills out into
(35:38):
creativity innovation, marketing strategies, salesstrategies. This is what I was doing
on my NBA. Honestly, thisguy does this stuff all the time,
and he just completely wows corporate CEOsbecause he goes in there with his white
board and he gets them to starttapping into their intuition and the things they
(36:01):
come up with are just more groundbreakingthan all the competition. And he has
the guts to go with it andpursue it, and what comes out of
that is just incredible. And thatthat's the cutting edge in everything and every
sphere. So if we can learnto do that more, that's what that's
(36:23):
that's what's so that's what I helppeople do through a series of you know,
processes and things and writing their visionand tapping into that every day practices
that these these men and think cangrow rich. They were envisioning they were
doing, they understood the science,and the Bible backs up the science.
(36:45):
So you know, for example,you know when I talk about vibration or
states as well, and you talkabout sort of how can they create something
that they want when they're in toxicenvironments, Again, it boils back to
the science, you know, andconsciousness often people are responding to them out
(37:07):
of a negative vibrational state anger,frustration, and patience. But we have
the responsibility of raising our own vibrationaland emotional states. So we cannot create
what we want, which is moreabundance and love and all those things,
from a negative vibrational state and patience, anger, whatever. But yet we
(37:30):
all try that, we all doit. And this to me is again,
you know, people say they're fairlyconscious, but they're not because they
go on go on thinking they cancreate what they want in their life from
negative vibrational states. Well, itjust doesn't work like that. So we've
got to learn to get ourselves backup to those highest vibrational states as quickly
(37:54):
as possible and to stay there,which is why we're The Bible comes in
and backs up everything that the quantumscience teaches us when it says in Philippians
fourbo say, you know, dwellon all things that are good and pure
and lovely, because when you aredwelling on everything that's good and you're on
lovely, you're naturally in that statethat's there, and from that position you
(38:16):
create what you want. But youknow, it's it's it's it's obvious on
the one hand, but you knowwhen we live in two them all and
stress and there's negative stuff going on, it is harder to you know,
get back up there and and staythere. But that's where you know,
I've got the tools and things tohelp people raise their consciousness and create what
(38:38):
they love and start changing the paradigmswhich are so wonderful to be part of.
Absolutely. Now, another thing Iknow that you help with is ego
warns. What are ego warns?And how can one deal? Are heal
those types of wands. Yeah,So when we're growing up, we all,
(39:04):
you know, we all have egowounds and people who say they haven't
got any ears, you know,talking rubbish. So when we when our
brain is swarming up until sort ofabout our early twenties, we're in it
very much in our in our rationaluh you know mind, and quite quite
emotional as well sensitive and you know, these life happens, experiences happen to
(39:29):
us all. So you know,we we we we've all got things that
affect our our ego. Our egois basically there to keep us safe,
so you know, and and andto protect us, which is good.
When we were in ancient civilizations andwe had to run away from from wild
(39:52):
animals and all that kind of stuff. But it's it really works against us
if we don't understand it, becauseit keeps us in our comfort zone.
So yeah, ego wounds are thingslike fear, rejection, all the things
on the on the on the inniogram, you know, lack of trust,
(40:16):
so you know, and and andperhaps a fear of intimacy. So these
are the are the woundings that youknow, through our experiences and in life
as we're growing up, this iswhat we make up about the world,
about ourselves and about others, butit might not necessarily be true true,
(40:39):
So we have to unravel all ofthat and actually heal those wounds. So
if if I take an example,like on the iniogram, an ego wound
like we've talked about, might besay rejection, or an ego wound might
(40:59):
be like fear of intimacy for example, and what what how that's arisen the
shadow personality for you know, someonewho fears intimacy is often somebody who's a
real deep thinker, who who wholives in their heads, who's very logic
and rational and what have you,and they want to be intimate with their
(41:21):
other halves or whatever. They wantto have close relationships, but they just
that that they can't be they can'tbe you know, vulnerable. So it's
it's it's learning all about the enneagramand in essence and what the what the
woundings are and what the cures arefor them. Again, overwhelmed was an
(41:44):
interesting one when we're all under somuch stress, and this is something that
I sort of suffered from a lot, and you know that the the the
shadow personality that is quite weird.Actually it's it's being overly positive and you
often get that with with people whoare you know, being overly anything is
(42:06):
not good. So this is howI used to be thinking it was a
good thing. You know, overlypositive. Got a lot of stress and
everything else. But that is alsobecause at the heart of it, they
don't like pain. They mask it. They mask pain with a delusion or
positive outlook. So it's also learningto sort of cure that and and become
(42:30):
more comfortable with pain. So yeah, I haven't explained it very well,
but when you when you when youwhen you didn't work on the enneagram,
it becomes clear. A great explanationon it, which is you know,
when you talked about the different thedifferent types of ego wants, I think
when probably when people heard the wordego, they were automatically thought maybe as
(42:55):
something else, and that with someof the things that you mentioned, which
was great. I'm glad that youkind of broke that down for us.
We're almost coming to the end.I mean, you've been self fantastic with
the information that you shared with us. So tell me quickly, if you
could tell me if you have onepiece of advice that you would leave with
(43:17):
our viewers and our listeners, whatwould that piece of advice be? Do
the inner work on yourself. Thedividends are just beyond in terms of accelerating
your transformation on every level. Coachingon your identity and your consciousness is going
(43:43):
to change the trajectory of your lifein every area beyond what you'd ever dream
possible. So do that make thatinvestment. I wish I'd done it decades
ago. Remember to me, I'dtell you what this has been wonderful having
you on the show. If you'dlike to tell our viewers and listeners if
(44:07):
they want to reach out to you, if you want to tell them how
they can connect with you feel freeto do so. So that because you've
shared some great nuggets. So whoknows somebody maney have some additional questions to
ask you? Yeah, sure,I mean I'd love to hear from any
of you. I am on LinkedInBarbara fromant Inside Out Life and Leadership,
(44:30):
so you can DM me on meon there. I don't know if you
do you take email addresses or isthat yeah? Yeah, so I can.
I can put my give you myemail address. It's Barbara fromant as
you see in my name, nodots between the Barbara fromant at outlook dot
(44:52):
com and yes, drop me,drop me an email. I am also
doing my first free workshop on leefifth of October at seventeen thirty UK time,
and i'd love you to join jointhat if possible. I don't know
if if you've got the link tothat where everybody can register. But that's
(45:16):
basically really about you know, living, taking your life, relationships, business
and career and living on your term, so dealing with acceleration in all these
areas whether you're you know, sothat would be if you'd like to hear
more about consciousness and all these thingsthat we've discussed on how they can transform
(45:38):
your life. I will put aI've got the link here, I think,
and if I just pop that intothis chat here with that work or
do I need to put it somewhereout We can put it up on the
screen so it'll run across, soyou can go ahead and put it in,
(45:58):
and I will go ahead and letthem know upcoming events that I have
coming up. But again, Iwant to thank you for being on the
show. Make sure you do putthat link in the chat and yeah,
he said to type it there.I want to thank you for being my
guests. Barbara from att that's whoyou have been listening to today on the
(46:21):
Successful Women's Show. And while she'sputting her link in for her upcoming workshop,
I'm gonna let you know some thingsthat's upcoming, some upcoming events that
I have. Of course you knowabout that. You can now pre order
your copies of the On It anthologyIt's Your Life on It Unapologetically and the
(46:43):
journal three hundred and sixty five daysto transformation. To pre order the paperback
book and journal separately will be twentyfour ninety nine for each book. To
order. The complete set is thebook and the journal is forty nine nine
nine, And if you want toorder your copies, you can go to
(47:04):
or email me at info at EXWSIdot com or you can actually go to
my website. The direct links areon the website www dot EXWSI dot com.
And make sure to tune in thismonth to the Black Business Olympics.
Uh. It's going to be heldSeptember twenty seven through October three. And
(47:29):
as you know, the Black BusinessOlympics is a fundraiser to provide scholarships and
laptops to high school seniors going tocollege and K through twelve entrepreneurs. The
Black Business Olympics showcases black businesses,black business owners and corporations all around the
world. And if you'd like tobe a speaker on the Black Business Olympics,
(47:51):
you can email me at info atEXWSI dot com and make a note
on your calendar. They're coming upin uh January. I think it's the
twenty fifth through the twenty seventh.If I'm not making uh, I'm guessing
right now, but it's I thinkit's twenty fifth through the twenty seven.
(48:15):
You will I will be having theshow up to Rise Up Women's Summit to
find out more about the event orto be a speaker at the event,
you can email me at info atEXWSI dot com and that's gonna be January
twenty five, twenty fifth through thetwenty seven, twenty twenty four so email
(48:37):
me if you'd like to be aspeaker or find out more information about the
show Up to Rise Up Summit.Also coming soon again, US two will
be the show Up to Rise UpWomen's Network and the mission of the show
women's show Up to Rise Up Networkwill be to empower connect women in their
(49:01):
career and businesses, professional and personallives and we'll be able to help you
to gain resources, help you toincrease your revenue. Will just a lot
of networking, a lot of informationand opportunities will be available to you.
And as always, if you havenot listened to my TEDx talk, make
(49:24):
sure you do so right now.My talk is at one hundred and eighty
five thousand, four hundred twenty threeviews. I am trying to get it
up to a million plus, somake sure you watch it to the very
end, make sure you share.I want to thank those who have supported
the videos so far because it isstill being pushed out there, so I
(49:46):
want to thank all my views andlisteners for that. And as you know,
I'm a contributing writer to own Itmagazine where I share nuggets and resources
every month. The magazine is aresource for personal, professional, and business
development. So make sure that youget a copy of that. If you'd
like to get a digital copy,email me and I'll send you a link
(50:09):
so you can see a sample ofthe magazine. You can email me at
info at ex w SI dot com. And if you want a subscription,
you can go on my website forsubscription to the magazine, which is www
dot EXWSI dot com. So againI would like to thank my guests,
(50:31):
Miss Barbara from IT and my viewersand listeners. And I did not mention
but Barbara fromatt came to us differenttime zone. She came to us from
the United Kingdom, so I reallywant to thank her because the time difference
there, she's a little later thanwe are. I believe it's probably around
(50:52):
seven almost eight o'clock at night there, So definitely want to thank her for
joining us today. You've been listening, of course to the Successful Women's Show.
I'm doctor Madelanee Lewis, and ifyou want to reach out to me.
Email me at info at ex WSIdot com. Remember I'm on all
(51:14):
the social media sites, so youcan also DM me on any of the
sites. And I want to againthank my guests, Miss Barbara from IT
for being on the show, myviews, and my listeners for always tuning
in and supporting us. And thisis the successful women's show. We're here
(51:35):
every week and I am your host, Doctor Madelanee lewis helping women to accelerate
the path to success. I wantto thank you all again for joining me
to include my guests who joined usall away from the United Kingdom. I
love you all to life as always, be well and stay safe out there.
(52:00):
Got the eye of the time.I dan to do the chap and
you kill me, then have acham and me
The topics and opinions expressed on thefollowing show are solely those of the hosts
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(00:23):
Radio. I got the I Didyou know women represent just three percent of
(00:55):
Fortune five hundred CEOs and less thanfifteen percent of corporate executives at top companies
worldwide. Have you wondered what thesecrets are to getting into the top ranks,
whether in the private or public sector? Do you want to figure out
how to stop being held back inyour career? Are passed over for promotion,
(01:15):
then you're in the right place.Hi. I'm doctor Madelenie Lewis,
President and CEO of the Executive Women'sSuccess Institute. I have decades of experience
in the military, the federal government, and corporate America, and my mission
is to help women succeed and tapinto their full potential. I want to
(01:37):
reach a million plus women around theworld to become the leaders they are meant
to be. So if you wantto move into a management or executive level
position, or maybe you're a femaleveteran transitioning out of the military into business
entrepreneurship, then reach out to theExecutive Women's Success Institute at three zero one
(01:59):
six nine three two eight four letus get you on the fast track to
success. Well. Hello, andwelcome to the Success for Women's Show,
(02:23):
where you can view us on Talkfor TV and listen to us on the
Women for Women Network. I amdoctor Madeline and lewis your host, and
my mission is to help women acceleratethe path to success. Well, today's
topic is inside out Coaching and myguest is Miss Barbara fromont and I hope
(02:51):
I pronounced that correctly. Barbara,let me just give you a little bit
of background about her. Barbara,known as Barbs from my is passionate about
empowering women to walk out the fullnessof who God created them to be in
every relationship and area of their lifeand work. She is a high performance,
(03:15):
transformational life leadership development spiritual and businesscoach, as well as the creator
of a woman's business startup Mastermind anda women's coaching group. For over twenty
years, she has worked in thecorporate world, helping executives and teams to
(03:38):
thrive and become more efficient. Hermission is to empower women to master themselves,
their relationships, and their purpose inlife by helping them to raise their
consciousness and unleash their intuition. I'dlike to bring on to the show,
(04:00):
miss Barbara format everyone, Hi,love me to be with you. Last
name correctly, is it fromat youdid? Yes? Yes, that's fine.
Right. Well, here's the thing. I usually give the standard bio
(04:20):
on all my guests, but thenI like to ask my guests to just
tell us what you want us toknow about Barbara fromat WOW. I think
I'm very aligned to what I've readabout you in terms of my greatest passion
being to really empower women to fulfilltheir highest potential and to really understand all
(04:47):
the things that get in the wayof that. And for me, it's
been quite a long journey, soI've learned a lot through my MBA,
through my coaching, through my twentyyears in corporate and I just love sort
of sharing those nuggets of wisdom andbest practice with women and blowing the ceiling
or all they're limiting beliefs and thingsthat have held them back and wrong thinking
(05:12):
and just sort of setting them ona new trajectory. That's what just lights
my candles. And tell me,do you most of the people that you
work with as far as coaching,I know you said you help executive team
in their teams or is it mostlywomen or is it a mixture of boat
(05:34):
Yes, it is mostly women.I mean in my corporate career, I
did work closely with the leadership team, so I'm used to working with executives
and teams, but I've now asort of honed in on women. That's
my real passion because I've seen alot of things go on in corporate boardrooms
(05:54):
and things diminishing behaviors there. AndI've also become quite an expert in terms
of diminishing relationships at home or youknow, in domestic settings. So that's
really what's propelled me to go forwardin every area examining these issues that are
(06:15):
sometimes you know, hidden under thecarpet, but for me, they are
the things that sort of move theneedle. We take the little those things
and really deal with anything or anyonein whatever environment that's diminishing women and equip
them with the tools, the strategies, the language to navigate that well.
(06:38):
Because from my experience anyway, thisis what's really lacking in the Western world
in our education system. And it'smy passion because you know, for example,
I went on a corporate training forpresentation skills workshop and these women were
(06:58):
real high flyers, sort of bankerfrom investment banking and all these backgrounds,
so they knew how to present.There was no problem with their presentation skills.
The course was ninety nine percent psychologyand it was all about, really
when we got to the crux ofit, unraveling the situation in those two
in boardrooms where they'd been diminished,and that is what was behind them not
(07:24):
being able to present well. Theyhadn't known how to respond assertively and gracefully,
or that they hadn't the language andthe tools. And I thought,
my goodness, me, you know, that's what got me thinking on this
journey, this is ridiculous that thehuge gap that even really intelligent women,
(07:46):
you know, across the board,we all seemed to suffer from this,
you know, not being powered withthe right tools and strategies to hold ourselves
well and to also understand consciousness andthe part that plays in our leadership styles,
understand ourselves and what we're projecting.So all the stuff is really really
(08:09):
important. Yet when we're on thetrademal of our careers and it's all about
you know, upskilling and the nextskill and all the stuff, which is
all well and good, But untilyou do the work on your inn the
inner work on your identity and consciousness, you're going to keep attracting the same
relationships and patterns that are dysfunctional oftenand damaging. And yet we are not
(08:37):
really equipped with the right tools toknow how to effectively cure them permanently or
even just tweak certain things instead ofgoing from one extreme to the other.
These conversations aren't really had. Andthese other things in my experience that move
the needle from women. Absolutely,Wow, that is so key. So
(09:00):
tell us why is learning about selfmastery so important for aspiring professional women and
entrepreneurs. I know that you lookinto that a lot, so tell us
about that. Well, this isthis is again going back to consciousness,
which I sort of learned in depthon my MBA and it was quite staggered,
(09:20):
if I'm honest, that I'd neverreally heard about this stuff until then
to this degree. So you know, understanding consciousness and how to permanently and
effectively deal with the ego wounds thatwe all have is so pivotal because at
(09:41):
each level of success, as theysay, at each level, there's a
new devil. But what happens iswe can even work on these ego wounds
to a certain degree and think we'venailed them, but if we haven't killed
them properly, they pop up againat the next lept. So you know,
this is fundamental mental in terms ofgetting accelerating your transformation in every area.
(10:05):
And this is what people don't reallyunderstand or are conscious about because these
conversations aren't had. They try andwork on everything else, but that's not
what's going to move the needle.So, for example, if I give
you, I think most people wouldhave come across maybe the eniogram in corporate
circles, and that sort of outlinessort of nine basic personality types. We've
(10:28):
all got these shadow personality types tolesser or great or greater degrees. But
in my experience like the first onehelper across the board. Women are all
guilty of that. We all havetoo much helper. And that's also because
we've been conditioned. In most societies, that's the way women and young girls
are brought up. It's good,it's lovely to be helpful, and I'm
(10:50):
not saying it's not. It's agood thing to be helpful to a degree,
but then it gets out of handand we start, you know,
too much helpers. So we feelguilty if we're not always helping, and
then we start feeling resentful, andwe start experiencing burnout. And yet you
(11:11):
know what happens then is that wecontinue to attract more people into our life
that need that kind of help,and so we get more and more exasperated.
I'm helping, I'm helping, andyou know why is this happening?
And the cure is bitter and deeperself care. And we think, oh,
yeah, I know that on onelevel, but that's selfish, that's
you know, that's that's wrong,that's that's selfish. Yeah, everybody else
(11:35):
above myself. But until we actuallyimplement that at a very deep level,
we just go on to attract peoplethat need that help and drain us.
And so this is this is abasic sort of thing on the consciousness scale,
and we should be aware of itskind of obvious. But again mainstream
(11:58):
education wasn't really pointed out neither doesit point out what the cures are,
what the only cures that are effectivethat will work. So for example,
also like with something that I hadwhich I thought and in society was celebrated
as a great attribute, which wasmy hatred of conflict as a peace lover.
(12:24):
But you know, I was toomuch on that on the fast scale
of avoiding conflict, you know,in my family, trying to keep the
peace. Da da da da da. So for years and years, all
I kept attracting was more and moredrama and more and more conflict. I
shouldn't understand it. Nobody explained thestuff to me, because actually that is
not a good thing. In extreme. What I was meant to be learning
(12:48):
was to do conflict well, notto avoid it all together. So it's
these kind of things that you know, the lightbulbs just go off for women
when I start explaining consciousness and theeniogram and practical terms, you know,
it is really really life changing becausethey not only are you identifying these shadow
(13:11):
personalities in yourself, but you're you'reidentifying them and the people you work with
and therefore and live with. You'reable to handle them much better because you
know the cure, not only thatyou need, that they need, and
when you apply that, that's whatworks and stops the same dysfunctional patterns from
(13:31):
coming in and sort of exacerbating.And they're only exascerpating and getting worse because
God is trying to show you somethingneeds healing here. But the problem is
that ninety nine percent of the populationlives unconsciously. They live on default,
they live on autopilot, they liveon survival mode. One percent lives consciously.
(13:54):
And when you actually reflect on thosestatistics, you think, my God,
truly this can't be true. Butit is because the stuff isn't taught.
This is what everybody needs to accelerateevery area of their life. Wow,
you know you touched on an areawhen you talked about the conflicts.
(14:15):
I was talking to actually my niecejust yesterday, as a matter of fact,
and she called me to tell meabout some drama that was going on,
and what the things I asked her, I said, why is it
all these things keep coming at youlike this, and she says, I
don't know, because I'm always tryingto mind my own business. I'm always
(14:37):
trying to keep the peace. I'malways, you know, trying to avoid
getting into any kind of confrontation.She says, I just don't understand it.
I said, well, maybe that'sthe problem right there, exactly exactly
that, and sometimes we need Imean, I would have needed a spelling
out as well. You know,it's it's, it's, it's. It
(14:58):
was a complete mental block for me. I just know, I'm an intelligent
woman, but I I didn't getit. I didn't get it, you
know, I sort of yeah,it's and I'm not the only one.
I come across a lot of veryintelligent women who it's like a complete blight
bulb. Yeah, it's it's like, you know, because she's so mild
(15:20):
man and I taught and that oneanother thing I told her. I said,
you know, because you're the wayyou are, a lot of people
can read people and they see thisin you. And so that's why that
you know, those opposite people oppositefrom the way you are, that's what
you attract and that's why you alwaysget this drama going on and this and
(15:45):
this is this is also another touchingon a very clothes something close to my
heart about sort of like emotional anyother form of abuse. Again, because
it's not something that we are taughtin schools and we grow up in our
society keeping taught about. So there'sa lot of confusion and also a lot
of confusion in Christian circles about whathow to behave and react to it and
(16:07):
everything else. But you know,as our NBA teachers said, look,
you know, young people who areabused or older ones who abused, it's
nobody's fault. But the reality isthat they are doing something at some level
to attract that behavior. And it'sshocking. It's shocking when you think of
(16:27):
it like that, but it's it'syou know, the way I see life
now is this this constant innogram,this constant scale you know of consciousness.
You know, things are popping up. We need to tweak that a bit.
If we go to an extreme,then something else will come into our
(16:48):
life. To think, now you'regoing too much an extreme. Come back
to the middle. Yeah, nobodytalks about if we just knew the stuff,
we would save our site decades.A party trying to figure it out,
and you know, and certainly womenin those sort of cycles, even
you know, bosses or you know, a lot of men are very dominant
(17:12):
in corporate environments and intimidatory and allthis kind of stuff. This again,
is where the stuff comes into itsown because it affects our leadership style.
So you know, unless we areyou know, going about creating what they
call synchronistic relationships, this is whereyou know, we actually are able to
(17:37):
hold our own power. We don'tgive our own any power away. We
hold onto our power. We remainfixed on our vision, and we hold
fast to our boundaries, and we'reunaffected by the style of anyone with whom
we're interacting. So these strong,aggressive, intimidatory, coercive, manipulative types
(18:02):
do not affect us. Once weknow how to hold ourselves, once we're
conscious and we can see what they'redoing, we can hold our power.
And it is the most liberating thingwhen you have you know, maybe suffered
some form of emotional abuse and youhave not had the tools and the language
(18:25):
to articulate that well navigate it atall, and then suddenly into the be
in this position where you have thepower and That is what I love coaching
women on because you the transformation ishuge, and that is where I believe
God's heart is for each one ofthe women to you know, be able
(18:47):
to live out the fullness of ourpotential because in all shapes and forms and
society and relationships at work, home, even you know, you must often
encounter it, maybe with racial thing. There's these things going on that we
are meant to take charge of.But until you start understanding the consciousness side
(19:08):
up. But you know, Ijust really think it's it's such an effective
and powerful way of understanding it,curing it, holding onto your power.
And once you do that, thatis what changes you. That's what changes
your outer reality, and that iswhat changes everyone around you. I have
(19:30):
been married for twenty eight years andI nearly went through a divorce three times,
which happy now, but I canhonestly say, and I've done a
lot of inner work on myself.But when I changed myself with this stuff
and God speaking into my identity towalk out the fullness of my God given
identity with authority, when I allowedhim to speak into who I was in
(19:56):
him and reveal himself to who Iwas and him, you know, all
the stuff you know, really changed, and I believe that's a journey in
a process that most women need togo on to and not be scared about
going on, because it's going toliberate them into the fullness of who they
created to be. Absolutely. Now, do you think there's anything specific that
(20:22):
they can do that would help themto become say, unshakable and stressful and
taxic environs environments when they're at workor you know, are at home.
Yeah, I mean, I thinkone of the biggest things, and I've
come across this with all women's boundaries. Again, this is another thing that
is appalling in terms of the educationwe receive and the conversations we have.
(20:48):
So I'm very grateful and thankful toyou for raising the awareness on these issues.
But you know, again, understandingand articulating boundaries, menting them,
enforcing them, maintaining them, understandyou know, knowing the language of how
to express them when boundaries are crossed. All this stuff is really very very
(21:14):
important and and also worth its itsweight and goal to get coaching around because
you know, it's it is soimportant in terms of managing toxic environments as
well. I think again it's it'sit's more about understanding consciousness. It's more
about going on this journey of livingout your purpose fully understanding your God given
(21:41):
up identity and walking that out thatwith authority, the authority God gives us
and wants us to have. Becausewhen we start doing that and living our
purpose, the purpose that we're meantto be living, we stop needing the
approval of others. Honestly, yea, I could't believe it when it happened
to me. I really, andit takes you to a different level where
(22:06):
you kind of really you don't careabout the praises or the criticism of men
because you're on your course. It'slike as as like a self actualization thing.
That is where we all need toget to. So if we can
accelerate and help women accelerate to getthere, they're going to you know,
(22:30):
make the most of their potential fromthat point, because you know, it's
it's It's why I call my coachingcompany inside out Coaching, Life and Leadership
Coaching, because all transformation comes fromthe inside out. We have to become
the people we need to be firstin order to attract and steward well the
success we want. So that's anidentity piece. And our whole society is
(22:55):
about you know, the doing,calling the D D D doing all they're
doing, all they're doing, butthat you know that is not working on
your character and identity. That's what'sgoing to move the needle because when that
is unshakable, that's when you canbuild everything else. It's it's the foundation.
And you know the thing with identityis that I think we could all,
(23:18):
no matter what stage of life we'reat, we could all benefit from
continual coaching on our God given identitybecause there is a layer upon layer upon
layer upon layer, and He's gotmore for us in every single area of
our life. And it's it justgoes on opening up. And that's what's
so fabulous about it. But absolutelybecause we don't do this work trying to
(23:45):
build on flimsy foundations and we'll getto a certain level of success, But
because we haven't worked on our characterand our identity to an equal extent,
that is when the problems come.But people don't understand that. Wow.
Now you also mentioned you touched onsynergistic relationships. What is the importance of
(24:11):
proactively nurturing the right synergistic relationships andcreating the right inner circle. Yeah,
I mean, this is this isabsolutely huge. So I talk about consciousness,
and so part of this is alsounderstanding the relationship styles from which you've
(24:32):
come. Your parents, for example, So if you've come from a sort
of co dependent if your parents havelike a codependent relationship, it's likely that
you're probably gonna adopt some of thosetraits and attract a similar sort of relationship.
But the important thing to notice thatwe're all capable of evolving when we
(24:55):
know these tools, and we canevolve. And you know, so evolving
from say a codependent relationship where youare, you know, sucking each other's
energy, you're so dependent on eachother and you can't make decisions on your
own and it's stifling and everything else, to a synergistic relationship, which is
one where if you think of yourselfand the other person as two circles,
(25:18):
you're in no way overlapping each other. You're just touching each other on the
borders. And how I like tothink about it is that it is they
are very empowering relationships. So oneis not in any way overshadding shadowing the
other person. You are bouncing offeach other. So it's like brainstorming,
(25:41):
you know, when you sometimes theyare in a conversation with a like minded
soul. Get this with coaches,and you start talking and you spark off
each other and you sparkle the energy, they spark off your energy, and
it's it just like combusts into somethingbeautiful, but in no way feel threatened
or intimidated by you know, eachother's you know, a personality or whatever.
(26:04):
That is a fully, fully sallergisticrelationship. So it's it is difficult
for women. And I was inthis situation for a lot of a lot
of the time. If you arein families and things with people who are
negative and who critical, who areenergy drainers, who can also feel jealous
(26:26):
and threatened by your achievements, byyour success, and and then you know
you don't have the right support,You don't have people adding to you.
The people that are in your lifeare are not really adding to you,
They're just training you. So itis es seem sure to create and strategically
(26:48):
and intentionally create the in a circleof the five people you are going to
spend your most time with. Andthis is the journey that sort of God
took me on because I couldn't reallyfind the right when I was starting on
our business, the right people inmy church. And you know, I
kept looking and all the group wasn'tcreated, or I'd find a mastermind enough
(27:11):
to pay lots of money. Idon't want to pay lots of money.
And then he led me to readThink and Grow Rich, which is a
classic novel that most people will haveread by Napoleon Hill. And what's fascinating
about that is it It documents thelives of ten of the most successful men
in history, the likes of TheodoreRusa full Bell, all these people,
(27:33):
and the book is about cultivating spiritualabundance in every area of your life,
and that includes, you know,creating wealth and having a successful career or
whatever whatever they did, which theydid do. But this single reason that
each of them attributed their success,their greatest success too, was being part
of a mastermind. And in thatmastermind they were able to pour into each
(27:57):
other. And you know, theyare others to pour into themselves, and
they poured into their communities. Soregardless of what you believe, there was
very strong spiritual principles at play therethat attributed to their success. And that
was this being part of a communityand pouring your skills into others and letting
(28:18):
them pour them theirs into yours,sharing them and also blessing using what you've
been given your talents to bless yourcommunities. And as these men did this,
they not only became the wealthiest men, but they became the most happiest
and fulfilled. So, you know, I thought, this is what I
need asways starting up my business.I thought, oh, God's saying,
start up your own master mind.I said, I don't know how to
(28:41):
I haven't got the skills. Idon't know how to do. I'm the
stretch under the time and the enjineand all the six uses, nor long
or and then eat. What poppedup on my phone one day was a
summary from Audible out to structure andrun your own master mind based on think
and grow rich. Well, Iknow when God's talking to me. And
that was more than a coast.All right, God, all right,
I'll do it. But it's goingto have to be really simple, and
(29:03):
it's going to have to add valueto everybody concern. So I literally went
to a networking group and people,this is where I talk about synchronicities,
because I wouldn't have believed it beforeif I hadn't lived it. People in
this networking I don't know if I'mAdam. They come to me and start
saying, well, they want tojoin a Mastermind group, and I mean
it was just joining and I've nowset up this Mastermind group. We meet
(29:29):
monthly. It's completely free, womenall around the UK and it is just
so empowering. We've got a WhatsAppgroup. We keep everything simple, minimum
of slides. We take it inturns to host the meeting. So as
I've said, it's it's not I'mnot the leader. I'm We're all empowering
each other and we go on likethat. We run it on the structure,
(29:51):
we bring our business issue and theother's brainstorm on it. We've got
a wide field expertise and honestly ithas taken us all to a different level
because a lot of us are We'reon our own on this very lonely entrepreneurial
journey and God has just done incrediblethings. We cover each other in prayer
(30:12):
and it's just miracle after miracle aftermiracle. So I tell you that to
really sort of encourage women, andthat's what I gave My testimony in church
about as well was you know,if you cannot find the right in a
circle, God could be prompting youto start your own and to pay attention
to that, because my life andmy business and my dreams for my business
(30:36):
were largely on hold and it didn'ttake off until I obeyed that leading and
I stepped out and I did somethingabout it. And now I've got the
support structure that I need to discusspractical stuff, business stuff. I've also
got the spiritual support and covering,you know, which which we all need
(30:56):
as well. And it's wonderful andI don't have to, you know,
feel frustrated with my family because thenthey're different to me, and they don't
get lit up by coaching or thethings that I do, because I've got
like minded souls who I can nowwho energize me and encourage me and hold
(31:18):
me accountable. So these are reallyimportant principles because also if we're going to
develop our highest potential, we haveto have accountability, and that's where mastermind
and coaching and things like that arevery important. So these synergistic relationships of
everything, as far as I'm concerned. Now, you also, you know,
(31:44):
I noticed that you mentioned God alot in your conversation, and you
also talked about the fact that youhelp empower women to walk out the fullness
of who God created them to beany every area of their life. So
how do you feel a person canstart hearing God for themselves and how do
(32:07):
you help them to achieve that?Do you help them too? Yes,
yes, yes. So the coachingmodel that I trained on is sort of
I see accredited coaching model with aspiritual edge. So what it does is
it facilitates sort of three way conversationsbetween the coach, God and the coaching
(32:29):
and these life these encounters are trulylife changing. I mean, one of
the colleagues that are that was onthe training course with me, he happens
to be one of the UK's leadingmediators and executive coaches and he's been and
had his practice for fourteen fifteen yearsand he just sat with his mouth open
throughout the whole training and he justsaid, this is just coaching on steroids.
(32:51):
And this is why I don't hide. I include this model a lot,
as well as the consciousness work andother but from other models, but
this is the thing that moves theneedle because you know, I can find
that people come in with all sortsof presenting issues saying, oh, this
is the mountain. Until I movethis mountain, I can't move on with
(33:13):
my life. But the reality isthat when you when they hear God for
themselves and they know they've heard itbecause they know only God could know the
stuff that he's revealing to them,it's literally like a walking on water moment.
And what I experience in every conversecoaching conversation is, you know,
not only they're being transformed before myeyes, but I'm being transformed as a
(33:36):
coach. And they when you connectthem to how God sees really and they
put purpose, none of the otherstuff matters anymore, and it could be
really major stuff. It is justso fascinating to watch because literally they're just
so fired up to get on with, you know, what God wants him
to do. They're realized what's important. I'm here to multiply my talents.
(34:00):
I'll stand alone at the end ofmy life to give account for how I've
multiplied those talents. And yeah,all I've been doing is like the foolish
service, burying them away out offearing and security and instead of you know,
investing them wisely and multiplying them.So I need to get on with
it now. They're just so excited, and you know that is that is
(34:22):
what. Yeah, the whole modelreally works at a very deep heart level
and is superior to anything else I'vecome across. So that's how I use
that model. But I also dothrough the consciousness work, you know,
certain practices to encourage people to sortof tap into their intuition and their imagination
(34:50):
because this is again an area whereour Western society we've been taught to think
in our heads, in our rationalbrain, and it takes a lot of
unraveling because God puts the desires inour hearts, not our hiss. So
you know, it's it's a process, and I've got sort of like three
step processes that i work with onpeople to sort of start you know,
(35:15):
tapping into and unleashing the power oftheir intuition. And you know, it's
it's not only our strongest sat nowin terms of giving directions, but what's
so fascinating is when we start developing, you know, hearing our these and
receiving these intuitive insights and hearing God, you know, it spills out into
(35:38):
creativity innovation, marketing strategies, salesstrategies. This is what I was doing
on my NBA. Honestly, thisguy does this stuff all the time,
and he just completely wows corporate CEOsbecause he goes in there with his white
board and he gets them to starttapping into their intuition and the things they
(36:01):
come up with are just more groundbreakingthan all the competition. And he has
the guts to go with it andpursue it, and what comes out of
that is just incredible. And thatthat's the cutting edge in everything and every
sphere. So if we can learnto do that more, that's what that's
(36:23):
that's what's so that's what I helppeople do through a series of you know,
processes and things and writing their visionand tapping into that every day practices
that these these men and think cangrow rich. They were envisioning they were
doing, they understood the science,and the Bible backs up the science.
(36:45):
So you know, for example,you know when I talk about vibration or
states as well, and you talkabout sort of how can they create something
that they want when they're in toxicenvironments, Again, it boils back to
the science, you know, andconsciousness often people are responding to them out
(37:07):
of a negative vibrational state anger,frustration, and patience. But we have
the responsibility of raising our own vibrationaland emotional states. So we cannot create
what we want, which is moreabundance and love and all those things,
from a negative vibrational state and patience, anger, whatever. But yet we
(37:30):
all try that, we all doit. And this to me is again,
you know, people say they're fairlyconscious, but they're not because they
go on go on thinking they cancreate what they want in their life from
negative vibrational states. Well, itjust doesn't work like that. So we've
got to learn to get ourselves backup to those highest vibrational states as quickly
(37:54):
as possible and to stay there,which is why we're The Bible comes in
and backs up everything that the quantumscience teaches us when it says in Philippians
fourbo say, you know, dwellon all things that are good and pure
and lovely, because when you aredwelling on everything that's good and you're on
lovely, you're naturally in that statethat's there, and from that position you
(38:16):
create what you want. But youknow, it's it's it's it's obvious on
the one hand, but you knowwhen we live in two them all and
stress and there's negative stuff going on, it is harder to you know,
get back up there and and staythere. But that's where you know,
I've got the tools and things tohelp people raise their consciousness and create what
(38:38):
they love and start changing the paradigmswhich are so wonderful to be part of.
Absolutely. Now, another thing Iknow that you help with is ego
warns. What are ego warns?And how can one deal? Are heal
those types of wands. Yeah,So when we're growing up, we all,
(39:04):
you know, we all have egowounds and people who say they haven't
got any ears, you know,talking rubbish. So when we when our
brain is swarming up until sort ofabout our early twenties, we're in it
very much in our in our rationaluh you know mind, and quite quite
emotional as well sensitive and you know, these life happens, experiences happen to
(39:29):
us all. So you know,we we we we've all got things that
affect our our ego. Our egois basically there to keep us safe,
so you know, and and andto protect us, which is good.
When we were in ancient civilizations andwe had to run away from from wild
(39:52):
animals and all that kind of stuff. But it's it really works against us
if we don't understand it, becauseit keeps us in our comfort zone.
So yeah, ego wounds are thingslike fear, rejection, all the things
on the on the on the inniogram, you know, lack of trust,
(40:16):
so you know, and and andperhaps a fear of intimacy. So these
are the are the woundings that youknow, through our experiences and in life
as we're growing up, this iswhat we make up about the world,
about ourselves and about others, butit might not necessarily be true true,
(40:39):
So we have to unravel all ofthat and actually heal those wounds. So
if if I take an example,like on the iniogram, an ego wound
like we've talked about, might besay rejection, or an ego wound might
(40:59):
be like fear of intimacy for example, and what what how that's arisen the
shadow personality for you know, someonewho fears intimacy is often somebody who's a
real deep thinker, who who wholives in their heads, who's very logic
and rational and what have you,and they want to be intimate with their
(41:21):
other halves or whatever. They wantto have close relationships, but they just
that that they can't be they can'tbe you know, vulnerable. So it's
it's it's learning all about the enneagramand in essence and what the what the
woundings are and what the cures arefor them. Again, overwhelmed was an
(41:44):
interesting one when we're all under somuch stress, and this is something that
I sort of suffered from a lot, and you know that the the the
shadow personality that is quite weird.Actually it's it's being overly positive and you
often get that with with people whoare you know, being overly anything is
(42:06):
not good. So this is howI used to be thinking it was a
good thing. You know, overlypositive. Got a lot of stress and
everything else. But that is alsobecause at the heart of it, they
don't like pain. They mask it. They mask pain with a delusion or
positive outlook. So it's also learningto sort of cure that and and become
(42:30):
more comfortable with pain. So yeah, I haven't explained it very well,
but when you when you when youwhen you didn't work on the enneagram,
it becomes clear. A great explanationon it, which is you know,
when you talked about the different thedifferent types of ego wants, I think
when probably when people heard the wordego, they were automatically thought maybe as
(42:55):
something else, and that with someof the things that you mentioned, which
was great. I'm glad that youkind of broke that down for us.
We're almost coming to the end.I mean, you've been self fantastic with
the information that you shared with us. So tell me quickly, if you
could tell me if you have onepiece of advice that you would leave with
(43:17):
our viewers and our listeners, whatwould that piece of advice be? Do
the inner work on yourself. Thedividends are just beyond in terms of accelerating
your transformation on every level. Coachingon your identity and your consciousness is going
(43:43):
to change the trajectory of your lifein every area beyond what you'd ever dream
possible. So do that make thatinvestment. I wish I'd done it decades
ago. Remember to me, I'dtell you what this has been wonderful having
you on the show. If you'dlike to tell our viewers and listeners if
(44:07):
they want to reach out to you, if you want to tell them how
they can connect with you feel freeto do so. So that because you've
shared some great nuggets. So whoknows somebody maney have some additional questions to
ask you? Yeah, sure,I mean I'd love to hear from any
of you. I am on LinkedInBarbara fromant Inside Out Life and Leadership,
(44:30):
so you can DM me on meon there. I don't know if you
do you take email addresses or isthat yeah? Yeah, so I can.
I can put my give you myemail address. It's Barbara fromant as
you see in my name, nodots between the Barbara fromant at outlook dot
(44:52):
com and yes, drop me,drop me an email. I am also
doing my first free workshop on leefifth of October at seventeen thirty UK time,
and i'd love you to join jointhat if possible. I don't know
if if you've got the link tothat where everybody can register. But that's
(45:16):
basically really about you know, living, taking your life, relationships, business
and career and living on your term, so dealing with acceleration in all these
areas whether you're you know, sothat would be if you'd like to hear
more about consciousness and all these thingsthat we've discussed on how they can transform
(45:38):
your life. I will put aI've got the link here, I think,
and if I just pop that intothis chat here with that work or
do I need to put it somewhereout We can put it up on the
screen so it'll run across, soyou can go ahead and put it in,
(45:58):
and I will go ahead and letthem know upcoming events that I have
coming up. But again, Iwant to thank you for being on the
show. Make sure you do putthat link in the chat and yeah,
he said to type it there.I want to thank you for being my
guests. Barbara from att that's whoyou have been listening to today on the
(46:21):
Successful Women's Show. And while she'sputting her link in for her upcoming workshop,
I'm gonna let you know some thingsthat's upcoming, some upcoming events that
I have. Of course you knowabout that. You can now pre order
your copies of the On It anthologyIt's Your Life on It Unapologetically and the
(46:43):
journal three hundred and sixty five daysto transformation. To pre order the paperback
book and journal separately will be twentyfour ninety nine for each book. To
order. The complete set is thebook and the journal is forty nine nine
nine, And if you want toorder your copies, you can go to
(47:04):
or email me at info at EXWSIdot com or you can actually go to
my website. The direct links areon the website www dot EXWSI dot com.
And make sure to tune in thismonth to the Black Business Olympics.
Uh. It's going to be heldSeptember twenty seven through October three. And
(47:29):
as you know, the Black BusinessOlympics is a fundraiser to provide scholarships and
laptops to high school seniors going tocollege and K through twelve entrepreneurs. The
Black Business Olympics showcases black businesses,black business owners and corporations all around the
world. And if you'd like tobe a speaker on the Black Business Olympics,
(47:51):
you can email me at info atEXWSI dot com and make a note
on your calendar. They're coming upin uh January. I think it's the
twenty fifth through the twenty seventh.If I'm not making uh, I'm guessing
right now, but it's I thinkit's twenty fifth through the twenty seven.
(48:15):
You will I will be having theshow up to Rise Up Women's Summit to
find out more about the event orto be a speaker at the event,
you can email me at info atEXWSI dot com and that's gonna be January
twenty five, twenty fifth through thetwenty seven, twenty twenty four so email
(48:37):
me if you'd like to be aspeaker or find out more information about the
show Up to Rise Up Summit.Also coming soon again, US two will
be the show Up to Rise UpWomen's Network and the mission of the show
women's show Up to Rise Up Networkwill be to empower connect women in their
(49:01):
career and businesses, professional and personallives and we'll be able to help you
to gain resources, help you toincrease your revenue. Will just a lot
of networking, a lot of informationand opportunities will be available to you.
And as always, if you havenot listened to my TEDx talk, make
(49:24):
sure you do so right now.My talk is at one hundred and eighty
five thousand, four hundred twenty threeviews. I am trying to get it
up to a million plus, somake sure you watch it to the very
end, make sure you share.I want to thank those who have supported
the videos so far because it isstill being pushed out there, so I
(49:46):
want to thank all my views andlisteners for that. And as you know,
I'm a contributing writer to own Itmagazine where I share nuggets and resources
every month. The magazine is aresource for personal, professional, and business
development. So make sure that youget a copy of that. If you'd
like to get a digital copy,email me and I'll send you a link
(50:09):
so you can see a sample ofthe magazine. You can email me at
info at ex w SI dot com. And if you want a subscription,
you can go on my website forsubscription to the magazine, which is www
dot EXWSI dot com. So againI would like to thank my guests,
(50:31):
Miss Barbara from IT and my viewersand listeners. And I did not mention
but Barbara fromatt came to us differenttime zone. She came to us from
the United Kingdom, so I reallywant to thank her because the time difference
there, she's a little later thanwe are. I believe it's probably around
(50:52):
seven almost eight o'clock at night there, So definitely want to thank her for
joining us today. You've been listening, of course to the Successful Women's Show.
I'm doctor Madelanee Lewis, and ifyou want to reach out to me.
Email me at info at ex WSIdot com. Remember I'm on all
(51:14):
the social media sites, so youcan also DM me on any of the
sites. And I want to againthank my guests, Miss Barbara from IT
for being on the show, myviews, and my listeners for always tuning
in and supporting us. And thisis the successful women's show. We're here
(51:35):
every week and I am your host, Doctor Madelanee lewis helping women to accelerate
the path to success. I wantto thank you all again for joining me
to include my guests who joined usall away from the United Kingdom. I
love you all to life as always, be well and stay safe out there.
(52:00):
Got the eye of the time.I dan to do the chap and
you kill me, then have acham and me
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