September 11, 2025 • 39 mins
Join Nanci Deutsch for an insightful episode where you’ll uncover the hidden reasons behind unhealthy and self-defeating patterns in your life & business.
Whether it’s procrastination, emotional eating, poor impulse control, rumination, smoking/vaping, nail-biting, overspending, or other behaviors that hold you back. Gain tools to break free and step into your best self. Discover how to transform these patterns so you can create an inspired and empowered life & business!
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
Whether it’s procrastination, emotional eating, poor impulse control, rumination, smoking/vaping, nail-biting, overspending, or other behaviors that hold you back. Gain tools to break free and step into your best self. Discover how to transform these patterns so you can create an inspired and empowered life & business!
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guest should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcast. We are a lot on Thursdays
at five pm Eastern on Talk for TV dot com,
W four WN dot com, and my YouTube channel. And
(01:11):
today we are going to be continuing to talk about
breaking free, transforming self sabotaging behaviors art free, and we'll
talk about what you can do to identify the root
(01:32):
causes of your self sabotaging behaviors and today learn tools,
practical tools, and strategies to break free from destructive patterns.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Join us live.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
So that you can ask the questions and make the
comments in the chat, and together let's create a life
and a business you love. And I'm your host, Nancy Deutsch,
licensed Clinical work, certified hypnotherapist, Intuitive breakthrough Expert, and certified
(02:06):
business coach, and I combine my counseling, coaching and intuitive
abilities to transform your light to transform your life okay,
obviously to transform your light too also, and the show
is not a replacement for therapy or counseling. It is
(02:27):
for educational purposes only. So last week I talked about
I had the list of self sabotaging behaviors.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
Now I want you to know.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Those of you who listen live and I know and
those of you who are listening you may want that list.
And I talked about getting a pdf. So I'm still
in the process of doing that. I haven't forgotten, and
you're going to get a list of the behaviors and
(03:03):
what you can do to help you be able to
overcome those self sabotaging behaviors that affect you in your
life and in your business. So stay tuned. As soon
as I have them cut off the press, I will
let you know. So let's talk. I know Anesthesia had
(03:25):
talked about she had asked if I had done the
whole list, And what I've done is I've expanded and
I have created a few more in each category that
will also talk about those self sabotaging behaviors. So when
(03:48):
you talk or think about your mindset and your belief system,
if you're thinking scarcity and you're thinking there's limitation and
you're believing and not enough money, not enough time, not
enough opportunities. That is a self sabotaging behavior. And so
(04:13):
really because the truth is that the universe, that God,
higher power, that we are actually abundant. But it's our
fears that come up that put us into the scarcity mindset,
into the lack and into the limitation. And last week
(04:34):
we talked about that fear of success, the fear of failure,
fear of perfectionism or doing perfectionism, Impasta syndrome, and negative
self talk. So those are all mindset beliefs and behaviors
that will sabotage you. Another one is catastrophize. It I
(05:00):
can't say it catastrophizing anyway.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
It's when you think the worst.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
It's when you go to the place where you hear
something like let's say you hear something some news from
your doctor or your financial advisor, or you hear news
about some relationship or your relationship or your business, and
you go to the worst case scenario. And so when
(05:33):
you go to the worst case scenario, you are doing
what they call catastrophizing. Yes, I can say say it.
I'm laughing at myself. See you gotta have a sense
of humor, because if you don't have a sense of humor,
what good is it? You know?
Speaker 3 (05:51):
So anyway, look, I'm not perfect, so I'm having fun
with you. I enjoy doing this for you, and I
have fun.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
So and then the other thing that's really important is
the all or nothing thinking. And I have this so
often with my clients. And again it's this always happens,
or I definitely I'm always in this place, or I
(06:24):
never have that that I never have enough money, or
I never feel good enough, or that all or nothing think.
And when you are in that all or nothing thinking,
that is self sabotaging behavior. So add that to the list.
(06:47):
And like I said, you'll get a list. You'll have
an opportunity, so I will get that for you. So
another part of the list is avoiding some procrastination, and
we talked about that last time. Now add to that
that we talked about last time was analysis paralysis. So
(07:12):
if you feel or you are okay your behavior and
you start overthinking every decision.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
Until you stuck, you freeze.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
You are overthinking everything and you end up freezing, and
that's analysis paralysis.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
And also with that is that self that self doubt.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
So and and we'll talk more about that, because that
really affects.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
Your your you're.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
When you don't feel like you can trust yourself, you're
in that self doubt and that will lead to you
avoiding things or estating. Another one is avoiding feedback. So
you don't ask for feedback because you're afraid of the
criticism or you're afraid of what other people are going
(08:12):
to say, so you never ask for help, you never
ask for support, and you don't ask for feedback. That's
a self sabotaging behavior. Waiting for the right time if
you never start because you're waiting for the right time.
And this could be starting anything, it could be starting
(08:34):
something that you feel passionate about, but you don't start
because you're waiting to be perfect. You're waiting to get
it right, you're waiting for it to be the perfect time.
Then you may never have it, you may never accomplish it,
and you may never get it done. So overdoing and
(08:56):
over committing. So adding to the list that I said
last week was overgiving, doing too much for your friends,
your family, your clients, and at your expense, at your expense.
And then there's micromanaging. So if you or anyone you
(09:18):
know is a micromanager, that is actually self sabotaging behavior
because you don't delegate, and this is control patterns. You
don't delegate because you don't trust others to do a
decent job. But what happens for you is then you
start feeling maybe angry or frustrated or overwhelmed because you're
(09:42):
not allowing yourself to get the help and support that
you need in order to keep moving forward or being supported,
and then filling your schedule so instead like you feel
your schedule is perhaps meaningful, meaning less activities instead of
(10:07):
instead of doing what really matters. So another another thing
is habits and destructive coping, which it's really not coping,
it's destructive patterns and behaviors that sabotage you. So it's
(10:28):
procrastic cleaning. So what that really means is if you
are a person who cleans, cleans cleans so that you
are avoiding other things that you need to do.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
Now get me, you know, let me make this really clear.
I'm not talking about cleaning.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
I'm not talking about doing what you need to do
to clean your house or clean your office or clean whatever.
I'm talking about overcleaning and constantly clean cleaning, cleaning instead
of doing other things seeking, and then there's perpetual monthy tenth.
(11:10):
So if you're staying busy and not moving forward, then
that is a self sabotaging behavior. Another one is chronic lateness.
If you're chronically late, it is you're resisting or perhaps
one of the reasons is you could be resisting commitments,
(11:37):
or there could be other things like it could be.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
Being chronically late.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
Can also be what I call a passive aggressive behavior,
which is you acting out your anger instead of being
able to actually deal with it and communicate. That is
a self sabagaging pattern. And I see Mickey asks, when
(12:04):
do you notice it is a problem. I think, Mickey,
are you talking about the cleaning part or are you
talking about another another behavior or are you talking about
all of the behaviors? Yes, the cleaning, okay, so I
(12:25):
and here's the thing. When I start going over the
things that you can do to help you overcome the
self sabotaging behaviors, one of the biggest things is the
awareness piece. So if you're cleaning, cleaning, and if you're
(12:46):
cleaning something that's clean, then then you may you may
look at okay, what's really going on? And and and
it's also asking yourself and my doing this behavior?
Speaker 3 (13:01):
And this is for all the behavior.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Am I doing this behavior to avoid doing something else?
So that is one of the ways that you can
look at is this a problem? So you can start
asking yourself. And we're going to be talking more about
the awareness piece because the awareness piece is crucial in
(13:25):
being able to shift the self sabotaging behavior. If you
do not become aware that you have a self sabotaging
behavior or you're not sure, then it's becoming aware and
if you're not clear, it's starting to ask yourself the questions.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
And if you're still not clear, then you may need.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
To reach out for support with a coach, a mentor,
and depending on what the behavior is, a therapist or
a counselor. It all depends on what the behavior is.
You know. And then there's like a scale of destructivity.
If it's really a destructive behavior like alcoholism, you're going
(14:09):
to need help.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
And support outside yourself.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
It's not something or any kind of like gambling or
addicted behaviors where they you start feeling out of control
where you cannot stop. There's something else that you need
help and support in order for you to make the
(14:32):
shifts that you need to to move you, to move
you in the directions that you want to go in,
and to really support you in moving forward and getting healthier.
So another relationship patterns, And I see the questions came in,
and I'll get to them in a second. I just
want to finish going over that. And if you have
(14:53):
any other questions about anything else, I'm saying, I will,
I will, you know, go back. So relationship patterns. Self
sabotaging relationship patterns would be isolation, like withdrawing from people
or friends or loved ones when you really need to connect,
(15:15):
and withdrawing because you're hiding or you're shrinking or instead
of making that connection is a self sabotaging behavior. So
that's something to be aware of. Also, if you're constantly
seeking external validation, if you're seeking that external validation and
(15:38):
you're not trusting yourself at all and you need that approval,
you need the external validation because you can't find it
within yourself, that yes, that's a self sabotaging behavior, and
it's important to be able to work on healing what's
going on for you. So that you can then start
(16:02):
healing those deeper patterns and then tolerated this is important too.
These are all important. Tolerating boundary crossing. If you're in
a relationship and you are letting others take advantage of
your time, your energy, your kindness, then then that is
(16:27):
a self sabotaging behavior. And one of the ways you
can start noticing if you start feeling really angry and
resentful of other people because they keep asking you, you're
not setting the boundaries and if you say no or
I cannot, and they keep crossing it and they're not
(16:50):
hearing you and they're not listening, and then there's something
going there's a dynamic in the relationship that's unhealthy, and
you your job is to take care of yourself and
do what you need to and to stop their behavior,
like it's really about you setting those very clear boundaries
(17:14):
and limits. And then business specific sabotage is starting and stopping,
so launching something and then it never gets launched. Or
neglecting your finances, and this is for everybody. Neglecting your finances,
you're not tracking your income or expenses, you're avoiding looking
(17:36):
at money, you're not budgeting or you're.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
Not taking care of yourself financially.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
So yeah, so those those are important things to look
at and over complicating your offers and if you're making
it too complicated that people can't understand, then you're sabotaging
yourself and not following ought. That's a huge common self
(18:03):
sabotaging behavior that I find with clients is if you're
not following and there's a saying called fortune is in
the follow up, and if you're not following up, that's
a self sabotaging behavior and hiding behind certifications.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
So if you keep getting training and you keep looking
for learning and.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Not really doing and putting yourself out there, that's a
self sabotaging behavior. So I know a lot of questions
came in as I was talking, So we are going
to get to those questions and then I will get
that go to the remedies or what you could start
(18:44):
doing to help you to start taking care of yourself
and stop the self sabotaging behaviors. So Misty says, is
it a matter of prioritizing the need to So it
all depends when you have when you have a self
(19:06):
sabotaging behavior, there's levels of it. That you're going to
need to look at. So asking yourself questions like what
I was talking about before, if you're doing a behavior
like the overcleaning, or you're doing something like scarcity thinking,
(19:28):
and what's really going on here? And what do I
really need? Or what am I avoiding? Or what am
I really fearful of? Asking those kinds of questions can
help you understand what's going on underneath. And I see
(19:48):
that Anastasia was talking about how deep these patterns go,
and so it's really there's different love of the patterns,
and so there may be prioritizing your behaviors, like if
part of the help that you could have that would
(20:12):
help you in overcoming the self sabotaging behaviors could be
organizing your time and prioritizing what you need to do.
But here's the thing with self sabotaging behaviors. They're often subconscious,
unconscious patterns. You're not necessarily aware that you're doing it,
(20:35):
and so you may not even be able to prioritize
that I need to do this, this, this, and this.
So if you're going to cleaning or I know a
common one social media, All right, now many of you
and here's the thing I'm not saying don't go on
social media. I mean, I appreciate all of you on
(20:56):
social media right now, coming in through the Facebook. But
if you're doing the scrolling, and you're scrolling and you
really need to be doing something else, the scrolling is
a way of avoiding something. That's where see here's that's
what the question is. Is am I avoiding doing something
(21:19):
by if doing this behavior, is this keeping me from
avoiding something else? So that's what I support you in asking.
Anastasia also asked the difference difference between wanting to do
something and blowing it off with an excuse. So the
(21:40):
difference between wanting to do something and blowing it off, yes,
And what happens is sometimes when you are doing the
self sabotaging, when you are doing the self sabotaging behaviors,
you will find excuses. And one of those behaviors is
excuse and oh, I'll just clean instead, or I'll just
(22:04):
scroll instead, or I'll just eat instead, or I'll eat
sugar instead, or I'll do this instead of what I
really need to be doing. So it's really learning the
difference between when you're needing to prioritize or when you're
(22:28):
wanting to do something and when you're really like fearful
of it, blowing it off like you said, or avoiding it, procrastinating,
and that's the.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
Self sabotaging, right Okay.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Nikki asked, sometimes you need to get away from family
because they are toxic, Yes, and that is true. And
like if you have family who are toxic, like not
listening to your backes, and you continue to set boundaries
and they are not listening and you're tolerating it, there's
(23:09):
a dynamic that's not healthy for you. And it's about
you making a choice and having if they're if they're
able to hear you enough so that maybe you can
have a conversation where you know, this is what's coming
up for me and this is what I'm feeling, and
in order for us to stay in relationship, I need
(23:31):
for you.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
To respect my boundaries.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
But if they cannot hear that, then you may need
to leave the relationship. And that's something that you need
to look at and to discover what do you need
And this is a part of you know, self care
is what do you need to do to take care
of yourself in your life and in your relationship. So
(23:57):
definitely that's important for you to ask. So and like
I said, Anasaysa asked how deep the patterns go. So
there's different levels of it. And Misty says, when you
need a boundary but they don't at the same time
may cause another issue. Yes, that is true. Misty's what
(24:20):
might happen is is when you're saying no or you're
setting a boundary around time or doing something, and that
may cause another issue that that other person may get
angry or they may guilt.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
You or shame you.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
And in order to have a healthier dynamic in the relationship,
you're going to need to confront that and deal with
that so that you can then be able to do
this self care that you need to. So, yes, it
may cause another issue in a relationlationship, but then again
(25:01):
you need to look at and I okay, so I'm
going to say it's either you or them. Now, I
don't mean totally being selfish, I mean self care. Okay,
So this is really important. It's called essential. I call
it essential self care. And setting your boundaries and learning
(25:22):
to say no and taking care of yourself is essential
self care. Now, if they can't tolerat it or they're
not supporting you, or they're not hearing you, then you
really need and you're not even able to talk to
them about it, then there's something going on in the
relationship you need to look at. But if you can talk,
(25:46):
this is what's coming up for me, this is what
I'm feeling, and this is what I need in order
for us to continue our relationship and to have a
healthier dynamic.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
In the relationship.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
And learning to have that healthier dynamic is overcoming the
self sabotaging behavior. But you can't control another person's reaction.
And again, I mean and if you know there's this balance,
I really believe there's a balance. If you're an overgiver,
(26:21):
you need to stop like you need to balance that, oh,
because that was one of the self sabotaging behaviors is
overgiving and you're giving and your giving and they're taking
and they're taking. There's an imbalance in the relationship. But you,
as a giver, need to learn how to receive. You
(26:43):
need to learn how to communicate, you need to learn
how to set those boundaries. And yet it may cause
other challenges in the relationship. And again, self care. Now,
if you are someone who's a taker or someone who
has been labeled selfish, and I work with this very
(27:07):
gingerly because very often people will say, oh, you're so
selfish when you're really doing self care.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
But if you are always taking, or you're not you're
not ever giving.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
Then you need to look at because that could be
a self sabotaging behavior too and could be hurting your relationship.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
So the healthy way to be is in balance with
giving and taking.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
It's learning how to find the balance point in your relationships.
So hopefully all of that helps and you can let
me know what you know if there's any questions around that.
So let's talk about breaking free. What do you mean
to do about to break free from these these sabotaging
(28:06):
batter So the first one that I'm going to talk
about is the awareness. You cannot change a pattern or
a behavior if you're not aware of it. So it's
going to be really important for you to start becoming
really aware that you're doing this behavior. And until you've
(28:30):
become aware, then you're not going to be able to
change it. Now, some people may end up having people
that may say something to them now, you now and again,
because it all depends on what said and how it's
said and what the intention is behind it. There's a
(28:51):
lot of pieces here. But if somebody is saying to
you and it's coming from a concerned place, from a
place of concern for you, and it's not coming from
a hidden agenda or them wanting you to change because
they want you to do something for them. Okay, so
(29:14):
that's kind of where it's looking. But if somebody's coming
to you with a concern for your behavior, then be open.
Be open to is this really a behavior I need
to be concerned about now some of you, If it's
a really if it's an addictive pattern, or it's a
(29:35):
behavior and you underneath Now, ultimately I'm going to tell
you you know your truth. You know certain behaviors that
you do that are repetitive behaviors.
Speaker 3 (29:49):
That are avoiding.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
You're avoiding problems, you're avoiding doing, you're avoiding taking action.
And if you're in that place and somebody says something
to you they're trying to support you and help you,
then it's something for you to be open to now.
But what I also want you to know is that
(30:13):
I really believe that when you're ready to overcome a
self sabotaging behavior and you're going to start, you're going
to start becoming more aware of it, and I'm hoping
the show can help you. And I'm also hoping that
when I get the checklist, that that will also help
(30:35):
you to start looking at behaviors and start asking yourself
and start becoming more aware of the behaviors you're doing
that may be avoiding you from doing something else. So
what you can do is when you start becoming aware,
(30:56):
is you can start a journal or a lift, like, oh,
I have a behavior that I do need to deal with,
And when you can when you start noticing the behavior.
Now here's the thing. If you're not in a place
where you can do something about it, I would write
(31:20):
it down, Like if you're in the middle of a meeting,
or you're at work, or your.
Speaker 3 (31:29):
You know, or.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Something else is going on, carry a little carry a
little pad with you, write it down so that when
you are able to take time to start asking yourself
these questions.
Speaker 3 (31:44):
What was I doing? What was I feeling? A lot?
Speaker 2 (31:48):
And I'm going to tell you a lot of self
sabotaging behaviors happened because you don't want to feel. Many
of us, I would say every human being or most
human beings will do some kind of behavior not to
feel certain things, certain emotions. So it's about you getting
in touch what is it you're really feeling and what
(32:11):
was the thought that you were thinking, Like if you're
in scarcity thinking, oh, I'm thinking there's not enough and
here's the thing and I'm going to add this, this
is coming to me now. And I really want to
support all of you. When you're in the behavior and
(32:31):
or you're like scarcity thinking and you're in the problem,
then that can exacerbate and continue to either escalate the behavior,
the self sabotaging behavior, or you will continue to do it.
What you want to ask yourself is what can I
(32:53):
do to heal it? Or what what is.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
How can I solve this problem?
Speaker 2 (33:02):
So instead of going deeper into the rabbit hole of fear,
it's asking what can I do to heal and what
can I do to overcome this problem.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
A couple of things. Also to ask yourself.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
Another way that you can take your power back is
reclaiming your ballet, So how do you do that? So
when you're in a behavior and instead of reacting automatically,
instead of reacting automatically, you want to ask the question,
what am I really afraid of, Especially if the feeling
(33:41):
that you're aware of is fear, now it may be
another emotion. And even if you're feeling angry or guilt,
there may be fear underneath. So it's really keep asking
the question of yourself. So so you want to ask,
(34:03):
what am I really afraid of here? And if I
really trusted myself, what would I do differently? And what
do I really want? So you notice a self sabotaging behavior,
what do you really want to be doing?
Speaker 3 (34:21):
What do you really.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Want in your life? And avoiding the feelings is not
going to help you. You need and you may need
to reach out for support. If you're avoiding getting supported,
that is a self sabotaging behavior, and so that's really important.
So and often fear does hide behind self sabotage, and
(34:47):
learning how to create the question and pause the interrupt
will give you empowering new choices. And remember that when
we've talked about this in past shows about how when
you're in that reaction mode, you're reacting, and you're in
(35:11):
that reaction space, and so what you want to do
is stop and pause and reflect so that you're in
you're going from reaction, so that you can respond, so
that you can respond, and and so all of these.
(35:36):
So today we continued and I'm gonna we're going to
do a part for it because and type in the
chat if there's more pieces around this self sabotaging, maybe
you're more understanding, you want that maybe I haven't covered yet.
I would really like to hear from you if there's
(35:59):
other pieces that you would like to know about that
I haven't gotten to. And I'm gonna continue next week
on more tools that you can use to help you
overcome those self sabotaging behaviors.
Speaker 3 (36:16):
And so we went through more.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
Okay Ana Sasa says, there may be more, but I
don't know what they are.
Speaker 3 (36:24):
All right, Well, you know what.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
What I will do at this stasia is I will
continue to see if there are more that come up
or that I can explore or that I discover that
I can bring more in next week and I'm hoping
by next week i'll have the PBF so that you
(36:46):
can then download and do a checklist.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
If there are more.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
Misty says, if there are more, we would like to know, Okay,
I hear you. I am gonna be on look out
for more behaviors. Okay, so definitely I will be looking
for that. Okay, thank you for letting me know. And
Micky said that would be great. Okay, cool, So to
(37:13):
be continued, and so we just started talking about some
of the ways that you can help you to overcome
the self sabotaging behaviors, like the awareness piece and having
that awareness, the pause and reflect so that you can
(37:35):
make a choice from going from reaction to respond.
Speaker 3 (37:39):
Okay, So those.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Are those are a couple of tools to use when
you want to overcome those behaviors. To be continued next
Thursday on the Inspired and Empoweredly and Living TV show
and five guests are a thriving business and life and
(38:03):
we're alive at five o'clock on Thursdays.
Speaker 3 (38:09):
Excuse me five o'clock.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
Pm on Thursdays and on on W four WN dot com,
my YouTube channel and talk for TV doc and you
can find the podcast on iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora and Apple
(38:31):
and Amazon and many and so next week we will
continue to work on these self sabotaging behaviors, helping you
to discover more and understand and learn more about behaviors
so that you can come into more self awareness because
(38:52):
that is the key to changing them. And so I
wish you and inspired an empowered day and inspired and
empowered evening and week.
Speaker 3 (39:05):
Have a great one. Everybody five and Alf
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guest should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcast. We are a lot on Thursdays
at five pm Eastern on Talk for TV dot com,
W four WN dot com, and my YouTube channel. And
(01:11):
today we are going to be continuing to talk about
breaking free, transforming self sabotaging behaviors art free, and we'll
talk about what you can do to identify the root
(01:32):
causes of your self sabotaging behaviors and today learn tools,
practical tools, and strategies to break free from destructive patterns.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Join us live.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
So that you can ask the questions and make the
comments in the chat, and together let's create a life
and a business you love. And I'm your host, Nancy Deutsch,
licensed Clinical work, certified hypnotherapist, Intuitive breakthrough Expert, and certified
(02:06):
business coach, and I combine my counseling, coaching and intuitive
abilities to transform your light to transform your life okay,
obviously to transform your light too also, and the show
is not a replacement for therapy or counseling. It is
(02:27):
for educational purposes only. So last week I talked about
I had the list of self sabotaging behaviors.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
Now I want you to know.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Those of you who listen live and I know and
those of you who are listening you may want that list.
And I talked about getting a pdf. So I'm still
in the process of doing that. I haven't forgotten, and
you're going to get a list of the behaviors and
(03:03):
what you can do to help you be able to
overcome those self sabotaging behaviors that affect you in your
life and in your business. So stay tuned. As soon
as I have them cut off the press, I will
let you know. So let's talk. I know Anesthesia had
(03:25):
talked about she had asked if I had done the
whole list, And what I've done is I've expanded and
I have created a few more in each category that
will also talk about those self sabotaging behaviors. So when
(03:48):
you talk or think about your mindset and your belief system,
if you're thinking scarcity and you're thinking there's limitation and
you're believing and not enough money, not enough time, not
enough opportunities. That is a self sabotaging behavior. And so
(04:13):
really because the truth is that the universe, that God,
higher power, that we are actually abundant. But it's our
fears that come up that put us into the scarcity mindset,
into the lack and into the limitation. And last week
(04:34):
we talked about that fear of success, the fear of failure,
fear of perfectionism or doing perfectionism, Impasta syndrome, and negative
self talk. So those are all mindset beliefs and behaviors
that will sabotage you. Another one is catastrophize. It I
(05:00):
can't say it catastrophizing anyway.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
It's when you think the worst.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
It's when you go to the place where you hear
something like let's say you hear something some news from
your doctor or your financial advisor, or you hear news
about some relationship or your relationship or your business, and
you go to the worst case scenario. And so when
(05:33):
you go to the worst case scenario, you are doing
what they call catastrophizing. Yes, I can say say it.
I'm laughing at myself. See you gotta have a sense
of humor, because if you don't have a sense of humor,
what good is it? You know?
Speaker 3 (05:51):
So anyway, look, I'm not perfect, so I'm having fun
with you. I enjoy doing this for you, and I
have fun.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
So and then the other thing that's really important is
the all or nothing thinking. And I have this so
often with my clients. And again it's this always happens,
or I definitely I'm always in this place, or I
(06:24):
never have that that I never have enough money, or
I never feel good enough, or that all or nothing think.
And when you are in that all or nothing thinking,
that is self sabotaging behavior. So add that to the list.
(06:47):
And like I said, you'll get a list. You'll have
an opportunity, so I will get that for you. So
another part of the list is avoiding some procrastination, and
we talked about that last time. Now add to that
that we talked about last time was analysis paralysis. So
(07:12):
if you feel or you are okay your behavior and
you start overthinking every decision.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
Until you stuck, you freeze.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
You are overthinking everything and you end up freezing, and
that's analysis paralysis.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
And also with that is that self that self doubt.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
So and and we'll talk more about that, because that
really affects.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
Your your you're.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
When you don't feel like you can trust yourself, you're
in that self doubt and that will lead to you
avoiding things or estating. Another one is avoiding feedback. So
you don't ask for feedback because you're afraid of the
criticism or you're afraid of what other people are going
(08:12):
to say, so you never ask for help, you never
ask for support, and you don't ask for feedback. That's
a self sabotaging behavior. Waiting for the right time if
you never start because you're waiting for the right time.
And this could be starting anything, it could be starting
(08:34):
something that you feel passionate about, but you don't start
because you're waiting to be perfect. You're waiting to get
it right, you're waiting for it to be the perfect time.
Then you may never have it, you may never accomplish it,
and you may never get it done. So overdoing and
(08:56):
over committing. So adding to the list that I said
last week was overgiving, doing too much for your friends,
your family, your clients, and at your expense, at your expense.
And then there's micromanaging. So if you or anyone you
(09:18):
know is a micromanager, that is actually self sabotaging behavior
because you don't delegate, and this is control patterns. You
don't delegate because you don't trust others to do a
decent job. But what happens for you is then you
start feeling maybe angry or frustrated or overwhelmed because you're
(09:42):
not allowing yourself to get the help and support that
you need in order to keep moving forward or being supported,
and then filling your schedule so instead like you feel
your schedule is perhaps meaningful, meaning less activities instead of
(10:07):
instead of doing what really matters. So another another thing
is habits and destructive coping, which it's really not coping,
it's destructive patterns and behaviors that sabotage you. So it's
(10:28):
procrastic cleaning. So what that really means is if you
are a person who cleans, cleans cleans so that you
are avoiding other things that you need to do.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
Now get me, you know, let me make this really clear.
I'm not talking about cleaning.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
I'm not talking about doing what you need to do
to clean your house or clean your office or clean whatever.
I'm talking about overcleaning and constantly clean cleaning, cleaning instead
of doing other things seeking, and then there's perpetual monthy tenth.
(11:10):
So if you're staying busy and not moving forward, then
that is a self sabotaging behavior. Another one is chronic lateness.
If you're chronically late, it is you're resisting or perhaps
one of the reasons is you could be resisting commitments,
(11:37):
or there could be other things like it could be.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
Being chronically late.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
Can also be what I call a passive aggressive behavior,
which is you acting out your anger instead of being
able to actually deal with it and communicate. That is
a self sabagaging pattern. And I see Mickey asks, when
(12:04):
do you notice it is a problem. I think, Mickey,
are you talking about the cleaning part or are you
talking about another another behavior or are you talking about
all of the behaviors? Yes, the cleaning, okay, so I
(12:25):
and here's the thing. When I start going over the
things that you can do to help you overcome the
self sabotaging behaviors, one of the biggest things is the
awareness piece. So if you're cleaning, cleaning, and if you're
(12:46):
cleaning something that's clean, then then you may you may
look at okay, what's really going on? And and and
it's also asking yourself and my doing this behavior?
Speaker 3 (13:01):
And this is for all the behavior.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Am I doing this behavior to avoid doing something else?
So that is one of the ways that you can
look at is this a problem? So you can start
asking yourself. And we're going to be talking more about
the awareness piece because the awareness piece is crucial in
(13:25):
being able to shift the self sabotaging behavior. If you
do not become aware that you have a self sabotaging
behavior or you're not sure, then it's becoming aware and
if you're not clear, it's starting to ask yourself the questions.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
And if you're still not clear, then you may need.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
To reach out for support with a coach, a mentor,
and depending on what the behavior is, a therapist or
a counselor. It all depends on what the behavior is.
You know. And then there's like a scale of destructivity.
If it's really a destructive behavior like alcoholism, you're going
(14:09):
to need help.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
And support outside yourself.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
It's not something or any kind of like gambling or
addicted behaviors where they you start feeling out of control
where you cannot stop. There's something else that you need
help and support in order for you to make the
(14:32):
shifts that you need to to move you, to move
you in the directions that you want to go in,
and to really support you in moving forward and getting healthier.
So another relationship patterns, And I see the questions came in,
and I'll get to them in a second. I just
want to finish going over that. And if you have
(14:53):
any other questions about anything else, I'm saying, I will,
I will, you know, go back. So relationship patterns. Self
sabotaging relationship patterns would be isolation, like withdrawing from people
or friends or loved ones when you really need to connect,
(15:15):
and withdrawing because you're hiding or you're shrinking or instead
of making that connection is a self sabotaging behavior. So
that's something to be aware of. Also, if you're constantly
seeking external validation, if you're seeking that external validation and
(15:38):
you're not trusting yourself at all and you need that approval,
you need the external validation because you can't find it
within yourself, that yes, that's a self sabotaging behavior, and
it's important to be able to work on healing what's
going on for you. So that you can then start
(16:02):
healing those deeper patterns and then tolerated this is important too.
These are all important. Tolerating boundary crossing. If you're in
a relationship and you are letting others take advantage of
your time, your energy, your kindness, then then that is
(16:27):
a self sabotaging behavior. And one of the ways you
can start noticing if you start feeling really angry and
resentful of other people because they keep asking you, you're
not setting the boundaries and if you say no or
I cannot, and they keep crossing it and they're not
(16:50):
hearing you and they're not listening, and then there's something
going there's a dynamic in the relationship that's unhealthy, and
you your job is to take care of yourself and
do what you need to and to stop their behavior,
like it's really about you setting those very clear boundaries
(17:14):
and limits. And then business specific sabotage is starting and stopping,
so launching something and then it never gets launched. Or
neglecting your finances, and this is for everybody. Neglecting your finances,
you're not tracking your income or expenses, you're avoiding looking
(17:36):
at money, you're not budgeting or you're.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
Not taking care of yourself financially.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
So yeah, so those those are important things to look
at and over complicating your offers and if you're making
it too complicated that people can't understand, then you're sabotaging
yourself and not following ought. That's a huge common self
(18:03):
sabotaging behavior that I find with clients is if you're
not following and there's a saying called fortune is in
the follow up, and if you're not following up, that's
a self sabotaging behavior and hiding behind certifications.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
So if you keep getting training and you keep looking
for learning and.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Not really doing and putting yourself out there, that's a
self sabotaging behavior. So I know a lot of questions
came in as I was talking, So we are going
to get to those questions and then I will get
that go to the remedies or what you could start
(18:44):
doing to help you to start taking care of yourself
and stop the self sabotaging behaviors. So Misty says, is
it a matter of prioritizing the need to So it
all depends when you have when you have a self
(19:06):
sabotaging behavior, there's levels of it. That you're going to
need to look at. So asking yourself questions like what
I was talking about before, if you're doing a behavior
like the overcleaning, or you're doing something like scarcity thinking,
(19:28):
and what's really going on here? And what do I
really need? Or what am I avoiding? Or what am
I really fearful of? Asking those kinds of questions can
help you understand what's going on underneath. And I see
(19:48):
that Anastasia was talking about how deep these patterns go,
and so it's really there's different love of the patterns,
and so there may be prioritizing your behaviors, like if
part of the help that you could have that would
(20:12):
help you in overcoming the self sabotaging behaviors could be
organizing your time and prioritizing what you need to do.
But here's the thing with self sabotaging behaviors. They're often subconscious,
unconscious patterns. You're not necessarily aware that you're doing it,
(20:35):
and so you may not even be able to prioritize
that I need to do this, this, this, and this.
So if you're going to cleaning or I know a
common one social media, All right, now many of you
and here's the thing I'm not saying don't go on
social media. I mean, I appreciate all of you on
(20:56):
social media right now, coming in through the Facebook. But
if you're doing the scrolling, and you're scrolling and you
really need to be doing something else, the scrolling is
a way of avoiding something. That's where see here's that's
what the question is. Is am I avoiding doing something
(21:19):
by if doing this behavior, is this keeping me from
avoiding something else? So that's what I support you in asking.
Anastasia also asked the difference difference between wanting to do
something and blowing it off with an excuse. So the
(21:40):
difference between wanting to do something and blowing it off, yes,
And what happens is sometimes when you are doing the
self sabotaging, when you are doing the self sabotaging behaviors,
you will find excuses. And one of those behaviors is
excuse and oh, I'll just clean instead, or I'll just
(22:04):
scroll instead, or I'll just eat instead, or I'll eat
sugar instead, or I'll do this instead of what I
really need to be doing. So it's really learning the
difference between when you're needing to prioritize or when you're
(22:28):
wanting to do something and when you're really like fearful
of it, blowing it off like you said, or avoiding it, procrastinating,
and that's the.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
Self sabotaging, right Okay.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Nikki asked, sometimes you need to get away from family
because they are toxic, Yes, and that is true. And
like if you have family who are toxic, like not
listening to your backes, and you continue to set boundaries
and they are not listening and you're tolerating it, there's
(23:09):
a dynamic that's not healthy for you. And it's about
you making a choice and having if they're if they're
able to hear you enough so that maybe you can
have a conversation where you know, this is what's coming
up for me and this is what I'm feeling, and
in order for us to stay in relationship, I need
(23:31):
for you.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
To respect my boundaries.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
But if they cannot hear that, then you may need
to leave the relationship. And that's something that you need
to look at and to discover what do you need
And this is a part of you know, self care
is what do you need to do to take care
of yourself in your life and in your relationship. So
(23:57):
definitely that's important for you to ask. So and like
I said, Anasaysa asked how deep the patterns go. So
there's different levels of it. And Misty says, when you
need a boundary but they don't at the same time
may cause another issue. Yes, that is true. Misty's what
(24:20):
might happen is is when you're saying no or you're
setting a boundary around time or doing something, and that
may cause another issue that that other person may get
angry or they may guilt.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
You or shame you.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
And in order to have a healthier dynamic in the relationship,
you're going to need to confront that and deal with
that so that you can then be able to do
this self care that you need to. So, yes, it
may cause another issue in a relationlationship, but then again
(25:01):
you need to look at and I okay, so I'm
going to say it's either you or them. Now, I
don't mean totally being selfish, I mean self care. Okay,
So this is really important. It's called essential. I call
it essential self care. And setting your boundaries and learning
(25:22):
to say no and taking care of yourself is essential
self care. Now, if they can't tolerat it or they're
not supporting you, or they're not hearing you, then you
really need and you're not even able to talk to
them about it, then there's something going on in the
relationship you need to look at. But if you can talk,
(25:46):
this is what's coming up for me, this is what
I'm feeling, and this is what I need in order
for us to continue our relationship and to have a
healthier dynamic.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
In the relationship.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
And learning to have that healthier dynamic is overcoming the
self sabotaging behavior. But you can't control another person's reaction.
And again, I mean and if you know there's this balance,
I really believe there's a balance. If you're an overgiver,
(26:21):
you need to stop like you need to balance that, oh,
because that was one of the self sabotaging behaviors is
overgiving and you're giving and your giving and they're taking
and they're taking. There's an imbalance in the relationship. But you,
as a giver, need to learn how to receive. You
(26:43):
need to learn how to communicate, you need to learn
how to set those boundaries. And yet it may cause
other challenges in the relationship. And again, self care. Now,
if you are someone who's a taker or someone who
has been labeled selfish, and I work with this very
(27:07):
gingerly because very often people will say, oh, you're so
selfish when you're really doing self care.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
But if you are always taking, or you're not you're
not ever giving.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
Then you need to look at because that could be
a self sabotaging behavior too and could be hurting your relationship.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
So the healthy way to be is in balance with
giving and taking.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
It's learning how to find the balance point in your relationships.
So hopefully all of that helps and you can let
me know what you know if there's any questions around that.
So let's talk about breaking free. What do you mean
to do about to break free from these these sabotaging
(28:06):
batter So the first one that I'm going to talk
about is the awareness. You cannot change a pattern or
a behavior if you're not aware of it. So it's
going to be really important for you to start becoming
really aware that you're doing this behavior. And until you've
(28:30):
become aware, then you're not going to be able to
change it. Now, some people may end up having people
that may say something to them now, you now and again,
because it all depends on what said and how it's
said and what the intention is behind it. There's a
(28:51):
lot of pieces here. But if somebody is saying to
you and it's coming from a concerned place, from a
place of concern for you, and it's not coming from
a hidden agenda or them wanting you to change because
they want you to do something for them. Okay, so
(29:14):
that's kind of where it's looking. But if somebody's coming
to you with a concern for your behavior, then be open.
Be open to is this really a behavior I need
to be concerned about now some of you, If it's
a really if it's an addictive pattern, or it's a
(29:35):
behavior and you underneath Now, ultimately I'm going to tell
you you know your truth. You know certain behaviors that
you do that are repetitive behaviors.
Speaker 3 (29:49):
That are avoiding.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
You're avoiding problems, you're avoiding doing, you're avoiding taking action.
And if you're in that place and somebody says something
to you they're trying to support you and help you,
then it's something for you to be open to now.
But what I also want you to know is that
(30:13):
I really believe that when you're ready to overcome a
self sabotaging behavior and you're going to start, you're going
to start becoming more aware of it, and I'm hoping
the show can help you. And I'm also hoping that
when I get the checklist, that that will also help
(30:35):
you to start looking at behaviors and start asking yourself
and start becoming more aware of the behaviors you're doing
that may be avoiding you from doing something else. So
what you can do is when you start becoming aware,
(30:56):
is you can start a journal or a lift, like, oh,
I have a behavior that I do need to deal with,
And when you can when you start noticing the behavior.
Now here's the thing. If you're not in a place
where you can do something about it, I would write
(31:20):
it down, Like if you're in the middle of a meeting,
or you're at work, or your.
Speaker 3 (31:29):
You know, or.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Something else is going on, carry a little carry a
little pad with you, write it down so that when
you are able to take time to start asking yourself
these questions.
Speaker 3 (31:44):
What was I doing? What was I feeling? A lot?
Speaker 2 (31:48):
And I'm going to tell you a lot of self
sabotaging behaviors happened because you don't want to feel. Many
of us, I would say every human being or most
human beings will do some kind of behavior not to
feel certain things, certain emotions. So it's about you getting
in touch what is it you're really feeling and what
(32:11):
was the thought that you were thinking, Like if you're
in scarcity thinking, oh, I'm thinking there's not enough and
here's the thing and I'm going to add this, this
is coming to me now. And I really want to
support all of you. When you're in the behavior and
(32:31):
or you're like scarcity thinking and you're in the problem,
then that can exacerbate and continue to either escalate the behavior,
the self sabotaging behavior, or you will continue to do it.
What you want to ask yourself is what can I
(32:53):
do to heal it? Or what what is.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
How can I solve this problem?
Speaker 2 (33:02):
So instead of going deeper into the rabbit hole of fear,
it's asking what can I do to heal and what
can I do to overcome this problem.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
A couple of things. Also to ask yourself.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
Another way that you can take your power back is
reclaiming your ballet, So how do you do that? So
when you're in a behavior and instead of reacting automatically,
instead of reacting automatically, you want to ask the question,
what am I really afraid of, Especially if the feeling
(33:41):
that you're aware of is fear, now it may be
another emotion. And even if you're feeling angry or guilt,
there may be fear underneath. So it's really keep asking
the question of yourself. So so you want to ask,
(34:03):
what am I really afraid of here? And if I
really trusted myself, what would I do differently? And what
do I really want? So you notice a self sabotaging behavior,
what do you really want to be doing?
Speaker 3 (34:21):
What do you really.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Want in your life? And avoiding the feelings is not
going to help you. You need and you may need
to reach out for support. If you're avoiding getting supported,
that is a self sabotaging behavior, and so that's really important.
So and often fear does hide behind self sabotage, and
(34:47):
learning how to create the question and pause the interrupt
will give you empowering new choices. And remember that when
we've talked about this in past shows about how when
you're in that reaction mode, you're reacting, and you're in
(35:11):
that reaction space, and so what you want to do
is stop and pause and reflect so that you're in
you're going from reaction, so that you can respond, so
that you can respond, and and so all of these.
(35:36):
So today we continued and I'm gonna we're going to
do a part for it because and type in the
chat if there's more pieces around this self sabotaging, maybe
you're more understanding, you want that maybe I haven't covered yet.
I would really like to hear from you if there's
(35:59):
other pieces that you would like to know about that
I haven't gotten to. And I'm gonna continue next week
on more tools that you can use to help you
overcome those self sabotaging behaviors.
Speaker 3 (36:16):
And so we went through more.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
Okay Ana Sasa says, there may be more, but I
don't know what they are.
Speaker 3 (36:24):
All right, Well, you know what.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
What I will do at this stasia is I will
continue to see if there are more that come up
or that I can explore or that I discover that
I can bring more in next week and I'm hoping
by next week i'll have the PBF so that you
(36:46):
can then download and do a checklist.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
If there are more.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
Misty says, if there are more, we would like to know, Okay,
I hear you. I am gonna be on look out
for more behaviors. Okay, so definitely I will be looking
for that. Okay, thank you for letting me know. And
Micky said that would be great. Okay, cool, So to
(37:13):
be continued, and so we just started talking about some
of the ways that you can help you to overcome
the self sabotaging behaviors, like the awareness piece and having
that awareness, the pause and reflect so that you can
(37:35):
make a choice from going from reaction to respond.
Speaker 3 (37:39):
Okay, So those.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Are those are a couple of tools to use when
you want to overcome those behaviors. To be continued next
Thursday on the Inspired and Empoweredly and Living TV show
and five guests are a thriving business and life and
(38:03):
we're alive at five o'clock on Thursdays.
Speaker 3 (38:09):
Excuse me five o'clock.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
Pm on Thursdays and on on W four WN dot com,
my YouTube channel and talk for TV doc and you
can find the podcast on iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora and Apple
(38:31):
and Amazon and many and so next week we will
continue to work on these self sabotaging behaviors, helping you
to discover more and understand and learn more about behaviors
so that you can come into more self awareness because
(38:52):
that is the key to changing them. And so I
wish you and inspired an empowered day and inspired and
empowered evening and week.
Speaker 3 (39:05):
Have a great one. Everybody five and Alf
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