September 18, 2025 • 39 mins
Join Nanci Deutsch for an insightful episode where you’ll uncover the hidden reasons behind unhealthy and self-defeating patterns in your life & business.
Whether it’s procrastination, emotional eating, poor impulse control, rumination, smoking/vaping, nail-biting, overspending, or other behaviors that hold you back. Gain tools to break free and step into your best self. Discover how to transform these patterns so you can create an inspired and empowered life & business!
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
Whether it’s procrastination, emotional eating, poor impulse control, rumination, smoking/vaping, nail-biting, overspending, or other behaviors that hold you back. Gain tools to break free and step into your best self. Discover how to transform these patterns so you can create an inspired and empowered life & business!
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guest should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and Inspired and Empowered Living Thriving Business and Life.
And we are live Thursdays at five pm Eastern on
talk for TVW four WN dot com and my YouTube channel.
(01:14):
And today we continue to talk about the self sabotaging
behaviors art or and how you can break free. So
today we're gonna I have more behaviors. We had requests
(01:35):
for wanting to know even more self sabotaging behaviors, and
I've answered that request, and we're also going to be
talking about what you can do to overcome those behaviors.
And we have the top ten self sabotaging behaviors, so
(01:59):
and how you and the self correcting thing that you
could do. So stay tuned and we are going We're
here for you and are you ready to have and
inspired and empowered life. I'm your host, Nancy Deutsch, licensed
clinical social worker, certified hypnotherapist and intuitive breakthrough expert. I
(02:24):
combine my counseling, coaching, and intuitive work to transform your life.
And this show is not and this is especially in
light of the behaviors. This show is not a replacement
for therapy and counseling. It is for educational purposes only.
(02:46):
So we are going to get started now. Like I said,
we had requests on more self sabotaging behaviors and I
heard yours, and now I've added some more, so the
one around mindset and beliefs. The other issue that may
(03:11):
come up the behavior is if you are over identifying
with your mistakes, which can bring up shame or guilt
instead of focusing on the learning opportunities. That is a
definitely a self sabotaging behavior. And so if you discover
(03:36):
that you are in that pattern, what I really want
to support you is, instead of focusing on that mistake
and feeling the shame of the guilt and or both,
ask yourself, what did I learn from this experience? What
(03:57):
did I learn from this experience? And the next group
of behaviors that we were talking about is avoidance and procrastination. Now,
one of the other self sabotaging behaviors is indecision in decisiveness.
(04:22):
So you delay your decisions because your fear of making
the wrong decision. But what happens when you do that,
It puts you in a state of paralysis. You end
up or you can feel really confused, and there's this
(04:43):
lack of trust in yourself. And so my remedy for
that is to work on what you need to do
two and I'll get to your question a segment state.
What you need to learn to do is to tap
(05:05):
into your intuition. And I know that because I used
to suffer from indecisiveness and I was always asking everybody
about what decision should I make instead of consulting me.
And what really helped me and transformed and we're going
to go over more ways to transform these behaviors is
(05:29):
to start tapping into my intuition and asking what's for
my highest good so that I invite you and support
you in doing that. Misty, Misty, how long how long
does it take to realize you learn from it? Is
(05:50):
a question? Okay, So if you here's the thing, what
I what I invite you to do, because you may
not even be realizing that you're going back over things
that you've made a mistake about, and instead of figuring
(06:12):
out what to do, you're feeling that shame or that guilt,
or maybe it's frustration, you're feeling some kind of emotion
would that blocks you from moving forward, And it's as
soon as you realize, soon as you realize that you're
(06:33):
doing that. So it may be that you just made
a mistake and you're realizing you're shaming and guilting yourself,
or it may be a mistake that you made years
ago and you've been living with that shame and that guilt,
which is totally self sabotaging. And so here's your opportunity
(06:57):
to free yourself of shame and guilt and say to
yourself and make a choice and say, I choose to
let this go. I choose to let the shame and
the guilt go, and I ask what did I learn
from this experience? So you're changing that energy of the
(07:21):
shame and guilt into a positive energy so that you
can then free yourself of those that old energy. So
hopefully that helped. And if you have any other questions
about that, let me know. Okay, Anastasia says, but we
don't always know what is best for us without thinking
(07:43):
about things first me, your first reaction is what happens
most of the time, and that, yes, Anastasia, that is true.
Most of us end up having that reaction, and that's
coming from your subconscious mind. And it's not about you.
(08:06):
If you have the reaction, it's fine because you What
the most important thing is is that awareness. It's the
awareness that oh, I'm in a sabotaging behavior. I'm in
that old energy of guilt, guilty myself or or shaming myself.
(08:32):
And I've had clients that ended up stay They're always like,
I did it wrong, I did it wrong. I'm so stupid.
And when I bring attention to that, they're able to realize,
They're able to realize, oh, oh that's what's going on.
(08:53):
That's what's going on, and then they're able to make
the shift. So know that if you have the reaction,
it's part of being human and that you can Then
it's the awareness that comes in that you've had the
reaction and you may need time to reflect on that,
(09:16):
and that's okay. It's not about totally being perfect, because
that's a self sabotaging behavior. And if you put that
on yourself. You're not going to be helpful. It's more
about the awareness. Oh okay, I am in this old
(09:38):
energy of shame or guilt, or I'm in reaction. What
can I do to change? What can I do to
take care of myself? And so all of that is
part of what you can do to transform those and
break free from the self sabotaging behaviors. So and Mickey asks,
(10:05):
what are the best choices we can make to let
things go? So I I Am going to be talking
more about that, but to briefly say, being able to
make the choice, and the biggest choice you can make
(10:27):
where it begins, because if you don't begin with awareness,
that's the biggest choice. I choose to have awareness of
any kind of behavior that is self sabotaging. And I
do want you to know that I am working on
that handout for all of you, and you will have
(10:50):
the checklist, and I hope that it will be finished
by next week. So because I added an updated all
the new behaviors that I'm going to be sharing with you.
So it's the most updated version of all the behaviors.
Fifty plus behaviors you'll have a checklist of and some
(11:13):
exercises that you can do to help you to shift them. Okay,
So stay tuned, and so really know that the best
choices that you can do is to gain the awareness
and then start being in the observation and ask yourself
(11:36):
new questions or reframing. And I'm going to get deeper
into that shortly, and Misty says, why is it so
easy to see when others are in sadvertising behaviors and
speak up? Yet we don't see when we are doing it?
And the reason is because when you are in a
(12:01):
self sabotaging behavior, it can be very unconscious. It's a habit. Okay.
And so for those just tuning in, I'm going to
give my quick psych one oh one lesson. Your conscious
mind is the part of you tuning in. So congratulations
conscious mind of yours, your so conscious mind from the
(12:22):
moment you will conceived to present time has recorded every
moment and where those limiting beliefs and emotion that are
where the self sabotaging behaviors lit are in the subconscious
mind or the unconscious. And what happens is most of
(12:45):
the time you're on automatic ninety five percent. And this
is from my research that I've researched through the years,
ninety five percent of your thoughts, your actions, and your
and your behaviors and your beliefs and your emotions are
in your subconscious mind. And so you can easily see
(13:10):
someone else's sabotaging behavior. But I invite you if you're
seeing it in someone else and you're noticing a self
sabotaging behavior in them, what I invite you to do
is ask yourself, what behavior, what self sabotaging behavior do
I need to see in myself? And I'm hoping that
(13:34):
this checklist will be helpful for you so that you
can actually check off things that you may not have
been aware of in the past, but now you're going
to be more aware. And again, once you bring awareness
to that behavior, it goes from being a subconscious, unconscious
(13:57):
behavior to bringing it into the awareness brings it into
your consciousness, into your conscious mind. And when you bring
it into your conscious mind, and this is why having
your conscious awareness is so important, because it empowers you
to make an empowered decision, what do I choose to
(14:22):
do to shift this behavior? And that's why it's so
important to become aware. And here's a thing. This is
a journey and sometimes you may not be aware of
your self sabotaging behaviors until you're ready and willing to
(14:42):
be aware. It's a journey. It's a journey, and the
most important thing is is that you are in the
journey and not to beat yourself up that you haven't
figured it all out, because that is a self sabotaging behavior.
Gentleness and kindness, Okay, I know anathesia has a question too.
(15:05):
Can we have them when we are not doing them
at the time. Can we know we have them when
we are not doing them at the time, Yes, because
what might happen is you may be doing something totally different.
And this is where the super conscious mind comes in,
your higher self, your higher aspects, like your higher self
(15:27):
that wise unconditionally are part of you and you all
have it, or your soul or your angels and guides
and beings of light or the universe or higher power
or whatever you wanted to call it or God. That
you may not be doing the behavior, and all of
a sudden boom, you have an awareness, you have a realization,
(15:51):
oh I do that. And even when you see a
behavior in someone else, you may actually have that behavior
in some form or other. And so that's why it's
important to ask yourself, is there behavior I need to
look at if you're noticing it and someone else, so
(16:12):
I invite you to do that. So the next group
that we're adding the behaviors too is overdoing and over permitting.
So the behavior I'm adding to the list is busy work.
So if you find yourself in tasks and you are
(16:35):
busy and you're just busy, busy doing doing, and you're
not really you're avoiding, you're doing busy work. You're doing
busy work to avoid the tasks that you need to do.
And then habits and coping mechanisms, So additional habits that
(16:55):
I want to bring out chronic multitasking. You're spreading your
self too thin and achieving little. So if you're a
multitasker and then you start multitasking, you're doing three things
at the same time and you're really not really focused
on any one thing, you could be a chronic multitasker.
(17:17):
If you're doing this on an ongoing basis and you
do it a lot, then that's that's one of the
ways you're self sabotaging yourself. So that's one. Another one
is chronic lateness, chronic lateness, if you're I see, okay,
we're not going to repeat that one because I am
(17:41):
wanting anonymity. So unless that person wants to share it,
she can type it into the chat. If she wants,
then then you can sure. Okay, chronic lateness, you're consistently
running late. So if you know, running late once in
(18:02):
a while, okay, we all do that here and there.
But if you're chronically late, that is that is a
self sabotaging behavior that can really end up really getting
in your way of success and also sabotaging relationships. Just
saying because when you're in a relationship with somebody and
(18:26):
they're waiting fifteen twenty minutes a half an hour every time,
then that could sabotage the relationship. So something to be
on the lookout for. And then there's over indulgence, and
overindulgence into anything is not good member moderation. Also depending
(18:46):
on what you're moderating. So if you are overindulging let's
say binge watching, binge watching, or over consuming entertainment any
kind of entertainment, any TV, any any Okay, yes, all right,
(19:06):
so I get that, and we'll let that person share
I guess if she feels okay about sharing so binge
watching or over consuming entertainment to avoid diskcomfort. So if
you know, like, here's the thing, I think we all
(19:27):
do binging, binge watching, But if you're consistently, consistently and
chronically over binging any kind of entertainment social media, TV
or podcast, radio, whatever, then they're there. And here's the key.
(19:49):
The key is are you avoiding? Are you avoiding? You
need to ask the question, are am I avoiding? Am
I avoiding the Am I avoiding a feeling? Am I
avoiding doing something I need to do? A behavior a desk?
(20:11):
And so those are questions you need to ask yourself
when you're in the middle of that. So other self
sabotaging behaviors are clutter, forwarding and disorganization. So if you
or someone you know has cluttered spaces, so there's a
physical mess, and the physical mess will drain your energy
(20:35):
and clarity. So it's the opposite of that multi that
that cleaning pitying up to avoid this is the opposite
where the clutter you're having cluttered to sabotage maybe your
success or sabotage other thing. And there's a reason for
(20:56):
that and then you have disorganization, losing track of important tasks, papers,
or projects. So disorganization and be and be a real
self sabotaging behavior. And if you're disorganized, you will want
(21:17):
to ask yourself what can I do to start becoming
more organized? And we're going to go deeper into those behaviors.
And that way, I know Mickey asked about choices. That
way you can take get a choice and then take
an action on that choice. Courting tendencies. So if you're
(21:43):
someone who holds onto things out of fear, excuse me,
if you're someone who holds onto things out of ear,
black or loss, then you could be in hoarding mode
self sabotaging behavior. So that could be another way in
(22:05):
relationship patterns if you have weak boundaries. Weak boundaries is
a self sabotaging behavior, letting others overstep your time or
your energy, over apologizing. If you're if you or someone
you knows, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, and they're sorry,
(22:28):
they're sorry about everything, and they're always saying I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, or you're always saying I'm sorry, and you're apologizing,
even apologizing for things you don't even need to apologize
for then that's a self sabotaging behavior, and even taking
(22:49):
responsibility for things that aren't yours. And then you might
have mentioned this last week, but this is important. Not
asking for help, because if you're not asking and you're
not willing to ask, that's a self sabotaging behavior. And
it's okay to ask for help. We need to ask
for help. It's important to ask when you need help. So,
(23:12):
business specific self sabotage the fear of visibility. If you
have a fear of visibility in your hiding in any
way because you don't want to be seen or you're
afraid to be seen, that's a self sabotaging behavior, especially
in your business, because you want to be able to
be seen and known invisible. The more seen invisible you are,
(23:36):
the more ability you have the opportunity to have new
customers and clients. And then another sabotage is refusing to
niche down. Anybody who's refusing to niche down. And you
may think, why would that be a self sabotaging behavior,
because if you're generalizing and you're being so general about
(24:01):
who you serve, who you serve than your specific market,
your specific target, who you're meant to serve, it's well
totally glaze over your work and trying to serve really
won't serve anyone. And because and your self sabotaging behavior
(24:25):
is your fear of missing out, and Misty asks hoarding
can be a past situation issue as well. Yes, okay,
so Misty, I want you to know that, yes, hoarding
can be a past situation. And speaking of past situations,
that every single one of these self sabotaging behaviors that
(24:50):
lives in your subconscious mind, there is a deeper reason
for all of them. And part of your work is
to learn or to understand what is the reason, what's
going on for the self sabotaging behavior. And very often
(25:10):
it could be something from your past, a past trauma
where there was loss or the fear of you're fearful
of letting go, and it could be from your childhood,
it could be from adulthood, or it could be from childhood.
So so no, and you know, if you've overcome hoarding,
(25:33):
congratulations and know if you're still hoarding, are still a hoarder,
then that's something for you to look at. What is it?
What's the fear of the loss or the you know
what's really going on underneath the behavior, and that's for
all of these behaviors and additional sabotaging behaviors. So and
(26:00):
I might have talked about this chronic comparison on social media.
If you're comparing yourself, it's not helpful to you. And
self isolation, if you're isolating yourself, that is a self
sabotaging behavior. And I think I mentioned this, but it's
(26:21):
an important one because if you're isolating instead of reaching out,
then that's not really helpful to you. It's important to
reach out to friends and loved ones. And then sabotaging
relationships where you push clients or partners or friends away
(26:42):
because of fear, and that that's also and then future tripping,
obsessing over what if fail falls, what if it falls?
Instead of acting what if it fails? What if? What
if I do this and it fails, or what if
(27:03):
this happened? Or the what ifs? Those what ifs can
really be that it's self sabotage it. And when I
tell when clients tell me that they're doing the what ifs,
I say, the first thing that you need to do
is as soon as you become aware you want to
bring yourself into present time and start with what's really
(27:27):
going on for you in present time? What are the
fears or what is it that you need to understand
or know now, So that's that. Now I'm going to
start talking about some things. There's and we're going to
go into something that's really important. So there's now bodying
(27:49):
maybe and now biding could be subconscious tension. You know
that that ends up being harmful self harming and body
directed behaviors. These are self sabotaging behaviors. Then it could
their skin picking and hair pulling, and what that is.
(28:11):
It's stress driven behaviors, and those behaviors and they're self sabotaging.
And then there's something called direct harm is cutting or
other self harm. Now, if you have any of these
self harming behaviors, it's really important that you find really
(28:37):
and I'm saying please, if you have self harm behaviors,
please seek help. Please find a therapist, find a counselor
find a therapist somebody who can help you to uncover
the cause of those self harming behaviors and really seek
(29:02):
professional help. And you can always if you're an immediate crisis,
then you can call nine eight nine eight eight for
immediate crisis support or any kind of crisis hotline. And
so really those are really important self sabotaging behaviors that
(29:25):
need to be handled and dealt with so that you
can be both fear and understand and uncover. Now, all
the self sabotaging behaviors, as I said, are all in
your subconscious mind, and some of them are more. If
you find any of these self sabotaging behaviors are interfering
(29:48):
with your life in a big way, you want to
go for help. You want to get counseling or therapy,
and then or depending on how severe, you may want
to get coaching. If they're really interfering with you moving
forward in your life, then you need counseling and therapy.
If they're interfering with your success or moving forward or
(30:12):
creating more of what you want in your life, that's
more of a coaching. There's a distinction between them, and
I always make that distinction since I have done both,
and I am both a counselor therapist, hypnotherapist and a coach.
And really it's important for you. But I'm going to
(30:32):
get when I give you the checklist, you're going to
you'll be able to start assessing and again the self harm,
go for help please. Okay, So now let's talk a
little bit about a little bit. Now. I said I
would do the top ten. Okay, So now I'm going
to ask you in the chat do you want the
(30:55):
top ten today or will we continue this next week?
I'm thinking, I'm thinking that we're going to get to
the top ten next week. And not only are we
going to get to the top ten next week, but
we're also in those top ten behaviors. What we're going
to do is give you a little quickie solution. Now
(31:18):
the deeper solution that you can have, and I'm going
to talk more about the solutions with the time that
we have left. The deepest solution is understanding the cause
of that self sabotaging behavior, and that cause is in
your subconscious mind. And so yes, Misty goes next week
(31:43):
would probably be best. Yes, I am going to wait
till next week to do the top ten? Did at all?
All right? So a few things. Again, the most important
thing that you can do to start shifting these self
sabotaging behaviors is having the awareness that you're doing them.
(32:08):
You can't change something you're not aware of. And that's
and like we talked about from the questions that sometimes
you may not even you may not even be doing
the behavior in the moment. Now, if you've become aware
of it in the moment, that's great, but you may
end up at another time during the day or during
(32:29):
the week like, oh well, usually a self sabotaging behavior,
usually the self sabotaging behavior, I'll answer that in a second.
Usually the self sabotaging behavior is something that you're doing,
probably daily, in some way or other. But having that
(32:50):
awareness at another time when you're not doing it is
very possible and also a good idea, Like not a
good idea, but it's just allowing that energy from your
higher consciousness to flow to use. And that's why asking
the question what are my self sabotaging behaviors? And that's
(33:10):
why when you said to let me, I really want
a list of them, I'm like, all right, let's do it.
Let's do a list. Stuff. I got you, I got you,
and you are going to get the list. So Anasthasia says,
is it a top ten of what we have heard
(33:32):
of or are there different ones yet to be known? No,
this top ten is the it's the top ten behaviors
that we've already discussed, but they're the top ten that
many of you are doing. And I always, I always
(33:53):
get curious, what are the top ten? I always get
curious about those top ten. So we're going to give
you the top ten. I like that. It's fun, right,
We're transforming self sabotaging behaviors into fun because when you
(34:15):
get conscious of that self sabotaging behavior, then you can say, oh,
I'm doing this behavior, what can I do to shift it? Again?
In that awareness, Misty goes agreed, agreed, yeap. So so
now you want to pause and question instead of reacting.
(34:36):
And here's the question. Even if you are reacting automatically, Okay,
I'm going to add this caveat So as soon as
you notice you've reacted, whether it's in the moment or afterwards,
you can ask yourself these questions, what am I really
afraid of here? Or what's really going on here? If
(34:59):
I trust did myself, what would I do differently? What
would I do differently if I trusted myself? And what
do I actually want now? Again, it depends on the behavior,
and I would add to that list, what am I
really avoiding. What am I really avoiding by doing this behavior?
(35:25):
My I avoiding a feeling? Am I avoiding a task
that I need to get done? Am I avoiding like
some kind of more positive feelings? So I would ask
yourself what am I really avoiding? That could be another
(35:46):
thing that you can think about, and then you want
to rewrite, rewrite the belief. So, for example, let's say
the limiting belief that came up is you become aware
that let's say you're in the comparison game or you're
(36:07):
in the perfection game or whatever that is, and underneath, again,
what's really going on you want to understand? You discover
the belief I'm not good enough, and you discover the
belief misty. I see your question, and I am going
to get to the question next week, all right, so
(36:32):
know that we will continue. We'll start with your question
next week, okay, because I want to be able to
answer it more fully and I'm kind of going to
be wrapping up, and so after I do this, I'm
going to wrap up, and then we'll continue more positive
ways to overcome these behaviors. So instead of I'm not
(36:55):
good enough, say to yourself, what is it that I
really need to know. What is it that I will
make me feel more positive about myself? And maybe it's
something like I am learning and growing and becoming the
person who can handle this, or I am becoming the
person that is who I am, who I really am,
(37:21):
or who I want to be, And we'll go deeper
into that as well. And what happens is and if
you do the affirmations and these are affirmations and you
continually repeat them, repetition can help shift the subconscious mind.
But it may take a while, but it can work.
(37:42):
And we're going to go more deeply into all of
this next week. So I guess this is an ongoing
journey of understanding yours and others, while mostly yours, because
I want you to own your own self sabotaging behaviors.
So stay tuned for Part five next week so that
(38:03):
you can break free and transform your self fabotaging behaviors.
So join me next Thursday, five pm Eastern on talk
for TV dot com, W four WN dot com and
my YouTube channel. And really, to sum it up, we
(38:24):
talked about we talked about more behaviors that we added
to the list and some ways that you can overcome them,
and we're going to continue. And you can also hear
the podcast on iart Radio, Spotify, Apple, Pandora, and Amazon
(38:46):
and many more. And I wish you all an inspired
and empowered day and inspired and empowered week. Have a
great one, everybody, As the nattiest steps
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guest should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and Inspired and Empowered Living Thriving Business and Life.
And we are live Thursdays at five pm Eastern on
talk for TVW four WN dot com and my YouTube channel.
(01:14):
And today we continue to talk about the self sabotaging
behaviors art or and how you can break free. So
today we're gonna I have more behaviors. We had requests
(01:35):
for wanting to know even more self sabotaging behaviors, and
I've answered that request, and we're also going to be
talking about what you can do to overcome those behaviors.
And we have the top ten self sabotaging behaviors, so
(01:59):
and how you and the self correcting thing that you
could do. So stay tuned and we are going We're
here for you and are you ready to have and
inspired and empowered life. I'm your host, Nancy Deutsch, licensed
clinical social worker, certified hypnotherapist and intuitive breakthrough expert. I
(02:24):
combine my counseling, coaching, and intuitive work to transform your life.
And this show is not and this is especially in
light of the behaviors. This show is not a replacement
for therapy and counseling. It is for educational purposes only.
(02:46):
So we are going to get started now. Like I said,
we had requests on more self sabotaging behaviors and I
heard yours, and now I've added some more, so the
one around mindset and beliefs. The other issue that may
(03:11):
come up the behavior is if you are over identifying
with your mistakes, which can bring up shame or guilt
instead of focusing on the learning opportunities. That is a
definitely a self sabotaging behavior. And so if you discover
(03:36):
that you are in that pattern, what I really want
to support you is, instead of focusing on that mistake
and feeling the shame of the guilt and or both,
ask yourself, what did I learn from this experience? What
(03:57):
did I learn from this experience? And the next group
of behaviors that we were talking about is avoidance and procrastination. Now,
one of the other self sabotaging behaviors is indecision in decisiveness.
(04:22):
So you delay your decisions because your fear of making
the wrong decision. But what happens when you do that,
It puts you in a state of paralysis. You end
up or you can feel really confused, and there's this
(04:43):
lack of trust in yourself. And so my remedy for
that is to work on what you need to do
two and I'll get to your question a segment state.
What you need to learn to do is to tap
(05:05):
into your intuition. And I know that because I used
to suffer from indecisiveness and I was always asking everybody
about what decision should I make instead of consulting me.
And what really helped me and transformed and we're going
to go over more ways to transform these behaviors is
(05:29):
to start tapping into my intuition and asking what's for
my highest good so that I invite you and support
you in doing that. Misty, Misty, how long how long
does it take to realize you learn from it? Is
(05:50):
a question? Okay, So if you here's the thing, what
I what I invite you to do, because you may
not even be realizing that you're going back over things
that you've made a mistake about, and instead of figuring
(06:12):
out what to do, you're feeling that shame or that guilt,
or maybe it's frustration, you're feeling some kind of emotion
would that blocks you from moving forward, And it's as
soon as you realize, soon as you realize that you're
(06:33):
doing that. So it may be that you just made
a mistake and you're realizing you're shaming and guilting yourself,
or it may be a mistake that you made years
ago and you've been living with that shame and that guilt,
which is totally self sabotaging. And so here's your opportunity
(06:57):
to free yourself of shame and guilt and say to
yourself and make a choice and say, I choose to
let this go. I choose to let the shame and
the guilt go, and I ask what did I learn
from this experience? So you're changing that energy of the
(07:21):
shame and guilt into a positive energy so that you
can then free yourself of those that old energy. So
hopefully that helped. And if you have any other questions
about that, let me know. Okay, Anastasia says, but we
don't always know what is best for us without thinking
(07:43):
about things first me, your first reaction is what happens
most of the time, and that, yes, Anastasia, that is true.
Most of us end up having that reaction, and that's
coming from your subconscious mind. And it's not about you.
(08:06):
If you have the reaction, it's fine because you What
the most important thing is is that awareness. It's the
awareness that oh, I'm in a sabotaging behavior. I'm in
that old energy of guilt, guilty myself or or shaming myself.
(08:32):
And I've had clients that ended up stay They're always like,
I did it wrong, I did it wrong. I'm so stupid.
And when I bring attention to that, they're able to realize,
They're able to realize, oh, oh that's what's going on.
(08:53):
That's what's going on, and then they're able to make
the shift. So know that if you have the reaction,
it's part of being human and that you can Then
it's the awareness that comes in that you've had the
reaction and you may need time to reflect on that,
(09:16):
and that's okay. It's not about totally being perfect, because
that's a self sabotaging behavior. And if you put that
on yourself. You're not going to be helpful. It's more
about the awareness. Oh okay, I am in this old
(09:38):
energy of shame or guilt, or I'm in reaction. What
can I do to change? What can I do to
take care of myself? And so all of that is
part of what you can do to transform those and
break free from the self sabotaging behaviors. So and Mickey asks,
(10:05):
what are the best choices we can make to let
things go? So I I Am going to be talking
more about that, but to briefly say, being able to
make the choice, and the biggest choice you can make
(10:27):
where it begins, because if you don't begin with awareness,
that's the biggest choice. I choose to have awareness of
any kind of behavior that is self sabotaging. And I
do want you to know that I am working on
that handout for all of you, and you will have
(10:50):
the checklist, and I hope that it will be finished
by next week. So because I added an updated all
the new behaviors that I'm going to be sharing with you.
So it's the most updated version of all the behaviors.
Fifty plus behaviors you'll have a checklist of and some
(11:13):
exercises that you can do to help you to shift them. Okay,
So stay tuned, and so really know that the best
choices that you can do is to gain the awareness
and then start being in the observation and ask yourself
(11:36):
new questions or reframing. And I'm going to get deeper
into that shortly, and Misty says, why is it so
easy to see when others are in sadvertising behaviors and
speak up? Yet we don't see when we are doing it?
And the reason is because when you are in a
(12:01):
self sabotaging behavior, it can be very unconscious. It's a habit. Okay.
And so for those just tuning in, I'm going to
give my quick psych one oh one lesson. Your conscious
mind is the part of you tuning in. So congratulations
conscious mind of yours, your so conscious mind from the
(12:22):
moment you will conceived to present time has recorded every
moment and where those limiting beliefs and emotion that are
where the self sabotaging behaviors lit are in the subconscious
mind or the unconscious. And what happens is most of
(12:45):
the time you're on automatic ninety five percent. And this
is from my research that I've researched through the years,
ninety five percent of your thoughts, your actions, and your
and your behaviors and your beliefs and your emotions are
in your subconscious mind. And so you can easily see
(13:10):
someone else's sabotaging behavior. But I invite you if you're
seeing it in someone else and you're noticing a self
sabotaging behavior in them, what I invite you to do
is ask yourself, what behavior, what self sabotaging behavior do
I need to see in myself? And I'm hoping that
(13:34):
this checklist will be helpful for you so that you
can actually check off things that you may not have
been aware of in the past, but now you're going
to be more aware. And again, once you bring awareness
to that behavior, it goes from being a subconscious, unconscious
(13:57):
behavior to bringing it into the awareness brings it into
your consciousness, into your conscious mind. And when you bring
it into your conscious mind, and this is why having
your conscious awareness is so important, because it empowers you
to make an empowered decision, what do I choose to
(14:22):
do to shift this behavior? And that's why it's so
important to become aware. And here's a thing. This is
a journey and sometimes you may not be aware of
your self sabotaging behaviors until you're ready and willing to
(14:42):
be aware. It's a journey. It's a journey, and the
most important thing is is that you are in the
journey and not to beat yourself up that you haven't
figured it all out, because that is a self sabotaging behavior.
Gentleness and kindness, Okay, I know anathesia has a question too.
(15:05):
Can we have them when we are not doing them
at the time. Can we know we have them when
we are not doing them at the time, Yes, because
what might happen is you may be doing something totally different.
And this is where the super conscious mind comes in,
your higher self, your higher aspects, like your higher self
(15:27):
that wise unconditionally are part of you and you all
have it, or your soul or your angels and guides
and beings of light or the universe or higher power
or whatever you wanted to call it or God. That
you may not be doing the behavior, and all of
a sudden boom, you have an awareness, you have a realization,
(15:51):
oh I do that. And even when you see a
behavior in someone else, you may actually have that behavior
in some form or other. And so that's why it's
important to ask yourself, is there behavior I need to
look at if you're noticing it and someone else, so
(16:12):
I invite you to do that. So the next group
that we're adding the behaviors too is overdoing and over permitting.
So the behavior I'm adding to the list is busy work.
So if you find yourself in tasks and you are
(16:35):
busy and you're just busy, busy doing doing, and you're
not really you're avoiding, you're doing busy work. You're doing
busy work to avoid the tasks that you need to do.
And then habits and coping mechanisms, So additional habits that
(16:55):
I want to bring out chronic multitasking. You're spreading your
self too thin and achieving little. So if you're a
multitasker and then you start multitasking, you're doing three things
at the same time and you're really not really focused
on any one thing, you could be a chronic multitasker.
(17:17):
If you're doing this on an ongoing basis and you
do it a lot, then that's that's one of the
ways you're self sabotaging yourself. So that's one. Another one
is chronic lateness, chronic lateness, if you're I see, okay,
we're not going to repeat that one because I am
(17:41):
wanting anonymity. So unless that person wants to share it,
she can type it into the chat. If she wants,
then then you can sure. Okay, chronic lateness, you're consistently
running late. So if you know, running late once in
(18:02):
a while, okay, we all do that here and there.
But if you're chronically late, that is that is a
self sabotaging behavior that can really end up really getting
in your way of success and also sabotaging relationships. Just
saying because when you're in a relationship with somebody and
(18:26):
they're waiting fifteen twenty minutes a half an hour every time,
then that could sabotage the relationship. So something to be
on the lookout for. And then there's over indulgence, and
overindulgence into anything is not good member moderation. Also depending
(18:46):
on what you're moderating. So if you are overindulging let's
say binge watching, binge watching, or over consuming entertainment any
kind of entertainment, any TV, any any Okay, yes, all right,
(19:06):
so I get that, and we'll let that person share
I guess if she feels okay about sharing so binge
watching or over consuming entertainment to avoid diskcomfort. So if
you know, like, here's the thing, I think we all
(19:27):
do binging, binge watching, But if you're consistently, consistently and
chronically over binging any kind of entertainment social media, TV
or podcast, radio, whatever, then they're there. And here's the key.
(19:49):
The key is are you avoiding? Are you avoiding? You
need to ask the question, are am I avoiding? Am
I avoiding the Am I avoiding a feeling? Am I
avoiding doing something I need to do? A behavior a desk?
(20:11):
And so those are questions you need to ask yourself
when you're in the middle of that. So other self
sabotaging behaviors are clutter, forwarding and disorganization. So if you
or someone you know has cluttered spaces, so there's a
physical mess, and the physical mess will drain your energy
(20:35):
and clarity. So it's the opposite of that multi that
that cleaning pitying up to avoid this is the opposite
where the clutter you're having cluttered to sabotage maybe your
success or sabotage other thing. And there's a reason for
(20:56):
that and then you have disorganization, losing track of important tasks, papers,
or projects. So disorganization and be and be a real
self sabotaging behavior. And if you're disorganized, you will want
(21:17):
to ask yourself what can I do to start becoming
more organized? And we're going to go deeper into those behaviors.
And that way, I know Mickey asked about choices. That
way you can take get a choice and then take
an action on that choice. Courting tendencies. So if you're
(21:43):
someone who holds onto things out of fear, excuse me,
if you're someone who holds onto things out of ear,
black or loss, then you could be in hoarding mode
self sabotaging behavior. So that could be another way in
(22:05):
relationship patterns if you have weak boundaries. Weak boundaries is
a self sabotaging behavior, letting others overstep your time or
your energy, over apologizing. If you're if you or someone
you knows, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, and they're sorry,
(22:28):
they're sorry about everything, and they're always saying I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, or you're always saying I'm sorry, and you're apologizing,
even apologizing for things you don't even need to apologize
for then that's a self sabotaging behavior, and even taking
(22:49):
responsibility for things that aren't yours. And then you might
have mentioned this last week, but this is important. Not
asking for help, because if you're not asking and you're
not willing to ask, that's a self sabotaging behavior. And
it's okay to ask for help. We need to ask
for help. It's important to ask when you need help. So,
(23:12):
business specific self sabotage the fear of visibility. If you
have a fear of visibility in your hiding in any
way because you don't want to be seen or you're
afraid to be seen, that's a self sabotaging behavior, especially
in your business, because you want to be able to
be seen and known invisible. The more seen invisible you are,
(23:36):
the more ability you have the opportunity to have new
customers and clients. And then another sabotage is refusing to
niche down. Anybody who's refusing to niche down. And you
may think, why would that be a self sabotaging behavior,
because if you're generalizing and you're being so general about
(24:01):
who you serve, who you serve than your specific market,
your specific target, who you're meant to serve, it's well
totally glaze over your work and trying to serve really
won't serve anyone. And because and your self sabotaging behavior
(24:25):
is your fear of missing out, and Misty asks hoarding
can be a past situation issue as well. Yes, okay,
so Misty, I want you to know that, yes, hoarding
can be a past situation. And speaking of past situations,
that every single one of these self sabotaging behaviors that
(24:50):
lives in your subconscious mind, there is a deeper reason
for all of them. And part of your work is
to learn or to understand what is the reason, what's
going on for the self sabotaging behavior. And very often
(25:10):
it could be something from your past, a past trauma
where there was loss or the fear of you're fearful
of letting go, and it could be from your childhood,
it could be from adulthood, or it could be from childhood.
So so no, and you know, if you've overcome hoarding,
(25:33):
congratulations and know if you're still hoarding, are still a hoarder,
then that's something for you to look at. What is it?
What's the fear of the loss or the you know
what's really going on underneath the behavior, and that's for
all of these behaviors and additional sabotaging behaviors. So and
(26:00):
I might have talked about this chronic comparison on social media.
If you're comparing yourself, it's not helpful to you. And
self isolation, if you're isolating yourself, that is a self
sabotaging behavior. And I think I mentioned this, but it's
(26:21):
an important one because if you're isolating instead of reaching out,
then that's not really helpful to you. It's important to
reach out to friends and loved ones. And then sabotaging
relationships where you push clients or partners or friends away
(26:42):
because of fear, and that that's also and then future tripping,
obsessing over what if fail falls, what if it falls?
Instead of acting what if it fails? What if? What
if I do this and it fails, or what if
(27:03):
this happened? Or the what ifs? Those what ifs can
really be that it's self sabotage it. And when I
tell when clients tell me that they're doing the what ifs,
I say, the first thing that you need to do
is as soon as you become aware you want to
bring yourself into present time and start with what's really
(27:27):
going on for you in present time? What are the
fears or what is it that you need to understand
or know now, So that's that. Now I'm going to
start talking about some things. There's and we're going to
go into something that's really important. So there's now bodying
(27:49):
maybe and now biding could be subconscious tension. You know
that that ends up being harmful self harming and body
directed behaviors. These are self sabotaging behaviors. Then it could
their skin picking and hair pulling, and what that is.
(28:11):
It's stress driven behaviors, and those behaviors and they're self sabotaging.
And then there's something called direct harm is cutting or
other self harm. Now, if you have any of these
self harming behaviors, it's really important that you find really
(28:37):
and I'm saying please, if you have self harm behaviors,
please seek help. Please find a therapist, find a counselor
find a therapist somebody who can help you to uncover
the cause of those self harming behaviors and really seek
(29:02):
professional help. And you can always if you're an immediate crisis,
then you can call nine eight nine eight eight for
immediate crisis support or any kind of crisis hotline. And
so really those are really important self sabotaging behaviors that
(29:25):
need to be handled and dealt with so that you
can be both fear and understand and uncover. Now, all
the self sabotaging behaviors, as I said, are all in
your subconscious mind, and some of them are more. If
you find any of these self sabotaging behaviors are interfering
(29:48):
with your life in a big way, you want to
go for help. You want to get counseling or therapy,
and then or depending on how severe, you may want
to get coaching. If they're really interfering with you moving
forward in your life, then you need counseling and therapy.
If they're interfering with your success or moving forward or
(30:12):
creating more of what you want in your life, that's
more of a coaching. There's a distinction between them, and
I always make that distinction since I have done both,
and I am both a counselor therapist, hypnotherapist and a coach.
And really it's important for you. But I'm going to
(30:32):
get when I give you the checklist, you're going to
you'll be able to start assessing and again the self harm,
go for help please. Okay, So now let's talk a
little bit about a little bit. Now. I said I
would do the top ten. Okay, So now I'm going
to ask you in the chat do you want the
(30:55):
top ten today or will we continue this next week?
I'm thinking, I'm thinking that we're going to get to
the top ten next week. And not only are we
going to get to the top ten next week, but
we're also in those top ten behaviors. What we're going
to do is give you a little quickie solution. Now
(31:18):
the deeper solution that you can have, and I'm going
to talk more about the solutions with the time that
we have left. The deepest solution is understanding the cause
of that self sabotaging behavior, and that cause is in
your subconscious mind. And so yes, Misty goes next week
(31:43):
would probably be best. Yes, I am going to wait
till next week to do the top ten? Did at all?
All right? So a few things. Again, the most important
thing that you can do to start shifting these self
sabotaging behaviors is having the awareness that you're doing them.
(32:08):
You can't change something you're not aware of. And that's
and like we talked about from the questions that sometimes
you may not even you may not even be doing
the behavior in the moment. Now, if you've become aware
of it in the moment, that's great, but you may
end up at another time during the day or during
(32:29):
the week like, oh well, usually a self sabotaging behavior,
usually the self sabotaging behavior, I'll answer that in a second.
Usually the self sabotaging behavior is something that you're doing,
probably daily, in some way or other. But having that
(32:50):
awareness at another time when you're not doing it is
very possible and also a good idea, Like not a
good idea, but it's just allowing that energy from your
higher consciousness to flow to use. And that's why asking
the question what are my self sabotaging behaviors? And that's
(33:10):
why when you said to let me, I really want
a list of them, I'm like, all right, let's do it.
Let's do a list. Stuff. I got you, I got you,
and you are going to get the list. So Anasthasia says,
is it a top ten of what we have heard
(33:32):
of or are there different ones yet to be known? No,
this top ten is the it's the top ten behaviors
that we've already discussed, but they're the top ten that
many of you are doing. And I always, I always
(33:53):
get curious, what are the top ten? I always get
curious about those top ten. So we're going to give
you the top ten. I like that. It's fun, right,
We're transforming self sabotaging behaviors into fun because when you
(34:15):
get conscious of that self sabotaging behavior, then you can say, oh,
I'm doing this behavior, what can I do to shift it? Again?
In that awareness, Misty goes agreed, agreed, yeap. So so
now you want to pause and question instead of reacting.
(34:36):
And here's the question. Even if you are reacting automatically, Okay,
I'm going to add this caveat So as soon as
you notice you've reacted, whether it's in the moment or afterwards,
you can ask yourself these questions, what am I really
afraid of here? Or what's really going on here? If
(34:59):
I trust did myself, what would I do differently? What
would I do differently if I trusted myself? And what
do I actually want now? Again, it depends on the behavior,
and I would add to that list, what am I
really avoiding. What am I really avoiding by doing this behavior?
(35:25):
My I avoiding a feeling? Am I avoiding a task
that I need to get done? Am I avoiding like
some kind of more positive feelings? So I would ask
yourself what am I really avoiding? That could be another
(35:46):
thing that you can think about, and then you want
to rewrite, rewrite the belief. So, for example, let's say
the limiting belief that came up is you become aware
that let's say you're in the comparison game or you're
(36:07):
in the perfection game or whatever that is, and underneath, again,
what's really going on you want to understand? You discover
the belief I'm not good enough, and you discover the
belief misty. I see your question, and I am going
to get to the question next week, all right, so
(36:32):
know that we will continue. We'll start with your question
next week, okay, because I want to be able to
answer it more fully and I'm kind of going to
be wrapping up, and so after I do this, I'm
going to wrap up, and then we'll continue more positive
ways to overcome these behaviors. So instead of I'm not
(36:55):
good enough, say to yourself, what is it that I
really need to know. What is it that I will
make me feel more positive about myself? And maybe it's
something like I am learning and growing and becoming the
person who can handle this, or I am becoming the
person that is who I am, who I really am,
(37:21):
or who I want to be, And we'll go deeper
into that as well. And what happens is and if
you do the affirmations and these are affirmations and you
continually repeat them, repetition can help shift the subconscious mind.
But it may take a while, but it can work.
(37:42):
And we're going to go more deeply into all of
this next week. So I guess this is an ongoing
journey of understanding yours and others, while mostly yours, because
I want you to own your own self sabotaging behaviors.
So stay tuned for Part five next week so that
(38:03):
you can break free and transform your self fabotaging behaviors.
So join me next Thursday, five pm Eastern on talk
for TV dot com, W four WN dot com and
my YouTube channel. And really, to sum it up, we
(38:24):
talked about we talked about more behaviors that we added
to the list and some ways that you can overcome them,
and we're going to continue. And you can also hear
the podcast on iart Radio, Spotify, Apple, Pandora, and Amazon
(38:46):
and many more. And I wish you all an inspired
and empowered day and inspired and empowered week. Have a
great one, everybody, As the nattiest steps
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