August 21, 2025 • 38 mins
Join Nanci Deutsch for an insightful episode where you’ll uncover the hidden reasons behind unhealthy and self-defeating patterns in your life & business.
Whether it’s procrastination, emotional eating, poor impulse control, rumination, smoking/vaping, nail-biting, overspending, or other behaviors that hold you back. Gain tools to break free and step into your best self. Discover how to transform these patterns so you can create an inspired and empowered life & business!
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
Whether it’s procrastination, emotional eating, poor impulse control, rumination, smoking/vaping, nail-biting, overspending, or other behaviors that hold you back. Gain tools to break free and step into your best self. Discover how to transform these patterns so you can create an inspired and empowered life & business!
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guest should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcast. We are live Thursdays at five
pm Eastern on talkfortv dot com, W four WN dot com,
and my YouTube channel, and today we will be talking
(01:12):
about understanding and breaking free from transform and transforming your
self sabotaging behaviors. And during this segment. During this episode,
we will discover and you will understand what are self
(01:35):
sabotaging behaviors. Learn how to identify the root causes of
your self sabotaging behaviors and why they persist. Learn practical
tools and break free from destructive patterns, and discover how
to replace old habits with empowering choice is that align
(02:01):
you with your highest potential and together well, create a
life you love. I'm your host, Nancy Deutsch, licensed Clinical
Social Workers, certified hypnotherapist, and Intuitive business expert. I combine
my counseling, coaching and intuitive abilities to transform your life.
(02:26):
And this show is not a replacement for therapy or counseling.
It is for educational purposes only. So let's talk about
what self sabotaging behaviors are. So a self sabotaging behaviors
(02:46):
are behaviors that hurt you. Their behaviors that at one
point in your life, they serve the purpose on some level,
but they're destructive, they're not helpful to you. And these
are the self set. These self sabotage sabotaging behaviors, our
(03:10):
behaviors you want to let go of, like, and let
me give you examples of what those behaviors are like.
For example, it could be overspending, overeating, it could be
excuse me, it could be procrastination. And then sometimes they're
(03:34):
really destructive, like any of the addictive behaviors like drinking
or gambling or all the different addictive behaviors are self
sabotaging behaviors. And then there's also it could be nail biting,
it could be all the different things that you may
(03:58):
do that when after you finish doing them, you feel
maybe guilty or you feel shame or there's something there.
And these are the behaviors that you want to work
on letting go. And Charles just asked a question. He asked,
do we all have some So that's an interesting question,
(04:22):
and I would say that we probably most human beings,
if not all, have some type of self sabotaging behavior,
and there's a scale. Some may not be as self
sabotaging as others. And as you move through your life,
(04:46):
you want to be letting go of the self sabotaging
anytime that you're feeling guilt or shame or not good
enough or not worthy, or or anything that stopped you
for moving towards your potential where you dream of or
where you want to be, or even if you're not
(05:07):
really clear what that is or where you want to go,
if you're if you're finding a way to not get there,
and there's destructive feelings and like that guilt or shame,
because I also want to remind you feelings are not
destructive of like anger or fear or grief or their
(05:32):
energies that want to move through. They're not bad, they
just they need to move through your energy field. So
on some level, we probably most of us have some
type of behavior. And depending on let's say your feelings,
if you have low self esteem and you came from
(05:53):
a lot of trauma, you may have more self sabotaging behaviors,
or those behaviors may may be more severe than someone
that came from a healthier family. So hopefully that answered
your question. If you have any other questions, let me know. Okay,
Misty asked, is there a place we could see a
(06:16):
list of these behaviors? So I'm gonna tell you what
I'll do, Misty. All right, So we're going to talk
about them, and then I will create a list self
sabotaging behaviors, and then I'm going to find a way
to put them out there so that you can see
(06:39):
the list, and or I may make a document so
that you can maybe do some kind of documents so
that you can take the list and work on transforming them. Now,
we're going to go over it during the show, but
I will. I will definitely we create a list for you,
(07:02):
and I'll have that for you next time. How does
that send? So that way you can look at Okay
and ask yourself, because this is the question you want
to ask yourself, is the behavior that I'm doing now
enhancing my life, making me feel better about myself? Or
(07:24):
is the behavior hurting me? Is the behavior making me?
You know? And when I do this behavior, do I
feel guilt when I do this behavior? My feeling a shamed?
When I do this behavior, does it does it lower
my feelings of like self esteem? Like I'll give you
(07:47):
an example, and I talked about smoking smoking. I used
to smoke, and now it took me a long time
to get over my smoking habit, but I finally did.
But every time I up, I was like, you know,
there was a part of me that, yes it was
and I'm doing this in air quotes for those of
you who are listening, it was a part of me like, oh,
(08:09):
it was soothing me in the moment. And that's what
sometimes the selts, that's what self sabotaging baby sometimes are
doing for you. They may be soothing you in the moment,
but in the long run, in the long run, it's
hurting you. And I know, Misty said thank you, So yes,
(08:30):
I will make sure that I will get that to you.
Nicky asks that would be nice. I want to see
the list as well. Okay, great, So I am definitely
we're going to be working on that for you for
next week. Okay, So and then I'll figure out to
(08:52):
tell you where to find it, or I may create
a link so that you can get it, or we'll
figure it out. I'll you know next week. Stay duned.
So let me go over my psych one oh one
lesson to those of you who know this is just
oh beginner's mind. Whenever I'm teaching, I always ask and
(09:15):
invite you to have beginner's mind. You may have heard
this many many times, or maybe this is the first
time you're hearing it, but open to every time you
hear something, whether you've heard it many times or you've
heard it the first time, the beginner's mind is like, ooh,
how can I learn something new about this? So this
(09:39):
is my psych one on one lesson. And when you're
consciously and bringing it back to when you are consciously
aware and making an empowered decision like listening to the
(09:59):
show or wanting that list, or first time hearing that
phrase thank you Charles yeap first time or your so
you that conscious place of awareness, of empowerment, of making
(10:19):
the decision, asking the question so that you can gain clarity,
that is your conscious mind. And again, your conscious mind
empowers you. It empowers you to create, to become aware
to allow yourself to make decisions that will that can
(10:43):
be life changing. And so your conscious mind is really
important for you. And then and your conscious mind is
when you are conscious, when you are aware, when you're alert,
when you're in present time, then your in conscious awareness.
(11:04):
You're in your conscious mind now when you're doing something
or your present that's your conscious mind. Now, it could
be combined with other parts, which I'm going to get
to shortly, but your conscious mind is all that conscious
(11:27):
alignment and awareness. Your subconscious mind, on the moment you
will conceive to present time, has recorded every moment, every belief,
every emotion, and it is the self sabotaging behaviors that
are coming from your subconscious or unconscious mind and your
(11:50):
unconscious subconscious mind. Actually it's ninety five percent of your behavior,
your thoughts, your feelings are coming from your subconscious unconscious mind.
Until you start shifting and changing and becoming consciously aware
(12:13):
and then making conscious decision to change to change, that's
how your conscious mind empowers you. Now, then there's your
super conscious mind. And your super conscious mind is that
part of you that is your higher self, is wise,
(12:36):
unconditionally loving part of you that everyone has. And then
there's your soul, the core energy essence of who you are,
your super conscious mind or your angels, your guide, your
beings of light, and your super conscious and your conscious
mind work together to help you to create those new patterns.
(13:03):
And it's also in healing those subconscious pattern those subconscious
ways of being that help you to transform those behaviors
when I do hypnosis. That's one of the reasons why
I love hypnosis. Now, hypnosis has gotten a bad rap
(13:25):
because if you've seen TV or movie or stage shows
on hypnosis, some people get really scared of hypnosis because
they think you're an out of control. But what I
want to tell you is that hypnosis is a relaxed
state of body and mind. And what happens is is
(13:49):
that when you are in the hypnotic trance, you're not asleep.
You're actually awake, aware, alert, and you are in control.
You do not have to do anything that does not
that you don't want to do or say. Somebody who's
(14:12):
hypnotizing you cannot make you do or say anything that's
out of alignment you're with your moral code or doesn't
feel right to you. Now, like when you're doing the
stage hypnosis. There are people are that refuse to do
it the stage hypnosis have notice, will say bye, you
(14:32):
know or whatever. But most of those people on some
mumble are agreeing that they will do it, and that's
why they do it. So they quack like a dog
or bark like a dog or whatever the stage hypnosis
this person is doing. But what I really want you
to know is hypnosis is a powerful tool to trans
(14:57):
to transform these self savage behaviors. Now when you have
when you really want to transform them. Okay, we got
a question coming in. Charles said, are you sure about that?
Seems it could be dangerous. So so with hypnosis. Okay, Now,
(15:21):
when when they're's here's a thing, and this is what
this is my what's the word I'm looking for? This
is my When I'm doing hypnosis, and when I teach hypnosis,
I am teaching the safety protocols. Okay. Now, are there
(15:44):
people who don't know what they're doing or they may
do whatever. Yeah, I'm not going to say that they're not. Okay,
So if you're making a conscious choice to go to
a hypnotist, you want to make sure that it's somebody
that you trust and that you feel safe with and
(16:05):
that you will allow yourself to go into the hypnotic
trance because if you don't go into the hypnotic trans
and what might happen? And I see the question came in, misty.
What might happen is if you don't go into the
hypnotic transit, maybe because you're not feeling safe, you're not
(16:28):
allowing yourself to relax enough. Now and again, this is
all part of the journey. So you want to make
sure that you're connecting with somebody and that you go
to somebody that you feel safe enough and that you
trust enough to do the hypnosis now is so? So
(16:53):
hypnosis is a powerful tool. Can people use it Yes?
And will use it in the wrong way? Yes, And
that's with anything and everything. Okay, So what I'm sharing
with you is when hypnosis is used in a healthy,
(17:13):
positive way, that supports you in healing because it is
a powerful duol to heal those self sabotaging behaviors. There
are statistics, and I don't have them offhand, but there
are stats that people are helped to lose weight, quit smoking,
(17:35):
and the stats are when they use hypnosis, it becomes higher.
But if you really on some level don't want to
quit or change. Hypnosis won't even work either, it won't
so important all important information. I'm here to share information
(17:56):
with you that will help you to become more aware,
more alert, that will support you in doing what you
need to do to change your life and be informed.
So Charles, hopefully that answered your question if you have
anything else, and thank you because then I was able
(18:18):
to go to that other piece. And yes, like any
tool anything, things can be used for the positive and
things can be used for the negative. Okay, misty, scenes
ethics needed to play a part in this, so okay,
So I want you to know that the organization that
(18:39):
certified me and that it's the International Association of Counselors
and Therapists and the association also those are the people
I certified. When somebody gets a certification from me, they're
getting it through we call it eye. So there is
(19:03):
a whole code of ethics. And that's when you also
know that you're getting trained, Like if you ever wanted
to get trained in becoming a hypnotist or a hypnotherapist,
if you ever want to get trained, then you want
to make sure that you're getting trained by an organization
that has a code of ethics that has a body
(19:25):
so that you're able to go to someone, and you,
as a person who wants to go to someone, you
can ask where did you get trained? Who trained you?
Did they have a code of ethics? You have every
right to ask as many questions as you want. And
if that person gets upset with you or doesn't want
(19:48):
to answer questions, then that would be a good warning sign,
a big warning sign like oh well, maybe this isn't
a person that I want to have a hypnosis with.
So I really want to say a hypnosis is a
powerful tool. And so and really, the behaviors that you
(20:10):
form from the self sabotaging behaviors that were formed, our
behaviors that were formed from that's fun your subconscious, unconscious mind.
And it came because of needs that weren't met. So
for example, needs that weren't net or covering up trauma
(20:35):
or pain or feelings. So, okay, I'll go back to
my example of smoking. So I believe that when I
started smoking, which as a teenager, I was covering up
the pain. I was covering up the pain of the
trauma that I had had. And there was so many
(20:56):
feelings that were happening for me. I smoking was a
way that I numbed the pain and so as I
and then I was like, I knew that I needed
to quit smoking because I knew that it wasn't good
(21:16):
for me. And it was a long process. And sometimes
that happens, like sometimes you may need to be in
the process of working on letting go of those behaviors.
Sometimes it may be longer than others. It depends on
what was the reason that you started those behaviors and
(21:40):
what And also this is really important. The more you
learn emotional intelligence, which we've done on other shows, the
more you learn coping skills, which we've done on other shows.
And I can and if any of you have any
questions as we go through, we can continue to I
(22:03):
can go back there because I always want to serve you.
So when you work on that emotional intelligence and feel safer,
feeling your feelings, and you find new tools coping skills
like the breath work and breathing exercises, and we've talked
(22:25):
about that and the breath work, the breathing and the
other tools like journaling or other techniques and modalities such
as emotional freedom technique. But that's the tapping and tapping
through either the emotion or the belief. What's ever going
(22:49):
on for you? So it's finding those new coping skills
that will help you move through it. Now you wonder, Okay,
now I'm and I'm going to talk a little bit
and this may help you get those behaviors. But I'm
going to talk a little bit about the repeating pattern
and I will definitely next show will go deeper into
(23:14):
the behaviors, and I want to talk to you a
little bit about the repeating patterns and what that means.
So what happens is if you have a repeating pattern
that keeps occurring in your life that can be self
destructive or self sabotage, then that's something you want to
(23:38):
pay attention to. So, for example, these subconscious patterns are
trying to get our attention, and it's about you becoming
aware consciously and with your super conscious mind that oh,
this is something to become aware of.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
What.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
So, again, if there's certain areas of your life, because
I was talking about I was talking about guilt or
shame around the behaviors, But if there are certain areas
of your life where you have guilt or shame, if
(24:20):
you are in a relationship that on some level you
know is not good for you, and that other person
is unwilling to get help, but you're staying in a relationship,
Then you need to ask yourself, what is the pattern here?
What's that repeating pattern? And what do I need to
do to heal? Like, for example, I've worked with clients
(24:42):
like Joni. Joni was a client that came to me
and she she was she would end up in relationships
with men that would treat her badly and and she
knew it wasn't healthy to stay with them. Like for example,
(25:04):
she ended up in a relationship with Nick, and so
she's in this relationship with Nick. Nick is treating her badly,
and she knows she needs to lead this relationship because
he was more emotionally abusive than physically. So he would
say demeaning things to her and put her down and
(25:28):
wasn't nice to her. And so Jonie ended up. You know,
she knew this was a pattern because Nick wasn't the
first man that she was with that was like that.
And when as we started exploring this pattern and she
would have guilt and shame about it, she would feel
(25:51):
guilty that she's staying she felt shame that she was staying,
and she felt out of control because she didn't know
how to leave. So we worked together. We worked together
to heal, to heal the subconscious need in her that
was keeping that pattern in place. The subconscious need that
(26:16):
was keeping that pattern in place was her not feeling
worthy or deserving of being in the healthy relationship. And
she learned unhealthy relationship from her parents, so and when
(26:37):
she was a kid, she said, I never want to
have a relationship like my parents. And now when she
grew up, there was actual physical abuse, so she made
sure that she was not in physically abusive relationships. When
she first started, she was, and then she ended up
going to a relationship where it was emotionally abuse it
(27:02):
And we worked on healing those patterns, healing that part
of her that kept going into that those relationships that
need to be loved so badly and not feeling that
worthy and deserving of a good relationship. And as we
(27:25):
worked on helping her to heal that, she started feeling better.
She let go of that relationship and she started feeling better,
and she started feeling more empowered, and she started making
healthier choices, so that the next time someone like Nick
(27:45):
would come along, Jonie would that red flag would go up,
Oh this is hard, this is not healthy red flag
and she would learn to say no instead of contenting
into something. She was able to pick up the signs
since you didn't have to repeat the pattern. So that's
(28:08):
an example of those repeating patterns, and it's really important
for you to look at how those patterns repeat in
your life. You know, for some people could be relationships.
For other people, it could be money money patterns. Maybe
you don't feel worthy or deserving of an abundant income,
(28:29):
or you have money and then you lose it or
you're just getting by, so it could be or some
people it may be help like like the the unhealthy
behaviors around eating or drinking or smoking. So all of
those are ways that that plays out. So another another
(28:54):
way that it plays out in either relationships or jobs.
This could be playing out in a job situation too,
is either leaving or being left. And if you're ever
in a relationship or have been in relationships where there's
a pattern where either you're the one to leave before
(29:16):
it goes bad so that you don't have to get close,
or you end up in a relationship where they end
up leaving and you feel abandoned again and again. And
that can play out in your job too. That if
you end up having jobs where it always seems that
you're being let go, then that could be playing out
(29:38):
in the work scenario. Or so again, this is all
patterns of things that you want to be aware of.
So these are patterns that you want to keep becoming
aware of, becoming learning because these things really when you
(30:01):
start becoming aware of those repeating patterns, and as you
listen to the show, and as you learn more about
yourself and who you are and become more aware, you
start you start getting aware of the patterns that you
might not have been aware of. You're still doing the
same behaviors or the patterns are still happening, but now
(30:22):
you're like, oh, and you may see it in other people.
But here's the thing. You cannot change another person. You
may see them in self stroct self sabotaging or destructive patterns,
but you can't change them. They have to be willing
(30:43):
to change. And so it's really important that what you
could do. What I tell my clients when they have
relatives or friends that they see in destructive patterns and
that person hasn't asked them. Can you tell me is
this is? Do you think this is healthy? They haven't
(31:03):
asked for advice, so you're not meant to give advice.
But if what I say, since you can't control them,
the only person that you can control and change, and
I don't even like to use the word control. It's
about becoming aware and making an empowered decision to change,
(31:25):
to take an action that will help you change, to
transform your behavior or even how you relate to the
person that has the unhealthy bat because an example of that,
and I'll give you the example as soon as I
(31:46):
come back. What I want to remind you is that
you can help yourself get that awareness and help yourself
tune in and help yourself tune in by doing my
meditation or downloading the PDF. And that is you want
(32:06):
to go to Inspired and Empowered Living dot com. The
name of the show forward slash Meditation. So it's the
name of the show Inspired and Empowered Living dot com
Forward slash Meditation, and it will help you to clear
your energy, connect to your higher self, this wise, unconditionally
(32:27):
loving part of you, and then get intuitive decision that
or information that wants to come through. So definitely you
want to download the meditation. Okay. So so so you
you're aware that you know somebody that has a self
(32:52):
destructive back, what do you do the first thing? And
remember I said the only person you can changes you.
You can't change them. So what you need to do
is you need to change how you relate to them.
(33:14):
So has any of you ever heard of the word enabler.
An example of this is if you know somebody who's
an attic, and it could be alcohol, it could be food,
it could be gambling, or enabler is someone that helps
(33:35):
foster that pattern. Giving an alcoholic a drink, if they're
trying to be in recovery and you give them a drink,
have a drink, no problem, which will set them on
the wrong road. Or if they're trying to diet and
you're like.
Speaker 3 (33:49):
Ok, cookie, it's just one cookie, but to a food
add it once you start, whether it's the sugar or
the alcohol, of the gambling, just one doesn't work unless
you heal the behaviors.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
So and enable enables that pattern. The way you kill
you empowering yourself and perhaps helping the other one, the
other person that you care about is that you end
up you end up stopping that enabling pattern, and if
(34:27):
you're around them and it feels uncomfortable or you really
don't want to be a part of it, that you
will change what you say or do around them. So
for example, going from offering an alcoholic a drink, you
may decide you don't want to drink either, or you
(34:50):
may stop drinking, or you may say, if you're going
to continue to drink, then I need to take a walk,
believe or not participate with you like it's you setting
your boundary and then being able to stop your enabling behavior.
(35:13):
So that's an example of again, and I also want
you to know that an enabler pattern to pattern also,
and that usually comes from your childhood. You may have
grown up with some type of addictive parent, like an
(35:35):
alcoholic parent, a parent who gambled, or an overeat it
and that was what you learned, You saw you integrated,
not necessarily in a healthy way, and then what happens
is you end up recreating that in your life. And
that's why this discussion is really important and really powerful.
(35:56):
And so to recap you, we're going to next week
I will bring in more of a list of the
self sabotaging behaviors. And also not only you'll have a list,
maybe I'll make a checklist for you so that way
you can look at and and then we also talked
(36:21):
about the conscious mind, that empowered part of you conscious awareness.
You're subconscious, which is where those self self sabotaging behaviors started.
And then you're super conscious, which is those parts of
you that are here to help and support you and
give you that support. And then we talked about patterns
(36:48):
and how those patterns can continue. And next week we're
gonna we're going to continue with part two, going deeper
into under standing those patterns or behaviors and then what
you can do to transform them. And so I wish
(37:12):
you and amazing and inspired and empowered day and night
and week. Have a great one. Everybody buy
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guest should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcast. We are live Thursdays at five
pm Eastern on talkfortv dot com, W four WN dot com,
and my YouTube channel, and today we will be talking
(01:12):
about understanding and breaking free from transform and transforming your
self sabotaging behaviors. And during this segment. During this episode,
we will discover and you will understand what are self
(01:35):
sabotaging behaviors. Learn how to identify the root causes of
your self sabotaging behaviors and why they persist. Learn practical
tools and break free from destructive patterns, and discover how
to replace old habits with empowering choice is that align
(02:01):
you with your highest potential and together well, create a
life you love. I'm your host, Nancy Deutsch, licensed Clinical
Social Workers, certified hypnotherapist, and Intuitive business expert. I combine
my counseling, coaching and intuitive abilities to transform your life.
(02:26):
And this show is not a replacement for therapy or counseling.
It is for educational purposes only. So let's talk about
what self sabotaging behaviors are. So a self sabotaging behaviors
(02:46):
are behaviors that hurt you. Their behaviors that at one
point in your life, they serve the purpose on some level,
but they're destructive, they're not helpful to you. And these
are the self set. These self sabotage sabotaging behaviors, our
(03:10):
behaviors you want to let go of, like, and let
me give you examples of what those behaviors are like.
For example, it could be overspending, overeating, it could be
excuse me, it could be procrastination. And then sometimes they're
(03:34):
really destructive, like any of the addictive behaviors like drinking
or gambling or all the different addictive behaviors are self
sabotaging behaviors. And then there's also it could be nail biting,
it could be all the different things that you may
(03:58):
do that when after you finish doing them, you feel
maybe guilty or you feel shame or there's something there.
And these are the behaviors that you want to work
on letting go. And Charles just asked a question. He asked,
do we all have some So that's an interesting question,
(04:22):
and I would say that we probably most human beings,
if not all, have some type of self sabotaging behavior,
and there's a scale. Some may not be as self
sabotaging as others. And as you move through your life,
(04:46):
you want to be letting go of the self sabotaging
anytime that you're feeling guilt or shame or not good
enough or not worthy, or or anything that stopped you
for moving towards your potential where you dream of or
where you want to be, or even if you're not
(05:07):
really clear what that is or where you want to go,
if you're if you're finding a way to not get there,
and there's destructive feelings and like that guilt or shame,
because I also want to remind you feelings are not
destructive of like anger or fear or grief or their
(05:32):
energies that want to move through. They're not bad, they
just they need to move through your energy field. So
on some level, we probably most of us have some
type of behavior. And depending on let's say your feelings,
if you have low self esteem and you came from
(05:53):
a lot of trauma, you may have more self sabotaging behaviors,
or those behaviors may may be more severe than someone
that came from a healthier family. So hopefully that answered
your question. If you have any other questions, let me know. Okay,
Misty asked, is there a place we could see a
(06:16):
list of these behaviors? So I'm gonna tell you what
I'll do, Misty. All right, So we're going to talk
about them, and then I will create a list self
sabotaging behaviors, and then I'm going to find a way
to put them out there so that you can see
(06:39):
the list, and or I may make a document so
that you can maybe do some kind of documents so
that you can take the list and work on transforming them. Now,
we're going to go over it during the show, but
I will. I will definitely we create a list for you,
(07:02):
and I'll have that for you next time. How does
that send? So that way you can look at Okay
and ask yourself, because this is the question you want
to ask yourself, is the behavior that I'm doing now
enhancing my life, making me feel better about myself? Or
(07:24):
is the behavior hurting me? Is the behavior making me?
You know? And when I do this behavior, do I
feel guilt when I do this behavior? My feeling a shamed?
When I do this behavior, does it does it lower
my feelings of like self esteem? Like I'll give you
(07:47):
an example, and I talked about smoking smoking. I used
to smoke, and now it took me a long time
to get over my smoking habit, but I finally did.
But every time I up, I was like, you know,
there was a part of me that, yes it was
and I'm doing this in air quotes for those of
you who are listening, it was a part of me like, oh,
(08:09):
it was soothing me in the moment. And that's what
sometimes the selts, that's what self sabotaging baby sometimes are
doing for you. They may be soothing you in the moment,
but in the long run, in the long run, it's
hurting you. And I know, Misty said thank you, So yes,
(08:30):
I will make sure that I will get that to you.
Nicky asks that would be nice. I want to see
the list as well. Okay, great, So I am definitely
we're going to be working on that for you for
next week. Okay, So and then I'll figure out to
(08:52):
tell you where to find it, or I may create
a link so that you can get it, or we'll
figure it out. I'll you know next week. Stay duned.
So let me go over my psych one oh one
lesson to those of you who know this is just
oh beginner's mind. Whenever I'm teaching, I always ask and
(09:15):
invite you to have beginner's mind. You may have heard
this many many times, or maybe this is the first
time you're hearing it, but open to every time you
hear something, whether you've heard it many times or you've
heard it the first time, the beginner's mind is like, ooh,
how can I learn something new about this? So this
(09:39):
is my psych one on one lesson. And when you're
consciously and bringing it back to when you are consciously
aware and making an empowered decision like listening to the
(09:59):
show or wanting that list, or first time hearing that
phrase thank you Charles yeap first time or your so
you that conscious place of awareness, of empowerment, of making
(10:19):
the decision, asking the question so that you can gain clarity,
that is your conscious mind. And again, your conscious mind
empowers you. It empowers you to create, to become aware
to allow yourself to make decisions that will that can
(10:43):
be life changing. And so your conscious mind is really
important for you. And then and your conscious mind is
when you are conscious, when you are aware, when you're alert,
when you're in present time, then your in conscious awareness.
(11:04):
You're in your conscious mind now when you're doing something
or your present that's your conscious mind. Now, it could
be combined with other parts, which I'm going to get
to shortly, but your conscious mind is all that conscious
(11:27):
alignment and awareness. Your subconscious mind, on the moment you
will conceive to present time, has recorded every moment, every belief,
every emotion, and it is the self sabotaging behaviors that
are coming from your subconscious or unconscious mind and your
(11:50):
unconscious subconscious mind. Actually it's ninety five percent of your behavior,
your thoughts, your feelings are coming from your subconscious unconscious mind.
Until you start shifting and changing and becoming consciously aware
(12:13):
and then making conscious decision to change to change, that's
how your conscious mind empowers you. Now, then there's your
super conscious mind. And your super conscious mind is that
part of you that is your higher self, is wise,
(12:36):
unconditionally loving part of you that everyone has. And then
there's your soul, the core energy essence of who you are,
your super conscious mind or your angels, your guide, your
beings of light, and your super conscious and your conscious
mind work together to help you to create those new patterns.
(13:03):
And it's also in healing those subconscious pattern those subconscious
ways of being that help you to transform those behaviors
when I do hypnosis. That's one of the reasons why
I love hypnosis. Now, hypnosis has gotten a bad rap
(13:25):
because if you've seen TV or movie or stage shows
on hypnosis, some people get really scared of hypnosis because
they think you're an out of control. But what I
want to tell you is that hypnosis is a relaxed
state of body and mind. And what happens is is
(13:49):
that when you are in the hypnotic trance, you're not asleep.
You're actually awake, aware, alert, and you are in control.
You do not have to do anything that does not
that you don't want to do or say. Somebody who's
(14:12):
hypnotizing you cannot make you do or say anything that's
out of alignment you're with your moral code or doesn't
feel right to you. Now, like when you're doing the
stage hypnosis. There are people are that refuse to do
it the stage hypnosis have notice, will say bye, you
(14:32):
know or whatever. But most of those people on some
mumble are agreeing that they will do it, and that's
why they do it. So they quack like a dog
or bark like a dog or whatever the stage hypnosis
this person is doing. But what I really want you
to know is hypnosis is a powerful tool to trans
(14:57):
to transform these self savage behaviors. Now when you have
when you really want to transform them. Okay, we got
a question coming in. Charles said, are you sure about that?
Seems it could be dangerous. So so with hypnosis. Okay, Now,
(15:21):
when when they're's here's a thing, and this is what
this is my what's the word I'm looking for? This
is my When I'm doing hypnosis, and when I teach hypnosis,
I am teaching the safety protocols. Okay. Now, are there
(15:44):
people who don't know what they're doing or they may
do whatever. Yeah, I'm not going to say that they're not. Okay,
So if you're making a conscious choice to go to
a hypnotist, you want to make sure that it's somebody
that you trust and that you feel safe with and
(16:05):
that you will allow yourself to go into the hypnotic
trance because if you don't go into the hypnotic trans
and what might happen? And I see the question came in, misty.
What might happen is if you don't go into the
hypnotic transit, maybe because you're not feeling safe, you're not
(16:28):
allowing yourself to relax enough. Now and again, this is
all part of the journey. So you want to make
sure that you're connecting with somebody and that you go
to somebody that you feel safe enough and that you
trust enough to do the hypnosis now is so? So
(16:53):
hypnosis is a powerful tool. Can people use it Yes?
And will use it in the wrong way? Yes, And
that's with anything and everything. Okay, So what I'm sharing
with you is when hypnosis is used in a healthy,
(17:13):
positive way, that supports you in healing because it is
a powerful duol to heal those self sabotaging behaviors. There
are statistics, and I don't have them offhand, but there
are stats that people are helped to lose weight, quit smoking,
(17:35):
and the stats are when they use hypnosis, it becomes higher.
But if you really on some level don't want to
quit or change. Hypnosis won't even work either, it won't
so important all important information. I'm here to share information
(17:56):
with you that will help you to become more aware,
more alert, that will support you in doing what you
need to do to change your life and be informed.
So Charles, hopefully that answered your question if you have
anything else, and thank you because then I was able
(18:18):
to go to that other piece. And yes, like any
tool anything, things can be used for the positive and
things can be used for the negative. Okay, misty, scenes
ethics needed to play a part in this, so okay,
So I want you to know that the organization that
(18:39):
certified me and that it's the International Association of Counselors
and Therapists and the association also those are the people
I certified. When somebody gets a certification from me, they're
getting it through we call it eye. So there is
(19:03):
a whole code of ethics. And that's when you also
know that you're getting trained, Like if you ever wanted
to get trained in becoming a hypnotist or a hypnotherapist,
if you ever want to get trained, then you want
to make sure that you're getting trained by an organization
that has a code of ethics that has a body
(19:25):
so that you're able to go to someone, and you,
as a person who wants to go to someone, you
can ask where did you get trained? Who trained you?
Did they have a code of ethics? You have every
right to ask as many questions as you want. And
if that person gets upset with you or doesn't want
(19:48):
to answer questions, then that would be a good warning sign,
a big warning sign like oh well, maybe this isn't
a person that I want to have a hypnosis with.
So I really want to say a hypnosis is a
powerful tool. And so and really, the behaviors that you
(20:10):
form from the self sabotaging behaviors that were formed, our
behaviors that were formed from that's fun your subconscious, unconscious mind.
And it came because of needs that weren't met. So
for example, needs that weren't net or covering up trauma
(20:35):
or pain or feelings. So, okay, I'll go back to
my example of smoking. So I believe that when I
started smoking, which as a teenager, I was covering up
the pain. I was covering up the pain of the
trauma that I had had. And there was so many
(20:56):
feelings that were happening for me. I smoking was a
way that I numbed the pain and so as I
and then I was like, I knew that I needed
to quit smoking because I knew that it wasn't good
(21:16):
for me. And it was a long process. And sometimes
that happens, like sometimes you may need to be in
the process of working on letting go of those behaviors.
Sometimes it may be longer than others. It depends on
what was the reason that you started those behaviors and
(21:40):
what And also this is really important. The more you
learn emotional intelligence, which we've done on other shows, the
more you learn coping skills, which we've done on other shows.
And I can and if any of you have any
questions as we go through, we can continue to I
(22:03):
can go back there because I always want to serve you.
So when you work on that emotional intelligence and feel safer,
feeling your feelings, and you find new tools coping skills
like the breath work and breathing exercises, and we've talked
(22:25):
about that and the breath work, the breathing and the
other tools like journaling or other techniques and modalities such
as emotional freedom technique. But that's the tapping and tapping
through either the emotion or the belief. What's ever going
(22:49):
on for you? So it's finding those new coping skills
that will help you move through it. Now you wonder, Okay,
now I'm and I'm going to talk a little bit
and this may help you get those behaviors. But I'm
going to talk a little bit about the repeating pattern
and I will definitely next show will go deeper into
(23:14):
the behaviors, and I want to talk to you a
little bit about the repeating patterns and what that means.
So what happens is if you have a repeating pattern
that keeps occurring in your life that can be self
destructive or self sabotage, then that's something you want to
(23:38):
pay attention to. So, for example, these subconscious patterns are
trying to get our attention, and it's about you becoming
aware consciously and with your super conscious mind that oh,
this is something to become aware of.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
What.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
So, again, if there's certain areas of your life, because
I was talking about I was talking about guilt or
shame around the behaviors, But if there are certain areas
of your life where you have guilt or shame, if
(24:20):
you are in a relationship that on some level you
know is not good for you, and that other person
is unwilling to get help, but you're staying in a relationship,
Then you need to ask yourself, what is the pattern here?
What's that repeating pattern? And what do I need to
do to heal? Like, for example, I've worked with clients
(24:42):
like Joni. Joni was a client that came to me
and she she was she would end up in relationships
with men that would treat her badly and and she
knew it wasn't healthy to stay with them. Like for example,
(25:04):
she ended up in a relationship with Nick, and so
she's in this relationship with Nick. Nick is treating her badly,
and she knows she needs to lead this relationship because
he was more emotionally abusive than physically. So he would
say demeaning things to her and put her down and
(25:28):
wasn't nice to her. And so Jonie ended up. You know,
she knew this was a pattern because Nick wasn't the
first man that she was with that was like that.
And when as we started exploring this pattern and she
would have guilt and shame about it, she would feel
(25:51):
guilty that she's staying she felt shame that she was staying,
and she felt out of control because she didn't know
how to leave. So we worked together. We worked together
to heal, to heal the subconscious need in her that
was keeping that pattern in place. The subconscious need that
(26:16):
was keeping that pattern in place was her not feeling
worthy or deserving of being in the healthy relationship. And
she learned unhealthy relationship from her parents, so and when
(26:37):
she was a kid, she said, I never want to
have a relationship like my parents. And now when she
grew up, there was actual physical abuse, so she made
sure that she was not in physically abusive relationships. When
she first started, she was, and then she ended up
going to a relationship where it was emotionally abuse it
(27:02):
And we worked on healing those patterns, healing that part
of her that kept going into that those relationships that
need to be loved so badly and not feeling that
worthy and deserving of a good relationship. And as we
(27:25):
worked on helping her to heal that, she started feeling better.
She let go of that relationship and she started feeling better,
and she started feeling more empowered, and she started making
healthier choices, so that the next time someone like Nick
(27:45):
would come along, Jonie would that red flag would go up,
Oh this is hard, this is not healthy red flag
and she would learn to say no instead of contenting
into something. She was able to pick up the signs
since you didn't have to repeat the pattern. So that's
(28:08):
an example of those repeating patterns, and it's really important
for you to look at how those patterns repeat in
your life. You know, for some people could be relationships.
For other people, it could be money money patterns. Maybe
you don't feel worthy or deserving of an abundant income,
(28:29):
or you have money and then you lose it or
you're just getting by, so it could be or some
people it may be help like like the the unhealthy
behaviors around eating or drinking or smoking. So all of
those are ways that that plays out. So another another
(28:54):
way that it plays out in either relationships or jobs.
This could be playing out in a job situation too,
is either leaving or being left. And if you're ever
in a relationship or have been in relationships where there's
a pattern where either you're the one to leave before
(29:16):
it goes bad so that you don't have to get close,
or you end up in a relationship where they end
up leaving and you feel abandoned again and again. And
that can play out in your job too. That if
you end up having jobs where it always seems that
you're being let go, then that could be playing out
(29:38):
in the work scenario. Or so again, this is all
patterns of things that you want to be aware of.
So these are patterns that you want to keep becoming
aware of, becoming learning because these things really when you
(30:01):
start becoming aware of those repeating patterns, and as you
listen to the show, and as you learn more about
yourself and who you are and become more aware, you
start you start getting aware of the patterns that you
might not have been aware of. You're still doing the
same behaviors or the patterns are still happening, but now
(30:22):
you're like, oh, and you may see it in other people.
But here's the thing. You cannot change another person. You
may see them in self stroct self sabotaging or destructive patterns,
but you can't change them. They have to be willing
(30:43):
to change. And so it's really important that what you
could do. What I tell my clients when they have
relatives or friends that they see in destructive patterns and
that person hasn't asked them. Can you tell me is
this is? Do you think this is healthy? They haven't
(31:03):
asked for advice, so you're not meant to give advice.
But if what I say, since you can't control them,
the only person that you can control and change, and
I don't even like to use the word control. It's
about becoming aware and making an empowered decision to change,
(31:25):
to take an action that will help you change, to
transform your behavior or even how you relate to the
person that has the unhealthy bat because an example of that,
and I'll give you the example as soon as I
(31:46):
come back. What I want to remind you is that
you can help yourself get that awareness and help yourself
tune in and help yourself tune in by doing my
meditation or downloading the PDF. And that is you want
(32:06):
to go to Inspired and Empowered Living dot com. The
name of the show forward slash Meditation. So it's the
name of the show Inspired and Empowered Living dot com
Forward slash Meditation, and it will help you to clear
your energy, connect to your higher self, this wise, unconditionally
(32:27):
loving part of you, and then get intuitive decision that
or information that wants to come through. So definitely you
want to download the meditation. Okay. So so so you
you're aware that you know somebody that has a self
(32:52):
destructive back, what do you do the first thing? And
remember I said the only person you can changes you.
You can't change them. So what you need to do
is you need to change how you relate to them.
(33:14):
So has any of you ever heard of the word enabler.
An example of this is if you know somebody who's
an attic, and it could be alcohol, it could be food,
it could be gambling, or enabler is someone that helps
(33:35):
foster that pattern. Giving an alcoholic a drink, if they're
trying to be in recovery and you give them a drink,
have a drink, no problem, which will set them on
the wrong road. Or if they're trying to diet and
you're like.
Speaker 3 (33:49):
Ok, cookie, it's just one cookie, but to a food
add it once you start, whether it's the sugar or
the alcohol, of the gambling, just one doesn't work unless
you heal the behaviors.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
So and enable enables that pattern. The way you kill
you empowering yourself and perhaps helping the other one, the
other person that you care about is that you end
up you end up stopping that enabling pattern, and if
(34:27):
you're around them and it feels uncomfortable or you really
don't want to be a part of it, that you
will change what you say or do around them. So
for example, going from offering an alcoholic a drink, you
may decide you don't want to drink either, or you
(34:50):
may stop drinking, or you may say, if you're going
to continue to drink, then I need to take a walk,
believe or not participate with you like it's you setting
your boundary and then being able to stop your enabling behavior.
(35:13):
So that's an example of again, and I also want
you to know that an enabler pattern to pattern also,
and that usually comes from your childhood. You may have
grown up with some type of addictive parent, like an
(35:35):
alcoholic parent, a parent who gambled, or an overeat it
and that was what you learned, You saw you integrated,
not necessarily in a healthy way, and then what happens
is you end up recreating that in your life. And
that's why this discussion is really important and really powerful.
(35:56):
And so to recap you, we're going to next week
I will bring in more of a list of the
self sabotaging behaviors. And also not only you'll have a list,
maybe I'll make a checklist for you so that way
you can look at and and then we also talked
(36:21):
about the conscious mind, that empowered part of you conscious awareness.
You're subconscious, which is where those self self sabotaging behaviors started.
And then you're super conscious, which is those parts of
you that are here to help and support you and
give you that support. And then we talked about patterns
(36:48):
and how those patterns can continue. And next week we're
gonna we're going to continue with part two, going deeper
into under standing those patterns or behaviors and then what
you can do to transform them. And so I wish
(37:12):
you and amazing and inspired and empowered day and night
and week. Have a great one. Everybody buy
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