September 4, 2025 • 39 mins
Join Nanci Deutsch for an insightful episode where you’ll uncover the hidden reasons behind unhealthy and self-defeating patterns in your life & business.
Whether it’s procrastination, emotional eating, poor impulse control, rumination, smoking/vaping, nail-biting, overspending, or other behaviors that hold you back. Gain tools to break free and step into your best self. Discover how to transform these patterns so you can create an inspired and empowered life & business!
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
Whether it’s procrastination, emotional eating, poor impulse control, rumination, smoking/vaping, nail-biting, overspending, or other behaviors that hold you back. Gain tools to break free and step into your best self. Discover how to transform these patterns so you can create an inspired and empowered life & business!
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Health related information on the following show provides general information only.
Content presented on any show by any host or guest
should not be substituted for a doctor's advice. Always consult
your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise, or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcast. We are live Thursdays at Bipeastern
on talkpoortv dot com, W four WN dot com, and
my YouTube channel, and today we continue to talk about
(01:12):
breaking free transforming self sabotaging behaviors, and we will be
talking in this episode. We're gonna be listing those self
sabotaging behaviors. So if you have a behavior and you
are not sure is this self sabotaging, we will help
(01:33):
you get clearer so that you will know for sure
and learn how to identify the root causes of those
self sabotaging behaviors and why they persist, and learn practical
tools and strategies to break free from destructive patterns. And
(01:53):
you can join us live to enter your questions or
comments in the chat. Together, let's create a life you love.
I'm your host, Nancy Deutsch, licensed Clinical social worker, certified
hitting a therapist and intuitive business expert. I combine my counseling, coaching,
(02:15):
and intuitive abilities to transform your life. And so let's
create a life you love. Okay, Now, last week, last episode. First,
I'm going to define self sabotaging behaviors. And in the
(02:36):
last episode, I question or questions about what are self
sabotaging behaviors and can I create a list or can
I share a list? And so what we're going to
do in this show is we are going to list
them so that you get really clear home, that's a
(02:57):
self sabage sabotaging behavior and I didn't even know it.
And then we'll talk more about what you can do
to heal or clear that behavior and what you can
do to keep on moving forward. Suh, stay tuned. First
of all, let let me define self sabotage. Self sabotage
(03:21):
is when your thoughts, actions, or habits block you from
achieving the very success you want. And what happens is
that these actions, thoughts, beliefs, and these behaviors are not
(03:42):
coming from your conscious mind. It's not like you're saying, oh,
let me do this. These are all patterns that happen
on a subconscious level. And we're going to help you
get more clarity on what they are and how to
break free. So first, before we go further, so that
(04:05):
we're all on the same page, I'm going to talk
about the three states of mind that will really help
you know what you mean in order to understand your
behaviors or those of other people. First, you have your
(04:25):
conscious mind, and your conscious mind is the part of
you that makes a very conscious, aware decision. It's the
part of you that's in present time, is aware, alert,
and it empowers you to make conscious choices life listening
(04:47):
to this show, so if you're listening live, whether you're
listening live or listening at a later time, or viewing
a very smart conscious choice. And then you have you
have your subconscious pat behavior's thoughts, action, and so much
(05:09):
of our behavior's thoughts, actions are in our subconscious mind,
and you are on auto pilot and you're just doing
it and you don't even realize you're doing it. And
this show, I'm hoping is going to help you gain
some awareness, so then you can start realizing and recognizing, oh,
(05:31):
I'm doing a self sabotaging behavior, and what you can
do about it once you realize it. So your subconscious
mind has recorded every moment that you have been alive,
from the moment you will conceive to present time, and
it has recorded everything and all those limiting beliefs, all
(05:56):
the emotions, all your past is all recorded in your
subconscious mind. So when you have self sabotaging behaviors, there
are reasons that it's important for you to become aware
what those reasons are or what you can do in
(06:18):
order for you to be able to then take action
so that you can move forward in a very clear
conscious way. So and then you have your super conscious mind,
and your super conscious mind is your higher self, the wise,
(06:41):
unconditionally loving part of you, your soul, the core energy
essence of light and love and characteristics that you are.
And you have your guides and your angels and beings
of light all here to support you. Universe and God,
(07:02):
higher power, whatever you choose to call it, it's all
part of that super conscious mind. And really overcoming those
self sabotaging behaviors is really you're gonna need to understand
what's going on in your subconscious mind, and then from
your conscious and super conscious mind really be able to
(07:27):
make the shifts needed so that you can choose to
let go of the behaviors that are no longer working
for you. Okay. So we have misty, Misty in the house,
a misty okay, knowing when and what action to take
could play a fact. Okay. So I don't remember if
(07:51):
it was your Misty or Charles. I remember one of
you asked about listing the behaviors my condinion. So I
have the list for you, okay and everybody else. So
here is your list of self sabotaging behaviors. And what
I also want you to know is that I am
(08:12):
gonna be talking about the list today and I will
be getting a PDF document together so that you can download,
make it into a checklist, so that you can download
these behaviors and see which ones you may be doing,
so that you can gain more awareness. This is for
(08:34):
all of you, okay, so that you can gain awareness
of what your self sabotaging behaviors are. And then we
will talk about what you can do to work on
clearing it, okay and breaking free. So okay, So common
(08:55):
self sabotaging behaviors. Now, the first ones are about mindset,
all right, So mindset and believes. Now, if any of
you and I'm going to tell you a lot of
these self sabotaging behaviors. You're not alone. Many of us do.
(09:16):
And what happened is it's not that you're doing these behaviors.
And this is not about beating yourself up, because beating
yourself up is a self sabotaging behavior. This is about
becoming aware so that you're a choice to make a
decision on whether to choose to let it go if
(09:39):
it's not working for you. And this is about awareness.
So if you have negative self talk and you say
things to yourself like there's an inner critic like I
can't do this, or I'm not ready to do this,
or I'm not good enough or are who are you
(10:02):
to be able to do this? These thoughts are self
doubting thoughts which will end up creating paralysis and in action,
and so they stop you in your tracks. So it's
really important to start becoming aware of the talk you're talking,
(10:27):
the self talk and what you're saying to yourself. And
when you start noticing that you are going down calling
it at the rabbit hole of negative self talk, you
want to say stop, okay, stop and I am serious.
You can actually put your hand up because this is
(10:50):
really interesting. I see, Anastasia, you have a question, and
I'll get to it in a second. But what happens
when you put your hand up, you are actually telling
your body mind. You're putting a stop energy, stop energy
to what's going on inside of you. And so if
(11:13):
you start noticing your going down the negative self talk
rabbit hole, but stop, stop it no more, and you
can reframe it. And we're going to talk more about this.
But you can say things like I can do this,
I am good enough now. Ultimately you want to do
(11:34):
the deeper healing necessary. But until you either fire somebody
or you're able to do the deeper healing necessary, reframing
and changing those patterns can be really helpful to you.
(11:55):
It's not all or nothing. This is okay, yeah, And
I'm going to get to Anastasia's question. Are these things
you tell yourself all the time or just in a moment,
So it could be both. So some people may have
(12:16):
an ongoing negative self talk when you have low self
esteem and or when you grew up in a family.
And again I want you to realize how you grew
up is going to affect how you are to yourself.
So if one of your parents or both were very critical,
(12:40):
you can tend to be critical too of yourself. You
may be critical of other people, but you may be
even more critical of yourself. So that could be part
of where that negative self talk comes from. So some
people do it on a regular basis. Now, some people
(13:04):
may start talking negative if something goes wrong or they're
in a crisis, or something upsets them and they get
really triggered and you start reacting. So you may be okay,
and then all of a sudden, you're reacting to somebody,
somebody or something. It could be a situation or it
(13:28):
could be a person that you're reacting to, and you
start getting either fearful or angry, or or maybe you
start crying and go into sadness or greed and one
of those emotions, or maybe somebody has shamed you or
guilted you, any of those reactions and bring you into
(13:55):
the experience of that negative self tee talk. Like for example,
I'll give you an example. So May I was working
with May, and May had a lot of fear and
as soon as even if she wasn't doing something, she
would immediately go to I did it wrong. I did
(14:19):
something wrong. And she may or may not have, but
immediately she would go to the negative self talk, I'm
so stupid, I can't believe I did that, and she
would start beating herself up and putting herself down. And
as May and I started working together, she started changing
(14:41):
those patterns of behavior. So when she would have the reaction, oh,
I screwed it up, or I excuse my language, I
messed it up, or oh so stupid, she would catch
herself and start changing. See that's part of that reframing
(15:04):
that I was talking, reframing and changing what she was
saying to herself, and that would help her, and then
we would do some deeper work on it when we
work together, so that she wasn't going there as much
as she used to unless she really had a big reaction.
(15:27):
So just know, I want you to know that all
of the behaviors that I am going to mention can
be healed. The fact that you're listening or viewing the show,
either now or later, is a sign you want help,
you want to change, and you want awareness. So congratulations,
(15:50):
and you can change these behaviors and it can be done.
Excuse me, got to take a drink of my wife allergies. Okay,
so another sabotage could be something of the impost syndrome.
(16:10):
And basically the imposta syndrome is you know how to
do something. In fact, if you think that you're an
impostor in any way, shape or form of something that
you do or that you know. And it could be
something you're an expert at or something that you do,
(16:32):
and it could be the impostor syndrome in your business,
it could be the impostor syndrome in your life, and
maybe even a hobby and I'm not good at that
or I can't do that. Again, that's negative self talk too.
And the imposta syndrome is you don't believe that you
can do it or you're good enough. Again, it's good enough.
(16:55):
And what I'm going to tell you is if you
even feel or believe that, more than likely you are
good enough. People who are who are not aware, not thinking,
don't care, don't even get the imposter syndrome. It's usually
people that either a already are good enough or B
(17:19):
you may realize maybe there's certain skills or abilities you
need to learn and then that's okay, we're all on
this learning curve and we all need. You know, it's
being able to realize maybe you really are good enough,
and if there's certain skills or abilities that you may
need help with or learn to grow, and that's really
(17:43):
not even in the imposti syndrome. It may be an
awareness that you have some abilities or skills that need
by tuning, or you need to learn new skills or abilities,
and know that this is really looking at the deeper
(18:03):
issue underneath. So like, for example, Suzanne, she felt that
she was she's moving forward in her business, moving forward
in a life and finding success and doing the things
that were bringing her success, but she still felt like
(18:27):
an impostor. And as her and I started working together
and going deeper into understanding why she had that impostor syndrome,
what she realized was that when she was growing up,
it was never good enough. She would get a B
(18:49):
or an A, and her mother would say why did
you get an A plus? Or what If she got
a B, it would be why did you get an A?
Or she she was always having to do it better,
be better because her mother was always saying it wasn't
good enough. So when she grew up, she was still
(19:13):
doing that herself. And as we worked with her to
heal that part of her that felt not good enough.
And it's a journey, and I want you to know
that this is about being in the journey. You may
not heal everything right away, but it's about being in
(19:33):
the journey and knowing that you are allowing yourself to
be in the experience of getting better and healing and
allowing all of that death. So being in the journey
is really important. And then another common mindset, mindset issue
(19:58):
or believe is perfectionism. And so many people that I've
worked with through the years had the perfectionism. If they
aren't perfect again, it's they're not good enough, So they're
not good enough can manifest in different ways. If you
feel like something you're doing is that's to be perfect
(20:21):
before you can do it, then you do want to
make sure that you are really allowing yourself to know
that you have got it, that you are perfect as
you are, you are good enough, and that it's the
(20:44):
most important thing for you to remember perfectionism it's not real,
it's not human. There is no human being that can
be perfect. And it's learning to accept your imperfections and
being you are perfect as you are, so and if
(21:05):
you're in that I got a way till it's just right,
you may continue to wait for the rest of your life.
So it's about knowing that it's better to get it
done than for it to be perfect. Okay, so that's important.
Then we have fear of failure and fear of success.
(21:26):
So if you have a fear that you're so you
may be afraid to start something because if you start,
you're going to fail, and you set yourself up and thinking,
I don't know, I don't know if I can do this.
I'm afraid of failing. That is the fear of failure. Now,
(21:47):
the other side of the coin is the fear of success.
You may have that fear of success that if you
are to become successful, you have this this sub conscious
belief that something is going to happen. Maybe you have
a fear of success that if you succeed, you'll lose
(22:10):
your friends, you'll lose your family, you'll you lose your
loved ones. Maybe if you had the fear of success,
you'll get so overwhelmed by the success you'll get sick,
you'll lose your health. So there's something going on underneath,
some kind of fears around the success for you to
(22:33):
become aware of that would keep you from creating it.
And again those would be self sabotaging behaviors and situations.
So I am going to share with you, and I
have lots more to share, okay, so that you can
see yourself or feel or get a sense Oh that's
(22:56):
something I'm doing. Oh that's something that needs healing. So
before I go to the next one, I want to
share with you. Next Wednesday evening I September tenth, I
will be having a masterclass so you can It's a
free virtual masterclass Three Keys to an Abundant mindset to
(23:22):
grow a thriving holistic practice. And during that masterclass, we're
going to be talking about the hidden mindset patterns that
would keep you from the abundance mindset. We'll be talking
about how to overcome self doubt so that you can
(23:44):
move into confidence, and you will learn how to create
magnetic messaging so that you can move successfully forward and
have a thriving holistic practice. Me next next Wednesday night,
September tenth, at seven pm Eastern and the link Rebel
(24:11):
is putting the link you want to go to Inspired
and Empowered Living dot com Forward Slash master Class and
the s T E R C l A S. So
it's the name of the show, Inspired and Empowered Living
(24:31):
dot Com Forward Slash Masterclass and Rebel put the links
in the chat and we will so I look forward
to seeing you there. Now onto a list of mindset
of things of self sabotaging behaviors and patterns. So one
(24:55):
of the big self sabotaging patterns and behaviors are avoidance
and procrastination. So procrastination. If you find that you're procrastiny
and you're not doing and you know there's something that
you need to do but you find any other excuse
(25:17):
not to do it, you are procrastiny. And if you're
not doing. Now this again, I want to bring this
back to stop. If you're beating yourself up. Stop okay,
stop stop beating yourself up. It's important for you to
become aware and to then become aware so that you
(25:42):
can do something about it. Now if you're procrastinating, and
all of these again are self sabotaging behaviors that are
in the subconscious mind and there's reasons why you are
doing them, and so there's things that you can do
to help yourself in the moment and then understand the
(26:03):
deeper levels of why you're doing the self sabotaging behaviors.
And maybe you're procrastinating because of Okay, here's where we
combine too of a fear of failure, or maybe you're
procrastinating because of a fear of success. They may be
linked together. So if you're procrastinating, learn to undiscover what's underneath.
(26:29):
What's underneath, and you can ask yourself what's going on?
What am I really afraid of? Well, what's making me procrastinate?
Start asking yourself those questions and see what comes. Then
there's hiding if you are hiding in any way, shape
or form. Now, if you're hiding and you're in business,
(26:51):
you are hiding. You know, the more visible you are,
the more you'll be able to have a more successful business.
If you're hiding from family or friends because of something
that you do or something that you're concerned about, it's
really important you to be able to understand what are
(27:16):
you hiding from or who are you hiding from? And
if you are like you may have started hiding when
you were a kid and you continue the behavior, and
so now it's being able to change that behavior and
start changing those patterns of hiding. Now, another way of
(27:44):
self sabotage is actually over planning. So you're spending so
much time planning, researching, tweaking, tweaking your work, tweaking your office,
tweaking something that you're working on, whether it's in your
business or in your life. If you are like let's
(28:08):
say there's a party, or you're trying to create something,
whether it's for your business or whether it's a hobby,
but you keep tweaking it and trying to get it right,
trying to get it perfect. See, a lot of these
can be overlapping, and you keep tweaking and planning so
(28:28):
that it never gets done. That self sabotage. And so
that is a way that self sabotaging behavior shows up
now overdoing and over committing. So if any of you
are people pleasing, people pleasing is a self sabotaging behavior.
(28:50):
And what I mean by people pleasing is you say yes.
You say yes to everyone else's needs, and then you
end up if you're feeling angry or resentful or over obligated.
You've said yes to something that you are not feeling
(29:11):
good about or that you don't really want to do,
or maybe you've overcommitted to yourself. So it's learning to
quiet yourself and ask yourself before you make a commitment
to a situation, to a person, to an event, ask yourself,
(29:33):
is this something I really want to do? Do I
feel like I have to do it? If you're in
have to you are in people pleasing, or if you
feel obligated and you feel you have to do it
because of the other person, that's people pleasing. If you
feel like you are just really in that mode of
(29:56):
I have to obligate it to really be look out
for those behaviors because they're self sabotaging. Overworking. Now, overworking
is a way that you could be sabotaging yourself. If
you are overworking at your own expense of your health,
of your body, of not taking care of yourself, you
(30:19):
could be in self sabotaging behavior. It is self sabotaging
those of you who consider your self workaholics. If you're
considering yourself a workaholic, that is self sabotaged because if
it's an expense of balance. Because here's the thing. You
(30:39):
want a life whether there's balance, You want a life
where you have and in the balance of things, you
have your work, you have your play, you have your fun,
you have your friends and your family, and it's finding
a balance to all of it that is health. Now,
(31:02):
it may take some time, it may take some structure.
If you find that you're overworking or working too much,
it's about asking yourself, where can I have some leeway?
What can I do to take better care of myself?
Ask yourself those questions that will help you. So other behaviors,
(31:24):
other behaviors, habits and coping mechanism. There are numbing behaviors.
Numbing behaviors, emotional overeating, overspending, over drinking, scrolling, okay, over
social media. If you're scrolling and scrolling and scrolling to
(31:47):
avoid uncomfortable feeling, you are numbing. And I've had people
say to me, I'm on social media too much. Now again,
I believe moderation. Moderation is really important. If you are
doing too much of anything, that's a self sabotaging behavior.
(32:10):
Another one distraction. If you are distracting yourself and filling
your time with TV, social media or constant business instead
of focusing on what you need to get accomplished or
what really matters to you, then you're doing a self
(32:32):
sabotaging behavior. And here's an interesting one, all right, not
asking for help. If you're someone who doesn't ask for
help when you need to ask for help, that is
a self sabotaging behavior, and trying to do it alone
(32:52):
is not. In my coaching programs we talk about lone
wolfing it. If you're alone wolf because you feel you
have to do it alone, that could be self sabotaging.
It is self sabotaging because here's the thing. We all
need help, guidance, support part of being human. And it's
(33:15):
okay to ask for help. You deserve to ask for help.
So I really want to support you in asking for
help and guidance and support and collaboration in any area
of your life. You don't have to do it alone.
You can ask for help and support. So, relationship patterns,
(33:41):
toxic ties, you're staying in draining or unhealthy relationships out
of fear of being alone, even when they hold you
back from growth. Comparing, you're comparing yourself. I know in
business there's a lot comparison going on, especially when you
(34:03):
see stuff on social media or you see somebody doing
something that you want to be doing. And if you're
comparing and you're measuring yourself against others. It's self sabotaging
because you or you and they are they, And it's
really important for you to be able to know that
(34:29):
you don't need to compare yourself to other people. Who
you are is special and unique unto you, so stop comparing.
And then another way is when you're not when you're
so busy taking care of other people and you neglect
(34:50):
your self care. So your relationship with yourself, loving yourself
is really an important primary relationship, and doing your self
care is crucial. Neglecting yourself in any way is self sabotaging.
And then there's business self sabotaging. If you're not charging enough,
(35:13):
you're undercharging or undervaluing yourself or your services, then you
are you are self sabotaging. You're avoiding sales or money
conversation in your business your self sabotaging. And you have
shiny objects syndrome. And now this is for everybody. So
(35:36):
if you in business, it shows up like, oh, I
got to do that, that's the next way I need
to move or go. Shiny object syndrome in your life
it's like oh if I just do this or I
just have that shiny object syndrome. All of that is
self sabotaging behavior. So all of those are self sabotaging
(36:01):
and like I said, I'm going to make this into
a checklt in that way. Next week we're going to
continue this because I really want all of you to know,
be clear, and then learn better ways and techniques for
overcoming the self sabotaging behaviors. So stay tuned next week
(36:25):
for part three and we will continue this conversation. So
most of the show, I talked about the conscious mind
the subconscious mind, and it's the subconscious mind where these
self sabotaging behaviors are. And then we talked about all
the different behaviors, the mindset behaviors, the relationship behaviors, the
(36:47):
avoiding and procrastination, and so all of those are ways
that you self sabotage. And again they may be connected,
they may have you may have more than one at
a time. So I invite you when you do the checklist,
you'll be able to add them in or check them
(37:13):
all off, and then you'll see how they all fit together. Okay,
no tune in next Threek, but more inspired and empowered living,
and like I said, more on breaking free from Self
Sabotaging Behaviors, Part three. And I want to remind you
(37:34):
we are live Thursdays at five pm Eastern on talkfor
TV dot com, W four WN dot com, my YouTube,
my YouTube channel, and also you can find us on
the podcast on iHeartRadio, Spotify, Apple and Dora, Amazon and
(38:01):
many more. And I know, okay, so, Anastasia, I will
get to that question more next week. And if you
could put in a little bit more about that question,
that would be helpful for me. If you could do
that next week, that would be great, okay, So, And
(38:23):
I look forward to seeing you all next week. And
I wish you all and inspired an empowered day and
inspired and empowered night. And we buy for nowts testingstosup
(39:04):
testing posts, Stastic States,
Health related information on the following show provides general information only.
Content presented on any show by any host or guest
should not be substituted for a doctor's advice. Always consult
your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise, or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcast. We are live Thursdays at Bipeastern
on talkpoortv dot com, W four WN dot com, and
my YouTube channel, and today we continue to talk about
(01:12):
breaking free transforming self sabotaging behaviors, and we will be
talking in this episode. We're gonna be listing those self
sabotaging behaviors. So if you have a behavior and you
are not sure is this self sabotaging, we will help
(01:33):
you get clearer so that you will know for sure
and learn how to identify the root causes of those
self sabotaging behaviors and why they persist, and learn practical
tools and strategies to break free from destructive patterns. And
(01:53):
you can join us live to enter your questions or
comments in the chat. Together, let's create a life you love.
I'm your host, Nancy Deutsch, licensed Clinical social worker, certified
hitting a therapist and intuitive business expert. I combine my counseling, coaching,
(02:15):
and intuitive abilities to transform your life. And so let's
create a life you love. Okay, Now, last week, last episode. First,
I'm going to define self sabotaging behaviors. And in the
(02:36):
last episode, I question or questions about what are self
sabotaging behaviors and can I create a list or can
I share a list? And so what we're going to
do in this show is we are going to list
them so that you get really clear home, that's a
(02:57):
self sabage sabotaging behavior and I didn't even know it.
And then we'll talk more about what you can do
to heal or clear that behavior and what you can
do to keep on moving forward. Suh, stay tuned. First
of all, let let me define self sabotage. Self sabotage
(03:21):
is when your thoughts, actions, or habits block you from
achieving the very success you want. And what happens is
that these actions, thoughts, beliefs, and these behaviors are not
(03:42):
coming from your conscious mind. It's not like you're saying, oh,
let me do this. These are all patterns that happen
on a subconscious level. And we're going to help you
get more clarity on what they are and how to
break free. So first, before we go further, so that
(04:05):
we're all on the same page, I'm going to talk
about the three states of mind that will really help
you know what you mean in order to understand your
behaviors or those of other people. First, you have your
(04:25):
conscious mind, and your conscious mind is the part of
you that makes a very conscious, aware decision. It's the
part of you that's in present time, is aware, alert,
and it empowers you to make conscious choices life listening
(04:47):
to this show, so if you're listening live, whether you're
listening live or listening at a later time, or viewing
a very smart conscious choice. And then you have you
have your subconscious pat behavior's thoughts, action, and so much
(05:09):
of our behavior's thoughts, actions are in our subconscious mind,
and you are on auto pilot and you're just doing
it and you don't even realize you're doing it. And
this show, I'm hoping is going to help you gain
some awareness, so then you can start realizing and recognizing, oh,
(05:31):
I'm doing a self sabotaging behavior, and what you can
do about it once you realize it. So your subconscious
mind has recorded every moment that you have been alive,
from the moment you will conceive to present time, and
it has recorded everything and all those limiting beliefs, all
(05:56):
the emotions, all your past is all recorded in your
subconscious mind. So when you have self sabotaging behaviors, there
are reasons that it's important for you to become aware
what those reasons are or what you can do in
(06:18):
order for you to be able to then take action
so that you can move forward in a very clear
conscious way. So and then you have your super conscious mind,
and your super conscious mind is your higher self, the wise,
(06:41):
unconditionally loving part of you, your soul, the core energy
essence of light and love and characteristics that you are.
And you have your guides and your angels and beings
of light all here to support you. Universe and God,
(07:02):
higher power, whatever you choose to call it, it's all
part of that super conscious mind. And really overcoming those
self sabotaging behaviors is really you're gonna need to understand
what's going on in your subconscious mind, and then from
your conscious and super conscious mind really be able to
(07:27):
make the shifts needed so that you can choose to
let go of the behaviors that are no longer working
for you. Okay. So we have misty, Misty in the house,
a misty okay, knowing when and what action to take
could play a fact. Okay. So I don't remember if
(07:51):
it was your Misty or Charles. I remember one of
you asked about listing the behaviors my condinion. So I
have the list for you, okay and everybody else. So
here is your list of self sabotaging behaviors. And what
I also want you to know is that I am
(08:12):
gonna be talking about the list today and I will
be getting a PDF document together so that you can download,
make it into a checklist, so that you can download
these behaviors and see which ones you may be doing,
so that you can gain more awareness. This is for
(08:34):
all of you, okay, so that you can gain awareness
of what your self sabotaging behaviors are. And then we
will talk about what you can do to work on
clearing it, okay and breaking free. So okay, So common
(08:55):
self sabotaging behaviors. Now, the first ones are about mindset,
all right, So mindset and believes. Now, if any of
you and I'm going to tell you a lot of
these self sabotaging behaviors. You're not alone. Many of us do.
(09:16):
And what happened is it's not that you're doing these behaviors.
And this is not about beating yourself up, because beating
yourself up is a self sabotaging behavior. This is about
becoming aware so that you're a choice to make a
decision on whether to choose to let it go if
(09:39):
it's not working for you. And this is about awareness.
So if you have negative self talk and you say
things to yourself like there's an inner critic like I
can't do this, or I'm not ready to do this,
or I'm not good enough or are who are you
(10:02):
to be able to do this? These thoughts are self
doubting thoughts which will end up creating paralysis and in action,
and so they stop you in your tracks. So it's
really important to start becoming aware of the talk you're talking,
(10:27):
the self talk and what you're saying to yourself. And
when you start noticing that you are going down calling
it at the rabbit hole of negative self talk, you
want to say stop, okay, stop and I am serious.
You can actually put your hand up because this is
(10:50):
really interesting. I see, Anastasia, you have a question, and
I'll get to it in a second. But what happens
when you put your hand up, you are actually telling
your body mind. You're putting a stop energy, stop energy
to what's going on inside of you. And so if
(11:13):
you start noticing your going down the negative self talk
rabbit hole, but stop, stop it no more, and you
can reframe it. And we're going to talk more about this.
But you can say things like I can do this,
I am good enough now. Ultimately you want to do
(11:34):
the deeper healing necessary. But until you either fire somebody
or you're able to do the deeper healing necessary, reframing
and changing those patterns can be really helpful to you.
(11:55):
It's not all or nothing. This is okay, yeah, And
I'm going to get to Anastasia's question. Are these things
you tell yourself all the time or just in a moment,
So it could be both. So some people may have
(12:16):
an ongoing negative self talk when you have low self
esteem and or when you grew up in a family.
And again I want you to realize how you grew
up is going to affect how you are to yourself.
So if one of your parents or both were very critical,
(12:40):
you can tend to be critical too of yourself. You
may be critical of other people, but you may be
even more critical of yourself. So that could be part
of where that negative self talk comes from. So some
people do it on a regular basis. Now, some people
(13:04):
may start talking negative if something goes wrong or they're
in a crisis, or something upsets them and they get
really triggered and you start reacting. So you may be okay,
and then all of a sudden, you're reacting to somebody,
somebody or something. It could be a situation or it
(13:28):
could be a person that you're reacting to, and you
start getting either fearful or angry, or or maybe you
start crying and go into sadness or greed and one
of those emotions, or maybe somebody has shamed you or
guilted you, any of those reactions and bring you into
(13:55):
the experience of that negative self tee talk. Like for example,
I'll give you an example. So May I was working
with May, and May had a lot of fear and
as soon as even if she wasn't doing something, she
would immediately go to I did it wrong. I did
(14:19):
something wrong. And she may or may not have, but
immediately she would go to the negative self talk, I'm
so stupid, I can't believe I did that, and she
would start beating herself up and putting herself down. And
as May and I started working together, she started changing
(14:41):
those patterns of behavior. So when she would have the reaction, oh,
I screwed it up, or I excuse my language, I
messed it up, or oh so stupid, she would catch
herself and start changing. See that's part of that reframing
(15:04):
that I was talking, reframing and changing what she was
saying to herself, and that would help her, and then
we would do some deeper work on it when we
work together, so that she wasn't going there as much
as she used to unless she really had a big reaction.
(15:27):
So just know, I want you to know that all
of the behaviors that I am going to mention can
be healed. The fact that you're listening or viewing the show,
either now or later, is a sign you want help,
you want to change, and you want awareness. So congratulations,
(15:50):
and you can change these behaviors and it can be done.
Excuse me, got to take a drink of my wife allergies. Okay,
so another sabotage could be something of the impost syndrome.
(16:10):
And basically the imposta syndrome is you know how to
do something. In fact, if you think that you're an
impostor in any way, shape or form of something that
you do or that you know. And it could be
something you're an expert at or something that you do,
(16:32):
and it could be the impostor syndrome in your business,
it could be the impostor syndrome in your life, and
maybe even a hobby and I'm not good at that
or I can't do that. Again, that's negative self talk too.
And the imposta syndrome is you don't believe that you
can do it or you're good enough. Again, it's good enough.
(16:55):
And what I'm going to tell you is if you
even feel or believe that, more than likely you are
good enough. People who are who are not aware, not thinking,
don't care, don't even get the imposter syndrome. It's usually
people that either a already are good enough or B
(17:19):
you may realize maybe there's certain skills or abilities you
need to learn and then that's okay, we're all on
this learning curve and we all need. You know, it's
being able to realize maybe you really are good enough,
and if there's certain skills or abilities that you may
need help with or learn to grow, and that's really
(17:43):
not even in the imposti syndrome. It may be an
awareness that you have some abilities or skills that need
by tuning, or you need to learn new skills or abilities,
and know that this is really looking at the deeper
(18:03):
issue underneath. So like, for example, Suzanne, she felt that
she was she's moving forward in her business, moving forward
in a life and finding success and doing the things
that were bringing her success, but she still felt like
(18:27):
an impostor. And as her and I started working together
and going deeper into understanding why she had that impostor syndrome,
what she realized was that when she was growing up,
it was never good enough. She would get a B
(18:49):
or an A, and her mother would say why did
you get an A plus? Or what If she got
a B, it would be why did you get an A?
Or she she was always having to do it better,
be better because her mother was always saying it wasn't
good enough. So when she grew up, she was still
(19:13):
doing that herself. And as we worked with her to
heal that part of her that felt not good enough.
And it's a journey, and I want you to know
that this is about being in the journey. You may
not heal everything right away, but it's about being in
(19:33):
the journey and knowing that you are allowing yourself to
be in the experience of getting better and healing and
allowing all of that death. So being in the journey
is really important. And then another common mindset, mindset issue
(19:58):
or believe is perfectionism. And so many people that I've
worked with through the years had the perfectionism. If they
aren't perfect again, it's they're not good enough, So they're
not good enough can manifest in different ways. If you
feel like something you're doing is that's to be perfect
(20:21):
before you can do it, then you do want to
make sure that you are really allowing yourself to know
that you have got it, that you are perfect as
you are, you are good enough, and that it's the
(20:44):
most important thing for you to remember perfectionism it's not real,
it's not human. There is no human being that can
be perfect. And it's learning to accept your imperfections and
being you are perfect as you are, so and if
(21:05):
you're in that I got a way till it's just right,
you may continue to wait for the rest of your life.
So it's about knowing that it's better to get it
done than for it to be perfect. Okay, so that's important.
Then we have fear of failure and fear of success.
(21:26):
So if you have a fear that you're so you
may be afraid to start something because if you start,
you're going to fail, and you set yourself up and thinking,
I don't know, I don't know if I can do this.
I'm afraid of failing. That is the fear of failure. Now,
(21:47):
the other side of the coin is the fear of success.
You may have that fear of success that if you
are to become successful, you have this this sub conscious
belief that something is going to happen. Maybe you have
a fear of success that if you succeed, you'll lose
(22:10):
your friends, you'll lose your family, you'll you lose your
loved ones. Maybe if you had the fear of success,
you'll get so overwhelmed by the success you'll get sick,
you'll lose your health. So there's something going on underneath,
some kind of fears around the success for you to
(22:33):
become aware of that would keep you from creating it.
And again those would be self sabotaging behaviors and situations.
So I am going to share with you, and I
have lots more to share, okay, so that you can
see yourself or feel or get a sense Oh that's
(22:56):
something I'm doing. Oh that's something that needs healing. So
before I go to the next one, I want to
share with you. Next Wednesday evening I September tenth, I
will be having a masterclass so you can It's a
free virtual masterclass Three Keys to an Abundant mindset to
(23:22):
grow a thriving holistic practice. And during that masterclass, we're
going to be talking about the hidden mindset patterns that
would keep you from the abundance mindset. We'll be talking
about how to overcome self doubt so that you can
(23:44):
move into confidence, and you will learn how to create
magnetic messaging so that you can move successfully forward and
have a thriving holistic practice. Me next next Wednesday night,
September tenth, at seven pm Eastern and the link Rebel
(24:11):
is putting the link you want to go to Inspired
and Empowered Living dot com Forward Slash master Class and
the s T E R C l A S. So
it's the name of the show, Inspired and Empowered Living
(24:31):
dot Com Forward Slash Masterclass and Rebel put the links
in the chat and we will so I look forward
to seeing you there. Now onto a list of mindset
of things of self sabotaging behaviors and patterns. So one
(24:55):
of the big self sabotaging patterns and behaviors are avoidance
and procrastination. So procrastination. If you find that you're procrastiny
and you're not doing and you know there's something that
you need to do but you find any other excuse
(25:17):
not to do it, you are procrastiny. And if you're
not doing. Now this again, I want to bring this
back to stop. If you're beating yourself up. Stop okay,
stop stop beating yourself up. It's important for you to
become aware and to then become aware so that you
(25:42):
can do something about it. Now if you're procrastinating, and
all of these again are self sabotaging behaviors that are
in the subconscious mind and there's reasons why you are
doing them, and so there's things that you can do
to help yourself in the moment and then understand the
(26:03):
deeper levels of why you're doing the self sabotaging behaviors.
And maybe you're procrastinating because of Okay, here's where we
combine too of a fear of failure, or maybe you're
procrastinating because of a fear of success. They may be
linked together. So if you're procrastinating, learn to undiscover what's underneath.
(26:29):
What's underneath, and you can ask yourself what's going on?
What am I really afraid of? Well, what's making me procrastinate?
Start asking yourself those questions and see what comes. Then
there's hiding if you are hiding in any way, shape
or form. Now, if you're hiding and you're in business,
(26:51):
you are hiding. You know, the more visible you are,
the more you'll be able to have a more successful business.
If you're hiding from family or friends because of something
that you do or something that you're concerned about, it's
really important you to be able to understand what are
(27:16):
you hiding from or who are you hiding from? And
if you are like you may have started hiding when
you were a kid and you continue the behavior, and
so now it's being able to change that behavior and
start changing those patterns of hiding. Now, another way of
(27:44):
self sabotage is actually over planning. So you're spending so
much time planning, researching, tweaking, tweaking your work, tweaking your office,
tweaking something that you're working on, whether it's in your
business or in your life. If you are like let's
(28:08):
say there's a party, or you're trying to create something,
whether it's for your business or whether it's a hobby,
but you keep tweaking it and trying to get it right,
trying to get it perfect. See, a lot of these
can be overlapping, and you keep tweaking and planning so
(28:28):
that it never gets done. That self sabotage. And so
that is a way that self sabotaging behavior shows up
now overdoing and over committing. So if any of you
are people pleasing, people pleasing is a self sabotaging behavior.
(28:50):
And what I mean by people pleasing is you say yes.
You say yes to everyone else's needs, and then you
end up if you're feeling angry or resentful or over obligated.
You've said yes to something that you are not feeling
(29:11):
good about or that you don't really want to do,
or maybe you've overcommitted to yourself. So it's learning to
quiet yourself and ask yourself before you make a commitment
to a situation, to a person, to an event, ask yourself,
(29:33):
is this something I really want to do? Do I
feel like I have to do it? If you're in
have to you are in people pleasing, or if you
feel obligated and you feel you have to do it
because of the other person, that's people pleasing. If you
feel like you are just really in that mode of
(29:56):
I have to obligate it to really be look out
for those behaviors because they're self sabotaging. Overworking. Now, overworking
is a way that you could be sabotaging yourself. If
you are overworking at your own expense of your health,
of your body, of not taking care of yourself, you
(30:19):
could be in self sabotaging behavior. It is self sabotaging
those of you who consider your self workaholics. If you're
considering yourself a workaholic, that is self sabotaged because if
it's an expense of balance. Because here's the thing. You
(30:39):
want a life whether there's balance, You want a life
where you have and in the balance of things, you
have your work, you have your play, you have your fun,
you have your friends and your family, and it's finding
a balance to all of it that is health. Now,
(31:02):
it may take some time, it may take some structure.
If you find that you're overworking or working too much,
it's about asking yourself, where can I have some leeway?
What can I do to take better care of myself?
Ask yourself those questions that will help you. So other behaviors,
(31:24):
other behaviors, habits and coping mechanism. There are numbing behaviors.
Numbing behaviors, emotional overeating, overspending, over drinking, scrolling, okay, over
social media. If you're scrolling and scrolling and scrolling to
(31:47):
avoid uncomfortable feeling, you are numbing. And I've had people
say to me, I'm on social media too much. Now again,
I believe moderation. Moderation is really important. If you are
doing too much of anything, that's a self sabotaging behavior.
(32:10):
Another one distraction. If you are distracting yourself and filling
your time with TV, social media or constant business instead
of focusing on what you need to get accomplished or
what really matters to you, then you're doing a self
(32:32):
sabotaging behavior. And here's an interesting one, all right, not
asking for help. If you're someone who doesn't ask for
help when you need to ask for help, that is
a self sabotaging behavior, and trying to do it alone
(32:52):
is not. In my coaching programs we talk about lone
wolfing it. If you're alone wolf because you feel you
have to do it alone, that could be self sabotaging.
It is self sabotaging because here's the thing. We all
need help, guidance, support part of being human. And it's
(33:15):
okay to ask for help. You deserve to ask for help.
So I really want to support you in asking for
help and guidance and support and collaboration in any area
of your life. You don't have to do it alone.
You can ask for help and support. So, relationship patterns,
(33:41):
toxic ties, you're staying in draining or unhealthy relationships out
of fear of being alone, even when they hold you
back from growth. Comparing, you're comparing yourself. I know in
business there's a lot comparison going on, especially when you
(34:03):
see stuff on social media or you see somebody doing
something that you want to be doing. And if you're
comparing and you're measuring yourself against others. It's self sabotaging
because you or you and they are they, And it's
really important for you to be able to know that
(34:29):
you don't need to compare yourself to other people. Who
you are is special and unique unto you, so stop comparing.
And then another way is when you're not when you're
so busy taking care of other people and you neglect
(34:50):
your self care. So your relationship with yourself, loving yourself
is really an important primary relationship, and doing your self
care is crucial. Neglecting yourself in any way is self sabotaging.
And then there's business self sabotaging. If you're not charging enough,
(35:13):
you're undercharging or undervaluing yourself or your services, then you
are you are self sabotaging. You're avoiding sales or money
conversation in your business your self sabotaging. And you have
shiny objects syndrome. And now this is for everybody. So
(35:36):
if you in business, it shows up like, oh, I
got to do that, that's the next way I need
to move or go. Shiny object syndrome in your life
it's like oh if I just do this or I
just have that shiny object syndrome. All of that is
self sabotaging behavior. So all of those are self sabotaging
(36:01):
and like I said, I'm going to make this into
a checklt in that way. Next week we're going to
continue this because I really want all of you to know,
be clear, and then learn better ways and techniques for
overcoming the self sabotaging behaviors. So stay tuned next week
(36:25):
for part three and we will continue this conversation. So
most of the show, I talked about the conscious mind
the subconscious mind, and it's the subconscious mind where these
self sabotaging behaviors are. And then we talked about all
the different behaviors, the mindset behaviors, the relationship behaviors, the
(36:47):
avoiding and procrastination, and so all of those are ways
that you self sabotage. And again they may be connected,
they may have you may have more than one at
a time. So I invite you when you do the checklist,
you'll be able to add them in or check them
(37:13):
all off, and then you'll see how they all fit together. Okay,
no tune in next Threek, but more inspired and empowered living,
and like I said, more on breaking free from Self
Sabotaging Behaviors, Part three. And I want to remind you
(37:34):
we are live Thursdays at five pm Eastern on talkfor
TV dot com, W four WN dot com, my YouTube,
my YouTube channel, and also you can find us on
the podcast on iHeartRadio, Spotify, Apple and Dora, Amazon and
(38:01):
many more. And I know, okay, so, Anastasia, I will
get to that question more next week. And if you
could put in a little bit more about that question,
that would be helpful for me. If you could do
that next week, that would be great, okay, So, And
(38:23):
I look forward to seeing you all next week. And
I wish you all and inspired an empowered day and
inspired and empowered night. And we buy for nowts testingstosup
(39:04):
testing posts, Stastic States,
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