July 10, 2025 • 39 mins
Anger isn’t something to fear or suppress, it’s a powerful signal that, when
understood and handled consciously, can lead to deeper healing, stronger
boundaries, and more authentic relationships.
In this episode of Inspired & Empowered Living for a Thriving Business &
Life, discover how to navigate both your own anger and others’ with confidence, clarity, and compassion.
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
understood and handled consciously, can lead to deeper healing, stronger
boundaries, and more authentic relationships.
In this episode of Inspired & Empowered Living for a Thriving Business &
Life, discover how to navigate both your own anger and others’ with confidence, clarity, and compassion.
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guests should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcast. We all live Thursdays at five
pm Eastern on Top four TV dot com, W FOURWN
dot com and my YouTube channel, and today we are
(01:12):
going to be talking about empowered ways to deal with
your anger Art.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Two.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
And anger isn't something to fear or suppress. It's a
powerful signal that, when understood and handled consciously, can lead
to deeper healing, stronger connections, and stronger boundaries and authentic relationships.
(01:42):
So in this episode today you'll learn how to decode
the deeper message behind anger, grounding tools to stay calm
when emotions run high, and the difference between reactive and
responsive being responsive behavior, and empowered communication strategies to deescalate conflict.
(02:13):
So the first thing is anger has gotten a bad rap,
and I really feel the reason why is because most
of us grew up in families where it wasn't safe
to express your anger, and you watched parents, caretakers, teachers,
(02:37):
people in your life act out anger in inappropriate and
unhealthy ways. And so during the show, we're going to
be talking more about how to transform those unhealthy ways
into healthy ways, healthy behaviors that will, like I said,
(03:00):
for transform yourself and your relationships. And really, one of
the things that I'd like you to think about is
if anger had a voice, Because your anger is teaching
you something. It's your every emotion that you have is
(03:22):
an opportunity for you to look at some information in
your life, to understand yourself more deeply, to understand yourself better.
And anger is one of those emotions that when you
start understanding it, it is a life changing experience. And
(03:48):
if you could ask yourself, if anger had a voice,
what would it be saying to me?
Speaker 3 (03:56):
What would it be telling me?
Speaker 2 (03:58):
And one of the things that you can play around
with is you can actually take that question and you
can actually imagine yourself being your anger and being imagine
what it would feel like. Well, you may be in
(04:18):
the middle of that anger, and if you were to
express that anger and just let it out, My anger
is trying to tell me blah blah blah blah blah,
and see what happens. Another way that you could do
this is anger. You can also journal it out My
anger is trying to tell me, and just allow yourself
(04:43):
to write and write and write and just let it out.
And another way to let out your anger in healthy ways,
because all of these are healthy ways where and I
usually say, it's a healthy way to express your anger
when you're not hurting yourself, you're not hurting someone else,
(05:06):
and you're not hurting the environment. And when you give voice,
when you allow yourself to express in healthy ways, you transform.
Because a lot of times anger what happens is it
becomes the unhealthy behaviors. So if you had been overeating,
(05:32):
or if you end up being self destructive, or if
you are saying things or doing things to yourself or
other people and then you regret it, it could be
your acting out your anger. And so really it's allowing
(05:53):
yourself to be able. Okay, I'll get to you in
a second. I see your question, Charles. So it's being
able to express your anger so that you are allowing
that energy to move in healthy ways and stopping the
ways that could be hurting you or someone else. And
(06:16):
if you're screaming or yelling to yourself or to other people,
that's not healthy unless you're letting it out and screaming
into a pillow or you know. I mean, if you
live alone and you have your house to yourself, or
you're at in a place or in your car where
you can scream and it feels okay, and you need
(06:36):
to go for it because that's letting out your anger
in a healthy way where you're not hurting yourself. Because
anger needs to be expressed, it needs the energy of
emotion is energy that needs to move. And so, and
we're going to talk more about healthy ways to move
your anger very shortly. I want to get to the question.
(07:00):
So Charles asks, what if you think it's a healthy
way but others don't. So if you think, okay, So,
and if you have an example of that, and you'd
like to share the example, that would be great because
I think it would be helpful. Okay, And Misty, so
(07:23):
let me answer this altogether. Because Misty says, how would
a person know healthy or not? And then she said
different people express things differently. Yes, okay, So here's the thing.
If you are expressing and you think it's healthy, but
someone else doesn't then and I would venture to say
(07:48):
that if they're they're getting uncomfortable or upset, then it
may not.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Be as healthy as you think.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Remember, the key is that if you're hurting yourself or
someone else, and if someone else is feeling uncomfortable or
you like, you know, sometimes you could. Okay, I'm going
to give you a perfect example. A lot of people
you sarcasm. Oh, I was just joking. I'm just joking.
(08:24):
I'm not you know, really, you know I'm kidding. I
didn't mean that. And the truth is, okay, The truth
is is if you're being sarcastic, and if you're being sarcastic,
you are acting out your anger. And a lot of
people don't realize them realize that sarcasm is actually unhealthy anger.
(08:51):
And it's in the guys and I'm putting air quotes
for those of you who are listening to.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
The bad Guys.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
It's in the guys of oh, well, I was just kidding.
But the truth of the matter is, when you're sarcastic,
you're hurting somebody else, You're demeaning. You could be demeaning
somebody else or even yourself. I don't think that you
should be demeaning yourself because to me, that's anger turned
(09:20):
inward and you start depreciating yourself and getting down on yourself.
So that's not healthy either. Now, and Charles said, let's
say airing dirty laundry, but others don't want things out there, Okay,
So thank you for sharing that, Charles. What I would
(09:41):
say is if you are sharing something that someone else
does not want shared, it's not really healthy that even
though you may not realizing it, it's actually hurting them.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Now you may not have a conversation.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
About it, but I would really support you like when
you know, like in relationships, whether it's whether it's a spouse,
a partner, a close friend, or even a coworker. And
even gossip, I'm going to tell you gossip is not
(10:25):
health because in the end sometimes the it ends up hurting,
not helping and in a spiritual way. And I'm always
looking at how to create a more inspired and empowered
life for myself and for you. To be more inspired
(10:46):
and empowered is to be able to not be gossipy,
not sharing other people's issues or dirty laundry. And I'm
doing air quotes again about yourself in less it's yourself.
If it's someone else, then that's you kind of overstepping
(11:08):
a boundary, because then I'm going to be talking about boundaries.
And when you're sharing something of somebody else, you're overstepping
a boundary. Now, if it's you and you don't mind
someone sharing this or talking about it, or you don't
mind airing your like what's going on for you? Your dirty laundry.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
And here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
If it involves someone else, then you are involving the
other person. So you really need to be very clear
when you're airing dirty laundry with someone that when someone
else is involved, then I would say no, don't do it.
(11:57):
It's only when it's just you and then you have choice.
But here's the thing. If you are demeaning yourself and
airing something out that you and this is something for
you to think about. And again remember I said anger
when expressed. If it's hurting yourself or someone else, or
(12:21):
the environment or or the people's property, then you don't.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
Want to be doing it.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
So if you're sharing something and you need to ask
yourself the question, is this something that I will regret
saying later?
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Now?
Speaker 2 (12:39):
If it's again involving somebody else, then I would say,
don't do it. I would really support you in not
doing it. If it's about you, then you need to
ask yourself you is this something that I'm going to
regret down the road, And that's you taking becoming more
(13:00):
responsive instead of reactive. And I'm going to describe reaction
versus responding with anger because very often a lot of
times you're not sure whether it's healthy or not. So
and I'm thinking that what I'd like to do, and
(13:21):
I don't. I can give you some examples, but I
think that maybe what we got, what we need to
do is actually maybe maybe what I'll do is next time,
create a list for all of you and create a
list so that you said that you realize, oh, this
(13:41):
is healthy, this is not healthy, so that you really
get to see what's healthy behavior around anger and what's
not healthy behavior. So, because you don't want to be
hurting yourself, you don't want to be hurting other people,
and you don't want to be destroying property or hurting
environment that kind of thing, So let me let me
(14:01):
give you a few things on the list.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
So if you are.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
Speaking and sharing things that other people feel uncomfortable about. See,
here's the thing, and this is really important. Okay, so
let me let me see how I want to say this,
because this is a really really important issue you and topic.
If you are really wanting to be healthy around your
(14:32):
anger and you don't want to be hitting fighting and
fighting is emotional reaction and it could be yelling or
screaming or name calling or saying things that will hurt
someone else, like sarcasm, like airing dirty laundry of someone else.
(15:00):
It could be you and someone else or someone else's
dirty launcher, because that is unhealthy because it's it again,
it will it could be very hurtful to the other person.
Now I really want to say thank you for sharing,
(15:20):
because by you sharing, you're you're giving, like you're helping
me to show people that this is healthy. This is
not healthy. So back to reaction and response. When you
are in a reaction, it's an okay. So let's go
(15:41):
back to the my psych one oh one lesson. When
you are in your conscious mind and you're making a
very clear, conscious decision like tuning into the show today
or asking really important question, thank you conscious mind of
your because you are being able, you're expressing from a
(16:07):
very conscious place and making decisions from a conscious place. Now,
your subconscious mind is the part of you from the
moment you will conceide to present time that has recorded
every moment that you have been alive. And it also
(16:27):
includes it could include past lives, it could include ancestral
trauma and memories. And what happens is is that when
you have an emotional reaction, and one of the biggest
emotional reactions, I would say the biggest emotions. Well, actually
(16:49):
anger is a biggie, and you usually notice when you
start feeling angry or you could be going into an
energy of actual rage, or if you could be annoyed.
And I will also say that the more intense the reaction,
the more it's coming not from present time. Even though
(17:10):
a situation in your life could be happening now, if
you're having a strong emotional reaction, it means that what's
happening in your life now is triggering a past experience
like when you were a child.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
Very often, so for example, let's.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Say you were Let's say you were talking to someone
and there were more than there were more than like
it was you and a few other people and you're
talking to someone and then all of a sudden they
turned to the next person like you didn't exist or
you you know, you don't know what happened. You don't
(17:58):
know what happened, And all of a sudden, you start
going into this anger like why did they totally ignore me?
Or what's wrong with them? Why did they do that?
And you had an anger reaction and you noticed, and
it was pretty intense. And so one of the things
(18:20):
that you want to ask yourself, okay, is and this
is part of the response equation. So reaction is coming
from the subconscious mind, and responding is coming from your
conscious mind and your super conscious mind, that higher aspect
(18:41):
of self, your higher self, your soul, that higher.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
Part of you.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
So you have the reaction and you think to yourself,
what triggered me, what just happened, What happened in this moment,
this experience that really triggered me. Then what you realized
is that you felt dismissed.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
And so you you.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Know, here you're thinking, you're having a good conversation with someone,
and then all of a sudden they turn to somebody
else and start talking about So you may feel dismissed,
you may feel disrespected or whatever and it's bringing up.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
A lot of anger.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
So then you want to ask, all right, so I'm
feeling dismissed, I'm feeling maybe rejected, not respected, And then
you're going to ask yourself, when did I feel like
that in my life?
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Or who? Who?
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Who was someone that did that to me when I
was younger. So, for example, suppose you got in touch
that when you were a kid growing up, you would
be talking to your mother and you are trying to
express yourself and say what you wanted to say, and
(20:05):
then next thing you know, your mother's starting to talk
to you to your brother and you're like, hello, what
about me? You're a kid and you can't really verbalize
it and express it in the moment, so you may
shut down in that moment. But what happens is years
later or you have experiences in your life that will
(20:28):
bring up that situation, because it probably didn't happen just once.
It was probably an ongoing situation. So it's a trigger
for you that you react to. So I'm hoping that
this helps deal with anger or understand it better. And
(20:50):
so when you do that, then once you get clear
on oh okay, that's where it came from, that's where
it came from. Now what can I do to release
this and let it go now in the moment. Now,
(21:12):
I always talk about two levels of the clearing. There's
the deeper clearing where you want to go deep and
understand and actually maybe heal that child part of you
and then you may And then there's the daily clearing.
Like if you in a situation just happened and you're
(21:34):
at a party and you want to you know, like
stay and have a good time, but you're upset. Maybe
you need to excuse yourself, go to the bathroom, and
I'm going to give you a little thing that you can.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
Do, a tool. All right, So what you want.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
To do is you want to pause it all right now.
If you're in mador anger and it's really triggering it,
you definitely want to take a time out because what
I'm going to tell you is to engage someone and
react and escalate into a confrontation that you don't want
(22:19):
to have. And so if you're really intense, then I
would support you in taking your time to process the
situation so that you understand it so when you choose
to communicate, you can communicate in a very healthy way. Now,
So you want to breathe, slow it down, and be
(22:45):
able to breathe and pause and ground yourself if you can,
and then if you can. Now here's the thing. If
you're at a party or at a social situation, it's
also not going to be the time the person is
going to be involved.
Speaker 3 (23:06):
But and here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
The other thing that I want to say to you
all is is that if it's someone that you're in
a close relationship with and this relationship is important to you,
then you're going to want to express yourself in a
healthy way and you want you're going to want to
be able to allow yourself to really be able to
(23:31):
express that so that you're both being heard in healthy ways.
So and and anger is a tool where you also
it could be really being able to know your boundaries.
(23:52):
When someone steps over your boundaries, it may be that
you react in anger, and that's it's appropriate to feel
the anger because then you're like, oh, okay again, it's
a it's a reaction.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
Because here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
You're going you're human beings and you're gonna react. There
is not one person on this planet that doesn't have
a reaction. It's just not and anybody who says, oh,
I don't react. I don't believe it, because as a
human being, you're gonna you're gonna make mistakes, you're gonna
have reactions. We are the most important thing is that
(24:34):
you're learning, and you're learning, and you being here and
you're asking questions and you're sharing. I mean, I really
want to say thank you. I really want to acknowledge
all of you for for tuning in, because you're saying
to yourself, I want better, I want healthier, I want
(24:55):
and inspired an empowered life. So yay to you, and
and so a boundary if you are noticing that you like,
for example, that not being heard you know sometimes, or
feeling ignored. Sometimes what happens is you want to express yourself,
(25:20):
but a partner or a spouse, a friend just watching TV.
This is a common one and when I would do
couples counseling, this would definitely be an issue. And you
want to express yourself and you want to talk and
you want to be heard, and your partner is like,
I just want to rest and watch TV. Now, the
(25:42):
best thing to do, whether you're in a social situation
or you're at home, is to invite the other person
for both you and the other person to schedule a
time that would work for both of you. And then
once you a time that would work for both of you,
(26:02):
then you want to be able to then have that
healthy conversation. And so once you process more of what's
going on for you. So I just want to make
sure if all of you are clear or what's healthy
behaviors and what's not healthy behavior, let me know, because
(26:26):
I want to make sure, Like again, unhealthy behaviors would
be would be screaming, yelling, hitting. Obviously, anytime somebody doesn't
feel safe, whether it's you or someone else, that means
the other person's doing an unhealthy behavior physically or emotionally,
(26:49):
because you can have emotionally unhealthy behaviors that make you
feel unhealthy and not emotionally safe. And that's why when
you have a healthy conversation to express yourself, you want
to make sure that you're expressing yourself in those healthy ways.
(27:12):
So and I am going to talk more about ways
to calm yourself down and then to be able to
verbalize in healthy ways what you're really feeling at a
time when you both made a plan to speak. So
I'm really excited to let you know that I will
(27:36):
be having a master class for women coaches, therapist, nurses,
holistic professionals, holistic practitioners, and it's three keys to become
irresistible to your ideal client. Now, during the master class,
we're going to talk about the energy of attraction and
(27:58):
what you need to really get that energy of attraction,
how to clarify and claim your ideal client. And then
we're going to be talking about magnetic messaging. So this
class is two weeks from today, Thursday, July twenty fourth,
at seven pm Eastern, and I look forward to having
(28:23):
you join us. And Rebel's going to put the link
in the chat and the link is Inspired and Empowered.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
Living dot Com Forward.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Slash master Class, Inspired and Empowered Living dot Com Forward
Slash master Class m A S. T er c l
A S s.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
So, now, so you know that you had a reaction,
You become aware that you've had a reaction and in
order to keep it from being an unhealthy reaction and
acting out the behavior. And we could go into this
more if you feel like you would like your need
so let me know that you are finding ways to
(29:20):
calm yourself down, and there is a breathing exercise. You know,
I talk about belly breathing, but I'm going to give
you another another tool, another breath tool, and this is
called four seven eight, the four seven eight technique.
Speaker 3 (29:35):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
So, and what happens in this technique, and what happens
with breathing is that it calms your nervous system right
away so that you can then express in healthy ways
or choose to read the situation, whatever it is you
need to do. You can then figure out then to
(29:58):
figure out to be able to be able to know
what your next step is. And I also want to
support all of you in being able to do that.
So Charles says, this is good, but to think about it.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
So I thank you Charles for letting me know. And yeah,
you know, here's the thing. When you think, when you're
not really sure, or you have a realization that something
you thought was healthy isn't really healthy, or something that
you've been doing, it's a huge awareness and it's important
(30:38):
for you to take the time and for you to
process and allow yourself. So I really want to say
thank you, Charles, and I honor you for you being
in your process and being open and being willing to hear,
so thank you. And so with the breath work exercise,
what you're going to do is you're going to hell
(31:01):
and this is something you could do anywhere anytime.
Speaker 3 (31:04):
You're going to in hell.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
And count to four one, two, three, four, and then
what you're gonna do is you're gonna hold it for
seven seconds. So then you count one, two, three, four
or five six seven. I'm counting on my fingers, so
you could use those two and you hold it for seven.
(31:27):
Now I can't do this because I'm trying to tell
you and I'm talking, which is hard to do. But
I'm giving you the exercise. And then you breathe out
and count to eight. You breathe out for eight. So
I'll say it again. You breathe in and counter breathe
in for four. And remember, if you can remember to
(31:49):
make sure.
Speaker 3 (31:50):
Your diaphragm, your belly goes out. That means you're.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
Deep breathing with your diaphragm. Remember the belly breathing. So
you breathe in for four, you hold for seven, and
then you let you exhale for eight, breathing for four,
hold for seven, and exhale for eight. And that breathing
tool is really it could be a game changer for you.
(32:16):
So I really want to encourage all of you to
try it and let me know how does it work.
So another tool that you can use is you can
use the tool of being able to use physical exercise
(32:36):
as a way to release your anger as a way
to say okay, so you could imagine and feel actually
you want to feel. Let's say you want to feel
your feet like pressing up against the floor. And remember,
the more you can breathe through it so that you're
(32:57):
releasing the energy. Your breath helps you move through the
emotions so that you're not trapping it in your body,
because that's what you want. The emotions need to move through,
and the breath is one of the ways. And no
matter what you're doing, to work with your breath, or
you could be doing some kind of exercise like running
(33:19):
or going to the gym and having having the intention
I'm releasing my anger so that I can calm down
right now and understand what's going on, what got triggered,
what am I reacting to, and where is this coming from?
When did this happen to me when I was younger?
(33:40):
Remember the feeling and the situation may look different, but
the same issue is coming up, like feeling ignored or
disrespected or dismissed. And then you can do other techniques
like I'm always talking about journaling, or you can use
(34:01):
art and art, you know, the art is a wonderful
tool to be able to process through and express your
anger and express your anger.
Speaker 3 (34:14):
And then it's another.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
Thing that you can do is to really create, to
really ground yourself, to be in present time, to allow
yourself to.
Speaker 3 (34:30):
Know that you can okay.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
This is a really important thing that you have the
ability and you can create new coping skills. Learning to
respond and take healthy coping skills instead of reacting is huge.
It's huge, and so I invite you to start practicing
(34:56):
because when you practice the healthy clos skills, even when
you may not be in a reactive moment, and I
also want you to know it you may react. It
may not only be anger, it may be fear, you know,
or maybe somebody guilted you or shamed you, so you
may be reacting to another emotion, or maybe something triggered
(35:21):
you and you all of a sudden you start feeling grief.
You're in the middle of a meeting, and you get triggered,
so you need to use your coping skills, your tools.
So we're going to continue what I'm going to do
next week, and I really want to thank those of
you who put your questions in the chat, because what
I'm going to do is from the questions, I'm going
(35:42):
to help get a list. I am going to create
a list for you of unhealthy behaviors and healthy behaviors
so that you can really see what's a healthy behavior
what's an unhealthy behavior. And then we're going to go
deeper and talk more about how to have healthy communication
(36:08):
when you are wanting to have a healthy relationship and
have intimacy, because I will tell you that when you
allow yourself and the other person to express yourself in
healthy ways, it is transformative in relationships, and it leads
(36:31):
you to get closer and more intimate, and it can
really make a big difference in your close relationships. Now,
I will also give you examples, like if it's something
at work or at the job or in your business
and it's not appropriate to share a lot of personal details,
(36:53):
we'll be talking about that too, okay, So I will
give you examples for all of that, so to be
continued next week, Part three, Empowering Ways to deal with
your anger, yours and other's anger, and we'll talk more
about how to support yourself when other people are angry too,
(37:15):
because you need to take care of yourself so you
feel emotionally safe or physically safe. That's really important too.
Safety is crucial, whether it's yours you want in healthy relationships,
you want safety, You want safety, Okay. So I look
(37:37):
forward to sharing more about empowering ways to deal with
yours and others angers next Thursday at five pm Eastern
on TALKFORTV dot com, W FOURWN dot com, and.
Speaker 3 (37:51):
My YouTube channel.
Speaker 2 (37:53):
And you can also listen to my podcast twenty four
to seven on So if you need to go back
to anything that we talked about today, you can go
back easily on iHeartRadio, Spotify and Dora, Apple, Amazon and
many more. And I wish you all and inspired an
(38:17):
empowered day, evening and week.
Speaker 3 (38:21):
Have a great one, everybody. Five
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guests should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcast. We all live Thursdays at five
pm Eastern on Top four TV dot com, W FOURWN
dot com and my YouTube channel, and today we are
(01:12):
going to be talking about empowered ways to deal with
your anger Art.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Two.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
And anger isn't something to fear or suppress. It's a
powerful signal that, when understood and handled consciously, can lead
to deeper healing, stronger connections, and stronger boundaries and authentic relationships.
(01:42):
So in this episode today you'll learn how to decode
the deeper message behind anger, grounding tools to stay calm
when emotions run high, and the difference between reactive and
responsive being responsive behavior, and empowered communication strategies to deescalate conflict.
(02:13):
So the first thing is anger has gotten a bad rap,
and I really feel the reason why is because most
of us grew up in families where it wasn't safe
to express your anger, and you watched parents, caretakers, teachers,
(02:37):
people in your life act out anger in inappropriate and
unhealthy ways. And so during the show, we're going to
be talking more about how to transform those unhealthy ways
into healthy ways, healthy behaviors that will, like I said,
(03:00):
for transform yourself and your relationships. And really, one of
the things that I'd like you to think about is
if anger had a voice, Because your anger is teaching
you something. It's your every emotion that you have is
(03:22):
an opportunity for you to look at some information in
your life, to understand yourself more deeply, to understand yourself better.
And anger is one of those emotions that when you
start understanding it, it is a life changing experience. And
(03:48):
if you could ask yourself, if anger had a voice,
what would it be saying to me?
Speaker 3 (03:56):
What would it be telling me?
Speaker 2 (03:58):
And one of the things that you can play around
with is you can actually take that question and you
can actually imagine yourself being your anger and being imagine
what it would feel like. Well, you may be in
(04:18):
the middle of that anger, and if you were to
express that anger and just let it out, My anger
is trying to tell me blah blah blah blah blah,
and see what happens. Another way that you could do
this is anger. You can also journal it out My
anger is trying to tell me, and just allow yourself
(04:43):
to write and write and write and just let it out.
And another way to let out your anger in healthy ways,
because all of these are healthy ways where and I
usually say, it's a healthy way to express your anger
when you're not hurting yourself, you're not hurting someone else,
(05:06):
and you're not hurting the environment. And when you give voice,
when you allow yourself to express in healthy ways, you transform.
Because a lot of times anger what happens is it
becomes the unhealthy behaviors. So if you had been overeating,
(05:32):
or if you end up being self destructive, or if
you are saying things or doing things to yourself or
other people and then you regret it, it could be
your acting out your anger. And so really it's allowing
(05:53):
yourself to be able. Okay, I'll get to you in
a second. I see your question, Charles. So it's being
able to express your anger so that you are allowing
that energy to move in healthy ways and stopping the
ways that could be hurting you or someone else. And
(06:16):
if you're screaming or yelling to yourself or to other people,
that's not healthy unless you're letting it out and screaming
into a pillow or you know. I mean, if you
live alone and you have your house to yourself, or
you're at in a place or in your car where
you can scream and it feels okay, and you need
(06:36):
to go for it because that's letting out your anger
in a healthy way where you're not hurting yourself. Because
anger needs to be expressed, it needs the energy of
emotion is energy that needs to move. And so, and
we're going to talk more about healthy ways to move
your anger very shortly. I want to get to the question.
(07:00):
So Charles asks, what if you think it's a healthy
way but others don't. So if you think, okay, So,
and if you have an example of that, and you'd
like to share the example, that would be great because
I think it would be helpful. Okay, And Misty, so
(07:23):
let me answer this altogether. Because Misty says, how would
a person know healthy or not? And then she said
different people express things differently. Yes, okay, So here's the thing.
If you are expressing and you think it's healthy, but
someone else doesn't then and I would venture to say
(07:48):
that if they're they're getting uncomfortable or upset, then it
may not.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Be as healthy as you think.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Remember, the key is that if you're hurting yourself or
someone else, and if someone else is feeling uncomfortable or
you like, you know, sometimes you could. Okay, I'm going
to give you a perfect example. A lot of people
you sarcasm. Oh, I was just joking. I'm just joking.
(08:24):
I'm not you know, really, you know I'm kidding. I
didn't mean that. And the truth is, okay, The truth
is is if you're being sarcastic, and if you're being sarcastic,
you are acting out your anger. And a lot of
people don't realize them realize that sarcasm is actually unhealthy anger.
(08:51):
And it's in the guys and I'm putting air quotes
for those of you who are listening to.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
The bad Guys.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
It's in the guys of oh, well, I was just kidding.
But the truth of the matter is, when you're sarcastic,
you're hurting somebody else, You're demeaning. You could be demeaning
somebody else or even yourself. I don't think that you
should be demeaning yourself because to me, that's anger turned
(09:20):
inward and you start depreciating yourself and getting down on yourself.
So that's not healthy either. Now, and Charles said, let's
say airing dirty laundry, but others don't want things out there, Okay,
So thank you for sharing that, Charles. What I would
(09:41):
say is if you are sharing something that someone else
does not want shared, it's not really healthy that even
though you may not realizing it, it's actually hurting them.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Now you may not have a conversation.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
About it, but I would really support you like when
you know, like in relationships, whether it's whether it's a spouse,
a partner, a close friend, or even a coworker. And
even gossip, I'm going to tell you gossip is not
(10:25):
health because in the end sometimes the it ends up hurting,
not helping and in a spiritual way. And I'm always
looking at how to create a more inspired and empowered
life for myself and for you. To be more inspired
(10:46):
and empowered is to be able to not be gossipy,
not sharing other people's issues or dirty laundry. And I'm
doing air quotes again about yourself in less it's yourself.
If it's someone else, then that's you kind of overstepping
(11:08):
a boundary, because then I'm going to be talking about boundaries.
And when you're sharing something of somebody else, you're overstepping
a boundary. Now, if it's you and you don't mind
someone sharing this or talking about it, or you don't
mind airing your like what's going on for you? Your dirty laundry.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
And here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
If it involves someone else, then you are involving the
other person. So you really need to be very clear
when you're airing dirty laundry with someone that when someone
else is involved, then I would say no, don't do it.
(11:57):
It's only when it's just you and then you have choice.
But here's the thing. If you are demeaning yourself and
airing something out that you and this is something for
you to think about. And again remember I said anger
when expressed. If it's hurting yourself or someone else, or
(12:21):
the environment or or the people's property, then you don't.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
Want to be doing it.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
So if you're sharing something and you need to ask
yourself the question, is this something that I will regret
saying later?
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Now?
Speaker 2 (12:39):
If it's again involving somebody else, then I would say,
don't do it. I would really support you in not
doing it. If it's about you, then you need to
ask yourself you is this something that I'm going to
regret down the road, And that's you taking becoming more
(13:00):
responsive instead of reactive. And I'm going to describe reaction
versus responding with anger because very often a lot of
times you're not sure whether it's healthy or not. So
and I'm thinking that what I'd like to do, and
(13:21):
I don't. I can give you some examples, but I
think that maybe what we got, what we need to
do is actually maybe maybe what I'll do is next time,
create a list for all of you and create a
list so that you said that you realize, oh, this
(13:41):
is healthy, this is not healthy, so that you really
get to see what's healthy behavior around anger and what's
not healthy behavior. So, because you don't want to be
hurting yourself, you don't want to be hurting other people,
and you don't want to be destroying property or hurting
environment that kind of thing, So let me let me
(14:01):
give you a few things on the list.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
So if you are.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
Speaking and sharing things that other people feel uncomfortable about. See,
here's the thing, and this is really important. Okay, so
let me let me see how I want to say this,
because this is a really really important issue you and topic.
If you are really wanting to be healthy around your
(14:32):
anger and you don't want to be hitting fighting and
fighting is emotional reaction and it could be yelling or
screaming or name calling or saying things that will hurt
someone else, like sarcasm, like airing dirty laundry of someone else.
(15:00):
It could be you and someone else or someone else's
dirty launcher, because that is unhealthy because it's it again,
it will it could be very hurtful to the other person.
Now I really want to say thank you for sharing,
(15:20):
because by you sharing, you're you're giving, like you're helping
me to show people that this is healthy. This is
not healthy. So back to reaction and response. When you
are in a reaction, it's an okay. So let's go
(15:41):
back to the my psych one oh one lesson. When
you are in your conscious mind and you're making a
very clear, conscious decision like tuning into the show today
or asking really important question, thank you conscious mind of
your because you are being able, you're expressing from a
(16:07):
very conscious place and making decisions from a conscious place. Now,
your subconscious mind is the part of you from the
moment you will conceide to present time that has recorded
every moment that you have been alive. And it also
(16:27):
includes it could include past lives, it could include ancestral
trauma and memories. And what happens is is that when
you have an emotional reaction, and one of the biggest
emotional reactions, I would say the biggest emotions. Well, actually
(16:49):
anger is a biggie, and you usually notice when you
start feeling angry or you could be going into an
energy of actual rage, or if you could be annoyed.
And I will also say that the more intense the reaction,
the more it's coming not from present time. Even though
(17:10):
a situation in your life could be happening now, if
you're having a strong emotional reaction, it means that what's
happening in your life now is triggering a past experience
like when you were a child.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
Very often, so for example, let's.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Say you were Let's say you were talking to someone
and there were more than there were more than like
it was you and a few other people and you're
talking to someone and then all of a sudden they
turned to the next person like you didn't exist or
you you know, you don't know what happened. You don't
(17:58):
know what happened, And all of a sudden, you start
going into this anger like why did they totally ignore me?
Or what's wrong with them? Why did they do that?
And you had an anger reaction and you noticed, and
it was pretty intense. And so one of the things
(18:20):
that you want to ask yourself, okay, is and this
is part of the response equation. So reaction is coming
from the subconscious mind, and responding is coming from your
conscious mind and your super conscious mind, that higher aspect
(18:41):
of self, your higher self, your soul, that higher.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
Part of you.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
So you have the reaction and you think to yourself,
what triggered me, what just happened, What happened in this moment,
this experience that really triggered me. Then what you realized
is that you felt dismissed.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
And so you you.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Know, here you're thinking, you're having a good conversation with someone,
and then all of a sudden they turn to somebody
else and start talking about So you may feel dismissed,
you may feel disrespected or whatever and it's bringing up.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
A lot of anger.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
So then you want to ask, all right, so I'm
feeling dismissed, I'm feeling maybe rejected, not respected, And then
you're going to ask yourself, when did I feel like
that in my life?
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Or who? Who?
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Who was someone that did that to me when I
was younger. So, for example, suppose you got in touch
that when you were a kid growing up, you would
be talking to your mother and you are trying to
express yourself and say what you wanted to say, and
(20:05):
then next thing you know, your mother's starting to talk
to you to your brother and you're like, hello, what
about me? You're a kid and you can't really verbalize
it and express it in the moment, so you may
shut down in that moment. But what happens is years
later or you have experiences in your life that will
(20:28):
bring up that situation, because it probably didn't happen just once.
It was probably an ongoing situation. So it's a trigger
for you that you react to. So I'm hoping that
this helps deal with anger or understand it better. And
(20:50):
so when you do that, then once you get clear
on oh okay, that's where it came from, that's where
it came from. Now what can I do to release
this and let it go now in the moment. Now,
(21:12):
I always talk about two levels of the clearing. There's
the deeper clearing where you want to go deep and
understand and actually maybe heal that child part of you
and then you may And then there's the daily clearing.
Like if you in a situation just happened and you're
(21:34):
at a party and you want to you know, like
stay and have a good time, but you're upset. Maybe
you need to excuse yourself, go to the bathroom, and
I'm going to give you a little thing that you can.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
Do, a tool. All right, So what you want.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
To do is you want to pause it all right now.
If you're in mador anger and it's really triggering it,
you definitely want to take a time out because what
I'm going to tell you is to engage someone and
react and escalate into a confrontation that you don't want
(22:19):
to have. And so if you're really intense, then I
would support you in taking your time to process the
situation so that you understand it so when you choose
to communicate, you can communicate in a very healthy way. Now,
So you want to breathe, slow it down, and be
(22:45):
able to breathe and pause and ground yourself if you can,
and then if you can. Now here's the thing. If
you're at a party or at a social situation, it's
also not going to be the time the person is
going to be involved.
Speaker 3 (23:06):
But and here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
The other thing that I want to say to you
all is is that if it's someone that you're in
a close relationship with and this relationship is important to you,
then you're going to want to express yourself in a
healthy way and you want you're going to want to
be able to allow yourself to really be able to
(23:31):
express that so that you're both being heard in healthy ways.
So and and anger is a tool where you also
it could be really being able to know your boundaries.
(23:52):
When someone steps over your boundaries, it may be that
you react in anger, and that's it's appropriate to feel
the anger because then you're like, oh, okay again, it's
a it's a reaction.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
Because here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
You're going you're human beings and you're gonna react. There
is not one person on this planet that doesn't have
a reaction. It's just not and anybody who says, oh,
I don't react. I don't believe it, because as a
human being, you're gonna you're gonna make mistakes, you're gonna
have reactions. We are the most important thing is that
(24:34):
you're learning, and you're learning, and you being here and
you're asking questions and you're sharing. I mean, I really
want to say thank you. I really want to acknowledge
all of you for for tuning in, because you're saying
to yourself, I want better, I want healthier, I want
(24:55):
and inspired an empowered life. So yay to you, and
and so a boundary if you are noticing that you like,
for example, that not being heard you know sometimes, or
feeling ignored. Sometimes what happens is you want to express yourself,
(25:20):
but a partner or a spouse, a friend just watching TV.
This is a common one and when I would do
couples counseling, this would definitely be an issue. And you
want to express yourself and you want to talk and
you want to be heard, and your partner is like,
I just want to rest and watch TV. Now, the
(25:42):
best thing to do, whether you're in a social situation
or you're at home, is to invite the other person
for both you and the other person to schedule a
time that would work for both of you. And then
once you a time that would work for both of you,
(26:02):
then you want to be able to then have that
healthy conversation. And so once you process more of what's
going on for you. So I just want to make
sure if all of you are clear or what's healthy
behaviors and what's not healthy behavior, let me know, because
(26:26):
I want to make sure, Like again, unhealthy behaviors would
be would be screaming, yelling, hitting. Obviously, anytime somebody doesn't
feel safe, whether it's you or someone else, that means
the other person's doing an unhealthy behavior physically or emotionally,
(26:49):
because you can have emotionally unhealthy behaviors that make you
feel unhealthy and not emotionally safe. And that's why when
you have a healthy conversation to express yourself, you want
to make sure that you're expressing yourself in those healthy ways.
(27:12):
So and I am going to talk more about ways
to calm yourself down and then to be able to
verbalize in healthy ways what you're really feeling at a
time when you both made a plan to speak. So
I'm really excited to let you know that I will
(27:36):
be having a master class for women coaches, therapist, nurses,
holistic professionals, holistic practitioners, and it's three keys to become
irresistible to your ideal client. Now, during the master class,
we're going to talk about the energy of attraction and
(27:58):
what you need to really get that energy of attraction,
how to clarify and claim your ideal client. And then
we're going to be talking about magnetic messaging. So this
class is two weeks from today, Thursday, July twenty fourth,
at seven pm Eastern, and I look forward to having
(28:23):
you join us. And Rebel's going to put the link
in the chat and the link is Inspired and Empowered.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
Living dot Com Forward.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Slash master Class, Inspired and Empowered Living dot Com Forward
Slash master Class m A S. T er c l
A S s.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
So, now, so you know that you had a reaction,
You become aware that you've had a reaction and in
order to keep it from being an unhealthy reaction and
acting out the behavior. And we could go into this
more if you feel like you would like your need
so let me know that you are finding ways to
(29:20):
calm yourself down, and there is a breathing exercise. You know,
I talk about belly breathing, but I'm going to give
you another another tool, another breath tool, and this is
called four seven eight, the four seven eight technique.
Speaker 3 (29:35):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
So, and what happens in this technique, and what happens
with breathing is that it calms your nervous system right
away so that you can then express in healthy ways
or choose to read the situation, whatever it is you
need to do. You can then figure out then to
(29:58):
figure out to be able to be able to know
what your next step is. And I also want to
support all of you in being able to do that.
So Charles says, this is good, but to think about it.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
So I thank you Charles for letting me know. And yeah,
you know, here's the thing. When you think, when you're
not really sure, or you have a realization that something
you thought was healthy isn't really healthy, or something that
you've been doing, it's a huge awareness and it's important
(30:38):
for you to take the time and for you to
process and allow yourself. So I really want to say
thank you, Charles, and I honor you for you being
in your process and being open and being willing to hear,
so thank you. And so with the breath work exercise,
what you're going to do is you're going to hell
(31:01):
and this is something you could do anywhere anytime.
Speaker 3 (31:04):
You're going to in hell.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
And count to four one, two, three, four, and then
what you're gonna do is you're gonna hold it for
seven seconds. So then you count one, two, three, four
or five six seven. I'm counting on my fingers, so
you could use those two and you hold it for seven.
(31:27):
Now I can't do this because I'm trying to tell
you and I'm talking, which is hard to do. But
I'm giving you the exercise. And then you breathe out
and count to eight. You breathe out for eight. So
I'll say it again. You breathe in and counter breathe
in for four. And remember, if you can remember to
(31:49):
make sure.
Speaker 3 (31:50):
Your diaphragm, your belly goes out. That means you're.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
Deep breathing with your diaphragm. Remember the belly breathing. So
you breathe in for four, you hold for seven, and
then you let you exhale for eight, breathing for four,
hold for seven, and exhale for eight. And that breathing
tool is really it could be a game changer for you.
(32:16):
So I really want to encourage all of you to
try it and let me know how does it work.
So another tool that you can use is you can
use the tool of being able to use physical exercise
(32:36):
as a way to release your anger as a way
to say okay, so you could imagine and feel actually
you want to feel. Let's say you want to feel
your feet like pressing up against the floor. And remember,
the more you can breathe through it so that you're
(32:57):
releasing the energy. Your breath helps you move through the
emotions so that you're not trapping it in your body,
because that's what you want. The emotions need to move through,
and the breath is one of the ways. And no
matter what you're doing, to work with your breath, or
you could be doing some kind of exercise like running
(33:19):
or going to the gym and having having the intention
I'm releasing my anger so that I can calm down
right now and understand what's going on, what got triggered,
what am I reacting to, and where is this coming from?
When did this happen to me when I was younger?
(33:40):
Remember the feeling and the situation may look different, but
the same issue is coming up, like feeling ignored or
disrespected or dismissed. And then you can do other techniques
like I'm always talking about journaling, or you can use
(34:01):
art and art, you know, the art is a wonderful
tool to be able to process through and express your
anger and express your anger.
Speaker 3 (34:14):
And then it's another.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
Thing that you can do is to really create, to
really ground yourself, to be in present time, to allow
yourself to.
Speaker 3 (34:30):
Know that you can okay.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
This is a really important thing that you have the
ability and you can create new coping skills. Learning to
respond and take healthy coping skills instead of reacting is huge.
It's huge, and so I invite you to start practicing
(34:56):
because when you practice the healthy clos skills, even when
you may not be in a reactive moment, and I
also want you to know it you may react. It
may not only be anger, it may be fear, you know,
or maybe somebody guilted you or shamed you, so you
may be reacting to another emotion, or maybe something triggered
(35:21):
you and you all of a sudden you start feeling grief.
You're in the middle of a meeting, and you get triggered,
so you need to use your coping skills, your tools.
So we're going to continue what I'm going to do
next week, and I really want to thank those of
you who put your questions in the chat, because what
I'm going to do is from the questions, I'm going
(35:42):
to help get a list. I am going to create
a list for you of unhealthy behaviors and healthy behaviors
so that you can really see what's a healthy behavior
what's an unhealthy behavior. And then we're going to go
deeper and talk more about how to have healthy communication
(36:08):
when you are wanting to have a healthy relationship and
have intimacy, because I will tell you that when you
allow yourself and the other person to express yourself in
healthy ways, it is transformative in relationships, and it leads
(36:31):
you to get closer and more intimate, and it can
really make a big difference in your close relationships. Now,
I will also give you examples, like if it's something
at work or at the job or in your business
and it's not appropriate to share a lot of personal details,
(36:53):
we'll be talking about that too, okay, So I will
give you examples for all of that, so to be
continued next week, Part three, Empowering Ways to deal with
your anger, yours and other's anger, and we'll talk more
about how to support yourself when other people are angry too,
(37:15):
because you need to take care of yourself so you
feel emotionally safe or physically safe. That's really important too.
Safety is crucial, whether it's yours you want in healthy relationships,
you want safety, You want safety, Okay. So I look
(37:37):
forward to sharing more about empowering ways to deal with
yours and others angers next Thursday at five pm Eastern
on TALKFORTV dot com, W FOURWN dot com, and.
Speaker 3 (37:51):
My YouTube channel.
Speaker 2 (37:53):
And you can also listen to my podcast twenty four
to seven on So if you need to go back
to anything that we talked about today, you can go
back easily on iHeartRadio, Spotify and Dora, Apple, Amazon and
many more. And I wish you all and inspired an
(38:17):
empowered day, evening and week.
Speaker 3 (38:21):
Have a great one, everybody. Five
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