July 17, 2025 • 42 mins
Anger isn’t something to fear or suppress, it’s a powerful signal that, when understood and handled consciously, can lead to deeper healing, stronger boundaries, and more authentic relationships.
In this episode of Inspired & Empowered Living for a Thriving Business & Life, discover how to navigate both your own anger and others’ with confidence, clarity, and compassion.
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
In this episode of Inspired & Empowered Living for a Thriving Business & Life, discover how to navigate both your own anger and others’ with confidence, clarity, and compassion.
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guest should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcast. We all live Thursdays at five
pm Eastern on TALKFORTV dot com, W four WN dot com,
and my YouTube channel, and today we will continue to
(01:13):
talk about empowered ways to deal with yours and others' anger.
Part rate continuing where we left off. Anger isn't something
to fear or suppress. It's a powerful signal that, when
understood and handled consciously, can lead to deeper healing, stronger boundaries,
(01:41):
and more authentic relationships. In this episode of Inspired and
Empowered Living for a thriving business and life, discover how
to navigate both your own anger and others with confidence, clarity,
and compassion. And in this episode, we're going to talk
(02:05):
about grounding tools to stay calm when emotions run high,
empowered communication strategies to de escalate conflict, and the difference
between reactive and responsive behavior and why it matters and
(02:25):
how to use your intuition to guide you to emotional
healing and strengthen your relationships. And I'm your host, Nancy Deutsch,
licensed clinical social work or certified hypnotherapist and intuitive business expert.
I com bind my counseling, coaching and intuitive abilities to
(02:47):
transform your life. And this show is not a replacement
for therapy or counseling. It is for educational purposes only.
And so we are going to, like I said, continue
to talk about anger. And last week we started having
(03:09):
a discussion about unhealthy and healthy ways anger can be expressed.
So I'm going to go over some basic principles so
that you understand basic concepts. And this may be stuff
that you already know or maybe you're hearing this for
the first time, but no, when you have a beginner's mind,
(03:33):
that maybe you'll have insights in our haas that all
of a sudden.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Oh wow, I just got a really big hit right now,
a big realization you never know.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
So I invite you to have that open beginner's mind.
So first, on a psychological level, I'm going to do
my psych one oh one because when we're talking about anger,
what I want to teach you is healthy responsive ways
(04:11):
to handle anger. Now, when you're coming from your conscious mind,
that is the part of you making conscious decisions, and
it empowers you to say, oh, I get this, this
is the decision I'm making in this moment. However, as
(04:32):
human beings, okay, so this happens to all of you,
all right. As human beings, we all and react. So
if you get triggered and react with anger or annoyance
or even rage at something. Someone said something, something did somebody,
(04:53):
something that you've heard, heard on TV, something that you
listen to, something that you saw on social media, something
that's happening in your life, you have and you're having
an emotional reaction. You've reacted, and that's coming from your
subconscious mind. And your subconscious mind is the part of
(05:16):
you from the moment you will conceived to present time
that has recorded every moment that you had been alive,
including and including It could also have to do with
past lives, and it could also include your ancestors, because
(05:37):
all of that exists in your subconscious mind. And as
I've said in previous shows, it's really important to understand
what goes on in that subconscious mind of yours, so
that you can then take action with your consciousness, making
that conscious decision so that you can then create respective Okay,
(06:02):
see you, So I saw you asked a question, Misty.
I'll get to you to sec So it's being able
to come from that conscious place. Now there's also your
super conscious, which is the part of you that is
your higher aspects of self, like your higher self, this wise,
(06:22):
unconditionally loving part of you and your soul. And then
of course you have your angels and guides and beings
of light, your universal support system and God and whatever
you choose to call it, that higher energy. And that's
all part of these aspects of self that we're going
(06:44):
to talk about in the show. Especially when we're talking
about conscious and unconscious behaviors, healthy and unhealthy ways, anger
gets expressed. So Misty said, we need to notice this
trigger and try to contain the emotional reaction. Yes, and
(07:05):
that's here's the thing, Misty. It's really important. And this
is thank you Misty for bringing that up. And Okay,
I see your question, Mickey. It's really important, really important
that you are in awareness. So thank you Misty for
bringing that up, that you're in awareness. That oh I
(07:27):
just got triggered. I just had an emotional reaction. Because
once you once you have the awareness and the realization,
then you can do something about it. Because if you
remain what I call unconscious and you just keep doing
the same things you're doing, then you may not even
(07:50):
notice that you've had a reaction. So one of the
ways to become healthier in your life, especially dealing with
anger for yourself and for others, is if it's for yourself,
is to notice when you have reacted, and you have
reacted to someone else or something that's happening, and if
(08:13):
it's someone else's anger and then you have a reaction,
now you can have a reaction. Now. Anger can be
a very scary emotion when it's when it's handled and
unhealthy ways, which I'll get to very shortly. And if
it's an unhealthy emotion and it gets acted out, it
can be really scary. And so you may have an
(08:36):
emotional reaction like fear. Maybe you're scared of the person
or maybe you feel intimidated, and which also is a
fear reaction. So all of those can happen from that
experience of dealing with anger and learning. And it's about learning, okay,
(08:58):
because sometimes you're not always going to realize it. You're
not always going to remember, you're not always going to
have that aha. But I'm hoping that as you listen
to the show and as you become more aware consciously,
and this is where that conscious mind comes in, you
start having more awareness. Oh, I'm having a reaction right now,
(09:22):
and it's a reaction to something or someone else. I'm
experiencing something so really important. Thank you Misty for bringing
that up. Let's get to miss Nicky's Nicky ask which
one controls the reactions? And can we get control of
the reactions? Okay, So what happens is with the subconscious mind.
(09:47):
It's the subconscious that has a reaction, and so it's
it's an automatic. It's an automatic. And I also want
to remind you that reaction started from when we were
beginning of our species. Okay, there's the fight light and
(10:09):
freeze reaction responds and we will go into fight mode,
reacting with anger or aggression. And that is it's automatic,
it's instinctual. Okay, So you may have that reaction, and
it's not that you're not having it because you're human
(10:31):
and so you may have the reaction. But what happens
is you can gain control. Gaining control of the reaction
is huge and it is possible, and the first way
to gain control of the reaction is to have awareness.
(10:51):
Once you have the awareness, then you can take do
some grounding or breathing exercises and I'll mention that again
to help support you, and then you can make a
decision on choosing what you want to do with the
reaction or the and so that then you go into
(11:14):
going from reaction to choosing to respond, and that's coming
from your that's coming from your conscious mind and super
conscious mind. That's when you're in alignment or more grounded,
and then you're choosing to make a response from that place.
So we're going to go deeper into all of that
and as you as I love answering your question, so
(11:36):
you know, if you have any others, let me know.
And Anastasia says, react, We react without thinking most of
the time. The emotions are holly charged, yes, and that's
why anger is one of those Anger is one of
those emotions that, yeah, like you're gonna get triggered, and
(11:57):
it's about what you do and process through. And again,
the most important thing that I want to remind you.
Is not that you're not going to react, because if
you think that you're not going to react, that's not
humanly possible. But it's how quickly, all right, this is important.
(12:19):
It's how quickly you can turn that reaction around so
that you can choose to respond. Now, if you are
able to gain control, Let's say you're annoyed, because annoyed
might be the lower end of the scale of anger.
If you're annoyed and you're like, Okay, this person's annoying me,
(12:41):
or I just got annoyed about what this person said,
Let me breathe, let me ground, let me excuse myself,
go to the bathroom, take a time out. Then you
may be able to respond in the moment. But if
you are feeling angry at the law and angry rage hatred,
(13:03):
I would recommend taking a very a longer time out
before you communicate or say anything that you would later regret.
And again my motto is, you do not want to
react in anger and hurt yourself, someone else, or the environment.
(13:23):
And the unhealthy behaviors that I'm going to get to
shortly are those behaviors where you're reacting and you're reacting
from that place of feeling a little bit out of control.
And so if you can say to yourself, I'm having
a very big reaction right now, like I'm feeling really
(13:46):
enraged this person or this situation or this experience, your job.
Your job is to say, Okay, I need to take
a time out before I react, before I say anything,
or you're not going to be in response. You're going
to be in that place and you need to be
able to process through before you respond, and that can
(14:10):
take time. That can take time. For example, I just
recently had a reaction of something that happened in my
business and I was like, oh my god, I'm so angry.
I'm so angry, and I've been processing through, and I
knew that I could not talk to the person until
(14:32):
I knew. I knew I needed to be able to
wait until I had calmed down before I chose to communicate.
And that's what I did, so that I can communicate
from a clear space. And especially in business, you want
to make sure that you're this is in business and
(14:54):
in close personal relationships. You know what, I'm taking that back.
I've taking it back because in business, in close relationships,
at work, all across the board, you don't want to react.
I think that that learning how to be healthy and
respond is what you really want, Okay, And it's and
(15:17):
sometimes you're going to need to process through and ask
yourself the question what am I feeling? What am I thinking?
What what am I reacting to? For me, and I'll
share what I was reacting to was an oh feeling,
feeling like I wasn't getting what I needed or feeling
taken advantage of. And it totally triggered me. And so
(15:42):
I was able to continue to work through that in
process right now. But I knew that and this was
the conscious, my conscious super conscious mindset. Do not do
not interact with the person until I knew that I
could communicate in a healthy So you can use me
(16:04):
as an example. Okay. So Charles says, do you find
women are more emotional reactive than men? You know, I
think women it's an interesting question, Charles. I think women
are known to be more emotional. It's one of the
(16:24):
stereotypes of the sexes. However, I am going to tell
you that there are plenty of men that are reactive
and men may and if you think about anger, Okay,
and this is also going to be when we talk
about the unhealthy and healthy behaviors. When you think about
anger in our society, men tend to act out the anger.
(16:49):
It's it's more okay for men to get angry than
for women. So women may have emotional reactions like crying.
A lot of women will it wasn't okay to be angry,
so they turn the anger into tears, and that can
be very common for a woman. So I am going
(17:12):
to say that most of all, it depends on the person,
and it depends on Some people are just more emotional
and some people aren't. Some people have shut their emotions
down to protect themselves. Some people use anger. They use
(17:35):
anger as an outer emotion when underneath they may be
feeling something else. Like for example, I have written as
men that go into anger because I remember, I've been
a therapist for over many years and I've worked with
both men and women, so I've watched a lot of
men react with anger as well, especially when it comes
(17:59):
to someone close to them. So it's women have gotten
the label, but it doesn't always mean that women are
more emotional or reactive than men. It looks different. I
think it looks different, and so what so what happens.
(18:21):
I was in the middle of saying something and I
totally forgot. So anyway, I just really want to support
all of you in knowing that how you were raised
is also the biggest condition on how you react and
how you handle emotions. Oh, I think another thing that
(18:42):
I want to bring out is some like some people
shut down, like I said. And also there are scales
of emotional sensitivity emotional and we talked about emotional intelligence,
and so there're scals of it, and the more emotionally intelligent,
the more you're aware of your anger and then are
(19:06):
able to respond in healthy ways. So interesting question. And
and you know what, I'm actually really curious. I am
gonna look into that even more, maybe google it or
do a little like what the stats are because I
(19:26):
don't know the stats. I just know that women have
gotten the label. But is it really true and how
true is it? We'll see, stay tuned. Maybe next week
we'll find out more. So let's talk. I'm healthy behaviors
and healthy bab Okay. So the first thing that I
want to share with you is what happens with anger
(19:49):
in therapeutic We talk about anger being acted out and
anger being acted in Okay, Charles chaus As, I think
that sounds interesting. You're talking about to be able to
bring the stats in. I will. I will let you
know next week. Okay. So, acting out anger is when
(20:17):
anger is explosive, and it's not it's unhealthy anger. Okay.
So when you are acting out anger, you're acting out
anger in an unhealthy way. Now, I want to support
all of you in just becoming aware. And this is
(20:37):
not about judging yourself or being mean or or you know,
starting to be self critical, which could be acting in
anger and taking anger inward. So this is about becoming
more aware of how you handle anger, how you handle anger,
(21:00):
so that you can then make a conscious decision on
what you want to do with that. So that's what
this list is about, okay. So and acting out anger.
And so when anger is exploded or acting out like yelling, screaming,
(21:22):
verbal attacks, that using words to shame, to blame, to
intimidate others, that is all acting out anger. Now again,
acting out anger is all unhealthy ways of expressing and
this is being aware of perhaps how you deal with anger.
(21:43):
And the more aware you are, then the more you
take your power back. This is about you taking your
power back, so then you can learn what you need
to do to turn it around and take your power
back to bring it down and control yourself and be
responsive instead of reacting. Okay, So physical aggression, physical aggression, hitting, throwing,
(22:09):
throwing objects, slamming doors, expressing anger through violence. Now obviously
you know that's really unhealthy. And now if you are
on okay, so I am supporting you to become aware
if this is you now, if you are in a
relationship or this is happening to you, this is also
(22:34):
a sign that you need to find ways to make
yourself safe, to take care of yourself so that you
can then feel more emotionally safe. And it's really when
I say emotionally safe, what I mean is is, first
(22:55):
of all, if there's physical violence, you want to be
physically safe. If there's emotional violence like screaming, yelling, verbal attacks,
you need to take steps of what's going to help
you to feel okay, to feel safe, to feel like
(23:16):
you're gonna be able to take care of yourself, like
situations of domestic violence. That is something that's really important
for you to support yourself and taking care of yourself.
And so I want to support you in figuring out. Now,
if you have relationships, then you may want to look
(23:38):
at for you getting help. And I'll give you the
example of Jenny and Jimmy. Remember Jenny and Jimmy were
they were able to I mean, Jimmy would be explosive,
he was unhealthy. He would be raging at her, and
she would go into the reaction of shutting down and freezing.
(24:00):
She would go into a frozen she couldn't respond, and
that had to do with her past and his past.
And so they got themselves into counseling. And once they
got themselves into counseling, they were able to start turning
around the unhealthy behaviors because both of them were reacting, reacting,
(24:21):
and they were able to turn around the unhealthy behaviors
and start communicating and have healthier behavior. Anastasia says, why
did he rage at her? So what happened with Jimmy
was Jimmy grew up in a family where his father
(24:45):
was a rager and his mother was a controller manipulator,
and so were what happened I'll answer that in a second.
Sty What happened was that when Jenny would do things
(25:05):
like what happened was Jenny would trigger Jimmy's mother, like
she would say something or and she would do it unconsciously.
Because what happens is when two people are really close
to each other, and this could be in a romantic relationship,
it could be in a friendship, it could be parent child.
(25:26):
When two people are close to each other, they can
trigger each other's button. Could be bosses, coworkers, business associates.
They can trigger each other's button. And when that happened,
when you get triggered, you can go into the rage.
And so so Jenny would sometimes do it consciously. She would,
(25:50):
you know, a lot of it was unconscious where she
wasn't even aware she was poaking him, and or sometimes
it was innocent, she wasn't doing anything. But she lived
her life like she had to walk on eggshells because
she never knew when he was going to blow up.
It wasn't a safe environment. Jimmy would end up feeling
ashamed of bumping into the rage and Jenny would be
(26:13):
like shut down, low self esteem. Well, they both had
low self esteem because that's what happened in unhealthy relationships
where there's anger acted out. Yes, Misty, they were able
to work things out. And what I really want to
support you in knowing is that it is possible. Jimmy
(26:34):
learned anger management techniques, and so when I talked to
all of you about counting to ten or doing breathing exercises,
or doing your belly breadths, or learning how to a
ground and a line, that emotional regulation techniques, that's all
part of what happens so that you can then be
(26:59):
able to respond in a healthy way. And yes, Jimmy's
each one of them took responsibility for their behavior and
that's what needs to happen. So Jimmy took responsibility for
his anger and started learning anger management men techniques, and
(27:20):
Jenny started learning because what she was doing was acting
out anger in a different way. Okay, so she would
be angry. It's called passive aggressive. Now, passive aggressive behaviors
are also acting out anger behaviors. So what's a passive
(27:40):
act aggressive behavior. It's sarcasm, giving the silent treatment, indirect jabs,
So what she was doing was she was doing and
also manipulation control like there's indirect jabs are all part
(28:02):
of passive aggressive behavior forgetting things. So yes, she had
to take responsibility for those behaviors and also her shutting down.
She had to work through her response because what was
happening for Jenny was Jenny her father was a rageous
(28:25):
so Jenny would be triggering her father, and so she
learned she needed to heal herself, and both of them did.
When I work with couples, they would do counseling individually
and counseling together so that they're both working on themselves
(28:45):
and the relationship. And yes, they were able to heal
and they're still together. So so another way anger gets
I would say acting in in now, acting in is
when you take it inward. And one of the things
that happens is you suppress it, you shut it down,
(29:09):
you suppress it, you deny it. But what happens is
it's going to come out some way. So a lot
of times depression depression is anger turned inward. There are
other emotions, and there may be other emotions with depression,
but a lot of times there's suppressed anger. And another
(29:31):
way that what happens. Acting in behaviors are like self
harm behaviors or destructive behaviors, addictive behaviors like overeating, drinking, gambling,
all of those self sabotage, even accident prone bumping into furniture,
(29:54):
not being conscious, not being aware. But a lot of
times that's because there's anger that's insupported or den so
that is an acting in behavior and what happens. And
all of these are unhealthy behaviors. Okay, Now, if somebody
is revenge seeking, that is unhealthy behavior. Revenge seeking, if
(30:18):
you're trying to get revenge there, that is definitely unhealthy
and often unethical behavior, immoral or you know. So, So
what I am really here to support all of you
in doing is again understanding what's underneath the angle, what
is the anger, trying to teach you what are the
(30:40):
feelings underneath, and then being able to deal with it
and take and work it out through, work it through.
Now sometimes you may need a counselor or a coach
to help you do that. So and or a group.
I mean there's anger management groups. So all of that
(31:01):
is possible. And another way is acting out anger is
blaming others without taking any responsibility. Now, remember I said
Jenny and Jimmy took responsibility for their behaviors and what
they were doing in the relationship, and that's really important.
It's learning to take responsibility for your behaviors, So I
(31:24):
really want to support you in doing that. And like
I said, controlling and manipulating behavior like controlling examples of
controlling and manipulative behavior, and that was also happening in
the relationship with Jenny and Jimmy. The guilt. If someone
is trying to guilt you, they are manipulating, they are
(31:45):
being manipulative. That is not okay, not okay. If someone's
threatening you, coersion and or trying to overpower you, express
and try to use their power over that's all acting
out behavior, not healthy, not appropriate. And then the other
(32:07):
thing is acting out is also withdrawal. I mean I've
had clients where they have had parents that used to
do the silent treatment for days, months, years, some of
them when they were kids, grow teenagers, and some even adults.
So all of that is acting out anger and it's
(32:28):
harmful and it hurts. It's what you don't want to
be doing or avoiding. With drawing, taking love away, taking
things away, using things. Now, there's healthy ways of doing it,
like with kids discipline, you want to use certain things,
(32:49):
there's a balance there. But if you're doing something to
be manipulative, and again this is about learning to be
aware and to start wondering, questioning when doing unquestioning, what
are your intentions? What is your an agenda, what are
your motives? So and now we're going to get to
(33:10):
healthy behavior, and I can see that there is more
to talk about with anger, So excuse me. First of all,
I want to before we go on to healthy behaviors,
I want to support you in knowing that I am
doing a masterclass next Thursday night, July twenty fourth, women Coaches, therapists, nurses,
(33:38):
holistic professional Three keys to become irresistible to your ideal client.
And during the master class, we're going to be talking
about the energy of attraction. We're going to be helping
you to clarify and claim your ideal client, and then
how to create the message magnetic messaging so that you're
(34:03):
attracting the people that you want to your soul aligned clients.
So next Thursday at seven pm Eastern, July twenty fourth,
seven pm Eastern and Rebel put in the link. It's
Inspired and Empowered Living dot Com Forward Slash Masterclass m
(34:29):
A S t R. The L A S S So
it's the name of the show, Inspired and Empowered Living
dot Com Forward Slash masterclass, and I invite you to
join us. It's a free virtual masterclass, so I look
forward to seeing you there. So let's talk healthy behavior. Okay,
(34:56):
So what's a healthy behavior? So when you are responding,
So it's learning to notice that you're reacting and then
learning to respond in healthy ways. So when you are
able to say and name the emotion clearly, I am
(35:19):
feeling annoying, or I am feeling angry, or right now
I am so angry, I'm enraged. Then if you know
you're enraged, the first thing you do before you do
anything is take a dime out. You want to take
a dimeoup and you want to be able to calm
(35:39):
yourself down before you interact with the person, the situation,
the experience, and perhaps anybody, because sometimes it ain't so
pretty when you're in a rage or you're really angry
or you're really upset, and it's okay. Now, I really
want to make this clear, it's okay to be angry. Well,
(36:01):
the anger is part of being human. In fact, again
and maybe I need to go over this again, is
anger is a tool. Anger is a tool for you
to become aware that there's something else going on. So
It's a powerful emotion and it can be really important
(36:23):
and really helpful, So you want to name it, speak it.
You may need to take a time out now, if
you're in a party or a social situation, you notice
you're getting angry or a noight or whatever, and you
need to like take a time out, go to the bathroom,
excuse yourself, or go outside. And so that's what you
(36:47):
are going to want to do. So you want to
go to the bathroom, go outside, take a time out,
anything that's going to support you in being healthy. You
want to channel the anger in to action now if
you want, Like some of the healthy ways that I
talked about is being able to use your breath, being
(37:09):
able to take a walk outside, being able to run
or exercise your way through moving your body through the anger,
breathing through it so that you're letting it out in
healthy ways so you're not hurting yourself, someone else, or
the environment. And when I say the environment, what I
mean is you're not being destructive to property or someone
(37:31):
else's property. Really important. Then you want to you may
want to channel your anger to creative pursuits, being able
to draw or write or do something creative, allowing yourself
to create is an amazing channel for expressing anger in
(37:52):
a healthy way. Some of the best artists have channeled
their emotions, not just anger, but they channel their emotions
into their art and it moves us. So think about
how can you use creative ways to channel your anger
in a healthy way. You may need support, You may
(38:12):
need to seek therapy or group or coaching to work
through it, or anger management classes, all of those are possible.
And learning how to practice awareness, and that's what I'm
talking about, is learning to be aware because it's in
that awareness then you can take action and make a decision,
(38:36):
a conscious decision on what you choose to do, even
getting yourself even becoming aware I'm angry or I'm reacting
like you're at a party or a social situation. I
need to take a time out, I need to go
to the bathroom, I need to breathe, I need to
go outside, get some man. That is you making a
(38:58):
very conscious decision to take care of yourself so that
you are then able to then just discover what action
empowered action, And you want to do breathing exercises, grounding,
breath work, Yeah, everybody breathe, So those are healthy ways.
(39:21):
Now I talked about expressing. Obviously, I'm not going to
get to healthy expression of how to communicate once you've
become clear, like how did Jenny and Jimmy turn their
relationship around into healthy communication? Stop. We're going to be
talking about that more next week. Next week, and I
(39:44):
will also answer. I will bring through some steps how
with emotions and women versus men and what the difference is,
what the studies are. I'm actually curious myself, so we
will find out so state and you will see. Okay,
(40:04):
So I want to remind you, and Jill says, thank you.
I want to remind you. We are live Thursdays at
five pm Eastern and you can join the chat when
you come live. So I love love my people who
ask the questions and comment. I'm very grateful to all
(40:24):
of you, So thank you, and you can be part
of that too. So you can come live Thursdays at
five pm Eastern on Talk for TV, my YouTube channel, Facebook,
and w W four WN dot com. Now we are
also on the podcast, so you may be listening to
(40:47):
the podcast. You can listen to the podcast on iHeartRadio, Spot,
fy Pandora, Apple, Amazon, and many more. And I want
to thank you. Anastasia says, we enjoy being here. I'm
so grateful to you because I enjoyed that you're enjoying
(41:09):
it and that you're here. And I am grateful to
all of you, and so I wish you all and
inspired and empowered day or night, and an inspired and
empowered week. Have a great one, everybody, Bye for now.
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guest should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcast. We all live Thursdays at five
pm Eastern on TALKFORTV dot com, W four WN dot com,
and my YouTube channel, and today we will continue to
(01:13):
talk about empowered ways to deal with yours and others' anger.
Part rate continuing where we left off. Anger isn't something
to fear or suppress. It's a powerful signal that, when
understood and handled consciously, can lead to deeper healing, stronger boundaries,
(01:41):
and more authentic relationships. In this episode of Inspired and
Empowered Living for a thriving business and life, discover how
to navigate both your own anger and others with confidence, clarity,
and compassion. And in this episode, we're going to talk
(02:05):
about grounding tools to stay calm when emotions run high,
empowered communication strategies to de escalate conflict, and the difference
between reactive and responsive behavior and why it matters and
(02:25):
how to use your intuition to guide you to emotional
healing and strengthen your relationships. And I'm your host, Nancy Deutsch,
licensed clinical social work or certified hypnotherapist and intuitive business expert.
I com bind my counseling, coaching and intuitive abilities to
(02:47):
transform your life. And this show is not a replacement
for therapy or counseling. It is for educational purposes only.
And so we are going to, like I said, continue
to talk about anger. And last week we started having
(03:09):
a discussion about unhealthy and healthy ways anger can be expressed.
So I'm going to go over some basic principles so
that you understand basic concepts. And this may be stuff
that you already know or maybe you're hearing this for
the first time, but no, when you have a beginner's mind,
(03:33):
that maybe you'll have insights in our haas that all
of a sudden.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Oh wow, I just got a really big hit right now,
a big realization you never know.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
So I invite you to have that open beginner's mind.
So first, on a psychological level, I'm going to do
my psych one oh one because when we're talking about anger,
what I want to teach you is healthy responsive ways
(04:11):
to handle anger. Now, when you're coming from your conscious mind,
that is the part of you making conscious decisions, and
it empowers you to say, oh, I get this, this
is the decision I'm making in this moment. However, as
(04:32):
human beings, okay, so this happens to all of you,
all right. As human beings, we all and react. So
if you get triggered and react with anger or annoyance
or even rage at something. Someone said something, something did somebody,
(04:53):
something that you've heard, heard on TV, something that you
listen to, something that you saw on social media, something
that's happening in your life, you have and you're having
an emotional reaction. You've reacted, and that's coming from your
subconscious mind. And your subconscious mind is the part of
(05:16):
you from the moment you will conceived to present time
that has recorded every moment that you had been alive,
including and including It could also have to do with
past lives, and it could also include your ancestors, because
(05:37):
all of that exists in your subconscious mind. And as
I've said in previous shows, it's really important to understand
what goes on in that subconscious mind of yours, so
that you can then take action with your consciousness, making
that conscious decision so that you can then create respective Okay,
(06:02):
see you, So I saw you asked a question, Misty.
I'll get to you to sec So it's being able
to come from that conscious place. Now there's also your
super conscious, which is the part of you that is
your higher aspects of self, like your higher self, this wise,
(06:22):
unconditionally loving part of you and your soul. And then
of course you have your angels and guides and beings
of light, your universal support system and God and whatever
you choose to call it, that higher energy. And that's
all part of these aspects of self that we're going
(06:44):
to talk about in the show. Especially when we're talking
about conscious and unconscious behaviors, healthy and unhealthy ways, anger
gets expressed. So Misty said, we need to notice this
trigger and try to contain the emotional reaction. Yes, and
(07:05):
that's here's the thing, Misty. It's really important. And this
is thank you Misty for bringing that up. And Okay,
I see your question, Mickey. It's really important, really important
that you are in awareness. So thank you Misty for
bringing that up, that you're in awareness. That oh I
(07:27):
just got triggered. I just had an emotional reaction. Because
once you once you have the awareness and the realization,
then you can do something about it. Because if you
remain what I call unconscious and you just keep doing
the same things you're doing, then you may not even
(07:50):
notice that you've had a reaction. So one of the
ways to become healthier in your life, especially dealing with
anger for yourself and for others, is if it's for yourself,
is to notice when you have reacted, and you have
reacted to someone else or something that's happening, and if
(08:13):
it's someone else's anger and then you have a reaction,
now you can have a reaction. Now. Anger can be
a very scary emotion when it's when it's handled and
unhealthy ways, which I'll get to very shortly. And if
it's an unhealthy emotion and it gets acted out, it
can be really scary. And so you may have an
(08:36):
emotional reaction like fear. Maybe you're scared of the person
or maybe you feel intimidated, and which also is a
fear reaction. So all of those can happen from that
experience of dealing with anger and learning. And it's about learning, okay,
(08:58):
because sometimes you're not always going to realize it. You're
not always going to remember, you're not always going to
have that aha. But I'm hoping that as you listen
to the show and as you become more aware consciously,
and this is where that conscious mind comes in, you
start having more awareness. Oh, I'm having a reaction right now,
(09:22):
and it's a reaction to something or someone else. I'm
experiencing something so really important. Thank you Misty for bringing
that up. Let's get to miss Nicky's Nicky ask which
one controls the reactions? And can we get control of
the reactions? Okay, So what happens is with the subconscious mind.
(09:47):
It's the subconscious that has a reaction, and so it's
it's an automatic. It's an automatic. And I also want
to remind you that reaction started from when we were
beginning of our species. Okay, there's the fight light and
(10:09):
freeze reaction responds and we will go into fight mode,
reacting with anger or aggression. And that is it's automatic,
it's instinctual. Okay, So you may have that reaction, and
it's not that you're not having it because you're human
(10:31):
and so you may have the reaction. But what happens
is you can gain control. Gaining control of the reaction
is huge and it is possible, and the first way
to gain control of the reaction is to have awareness.
(10:51):
Once you have the awareness, then you can take do
some grounding or breathing exercises and I'll mention that again
to help support you, and then you can make a
decision on choosing what you want to do with the
reaction or the and so that then you go into
(11:14):
going from reaction to choosing to respond, and that's coming
from your that's coming from your conscious mind and super
conscious mind. That's when you're in alignment or more grounded,
and then you're choosing to make a response from that place.
So we're going to go deeper into all of that
and as you as I love answering your question, so
(11:36):
you know, if you have any others, let me know.
And Anastasia says, react, We react without thinking most of
the time. The emotions are holly charged, yes, and that's
why anger is one of those Anger is one of
those emotions that, yeah, like you're gonna get triggered, and
(11:57):
it's about what you do and process through. And again,
the most important thing that I want to remind you.
Is not that you're not going to react, because if
you think that you're not going to react, that's not
humanly possible. But it's how quickly, all right, this is important.
(12:19):
It's how quickly you can turn that reaction around so
that you can choose to respond. Now, if you are
able to gain control, Let's say you're annoyed, because annoyed
might be the lower end of the scale of anger.
If you're annoyed and you're like, Okay, this person's annoying me,
(12:41):
or I just got annoyed about what this person said,
Let me breathe, let me ground, let me excuse myself,
go to the bathroom, take a time out. Then you
may be able to respond in the moment. But if
you are feeling angry at the law and angry rage hatred,
(13:03):
I would recommend taking a very a longer time out
before you communicate or say anything that you would later regret.
And again my motto is, you do not want to
react in anger and hurt yourself, someone else, or the environment.
(13:23):
And the unhealthy behaviors that I'm going to get to
shortly are those behaviors where you're reacting and you're reacting
from that place of feeling a little bit out of control.
And so if you can say to yourself, I'm having
a very big reaction right now, like I'm feeling really
(13:46):
enraged this person or this situation or this experience, your job.
Your job is to say, Okay, I need to take
a time out before I react, before I say anything,
or you're not going to be in response. You're going
to be in that place and you need to be
able to process through before you respond, and that can
(14:10):
take time. That can take time. For example, I just
recently had a reaction of something that happened in my
business and I was like, oh my god, I'm so angry.
I'm so angry, and I've been processing through, and I
knew that I could not talk to the person until
(14:32):
I knew. I knew I needed to be able to
wait until I had calmed down before I chose to communicate.
And that's what I did, so that I can communicate
from a clear space. And especially in business, you want
to make sure that you're this is in business and
(14:54):
in close personal relationships. You know what, I'm taking that back.
I've taking it back because in business, in close relationships,
at work, all across the board, you don't want to react.
I think that that learning how to be healthy and
respond is what you really want, Okay, And it's and
(15:17):
sometimes you're going to need to process through and ask
yourself the question what am I feeling? What am I thinking?
What what am I reacting to? For me, and I'll
share what I was reacting to was an oh feeling,
feeling like I wasn't getting what I needed or feeling
taken advantage of. And it totally triggered me. And so
(15:42):
I was able to continue to work through that in
process right now. But I knew that and this was
the conscious, my conscious super conscious mindset. Do not do
not interact with the person until I knew that I
could communicate in a healthy So you can use me
(16:04):
as an example. Okay. So Charles says, do you find
women are more emotional reactive than men? You know, I
think women it's an interesting question, Charles. I think women
are known to be more emotional. It's one of the
(16:24):
stereotypes of the sexes. However, I am going to tell
you that there are plenty of men that are reactive
and men may and if you think about anger, Okay,
and this is also going to be when we talk
about the unhealthy and healthy behaviors. When you think about
anger in our society, men tend to act out the anger.
(16:49):
It's it's more okay for men to get angry than
for women. So women may have emotional reactions like crying.
A lot of women will it wasn't okay to be angry,
so they turn the anger into tears, and that can
be very common for a woman. So I am going
(17:12):
to say that most of all, it depends on the person,
and it depends on Some people are just more emotional
and some people aren't. Some people have shut their emotions
down to protect themselves. Some people use anger. They use
(17:35):
anger as an outer emotion when underneath they may be
feeling something else. Like for example, I have written as
men that go into anger because I remember, I've been
a therapist for over many years and I've worked with
both men and women, so I've watched a lot of
men react with anger as well, especially when it comes
(17:59):
to someone close to them. So it's women have gotten
the label, but it doesn't always mean that women are
more emotional or reactive than men. It looks different. I
think it looks different, and so what so what happens.
(18:21):
I was in the middle of saying something and I
totally forgot. So anyway, I just really want to support
all of you in knowing that how you were raised
is also the biggest condition on how you react and
how you handle emotions. Oh, I think another thing that
(18:42):
I want to bring out is some like some people
shut down, like I said. And also there are scales
of emotional sensitivity emotional and we talked about emotional intelligence,
and so there're scals of it, and the more emotionally intelligent,
the more you're aware of your anger and then are
(19:06):
able to respond in healthy ways. So interesting question. And
and you know what, I'm actually really curious. I am
gonna look into that even more, maybe google it or
do a little like what the stats are because I
(19:26):
don't know the stats. I just know that women have
gotten the label. But is it really true and how
true is it? We'll see, stay tuned. Maybe next week
we'll find out more. So let's talk. I'm healthy behaviors
and healthy bab Okay. So the first thing that I
want to share with you is what happens with anger
(19:49):
in therapeutic We talk about anger being acted out and
anger being acted in Okay, Charles chaus As, I think
that sounds interesting. You're talking about to be able to
bring the stats in. I will. I will let you
know next week. Okay. So, acting out anger is when
(20:17):
anger is explosive, and it's not it's unhealthy anger. Okay.
So when you are acting out anger, you're acting out
anger in an unhealthy way. Now, I want to support
all of you in just becoming aware. And this is
(20:37):
not about judging yourself or being mean or or you know,
starting to be self critical, which could be acting in
anger and taking anger inward. So this is about becoming
more aware of how you handle anger, how you handle anger,
(21:00):
so that you can then make a conscious decision on
what you want to do with that. So that's what
this list is about, okay. So and acting out anger.
And so when anger is exploded or acting out like yelling, screaming,
(21:22):
verbal attacks, that using words to shame, to blame, to
intimidate others, that is all acting out anger. Now again,
acting out anger is all unhealthy ways of expressing and
this is being aware of perhaps how you deal with anger.
(21:43):
And the more aware you are, then the more you
take your power back. This is about you taking your
power back, so then you can learn what you need
to do to turn it around and take your power
back to bring it down and control yourself and be
responsive instead of reacting. Okay, So physical aggression, physical aggression, hitting, throwing,
(22:09):
throwing objects, slamming doors, expressing anger through violence. Now obviously
you know that's really unhealthy. And now if you are
on okay, so I am supporting you to become aware
if this is you now, if you are in a
relationship or this is happening to you, this is also
(22:34):
a sign that you need to find ways to make
yourself safe, to take care of yourself so that you
can then feel more emotionally safe. And it's really when
I say emotionally safe, what I mean is is, first
(22:55):
of all, if there's physical violence, you want to be
physically safe. If there's emotional violence like screaming, yelling, verbal attacks,
you need to take steps of what's going to help
you to feel okay, to feel safe, to feel like
(23:16):
you're gonna be able to take care of yourself, like
situations of domestic violence. That is something that's really important
for you to support yourself and taking care of yourself.
And so I want to support you in figuring out. Now,
if you have relationships, then you may want to look
(23:38):
at for you getting help. And I'll give you the
example of Jenny and Jimmy. Remember Jenny and Jimmy were
they were able to I mean, Jimmy would be explosive,
he was unhealthy. He would be raging at her, and
she would go into the reaction of shutting down and freezing.
(24:00):
She would go into a frozen she couldn't respond, and
that had to do with her past and his past.
And so they got themselves into counseling. And once they
got themselves into counseling, they were able to start turning
around the unhealthy behaviors because both of them were reacting, reacting,
(24:21):
and they were able to turn around the unhealthy behaviors
and start communicating and have healthier behavior. Anastasia says, why
did he rage at her? So what happened with Jimmy
was Jimmy grew up in a family where his father
(24:45):
was a rager and his mother was a controller manipulator,
and so were what happened I'll answer that in a second.
Sty What happened was that when Jenny would do things
(25:05):
like what happened was Jenny would trigger Jimmy's mother, like
she would say something or and she would do it unconsciously.
Because what happens is when two people are really close
to each other, and this could be in a romantic relationship,
it could be in a friendship, it could be parent child.
(25:26):
When two people are close to each other, they can
trigger each other's button. Could be bosses, coworkers, business associates.
They can trigger each other's button. And when that happened,
when you get triggered, you can go into the rage.
And so so Jenny would sometimes do it consciously. She would,
(25:50):
you know, a lot of it was unconscious where she
wasn't even aware she was poaking him, and or sometimes
it was innocent, she wasn't doing anything. But she lived
her life like she had to walk on eggshells because
she never knew when he was going to blow up.
It wasn't a safe environment. Jimmy would end up feeling
ashamed of bumping into the rage and Jenny would be
(26:13):
like shut down, low self esteem. Well, they both had
low self esteem because that's what happened in unhealthy relationships
where there's anger acted out. Yes, Misty, they were able
to work things out. And what I really want to
support you in knowing is that it is possible. Jimmy
(26:34):
learned anger management techniques, and so when I talked to
all of you about counting to ten or doing breathing exercises,
or doing your belly breadths, or learning how to a
ground and a line, that emotional regulation techniques, that's all
part of what happens so that you can then be
(26:59):
able to respond in a healthy way. And yes, Jimmy's
each one of them took responsibility for their behavior and
that's what needs to happen. So Jimmy took responsibility for
his anger and started learning anger management men techniques, and
(27:20):
Jenny started learning because what she was doing was acting
out anger in a different way. Okay, so she would
be angry. It's called passive aggressive. Now, passive aggressive behaviors
are also acting out anger behaviors. So what's a passive
(27:40):
act aggressive behavior. It's sarcasm, giving the silent treatment, indirect jabs,
So what she was doing was she was doing and
also manipulation control like there's indirect jabs are all part
(28:02):
of passive aggressive behavior forgetting things. So yes, she had
to take responsibility for those behaviors and also her shutting down.
She had to work through her response because what was
happening for Jenny was Jenny her father was a rageous
(28:25):
so Jenny would be triggering her father, and so she
learned she needed to heal herself, and both of them did.
When I work with couples, they would do counseling individually
and counseling together so that they're both working on themselves
(28:45):
and the relationship. And yes, they were able to heal
and they're still together. So so another way anger gets
I would say acting in in now, acting in is
when you take it inward. And one of the things
that happens is you suppress it, you shut it down,
(29:09):
you suppress it, you deny it. But what happens is
it's going to come out some way. So a lot
of times depression depression is anger turned inward. There are
other emotions, and there may be other emotions with depression,
but a lot of times there's suppressed anger. And another
(29:31):
way that what happens. Acting in behaviors are like self
harm behaviors or destructive behaviors, addictive behaviors like overeating, drinking, gambling,
all of those self sabotage, even accident prone bumping into furniture,
(29:54):
not being conscious, not being aware. But a lot of
times that's because there's anger that's insupported or den so
that is an acting in behavior and what happens. And
all of these are unhealthy behaviors. Okay, Now, if somebody
is revenge seeking, that is unhealthy behavior. Revenge seeking, if
(30:18):
you're trying to get revenge there, that is definitely unhealthy
and often unethical behavior, immoral or you know. So, So
what I am really here to support all of you
in doing is again understanding what's underneath the angle, what
is the anger, trying to teach you what are the
(30:40):
feelings underneath, and then being able to deal with it
and take and work it out through, work it through.
Now sometimes you may need a counselor or a coach
to help you do that. So and or a group.
I mean there's anger management groups. So all of that
(31:01):
is possible. And another way is acting out anger is
blaming others without taking any responsibility. Now, remember I said
Jenny and Jimmy took responsibility for their behaviors and what
they were doing in the relationship, and that's really important.
It's learning to take responsibility for your behaviors, So I
(31:24):
really want to support you in doing that. And like
I said, controlling and manipulating behavior like controlling examples of
controlling and manipulative behavior, and that was also happening in
the relationship with Jenny and Jimmy. The guilt. If someone
is trying to guilt you, they are manipulating, they are
(31:45):
being manipulative. That is not okay, not okay. If someone's
threatening you, coersion and or trying to overpower you, express
and try to use their power over that's all acting
out behavior, not healthy, not appropriate. And then the other
(32:07):
thing is acting out is also withdrawal. I mean I've
had clients where they have had parents that used to
do the silent treatment for days, months, years, some of
them when they were kids, grow teenagers, and some even adults.
So all of that is acting out anger and it's
(32:28):
harmful and it hurts. It's what you don't want to
be doing or avoiding. With drawing, taking love away, taking
things away, using things. Now, there's healthy ways of doing it,
like with kids discipline, you want to use certain things,
(32:49):
there's a balance there. But if you're doing something to
be manipulative, and again this is about learning to be
aware and to start wondering, questioning when doing unquestioning, what
are your intentions? What is your an agenda, what are
your motives? So and now we're going to get to
(33:10):
healthy behavior, and I can see that there is more
to talk about with anger, So excuse me. First of all,
I want to before we go on to healthy behaviors,
I want to support you in knowing that I am
doing a masterclass next Thursday night, July twenty fourth, women Coaches, therapists, nurses,
(33:38):
holistic professional Three keys to become irresistible to your ideal client.
And during the master class, we're going to be talking
about the energy of attraction. We're going to be helping
you to clarify and claim your ideal client, and then
how to create the message magnetic messaging so that you're
(34:03):
attracting the people that you want to your soul aligned clients.
So next Thursday at seven pm Eastern, July twenty fourth,
seven pm Eastern and Rebel put in the link. It's
Inspired and Empowered Living dot Com Forward Slash Masterclass m
(34:29):
A S t R. The L A S S So
it's the name of the show, Inspired and Empowered Living
dot Com Forward Slash masterclass, and I invite you to
join us. It's a free virtual masterclass, so I look
forward to seeing you there. So let's talk healthy behavior. Okay,
(34:56):
So what's a healthy behavior? So when you are responding,
So it's learning to notice that you're reacting and then
learning to respond in healthy ways. So when you are
able to say and name the emotion clearly, I am
(35:19):
feeling annoying, or I am feeling angry, or right now
I am so angry, I'm enraged. Then if you know
you're enraged, the first thing you do before you do
anything is take a dime out. You want to take
a dimeoup and you want to be able to calm
(35:39):
yourself down before you interact with the person, the situation,
the experience, and perhaps anybody, because sometimes it ain't so
pretty when you're in a rage or you're really angry
or you're really upset, and it's okay. Now, I really
want to make this clear, it's okay to be angry. Well,
(36:01):
the anger is part of being human. In fact, again
and maybe I need to go over this again, is
anger is a tool. Anger is a tool for you
to become aware that there's something else going on. So
It's a powerful emotion and it can be really important
(36:23):
and really helpful, So you want to name it, speak it.
You may need to take a time out now, if
you're in a party or a social situation, you notice
you're getting angry or a noight or whatever, and you
need to like take a time out, go to the bathroom,
excuse yourself, or go outside. And so that's what you
(36:47):
are going to want to do. So you want to
go to the bathroom, go outside, take a time out,
anything that's going to support you in being healthy. You
want to channel the anger in to action now if
you want, Like some of the healthy ways that I
talked about is being able to use your breath, being
(37:09):
able to take a walk outside, being able to run
or exercise your way through moving your body through the anger,
breathing through it so that you're letting it out in
healthy ways so you're not hurting yourself, someone else, or
the environment. And when I say the environment, what I
mean is you're not being destructive to property or someone
(37:31):
else's property. Really important. Then you want to you may
want to channel your anger to creative pursuits, being able
to draw or write or do something creative, allowing yourself
to create is an amazing channel for expressing anger in
(37:52):
a healthy way. Some of the best artists have channeled
their emotions, not just anger, but they channel their emotions
into their art and it moves us. So think about
how can you use creative ways to channel your anger
in a healthy way. You may need support, You may
(38:12):
need to seek therapy or group or coaching to work
through it, or anger management classes, all of those are possible.
And learning how to practice awareness, and that's what I'm
talking about, is learning to be aware because it's in
that awareness then you can take action and make a decision,
(38:36):
a conscious decision on what you choose to do, even
getting yourself even becoming aware I'm angry or I'm reacting
like you're at a party or a social situation. I
need to take a time out, I need to go
to the bathroom, I need to breathe, I need to
go outside, get some man. That is you making a
(38:58):
very conscious decision to take care of yourself so that
you are then able to then just discover what action
empowered action, And you want to do breathing exercises, grounding,
breath work, Yeah, everybody breathe, So those are healthy ways.
(39:21):
Now I talked about expressing. Obviously, I'm not going to
get to healthy expression of how to communicate once you've
become clear, like how did Jenny and Jimmy turn their
relationship around into healthy communication? Stop. We're going to be
talking about that more next week. Next week, and I
(39:44):
will also answer. I will bring through some steps how
with emotions and women versus men and what the difference is,
what the studies are. I'm actually curious myself, so we
will find out so state and you will see. Okay,
(40:04):
So I want to remind you, and Jill says, thank you.
I want to remind you. We are live Thursdays at
five pm Eastern and you can join the chat when
you come live. So I love love my people who
ask the questions and comment. I'm very grateful to all
(40:24):
of you, So thank you, and you can be part
of that too. So you can come live Thursdays at
five pm Eastern on Talk for TV, my YouTube channel, Facebook,
and w W four WN dot com. Now we are
also on the podcast, so you may be listening to
(40:47):
the podcast. You can listen to the podcast on iHeartRadio, Spot,
fy Pandora, Apple, Amazon, and many more. And I want
to thank you. Anastasia says, we enjoy being here. I'm
so grateful to you because I enjoyed that you're enjoying
(41:09):
it and that you're here. And I am grateful to
all of you, and so I wish you all and
inspired and empowered day or night, and an inspired and
empowered week. Have a great one, everybody, Bye for now.
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