July 24, 2025 • 41 mins
Anger isn’t something to fear or suppress, it’s a powerful signal that, when understood and handled consciously, can lead to deeper healing, stronger boundaries, and more authentic relationships.
In this episode of Inspired & Empowered Living for a Thriving Business & Life, discover how to navigate both your own anger and others’ with confidence, clarity, and compassion.
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
In this episode of Inspired & Empowered Living for a Thriving Business & Life, discover how to navigate both your own anger and others’ with confidence, clarity, and compassion.
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guest should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcast We All Live There's at five
pm Eastern for TV dot com, W four WN dot
com and my YouTube channel. And today we continue to
(01:13):
talk about empowered ways to deal with your anger, yours
and others' anger. And anger isn't something to fear or suppress.
It's a powerful signal that, when understood and handled consciously,
can lead to deeper healing, stronger boundy boundaries, and authentic relationships.
(01:39):
And we are in part four and so today in
today's episode, we're going to cover more continue to talk
about grounding tools to stay calm when motions run high,
especially when it's anger, empowered communications strategies to de escalate conflict,
(02:04):
and how to use your intuition to guide yourself through
and navigate emotions and relationships. And I am your host,
Nancy Deutsch, licensed Clinical social worker, certified hypnotherapist, and intuitive
business expert. I combine my counseling, coaching and intuitive abilities
(02:29):
to transform your life. And this show is not a
replacement for therapy or counseling. It is for educational purposes only.
So together, let's create a life you love well. So,
continuing to talk about anger over the last few episodes,
(02:52):
what we've been talking about is how to deal with anger,
the different ways that anger can show up, whether you're
acting it out or acting it in, and healthy ways
of being angry and dealing with your anger and unhealthy ways.
And what's most important when you're when we're talking about
(03:16):
communication and being able to communicate in a healthy, effective
way where you're not hurting yourself, someone else, or the environment.
You want to be able to take steps and we
are going to talk more about what those steps. So
(03:39):
stay tuned for more on things to do. And Misty says,
sometimes some have a hard time letting go of anger,
and that is really really true, Misty. Sometimes people have
a very hard time of letting go of anger, and
that's usually because what happens is is that they haven't
(04:04):
processed the anger. So if you're someone who has a
hard time letting go of your anger. The first thing
is is you want to understand what is your anger,
what is going on for you? What are the messages
that anger is teaching you? And I will tell you
(04:27):
that the more intense your anger, the more it's coming
from your past. When you have anger and it's kind
of like, oh, you're feeling a little annoyed or you
are a little upset at somebody, and I see Nicky's question
came in, and I will be answering and getting to
(04:49):
Charles's from last week. So if you're a little annoyed
and it's kind of like, well, you know, I'm feeling
a little annoyed or I'm a little angry, then it's
probably present in anger. But if you're feeling really, really
angry and you're feeling that energy and you're having a
really hard time letting it go, more than likely that
(05:12):
anger is coming from your past and past situations. So
I am actually going to do my psych one oh
one so that we're all on the same page. If
you're joining us, perhaps for the first time, welcome and
welcome to all my regulars. I so appreciate all of you.
(05:34):
So your conscious mind is the part that is tuning
in whether you're tuning in live or you're tuning into
at a later time, Thank you conscious mind of yours.
It empowers you to make decisions. Your subconscious mind is
the part of you from present time, from the moment
(05:58):
you were conceived to present time that is recorded every
moment that you have been a lot. So if you're
reacting and you're really feeling really angry, well then what's
happening is that it's coming from your subconscious mind. And
(06:19):
your journey is to understand and to ask yourself what
is being triggered and what am I learning from this,
and how can I transform this? So what can I
do to let this go? And we're going to talk
more about that also to continue so that you can
(06:42):
have that empowered communication. So stay tuned. And then of
course there's your super conscious mind, which is the part
of you that is the higher aspects of self, your
higher self, the wise, unconditionally loving part of you, and
your soul, the core energy essence of who you are,
(07:06):
and that's the universe and God and higher power and
your angels and guides. All of that create is part
of the super conscious mind. And so your conscious mind
and your super conscious mind works together with that empowered communication,
but it's you making that empowered decision saying I am
(07:31):
choosing to find a way to let the anger go
so that I can communicate this anger, my anger, in healthy,
effective ways where I'm not alienating or dumping or blaming
(07:52):
someone else. So again we'll continue very shortly, and I
see Anastasia says, hi, Hi, Anastasia, and Nikki has a
Nicky says anger is easy to get, yet hard to
move on from. I like that, Nikki. Yes, it's easy
(08:13):
to get anger, angry, and especially when that anger is
being triggered from your past. And if you are someone
who gets triggered easily, you get emotionally reactive. Then you
need to look at your past and how to heal
(08:34):
or get present to what's going on beneath the surface
because your anger, your anger is bringing you messages, messages that,
when you learn how to interpret it, are transformative. And everyone.
(08:55):
So everyone gets angry, all right, every single person. If
you're a human being, you're going to get angry. And
so that includes all of us on the planet and
even the Dalai Lama. I remember hearing this story, and
it's actually a great visualization. So even the Dalai Lama,
(09:17):
this amazing spiritual mentor teacher who studied how to work
and calm his mind and go deeper into that, and
he would talk about anger that anger are like the
waves on the ocean, and when they're when you're really angry,
(09:40):
it's rough ways, rough ro ro roughways. But when you
are when underneath, underneath the bottom of the ocean is
quiet and still, and that's your super conscious mind. And
that's your super conscious mind in the stillness and in
(10:02):
the quietness, and it's learning to clear the anger so
that you can get back to that quiet still place,
because it's in the quiet still place that all your
answers come, all your intuitive comes. I think I was
sharing a story last week where I had gotten so triggered,
(10:25):
and you know what, I was still feeling triggered when
I did the show last week, but you know what,
I got really clear, and I know that it came
from the higher aspects of myself. I got really clear
what I needed to do, and once I got the decision.
And this often happens when you get the decision of
(10:47):
what you need to do, because sometimes it's about communicating
and sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's about you learning your
lesson and what you need to learn from the experience.
And I got really clear what I needed to do
and how I needed to do it, and then I
can find out And I also got in touch with
(11:11):
what it was triggering for me, because the bottom line
is is I got triggered and it was triggering something old,
just like what I'm telling you is what happened for me.
So I really want to support all of you in
remembering that it can be done. And it is a process. Okay,
(11:31):
it's a process, and it's learning to work through, learning
to move through it, learning to be able step by
step to unpack the anger so that you can communicate
it in a healthy, appropriate way so that you're not
hurting someone else, the environment, or yourself, and learning how
(11:55):
to communicate in those healthy ways. And we're going to
go more into that. Says it's not easy to find
it's not easy to find that calm place in the
heat of anger. Well, actually it's true. When you're in
the heat of anger, sometimes the best thing that you
(12:16):
can do. First of all, I really want to encourage
all of you. If you're in the heat of anger,
you do not want to communicate, If you know that
you are going to blame, shame, dump you the other
person you did this, or you're so stupid, or you're
(12:37):
such a jerk. If you're doing any of that, you
need to take a time And so if you're in
the heat of anger, then you need to take a
time out to calm yourself down. And I also support
you in processing and understanding more of what needs to happen.
(12:58):
Like I knew that if I had communicated last week
what was occurring for me, it would not have been
a pretty sight. It wouldn't have I would have acted out.
And that's why I've learned to take my time to
process the anger so that I can be appropriate in
(13:20):
my communications. And that's what I did and that's what
I encourage all of you to do. So so let's
first of all, I just want to also get to Charles.
Charles last week was talking about he asked about do
you find women a more emotional emotional reactive than men?
(13:44):
And what I said was that there's a lot of stereotypes.
And I said I would come back with the research
and I did. So I want to share because they're
very interesting findings for both women and men that I
(14:05):
want to share with all of you to go along
with that. So there was a study done from the
American Psychological Association in twenty twenty and it's said that
women are more likely to express emotions openly, and they're
(14:27):
able to generally express emotions like joy sadness, fear, and
love more frequently and intensely than men. In contrast, men
are often socialized to suppressed vulnerable emotions, so they keep
(14:50):
it under wraps except for the emotion of anger. And
I think I might have even said that last week,
which is culture more accepted. So that's one study. Then
there was another one where there was another study by
Thompson and Voyer and it said women outperform men in
(15:14):
recognizing nonverbal emotional cues like facial expressions, tone of voice
across all ages, and women scored higher ten percent higher
than men in emotional perception tasks. Now, then let's talk
(15:34):
cultural conditioning, because the bottom line is cultural conditionally. Cultural
conditionally is going to affect your emotional behavior. So, according
to a Yale study, societal expectations play a strong role.
(15:58):
Girls are encouraged to express emotions, whereas boys are encouraged
to tough enough. Now, this is actually from twenty nineteen,
So it's not that long ago, and so cultural standards
may have changed somewhat, but they're still definitely affecting how
(16:21):
we treat girls and boys. And it's said that women
are three times more likely to be labeled too emotional
in professional settings. And I remember I said that women
have gotten a bad rap, And that's part of what
it is, and what happens is when in emotion in
(16:43):
professional settings, and when women are labeled too emotional, it
can contribute to self doubt or suppression of intuitive insight,
because I'm always talking about intuitive insight comes when you've
calmed your emotional emotions down and you're quiet. Now, what's
(17:05):
really interesting is that the Harvard research said from twenty
fifteen that both men and women feel emotions equally deeply
at a physiological level like heart rate, brain activity. Men
are less likely to acknowledge or verbalize the experience, whereas
(17:29):
women are more likely to seek connection or support when
emotionally distressed. And then emotional intelligence Daniel Goleman's work on EQ,
and we did some shows about EQ, emotional quotion, emotional intelligence,
(17:51):
a few about a month or so ago. So if
you are interested finding out more about emotional intelligence. Definitely
go back to those shows. So women generally score higher
in empathy, into personal relationships, and emotional self awareness, all
(18:13):
key aspects of emotional intelligence. However, men may score higher
in emotional self regulation, particularly in high stakes or business environments,
so men can be better at emotionally regulating themselves, whereas
(18:36):
women have other aspects of emotional intelligence like the empathy
or the personal relationships, et cetera. So all of that
are the stats. And I want to get back to
what those what those were because I thought it, I
(18:57):
said I'd bring them back and I did, and they're
really they're actually really interesting. So Charles says, looking forward
to hearing this, and Anasazia says, it seems women read
things better than men. Yes, and it is true. Women
tend to read emotional cues better than men. And that
(19:21):
is because women are trained. Okay, women are trained in
relationships from when they were young. And I'm going to
share something with you that was taught to me and
it was actually talked about in the book Men Are
from Mars, Women Are from Venus, and it's a book
years and years ago by John Gray. But I was
(19:43):
also taught this by a mentor. Back in caveman days,
men were socialized to go out on the hunt, to
go out to earn the bread and butter, or at
that point it's go kill, go kill the hunt, or gather.
Actually the gathering I think was done by women while
(20:07):
the women stayed home to nurture, to connect with each
other and nurture and take care of the kids. And
they would do that as a community. And so women
from caveman days are trained in relationships whereas men have
not been. And so now this is where the things
(20:30):
need to catch up. Is men need to get better
at learning the cues and women can need to maybe improve.
And again this is generally all right, I really want
to say, this is a general thing. There are some
women who are great at emotional regulation and some who
(20:52):
are not. And there are some men who are able
to really read the cues and who are not. So
it's about knowing where you're at and what you need,
because I will tell you in empowered communication, you want
to read cues. You want to learn to be able
(21:16):
to read the cues so that you can communicate in
a empowered, effective way, healthy way. And Charles says, appreciated.
Thank you, Charles, Okay, I'm glad. So, I mean, I
thought it was really interesting too, what the what the
research was. So I hope you all enjoyed it, and
(21:38):
if you have any other questions about it, let me know. So,
so let's let's talk before you go into that empowered
communication and before I start talking about that you want.
And one of the other questions was when you're in
that heated moment and you're angry, and you're in the
(22:00):
heated moment, sometimes it could be hard. And like I
said before, you do not want to communicate when you're
in the heat of the moment because things can escalate
because if both of you, and I've heard and witnessed
many power struggles, if both of you end up triggering
(22:22):
each other and then you're both angry and both heat
it up, it can escalate and it's not a pretty
sight and it can really hurt a relationship. Those screaming
and yelling matches hurt and hurt relationships and often do.
It's not healthy for the people that are screaming and
(22:45):
yelling at each other, and it's not healthy for the
people watching, like it could be the kids. Like I
have had clients where they have been so traumatized by
their parents acting out and screaming and yelling in some
cases the physical abuse that happened. So that can be
(23:08):
a trauma in a child. So it's for your sake,
and if you have children, and here's the thing, in
all relationships, so it's not just spouses and partnerships, romantic
partnerships we're talking about relationships could be clearly close friends
(23:31):
and the people close to you they can trigger you
really well. Could be children. It could be adult children
or even little children, your growing up kids could be
triggering you. So really important to learn how to manage
your anger. And so some of the ways that we've
(23:52):
been talking about managing your anger are breathing. Breathing, I
do the belly bres where you and I like to
put the hand on the belly so that you when
you breathe in, your belly goes out. When you breathe out,
your belly goes in. And it's noticing that. Noticing that,
(24:16):
and another technique that I talked about, because breathing is
a huge way to regulate your nervous system. Because what
happens when you get triggered by anger or other emotion,
your nervous system you're in that stress reaction, the fight
(24:38):
flight or freeze response, and excuse me, the more that
you can learn how to breathe and manage your emotions,
especially the anger, the better off you will be. And
learning to practice. So, let's say, even when you're not
(24:59):
in a relationship shit, or you're talking to somebody or connecting,
whether it's at work or at home, it's really important
for you to learn to practice the emotional management skills,
the emotional regulation skills, so that you can so that
(25:21):
when you need them, you don't have to act on them.
And so it's really important to learn that and to
practice another breathing technique. Let me get is is it's
let's see where is it? It's the four seven Here it
(25:44):
is four seven eight. I have notes all over the
place so that I can support all of you. Okay,
So it's the four seven eight technique and the four
seven eight technique. It's a simple but profound breathing pattern
that actually calms your nervous system in under a minute.
(26:05):
That's how powerful it is. So I highly recommend to
practice this even when you're not angry, because or if
you're in fear or anxiety. Practice this, practice this, so
this becomes this becomes a tool that you can use
any time you want. So you want to inhale for
(26:28):
four seconds, So you're going to inhale for four seconds,
and then you're going to hold for seven seconds. So
you hold your breath for seven seconds, and then on
the exhale, you count to eight and you let go.
And so this could be a really a really effective
(26:52):
tool for you to use. Now, other tools that I've
talked about are the tools like exercising moving the anger
through your body. Besides the breath, you want to exercise
it out, move it, walk it, run it out, go
to the gym, then push it out. Share like just
(27:15):
definitely do the treadmill, whatever you need to clear the energy.
And then another tool there's the journaling, there's art. We
talked about all of those in previous shows. So before
you do any empowered communication, you want to arm yourself
(27:39):
down and work on it. And then you want to
understand what was getting triggered. So was and again if
it was an intense emotional reaction, then it's your asking
yourself is what is what is being triggered? What am
I really upset about? What unmet needs are not being heard.
(28:06):
Maybe you don't feel heard, maybe you don't feel seen,
maybe you don't feel respected, maybe you feel betrayed, maybe
you didn't set your boundaries and then feel violated. So
there's your piece and there's their piece. When you're in
a relationship, whatever kind of relationship it is. Now, if
(28:30):
you're in a more intimate relationship and you want to
share more that would be appropriate. Obviously in a work situation,
you're going to need to do it in a very
different way where you're not sharing your deepest, most inner
thoughts because that's not appropriate and you really don't really
(28:51):
want your boss or coworker or client or whatever to
be knowing what's going on up. So it's really important
to do your work and process and understand what are
your needs, what are your wants, because when you have
(29:12):
empowered communication, you want to be able to express those
wants and needs in healthy, appropriate ways. So we're going
to go deeper into that very shortly before we go
to that. Yes, Misty says they could use it against
(29:34):
you exactly, And here's the thing. Not only so it's
also important that you're expressing to people that you believe
or you feel you can trust because if you know
somebody is going to take that and control and manipulate you,
and you need to not communicate in deep, heavy ways.
(29:55):
But if you're looking to increase your relationship and gain
more intimacy, then it's really going to be important to
have that healthy communication. So I'm going to talk more
about that very shortly, but first I want to share
with you very excited for my masterclass that's happening tonight Thursday,
(30:17):
July twenty fourth for women coaches, therapists, nurses, and holistic professionals.
Three keys to become irresistible to your ideal client. And
during the masterclass, we're going to talk about the energy
of attraction. We're going to help you clarify and claim
your client and understand magnetic messaging. So you don't want
(30:43):
to miss this masterclass. So you definitely want to come
and join us and rebel put the master class in
its Inspired and Empowered Living dot Com the name of
the TV show and podcasts Inspired and Empowered Living dot
(31:07):
Com Forward Slash Masterclass and a S T E R
C LA S S. So definitely I look forward to
seeing you there. Okay, so back to empowered Communication now,
like I said, you want to be clear on what
(31:29):
your wants and needs are. So when you communicate, and
this is a technique coming from coming from nonviolent communication,
it's about learning to communicate, and this is really important.
It's learning to communicate what you were feeling. That's white's
(31:53):
really important to get what you're feeling now sometimes and
it's really important to understand what's underneath the anger, because
sometimes anger can be a cover up for other feelings
like grief or sadness or hurt or you didn't set
your boundaries and then you felt really hurt because they
(32:14):
didn't hurt you, or they or they You felt ignored, dismissed, disrespected.
So it's going to be important to work on understanding.
I felt hurt when you ended up ignoring me. I
sent you a text, I sent you an email, I
(32:36):
called you, and I never heard that from you. What happened?
I felt really hurt. I felt ignored or actually, you
don't want to say I felt ignored. You want to
understand what did feeling ignored bring up for you? And
probably it felt I felt really hurt. I felt hurt
(32:58):
that you weren't that you'd respond to me, and what
I really need is what I really need is that
if I'm texting you, calling you, or emailing, let me
know if you're not available, or if you're busy, or
(33:18):
if you're away, or give me your heads up, just
so that we so that we're clear that okay, right now,
it's not a good time. And then in healthy communication,
you want to make sure that you schedule a time
where you're both available, where you're both able to communicate
(33:40):
in that healthy way and be really present. Now, if
you're agitated or angry or upset, that's one of the
reasons why you have to calm yourself down. It's really
important to calm yourself down because when you're in that state,
you will not be able to be present and to
have that empowered can communication. You really want to be
(34:02):
able to be present and grounded and centered so that
you're speaking and more likely to be heard. And then
so it's when either the behavior I'll get to your
question a second anesatia, it's you want to match, like
(34:23):
you want to either start with the behavior behavior Now,
it's really important that you don't you people, because if
you start youing, oh, you're such you were so stupid
when you did that you do not want to do
anything like that because that's going to put somebody on
the defensive. And you can even ask yourself if I
was communicating and I heard you are so stupid when
(34:49):
you did that, would I go on the defens and
and more than likely you will know when you would
put somebody on the defensive. So it's and you may
need to wrote play and practice with someone that you
can practice with. There are many times I'll practice with
the client before they they speak to another person, and
(35:11):
so that's really important. And so I felt that the
behavior what I need is or the behavior I felt
when when you didn't answer me back, I felt so hurt.
What I really need is just let me know if
(35:33):
you're not available, give me a text, or even shoot
me an email or some way, if there's any way
that you can communicate to let me know that you
won't be available, that you're not available. So that we
had that communication. So that's an example of how to
communicate more effectively in a healthy way. And Anastasia says
(35:57):
an ask, Okay, so what if it's hard to match schedules?
So if it's hard to match your schedule, if you
really want to have a better relationship. And if you
really want the relationship to become more intimate and to grow,
(36:18):
then it's going to be really important to find time
together to not only communicate, but to have fun, to
enjoy each other, because that's also part of any relationship,
whether it's a partnership or a friendship or apparent on
child relationship. So if you're having a hard time matching schedules,
(36:42):
I really want to support you in seeing if there's
a way that there's some give and take that perhaps
you can find somewhere in the middle. And I really
want to support you in being able to find the
time that will work for both of you. And even
(37:04):
though you might both have really busy schedules, schedule the
time because if you don't, and I know this in
my own life, if I don't put it in my schedule,
whatever it is, it doesn't happen. It just doesn't happen.
So I really want to encourage you to sit down
(37:24):
or call or text sometimes. I will tell you those
of you who are texts, I will first of all,
do not do not communicate anger and other intense emotions
by text or email because they can often get misinterpreted.
And so that's why it's important to have a physical conversation. Now,
(37:50):
if you're having in trouble finding a time sometimes making
that telephone call and figuring out that time where you
both will be available is really important. So that's what
I encourage you to do. And really it's about having
each one, each person be present for the other person
(38:13):
so that there's a give and take and that each
of you are feeling heard. Now, sometimes you may have
been triggered but the other person wasn't. Then you know,
then you're the one communicating, and you may want to
see what they say and hopefully they'll hear you. The
more you come from that place of calmness, the more
(38:37):
likely you're going to be heard. If you come from
reaction and you come intensely, you're most likely that other
person will go on the defensive. Now, if someone else
is getting angry, you do not want to communicate with
them either. You need to let them be in their
(38:59):
process or down before you to communicate. That's you taking
care of yourself really important, and you take a time.
If that person is not removing themselves on the situation,
you leave to take care of yourself, whether it's if
it's on the phone, you hang up. If it's text,
(39:20):
you stop, if it's in person, take a walk, get away,
take a drive. You take care of yourself to keep
yourself emotionally. So that's kind of empowered communication in a nutshell,
And to be continued next week, we are going to
(39:42):
have more inspired and empowered living. We'll be talking about
coming back to peace, you know, in this world, in
this uncertain world, and in the face of a certainty,
you can get really agitated, really scared, and so we're
good to talk about ways to calm yourself down in
(40:06):
the uncertainty, to find how you can tap into that place.
So stay tuned next week, but more inspired and empowered living.
And we are live Thursdays f five pm Eastern on
talkfo TV dot com, W four WN dot com, my
(40:30):
YouTube channel, and you can find the podcast on iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora, Apple,
and many more. And I really want to wish you
an inspired and empowered day or night, and an inspired
and empowered week. Have a great one. Everybody by for
(40:53):
now assists esti Stastic Steps
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guest should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcast We All Live There's at five
pm Eastern for TV dot com, W four WN dot
com and my YouTube channel. And today we continue to
(01:13):
talk about empowered ways to deal with your anger, yours
and others' anger. And anger isn't something to fear or suppress.
It's a powerful signal that, when understood and handled consciously,
can lead to deeper healing, stronger boundy boundaries, and authentic relationships.
(01:39):
And we are in part four and so today in
today's episode, we're going to cover more continue to talk
about grounding tools to stay calm when motions run high,
especially when it's anger, empowered communications strategies to de escalate conflict,
(02:04):
and how to use your intuition to guide yourself through
and navigate emotions and relationships. And I am your host,
Nancy Deutsch, licensed Clinical social worker, certified hypnotherapist, and intuitive
business expert. I combine my counseling, coaching and intuitive abilities
(02:29):
to transform your life. And this show is not a
replacement for therapy or counseling. It is for educational purposes only.
So together, let's create a life you love well. So,
continuing to talk about anger over the last few episodes,
(02:52):
what we've been talking about is how to deal with anger,
the different ways that anger can show up, whether you're
acting it out or acting it in, and healthy ways
of being angry and dealing with your anger and unhealthy ways.
And what's most important when you're when we're talking about
(03:16):
communication and being able to communicate in a healthy, effective
way where you're not hurting yourself, someone else, or the environment.
You want to be able to take steps and we
are going to talk more about what those steps. So
(03:39):
stay tuned for more on things to do. And Misty says,
sometimes some have a hard time letting go of anger,
and that is really really true, Misty. Sometimes people have
a very hard time of letting go of anger, and
that's usually because what happens is is that they haven't
(04:04):
processed the anger. So if you're someone who has a
hard time letting go of your anger. The first thing
is is you want to understand what is your anger,
what is going on for you? What are the messages
that anger is teaching you? And I will tell you
(04:27):
that the more intense your anger, the more it's coming
from your past. When you have anger and it's kind
of like, oh, you're feeling a little annoyed or you
are a little upset at somebody, and I see Nicky's question
came in, and I will be answering and getting to
(04:49):
Charles's from last week. So if you're a little annoyed
and it's kind of like, well, you know, I'm feeling
a little annoyed or I'm a little angry, then it's
probably present in anger. But if you're feeling really, really
angry and you're feeling that energy and you're having a
really hard time letting it go, more than likely that
(05:12):
anger is coming from your past and past situations. So
I am actually going to do my psych one oh
one so that we're all on the same page. If
you're joining us, perhaps for the first time, welcome and
welcome to all my regulars. I so appreciate all of you.
(05:34):
So your conscious mind is the part that is tuning
in whether you're tuning in live or you're tuning into
at a later time, Thank you conscious mind of yours.
It empowers you to make decisions. Your subconscious mind is
the part of you from present time, from the moment
(05:58):
you were conceived to present time that is recorded every
moment that you have been a lot. So if you're
reacting and you're really feeling really angry, well then what's
happening is that it's coming from your subconscious mind. And
(06:19):
your journey is to understand and to ask yourself what
is being triggered and what am I learning from this,
and how can I transform this? So what can I
do to let this go? And we're going to talk
more about that also to continue so that you can
(06:42):
have that empowered communication. So stay tuned. And then of
course there's your super conscious mind, which is the part
of you that is the higher aspects of self, your
higher self, the wise, unconditionally loving part of you, and
your soul, the core energy essence of who you are,
(07:06):
and that's the universe and God and higher power and
your angels and guides. All of that create is part
of the super conscious mind. And so your conscious mind
and your super conscious mind works together with that empowered communication,
but it's you making that empowered decision saying I am
(07:31):
choosing to find a way to let the anger go
so that I can communicate this anger, my anger, in healthy,
effective ways where I'm not alienating or dumping or blaming
(07:52):
someone else. So again we'll continue very shortly, and I
see Anastasia says, hi, Hi, Anastasia, and Nikki has a
Nicky says anger is easy to get, yet hard to
move on from. I like that, Nikki. Yes, it's easy
(08:13):
to get anger, angry, and especially when that anger is
being triggered from your past. And if you are someone
who gets triggered easily, you get emotionally reactive. Then you
need to look at your past and how to heal
(08:34):
or get present to what's going on beneath the surface
because your anger, your anger is bringing you messages, messages that,
when you learn how to interpret it, are transformative. And everyone.
(08:55):
So everyone gets angry, all right, every single person. If
you're a human being, you're going to get angry. And
so that includes all of us on the planet and
even the Dalai Lama. I remember hearing this story, and
it's actually a great visualization. So even the Dalai Lama,
(09:17):
this amazing spiritual mentor teacher who studied how to work
and calm his mind and go deeper into that, and
he would talk about anger that anger are like the
waves on the ocean, and when they're when you're really angry,
(09:40):
it's rough ways, rough ro ro roughways. But when you
are when underneath, underneath the bottom of the ocean is
quiet and still, and that's your super conscious mind. And
that's your super conscious mind in the stillness and in
(10:02):
the quietness, and it's learning to clear the anger so
that you can get back to that quiet still place,
because it's in the quiet still place that all your
answers come, all your intuitive comes. I think I was
sharing a story last week where I had gotten so triggered,
(10:25):
and you know what, I was still feeling triggered when
I did the show last week, but you know what,
I got really clear, and I know that it came
from the higher aspects of myself. I got really clear
what I needed to do, and once I got the decision.
And this often happens when you get the decision of
(10:47):
what you need to do, because sometimes it's about communicating
and sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's about you learning your
lesson and what you need to learn from the experience.
And I got really clear what I needed to do
and how I needed to do it, and then I
can find out And I also got in touch with
(11:11):
what it was triggering for me, because the bottom line
is is I got triggered and it was triggering something old,
just like what I'm telling you is what happened for me.
So I really want to support all of you in
remembering that it can be done. And it is a process. Okay,
(11:31):
it's a process, and it's learning to work through, learning
to move through it, learning to be able step by
step to unpack the anger so that you can communicate
it in a healthy, appropriate way so that you're not
hurting someone else, the environment, or yourself, and learning how
(11:55):
to communicate in those healthy ways. And we're going to
go more into that. Says it's not easy to find
it's not easy to find that calm place in the
heat of anger. Well, actually it's true. When you're in
the heat of anger, sometimes the best thing that you
(12:16):
can do. First of all, I really want to encourage
all of you. If you're in the heat of anger,
you do not want to communicate, If you know that
you are going to blame, shame, dump you the other
person you did this, or you're so stupid, or you're
(12:37):
such a jerk. If you're doing any of that, you
need to take a time And so if you're in
the heat of anger, then you need to take a
time out to calm yourself down. And I also support
you in processing and understanding more of what needs to happen.
(12:58):
Like I knew that if I had communicated last week
what was occurring for me, it would not have been
a pretty sight. It wouldn't have I would have acted out.
And that's why I've learned to take my time to
process the anger so that I can be appropriate in
(13:20):
my communications. And that's what I did and that's what
I encourage all of you to do. So so let's
first of all, I just want to also get to Charles.
Charles last week was talking about he asked about do
you find women a more emotional emotional reactive than men?
(13:44):
And what I said was that there's a lot of stereotypes.
And I said I would come back with the research
and I did. So I want to share because they're
very interesting findings for both women and men that I
(14:05):
want to share with all of you to go along
with that. So there was a study done from the
American Psychological Association in twenty twenty and it's said that
women are more likely to express emotions openly, and they're
(14:27):
able to generally express emotions like joy sadness, fear, and
love more frequently and intensely than men. In contrast, men
are often socialized to suppressed vulnerable emotions, so they keep
(14:50):
it under wraps except for the emotion of anger. And
I think I might have even said that last week,
which is culture more accepted. So that's one study. Then
there was another one where there was another study by
Thompson and Voyer and it said women outperform men in
(15:14):
recognizing nonverbal emotional cues like facial expressions, tone of voice
across all ages, and women scored higher ten percent higher
than men in emotional perception tasks. Now, then let's talk
(15:34):
cultural conditioning, because the bottom line is cultural conditionally. Cultural
conditionally is going to affect your emotional behavior. So, according
to a Yale study, societal expectations play a strong role.
(15:58):
Girls are encouraged to express emotions, whereas boys are encouraged
to tough enough. Now, this is actually from twenty nineteen,
So it's not that long ago, and so cultural standards
may have changed somewhat, but they're still definitely affecting how
(16:21):
we treat girls and boys. And it's said that women
are three times more likely to be labeled too emotional
in professional settings. And I remember I said that women
have gotten a bad rap, And that's part of what
it is, and what happens is when in emotion in
(16:43):
professional settings, and when women are labeled too emotional, it
can contribute to self doubt or suppression of intuitive insight,
because I'm always talking about intuitive insight comes when you've
calmed your emotional emotions down and you're quiet. Now, what's
(17:05):
really interesting is that the Harvard research said from twenty
fifteen that both men and women feel emotions equally deeply
at a physiological level like heart rate, brain activity. Men
are less likely to acknowledge or verbalize the experience, whereas
(17:29):
women are more likely to seek connection or support when
emotionally distressed. And then emotional intelligence Daniel Goleman's work on EQ,
and we did some shows about EQ, emotional quotion, emotional intelligence,
(17:51):
a few about a month or so ago. So if
you are interested finding out more about emotional intelligence. Definitely
go back to those shows. So women generally score higher
in empathy, into personal relationships, and emotional self awareness, all
(18:13):
key aspects of emotional intelligence. However, men may score higher
in emotional self regulation, particularly in high stakes or business environments,
so men can be better at emotionally regulating themselves, whereas
(18:36):
women have other aspects of emotional intelligence like the empathy
or the personal relationships, et cetera. So all of that
are the stats. And I want to get back to
what those what those were because I thought it, I
(18:57):
said I'd bring them back and I did, and they're
really they're actually really interesting. So Charles says, looking forward
to hearing this, and Anasazia says, it seems women read
things better than men. Yes, and it is true. Women
tend to read emotional cues better than men. And that
(19:21):
is because women are trained. Okay, women are trained in
relationships from when they were young. And I'm going to
share something with you that was taught to me and
it was actually talked about in the book Men Are
from Mars, Women Are from Venus, and it's a book
years and years ago by John Gray. But I was
(19:43):
also taught this by a mentor. Back in caveman days,
men were socialized to go out on the hunt, to
go out to earn the bread and butter, or at
that point it's go kill, go kill the hunt, or gather.
Actually the gathering I think was done by women while
(20:07):
the women stayed home to nurture, to connect with each
other and nurture and take care of the kids. And
they would do that as a community. And so women
from caveman days are trained in relationships whereas men have
not been. And so now this is where the things
(20:30):
need to catch up. Is men need to get better
at learning the cues and women can need to maybe improve.
And again this is generally all right, I really want
to say, this is a general thing. There are some
women who are great at emotional regulation and some who
(20:52):
are not. And there are some men who are able
to really read the cues and who are not. So
it's about knowing where you're at and what you need,
because I will tell you in empowered communication, you want
to read cues. You want to learn to be able
(21:16):
to read the cues so that you can communicate in
a empowered, effective way, healthy way. And Charles says, appreciated.
Thank you, Charles, Okay, I'm glad. So, I mean, I
thought it was really interesting too, what the what the
research was. So I hope you all enjoyed it, and
(21:38):
if you have any other questions about it, let me know. So,
so let's let's talk before you go into that empowered
communication and before I start talking about that you want.
And one of the other questions was when you're in
that heated moment and you're angry, and you're in the
(22:00):
heated moment, sometimes it could be hard. And like I
said before, you do not want to communicate when you're
in the heat of the moment because things can escalate
because if both of you, and I've heard and witnessed
many power struggles, if both of you end up triggering
(22:22):
each other and then you're both angry and both heat
it up, it can escalate and it's not a pretty
sight and it can really hurt a relationship. Those screaming
and yelling matches hurt and hurt relationships and often do.
It's not healthy for the people that are screaming and
(22:45):
yelling at each other, and it's not healthy for the
people watching, like it could be the kids. Like I
have had clients where they have been so traumatized by
their parents acting out and screaming and yelling in some
cases the physical abuse that happened. So that can be
(23:08):
a trauma in a child. So it's for your sake,
and if you have children, and here's the thing, in
all relationships, so it's not just spouses and partnerships, romantic
partnerships we're talking about relationships could be clearly close friends
(23:31):
and the people close to you they can trigger you
really well. Could be children. It could be adult children
or even little children, your growing up kids could be
triggering you. So really important to learn how to manage
your anger. And so some of the ways that we've
(23:52):
been talking about managing your anger are breathing. Breathing, I
do the belly bres where you and I like to
put the hand on the belly so that you when
you breathe in, your belly goes out. When you breathe out,
your belly goes in. And it's noticing that. Noticing that,
(24:16):
and another technique that I talked about, because breathing is
a huge way to regulate your nervous system. Because what
happens when you get triggered by anger or other emotion,
your nervous system you're in that stress reaction, the fight
(24:38):
flight or freeze response, and excuse me, the more that
you can learn how to breathe and manage your emotions,
especially the anger, the better off you will be. And
learning to practice. So, let's say, even when you're not
(24:59):
in a relationship shit, or you're talking to somebody or connecting,
whether it's at work or at home, it's really important
for you to learn to practice the emotional management skills,
the emotional regulation skills, so that you can so that
(25:21):
when you need them, you don't have to act on them.
And so it's really important to learn that and to
practice another breathing technique. Let me get is is it's
let's see where is it? It's the four seven Here it
(25:44):
is four seven eight. I have notes all over the
place so that I can support all of you. Okay,
So it's the four seven eight technique and the four
seven eight technique. It's a simple but profound breathing pattern
that actually calms your nervous system in under a minute.
(26:05):
That's how powerful it is. So I highly recommend to
practice this even when you're not angry, because or if
you're in fear or anxiety. Practice this, practice this, so
this becomes this becomes a tool that you can use
any time you want. So you want to inhale for
(26:28):
four seconds, So you're going to inhale for four seconds,
and then you're going to hold for seven seconds. So
you hold your breath for seven seconds, and then on
the exhale, you count to eight and you let go.
And so this could be a really a really effective
(26:52):
tool for you to use. Now, other tools that I've
talked about are the tools like exercising moving the anger
through your body. Besides the breath, you want to exercise
it out, move it, walk it, run it out, go
to the gym, then push it out. Share like just
(27:15):
definitely do the treadmill, whatever you need to clear the energy.
And then another tool there's the journaling, there's art. We
talked about all of those in previous shows. So before
you do any empowered communication, you want to arm yourself
(27:39):
down and work on it. And then you want to
understand what was getting triggered. So was and again if
it was an intense emotional reaction, then it's your asking
yourself is what is what is being triggered? What am
I really upset about? What unmet needs are not being heard.
(28:06):
Maybe you don't feel heard, maybe you don't feel seen,
maybe you don't feel respected, maybe you feel betrayed, maybe
you didn't set your boundaries and then feel violated. So
there's your piece and there's their piece. When you're in
a relationship, whatever kind of relationship it is. Now, if
(28:30):
you're in a more intimate relationship and you want to
share more that would be appropriate. Obviously in a work situation,
you're going to need to do it in a very
different way where you're not sharing your deepest, most inner
thoughts because that's not appropriate and you really don't really
(28:51):
want your boss or coworker or client or whatever to
be knowing what's going on up. So it's really important
to do your work and process and understand what are
your needs, what are your wants, because when you have
(29:12):
empowered communication, you want to be able to express those
wants and needs in healthy, appropriate ways. So we're going
to go deeper into that very shortly before we go
to that. Yes, Misty says they could use it against
(29:34):
you exactly, And here's the thing. Not only so it's
also important that you're expressing to people that you believe
or you feel you can trust because if you know
somebody is going to take that and control and manipulate you,
and you need to not communicate in deep, heavy ways.
(29:55):
But if you're looking to increase your relationship and gain
more intimacy, then it's really going to be important to
have that healthy communication. So I'm going to talk more
about that very shortly, but first I want to share
with you very excited for my masterclass that's happening tonight Thursday,
(30:17):
July twenty fourth for women coaches, therapists, nurses, and holistic professionals.
Three keys to become irresistible to your ideal client. And
during the masterclass, we're going to talk about the energy
of attraction. We're going to help you clarify and claim
your client and understand magnetic messaging. So you don't want
(30:43):
to miss this masterclass. So you definitely want to come
and join us and rebel put the master class in
its Inspired and Empowered Living dot Com the name of
the TV show and podcasts Inspired and Empowered Living dot
(31:07):
Com Forward Slash Masterclass and a S T E R
C LA S S. So definitely I look forward to
seeing you there. Okay, so back to empowered Communication now,
like I said, you want to be clear on what
(31:29):
your wants and needs are. So when you communicate, and
this is a technique coming from coming from nonviolent communication,
it's about learning to communicate, and this is really important.
It's learning to communicate what you were feeling. That's white's
(31:53):
really important to get what you're feeling now sometimes and
it's really important to understand what's underneath the anger, because
sometimes anger can be a cover up for other feelings
like grief or sadness or hurt or you didn't set
your boundaries and then you felt really hurt because they
(32:14):
didn't hurt you, or they or they You felt ignored, dismissed, disrespected.
So it's going to be important to work on understanding.
I felt hurt when you ended up ignoring me. I
sent you a text, I sent you an email, I
(32:36):
called you, and I never heard that from you. What happened?
I felt really hurt. I felt ignored or actually, you
don't want to say I felt ignored. You want to
understand what did feeling ignored bring up for you? And
probably it felt I felt really hurt. I felt hurt
(32:58):
that you weren't that you'd respond to me, and what
I really need is what I really need is that
if I'm texting you, calling you, or emailing, let me
know if you're not available, or if you're busy, or
(33:18):
if you're away, or give me your heads up, just
so that we so that we're clear that okay, right now,
it's not a good time. And then in healthy communication,
you want to make sure that you schedule a time
where you're both available, where you're both able to communicate
(33:40):
in that healthy way and be really present. Now, if
you're agitated or angry or upset, that's one of the
reasons why you have to calm yourself down. It's really
important to calm yourself down because when you're in that state,
you will not be able to be present and to
have that empowered can communication. You really want to be
(34:02):
able to be present and grounded and centered so that
you're speaking and more likely to be heard. And then
so it's when either the behavior I'll get to your
question a second anesatia, it's you want to match, like
(34:23):
you want to either start with the behavior behavior Now,
it's really important that you don't you people, because if
you start youing, oh, you're such you were so stupid
when you did that you do not want to do
anything like that because that's going to put somebody on
the defensive. And you can even ask yourself if I
was communicating and I heard you are so stupid when
(34:49):
you did that, would I go on the defens and
and more than likely you will know when you would
put somebody on the defensive. So it's and you may
need to wrote play and practice with someone that you
can practice with. There are many times I'll practice with
the client before they they speak to another person, and
(35:11):
so that's really important. And so I felt that the
behavior what I need is or the behavior I felt
when when you didn't answer me back, I felt so hurt.
What I really need is just let me know if
(35:33):
you're not available, give me a text, or even shoot
me an email or some way, if there's any way
that you can communicate to let me know that you
won't be available, that you're not available. So that we
had that communication. So that's an example of how to
communicate more effectively in a healthy way. And Anastasia says
(35:57):
an ask, Okay, so what if it's hard to match schedules?
So if it's hard to match your schedule, if you
really want to have a better relationship. And if you
really want the relationship to become more intimate and to grow,
(36:18):
then it's going to be really important to find time
together to not only communicate, but to have fun, to
enjoy each other, because that's also part of any relationship,
whether it's a partnership or a friendship or apparent on
child relationship. So if you're having a hard time matching schedules,
(36:42):
I really want to support you in seeing if there's
a way that there's some give and take that perhaps
you can find somewhere in the middle. And I really
want to support you in being able to find the
time that will work for both of you. And even
(37:04):
though you might both have really busy schedules, schedule the
time because if you don't, and I know this in
my own life, if I don't put it in my schedule,
whatever it is, it doesn't happen. It just doesn't happen.
So I really want to encourage you to sit down
(37:24):
or call or text sometimes. I will tell you those
of you who are texts, I will first of all,
do not do not communicate anger and other intense emotions
by text or email because they can often get misinterpreted.
And so that's why it's important to have a physical conversation. Now,
(37:50):
if you're having in trouble finding a time sometimes making
that telephone call and figuring out that time where you
both will be available is really important. So that's what
I encourage you to do. And really it's about having
each one, each person be present for the other person
(38:13):
so that there's a give and take and that each
of you are feeling heard. Now, sometimes you may have
been triggered but the other person wasn't. Then you know,
then you're the one communicating, and you may want to
see what they say and hopefully they'll hear you. The
more you come from that place of calmness, the more
(38:37):
likely you're going to be heard. If you come from
reaction and you come intensely, you're most likely that other
person will go on the defensive. Now, if someone else
is getting angry, you do not want to communicate with
them either. You need to let them be in their
(38:59):
process or down before you to communicate. That's you taking
care of yourself really important, and you take a time.
If that person is not removing themselves on the situation,
you leave to take care of yourself, whether it's if
it's on the phone, you hang up. If it's text,
(39:20):
you stop, if it's in person, take a walk, get away,
take a drive. You take care of yourself to keep
yourself emotionally. So that's kind of empowered communication in a nutshell,
And to be continued next week, we are going to
(39:42):
have more inspired and empowered living. We'll be talking about
coming back to peace, you know, in this world, in
this uncertain world, and in the face of a certainty,
you can get really agitated, really scared, and so we're
good to talk about ways to calm yourself down in
(40:06):
the uncertainty, to find how you can tap into that place.
So stay tuned next week, but more inspired and empowered living.
And we are live Thursdays f five pm Eastern on
talkfo TV dot com, W four WN dot com, my
(40:30):
YouTube channel, and you can find the podcast on iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora, Apple,
and many more. And I really want to wish you
an inspired and empowered day or night, and an inspired
and empowered week. Have a great one. Everybody by for
(40:53):
now assists esti Stastic Steps
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