June 5, 2025 • 38 mins
Emotional Intelligence is a game-changer— personally and professionally.
It's one of the most important keys to creating the life and business you truly love.
In this episode, you'll learn how to harness the power of Emotional Intelligence to increase confidence, improve communication, and make soul-aligned decisions.
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
It's one of the most important keys to creating the life and business you truly love.
In this episode, you'll learn how to harness the power of Emotional Intelligence to increase confidence, improve communication, and make soul-aligned decisions.
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guest should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcasts. We are live Thursdays I Eastern
on talkfortv dot com, W FOURWN dot com and my
YouTube channel. And today we are talking about mastering emotions,
(01:14):
mastering life the power of emotional intelligence. So emotional intelligence
is a game changer personally and professionally. It's one of
the most important keys in life and in business. And
(01:35):
today you will discover the core principles of emotional intelligence,
how emotional intelligence can transform your relationships, your career, and
your life. And discover the number one mistake that can
block your path to creating a life you love and
(01:58):
how to avoid it. And I'm your host, Nancy Deutsch,
licensed Clinical Social Workers, certified hypnotherapist, an intuitive business expert.
And today and also I want to remind you that
this show is not a replacement for therapy or counseling.
(02:20):
It is for educational purposes only. And so what is
emotional intelligence? Emotional intelligence? So think about this. Have you
ever been like you feel really worked off or really
upset or really anxious or frustrated and you didn't know
(02:44):
what to do with your emotions. This episode is going
to help you to understand how to work through them
and continuing to process your emotions so that you have
healthy and we will talk about the difference between IQ
(03:05):
and EQ. So, first of all, the definition of emotional
intelligence is your ability to recognize, understand, and manage your
emotions and to recognize, understand and positively influence other people's emotions.
(03:29):
And really bottom line is it's emotional mastery. But it's
not about suppressing emotion. It's not about pushing them under
the rug or sweeping them away. What it is about
is using them wisely. And it's learning to ask yourself
(03:53):
what am I feeling right now? Learning to recognize acknowledge
the feeling instead of disowning it or not being aware
of it. And then it's being able to make a
choice which empowers you a choice to respond instead of react.
(04:18):
So before I go further, and I also just want
you to know that I know Anathasia had asked me
last week about breathing, and we're going to get into
that because that is a tool that you can use
to help you in your emotional mastery. So Anasaysia, if
you're listening, I just want you to know I got yet.
(04:40):
I haven't forgotten your request, so I wanted to let
you know. And so first let me do Ah, okay,
I'm mickey. I see your question and I'll get to
it shortly. So you have your conscious mind, and your
conscious mind is that part of you that tuned into
(05:02):
the show, whether you're listening live in the chat and
responding or you're at a later time viewing or listening
to the show. And thank you conscious mind of yours.
So that's your conscious mind, and your conscious mind makes
those conscious aware decisions that empower you now, and your
(05:27):
conscious mind is the part that respond. Your conscious mind
is in charge of responding. However, when you react, it's
coming from your subconscious mind. And your sub conscious mind
is the part of you from the moment you will
conceived to present time that has recorded every moment that
(05:51):
you have been alive, including from like I said, conception
and present, and it can also include ancestral trauma and
issues and limitations and emotions, and it can also include
past life. That's all in your subconscious mind. And so
(06:14):
when you're reacting, but I will tell you most of
the time, when you react, more than likely, especially if
you haven't done a lot of work on your emotions,
more than likely it's coming from this lifetime, and it's
coming from childhood paths. We're going to get into that
(06:35):
more deeply as well. So and then you have your
super conscious mind, which is the higher self part of you,
this wise, unconditionally loving part of you there for the asking.
And you have your soul, the core energy essence of
who you are. That is your light and your love
and your wisdom coming through. And then there's the universe
(07:00):
or the God or higher power, whatever you choose to
call it. And in your super conscious mind are your
angels and guides and beings of light. Now, when you
are in responding, there is an alignment between all aspects
of self, and you're making that conscious choice to respond
(07:23):
rather than react. When you're in reaction, and reaction is
getting triggered, it's reacting in an emotional way. So if
all of a sudden you're fine, and then you get
angry or you get frustrated, or maybe you wake up
and you're in fear and you don't know why there's
something going on. You're in reaction, and that's part of
(07:46):
what needs to be worked through. So we're going to
talk more about that. And I see Anastasia says, thank you,
So just wanted to let you know, so I know
you're listening. Cool, and I will get into emotions, not emotions,
but breathing to help with your emotion. Okay, Now, first
(08:07):
let me get back to Mickey's question. Nicky said, do
you find people react faster than responding? Okay, So when
you react, yes, people when your first instinct okay, is
reaction and this is a common human thing across the board. Okay,
(08:32):
as a human being, we have been trained to react.
It's instinctual. And what happens is that reaction is the
fight or flight, fight or flight, and it happens like that. Yes,
Misty says, reacting can happen without thinking exactly. Reacting is boom,
(08:55):
It happens, and it's the fight, flight or free reaction
that happens. So when you're in reaction mode and you've
gotten triggered, you may react with the fight, which is
maybe anger and aggression or frustration, and you have that
(09:17):
angry tone in your voice. That's reaction or fleeing, running, hiding.
When you're in that I'll tell you in a sec
when you're in fleeing mode and you're in fear, you're
reacting too. And I also want you know know the
(09:40):
reaction mode, as I said it was, it is instinctual
and it's coming from the part of us, the part
of our brain that is protective. But what happens in
our life and in society, and as you grow up,
you want to learn how to respond rather than reacting. Now,
(10:04):
it takes practice, it takes work. And one of my
mentors once said, it's not never reacting, because that's not human,
but it's how quickly you can bring yourself back. So
once you understand the reactions, then you can start using
(10:25):
tools that will bring you back into the ability to respond.
And when you know your triggers and let's or you
know the person. Let's say you know somebody is triggering you,
then you can you can beyond beyond and you know
(10:48):
that you can find the ways to respond rather than
react or go into respond pretty quickly. And I also
want you to know that when you're learning these skills,
it can take time. It totally can take time. So
be gentle with yourself because that's part of emotional intelligence,
(11:10):
in my opinion, being able to have that compassion with yourself. Now,
Misty says, responding can be thought Responding can be thought
on before acting. Yes, yes, Misty. So what she's saying
is that once you process through the emotion, then you
(11:33):
can make the choice to respond before you take an action.
And that is emotional intelligence. And we're going to go
even deeper into it. So, but first I want to
let you know the difference because sometimes people get confused
(11:54):
between intelligence quotient and emotional quotient, and so I am
going to define the difference for you. So, your IQ
is all about your intelligence. It's what they tested when
you were growing up in school. It's your intellectual ability.
(12:16):
And your emotional IQ is how well, like what I
just defined, how well you're able to be able to
learn how to respond, how to deal with your emotions
not suppress them, how to be able to deal with
your emotions in a positive way, and then also and
(12:40):
learn how to empathize and connect with your emotions and
acknowledge yourself and also learning how to do that with
others and have a positive effect on other people. So
all of that is part of emotional EQ. Now what's
really interesting is that emotional que, emotional queue, emotional quotient,
(13:06):
emotional intelligence is actually a better predictor a stronger predictor
stronger This is true research of success in leadership, in
relationships and in business than IQ. If you can think
of your IQ your intelligence as as your technical ability,
(13:30):
and emotional your EQ as your ability to thrive in
real world human interaction. And you know as well as
I know, we live in a world where we're dealing
with humans and other people all the time. So the
better emotional intelligence you have, the better your success in
(13:56):
your life and in your business. So that's why it's
it's so powerful, so important. And now what happens with
Why is emotional intelligence so important? It's so important because
it's how you handle stress. So just like I was
(14:18):
talking about that stress response, which is instinctual. Everybody has it.
It's all about the wires in our brain. And but
here's the thing. What happens is is even when there's
no danger, if you're someone who tends to be anxious
(14:39):
or has a lot of fear most of the time,
what has happened is your nervous system has gone on
over automatic and it's in a chronic state of stress.
And so emotional intelligence is your ability to be able
(15:01):
to handle that stress in healthy, productive ways, not in unhealthy,
destructive ways. And what I mean by that is, now,
if any of you, and this is if any of
you use food or sugar, or alcohol or any kind
(15:22):
of addictions to escape your emotions, there's healing in your
emotional intelligence that needs to happen, and it's learned. And
what I really want to remind all of you life
is a journey. It's not a destination. We're all on
the journey of life, learning and growing along the way.
(15:43):
And so even if you may have an issue that
you're working on, the more that you have awareness of it,
the more then you can take positive action. And the
more you learn amotional intelligence and emotional mastery, the more
(16:05):
successful you will be at being able to handle your
stress and any kind of addictions you have or hopefully
recovering from those addictions. And we all have something I
just want to let you know, every single one of us.
It's what we've learned. And now what I invite you
(16:30):
to is to be able to learn new tools, new techniques,
new ways of handling your stress and handling the things
that you need to handle so that you're having you're
able to master your emotions, work with your emotions, heal
your emotions. Now, emotional intelligence also really makes a difference
(16:57):
in your ability to be a leader and your ability
to have business success. How can you have business success
if you don't have emotional intelligence. And now all of
us have had experiences, or I shouldn't say all of us.
Many of us have had experiences with bosses or co
(17:21):
workers or relationships where there was no emotional intelligence. And
I've done shows where we talked about raging the ragers,
whether you get it at the drop of a hat,
or you'd have to walk on eggshelves because they would
go off in a rage. If someone's a rager, they
are not emotionally intelligent. Hopefully they're going to work on it.
(17:45):
And all of us have had those experiences. But if
you want to be a successful business owner, or have
a successful business, or have a successful relationship, have a
successful life, you need to learn how to master those emotions,
how to deal with them, how to work through them,
how to process them so that you gain that health
(18:08):
and freedom and law life that you really want. So
and what happens is also with emotional intelligence. When you
have emotional intelligence, it strengthens your relationships. Your relationship get
realpe now, your relationships get healthier, they get stronger, you
(18:33):
become you can have more intimacy in your romantic relationships partners,
and or you can have more intimacy and close friendships.
Really crucial, amazing and really important. You see, we have
a question came in from Misty. Misty asks, is that
(18:54):
because they can't control their selves. Yes. What happens is
when when you do not have emotional intelligence or emotional
mastery and you're in reaction and you're totally reacting, rags
react with aggression. They're in fight mode. You couldn't You
(19:16):
may do nothing, or you may say something in boom.
They could get triggered. You never know what's going to
trigger them. It depends also how intense and how bad
the rager is. But they can blow up really easily.
And what happens is rages or even when you when
it could be you or when someone gets angry because
(19:41):
they've been in reaction. It's because they weren't. You want.
You're not able to control the reaction until you learn
more awareness, until you learn more emotional intelligence. And as
you learn, and I want you all to know, emotional
intelligence is a skill that can be learned. Everything that
(20:05):
I am talking about is something every single one of
you can learn. Now, some of you may be better
at some of the skills than others because one of
the skills is called empathy, and some of you may
be naturally empathetic, and maybe to a fault because if
(20:26):
you're what we call an EmPATH, you're picking up too
many feelings. But this is about learning again not to
go into the reaction, but to go into the respond
and be able to learn how to respond rather than react.
And when someone is in that energy of reaction, now
(20:52):
it could be rage, but it also could be fear.
I mean, how many of you all of a sudden
you'll be talking into somebody now or you may have
a relative or someone you know, maybe even you who
could be an intimidator. Now, intimidators are what they do
is they're aggressive and they react with aggression. They may
(21:15):
not be necessarily go into a rage. But the way
they intimidate is there's the question is the interrogators they're
like lawyers, but they go what are you doing and
how are you doing it? And blah blah blah blah
and blah blah blah. And then what happens on your
end is you can all of a sudden you go
like into fear and you start getting fearful of them,
(21:39):
or you could go into freeze and you shut down. Now,
emotional intelligence is being able to learn how to work
through all of that because all of those are reactions,
their reactions to people's behavior. And as you become more skilled,
and as you become more emotionally intelligent, then you're able
to navigate and and be able to navigate other people's behavior.
(22:06):
And eventually as you become more and more and more
emotionally intelligent. And it's a process. It's a journey. Listen.
I teach it, I work on living it, and I'm
still in the process of mastering it, working on it.
It's you know, it's and it's it's the journey. Like
(22:27):
I said, it's a journey. And just the most important
thing I want you all to know is that you're
listening to the show that you're willing to learn. You're open,
You're those of you that are asking questions. You're willing
to ask the questions and and learn more about yourself
(22:47):
and more about how to help yourself, how to gain
that emotional mastery, the emotional intelligence. Again, it's this journey,
not a destination. And I also want you to know
that even enlightened beings like the Dalai Lama, you know,
like we think Dhali Lama is a spiritual being and
(23:10):
he never gets angry, and I remember hearing things that
he too gets angry. But again, you may become aware
of the anger and instead of going like I'll give
you an example, instead of going into a rage or
a total full blown reaction or totally get pissed off
(23:33):
or answer somebody back in a rude way or an
aggressive way, you say, okay, well, you know what I
am noticing awareness Awareness is crucial and emotional intelligence. I
am noticing that I am feeling angry right now. I
(23:54):
just reacted. So what do I do to choose to
respond now? Now, if you're really angry and you know
that you're not going to be able to calm yourself down,
because you've been really triggered, and the trigger usually comes
from something from your past. And if you know that
(24:14):
you can't calm yourself down. I always say, because with
anger or rage, you do not want to react where
you're hurting yourself, someone else, or the environment. Take a
time out, time out, Nicky says. Aggressive reactions can be relieving. Ah, okay,
(24:38):
so I'll get to that. Thank you for saying that, Mickey,
because that's good and important. Okay, So if you're with
another person, all right, remember the rule is not to
hurt yourself, someone else, or the environment. Now that means
hitting or doing something physically aggressive. It means at thing
(25:00):
from an emotional place and saying something that you will
later regret. Or it means not you know, or destroying
property or hurting somebody else's property. That's all aggressive behaviors
you do not want to be doing because then you'll
later regret it. Now, aggressive reactions can be relieving at times.
(25:21):
What is what Mickey just said. So the way that
I tell people to deal with their aggression is to
use exercise. If you need to go to the gym
and use the punching beg, use the punching beg that's
not going to hurt anybody else. Or if you need
(25:42):
to run a mile or two, run it out, breathe
it out, and we're going to get to I haven't
forgotten anastasia. We'll get to the breathing. And so you
want to find a way to get out that aggression
in healthy, productive ways that or not hurting yourself, someone else,
of the environment. So aggression, Now, when I would do
(26:06):
emotional release work, and I do, you can punch pillows
and then you know, I say, scream, Now if you're
in a place where you can't really scream, like sometimes
I actually scream in my car so I know nobody,
not while I'm driving, not while I'm driving, but when
(26:28):
I'm stopped or before I start. So I encourage you
if you need to scream, or you can twist a towel.
I tell clients, get a towel, usually hand towels more easily,
and you twist a towel and you just breathe out
that anger and aggression. You want to find a healthy
(26:49):
way of getting the aggression out, and so yes, having
aggressive reactions that you channel that aggressive energy in a
healthy way. So hopefully that's helpful. Mickey and something to
think about all of you, so that it's not denying
(27:12):
the anger. It's not denying that you feel angry or
you've had a reaction that. Let me make that really clear,
it's not about denying it. It's about learning new ways
to cope, new ways to channel that behavior or those feelings,
that really channel the feelings so that you are allowing
(27:38):
yourself to be able to move through the anger, so
that you can get clarity and be able to respond.
Really big, really big. And before we go to the
next piece, what I want to let you know very exciting.
(27:58):
So I have have a workshop, a free virtual workshop
coming next Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday night or at seven
pm Eastern And for any of you who are women, coaches, therapists, nurses,
holistic professionals. If you're someone who is someone who believes
(28:22):
in holistic health, which is body, mind, emotion, spirit, and
you really want to grow your business or you want
to start a business, you want to come to this
workshop passion, purpose and profit, approve and plan for a
holistic business success. And during the workshop, we will work
(28:45):
on you consistently attracting, how to attract your ideal clients,
how to clarify money blocks and create a profitable business confidently,
learn how to confidently market and monetize your gifts. And
(29:07):
this workshop, I said, it's free, free, You're gonna there's
so much you're gonna learn. So I really invite you
to join me next week and Rebel, can you put
in the link in the chat? And uh, the link
for those of you who are listening is Inspired and
(29:29):
Empowered Living dot Com Forward Slash Workshop. Again, it's the
name of the show, Inspired and Empowered Living dot Com
Forward Slash Workshop, and Rebel's gonna put the links in.
So I invite you to join me, and I'd love
(29:52):
to see you and support you on your journey to
growing a more profitable business that your heart and soul
are calling you to do, following your passion, following your purpose. No,
it's all possible for you. So so continuing with emotional intelligence, now,
(30:19):
I said that awareness is huge. It's huge when we're
talking about emotional intelligence and when so what is self awareness?
Let's I'll define it for you. It's recognizing your emotions
and the impact they have. So when you have when
(30:43):
you're in that reaction and you go, oh, I'm reacting right,
now and now some of you may realize that you
already reacted, but part of that journey to emotional intelligence
is learning to brain it in before you react and
(31:06):
to work through it. So one of the tools that
I use, and this tool can also be used for
self awareness to learn once you become aware that you're
having a feeling and a reaction, one of the tools
you can use is breathing now and anaesthesia. As last week,
(31:29):
if we could go over the breathing that I've done
before on past shows. So we're going to go through
the breathing exercise that actually what it does is it
actually shifts your nervous system from anxious or fear or
anger to armor more peaceful moral act. Now, I'm just
(31:52):
going to do a brief demonstration and this is something
that you can practice. Come back to the podcast or
the show on YouTube and you can practice again and
then stop it and continue on and continue to work
with it to really help you with it. Okay, So
(32:16):
one of the breathing that I like to do that
I love to teach my clients is called belly breathing,
and belly breathing is how I like to teach it
is you're putting. You want to put your hand on
your stomach. Your hands on your stomach. Now, if you're
(32:38):
just learning this and you want to try lying down,
obviously you're not driving, and I'm going to support you
not to do this when you're driving. If you get
expert at it, you could do it while you're driving
with eyes on the road and hands on the wheel.
But when you're first learning it, I would really support
(32:58):
you in practicing and practicing it okay with the hands
on the belly. And instead of when I first learned it,
I was actually taking voice lessons and I would lay
down with a heavy book on my belly and practice
the breathing. Now I like to put I still like
to put my hands on my belly because then I
(33:20):
get to see the rise and fall and know if
I'm doing it right or not. So everybody put your
hands on your belly, and then you're going to breathe in.
Now this may be counterintuitive, but when you breathe in,
your belly's going to go out and up, and when
(33:40):
you breathe out, your belly goes down. So again you're
going to breathe in and your belly goes up. It's
your diaphragm. What's happening is when you breathe in your diaphragm,
this is correct breathing, your diaphragm expands and goes up,
(34:01):
and when you breathe out, it goes down. So you're
belly okay. So breathe in, belly out, breathe, breathe out,
belly in, breathe in, belly out, breathe out, belly in,
so anna stage. Will it work the same if sitting
(34:23):
or standing? Yes, it can work the same if you're
sitting or standing. The advantage of sitting or standing. You
know what, I've never tried it standing, but if you
if you were, if you want to stand and try it,
go for it. Look, the most important thing is having
(34:44):
your hands on your belly and or really the most
important thing is the breathing and watching your breath go,
your breath expand, your belly and contract, expand and contract.
So but when the the reason why I like saying
put your hands on your belly is it really helps
(35:04):
you with the flow, and it helps you to see
if your belly's going up and if your belly's going down.
You see it, you feel it, you experience it, so
it helps with the instead of using a book, like
when you are lying down, you're using your hands. So
try it an a sage. You'll let me know. I mean,
(35:25):
I'm thinking it's the same thing sitting or standing, but
it might be easier to do it sitting, but some
of you may want to do it standing. If you're
in motion and you're feeling like really agitated, you may
need to do it standing. I really want to support
you to do it anyway that works for you. Okay,
So belly belly, hands on your belly, breathing in belly
(35:50):
expand and then breathing out belly contract. Breathing in belly expands,
breathing out contract. Breathing in belly expands, breathing out belly
can track and notice notice there for a few breaths,
(36:10):
are you feeling How are you feeling now? And are
you noticing that you're more relaxed? Are you noticing that
you're feeling calmer? Are you noticing that some of those
feelings that you had maybe before, And even if this
is not happening now, you can notice afterwards. This is
the awareness piece to notice what you're feeling. So just
(36:35):
to recap, we're going to continue emotional Intelligence Part two
next week. Okay, because this is huge topic that I
want you all to have a great handle on because
this is the key to a successful life. So you
want to make sure that you learn that you that
(36:57):
you are. We talked about reaction and reaction coming from
your subconscious mind because you've gotten triggered and learning to
calm yourself down. Breathing is one of the tools that
we can use. The belly breath can really help you.
And you want to learn not to react. It's the
(37:19):
journey of being able to respond rather than react. And
we're going to continue more with more emotional intelligence next week,
and I really want to wish you all an inspired
and empowered day, night, and week. Have a great one everybody.
(37:44):
Goodbye for New Steps Attempt Steps A Staples Domesti Stabs
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guest should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcasts. We are live Thursdays I Eastern
on talkfortv dot com, W FOURWN dot com and my
YouTube channel. And today we are talking about mastering emotions,
(01:14):
mastering life the power of emotional intelligence. So emotional intelligence
is a game changer personally and professionally. It's one of
the most important keys in life and in business. And
(01:35):
today you will discover the core principles of emotional intelligence,
how emotional intelligence can transform your relationships, your career, and
your life. And discover the number one mistake that can
block your path to creating a life you love and
(01:58):
how to avoid it. And I'm your host, Nancy Deutsch,
licensed Clinical Social Workers, certified hypnotherapist, an intuitive business expert.
And today and also I want to remind you that
this show is not a replacement for therapy or counseling.
(02:20):
It is for educational purposes only. And so what is
emotional intelligence? Emotional intelligence? So think about this. Have you
ever been like you feel really worked off or really
upset or really anxious or frustrated and you didn't know
(02:44):
what to do with your emotions. This episode is going
to help you to understand how to work through them
and continuing to process your emotions so that you have
healthy and we will talk about the difference between IQ
(03:05):
and EQ. So, first of all, the definition of emotional
intelligence is your ability to recognize, understand, and manage your
emotions and to recognize, understand and positively influence other people's emotions.
(03:29):
And really bottom line is it's emotional mastery. But it's
not about suppressing emotion. It's not about pushing them under
the rug or sweeping them away. What it is about
is using them wisely. And it's learning to ask yourself
(03:53):
what am I feeling right now? Learning to recognize acknowledge
the feeling instead of disowning it or not being aware
of it. And then it's being able to make a
choice which empowers you a choice to respond instead of react.
(04:18):
So before I go further, and I also just want
you to know that I know Anathasia had asked me
last week about breathing, and we're going to get into
that because that is a tool that you can use
to help you in your emotional mastery. So Anasaysia, if
you're listening, I just want you to know I got yet.
(04:40):
I haven't forgotten your request, so I wanted to let
you know. And so first let me do Ah, okay,
I'm mickey. I see your question and I'll get to
it shortly. So you have your conscious mind, and your
conscious mind is that part of you that tuned into
(05:02):
the show, whether you're listening live in the chat and
responding or you're at a later time viewing or listening
to the show. And thank you conscious mind of yours.
So that's your conscious mind, and your conscious mind makes
those conscious aware decisions that empower you now, and your
(05:27):
conscious mind is the part that respond. Your conscious mind
is in charge of responding. However, when you react, it's
coming from your subconscious mind. And your sub conscious mind
is the part of you from the moment you will
conceived to present time that has recorded every moment that
(05:51):
you have been alive, including from like I said, conception
and present, and it can also include ancestral trauma and
issues and limitations and emotions, and it can also include
past life. That's all in your subconscious mind. And so
(06:14):
when you're reacting, but I will tell you most of
the time, when you react, more than likely, especially if
you haven't done a lot of work on your emotions,
more than likely it's coming from this lifetime, and it's
coming from childhood paths. We're going to get into that
(06:35):
more deeply as well. So and then you have your
super conscious mind, which is the higher self part of you,
this wise, unconditionally loving part of you there for the asking.
And you have your soul, the core energy essence of
who you are. That is your light and your love
and your wisdom coming through. And then there's the universe
(07:00):
or the God or higher power, whatever you choose to
call it. And in your super conscious mind are your
angels and guides and beings of light. Now, when you
are in responding, there is an alignment between all aspects
of self, and you're making that conscious choice to respond
(07:23):
rather than react. When you're in reaction, and reaction is
getting triggered, it's reacting in an emotional way. So if
all of a sudden you're fine, and then you get
angry or you get frustrated, or maybe you wake up
and you're in fear and you don't know why there's
something going on. You're in reaction, and that's part of
(07:46):
what needs to be worked through. So we're going to
talk more about that. And I see Anastasia says, thank you,
So just wanted to let you know, so I know
you're listening. Cool, and I will get into emotions, not emotions,
but breathing to help with your emotion. Okay, Now, first
(08:07):
let me get back to Mickey's question. Nicky said, do
you find people react faster than responding? Okay, So when
you react, yes, people when your first instinct okay, is
reaction and this is a common human thing across the board. Okay,
(08:32):
as a human being, we have been trained to react.
It's instinctual. And what happens is that reaction is the
fight or flight, fight or flight, and it happens like that. Yes,
Misty says, reacting can happen without thinking exactly. Reacting is boom,
(08:55):
It happens, and it's the fight, flight or free reaction
that happens. So when you're in reaction mode and you've
gotten triggered, you may react with the fight, which is
maybe anger and aggression or frustration, and you have that
(09:17):
angry tone in your voice. That's reaction or fleeing, running, hiding.
When you're in that I'll tell you in a sec
when you're in fleeing mode and you're in fear, you're
reacting too. And I also want you know know the
(09:40):
reaction mode, as I said it was, it is instinctual
and it's coming from the part of us, the part
of our brain that is protective. But what happens in
our life and in society, and as you grow up,
you want to learn how to respond rather than reacting. Now,
(10:04):
it takes practice, it takes work. And one of my
mentors once said, it's not never reacting, because that's not human,
but it's how quickly you can bring yourself back. So
once you understand the reactions, then you can start using
(10:25):
tools that will bring you back into the ability to respond.
And when you know your triggers and let's or you
know the person. Let's say you know somebody is triggering you,
then you can you can beyond beyond and you know
(10:48):
that you can find the ways to respond rather than
react or go into respond pretty quickly. And I also
want you to know that when you're learning these skills,
it can take time. It totally can take time. So
be gentle with yourself because that's part of emotional intelligence,
(11:10):
in my opinion, being able to have that compassion with yourself. Now,
Misty says, responding can be thought Responding can be thought
on before acting. Yes, yes, Misty. So what she's saying
is that once you process through the emotion, then you
(11:33):
can make the choice to respond before you take an action.
And that is emotional intelligence. And we're going to go
even deeper into it. So, but first I want to
let you know the difference because sometimes people get confused
(11:54):
between intelligence quotient and emotional quotient, and so I am
going to define the difference for you. So, your IQ
is all about your intelligence. It's what they tested when
you were growing up in school. It's your intellectual ability.
(12:16):
And your emotional IQ is how well, like what I
just defined, how well you're able to be able to
learn how to respond, how to deal with your emotions
not suppress them, how to be able to deal with
your emotions in a positive way, and then also and
(12:40):
learn how to empathize and connect with your emotions and
acknowledge yourself and also learning how to do that with
others and have a positive effect on other people. So
all of that is part of emotional EQ. Now what's
really interesting is that emotional que, emotional queue, emotional quotient,
(13:06):
emotional intelligence is actually a better predictor a stronger predictor
stronger This is true research of success in leadership, in
relationships and in business than IQ. If you can think
of your IQ your intelligence as as your technical ability,
(13:30):
and emotional your EQ as your ability to thrive in
real world human interaction. And you know as well as
I know, we live in a world where we're dealing
with humans and other people all the time. So the
better emotional intelligence you have, the better your success in
(13:56):
your life and in your business. So that's why it's
it's so powerful, so important. And now what happens with
Why is emotional intelligence so important? It's so important because
it's how you handle stress. So just like I was
(14:18):
talking about that stress response, which is instinctual. Everybody has it.
It's all about the wires in our brain. And but
here's the thing. What happens is is even when there's
no danger, if you're someone who tends to be anxious
(14:39):
or has a lot of fear most of the time,
what has happened is your nervous system has gone on
over automatic and it's in a chronic state of stress.
And so emotional intelligence is your ability to be able
(15:01):
to handle that stress in healthy, productive ways, not in unhealthy,
destructive ways. And what I mean by that is, now,
if any of you, and this is if any of
you use food or sugar, or alcohol or any kind
(15:22):
of addictions to escape your emotions, there's healing in your
emotional intelligence that needs to happen, and it's learned. And
what I really want to remind all of you life
is a journey. It's not a destination. We're all on
the journey of life, learning and growing along the way.
(15:43):
And so even if you may have an issue that
you're working on, the more that you have awareness of it,
the more then you can take positive action. And the
more you learn amotional intelligence and emotional mastery, the more
(16:05):
successful you will be at being able to handle your
stress and any kind of addictions you have or hopefully
recovering from those addictions. And we all have something I
just want to let you know, every single one of us.
It's what we've learned. And now what I invite you
(16:30):
to is to be able to learn new tools, new techniques,
new ways of handling your stress and handling the things
that you need to handle so that you're having you're
able to master your emotions, work with your emotions, heal
your emotions. Now, emotional intelligence also really makes a difference
(16:57):
in your ability to be a leader and your ability
to have business success. How can you have business success
if you don't have emotional intelligence. And now all of
us have had experiences, or I shouldn't say all of us.
Many of us have had experiences with bosses or co
(17:21):
workers or relationships where there was no emotional intelligence. And
I've done shows where we talked about raging the ragers,
whether you get it at the drop of a hat,
or you'd have to walk on eggshelves because they would
go off in a rage. If someone's a rager, they
are not emotionally intelligent. Hopefully they're going to work on it.
(17:45):
And all of us have had those experiences. But if
you want to be a successful business owner, or have
a successful business, or have a successful relationship, have a
successful life, you need to learn how to master those emotions,
how to deal with them, how to work through them,
how to process them so that you gain that health
(18:08):
and freedom and law life that you really want. So
and what happens is also with emotional intelligence. When you
have emotional intelligence, it strengthens your relationships. Your relationship get
realpe now, your relationships get healthier, they get stronger, you
(18:33):
become you can have more intimacy in your romantic relationships partners,
and or you can have more intimacy and close friendships.
Really crucial, amazing and really important. You see, we have
a question came in from Misty. Misty asks, is that
(18:54):
because they can't control their selves. Yes. What happens is
when when you do not have emotional intelligence or emotional
mastery and you're in reaction and you're totally reacting, rags
react with aggression. They're in fight mode. You couldn't You
(19:16):
may do nothing, or you may say something in boom.
They could get triggered. You never know what's going to
trigger them. It depends also how intense and how bad
the rager is. But they can blow up really easily.
And what happens is rages or even when you when
it could be you or when someone gets angry because
(19:41):
they've been in reaction. It's because they weren't. You want.
You're not able to control the reaction until you learn
more awareness, until you learn more emotional intelligence. And as
you learn, and I want you all to know, emotional
intelligence is a skill that can be learned. Everything that
(20:05):
I am talking about is something every single one of
you can learn. Now, some of you may be better
at some of the skills than others because one of
the skills is called empathy, and some of you may
be naturally empathetic, and maybe to a fault because if
(20:26):
you're what we call an EmPATH, you're picking up too
many feelings. But this is about learning again not to
go into the reaction, but to go into the respond
and be able to learn how to respond rather than react.
And when someone is in that energy of reaction, now
(20:52):
it could be rage, but it also could be fear.
I mean, how many of you all of a sudden
you'll be talking into somebody now or you may have
a relative or someone you know, maybe even you who
could be an intimidator. Now, intimidators are what they do
is they're aggressive and they react with aggression. They may
(21:15):
not be necessarily go into a rage. But the way
they intimidate is there's the question is the interrogators they're
like lawyers, but they go what are you doing and
how are you doing it? And blah blah blah blah
and blah blah blah. And then what happens on your
end is you can all of a sudden you go
like into fear and you start getting fearful of them,
(21:39):
or you could go into freeze and you shut down. Now,
emotional intelligence is being able to learn how to work
through all of that because all of those are reactions,
their reactions to people's behavior. And as you become more skilled,
and as you become more emotionally intelligent, then you're able
to navigate and and be able to navigate other people's behavior.
(22:06):
And eventually as you become more and more and more
emotionally intelligent. And it's a process. It's a journey. Listen.
I teach it, I work on living it, and I'm
still in the process of mastering it, working on it.
It's you know, it's and it's it's the journey. Like
(22:27):
I said, it's a journey. And just the most important
thing I want you all to know is that you're
listening to the show that you're willing to learn. You're open,
You're those of you that are asking questions. You're willing
to ask the questions and and learn more about yourself
(22:47):
and more about how to help yourself, how to gain
that emotional mastery, the emotional intelligence. Again, it's this journey,
not a destination. And I also want you to know
that even enlightened beings like the Dalai Lama, you know,
like we think Dhali Lama is a spiritual being and
(23:10):
he never gets angry, and I remember hearing things that
he too gets angry. But again, you may become aware
of the anger and instead of going like I'll give
you an example, instead of going into a rage or
a total full blown reaction or totally get pissed off
(23:33):
or answer somebody back in a rude way or an
aggressive way, you say, okay, well, you know what I
am noticing awareness Awareness is crucial and emotional intelligence. I
am noticing that I am feeling angry right now. I
(23:54):
just reacted. So what do I do to choose to
respond now? Now, if you're really angry and you know
that you're not going to be able to calm yourself down,
because you've been really triggered, and the trigger usually comes
from something from your past. And if you know that
(24:14):
you can't calm yourself down. I always say, because with
anger or rage, you do not want to react where
you're hurting yourself, someone else, or the environment. Take a
time out, time out, Nicky says. Aggressive reactions can be relieving. Ah, okay,
(24:38):
so I'll get to that. Thank you for saying that, Mickey,
because that's good and important. Okay, So if you're with
another person, all right, remember the rule is not to
hurt yourself, someone else, or the environment. Now that means
hitting or doing something physically aggressive. It means at thing
(25:00):
from an emotional place and saying something that you will
later regret. Or it means not you know, or destroying
property or hurting somebody else's property. That's all aggressive behaviors
you do not want to be doing because then you'll
later regret it. Now, aggressive reactions can be relieving at times.
(25:21):
What is what Mickey just said. So the way that
I tell people to deal with their aggression is to
use exercise. If you need to go to the gym
and use the punching beg, use the punching beg that's
not going to hurt anybody else. Or if you need
(25:42):
to run a mile or two, run it out, breathe
it out, and we're going to get to I haven't
forgotten anastasia. We'll get to the breathing. And so you
want to find a way to get out that aggression
in healthy, productive ways that or not hurting yourself, someone else,
of the environment. So aggression, Now, when I would do
(26:06):
emotional release work, and I do, you can punch pillows
and then you know, I say, scream, Now if you're
in a place where you can't really scream, like sometimes
I actually scream in my car so I know nobody,
not while I'm driving, not while I'm driving, but when
(26:28):
I'm stopped or before I start. So I encourage you
if you need to scream, or you can twist a towel.
I tell clients, get a towel, usually hand towels more easily,
and you twist a towel and you just breathe out
that anger and aggression. You want to find a healthy
(26:49):
way of getting the aggression out, and so yes, having
aggressive reactions that you channel that aggressive energy in a
healthy way. So hopefully that's helpful. Mickey and something to
think about all of you, so that it's not denying
(27:12):
the anger. It's not denying that you feel angry or
you've had a reaction that. Let me make that really clear,
it's not about denying it. It's about learning new ways
to cope, new ways to channel that behavior or those feelings,
that really channel the feelings so that you are allowing
(27:38):
yourself to be able to move through the anger, so
that you can get clarity and be able to respond.
Really big, really big. And before we go to the
next piece, what I want to let you know very exciting.
(27:58):
So I have have a workshop, a free virtual workshop
coming next Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday night or at seven
pm Eastern And for any of you who are women, coaches, therapists, nurses,
holistic professionals. If you're someone who is someone who believes
(28:22):
in holistic health, which is body, mind, emotion, spirit, and
you really want to grow your business or you want
to start a business, you want to come to this
workshop passion, purpose and profit, approve and plan for a
holistic business success. And during the workshop, we will work
(28:45):
on you consistently attracting, how to attract your ideal clients,
how to clarify money blocks and create a profitable business confidently,
learn how to confidently market and monetize your gifts. And
(29:07):
this workshop, I said, it's free, free, You're gonna there's
so much you're gonna learn. So I really invite you
to join me next week and Rebel, can you put
in the link in the chat? And uh, the link
for those of you who are listening is Inspired and
(29:29):
Empowered Living dot Com Forward Slash Workshop. Again, it's the
name of the show, Inspired and Empowered Living dot Com
Forward Slash Workshop, and Rebel's gonna put the links in.
So I invite you to join me, and I'd love
(29:52):
to see you and support you on your journey to
growing a more profitable business that your heart and soul
are calling you to do, following your passion, following your purpose. No,
it's all possible for you. So so continuing with emotional intelligence, now,
(30:19):
I said that awareness is huge. It's huge when we're
talking about emotional intelligence and when so what is self awareness?
Let's I'll define it for you. It's recognizing your emotions
and the impact they have. So when you have when
(30:43):
you're in that reaction and you go, oh, I'm reacting right,
now and now some of you may realize that you
already reacted, but part of that journey to emotional intelligence
is learning to brain it in before you react and
(31:06):
to work through it. So one of the tools that
I use, and this tool can also be used for
self awareness to learn once you become aware that you're
having a feeling and a reaction, one of the tools
you can use is breathing now and anaesthesia. As last week,
(31:29):
if we could go over the breathing that I've done
before on past shows. So we're going to go through
the breathing exercise that actually what it does is it
actually shifts your nervous system from anxious or fear or
anger to armor more peaceful moral act. Now, I'm just
(31:52):
going to do a brief demonstration and this is something
that you can practice. Come back to the podcast or
the show on YouTube and you can practice again and
then stop it and continue on and continue to work
with it to really help you with it. Okay, So
(32:16):
one of the breathing that I like to do that
I love to teach my clients is called belly breathing,
and belly breathing is how I like to teach it
is you're putting. You want to put your hand on
your stomach. Your hands on your stomach. Now, if you're
(32:38):
just learning this and you want to try lying down,
obviously you're not driving, and I'm going to support you
not to do this when you're driving. If you get
expert at it, you could do it while you're driving
with eyes on the road and hands on the wheel.
But when you're first learning it, I would really support
(32:58):
you in practicing and practicing it okay with the hands
on the belly. And instead of when I first learned it,
I was actually taking voice lessons and I would lay
down with a heavy book on my belly and practice
the breathing. Now I like to put I still like
to put my hands on my belly because then I
(33:20):
get to see the rise and fall and know if
I'm doing it right or not. So everybody put your
hands on your belly, and then you're going to breathe in.
Now this may be counterintuitive, but when you breathe in,
your belly's going to go out and up, and when
(33:40):
you breathe out, your belly goes down. So again you're
going to breathe in and your belly goes up. It's
your diaphragm. What's happening is when you breathe in your diaphragm,
this is correct breathing, your diaphragm expands and goes up,
(34:01):
and when you breathe out, it goes down. So you're
belly okay. So breathe in, belly out, breathe, breathe out,
belly in, breathe in, belly out, breathe out, belly in,
so anna stage. Will it work the same if sitting
(34:23):
or standing? Yes, it can work the same if you're
sitting or standing. The advantage of sitting or standing. You
know what, I've never tried it standing, but if you
if you were, if you want to stand and try it,
go for it. Look, the most important thing is having
(34:44):
your hands on your belly and or really the most
important thing is the breathing and watching your breath go,
your breath expand, your belly and contract, expand and contract.
So but when the the reason why I like saying
put your hands on your belly is it really helps
(35:04):
you with the flow, and it helps you to see
if your belly's going up and if your belly's going down.
You see it, you feel it, you experience it, so
it helps with the instead of using a book, like
when you are lying down, you're using your hands. So
try it an a sage. You'll let me know. I mean,
(35:25):
I'm thinking it's the same thing sitting or standing, but
it might be easier to do it sitting, but some
of you may want to do it standing. If you're
in motion and you're feeling like really agitated, you may
need to do it standing. I really want to support
you to do it anyway that works for you. Okay,
So belly belly, hands on your belly, breathing in belly
(35:50):
expand and then breathing out belly contract. Breathing in belly expands,
breathing out contract. Breathing in belly expands, breathing out belly
can track and notice notice there for a few breaths,
(36:10):
are you feeling How are you feeling now? And are
you noticing that you're more relaxed? Are you noticing that
you're feeling calmer? Are you noticing that some of those
feelings that you had maybe before, And even if this
is not happening now, you can notice afterwards. This is
the awareness piece to notice what you're feeling. So just
(36:35):
to recap, we're going to continue emotional Intelligence Part two
next week. Okay, because this is huge topic that I
want you all to have a great handle on because
this is the key to a successful life. So you
want to make sure that you learn that you that
(36:57):
you are. We talked about reaction and reaction coming from
your subconscious mind because you've gotten triggered and learning to
calm yourself down. Breathing is one of the tools that
we can use. The belly breath can really help you.
And you want to learn not to react. It's the
(37:19):
journey of being able to respond rather than react. And
we're going to continue more with more emotional intelligence next week,
and I really want to wish you all an inspired
and empowered day, night, and week. Have a great one everybody.
(37:44):
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