November 26, 2024 • 39 mins
Are there some people in your life that you are not looking forward to seeing during the holidays? Find out how to manage your relationship stress and live an inspired and empowered life!
You can also learn:
3 Principles of how to boost your self-care and be more centered and calmer during the holidays
How to deal more effectively with difficult people.
Discover the #1 mistake that would keep you having healthier relationships
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Tuesdays at 11AM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
You can also learn:
3 Principles of how to boost your self-care and be more centered and calmer during the holidays
How to deal more effectively with difficult people.
Discover the #1 mistake that would keep you having healthier relationships
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Tuesdays at 11AM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guest should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcasts are live Tuesday mornings at eleven
am Eastern on talk for TV dot com, W four
WN dot com, and my YouTube channel. And today we
(01:13):
will be talking about reducing relationship stress during the holidays.
Are there some people in your life that you are
not looking forward to seeing during the holidays. Find out
how to manage your relationship stress and live and Inspired
(01:40):
and Empowered life. You can also learn three principles on
how to boost your self care and be more centered
during the holidays, how to more effectively deal with difficult people,
(02:00):
and discover the number one mistake that would keep you
from having healthier and healthier relationships. Together, let's create a
life you love. I'm your host, Nancy Deutsch, licensed Clinical
(02:20):
social worker, certified hin therapists, and Intuitive Breakthrough Expert. I
combine my counseling, coaching and intuitive abilities to transform your life.
And this show is not a replacement for therapy or counseling.
It is for educational purposes only. Welcome everybody, and let's
(02:46):
talk relationships. First of all, what I want to remind
you is that relationships can be our greatest challenges in
team features, and they can be the most rewarding aspects
(03:07):
of our life. And during the holidays, we may have
some people that were really looking forward to seeing and
some people are, well, you could live without them, or
you really don't want to see them, And so we're
(03:27):
going to be talking how to navigate it all today.
Now let's show we ended with no's and oh's. And
the reason why I bring that up now is because
(03:47):
the word no and oh is a really important word
during the holidays, during all time during the year to
support you in self care and reduce your stress because
(04:12):
learning to say no. And here's the thing, no doesn't
always mean easy. Sometimes it can be really really hard
to say no to someone you love. And yet look
at it this way. When you love yourself and you're
(04:37):
doing self care, you're making yourself the priority over someone else.
And most of us didn't learn that. Most of us
never learned to make ourselves a priority. Most of us
(04:58):
learned to take care of everybody else, and now learning
to take care of yourself can seem selfish. And I'm
putting that in air quotes because it seems like other
people will call you selfish. And what I want to
(05:22):
say is it's not selfish to have essential self care.
And the word no and no is important for essential
self care. So, when you have people in your life,
(05:49):
and why do we have relationship stress? What creates that
relationship stress? So when you get triggered by another person,
and what I mean by triggered is you have an
(06:11):
emotional reaction. So it may be something that someone said,
or maybe it's something that someone did or didn't do,
and it really upset you and you may get really angry.
(06:39):
If you feel really angry or really annoyed at someone,
then you've been triggered. If you feel perhaps really nervous
or intimidated to be around them, you've been triggered. And
(07:02):
if you feel perhaps something, maybe there's grief. Okay, So
we have a question that came in Country Corners Gazette.
Will we recognize this right from the start or will
it come on as we go along? Well, it depends.
(07:25):
Sometimes you may get you may notice it right away,
like if you're talking to someone or you're let's say
you're at a family table a family gathering and someone
says something and all of a sudden, you notice that
you feel really angry, you feel really annoyed, or you
(07:51):
start feeling like really nervous to be around them. It's
becoming aware that you been triggered, because once you become aware,
then you can do something about it. Now. Usually what
(08:12):
I will tell you is I support you not to react,
and not to react by saying something or doing something
that you may later regret. And if you're not sure,
(08:39):
the best action is to take no action until you
are clear of what you want to say or do.
So you may recognize it right away that you've been triggered.
Or there are times and I know this has happened
(09:01):
for me, where it'll be like a day later and
then I'm like thinking about the event and all of
a sudden, I'm like, ooh, I was really triggered by
what that person said. And Micky says, it's not easy
to contain jerk reaction. So Micky, I agree with you.
(09:25):
It's not easy, not easy to contain jerk reactions or
automatic reactions. And what I want to support you in
doing is learning. See, this is a learning opportunity, So
(09:49):
I am Anything I'm saying doesn't mean it's going to
be easy, but it can be a learning opportunity that
if you have a reaction the next time, the next time,
you can And what's the best thing to do. Breathe? Okay, breathing,
(10:14):
taking a ten second pause, even counting to ten before
you react. You're not sure. Now, here's the thing. If
you have an automatic reaction, as Mickey says, a jerk reaction, Look,
(10:35):
the most important thing is that you realize, oh I
just reacted. I just reacted to this person. Okay, what
do I want to do now? Now? If you can
catch yourself before the reaction, Like you notice that someone
(10:56):
says something and you're like, ooh, I'm so angry at
what they just said, breathe count ten and then and
then either you can choose to say something or not.
(11:21):
When you become consciously aware of that you've been, that
you've had a reaction, that's when you can actually it
takes your power back from that other person, and that's
when you can make a conscious choice to either say
(11:46):
something or not. Now, you may choose that you do
not want to say something to them. It really depends
on what you're sensing or feeling at the moment. It
may be the best thing to ignore them because they
(12:06):
have maybe say something really stupid or really silly, and
sometimes it's best to just ignore it instead of reacting.
So here's the thing, now, no that this is a journey.
(12:28):
It's a process learning to not react right away when
someone says something. And again, sometimes some family members are
so I remember at family gatherings there was one family
(12:49):
member in my family when I was growing up that
most of us really disliked and he was disagreeable. He
was It was my uncle and all my parents, my aunts,
(13:12):
everybody else at the dinner table. He was just a
very insulting, obnoxious person. And I would watch sometimes family
members react. And I also remember when I was growing up,
(13:36):
as I got older, I remember because I would feel
intimidated by him because he was He was a very big, loud,
obnoxious character. And I remember one day thinking to myself,
(13:58):
how am I going to choose to be this holiday season?
How am I going to choose being around him? And
I remember thinking if I react to him, if I
(14:20):
get angry or fearful because of what he says or does,
I've let him win. And I said, you know what,
I'm not I am not going to do that anymore.
(14:41):
And what I did is I would go into family
gatherings feeling myself, feeling empowered, really making sure that I
felt really grounded and centered and clear and in my powered, empowered.
And I was not gonna let him bother me. And
(15:07):
you know what, I didn't. He was going to do
what he was going to do because that's just who
he was. And I was going and I did myself talk.
See self talk. Positive self talk is really an important
(15:29):
tool for you all during this holiday season and every
day of your life. Is what do you choose to
say to yourself? And I was going to say. What
(15:50):
I said was stay in your power, Nancy, you got this.
Don't let him trigger you. He's not worth it.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
And I breathe, and I ground ground and really feel
make sure that I stayed in my pack.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
And I had a lovely time. Every time I allowed
myself to be empowered and not let him or anyone
else affect me, I chose to have a good time
and I'm sharing this with all of you because I
(16:40):
want you all to know that you too can make
a conscious choice not to let anyone in your family
affect you and ruin your good lies time. Choose who
(17:03):
you want to be with, socialize with, allow yourself to
enjoy being with your family and your loved ones. Make
it a conscious choice. So what happens? How can you
(17:37):
work with triggers? Well, first of all, learning this is
a learning opportunity. Remember that, okay, And again it isn't
easy always to recognize. But as soon as you become
aware that you are, like I said, angry or annoyed, fearful,
(18:06):
or maybe there's shame or guilt. As soon as you
recognize a feeling, you can say to yourself, oh, I'm
noticing that I'm feeling a feeling and I am not
(18:36):
going to let them when. I am not going to
let this ruin my night. Because here's the thing. If
you notice a feeling and you notice you've been triggered,
you could go back to it at a later time
to try to understand it. And what I want to
(18:57):
support you in doing is if you notice that you've
been trigger guard, and you may want to imagine putting
it on a back burner, putting it take the energy
of what you're feeling, and allow yourself to imagine, imagine
(19:17):
putting it in the distance, and then coming back to
present time, to right here, right now, and breathe and breathe,
(19:46):
and know that once you become aware and you now,
why do you get triggered? What is the re eason
that you become triggered? So I'm going to do my
(20:07):
psych one on one lesson. You have your conscious mind,
and your conscious mind is the part of you that
has become aware that you've been triggered. Your conscious mind
is the part of you that joined us today, so
(20:29):
thank you for being here. Conscious mind of yours. Your
conscious mind is the one who makes the decision, the
conscious decision that empowers you. Now you're so conscious mind
is the one that reacts when you've gotten triggered. It's
(20:54):
coming from your subconscious mind. And subconscious mind is the
part of you from the moment you will conceived to
present time that reacts, that has all the limiting beliefs,
all the emotions. When you react when you've gotten triggered,
(21:23):
it's coming from your subconscious mind, and usually it's something
that happened in your past. Usually it's something that's happened
when you were a child, or a teenager or a
(21:44):
young adult. And you're still reacting. And I also want
you all to know everybody, this happens for everybody, Okay,
So it's nothing to be concerned about. It just is.
It's part of being human. We all have a subconscious
(22:06):
mind and we all react. And it's not that you
react or not react. It's when you've reacted to become
conscious and aware that someone is triggering you and coming back,
talking yourself back so that you can calm yourself down,
(22:30):
be present, have a good time. Now. If you need
to remove yourself for a few minutes, go to the bathroom,
go to another room, try to calm yourself down, do
what you need to do for that. Self care and
(22:51):
self care again is crucial. It's learning to calm yourself
down when you've noticed you reacted. It's learning to say
no when you need to say no. And again, I
(23:13):
know no is not an easy word for many of us,
because if you want to be loved, or you want
to be liked, or you don't want to hurt somebody,
sometimes it's really hard to say no, But I want
(23:35):
to remind you know is an important word to learn.
Learning to say no is really an essential part of
self care. And when you've gotten triggered, when you've noticed
(24:02):
that you're reacting, ask yourself, now, excuse me still getting
over being sick. When you've reacted and gotten triggered, ask yourself, well,
(24:28):
And it may not be in this moment, And it
may not be in the moment that you got triggered.
It may be when you need to come back to
it so that you can process it and understand it
more so that the next time that it happens you
can do something about it.
Speaker 4 (24:48):
So ask yourself, what's what is getting triggered?
Speaker 2 (25:03):
What's getting triggered for me right now? What is this person? Well,
what did this person do or say that really triggered me?
And like, for example, my uncle, he was just obnoxious.
(25:32):
He was a know it all you know, those people
they know it all. You can't you can't like tell
them anything because they know. And it was all about
him and he knew best, so there was no room
for anybody else really, and he could be really abusive
(26:00):
to people. He was not a nice person when he
was alive, MISTI, thank you. This is actually relaxing listening
to the story. Thank you, Misty. And so the bottom
(26:26):
line is, I said to myself, he's not a nice person.
And you know what, he was probably triggering himself. When
I was growing up, he was always there. He was
my uncle by marriage, but he was always at the
(26:46):
family gatherings. I don't like people like that, and it's
not someone who I want to be around. It's not
someone who I want to be with. But he was
always at the family gatherings. And so then finally, and
(27:14):
I would get triggered all the time, and yeah, mickey,
you know I would react. Okay, I knew I was reacting,
And there were times where, you know, when I was
growing up, I didn't know what else to do. I
did not have to change it. And then as I
(27:35):
started getting older, and as I started working on myself,
and as I started healing and realizing what he was
triggering in me were the people who were the no
at alls for abusive people I did not like. But
(28:04):
I knew he would be part of the family gathering
and I did not like. I made a conscious choice.
I wanted to be with my family, and he happened
to be there. So I was not going to let
him win. Nope, nope, no no. And so as I
started doing my healing work, and I started taking my
(28:27):
power back, and I started telling myself he's not worth it.
I'm not going to let him win. I am choosing
to stay present and grounded. And if I noticed during
(28:51):
the dinner that he did get away, he got in
or he started triggering me, I would go to another
room to calm myself down, gain my composure, and go
back to the dinner table. And that is what I
want to support all of you in doing. What I
(29:15):
want to support all of you in doing. Most of
all is knowing that you are empowered to take care
of yourself to do what you need to do as
long as it's not hurting you or someone else, because
you don't want to be hurtful or abusive, but you
(29:37):
want to be in self care. And that means sometimes
it means saying no. Sometimes it means setting boundaries like
this is not okay with me, or you need to
stop this, or getting up off at the table because
(29:58):
you choose not to listen to something and coming back
when you choose to. It's doing the self care that
will support you during the holiday event. And that's what's
most important. Is what can you do to take care
(30:23):
of you? And I really want you asking this question
during your holidays. If you're concerned about a person or
two or whatever, what do I need to do to
take care of me during this holiday dinner or during
(30:51):
the holidays. So I really want to support you and
asking yourself this question. Okay, Now I want to let
(31:12):
you know that we have a guided meditation to help
you get into a commer clearer state. And not only
do we have the meditation, but we have a PDF
to go with it. So go to Inspired and Empowered
(31:37):
Living dot com Forward slash Meditation me E D I
T A T I O N and it's the name
of the show, Inspired and Empowered Living dot com Forward
(31:58):
slash Meditation and download it so that you can feel
yourself clearing your energy, calming yourself down, getting into a
clearer space and asking a question, connecting with yourself, asking
(32:21):
a question that will help support you and making a decision.
So definitely download the meditation and rebel you can post
that in the chat. Now. The most important thing for
(32:48):
all of you during this holiday season is not do
you react or not react. It's noticing becoming more aware
of yourself during these holiday dinners so that you can
(33:10):
then start assessing what do you need to do to
keep taking care of you during the holidays, during the
holiday dinners and going forward in your life. This is
about gaining clarity about what you can do going forward
(33:34):
that will support you and being healthier yourself and having
healthier relationships going forward. And the more awareness that you
have in your relationships and how you are in your relationships,
(34:01):
the more you can take conscious action, which empowers you
to create healthier relationships. And so one of the most
(34:25):
important aspects is learning how to come from that calma
clearer space, and so you may have gotten help to
(34:47):
clear your energy connect more deeply. So when I say
connect more deeply, what I mean by that is you
want to connect to that adult part of you or
your higher self, that wise, unconditionally loving part of you
(35:12):
when you had been triggered. When you are triggered, what
happens is you're not in prison time anymore. You've actually
regressed to a younger state, to the little child inside
(35:38):
of you where that situation first began. And so it's
learning to heal those parts of you that need healing,
(36:00):
connecting with that part of you so that you can
then start making changes that you need to make in
order to help you have a better time during the
(36:25):
holidays and better relationships. And we're going to continue with
this next week. I have more than I want to
share with you to support you during this holiday season
(36:53):
how to destress. And Misty says Happy Thanksgiving, and I say, Misty,
Happy Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving to all of you, all of
you Americans, and I'm wishing you all around the world
Happy Thanksgiving whereever you are. And I want you all
(37:16):
to know that I am grateful for you. I'm grateful
for all of you who listen, live and join me
and post in the chat room, and I am grateful.
Country Corner says Happy Thanksgiving to you too, Thank you,
and I'm grateful. I'm grateful to all of you. And
(37:41):
so I'm wishing you all, whereever you are, a happy Thanksgiving.
And we will continue this next week for more understanding
about relationships to reduce relationship stress and to reduce stress
(38:07):
during this holiday season. And so I wish you all.
Mickey says Happy Thanksgiving too, Happy Thanksgiving, Mickey and I
wish you all again a happy Thanksgiving and join us
(38:31):
next Tuesday live Tuesday mornings at eleven am Eastern on
TALKFORTV dot com, W four WN dot com and my
YouTube channel. And you can listen to the podcast on iHeartRadio, Spotify, Apple, Pandora,
(38:56):
and Amazon and many more were and I wish you
all and inspired and empowered day and and inspired and
empowered week. Have great one everybody, Bye for now
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guest should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcasts are live Tuesday mornings at eleven
am Eastern on talk for TV dot com, W four
WN dot com, and my YouTube channel. And today we
(01:13):
will be talking about reducing relationship stress during the holidays.
Are there some people in your life that you are
not looking forward to seeing during the holidays. Find out
how to manage your relationship stress and live and Inspired
(01:40):
and Empowered life. You can also learn three principles on
how to boost your self care and be more centered
during the holidays, how to more effectively deal with difficult people,
(02:00):
and discover the number one mistake that would keep you
from having healthier and healthier relationships. Together, let's create a
life you love. I'm your host, Nancy Deutsch, licensed Clinical
(02:20):
social worker, certified hin therapists, and Intuitive Breakthrough Expert. I
combine my counseling, coaching and intuitive abilities to transform your life.
And this show is not a replacement for therapy or counseling.
It is for educational purposes only. Welcome everybody, and let's
(02:46):
talk relationships. First of all, what I want to remind
you is that relationships can be our greatest challenges in
team features, and they can be the most rewarding aspects
(03:07):
of our life. And during the holidays, we may have
some people that were really looking forward to seeing and
some people are, well, you could live without them, or
you really don't want to see them, And so we're
(03:27):
going to be talking how to navigate it all today.
Now let's show we ended with no's and oh's. And
the reason why I bring that up now is because
(03:47):
the word no and oh is a really important word
during the holidays, during all time during the year to
support you in self care and reduce your stress because
(04:12):
learning to say no. And here's the thing, no doesn't
always mean easy. Sometimes it can be really really hard
to say no to someone you love. And yet look
at it this way. When you love yourself and you're
(04:37):
doing self care, you're making yourself the priority over someone else.
And most of us didn't learn that. Most of us
never learned to make ourselves a priority. Most of us
(04:58):
learned to take care of everybody else, and now learning
to take care of yourself can seem selfish. And I'm
putting that in air quotes because it seems like other
people will call you selfish. And what I want to
(05:22):
say is it's not selfish to have essential self care.
And the word no and no is important for essential
self care. So, when you have people in your life,
(05:49):
and why do we have relationship stress? What creates that
relationship stress? So when you get triggered by another person,
and what I mean by triggered is you have an
(06:11):
emotional reaction. So it may be something that someone said,
or maybe it's something that someone did or didn't do,
and it really upset you and you may get really angry.
(06:39):
If you feel really angry or really annoyed at someone,
then you've been triggered. If you feel perhaps really nervous
or intimidated to be around them, you've been triggered. And
(07:02):
if you feel perhaps something, maybe there's grief. Okay, So
we have a question that came in Country Corners Gazette.
Will we recognize this right from the start or will
it come on as we go along? Well, it depends.
(07:25):
Sometimes you may get you may notice it right away,
like if you're talking to someone or you're let's say
you're at a family table a family gathering and someone
says something and all of a sudden, you notice that
you feel really angry, you feel really annoyed, or you
(07:51):
start feeling like really nervous to be around them. It's
becoming aware that you been triggered, because once you become aware,
then you can do something about it. Now. Usually what
(08:12):
I will tell you is I support you not to react,
and not to react by saying something or doing something
that you may later regret. And if you're not sure,
(08:39):
the best action is to take no action until you
are clear of what you want to say or do.
So you may recognize it right away that you've been triggered.
Or there are times and I know this has happened
(09:01):
for me, where it'll be like a day later and
then I'm like thinking about the event and all of
a sudden, I'm like, ooh, I was really triggered by
what that person said. And Micky says, it's not easy
to contain jerk reaction. So Micky, I agree with you.
(09:25):
It's not easy, not easy to contain jerk reactions or
automatic reactions. And what I want to support you in
doing is learning. See, this is a learning opportunity, So
(09:49):
I am Anything I'm saying doesn't mean it's going to
be easy, but it can be a learning opportunity that
if you have a reaction the next time, the next time,
you can And what's the best thing to do. Breathe? Okay, breathing,
(10:14):
taking a ten second pause, even counting to ten before
you react. You're not sure. Now, here's the thing. If
you have an automatic reaction, as Mickey says, a jerk reaction, Look,
(10:35):
the most important thing is that you realize, oh I
just reacted. I just reacted to this person. Okay, what
do I want to do now? Now? If you can
catch yourself before the reaction, Like you notice that someone
(10:56):
says something and you're like, ooh, I'm so angry at
what they just said, breathe count ten and then and
then either you can choose to say something or not.
(11:21):
When you become consciously aware of that you've been, that
you've had a reaction, that's when you can actually it
takes your power back from that other person, and that's
when you can make a conscious choice to either say
(11:46):
something or not. Now, you may choose that you do
not want to say something to them. It really depends
on what you're sensing or feeling at the moment. It
may be the best thing to ignore them because they
(12:06):
have maybe say something really stupid or really silly, and
sometimes it's best to just ignore it instead of reacting.
So here's the thing, now, no that this is a journey.
(12:28):
It's a process learning to not react right away when
someone says something. And again, sometimes some family members are
so I remember at family gatherings there was one family
(12:49):
member in my family when I was growing up that
most of us really disliked and he was disagreeable. He
was It was my uncle and all my parents, my aunts,
(13:12):
everybody else at the dinner table. He was just a
very insulting, obnoxious person. And I would watch sometimes family
members react. And I also remember when I was growing up,
(13:36):
as I got older, I remember because I would feel
intimidated by him because he was He was a very big, loud,
obnoxious character. And I remember one day thinking to myself,
(13:58):
how am I going to choose to be this holiday season?
How am I going to choose being around him? And
I remember thinking if I react to him, if I
(14:20):
get angry or fearful because of what he says or does,
I've let him win. And I said, you know what,
I'm not I am not going to do that anymore.
(14:41):
And what I did is I would go into family
gatherings feeling myself, feeling empowered, really making sure that I
felt really grounded and centered and clear and in my powered, empowered.
And I was not gonna let him bother me. And
(15:07):
you know what, I didn't. He was going to do
what he was going to do because that's just who
he was. And I was going and I did myself talk.
See self talk. Positive self talk is really an important
(15:29):
tool for you all during this holiday season and every
day of your life. Is what do you choose to
say to yourself? And I was going to say. What
(15:50):
I said was stay in your power, Nancy, you got this.
Don't let him trigger you. He's not worth it.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
And I breathe, and I ground ground and really feel
make sure that I stayed in my pack.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
And I had a lovely time. Every time I allowed
myself to be empowered and not let him or anyone
else affect me, I chose to have a good time
and I'm sharing this with all of you because I
(16:40):
want you all to know that you too can make
a conscious choice not to let anyone in your family
affect you and ruin your good lies time. Choose who
(17:03):
you want to be with, socialize with, allow yourself to
enjoy being with your family and your loved ones. Make
it a conscious choice. So what happens? How can you
(17:37):
work with triggers? Well, first of all, learning this is
a learning opportunity. Remember that, okay, And again it isn't
easy always to recognize. But as soon as you become
aware that you are, like I said, angry or annoyed, fearful,
(18:06):
or maybe there's shame or guilt. As soon as you
recognize a feeling, you can say to yourself, oh, I'm
noticing that I'm feeling a feeling and I am not
(18:36):
going to let them when. I am not going to
let this ruin my night. Because here's the thing. If
you notice a feeling and you notice you've been triggered,
you could go back to it at a later time
to try to understand it. And what I want to
(18:57):
support you in doing is if you notice that you've
been trigger guard, and you may want to imagine putting
it on a back burner, putting it take the energy
of what you're feeling, and allow yourself to imagine, imagine
(19:17):
putting it in the distance, and then coming back to
present time, to right here, right now, and breathe and breathe,
(19:46):
and know that once you become aware and you now,
why do you get triggered? What is the re eason
that you become triggered? So I'm going to do my
(20:07):
psych one on one lesson. You have your conscious mind,
and your conscious mind is the part of you that
has become aware that you've been triggered. Your conscious mind
is the part of you that joined us today, so
(20:29):
thank you for being here. Conscious mind of yours. Your
conscious mind is the one who makes the decision, the
conscious decision that empowers you. Now you're so conscious mind
is the one that reacts when you've gotten triggered. It's
(20:54):
coming from your subconscious mind. And subconscious mind is the
part of you from the moment you will conceived to
present time that reacts, that has all the limiting beliefs,
all the emotions. When you react when you've gotten triggered,
(21:23):
it's coming from your subconscious mind, and usually it's something
that happened in your past. Usually it's something that's happened
when you were a child, or a teenager or a
(21:44):
young adult. And you're still reacting. And I also want
you all to know everybody, this happens for everybody, Okay,
So it's nothing to be concerned about. It just is.
It's part of being human. We all have a subconscious
(22:06):
mind and we all react. And it's not that you
react or not react. It's when you've reacted to become
conscious and aware that someone is triggering you and coming back,
talking yourself back so that you can calm yourself down,
(22:30):
be present, have a good time. Now. If you need
to remove yourself for a few minutes, go to the bathroom,
go to another room, try to calm yourself down, do
what you need to do for that. Self care and
(22:51):
self care again is crucial. It's learning to calm yourself
down when you've noticed you reacted. It's learning to say
no when you need to say no. And again, I
(23:13):
know no is not an easy word for many of us,
because if you want to be loved, or you want
to be liked, or you don't want to hurt somebody,
sometimes it's really hard to say no, But I want
(23:35):
to remind you know is an important word to learn.
Learning to say no is really an essential part of
self care. And when you've gotten triggered, when you've noticed
(24:02):
that you're reacting, ask yourself, now, excuse me still getting
over being sick. When you've reacted and gotten triggered, ask yourself, well,
(24:28):
And it may not be in this moment, And it
may not be in the moment that you got triggered.
It may be when you need to come back to
it so that you can process it and understand it
more so that the next time that it happens you
can do something about it.
Speaker 4 (24:48):
So ask yourself, what's what is getting triggered?
Speaker 2 (25:03):
What's getting triggered for me right now? What is this person? Well,
what did this person do or say that really triggered me?
And like, for example, my uncle, he was just obnoxious.
(25:32):
He was a know it all you know, those people
they know it all. You can't you can't like tell
them anything because they know. And it was all about
him and he knew best, so there was no room
for anybody else really, and he could be really abusive
(26:00):
to people. He was not a nice person when he
was alive, MISTI, thank you. This is actually relaxing listening
to the story. Thank you, Misty. And so the bottom
(26:26):
line is, I said to myself, he's not a nice person.
And you know what, he was probably triggering himself. When
I was growing up, he was always there. He was
my uncle by marriage, but he was always at the
(26:46):
family gatherings. I don't like people like that, and it's
not someone who I want to be around. It's not
someone who I want to be with. But he was
always at the family gatherings. And so then finally, and
(27:14):
I would get triggered all the time, and yeah, mickey,
you know I would react. Okay, I knew I was reacting,
And there were times where, you know, when I was
growing up, I didn't know what else to do. I
did not have to change it. And then as I
(27:35):
started getting older, and as I started working on myself,
and as I started healing and realizing what he was
triggering in me were the people who were the no
at alls for abusive people I did not like. But
(28:04):
I knew he would be part of the family gathering
and I did not like. I made a conscious choice.
I wanted to be with my family, and he happened
to be there. So I was not going to let
him win. Nope, nope, no no. And so as I
started doing my healing work, and I started taking my
(28:27):
power back, and I started telling myself he's not worth it.
I'm not going to let him win. I am choosing
to stay present and grounded. And if I noticed during
(28:51):
the dinner that he did get away, he got in
or he started triggering me, I would go to another
room to calm myself down, gain my composure, and go
back to the dinner table. And that is what I
want to support all of you in doing. What I
(29:15):
want to support all of you in doing. Most of
all is knowing that you are empowered to take care
of yourself to do what you need to do as
long as it's not hurting you or someone else, because
you don't want to be hurtful or abusive, but you
(29:37):
want to be in self care. And that means sometimes
it means saying no. Sometimes it means setting boundaries like
this is not okay with me, or you need to
stop this, or getting up off at the table because
(29:58):
you choose not to listen to something and coming back
when you choose to. It's doing the self care that
will support you during the holiday event. And that's what's
most important. Is what can you do to take care
(30:23):
of you? And I really want you asking this question
during your holidays. If you're concerned about a person or
two or whatever, what do I need to do to
take care of me during this holiday dinner or during
(30:51):
the holidays. So I really want to support you and
asking yourself this question. Okay, Now I want to let
(31:12):
you know that we have a guided meditation to help
you get into a commer clearer state. And not only
do we have the meditation, but we have a PDF
to go with it. So go to Inspired and Empowered
(31:37):
Living dot com Forward slash Meditation me E D I
T A T I O N and it's the name
of the show, Inspired and Empowered Living dot com Forward
(31:58):
slash Meditation and download it so that you can feel
yourself clearing your energy, calming yourself down, getting into a
clearer space and asking a question, connecting with yourself, asking
(32:21):
a question that will help support you and making a decision.
So definitely download the meditation and rebel you can post
that in the chat. Now. The most important thing for
(32:48):
all of you during this holiday season is not do
you react or not react. It's noticing becoming more aware
of yourself during these holiday dinners so that you can
(33:10):
then start assessing what do you need to do to
keep taking care of you during the holidays, during the
holiday dinners and going forward in your life. This is
about gaining clarity about what you can do going forward
(33:34):
that will support you and being healthier yourself and having
healthier relationships going forward. And the more awareness that you
have in your relationships and how you are in your relationships,
(34:01):
the more you can take conscious action, which empowers you
to create healthier relationships. And so one of the most
(34:25):
important aspects is learning how to come from that calma
clearer space, and so you may have gotten help to
(34:47):
clear your energy connect more deeply. So when I say
connect more deeply, what I mean by that is you
want to connect to that adult part of you or
your higher self, that wise, unconditionally loving part of you
(35:12):
when you had been triggered. When you are triggered, what
happens is you're not in prison time anymore. You've actually
regressed to a younger state, to the little child inside
(35:38):
of you where that situation first began. And so it's
learning to heal those parts of you that need healing,
(36:00):
connecting with that part of you so that you can
then start making changes that you need to make in
order to help you have a better time during the
(36:25):
holidays and better relationships. And we're going to continue with
this next week. I have more than I want to
share with you to support you during this holiday season
(36:53):
how to destress. And Misty says Happy Thanksgiving, and I say, Misty,
Happy Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving to all of you, all of
you Americans, and I'm wishing you all around the world
Happy Thanksgiving whereever you are. And I want you all
(37:16):
to know that I am grateful for you. I'm grateful
for all of you who listen, live and join me
and post in the chat room, and I am grateful.
Country Corner says Happy Thanksgiving to you too, Thank you,
and I'm grateful. I'm grateful to all of you. And
(37:41):
so I'm wishing you all, whereever you are, a happy Thanksgiving.
And we will continue this next week for more understanding
about relationships to reduce relationship stress and to reduce stress
(38:07):
during this holiday season. And so I wish you all.
Mickey says Happy Thanksgiving too, Happy Thanksgiving, Mickey and I
wish you all again a happy Thanksgiving and join us
(38:31):
next Tuesday live Tuesday mornings at eleven am Eastern on
TALKFORTV dot com, W four WN dot com and my
YouTube channel. And you can listen to the podcast on iHeartRadio, Spotify, Apple, Pandora,
(38:56):
and Amazon and many more were and I wish you
all and inspired and empowered day and and inspired and
empowered week. Have great one everybody, Bye for now
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