May 15, 2025 • 39 mins
Your voice is more than just words — it's how you lead, inspire, and magnetize your dream clients.
In this episode of Inspired & Empowered Living, I’m sharing soulful strategies and intuitive tools to help you:
Speak with confidence
Communicate with compassion
Share your truth with clarity and purpose
If you've ever felt afraid to speak up, struggled to articulate your value, or held back your message—this one's for you. Your voice is your power. Let’s activate it.
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
In this episode of Inspired & Empowered Living, I’m sharing soulful strategies and intuitive tools to help you:
Speak with confidence
Communicate with compassion
Share your truth with clarity and purpose
If you've ever felt afraid to speak up, struggled to articulate your value, or held back your message—this one's for you. Your voice is your power. Let’s activate it.
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guest should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcast. We All lied Thursdays at five
pm Eastern on Talk for TV dot com, W FOURWN
dot com and my YouTube channel. And today we are
(01:11):
continuing where we left off. So we're going to be
talking about continuing to talk about the power of your voice.
Communicate with confidence, clarity, and compassion. Are you ready to
live and Inspired and Empowered life. I'm your host, Nancy Deutch,
(01:35):
licensed clinical social worker, certified hypnotherapist, and Intuitive break business coach,
and today we're going to continue to talk about really
being able to understand the power of your voice and
how the power of your voice really be like it
(01:59):
is the most important thing when you're in communication and
communication is essential in every area of your life. And
so we're going to explore more about effective communication and
what would keep you from having that effective communication with confidence, clarity,
(02:24):
and compassion. There's a part of me that wants to
say conviction disease. And also know this is not a
replacement for therapy or counseling. It is for educational purposes only.
So last time we talked about we were talking about
(02:46):
the fear of judgment and we were talking about lack
of clarity, and I want to go deeper into both
of those because both of those issues will and do
a effect your ability to clearly communicate with confidence and
clarity and convention. And so when you have the fear
(03:12):
of judgment and the fear of judgment is what happens
is you end up getting re triggered from past experiences
and your nervous system. What happens in your nervous system
is that you will go into the stress response fight, fight,
(03:39):
and freeze. So if someone or you feel like someone
because even sometimes you may feel it but it may
not even be real, but many times it could be real.
So both of those are possible. And what happens is
(03:59):
you go into that trigger reaction, that subconscious patterning that
I talk about, the part of you, that subconscious mind
who has recorded everything from the moment you work conceived
to present time and all the limiting beliefs, and all
the emotions and all the trauma gets retriggered. And so
(04:22):
when you go into fight, you'll fight and you get aggressive.
When you go into flee, fleeing, you want to run,
you want to hide. And then there is freeze. How
many of you freeze and freeze? I was just talking
to a client earlier today, and she was talking about
(04:45):
how in her relationship, once her partner goes into call
her Suzanne, and once her partner goes into this anger
and this rage, she freezes and she shuts down, and
she wants to speak, she wants to say something, and
(05:07):
she can't. And so when you have that fear of
judgment or fear, it's you're having a fear reaction. You
can easily go into one of those expressions. And and
the key is is learning to discover more of what's underneath,
(05:31):
what's under the cover, What what's under the covers, what's
under that that that that anger or that freeze reaction. Okay, okay,
I see your your question, Annisation, I'll get to it second.
And and so it's it's learn to understand what's been triggered.
(05:57):
Let me get to Anastasia's question, don't hand we stop hand.
So what there's a few answers to that question, Thank you, Anna, Satia.
One is that the subconscious that is automatic, you go
on automatic, and when you're in automatic mode, you're not
(06:20):
able to stop it if you're not aware of what's
going on underneath. So that's why I said, the first
thing that needs to happen is for you to understand
where is that you're coming from. So with Suzanne, I'll
give you example. When we started talking about it, I said,
(06:43):
who does Evan remind you of? And she's like, she
said her verse husband, I said, and who does he
remind you of? Because there was a pattern that she
kept attracting ragers in her life. Now, you can have
rages in your personal life, you can have rages in
(07:04):
your business. Have you ever had experiences where at the
job or in your business or as an entrepreneur you've
had clients or rages, or you've had coworkers or you've
had bosses that are rags. So ragers can happen anywhere,
and it's about learning how to plm yourself down, understand
(07:30):
what's going on so that you can emotionally regulate. And
we're going to talk more about emotional regulation too, because
emotional regulation is key in being able to have clear communication. So, yes,
you're subconscious will go on automatic. Now two scenarios. One is,
(07:55):
if you haven't healed the reaction and you go into
the automatic reaction of fight, flight or freeze, you will instinctively,
it's instinct. Animals have it, We have it. It's part
of our survival mechanism. Here is the thing I want
(08:15):
you to know that you can change it. You can't.
But the first thing that needs to happen is that awareness.
So what is underneath that, let's say freeze reaction. So
when I asked Suzanne again what happens for her? And
(08:37):
I said, who else beside your first husband? Who else
triggered you? And she knew from our work together that
it was her mother. Her mother was a rager, and
so she knew that when So what happens for her
is when Evan starts screaming at her or getting angry
(09:02):
at her, that fear, that fear reaction surfaces, and instead
of being able to assert ourselves and speak our truth
and be clear in her communication, she goes she can't talk,
She can't talk, and it's like and I understand the
freeze reaction, Like I understand all of them because I've
(09:24):
had them all most of us probably have in certain areas.
So and what she realized is that her mother was
the culprit or the reason why she had that freeze reaction.
And so I said to her, we're going to continue
(09:45):
to work on So we will continue to work on it.
And listen, I want you all to know that it's
a journey. It's not a destination. That the journey of
your healing, of your evolution, of your ability to be
to communicate clearly and have an empowered voice and to
(10:06):
communicate with confidence. I keep wanting to say conviction, confidence, conviction, clarity,
and compassion is possible, and it's a journey. So okay,
So Misty asks, would you define raga for people? Please?
(10:27):
Thank you, missy. Okay. So, the way that I define
a rager is someone it's it's they have that reaction,
that fear or that they get really triggered. And let's say,
let's say when you are a kid and maybe you
spilled milk like it's a normal thing, and instead of
(10:50):
your parent or your mom your dad saying, oh let
me clean it up, it's okay, it's okay. Mistakes happen,
your mother, your father's thoughts, screaming and yelling, what's wrong
with you? Why can't you keep up glass together or whatever,
and they go into the rage and the anger and
(11:13):
the aggression. And when with ragers, rages are scary. Rages
are scary because their rage is out of control and
they feel scared. I've had relationships with rags and after
the rage, the next day they're like, I'm so sorry,
I'm so sorry, Please forgive me, please, because they have
(11:36):
all this shame come up about the rage that they had.
Those that are more aware, some of them, it's like,
you know, next day whatever and or next rage. It
depends on the parents or the caretaker or the person.
So when so, hopefully, misty, that was clear, and if
(11:57):
you need any more explanation, and let me know when
you so, so you have that pattern and you feel like, okay,
how am I ever going to change that? What happens
is at over time, as you heal that core wound,
(12:18):
When you heal the core wound and you start working
on it, I see Mickey that you you have a question,
I'll answer and shortly and when you have the core wound.
They that it's it's like, it's it's a like I said,
it's a journey, and it's a process. But learning to
(12:38):
heal that core wound, you begin to feel more empowered,
more confident to express yourself. And I'm going to give
you another example I had talked about the Jenny and
Jimmy and Jenny, Jenny also was a person that went
into freeze, and Jimmy was a rager also and would
(13:01):
react like that. And what happened as Jenny and Jimmy
and I worked together. What happened was Jenny was able
to start what we call emotional regulations. She was able
to breathe and ground, and she was able to come
back into alignment into present time, and she was able
(13:26):
to assert herself or speak her truth or take care
of herself. So if Jimmy went into a rage, she
would say, if you don't quiet down, I'm going to leave,
and she would had to leave at times. Now, what
happened with Jimmy in his journey is he started understanding
(13:46):
his rage and what was under me, and he started
learning new tools and techniques like the countdown, Like Okay,
I'm getting triggered right now by blah blah blah that
Jenny just said, breathe and you know, and really I
want to remind you self talk. Self talk is crucial
(14:07):
because self talk can help talk you out of that
instant reaction. And the more aware and the more self
aware that you are, the more that you can learn
to breathe and not react, either in the rage or
in the freeze or even in the flight like I'm
(14:29):
out of here, because you can't have healthy communication if
both people aren't showing up. And so it's really important
to learn the skills of that being able to work
on yourself and heal and understand those things. Now, Mickey,
Mickey said, why don't they control their rage? Okay, So
(14:54):
what happens, Micky is over time rage. Remember I said,
it's the fear reaction. So you can either and it's instinctive,
and you can act aggressively. You can act, you can freeze,
or you can you can flee white and this is instinctual.
(15:18):
And then what happens is this generational path. So you
will find that if you grew up in a family
where there was a rager in the house, so if
your mother was a rager or your father was a rager,
and I've worked with people that had both, or a
(15:39):
caretaker or a teacher, or there was somebody in your
life where you were subjected to that rage. And most
of the time it's a parent or a caretaker, But
if you were continually subjected to the rage or there
was a real traumatic experience around it, you can very
(16:01):
easily either become the rager yourself or attract rages. And
that's why people rage because they don't know how to
deal with their own anger. They feel powerless or out
of control or whatever is going on for them. And
(16:22):
I'm not making it okay because rage is scary and
some I mean, I work with people where where rage
was became physically abusive and there was physical abuse or
rage could lead to I mean, it could lead to hitting, fighting,
hurting other people. And that's why whenever I talk about anger,
(16:43):
I always say, you want to be able to feel
your anger and express your anger and healthy ways where
you're not hurting yourself, someone else, or the environment. So
that's what happens about with rage. And so it's a
generational pattern and it continues through the generations until someone
(17:08):
breaks the cycle. So that's why, so Misty, you should
explain speak your truth so people can know for sure
what is meant. Okay, So when I'm talking about speaking
your truth, I'm talking about coming from a place of
being authentic. I'm coming from a place where you're sharing.
(17:32):
Like when in healthy communication and when you're expressing the
power of your voice, you want communication with confidence, viction, clarity,
and compassion. You are being able to express what your
(17:52):
needs are, what your wants are. You're able to let
the other person know in healthy communication that maybe what
they did was upsetting or hurt you. I felt I
felt angry when you behaved like blah blah blah. And
it's very important when in healthy communication to make sure
(18:14):
that you're not blaming the other person. You're not ing
them shaming them, because that only leads to unhealthy communication.
You're naming their behavior that was upsetting to you in
a healthy way where you're owning your feelings and you're
(18:34):
able to say, I'm feeling this and this is really
what I need from you. So in the case of
a rage, and I will tell you because I personally
dealt with that, I shared the last live show that
my mother was a rage. So I'm very familiar with rage.
And what happened is I attracted people in my life,
(19:00):
romantic partners and friends who are rageous, and very often
the thing where I talked about they felt shame and
they would be so apologetic and then I'd say, you know,
I really need you not to rage, but you can't
tell that to all rage. They need to learn new
coping skills. And this is really important whether you're in
(19:21):
fight rage or or fighting or angry aggression and it
may not go into rage, but it may you have
that angry tone or there's anger coming up for you
and or you're in that flight mode and you just
want to flee out of there, or you're in freeze.
(19:42):
And the more that you learn to be able to
understand and help yourself and breathe and know that you
can work through this. But you need new helping skills.
You need new coping skills that will change those behaviors
(20:08):
that are not comfortable. And that's what happened with Jenny
and Jimmy is both of them, as we work together,
they got new coping skills and so what happened was
their whole relationships started changing. I started becoming healthy communicators
instead of unhealthy communicators. Now here's the thing I want
(20:30):
you all to know. I'm not making any of you wrong.
I want you to come into awareness, awareness of who
you are and how you react in situations when you
get triggered, because that reaction is crucial and key for
you to work through what you need to be able
(20:50):
to have the power of your voice, clear communication and
moving forward with that confidence, clarity, and passion for yourself
and for the others. So and so speaking your truth,
getting back to Misty's questions, speaking your truth is coming
from that place of authenticity, coming from the place of
(21:14):
what your truth is in a healthy, appropriate way. So
like what I was talking about with healthy communication, I felt, well,
I felt really hurt when you ignored my texts. I'll
give you an example. Or I felt I felt really
(21:36):
sad when you weren't available from me. I felt it
sad and disappointed. And so that's healthy clear communication. So
that's that is shifting the energy and hopefully that explains it.
If you have any other pieces to that, or you
want to any other questions, let me know that's learned.
(22:00):
And also holding that seems learned and also holding onto
issues in life. I think Misty and I'm not sure
because I know I was talking and I didn't see
that other piece. So I think you're talking about what
happens in the generational line with rage, or what happens
(22:23):
because you will react from your own place of what
you needed to feel safe in your life when you
were growing up. And so it is learned, yes, the rage,
it is learned. Yeah, yeah, yeah, And so it's definitely
a generational pattern. And I want you all to know,
(22:44):
whether you are the rager or you are the recipient
of the rage, you can take care of yourself. You
can empower yourself, and you can shift the behavior as
you learn new healthy coping skills. So, and we're going
to talk a little bit more about that. So Anastasia asks,
(23:08):
what if they don't show remorse after the rage? Okay,
good question. There are good questions. I mean, I really
want to say thank you all of you for asking
the questions. You know, I love your questions. So if
they don't show remorse, then you need to question, Well,
if it's a personal relationship, you want a question do
(23:32):
you want this person in your life? Now? If it's
if it's a romantic partner or a friend, you have
choice because if they're not showing remorse and they don't
care that they raged and hurt you, that's attacking, and
that is something you need to look at. Do you
want this person in your life? If they're a family
(23:54):
and this is all all of it. What you can
do if it's a family member or a boss or
somebody else that you can't necessarily And if it's a
boss or somebody at work and you're at a job,
then you want to be able. Then you may want
to get another job and work with somebody. That's not
(24:17):
that way to take care of yourself. The bottom line
is is what's going to empower you and help you
to take care of yourself. That's your priority is for
you to find a safe place. So if there's a
rager and they're happening, what I do is I say,
(24:37):
if they can control themselves, And very often I will
tell you from personal experience, once a rager is in
the rage, very often they don't hear you. They can't
hear you, and they don't know how to control themselves.
And you need to take care of yourself so that
(24:58):
you can. And that's why I learned learning how to
come out of freeze and in this case, flight might
be a good thing because it could be protective of
what you need. But here's the thing with flight. You
want if you want a healthy relationship, you want to
be able to come back and communicate in healthy ways. Now,
(25:18):
if a rager is not able to own their stuff,
that they may not be a healthy person to be
in a healthy relationship with. And so you need to
do what you need to do to take care of yourself,
protect yourself and read the situation, or take a time out,
(25:38):
or do what you need to do so that you
are taking care of yourself. And I know that I
kept repeating that, but that's safety, emotional safety and physical safety.
Physical safety and emotional safety is of the utmost important,
crucial essential. So and if they don't show that remorse again,
(26:00):
look at is there somebody you really want to be
in a relationship or be around. Now it's a family member,
then you need to figure out how much you really
want to be around them as well. I will tell
you that through the years, what happened with me is
as I got older and I became an adult, and
(26:20):
I learned to handle my emotions, and my relationship with
my mother changed, and the way she raged was not okay,
and she didn't do that to me anymore. She knew
that she couldn't do it anymore because I had become healthier.
So still it's about working through your own stuff to
(26:44):
do that, to heal those issues. And if you are
a rager or if you are in a relationship, what
you want to look at is how do you heal
those parts of you that were raged at when you
were a child and how scary that might have been,
and learning to take care of that precious little girl
(27:09):
or boy inside of you. And what happens is is
that as you heal yourself and as you get healthier,
and you start asserting yourself, not being aggressive back, because
then when you're in aggressive back, you're in this power struggle.
I mean, if you know about rage and then you
(27:30):
start engaging them. See one of the things I always
say to clients, and I know I've said it on
the show before, is if there's somebody who's raging, you
want to disengage. You do not want to confront them
because that will only escalate the situation. So you definitely
(27:50):
want to read the situation to take care of yourself
and not escalate the situation. So hopefully okay, So, so
what can you do well fear of judgment, fear, the
fear I want you to know, fear can be rewired.
When I say rewired, remember I said the nervous system.
(28:13):
What happens is your nervous system is up being used
to that that trigger that reaction. And so part of
your healing, part of you the learning experience. And I
said new coping mechanisms, new coping strategies. So one of
(28:36):
the things is to learn how to develop self commission.
And here's that compassion And what is compassion. Compassion is
it's kindness towards yourself. Compassion is trust, it's its acceptance,
and it's being able to love yourself even though you
(28:59):
had an experience, or being able to love yourself through
whatever's going on. And learning self compassion is a huge
healing tool and coping skill. And then again what I
was talking about is you want to identify and heal
(29:23):
poor wounds around your fears. Your fear of judgment, your
fear of whatever, fear of success, your fear of visibility,
your fear of being heard. Because we're talking about communication
and you may have a fear of being heard because
(29:46):
when you were growing up, you were shut down. It
wasn't oh, and how many of you grew up in families, Oh,
it's okay for children to be seen but not heard,
and so you shut that down. So you want to
be able to learn how to really heal those wounds.
(30:08):
And sometimes you may need help. You may need help
to do that. You may need a therapist or a coach,
depending on what it is you're working on to be
able to heal those core wounds. And then you want
to surround yourself with supportive people, creating a supportive community
that's going to support you in your healing, in your journey.
(30:32):
And I've been very grateful and blessed through my healing
journey that I've always managed to find those healing communities.
I really want to support you to find a community
that will help you to support you in healing and
(30:53):
becoming a better communicator and understanding yourself and understanding your
issues more deeply. And what just popped for me is
there's no non violent communication. They have communities. There's a
lot of healthier communities where you can find support to
(31:17):
help you be healthier and have healthier communication. And then
it's coming back to that authentic expression and being able
to speak your truth, being able to allow yourself to
express yourself in a real way. And hopefully you've created
(31:40):
relationships where they can hear you and you can hear them,
and you can have a healthy relationship. That's what you want.
And here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
You know.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
You may need help. You may need that counseling or
coaching in order, either individually or together. For example, Jenny
and Jimmy could not have gotten where they are if
they did not have help. The same thing with Suzanne.
Suzanne wants to be healthier so that she doesn't have
(32:13):
to freeze when Evan goes into the rage, and then
at some point she's gonna maybe talk to him about
taking care of himself and getting the help he needs.
All possibility, all possibility. So I just want to remind
you that you can go to Inspired and Empowered Living
(32:38):
dot com forward slash Meditation for meditation to clear your
energy and to ground you and to help you get
into a clearer state so that you can listen to
the communication coming to you from the intuitive realm, from
your intuition, and being able to then express that in
(33:04):
healthy ways to the people in your life. So it's
inspired and empowered living dot com Forward slash Meditation ned
it a t io n so the name of the
show dot com Forward slash Meditation, And it also has
(33:27):
a PDF if you don't like meditation, so you definitely
want to download it and to really support you in
moving forward on your path. And I'm going to talk
about that clarity. If you want to communicate but you're
not clear, the communication will not come through clearly. And
(33:50):
one of the first things, and I'm combining this, one
of the first things that you want to do is
to deal with your emotions. So you want to know,
like what are you reacting to? So are you reacting
with the anger? Are you reacting with the fear? Are
(34:10):
you reacting with sadness or grief or disappointment or frustration?
Is learning to be able to get clear and get
the clarity you need in order for you to be
able to clearly communicate. And I'm also going to support
(34:31):
you if you are not clear. And sometimes what happens
is you need to process what you need to process
before you can come clearly communicate. You take the time
that you need to process your stuff, your issues, so
that you can do it from a place of hopefully
(34:54):
less emotion and really coming from that place of confidence
of and compassion, and that place is when you're in alignment.
But in order to get into that alignment, you need
to clear the energy so that you can speak with clarity. Now,
when you want to have the clarity, you want to
(35:20):
be able to reflect what triggered you where what's going
on emotionally is this from and usually it is from
your past. They're reminding you of something that maybe your
parents did or said, or a caretaker or a school teacher,
all of that could be those triggers. And then you
(35:45):
want to be able to ground yourself feeling, feeling your breath,
feeling your feet on the floor, being able to feel
more in alignment. Then you can communicate. And when you're
clear on your wants, on your needs, then you can
(36:07):
and your feelings. Then you can communicate in a very
clear way that hopefully the other person can hear. And
people are more likely to hear you when you're doing
you're coming from that space than when there's anger. When
there's anger and there's and both of you are angry, disengage,
(36:31):
disengage so or even when you're in the fear reaction.
You're not going to be able to express yourself clearly
until you calm yourself down. You come back into present time,
because what has happened is you have gone back into
the past. You've regressed. So you want to come back
(36:51):
into present time and feel grounded and centered connected. And
then it's learning to practice owning your speaking your truth.
You can practice with friends. That's why also a supportive
support group or a supportive community can help you. I
call it role playing, and you role play with somebody else,
(37:16):
practicing what you want to say to the other person.
And that can be a really effective technique, whether it's
in your personal life or needing to say something to
your boss, or needing to say something to another person
or coworker, whatever it is. Practice and find supportive people
to practice with, and so really getting what is it
(37:42):
and asking yourself, what do I want to say? What
is it that I need or I'm feeling that I
need to communicate to the other person. And when you
are that in that clarity space, you're ready. Now hope
that other person is ready too, and then you can
(38:04):
have a healthy conversation. Now that emotional centeredness, being able
to calm yourself down emotion. And I know I said
it in the beginning, it's crucial, so important. Owed, We're
going to continue talk creat talking more about more things
(38:24):
for inspired and empowered living, and so join us next
Thursday at five o'clock pm on talk for TV dot com,
W four WN dot com, and my YouTube channel. And
you can also hear the podcast on iHeartRadio, Spotify and Dora, Apple,
(38:47):
Amazon and many more. So remember you can shift your reaction.
That you have the power to do that, and it's
a journey of self awareness and self discovery and healing.
And so I look forward to connecting with you next week,
(39:10):
and I wish you all an inspired and empowered day
and an inspired and empowered week. Caligrate when everybody by
for now
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guest should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcast. We All lied Thursdays at five
pm Eastern on Talk for TV dot com, W FOURWN
dot com and my YouTube channel. And today we are
(01:11):
continuing where we left off. So we're going to be
talking about continuing to talk about the power of your voice.
Communicate with confidence, clarity, and compassion. Are you ready to
live and Inspired and Empowered life. I'm your host, Nancy Deutch,
(01:35):
licensed clinical social worker, certified hypnotherapist, and Intuitive break business coach,
and today we're going to continue to talk about really
being able to understand the power of your voice and
how the power of your voice really be like it
(01:59):
is the most important thing when you're in communication and
communication is essential in every area of your life. And
so we're going to explore more about effective communication and
what would keep you from having that effective communication with confidence, clarity,
(02:24):
and compassion. There's a part of me that wants to
say conviction disease. And also know this is not a
replacement for therapy or counseling. It is for educational purposes only.
So last time we talked about we were talking about
(02:46):
the fear of judgment and we were talking about lack
of clarity, and I want to go deeper into both
of those because both of those issues will and do
a effect your ability to clearly communicate with confidence and
clarity and convention. And so when you have the fear
(03:12):
of judgment and the fear of judgment is what happens
is you end up getting re triggered from past experiences
and your nervous system. What happens in your nervous system
is that you will go into the stress response fight, fight,
(03:39):
and freeze. So if someone or you feel like someone
because even sometimes you may feel it but it may
not even be real, but many times it could be real.
So both of those are possible. And what happens is
(03:59):
you go into that trigger reaction, that subconscious patterning that
I talk about, the part of you, that subconscious mind
who has recorded everything from the moment you work conceived
to present time and all the limiting beliefs, and all
the emotions and all the trauma gets retriggered. And so
(04:22):
when you go into fight, you'll fight and you get aggressive.
When you go into flee, fleeing, you want to run,
you want to hide. And then there is freeze. How
many of you freeze and freeze? I was just talking
to a client earlier today, and she was talking about
(04:45):
how in her relationship, once her partner goes into call
her Suzanne, and once her partner goes into this anger
and this rage, she freezes and she shuts down, and
she wants to speak, she wants to say something, and
(05:07):
she can't. And so when you have that fear of
judgment or fear, it's you're having a fear reaction. You
can easily go into one of those expressions. And and
the key is is learning to discover more of what's underneath,
(05:31):
what's under the cover, What what's under the covers, what's
under that that that that anger or that freeze reaction. Okay, okay,
I see your your question, Annisation, I'll get to it second.
And and so it's it's learn to understand what's been triggered.
(05:57):
Let me get to Anastasia's question, don't hand we stop hand.
So what there's a few answers to that question, Thank you, Anna, Satia.
One is that the subconscious that is automatic, you go
on automatic, and when you're in automatic mode, you're not
(06:20):
able to stop it if you're not aware of what's
going on underneath. So that's why I said, the first
thing that needs to happen is for you to understand
where is that you're coming from. So with Suzanne, I'll
give you example. When we started talking about it, I said,
(06:43):
who does Evan remind you of? And she's like, she
said her verse husband, I said, and who does he
remind you of? Because there was a pattern that she
kept attracting ragers in her life. Now, you can have
rages in your personal life, you can have rages in
(07:04):
your business. Have you ever had experiences where at the
job or in your business or as an entrepreneur you've
had clients or rages, or you've had coworkers or you've
had bosses that are rags. So ragers can happen anywhere,
and it's about learning how to plm yourself down, understand
(07:30):
what's going on so that you can emotionally regulate. And
we're going to talk more about emotional regulation too, because
emotional regulation is key in being able to have clear communication. So, yes,
you're subconscious will go on automatic. Now two scenarios. One is,
(07:55):
if you haven't healed the reaction and you go into
the automatic reaction of fight, flight or freeze, you will instinctively,
it's instinct. Animals have it, We have it. It's part
of our survival mechanism. Here is the thing I want
(08:15):
you to know that you can change it. You can't.
But the first thing that needs to happen is that awareness.
So what is underneath that, let's say freeze reaction. So
when I asked Suzanne again what happens for her? And
(08:37):
I said, who else beside your first husband? Who else
triggered you? And she knew from our work together that
it was her mother. Her mother was a rager, and
so she knew that when So what happens for her
is when Evan starts screaming at her or getting angry
(09:02):
at her, that fear, that fear reaction surfaces, and instead
of being able to assert ourselves and speak our truth
and be clear in her communication, she goes she can't talk,
She can't talk, and it's like and I understand the
freeze reaction, Like I understand all of them because I've
(09:24):
had them all most of us probably have in certain areas.
So and what she realized is that her mother was
the culprit or the reason why she had that freeze reaction.
And so I said to her, we're going to continue
(09:45):
to work on So we will continue to work on it.
And listen, I want you all to know that it's
a journey. It's not a destination. That the journey of
your healing, of your evolution, of your ability to be
to communicate clearly and have an empowered voice and to
(10:06):
communicate with confidence. I keep wanting to say conviction, confidence, conviction, clarity,
and compassion is possible, and it's a journey. So okay,
So Misty asks, would you define raga for people? Please?
(10:27):
Thank you, missy. Okay. So, the way that I define
a rager is someone it's it's they have that reaction,
that fear or that they get really triggered. And let's say,
let's say when you are a kid and maybe you
spilled milk like it's a normal thing, and instead of
(10:50):
your parent or your mom your dad saying, oh let
me clean it up, it's okay, it's okay. Mistakes happen,
your mother, your father's thoughts, screaming and yelling, what's wrong
with you? Why can't you keep up glass together or whatever,
and they go into the rage and the anger and
(11:13):
the aggression. And when with ragers, rages are scary. Rages
are scary because their rage is out of control and
they feel scared. I've had relationships with rags and after
the rage, the next day they're like, I'm so sorry,
I'm so sorry, Please forgive me, please, because they have
(11:36):
all this shame come up about the rage that they had.
Those that are more aware, some of them, it's like,
you know, next day whatever and or next rage. It
depends on the parents or the caretaker or the person.
So when so, hopefully, misty, that was clear, and if
(11:57):
you need any more explanation, and let me know when
you so, so you have that pattern and you feel like, okay,
how am I ever going to change that? What happens
is at over time, as you heal that core wound,
(12:18):
When you heal the core wound and you start working
on it, I see Mickey that you you have a question,
I'll answer and shortly and when you have the core wound.
They that it's it's like, it's it's a like I said,
it's a journey, and it's a process. But learning to
(12:38):
heal that core wound, you begin to feel more empowered,
more confident to express yourself. And I'm going to give
you another example I had talked about the Jenny and
Jimmy and Jenny, Jenny also was a person that went
into freeze, and Jimmy was a rager also and would
(13:01):
react like that. And what happened as Jenny and Jimmy
and I worked together. What happened was Jenny was able
to start what we call emotional regulations. She was able
to breathe and ground, and she was able to come
back into alignment into present time, and she was able
(13:26):
to assert herself or speak her truth or take care
of herself. So if Jimmy went into a rage, she
would say, if you don't quiet down, I'm going to leave,
and she would had to leave at times. Now, what
happened with Jimmy in his journey is he started understanding
(13:46):
his rage and what was under me, and he started
learning new tools and techniques like the countdown, Like Okay,
I'm getting triggered right now by blah blah blah that
Jenny just said, breathe and you know, and really I
want to remind you self talk. Self talk is crucial
(14:07):
because self talk can help talk you out of that
instant reaction. And the more aware and the more self
aware that you are, the more that you can learn
to breathe and not react, either in the rage or
in the freeze or even in the flight like I'm
(14:29):
out of here, because you can't have healthy communication if
both people aren't showing up. And so it's really important
to learn the skills of that being able to work
on yourself and heal and understand those things. Now, Mickey,
Mickey said, why don't they control their rage? Okay, So
(14:54):
what happens, Micky is over time rage. Remember I said,
it's the fear reaction. So you can either and it's instinctive,
and you can act aggressively. You can act, you can freeze,
or you can you can flee white and this is instinctual.
(15:18):
And then what happens is this generational path. So you
will find that if you grew up in a family
where there was a rager in the house, so if
your mother was a rager or your father was a rager,
and I've worked with people that had both, or a
(15:39):
caretaker or a teacher, or there was somebody in your
life where you were subjected to that rage. And most
of the time it's a parent or a caretaker, But
if you were continually subjected to the rage or there
was a real traumatic experience around it, you can very
(16:01):
easily either become the rager yourself or attract rages. And
that's why people rage because they don't know how to
deal with their own anger. They feel powerless or out
of control or whatever is going on for them. And
(16:22):
I'm not making it okay because rage is scary and
some I mean, I work with people where where rage
was became physically abusive and there was physical abuse or
rage could lead to I mean, it could lead to hitting, fighting,
hurting other people. And that's why whenever I talk about anger,
(16:43):
I always say, you want to be able to feel
your anger and express your anger and healthy ways where
you're not hurting yourself, someone else, or the environment. So
that's what happens about with rage. And so it's a
generational pattern and it continues through the generations until someone
(17:08):
breaks the cycle. So that's why, so Misty, you should
explain speak your truth so people can know for sure
what is meant. Okay, So when I'm talking about speaking
your truth, I'm talking about coming from a place of
being authentic. I'm coming from a place where you're sharing.
(17:32):
Like when in healthy communication and when you're expressing the
power of your voice, you want communication with confidence, viction, clarity,
and compassion. You are being able to express what your
(17:52):
needs are, what your wants are. You're able to let
the other person know in healthy communication that maybe what
they did was upsetting or hurt you. I felt I
felt angry when you behaved like blah blah blah. And
it's very important when in healthy communication to make sure
(18:14):
that you're not blaming the other person. You're not ing
them shaming them, because that only leads to unhealthy communication.
You're naming their behavior that was upsetting to you in
a healthy way where you're owning your feelings and you're
(18:34):
able to say, I'm feeling this and this is really
what I need from you. So in the case of
a rage, and I will tell you because I personally
dealt with that, I shared the last live show that
my mother was a rage. So I'm very familiar with rage.
And what happened is I attracted people in my life,
(19:00):
romantic partners and friends who are rageous, and very often
the thing where I talked about they felt shame and
they would be so apologetic and then I'd say, you know,
I really need you not to rage, but you can't
tell that to all rage. They need to learn new
coping skills. And this is really important whether you're in
(19:21):
fight rage or or fighting or angry aggression and it
may not go into rage, but it may you have
that angry tone or there's anger coming up for you
and or you're in that flight mode and you just
want to flee out of there, or you're in freeze.
(19:42):
And the more that you learn to be able to
understand and help yourself and breathe and know that you
can work through this. But you need new helping skills.
You need new coping skills that will change those behaviors
(20:08):
that are not comfortable. And that's what happened with Jenny
and Jimmy is both of them, as we work together,
they got new coping skills and so what happened was
their whole relationships started changing. I started becoming healthy communicators
instead of unhealthy communicators. Now here's the thing I want
(20:30):
you all to know. I'm not making any of you wrong.
I want you to come into awareness, awareness of who
you are and how you react in situations when you
get triggered, because that reaction is crucial and key for
you to work through what you need to be able
(20:50):
to have the power of your voice, clear communication and
moving forward with that confidence, clarity, and passion for yourself
and for the others. So and so speaking your truth,
getting back to Misty's questions, speaking your truth is coming
from that place of authenticity, coming from the place of
(21:14):
what your truth is in a healthy, appropriate way. So
like what I was talking about with healthy communication, I felt, well,
I felt really hurt when you ignored my texts. I'll
give you an example. Or I felt I felt really
(21:36):
sad when you weren't available from me. I felt it
sad and disappointed. And so that's healthy clear communication. So
that's that is shifting the energy and hopefully that explains it.
If you have any other pieces to that, or you
want to any other questions, let me know that's learned.
(22:00):
And also holding that seems learned and also holding onto
issues in life. I think Misty and I'm not sure
because I know I was talking and I didn't see
that other piece. So I think you're talking about what
happens in the generational line with rage, or what happens
(22:23):
because you will react from your own place of what
you needed to feel safe in your life when you
were growing up. And so it is learned, yes, the rage,
it is learned. Yeah, yeah, yeah, And so it's definitely
a generational pattern. And I want you all to know,
(22:44):
whether you are the rager or you are the recipient
of the rage, you can take care of yourself. You
can empower yourself, and you can shift the behavior as
you learn new healthy coping skills. So, and we're going
to talk a little bit more about that. So Anastasia asks,
(23:08):
what if they don't show remorse after the rage? Okay,
good question. There are good questions. I mean, I really
want to say thank you all of you for asking
the questions. You know, I love your questions. So if
they don't show remorse, then you need to question, Well,
if it's a personal relationship, you want a question do
(23:32):
you want this person in your life? Now? If it's
if it's a romantic partner or a friend, you have
choice because if they're not showing remorse and they don't
care that they raged and hurt you, that's attacking, and
that is something you need to look at. Do you
want this person in your life? If they're a family
(23:54):
and this is all all of it. What you can
do if it's a family member or a boss or
somebody else that you can't necessarily And if it's a
boss or somebody at work and you're at a job,
then you want to be able. Then you may want
to get another job and work with somebody. That's not
(24:17):
that way to take care of yourself. The bottom line
is is what's going to empower you and help you
to take care of yourself. That's your priority is for
you to find a safe place. So if there's a
rager and they're happening, what I do is I say,
(24:37):
if they can control themselves, And very often I will
tell you from personal experience, once a rager is in
the rage, very often they don't hear you. They can't
hear you, and they don't know how to control themselves.
And you need to take care of yourself so that
(24:58):
you can. And that's why I learned learning how to
come out of freeze and in this case, flight might
be a good thing because it could be protective of
what you need. But here's the thing with flight. You
want if you want a healthy relationship, you want to
be able to come back and communicate in healthy ways. Now,
(25:18):
if a rager is not able to own their stuff,
that they may not be a healthy person to be
in a healthy relationship with. And so you need to
do what you need to do to take care of yourself,
protect yourself and read the situation, or take a time out,
(25:38):
or do what you need to do so that you
are taking care of yourself. And I know that I
kept repeating that, but that's safety, emotional safety and physical safety.
Physical safety and emotional safety is of the utmost important,
crucial essential. So and if they don't show that remorse again,
(26:00):
look at is there somebody you really want to be
in a relationship or be around. Now it's a family member,
then you need to figure out how much you really
want to be around them as well. I will tell
you that through the years, what happened with me is
as I got older and I became an adult, and
(26:20):
I learned to handle my emotions, and my relationship with
my mother changed, and the way she raged was not okay,
and she didn't do that to me anymore. She knew
that she couldn't do it anymore because I had become healthier.
So still it's about working through your own stuff to
(26:44):
do that, to heal those issues. And if you are
a rager or if you are in a relationship, what
you want to look at is how do you heal
those parts of you that were raged at when you
were a child and how scary that might have been,
and learning to take care of that precious little girl
(27:09):
or boy inside of you. And what happens is is
that as you heal yourself and as you get healthier,
and you start asserting yourself, not being aggressive back, because
then when you're in aggressive back, you're in this power struggle.
I mean, if you know about rage and then you
(27:30):
start engaging them. See one of the things I always
say to clients, and I know I've said it on
the show before, is if there's somebody who's raging, you
want to disengage. You do not want to confront them
because that will only escalate the situation. So you definitely
(27:50):
want to read the situation to take care of yourself
and not escalate the situation. So hopefully okay, So, so
what can you do well fear of judgment, fear, the
fear I want you to know, fear can be rewired.
When I say rewired, remember I said the nervous system.
(28:13):
What happens is your nervous system is up being used
to that that trigger that reaction. And so part of
your healing, part of you the learning experience. And I
said new coping mechanisms, new coping strategies. So one of
(28:36):
the things is to learn how to develop self commission.
And here's that compassion And what is compassion. Compassion is
it's kindness towards yourself. Compassion is trust, it's its acceptance,
and it's being able to love yourself even though you
(28:59):
had an experience, or being able to love yourself through
whatever's going on. And learning self compassion is a huge
healing tool and coping skill. And then again what I
was talking about is you want to identify and heal
(29:23):
poor wounds around your fears. Your fear of judgment, your
fear of whatever, fear of success, your fear of visibility,
your fear of being heard. Because we're talking about communication
and you may have a fear of being heard because
(29:46):
when you were growing up, you were shut down. It
wasn't oh, and how many of you grew up in families, Oh,
it's okay for children to be seen but not heard,
and so you shut that down. So you want to
be able to learn how to really heal those wounds.
(30:08):
And sometimes you may need help. You may need help
to do that. You may need a therapist or a coach,
depending on what it is you're working on to be
able to heal those core wounds. And then you want
to surround yourself with supportive people, creating a supportive community
that's going to support you in your healing, in your journey.
(30:32):
And I've been very grateful and blessed through my healing
journey that I've always managed to find those healing communities.
I really want to support you to find a community
that will help you to support you in healing and
(30:53):
becoming a better communicator and understanding yourself and understanding your
issues more deeply. And what just popped for me is
there's no non violent communication. They have communities. There's a
lot of healthier communities where you can find support to
(31:17):
help you be healthier and have healthier communication. And then
it's coming back to that authentic expression and being able
to speak your truth, being able to allow yourself to
express yourself in a real way. And hopefully you've created
(31:40):
relationships where they can hear you and you can hear them,
and you can have a healthy relationship. That's what you want.
And here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
You know.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
You may need help. You may need that counseling or
coaching in order, either individually or together. For example, Jenny
and Jimmy could not have gotten where they are if
they did not have help. The same thing with Suzanne.
Suzanne wants to be healthier so that she doesn't have
(32:13):
to freeze when Evan goes into the rage, and then
at some point she's gonna maybe talk to him about
taking care of himself and getting the help he needs.
All possibility, all possibility. So I just want to remind
you that you can go to Inspired and Empowered Living
(32:38):
dot com forward slash Meditation for meditation to clear your
energy and to ground you and to help you get
into a clearer state so that you can listen to
the communication coming to you from the intuitive realm, from
your intuition, and being able to then express that in
(33:04):
healthy ways to the people in your life. So it's
inspired and empowered living dot com Forward slash Meditation ned
it a t io n so the name of the
show dot com Forward slash Meditation, And it also has
(33:27):
a PDF if you don't like meditation, so you definitely
want to download it and to really support you in
moving forward on your path. And I'm going to talk
about that clarity. If you want to communicate but you're
not clear, the communication will not come through clearly. And
(33:50):
one of the first things, and I'm combining this, one
of the first things that you want to do is
to deal with your emotions. So you want to know,
like what are you reacting to? So are you reacting
with the anger? Are you reacting with the fear? Are
(34:10):
you reacting with sadness or grief or disappointment or frustration?
Is learning to be able to get clear and get
the clarity you need in order for you to be
able to clearly communicate. And I'm also going to support
(34:31):
you if you are not clear. And sometimes what happens
is you need to process what you need to process
before you can come clearly communicate. You take the time
that you need to process your stuff, your issues, so
that you can do it from a place of hopefully
(34:54):
less emotion and really coming from that place of confidence
of and compassion, and that place is when you're in alignment.
But in order to get into that alignment, you need
to clear the energy so that you can speak with clarity. Now,
when you want to have the clarity, you want to
(35:20):
be able to reflect what triggered you where what's going
on emotionally is this from and usually it is from
your past. They're reminding you of something that maybe your
parents did or said, or a caretaker or a school teacher,
all of that could be those triggers. And then you
(35:45):
want to be able to ground yourself feeling, feeling your breath,
feeling your feet on the floor, being able to feel
more in alignment. Then you can communicate. And when you're
clear on your wants, on your needs, then you can
(36:07):
and your feelings. Then you can communicate in a very
clear way that hopefully the other person can hear. And
people are more likely to hear you when you're doing
you're coming from that space than when there's anger. When
there's anger and there's and both of you are angry, disengage,
(36:31):
disengage so or even when you're in the fear reaction.
You're not going to be able to express yourself clearly
until you calm yourself down. You come back into present time,
because what has happened is you have gone back into
the past. You've regressed. So you want to come back
(36:51):
into present time and feel grounded and centered connected. And
then it's learning to practice owning your speaking your truth.
You can practice with friends. That's why also a supportive
support group or a supportive community can help you. I
call it role playing, and you role play with somebody else,
(37:16):
practicing what you want to say to the other person.
And that can be a really effective technique, whether it's
in your personal life or needing to say something to
your boss, or needing to say something to another person
or coworker, whatever it is. Practice and find supportive people
to practice with, and so really getting what is it
(37:42):
and asking yourself, what do I want to say? What
is it that I need or I'm feeling that I
need to communicate to the other person. And when you
are that in that clarity space, you're ready. Now hope
that other person is ready too, and then you can
(38:04):
have a healthy conversation. Now that emotional centeredness, being able
to calm yourself down emotion. And I know I said
it in the beginning, it's crucial, so important. Owed, We're
going to continue talk creat talking more about more things
(38:24):
for inspired and empowered living, and so join us next
Thursday at five o'clock pm on talk for TV dot com,
W four WN dot com, and my YouTube channel. And
you can also hear the podcast on iHeartRadio, Spotify and Dora, Apple,
(38:47):
Amazon and many more. So remember you can shift your reaction.
That you have the power to do that, and it's
a journey of self awareness and self discovery and healing.
And so I look forward to connecting with you next week,
(39:10):
and I wish you all an inspired and empowered day
and an inspired and empowered week. Caligrate when everybody by
for now
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