September 25, 2025 • 40 mins
Join Nanci Deutsch as we dive into the hidden patterns that quietly sabotage your success in both life and business. Most of us don’t realize how often we stand in our own way — through procrastination, perfectionism, negative self-talk, people-pleasing, or even avoiding money conversations. These self-sabotaging behaviors may feel small or harmless, but together they drain your energy, block your confidence, and keep you from thriving.
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The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guests should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcast. Are a thriving life and business
and we are live on Thursdays at five pm Eastern
on TALKFORTV dot com, W four WN dot com and
(01:12):
my YouTube channel. And today we are going to be
doing the top ten top ten self sabotaging behaviors and
what you can do, what are the quick fixes for
those behaviors, and so stay tuned. I'm your host, Nancy Dett,
(01:38):
licensed clinical social worker, certified hypnotherapist, and intuitive business expert.
I combine my counseling, coaching and intuitive abilities to transform
your life. And this show is not a replacement for
therapy or counseling. It is for educational purpose. Is only
(02:01):
and soon and I will be unveiling we are going
to have the link for the checklist, but I will
talk more about that very shortly, So stay tuned for
the exciting information ahead. Okay, So, as I said, we're
(02:23):
going to be talking about the top ten self sabotaging
patterns and what you can do. So the way that
I'm going to work this is we are going to
start from number ten and work our way up to
number one. Now, the other thing that I want to
bring up briefly before we go into the top ten
(02:46):
is last time, one of the behaviors that we were
talking about is multitasking. Now, multitasking is normally it's not
something that you want to do. You want to be
able to give someone your presence when you're talking to
them in a conversation. However, However, if you have a
(03:09):
job or position where you need to multitask and do
several things at the same time, that is a totally
different story and a totally different exception to what I
am talking about. So I just really I just really
wanted to make that clear. And Misty says, do we
(03:32):
all multitask at times? You know what, Misty, You're right,
I think that in our society. I think that we
all are multitasking at times, depending on what we're doing
and what needs to be done and how we're doing it,
and if we're on timelines, things like that. So yes,
(03:54):
I think that many of us or most of us
can do well do multitask. When I'm talking about I'm
not talking about if it's part of your job, but
I'm talking about in a personal conversation, when you want
to be connected, whether it's for business or in your life,
(04:14):
your personal life, it's really important to be present and
that's when the multitasking needs. When you need to be present,
you need to stop the multitasking. But again, if it's
for your job, then obviously you need to be doing that.
So I just wanted to make that clear and thank
you Misty for bringing that up that we all do
(04:37):
it sometimes. Yes, I agree, So doctor na, I need
to get the sound effects in. But all right, we
are going to start with the top ten behavior. So
the first one that we're talking about is number ten
and number ten self sabotaging behavior is the shiny object syndrome.
(05:03):
So the shiny object syndrome is when you jump from
idea to idea without following through. So what that looks
like in your business is all of a sudden, you
have an idea, and then you have another idea, and
then you have another idea and you're not following through
(05:23):
to complete in your personal life. What that looks like
is you let's say you have a hobby, or you
start something and you want to be creative, but then
you don't finish that project. Then you start the next
project or the next project, or you start like you're organizing,
(05:43):
and instead of organizing one thing, you go to the
next thing, to the next thing. So all of that
would be classified as the shiny object syndrome. Okay, So
the quick fix for that is, you want to choose
one project. If it's in your business, you want to
(06:06):
choose one project per quarter. If it's in your home,
you choose one project and finish it. If it's in
your business, pick one project and let's say per quarter,
you're going to write it down, you commit to it,
and then you park the other ideas later. Make a list.
(06:27):
So if you're in the busy organizing and all of
a sudden you're thinking, oh, let me do this, and
then all of a sudden you start doing that, you
need to focus on this, like organizing that closet. Keep
with the organizing of the closet before you get into
the next project or the stick with the program and
(06:49):
then before you start with a new program, So really important.
So that's number ten, and I want you to know
again these are the top ten. So these are so
common that many of you may have one of them
or more than one. So just keep your ears perked
(07:11):
up and see where you fit in. So the next one,
number nine is avoiding money conversation. So if you're somebody
who avoids money conversations, now if it shows up in
your business, it's going to lead to problems in your business,
(07:31):
like you're maybe not selling the way you need to sell,
or you're not making an offer at home if you
are uncomfortable about talking about your money or even dealing
with your money at home in your personal life, in
your relationships. When how many of you have money arguments
(07:55):
with your spouse or partner or in your relationship. So
avoiding those money conversations is part is in the top
ten and the quick fift is for business. You want
to reframe that selling is really offering your services. So
(08:19):
you are offering your services and instead of saying, you're
saying to yourself, I'm asking for money. So instead of
saying I'm asking for money, think I'm offering transformation and
that in your business is what you need to focus
on in your personal life if you are avoiding those
(08:44):
conversations with the people in your life. When you avoid
the conversations, it doesn't get better. And so what you
could say to yourself is, as I choose choose to
talk about money, money, Money loves energy, money loves organization,
(09:08):
money loves like attention. So the more that you give
money attention, positive attention, okay, very let me make that
very clear. The more you give positive attention to money,
whether it's in your business or in your personal life
(09:29):
or in your relationships, money will flow and follow. So
instead of I'm avoiding the money conversation because of fear,
say I choose to talk about the money so that
I can open to more money or more abundance and
(09:51):
that and if you're in a relationship, let's find a
solution for the money conversation. Focus on the solutions, not
the problem. Okay. So that's number nine. Number eight is
the comparison game. And let me tell you, whenever you
(10:13):
do comparison, whether it's in your business or in your life,
it sets you up. It sets you up for feeling
not good enough, It sets you up for disappointment. Feeling
like a failure, whatever it is, the comparison game does
not work. And so if you're measuring your success against
(10:38):
someone else's reels or social media posts, what I want
to support you in reframing and thinking instead of thinking, oh,
I can't believe it, I'm so not da da da
dat because look at them and look at me. But
if someone is having success, this is really an important point.
(11:02):
If you notice that someone is having success and you
start playing the comparison game and you start comparing yourself,
I'm going to support you in reframing and rethinking how
you're thinking that and start saying start saying, I'm well,
(11:27):
I'm seeing their success. And if I see their success,
let it be an inspiration for me that this is
possible and that I can do it. So instead of comparing,
you want to say, let me use this as inspiration
for me that I can do it. So I really
(11:49):
want to support you in that. Focus on that, all right, next,
So number seven, we're up to number seven. We're working
our way through, and if any of you have any
questions about any of these, let me know, or if
you any questions are coming up in any way, please
(12:11):
feel free to put it into the JAT. So number
seven is if you find that you overwork yourself or
are feeling burnt out, that's number seven and that's number
seven self sabotage. So if you're overworking and you feel
(12:31):
burnt out, and there is could be a hidden belief
that you believe that your work comes if you keep
doing going or performing or being trying to be the
best or trying to be perfect so that you can
prove your worth to two people, to the people in
(12:57):
your life, or to if you proving your work worth
at work and or proving your worth and business to
your clients, and so much so that you're not setting
those boundaries boundaries and what I call that essential self
(13:18):
care is crucial in having a healthy life. And so
I really really want to support you in being able
to take time out, to stop, and to schedule, and
this is really important. Start scheduling. Start scheduling your self
(13:45):
care like you're an appointment to yourself. I see your question.
I'm going to finish this and then I'll get to
you anaesthesia. Start scheduling your self care. So if you
are to meditate, or if you are wanting to take
a time out, or if you want a journal, or
(14:05):
if you want to just be quiet with yourself, or
if you need to get a massage or set an
appointment or take a vacation, even a day of spa day,
you need to schedule it. Set a time and schedule
your self care, schedule time even on nap, even rest,
(14:31):
whatever it is you need to do for your self
care so that you avoid burnout, because if you do
not give that to yourself, you can't be headed for burnout.
So I really want to support you in finding and
taking the time and in your schedule. I still I
(14:53):
you know, whether you use an online calendar or whether
you use an old time calendar. I like the old time.
Still in the old time, like the paper, like to
open my calendar and scheduling things in. So I just
really want to support you in doing that for your
self care. I call it that essential self care. Now
(15:16):
let's get to Anastasia's question. Anastasia says, does that apply?
Does that apply to people who always work and don't
take time to rest, relax and recoup. Yes, so if
you or someone you know is not taking time to
(15:37):
rest and relax and recoup, that applies totally. It's definitely
what I'm talking about, and so it's just really important
that you take a day off, give yourself a day off,
give yourself a few hours off, give yourself time off.
For me, what I do is I usually like to
(16:00):
take Sundays and sometimes I won't talk to anybody. I
need to just chill out and take that day for
me where I'm just being quiet and meditating or going
out in nature or doing something. Now, if I have
to work, because sometimes I work on Sundays, then I
take the next day, I take Monday. I find the
(16:23):
ways to schedule in that self care because I know
and I've been there that if I keep on going, going,
going and doing doing doing without any time off or rest,
relaxation and recouping, and that includes play, all right, I
(16:43):
really want you to also think about how can you
schedule and play and fun And that may mean that
may mean like making time. I mean, I know this
sounds really strange for an adult. Maybe you need to color,
get a coloring book, get crayons, Maybe you need to draw,
(17:05):
Maybe you need to bead, maybe you need to I
don't know, I'll play some kind of game salad are
game or I don't know how many of you know
about this game used to be called IQ. I still
love that game or playing cards physical cards, or you
can do it online, but take time out. And I
(17:27):
also want to make sure that you're having that fun
taking time to take care of yourself without any computers.
I also support you in doing downtime without computers and
just going inward or resting and allowing yourself. So all right,
(17:47):
so we are up to number six, number six. This
is a biggie and I've had so many clients and
I also know because I've done it myself. People pleasing.
People pleasing is a huge self sabotaging behavior because if
(18:10):
you are and I see your question came in, Mickey,
and I'll get to you shortly. If you are taking
care of others at your expense then, or if you
are doing something and then you start feeling angry or
resentful or frustrated, you feel obligated, you feel it's a
(18:34):
have to. And what I want you to ask yourself
is am I people pleasing? If you're having those emotions,
then you are probably people pleasing. Anything that feels like
an obligation or I have to and it's at your expense,
(18:55):
then you may be people pleasing Now, I also want
to make a distinction, and that doesn't mean and self
care is essential self care. So learning to say no,
having your boundaries all essential self care strategies that all
of you need to learn. Now. I don't mean essential
(19:19):
self care is not selfish. And if you're always doing
the opposite and always thinking about you and not being
there for another, that's not what I'm talking about. But
many of the people I work with and many of
the people I know are people pleasers, and so either
(19:43):
they are or are and so it's learning to ask yourself,
am I people pleasing? What am I feeling right now?
What's coming up from me? And being able to start
shifting that behavior. And the way that you shift it
is you start to like if somebody says, oh, can
(20:09):
you do this for me? Blah blah blah blah blah,
and instead of saying right away, I say yes right away,
you need to say I'll get back, I will let
you know. You don't owe anybody a yes right away,
And you need to feel into it and allow yourself
(20:30):
to tune in to see if this feels right to you,
And it's learning to honor yourself. It's learning to love yourself,
and it's learning to overcome all of those old beliefs
and information that if you develop the people pleasing habit,
(20:53):
it's probably because when you were growing up you needed
to be a people pleaser to please your parents or
your caretakers. And now it's learning to please yourself and
take care of yourself and honor yourself. So that's what
I really want to support you all in doing. And
Nicky says downtime, downtime for just yourself and down time
(21:19):
with family. You got it, Mickey exactly that both of
those downtimes are really important. It's important to take downtime
for yourself. That's the essential self care, and if downtime
for your family, taking time to be with your family.
And I'm going to add another piece to that, if
(21:41):
you're in a relationship, you want to take downtime for
just the two of you because that being taking downtime
just as a couple is really important too. So we
have downtime for self, downtime for family, and down time
(22:01):
as a couple. So definitely all of that is important
self care, essential self care. So thank you Mickey for
First of all, I want to say thank you all
for bringing in the questions and the comments. I really
appreciate you, very grateful to you. So I just really
(22:21):
want to acknowledge all of you. Okay, so we are
going to number five. Number five. Number five is the
fear of success, the fear of success. So you would think,
oh yes, success, oh yes, but the fear of success
(22:44):
is what will happen is when it's a self sabotaging behavior.
What happens is you will sabotage your success and you
will find ways to sabotage your success if you do
not deal with that fear of success. And that could
be fear of success around anything. It could be the
(23:07):
fear of success in your business or making a certain
amount of money. There's something called an upper limit with money. Okay,
I am that all right, that's what can happen when
you're doing a live show. I don't know why the
glitch happened, but I am that. So, so we were
(23:27):
talking about the fear of success, so I know I
see Missy as a question, do people fear of success
or the change it may bring? It could be either
one or both. So what happens is if you have
a fear of success, you may end up fearing success
(23:49):
because of fear that you'll end up. I mean, this
is stuff that I've worked with people around, is fearing
that they'll be alone, that there'll be nobody left. And
it doesn't mean it's true, but it's their fear or
the change. And so people can also fear the change
(24:11):
that success brings. So it could be the fear of
just the change or the fear of the success, or
both that it's mixed in together. And so your job
is to understand what's underneath the fear. What are you
really fearful of, Like what's the underlying issue. So the
(24:32):
quick fix for that is visualizing your future self, like
visualizing yourself already thriving, and remind yourself that you are
going to learn to grow into the person that has
that success. Now, again I want to make very clear,
(24:53):
I'm talking about the quick fixes that you can do,
but underneath, eventually you want to go deeper into understanding
what's underneath those fears, what's underneath that self sabotaging behavior
because once you know, then you can transform it and
(25:15):
change it. So also important for you to know. Now,
what I want to let you know is that we
have the we have the checklist. All right. So the
check the ultimate self sabotage checklist for life and business
(25:39):
how to go from stock to thriving. And so you're
going to have the checklist, like you asked for, all
of you listeners and viewers that ask for it. Here
it is. Rebel's going to put the link in the
chat and you can download and get the link. And
it also talks about what you can do to transform
(26:02):
those behaviors. So definitely you have the checklist, and then
you have what the things you can start doing to
transform the behaviors. So I invite you to download the
checklist and be able and start really taking notice, because
you can't change something if you're not aware of it,
(26:24):
and having the checklist will help you to really start
tuning in and being aware of the behavior. So I'm
very excited that we have this checklist now. And I'm
also really excited because you know it came from requests.
I want to thank all of you for requesting it
(26:46):
so that I wanted to answer those requests. So thank you.
I'm very grateful to all of you. So we're going
back back to the top ten, all right, top and oh,
for those of you who are I didn't announce it.
Let me announce it for those of you who are listening,
(27:08):
those of you who are listening and not seeing it.
The link is www. It's the Inspired and Empowered Living
dot Com Inspired and Empowered Living dot Com Forward slash
Checklist two. So it's Inspired and Empowered Living dot Com
(27:34):
Forward slash Checklist two and you can download that the
name of the show dot Com Forward slash Checklist. So
I look forward to and supporting all of you to
learn more about yourself sabotaging behaviors. All right back to
(27:54):
the top end. So number four, number four self sabotaging behavior.
You talked about the fear of success. This is the
fear of failure. So the fear of failure again, you
want to know what's underneath. What are you really afraid of?
(28:15):
What are you afraid of if you fail? Important for
you to know and understand. So what happens is when
you have that fear of failure, you'll avoid, you'll avoid opportunities,
or you'll sabotage opportunities that are coming to you because
you're afraid of failure. You may never start things because
(28:38):
you're afraid of the failure. So all of that can
be part of that fear of failure, and so it's
really important for you to realize that that fear it
can be healed. And again, you want to understand what's underneath,
and if any of you have any questions about any
(29:00):
again any of these, let me know. And you want
to redefine, redefine failure as feedback. So the quick fix
is redefine failure as feedback. So ask yourself, what will
I learn if I don't do this perfectly, or if
(29:25):
this doesn't go perfectly, or what will I learn if
this isn't going according to my expectation? Because a lot
of times that self talk in your head, you're thinking
you're a failure and you're really not. You're really not.
And it's about learning that that failure is a learning
(29:49):
opportunity and that every successful person, everyone has had more
failures than successes. The stats are are amazing. So if
you have eighty percent failures and I'm you know what,
I'm going to start putting failures on doing air quotes
for failure because if you start looking at what opportunity
(30:14):
is this showing me? Or what am I learning from
this experience? And if you have twenty percent success you
will be successful. So what I really want to support
all of you in remembering is that failure is not failure.
It's all how you define it for yourself. It's all
(30:36):
how you look at it for yourself. So redefining it
and re saying different things about it and asking yourself,
what am I learning from this experience? It's the same
thing like when you make a mistake. What am I
learning from this mistake this experience? What am I learning?
(30:57):
What do I need to change? Because what happens is
if something fails, and I'm putting it in air quotes,
if something fails, it may be an opportunity for you
to look at is this the direction I need to go?
Or their tweaks or their changes? Are there things I
need to learn? Or do I need to overcome my
(31:19):
belief in my failure of belief in myself? So all
of those possibilities that can happen when you uncover what's
really going on for you. So that's number four, all right,
So now we're going to number three. So number three.
Actually I'm surprised this isn't number one, but number three
(31:43):
is negative self talk. So you are saying to yourself,
I'm not good enough or I'm not ready, or I
can't do this. That's all negative self talk. And what's
really going to be important again, you want to understand
(32:03):
that it's catching yourself because a lot of times when
you're in that negative self talk, and this is with
all the sabotaging behaviors. That's why the awareness is so important.
You need to catch it. You need to notice it,
you need to be aware of it. That catching yourself.
Oh look what I'm saying to myself. Look at how
(32:25):
I'm going down a rabbit hole, a negative rabbit hole
instead of a positive one. And so being able to
change that and reframe it, so you're changing what you're
saying to yourself instead of I'm not good enough, or
I can't do this, or I'm not ready. I am
(32:48):
choosing because that empowers you. I am choosing to learn
how to do this, or I am choosing to learn
from this experience or this is this is the way
I'm gonna take it one step at a time, one
step at a time, or from I can to I
(33:11):
can do this. And maybe you need to learn skills,
or maybe you need to learn new tools, or maybe
you need to learn things. But it doesn't mean you can't.
It means you can. And reframing I can't to I can,
reframing I'm not good enough to I can do this.
I am good enough, I am good enough. That old
(33:34):
praise I'm not good enough is not true. It's not
true for any of you. So I really want to
support you in reframing it and saying I am I
am good enough and I'm not ready, saying I'm gonna
take it one step at a time, one baby step.
Remember we talked about baby steps a lot, one baby
(33:56):
step at a time. So that's number three. Number two
is perfectionism. So if you're somebody that needs to get
it perfectly, do it perfectly or not, you don't start
because it needs to be perfect. Your perfectionism is a
self sabotaging behavior, and it's getting in your way in
(34:20):
your life and in your business because if you're seeing
it one area, you're probably doing it throughout your whole
life in most areas. And so the quick fix for
perfectionism is you need to shift and create a new mantra.
And the mantra is progress, not perfection, Progress not perfection,
(34:47):
and so being able and I want to how that
I'm perfect as I am. That's around the worthiness piece,
if you find because sometimes that perfection comes from not
feeling good enough. I'm not feeling worthy, not feeling deserving.
I am perfect because I am. How's that one? So
(35:10):
that's what I want to support you in remembering and
that all right, drum roll, I'm not a great drum roll.
Weve got to bring in those effects broubble, all right.
So the number one self sabotaging behavior is procrastinating. So
(35:31):
if you are procrastinator, you are not alone. You are
part of the majority self sabotaging behavior. So you're putting
something off and you're procrastinating, and you're procrastinating, and you're
procrastinating because you are. And here's the thing, it's understanding
(35:55):
what's underneath the procrastination, What what's going on for you
that you are procrastinating. And I see Misty says, it's
the it's the now, noticing it happening at the time
it's happening. Yes, And that's part of that self awareness.
(36:17):
And I'm hoping the self Sabotage List, the Ultimate Checklist,
is going to help you to start having more awareness
around those self sabotaging behaviors, including procrastination because if you're
dawdling or you're doing something else like playing games or
doing other self sabotaging behavior, because you're procrastinating and avoiding
(36:42):
doing something that you really need to do, you're procrastinating.
And so really important to become aware, Misty that like
like you said, really important, thank you. It's becoming aware
of the behavior, aware of when you are doing it,
so that then you can take action and taking the action.
(37:07):
And the quick fix is taking things. There's a five
minute rule. Start with five minutes at a time, and
or you can set your lawn for let's say five
minutes or ten minutes. But you don't want to overwhelm yourself.
If you're really having a challenge starting something, start with
(37:28):
five minutes. Or if you really want to be more
ambitious and you start with ten minutes or fifteen, break
it down into segments and that could be the quick fix.
Now again, it's understanding what's underneath the procrastination. Now again,
I want you to know a lot of times these
(37:50):
are interwoven. Your procrastination could be because you have a
fear of success, or your procrastination could be the your
family or it could be that you feel you have
to get it perfect. So they're all interwoven. But top
ten number one procrastination and so those are the top
(38:14):
ten and I really want to support all of you.
Download the checklist. Download that checklist, Rebel. Can you put
it on the screen again and that way when you
download the checklist, have it by your side, have it
handy because it after the checklist, I have exercises and
(38:38):
prompts for you to do so that you can start
changing go self sabotaging behaviors around. So go to Inspired
and Empowered Living dot com Forward Slash Checklist two, Inspired
and Empoweredliving dot Com Forward Slash Checklist too. Now we
(39:04):
are going to continue Inspired and Empowered Living more next
Thursday at five pm Eastern on talkfor TV dot com,
W four w N dot com, my YouTube channel, and
you can listen to the podcast on iHeart Radio, Spotify,
Apple and Dora, Amazon and many more. And I wish
(39:29):
you an inspired and empowered day and night and inspired
and empowered week. Have a great one. Everybody buy for
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Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcast. Are a thriving life and business
and we are live on Thursdays at five pm Eastern
on TALKFORTV dot com, W four WN dot com and
(01:12):
my YouTube channel. And today we are going to be
doing the top ten top ten self sabotaging behaviors and
what you can do, what are the quick fixes for
those behaviors, and so stay tuned. I'm your host, Nancy Dett,
(01:38):
licensed clinical social worker, certified hypnotherapist, and intuitive business expert.
I combine my counseling, coaching and intuitive abilities to transform
your life. And this show is not a replacement for
therapy or counseling. It is for educational purpose. Is only
(02:01):
and soon and I will be unveiling we are going
to have the link for the checklist, but I will
talk more about that very shortly, So stay tuned for
the exciting information ahead. Okay, So, as I said, we're
(02:23):
going to be talking about the top ten self sabotaging
patterns and what you can do. So the way that
I'm going to work this is we are going to
start from number ten and work our way up to
number one. Now, the other thing that I want to
bring up briefly before we go into the top ten
(02:46):
is last time, one of the behaviors that we were
talking about is multitasking. Now, multitasking is normally it's not
something that you want to do. You want to be
able to give someone your presence when you're talking to
them in a conversation. However, However, if you have a
(03:09):
job or position where you need to multitask and do
several things at the same time, that is a totally
different story and a totally different exception to what I
am talking about. So I just really I just really
wanted to make that clear. And Misty says, do we
(03:32):
all multitask at times? You know what, Misty, You're right,
I think that in our society. I think that we
all are multitasking at times, depending on what we're doing
and what needs to be done and how we're doing it,
and if we're on timelines, things like that. So yes,
(03:54):
I think that many of us or most of us
can do well do multitask. When I'm talking about I'm
not talking about if it's part of your job, but
I'm talking about in a personal conversation, when you want
to be connected, whether it's for business or in your life,
(04:14):
your personal life, it's really important to be present and
that's when the multitasking needs. When you need to be present,
you need to stop the multitasking. But again, if it's
for your job, then obviously you need to be doing that.
So I just wanted to make that clear and thank
you Misty for bringing that up that we all do
(04:37):
it sometimes. Yes, I agree, So doctor na, I need
to get the sound effects in. But all right, we
are going to start with the top ten behavior. So
the first one that we're talking about is number ten
and number ten self sabotaging behavior is the shiny object syndrome.
(05:03):
So the shiny object syndrome is when you jump from
idea to idea without following through. So what that looks
like in your business is all of a sudden, you
have an idea, and then you have another idea, and
then you have another idea and you're not following through
(05:23):
to complete in your personal life. What that looks like
is you let's say you have a hobby, or you
start something and you want to be creative, but then
you don't finish that project. Then you start the next
project or the next project, or you start like you're organizing,
(05:43):
and instead of organizing one thing, you go to the
next thing, to the next thing. So all of that
would be classified as the shiny object syndrome. Okay, So
the quick fix for that is, you want to choose
one project. If it's in your business, you want to
(06:06):
choose one project per quarter. If it's in your home,
you choose one project and finish it. If it's in
your business, pick one project and let's say per quarter,
you're going to write it down, you commit to it,
and then you park the other ideas later. Make a list.
(06:27):
So if you're in the busy organizing and all of
a sudden you're thinking, oh, let me do this, and
then all of a sudden you start doing that, you
need to focus on this, like organizing that closet. Keep
with the organizing of the closet before you get into
the next project or the stick with the program and
(06:49):
then before you start with a new program, So really important.
So that's number ten, and I want you to know
again these are the top ten. So these are so
common that many of you may have one of them
or more than one. So just keep your ears perked
(07:11):
up and see where you fit in. So the next one,
number nine is avoiding money conversation. So if you're somebody
who avoids money conversations, now if it shows up in
your business, it's going to lead to problems in your business,
(07:31):
like you're maybe not selling the way you need to sell,
or you're not making an offer at home if you
are uncomfortable about talking about your money or even dealing
with your money at home in your personal life, in
your relationships. When how many of you have money arguments
(07:55):
with your spouse or partner or in your relationship. So
avoiding those money conversations is part is in the top
ten and the quick fift is for business. You want
to reframe that selling is really offering your services. So
(08:19):
you are offering your services and instead of saying, you're
saying to yourself, I'm asking for money. So instead of
saying I'm asking for money, think I'm offering transformation and
that in your business is what you need to focus
on in your personal life if you are avoiding those
(08:44):
conversations with the people in your life. When you avoid
the conversations, it doesn't get better. And so what you
could say to yourself is, as I choose choose to
talk about money, money, Money loves energy, money loves organization,
(09:08):
money loves like attention. So the more that you give
money attention, positive attention, okay, very let me make that
very clear. The more you give positive attention to money,
whether it's in your business or in your personal life
(09:29):
or in your relationships, money will flow and follow. So
instead of I'm avoiding the money conversation because of fear,
say I choose to talk about the money so that
I can open to more money or more abundance and
(09:51):
that and if you're in a relationship, let's find a
solution for the money conversation. Focus on the solutions, not
the problem. Okay. So that's number nine. Number eight is
the comparison game. And let me tell you, whenever you
(10:13):
do comparison, whether it's in your business or in your life,
it sets you up. It sets you up for feeling
not good enough, It sets you up for disappointment. Feeling
like a failure, whatever it is, the comparison game does
not work. And so if you're measuring your success against
(10:38):
someone else's reels or social media posts, what I want
to support you in reframing and thinking instead of thinking, oh,
I can't believe it, I'm so not da da da
dat because look at them and look at me. But
if someone is having success, this is really an important point.
(11:02):
If you notice that someone is having success and you
start playing the comparison game and you start comparing yourself,
I'm going to support you in reframing and rethinking how
you're thinking that and start saying start saying, I'm well,
(11:27):
I'm seeing their success. And if I see their success,
let it be an inspiration for me that this is
possible and that I can do it. So instead of comparing,
you want to say, let me use this as inspiration
for me that I can do it. So I really
(11:49):
want to support you in that. Focus on that, all right, next,
So number seven, we're up to number seven. We're working
our way through, and if any of you have any
questions about any of these, let me know, or if
you any questions are coming up in any way, please
(12:11):
feel free to put it into the JAT. So number
seven is if you find that you overwork yourself or
are feeling burnt out, that's number seven and that's number
seven self sabotage. So if you're overworking and you feel
(12:31):
burnt out, and there is could be a hidden belief
that you believe that your work comes if you keep
doing going or performing or being trying to be the
best or trying to be perfect so that you can
prove your worth to two people, to the people in
(12:57):
your life, or to if you proving your work worth
at work and or proving your worth and business to
your clients, and so much so that you're not setting
those boundaries boundaries and what I call that essential self
(13:18):
care is crucial in having a healthy life. And so
I really really want to support you in being able
to take time out, to stop, and to schedule, and
this is really important. Start scheduling. Start scheduling your self
(13:45):
care like you're an appointment to yourself. I see your question.
I'm going to finish this and then I'll get to
you anaesthesia. Start scheduling your self care. So if you
are to meditate, or if you are wanting to take
a time out, or if you want a journal, or
(14:05):
if you want to just be quiet with yourself, or
if you need to get a massage or set an
appointment or take a vacation, even a day of spa day,
you need to schedule it. Set a time and schedule
your self care, schedule time even on nap, even rest,
(14:31):
whatever it is you need to do for your self
care so that you avoid burnout, because if you do
not give that to yourself, you can't be headed for burnout.
So I really want to support you in finding and
taking the time and in your schedule. I still I
(14:53):
you know, whether you use an online calendar or whether
you use an old time calendar. I like the old time.
Still in the old time, like the paper, like to
open my calendar and scheduling things in. So I just
really want to support you in doing that for your
self care. I call it that essential self care. Now
(15:16):
let's get to Anastasia's question. Anastasia says, does that apply?
Does that apply to people who always work and don't
take time to rest, relax and recoup. Yes, so if
you or someone you know is not taking time to
(15:37):
rest and relax and recoup, that applies totally. It's definitely
what I'm talking about, and so it's just really important
that you take a day off, give yourself a day off,
give yourself a few hours off, give yourself time off.
For me, what I do is I usually like to
(16:00):
take Sundays and sometimes I won't talk to anybody. I
need to just chill out and take that day for
me where I'm just being quiet and meditating or going
out in nature or doing something. Now, if I have
to work, because sometimes I work on Sundays, then I
take the next day, I take Monday. I find the
(16:23):
ways to schedule in that self care because I know
and I've been there that if I keep on going, going,
going and doing doing doing without any time off or rest,
relaxation and recouping, and that includes play, all right, I
(16:43):
really want you to also think about how can you
schedule and play and fun And that may mean that
may mean like making time. I mean, I know this
sounds really strange for an adult. Maybe you need to color,
get a coloring book, get crayons, Maybe you need to draw,
(17:05):
Maybe you need to bead, maybe you need to I
don't know, I'll play some kind of game salad are
game or I don't know how many of you know
about this game used to be called IQ. I still
love that game or playing cards physical cards, or you
can do it online, but take time out. And I
(17:27):
also want to make sure that you're having that fun
taking time to take care of yourself without any computers.
I also support you in doing downtime without computers and
just going inward or resting and allowing yourself. So all right,
(17:47):
so we are up to number six, number six. This
is a biggie and I've had so many clients and
I also know because I've done it myself. People pleasing.
People pleasing is a huge self sabotaging behavior because if
(18:10):
you are and I see your question came in, Mickey,
and I'll get to you shortly. If you are taking
care of others at your expense then, or if you
are doing something and then you start feeling angry or
resentful or frustrated, you feel obligated, you feel it's a
(18:34):
have to. And what I want you to ask yourself
is am I people pleasing? If you're having those emotions,
then you are probably people pleasing. Anything that feels like
an obligation or I have to and it's at your expense,
(18:55):
then you may be people pleasing Now, I also want
to make a distinction, and that doesn't mean and self
care is essential self care. So learning to say no,
having your boundaries all essential self care strategies that all
of you need to learn. Now. I don't mean essential
(19:19):
self care is not selfish. And if you're always doing
the opposite and always thinking about you and not being
there for another, that's not what I'm talking about. But
many of the people I work with and many of
the people I know are people pleasers, and so either
(19:43):
they are or are and so it's learning to ask yourself,
am I people pleasing? What am I feeling right now?
What's coming up from me? And being able to start
shifting that behavior. And the way that you shift it
is you start to like if somebody says, oh, can
(20:09):
you do this for me? Blah blah blah blah blah,
and instead of saying right away, I say yes right away,
you need to say I'll get back, I will let
you know. You don't owe anybody a yes right away,
And you need to feel into it and allow yourself
(20:30):
to tune in to see if this feels right to you,
And it's learning to honor yourself. It's learning to love yourself,
and it's learning to overcome all of those old beliefs
and information that if you develop the people pleasing habit,
(20:53):
it's probably because when you were growing up you needed
to be a people pleaser to please your parents or
your caretakers. And now it's learning to please yourself and
take care of yourself and honor yourself. So that's what
I really want to support you all in doing. And
Nicky says downtime, downtime for just yourself and down time
(21:19):
with family. You got it, Mickey exactly that both of
those downtimes are really important. It's important to take downtime
for yourself. That's the essential self care, and if downtime
for your family, taking time to be with your family.
And I'm going to add another piece to that, if
(21:41):
you're in a relationship, you want to take downtime for
just the two of you because that being taking downtime
just as a couple is really important too. So we
have downtime for self, downtime for family, and down time
(22:01):
as a couple. So definitely all of that is important
self care, essential self care. So thank you Mickey for
First of all, I want to say thank you all
for bringing in the questions and the comments. I really
appreciate you, very grateful to you. So I just really
(22:21):
want to acknowledge all of you. Okay, so we are
going to number five. Number five. Number five is the
fear of success, the fear of success. So you would think,
oh yes, success, oh yes, but the fear of success
(22:44):
is what will happen is when it's a self sabotaging behavior.
What happens is you will sabotage your success and you
will find ways to sabotage your success if you do
not deal with that fear of success. And that could
be fear of success around anything. It could be the
(23:07):
fear of success in your business or making a certain
amount of money. There's something called an upper limit with money. Okay,
I am that all right, that's what can happen when
you're doing a live show. I don't know why the
glitch happened, but I am that. So, so we were
(23:27):
talking about the fear of success, so I know I
see Missy as a question, do people fear of success
or the change it may bring? It could be either
one or both. So what happens is if you have
a fear of success, you may end up fearing success
(23:49):
because of fear that you'll end up. I mean, this
is stuff that I've worked with people around, is fearing
that they'll be alone, that there'll be nobody left. And
it doesn't mean it's true, but it's their fear or
the change. And so people can also fear the change
(24:11):
that success brings. So it could be the fear of
just the change or the fear of the success, or
both that it's mixed in together. And so your job
is to understand what's underneath the fear. What are you
really fearful of, Like what's the underlying issue. So the
(24:32):
quick fix for that is visualizing your future self, like
visualizing yourself already thriving, and remind yourself that you are
going to learn to grow into the person that has
that success. Now, again I want to make very clear,
(24:53):
I'm talking about the quick fixes that you can do,
but underneath, eventually you want to go deeper into understanding
what's underneath those fears, what's underneath that self sabotaging behavior
because once you know, then you can transform it and
(25:15):
change it. So also important for you to know. Now,
what I want to let you know is that we
have the we have the checklist. All right. So the
check the ultimate self sabotage checklist for life and business
(25:39):
how to go from stock to thriving. And so you're
going to have the checklist, like you asked for, all
of you listeners and viewers that ask for it. Here
it is. Rebel's going to put the link in the
chat and you can download and get the link. And
it also talks about what you can do to transform
(26:02):
those behaviors. So definitely you have the checklist, and then
you have what the things you can start doing to
transform the behaviors. So I invite you to download the
checklist and be able and start really taking notice, because
you can't change something if you're not aware of it,
(26:24):
and having the checklist will help you to really start
tuning in and being aware of the behavior. So I'm
very excited that we have this checklist now. And I'm
also really excited because you know it came from requests.
I want to thank all of you for requesting it
(26:46):
so that I wanted to answer those requests. So thank you.
I'm very grateful to all of you. So we're going
back back to the top ten, all right, top and oh,
for those of you who are I didn't announce it.
Let me announce it for those of you who are listening,
(27:08):
those of you who are listening and not seeing it.
The link is www. It's the Inspired and Empowered Living
dot Com Inspired and Empowered Living dot Com Forward slash
Checklist two. So it's Inspired and Empowered Living dot Com
(27:34):
Forward slash Checklist two and you can download that the
name of the show dot Com Forward slash Checklist. So
I look forward to and supporting all of you to
learn more about yourself sabotaging behaviors. All right back to
(27:54):
the top end. So number four, number four self sabotaging behavior.
You talked about the fear of success. This is the
fear of failure. So the fear of failure again, you
want to know what's underneath. What are you really afraid of?
(28:15):
What are you afraid of if you fail? Important for
you to know and understand. So what happens is when
you have that fear of failure, you'll avoid, you'll avoid opportunities,
or you'll sabotage opportunities that are coming to you because
you're afraid of failure. You may never start things because
(28:38):
you're afraid of the failure. So all of that can
be part of that fear of failure, and so it's
really important for you to realize that that fear it
can be healed. And again, you want to understand what's underneath,
and if any of you have any questions about any
(29:00):
again any of these, let me know. And you want
to redefine, redefine failure as feedback. So the quick fix
is redefine failure as feedback. So ask yourself, what will
I learn if I don't do this perfectly, or if
(29:25):
this doesn't go perfectly, or what will I learn if
this isn't going according to my expectation? Because a lot
of times that self talk in your head, you're thinking
you're a failure and you're really not. You're really not.
And it's about learning that that failure is a learning
(29:49):
opportunity and that every successful person, everyone has had more
failures than successes. The stats are are amazing. So if
you have eighty percent failures and I'm you know what,
I'm going to start putting failures on doing air quotes
for failure because if you start looking at what opportunity
(30:14):
is this showing me? Or what am I learning from
this experience? And if you have twenty percent success you
will be successful. So what I really want to support
all of you in remembering is that failure is not failure.
It's all how you define it for yourself. It's all
(30:36):
how you look at it for yourself. So redefining it
and re saying different things about it and asking yourself,
what am I learning from this experience? It's the same
thing like when you make a mistake. What am I
learning from this mistake this experience? What am I learning?
(30:57):
What do I need to change? Because what happens is
if something fails, and I'm putting it in air quotes,
if something fails, it may be an opportunity for you
to look at is this the direction I need to go?
Or their tweaks or their changes? Are there things I
need to learn? Or do I need to overcome my
(31:19):
belief in my failure of belief in myself? So all
of those possibilities that can happen when you uncover what's
really going on for you. So that's number four, all right,
So now we're going to number three. So number three.
Actually I'm surprised this isn't number one, but number three
(31:43):
is negative self talk. So you are saying to yourself,
I'm not good enough or I'm not ready, or I
can't do this. That's all negative self talk. And what's
really going to be important again, you want to understand
(32:03):
that it's catching yourself because a lot of times when
you're in that negative self talk, and this is with
all the sabotaging behaviors. That's why the awareness is so important.
You need to catch it. You need to notice it,
you need to be aware of it. That catching yourself.
Oh look what I'm saying to myself. Look at how
(32:25):
I'm going down a rabbit hole, a negative rabbit hole
instead of a positive one. And so being able to
change that and reframe it, so you're changing what you're
saying to yourself instead of I'm not good enough, or
I can't do this, or I'm not ready. I am
(32:48):
choosing because that empowers you. I am choosing to learn
how to do this, or I am choosing to learn
from this experience or this is this is the way
I'm gonna take it one step at a time, one
step at a time, or from I can to I
(33:11):
can do this. And maybe you need to learn skills,
or maybe you need to learn new tools, or maybe
you need to learn things. But it doesn't mean you can't.
It means you can. And reframing I can't to I can,
reframing I'm not good enough to I can do this.
I am good enough, I am good enough. That old
(33:34):
praise I'm not good enough is not true. It's not
true for any of you. So I really want to
support you in reframing it and saying I am I
am good enough and I'm not ready, saying I'm gonna
take it one step at a time, one baby step.
Remember we talked about baby steps a lot, one baby
(33:56):
step at a time. So that's number three. Number two
is perfectionism. So if you're somebody that needs to get
it perfectly, do it perfectly or not, you don't start
because it needs to be perfect. Your perfectionism is a
self sabotaging behavior, and it's getting in your way in
(34:20):
your life and in your business because if you're seeing
it one area, you're probably doing it throughout your whole
life in most areas. And so the quick fix for
perfectionism is you need to shift and create a new mantra.
And the mantra is progress, not perfection, Progress not perfection,
(34:47):
and so being able and I want to how that
I'm perfect as I am. That's around the worthiness piece,
if you find because sometimes that perfection comes from not
feeling good enough. I'm not feeling worthy, not feeling deserving.
I am perfect because I am. How's that one? So
(35:10):
that's what I want to support you in remembering and
that all right, drum roll, I'm not a great drum roll.
Weve got to bring in those effects broubble, all right.
So the number one self sabotaging behavior is procrastinating. So
(35:31):
if you are procrastinator, you are not alone. You are
part of the majority self sabotaging behavior. So you're putting
something off and you're procrastinating, and you're procrastinating, and you're
procrastinating because you are. And here's the thing, it's understanding
(35:55):
what's underneath the procrastination, What what's going on for you
that you are procrastinating. And I see Misty says, it's
the it's the now, noticing it happening at the time
it's happening. Yes, And that's part of that self awareness.
(36:17):
And I'm hoping the self Sabotage List, the Ultimate Checklist,
is going to help you to start having more awareness
around those self sabotaging behaviors, including procrastination because if you're
dawdling or you're doing something else like playing games or
doing other self sabotaging behavior, because you're procrastinating and avoiding
(36:42):
doing something that you really need to do, you're procrastinating.
And so really important to become aware, Misty that like
like you said, really important, thank you. It's becoming aware
of the behavior, aware of when you are doing it,
so that then you can take action and taking the action.
(37:07):
And the quick fix is taking things. There's a five
minute rule. Start with five minutes at a time, and
or you can set your lawn for let's say five
minutes or ten minutes. But you don't want to overwhelm yourself.
If you're really having a challenge starting something, start with
(37:28):
five minutes. Or if you really want to be more
ambitious and you start with ten minutes or fifteen, break
it down into segments and that could be the quick fix.
Now again, it's understanding what's underneath the procrastination. Now again,
I want you to know a lot of times these
(37:50):
are interwoven. Your procrastination could be because you have a
fear of success, or your procrastination could be the your
family or it could be that you feel you have
to get it perfect. So they're all interwoven. But top
ten number one procrastination and so those are the top
(38:14):
ten and I really want to support all of you.
Download the checklist. Download that checklist, Rebel. Can you put
it on the screen again and that way when you
download the checklist, have it by your side, have it
handy because it after the checklist, I have exercises and
(38:38):
prompts for you to do so that you can start
changing go self sabotaging behaviors around. So go to Inspired
and Empowered Living dot com Forward Slash Checklist two, Inspired
and Empoweredliving dot Com Forward Slash Checklist too. Now we
(39:04):
are going to continue Inspired and Empowered Living more next
Thursday at five pm Eastern on talkfor TV dot com,
W four w N dot com, my YouTube channel, and
you can listen to the podcast on iHeart Radio, Spotify,
Apple and Dora, Amazon and many more. And I wish
(39:29):
you an inspired and empowered day and night and inspired
and empowered week. Have a great one. Everybody buy for
them postings, past posts, posts testing, post chastics,
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The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.