Dougal Sutherland: Review of A Life Less Punishing in recognition of Movember

A book review in recognition of it being Movember

The book I want to discuss is A Life Less Punishing by Matt Heath.

I was asked to read the book in preparation for a podcast with Francesca Rudkin. My initial response was lukewarm – was worried it would be another celebrity self-help publication with lots of fridge-magnet quotes about loving life and being the best person you can.

I was very pleasantly surprised about how good it was. Was so good I interviewed Matt on a webinar recently that Umbrella held for Movember.

Interesting points about the book:

• Matt wrote it largely to try and help himself and sort his own life out
• Decided to read a history of world philosophy and see what he could learn – somewhat of an unconventional approach! He draws a lot on the Stoics and does a great job of explaining their philosophy of life, which is quite different to the staunch, unfeeling image often portrayed of them
• The book goes through a whole range of common emotions that men experience and discusses why we have these feelings and what do we do with them, particularly the difficult ones like shame, anger, guilt, sadness etc
• Matt is very honest about some of his own less than flattering experiences and some difficult times in his life e.g., relationship break up, death of his mum
• His level of honesty and self-reflection is itself inspirational for guys

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:07):
You're listening to the Saturday Morning with Jack team podcast
from News Talks that'd be Google. Sutherland is a clinical
psychologist from Umbrella well Being, and he's with us this
morning to close out November.

Speaker 2 (00:18):
Helder doogle, sure to Jack, Nice to speak to you. Yes,
November almost sort of goes a little bit slipped under
the radar of recent years, doesn't it.

Speaker 1 (00:28):
Yeah, well yeah, are you? Are you a facial hair grower?
Do you do you endul well in November?

Speaker 2 (00:34):
Well, I haven't. I have social hair anyway, so it's
do I choose to shave the other bits off and
kick the bed on the front. I think that's kind
of cheating, So I didn't do it this year. I
didn't outwardly express my Movember.

Speaker 1 (00:48):
I just he'm I'm sort of I'm challenged on the
November front, and that I can grow an incredibly thick
neck beard, like very very my for whatever reason, like
it's not really facial here, it's neck here. Just loves
to I could grow Honestly, Yeah, I shaved last night
and already I've sort of got a thick neck beer growing.
But the actual facial here is sort of a different story.

(01:09):
For whatever reason, it's not it's not an even distribution.
Yeah yeah, yeah, you're.

Speaker 2 (01:14):
Not painting a flattering picture.

Speaker 1 (01:16):
No, well this is exactly yeah yeah. Yeah. Anyway, you
have had a special read this Moven, but that you
wanted to talk about this morning, and it is a
read from someone very close to us in the Newstalks
Edb Family, Matt Heath's book Are Life Less Punishing.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
Yeah. Absolutely. Look, I was asked to sort of have
a look at the book for a podcast actually podcast
with Francisca Rudgan of all people, and to be honest,
I approached it with some trepidation because I was kind
of thinking, oh, this will be another kind of celebrity
type book with you know, Fridge magnet quotes about you know,

(01:53):
just live life and be yourself wonderful, to be a
live kind of thing, which which there's nothing wrong with
their inspirational but they're probably not deeply helpful in the
mental health point of view. But I was incredibly impressed
and very positively prize by Matt's book around, you know,
and obviously particularly for men. You know, he's written it.

(02:14):
He's about the same age as me and you know,
late forties, early fifties and I think really writes about
men's emotional and mental health in a really relatable way.

Speaker 1 (02:24):
Right, Okay, so run us through some of the some
of the points that interested you about the book, and
then maybe we can talk about the kind of takeaways
that you got from it. So what do you think
that kind of distinguished his book?

Speaker 2 (02:35):
Well? Interestingly, And I interviewed him for for our weomenar
that we held this week, and he talked about how
I said, you know, who was the book written for?
And he said, well, he really wrote it for himself.
But to do that, he just got the history of
world philosophy and started reading through it, which is slightly unconvinced.
I mean, he said it was a very big tome

(02:56):
and he wasn't sure actually once he started it whether
he was going to get through it. I think what
he's done is he's really pulled out some sort of
historical gems that that people throughout history, and philosophers throughout
history have used to guide their lives to a better place.
He draws a lot on the Stoics, who I think
we had this sort of perception of Stoics being very

(03:18):
unfeeling and very sort of staunch, and actually he unpacks
it really nicely about how that's not who they were
at all. They were very much about living in the
moment and accepting what you've got now rather than you know,
worrying and living in the past. So that was really good.
I mean, I think what he does is he covers

(03:38):
all The book covers a whole range of emotions, and
I think particularly I was glad to see emotions that
often trip us up and that men struggle with, you know, anger, shame, guilt, sadness,
those ones that are pretty major players in the emotional landscape,
but that we don't We often don't really know what
to do with them. And I think it's just he

(04:00):
gives some really great self self reflective, really in non
flattering ways too, some self reflection insights around his struggles
with those and what he's done about it. So it's
a really nice read.

Speaker 1 (04:13):
I mean, he's kind of honest and really in a
way that you know when someone's running a memoir sometimes
they're preps a little bit inclined to polish some of
the sharper edges.

Speaker 2 (04:26):
Yeah, I didn't see a lot of polishing at all.
It's brutally honest about some of the mistakes he's made
and some of the losses that he's had through, you know,
a relationship breakup, you know, the death of his mum.
You know, so really major life events and just I
think making it really accessible for people and relatable because
you go, oh, yeah, I've been through that too, So yeah,

(04:49):
it's really I think it's really powerful.

Speaker 1 (04:51):
Okay, So what were the kind of takeaways that you
think might be helpful for other guys to consider this November.

Speaker 2 (04:58):
Yeah, Look, he talks a lot about being aware that
sometimes we live in this kind of fantasy life or
that we're always for the next best thing. You know,
if I do this, then I'll be able to get that.
And okay, if I get this, I'll be able to
trade up to that. Or this is the next rung
on the ladder and then I'll be able to climb
up for that or and he talks about giving away

(05:20):
that imagined life and accepting where you are, you know,
and he uses the term settling, which is from another
from another author I think books called four Thousand Weeks.
But settling and accepting what you have right now and
paying attention to what is around you and who is
around you right now and I think that's a really

(05:43):
great message. It's we can often get tied up, you know,
into the future or maybe living in the past, but
he talks a lot about just being aware and accepting
what's happening right now. Talks a lot about making choices
about emotions that often we think it's they're inevitable or uncontrollable,
and whilst they're impacted by the past and relate to

(06:04):
what's happened to us in the past, we do have
an element of being able to control them and mastering
those and is really helpful. The last thing, the other
thing I really like is that he talks about getting
himself an imaginary coach or guide, and he uses Willy
Appy Arthur as who's not the mansinary person obviously, but

(06:25):
as it has his imaginary guide, somebody that's sort of
setting challenges for him through life, but is also there
to support him to take on those challenges. And I
think that's a really nice idea about having somebody that
you feels in your corner and is cheering you on.

Speaker 1 (06:42):
Yeah, that sounds great. So who would you recommend this for?
Who do you think is going to get the most
out of the story, Right out of the book.

Speaker 2 (06:49):
Yeah, look, certainly, I think guys over the age of
you know, forty, approaching that middle life, I think you'd
find it really relatable. I'd also recommend it to guys
that are under the age of forty because you might
actually pick up some life hacks that you know that
you can benefit from his wisdom and experience.

Speaker 1 (07:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (07:09):
And thirdly, i'd recommend it to any woman who has
a guy in her life, a partner or a close
friend actually to give them a sense of what kind
of being a guy is like sometimes one is like
on the inside. So I guess I'm recommending it to
humans over the age of about sixteen really, but you know,

(07:31):
for different reasons.

Speaker 1 (07:32):
That will be pleased. Yeah, Matt would be very pleasy
to hear that. I'm sure. Yeah, No, it does sound great,
And that's a yeah, really considered reviewer in the analysis
of what makes this book so unique. So thank you, Dogle,
we really appreciate it. Google Sutherland there from Umbrella Wellbeing,
and the book is of course a life less punishing
by our very own Matt Heath, And we'll make sure

(07:54):
all of the details for that are on the news talks.
He'd be website For more from Saturday Morning with Jack Tame,
listen live to news talks that'd be from nine am Saturday,
or follow the podcast on iHeartRadio