Kevin Milne: The most tedious line in public speaking

An MC is responsible for ensuring an evening runs smoothly, keeping everything in line and keeping the guests entertained amid the various speakers and events. 

However, there’s one line commonly said by the MC that Kevin Milne wishes they’d do away with.  

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:07):
You're listening to the Saturday Morning with Jack team podcast
from News Talks.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
A'd be Kevin Milne is a weather scutter. Kevin, Happy
New Year.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
Happy New Year to you, Jack. I'm just thinking about
you solituding in the woods. Yes, assuming the one thing
you didn't tell us was that you chop it out
for the anti nagal chet clubs.

Speaker 2 (00:28):
I you'll be pleased to know I did make the
anti natal classes before the before the tramp. It was
carefully considered and I and I made sure, I mean
as much as one can. I I asked my wife
to sort of assess her own state before we headed
into the bush, so I was cautiously optimistic that she
wouldn't slip into labor in a couple of days that
I had disappeared. But nonetheless I was relieved to get

(00:49):
out and get back to her. Wouldn't have been a
good look, and I and I can it was the
only reason I knew she was joking. I knew that
her first words to me if I'd missed the birth
of our child would not be congratulations. Anyway, You've had
a good summer, Kevin.

Speaker 3 (01:05):
Yes, very busy time. I had a very very busy
Christmas and New Year, and when that was all over,
I really felt like heading to the bosh itself. Yeah. Yeah,
it's funny, isn't it that you have what we call
the Christmas holidays, but they are actually sometimes busier and

(01:26):
even more stressful than the work.

Speaker 2 (01:29):
You always need a holiday after the holidays, there's no
doubt about it. Yeah, especially around Christmas. Like you say,
you can be exhausted. This is why I reckon one
of the compulsory things for the summer holidays are afternoon naps.
I'm a big fan of afternoon naps in the summer holidays.
For me, it's almost the biggest luxury of the holidays.

Speaker 3 (01:46):
Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (01:48):
Anyway, Hey, young you want to put an end to
something that MC's do at fancy social functions, Kevin.

Speaker 3 (01:55):
Yeah, yeah, this may seem a small thing, but I
think it's something we should get rid of. Why is
it often in glamorous circumstances, you know, ahead of sumptuous
dinners and stunning entertainment. Why is it that mcs kick
off the show with the dullest line in public speaking? Firstly,

(02:18):
ladies and gentlemen, are few household matters, at which point
the audience, who all consider they at least half a brain,
are told how to find the laboratories and where to go.
As an earthquake, it's a total atmosphere wrecker. Household matters may,
of course, not be the MC's idea. Event organizers often

(02:41):
insist M says kick off the show in this tedious way.
You'd swear it was a legal requirement, but it isn't.
If I'm asked as an MC to go through the
household matters routine, I put up a fight. Here's why.
On the way in, guests will likely have noticed doors
with a sign that says toilet. Toilet signs are there

(03:04):
to tell you that on the other side of the
door toilets. If you have a dodgy tummy or a
dicky post, you'll make a mental note where they are.
Even if you don't spot the toilet signs on the
way in, You've already spent decades on this planet. You
know how to sniff out a bathroom, and if your
instincts let you down on that occasion, you can simply

(03:27):
ask someone where are the toilets? No need for housekeeping announcements.
When the MT comes out, the audiences wound up for
the big occasion. They can't wait for the first joke
or permission to eat or the first performance. The last
thing they're after are directions to the laboratories. So my

(03:50):
plead to event organizes. If you have housekeeping matters to share,
stick a sign up somewhere, but do yourselves a favor.
Don't kill the atmosphere by starting the whole show or
indeed funeral explaining where the dunnies are. We're not stupid.

Speaker 2 (04:08):
I'm with you. I'm one hundred percent with you on this. Kevin,
as someone who gets asked to do these things from
time to time as well, I think we can draw
a distinction, though, can't we. So we can say you
don't need to talk about the bogs, because everyone can
work that out, and if they can't work it out,
hopefully they'll last someone. But when it comes to the
emergency information, that's probably reasonable, right, obviously depending on the circumstance,

(04:31):
but I usually think it's probably reasonable.

Speaker 3 (04:33):
I think given that if there's an earthquake, what we're
all sold is to drop and hold on something, I
think anything beyond that's unnecessary. Telling us where we all
should at that point where we should all gather. Yeah,
it's going to be forgotten if there is a lad.

Speaker 2 (04:50):
One when it's when there's something unusual as well. So
for example, I don't know if you've ever hosted anything
at Parliament and the Parliament Precinct. I've hosted a couple
of things there over the years, and it's one of
these places where they actually have a protocol for emergencies
where you've got to talk to the parliaments Security first
because they need to be able to guide the emergency
services through with all of the security and that kind

(05:12):
of thing. So it is a bit unusual, you say.
So usually you say, if there is an emergency, don't
call one one one, actually talk to Parliament Security first
and they'll call one one one. Yeah, but you're you're
generally right. There's not a lot of space sometimes in
this world for just like a bit of common sense.

Speaker 3 (05:29):
No, there isn't. I'll give you one exception somehow another
before it all start, the audience needs to switch off
their phone, and so I do accept. But I don't
think to tell people that you don't have to create
a household matter segment to get that point across. I
think a really good MC can do it. Within about

(05:51):
the first fifteen seconds that they've been on stage. Yeah,
they can pull out their phone, turn it off in
front of everybody and say please do the same, do
the same, and that's it.

Speaker 2 (06:00):
Yeah, you know, No, I'm with you. I'm with you, Kevin.
I think, I think a great miss.

Speaker 3 (06:05):
Everybody here dies, and gentlemen, a few households, I think.

Speaker 2 (06:09):
And you never say housekeeping. No one ever uses that
word housekeeping or household matters unless you're unless you're in
that environment, do you right?

Speaker 3 (06:17):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (06:17):
Right, Kevin Well said, thank you. Great to have you
back for twenty twenty five. So thank you very much, Kevin,
and yeah, look forward to catching up you again soon.

Speaker 1 (06:25):
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