But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems

But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems

Welcome to But Why? — real talk on messy minds and messier systems. Hosted by two psychologists, Kristin and Laura, we dive deep into the psychology of human experience: from mental health and identity to power, culture, and the systems that shape our lives. Expect thoughtful conversations, critical questions, and honest reflections on how people—and the world—really work. No self-help platitudes. No easy answers. Just meaningful, accessible dialogue for curious minds. Topics we explore: • Psychology and mental health • Identity, feminism, and culture • Neurodivergence and lived experience • Systemic power and social change New episodes every week. Subscribe to join the conversation. #PsychologyPodcast #MentalHealth #CultureAndIdentity #RealTalkPodcast

Episodes

October 28, 2025 55 mins

Part 3 of our Halloween series: Monsters as Mirrors
If monsters reflect our fears, what does it say that we keep making them?

In this final episode of our Halloween trilogy, Kristin and Laura dig deep into the psychology of monstering, from ancient instincts to modern media. We explore how and why the human brain was built to see monsters...and why we still crave them.

From evolutionar...

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Part 2 of our Halloween series: Monsters as Mirrors
If today’s monsters reflect modern fears…what were we afraid of 500 years ago?

In this time-travelling episode, Kristin and Laura head back to the past to ask: where did our monsters come from, and what were they covering up?

From witch trials to mummies, this episode unpacks:

  • Why werewolves symbolised the “untamed man”

  • Why ...

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This is Part 1 of our special Halloween series: Monsters as Mirrors

What if our monsters say more about us than them?

In this episode, Kristin and Laura explore how monsters are a social mirror...a way for powerful systems to project fear, control bodies, and avoid accountability. From witches to AI, we unpack how "the monster" is used to enforce social boundaries, uphold hierarchies,...

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In the final episode of our alt-right pipeline series, we explore what happens after the soft aesthetics and curated control stop working. Kristin and Laura dig into the messy, often shame-filled reality of trying to leave a system that promised empowerment and control, but in reality, delivers performance, exhaustion, obedience, and even harm.

We unpack:

  • Why leaving can feel like...

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In Part 2 of our series on the alt-right pipeline for women, we explore how wellness aesthetics and therapeutic language become tools of discipline, not liberation.

Kristin and Laura dissect the soft side of authoritarianism - how empowerment becomes obedience, rest becomes performance, and the internet whispers: “Shh, just be palatable.”

✨ This episode unpacks:

  • The rise of the “so...

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In Part 1 of our three-part series, Kristin, Laura, and special guest Jess Britvich explore how women are being pulled into the alt-right — not with overt violence, but with pastel aesthetics, self-help promises, and weaponised femininity.

Together, we explore:
• How tradwife culture makes patriarchy look like wellness
• Why the pipeline starts with fear, loneliness, and control
• The role...

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Sometimes it's the spoon scraping the bowl. Or the tag on your shirt. Or the wind in your ears. And suddenly...it's all too much.

In this episode, Kristin and Laura unpack the messy, invisible world of sensory stress and how it shapes daily life for many people (often neurodivergent). From autistic shutdowns to ADHD overstimulation, they explore why modern environments are hostile to ou...

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What do silverback gorillas, burnout, and barstool bravado have in common? More than you think.

In this brilliantly bizarre episode, Kristin and Laura are joined by psychologist and burnout researcher Dr. Pete Olusoga to unpack why 100 men vs 1 gorilla became a cultural obsession — and what it reveals about masculinity, performance, and emotional repression.

Together, they unpack:
• The “...

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From sleep scores to step counts, even our joy is being tracked. But who is all this “self-improvement” really for?

In this episode, Kristin and Laura ask what happens when being human stops being the goal and starts being a problem to fix. They unpack the rise of over-optimization, how capitalism convinced us we’re machines, and why even therapy isn’t safe from performance culture. Tog...

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 From “not all men” to “I was just joking,” defensiveness is everywhere. But what’s really going on underneath?

In this episode, Kristin and Laura unpack the psychology of defensiveness - how it protects us, how it shows up in everyday interactions, and how it connects to deeper systems of power. With stories about awkward meetings, parenting, and fragile masculinity, they explore:
• Why ...

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 In this special guest episode, Kristin and Laura are joined by Oliver Niehaus to explore why so many men and boys are being pulled into the Manosphere.

From red pill influencers to anti-intellectual rants and fragile masculinity, we unpack:
• Why the manosphere sells grievance disguised as growth
• How patriarchy harms men — and why they struggle to admit it
• The role of loneliness, algor...

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In this thought-provoking episode, Kristin and Laura ask why women’s joy so often gets dismissed as “basic.” From Taylor Swift fandoms to fantasy novels, they unpack the deep psychological roots of how gendered taste is constructed—and why we feel guilty for what we love.


They dive into:
• Why "guilty pleasures" are a feminist issue
• The Enlightenment origins of the gender binary
• How cul...

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In this episode, Kristin and Laura take a psychological deep dive into Netflix’s Adolescence, a gripping series that explores how one teenage boy ends up committing an unthinkable act. But instead of focusing on who did it, the show—and this conversation—asks why.

Together, we explore:

• What incel culture is and how boys are drawn into it

• The role of social media, masculinity myths, a...

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From Yorkie bars to Olympic podiums, women in sport have always faced more than just the competition. In this episode, Kristin and Laura explore how sport has been systematically shaped to exclude women — and how this exclusion is still happening today.

From overt bans in the 20th century to TikTok trolls and pay gaps in 2025, we unpack:

• Why women were banned from football and basketba...

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From bicycles to boardrooms, women’s progress has always triggered backlash.

In this episode, Kristin and Laura trace a powerful throughline across 140 years of history — showing how each leap forward for women has been met with a push to drag them back.

We unpack:

• Why “bicycle face” was invented to stop women riding freely

• How 1950s housewives were drugged into compliance

• The flap...

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Is it burnout, is it capitalism, or are you just lazy? (Spoiler: it’s not the last one.)

In this episode, Kristin and Laura unpack what motivation actually is — and why we keep expecting ourselves to push through exhaustion like it’s a personal failure. Guided by Self-Determination Theory (SDT), they explore:

• The difference between high vs low quality motivation

• Why guilt and shame d...

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In this episode, Kristin and Laura are joined by Amy and Jen to unpack their latest books Myths of Sport Performance and Women Working in Sport.

From gender bias in coaching to the emotional toll of surviving male-dominated spaces, we explore:

• Why performance myths won’t die — and who profits when they stay alive • The gap between academia and social media “truths”

• What’s missing fro...

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It’s our holiday party and we’re breaking down the science (and the BS) of New Year’s resolutions — all while sipping wine, comparing tattoos, and trying not to set anything on fire.

In this festive-but-serious episode, Kristin and Laura explore:
• Why so many resolutions fall apart by February
• How to make goals that actually work for you
• The psychology behind outcome, process, and ope...

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In this follow-up to our general burnout episode, Kristin and Laura explore what burnout looks like through a neurodivergent lens — and why it so often goes unrecognised, misdiagnosed, or misunderstood.

Between chaotic mornings, ADHD hyperfocus, executive dysfunction, and autistic masking, we unpack:
• What autistic and ADHD burnout really feel like
• The difference between executive dysf...

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We were going to do something light and fun. But then… we remembered we’re burnt out.

In this episode, Kristin and Laura explore the complex emotional, physical, and political layers of burnout — not just as a personal feeling, but as a symptom of the systems we live in. Between rainbow sightings, chaotic dog farts, and some very real science, we unpack:
• What burnout really is (and why...

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