April 19, 2022 • 13 mins
Dear Steve and Shirley, I’ve been married for 2 years and I’m 25 years old. My husband is 26 and he pursued me heavily until I let him take me out. We had a great first date and he told me that he loved me. I fell for him really quick and we got married in no time. He lived out in the suburbs and I had an apartment downtown so he stayed with me mostly before we got married...........................
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if you need
advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more. Please
submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com and
click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter
live on the air, Papa, just like we're gonna read
this one right here, right now. Could be now. Buckle
(00:21):
up and hold on type we got it. Fool you
Here it is the Strawberry Letter. Thank you. You sounded
a little like Don Cornelius this morning. All right, thank you, nephew.
Subject they let their husbands run wild. Dear Stephen Shirley.
I've been married for two years and I'm twenty five
years old. My husband is twenty six, and he pursued
(00:43):
me heavily until I let him take me out. We
had a great first date and he told me that
he loved me. I fell for him really quick, and
we got married in no time. He lived out in
the suburbs and I had an apartment downtown, so he
stayed with me mostly before we got married. Right before
the wedding, I moved in with him, and I met
(01:04):
three other married couples in his neighborhood. They were all
professional men, and they loved to golf, mainly because it
was a status thing for them. And I asked my
fiance at the time why he never mentioned these friends,
and he said they're his neighborhood friends and he didn't
really hang out with them because he was single. I
got upset and asked him if he was rushing into
(01:25):
marriage to fit in. He said absolutely not, and I
did not nap him about it. Fast forward to present
day and we've been married for two years. My husband
thinks it's okay to hang out with his neighborhood friends
every Friday and Saturday night. It's fine if they're in
the backyard or in one of their man caves, but
they liked to go to the city to hang out.
(01:48):
I'm the only wife in the group that has a
problem with it. One of the wives told me that
as soon as I start getting tired of my husband,
I will look forward to him hanging out at night.
My husband said that I'm making us look bad as
a unit because I'm always calling around complaining about him
being out. I don't like that they let their husbands
do whatever they want to do, and I hope it
(02:09):
doesn't rub off on my husband. He's not a big drinker,
but now he's buying liquor and building up his bar
to show up to his friend. Is there any way
to keep my husband at home? Well, you could lock
the bedroom door and throw away the key, you know,
keep him in there, But of course you're not gonna
do that. I just think this thing started from the
(02:32):
very beginning. I mean, you guys went really fast. I mean,
to begin with, you said he told you he loved
you on the first date. That was quick, very quick.
So now that you've been married for two years at
twenty eight, he'd rather hang out with his boys on
the weekend. At twenty eight, that just seems rather odd.
It seems like you guys would still be honeymooning and
(02:53):
getting it in at this age. He's twenty eight, now
you're twenty seven. I do think it's something to him
rushing to fit in with the rest of his suburban friends.
You mentioned that he denies it, but there is something
to that. He is trying to impress him. You mentioned
the liquor. He's trying to build up his bar, and
he doesn't even drink all that. I mean, they do
(03:15):
the same things together, leaving their wives at home when
they go to the city and your husband, I don't know.
I think you guys need to work out some sort
of compromise if you want to stay together, because you guys,
at the rate you're going, you might end up in
divorce court. I mean, you got to schedule some date nights.
You got to work on your marriage. Stop calling around
(03:36):
looking for him because he doesn't like that. Stop talking
to these other messy wives who seem bitter, they don't
even like their husband. The husbands at this point they said,
you know, when he starts getting on your nerves, you'll
be happy. All of that. You don't want to hear
that you need to work on your marriage. If that's
what you want, you know, let them know how you feel,
don't you know that doesn't require an argument or anything
(03:59):
like that. I mean, if he doesn't want to try
to fix it, then you know where you stand. Your
marriage is in trouble, and you guys are young. You
know you're gonna you're gonna come up against some hurdles.
You might want to consider counseling at least something to
try and keep your marriage together. But first, you know,
let him know how you feel. Communicate Steve great response, Shirley.
I'm stuck on this letter in a couple of ways
(04:23):
because there's so many things wrong here, young sister. I
hate to tell you that, but all right, here goes
uncle Steve. Let me try to help you out. They
let their husbands run wild. Let okay, we'll get into
that in a minute. You've been married for two years.
You're twenty five years old, your husband twenty six. Now
this is young. Now, this is young to be married.
(04:45):
I just want to tell you that right off the dribble,
we had a great first He pursued you heavily until
you let him take you out. You had a great
first date. He told me that he loved me. I
fail for him really quickly, and we got married in
no time. Pump your brakes stop. Here is the whole
problem in this whole letter is wrapped up in that
(05:06):
statement right there. I failed for him really quickly, and
we got married in no time. Well, that's the whole problem.
You did not take the time to know the score.
You did not take the time to read the book.
You did not take the time to go over the chapters.
(05:30):
You just jumped into it. Anybody that's married will tell
you marriage is a challenge. It's beautiful, but Lord, have mercy,
it's a challenge. And you didn't even have enough information
about your mate going in Now. He lived out in
the suburbs. You had an apartment downtown, so he stayed
(05:51):
with you most of the time before you got married,
right before the wed and I moved in with him.
That's out in the suburbs. I met three other married
couples in his neighborhood. They were all professional men. They
loved to golf, mainly because it's a status thing for them.
And I ask my fee, I say why he never
mentioned these friends, and he said they're his neighborhood friends.
And he didn't really hang out with him because he
(06:11):
was single right there, right there. And you know why
he didn't hang out with them, because as married people,
they weren't doing the things that he was doing as
a single man. You got that. When we come back,
the rest of it will get unfolded right in front
(06:32):
of you. Hope you enjoy it, and please stay together.
After my response, it's not over. It's just troubles, all right, Steve.
We'll have part two of your response coming up at
twenty three minutes after the hour today's Strawberry Letter, subject
they let their husbands run wild. We'll get back into
it right after this. You're listening, all right, Come on, Steve,
(06:57):
Let's recap today's Strawberry letter. The subject they let their
husbands run wild. Yeah, they do. They let their husbands
run wild. Now you're twenty five. You didn't married this
man twenty six. You got married really quick. You got
married in no time. According to the letter, he lives
out in the suburbs. He spent all the time downtown
(07:18):
with you in your apartment. When you all got married,
you discovered he had three friends out there in the
suburbs who were all married. You wanted to know why
he didn't tell you about him. He said, because they
didn't hang out because he was single and they were married.
Like I said in the beginning, when you getting married
in no time, you don't know the whole story. You
(07:39):
can't get a better picture of the view of the picture.
You haven't read the book, you don't have enough information.
So now this is gonna come back to bite you. Now,
he didn't really hang out there because he was single.
So then you got upset and you asked him if
he was rushing into marriage to fit in. He said, no,
(08:01):
absolutely not, and so you didn't nag him about it.
Fast forward to present day. Now we're talking two years now,
two years in past now, and my husband thinks it's
okay to hang out with his neighborhood friends every Friday
and Saturday night. Wow. Now, part of this is because
of two things. Number One, his friends have been married
(08:27):
for a while. Now, I guarantee you those three friends
are a little older than he is. And also this
has something to do with youth to want to hang
out with your boys every Friday and every Saturday. I
get to hang out with my main boys twice a year.
(08:51):
Twice a year. It's when I get to hang out
with my boys. All twelve of us get together, and
it's twice a year. Yeah, that's it. Now that's been
twice this year because the funerals sad to say, but
that's how long we've been friends. Now we hanging out.
(09:11):
You hanging out twice a week every Friday and Sadday.
And if you like it, okay, if they in the
backyard or you in one of their man case. But
then they like to go to the city to hang out.
Now you're the only wife in the group that's got
a problem with it. One of the wives told me,
as soon as I start getting tired of my husband,
(09:33):
I would look forward to him hanging out that night. See,
so obviously they've been married longer than two years. They've
been married for a while. If this is the feeling
that she has. My husband said that you're making us
look bad as a unit. That's funny right there, when
the dude told her, you're making us bad as a
unit by complaining to the other wives because you're the
(09:55):
only one complaining. Well, the unit. Dog is a marriage.
That's a little bit more important than a unit and
un it is an office space downtown. A unit is
a collection of coworkers. You all are unit. No, No,
this is a marriage. It's very different. I don't like
(10:15):
that they let their husbands do whatever they want to do.
And I hope it don't rub off on my husband.
I don't know what you're hoping against it already? Does
he hang out every Friday and Saturday? You hope it
don't rub off on your husband. It didn't rubbed. He
with them every Friday cent Ain't that what the letter fall?
It then't rubbed. He's not a big drinker now, but
(10:40):
he buying looking building up his bar to show off
to his friends. Well that's good because the bars at
the house see you getting them closer to homes, and
they're gonna be drunk, but they all gonna be closer
to home. Is there any way to keep my husband
at home? Well, there is a way to keep your
husband at home. But let me tell you what's happen
(11:00):
right here. The reason they go out every night, every
Friday and every sight because what's out there in them
streets is more exciting than what's happening at home. Period.
This is a fact. If your husband is gone every
Friday and every Saturday, I'm assuming y'all been at work
(11:23):
Monday through Friday, and all of them get together every
Friday night and every Saturday night, is because they're blowing
off steam from the workweek, and they're blowing off the
steam without their wives. Something is happening out there in
them streets that's more exciting. That's what's happening at home.
Whatever happened to date night, it would seem to me like,
(11:48):
since all y'all are friends, it would seem to me
like as couples, y'all would get together, and it will
be one couple's responsibility to host and event at their
house or playing and the date night for you all.
So if your guys did a Friday night, everything would
be cool. If the ladies and everybody got sadday. Now,
(12:09):
you ever seen a mob movie? You ever seen the
Mob movie? Even the Mob movie, they had a night
with a family, but then they had a night when
their girlfriends all met down at the cabana or the
cotton club. Even gangsters know, you got to take care
of your family. These faulk foods and got together on
the weekends and decided, ain't no damn family. That's about
(12:31):
its dumb. Even they do that in a gangster movie.
You got a night for the girlfriend, you got a
night for the wives. Y'all. Both day nights is shot,
y'all stupid. Y'all need a date night. Y'all need a
couple's night out. So y'all can save y'all's marriage. Because
I'm gonna tell you right now, this continue every Friday
and every Saturday. You can't stay married like that. I
(12:54):
don't care who you are, all right, We're moving on.
Post your comments on today's Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey
on Instagram, Steve Harvey FM on Instagram and Facebook. And
check out the Strawberry Letter podcast Please that's on demand
coming up at forty six minutes after the hour. You
know what time it is, It's time for junior and
sports talk. Right after this, you're listening to The Stave
(13:16):
Harvey Morning Show
Time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if you need
advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more. Please
submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com and
click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter
live on the air, Papa, just like we're gonna read
this one right here, right now. Could be now. Buckle
(00:21):
up and hold on type we got it. Fool you
Here it is the Strawberry Letter. Thank you. You sounded
a little like Don Cornelius this morning. All right, thank you, nephew.
Subject they let their husbands run wild. Dear Stephen Shirley.
I've been married for two years and I'm twenty five
years old. My husband is twenty six, and he pursued
(00:43):
me heavily until I let him take me out. We
had a great first date and he told me that
he loved me. I fell for him really quick, and
we got married in no time. He lived out in
the suburbs and I had an apartment downtown, so he
stayed with me mostly before we got married. Right before
the wedding, I moved in with him, and I met
(01:04):
three other married couples in his neighborhood. They were all
professional men, and they loved to golf, mainly because it
was a status thing for them. And I asked my
fiance at the time why he never mentioned these friends,
and he said they're his neighborhood friends and he didn't
really hang out with them because he was single. I
got upset and asked him if he was rushing into
(01:25):
marriage to fit in. He said absolutely not, and I
did not nap him about it. Fast forward to present
day and we've been married for two years. My husband
thinks it's okay to hang out with his neighborhood friends
every Friday and Saturday night. It's fine if they're in
the backyard or in one of their man caves, but
they liked to go to the city to hang out.
(01:48):
I'm the only wife in the group that has a
problem with it. One of the wives told me that
as soon as I start getting tired of my husband,
I will look forward to him hanging out at night.
My husband said that I'm making us look bad as
a unit because I'm always calling around complaining about him
being out. I don't like that they let their husbands
do whatever they want to do, and I hope it
(02:09):
doesn't rub off on my husband. He's not a big drinker,
but now he's buying liquor and building up his bar
to show up to his friend. Is there any way
to keep my husband at home? Well, you could lock
the bedroom door and throw away the key, you know,
keep him in there, But of course you're not gonna
do that. I just think this thing started from the
(02:32):
very beginning. I mean, you guys went really fast. I mean,
to begin with, you said he told you he loved
you on the first date. That was quick, very quick.
So now that you've been married for two years at
twenty eight, he'd rather hang out with his boys on
the weekend. At twenty eight, that just seems rather odd.
It seems like you guys would still be honeymooning and
(02:53):
getting it in at this age. He's twenty eight, now
you're twenty seven. I do think it's something to him
rushing to fit in with the rest of his suburban friends.
You mentioned that he denies it, but there is something
to that. He is trying to impress him. You mentioned
the liquor. He's trying to build up his bar, and
he doesn't even drink all that. I mean, they do
(03:15):
the same things together, leaving their wives at home when
they go to the city and your husband, I don't know.
I think you guys need to work out some sort
of compromise if you want to stay together, because you guys,
at the rate you're going, you might end up in
divorce court. I mean, you got to schedule some date nights.
You got to work on your marriage. Stop calling around
(03:36):
looking for him because he doesn't like that. Stop talking
to these other messy wives who seem bitter, they don't
even like their husband. The husbands at this point they said,
you know, when he starts getting on your nerves, you'll
be happy. All of that. You don't want to hear
that you need to work on your marriage. If that's
what you want, you know, let them know how you feel,
don't you know that doesn't require an argument or anything
(03:59):
like that. I mean, if he doesn't want to try
to fix it, then you know where you stand. Your
marriage is in trouble, and you guys are young. You
know you're gonna you're gonna come up against some hurdles.
You might want to consider counseling at least something to
try and keep your marriage together. But first, you know,
let him know how you feel. Communicate Steve great response, Shirley.
I'm stuck on this letter in a couple of ways
(04:23):
because there's so many things wrong here, young sister. I
hate to tell you that, but all right, here goes
uncle Steve. Let me try to help you out. They
let their husbands run wild. Let okay, we'll get into
that in a minute. You've been married for two years.
You're twenty five years old, your husband twenty six. Now
this is young. Now, this is young to be married.
(04:45):
I just want to tell you that right off the dribble,
we had a great first He pursued you heavily until
you let him take you out. You had a great
first date. He told me that he loved me. I
fail for him really quickly, and we got married in
no time. Pump your brakes stop. Here is the whole
problem in this whole letter is wrapped up in that
(05:06):
statement right there. I failed for him really quickly, and
we got married in no time. Well, that's the whole problem.
You did not take the time to know the score.
You did not take the time to read the book.
You did not take the time to go over the chapters.
(05:30):
You just jumped into it. Anybody that's married will tell
you marriage is a challenge. It's beautiful, but Lord, have mercy,
it's a challenge. And you didn't even have enough information
about your mate going in Now. He lived out in
the suburbs. You had an apartment downtown, so he stayed
(05:51):
with you most of the time before you got married,
right before the wed and I moved in with him.
That's out in the suburbs. I met three other married
couples in his neighborhood. They were all professional men. They
loved to golf, mainly because it's a status thing for them.
And I ask my fee, I say why he never
mentioned these friends, and he said they're his neighborhood friends.
And he didn't really hang out with him because he
(06:11):
was single right there, right there. And you know why
he didn't hang out with them, because as married people,
they weren't doing the things that he was doing as
a single man. You got that. When we come back,
the rest of it will get unfolded right in front
(06:32):
of you. Hope you enjoy it, and please stay together.
After my response, it's not over. It's just troubles, all right, Steve.
We'll have part two of your response coming up at
twenty three minutes after the hour today's Strawberry Letter, subject
they let their husbands run wild. We'll get back into
it right after this. You're listening, all right, Come on, Steve,
(06:57):
Let's recap today's Strawberry letter. The subject they let their
husbands run wild. Yeah, they do. They let their husbands
run wild. Now you're twenty five. You didn't married this
man twenty six. You got married really quick. You got
married in no time. According to the letter, he lives
out in the suburbs. He spent all the time downtown
(07:18):
with you in your apartment. When you all got married,
you discovered he had three friends out there in the
suburbs who were all married. You wanted to know why
he didn't tell you about him. He said, because they
didn't hang out because he was single and they were married.
Like I said in the beginning, when you getting married
in no time, you don't know the whole story. You
(07:39):
can't get a better picture of the view of the picture.
You haven't read the book, you don't have enough information.
So now this is gonna come back to bite you. Now,
he didn't really hang out there because he was single.
So then you got upset and you asked him if
he was rushing into marriage to fit in. He said, no,
(08:01):
absolutely not, and so you didn't nag him about it.
Fast forward to present day. Now we're talking two years now,
two years in past now, and my husband thinks it's
okay to hang out with his neighborhood friends every Friday
and Saturday night. Wow. Now, part of this is because
of two things. Number One, his friends have been married
(08:27):
for a while. Now, I guarantee you those three friends
are a little older than he is. And also this
has something to do with youth to want to hang
out with your boys every Friday and every Saturday. I
get to hang out with my main boys twice a year.
(08:51):
Twice a year. It's when I get to hang out
with my boys. All twelve of us get together, and
it's twice a year. Yeah, that's it. Now that's been
twice this year because the funerals sad to say, but
that's how long we've been friends. Now we hanging out.
(09:11):
You hanging out twice a week every Friday and Sadday.
And if you like it, okay, if they in the
backyard or you in one of their man case. But
then they like to go to the city to hang out.
Now you're the only wife in the group that's got
a problem with it. One of the wives told me,
as soon as I start getting tired of my husband,
(09:33):
I would look forward to him hanging out that night. See,
so obviously they've been married longer than two years. They've
been married for a while. If this is the feeling
that she has. My husband said that you're making us
look bad as a unit. That's funny right there, when
the dude told her, you're making us bad as a
unit by complaining to the other wives because you're the
(09:55):
only one complaining. Well, the unit. Dog is a marriage.
That's a little bit more important than a unit and
un it is an office space downtown. A unit is
a collection of coworkers. You all are unit. No, No,
this is a marriage. It's very different. I don't like
(10:15):
that they let their husbands do whatever they want to do.
And I hope it don't rub off on my husband.
I don't know what you're hoping against it already? Does
he hang out every Friday and Saturday? You hope it
don't rub off on your husband. It didn't rubbed. He
with them every Friday cent Ain't that what the letter fall?
It then't rubbed. He's not a big drinker now, but
(10:40):
he buying looking building up his bar to show off
to his friends. Well that's good because the bars at
the house see you getting them closer to homes, and
they're gonna be drunk, but they all gonna be closer
to home. Is there any way to keep my husband
at home? Well, there is a way to keep your
husband at home. But let me tell you what's happen
(11:00):
right here. The reason they go out every night, every
Friday and every sight because what's out there in them
streets is more exciting than what's happening at home. Period.
This is a fact. If your husband is gone every
Friday and every Saturday, I'm assuming y'all been at work
(11:23):
Monday through Friday, and all of them get together every
Friday night and every Saturday night, is because they're blowing
off steam from the workweek, and they're blowing off the
steam without their wives. Something is happening out there in
them streets that's more exciting. That's what's happening at home.
Whatever happened to date night, it would seem to me like,
(11:48):
since all y'all are friends, it would seem to me
like as couples, y'all would get together, and it will
be one couple's responsibility to host and event at their
house or playing and the date night for you all.
So if your guys did a Friday night, everything would
be cool. If the ladies and everybody got sadday. Now,
(12:09):
you ever seen a mob movie? You ever seen the
Mob movie? Even the Mob movie, they had a night
with a family, but then they had a night when
their girlfriends all met down at the cabana or the
cotton club. Even gangsters know, you got to take care
of your family. These faulk foods and got together on
the weekends and decided, ain't no damn family. That's about
(12:31):
its dumb. Even they do that in a gangster movie.
You got a night for the girlfriend, you got a
night for the wives. Y'all. Both day nights is shot,
y'all stupid. Y'all need a date night. Y'all need a
couple's night out. So y'all can save y'all's marriage. Because
I'm gonna tell you right now, this continue every Friday
and every Saturday. You can't stay married like that. I
(12:54):
don't care who you are, all right, We're moving on.
Post your comments on today's Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey
on Instagram, Steve Harvey FM on Instagram and Facebook. And
check out the Strawberry Letter podcast Please that's on demand
coming up at forty six minutes after the hour. You
know what time it is, It's time for junior and
sports talk. Right after this, you're listening to The Stave
(13:16):
Harvey Morning Show
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