Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This podcast is recorded on Stolen Land.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
We acknowledge and pay our respects to our elders, past, present,
and for future generations.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Hi.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
I'm Atika and I'm Courtney, and we're two Queer First
Nations women passionate about representation for our community. We created
this podcast to share our stories. We want you to
join us on the journey.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
You're listening to Coming Out Black.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hello, welcome or welcome back to another episode of Coming
Out Black. I am so excited. This is the first
episode of twenty twenty four. And who do we have
with us but my cousin friend of the podcast, he
actually wrote our intro music, the fabulous Louis Libren.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Hello, how to go in? Happy New Here, Happy New Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
I can't believe it.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
We're here. We made it right.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
I've been seeing on TikTok's everywhere that what do they
call our star signs? Cardinal signs? This is this is
our year. So for Aris Libra, I was gonna say librince, Canserrians,
and I don't know what Capricorn sorry, Capricorns. So we're like, how.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Dare you forget about me? I'm a Capricorn raising, So
Capricorn rising Libra and so hopefully good things are coming
our way.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Yeah, I'm excited for this year. I really am. Well,
the reason I wanted to have you on the podcast today,
well one, Courtney's just she's being a boss bitch. She's
out there, she's doing things. So I was like, that's fine.
You know, I'll do a solo episode, but i'll drag
in Louis. Yeah, because we love having you on the podcast.
And what I thought we could do today just for
(01:46):
a bit of fun getting the new year rolling, is
do our own sort of version of the ins and
outs that I've been seeing everywhere, like kind of New
Yar's resolutions. But what are we taking with us into
the year and what are we leaving behind in the air.
So I told you beforehand to write your list, and
I've written mine. Yes, so let's just jump right in.
(02:10):
We'll go first, do you think, or let's go in
what we're bringing into the Okay, do you want to
go first?
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Yeah? Putting yourself first a bit of selfishness, but in
the best way. Yeah. No, we're so generous and selfless people,
I feel I am.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Anyway, I think that's really good. What made you sort
of want to really prioritize and focus on prioritizing yourself.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
I think just I don't know, I think it's really
important in any aspect to put yourself first in that
I mean, you can only help so many people and
you only have so much capacity. So yeah, I just
(03:02):
feel like it's really important to be putting yourself first.
And yeah, I.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Think that's great. I think that's a good thing. Is
taking twenty twenty four my first Well, these aren't really
in a particular order. That's just like how I came
to my brain. But my first twenty twenty four in
is budgeting.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Budgeting, Yeah, okay, And.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
I know that some people are gonna be like, this
is so fucking boring. I'll see you in the next episode.
But I like, I don't know, maybe I'm just reaching
that age where quote unquote boring things are like valuable
and I see the interest in them now. And I
also have been reflecting more on I guess like first
(03:43):
nations historical ability to interact with money finances, like we
have a history of being taken advantage of in this
country of stolen wages, and even today, I think so
many people continue to like do more work than they're
being paid for and so it's just maybe have a
(04:05):
bit more of a financial mindset and coming from a family,
like you know, living in Housing Commission, living week to week,
budgeting was just not a thing at all. And I've
been working since I was like sixteen years old, and
I really don't have much to show to it, show
from it, show for it, show for it. I don't
(04:26):
really have. Like no one told me when I was
younger that saving and budgeting and looking at what you're
doing with your money was something that was important. And
I think that a lot of blackfellows would maybe be
in a different stage of life right now if someone
was able to hand that knowledge down totally. And just
a bunch of privileged white people whose parents were a
banker who told them to do this and invest early.
(04:49):
And I was like, fuck, man, if someone had told
us that, Like I want to get in to a
place where I feel financially stable, Like I think that's
something not everyone, obviously, but a lot of of maybe
more people up in Housing Commission can identify with. So
I've just been thinking about it so much more, reading, learning,
like financially educating myself and damn, what does a budget do?
(05:11):
But like allow you to understand where it is your
money's going and what you want to focus on. Like
I even have pockets of my budget of like, this
is how much money I sent to my mom. Here's
the money I used to help my community, and it
just allows me to do those things without putting myself
a step back as well.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Budgeting for me is like it's scary. It's because I
think of budgeting as almost like limiting yourself, which I'm
not a big fan of. I'm like, if the money
is there, I might as well spend it for me.
This is me. Of course, money is a concept. It's
(05:53):
like absolutely, it's a number in a bank account. It's
a piece of paper that we have assigned value to.
So yeah, it's a great idea.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Budget and it's that's true.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
But I'm always like.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Limitations, eat beans and rice, rice and beans.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
That's not living. Could die, Like this is another thought
that I have all the time. It's just you can
die tomorrow, and like you've budgeted and sorry to be
just like you're wrong.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
No, I totally think you're right. And that's why I
think I at least how I'm trialing it. At the moment,
I found a budget where I have X amount to
just go and buy lunches out and do this, and
thankfully like I'm in a position where I have a
salary that allows for that flexibility. Whereas I know people
who maybe don't have have a very very tight budget
(06:55):
it can feel crazy limiting. And whereas I think, thankfully
I've been able to align my way where I don't
think I'm missing out on anything but that extra money
that I would just be wasting, I'm like, oh, I
can do that. I'm thinking twice about. I'm like, oh, actually,
maybe I could use that for this. Yeah, anyway, what's
your second in?
Speaker 1 (07:11):
My second in is oversharing.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
You don't want to come back on this podcast?
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Oversharing? I just feel like I put oversharing slash communication
in that I just feel like, again, we limit ourselves
so much when it comes to like talking to people,
and it's like are they gonna like me if I
share this detail? Or yeah? I just think I just
(07:42):
love when people talk and just talk authentically and just
as themselves, and I think it encourages people to just
be more like themselves. And I guess not think about
what other people think over sharing. Who doesn't like to
(08:03):
talk shit for hours.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Yeah, and I think it sometimes can help you, like
get deep with people and not stay at that like
surface level.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Yeah. Yeah, because when someone opens up, it makes the
other person feel like they can open up. And yeah,
sharing is caring and oversharing is in for me, Say
what's your second one?
Speaker 2 (08:29):
My second one is prioritizing being outside and connecting to country.
And I've already started doing a part of that this year.
Like I think as someone who's maybe I don't know
if people believe me when I say this they've listened
to this podcast, But I am a pretty introverted person
and I really love my home. I love being inside,
like I'm an indoorsy cat, you know. And I just
(08:52):
want to remind myself that I do actually need to
go that times that are not for work. So like
we did a amazing hike early in the year, we
went and did some sand dun runs. We've been going
for a walk most days and it's just been really
nice making that time to be outside and connecting with
nature totally. And then I guess Slash that is making
(09:14):
sure that like when I go home to Woggor, I
spend time on country instead of just time with family,
which is kind of the same thing.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
But yeah, yeah, no, that's a great one. I think
getting outside is just so important for mental health, seeing
the trees, like breathing the fresh air, not being stuck
inside for wars, even though it can be comfortable. And
I'm the same in that, like I love being at home.
I love just being in my own space and not
(09:40):
worrying about all the scaries outside. But no, it's so important.
And yeah, I love connecting to country as well. I
try to go down home at least once a year
to recharge my spirit because Sydney can be draining and
the city life is it's it's a lot. So connecting
(10:03):
the countries amazing and great and you can do it.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Thank you. What's your next in?
Speaker 1 (10:10):
My next in is being delusional.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
These alsound really like like bad or like toxic, but
hopefully I can explain that in a way that these
are beneficial for me anyway.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
You just don't have to do these ins and outs.
But for me, being delusional, I guess is just another
way to trick the brain into maybe feeling okay when
things aren't, or believing in yourself in a way that
(10:51):
maybe sometimes when you feel insecure, or you don't feel
like you look the best a certain day, or because
everyone has insecurities and it's it's hard to move past
them some days. And honestly, just telling yourself that you
are confident, you are happy, I am all of those manifestations,
(11:11):
all of those self love affirmations. I think it's a
way to trick the brain into into thinking that what
you're doing essentially is lying to yourself. But it's like
make make it kind of yeah, yeah, yeah, that sense
that vibe, Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Well, that's really good. I think that's good. My next
in is work life balance.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Work life balance, Yeah, okay, And I think.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
I've talked about this on the podcast before, but last
year twenty twenty three was hectic in the realm of
work for me, Like we were, I say, we as if, like, well,
this is maybe part of my unhealthy I think I've
been like such a hard worker a lot of my
life that, like my personality, at least part of it
becomes the job that I'm doing. And that's partially because
(12:01):
I care a lot about the work that I do.
So at the start of twenty twenty three, I was
working towards delivering Sydney World Pride and Marti Graft for
that year, which was huge. It's like the first time
that While Pride had been held in the Southern Hemisphere,
and there were so many first Nations elements happening that
I'm so proud of. But it was also so incredibly tiring,
(12:24):
and I just didn't have the opportunity to have a
proper work life balance throughout that. And I'm like standing
in the middle of a huge event for World Pride
and everyone's like, this is amazing, this is incredible, and
I couldn't even feel proud of what I had achieved
or what we as a team had achieved, because I
was so fucking tired. I was just standing there like,
(12:47):
oh my god, I can't I don't know. I was
just numb almost. So I realized, after achieving what I
set out to achieve when I first started working there,
that I had done that and it was time to
take a bit of a break. Took some time off
from work and sort of rethought what do I want
to do. I had a pretty shitty experience at another
employer after that, which was I'm sure I'll tell the
(13:07):
story at some point in time, and now I'm finally
I have a role that I really love. I have
such an opportunity to foster work life balance. I work
from home when I need to, I go in when
I need to, and I have a really incredible supportive
manager who's like, it's all about outcome, not whether you're
not you're sitting in a chair kind of thing. So
it's a huge focus for me towards the end of
(13:28):
last year, and I want to carry that through into
twenty twenty four too.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Absolutely love it.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Yeah, what's your next one?
Speaker 1 (13:37):
That's all of all of my I one more.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
I had one more extra extra today only because I
don't know, maybe I'm hyper focusing on this at the moment,
but I wrote twenty twenty four ins drinking water important.
And I just grew up in a family where like
power raid is their water. Like I was home for
Christmas and they have like powerades in the fridge, and
(14:01):
I was like, damn, when was the last time you
drank water? Where the water I have cramps and I'm like,
drink some water. So it's just powerade or like coke basically,
And so as a result of that, I really didn't
drink a lot of water growing up either, And I
guess I've gotten better as it goes, but I think
I'm having a more more of a focus on it.
In twenty twenty four, I bought a little water bottle
(14:22):
I love. I'm going to be a water bottle girye
on my little Howgirl walks. So I'm gonna actively work
towards drinking more water.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
That's one of my Yeah, that's great. Water is It's important,
like I said, But also it's I'm very forgetful with
drinking water. It's just it's just not a thought unless
it's like, unless you're thirsty or go to the toilet
and you notice something. But yeah, it's just it's important
(14:53):
and it's a good one.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Yeah, so that's me. Now we're on to out first.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Yeah. Overthinking, I'm so over it. I've been a big
overthinker for pretty much my entire life. I like to
think about every aspect or element or if there's an issue,
I like to try and think my way out of it.
I think it's my brain's way of coping or trying
to remain in control. But I think what I'm learning
(15:22):
and what I want to bring into the new year
is that there's things out of our control and there's
no point on like spending too much energy on the
things that we can't really control. So I think overthinking
is it almost feels like not a waste of energy.
But I guess it's just been so loud in my
(15:47):
life and such a habit of my brain to do that.
I want to, yeah, fix that and throw it out
for this year. I think a good solution to that
is meditation, reading, Like it's training your brain essentially. So
that's what I went out.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Yeah, it's like we're not overthinking and we're just going yeah,
I can do anything, Yeah, in line with your like, yes,
love it. Yeah, Okay, So my first out for twenty
twenty four is I guess it kind of relates to
my work life balance.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
In is overworking. I'm already overworking.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
It's almost like we're related. Yeah, I'm just sick of it,
sec of it, and I've already made some really good
headway in building a like my life. As much as
I am so thankful to have a career that I
am so passionate about, everyone has that, I deserve a
(16:53):
life outside of work and so that's a huge focus
of mine. So it goes hand in hand without for overworking.
I don't need to stay back, you know, no matter
how much work you do in a work day, I
promise you you will go back in the next day
and there'll be more work for you. It's a never
ending pile. So hopefully for someone listening, that's a focus
(17:15):
of yours as well of stop stopping overworking. And I
know that so many mob within our workplaces are constantly
asked to do additional things, and that cultural load is there.
I've actually started using the terminology of colonial load. When
I was away from my master's last year. Our someone
(17:37):
in the class, it might have been our teacher at
the time, who was also indigenous, was saying, I don't
use the word cultural load anymore. I used colonial load
because the issue isn't being black. The issue is the
expectations and the shifts that colonialism is forcing upon us.
(17:58):
So I think it's kind of like calling a spade
of spade and starting to shift people's minds of like,
it's not inherently hard to be a black fella, it's
hard to be a black fellow in a colonial space system. Yeah,
so yeah, I'm going to try and start doing this
as well. While I focus on this no overworking in
twenty twenty four, cutting it.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Yeah, we want some some ballace.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
What's your next out?
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Next out? Comparing yourself to others something that like I
have been conscious of not doing, but you kind of
just fall into that, well, I fall into that trap,
just with social media, with TV, with everything that we're
consuming literally TikTok's other like being a musician and like
(18:44):
you're a model, so like yeah, yeah, I mean it
is and it's competitive, and it is a very visual
work like an art It's yeah, I think it's it's
very easy for I guess anyone to to compare themselves
(19:06):
to others, especially with social media, just like everyone's posting
their accomplishments and like even for the end of twenty
twenty three, I was seeing a lot of posts about
accomplishments and yeah, or the Spotify like Wrapped and like
other artists that I look up to and like looking
(19:27):
at their numbers versus my numbers, and it's like it's
at the end of the day, we're all running our
own race. It's our like our own journey. No one
in this world is like you, So why do we
feel the need to look at others and be like, oh,
we should be where they're at, or look how young
this person is, like how are they? Like the journey
(19:50):
is just completely different, and it's futile to look at
something from an outside perspective and compare yourself. So that's
out the window this year. None of that focus. Yeah,
I'm gonna say, I'm focusing on my own journey and
just enjoying the process. I love that. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Cue My next out for twenty twenty four is assigning
morality to food.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Assigning morality to food, like this is a good food
and this is a bad food, Okay.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
And I think like there are a lot of people
who have a focus on health and fitness for mob
in particular, knowing that we struggle with various you know,
like diabetes if that's in your family, or like I've
had some family members die from heart attacks in the
last few years, and so everyone starts thinking about their
health a bit more. And I just know, I've seen
(20:50):
myself slip into I can't have this because it's bad, right,
and which leads me to restriction, which leads to you know, beIN,
which leads to just a crazy, unhealthy cycle. And while
I'm on this journey of like being a water bottle
girlie and being out on country and connecting. I don't
(21:12):
want stress around food to be a part of that
moving forward. So while I'm continuing to move forward and
trying to make more healthy choices, I don't want to
spend all day thinking about, Oh, I can't believe I
ate that it was. That's a bad food. I can't
believe I did this. And if anyone else has ever
struggled with like elements of disordered eating or things like that,
(21:35):
you'll know the struggle of just being stressed about food
all day or trying to count calories or those sorts
of things. I think I just want to move into
twenty twenty four working on being a healthy version of
me physically and mentally without saying this is a bad food,
with just allowing myself to work, which is like easy
said than done. Food's just food you deserve to eat
(21:56):
and you shouldn't feel bad for eating.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
Yeah, and analyzing your relationship with food, I think it's important,
it's but not over analyzing it as well.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
It's like it's so you Teita left you, right, I
just I want it so deeply want to be neutral
around food.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
Yeah, I think it's also like the wording around food
or like just changing the language of like, oh, I
need to eat healthier versus I want a balanced diet,
which is yeah, which I think. Yeah, the wording and
just a shifting perspective I think can really change the
relationship that people have with food.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
So I'm working on to your next one.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
My next one is hook up culture.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
It's out, it's out later.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
No, I like, I am just at this point in
my life where I just want a real connection with
someone and want to spend uh time with just one
per person and share everything that I have in my
life with just one person. This is me being a
(23:08):
I guess hopeful, hopeful romantic hopeless romance hopeless and hopeful both.
Why not? Yeah? I love love and I think it's
important that, especially as queer people, that it's queer love
is celebrated as well. And I think for queer men
it's it's really easy to fall into these into these
(23:34):
habits of getting affection or attention from people when it's
in a like hook up up.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Or scene but also easily accessible, but also what someone
thinking of like maybe limited or like it's freeing.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, and it's it's like I feel like, yeah,
there's just no room for it in my life. I'm
over it. I don't know what else to say about that.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
I think it's exciting because I also love love, so
like seeing what happens in twenty twenty four in terms
of like, you know this, this is exactly what I'm
looking for and I'm focusing on this. That's exciting. Yeah,
maybele have to have you back on if anything changes,
like a report back. Yeah, like I went on the
state and this happened, you know.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Yeah, yeah, or uh, I'm back on the app. No,
but would you.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
Call like, is there a difference in your mind of
hookup culture versus going on an app and going on dates?
Speaker 1 (24:39):
Yeah, actually there is. That's a good point. I think
that you can definitely use apps in particular ways that
because you can hook up on any.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
App these yeah, and Love of my Life.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
Yeah. So I'm not, yeah, not condemning apps or anything.
I guess that's just me head goes. It's it is
the type of app. But it's also like you can
you can be any type of way on any app.
You can be super friendly on Grinder and not have yeah,
(25:15):
not have kind of one worded conversations that are yeah,
wyd like what you're doing. Yeah, So I feel like
it's less of the apps because, to be honest, apps
is the only way, not the only way, but yeah,
(25:37):
to meet other queer people. And I don't know if
dating apps has made it a little harder for queer
people to approach someone in public or I mean just
approaching anyone, whether you're queer or not, is scary, like
no one likes rejection. But I just feel like, yeah,
(26:00):
the apps make it, I guess, more accessible for queer
people to meet each other so that they don't have to,
like I guess, put themselves out there and risk being
rejected by a straight person because I've been there and
it's not fun. It's oh, you're not queer. Never mind.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Where were they like a gay area of town?
Speaker 1 (26:22):
No, No, they were. They were They worked at a
sandwich shop that I really liked going to, and they
were wearing nail polish and they were complimenting my outfits
like all the time, and I was like into it
queer and then I yeah, one day it was just
like fuck it, like I'm gonna just I'm gonna just
(26:45):
say it, go for it, and They're like, I have
a girlfriend.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
I was like, ah, mind, it could have been by
or something.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
It's interesting with what I think is a positive shift
of moving away from gendered fashion and like you know,
straight men can pay their nails and the society is
more accepting of those sorts of things. Now, I guess
if that sometimes takes away those flags, those queer flag.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Yeah, do you have one more?
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Yes, I do have one more. And it's kind of
the same as my in line with my not overworking
and focusing on work life balance is only going to
the office when needed. Now I know it's definitely a privilege.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Is that an out? Then only going into the office.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Going into the office when not needed is my out?
People listening like crazy all the time, So people really
like working office. I'm like I said, I've more. I've
already said I'm a home person. I love my home.
I think I work better when I'm at home. I
also get life things done better and I'm not spending
(27:58):
time like traveling to from and I'm not as socially exhausted.
So I do think I focus more on my actual work.
So being able to thankfully have a job that is
so in line with my values and the type of
employee I want to be. In terms of work life balance,
means that I'm now in a position where I go
(28:20):
into the office with purpose rather than I go into
the office because I'm expected like people see me online.
That's fine, And if there's certain meetings or I want
to see someone in person, or we've organized a coffee
catch up, I'll go into the office, but I go
in purposely rather than like just because I think I'm
going to in trouble if I'm not there, which is
(28:40):
so nice. And if ten out of ten, if you're
someone who loves working from home, go find yourself a
job where they support you in doing that. Because it's
been so healing for my burnout and for just being
able to get have time to work out because I'm
not spending an hour there and.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
To work the commune.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
It helps a lot with work life balance.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Yeah, you save time, you save energy. It's a good time.
And I think it's also just workplaces should be offering
the support, especially post COVID, like because we had to
sit inside for so they know you can do it.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
Absolutely, And I think, like I said, some people love
being in the office and they work better when they're
in the office because they get maybe distracted at home
or whatever it is. I work really well at home
and I manage my workload really well, and I also
can get my laundry done, you know. So yeah, that's
I guess in line with all those work focused ins
and outs for me. Do you have one more or you.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Know that was my last one?
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Done?
Speaker 3 (29:44):
Done done?
Speaker 2 (29:45):
Those are our ins and out.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Outsour twenty four.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
We would love it if you jumped on our Instagram.
I'll put up a post maybe with Louis and I's
ins and outs of twenty twenty four and you can
hosts in the comments. What are your ins and outs
for twenty twenty four? Louis, thank you so much for
coming on the podcast. We always love having you here.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
Love being here. Thank you, and I.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
Guess we'll see you throughout twenty twenty four. I have
to drag you back in as we go, all right,
Where can people find you?
Speaker 1 (30:21):
You can find me on all socials under Louis Libran. Yeah,
that's it.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
I love that you have the same I.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Have the same muser name everywhere and it was Yeah,
it's good marketing, very lucky.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
All right, Well, once again everyone, thanks so much for listening.
We're so excited for twenty twenty four. We have really
exciting things coming up. You can follow us at coming
Up black Blak on Instagram and Facebook. You can reach
out to us at coming Out Like at gmail dot com.
If you have a story you'd like to share, or
if you want to sponsor us or something as well.
We're all please give us some money. Other than that,
(30:58):
we'll see you next Sport with another episode. Hi everyone,
h