February 28, 2024 • 41 mins
Join Courtney in a riveting conversation with Allira Potter, a prominent voice within the queer First Nations community. As a multifaceted advocate celebrated for her work in public speaking and intuitive readings, Allira shares their remarkable journey navigating gender identity, culture, and personal empowerment. Dive deep into her insights on setting boundaries, overcoming past traumas, and the transformative power of self-care and manifestation. This episode offers an authentic exploration of identity, resilience, and the importance of community support in the quest for self-acceptance and fulfilment.
This episode is brought to you by BlakCast and produced by Clint Curtis.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
I'm a Teka and I'm Courtney and we're two Queer
First Nations women passionate about representation for our community. We
created this podcast to share our stories. We want you
to join us on the journey.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
You're listening to Coming Out Black.
Speaker 4 (00:19):
Welcome back everyone.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Today, we have a very special guest joining us on
the Coming Out Black podcast, the remarkable Aliro Potter.
Speaker 4 (00:27):
Thank you so much for being here today.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Thank you so much. We're just saying, this is like
I've been a long time coming, so I'm really excited.
Speaker 4 (00:34):
Oh, was so pumped to have you.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
And usually we like to lay everyone introduce themselves on
the podcast, so I'd love for you to, Yeah, just
tell us a little bit about yourself and where you're
from and who's your mob.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Yeah, so my mom is your to Yorna my pronouns
I should say, is she and theay. I identify as
a lesbian and the type of work that I do.
It's so funny because I'm such a multifaceted human being,
but I do content on social media that's centered around
mental health, self love, culture, empowerment, spirituality. I also do
(01:07):
things like public speaking at events. I do intuitive readings,
anti healings. I'm an author of a book called While'm Witchy,
So yeah, I mean that's just like a couple of
things that I do. But yeah, like we said, there's
like probably a really long list of cool lots of
cool things that I've done, but they're the main things
that I sort of do.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
Yeah, we were just speaking before, like how I wanted
to write an introduction, but I think it would take
up the whole podcast episode, like just talking about what
you do. Yeah, you're a huge inspiration and just you
must be, you know, a mountain of energy to you know,
go through all those projects. How do you find that
you yeah, function day to day? How do you do
(01:49):
all of the amazing things that you do?
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Coffee? Coffee? No, I think the thing that I've learned
over the last couple of years is like all about
really balancing and understanding my boundary, so saying yes to
the things that I want to do, saying no to
things that I want to do, and making sure that
I'm self caring through the process as well too. So
I think, yeah, I'm still learning though as well too,
(02:14):
because it is really hard to have that balance.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Yeah, and which you say, like you probably have to
make a few mistakes or like kind of learn the
hard way to get through that. Like, do you remember
a few times where like that's been a turning point
to Yeah, I guess approach things differently.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Yeah, most definitely. So I think I burnt out probably
twenty twenty two. I burnt out probably three times in
twelve months, and I just wasn't learning from that mistake.
I was like, you're not listening, like universe is trying
to try you to slow down. So I guess coming
into that sort of new year twenty twenty three, I
(02:49):
was like, set the intention say no to things. Make
sure that you're just allowing yourself space to show up
and do certain projects, because otherwise you're going to have
another crappy year burnouts. And when I took burnouts, I
was like wipe for weeks on end, and then I
would power myself through and do like a million jobs.
So that's what I had to learn, was to say
(03:11):
no to things and listen to my intuition a little
bit more to say.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
Yes, Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, Like, but
that's really hard to like it's easy to say in theory,
but really hard to do in practice. Is there a
certain motto or mantra that sort of helps you or
brings you back into knowing what you need to prioritize
and those kind of moments.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
I mean, it's not so much as a motto, but
it's something that I teach my clients when I'm coaching
as well. Every time an opportunity or something comes in,
we always want to jump at the idea of just
saying yes because it's exciting. We want to people please,
we just want to do it. So before we actually
say yes, and before I say yes to things, I
(03:51):
actually go and ground myself and I take a moment
and I'm like, I just need a minute to think
about this opportunity or doing that thing, and if my
intuition gives me the green light, then I'm going to
do it. And if anything is sort of that half
fast sort of yes, then to me, it's my body
being like, no, don't do it. So it's not so
(04:12):
much a motto. It's just more of a reflection of
that question and that opportunity before agreed to do it.
Speaker 4 (04:18):
And I really like that.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
I was wondering, you know, do you usually approach things
that you're really passionate about? Is that usually what would
get your intuition saying like yes more often than not.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Yeah, I think that's where I revert back to my
values and what's important to me. So if you have
your values sort of like under your belt, and you
know what those top five values are, you can revert
back to them and be like, yeah, that's aligned with
my top value of culture, or yes, that's aligned with
that you know second value of communication or self love
(04:52):
or whatever it may be. So I think it's important
to revert back to values to help you make an
easier decision as well too.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Yeah. I guess values are often shaped a lot by
you know, our upbringing, our you know identity, reading your story,
you know you've faced, you know, various challenges you know
in your life, and some of those are included you know,
gender identity as well. Like, how do you think those
experiences have shaped your understanding of empowerment? I suppose, and
(05:22):
in manifestation.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
I think, well, my upbringing, you know, single mom, Dad
was sort of in and out of the picture, and
Mom sadly passed when I was seventeen, so I had
to grow up really really quickly, and I had to
figure out who I was and who I wanted to
become I guess, like overnight. So I think those sorts
of experiences have helped shaped me in any jobs that
(05:47):
I do. Any I don't just anything that comes my way.
I think there's just been so much significant moments in
my life that have really shaped me to be the
person that I am today. And I just have a
really I don't know how to sort of say it,
but I have a really positive outlook on life, and
I'm always just like you know, I'm just I don't
(06:11):
stress about big things anymore, do you know what I mean?
There's just no point in putting my body under that stress.
I'm always like, oh, it is what it is, Like,
it's okay, I can't. I need to be able to
control when I can control.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Would you say that you've always been able to have
that kind of outlook or is that something that you've
kind of had to learn or like adapt to, I
guess survive in your surroundings exactly.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
That like learning to survive has just been something that
I've had to do. So it's not something that it's
always been there where I've been like, oh, so chill
about things. It's just been like this learning to be
like it's okay, you don't need to stress about certain things.
So yeah, it's definitely something that I've evolved into as
a human being.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Well, that sounds amazing, like to not be able to stress,
And obviously it's a it's a frack, isn't it. Like, yeah,
I'm sure that, Yeah, it wouldn't always be smooth sailing.
But have you found that by not having so much
stress that's impacted your life in a positive way?
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (07:09):
I think so. I mean, obviously there's still like everyday
stresses of things that come into my life and I'll
be like, oh my gosh, but I'm just at the
point where I just let things happen and it's okay.
It's just it's out of my control, and I try
if there is something hard happening in my life, then
I always take myself to like a really big place, like,
(07:32):
for instance, if something's happening, I'll go to the ocean
and I'll look at it and be like, the ocean
is so much like bigger than me, So I don't
need to like stress, it's okay, like just relax And
that sort of grounds me a little bit in that
sense to be like it's okay stop stressing about this,
Like it'll all work out and the universe fully has
my back.
Speaker 4 (07:51):
That's cool.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
It's really great to trust trust in that and trust
like country is always healing, you know, it's salt water, Bob,
I totally get the the ocean analogy. Yeah, it swallows
you up like proper and it will keep you humble.
And I think that's country as well, you know, trying
to tell us a message all the time, those types
of practices of Oh, I guess rituals or techniques, like
(08:13):
they can all be powerful tools. And I guess looking
in with and working out you know what you want
and self discovery, Like do you feel culture has had
that impact on you particularly, you know, even with your
gender identity and your sexuality and culture I suppose, Like
how is country I guess shapes shaped you and shaped
(08:35):
the way that Yeah, you identifying the world.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Yeah, I mean like growing up I feel like I've
spoken to more recently in particular where we've grown up
sort of having to hide ourselves because we feel shamed
about where we're from and who we are because of
people's you know, perceptions of First Nations people, And that
was frustrating growing up. It probably wasn't it Until I
(09:00):
was in my twenties, I really started to understand culture
and how important it is, and how important it is
to get back out on country as well to and
connect with people, connect with mob connected with olders. And
I think that shaped me in a way where it's
just made me more appreciative of like who I am
and where I'm from. It's just been this sort of
like I don't know this, I guess that awakening of
(09:21):
like you don't need to change, you should just not
you don't need to hold shame and hear why you
should be so proud about being a First Nations woman
in this world, Like, yeah, because it's hard. It's hard
some days, but it's just sort of I'm so proud
now because I've gone through all of these sort of
moments in life with yeah, struggling with my identity.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Would you say there was a moment where you realized,
you know that maybe learned a bit more about you know,
the gender binary, and like what was that experience like
for you to get to a point where you were
able to you know, share that you and I'm on
Instagram or you know, to adapt those pronouns into your
(10:04):
life after you know, not having them beforehand.
Speaker 4 (10:07):
What was it like for you?
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Yeah, So I guess when when that whole discussion and
whole I guess, I don't know that whole concept of
gender identity came out into this world. There was such
a beautiful discussion and people were really trying to identify
who they were, and I guess in my brain, I
was like, yeah, she her, that's me because I was
(10:28):
born a female, Like that's just how it is. But
then the more I guess got in touch with myself,
There's some days I wake up very feminine. There's some
days I wake up very masculine. There's some days I
wake up pretty bloody neutral. And I was like, oh,
I don't really know where I fit in. I don't
know where I where I fit. And I remember speaking
(10:49):
to a friend who is non binary, and I was
having a conversation with them and I sort of said,
I think, I I think I am. I don't know,
like how do I unpack this? And I just remember
unpacking it with them and I was like, oh, no,
I am the she's there. It was a way for
me to just be like, yeah, I was born a female,
but I'm really gender fluid. I'm so gender fluid. And
(11:13):
I guess that's where I sort of like put it
out there on social media to be like, this is
who I am, and I hope this resonates with a
lot of other people who maybe going through that struggle.
And yeah, I just sort of felt comfortable in saying that.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Yeah, and did you find there was lots of lots
of feedback.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
So much feedback of people being like, oh my gosh,
I love this, this is amazing. Like I've questioned so
much about myself and I never knew how to explain
it to somebody, And I guess the way that I
articulated on social media, people were like, yeah, that makes
so much sense.
Speaker 3 (11:45):
That's the best, and like, would you outside of social media,
like your own internal circles, Like how was it received
amongst your friends and family and loved ones?
Speaker 1 (11:54):
You know what? My my friends and family are just
the chiller human beings. Ever that I sort of I
didn't really have to say anything. They sort of saw
it on socials and asked me, how how do we
refer refer to you or when we're talking about you,
what do you prefer? And I sort of explained to them, well,
(12:17):
this is what I prefer, This is what I like.
But I'm not going to be like disheartened if you
don't know how to you know, I, you know, refer
to me as being she or they, and so I
don't know. It's I'm really lucky in that sense because
I do have a lot of woke friends, which is great.
I think it's so important.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Yeah, and because I know you're down in Geelong or
weather on country, they're so like being near you know,
Melbourne is it's quite progressive and it's almost kind of
expected now that when you meet someone out there that
part of the community in some way, which is amazing.
I was gonna ask you, like the there's a bit
of a social media discussion going around at the moment
around like non binary people being expected to kind of
(12:57):
you know, present like androgynists, And do you feel that
pressure at all or do you like, how do you
feel about that narrative?
Speaker 1 (13:04):
That's so funny. No, I don't. I don't feel a pressure.
Speaker 4 (13:08):
Good.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
It's so funny because I dress like a twelve year
old boy half the time. I really do. And I
think maybe I don't post that enough on social media
because I'm always like at an event and looking like
quite feminine, but half the time I'm literally in like hoodies, trackies,
oversized jeans, T shirts. I don't feel a pressure because
(13:30):
I'm just like no, I can wear whatever I want
to wear, and that's how people should be in this world.
Don't feel that pressure. Just show up for you.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Yeah, And like, would you have any advice I suppose
for someone who is having those you know, same questions
and maybe going like listening to you know, speak right
now and start to relate to some of what you're
talking about if they I guess, yeah, if you could
give your self advice again, what like what advice would
you give?
Speaker 1 (13:54):
I think the advice would be is definitely seek out
a support person when you're going through that process, because
because I think it's important to have somebody there that
you can lean on and you can sort of have
these discussions with. I want to say also, like, don't
hold shame in when you are coming out or if
you are talking about your identity. Don't hold shame around
(14:15):
that you are who you are and you shouldn't have
to change for anybody. And if people make you feel
like you should change, they're not your real friends. And
you need to just get rid of them full stop.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
Absolutely definitely trash tags itself out exactly.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
So I just think that advice is make sure that
you have good support around.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
You, definitely, And you know, speaking of coming out as well,
you know coming out black. Our story is a bit
of a play on words, as Mitik and I often
present as you know, white passing. We also used to
probably present a bit more as straight passing. But we're
always curious about people's coming out stories. And earlier you
spoke that you identify as a lesbian. How did you
(14:54):
come to that conclusion in your mind? And what was
your coming out like.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Oh my gosh, it was was a journey. It was
a journey. I was very late in life coming out
as what I like to say now lesbian. So I
grew up assuming like all young females is you like men,
You marry a man, and that's life. And that's what
(15:18):
I did. I got married really young at twenty one
to a male. We divorced at twenty six, and I
think for me, I when I did separate from him
and I started exploring a little bit more and being like, oh,
I'm attracted to the energy of an individual. I'm not
necessarily attracted to the gender of a person, and so
(15:39):
I started exploring that more and I was like, oh,
maybe I'm bisexual. So that's what I lay with myself
as for years I was like, oh, I'm bisexual. And
then I realized that I was only dating men when
I was trying to fill avoid, trying to fill avoid,
And then I realized when I started dating women and
(16:02):
hanging out of women, I was like, oh, no, this
is more than just like a hook cup, Like I
love women and I'm like so attracted to women, and
so then yeah, I had a really good discussion with
a friend and they sort of said, you don't need
to label anything, like, you know, you just show up
and if you like people, then that's that's going to
be enough. And I was like, no, I just feel
(16:23):
like I need to tell the world that I'm really
gay and I'm like really lesbian, and because I'm just
so proud of that, and it took me so many
years to just figure that out. And yeah, so now
I'm just like, yeah, I'm gay and it's like my
whole identity now.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
And what was that, like, you know, the people around you,
you know, knowing that you were once married to a
man and then all of a sudden, you know, coming
out as lesbian, Like, was that a bit of was
there a bit of a whiplash effect for some people
or like assuming the way that they responded and other
things they're probably writing the.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Way Well, yeah, definitely. I mean I had some family
be like, we don't understand how you jumped ship that.
I remember that conversation with a lot of like older
generation family members, and I just sort of said, it's cool,
Like you don't have to understand. You just have to
accept that I'm really happy and that's okay. And I
(17:21):
think with friends, a lot of my friends sort of
would laugh and be like, oh hahah, we sort of
knew for a very long time that you don't really
like men, and it was just like a feel the void.
And I was like, okay, like why didn't you say anything?
And they're like, well, it's your story, we don't we're
not changing that narrative. So yeah, everyone was just so like, yeah, cool,
(17:45):
that's you.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
You do you that's a best I know.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Yeah, Like I think queer MOV and nonm of you know,
like we all have so many various, you know, different
experiences of coming out and how it's received by you know,
our community. And there's been a range of different guests
on that have had these amazing experiences and others that
have had durstically horrific experiences. But something that we've found
(18:11):
has been really in common is firstly like imposter syndrome,
I think, but now I'm starting to understand, like especially
queer mob it just seems to be all of us
and that yeah women as well, and particularly queer women
in two. But then there's also like this underlying hesitation
and struggles around you know, self acceptance and self love.
It's something that you preach about a lot, I believe,
(18:34):
and it is all around you know, that self dialogue.
Do you have any advice for many of us out here,
you know, who are trying to navigate you know, a
lot of that self acceptance and self love, you know,
especially within the context of yeah, being in the LGBTQ.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Yeah, I mean, I'll go back to that thing where
I'm always like seek support. It's so important to have support,
especially on your journey of you know, coming out, self love,
self acceptance. I think it's important to surround yourself with
people who are okay with who you are and just
(19:10):
accept you for you, because you don't need to change
for anybody, and if society tells you that, it's a
big no no. I think my self love journey I
always say on social media it's just sort of like
a bit of a roller coaster. You're never going to
be fully self loved, you know what I mean. You're
(19:30):
always going to be battling internally with things, and so
I think it's important to acknowledge that straight up on
your journey. I think for me with my self acceptance
and self love journey, I had to incorporate little things
in the morning by having my morning affirmations, just to
be like, you know, I'm beautiful, I'm worthy, I'm strong,
like all these things to sort of fill my cup
(19:53):
before I started, I guess waiting for that other validation
that I thought I needed. But I think it's important
and to just go inwards a little bit as well,
to make sure that you're just doing things for you. Yeah.
I think that's what my advice would be. It's just
like support affirmations and just know that you don't need
(20:13):
to change for anybody.
Speaker 4 (20:15):
That's so true.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
I think with the rise of social media, you know, TikTok, Instagram,
et cetera. There's a lot of pressure to you know,
do things you know part of you know, societal norms
or you know, validation from the amount of likes that
you get or how much attention you're getting. There's a
push for understanding a bit more around like you know,
(20:38):
the effects on mental health that you know social media
can have. But it is a really great tool as
well to be able to advocate, to help people, to
also be able to manage all of that you know
that's happening around it. We're all experiencing it, So it's
really great to hear about the you know, the messages
that you are sending jimob and to ours. If one
(21:03):
thing that I'm really curious about it, I've never really
learned too much about it. I hear about it around
me a lot. But manifestation, like, can you explain you
know what that is and you know, how did you
learn about it?
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Yeah? So, I mean in like the shortest explanation ever. Basically,
manifestation is the way that we think an apt and
the way that we put things out to the universe.
So if we are manifesting a particular job or money,
we're putting it out to the universe and just saying, hey,
like I'm allowing that money to come into my bank account,
(21:38):
I'm allowing this career change, this new job, and it'll happen.
That's like the shortest explanation because there's so much to it.
But I think if you're wanting to learn more, obviously
I have a book called World of Witchy, but you
can sort of google the law of attraction and it
makes more sense. But I how I don't know. I
(21:59):
feel like I've been manifesting since I was a kid,
and my Nan will tell me that. She's always just
like when people would ask me, you know, when you
get asked as a kid, what do you want to
be when you grow up, and you'll be like, I
want to be a nurse or a vet. I would
always be like, I want to be famous, and that's
just like me being a drama queen. And my NaN's like,
(22:20):
you basically manifested your whole life. She's like, your idea
of fame would be so different to somebody else, but
you're showing up in spaces and making changes. And I
was like, yeah, you know what, that's so true. So
I guess as I got older in my twenties, I
did a lot of self development courses and that sort
(22:41):
of led me into learning about manifestation. Then I did
a coaching course, a life coaching course, and I just
expanded on that more and now I get to teach
people all about manifestation. So I've just done lots of
study around it, which is really cool.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Yeah, and now you get to, you know, share that
joy with others once that been like being a coach
and like, do you have a kind of notable moment
in your career that is your favorite so far?
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Do you know what? I don't think there's any like
notable because every experience and everything that has come my way,
or any experience that I've had with an individual is
just always makes me like, oh my god, I'm doing
this is a full time job. It's so amazing. Like
they're the moments that I really really love. So I
(23:30):
don't think there's been like a big giant moment. It's
everything I love. When people message me on social media
and they're like that helped me so much what you
posted or thank you so much for that manifestation course,
it just made sense You've helped me, Like you know,
bring in money or whatever it may be. So yeah,
I'm really just so grateful and lucky to be doing
(23:54):
exactly what I set out to do.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
And do you remember having this in your mind and
then like as part of manifestation where you're like, yeah,
I'm going to be a life coach and then did
you work back for some there is like is that
kind of how it works in practice?
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Yeah, it's so bizarre. So I was in corporate, like
in an admin job nine to five for like nearly
ten years, and I was like doing my little side hustle,
doing my little intuitive readings and all the little self
development courses that I was doing, and that sort of
led me down the path of looking into becoming a
(24:29):
life coach. And then from that point on it just
sort of opened me up to just explore more opportunities
within that space.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
And how what would you say that a life coach
does day to day?
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Yeah, so every life coach would be different dependent on
what they sort of represent. So for me, I specialize
in manifestation, spirituality, mindset, and empowerment. So every day is
so different. It's honestly me showing up on social media
and giving people those free resources if you're a part
(25:03):
of my little broadcast channel, I put little little prompts
in there for you to walk away and do your journaling.
It's little things like that that's sort of helping people.
But then also I run little workshops for people to
sign up to, so I think, yeah, as a coach,
every day is very very different.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
That's so cool for you now and this is your
current career, you know, what what are your future aspirations?
Like where are you heading or you know, do you
have any anything that you know you can give us
a sneak sneak peek into for your future projects?
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Oh my gosh. You know, it's so funny. I've ticked
off every single thing that i wanted to do, and
I'm at the point now where I literally have said
to the universe I'm open to receiving any opportunities you
want to throw my way now because I've ticked off
everything and I'm excited for the unknown. And I know
(25:57):
that sounds scary for a lot of people, but to me,
that is so exciting. So whatever the universe wants to
like put my way, I'm open to it. So, which
is very very exciting. But I've got things in the
pipeworks in terms of like, I have coaching courses coming up,
lots of workshops, things like that, but otherwise, yeah, I'm
(26:20):
just going with the flow for once, which is great.
Speaker 4 (26:24):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (26:25):
I wanted to jump back and ask you about, you know,
what is it like to be a queer black writer.
You know, you've written a book, you know, which just
feels so unreal. Every time I see a black fellow,
you know, release a book, I'm just like, fuck, yah,
like this is crazy.
Speaker 4 (26:39):
We are out here.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
How does it feel? And like what has that been like?
Writing a book and having it published?
Speaker 1 (26:45):
And that whole experience was so so much fun. But
it also opened up a lot of old wounds, which
I think was to be expected doing this book. So
if people aren't familiar with woldom witching, it's basically, in
my as like a little guidebook for people when it
comes to manifestation, grief, friendships, love, loss, all of those things.
(27:08):
I just wanted a handbook for people to come back
to when they were going through any of those things.
The experience writing it was so insane. I got to
work with an editor and I basically just was like,
here's on my notes. I don't know how to put
it together. You need to help me, and so we
work together to create Wild and Witchy, which was amazing.
Speaker 4 (27:29):
That's awesome.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
Like then you said opening up old wounds like you
know that that is quite challenging to share yourself with
with with the world and not knowing how it's how
it's going to be received, as well as just any
kind of trauma. When you open it's like a cannon worms.
How do you how do you handle that once it
you know, once it comes out, and when you are,
you know, faced with old wounds and trauma, et cetera,
(27:53):
how do you how do you work through that?
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Yeah? Well, definitely, I mean I think lately on social
media I've been caring more about that at the moment
because I'm going on like another little healing journey where
I'm working with a kinesiologist unlock a little bit of
trauma that I didn't know that was there that I
have to heal in order to move forward a little bit.
So as I'm going through that trauma work now, I'm
(28:20):
doing things like self caring. Every single day, I'm journaling
to express my feelings. I've had to go a little
bit insular as well too, where I've had to just
stop so many social activities because I've had to just
protect my peace and just be a little bit more
kind to myself. So I think, yeah, I don't know
(28:41):
if anyone is going on a healing journey at the moment,
just be kind to yourself because it's really hard and
a lot of people go their whole lives not even
doing any healing work. So if you are, kudos to
you and just be like super kind to yourself.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
And you were saying one of those tools were, you know,
self care and journaling, But you know, self care looks
like so many different things to different people, and I
think some people on the healing journey are looking for
inspiration or a quick fix on copying what other people do. Obviously,
it will depend on your own self as to what
(29:18):
will really work for you.
Speaker 4 (29:19):
But what are you doing when.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
You say self care, Like, what are those actions or
initiatives are you undertake for that?
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Yeah, So thora's little self care moments for me is
making sure that I'm having my three meals a day
and I'm having them sitting down and I'm not on
my phone while I'm eating. That's a self care practice
because I'm nourishing my body, and I'm being mindful as
well too. I'm journaling every single day. I'm finding that
so therapeutic and so like a part of my self
(29:49):
care practice. But then I'm also doing realistic things where
I'm actually I'm napping. You know how people are like
I don't nap through the day. I'm like, napping and
resting is healing, So I'm going to take that nap.
So that is a part of my self care journey
at the moment. Funnily enough, one of my other self
care moments at the moment, I haven't put this on
(30:11):
social media yet, but I found an old Nintendo and
I've been I plugged it in and I'm just playing it,
like maybe for an hour or so once a day,
and it's a moment where I don't have to think
of work, I don't have to think of life. I
get to actually switch off. And I think that's a
really good definition of like self care is so different
(30:32):
for everybody, because here's me sitting like in my loungery
and playing my Nintendo for an hour at four o'clock
every day.
Speaker 4 (30:40):
What are you playing is a Mario?
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Yeah, it's super Mario. Hell, yeah, yeah, so good. It's
so good.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
I haven't never heard someone recommend that, So that's that's
that's quite fun. I've actually been playing my little brother's
game Boy. He like he bought like an old one
off Facebook marketplace, and it's a more situation like.
Speaker 4 (31:00):
It's like get little game Boy color.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
You can barely see it, but I'm just like obsessed
with catching all the Pokemon and just.
Speaker 4 (31:07):
Going to the gym like the Pokemon yea.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
And it's like the real self care moment for you
to be like I'm just switching off for a moment,
and like self care just looks so different for everybody,
and it can look so different every week as well too.
Speaker 4 (31:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
I think like sometimes we get tricked by like social
media specifically that that have self care look like it
has to be a productive, you know, effort or something
that is like not actually what makes you feel good
or fills your cup. It's awesome to talk about healing.
I think like a lot of us don't realize how
much we need to do it. Did you, like you
(31:43):
just spoke about burnout in twenty twenty two. Was it
another case of burnout that got you to the point
where you realize you have more healing to do, not.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
So much more. So. I'm in a relationship and we've
been seeing each other sinto June, and it's my first
healthy relationship, so healthy, there's nothing toxic about it. But
I tell you what, it's brought up so many wounds
(32:12):
and unhealed trauma that I say this in the most
kindest way. That made me go back into my healing
journey because there was just lots of questions and I
was like, this girl's going to abandon me, Like I don't,
I don't get it. It's too good to be true.
So I had to really go back and look after myself.
Speaker 3 (32:33):
Yeah. Wow, this is actually really relatable, Like yeah, unbelievably
relatable for me as well, but being in a really
healthy situation, and sometimes it's even yourself being healthier in
the situation too. Yeah, it does provide almost like this
catalyst for everything else that you don't realize like has
been sitting in the back of your mind and it
brings it to the forefront, like you're saying and then
(32:53):
you're like, no, I don't want to do that, or no,
I don't want to think.
Speaker 4 (32:56):
Like that, Like this is a really good a really
good place.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
Yeah, Like, what was that kind of self intervention moment
for you, where you like, I really need to like
kind of deal with this before I self sabotage or
yeah about this.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
Yeah, And that's that's the right word, the self sabotage,
because that's all that I had ever done in every
relationship because the partner had just been too toxic for me,
and I was toxic within that relationship as well too,
that this one feels so healthy that I sort of
had to be like, don't ruin this, Elira, Like you
(33:34):
need to just go and do a little bit more
work and figure out why you're so triggered by certain things.
I also had to be really bloody vulnerable to my
partner and say, hey, like I actually have anxious attachment
and this is why because I have abandoned issues from
my childhood. I don't know how to go about this.
But you're either in or you're like out, like I
(33:57):
need support, and she was just like I get it.
That's so fair, Like I'm here for the ride. So
it was that sort of self intervention to be like, okay, stop, pause, reflect,
why are you doing this, ask for help, and just
don't ruin this relationship.
Speaker 4 (34:15):
And she sounds amazing.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
She's the best.
Speaker 4 (34:18):
Oh my god, how did you guys meet?
Speaker 1 (34:21):
We met on Tinder? How funny? I know, it's beautiful.
Speaker 4 (34:25):
Yeah, what was your first date?
Speaker 1 (34:27):
Like you know what? And that she will laugh because
our first date, I went into it being like, you
live in Adelaide, I live in Geelong. This is not
going to work. I'm just here for like, you know,
building my confidence. And then next minute she's on a
flight the next week to Geelong to come and visit me.
And that's how the new hall started.
Speaker 4 (34:49):
I telled us oldest time. Yeah, lesbian chronicles.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
Literally, So yeah, that's.
Speaker 3 (34:55):
Beautiful, and like being in such a healthy, amazing relationship.
You were out as nonbinary at this point as well,
Like how has she I suppose navigated your world in
that way as well?
Speaker 1 (35:09):
She's so like woke. I love it, and it was
just not even like something we had to discuss, which
was great. So she's just a very open minded human being,
which I really love and I don't think I've had
partners like that in the past before. She's just such
a respectful human being as well too, when it comes
(35:31):
to culture and my views and things like that. So yeah,
it's been really easy.
Speaker 3 (35:37):
And if you felt like you've grown as a partner
as well being in such a healthy environment.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
Yeah, I think I've grown as an individual so much,
to the point where my friends have sort of said,
you are just glowing at the moment, like there is
something so different about you, and I was like, yeah,
I hate to say it, but this girl's made me
just feel like a better person and I know that
I'm becoming a better part because of her.
Speaker 4 (36:01):
Oh wow, I love that so much.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
I love love.
Speaker 3 (36:04):
Oh me too, I'm like glowing with you.
Speaker 4 (36:07):
Yeah, I'm glowing love so cute.
Speaker 3 (36:13):
Well, like that's the best. And you know that's something
that is really powerful, like love heels. I think love
does heal in a lot of ways. And yeah, it's
really great to hear all about that as well as
just your own your own journey of self love and acceptance.
And yeah, it was really awesome. It's been so amazing
having you on coming out black. But you know, is
there anything that you know, anything that you wanted to
(36:35):
yell about while you hear or any any messages that
you want to send out to you know, young queer
mob that are walking in our footsteps as well.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
Yeah, I think the advice for like young Queen Mob
is just please make sure that you're showing up for
yourself every day and don't be afraid to hide who
you are. I think there's people in this world that
will always have an opinion. We just let them. Let them,
that's them projecting, but just understand like you are enough
(37:04):
and you do not need to change because of these
people's opinions.
Speaker 4 (37:07):
I love that I asked the question.
Speaker 3 (37:10):
My cousin was on the last episode and I asked him,
and I'm curious here about your response as well as
you know, what does Australia you know, if you could
get the mic and take it to the country right now,
like what should Australia be doing, you know for queer
black fellows.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
I mean that's probably like for another whole podcast the question. Yeah,
I mean there's so much that Australia could be doing
in general for First Nations people, but for young Queer Mob,
I think it's I think there needs to be more
support services out there aimed at young Queen Mob. I think,
(37:49):
you know, when I see young Queen Mob, I just
want to wrap them up in like cotton wool and
be like, oh look after you, like, come on, come
with me. That's how I feel like Australia should be
needs to be more support services. There needs to be
more care. There needs to be more care and support
services for queer people in general, because sometimes it's not
really a safe space for queer people to be walking
(38:10):
in this world. It's really not and being black and queer,
it's just like this double whammy where we don't know
what we're going to get each day, which is infuriating.
So I just think there needs to be more support
like most definitely in Australia.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
Absolutely, And if you could yearn with community for non
queen like, non queer members of our community, what do
you think our community needs to do more? By that,
I mean indigenous non queer community. What do they need
to do for our rainbow mob?
Speaker 1 (38:41):
I think just be be an ally likes as crazy
as that sounds, like, show up for us black queen mob,
because you know it is hard. I feel like it's
hard being black in Australia, but sometimes it can be
really hard being gay and black in Australia. So I
(39:01):
definitely think if we're supporting each other, then we're healing.
Speaker 3 (39:05):
Together definitely, And there's been some yards about like that
generational echoing and changing the narrative even within our own communities,
like knowing that homophobia was never that's not cultural, that's
never been cultural. That's you know, that's white follows, that's
the missionaries. That's generational echoing of othering anyone else that
(39:26):
wasn't you know, Caucasian. It's a little bit of a
plague I think in some communities that haven't you know,
not to their own faults at all, haven't moved moved
from you know, those missionary times and those really deeply
embedded religious beliefs quote unquote, particularly around same sex couples
or trans or non binary people. We've got a long
(39:47):
way to go, but I think there's there's a there's
a role that you know, some mob can play and
in trying to change that or just pick pick someone
up on that like why do you think that way?
Or you know that's not actually what black fellows think, like,
you know, really trying to change that generational equing and
change it to make it that we are really proud of,
you know, really proud of a quemob and they're very
much part of family, and I'm not sure about you,
(40:09):
but as I've kind of traveled around the country, it's
I've always felt the safest to be, you know, out
as a lesbian woman in community. It's probably been the safer,
safer places to be out. But then yeah, there are
just some places that you're not still and we have
a long way to go.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
We do, yeah, we education is key, I agree.
Speaker 3 (40:27):
Thank you so much again Alira for being on the pod.
We've been so excited to have you and we're so yeah,
we're so pumped to put this episode out and get
these yells out out into community and we yeah, wish
you all the best and we're sharing for you from
Afar and always sharing your stuff for our listeners who
may not follow you.
Speaker 4 (40:46):
Where can we find you?
Speaker 1 (40:47):
Mainly on social media, so Instagram, Alira dot Potter and
same thing on like TikTok or yeah, buy my website
Atlerapotter dot com, so that's where you can find me,
beautiful all right, thanks.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Thanks for listening to another episode of Coming Out Black.
You can find us at coming Out Black Bilak on Instagram, Facebook,
and any way you listen to podcasts. We would love
it if you could give us a five star review
and give us your feedback as it helps other people
find the podcast. If you have a story to tell,
please reach out to us on Facebook or Instagram. We
would love to hear from you. This episode is brought
(41:21):
to you by the Black Cast Network and produced by
Clint Curtis.
Hi.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
I'm a Teka and I'm Courtney and we're two Queer
First Nations women passionate about representation for our community. We
created this podcast to share our stories. We want you
to join us on the journey.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
You're listening to Coming Out Black.
Speaker 4 (00:19):
Welcome back everyone.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Today, we have a very special guest joining us on
the Coming Out Black podcast, the remarkable Aliro Potter.
Speaker 4 (00:27):
Thank you so much for being here today.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Thank you so much. We're just saying, this is like
I've been a long time coming, so I'm really excited.
Speaker 4 (00:34):
Oh, was so pumped to have you.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
And usually we like to lay everyone introduce themselves on
the podcast, so I'd love for you to, Yeah, just
tell us a little bit about yourself and where you're
from and who's your mob.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Yeah, so my mom is your to Yorna my pronouns
I should say, is she and theay. I identify as
a lesbian and the type of work that I do.
It's so funny because I'm such a multifaceted human being,
but I do content on social media that's centered around
mental health, self love, culture, empowerment, spirituality. I also do
(01:07):
things like public speaking at events. I do intuitive readings,
anti healings. I'm an author of a book called While'm Witchy,
So yeah, I mean that's just like a couple of
things that I do. But yeah, like we said, there's
like probably a really long list of cool lots of
cool things that I've done, but they're the main things
that I sort of do.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
Yeah, we were just speaking before, like how I wanted
to write an introduction, but I think it would take
up the whole podcast episode, like just talking about what
you do. Yeah, you're a huge inspiration and just you
must be, you know, a mountain of energy to you know,
go through all those projects. How do you find that
you yeah, function day to day? How do you do
(01:49):
all of the amazing things that you do?
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Coffee? Coffee? No, I think the thing that I've learned
over the last couple of years is like all about
really balancing and understanding my boundary, so saying yes to
the things that I want to do, saying no to
things that I want to do, and making sure that
I'm self caring through the process as well too. So
I think, yeah, I'm still learning though as well too,
(02:14):
because it is really hard to have that balance.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Yeah, and which you say, like you probably have to
make a few mistakes or like kind of learn the
hard way to get through that. Like, do you remember
a few times where like that's been a turning point
to Yeah, I guess approach things differently.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Yeah, most definitely. So I think I burnt out probably
twenty twenty two. I burnt out probably three times in
twelve months, and I just wasn't learning from that mistake.
I was like, you're not listening, like universe is trying
to try you to slow down. So I guess coming
into that sort of new year twenty twenty three, I
(02:49):
was like, set the intention say no to things. Make
sure that you're just allowing yourself space to show up
and do certain projects, because otherwise you're going to have
another crappy year burnouts. And when I took burnouts, I
was like wipe for weeks on end, and then I
would power myself through and do like a million jobs.
So that's what I had to learn, was to say
(03:11):
no to things and listen to my intuition a little
bit more to say.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
Yes, Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, Like, but
that's really hard to like it's easy to say in theory,
but really hard to do in practice. Is there a
certain motto or mantra that sort of helps you or
brings you back into knowing what you need to prioritize
and those kind of moments.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
I mean, it's not so much as a motto, but
it's something that I teach my clients when I'm coaching
as well. Every time an opportunity or something comes in,
we always want to jump at the idea of just
saying yes because it's exciting. We want to people please,
we just want to do it. So before we actually
say yes, and before I say yes to things, I
(03:51):
actually go and ground myself and I take a moment
and I'm like, I just need a minute to think
about this opportunity or doing that thing, and if my
intuition gives me the green light, then I'm going to
do it. And if anything is sort of that half
fast sort of yes, then to me, it's my body
being like, no, don't do it. So it's not so
(04:12):
much a motto. It's just more of a reflection of
that question and that opportunity before agreed to do it.
Speaker 4 (04:18):
And I really like that.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
I was wondering, you know, do you usually approach things
that you're really passionate about? Is that usually what would
get your intuition saying like yes more often than not.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Yeah, I think that's where I revert back to my
values and what's important to me. So if you have
your values sort of like under your belt, and you
know what those top five values are, you can revert
back to them and be like, yeah, that's aligned with
my top value of culture, or yes, that's aligned with
that you know second value of communication or self love
(04:52):
or whatever it may be. So I think it's important
to revert back to values to help you make an
easier decision as well too.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Yeah. I guess values are often shaped a lot by
you know, our upbringing, our you know identity, reading your story,
you know you've faced, you know, various challenges you know
in your life, and some of those are included you know,
gender identity as well. Like, how do you think those
experiences have shaped your understanding of empowerment? I suppose, and
(05:22):
in manifestation.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
I think, well, my upbringing, you know, single mom, Dad
was sort of in and out of the picture, and
Mom sadly passed when I was seventeen, so I had
to grow up really really quickly, and I had to
figure out who I was and who I wanted to
become I guess, like overnight. So I think those sorts
of experiences have helped shaped me in any jobs that
(05:47):
I do. Any I don't just anything that comes my way.
I think there's just been so much significant moments in
my life that have really shaped me to be the
person that I am today. And I just have a
really I don't know how to sort of say it,
but I have a really positive outlook on life, and
I'm always just like you know, I'm just I don't
(06:11):
stress about big things anymore, do you know what I mean?
There's just no point in putting my body under that stress.
I'm always like, oh, it is what it is, Like,
it's okay, I can't. I need to be able to
control when I can control.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Would you say that you've always been able to have
that kind of outlook or is that something that you've
kind of had to learn or like adapt to, I
guess survive in your surroundings exactly.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
That like learning to survive has just been something that
I've had to do. So it's not something that it's
always been there where I've been like, oh, so chill
about things. It's just been like this learning to be
like it's okay, you don't need to stress about certain things.
So yeah, it's definitely something that I've evolved into as
a human being.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Well, that sounds amazing, like to not be able to stress,
And obviously it's a it's a frack, isn't it. Like, yeah,
I'm sure that, Yeah, it wouldn't always be smooth sailing.
But have you found that by not having so much
stress that's impacted your life in a positive way?
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (07:09):
I think so. I mean, obviously there's still like everyday
stresses of things that come into my life and I'll
be like, oh my gosh, but I'm just at the
point where I just let things happen and it's okay.
It's just it's out of my control, and I try
if there is something hard happening in my life, then
I always take myself to like a really big place, like,
(07:32):
for instance, if something's happening, I'll go to the ocean
and I'll look at it and be like, the ocean
is so much like bigger than me, So I don't
need to like stress, it's okay, like just relax And
that sort of grounds me a little bit in that
sense to be like it's okay stop stressing about this,
Like it'll all work out and the universe fully has
my back.
Speaker 4 (07:51):
That's cool.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
It's really great to trust trust in that and trust
like country is always healing, you know, it's salt water, Bob,
I totally get the the ocean analogy. Yeah, it swallows
you up like proper and it will keep you humble.
And I think that's country as well, you know, trying
to tell us a message all the time, those types
of practices of Oh, I guess rituals or techniques, like
(08:13):
they can all be powerful tools. And I guess looking
in with and working out you know what you want
and self discovery, Like do you feel culture has had
that impact on you particularly, you know, even with your
gender identity and your sexuality and culture I suppose, Like
how is country I guess shapes shaped you and shaped
(08:35):
the way that Yeah, you identifying the world.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Yeah, I mean like growing up I feel like I've
spoken to more recently in particular where we've grown up
sort of having to hide ourselves because we feel shamed
about where we're from and who we are because of
people's you know, perceptions of First Nations people, And that
was frustrating growing up. It probably wasn't it Until I
(09:00):
was in my twenties, I really started to understand culture
and how important it is, and how important it is
to get back out on country as well to and
connect with people, connect with mob connected with olders. And
I think that shaped me in a way where it's
just made me more appreciative of like who I am
and where I'm from. It's just been this sort of
like I don't know this, I guess that awakening of
(09:21):
like you don't need to change, you should just not
you don't need to hold shame and hear why you
should be so proud about being a First Nations woman
in this world, Like, yeah, because it's hard. It's hard
some days, but it's just sort of I'm so proud
now because I've gone through all of these sort of
moments in life with yeah, struggling with my identity.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Would you say there was a moment where you realized,
you know that maybe learned a bit more about you know,
the gender binary, and like what was that experience like
for you to get to a point where you were
able to you know, share that you and I'm on
Instagram or you know, to adapt those pronouns into your
(10:04):
life after you know, not having them beforehand.
Speaker 4 (10:07):
What was it like for you?
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Yeah, So I guess when when that whole discussion and
whole I guess, I don't know that whole concept of
gender identity came out into this world. There was such
a beautiful discussion and people were really trying to identify
who they were, and I guess in my brain, I
was like, yeah, she her, that's me because I was
(10:28):
born a female, Like that's just how it is. But
then the more I guess got in touch with myself,
There's some days I wake up very feminine. There's some
days I wake up very masculine. There's some days I
wake up pretty bloody neutral. And I was like, oh,
I don't really know where I fit in. I don't
know where I where I fit. And I remember speaking
(10:49):
to a friend who is non binary, and I was
having a conversation with them and I sort of said,
I think, I I think I am. I don't know,
like how do I unpack this? And I just remember
unpacking it with them and I was like, oh, no,
I am the she's there. It was a way for
me to just be like, yeah, I was born a female,
but I'm really gender fluid. I'm so gender fluid. And
(11:13):
I guess that's where I sort of like put it
out there on social media to be like, this is
who I am, and I hope this resonates with a
lot of other people who maybe going through that struggle.
And yeah, I just sort of felt comfortable in saying that.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Yeah, and did you find there was lots of lots
of feedback.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
So much feedback of people being like, oh my gosh,
I love this, this is amazing. Like I've questioned so
much about myself and I never knew how to explain
it to somebody, And I guess the way that I
articulated on social media, people were like, yeah, that makes
so much sense.
Speaker 3 (11:45):
That's the best, and like, would you outside of social media,
like your own internal circles, Like how was it received
amongst your friends and family and loved ones?
Speaker 1 (11:54):
You know what? My my friends and family are just
the chiller human beings. Ever that I sort of I
didn't really have to say anything. They sort of saw
it on socials and asked me, how how do we
refer refer to you or when we're talking about you,
what do you prefer? And I sort of explained to them, well,
(12:17):
this is what I prefer, This is what I like.
But I'm not going to be like disheartened if you
don't know how to you know, I, you know, refer
to me as being she or they, and so I
don't know. It's I'm really lucky in that sense because
I do have a lot of woke friends, which is great.
I think it's so important.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Yeah, and because I know you're down in Geelong or
weather on country, they're so like being near you know,
Melbourne is it's quite progressive and it's almost kind of
expected now that when you meet someone out there that
part of the community in some way, which is amazing.
I was gonna ask you, like the there's a bit
of a social media discussion going around at the moment
around like non binary people being expected to kind of
(12:57):
you know, present like androgynists, And do you feel that
pressure at all or do you like, how do you
feel about that narrative?
Speaker 1 (13:04):
That's so funny. No, I don't. I don't feel a pressure.
Speaker 4 (13:08):
Good.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
It's so funny because I dress like a twelve year
old boy half the time. I really do. And I
think maybe I don't post that enough on social media
because I'm always like at an event and looking like
quite feminine, but half the time I'm literally in like hoodies, trackies,
oversized jeans, T shirts. I don't feel a pressure because
(13:30):
I'm just like no, I can wear whatever I want
to wear, and that's how people should be in this world.
Don't feel that pressure. Just show up for you.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Yeah, And like, would you have any advice I suppose
for someone who is having those you know, same questions
and maybe going like listening to you know, speak right
now and start to relate to some of what you're
talking about if they I guess, yeah, if you could
give your self advice again, what like what advice would
you give?
Speaker 1 (13:54):
I think the advice would be is definitely seek out
a support person when you're going through that process, because
because I think it's important to have somebody there that
you can lean on and you can sort of have
these discussions with. I want to say also, like, don't
hold shame in when you are coming out or if
you are talking about your identity. Don't hold shame around
(14:15):
that you are who you are and you shouldn't have
to change for anybody. And if people make you feel
like you should change, they're not your real friends. And
you need to just get rid of them full stop.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
Absolutely definitely trash tags itself out exactly.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
So I just think that advice is make sure that
you have good support around.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
You, definitely, And you know, speaking of coming out as well,
you know coming out black. Our story is a bit
of a play on words, as Mitik and I often
present as you know, white passing. We also used to
probably present a bit more as straight passing. But we're
always curious about people's coming out stories. And earlier you
spoke that you identify as a lesbian. How did you
(14:54):
come to that conclusion in your mind? And what was
your coming out like.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Oh my gosh, it was was a journey. It was
a journey. I was very late in life coming out
as what I like to say now lesbian. So I
grew up assuming like all young females is you like men,
You marry a man, and that's life. And that's what
(15:18):
I did. I got married really young at twenty one
to a male. We divorced at twenty six, and I
think for me, I when I did separate from him
and I started exploring a little bit more and being like, oh,
I'm attracted to the energy of an individual. I'm not
necessarily attracted to the gender of a person, and so
(15:39):
I started exploring that more and I was like, oh,
maybe I'm bisexual. So that's what I lay with myself
as for years I was like, oh, I'm bisexual. And
then I realized that I was only dating men when
I was trying to fill avoid, trying to fill avoid,
And then I realized when I started dating women and
(16:02):
hanging out of women, I was like, oh, no, this
is more than just like a hook cup, Like I
love women and I'm like so attracted to women, and
so then yeah, I had a really good discussion with
a friend and they sort of said, you don't need
to label anything, like, you know, you just show up
and if you like people, then that's that's going to
be enough. And I was like, no, I just feel
(16:23):
like I need to tell the world that I'm really
gay and I'm like really lesbian, and because I'm just
so proud of that, and it took me so many
years to just figure that out. And yeah, so now
I'm just like, yeah, I'm gay and it's like my
whole identity now.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
And what was that, like, you know, the people around you,
you know, knowing that you were once married to a
man and then all of a sudden, you know, coming
out as lesbian, Like, was that a bit of was
there a bit of a whiplash effect for some people
or like assuming the way that they responded and other
things they're probably writing the.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Way Well, yeah, definitely. I mean I had some family
be like, we don't understand how you jumped ship that.
I remember that conversation with a lot of like older
generation family members, and I just sort of said, it's cool,
Like you don't have to understand. You just have to
accept that I'm really happy and that's okay. And I
(17:21):
think with friends, a lot of my friends sort of
would laugh and be like, oh hahah, we sort of
knew for a very long time that you don't really
like men, and it was just like a feel the void.
And I was like, okay, like why didn't you say anything?
And they're like, well, it's your story, we don't we're
not changing that narrative. So yeah, everyone was just so like, yeah, cool,
(17:45):
that's you.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
You do you that's a best I know.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Yeah, Like I think queer MOV and nonm of you know,
like we all have so many various, you know, different
experiences of coming out and how it's received by you know,
our community. And there's been a range of different guests
on that have had these amazing experiences and others that
have had durstically horrific experiences. But something that we've found
(18:11):
has been really in common is firstly like imposter syndrome,
I think, but now I'm starting to understand, like especially
queer mob it just seems to be all of us
and that yeah women as well, and particularly queer women
in two. But then there's also like this underlying hesitation
and struggles around you know, self acceptance and self love.
It's something that you preach about a lot, I believe,
(18:34):
and it is all around you know, that self dialogue.
Do you have any advice for many of us out here,
you know, who are trying to navigate you know, a
lot of that self acceptance and self love, you know,
especially within the context of yeah, being in the LGBTQ.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Yeah, I mean, I'll go back to that thing where
I'm always like seek support. It's so important to have support,
especially on your journey of you know, coming out, self love,
self acceptance. I think it's important to surround yourself with
people who are okay with who you are and just
(19:10):
accept you for you, because you don't need to change
for anybody, and if society tells you that, it's a
big no no. I think my self love journey I
always say on social media it's just sort of like
a bit of a roller coaster. You're never going to
be fully self loved, you know what I mean. You're
(19:30):
always going to be battling internally with things, and so
I think it's important to acknowledge that straight up on
your journey. I think for me with my self acceptance
and self love journey, I had to incorporate little things
in the morning by having my morning affirmations, just to
be like, you know, I'm beautiful, I'm worthy, I'm strong,
like all these things to sort of fill my cup
(19:53):
before I started, I guess waiting for that other validation
that I thought I needed. But I think it's important
and to just go inwards a little bit as well,
to make sure that you're just doing things for you. Yeah.
I think that's what my advice would be. It's just
like support affirmations and just know that you don't need
(20:13):
to change for anybody.
Speaker 4 (20:15):
That's so true.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
I think with the rise of social media, you know, TikTok, Instagram,
et cetera. There's a lot of pressure to you know,
do things you know part of you know, societal norms
or you know, validation from the amount of likes that
you get or how much attention you're getting. There's a
push for understanding a bit more around like you know,
(20:38):
the effects on mental health that you know social media
can have. But it is a really great tool as
well to be able to advocate, to help people, to
also be able to manage all of that you know
that's happening around it. We're all experiencing it, So it's
really great to hear about the you know, the messages
that you are sending jimob and to ours. If one
(21:03):
thing that I'm really curious about it, I've never really
learned too much about it. I hear about it around
me a lot. But manifestation, like, can you explain you
know what that is and you know, how did you
learn about it?
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Yeah? So, I mean in like the shortest explanation ever. Basically,
manifestation is the way that we think an apt and
the way that we put things out to the universe.
So if we are manifesting a particular job or money,
we're putting it out to the universe and just saying, hey,
like I'm allowing that money to come into my bank account,
(21:38):
I'm allowing this career change, this new job, and it'll happen.
That's like the shortest explanation because there's so much to it.
But I think if you're wanting to learn more, obviously
I have a book called World of Witchy, but you
can sort of google the law of attraction and it
makes more sense. But I how I don't know. I
(21:59):
feel like I've been manifesting since I was a kid,
and my Nan will tell me that. She's always just
like when people would ask me, you know, when you
get asked as a kid, what do you want to
be when you grow up, and you'll be like, I
want to be a nurse or a vet. I would
always be like, I want to be famous, and that's
just like me being a drama queen. And my NaN's like,
(22:20):
you basically manifested your whole life. She's like, your idea
of fame would be so different to somebody else, but
you're showing up in spaces and making changes. And I
was like, yeah, you know what, that's so true. So
I guess as I got older in my twenties, I
did a lot of self development courses and that sort
(22:41):
of led me into learning about manifestation. Then I did
a coaching course, a life coaching course, and I just
expanded on that more and now I get to teach
people all about manifestation. So I've just done lots of
study around it, which is really cool.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Yeah, and now you get to, you know, share that
joy with others once that been like being a coach
and like, do you have a kind of notable moment
in your career that is your favorite so far?
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Do you know what? I don't think there's any like
notable because every experience and everything that has come my way,
or any experience that I've had with an individual is
just always makes me like, oh my god, I'm doing
this is a full time job. It's so amazing. Like
they're the moments that I really really love. So I
(23:30):
don't think there's been like a big giant moment. It's
everything I love. When people message me on social media
and they're like that helped me so much what you
posted or thank you so much for that manifestation course,
it just made sense You've helped me, Like you know,
bring in money or whatever it may be. So yeah,
I'm really just so grateful and lucky to be doing
(23:54):
exactly what I set out to do.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
And do you remember having this in your mind and
then like as part of manifestation where you're like, yeah,
I'm going to be a life coach and then did
you work back for some there is like is that
kind of how it works in practice?
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Yeah, it's so bizarre. So I was in corporate, like
in an admin job nine to five for like nearly
ten years, and I was like doing my little side hustle,
doing my little intuitive readings and all the little self
development courses that I was doing, and that sort of
led me down the path of looking into becoming a
(24:29):
life coach. And then from that point on it just
sort of opened me up to just explore more opportunities
within that space.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
And how what would you say that a life coach
does day to day?
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Yeah, so every life coach would be different dependent on
what they sort of represent. So for me, I specialize
in manifestation, spirituality, mindset, and empowerment. So every day is
so different. It's honestly me showing up on social media
and giving people those free resources if you're a part
(25:03):
of my little broadcast channel, I put little little prompts
in there for you to walk away and do your journaling.
It's little things like that that's sort of helping people.
But then also I run little workshops for people to
sign up to, so I think, yeah, as a coach,
every day is very very different.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
That's so cool for you now and this is your
current career, you know, what what are your future aspirations?
Like where are you heading or you know, do you
have any anything that you know you can give us
a sneak sneak peek into for your future projects?
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Oh my gosh. You know, it's so funny. I've ticked
off every single thing that i wanted to do, and
I'm at the point now where I literally have said
to the universe I'm open to receiving any opportunities you
want to throw my way now because I've ticked off
everything and I'm excited for the unknown. And I know
(25:57):
that sounds scary for a lot of people, but to me,
that is so exciting. So whatever the universe wants to
like put my way, I'm open to it. So, which
is very very exciting. But I've got things in the
pipeworks in terms of like, I have coaching courses coming up,
lots of workshops, things like that, but otherwise, yeah, I'm
(26:20):
just going with the flow for once, which is great.
Speaker 4 (26:24):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (26:25):
I wanted to jump back and ask you about, you know,
what is it like to be a queer black writer.
You know, you've written a book, you know, which just
feels so unreal. Every time I see a black fellow,
you know, release a book, I'm just like, fuck, yah,
like this is crazy.
Speaker 4 (26:39):
We are out here.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
How does it feel? And like what has that been like?
Writing a book and having it published?
Speaker 1 (26:45):
And that whole experience was so so much fun. But
it also opened up a lot of old wounds, which
I think was to be expected doing this book. So
if people aren't familiar with woldom witching, it's basically, in
my as like a little guidebook for people when it
comes to manifestation, grief, friendships, love, loss, all of those things.
(27:08):
I just wanted a handbook for people to come back
to when they were going through any of those things.
The experience writing it was so insane. I got to
work with an editor and I basically just was like,
here's on my notes. I don't know how to put
it together. You need to help me, and so we
work together to create Wild and Witchy, which was amazing.
Speaker 4 (27:29):
That's awesome.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
Like then you said opening up old wounds like you
know that that is quite challenging to share yourself with
with with the world and not knowing how it's how
it's going to be received, as well as just any
kind of trauma. When you open it's like a cannon worms.
How do you how do you handle that once it
you know, once it comes out, and when you are,
you know, faced with old wounds and trauma, et cetera,
(27:53):
how do you how do you work through that?
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Yeah? Well, definitely, I mean I think lately on social
media I've been caring more about that at the moment
because I'm going on like another little healing journey where
I'm working with a kinesiologist unlock a little bit of
trauma that I didn't know that was there that I
have to heal in order to move forward a little bit.
So as I'm going through that trauma work now, I'm
(28:20):
doing things like self caring. Every single day, I'm journaling
to express my feelings. I've had to go a little
bit insular as well too, where I've had to just
stop so many social activities because I've had to just
protect my peace and just be a little bit more
kind to myself. So I think, yeah, I don't know
(28:41):
if anyone is going on a healing journey at the moment,
just be kind to yourself because it's really hard and
a lot of people go their whole lives not even
doing any healing work. So if you are, kudos to
you and just be like super kind to yourself.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
And you were saying one of those tools were, you know,
self care and journaling, But you know, self care looks
like so many different things to different people, and I
think some people on the healing journey are looking for
inspiration or a quick fix on copying what other people do. Obviously,
it will depend on your own self as to what
(29:18):
will really work for you.
Speaker 4 (29:19):
But what are you doing when.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
You say self care, Like, what are those actions or
initiatives are you undertake for that?
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Yeah, So thora's little self care moments for me is
making sure that I'm having my three meals a day
and I'm having them sitting down and I'm not on
my phone while I'm eating. That's a self care practice
because I'm nourishing my body, and I'm being mindful as
well too. I'm journaling every single day. I'm finding that
so therapeutic and so like a part of my self
(29:49):
care practice. But then I'm also doing realistic things where
I'm actually I'm napping. You know how people are like
I don't nap through the day. I'm like, napping and
resting is healing, So I'm going to take that nap.
So that is a part of my self care journey
at the moment. Funnily enough, one of my other self
care moments at the moment, I haven't put this on
(30:11):
social media yet, but I found an old Nintendo and
I've been I plugged it in and I'm just playing it,
like maybe for an hour or so once a day,
and it's a moment where I don't have to think
of work, I don't have to think of life. I
get to actually switch off. And I think that's a
really good definition of like self care is so different
(30:32):
for everybody, because here's me sitting like in my loungery
and playing my Nintendo for an hour at four o'clock
every day.
Speaker 4 (30:40):
What are you playing is a Mario?
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Yeah, it's super Mario. Hell, yeah, yeah, so good. It's
so good.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
I haven't never heard someone recommend that, So that's that's
that's quite fun. I've actually been playing my little brother's
game Boy. He like he bought like an old one
off Facebook marketplace, and it's a more situation like.
Speaker 4 (31:00):
It's like get little game Boy color.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
You can barely see it, but I'm just like obsessed
with catching all the Pokemon and just.
Speaker 4 (31:07):
Going to the gym like the Pokemon yea.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
And it's like the real self care moment for you
to be like I'm just switching off for a moment,
and like self care just looks so different for everybody,
and it can look so different every week as well too.
Speaker 4 (31:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
I think like sometimes we get tricked by like social
media specifically that that have self care look like it
has to be a productive, you know, effort or something
that is like not actually what makes you feel good
or fills your cup. It's awesome to talk about healing.
I think like a lot of us don't realize how
much we need to do it. Did you, like you
(31:43):
just spoke about burnout in twenty twenty two. Was it
another case of burnout that got you to the point
where you realize you have more healing to do, not.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
So much more. So. I'm in a relationship and we've
been seeing each other sinto June, and it's my first
healthy relationship, so healthy, there's nothing toxic about it. But
I tell you what, it's brought up so many wounds
(32:12):
and unhealed trauma that I say this in the most
kindest way. That made me go back into my healing
journey because there was just lots of questions and I
was like, this girl's going to abandon me, Like I don't,
I don't get it. It's too good to be true.
So I had to really go back and look after myself.
Speaker 3 (32:33):
Yeah. Wow, this is actually really relatable, Like yeah, unbelievably
relatable for me as well, but being in a really
healthy situation, and sometimes it's even yourself being healthier in
the situation too. Yeah, it does provide almost like this
catalyst for everything else that you don't realize like has
been sitting in the back of your mind and it
brings it to the forefront, like you're saying and then
(32:53):
you're like, no, I don't want to do that, or no,
I don't want to think.
Speaker 4 (32:56):
Like that, Like this is a really good a really
good place.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
Yeah, Like, what was that kind of self intervention moment
for you, where you like, I really need to like
kind of deal with this before I self sabotage or
yeah about this.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
Yeah, And that's that's the right word, the self sabotage,
because that's all that I had ever done in every
relationship because the partner had just been too toxic for me,
and I was toxic within that relationship as well too,
that this one feels so healthy that I sort of
had to be like, don't ruin this, Elira, Like you
(33:34):
need to just go and do a little bit more
work and figure out why you're so triggered by certain things.
I also had to be really bloody vulnerable to my
partner and say, hey, like I actually have anxious attachment
and this is why because I have abandoned issues from
my childhood. I don't know how to go about this.
But you're either in or you're like out, like I
(33:57):
need support, and she was just like I get it.
That's so fair, Like I'm here for the ride. So
it was that sort of self intervention to be like, okay, stop, pause, reflect,
why are you doing this, ask for help, and just
don't ruin this relationship.
Speaker 4 (34:15):
And she sounds amazing.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
She's the best.
Speaker 4 (34:18):
Oh my god, how did you guys meet?
Speaker 1 (34:21):
We met on Tinder? How funny? I know, it's beautiful.
Speaker 4 (34:25):
Yeah, what was your first date?
Speaker 1 (34:27):
Like you know what? And that she will laugh because
our first date, I went into it being like, you
live in Adelaide, I live in Geelong. This is not
going to work. I'm just here for like, you know,
building my confidence. And then next minute she's on a
flight the next week to Geelong to come and visit me.
And that's how the new hall started.
Speaker 4 (34:49):
I telled us oldest time. Yeah, lesbian chronicles.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
Literally, So yeah, that's.
Speaker 3 (34:55):
Beautiful, and like being in such a healthy, amazing relationship.
You were out as nonbinary at this point as well,
Like how has she I suppose navigated your world in
that way as well?
Speaker 1 (35:09):
She's so like woke. I love it, and it was
just not even like something we had to discuss, which
was great. So she's just a very open minded human being,
which I really love and I don't think I've had
partners like that in the past before. She's just such
a respectful human being as well too, when it comes
(35:31):
to culture and my views and things like that. So yeah,
it's been really easy.
Speaker 3 (35:37):
And if you felt like you've grown as a partner
as well being in such a healthy environment.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
Yeah, I think I've grown as an individual so much,
to the point where my friends have sort of said,
you are just glowing at the moment, like there is
something so different about you, and I was like, yeah,
I hate to say it, but this girl's made me
just feel like a better person and I know that
I'm becoming a better part because of her.
Speaker 4 (36:01):
Oh wow, I love that so much.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
I love love.
Speaker 3 (36:04):
Oh me too, I'm like glowing with you.
Speaker 4 (36:07):
Yeah, I'm glowing love so cute.
Speaker 3 (36:13):
Well, like that's the best. And you know that's something
that is really powerful, like love heels. I think love
does heal in a lot of ways. And yeah, it's
really great to hear all about that as well as
just your own your own journey of self love and acceptance.
And yeah, it was really awesome. It's been so amazing
having you on coming out black. But you know, is
there anything that you know, anything that you wanted to
(36:35):
yell about while you hear or any any messages that
you want to send out to you know, young queer
mob that are walking in our footsteps as well.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
Yeah, I think the advice for like young Queen Mob
is just please make sure that you're showing up for
yourself every day and don't be afraid to hide who
you are. I think there's people in this world that
will always have an opinion. We just let them. Let them,
that's them projecting, but just understand like you are enough
(37:04):
and you do not need to change because of these
people's opinions.
Speaker 4 (37:07):
I love that I asked the question.
Speaker 3 (37:10):
My cousin was on the last episode and I asked him,
and I'm curious here about your response as well as
you know, what does Australia you know, if you could
get the mic and take it to the country right now,
like what should Australia be doing, you know for queer
black fellows.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
I mean that's probably like for another whole podcast the question. Yeah,
I mean there's so much that Australia could be doing
in general for First Nations people, but for young Queer Mob,
I think it's I think there needs to be more
support services out there aimed at young Queen Mob. I think,
(37:49):
you know, when I see young Queen Mob, I just
want to wrap them up in like cotton wool and
be like, oh look after you, like, come on, come
with me. That's how I feel like Australia should be
needs to be more support services. There needs to be
more care. There needs to be more care and support
services for queer people in general, because sometimes it's not
really a safe space for queer people to be walking
(38:10):
in this world. It's really not and being black and queer,
it's just like this double whammy where we don't know
what we're going to get each day, which is infuriating.
So I just think there needs to be more support
like most definitely in Australia.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
Absolutely, And if you could yearn with community for non
queen like, non queer members of our community, what do
you think our community needs to do more? By that,
I mean indigenous non queer community. What do they need
to do for our rainbow mob?
Speaker 1 (38:41):
I think just be be an ally likes as crazy
as that sounds, like, show up for us black queen mob,
because you know it is hard. I feel like it's
hard being black in Australia, but sometimes it can be
really hard being gay and black in Australia. So I
(39:01):
definitely think if we're supporting each other, then we're healing.
Speaker 3 (39:05):
Together definitely, And there's been some yards about like that
generational echoing and changing the narrative even within our own communities,
like knowing that homophobia was never that's not cultural, that's
never been cultural. That's you know, that's white follows, that's
the missionaries. That's generational echoing of othering anyone else that
(39:26):
wasn't you know, Caucasian. It's a little bit of a
plague I think in some communities that haven't you know,
not to their own faults at all, haven't moved moved
from you know, those missionary times and those really deeply
embedded religious beliefs quote unquote, particularly around same sex couples
or trans or non binary people. We've got a long
(39:47):
way to go, but I think there's there's a there's
a role that you know, some mob can play and
in trying to change that or just pick pick someone
up on that like why do you think that way?
Or you know that's not actually what black fellows think, like,
you know, really trying to change that generational equing and
change it to make it that we are really proud of,
you know, really proud of a quemob and they're very
much part of family, and I'm not sure about you,
(40:09):
but as I've kind of traveled around the country, it's
I've always felt the safest to be, you know, out
as a lesbian woman in community. It's probably been the safer,
safer places to be out. But then yeah, there are
just some places that you're not still and we have
a long way to go.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
We do, yeah, we education is key, I agree.
Speaker 3 (40:27):
Thank you so much again Alira for being on the pod.
We've been so excited to have you and we're so yeah,
we're so pumped to put this episode out and get
these yells out out into community and we yeah, wish
you all the best and we're sharing for you from
Afar and always sharing your stuff for our listeners who
may not follow you.
Speaker 4 (40:46):
Where can we find you?
Speaker 1 (40:47):
Mainly on social media, so Instagram, Alira dot Potter and
same thing on like TikTok or yeah, buy my website
Atlerapotter dot com, so that's where you can find me,
beautiful all right, thanks.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Thanks for listening to another episode of Coming Out Black.
You can find us at coming Out Black Bilak on Instagram, Facebook,
and any way you listen to podcasts. We would love
it if you could give us a five star review
and give us your feedback as it helps other people
find the podcast. If you have a story to tell,
please reach out to us on Facebook or Instagram. We
would love to hear from you. This episode is brought
(41:21):
to you by the Black Cast Network and produced by
Clint Curtis.
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