June 4, 2025 • 36 mins
Anyone who’s heard Amanda talk about her love for Barry Manilow has probably also heard her mention her childhood best friend, Melanie. Earlier this year, Melanie’s world was turned upside down when her daughter, Jess, was suddenly diagnosed with renal failure. Jess is now on the waiting list for a kidney transplant — and Melanie is her donor. In this episode, we’re honoured to have both Jess and Melanie join us in studio to share their story.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This podcast is for general information only and should not
be taken as psychological advice. Listeners should consult with their
healthcare professionals for a specific medical advice.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Anyone who's heard me talk over the years about my
love for Barry man Love has probably heard me talk
about my friend Melanie. We both fell in love with
Barry when we were sixteen. Melanie will always say she
was almost a year younger, but don't believe the word
she's talking about. And so we've been best friends since
then and we are still joined at the hit. And
earlier this year, Melanie's life took a terrible pivot out
(00:48):
of the blue. Her daughter Jess went into real failure
and we nearly lost her. Jess is scheduled for a
kidney transplant next month, and the kidney donor is her mum. Melanie.
I'm going to cry out. It's been a hell of
a journey just the last few months. And at the
heart of all I think is a story about a
mother's love. And when that mother gets her, I'll talk
to her, but the loving one, but to give us
(01:14):
an insight into what this journey is like for you both.
I'm so grateful that you've chosen to come in and
talk to us today. Melanie and Jess Hello, Hello, Hello,
I forgot to introduce ourselves. I'm Amanda Kella.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Hello, I'm Anita McGregor. I was wondering if we were
going to like where are we?
Speaker 2 (01:32):
I forgot about that bit where we say who we
are and welcome to double a chattery. So it's kind
of an episode with the difference. But mel and I
had been talking about, you know, we often talk about
we all do how our lives spin on the head
of a pin, and mel I was talking to you.
I think it was the day before New Year's even
He said, yeah, the girls are coming over Jess who's
thirty one, Amy who's twenty eight, and everything was fine,
(01:55):
and then suddenly it wasn't. And I guess, just do
we start with you because it kind of involves you. Yeah,
you're kind of in the story. Things went paar shape
for you so quickly. And was it as out of
the blue for you as it felt it was from
where I was standing.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Absolutely. I went to work that day, but before I
went to work, I went and did a routine blood test,
went to work, did a full eight hours, got a
call from the medical center at like three pm, being like,
you need to get to an emergency immediately. You're in
renal failure, you're severely anemic. What hospital are you going to?
Speaker 4 (02:34):
Was?
Speaker 3 (02:35):
I was just incomplete shock, didn't know how to process
the information. Called Mum and dad straight away and I
was like, surely this isn't right, sent them the bloods
and Dad was like, looking a little colorful, Let's just
go to emergency and see what's happening. And then it
was zero to one thousand within the space of about
(02:55):
three hours.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Wow. And so you have a routine blood had you
had some medical stuff going on that was making you
have the blood tests or this was just sort.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
Of just well, it's been about eighteen months, you'd probably
go get a blood test. It's quiet time of year.
Let's just quickly go get a blood test. My sister
had just done one, so I was like, okay, I'll go.
Literally did like the baywalk before the day before, went
to work, asymptomatic the whole time, and in the last
like eighteen months, I guess it was just doing it
(03:25):
sing in the back end. And now I'm at stage
five renal failure with four percent kidney function. For both
of them.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Wow. So eighteen months this had kind of been bubbling
along and there were no signs, no symptoms.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Now I mean, now that I look back on it,
there were some symptoms, but nothing that was alarming. Like
after a long day of work, I'd get a little lightheaded,
but I was like, Okay, I've just stared at a
computer for twelve hours, so it's probably that. Or if
I had my period. I was getting very faint towards
the end of it, so I was like, Okay, that
checks out. I could be a bit an emch that
(04:01):
was it. Nothing, no pain, nothing, It's a completely asymptomatic disease.
So it catches a lot of people off guard, and
it's a lot more common than people think.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
I was going to say, it sounds as though a
lot of your symptoms were things that you would have
like like most of us just kind of explained away.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Absolutely, there was like a reason behind it, and it was.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
At the sliding door of your life. If you hadn't
if your sister hadn't had a blood test, if you
didn't think, you know what, I'll have a blood test.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
Oh, I would have stroked out.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
You would have had a stroke.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Hundred PC.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
So you're when you say renal failure, can you just
dumb that down for me? Your kidneys was shutting down.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
They completely just stopped working. So I was building up
toxins in my body, so they weren't filtering out anything. Again,
I had no symptoms. I was still going to the bathroom,
no problem there at all, which is why everyone was
a little bit shocked. There was no protein in my room,
which is usually a key indicator that you're in failure.
They just completely stopp working, so building up toxins. Blood
(05:02):
pressure was going through the roof. I then became severely anemic,
which was why I was getting so faint so regularly.
And yeah, a couple more days I would have just dropped.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Hell and for mel for you to hear your daughters
say those words, wow, I think at the time we
were just sort of they've made a mistake. You know.
Speaker 4 (05:23):
She'd come back from overseas. She had a bit of
an upset tummy.
Speaker 5 (05:26):
That was sort of the catalyst to get the blood
test because it just wasn't settling down.
Speaker 4 (05:29):
But nothing.
Speaker 5 (05:30):
We've all been overseas and had upset tummies, you know,
And when they rang and said that, we thought that
that's not right because what they measure the creatinin. I
mean currently my creatinin is at fifty five, which is
a rock star level, which had to save that and flex.
Jessica's was fourteen hundred, so high creatinin level, which is
(05:54):
the muck in your system is about one hundred and fifty.
Speaker 4 (05:59):
So huge, huge chump.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
So when we saw that, we thought that can't be right.
You know, machinery problemed it up or somebody else.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
I can imagine that the medical technicians probably were looking
at these results going there's something wrong. You need to
retest this.
Speaker 5 (06:15):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
It was the most unhinched her phone call I've ever
had in my life, Like she completely panicked and was
just like, oh my gosh, like I have to tell
this person they're in renal failure. They need to get
to an emergency now.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Yeah, that it was very jarring. I can imagine that
escalation of panic between the both of you.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Absolutely, so you said it, jess It went from zero
to one thousand so quickly. What went where? What happened?
Speaker 3 (06:42):
So I took myself to an emergency. They looked at
the test, looked at me, and they were like, does
not compute, you're standing, You're fine, you should be paralytic.
You have no blood and you're in complete renal failure.
How is this? It's not mathing. So they took me
into an emergency and then zero orzours and I was
plugged with like seventy different types of stickers, heart monitors.
(07:05):
I had needles going in my left rightd cer to
bring my blood pressure down, and I just went into
a complete shock. I've never been in shock before, so
I was just like convulsing on the table because I
was like, I have no control over this situation and
it's so much to comprehend as to what's going on.
And then they whisked me off in an ambulance to
another hospital. I was admitted overnight into emergency, and it
(07:27):
wasn't even a discussion of like, oh, hey, you might
be in renal failure. It's just like, you're in renal failure.
This is what we need to do.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Did the emergency when you walked into emergency did they
just kind of do the please have a seat and
we'll get to you in seventy two hours or was it.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
No, they were quite proactive. Yeah, we took the blood
test in again. There wasn't too much of a weight time,
and we just said, look, I'm in suspected renal failure.
I need to see someone immediately. Probably waited half an
hour if that. The stuff and the team there were great,
very calming because I could just see that I was
in just total disbelief. So they were very reassuring and
(08:05):
just did everything that they could to try and calm
me down.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
And did you know, even though they're plugging you full
of things and filtering bloods or whatever they were doing,
did you know renal failure equals diastics equals transplant, did.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
You with immediately, I'm going to have to take a transplant?
Oh my god, I know these numbers. This is I
just in so much shock.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
And mel I remember you. Part of your job was
to try and guide Jest through it, but you were
going through your own shock.
Speaker 5 (08:34):
Yeah, and it is shocking. And our other daughter Amy
had come out for Christmas. She had planned to take
a year traveling around Europe and she'd be gone two months,
but we have this thing that you've got to be
together for Christmas, right, so she came back for that.
So luckily she was there. She canceled everything. It is
now back at home as well, so got a full house.
But but yeah, she was very calming because she's actually
(08:57):
a mental health nurse, so she sort of took over.
I've got to look after everyone's mental well being, which
you know was a big job, I.
Speaker 4 (09:06):
Bet, But yeah, you sort of. I think it's the.
Speaker 5 (09:10):
You know, fight or flight mode, you know that you
go into, and so we just sort of said, well, okay,
whenever there's a I mean, you know me, I'm a fixer,
you are, so if something goes wrong, we just fix
it and you move on, right, So I just went
into I'm.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
In fixed mode and what could you fix?
Speaker 4 (09:26):
Nothing?
Speaker 5 (09:29):
So that was that was I I'll get a pack
at a band aid confronting bit, you know.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
But when her doctor came down, who is fabulous.
Speaker 5 (09:41):
She sort of said, look, you're you're going in renal
failure and I said, well, she can have a kidney,
you know, and she said, oh, well we have to
get you tested and blah blah blah the same blood
type and so Amy and I ran home and got
out of all the old baby books, you know, to try
and find when I'm blood types.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
So you instantly thought we're going Did you think I'm
going to get it. I'm going to give a kidney
ye that first night.
Speaker 4 (10:01):
Yep.
Speaker 5 (10:02):
So again that's the I can fix it thing, you know.
So I thought, well, I can fix this, so I'll
just do that. That's what we do, you know.
Speaker 4 (10:08):
So the frustration, I guess down the path is that
it has taken us, which I now understand, but it's
it's taken us sort of six months to get here,
and you think, why is it, you know, why couldn't
we do it like in three weeks time. You know,
let's just do all the tests, get it done, you know.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
The next day. Yeah, yeah, but yeah, there were a
lot of.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Tests I have and in the meantime, while you're having
all those tests for you as donor as well. Now
you embarked on dialysis, but you could do it at
home and at night.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
Not as glamorous as it sounds.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
I've made it sound really good. How how hard was that?
Speaker 4 (10:45):
Because you're you're a.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Young woman, you traveled the world, you were living in
your own flat. You just was living at home for
a short period of time to save some money, and
suddenly everything's changed.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
I think I'm similar to Mum in the sense that
I go into fight or flight, and I am a
very proactive person. So I'm like, Okay, well I need
to do this to get to this. I don't want
to do it, but I have to do it. So
how can I do it to the best of my ability?
Speaker 2 (11:10):
Did you see it like an assignment? That's how I yes,
when I did. If I want to pass every.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
Test, yeah, I want to pass the test.
Speaker 4 (11:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
I couldn't look too far into the future. I very
much have to take this process step by step otherwise
I get disorientated. It's too overwhelming for me. So I
can only do what's immediately in front of me. And
dialysis was immediately in front of me. I had no
idea what that looked like. Dad had done a different
type of dialysis. He did hemodialysis. I did peritoneal dialysis,
(11:38):
which I'm still doing. It's a totally different concept. But yea,
it is pretty hard to navigate and it completely changes you.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Well, you mentioned your dad, so your family has been
in the similar position before, but perversely completely unrelated.
Speaker 4 (12:06):
Completely unreal us about that melt, which you know.
Speaker 5 (12:08):
It took me to get my head around a bit
because I thought, well, how can it be unrelated, you know,
but it's too we think we're not sure, but we
think Jessica's was triggered by high blood pressure. The question
is was the high blood pressure caused the kidney failure
or did the kidney cause the high blood pressure, Which
doesn't really matter, right, but that's her thing. Dale had
(12:28):
a disease. So, and he's had two kidney trees, had
two kidney transplants.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yes, So part of the battering that you're feeling melt
is you think I've been here before and it's exhausting.
Speaker 4 (12:41):
Yes, yeah, but it's okay. As I said, you just
sort of this is something. With him, I couldn't do anything,
you know.
Speaker 5 (12:48):
Except raise the children, raise the children, you know, have babies,
that kind of thing.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
The home fire's burnie, do all that.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
But now I can actually do something.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
So that's why I just get it done. And you
said that your initialist feelings were I'm just going I'll
do it. I'll give the kidney. But when you break
that down, that's a that's a big deal.
Speaker 4 (13:12):
Apparently, yes, but it's not as daunting.
Speaker 5 (13:18):
And I do know well Dale's brother, that's where Dale
got what his last transplant from.
Speaker 4 (13:24):
And I have a friend who donated to another friend.
Speaker 5 (13:26):
So I've been talking to them a fair bit and
the techniques they use now are actually a lot different.
You might remember, you remember Drew Dale's brother, So that
was twenty five years ago. So he has a large
scar down his back and across his tongue and he
tells everyone he was attacked by shark, which works.
Speaker 4 (13:44):
Well.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
You know, you could use the same thing because you
wear a bikini a lot.
Speaker 4 (13:47):
I wear a bikini a lot, as you know, and
I go to the beach.
Speaker 5 (13:49):
I'm such a beach bunny, red hair pulskin. Yeah, But
tragically they don't do it that way anymore. So there
goes to shark theory. So it's call it less invasive.
So you have three laparoscopic little things. And then, as
he said to me, it's like a cesarean scar. It
goes in the same spot, but it's only sort of
(14:11):
five five inches that kind of thing, so not too bad.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
And you have that exactly the same time. Yep, that
Jess is in the same hospital, in a different room.
It's not like having couple's massages. You're not next to
each other or anything.
Speaker 5 (14:26):
We are next to each other in the operating theater.
And I will say this one thing. Jess's surgeon magnificent
and just made us laugh and has an outrageous accent.
You know, we thought it was French, but it's Italian, right,
amazing Anyway, so he explained, you know how he would
lovingly stand there and watch them remove my kidney and
(14:46):
take it and hold it to his chest and bring
it over and lovingly put it in her. And I said, oh,
that's great, what happens to me?
Speaker 2 (14:52):
And you guess so you have a different team, do
you after that?
Speaker 4 (14:56):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (14:57):
I will say you have two different teams because they
to make sure that you're not being coerced or you're
doing it of your own free will, right, yeah, or
it's conflict of interest. Yeah, So not that they would,
but say her surgeon would say, yes, it's good to go,
and maybe it's not.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
You know, so you have two completely different teams, which
is good.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
And so in your recovery, are you near each other?
How does that? Where are you?
Speaker 5 (15:23):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (15:23):
So they've changed the process. When Dad and Drew had
their transplant, Drew was down in the bottom of the hospital,
Dad was upstairs. But now they try and keep everyone
in the same renal ward because they've worked out that
it's less invasive. It's a big procedure for everyone, so
they try and keep families together, especially donors. So we
should be on the same floor.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
And what's the hospital stay. What are you expecting apart
from flowers?
Speaker 4 (15:48):
No, well you can't have flowers. I'll just send money
and a lot of it. Why it's something to do
with I can.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
But won't be able to bugs on the pollen because
he'll be severely.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Only whilere you in hospital, no for for well, for
the three months after. Right, So do you live in
a bubble for three months?
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Right?
Speaker 2 (16:13):
And how severe's the bubble? What are you expecting?
Speaker 3 (16:16):
I think it can be like well monitored, like it's
just obviously no public transports now go around in large crowds.
People can still come over, but they have to be
well well, so.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
Wear a mask.
Speaker 5 (16:28):
That fact.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
How do you feel knowing that there's an end date
and then after that it's all upswing? I mean, how
are you feeling about that date looming?
Speaker 4 (16:40):
Good? Yeah, like when they first sort of said, oh,
you know, we've got a date, but oh but no,
it's it's good, you know.
Speaker 5 (16:51):
So now again I just want to work towards getting
I've still got a few tests to do and a
few things to get through, and as long as they're okay,
then that's when.
Speaker 4 (16:59):
It will be so right.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
And the next month yep, yep, So all.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
My test should be done sort of in the next
two weeks.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Are they unpleasant? Well, hoping so, thank you.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Yeah, it's a lot of fun drugs, anything good.
Speaker 5 (17:19):
No, I think it's just you have a lot of
scans and you have a lot of dyes and things
putting new so they can trace, you know. And one
of the side effects of one of the dies is
it makes you feel like your head's going to blow
off on one bit.
Speaker 4 (17:32):
And they said, and it makes you feel like you're
wetting your pants.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
And you know that feeling.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
I know that feeling.
Speaker 5 (17:38):
And I said, and they said, rest assure you're not,
and that sort of thought. It could be a lottery,
you know, and you actually do.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
You feel like you're lying there on the table something
terrible has happened.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
But they're not.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
They're not painful.
Speaker 5 (17:53):
No, they are uncomfortable and a bit confronting, you know,
the heart ones that front.
Speaker 4 (18:00):
But yeah, it's okay.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
And with you Jess, with your dialysis and things. You know,
you still I see on your socials you're still going
out occasionally and things like that. You're still having a
bit of a life.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Absolutely, Look, it's completely altered my life, Like pretty much
after five pm, I can't leave the house.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Which I'm exhausted, or you have to get ready for diasts.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
I have to get ready. It's a whole process. I
now do dialysis twenty four hours a day, So that
has been another not sure my welt that I have
to try and learn to navigate and.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
You walk around the house and things with it attached.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
Yeah, well I've got dialysis fluid in my now, so good.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
This is an hour of a day.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Yeah. Yeah, it's a lot of a it's a lot
to juggle. But my friends have been great, and I
just change my lifestyle. Like I'm still a very social person.
I still want to go for breakfast. I still want
to do these things. And no, I can't eat as
much as I used to, or I can't go out
for dinners. But hey, I can still go for walks,
(18:56):
I can still get a coffee of the friend. I
can still go for like small lunch and things like that.
So I still try to be a little bit more social.
Otherwise I think I would go absolutely insane.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Have you had any life in sights through this? I know,
as you say, you're a family who've been through this before.
But this, this bond between the two of you, you've
always been as thick as thieves, the two of you,
you've had a fabulous relationship with your mum, has this
sort of you know how you feeling.
Speaker 5 (19:25):
I think when it's over then I'll feel better, you know,
because at the moment it's still just you know, every
day is a little bit of a struggle.
Speaker 4 (19:33):
It's sort of like what catastrophe is going to happen today?
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Because there have been setbacks.
Speaker 5 (19:37):
There's been lots of setbacks and they're probably in hindsight,
not setbacks, but when you don't know what to expect,
then everything is like, oh what do you mean? Because
it's not just your When she has to have blood's
done two or three times a week, and it's your
kidneys control everything, which you don't tend to realize. You
think it's just going to the toilet, but it's everything.
Speaker 4 (19:56):
So you know, she can't eat certain foods because you
you know, throws all your chemical balance out. And that
affects your heart and all this thing.
Speaker 5 (20:04):
So there's a lot of moving pieces, and I guess,
you know, we're at a pretty we're on an up
swing now, but like even a couple of weeks ago,
her hemoglobin was so low that it was critical.
Speaker 4 (20:19):
So it's very easy to fall off that path.
Speaker 5 (20:23):
So the main aim for the six weeks is just
sort of, you know, be together, focus, get as fit
as we can.
Speaker 4 (20:31):
Obviously, you know, for me being an athlete, it's not
an issue a drink.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
No last one you had was with me, which.
Speaker 4 (20:38):
Will probably make up for some time.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
I'm still filtering it out.
Speaker 5 (20:43):
Yeah, so that'll all go, you know, because and then
also when you offer it and it affects all your
organs as well, you know. So it's just trying to
get everything balanced and perfect or as good as it
can be for that day. I'm confident with no medical
knowledge whatsoever, but I'm confident in that my kidneys great,
(21:07):
you know, and they keep saying it's great and it's
going to you know, it's going to go straight away
and it's going to start on the table and all
that sort of thing, you know. So the team we
have now are very reassuring and very comforting and very knowledgeable.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
So so as with both of you being fixers, how
have you managed the uncertainty of this process? Like I
just think that this must be like daily just having to,
you know, find ways of managing all the uncertainty about
(21:42):
you know what is next, you know when will this
you know be successfully managed? When you know how will
that happen?
Speaker 3 (21:51):
I guess yeah, I just have to take it day
by day. As Mum said, I'm faced with so many
uncertainties and little hiccups and there's only so much I
can do. This situation is so completely out of my control.
I can only control what's in my realm, and that's
the people that around me, my team, my nurses. That's
within my control. But everything else is completely out of it.
(22:14):
So it's kind of navigating and adapting to that. It's
still I still have my moments where I completely break
down because I just I can't fathom it. I just
don't want to do it. At the end of the day,
I don't want to do any of this, but I have.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
To be hard. I don't want to do it. I
don't want to do it, and as adults we get
to choose most of the time what we do.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
And I want to be poked seven times a week
with an injection to boost my hemoglobins, and have blood
tests and have canulas with iron infusions and do dialysis,
which is unbelievably painful. No one seems to talk about it.
It's excruciating, which bit hurts.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Sorry, Yeah, I'm sorry. I was going to just ask
about that first time you had to go through it,
and you're saying it's a process, and you were saying
that you had to get trained, and you were saying
that the technology is different. It wasn't kind of what
you would have maybe expected. Yeah, about a little bit.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
So the way that Taylsis works is I have a
catheter inserted into my lowest stomach and I hook up
to a machine. Every day it fills my tummy with
anywhere between one point five to two liters of fluid.
And the reason for that is it's like a chemical reaction.
So it's like a sugary syrup, and the sugar attracts
(23:28):
the toxins in my body, so it pulls it out.
So I leave the fluid in there for anywhere up
to two hours to ten hours, So it attracts all
the toxins, and then the really painful part is what
it has to come out, So it drains out of
my stomach and it think of someone like think of
like a vacuum, and if you hold it to your hand,
it like sucks it, so it's pulling everything. And so
(23:51):
that's obviously then how to knock on effect for the
rest of my body as well. It's caused me to
bleed significantly for months on end, which is why my
heemugl and went so low. But it's excruciatingly painful and
I do that four times a day every day for
six months.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
I can't even imagine the bruising and stuff that must
like it does it.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
It's just a bruise or anything. It's just it's like
a feeling I can't really describe. You know, when you
kind of get like a stitch in your ribs and
like it jolts you forward. It's kind of like that,
but it is just a pulling sensation, so it's not natural.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
It's good to happen.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Done, you have to kind of get prepped to go
into it again.
Speaker 3 (24:32):
The second that I drain, it fills me back up immediately,
so it's constant. There's I have an hour break in
the day, so I usually get off at like five
pm and that's when I go have a shower because
I'm like, okay, cool, a little bit empty, We're fine.
Speaker 5 (24:46):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
But yeah, it's a pretty hectic process.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
What a relief that you had come home.
Speaker 3 (24:53):
Absolutely, I couldn't do this by myself. I've one thousand
percent need the support, both physically and emotional.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
And I've seen how much gear there is. It takes
our whole room.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
It's insane. It's mentioned my rooms turned into like a
little hospital bed and.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
There would be people who would be going through this
without families.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
Absolutely, there's a lot of people that fly into state
internationally as well to these local hospitals like from the
Islands and regional Australia as well to do dialysis. And
it is a process. You're in the unit for every
day two weeks learning how to navigate this. You can
do it manually, or you can do it on a machine,
or there's so many ways to do it, and you
(25:34):
need to be completely in touch with how to do it.
Otherwise you don't have you.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Set yourself like are you dangling some delicious carrot? At
the end there's a reward for yourself when all is well.
Speaker 5 (25:48):
We have sort of talked about, you know, we should
do something or get something to not remember, but to symbolize,
you know, what we've been through.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
But I think at the moment we just have to
get to them point, you know. So I think to
answer your question.
Speaker 5 (26:04):
From before, we're both in hospital for about five to
seven days, potentially a bit longer than Jess, and then
it's home for three months. She has to go back
to the hospital every day for a blood test early
in the morning and then tuck yourself away from everyone.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Can you drive? See this is big things in families.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
Yeah, so for six weeks, every day for six weeks,
I have to go to the hospital to do bloods
and then biopsies and things like that, and yeah, strictly
no driving. Completely alters your life.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
And then is there, like I know with some transplants,
there's that anti rejection.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
Is that absolutely forever and for the rest of my life.
So I'll be on pretty high doses of immunosuppress and drugs,
one of them being quite a heavy steroid, which makes
me quite ragy. So looking up to everyone is so great.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Melanie is saying, I've been through I'm with you.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Yeah, so I'm pretty high doses of a lot of
drugs for the immediate future, and then they obviously try
to wean me off it. But I will be on
these drugs for the rest of my life.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
And once this all happens that they anticipate, other than
the immune suppressant drugs, that you can kind of return
to skydiving and not. But I mean, I know that
you were a traveler and stuff.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
Absolutely, I think that's the biggest catalyst for me, is
that this has just put a holt on my life.
I mean, I'm young, thirty one. It shouldn't be happening
to me. So it's put a holt on everything at
the moment. So for the next eighteen months, I just
kind of have to sit in this. I know that
it is for a better cause, like it will make
me feel better. I may not have realized that I
(27:51):
was feeling so garbage this whole time, and then when
I get a new kidney, I could have this whole
new outlook as to how I feel. I'm like, oh
my god, this is how I should be feeling the
whole time. This is amazing.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
And what message not did you have to have a
message like but you did mention earlier about this is
an asymptomatic disease and a lot of people don't know
what kind of message would you like to get out
for other people who might be thinking about it all
I've never thought about m kidney.
Speaker 3 (28:19):
I think just stay on top of your health. Just
be in check with yourself. If you're not feeling great,
go to the doctors or just get in the habit,
like you do your skin check once a year, do
a blood test once a year, every six months. You
do the same for the dentists, do the same for
the rest of your body. Just look after yourself, like
it's not this disease isn't going to discriminate you. Like
this all started probably when I was like twenty six
(28:41):
and it was just doing it sing in the back
end and I had no idea and then diagnose at
thirty one, like it can happen to anyone. So I
think it's just stay in tune with yourself and keep
yourself accountable, really and have a good mum that's right
wherever she is. Why what.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Final questions? I know the answer to this, but I'm
going to ask anyway, have you inherited your mother's love
of Barry man Alt? Oh you know very well who
that is, young lady, who needs that aesthetic? When we
can just pipe his music into your.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
You know, what streams really do come true.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
I'm fascinated by the whole idea of the of the
how much the technology must have changed, how much you know,
the procedures must have changed, how much you know, especially
for you malgic kind of well, and you would have
experienced as a young child to watch your dad go
through what your husband go through, not once but twice.
(29:49):
And you know, and then too, you know, there's the
technology aspect of it, but then also the you know,
just that serendipitous you know, Oh my gosh, yeah, it's
part of it.
Speaker 5 (30:03):
Is it's a lot better now, it's and yeah, the
drugs are full on in the first few months, but
then they you know, DALs hardly on any you know's,
and he's really not in you know, suppressed anymore. And
the interesting thing is they say, after sort of two years,
I think it is that your body takes over the kidney.
Speaker 4 (30:23):
Or whatever, so it's actually yours. So in theory, you
shouldn't have to be on anything, but no one's prepared
to test that of course, so you know he's on
very low dose.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
We've traveled the world.
Speaker 5 (30:34):
It's not an issue, you know, it's you do have
a normal life. Yes, you've got to take a handful
of tablets twice a day. So what it's, you know,
thirty seconds out of your day and everything else is fine.
I mean we've traveled together and he's fine.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 5 (30:50):
So it's just it'll be just staying on top of things,
you know. So I guess that the other thing too,
that I'd like to say that if you are not
happy with your medical advice, I saw whatever.
Speaker 4 (31:01):
You are the one in control, not them.
Speaker 5 (31:03):
So you need to find someone that you're comfortable with
and that you think, Okay, this person's got my back,
rather than just going, oh, okay, I'll just stay here
because you know a light Yeah.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
You know what you're doing. I'm not a doctor, so
you know, I'll stick with you.
Speaker 5 (31:19):
I think you've really got to question everything and go, well,
I'm not happy with that answer, so I'm going to
find someone that you know, I might not like the answer,
but I'm happy with the way you know, you treat
us and that sort of thing.
Speaker 4 (31:31):
So I think that's really important.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
When I had my hip replacement and Melanie you've had one.
Just a few months ago too, someone said to me,
are you aware that there's something foreign in your body?
And no, I've got two fake hips. I've never given
a thought. But it's an interesting thing to think about, Jess,
that you'll have a part of your mum but you
probably have half my bloods coursing through you.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
And yeah, very weird concept.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
It is a weird content.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
It's weird that it's going to be in like the
front of my tummy. It's yeah, very foreign.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
But so if you get a tat over it, Melanie,
you've got no saying and it's not yours anymore. You've
handed it over, let it go.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
It. Maybe no tourttoos for.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
We'll pick a nice place in the cross to go
and get it.
Speaker 4 (32:18):
Tragically, she can't play rugby anymore.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
She never did before but now she never will.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
But you know, I think that was a life dream.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
So I'm sorry to hear that. Well, ladies, will you
come back and talk to us again? Absolutely love to
on the day of your operation and a little bit during.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
Smack me Up one a month.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
I'll be in there with the ghetto blaster with the
very Manilow song, Melanie. One of you will be smiling
and the other one not so much. Thank you, so much,
thank you. I need do you go first with a glimmer?
Speaker 1 (33:03):
Well, you know what I want us to do, a
joint glimmer this time because a friend of ours, Janet
is she is the first one to crash that threshold
into her sixty fifth.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
Year, saying she passed away.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
No, I hear it like this, Yes, and it's a glimmer.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
And yah, Bob it's sixty five, because you've said that's
a big deal. And in Australia we don't make a
big deal of sixty fifth.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Oh it's in Canada. Sixty five is the age of retirement.
It's the age where you start getting your pension, it's
the generally, it's it's all kinds of things. So sixty
five is kind of the well, the equivalent of the
Australian twenty first. No, not really, but is there is
there another?
Speaker 2 (33:49):
And we don't have sweet sixteen and Melanie and Jest
are still with it, so you can speak. I've pretended
to have closed an audio door on you. But it's
still open that in Australia we don't even have Sweet
sixteen parties do it all? Eighteenth? We had the twenty
first and that was it. I think do you have
eighteenth now, Jess.
Speaker 3 (34:07):
I didn't really have an eighteen. I think my thirtieth
was probably the biggest out of all of them.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Yeah. Oh, but I've never heard of a sixty fifth.
I'm thrilled to be part of the sixty fifth celebrations
for Janet.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
Yeah, so it's no, so maybe, well, maybe it's just
me and I'm having a big celebration because mine's coming
up next year. But it's but there's a whole bunch
of a whole whack of us women who are what
is it is not a what is it a murder
of women?
Speaker 2 (34:31):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (34:32):
Catrait of women?
Speaker 2 (34:33):
A hornbag of women?
Speaker 1 (34:34):
Hornbag of women?
Speaker 2 (34:35):
Yes, I like that hormonal bag of women or lack
of hormone. That's that's going to a recycling bin of women.
It will be a lot of clinky clinky bottles that
we will be.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
There will be many walks of shame, yes, And we're
just we're all getting together down south to go and
have a weekend away and to celebrate as our our
friend Janet moves into decrepitude.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
And you're not writing the card. Okay, she'll be thrilled
with this. It's not for me home, So I guess
I get to some of us are on Vitamin J duty,
which is the junk food. Absolutely, someone's going to do
Vitamin J. The rest is it heading to the bottle shop.
And I think that's all we need. That's pretty well,
that's pretty much it. Yeah, all right, well I'm going
to share that glimmer and next week we'll report back
(35:23):
as to how Janet took that Hallmark card that you wrote.
Welcome to your increptitude, Thanks Mel and thank you Jess,
and I look forward to seeing you of course. Anyway,
I say it's terribly successful. Other side of healthy, other
(35:43):
side what she said. Yeah, next week, it's time for
me to go o
This podcast is for general information only and should not
be taken as psychological advice. Listeners should consult with their
healthcare professionals for a specific medical advice.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Anyone who's heard me talk over the years about my
love for Barry man Love has probably heard me talk
about my friend Melanie. We both fell in love with
Barry when we were sixteen. Melanie will always say she
was almost a year younger, but don't believe the word
she's talking about. And so we've been best friends since
then and we are still joined at the hit. And
earlier this year, Melanie's life took a terrible pivot out
(00:48):
of the blue. Her daughter Jess went into real failure
and we nearly lost her. Jess is scheduled for a
kidney transplant next month, and the kidney donor is her mum. Melanie.
I'm going to cry out. It's been a hell of
a journey just the last few months. And at the
heart of all I think is a story about a
mother's love. And when that mother gets her, I'll talk
to her, but the loving one, but to give us
(01:14):
an insight into what this journey is like for you both.
I'm so grateful that you've chosen to come in and
talk to us today. Melanie and Jess Hello, Hello, Hello,
I forgot to introduce ourselves. I'm Amanda Kella.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Hello, I'm Anita McGregor. I was wondering if we were
going to like where are we?
Speaker 2 (01:32):
I forgot about that bit where we say who we
are and welcome to double a chattery. So it's kind
of an episode with the difference. But mel and I
had been talking about, you know, we often talk about
we all do how our lives spin on the head
of a pin, and mel I was talking to you.
I think it was the day before New Year's even
He said, yeah, the girls are coming over Jess who's
thirty one, Amy who's twenty eight, and everything was fine,
(01:55):
and then suddenly it wasn't. And I guess, just do
we start with you because it kind of involves you. Yeah,
you're kind of in the story. Things went paar shape
for you so quickly. And was it as out of
the blue for you as it felt it was from
where I was standing.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Absolutely. I went to work that day, but before I
went to work, I went and did a routine blood test,
went to work, did a full eight hours, got a
call from the medical center at like three pm, being like,
you need to get to an emergency immediately. You're in
renal failure, you're severely anemic. What hospital are you going to?
Speaker 4 (02:34):
Was?
Speaker 3 (02:35):
I was just incomplete shock, didn't know how to process
the information. Called Mum and dad straight away and I
was like, surely this isn't right, sent them the bloods
and Dad was like, looking a little colorful, Let's just
go to emergency and see what's happening. And then it
was zero to one thousand within the space of about
(02:55):
three hours.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Wow. And so you have a routine blood had you
had some medical stuff going on that was making you
have the blood tests or this was just sort.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
Of just well, it's been about eighteen months, you'd probably
go get a blood test. It's quiet time of year.
Let's just quickly go get a blood test. My sister
had just done one, so I was like, okay, I'll go.
Literally did like the baywalk before the day before, went
to work, asymptomatic the whole time, and in the last
like eighteen months, I guess it was just doing it
(03:25):
sing in the back end. And now I'm at stage
five renal failure with four percent kidney function. For both
of them.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Wow. So eighteen months this had kind of been bubbling
along and there were no signs, no symptoms.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Now I mean, now that I look back on it,
there were some symptoms, but nothing that was alarming. Like
after a long day of work, I'd get a little lightheaded,
but I was like, Okay, I've just stared at a
computer for twelve hours, so it's probably that. Or if
I had my period. I was getting very faint towards
the end of it, so I was like, Okay, that
checks out. I could be a bit an emch that
(04:01):
was it. Nothing, no pain, nothing, It's a completely asymptomatic disease.
So it catches a lot of people off guard, and
it's a lot more common than people think.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
I was going to say, it sounds as though a
lot of your symptoms were things that you would have
like like most of us just kind of explained away.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Absolutely, there was like a reason behind it, and it was.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
At the sliding door of your life. If you hadn't
if your sister hadn't had a blood test, if you
didn't think, you know what, I'll have a blood test.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
Oh, I would have stroked out.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
You would have had a stroke.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Hundred PC.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
So you're when you say renal failure, can you just
dumb that down for me? Your kidneys was shutting down.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
They completely just stopped working. So I was building up
toxins in my body, so they weren't filtering out anything. Again,
I had no symptoms. I was still going to the bathroom,
no problem there at all, which is why everyone was
a little bit shocked. There was no protein in my room,
which is usually a key indicator that you're in failure.
They just completely stopp working, so building up toxins. Blood
(05:02):
pressure was going through the roof. I then became severely anemic,
which was why I was getting so faint so regularly.
And yeah, a couple more days I would have just dropped.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Hell and for mel for you to hear your daughters
say those words, wow, I think at the time we
were just sort of they've made a mistake. You know.
Speaker 4 (05:23):
She'd come back from overseas. She had a bit of
an upset tummy.
Speaker 5 (05:26):
That was sort of the catalyst to get the blood
test because it just wasn't settling down.
Speaker 4 (05:29):
But nothing.
Speaker 5 (05:30):
We've all been overseas and had upset tummies, you know,
And when they rang and said that, we thought that
that's not right because what they measure the creatinin. I
mean currently my creatinin is at fifty five, which is
a rock star level, which had to save that and flex.
Jessica's was fourteen hundred, so high creatinin level, which is
(05:54):
the muck in your system is about one hundred and fifty.
Speaker 4 (05:59):
So huge, huge chump.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
So when we saw that, we thought that can't be right.
You know, machinery problemed it up or somebody else.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
I can imagine that the medical technicians probably were looking
at these results going there's something wrong. You need to
retest this.
Speaker 5 (06:15):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
It was the most unhinched her phone call I've ever
had in my life, Like she completely panicked and was
just like, oh my gosh, like I have to tell
this person they're in renal failure. They need to get
to an emergency now.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Yeah, that it was very jarring. I can imagine that
escalation of panic between the both of you.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Absolutely, so you said it, jess It went from zero
to one thousand so quickly. What went where? What happened?
Speaker 3 (06:42):
So I took myself to an emergency. They looked at
the test, looked at me, and they were like, does
not compute, you're standing, You're fine, you should be paralytic.
You have no blood and you're in complete renal failure.
How is this? It's not mathing. So they took me
into an emergency and then zero orzours and I was
plugged with like seventy different types of stickers, heart monitors.
(07:05):
I had needles going in my left rightd cer to
bring my blood pressure down, and I just went into
a complete shock. I've never been in shock before, so
I was just like convulsing on the table because I
was like, I have no control over this situation and
it's so much to comprehend as to what's going on.
And then they whisked me off in an ambulance to
another hospital. I was admitted overnight into emergency, and it
(07:27):
wasn't even a discussion of like, oh, hey, you might
be in renal failure. It's just like, you're in renal failure.
This is what we need to do.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Did the emergency when you walked into emergency did they
just kind of do the please have a seat and
we'll get to you in seventy two hours or was it.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
No, they were quite proactive. Yeah, we took the blood
test in again. There wasn't too much of a weight time,
and we just said, look, I'm in suspected renal failure.
I need to see someone immediately. Probably waited half an
hour if that. The stuff and the team there were great,
very calming because I could just see that I was
in just total disbelief. So they were very reassuring and
(08:05):
just did everything that they could to try and calm
me down.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
And did you know, even though they're plugging you full
of things and filtering bloods or whatever they were doing,
did you know renal failure equals diastics equals transplant, did.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
You with immediately, I'm going to have to take a transplant?
Oh my god, I know these numbers. This is I
just in so much shock.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
And mel I remember you. Part of your job was
to try and guide Jest through it, but you were
going through your own shock.
Speaker 5 (08:34):
Yeah, and it is shocking. And our other daughter Amy
had come out for Christmas. She had planned to take
a year traveling around Europe and she'd be gone two months,
but we have this thing that you've got to be
together for Christmas, right, so she came back for that.
So luckily she was there. She canceled everything. It is
now back at home as well, so got a full house.
But but yeah, she was very calming because she's actually
(08:57):
a mental health nurse, so she sort of took over.
I've got to look after everyone's mental well being, which
you know was a big job, I.
Speaker 4 (09:06):
Bet, But yeah, you sort of. I think it's the.
Speaker 5 (09:10):
You know, fight or flight mode, you know that you
go into, and so we just sort of said, well, okay,
whenever there's a I mean, you know me, I'm a fixer,
you are, so if something goes wrong, we just fix
it and you move on, right, So I just went
into I'm.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
In fixed mode and what could you fix?
Speaker 4 (09:26):
Nothing?
Speaker 5 (09:29):
So that was that was I I'll get a pack
at a band aid confronting bit, you know.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
But when her doctor came down, who is fabulous.
Speaker 5 (09:41):
She sort of said, look, you're you're going in renal
failure and I said, well, she can have a kidney,
you know, and she said, oh, well we have to
get you tested and blah blah blah the same blood
type and so Amy and I ran home and got
out of all the old baby books, you know, to try
and find when I'm blood types.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
So you instantly thought we're going Did you think I'm
going to get it. I'm going to give a kidney
ye that first night.
Speaker 4 (10:01):
Yep.
Speaker 5 (10:02):
So again that's the I can fix it thing, you know.
So I thought, well, I can fix this, so I'll
just do that. That's what we do, you know.
Speaker 4 (10:08):
So the frustration, I guess down the path is that
it has taken us, which I now understand, but it's
it's taken us sort of six months to get here,
and you think, why is it, you know, why couldn't
we do it like in three weeks time. You know,
let's just do all the tests, get it done, you know.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
The next day. Yeah, yeah, but yeah, there were a
lot of.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Tests I have and in the meantime, while you're having
all those tests for you as donor as well. Now
you embarked on dialysis, but you could do it at
home and at night.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
Not as glamorous as it sounds.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
I've made it sound really good. How how hard was that?
Speaker 4 (10:45):
Because you're you're a.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Young woman, you traveled the world, you were living in
your own flat. You just was living at home for
a short period of time to save some money, and
suddenly everything's changed.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
I think I'm similar to Mum in the sense that
I go into fight or flight, and I am a
very proactive person. So I'm like, Okay, well I need
to do this to get to this. I don't want
to do it, but I have to do it. So
how can I do it to the best of my ability?
Speaker 2 (11:10):
Did you see it like an assignment? That's how I yes,
when I did. If I want to pass every.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
Test, yeah, I want to pass the test.
Speaker 4 (11:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
I couldn't look too far into the future. I very
much have to take this process step by step otherwise
I get disorientated. It's too overwhelming for me. So I
can only do what's immediately in front of me. And
dialysis was immediately in front of me. I had no
idea what that looked like. Dad had done a different
type of dialysis. He did hemodialysis. I did peritoneal dialysis,
(11:38):
which I'm still doing. It's a totally different concept. But yea,
it is pretty hard to navigate and it completely changes you.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Well, you mentioned your dad, so your family has been
in the similar position before, but perversely completely unrelated.
Speaker 4 (12:06):
Completely unreal us about that melt, which you know.
Speaker 5 (12:08):
It took me to get my head around a bit
because I thought, well, how can it be unrelated, you know,
but it's too we think we're not sure, but we
think Jessica's was triggered by high blood pressure. The question
is was the high blood pressure caused the kidney failure
or did the kidney cause the high blood pressure, Which
doesn't really matter, right, but that's her thing. Dale had
(12:28):
a disease. So, and he's had two kidney trees, had
two kidney transplants.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yes, So part of the battering that you're feeling melt
is you think I've been here before and it's exhausting.
Speaker 4 (12:41):
Yes, yeah, but it's okay. As I said, you just
sort of this is something. With him, I couldn't do anything,
you know.
Speaker 5 (12:48):
Except raise the children, raise the children, you know, have babies,
that kind of thing.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
The home fire's burnie, do all that.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
But now I can actually do something.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
So that's why I just get it done. And you
said that your initialist feelings were I'm just going I'll
do it. I'll give the kidney. But when you break
that down, that's a that's a big deal.
Speaker 4 (13:12):
Apparently, yes, but it's not as daunting.
Speaker 5 (13:18):
And I do know well Dale's brother, that's where Dale
got what his last transplant from.
Speaker 4 (13:24):
And I have a friend who donated to another friend.
Speaker 5 (13:26):
So I've been talking to them a fair bit and
the techniques they use now are actually a lot different.
You might remember, you remember Drew Dale's brother, So that
was twenty five years ago. So he has a large
scar down his back and across his tongue and he
tells everyone he was attacked by shark, which works.
Speaker 4 (13:44):
Well.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
You know, you could use the same thing because you
wear a bikini a lot.
Speaker 4 (13:47):
I wear a bikini a lot, as you know, and
I go to the beach.
Speaker 5 (13:49):
I'm such a beach bunny, red hair pulskin. Yeah, But
tragically they don't do it that way anymore. So there
goes to shark theory. So it's call it less invasive.
So you have three laparoscopic little things. And then, as
he said to me, it's like a cesarean scar. It
goes in the same spot, but it's only sort of
(14:11):
five five inches that kind of thing, so not too bad.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
And you have that exactly the same time. Yep, that
Jess is in the same hospital, in a different room.
It's not like having couple's massages. You're not next to
each other or anything.
Speaker 5 (14:26):
We are next to each other in the operating theater.
And I will say this one thing. Jess's surgeon magnificent
and just made us laugh and has an outrageous accent.
You know, we thought it was French, but it's Italian, right,
amazing Anyway, so he explained, you know how he would
lovingly stand there and watch them remove my kidney and
(14:46):
take it and hold it to his chest and bring
it over and lovingly put it in her. And I said, oh,
that's great, what happens to me?
Speaker 2 (14:52):
And you guess so you have a different team, do
you after that?
Speaker 4 (14:56):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (14:57):
I will say you have two different teams because they
to make sure that you're not being coerced or you're
doing it of your own free will, right, yeah, or
it's conflict of interest. Yeah, So not that they would,
but say her surgeon would say, yes, it's good to go,
and maybe it's not.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
You know, so you have two completely different teams, which
is good.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
And so in your recovery, are you near each other?
How does that? Where are you?
Speaker 5 (15:23):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (15:23):
So they've changed the process. When Dad and Drew had
their transplant, Drew was down in the bottom of the hospital,
Dad was upstairs. But now they try and keep everyone
in the same renal ward because they've worked out that
it's less invasive. It's a big procedure for everyone, so
they try and keep families together, especially donors. So we
should be on the same floor.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
And what's the hospital stay. What are you expecting apart
from flowers?
Speaker 4 (15:48):
No, well you can't have flowers. I'll just send money
and a lot of it. Why it's something to do
with I can.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
But won't be able to bugs on the pollen because
he'll be severely.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Only whilere you in hospital, no for for well, for
the three months after. Right, So do you live in
a bubble for three months?
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Right?
Speaker 2 (16:13):
And how severe's the bubble? What are you expecting?
Speaker 3 (16:16):
I think it can be like well monitored, like it's
just obviously no public transports now go around in large crowds.
People can still come over, but they have to be
well well, so.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
Wear a mask.
Speaker 5 (16:28):
That fact.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
How do you feel knowing that there's an end date
and then after that it's all upswing? I mean, how
are you feeling about that date looming?
Speaker 4 (16:40):
Good? Yeah, like when they first sort of said, oh,
you know, we've got a date, but oh but no,
it's it's good, you know.
Speaker 5 (16:51):
So now again I just want to work towards getting
I've still got a few tests to do and a
few things to get through, and as long as they're okay,
then that's when.
Speaker 4 (16:59):
It will be so right.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
And the next month yep, yep, So all.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
My test should be done sort of in the next
two weeks.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Are they unpleasant? Well, hoping so, thank you.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Yeah, it's a lot of fun drugs, anything good.
Speaker 5 (17:19):
No, I think it's just you have a lot of
scans and you have a lot of dyes and things
putting new so they can trace, you know. And one
of the side effects of one of the dies is
it makes you feel like your head's going to blow
off on one bit.
Speaker 4 (17:32):
And they said, and it makes you feel like you're
wetting your pants.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
And you know that feeling.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
I know that feeling.
Speaker 5 (17:38):
And I said, and they said, rest assure you're not,
and that sort of thought. It could be a lottery,
you know, and you actually do.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
You feel like you're lying there on the table something
terrible has happened.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
But they're not.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
They're not painful.
Speaker 5 (17:53):
No, they are uncomfortable and a bit confronting, you know,
the heart ones that front.
Speaker 4 (18:00):
But yeah, it's okay.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
And with you Jess, with your dialysis and things. You know,
you still I see on your socials you're still going
out occasionally and things like that. You're still having a
bit of a life.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Absolutely, Look, it's completely altered my life, Like pretty much
after five pm, I can't leave the house.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Which I'm exhausted, or you have to get ready for diasts.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
I have to get ready. It's a whole process. I
now do dialysis twenty four hours a day, So that
has been another not sure my welt that I have
to try and learn to navigate and.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
You walk around the house and things with it attached.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
Yeah, well I've got dialysis fluid in my now, so good.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
This is an hour of a day.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Yeah. Yeah, it's a lot of a it's a lot
to juggle. But my friends have been great, and I
just change my lifestyle. Like I'm still a very social person.
I still want to go for breakfast. I still want
to do these things. And no, I can't eat as
much as I used to, or I can't go out
for dinners. But hey, I can still go for walks,
(18:56):
I can still get a coffee of the friend. I
can still go for like small lunch and things like that.
So I still try to be a little bit more social.
Otherwise I think I would go absolutely insane.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Have you had any life in sights through this? I know,
as you say, you're a family who've been through this before.
But this, this bond between the two of you, you've
always been as thick as thieves, the two of you,
you've had a fabulous relationship with your mum, has this
sort of you know how you feeling.
Speaker 5 (19:25):
I think when it's over then I'll feel better, you know,
because at the moment it's still just you know, every
day is a little bit of a struggle.
Speaker 4 (19:33):
It's sort of like what catastrophe is going to happen today?
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Because there have been setbacks.
Speaker 5 (19:37):
There's been lots of setbacks and they're probably in hindsight,
not setbacks, but when you don't know what to expect,
then everything is like, oh what do you mean? Because
it's not just your When she has to have blood's
done two or three times a week, and it's your
kidneys control everything, which you don't tend to realize. You
think it's just going to the toilet, but it's everything.
Speaker 4 (19:56):
So you know, she can't eat certain foods because you
you know, throws all your chemical balance out. And that
affects your heart and all this thing.
Speaker 5 (20:04):
So there's a lot of moving pieces, and I guess,
you know, we're at a pretty we're on an up
swing now, but like even a couple of weeks ago,
her hemoglobin was so low that it was critical.
Speaker 4 (20:19):
So it's very easy to fall off that path.
Speaker 5 (20:23):
So the main aim for the six weeks is just
sort of, you know, be together, focus, get as fit
as we can.
Speaker 4 (20:31):
Obviously, you know, for me being an athlete, it's not
an issue a drink.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
No last one you had was with me, which.
Speaker 4 (20:38):
Will probably make up for some time.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
I'm still filtering it out.
Speaker 5 (20:43):
Yeah, so that'll all go, you know, because and then
also when you offer it and it affects all your
organs as well, you know. So it's just trying to
get everything balanced and perfect or as good as it
can be for that day. I'm confident with no medical
knowledge whatsoever, but I'm confident in that my kidneys great,
(21:07):
you know, and they keep saying it's great and it's
going to you know, it's going to go straight away
and it's going to start on the table and all
that sort of thing, you know. So the team we
have now are very reassuring and very comforting and very knowledgeable.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
So so as with both of you being fixers, how
have you managed the uncertainty of this process? Like I
just think that this must be like daily just having to,
you know, find ways of managing all the uncertainty about
(21:42):
you know what is next, you know when will this
you know be successfully managed? When you know how will
that happen?
Speaker 3 (21:51):
I guess yeah, I just have to take it day
by day. As Mum said, I'm faced with so many
uncertainties and little hiccups and there's only so much I
can do. This situation is so completely out of my control.
I can only control what's in my realm, and that's
the people that around me, my team, my nurses. That's
within my control. But everything else is completely out of it.
(22:14):
So it's kind of navigating and adapting to that. It's
still I still have my moments where I completely break
down because I just I can't fathom it. I just
don't want to do it. At the end of the day,
I don't want to do any of this, but I have.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
To be hard. I don't want to do it. I
don't want to do it, and as adults we get
to choose most of the time what we do.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
And I want to be poked seven times a week
with an injection to boost my hemoglobins, and have blood
tests and have canulas with iron infusions and do dialysis,
which is unbelievably painful. No one seems to talk about it.
It's excruciating, which bit hurts.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Sorry, Yeah, I'm sorry. I was going to just ask
about that first time you had to go through it,
and you're saying it's a process, and you were saying
that you had to get trained, and you were saying
that the technology is different. It wasn't kind of what
you would have maybe expected. Yeah, about a little bit.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
So the way that Taylsis works is I have a
catheter inserted into my lowest stomach and I hook up
to a machine. Every day it fills my tummy with
anywhere between one point five to two liters of fluid.
And the reason for that is it's like a chemical reaction.
So it's like a sugary syrup, and the sugar attracts
(23:28):
the toxins in my body, so it pulls it out.
So I leave the fluid in there for anywhere up
to two hours to ten hours, So it attracts all
the toxins, and then the really painful part is what
it has to come out, So it drains out of
my stomach and it think of someone like think of
like a vacuum, and if you hold it to your hand,
it like sucks it, so it's pulling everything. And so
(23:51):
that's obviously then how to knock on effect for the
rest of my body as well. It's caused me to
bleed significantly for months on end, which is why my
heemugl and went so low. But it's excruciatingly painful and
I do that four times a day every day for
six months.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
I can't even imagine the bruising and stuff that must
like it does it.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
It's just a bruise or anything. It's just it's like
a feeling I can't really describe. You know, when you
kind of get like a stitch in your ribs and
like it jolts you forward. It's kind of like that,
but it is just a pulling sensation, so it's not natural.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
It's good to happen.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Done, you have to kind of get prepped to go
into it again.
Speaker 3 (24:32):
The second that I drain, it fills me back up immediately,
so it's constant. There's I have an hour break in
the day, so I usually get off at like five
pm and that's when I go have a shower because
I'm like, okay, cool, a little bit empty, We're fine.
Speaker 5 (24:46):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
But yeah, it's a pretty hectic process.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
What a relief that you had come home.
Speaker 3 (24:53):
Absolutely, I couldn't do this by myself. I've one thousand
percent need the support, both physically and emotional.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
And I've seen how much gear there is. It takes
our whole room.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
It's insane. It's mentioned my rooms turned into like a
little hospital bed and.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
There would be people who would be going through this
without families.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
Absolutely, there's a lot of people that fly into state
internationally as well to these local hospitals like from the
Islands and regional Australia as well to do dialysis. And
it is a process. You're in the unit for every
day two weeks learning how to navigate this. You can
do it manually, or you can do it on a machine,
or there's so many ways to do it, and you
(25:34):
need to be completely in touch with how to do it.
Otherwise you don't have you.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Set yourself like are you dangling some delicious carrot? At
the end there's a reward for yourself when all is well.
Speaker 5 (25:48):
We have sort of talked about, you know, we should
do something or get something to not remember, but to symbolize,
you know, what we've been through.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
But I think at the moment we just have to
get to them point, you know. So I think to
answer your question.
Speaker 5 (26:04):
From before, we're both in hospital for about five to
seven days, potentially a bit longer than Jess, and then
it's home for three months. She has to go back
to the hospital every day for a blood test early
in the morning and then tuck yourself away from everyone.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Can you drive? See this is big things in families.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
Yeah, so for six weeks, every day for six weeks,
I have to go to the hospital to do bloods
and then biopsies and things like that, and yeah, strictly
no driving. Completely alters your life.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
And then is there, like I know with some transplants,
there's that anti rejection.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
Is that absolutely forever and for the rest of my life.
So I'll be on pretty high doses of immunosuppress and drugs,
one of them being quite a heavy steroid, which makes
me quite ragy. So looking up to everyone is so great.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Melanie is saying, I've been through I'm with you.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Yeah, so I'm pretty high doses of a lot of
drugs for the immediate future, and then they obviously try
to wean me off it. But I will be on
these drugs for the rest of my life.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
And once this all happens that they anticipate, other than
the immune suppressant drugs, that you can kind of return
to skydiving and not. But I mean, I know that
you were a traveler and stuff.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
Absolutely, I think that's the biggest catalyst for me, is
that this has just put a holt on my life.
I mean, I'm young, thirty one. It shouldn't be happening
to me. So it's put a holt on everything at
the moment. So for the next eighteen months, I just
kind of have to sit in this. I know that
it is for a better cause, like it will make
me feel better. I may not have realized that I
(27:51):
was feeling so garbage this whole time, and then when
I get a new kidney, I could have this whole
new outlook as to how I feel. I'm like, oh
my god, this is how I should be feeling the
whole time. This is amazing.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
And what message not did you have to have a
message like but you did mention earlier about this is
an asymptomatic disease and a lot of people don't know
what kind of message would you like to get out
for other people who might be thinking about it all
I've never thought about m kidney.
Speaker 3 (28:19):
I think just stay on top of your health. Just
be in check with yourself. If you're not feeling great,
go to the doctors or just get in the habit,
like you do your skin check once a year, do
a blood test once a year, every six months. You
do the same for the dentists, do the same for
the rest of your body. Just look after yourself, like
it's not this disease isn't going to discriminate you. Like
this all started probably when I was like twenty six
(28:41):
and it was just doing it sing in the back
end and I had no idea and then diagnose at
thirty one, like it can happen to anyone. So I
think it's just stay in tune with yourself and keep
yourself accountable, really and have a good mum that's right
wherever she is. Why what.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Final questions? I know the answer to this, but I'm
going to ask anyway, have you inherited your mother's love
of Barry man Alt? Oh you know very well who
that is, young lady, who needs that aesthetic? When we
can just pipe his music into your.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
You know, what streams really do come true.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
I'm fascinated by the whole idea of the of the
how much the technology must have changed, how much you know,
the procedures must have changed, how much you know, especially
for you malgic kind of well, and you would have
experienced as a young child to watch your dad go
through what your husband go through, not once but twice.
(29:49):
And you know, and then too, you know, there's the
technology aspect of it, but then also the you know,
just that serendipitous you know, Oh my gosh, yeah, it's
part of it.
Speaker 5 (30:03):
Is it's a lot better now, it's and yeah, the
drugs are full on in the first few months, but
then they you know, DALs hardly on any you know's,
and he's really not in you know, suppressed anymore. And
the interesting thing is they say, after sort of two years,
I think it is that your body takes over the kidney.
Speaker 4 (30:23):
Or whatever, so it's actually yours. So in theory, you
shouldn't have to be on anything, but no one's prepared
to test that of course, so you know he's on
very low dose.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
We've traveled the world.
Speaker 5 (30:34):
It's not an issue, you know, it's you do have
a normal life. Yes, you've got to take a handful
of tablets twice a day. So what it's, you know,
thirty seconds out of your day and everything else is fine.
I mean we've traveled together and he's fine.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 5 (30:50):
So it's just it'll be just staying on top of things,
you know. So I guess that the other thing too,
that I'd like to say that if you are not
happy with your medical advice, I saw whatever.
Speaker 4 (31:01):
You are the one in control, not them.
Speaker 5 (31:03):
So you need to find someone that you're comfortable with
and that you think, Okay, this person's got my back,
rather than just going, oh, okay, I'll just stay here
because you know a light Yeah.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
You know what you're doing. I'm not a doctor, so
you know, I'll stick with you.
Speaker 5 (31:19):
I think you've really got to question everything and go, well,
I'm not happy with that answer, so I'm going to
find someone that you know, I might not like the answer,
but I'm happy with the way you know, you treat
us and that sort of thing.
Speaker 4 (31:31):
So I think that's really important.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
When I had my hip replacement and Melanie you've had one.
Just a few months ago too, someone said to me,
are you aware that there's something foreign in your body?
And no, I've got two fake hips. I've never given
a thought. But it's an interesting thing to think about, Jess,
that you'll have a part of your mum but you
probably have half my bloods coursing through you.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
And yeah, very weird concept.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
It is a weird content.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
It's weird that it's going to be in like the
front of my tummy. It's yeah, very foreign.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
But so if you get a tat over it, Melanie,
you've got no saying and it's not yours anymore. You've
handed it over, let it go.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
It. Maybe no tourttoos for.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
We'll pick a nice place in the cross to go
and get it.
Speaker 4 (32:18):
Tragically, she can't play rugby anymore.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
She never did before but now she never will.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
But you know, I think that was a life dream.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
So I'm sorry to hear that. Well, ladies, will you
come back and talk to us again? Absolutely love to
on the day of your operation and a little bit during.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
Smack me Up one a month.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
I'll be in there with the ghetto blaster with the
very Manilow song, Melanie. One of you will be smiling
and the other one not so much. Thank you, so much,
thank you. I need do you go first with a glimmer?
Speaker 1 (33:03):
Well, you know what I want us to do, a
joint glimmer this time because a friend of ours, Janet
is she is the first one to crash that threshold
into her sixty fifth.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
Year, saying she passed away.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
No, I hear it like this, Yes, and it's a glimmer.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
And yah, Bob it's sixty five, because you've said that's
a big deal. And in Australia we don't make a
big deal of sixty fifth.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Oh it's in Canada. Sixty five is the age of retirement.
It's the age where you start getting your pension, it's
the generally, it's it's all kinds of things. So sixty
five is kind of the well, the equivalent of the
Australian twenty first. No, not really, but is there is
there another?
Speaker 2 (33:49):
And we don't have sweet sixteen and Melanie and Jest
are still with it, so you can speak. I've pretended
to have closed an audio door on you. But it's
still open that in Australia we don't even have Sweet
sixteen parties do it all? Eighteenth? We had the twenty
first and that was it. I think do you have
eighteenth now, Jess.
Speaker 3 (34:07):
I didn't really have an eighteen. I think my thirtieth
was probably the biggest out of all of them.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Yeah. Oh, but I've never heard of a sixty fifth.
I'm thrilled to be part of the sixty fifth celebrations
for Janet.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
Yeah, so it's no, so maybe, well, maybe it's just
me and I'm having a big celebration because mine's coming
up next year. But it's but there's a whole bunch
of a whole whack of us women who are what
is it is not a what is it a murder
of women?
Speaker 2 (34:31):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (34:32):
Catrait of women?
Speaker 2 (34:33):
A hornbag of women?
Speaker 1 (34:34):
Hornbag of women?
Speaker 2 (34:35):
Yes, I like that hormonal bag of women or lack
of hormone. That's that's going to a recycling bin of women.
It will be a lot of clinky clinky bottles that
we will be.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
There will be many walks of shame, yes, And we're
just we're all getting together down south to go and
have a weekend away and to celebrate as our our
friend Janet moves into decrepitude.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
And you're not writing the card. Okay, she'll be thrilled
with this. It's not for me home, So I guess
I get to some of us are on Vitamin J duty,
which is the junk food. Absolutely, someone's going to do
Vitamin J. The rest is it heading to the bottle shop.
And I think that's all we need. That's pretty well,
that's pretty much it. Yeah, all right, well I'm going
to share that glimmer and next week we'll report back
(35:23):
as to how Janet took that Hallmark card that you wrote.
Welcome to your increptitude, Thanks Mel and thank you Jess,
and I look forward to seeing you of course. Anyway,
I say it's terribly successful. Other side of healthy, other
(35:43):
side what she said. Yeah, next week, it's time for
me to go o
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