September 3, 2025 • 31 mins
Today: modern coming-of-age (and whether we’re actually letting kids come of age at all). From hyper-styled Bridgerton dorm rooms to parents calling professors and even bosses, we're wrestling with overprotective trends, what counts as care vs. control, and the line between comfort and infantilisation — yes, including adults with plushies.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This podcast is for general information only and should not
be taken as psychological advice. Listeners should consult with their
healthcare professionals for a specific medical advice.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Well. Hello, I'm Amanda Keller and I'm Anita McGregor, and
welcome to Double a Chattery Hope.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Are you an I'm very well.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
As you know here in Sydney, we've had an enormous
amount of rain just to we've finally hit spring.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Yeah, well it's well, it's full. Are you still seeing?
How many years have you been here now almost twenty.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
And yet you still see the old seasons?
Speaker 1 (00:50):
So it's so September for me is really evocative. It
is always the it's the end and the beginning at
the same time. So the leaves are churning. In Canada,
we're hitting fall. It's so beautiful. And it's also the
start of the school year for us.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
I've never understood this. So we, as you know, have
our big holidays at the end of the year, and
the start of the school year is the start of
the year. Why is yours in the middle of these
It still built around summer holidays.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
It's still built around summer holidays. The summer was when kids.
You know, traditionally years ago would help on the farm
over the summer, and the origins of that bring the
crops into all that. And so when the when the
crops were done, kind of beginning of September, we're already
starting to get into at least where I lived. By
(01:41):
first or second week of September, it might even start
getting frost on the ground. So it was it was
the endings of the year, but it was also it
was also when school started, so it was, you know,
that really exciting time.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
So I saw on lots of socials about parents packing
off their kids to university, which I think is a
lovely tradition. I left time to go to union, and
I encourage my kids to do the same, and then
I was incredibly sad when they did, but I wanted
that for them. But there's a couple of things I've noticed.
I'd like your opinion on a few things. Because someone
told me you're a psychologist. Is that right?
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Apparently I am. Someone told you that too, that I
went to the ACME School to find psychology and bartending.
And I'm good, Yeah, I'm good.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
You do mix a good gin and tonic. You do
the Canadian poor. If I remember correctly, I do. One
of the things I saw with all the parents packing
off the kids, whether they were celebrity parents or regular parents,
everyone feels the same emotions. But what do you make
of this? This is a new thing where parents are
spending thousands and thousands of dollars to decorate their daughter's
(02:48):
dorms like they're out of Bridgeton. It's like a Barbie bedroom.
There's frilly cushions, there's lights around the mirrors, there's covers
on the chairs, fan see wallpaper, five hundred dollars, mattress toppers.
This woman says that she saw parents online spending between
five and ten thousand dollars to decorate the dorm. They
(03:10):
plan a year in advance. They brought everything custom from
the linens to the pillow cases. So there's this world
of over the top decorating upholstered headboards, matching linens, matching curtains.
In university dorms.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
You have to have something to mace to throw up on. Well,
this is what that's what the dorm should be.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
You've moved away from home, You're going to hopefully have
some spews, hopefully. It's like puppy people have a roots
you're going to have you are in Australian you really are.
It's for you and root. You're going to bring people
back to your rumor decide whether you how far you
want to be involved all that. They're the rules of
engagement that happen when you leave home.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Like I'm just thinking of this guy in this this
young woman saying, you know, come back to my room,
and then they're walk in and then it's just full
of dolls and like total erection destroyer.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Maybe the parents are onto something because their daughters will
stay virgins or whatever.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Maybe that's what this is about. And what are the
guys rooms? Well, see, there's none of that. There's none
of there's none of that. Do they get a bed
that looks like a car? Wow?
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Wow, buzz light to you curtains? Well, actually I did
see a woman sending her son off to college and
it was and everyone was saying, oh, what a beautiful thing.
I thought, my god, it's one of the weirdest things
I've seen. Where she got all his childhood toys and
lined them up along the hallway that led him to
the stairs, and all the toys went down the stairs
(04:42):
as well out the front door. It's like he was
saying goodbye to his childhood. All his toys had come
out to wave him off, like a toy story. Weirdness thoughts, Anita,
a new client.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
For you, and.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
What was we're this young man's reaction.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
From what I saw, he was going, Oh wow, Mum,
that's lovely. You know, actually it's interesting you asked that
because I remember when the boys left, I wanted them
to know how much I'd missed them. And it was
when Liam said something about, you know, it doesn't this
doesn't help, I realized I couldn't make it about me.
(05:22):
I could not load my emotions onto them when they're
stepping into a new phase of their lives.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Well and there for with both my boys, once they
left home, there was a period where they're calling me.
Their connection to me was probably more limited because they
needed to figure out what life was away from Mum
and Dawd. And and you know they've both come back now.
(05:50):
You know you were saying that Jack and Liam call
every day, you know, our kids.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
It didn't for a long time.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
But it didn't for a while the same team. And
I think about this now and I think about what, like,
how are we allowing our kids to go out into
the world and connect and have those experiences. I mean,
I think about being at UNI now, and many of
the classes are provided hybrid or designline, so either you
(06:18):
can come in person or you can go and listen
online or sometimes with a lot of the undergraduate classes,
you could there. They're videoed with the slides and so
you can look at it any time, like you don't.
It's completely asynchronous. You could go and do an entire
term by looking at the slides and listening to the
(06:38):
lectures at the very you know, just before your final exam.
And I and I think about that, like I think
about that, that amazing time where it was like three
in the morning, you know, having a beer, discussing life,
you know, solving all the world's problems, doing all and
it's just not as you know, that's what universities and
(07:00):
it's just not as common anymore.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
If you're living at home, how are you going to
do that? If you think that's unusual, I want to
run your past of this. Nearly and so what's a
gen Z now their mid twenties.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Aren't they in twenties twenties?
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Nearly half of gen zetters have this is an American
stat have mum regularly talk to their boss. So this
study has found that thirty one percent of gen zetters
had a parent write their resume. Seventy seven brought a
parent to an interview like in the room, don't know,
(07:35):
and hopefully just in the wedding room. Well even that,
that's weird, weird. Fifty three percent had a parent speak
with a hiring manager on their behalf. Forty five percent
regularly had a parent talk to their current manager. Seventy
three had parents help complete work assignments. This isn't even schoolwork,
these are work work assignments. Fifty seven have brought a
(07:56):
parent to their current workplace. Eighty three percent have had
a parent packed their lunch, Like, wow, what do you
Because you're you're in the university world, You're dealing with
people in their mid twenties, even though they're postgrad. Does
this that surprise you?
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Yes? In some ways, But I've also like, I teach
at a graduate level. So these are kids who are
kind of like twenty two, twenty three and older.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
They've already done a degree.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
They've already done a degree and an honors degree, and
I have had calls from parents and and I am,
I don't know where to place myself with that conversation,
because you know, it's it's very strange. I mean, most
of the time I get parents coming to graduations and
they're so excited to go and see the person who
(08:49):
helped shape their son or daughter into becoming a psychologist.
That those are lovely times. But I've also had those
weird phone calls saying, I don't think you're you're being
fair to mind you know, a little booky and and
that's a little that's that's a little strange, Like I
I've got to say that, And I'm you know, I
can't speak about the student, even to the parents because
(09:11):
I don't have permission to do so.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
So it's wow, Yeah, so they're old enough that you
can't do you don't have permission to talk to the parents,
But the parents want to be spoken to about Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Yeah, they're well they're adults. I mean, I'm not going
to go and breach this person's confidentiality, my student's confidentiality.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
But also gets you out of having to have that conversation.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Well hopefully, yeah, but I've got I've got to say
it was just when you were talking about these dubts
about being on the job and stuff. I had a
I was on a WhatsApp call with my son the
other day in Canada and he was he was in
the ambulance. They were waiting on a call and and
so we were just chatting. And it was so sweet
(09:51):
because one of the there was a third on in
the in the ambulance and he was in the back.
I didn't realize he was in the back, and he
opened up the door and he went, oh, missus McGregor,
it's so nice to go and make her a quaintance
kind of thing. And he was just saying how much
he really appreciated Ben, my son and and you know,
and saw him as a mentor and stuff. And it
was so sweet. And I thought, was I was I
(10:13):
the person that was, you know, the mom at work?
You know in this situation? Was I the one that
was you know, in my son's face because I called
him you know?
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Yeah, Well, it's interesting and just talking about this, we
all have our twinges of shame of overstepping the Marcus parents.
I think I have spoken about this that when Jack
first applied to go to UNI, it was it was
he had COVID, he missed the starting date, then date
even had to get their information in blah blah blah,
and there wasn't it. And I just said, my A
type personality, I'll fix it. And he needed me to
(10:46):
say I'll fix it because he was floundering and I
was very anxious about his mental health that I thought
he needs someone to say, you're not alone in this.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
He was really vulnerable.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
He was really vulnerable. He were all of that, and
yet because it was COVID, there wasn't a single human
I could speak to on a campus. All the lecturers,
all the heads of department were working from home, didn't
have access to any of their numbers, blah blah blah.
So I was powerless and could do nothing, and I
watched his dream crumble. He wanted to go to UNI
in Melbourne. He had to let that crumble. And it
(11:18):
was so hard. That was really hard parenting for me
A to want to step in and couldn't. If I could,
I would have. If I could have flown down and
looked someone in the eye and said can you talk
to him please, I wouldn't have done the talking, but
I needed to say, hey, eyeballs on the problem here.
This kid needs some help, but couldn't do any of that.
But I knew he'd survive, and he's a great survivor.
(11:40):
He's loving his life's fine. He was fine. But that
was really hard for me to pick the line.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Does it well? I mean, I'm assuming the line wasn't.
What were those parents that were paying tens of thousands
of dollars to get their little sweetnesses into the and
to some university in California?
Speaker 2 (11:58):
And they were the famous ones we heard they imagine
the other ones that weren't worth the public consumption. Yeah,
so a couple of actors and heads of industry paying
money to get to have their kids entry things marked,
well marked, well marked.
Speaker 4 (12:13):
Well, but what are we doing to our kids by
keeping them young?
Speaker 1 (12:31):
It's well, yeah, it's the thing that I was just
reading this news pool that talked about the sheltering, like
because it doesn't start when the kids are leaving home
and they're getting the little dorm room. That's beautiful. This
was a pool about eight to twelve year olds and
(12:53):
this is this again. American kids, forty five percent have
not walked down a different aisle than their parents at
a store like fifteen how old are This is eight
to twelve year olds. Fifty six percent have not talked
with a neighbor without their parents, sixty one percent have
not made a plan with a friend without an adult
(13:14):
helping them, sixty two have not walked or bike somewhere
without an adult. Sixty three percent have not built like
a fort or a treehouse sixty percent, sixty seven percent
have done any like outside paid work like mowing lawns
or shoveling snow or babysitting or any of those things.
And seventy one percent have not used a sharp knife.
(13:35):
When are they going to be learning how to do this, Amanda?
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Where are the future future serial killer is going to start?
Speaker 4 (13:41):
In need?
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Absolutely, you got to start someone. You've got to learn
to stab and dig a grave. Oh well, if they can't,
that's an outside job.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
But see, this is the stuff that I won the
in our day and I hate to send it that
starts with an houraday. But in ouraday, we didn't know
a lot of the dangers was the world. We've spoken
about this before on this podcast, was the world? Is
the world more dangerous now? Or we do is know
about it now? And once you do know about it?
You feel irresponsible if you don't act. If you do
(14:12):
let your kid wander off around the neighborhood, you think
none of the other parents are doing it. But the
minute you do see a kid at the shops on
their own, it allows you, as a parent to go,
hang on, that's okay behavior. I can let my kid
go to the shop. We need to break it so
that we can see everyone doing it.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Yes, well, and you have to as the parent who
does it. You have to be able to and willing
to put up with the judgment of people who are
looking at you and saying, I just noticed your child
was down the other aisle, and did you know where
he was?
Speaker 2 (14:44):
See, that's hard to be labeled a bad parent is
a really tough thing.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Yeah, yeah, and yet these kids are just are you know,
without those those skill sets about, you know, how do
you find your way to from one place to another?
You know? And I was talking to a colleague a
couple of weeks ago, and they were telling me that
their kids had gone and taken the bus somewhere on
(15:09):
their own, got there, did something, came back. And as
a parent, she was like kind of breathless the entire time.
But it was also that she knows she knew that
that it was the time that the kid needed to do.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Now, she could probably also track them on her phone.
She had all levels of surveillance. As parents these days,
you know where everyone is at any given moment.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
But would you be willing to give that up? I mean,
because our parents didn't have that.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
I don't have that with mine. I don't They're not
on any of those things now. It's funny, though, that
when Jack was living on campus, I didn't know what
he was up to, and that suited me. When he
was then came back to live at home for a
while and he didn't get home till two in the morning,
I had anxiety around where he was when he wasn't
living there, I didn't care. Does this make us different
(15:57):
as adults with all this stuff we've spoken about. I
was at the airport the other day and I saw
a couple of adults. They didn't have children with them,
but were carrying what looked to me like soft toys
and squishy blankets. And I think, I don't think I've
misread what I saw, Because more and more adults are
buying toys for themselves. That's a big part of the
(16:18):
market these days, all these things like la booboos are
being bought by adults.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Yeah, and where is that place?
Speaker 4 (16:28):
Like?
Speaker 1 (16:28):
I know that from me, I have to face my
own bias that when I started watching men, you know,
you know, coming into a crafting group and netting away
that this was like it was it was not something
that men did, although I knew that in some cultures,
some societies that that was common. But I remember thinking,
(16:49):
this is a this is you know, something that women do.
And then you know, seeing a woman with a little
you know, often you'll see people out downtown, you know,
going in getting something, you know, for breakfast or something,
and they're in their little pink fluffy slippers and they're
you know, or ug boots or whatever and their pj's
and they look strange and I think, okay, well that's okay.
(17:12):
Maybe I have to go and get used to that.
And then like is that you know and men with
la booboos? Now, like, where do I how do I
manage that?
Speaker 4 (17:21):
Like?
Speaker 1 (17:21):
How do I get to a place of being okay
with that?
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Well? What does it say about adults that we're self
soothing with with toys and with stuff of our child
of child what feels like childish things? Is that bad? Well?
Speaker 1 (17:38):
This is this is kind of where I was saying,
how do I get okay with this? Is that there's
a part of me when I see a man knitting,
I go, oh, okay, well, I know how how lovely
that is, how self soothing it is, how you know,
restorative is it's it's all those things and so oh yeah, okay,
if guy wants to do that, that's fine. And then
there's this this moment where you know, seeing a guy
(18:02):
with a la booboo, I kind of go, is that
self soothing or is that infantilizing this?
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Well, tell me about infantilizing.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Well, it's it's basically that idea about you know, creating
or or keeping somebody at a at a less of
less lesser stage of development. Basically, so it would be
in a relationship where you want the you know, let's
say the female partner to be more subservient or more
(18:29):
passive or more childlike, and you know, and finding that attractive.
And so you know, I guess we could argue that
if you're not letting your kid go out, are you
infantilizing them? If you're not allowing them to develop? To
grow up, to go through those normal stages where they
(18:50):
they're going to push against you, that they're going to
need to figure out how to be independent and responsible
and all those kinds of things. If we're not letting
them do that, then we are infertilizing them. We are
not allowing them to become full human beings.
Speaker 4 (19:05):
Mm.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
And we're doing it to ourselves maybe too. If you
go home from a hard day's work and cuddle up
with a squish mellow hmm, you don't even know what
that is. And here are so many steps behind mind fantalism. Well,
speaking of keeping people with old fashioned kind of values,
I don't even know if this is connected. Somehow, in
my mind it is. I saw a study recently that
(19:28):
said that the new generation, who are now gen what
would we call them alphas? University students now maybe people
in their early twenties, maybe a bit of gen Z,
bit of alpha. When asked whether they thought men should
pay on first dates or pay for dates, men and
women by and large said yes. Have a listen. This
(19:49):
is a group of students who were interviewed at the
University of Technology, Sydney.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Do you think men should pound the fascinator.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Yeah, I think so. Yes, they should, yes, not if
it's that expensive he has. Yeah, I believe they should
one hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Yes. I just feel like because they asked me out,
they should like make their effort to pay as well.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
I think it's just a kind gest. I would feel
nice about pain. Have you ever had a galts insisted
on paying on the first thing?
Speaker 1 (20:14):
No?
Speaker 3 (20:14):
What would you do.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
If they did say, I'm paid? Lead them to the card.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
Have you been on dates man haven't paid?
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (20:21):
How did that make you feel?
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Not very good?
Speaker 3 (20:22):
Did you right with him? Again? No?
Speaker 2 (20:24):
If he asked me out and then doesn't pay, it
is like, yeah, I'd offended. Oh how do you feel
about you're making noises?
Speaker 1 (20:33):
I'm making noises and that noise is oh, like, are
we going backwards again? There's there's a part of me
that's thinking now, and there's this other part of me
that goes, how would I feel if I was single
and going out for a meal. Would I expect a
man to pay and or to offer to pay, to
(20:54):
offer to pay at least? Yeah? I think I would
actually want that because.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
The previous what this article said that I was reading
is the previous generation who are the gen hy who
are now millennials? They men and women said no to that.
It was women and men fifty to fifty. They turned
their back on the previous generation that had thought that
men should be doing this. Women were empowered. Men said,
(21:18):
you want to be empowered, you meet me halfway financially.
But this next generation, the pendulum has swung again back
to this old fashioned thing. And I don't know if
that's connected to the trad wives women wanting manners. As
you say, you come up against your own prejudice. Is
a man by not offering to pay? Does it show?
(21:43):
Is that lack of regard? Is that lack of generosity?
It's not necessarily about money. What's how prejudice there? Because
it twinges me too, And I don't know why I've
always insisted and I haven't been on a date for
a couple of weeks now, but I used to always
insist on fifty fifty. Now, if I go out and
have a coffee with barried By, he will always insist
on paying. But I know it makes him feel good,
(22:05):
so I let him do it. I try and get
there before him. And that's a very attractive quality in somebody.
But it makes him feel good to do it. But
I'm wondering, in a modern dating setup, if you're meeting
on a dating site, for example, like as they're saying there,
if he asked me out, then he should be paying.
But if you're both meeting on a website on a
dating site, who's asking who? You both have the same
(22:27):
agenda of meeting someone going on a date, you're both
meeting in the middle. Is it still up to him
to do it? And if you're doing three or four
of these a week, as some people do, who can
afford that?
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (22:40):
This is because I'm asking.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
The hard questions are I'm trying to think, like if
you took gender out of this and you just think
about the act of offering, it's just, you know, I'm
trying to make another person feel special. I'm trying to
be generous. I'm trying you know what I would think
about that that gesture I was going to say, where
(23:07):
it's really hard not to load gender onto that, And
yet I yeah, and I do come from that generation
where it was like woman, hear me, roar, I don't
want men to do this, and yet I'm married to
a man who opens the door for me. Who you know,
when we're getting into a vehicle and you really love that.
I really love that. I really love that. It's a
(23:30):
gesture that every time he does it, it makes me
think that he loves me, like it's lovely, Like it's
such a nice gesture.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
And we still have gestures we might do for our partners,
like making them a cup of tea, getting whatever it is,
cooking a meal. These gestures equal love, but in the
old school way they were gender defined, and we still
hold on, don't we. Yeah, well, I can't a woman
opening a door for a man. I'm just making this
up because make a guy feel great. I don't think
(24:00):
it ever would, because doesn't matter who we are, we.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Still have that. Yeah. So is this so when you
were saying you're not sure how it's connected for you,
is it that the idea about women saying, you know,
pay for my dinner, or at least offer to pay
for my dinner. You know, I want you to take
the initiative, and even in asking me out, I want
(24:25):
this is this kind of the the infantilization of women.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
I'm just funny. If it's that pendulum of the girly stuff,
the bedrooms that are made to look like Bridgeton. And
this is you know, the people were doing up their fridge.
It is remember frigititant. People were decorating the inside of
their fridges like Bridgeton. But it's also part of overconsumption.
It's buying things. Yeah, it's everything that's unattractive.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Well yeah, and I can imagine, you know, thinking I'm
going to lose my little sweetness. You know, she's going
to go off to college in September. I need to
go and prepare for that. And so maybe part of
that is spending outrageously to go and say this is
how much I love you.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Oh, I think that's probably exact. I think we exactly
that we mix consumerism with the giving and giving of things.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Yeah, and I think that there is a definitely, you know,
advertising and those kinds of things would help us confleet
those those things together.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
So you're making, you making a little heart shaped something
on your sewing machine isn't the same as buying someone
on the boo boo. Let's face, it just just saying
for Christmas, and it just saying for Christmas.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Oh, I'm ordering them as we say.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
You wouldn't even know how not would I know? But
this is a billion like a two hundred billion dollar company.
Wow wow, and it's adults. Wow wow. We're in the
wrong business. Get out your fath and get to it.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
I'm going yeah, I think that we could be the
next fad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
We've got a finger on the pulse. As you can tell,
we don't know how to do it right there, We've
got fingers and we're not afraid to use them. We've
solved nothing. No, we've just asked a lot of questions.
But actually we'd love your opinions on all the things
we've just spoken of. And if you are going to
send your little poopsie off to college, please let us
(26:20):
know what patterns you've used to make a love of
doing it. Come send pictures, send pictures, we'd like to know.
Or if your child has a dormit's filled with spew, we'd.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Like photos of that too. I think the latter is
probably the more realistic, isn't it, yeap lovely?
Speaker 2 (26:46):
What should we get onto our glimmers?
Speaker 1 (26:48):
I'm going to start to it. Let's start with you said,
I sounded Australia. Come and try to do it again.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
My face, my face, my face.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
So for my birthday. You were so general and got
me a makeup lesson. When you say it like that,
it sounds terrible. It sounds like I have said, Anita,
you need a lesson on how to do your make
was That's not how it happens. That's not how it happened. No,
I was saying, I really, I mean I love that
(27:17):
you go. You get to go and have your makeup
done all the time. It just it's part of your work.
But for me, I'm probably using the same makeup, you know,
start probably the same makeup that I did when I
was twenty.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
And they say when you do your make putting eyeshadow
on when you're sixty is like putting ieshell on a scroton.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Yeah, a little yeah, although I personally I've never tried that,
but you can imagine. I cant imagine. But so so
Christy came over this morning. Christy was so lovely and
she went and showed me how to go and put
on just like like not a Tammy Faye Baker, you know,
(27:58):
have to take it off with a trial kind of thing.
But I really, I just so appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Was so you've looked beautiful and you.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Look like yourself. Yeah, that's exactly like I've had my
makeup done like twice other than this and the for
though it was one of the times that we were
going to a charity thing for you, and I remember
having it done and then looking at myself, going, I
don't even recognize myself, but this I actually I didn't
have any desire to go and scrub my face or
(28:27):
do anything like that. It was like, it was lovely and.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Did you learn some things you can do again?
Speaker 1 (28:32):
Yeah? And and this is not like a forty minute
you know, put this layer on, let it set do that,
you know, like this was like five ten minutes, and
I can, I can do.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
It really so well, you look beautiful.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Thank you from a birthday press you more from the
face from a face I'm going to bizarrely, not bizarrely,
but my glimmer is actually Taylor Swift.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
I when she got engaged last week?
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Did she get engaged?
Speaker 2 (29:00):
Oh? For shame, I think I missed that. I almost
believed you.
Speaker 4 (29:11):
Then.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
How awful that I almost believed you?
Speaker 1 (29:17):
What does that say about both of us?
Speaker 2 (29:19):
But so many people, and I've seen so many things
on social media of what it means to young women
to see Taylor Swift so happy, And I think that.
And I just read something that to me summed it
all up. It's a little poem that somebody I don't
even know who this person is. Well, i'll give you
her name. Her name is Caylin Weir. And she said
(29:39):
the day Taylor Swift got engaged, little girls screamed, grown
women cried, and the awkward child we all carry inside
finally felt chosen. Oh and underneath that, she said, no
one needs a partner to prove their worth. We know that,
but the collective exhale we just made. Seeing Taylor chosen
so loudly, proudly felt redemptive. Maybe because it tapped into
(30:04):
the younger versions of ourselves who once longed for the
fairy tale ending. Maybe because it reminded us that being claimed,
celebrated and loved out loud is something we all deserve.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
Ah.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
But I saw young girls whose dads were excited to
tell them before the girls had read it, So I
guess what. And girls were sobbing because Taylor Swift, I think,
not only is a great, ambitious, generous, wonderful woman, she's
slightly gawky. And I think that's what speaks to all
(30:37):
these girls. And so I think there was something universal,
something bigger than the sum of its parts, in seeing
that happiness this week. And I saw someone also say
that when you saw that beautiful photo of the engagement
was a great ad for Zyrtek, the beginning of spring
and all. If it was here, she'd be sneezing her
(30:57):
head off.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Yeah, no, kid, no kidding.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
Well that's us for the week. If there's anything that
has tweaked you, nudged you. I love what you say
and into that. Occasionally this stuff comes up against your
bias and you have to go, oh, what is that?
What am I feeling there? Please let us know how
this stuff feels for you too, and we will love
to hear it to you and not to love to you.
In a week And she did you heard the teller
swift pudding go.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
I was just so surprised. See you next week, see
you
This podcast is for general information only and should not
be taken as psychological advice. Listeners should consult with their
healthcare professionals for a specific medical advice.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Well. Hello, I'm Amanda Keller and I'm Anita McGregor, and
welcome to Double a Chattery Hope.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Are you an I'm very well.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
As you know here in Sydney, we've had an enormous
amount of rain just to we've finally hit spring.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Yeah, well it's well, it's full. Are you still seeing?
How many years have you been here now almost twenty.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
And yet you still see the old seasons?
Speaker 1 (00:50):
So it's so September for me is really evocative. It
is always the it's the end and the beginning at
the same time. So the leaves are churning. In Canada,
we're hitting fall. It's so beautiful. And it's also the
start of the school year for us.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
I've never understood this. So we, as you know, have
our big holidays at the end of the year, and
the start of the school year is the start of
the year. Why is yours in the middle of these
It still built around summer holidays.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
It's still built around summer holidays. The summer was when kids.
You know, traditionally years ago would help on the farm
over the summer, and the origins of that bring the
crops into all that. And so when the when the
crops were done, kind of beginning of September, we're already
starting to get into at least where I lived. By
(01:41):
first or second week of September, it might even start
getting frost on the ground. So it was it was
the endings of the year, but it was also it
was also when school started, so it was, you know,
that really exciting time.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
So I saw on lots of socials about parents packing
off their kids to university, which I think is a
lovely tradition. I left time to go to union, and
I encourage my kids to do the same, and then
I was incredibly sad when they did, but I wanted
that for them. But there's a couple of things I've noticed.
I'd like your opinion on a few things. Because someone
told me you're a psychologist. Is that right?
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Apparently I am. Someone told you that too, that I
went to the ACME School to find psychology and bartending.
And I'm good, Yeah, I'm good.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
You do mix a good gin and tonic. You do
the Canadian poor. If I remember correctly, I do. One
of the things I saw with all the parents packing
off the kids, whether they were celebrity parents or regular parents,
everyone feels the same emotions. But what do you make
of this? This is a new thing where parents are
spending thousands and thousands of dollars to decorate their daughter's
(02:48):
dorms like they're out of Bridgeton. It's like a Barbie bedroom.
There's frilly cushions, there's lights around the mirrors, there's covers
on the chairs, fan see wallpaper, five hundred dollars, mattress toppers.
This woman says that she saw parents online spending between
five and ten thousand dollars to decorate the dorm. They
(03:10):
plan a year in advance. They brought everything custom from
the linens to the pillow cases. So there's this world
of over the top decorating upholstered headboards, matching linens, matching curtains.
In university dorms.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
You have to have something to mace to throw up on. Well,
this is what that's what the dorm should be.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
You've moved away from home, You're going to hopefully have
some spews, hopefully. It's like puppy people have a roots
you're going to have you are in Australian you really are.
It's for you and root. You're going to bring people
back to your rumor decide whether you how far you
want to be involved all that. They're the rules of
engagement that happen when you leave home.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Like I'm just thinking of this guy in this this
young woman saying, you know, come back to my room,
and then they're walk in and then it's just full
of dolls and like total erection destroyer.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Maybe the parents are onto something because their daughters will
stay virgins or whatever.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Maybe that's what this is about. And what are the
guys rooms? Well, see, there's none of that. There's none
of there's none of that. Do they get a bed
that looks like a car? Wow?
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Wow, buzz light to you curtains? Well, actually I did
see a woman sending her son off to college and
it was and everyone was saying, oh, what a beautiful thing.
I thought, my god, it's one of the weirdest things
I've seen. Where she got all his childhood toys and
lined them up along the hallway that led him to
the stairs, and all the toys went down the stairs
(04:42):
as well out the front door. It's like he was
saying goodbye to his childhood. All his toys had come
out to wave him off, like a toy story. Weirdness thoughts, Anita,
a new client.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
For you, and.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
What was we're this young man's reaction.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
From what I saw, he was going, Oh wow, Mum,
that's lovely. You know, actually it's interesting you asked that
because I remember when the boys left, I wanted them
to know how much I'd missed them. And it was
when Liam said something about, you know, it doesn't this
doesn't help, I realized I couldn't make it about me.
(05:22):
I could not load my emotions onto them when they're
stepping into a new phase of their lives.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Well and there for with both my boys, once they
left home, there was a period where they're calling me.
Their connection to me was probably more limited because they
needed to figure out what life was away from Mum
and Dawd. And and you know they've both come back now.
(05:50):
You know you were saying that Jack and Liam call
every day, you know, our kids.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
It didn't for a long time.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
But it didn't for a while the same team. And
I think about this now and I think about what, like,
how are we allowing our kids to go out into
the world and connect and have those experiences. I mean,
I think about being at UNI now, and many of
the classes are provided hybrid or designline, so either you
(06:18):
can come in person or you can go and listen
online or sometimes with a lot of the undergraduate classes,
you could there. They're videoed with the slides and so
you can look at it any time, like you don't.
It's completely asynchronous. You could go and do an entire
term by looking at the slides and listening to the
(06:38):
lectures at the very you know, just before your final exam.
And I and I think about that, like I think
about that, that amazing time where it was like three
in the morning, you know, having a beer, discussing life,
you know, solving all the world's problems, doing all and
it's just not as you know, that's what universities and
(07:00):
it's just not as common anymore.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
If you're living at home, how are you going to
do that? If you think that's unusual, I want to
run your past of this. Nearly and so what's a
gen Z now their mid twenties.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Aren't they in twenties twenties?
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Nearly half of gen zetters have this is an American
stat have mum regularly talk to their boss. So this
study has found that thirty one percent of gen zetters
had a parent write their resume. Seventy seven brought a
parent to an interview like in the room, don't know,
(07:35):
and hopefully just in the wedding room. Well even that,
that's weird, weird. Fifty three percent had a parent speak
with a hiring manager on their behalf. Forty five percent
regularly had a parent talk to their current manager. Seventy
three had parents help complete work assignments. This isn't even schoolwork,
these are work work assignments. Fifty seven have brought a
(07:56):
parent to their current workplace. Eighty three percent have had
a parent packed their lunch, Like, wow, what do you
Because you're you're in the university world, You're dealing with
people in their mid twenties, even though they're postgrad. Does
this that surprise you?
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Yes? In some ways, But I've also like, I teach
at a graduate level. So these are kids who are
kind of like twenty two, twenty three and older.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
They've already done a degree.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
They've already done a degree and an honors degree, and
I have had calls from parents and and I am,
I don't know where to place myself with that conversation,
because you know, it's it's very strange. I mean, most
of the time I get parents coming to graduations and
they're so excited to go and see the person who
(08:49):
helped shape their son or daughter into becoming a psychologist.
That those are lovely times. But I've also had those
weird phone calls saying, I don't think you're you're being
fair to mind you know, a little booky and and
that's a little that's that's a little strange, Like I
I've got to say that, And I'm you know, I
can't speak about the student, even to the parents because
(09:11):
I don't have permission to do so.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
So it's wow, Yeah, so they're old enough that you
can't do you don't have permission to talk to the parents,
But the parents want to be spoken to about Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Yeah, they're well they're adults. I mean, I'm not going
to go and breach this person's confidentiality, my student's confidentiality.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
But also gets you out of having to have that conversation.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Well hopefully, yeah, but I've got I've got to say
it was just when you were talking about these dubts
about being on the job and stuff. I had a
I was on a WhatsApp call with my son the
other day in Canada and he was he was in
the ambulance. They were waiting on a call and and
so we were just chatting. And it was so sweet
(09:51):
because one of the there was a third on in
the in the ambulance and he was in the back.
I didn't realize he was in the back, and he
opened up the door and he went, oh, missus McGregor,
it's so nice to go and make her a quaintance
kind of thing. And he was just saying how much
he really appreciated Ben, my son and and you know,
and saw him as a mentor and stuff. And it
was so sweet. And I thought, was I was I
(10:13):
the person that was, you know, the mom at work?
You know in this situation? Was I the one that
was you know, in my son's face because I called
him you know?
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Yeah, Well, it's interesting and just talking about this, we
all have our twinges of shame of overstepping the Marcus parents.
I think I have spoken about this that when Jack
first applied to go to UNI, it was it was
he had COVID, he missed the starting date, then date
even had to get their information in blah blah blah,
and there wasn't it. And I just said, my A
type personality, I'll fix it. And he needed me to
(10:46):
say I'll fix it because he was floundering and I
was very anxious about his mental health that I thought
he needs someone to say, you're not alone in this.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
He was really vulnerable.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
He was really vulnerable. He were all of that, and
yet because it was COVID, there wasn't a single human
I could speak to on a campus. All the lecturers,
all the heads of department were working from home, didn't
have access to any of their numbers, blah blah blah.
So I was powerless and could do nothing, and I
watched his dream crumble. He wanted to go to UNI
in Melbourne. He had to let that crumble. And it
(11:18):
was so hard. That was really hard parenting for me
A to want to step in and couldn't. If I could,
I would have. If I could have flown down and
looked someone in the eye and said can you talk
to him please, I wouldn't have done the talking, but
I needed to say, hey, eyeballs on the problem here.
This kid needs some help, but couldn't do any of that.
But I knew he'd survive, and he's a great survivor.
(11:40):
He's loving his life's fine. He was fine. But that
was really hard for me to pick the line.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Does it well? I mean, I'm assuming the line wasn't.
What were those parents that were paying tens of thousands
of dollars to get their little sweetnesses into the and
to some university in California?
Speaker 2 (11:58):
And they were the famous ones we heard they imagine
the other ones that weren't worth the public consumption. Yeah,
so a couple of actors and heads of industry paying
money to get to have their kids entry things marked,
well marked, well marked.
Speaker 4 (12:13):
Well, but what are we doing to our kids by
keeping them young?
Speaker 1 (12:31):
It's well, yeah, it's the thing that I was just
reading this news pool that talked about the sheltering, like
because it doesn't start when the kids are leaving home
and they're getting the little dorm room. That's beautiful. This
was a pool about eight to twelve year olds and
(12:53):
this is this again. American kids, forty five percent have
not walked down a different aisle than their parents at
a store like fifteen how old are This is eight
to twelve year olds. Fifty six percent have not talked
with a neighbor without their parents, sixty one percent have
not made a plan with a friend without an adult
(13:14):
helping them, sixty two have not walked or bike somewhere
without an adult. Sixty three percent have not built like
a fort or a treehouse sixty percent, sixty seven percent
have done any like outside paid work like mowing lawns
or shoveling snow or babysitting or any of those things.
And seventy one percent have not used a sharp knife.
(13:35):
When are they going to be learning how to do this, Amanda?
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Where are the future future serial killer is going to start?
Speaker 4 (13:41):
In need?
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Absolutely, you got to start someone. You've got to learn
to stab and dig a grave. Oh well, if they can't,
that's an outside job.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
But see, this is the stuff that I won the
in our day and I hate to send it that
starts with an houraday. But in ouraday, we didn't know
a lot of the dangers was the world. We've spoken
about this before on this podcast, was the world? Is
the world more dangerous now? Or we do is know
about it now? And once you do know about it?
You feel irresponsible if you don't act. If you do
(14:12):
let your kid wander off around the neighborhood, you think
none of the other parents are doing it. But the
minute you do see a kid at the shops on
their own, it allows you, as a parent to go,
hang on, that's okay behavior. I can let my kid
go to the shop. We need to break it so
that we can see everyone doing it.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Yes, well, and you have to as the parent who
does it. You have to be able to and willing
to put up with the judgment of people who are
looking at you and saying, I just noticed your child
was down the other aisle, and did you know where
he was?
Speaker 2 (14:44):
See, that's hard to be labeled a bad parent is
a really tough thing.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Yeah, yeah, and yet these kids are just are you know,
without those those skill sets about, you know, how do
you find your way to from one place to another?
You know? And I was talking to a colleague a
couple of weeks ago, and they were telling me that
their kids had gone and taken the bus somewhere on
(15:09):
their own, got there, did something, came back. And as
a parent, she was like kind of breathless the entire time.
But it was also that she knows she knew that
that it was the time that the kid needed to do.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Now, she could probably also track them on her phone.
She had all levels of surveillance. As parents these days,
you know where everyone is at any given moment.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
But would you be willing to give that up? I mean,
because our parents didn't have that.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
I don't have that with mine. I don't They're not
on any of those things now. It's funny, though, that
when Jack was living on campus, I didn't know what
he was up to, and that suited me. When he
was then came back to live at home for a
while and he didn't get home till two in the morning,
I had anxiety around where he was when he wasn't
living there, I didn't care. Does this make us different
(15:57):
as adults with all this stuff we've spoken about. I
was at the airport the other day and I saw
a couple of adults. They didn't have children with them,
but were carrying what looked to me like soft toys
and squishy blankets. And I think, I don't think I've
misread what I saw, Because more and more adults are
buying toys for themselves. That's a big part of the
(16:18):
market these days, all these things like la booboos are
being bought by adults.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Yeah, and where is that place?
Speaker 4 (16:28):
Like?
Speaker 1 (16:28):
I know that from me, I have to face my
own bias that when I started watching men, you know,
you know, coming into a crafting group and netting away
that this was like it was it was not something
that men did, although I knew that in some cultures,
some societies that that was common. But I remember thinking,
(16:49):
this is a this is you know, something that women do.
And then you know, seeing a woman with a little
you know, often you'll see people out downtown, you know,
going in getting something, you know, for breakfast or something,
and they're in their little pink fluffy slippers and they're
you know, or ug boots or whatever and their pj's
and they look strange and I think, okay, well that's okay.
(17:12):
Maybe I have to go and get used to that.
And then like is that you know and men with
la booboos? Now, like, where do I how do I
manage that?
Speaker 4 (17:21):
Like?
Speaker 1 (17:21):
How do I get to a place of being okay
with that?
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Well? What does it say about adults that we're self
soothing with with toys and with stuff of our child
of child what feels like childish things? Is that bad? Well?
Speaker 1 (17:38):
This is this is kind of where I was saying,
how do I get okay with this? Is that there's
a part of me when I see a man knitting,
I go, oh, okay, well, I know how how lovely
that is, how self soothing it is, how you know,
restorative is it's it's all those things and so oh yeah, okay,
if guy wants to do that, that's fine. And then
there's this this moment where you know, seeing a guy
(18:02):
with a la booboo, I kind of go, is that
self soothing or is that infantilizing this?
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Well, tell me about infantilizing.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Well, it's it's basically that idea about you know, creating
or or keeping somebody at a at a less of
less lesser stage of development. Basically, so it would be
in a relationship where you want the you know, let's
say the female partner to be more subservient or more
(18:29):
passive or more childlike, and you know, and finding that attractive.
And so you know, I guess we could argue that
if you're not letting your kid go out, are you
infantilizing them? If you're not allowing them to develop? To
grow up, to go through those normal stages where they
(18:50):
they're going to push against you, that they're going to
need to figure out how to be independent and responsible
and all those kinds of things. If we're not letting
them do that, then we are infertilizing them. We are
not allowing them to become full human beings.
Speaker 4 (19:05):
Mm.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
And we're doing it to ourselves maybe too. If you
go home from a hard day's work and cuddle up
with a squish mellow hmm, you don't even know what
that is. And here are so many steps behind mind fantalism. Well,
speaking of keeping people with old fashioned kind of values,
I don't even know if this is connected. Somehow, in
my mind it is. I saw a study recently that
(19:28):
said that the new generation, who are now gen what
would we call them alphas? University students now maybe people
in their early twenties, maybe a bit of gen Z,
bit of alpha. When asked whether they thought men should
pay on first dates or pay for dates, men and
women by and large said yes. Have a listen. This
(19:49):
is a group of students who were interviewed at the
University of Technology, Sydney.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Do you think men should pound the fascinator.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Yeah, I think so. Yes, they should, yes, not if
it's that expensive he has. Yeah, I believe they should
one hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Yes. I just feel like because they asked me out,
they should like make their effort to pay as well.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
I think it's just a kind gest. I would feel
nice about pain. Have you ever had a galts insisted
on paying on the first thing?
Speaker 1 (20:14):
No?
Speaker 3 (20:14):
What would you do.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
If they did say, I'm paid? Lead them to the card.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
Have you been on dates man haven't paid?
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (20:21):
How did that make you feel?
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Not very good?
Speaker 3 (20:22):
Did you right with him? Again? No?
Speaker 2 (20:24):
If he asked me out and then doesn't pay, it
is like, yeah, I'd offended. Oh how do you feel
about you're making noises?
Speaker 1 (20:33):
I'm making noises and that noise is oh, like, are
we going backwards again? There's there's a part of me
that's thinking now, and there's this other part of me
that goes, how would I feel if I was single
and going out for a meal. Would I expect a
man to pay and or to offer to pay, to
(20:54):
offer to pay at least? Yeah? I think I would
actually want that because.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
The previous what this article said that I was reading
is the previous generation who are the gen hy who
are now millennials? They men and women said no to that.
It was women and men fifty to fifty. They turned
their back on the previous generation that had thought that
men should be doing this. Women were empowered. Men said,
(21:18):
you want to be empowered, you meet me halfway financially.
But this next generation, the pendulum has swung again back
to this old fashioned thing. And I don't know if
that's connected to the trad wives women wanting manners. As
you say, you come up against your own prejudice. Is
a man by not offering to pay? Does it show?
(21:43):
Is that lack of regard? Is that lack of generosity?
It's not necessarily about money. What's how prejudice there? Because
it twinges me too, And I don't know why I've
always insisted and I haven't been on a date for
a couple of weeks now, but I used to always
insist on fifty fifty. Now, if I go out and
have a coffee with barried By, he will always insist
on paying. But I know it makes him feel good,
(22:05):
so I let him do it. I try and get
there before him. And that's a very attractive quality in somebody.
But it makes him feel good to do it. But
I'm wondering, in a modern dating setup, if you're meeting
on a dating site, for example, like as they're saying there,
if he asked me out, then he should be paying.
But if you're both meeting on a website on a
dating site, who's asking who? You both have the same
(22:27):
agenda of meeting someone going on a date, you're both
meeting in the middle. Is it still up to him
to do it? And if you're doing three or four
of these a week, as some people do, who can
afford that?
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (22:40):
This is because I'm asking.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
The hard questions are I'm trying to think, like if
you took gender out of this and you just think
about the act of offering, it's just, you know, I'm
trying to make another person feel special. I'm trying to
be generous. I'm trying you know what I would think
about that that gesture I was going to say, where
(23:07):
it's really hard not to load gender onto that, And
yet I yeah, and I do come from that generation
where it was like woman, hear me, roar, I don't
want men to do this, and yet I'm married to
a man who opens the door for me. Who you know,
when we're getting into a vehicle and you really love that.
I really love that. I really love that. It's a
(23:30):
gesture that every time he does it, it makes me
think that he loves me, like it's lovely, Like it's
such a nice gesture.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
And we still have gestures we might do for our partners,
like making them a cup of tea, getting whatever it is,
cooking a meal. These gestures equal love, but in the
old school way they were gender defined, and we still
hold on, don't we. Yeah, well, I can't a woman
opening a door for a man. I'm just making this
up because make a guy feel great. I don't think
(24:00):
it ever would, because doesn't matter who we are, we.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Still have that. Yeah. So is this so when you
were saying you're not sure how it's connected for you,
is it that the idea about women saying, you know,
pay for my dinner, or at least offer to pay
for my dinner. You know, I want you to take
the initiative, and even in asking me out, I want
(24:25):
this is this kind of the the infantilization of women.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
I'm just funny. If it's that pendulum of the girly stuff,
the bedrooms that are made to look like Bridgeton. And
this is you know, the people were doing up their fridge.
It is remember frigititant. People were decorating the inside of
their fridges like Bridgeton. But it's also part of overconsumption.
It's buying things. Yeah, it's everything that's unattractive.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Well yeah, and I can imagine, you know, thinking I'm
going to lose my little sweetness. You know, she's going
to go off to college in September. I need to
go and prepare for that. And so maybe part of
that is spending outrageously to go and say this is
how much I love you.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Oh, I think that's probably exact. I think we exactly
that we mix consumerism with the giving and giving of things.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Yeah, and I think that there is a definitely, you know,
advertising and those kinds of things would help us confleet
those those things together.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
So you're making, you making a little heart shaped something
on your sewing machine isn't the same as buying someone
on the boo boo. Let's face, it just just saying
for Christmas, and it just saying for Christmas.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Oh, I'm ordering them as we say.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
You wouldn't even know how not would I know? But
this is a billion like a two hundred billion dollar company.
Wow wow, and it's adults. Wow wow. We're in the
wrong business. Get out your fath and get to it.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
I'm going yeah, I think that we could be the
next fad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
We've got a finger on the pulse. As you can tell,
we don't know how to do it right there, We've
got fingers and we're not afraid to use them. We've
solved nothing. No, we've just asked a lot of questions.
But actually we'd love your opinions on all the things
we've just spoken of. And if you are going to
send your little poopsie off to college, please let us
(26:20):
know what patterns you've used to make a love of
doing it. Come send pictures, send pictures, we'd like to know.
Or if your child has a dormit's filled with spew, we'd.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Like photos of that too. I think the latter is
probably the more realistic, isn't it, yeap lovely?
Speaker 2 (26:46):
What should we get onto our glimmers?
Speaker 1 (26:48):
I'm going to start to it. Let's start with you said,
I sounded Australia. Come and try to do it again.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
My face, my face, my face.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
So for my birthday. You were so general and got
me a makeup lesson. When you say it like that,
it sounds terrible. It sounds like I have said, Anita,
you need a lesson on how to do your make
was That's not how it happens. That's not how it happened. No,
I was saying, I really, I mean I love that
(27:17):
you go. You get to go and have your makeup
done all the time. It just it's part of your work.
But for me, I'm probably using the same makeup, you know,
start probably the same makeup that I did when I
was twenty.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
And they say when you do your make putting eyeshadow
on when you're sixty is like putting ieshell on a scroton.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Yeah, a little yeah, although I personally I've never tried that,
but you can imagine. I cant imagine. But so so
Christy came over this morning. Christy was so lovely and
she went and showed me how to go and put
on just like like not a Tammy Faye Baker, you know,
(27:58):
have to take it off with a trial kind of thing.
But I really, I just so appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Was so you've looked beautiful and you.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Look like yourself. Yeah, that's exactly like I've had my
makeup done like twice other than this and the for
though it was one of the times that we were
going to a charity thing for you, and I remember
having it done and then looking at myself, going, I
don't even recognize myself, but this I actually I didn't
have any desire to go and scrub my face or
(28:27):
do anything like that. It was like, it was lovely and.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Did you learn some things you can do again?
Speaker 1 (28:32):
Yeah? And and this is not like a forty minute
you know, put this layer on, let it set do that,
you know, like this was like five ten minutes, and
I can, I can do.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
It really so well, you look beautiful.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Thank you from a birthday press you more from the
face from a face I'm going to bizarrely, not bizarrely,
but my glimmer is actually Taylor Swift.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
I when she got engaged last week?
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Did she get engaged?
Speaker 2 (29:00):
Oh? For shame, I think I missed that. I almost
believed you.
Speaker 4 (29:11):
Then.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
How awful that I almost believed you?
Speaker 1 (29:17):
What does that say about both of us?
Speaker 2 (29:19):
But so many people, and I've seen so many things
on social media of what it means to young women
to see Taylor Swift so happy, And I think that.
And I just read something that to me summed it
all up. It's a little poem that somebody I don't
even know who this person is. Well, i'll give you
her name. Her name is Caylin Weir. And she said
(29:39):
the day Taylor Swift got engaged, little girls screamed, grown
women cried, and the awkward child we all carry inside
finally felt chosen. Oh and underneath that, she said, no
one needs a partner to prove their worth. We know that,
but the collective exhale we just made. Seeing Taylor chosen
so loudly, proudly felt redemptive. Maybe because it tapped into
(30:04):
the younger versions of ourselves who once longed for the
fairy tale ending. Maybe because it reminded us that being claimed,
celebrated and loved out loud is something we all deserve.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
Ah.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
But I saw young girls whose dads were excited to
tell them before the girls had read it, So I
guess what. And girls were sobbing because Taylor Swift, I think,
not only is a great, ambitious, generous, wonderful woman, she's
slightly gawky. And I think that's what speaks to all
(30:37):
these girls. And so I think there was something universal,
something bigger than the sum of its parts, in seeing
that happiness this week. And I saw someone also say
that when you saw that beautiful photo of the engagement
was a great ad for Zyrtek, the beginning of spring
and all. If it was here, she'd be sneezing her
(30:57):
head off.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Yeah, no, kid, no kidding.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
Well that's us for the week. If there's anything that
has tweaked you, nudged you. I love what you say
and into that. Occasionally this stuff comes up against your
bias and you have to go, oh, what is that?
What am I feeling there? Please let us know how
this stuff feels for you too, and we will love
to hear it to you and not to love to you.
In a week And she did you heard the teller
swift pudding go.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
I was just so surprised. See you next week, see
you
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