December 4, 2024 • 11 mins
This Christmas, skip the shopping stress and focus on what really matters.
From creating a stress-free environment to embracing meaningful traditions, we explore how these intangible gifts—none of which require wrapping paper or a credit card—can bring joy and connection to your family.
In this episode:
- Peace
- Presence not presents
- Playfulness
- Purpose
- Family traditions
- Reject the pursuit of perfection
- 3 Levels of Christmas
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
It's their Happy Family's podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
wants answers. Now.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Kylie came to me the other day and said, we
need to do a we need to do what your
child needs for Christmas this year podcast episode. Kylie told
me that she had come up with two things, beginning
with pee, that our children need and wanted to do
an episode about that. So I come up with a
couple of peace as well. I'm really excited to share
my peace for Christmas. Four things that your children need
for Christmas, beginning with pea because alliteration is fun. Kylie,
(00:36):
We're going to go one on one. You first, then
me what was your first pe.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Look, I don't know what you've got in mind, but
you won't find any of my gifts under the tree
that you can't wrap them, you can't buy them, right,
but I think they will bring a lot more joy
to your Christmas experience.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
So, now, while you're talking about your first pee for
Christmas that is apparently not under the tree, I'm going
to rewrite my other two piece because.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
The kids do not penguins.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Just what's your first one?
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Peace? I think back to all of the experiences that
we've had over the years with Christmas and the amount
of stress and strain parents put on themselves to provide
this perfect experience for our kids. And I think that
(01:24):
as I've thought back on those experiences, I have spent
more Christmases exhausted or grumpy because I'm exhausted as a
result of trying to create that perfect space. What our
kids actually need is this stress free environment where Mum
(01:44):
and Dad are actually joyful in the experience instead of
being worried about making sure the creamberulet is fired up
or whatever it is.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
I love that you said, Crimbly. I don't think we've
ever had krembla for Christmas, ever, I.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Am thinking about it. I would really like some of
our this is.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
This is beautiful, and I'm pretty sure everyone would agree
with the concept, but it doesn't feel practical because there's
family coming to visitor. We've got to go to families homes.
The kids wake up and they make a lot of noise,
and there's anything but peace, and I don't know if
the kids want things to be peaceful.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Peaceful, and I'm not suggesting it needs to be quiet,
And I'm going to use the word reverence.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
By the way. I like the idea of a peaceful
Christmas day with six kids, peace and quite.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
It's nice. You don't need to take the word peace literally.
I'm not suggesting you need to be quiet and hushed
and all of that kind of stuff. But it's an
opportunity to let go of all of the anks, all
of the worry, all of the stresses, and just be
together in that moment. You can make as much noise
as you want.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Yeah, okay, very good. No, I know, I said we're
going to go you me, you me, But I'm really
interested in what your second one is. And I'm the
one pushing the buttons. So what's what's your second one?
Speaker 2 (02:54):
It's a little bit ciliche. We've all heard it before.
Our kids need our presence, not present.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
It's okay, and.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
It really taps in beautifully with my initial one of peace.
That acknowledge meant that what they actually need is mum
and dad to be in the moment, present with each other,
instead of worrying about how many presents they've got under
the tree. When our family was young, we used to
travel up the Freeway every Christmas Day. We were either
(03:22):
staying with one family and then we traveled to the
other family or we would be interstate, and so we
actually weren't in our own home. The kids didn't wake
up in their own beds, they didn't unwrap gifts underneath
their own Christmas tree, and about I think our eldest
was about ten when they finally looked at us and
they just said, can we just wake up in our
own bed and have Christmas at home?
Speaker 1 (03:44):
I remember telling I told my family that, and I'm
the oldest of six kids. Myself and my younger siblings
were like, I can't believe you're not going to show
up for Christmas. And I was like, well, I've got
my own family now, and they all accused me of
being really selfish. Over the years, several of them have
come to me and said, we gave a really hard
time about that, but we're all feeling it now because
they've all got younger families who are growing, and they're
(04:05):
sort of going, it's really nice to wake up in
your own home on Christmas Day. But whether you do
or not, it's really it's about I say this all
the time. Can spell love t im and of all
the times of the year when this is supposed to happen,
Christmas day is the day where you would expect that
this would be absolute where we're really available for one another.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
And I think if you were to ask each about
kids now, what is their favorite Christmas experience? It is
literally being able to wake up together. They open up
their stockings on our bed, which is getting rather small
these days now that we've got all of these big bodies.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Not to mention a son in law who sits on
the edge of the bed as well, it's weird, uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
And then we just enjoy time together. We actually don't
make a big deal about Christmas branch or anything like that.
We really just have a swim in the pool, we'll
go to the beach. But it literally is a laid back,
chill day where we're there is it's peaceful in that
we're not worried about anything else and we are in
the moment with each other.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
And I need to just quickly add, in case Jared's listening,
you can sit on the edge of our bed on
Christmas morning anytime. It's no problem. Just want to be
clear about that. So your two peas that our children
need the gifts that our children need this Christmas. Number one,
they need peace. That is well, we want to have
a home that has an absence of conflict, doesn't have
to be hushed and quiet, but rather there's a peaceful
(05:28):
atmosphere where we can just enjoy being together, which ties
in with your second one, which is presence, not the
presence under the tree, although let's be honest, if they
don't get any of those, they're going to be pretty disappointed.
They need both kinds of presents. They need our presence
and a few things to under let's not talk about
that going to be suffering financially for years because of
(05:49):
that one. So they're the two that you come up with,
the two piece that our children need. I've also I've
done a little bit of work on this, Kylie.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Please tell me there's no penguins.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
There are no penguins. You are absolutely safe.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
What are your two piece?
Speaker 1 (06:08):
My two piece, now that I've been thinking about it.
Another one, playfulness, I think on a Christmas Day, Playfulness
is about lighthearted nurs bringing that joyful energy and counterbalancing
the potential seriousness of peace, which I'm not bagging it.
I actually quite like it. But you can be peaceful
(06:30):
and present and still be playful, yes, of course. And
I just I think if we can remember that connection
is about being seen and heard and valued, that doesn't
always have to be serious like normally when we're talking
about connection and being present, we're talking about being there
and holding our children's hands as they go through a
big emotion and looking into their eyes and validating and
(06:50):
doing all of the emotion coaching stuff. But you can
be present and you can have peaceful interactions.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Is it about being at peace with yourself and at
peace with the relationationships in the room.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Yeah? And just playing. I think if we can play
some silly games and share some wonderfully bad dad jokes
and have unexpected fun.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
And last year we did a whole heap of those
minute to Win It challenges. Oh yeah, yeah, kids just
loved it.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
It's so much fun. It's about full engagement and enjoying
each other's company. And you know something that you didn't
mention in your list of things beginning with pe. You
know what our kids don't need that starts with peak.
They don't need perfection and we keep on shooting for
perfection on Christmas Day and you're just not going to
get there. I think that it's about delight and humor
(07:36):
and presence and having a peaceful day. And you're going
to have a more perfect Christmas that way than shooting
for a perfect Christmas tree and a perfect layout and
spread on the table and a perfectly cooked meal and
a perfectly balanced diet and a perfectly wrapped gift. The
perfection is irrelevant. It's about playfulness so much more.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
So.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
That's my first one.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
What is your second?
Speaker 1 (07:56):
My second one, I'm going to get a bit deep
on this one. We've made no secret of the fact
that we have a faith background, and so Christmas is
a really sacred time of year for us. It's a
time where we celebrate the birth of the individual, the
person that we believe is the most important person to
ever walk the planet. It's a time of reflection, it's
a time of recognizing Jesus in our lives. And so
(08:18):
I want to add purpose. Now, you don't have to
be religious for Christmas to be a time of purpose.
But I think that when we consider the meaningful aspects
of Christmas beyond consumerism and the surface level celebrations, and
we intentionally create traditions and develop shared values and connect
(08:38):
with the spiritual or the philosophical significance of the day
and of the season. It makes the day beautiful. And
so we have traditions around the purpose of Christmas in
our home where we open up the Bible and we
read the Bible story from Luke chapter two and from Matthew,
and we spend time in that, and we spend time singing.
Not just root off the red Nosed Reindeer and we
(09:02):
wish you a merry Christmas, but we spend time singing
silent night. And there's something there's something deep and profound
and meaningful about having the pea of purpose in Christmas.
This is the p that I think transforms Christmas from
a potentially chaotic event into an opportunity for really intentional
(09:22):
family bonding. A few years ago, I read a book
called Born This Happy Morning, and it introduced this idea
of three levels of Christmas. Level one is Santa and
jingle bells and decorating gift giving, and that's the level
that most of us are pretty happy going for on
a Christmas day. Level two is about remembering the reason
for the season. That is the beautiful, important part of Christmas.
(09:45):
The shepherds Joseph and Mary are baby born in a manger.
But level three Christmas is the love of Christ that
he would not only be born as a babe, but
that he would die on the cross for our sakes.
And I know there are a lot of people who
are listening who are not religious and might be rolling
their eys or getting ready to push the fast forward
thirty seconds move to the end. But whether you've got
(10:05):
the religious tradition or some other purpose behind it, when
we invoke purpose and bring that into our conversation, when
we make that part of our Christmas, it feels different.
It gives it a depth and a meaning that I
think is so valuable, and it's something that I'm looking
forward to on Christmas, even on Christmas Day as we
celebrate that level of Christmas with our kids as well.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Four gifts you won't find wrapped under any Christmas tree
but will make such a difference to the way you
experienced Christmas this year. Peace, presence, playfulness, and purpose. So
we hope this makes your Christmas a merry and bright one.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Okay, And you've got about twenty days to pull those
four things together and make sure that they're all set
to go, as well as everything else that you're going
to be doing. We really hope that it's peaceful Christmas.
We'll be back tomorrow on the Happy Families podcast with
our second last I'll Do Better Tomorrow of the year.
Thank you so much for listening. The Happy Famili's podcast
is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. For more
information and details and ideas about making your family happier,
(11:04):
visit us at happy families dot com dot au.
It's their Happy Family's podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
wants answers. Now.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Kylie came to me the other day and said, we
need to do a we need to do what your
child needs for Christmas this year podcast episode. Kylie told
me that she had come up with two things, beginning
with pee, that our children need and wanted to do
an episode about that. So I come up with a
couple of peace as well. I'm really excited to share
my peace for Christmas. Four things that your children need
for Christmas, beginning with pea because alliteration is fun. Kylie,
(00:36):
We're going to go one on one. You first, then
me what was your first pe.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Look, I don't know what you've got in mind, but
you won't find any of my gifts under the tree
that you can't wrap them, you can't buy them, right,
but I think they will bring a lot more joy
to your Christmas experience.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
So, now, while you're talking about your first pee for
Christmas that is apparently not under the tree, I'm going
to rewrite my other two piece because.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
The kids do not penguins.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Just what's your first one?
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Peace? I think back to all of the experiences that
we've had over the years with Christmas and the amount
of stress and strain parents put on themselves to provide
this perfect experience for our kids. And I think that
(01:24):
as I've thought back on those experiences, I have spent
more Christmases exhausted or grumpy because I'm exhausted as a
result of trying to create that perfect space. What our
kids actually need is this stress free environment where Mum
(01:44):
and Dad are actually joyful in the experience instead of
being worried about making sure the creamberulet is fired up
or whatever it is.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
I love that you said, Crimbly. I don't think we've
ever had krembla for Christmas, ever, I.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Am thinking about it. I would really like some of
our this is.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
This is beautiful, and I'm pretty sure everyone would agree
with the concept, but it doesn't feel practical because there's
family coming to visitor. We've got to go to families homes.
The kids wake up and they make a lot of noise,
and there's anything but peace, and I don't know if
the kids want things to be peaceful.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Peaceful, and I'm not suggesting it needs to be quiet,
And I'm going to use the word reverence.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
By the way. I like the idea of a peaceful
Christmas day with six kids, peace and quite.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
It's nice. You don't need to take the word peace literally.
I'm not suggesting you need to be quiet and hushed
and all of that kind of stuff. But it's an
opportunity to let go of all of the anks, all
of the worry, all of the stresses, and just be
together in that moment. You can make as much noise
as you want.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Yeah, okay, very good. No, I know, I said we're
going to go you me, you me, But I'm really
interested in what your second one is. And I'm the
one pushing the buttons. So what's what's your second one?
Speaker 2 (02:54):
It's a little bit ciliche. We've all heard it before.
Our kids need our presence, not present.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
It's okay, and.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
It really taps in beautifully with my initial one of peace.
That acknowledge meant that what they actually need is mum
and dad to be in the moment, present with each other,
instead of worrying about how many presents they've got under
the tree. When our family was young, we used to
travel up the Freeway every Christmas Day. We were either
(03:22):
staying with one family and then we traveled to the
other family or we would be interstate, and so we
actually weren't in our own home. The kids didn't wake
up in their own beds, they didn't unwrap gifts underneath
their own Christmas tree, and about I think our eldest
was about ten when they finally looked at us and
they just said, can we just wake up in our
own bed and have Christmas at home?
Speaker 1 (03:44):
I remember telling I told my family that, and I'm
the oldest of six kids. Myself and my younger siblings
were like, I can't believe you're not going to show
up for Christmas. And I was like, well, I've got
my own family now, and they all accused me of
being really selfish. Over the years, several of them have
come to me and said, we gave a really hard
time about that, but we're all feeling it now because
they've all got younger families who are growing, and they're
(04:05):
sort of going, it's really nice to wake up in
your own home on Christmas Day. But whether you do
or not, it's really it's about I say this all
the time. Can spell love t im and of all
the times of the year when this is supposed to happen,
Christmas day is the day where you would expect that
this would be absolute where we're really available for one another.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
And I think if you were to ask each about
kids now, what is their favorite Christmas experience? It is
literally being able to wake up together. They open up
their stockings on our bed, which is getting rather small
these days now that we've got all of these big bodies.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Not to mention a son in law who sits on
the edge of the bed as well, it's weird, uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
And then we just enjoy time together. We actually don't
make a big deal about Christmas branch or anything like that.
We really just have a swim in the pool, we'll
go to the beach. But it literally is a laid back,
chill day where we're there is it's peaceful in that
we're not worried about anything else and we are in
the moment with each other.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
And I need to just quickly add, in case Jared's listening,
you can sit on the edge of our bed on
Christmas morning anytime. It's no problem. Just want to be
clear about that. So your two peas that our children
need the gifts that our children need this Christmas. Number one,
they need peace. That is well, we want to have
a home that has an absence of conflict, doesn't have
to be hushed and quiet, but rather there's a peaceful
(05:28):
atmosphere where we can just enjoy being together, which ties
in with your second one, which is presence, not the
presence under the tree, although let's be honest, if they
don't get any of those, they're going to be pretty disappointed.
They need both kinds of presents. They need our presence
and a few things to under let's not talk about
that going to be suffering financially for years because of
(05:49):
that one. So they're the two that you come up with,
the two piece that our children need. I've also I've
done a little bit of work on this, Kylie.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Please tell me there's no penguins.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
There are no penguins. You are absolutely safe.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
What are your two piece?
Speaker 1 (06:08):
My two piece, now that I've been thinking about it.
Another one, playfulness, I think on a Christmas Day, Playfulness
is about lighthearted nurs bringing that joyful energy and counterbalancing
the potential seriousness of peace, which I'm not bagging it.
I actually quite like it. But you can be peaceful
(06:30):
and present and still be playful, yes, of course. And
I just I think if we can remember that connection
is about being seen and heard and valued, that doesn't
always have to be serious like normally when we're talking
about connection and being present, we're talking about being there
and holding our children's hands as they go through a
big emotion and looking into their eyes and validating and
(06:50):
doing all of the emotion coaching stuff. But you can
be present and you can have peaceful interactions.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Is it about being at peace with yourself and at
peace with the relationationships in the room.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Yeah? And just playing. I think if we can play
some silly games and share some wonderfully bad dad jokes
and have unexpected fun.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
And last year we did a whole heap of those
minute to Win It challenges. Oh yeah, yeah, kids just
loved it.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
It's so much fun. It's about full engagement and enjoying
each other's company. And you know something that you didn't
mention in your list of things beginning with pe. You
know what our kids don't need that starts with peak.
They don't need perfection and we keep on shooting for
perfection on Christmas Day and you're just not going to
get there. I think that it's about delight and humor
(07:36):
and presence and having a peaceful day. And you're going
to have a more perfect Christmas that way than shooting
for a perfect Christmas tree and a perfect layout and
spread on the table and a perfectly cooked meal and
a perfectly balanced diet and a perfectly wrapped gift. The
perfection is irrelevant. It's about playfulness so much more.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
So.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
That's my first one.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
What is your second?
Speaker 1 (07:56):
My second one, I'm going to get a bit deep
on this one. We've made no secret of the fact
that we have a faith background, and so Christmas is
a really sacred time of year for us. It's a
time where we celebrate the birth of the individual, the
person that we believe is the most important person to
ever walk the planet. It's a time of reflection, it's
a time of recognizing Jesus in our lives. And so
(08:18):
I want to add purpose. Now, you don't have to
be religious for Christmas to be a time of purpose.
But I think that when we consider the meaningful aspects
of Christmas beyond consumerism and the surface level celebrations, and
we intentionally create traditions and develop shared values and connect
(08:38):
with the spiritual or the philosophical significance of the day
and of the season. It makes the day beautiful. And
so we have traditions around the purpose of Christmas in
our home where we open up the Bible and we
read the Bible story from Luke chapter two and from Matthew,
and we spend time in that, and we spend time singing.
Not just root off the red Nosed Reindeer and we
(09:02):
wish you a merry Christmas, but we spend time singing
silent night. And there's something there's something deep and profound
and meaningful about having the pea of purpose in Christmas.
This is the p that I think transforms Christmas from
a potentially chaotic event into an opportunity for really intentional
(09:22):
family bonding. A few years ago, I read a book
called Born This Happy Morning, and it introduced this idea
of three levels of Christmas. Level one is Santa and
jingle bells and decorating gift giving, and that's the level
that most of us are pretty happy going for on
a Christmas day. Level two is about remembering the reason
for the season. That is the beautiful, important part of Christmas.
(09:45):
The shepherds Joseph and Mary are baby born in a manger.
But level three Christmas is the love of Christ that
he would not only be born as a babe, but
that he would die on the cross for our sakes.
And I know there are a lot of people who
are listening who are not religious and might be rolling
their eys or getting ready to push the fast forward
thirty seconds move to the end. But whether you've got
(10:05):
the religious tradition or some other purpose behind it, when
we invoke purpose and bring that into our conversation, when
we make that part of our Christmas, it feels different.
It gives it a depth and a meaning that I
think is so valuable, and it's something that I'm looking
forward to on Christmas, even on Christmas Day as we
celebrate that level of Christmas with our kids as well.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Four gifts you won't find wrapped under any Christmas tree
but will make such a difference to the way you
experienced Christmas this year. Peace, presence, playfulness, and purpose. So
we hope this makes your Christmas a merry and bright one.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Okay, And you've got about twenty days to pull those
four things together and make sure that they're all set
to go, as well as everything else that you're going
to be doing. We really hope that it's peaceful Christmas.
We'll be back tomorrow on the Happy Families podcast with
our second last I'll Do Better Tomorrow of the year.
Thank you so much for listening. The Happy Famili's podcast
is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. For more
information and details and ideas about making your family happier,
(11:04):
visit us at happy families dot com dot au.
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