May 1, 2025 • 17 mins
Three powerful takeaways from our Easter holidays—lessons about mindset, risk, and meaningful connection. From a life-changing mindset shift at the Easter Show to a serious accident that reinforced the importance of risky play, plus a week without screens that revealed what kids really crave, this episode is packed with insight and inspiration for every parent.
KEY POINTS:
-
Mindset shapes experience: The same event can feel completely different when approached with a different attitude and realistic expectations.
-
Risky play matters: Children need opportunities to push boundaries and take risks—it builds resilience, courage, and learning, even when things go wrong.
-
Time is everything: What kids really want from us isn’t perfection—it’s time. Unplugging from screens and slowing down creates space for meaningful reflection and connection.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
“What our kids actually want and need… is just time.”
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
-
Explore–Explain–Empower framework (Justin Coulson)
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:
- Check your mindset before heading into family events—set realistic expectations and choose connection over control.
- Encourage age-appropriate risk-taking (e.g., climbing trees, riding bikes)—it builds confidence and independence.
- Unplug regularly—create time and space for quiet reflection and intentional connection with your children.
- Give each child individual attention—consider what they uniquely need from you right now.
- Practice being present—ditch the schedule and just be with your kids, without distraction.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Well, the Easter holidays are over, school is back and
life has resumed its regular routine. Today I'm a Happy
Families podcast. We review our three big holiday take home messages.
Things that we learned across the last couple of weeks
of holidays that have changed our outlook and can also
change yours. I'll do better tomorrow. Welcome to the Happy
(00:27):
Families Podcast, Real parenting solutions every day on Australia's most
downloaded parenting podcasts. We are Justin and Kylie Coulson. Kylie,
we've had well, I guess three weeks, three weeks of downtime,
three weeks of holidays.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
You're feeling refreshed, except for the jet lag part. I
actually am. Everybody who's seen me since we've been home
has acknowledged that I'm looking really good. My body's just
got to catch up.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Yeah, it's so funny, only a couple of hours difference.
We didn't go very far, but it really sort of
knocked us around. Okay, three take home messages. There are
three things to discuss. The first one is we went
to the Easter Show in Sydney with the kids and
for the first time ever, we actually really enjoyed it.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
It was a really good experience.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
To me, The central message of it is this, we
went to the Easter Show maybe five, six, seven years
ago something like that. Felt like we spent an absolute fortune,
had a miserable time, big crowds, big lines, lots of
money on total junk, everything felt expensive, just hated it. Well,
everything was overpriced the Easter Show. That's how it works. Yeah,
this time we went to the Easter Show knowing that
(01:34):
there would be big lines, big crowds, everything would be overpriced,
it would be junk, and we kind of went with
the attitude, oh well, it is what it is, and
we're doing it for the experience. Ended up spending pretty
much exactly the same amount of money as we spent
the last time we went, adjusted for inflation. Obviously there's
been a cost of living shift, but pretty much spent
(01:54):
exactly the same amount of money. This time we loved it, like,
had the best time, and so did the kids. It
was such a great day out at the show.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
And so my take home from all of that is
just this idea that when we have a shift in mindset,
we can experience the same thing but have a completely
different outcome.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
So my mindset the first time, And let's face it,
the reason that the show was horrible half a dozen
years ago when we went was because I had a
terrible attitude. Every time I was asked for money for food,
or for a showbag, or for a ride, or for
anything at all, my response to it was something like, Oh.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
This is just so ridiculous. It's so expensive.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
I can't believe that. I believe much. What do they do?
What do they want?
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Nine dollars for lemonade? Yeah, that's pretty bad.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Yeah. So I had heart failure every time I had
to fork out for anything at all, and I was
miserable spending every cent Whereas this time, I knew that
it was going to be what it was, and I
was kind of excited for the experience.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
I think one of the other things that really really
helped was the last time we went, we might I've
taken six kids.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Oh yeah, so it's time. We only took two kids,
and we spent the same amount. And yet for me,
it's a mindset thing. Okay, so whether you're going to
watch the kids play sport on the weekend or going
to a school assembly, I'm known to have a bad
attitude when I've got to go to one of those,
or whether you go to the show, whatever it is,
the way you set it up in your head has
(03:21):
a huge impact on whether or not allly positive experience
or not. So when your experience and your expectations meet,
you usually have a good experience. When your experience is
different to your expectations, that's when it doesn't typically work
out so well. You've got high expectations, the experience is
not substanti and so it's horrible. I knew that it
was going to be expensive. I knew that we were
(03:41):
going to be buying a whole lot of junk. I
knew that the kids would be hassling and pestering for
all this stuff, and I kind of had it in
my head, well, it's probably going to cost us this much,
and it's just what it is, and we don't really
have the money, and it's going on the card, and
it's this and it's that. But whatever, we're going so
that we can do the show, so that we can
have fund so that we can have the experience, so
that our youngest kids who haven't really been to the
show and done it, can do it. And we had
(04:05):
so much fun.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
And I would say that number one. The lines were
nowhere near as long as the credits back huge.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
I couldn't believe how many people were there.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Yeah, but the experiences that we had were so tailored
to our specific needs.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Yeah, well, we planned the day a bit better we did.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
We planned the day and we'd learned from previous experience,
and as a result, we were actually quite sheltered. I mean,
there were lots of people, but it wasn't like we
were having to push through crowds to enjoy.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
We played it well.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
So I think the only other thing that I would
add other than mindset was knowledge. We actually know how
the Easter show works. We'd had conversations with a few
other friends who have done it before to work out
parking and what was going to be the best way
to navigate our day, And because of that, it just
made for a really, really enjoyable day.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Okay. Our second take home message from the recent holidays
is a two parter.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
This was no fun.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
No, this was a really tough one. And yet I
don't take back a single word that I've ever said
so on this podcast, I have repeatedly said your children
should do at least one thing per week that could
land them in hospital.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
And I am sure that every mother who is listening
to this has gasped yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
And I want to acknowledge the glib nature of what
I'm saying. Right, So, if your child ends up in
hospital or something worse happens to them, then it sounds
like I'm being uncaring. But what I'm really getting at
is that our children need to be involved in risky play.
It's good for them. That reduces their anxiety. They live
a more full life when they do things that are
challenging and that are generally outdoors and that have them
(05:49):
finding the boundaries and the edges and learning from experience
when they overstep those boundaries and edges. I'm not encouraging
explicit danger. I'm not encouraging full heartiness.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
And no, the reality is climbing a tree, there is
the potential that your child will fall out of the
tree and end up with a broken lemp.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
They're not going to bounce when they land.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Exactly, even being on the trampoline.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
So when I say your child should do something every
week that could land them in hospital, I don't want
them in hospital, but I do want them having the experiences. Anyway,
in the second week of the school holidays when you
and I we organized to have a short getaway just
the two of us. We were on an airplane. We
had Wi Fi on the plane. I get a text
message and our daughter, Lily, age fifteen, has fallen off
(06:36):
a horse and the horse.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Has rearranged her face a little walked.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
On her face. Yeah, run across her face. So she's
fractured her eye socket. She's got two breaks around her eye.
She's in hospital, and we're kind of going and now
it is the start. I hate to think at the
end of it's going to and so I'm like that
that's the whole story. She got off the horse to
open a she went to get back on the horse.
(07:01):
The horse sort of bolted before she was on the horse.
She fell under the horse, and the horse literally ran
across her face and broke her face. Literally broke the
bones around her eye socket in a couple of places.
And it's pretty nasty. May end up needing reconstructive surgery
if things don't heal right. We're still going through that
process at the moment. Take her message your children should
(07:23):
do something every week that could land them in hospital.
I stand by it. In fact, I'm just as strong
on it, and we are fortunate. I mean, this could
have been tragic, this could have ended up awfully, but
the reality is, and I say this with gratitude in
my heart and the prayer towards Heaven for what happened,
but she was okay, even though she's technically not really okay,
(07:44):
she was okay. She didn't have a tragic end here.
And we have the resources and the facilities and the
medical infrastructure in place that she is going to be okay.
And the overwhelming, massive, incredibly huge majority of our children,
even when they do have accidents like this, they are
still okay. And that's my point.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
And the learning that she gets out of this experience.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
She'll be a better horse rider now.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
One hundred percent, but she'll be better in lots of
other areas of life because she will have recognized and
learned to a certain extent, her limitations. She learns to
take calculated risks. She's not just going I want to
jump off that.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Cliff or I want to ride that horse now that
I've ridden this horse.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Yeah, yeah, there is an assessment process, an internal assessment
process that she's going to take and go. Actually, that's
probably not what I want to do, but I could
do this.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Similarly, one of our daughters got to spend some time
with some friends on a property that they have, and
she wrote a motorbike for the first time. Now that
terrifies me even more than riding a horse. But she
didn't fall off, and she didn't break anything, and she
came home and she had a ball. And I've told
her that when she turns thirty, she's welcome to get
her motorcycle licenses. She wants to. But again, this lesson
(08:57):
that I keep on emphasizing. And our daughter whose face
has been broken by this horse, she doesn't resent it,
she's not regretful. She loves riding horses.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
And can't wait to get back to it.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Literally can't wait to get back on the horse. So
I guess the thing that I want to emphasize here
is even when it doesn't end well, it still ends well,
except in the most tragic cases. And I have obviously
a painful heart for anyone who's gone through something worse.
But our children should be taking risks and it's good
for them. And now she's got an incredible story to
(09:30):
tell about how her face got stomped on by a horse.
For the rest of her life.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
A little while ago, we were in a restaurant and
I saw a young boy come up to his parents
with a cast on his arm. Once upon a time,
You've said this before on the podcast, but once upon
a time you would see cast all over the place.
It's actually quite rare to see a child in any
kind of cast these days. And I actually had the
(09:56):
feeling and thought I want to high five of his parents.
I looked at that kid, I just thought, you are
living life like you're actually living life. You're not cotton woolves,
You're not bubbled up. You are literally living life and
doing it great.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Yeah, after the break, I'm going to share a bit
more about living life and your final take home message
from the Easter break. Okay, so living life fully means
that sometimes we do things that could put ourselves in
risky situations. That includes you, that includes me. I went
(10:32):
on a surfing trip. You came with me. The waves
were solid, and at one point I caught a wave
and it didn't end up particularly well for me. And
because of where we were, I was only wearing a
rash shirt and boardies. I didn't have a wetsuit on
the wave threw me into the water and I got
dragged along my back across the top of a reef.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
You did a really good job of not telling me
for a little.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
While several hours. Yeah, you found out because somebody else
was inquiring about my back, because everyone else at the
camp knew about my back except for you. Yes, but
it's amazing what some Betta Deine and some Alevira and
I mean, I just went surfing again a couple of
hours after I did it. But again, having the experience
living fully doing things that are potentially dangerous certainly that
(11:21):
can contain an element of risk, allow you to live
life better. And I've got scarring on my back now
that maybe lifelong. I've got scars on my back that
look like I have been tortured and whipped. It's kind
of nasty, and I don't regret it for a second
because the waves were incredible and I had a fantastic time,
and it was something that I was actively choosing to
(11:45):
do because I love it. So that's my take home
message is your children and even you as adults, should
do things that can land you in hospital. Why because
so long as you're not being silly, foolish and dangerous
taking risk is a necessary part of living a full
and active way. What's your final take home message from
the Easter break?
Speaker 2 (12:03):
So my take home message, while you were busy surfing,
I actually had.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
I have to interrupt you. I have to interrupt you.
You on day one you told me go surfing as
much as you want, you just do you do you,
And it's just occurred to me that you did that
for you, not for me. Possibly possibly I took that.
I mean, I was happy to serve seven hours a day.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
You definitely did. I might have felt a bit neglected.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
By the end of it, all right, So what's the
take home message. I'm sorry I interrupted you.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
What I loved was the absolute disconnect we got to
have from the outside world, very limited WiFi where we were,
and unfortunately, because of Lily's accident, we actually tapped in
with the family a lot more than we probably would
have had that not have occurred.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
I need to highlight we were explicitly told by grandparents' siblings, everyone,
don't come home, You'll be fine. We've got this. So
that's why. Because we were going to come home.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
However, outside of communicating with the family, I had no WiFi.
I had nothing to do.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
We didn't touch our screens.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
It was amazing and it really was, It really was,
And it gave me lots of time to just check
in on my internal dialogue and where I'm sitting in
my space at the moment, where the kids are up to,
and what they specifically are missing out on from me personally.
(13:28):
And what was so curious to me was it literally
comes down to one word. And I think that in
most cases it would be the same word for everybody.
I think these fast paced lives and we cram in
every minute with meaningful and purposeful stuff most of the time,
and yet what our kids actually want and need is
(13:52):
just time.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
That's the word.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
That's the word. It's time.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
But it's not just the kids, it's us as well.
So you've had a week where you had time, Yeah,
you didn't have to think about meals? Did like that part? Yeah,
of course, And you didn't really have to You just
had time, t Im. That's it.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
And for a lot of us, because we live these
fast paced, over scheduled lives, when we get time, we
actually don't know what to do with it, Like it
feels so uncomfortable to just be given time to do nothing.
It's really really disconcerting, and so we might pick up
a book, or you know, we'll pick up our phones,
generally speaking, when we've got connectivity. I literally just kept
(14:34):
having conversations with myself out loud. Sometimes you've had.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
To do something so important here. I'm writing about this
in my book about teen Boys and how screens have
changed to way our brains work. So there's part of
our brain it's called the default mode network, like where
our brain goes when there's nothing going on, So it
can go into default mode, and that's when it starts
to think about all the stuff that you highlighted, whether
it's relationships or who am I? What's my identity? What's
going on? What do I value? All the you know,
(15:00):
the inner conversation that you get to have with yourself
when there's nothing else to do. That's what builds us
into who we are. And our kids don't get that,
and neither to we because we don't have time getting
away to a place where there's no Wi Fi, there's
no connectivity. Therefore there's no point having a screen, and
where there's very little to do other than enjoy nature.
(15:20):
That gives the default mode network time to kick in
and a week of that is refreshing.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Yeah, because the internal dialogue that we have usually in
our fast paced lives is whoever the loudest voice is.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Right right, which is usually something coming at us from
a screen.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Yeah. And so as I sat there and I thought
about each of the kids, I was actually really blown
away at how specific the ideas were that came to
me about what each child needed in that space.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
With time, Yeah, how our family can be happier.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Yeah. And I came home and I've sat with each
of them and I've said, look, I've been really kind
of intentional in my thinking over the last week. I've
wanted to know how I could best serve you, Like,
how do I best connect with you? How do I Yeah,
And I said, and this is what's come to me.
How do you feel about that? And one of them
literally said, I was in class today, Mum, and they
(16:11):
asked me to write a letter to myself about the
things that I wanted to change in my life are
the things that I needed in my life? And she said,
I literally wrote that thing down on my paper, and
I was like, I was just so grateful. And so
my take home message is whether it's going down to
the local campsite or whatever, or even not even being
able to go away for it overnight, giving yourself a
(16:33):
day to just go out somewhere where you don't have
your phone and you're able to sit in that space
and just think about your world and your life and
the people that are most important to you and ponder,
like literally ponder about what they need and what you
need from those relationships.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
We don't get enough of that, and we need more
of it. We really hope that our Easter musings and
insights can help your family to be happier. Make sure
that those kids are doing one thing every week that
could genuinely land them in hospital. Not seeking danger, but
encouraging risk. Take time, take time to think, and.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
If you like my wording about it, just let them
have some risky play.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Yeah okay, and your mindset around the different activities. It
can shape the quality of the experience that you have.
Thanks so much for listening. We appreciate that you choose
to spend your time with us. We hope that this
has been a useful podcast for you. If you would
like to leave us at five star rating and review,
we'd love that you get a warm, fuzzy feeling we
get to reach more people when you do it. Please
(17:35):
do that and take a few seconds on whatever aptly
listening to us on so that people can know that
you love the podcast. The Happy Family's podcast is produced
by Justin Roland from Bridge Media. For more information and
resources about making your family happier, please visit us at
happy families dot com, dot a
Well, the Easter holidays are over, school is back and
life has resumed its regular routine. Today I'm a Happy
Families podcast. We review our three big holiday take home messages.
Things that we learned across the last couple of weeks
of holidays that have changed our outlook and can also
change yours. I'll do better tomorrow. Welcome to the Happy
(00:27):
Families Podcast, Real parenting solutions every day on Australia's most
downloaded parenting podcasts. We are Justin and Kylie Coulson. Kylie,
we've had well, I guess three weeks, three weeks of downtime,
three weeks of holidays.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
You're feeling refreshed, except for the jet lag part. I
actually am. Everybody who's seen me since we've been home
has acknowledged that I'm looking really good. My body's just
got to catch up.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Yeah, it's so funny, only a couple of hours difference.
We didn't go very far, but it really sort of
knocked us around. Okay, three take home messages. There are
three things to discuss. The first one is we went
to the Easter Show in Sydney with the kids and
for the first time ever, we actually really enjoyed it.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
It was a really good experience.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
To me, The central message of it is this, we
went to the Easter Show maybe five, six, seven years
ago something like that. Felt like we spent an absolute fortune,
had a miserable time, big crowds, big lines, lots of
money on total junk, everything felt expensive, just hated it. Well,
everything was overpriced the Easter Show. That's how it works. Yeah,
this time we went to the Easter Show knowing that
(01:34):
there would be big lines, big crowds, everything would be overpriced,
it would be junk, and we kind of went with
the attitude, oh well, it is what it is, and
we're doing it for the experience. Ended up spending pretty
much exactly the same amount of money as we spent
the last time we went, adjusted for inflation. Obviously there's
been a cost of living shift, but pretty much spent
(01:54):
exactly the same amount of money. This time we loved it, like,
had the best time, and so did the kids. It
was such a great day out at the show.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
And so my take home from all of that is
just this idea that when we have a shift in mindset,
we can experience the same thing but have a completely
different outcome.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
So my mindset the first time, And let's face it,
the reason that the show was horrible half a dozen
years ago when we went was because I had a
terrible attitude. Every time I was asked for money for food,
or for a showbag, or for a ride, or for
anything at all, my response to it was something like, Oh.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
This is just so ridiculous. It's so expensive.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
I can't believe that. I believe much. What do they do?
What do they want?
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Nine dollars for lemonade? Yeah, that's pretty bad.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Yeah. So I had heart failure every time I had
to fork out for anything at all, and I was
miserable spending every cent Whereas this time, I knew that
it was going to be what it was, and I
was kind of excited for the experience.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
I think one of the other things that really really
helped was the last time we went, we might I've
taken six kids.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Oh yeah, so it's time. We only took two kids,
and we spent the same amount. And yet for me,
it's a mindset thing. Okay, so whether you're going to
watch the kids play sport on the weekend or going
to a school assembly, I'm known to have a bad
attitude when I've got to go to one of those,
or whether you go to the show, whatever it is,
the way you set it up in your head has
(03:21):
a huge impact on whether or not allly positive experience
or not. So when your experience and your expectations meet,
you usually have a good experience. When your experience is
different to your expectations, that's when it doesn't typically work
out so well. You've got high expectations, the experience is
not substanti and so it's horrible. I knew that it
was going to be expensive. I knew that we were
(03:41):
going to be buying a whole lot of junk. I
knew that the kids would be hassling and pestering for
all this stuff, and I kind of had it in
my head, well, it's probably going to cost us this much,
and it's just what it is, and we don't really
have the money, and it's going on the card, and
it's this and it's that. But whatever, we're going so
that we can do the show, so that we can
have fund so that we can have the experience, so
that our youngest kids who haven't really been to the
show and done it, can do it. And we had
(04:05):
so much fun.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
And I would say that number one. The lines were
nowhere near as long as the credits back huge.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
I couldn't believe how many people were there.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Yeah, but the experiences that we had were so tailored
to our specific needs.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Yeah, well, we planned the day a bit better we did.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
We planned the day and we'd learned from previous experience,
and as a result, we were actually quite sheltered. I mean,
there were lots of people, but it wasn't like we
were having to push through crowds to enjoy.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
We played it well.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
So I think the only other thing that I would
add other than mindset was knowledge. We actually know how
the Easter show works. We'd had conversations with a few
other friends who have done it before to work out
parking and what was going to be the best way
to navigate our day, And because of that, it just
made for a really, really enjoyable day.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Okay. Our second take home message from the recent holidays
is a two parter.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
This was no fun.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
No, this was a really tough one. And yet I
don't take back a single word that I've ever said
so on this podcast, I have repeatedly said your children
should do at least one thing per week that could
land them in hospital.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
And I am sure that every mother who is listening
to this has gasped yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
And I want to acknowledge the glib nature of what
I'm saying. Right, So, if your child ends up in
hospital or something worse happens to them, then it sounds
like I'm being uncaring. But what I'm really getting at
is that our children need to be involved in risky play.
It's good for them. That reduces their anxiety. They live
a more full life when they do things that are
challenging and that are generally outdoors and that have them
(05:49):
finding the boundaries and the edges and learning from experience
when they overstep those boundaries and edges. I'm not encouraging
explicit danger. I'm not encouraging full heartiness.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
And no, the reality is climbing a tree, there is
the potential that your child will fall out of the
tree and end up with a broken lemp.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
They're not going to bounce when they land.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Exactly, even being on the trampoline.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
So when I say your child should do something every
week that could land them in hospital, I don't want
them in hospital, but I do want them having the experiences. Anyway,
in the second week of the school holidays when you
and I we organized to have a short getaway just
the two of us. We were on an airplane. We
had Wi Fi on the plane. I get a text
message and our daughter, Lily, age fifteen, has fallen off
(06:36):
a horse and the horse.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Has rearranged her face a little walked.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
On her face. Yeah, run across her face. So she's
fractured her eye socket. She's got two breaks around her eye.
She's in hospital, and we're kind of going and now
it is the start. I hate to think at the
end of it's going to and so I'm like that
that's the whole story. She got off the horse to
open a she went to get back on the horse.
(07:01):
The horse sort of bolted before she was on the horse.
She fell under the horse, and the horse literally ran
across her face and broke her face. Literally broke the
bones around her eye socket in a couple of places.
And it's pretty nasty. May end up needing reconstructive surgery
if things don't heal right. We're still going through that
process at the moment. Take her message your children should
(07:23):
do something every week that could land them in hospital.
I stand by it. In fact, I'm just as strong
on it, and we are fortunate. I mean, this could
have been tragic, this could have ended up awfully, but
the reality is, and I say this with gratitude in
my heart and the prayer towards Heaven for what happened,
but she was okay, even though she's technically not really okay,
(07:44):
she was okay. She didn't have a tragic end here.
And we have the resources and the facilities and the
medical infrastructure in place that she is going to be okay.
And the overwhelming, massive, incredibly huge majority of our children,
even when they do have accidents like this, they are
still okay. And that's my point.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
And the learning that she gets out of this experience.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
She'll be a better horse rider now.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
One hundred percent, but she'll be better in lots of
other areas of life because she will have recognized and
learned to a certain extent, her limitations. She learns to
take calculated risks. She's not just going I want to
jump off that.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Cliff or I want to ride that horse now that
I've ridden this horse.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Yeah, yeah, there is an assessment process, an internal assessment
process that she's going to take and go. Actually, that's
probably not what I want to do, but I could
do this.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Similarly, one of our daughters got to spend some time
with some friends on a property that they have, and
she wrote a motorbike for the first time. Now that
terrifies me even more than riding a horse. But she
didn't fall off, and she didn't break anything, and she
came home and she had a ball. And I've told
her that when she turns thirty, she's welcome to get
her motorcycle licenses. She wants to. But again, this lesson
(08:57):
that I keep on emphasizing. And our daughter whose face
has been broken by this horse, she doesn't resent it,
she's not regretful. She loves riding horses.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
And can't wait to get back to it.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Literally can't wait to get back on the horse. So
I guess the thing that I want to emphasize here
is even when it doesn't end well, it still ends well,
except in the most tragic cases. And I have obviously
a painful heart for anyone who's gone through something worse.
But our children should be taking risks and it's good
for them. And now she's got an incredible story to
(09:30):
tell about how her face got stomped on by a horse.
For the rest of her life.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
A little while ago, we were in a restaurant and
I saw a young boy come up to his parents
with a cast on his arm. Once upon a time,
You've said this before on the podcast, but once upon
a time you would see cast all over the place.
It's actually quite rare to see a child in any
kind of cast these days. And I actually had the
(09:56):
feeling and thought I want to high five of his parents.
I looked at that kid, I just thought, you are
living life like you're actually living life. You're not cotton woolves,
You're not bubbled up. You are literally living life and
doing it great.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Yeah, after the break, I'm going to share a bit
more about living life and your final take home message
from the Easter break. Okay, so living life fully means
that sometimes we do things that could put ourselves in
risky situations. That includes you, that includes me. I went
(10:32):
on a surfing trip. You came with me. The waves
were solid, and at one point I caught a wave
and it didn't end up particularly well for me. And
because of where we were, I was only wearing a
rash shirt and boardies. I didn't have a wetsuit on
the wave threw me into the water and I got
dragged along my back across the top of a reef.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
You did a really good job of not telling me
for a little.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
While several hours. Yeah, you found out because somebody else
was inquiring about my back, because everyone else at the
camp knew about my back except for you. Yes, but
it's amazing what some Betta Deine and some Alevira and
I mean, I just went surfing again a couple of
hours after I did it. But again, having the experience
living fully doing things that are potentially dangerous certainly that
(11:21):
can contain an element of risk, allow you to live
life better. And I've got scarring on my back now
that maybe lifelong. I've got scars on my back that
look like I have been tortured and whipped. It's kind
of nasty, and I don't regret it for a second
because the waves were incredible and I had a fantastic time,
and it was something that I was actively choosing to
(11:45):
do because I love it. So that's my take home
message is your children and even you as adults, should
do things that can land you in hospital. Why because
so long as you're not being silly, foolish and dangerous
taking risk is a necessary part of living a full
and active way. What's your final take home message from
the Easter break?
Speaker 2 (12:03):
So my take home message, while you were busy surfing,
I actually had.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
I have to interrupt you. I have to interrupt you.
You on day one you told me go surfing as
much as you want, you just do you do you,
And it's just occurred to me that you did that
for you, not for me. Possibly possibly I took that.
I mean, I was happy to serve seven hours a day.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
You definitely did. I might have felt a bit neglected.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
By the end of it, all right, So what's the
take home message. I'm sorry I interrupted you.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
What I loved was the absolute disconnect we got to
have from the outside world, very limited WiFi where we were,
and unfortunately, because of Lily's accident, we actually tapped in
with the family a lot more than we probably would
have had that not have occurred.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
I need to highlight we were explicitly told by grandparents' siblings, everyone,
don't come home, You'll be fine. We've got this. So
that's why. Because we were going to come home.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
However, outside of communicating with the family, I had no WiFi.
I had nothing to do.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
We didn't touch our screens.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
It was amazing and it really was, It really was,
And it gave me lots of time to just check
in on my internal dialogue and where I'm sitting in
my space at the moment, where the kids are up to,
and what they specifically are missing out on from me personally.
(13:28):
And what was so curious to me was it literally
comes down to one word. And I think that in
most cases it would be the same word for everybody.
I think these fast paced lives and we cram in
every minute with meaningful and purposeful stuff most of the time,
and yet what our kids actually want and need is
(13:52):
just time.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
That's the word.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
That's the word. It's time.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
But it's not just the kids, it's us as well.
So you've had a week where you had time, Yeah,
you didn't have to think about meals? Did like that part? Yeah,
of course, And you didn't really have to You just
had time, t Im. That's it.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
And for a lot of us, because we live these
fast paced, over scheduled lives, when we get time, we
actually don't know what to do with it, Like it
feels so uncomfortable to just be given time to do nothing.
It's really really disconcerting, and so we might pick up
a book, or you know, we'll pick up our phones,
generally speaking, when we've got connectivity. I literally just kept
(14:34):
having conversations with myself out loud. Sometimes you've had.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
To do something so important here. I'm writing about this
in my book about teen Boys and how screens have
changed to way our brains work. So there's part of
our brain it's called the default mode network, like where
our brain goes when there's nothing going on, So it
can go into default mode, and that's when it starts
to think about all the stuff that you highlighted, whether
it's relationships or who am I? What's my identity? What's
going on? What do I value? All the you know,
(15:00):
the inner conversation that you get to have with yourself
when there's nothing else to do. That's what builds us
into who we are. And our kids don't get that,
and neither to we because we don't have time getting
away to a place where there's no Wi Fi, there's
no connectivity. Therefore there's no point having a screen, and
where there's very little to do other than enjoy nature.
(15:20):
That gives the default mode network time to kick in
and a week of that is refreshing.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Yeah, because the internal dialogue that we have usually in
our fast paced lives is whoever the loudest voice is.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Right right, which is usually something coming at us from
a screen.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Yeah. And so as I sat there and I thought
about each of the kids, I was actually really blown
away at how specific the ideas were that came to
me about what each child needed in that space.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
With time, Yeah, how our family can be happier.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Yeah. And I came home and I've sat with each
of them and I've said, look, I've been really kind
of intentional in my thinking over the last week. I've
wanted to know how I could best serve you, Like,
how do I best connect with you? How do I Yeah,
And I said, and this is what's come to me.
How do you feel about that? And one of them
literally said, I was in class today, Mum, and they
(16:11):
asked me to write a letter to myself about the
things that I wanted to change in my life are
the things that I needed in my life? And she said,
I literally wrote that thing down on my paper, and
I was like, I was just so grateful. And so
my take home message is whether it's going down to
the local campsite or whatever, or even not even being
able to go away for it overnight, giving yourself a
(16:33):
day to just go out somewhere where you don't have
your phone and you're able to sit in that space
and just think about your world and your life and
the people that are most important to you and ponder,
like literally ponder about what they need and what you
need from those relationships.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
We don't get enough of that, and we need more
of it. We really hope that our Easter musings and
insights can help your family to be happier. Make sure
that those kids are doing one thing every week that
could genuinely land them in hospital. Not seeking danger, but
encouraging risk. Take time, take time to think, and.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
If you like my wording about it, just let them
have some risky play.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Yeah okay, and your mindset around the different activities. It
can shape the quality of the experience that you have.
Thanks so much for listening. We appreciate that you choose
to spend your time with us. We hope that this
has been a useful podcast for you. If you would
like to leave us at five star rating and review,
we'd love that you get a warm, fuzzy feeling we
get to reach more people when you do it. Please
(17:35):
do that and take a few seconds on whatever aptly
listening to us on so that people can know that
you love the podcast. The Happy Family's podcast is produced
by Justin Roland from Bridge Media. For more information and
resources about making your family happier, please visit us at
happy families dot com, dot a
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