May 21, 2025 • 14 mins
Why are so many girls struggling with anxiety, low mood, and poor mental health—and why are they starting to think it’s normal? In this Doctor’s Desk episode, Dr Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack recent UK research that asked teen girls themselves what's causing their distress. The answers are confronting: gender expectations, academic pressure, toxic friendships, and social media. But there’s hope. This episode offers real parenting solutions to help our girls thrive.
KEY POINTS:
- Girls are normalising poor mental health. That’s not okay. We need to intervene early with meaningful support and connection.
- Narrow gender expectations hurt. Whether they lean into “girly” or “tomboy,” girls feel judged either way. Let them follow their authentic interests, not societal labels.
- Academic pressure is intense. Many girls feel they must succeed and that failing means they’re a failure. That belief is contributing to rising anxiety.
- Friendships can be fraught. Judgy, competitive peer dynamics—especially around appearance and eating—erode girls’ confidence and mental health.
- Social media fuels comparison. Girls see everyone else’s “perfect” lives and feel like they don’t measure up. The myth of the perfectable life is everywhere.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
“Poor mental health shouldn’t be normal. It should be the exception—not the expectation.”
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
- University of Manchester research (linked in show notes)
- Miss Connection: Why Your Teenage Daughter Hates You, Expects the World, and Needs to Talk – By Dr Justin Coulson
- Happy Families School Membership
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:
- Break the gender box. Support your daughter’s interests, whatever they are. Expose her to a wide range of hobbies and possibilities.
- Ease academic pressure. Model balance, share your own stories of failure and recovery, and consider the value of a gap year post-high school.
- Prioritise quality friendships. Encourage your child to nurture one or two deep, loyal friendships over being "popular."
- Create strong tech boundaries. Monitor screen time, model healthy device use, and ask reflective questions about how social media makes them feel.
- Eat dinner together. Regular family time at the table builds belonging, boosts well-being, and keeps the door open for tough conversations.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Data continues to point to our young women, our girls,
our daughters struggling when it comes to mental health. Brand
new research from the UK puts a bright red line
under this continuing trend by asking girls what they think
is going on and the answers are concerning. Hello and
welcome to a Doctor's Desk episode of the Happy Families
(00:28):
podcast Real Parenting Solutions Every Day. This is Australia's most
downloaded parenting podcast. We are Justin and Kylie Coulson. Kylie.
Brand new data that's just been released from the University
of Manchester. They did a study asking teen girls directly
about the causes of the rising anxiety and the low
mood that we're seeing in our young women. And I
mean I talk about this in my book Misconnection. They
(00:50):
raised several key issues. We're going to talk about four
of them. Narrow gender expectations, intense academic pressure, peer comparison
and conflict, and social media pressures. But our girls are
struggling from a mental health point of view.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Girls are seeing these mental health issues as normal, right,
It's just normal part of life.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Yeah, yeah, they are.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Should we be worried that poor mental health is actually
being normalized?
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Ye? Completely. And this is a tricky one because we're
parents of teenage girls, and we have conversations consistently with
our children about what will help them to overcome their
anxieties or their low mood or whatever it is. We'll say,
being outside, being a nature, being with friends, moving your body,
getting enough sleep, minimizing a screen time. Like we have
these conversations with our own daughters, and how much do
(01:40):
they listen to us?
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Like, well, based on that, how many times we have
to have the conversation over and over again? I sometimes wonder.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
It's like it's genuinely hard work. And as a parent,
you can be the very best, most well intentioned parent,
and sometimes you still just don't make any progress on
this stuff. So, yes, girls, as this is normal, and
yes we should be worried because poor mental health should
not be normal. It should be the exception. Unfortunately, the
data is pointing the other way. Let's talk about these
four issues, starting with narrow gender expectations.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Here's what a few of the girls said. Makeup and
shaving has become so normalized it's no longer a choice.
It's just expected. If you're girly, you're made fun of
for being too girly, but if you're a tomboy, you're
also made fun of too. No matter what, you're always judged.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Parenting solutions that I want to share here. The first
thing that I want to emphasize is that what these
UK girls are saying is precisely what girls told me
when I interviewed them for my book Misconnection. These quotes
are you could almost have lifted them straight out of
my book and just put them into the study. The
teenage girls in Australia are saying the same things as
the girls in the UK. In terms of narrow gender expectations.
(02:50):
I think that actually plays out for both boys and girls,
believe it or not, like if a boy steps out
of that man box, steps away from the boy code,
the other boys police that. In fact, they police it
even more than the girls. Nevertheless, this is a pot
about girls. So what I would say is, when your
daughter tells you that she's interested in something, just support
her in it. It's really that simple. And if she's
(03:13):
not interested in much, give her exposure to all kinds
of things. One of the things that I love that
we're doing with our year ten daughter is that she's
going to this industry school where she's getting exposure to
things that both boys and girls are interested in, and
she's making up her own mind. And it's delightful to
watch that happening. The narrow confines of gender expectations are
certainly not working in anybody's favor, either our young boys
(03:36):
or our young girls.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
I think we've come a long way. Oh we have
compared to where I was in high school.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
You know we have, and we haven't. But go on.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
I was the top student in my would work and
metal work class. Oh yeah, and also in my graphics class.
But at that stage there was no one in my
corner except for my teacher. He begged me to keep
on with it, right, There was no one else in
my corner suggesting that this was something that I could
do as a girl and actually use it, utilize it
(04:07):
in my life. And I look back now and I
so wish that I had have done it. Number one
I had a passion for and I loved it. And
number two, as we've gone through all of the years
together as a married.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Couple, oh, you could have saved us so much Funny, not.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Only could I have saved us so much money, but
I would have found so much fulfillment in my life
as I did.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Maybe we should build a shed and get you a
lathe or whatever they call those things. How good with it?
Now you've raised two things there that we're getting off
where I wanted to go. But I think there's real value.
First of all, those subjects are barely available in most
high schools anymore, would working home economics? What was the
other one? You said, metalwork? Like, they just don't do
that anymore. And we wonder why boys are so disinterested
(04:50):
in school. So for every ten girls who graduate high school,
only eight boys do. For every ten girls that go
to university, only seven do. For every ten girls that
graduate with an education degree at university, only five or
six boys.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Do, Which is so curious to me when you think
about education norms and the fact that still today in
so many societies, girl's education is not prioritized. And yet
here the data is telling us that not only a
girl's doing better.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Oh they're wiping the floor, but they.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Are obliterating education norms, especially against the boys, which leads
into the second issue, and that is intense academic pressure.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
The girls were really worried about that, and they said,
this is feeding the mood disorders and the anxiety that
they're experiencing.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
They said, if a boy fails, it's really not that bad,
but if a girl does, it means a lot more.
I push back on this a little bit. Right again,
when you think about social norms, girls not doing so
well at school has never really been a big deal.
So is this actually a perception is or is this reality?
Speaker 1 (06:01):
It's a bit of both. And I'll tell you why.
There's this thing that there's a gender based variation gap.
Girls just don't vary as much as boys do. So
when you look at high performers and low performers, boys
are overrepresented in both groups. So you kind of got
to bimodal distribution. With boys. You get a handful of
boys that do extremely well.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
And we put them in the geeky basket because they
are like.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Or the alpha academics, what do you want to call them.
But then you also get those other boys who are
completely disengaged and they're falling through the cracks and they're
boisterous and they're disruptive and they get expelled on that
sort of thing, and the girls all kind of cluster
in the middle, whereas the boys are on the two extremes, right,
there's also a lot of boys in the middle, but
the boys get a lot more attention because of that
(06:44):
gender based variability.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I feel my perception is that there's actually a lower
expectation of boys in general.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
There is that as well, and I've had quite a
lot of research points too. When boys don't do well,
a lot of parents will shrug and say, oh, boys
will be boys, or he'll figure himself out. But we
put a lot of pressure on our girls and our
daughters to achieve. The expectation is that they will sit still,
pay attention and get good grades, and they feel that.
And so I think that that quote from that girl,
if a boy fails, it's not that bad, but if
(07:11):
a girl doesn't means a lot more. I think that's
where she's coming from.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Yeah, the pressure another statement in STEM classes, if you're
getting the worst results, you feel like you're letting down
other women.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Yeah, because the girl power narrative is still so strong
in terms of what we can do as parents in
terms of the academic pressure, I would save this number one.
Share your own failures, let them know. Number two. I'm
a huge believer in gap years. I really believe that
about eighty percent of kids that go straight from high
school to university should not have done that. They need
to grow up, they need to develop, mature and have
(07:44):
a sense of what it is that they want to learn.
And just by emphasizing those couple of things and encouraging
our children to enjoy school rather than think that it
is a place that they have to get through with
the highest possible atar, then we're going to be able
to reduce that academic pressure.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
It's that's really good to introduce your kids to people
of all different walks of life, but specifically people who
haven't succeeded from the beginning. You know, when you think
about your story, for instance, and how you were in
literally the bottom fifteen percent of the state and to
(08:20):
be where you are now, it's a powerful reminder to
them that it doesn't actually matter where you are right now,
it's your trajectory and where you want to go.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Love that.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
But I think it's also really important for us to
help them create some protective time around relaxation and sleep.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Sleep.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Our kids don't get enough sleep.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Time in nature, time with friends. By encouraging them to
live a full and balanced life, literally, they will do
better at school. Anyway, but they will feel less pressure
as a result after the break. Our two other issues
that are driving low mood and anxiety disorders in our girls,
according to them on the Happy Families podcast, all right, Kylie.
(09:06):
Our third issue peer comparison and conflict. We've got kids
that are worried about girls that are worried about narrow
gender expectations and intense academic pressure. But their friends, their friends,
oh my goodness, constantly a source of a challenge, anxiety,
and disruption for young women, young girls.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Here's what the girls said. They said it became a
competition to see if you could eat the least at lunch.
This is astounding. So it was a whole table of
girls all with tiny little plates of salad. And then
if you didn't join in with that, you felt like
you were being judged because you were sat there eating
pasta or something and someone was like, oh my gosh,
(09:46):
that's so much corps. You're going to get fat.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
Yeah. Direct quote.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
When girls are mean, it's less direct, So you feel
a bit crazy.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
When I wrote Misconnection, I know I keep referring to
the book, but again, these quotes feel like they've come
straight from my book. And when I wrote the book,
girls were constantly saying that they questioned the loyalty of
their friends. They questioned the judginess of their friends ongoingly.
This is an enduring issue. So as a parent, if
I want to reduce my child's challenges around anxiety and
(10:18):
depression and mood and well being, I'm just going to
be encouraging authentic friendships. Your children don't need lots of friends.
They just need one or two friends who say, hey,
so good to see it comes sit with us. They
need somebody who gives them a call on the weekend
and says, hey, let's get together or let's have a sleepover,
or let's go for that run or that ride or
that walk or whatever. They just need someone in their
(10:39):
life who is there for them. And they need a
significant adult in their life to have those regular check
ins and make them feel safe and listen to and
seen and heard and valued. Those kinds of things will
provide their stabilizing influence when it comes to relationships. The
last issue was social media. Precious.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
The girls said, you see these people with perfect lives
and perfect houses and perfect face.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
So I got to stop you with that one, because
that's almost a direct quote again from my board, and
something that stood out to me is just this sense
that I really can perfect my life. The myth of
the perfectible life is as strong, if not stronger, than
it has ever been, and that comes out in these quotes.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Another one, the increasing connectedness is great, but it's also
really bad because you can compare yourself to everyone.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Yeah, competition, comparison being enough. That's what social media drives.
The people that meta know it, and they feed off
it because they know that they get greater levels of
engagement and addiction from our kids. The solutions have effective
screen boundaries with your kids, model healthy tech usage yourself
as well.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
I think also having conversations with your children, specifically about
how they feel when they're yesting great this kind of stuff,
you know, whether it's something as simple as giving them
a plate of fruit and getting them to eat that
and ask them how they feel, and then give them,
you know, a.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Whole packet of wam wheels.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Of anything right, you know, processed half an hour later
and ask them how they feel about that. Like having
something visual and tangible like that to help them recognize
and understand the difference.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
That's a great Saturday activity.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
I really like that, yeah, And then as they're viewing content,
is the content that they're viewing elevating them, lifting them,
making them feel peaceful? Or is there anxiety around this
because I can't be enough?
Speaker 1 (12:36):
All right? So on this podcast, where about real paarenting
solutions every day? I feel like we've given several, So
let me recap what they are. First off, if your
child is feeling constricted because of narrow gender expectations, encourage
her to follow her authentic interests and go blaze her
own path. If your child is struggling with intense academic pressure,
reduce the expectations by encouraging a whole and full and
(12:59):
balanced and rich life. Lots of sleep, lots of friends,
lots of physical activity. You are not your atar, and
also encourage your gap year. It may not work for everybody,
but I think that it will work for many people. Third,
in terms of the peer comparison stuff, foster one brilliant
relationship for your daughter if you can, and the social
media stuff Kylie tech boundaries, tech boundaries, tech boundaries that
(13:25):
I think, based on the girl's own words, would be
a healthy list of solutions to help with mental health challenges.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
And if I could add just one little thing. Love
it when you do spend time around the dinner table together.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
Yeah, yeah, togetherness, belonging.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
If you want to protect your child, time together is
just so imperative.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Yeah, make it work, antidope, to make it worth her while.
We will link to the study in the show notes
so that you can check out what the girls are saying.
If this is your thing, you might also like to
grab a copy of Misconnection, Why your teenage daughter Hates You,
expects the world and needs to talk by me yours truly,
Justin Coulson. It's available wherever you buy your books. The
Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Rouland from Bridge Media.
(14:09):
If you'd like more information and more resources, like I said,
we'll link to them in the show notes and grab
a copy of Misconnection. It will make your family happier
if you're raising teenage girls. More details at happyfamilies dot
com dot au
Data continues to point to our young women, our girls,
our daughters struggling when it comes to mental health. Brand
new research from the UK puts a bright red line
under this continuing trend by asking girls what they think
is going on and the answers are concerning. Hello and
welcome to a Doctor's Desk episode of the Happy Families
(00:28):
podcast Real Parenting Solutions Every Day. This is Australia's most
downloaded parenting podcast. We are Justin and Kylie Coulson. Kylie.
Brand new data that's just been released from the University
of Manchester. They did a study asking teen girls directly
about the causes of the rising anxiety and the low
mood that we're seeing in our young women. And I
mean I talk about this in my book Misconnection. They
(00:50):
raised several key issues. We're going to talk about four
of them. Narrow gender expectations, intense academic pressure, peer comparison
and conflict, and social media pressures. But our girls are
struggling from a mental health point of view.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Girls are seeing these mental health issues as normal, right,
It's just normal part of life.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Yeah, yeah, they are.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Should we be worried that poor mental health is actually
being normalized?
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Ye? Completely. And this is a tricky one because we're
parents of teenage girls, and we have conversations consistently with
our children about what will help them to overcome their
anxieties or their low mood or whatever it is. We'll say,
being outside, being a nature, being with friends, moving your body,
getting enough sleep, minimizing a screen time. Like we have
these conversations with our own daughters, and how much do
(01:40):
they listen to us?
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Like, well, based on that, how many times we have
to have the conversation over and over again? I sometimes wonder.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
It's like it's genuinely hard work. And as a parent,
you can be the very best, most well intentioned parent,
and sometimes you still just don't make any progress on
this stuff. So, yes, girls, as this is normal, and
yes we should be worried because poor mental health should
not be normal. It should be the exception. Unfortunately, the
data is pointing the other way. Let's talk about these
four issues, starting with narrow gender expectations.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Here's what a few of the girls said. Makeup and
shaving has become so normalized it's no longer a choice.
It's just expected. If you're girly, you're made fun of
for being too girly, but if you're a tomboy, you're
also made fun of too. No matter what, you're always judged.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Parenting solutions that I want to share here. The first
thing that I want to emphasize is that what these
UK girls are saying is precisely what girls told me
when I interviewed them for my book Misconnection. These quotes
are you could almost have lifted them straight out of
my book and just put them into the study. The
teenage girls in Australia are saying the same things as
the girls in the UK. In terms of narrow gender expectations.
(02:50):
I think that actually plays out for both boys and girls,
believe it or not, like if a boy steps out
of that man box, steps away from the boy code,
the other boys police that. In fact, they police it
even more than the girls. Nevertheless, this is a pot
about girls. So what I would say is, when your
daughter tells you that she's interested in something, just support
her in it. It's really that simple. And if she's
(03:13):
not interested in much, give her exposure to all kinds
of things. One of the things that I love that
we're doing with our year ten daughter is that she's
going to this industry school where she's getting exposure to
things that both boys and girls are interested in, and
she's making up her own mind. And it's delightful to
watch that happening. The narrow confines of gender expectations are
certainly not working in anybody's favor, either our young boys
(03:36):
or our young girls.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
I think we've come a long way. Oh we have
compared to where I was in high school.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
You know we have, and we haven't. But go on.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
I was the top student in my would work and
metal work class. Oh yeah, and also in my graphics class.
But at that stage there was no one in my
corner except for my teacher. He begged me to keep
on with it, right, There was no one else in
my corner suggesting that this was something that I could
do as a girl and actually use it, utilize it
(04:07):
in my life. And I look back now and I
so wish that I had have done it. Number one
I had a passion for and I loved it. And
number two, as we've gone through all of the years
together as a married.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Couple, oh, you could have saved us so much Funny, not.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Only could I have saved us so much money, but
I would have found so much fulfillment in my life
as I did.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Maybe we should build a shed and get you a
lathe or whatever they call those things. How good with it?
Now you've raised two things there that we're getting off
where I wanted to go. But I think there's real value.
First of all, those subjects are barely available in most
high schools anymore, would working home economics? What was the
other one? You said, metalwork? Like, they just don't do
that anymore. And we wonder why boys are so disinterested
(04:50):
in school. So for every ten girls who graduate high school,
only eight boys do. For every ten girls that go
to university, only seven do. For every ten girls that
graduate with an education degree at university, only five or
six boys.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Do, Which is so curious to me when you think
about education norms and the fact that still today in
so many societies, girl's education is not prioritized. And yet
here the data is telling us that not only a
girl's doing better.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Oh they're wiping the floor, but they.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Are obliterating education norms, especially against the boys, which leads
into the second issue, and that is intense academic pressure.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
The girls were really worried about that, and they said,
this is feeding the mood disorders and the anxiety that
they're experiencing.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
They said, if a boy fails, it's really not that bad,
but if a girl does, it means a lot more.
I push back on this a little bit. Right again,
when you think about social norms, girls not doing so
well at school has never really been a big deal.
So is this actually a perception is or is this reality?
Speaker 1 (06:01):
It's a bit of both. And I'll tell you why.
There's this thing that there's a gender based variation gap.
Girls just don't vary as much as boys do. So
when you look at high performers and low performers, boys
are overrepresented in both groups. So you kind of got
to bimodal distribution. With boys. You get a handful of
boys that do extremely well.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
And we put them in the geeky basket because they
are like.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Or the alpha academics, what do you want to call them.
But then you also get those other boys who are
completely disengaged and they're falling through the cracks and they're
boisterous and they're disruptive and they get expelled on that
sort of thing, and the girls all kind of cluster
in the middle, whereas the boys are on the two extremes, right,
there's also a lot of boys in the middle, but
the boys get a lot more attention because of that
(06:44):
gender based variability.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I feel my perception is that there's actually a lower
expectation of boys in general.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
There is that as well, and I've had quite a
lot of research points too. When boys don't do well,
a lot of parents will shrug and say, oh, boys
will be boys, or he'll figure himself out. But we
put a lot of pressure on our girls and our
daughters to achieve. The expectation is that they will sit still,
pay attention and get good grades, and they feel that.
And so I think that that quote from that girl,
if a boy fails, it's not that bad, but if
(07:11):
a girl doesn't means a lot more. I think that's
where she's coming from.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Yeah, the pressure another statement in STEM classes, if you're
getting the worst results, you feel like you're letting down
other women.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Yeah, because the girl power narrative is still so strong
in terms of what we can do as parents in
terms of the academic pressure, I would save this number one.
Share your own failures, let them know. Number two. I'm
a huge believer in gap years. I really believe that
about eighty percent of kids that go straight from high
school to university should not have done that. They need
to grow up, they need to develop, mature and have
(07:44):
a sense of what it is that they want to learn.
And just by emphasizing those couple of things and encouraging
our children to enjoy school rather than think that it
is a place that they have to get through with
the highest possible atar, then we're going to be able
to reduce that academic pressure.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
It's that's really good to introduce your kids to people
of all different walks of life, but specifically people who
haven't succeeded from the beginning. You know, when you think
about your story, for instance, and how you were in
literally the bottom fifteen percent of the state and to
(08:20):
be where you are now, it's a powerful reminder to
them that it doesn't actually matter where you are right now,
it's your trajectory and where you want to go.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Love that.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
But I think it's also really important for us to
help them create some protective time around relaxation and sleep.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Sleep.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Our kids don't get enough sleep.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Time in nature, time with friends. By encouraging them to
live a full and balanced life, literally, they will do
better at school. Anyway, but they will feel less pressure
as a result after the break. Our two other issues
that are driving low mood and anxiety disorders in our girls,
according to them on the Happy Families podcast, all right, Kylie.
(09:06):
Our third issue peer comparison and conflict. We've got kids
that are worried about girls that are worried about narrow
gender expectations and intense academic pressure. But their friends, their friends,
oh my goodness, constantly a source of a challenge, anxiety,
and disruption for young women, young girls.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Here's what the girls said. They said it became a
competition to see if you could eat the least at lunch.
This is astounding. So it was a whole table of
girls all with tiny little plates of salad. And then
if you didn't join in with that, you felt like
you were being judged because you were sat there eating
pasta or something and someone was like, oh my gosh,
(09:46):
that's so much corps. You're going to get fat.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
Yeah. Direct quote.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
When girls are mean, it's less direct, So you feel
a bit crazy.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
When I wrote Misconnection, I know I keep referring to
the book, but again, these quotes feel like they've come
straight from my book. And when I wrote the book,
girls were constantly saying that they questioned the loyalty of
their friends. They questioned the judginess of their friends ongoingly.
This is an enduring issue. So as a parent, if
I want to reduce my child's challenges around anxiety and
(10:18):
depression and mood and well being, I'm just going to
be encouraging authentic friendships. Your children don't need lots of friends.
They just need one or two friends who say, hey,
so good to see it comes sit with us. They
need somebody who gives them a call on the weekend
and says, hey, let's get together or let's have a sleepover,
or let's go for that run or that ride or
that walk or whatever. They just need someone in their
(10:39):
life who is there for them. And they need a
significant adult in their life to have those regular check
ins and make them feel safe and listen to and
seen and heard and valued. Those kinds of things will
provide their stabilizing influence when it comes to relationships. The
last issue was social media. Precious.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
The girls said, you see these people with perfect lives
and perfect houses and perfect face.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
So I got to stop you with that one, because
that's almost a direct quote again from my board, and
something that stood out to me is just this sense
that I really can perfect my life. The myth of
the perfectible life is as strong, if not stronger, than
it has ever been, and that comes out in these quotes.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Another one, the increasing connectedness is great, but it's also
really bad because you can compare yourself to everyone.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Yeah, competition, comparison being enough. That's what social media drives.
The people that meta know it, and they feed off
it because they know that they get greater levels of
engagement and addiction from our kids. The solutions have effective
screen boundaries with your kids, model healthy tech usage yourself
as well.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
I think also having conversations with your children, specifically about
how they feel when they're yesting great this kind of stuff,
you know, whether it's something as simple as giving them
a plate of fruit and getting them to eat that
and ask them how they feel, and then give them,
you know, a.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Whole packet of wam wheels.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Of anything right, you know, processed half an hour later
and ask them how they feel about that. Like having
something visual and tangible like that to help them recognize
and understand the difference.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
That's a great Saturday activity.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
I really like that, yeah, And then as they're viewing content,
is the content that they're viewing elevating them, lifting them,
making them feel peaceful? Or is there anxiety around this
because I can't be enough?
Speaker 1 (12:36):
All right? So on this podcast, where about real paarenting
solutions every day? I feel like we've given several, So
let me recap what they are. First off, if your
child is feeling constricted because of narrow gender expectations, encourage
her to follow her authentic interests and go blaze her
own path. If your child is struggling with intense academic pressure,
reduce the expectations by encouraging a whole and full and
(12:59):
balanced and rich life. Lots of sleep, lots of friends,
lots of physical activity. You are not your atar, and
also encourage your gap year. It may not work for everybody,
but I think that it will work for many people. Third,
in terms of the peer comparison stuff, foster one brilliant
relationship for your daughter if you can, and the social
media stuff Kylie tech boundaries, tech boundaries, tech boundaries that
(13:25):
I think, based on the girl's own words, would be
a healthy list of solutions to help with mental health challenges.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
And if I could add just one little thing. Love
it when you do spend time around the dinner table together.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
Yeah, yeah, togetherness, belonging.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
If you want to protect your child, time together is
just so imperative.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Yeah, make it work, antidope, to make it worth her while.
We will link to the study in the show notes
so that you can check out what the girls are saying.
If this is your thing, you might also like to
grab a copy of Misconnection, Why your teenage daughter Hates You,
expects the world and needs to talk by me yours truly,
Justin Coulson. It's available wherever you buy your books. The
Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Rouland from Bridge Media.
(14:09):
If you'd like more information and more resources, like I said,
we'll link to them in the show notes and grab
a copy of Misconnection. It will make your family happier
if you're raising teenage girls. More details at happyfamilies dot
com dot au
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